500: Talking with Bob - Decluttering Regrets, Moving, Empty Nest, and More

I am Dana K. White.

“I share my personal desolabification process.”

As I figure out ways to keep my own home under control,

I share the truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people, even people who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thanks for joining me today. This is podcast number 500.

You'll know what that means, right? I have a special guest joining me today. guest, can you introduce yourself? Hi, I'm Bob. I'm, you still considered no need.

No, I haven't been no need for a really long time. Okay, well, I'm Dana K. White's husband. How's that? Okay. Do you remember what no need to do for?

I thought it stood for an anonymous. You were right. Yeah.

Actually, there are a lot of people who still know me as no need.

So that wasn't so ridiculous, after all. Okay, please explain that you're being funny, because you know, there's people who think that I'm mean to you. You are not mean to me. We are just super hilarious.

And some folks just maybe don't have that level of sense of humor. Maybe I shouldn't be saying that, but we are just super funny. And we have our own style on the way we do things. And oh my gosh, you're so nice to me.

You're so nice to me. (laughs) Did I say it correctly? Thank you. I will allow it, yeah.

Okay, I don't think they can be pleased, so I'm not gonna worry too much about it. All right. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you some questions. This is your fifth time on the podcast,

which means I've had 500 episodes. Yeah, 100 times, five, 500, mailed it.

“So tell me, what do you think I talk about on my podcast?”

'Cause you don't listen. So I just want you to guess, like what do you think I talk about? I don't make sure the dishes are washed and run the dishwasher every night

and make sure that the container serves its purpose as a container and that they get the black trash bag and make sure and put all the, they start with the trash. And all these kinds of things,

I assume you're just pounding home all of your techniques and things. That was actually really good. (laughs) But yeah, I was scrambling.

No. You really like spouted off some of the basics that I really do talk about over and over. I'm living this, I'm living this, so I hope so.

What do I always remind you when you question my methods?

To not question your methods? No, I say, you know, I'm... Some type of expert, something like that, some type of organizing expert on the internet or... I usually say things like, you know, I've written a book

that's sold like 500,000 copies. Oh, yeah, that, yeah. Okay, then, yes, ma'am, you tell me that on a regular basis and I, okay. All right, so here's a couple questions.

Tell me what is your favorite thing about living in a, are you listening to me or did you get a text that makes you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nobody knows if this is your real favorite thing.

You can make up anything. That's the great thing about podcasts. Okay, so what is your favorite thing about living in a, decluttered significantly more functional than it used to be home?

“I think it's just less stressful that things are not,”

how should I say this in the way they're not scattered and that can just be stressful and exasperating. So I would just say that is that just adds to a more calm, pleasant home experience, not that you don't do that yourself, but that just that appearance comes across as more,

like again, more calm and stress-free. - Stress-free? - I knew it. - I knew this is a step stress-free. - Yes, right.

So like what are some things that are easy to do, easier to do now than they were back when the house was, always a disaster? - Well, to know someone is stopping by, the world doesn't come crashing down

or we're not in a panic over someone stopping by. When we do need, when we do need to clean up or do something, it's not this monumental task ahead of us. It's rather some work involved,

but it seemed like it's easy to get back under control when we need to. The fact that I think we know whether it's just me

and we know your expectation and what we've instilled in our home when we need to get those things done.

“So I think there's also a knowledge base now”

that we live and practice in our home. - Yeah, yeah, I talk about that a lot that I had a vision in my head, but I really, really wanted our house to look like, but y'all had no concept of that vision

because it had never been like that.

It had never consistently been picked up. So for me to say, we need to start picking up was like, I'm sorry, what? I mean, you knew, right, but especially the kids and even for you, I speak this to other,

to the people listening a lot, but I see it as you only knew what you were seeing, which was that I didn't do the dishes all the time and I didn't pick up consistently at all. Like you said, it was always this big monumental thing.

And so for me to say, we're gonna start picking up. You know what it means for a house to be picked up, but you didn't know what I meant because you'd never seen me. - Right, yeah, I mean, it took a while,

but it slowly became our reality and you didn't give up and you believed in what you were doing and we eventually came around. - So, can you think of anything that you regret decluttering anything that we've gotten rid of over time

“that you are like, I can't believe we got rid of that?”

- I don't know that this was, I don't think it's actually related to, there are some things that we threw away,

maybe in our first years of marriage that I wished we had enough,

but we did, just like what? A lot of my old bodybuilding magazines got thrown away when we moved here, and I guess 'cause it was just, you know, so I wish I hadn't thrown away so many of those since they're kinda, you know what?

That, I know that's kinda goofy silly, but I think we were trying to get moved and you use times of transition to make those, when we were seeing that now with even with my sister and they're moving and different things

and I think it's just natural thing when you make that move or transition, you'll go, I don't need these things, but I do wish some of those I had not have thrown away. - That was before I started doing any of this stuff, right?

So what do you think we might have done differently now that would have been different?

I mean, okay, let me ask this first,

because I think it's completely normal to be sad that you've got rid of some things. Are you okay?

“- I'm okay, I think probably would have done differently,”

you probably would have, we'd probably said, pick 10, pick so many that could go in this box and those will be your ones. Just, again, maybe not all of them, but looking back and going, oh, I wish I had not,

we're just gonna remember hadn't seen that one in forever and I know that it's kinda silly, but still, it was just one of those things I wished I had to throw them away like this special issue or that first issue of this,

'cause I did have a few that I think were kinda cool and I wish to have enough. - Have you survived? - I have survived and figured out a way to not do that with other things, but again, I don't,

I think it was, I also think it was kind of, I won't say a panic, but it was when you're moving, you're stressed and you're trying to get things loaded and you're going, let's just get rid of these things and then later on you come, maybe I should,

but since we've been doing this, I feel like when I get rid of something or we'd declutter something, it's like, okay, it's legit, this needs to go. This just needs to go.

This is, I mean, I have not looked at that, I have not worn that, that does not serve a purpose. And again, I'm living without those old bodybuilding magazines, I'll live without those things, but I think now it's just, I kind of feel like now it's,

there's more, I guess, legitimacy when we do declutter, like, hey, no, this is solid, this needs to go. - Well, I mean, stop me if I'm wrong, okay. But I look at that as, like, I can absolutely relate to that because when we moved, that would have been what?

After our first couple years of marriage, we moved to our first house, you think, or when we moved to, from that house to this town? - Okay, so that was the house, I've told them before that it was 1700s graffiti,

we rented a U-Hall. - A rather large U-Hall. - Yeah, it was a, it was a U-Hall that was supposed to fit, if I can remember, I'm sure I've looked it up at different times and actually set it correctly,

but it was like, over 3000 square feet is what it was supposed to fit. And we did, like, too many bands full, a truck full in all the stuff in addition.

And so in that time, it was very,

“because I think of all the stuff we did pack.”

And that was, those were probably some things that had been in boxes since we moved there. And so it's like, we packed all this stuff, we're completely overwhelmed, and we just, let's just get rid of these.

Is that kind of the vibe that you remember? - Yes, and I did feel a little sad when I was doing it, but I just felt like we needed to, but again, it's that what I just said before, that chaotic mindset that I think we were still going

through at that time, we're trying to move. Oh my gosh, we've got this huge, you haul. We still don't have enough room. Here I am, wanted to keep all these ridiculous bodybuilding

magazines. No, they need to go.

- We're now, we have a method. We have a process that we go through. So what you're saying is now, when you get rid of things, you feel like it's your confident in those decisions.

“- Well, I mean, I think do it now when it's time,”

not do it when it's forced on it. I think that was a forced on us, kind of situation that we needed room, we were worn out from, we were trying to get moved, whereas now when we declutter, it's not out of, it's not out of frantic or chaos,

it's going into the closet and going, what in the world? Okay, I need to do some work in here, and I'm at peace with those things. - How would you compare that move to the move to this house?

Which was, so that move was,

the move you're talking about was several years before I started even doing what I call my dislikification process. Like, it was actually that, plus and whole bunch of other stuff that got me to my rock bottom.

But then I did this and what 13 years later we moved here, so, or probably longer than that. I don't know, whatever. How would you compare those two moves? - I mean, I don't even think there's,

there is a comparison, really. I'm pretty sure we did do some getting rid of some things, but again, I mean, just because your eyes are open to all these things that you're trying to get moved and you look at it and you go, what in the world

is this or why, why would we still have these?

“So I think it was just, it was, it wasn't out of chaos,”

or stress, or we don't have room. It's, oh, yeah, this needs to go. Oh, yeah, it's time for it's time to let go of this and do it, and not, you know, not do it out of guilt or do it out of, but just do it in a way, out of peace.

Like, yeah, it's time, we can, but this needs to go. We have better use for our space than these things and I don't need, but yeah. So I don't know if that was the best example earlier, but I do look back and go, oh, I wish I got rid of all those.

- I think, I mean, I like where that conversation went because I think it's, it's that all or nothing mentality of I'm gonna wait and do this when I have to, 'cause won't it be easier then, surely I'll be a, you know, I mean, I hear from people that,

I will say a lot, sorry, say I messed up there too. - Oh, why didn't you even notice? - That was sarcasm, people, okay. So, what was I talking about? - I could move the comparison, the move, the previous move.

- Oh, my word. - Press the stress, the pay off sometimes, but. - Yeah, it's all or nothing mentality. It's that it's gonna be easy, you know, I hear from people like, I hear like,

I just need to move, or I just need this big thing. Someday, when I'm forced to do this thing, that's when I'll actually do it. And I, so I have a book coming out about procrastination in the fall,

and October, and, by the way, I read the whole thing to you while we took a, like eight hour drive, so did you like it? - I was rather impressed because I did not know what a book about procrastination would be,

at least being read to while I'm driving, but it was, it kept me focused, interested, and I'd love to have you able to use what you're already talking about and apply it to, and a different way of looking at procrastination,

but using many ways, your methods that you already have, and how those can be applied to handling and managing, not curing procrastination per se, but managing it and making progress, which is so much of what we need to be about

is just making progress and moving forward. - That was a little plug, anyway. It's coming, I really haven't talked about it much yet, but I figured I'd get him on tape saying that real quick. Anyway, but I do, I think it's all or nothing like,

and then at that point, I won't have any choice,

and then it will be easier, right? Like, won't it be easier then? But it isn't, and that's when certain regrets happen, not that we don't still have to do it. I mean, we really had no choice at that point,

and so those regrets, they are what they are, and we've lived through them, and they're, I'm sure there's things I could think of that I'm sad that we also got rid of, but there's so much to not waiting until we're forced.

There's it's so helpful to be able to make process-based strategy-based decisions in the midst of everyday life instead of being forced into decisions, 'cause that's when things happen. He's nodding vehemently.

“- Well, again, I think it's, you're not as in control”

of the situation, the situation itself, is the stress of the situation, the demands of the mood, the stress of the mood, the deadline, the cut-off date of trying to do all those things, is pressure, and maybe in some ways you need that,

but you may make some decisions that later,

I'll always have to done that,

whereas if you're on a somewhat of a regular routine, of decluttering, or a regular routine, of just being able to objectively look at your home and your house and your closets and your space, and go, yeah, I need to do some work in here,

and make good solid sound decisions that you won't regret, and you'll be at ease about it, and then when you see that space, and it's less stressful, and you're less worn out from having to deal with it,

and know that's one more thing you don't worry about. Which is the container concept that there aren't floating piles all the time of things,

“because that's a big part of the procrastination”

is, oh my goodness, that's a pile I'm gonna have to deal with, where when things actually have places,

then you do notice when things are out of place,

and then therefore it's a natural reminder to deal with that thing, and deal with it, but I feel like when the whole house was just all piles, we almost felt like we had to wait for a big event, to do it, where when the house is not piles,

and then a pile occurs, then we're like, okay, we have to deal with that pile, and there's just something about, it all becomes invisible when there's just stuff everywhere, I feel like.

- Well, and it's overwhelmed, that when you get a situation, it's overwhelming, but when it's not overwhelming, you're able to make those better decisions, and you're also more willing to maybe attack it

rather than something that's overwhelming, you just wanna, not that you don't, you see it, but you just can't even deal with it right now, or it's just like, it's just not worth it, it's gonna take too much.

I'm just, I'm gonna let a situation force me into it, and I'll deal with it. But otherwise you're in control of that situation, and you can manage it. - You're doing so good.

- Do you think people are gonna be okay with the bodybuilding magazine reference? Do you think they're gonna? - Can I brag on you for a little bit?

“All right, can I brag about what you just did recently?”

- Oh, I guess so, sure. - So, he was in a powerlifting competition last week, as the point where we were recording this, and he hit his thousand pound total, we went over a thousand pound total,

that he was going for, so it's three lifts, it's your squat, bench press, and deadlift, and the goal was for his totals combined to be over a thousand pounds. So he did it last year too,

but you didn't hit a thousand pounds last year. So that was his personal goal for that, and then he got his squat was over 350, and his deadlift was over 450 pounds. So, and he kind of was like everybody's favorite,

which is normal for him. It happens everywhere he goes, somehow, but it really is true. But it was so cute. There were these college students there

to see one of their friends, and they decided they liked the name Bob, and so every time he would go up there, they would chant Bob, Bob, and it was just, I mean, it was just one of those things,

it was a very, very fun. Like I really like the environment of the, people were very supportive of each other, and it was really fun. So I was really proud of you.

So he's very into powerlifting, weightlifting, that kind of stuff, so. Okay, I do want to ask you a couple more questions.

Like what's different now, I just, I, you know,

“what is different as far as the way the house runs,”

or anything like that. Now, I feel like also part of the way the house is run, since we've been empty-nesters, has been due to the fact that I've been on ridiculous numbers

of book deadlines, basically the entire time

that we've been empty-nesters for a year and a half or two, almost now, but yeah, so what's different now, the empty-nesters? What's different, I kind of, it's funny, I kind of know what the same is, but I know different,

you know, there's not as much to try to manage a maintain when we don't have three, you know, there's three less bedrooms or a really monitoring, and having to check on and bathrooms in that kind of thing. So, not three less bathrooms, but three less,

three fewer, sorry, three fewer bedroom. Are you gonna do it a little grammar, dance thing that you did, so three fewer, three fewer bed rooms and things? So, not, I mean, but that's just, because those are things that we would have to,

when you have a house will have three other people, you're watching and managing those things and saying,

hey, you need to check your room,

hey, make sure you get these things. And so, so they're just, you know, I think that's just a very practical thing, there's just less to manage and less to have to, I guess, worry about, but I mean,

there's to me there's a lot of things that are still the same. So, like what? - I cannot believe how many dishes we're still washing. - Right. - I mean, we actually do a lot of cooking at home.

So, we're still using a lot of dishes, pots, pans.

“That's what gets me is the just, it's the two of us,”

and how much we still have to stay on top of the kitchen and the dishes in those kinds of things. - And we still need to run the dishwasher every day. - I would say from each every day, it's pretty close, that we need just with us to here.

- Which we do run it every day,

I think you're saying it's pretty close to being completely full every day, 'cause we run it even when it's not completely full. - Yes, yes, ma'am. (laughs)

- I don't know, I feel like the fridge is just just full of food. (laughs) Then when we have kids here, it's interesting how I feel like it's, I feel like there's a trash.

We're still putting out pretty much two trash bins every Friday that would just us too. So I don't know how that happens, but some of that still is the same with just us too. - I think that's interesting.

Because I feel like it's that same thing that I know I spoke with so much confidence before we had kids and before I was a stay-home mom, I was like, "Once I'm a stay-home mom, "this, this and this is gonna be this way."

And it's like, actually a lot of stuff. It's nothing gets easier, I mean, things do get harder with different phases of life, but like, you know, I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying. - Well, I will say that usually the washer and dryer

are easier to get to, and I'm not opening up the dryer with somebody else's clothes and they're as much. Still a little bit. But yeah, like the washer and dryer,

“there's a, you can just print it whenever you need to do something,”

you can pretty much do it. - That's true. Like that I didn't love having our kids when they were here, but that is just one thing. There's just a little bit to like,

this is just, this is pretty much our home. I mean, it's almost like when we can just come to do, you know, there's more room to drive way to park. You know, all those, all those little things. So, you know.

- Yeah, and you've taken on a lot of the, you've taken on a lot of cooking over the last, I don't know about a lot, but you usually cook at least one night a week, sometimes two nights a week, wouldn't you say?

- Especially if you had an ad in the weekend and all the little special breakfasts I make for you and all that. So I think, I think it adds up. - You want to tell them about my special breakfast lately? - Sure.

- How you do it 'cause it's really, really good. - So we get, I brown some turkey sausage because we are breakfast sausage 'cause we are doing, I would say pretty well on our eating, so we're making some better choices,

but I will brown some turkey breakfast sausage, then I will put some hash browns in the air fryer, which that is a perfectly healthy option 'cause you're not deep frying them, they just, it's just grated potatoes.

So put them in the air fryer, I scramble one egg, I put the, make it a little bowl out of it, I put the hash browns at the bottom of the bowl, and then then either the egg or the sausage and the cheese, I just kind of,

it's pretty close to the same and Dana just loves this,

I probably have a little more protein, but that's fine,

“but it's just a good solid, healthy breakfast for her”

and the way I make it, she just loves it. - Yeah, during our ice storm that we had recently, that kind of, and I was busy, busy, busy working on a book, and-- - And I was home in school, so anyway, yes.

- And so every morning, he would make me that, so now any time on the weekend, he'll make me that, usually. So, okay, well this has been really fun. Is there anything else you want to tell people? - Um, they know about your children's book,

I'm sure, which your children looks awesome,

“I think your children book is really pretty cool.”

And so anyway, I really think the procrastination book is will be a pleasant surprise. I really think it's gonna be a pleasant surprise, not that I think it wouldn't be pleasant, but Mom, I get into a book about procrastination.

- No, I think you'll like it, so I highly recommend it. - Yeah, every day, let's just be honest, but I feel like it was the same way with decluttering, right?

Like my whole goal was always for it to be the least boring

“book about decluttering you've ever read.”

- That's true, you think about a book about decluttering, oh my word, if you, if you just stop and objectively think about a book about decluttering, yeah, let's-- - That does not sound fun, it does not sound interesting.

- No, let's just, let's just move. - Well, I literally this week had somebody email and say, or maybe it was a YouTube comment or something and said, "I've just been reading your book about decluttering, "I cannot believe that I actually wanna keep reading it,

"I'm enjoying it so much."

And I'm like, that's always my goal.

So that's the goal with the procrastination book too, is that it doesn't make you feel, "Anyway, why am I talking about this "cause it's not even really up for preorders, but anyway?" Be looking forward to it, I'll talk about it a lot more,

but I did wanna get his take on record because, like I said, he was pleasantly surprised. - That's all I got. - That's all he has. Okay, this was fun and I appreciate you coming on

and I really feel bad about laughing at you messing up a word. Did that hurt your feelings? - No, you're just being you, it's who we are. It's us, we're comfortable doing this. - Okay, all right, well this is fun.

And I will talk to you on next week. All right, bye.