Ike Barinholtz

- Hi, my name is Ike Barron Holtz, and I feel (upbeat music) - Bullish about being Conan O'Brien. - Very very, very Teddy Roosevelt. - Yes, Bullish.

- Bullish. (laughing) - Speak softly and carry a large redheaded man. - Yes. (upbeat music)

♪ Found his room in the old back to school ♪ (upbeat music) ♪ Walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens ♪ ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪ ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪

- Okay, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

It took me a second to realize what we were doing.

I mean, I'm Conan O'Brien from the title of the thing. And this is sort of a session. This is David. - What's up with you? And I'm just trying to come in with fresh energy.

I have an obsession lately that I want to talk about. - Yeah. - Which is rappers that have agreed to do a soundtrack for a major motion picture. And then they have to rap about the movie

and kind of get bogged down on the plot of the movie. It's one of my obsessions lately. One of the things I was thinking about,

“I think one of the worst offenders was when Hammer,”

MC Hammer, for the sequel to the first Adam's house. - Oh boy. - You remember this one? - And Emily. - And Emily.

- Yeah, he had to rap about the Adam's family. And I know this is a long time ago and people listening right now are like, Conan, what are you doing? (laughing)

What are you doing? And I have loved ones that tell me that all the time. What are you doing? - Everyone says it. - Yeah, and I think every conversation

I have with you some of the begins with you going, what are you doing? - What are you doing?

- You always do it like that.

What are you doing? - Why do you have an accent? - I don't know. You're always making a meatball when you say that to me. - What are you doing?

- What are you doing? - What are you doing? - What are you doing?

“So anyway, so MC Hammer was getting into the weeds.”

You know, some executive said, you got to mention Fester, you got to mention Wednesday. You got to talk about Gomez. You got to talk about, you know, and then okay. And you think, okay Conan, that's one example.

Have you got more? I do have more. - Oh my God, you didn't prepare. - You didn't do research. - No, I didn't do research.

These are the ones I wrote them down as they came to me. I remember vanilla ice ninja raft. - Yes.

- Oh my God, I remember that.

- Yeah, and of course, you know, vanilla ice is see, and no offense to, is it Mr. Van Winkham, was that his name? - Yes, yes. - In court documents.

- No offense to him, but again, he had to get bogged down probably and talking about various ninja. - Go ninja, go ninja, go ninja, go. - Yeah, I'll show you. (laughing)

- And he started break-in, and he started break-in. And then did he have to get into the plot? That's my favorite thing is when they're like, Michelangelo has to get the blue jewels out of show. - What's that performing in the movie?

They're out of concert, and of course it is. - Of course it is. - Yeah. - Bobby Brown Ghostbusters 2. - Oh my God.

- Remember that one? - Yeah. - And it just goes on and on and on and on and I love it. And the reason I, it all came back to mind is the other day, you know, I like to sketch, you know,

that's one of my things that I like to do. - You're a doodler. - I'm a doodler, I'm a draw, I like to draw, I like pan and ink, so I went into, I'll give Michel out, blicks, art supply.

- Hey. - I can hang out in the blicks forever. I just love pens, paper, yeah, I'm from the streets. (laughing) But I'm there, and I'm, you know,

checking out some of the latest cool, you know, cool pens, how did you pan?

“And I, you need to, an eraser that you can need, you know,”

that's K and EAD, you know, I'm meeting a racer. Anyway, I'm checking out, yeah. And then I'm gonna go out and get laid, you know. But that's the order that I like to do things. We're the way to get the really good Japanese pen,

a needable eraser, and then I had to go out, you know what I mean? And fucking spread my seed all over town. (laughing) That's just the order that I like to do things. And if people think I came in hot today, maybe I did,

because I was in blicks here on the west side of Los Angeles. - Blicks are blick. - Blick, it's just blick. But I get sometimes I go in and they go like, "Hey, I'm gonna blick sit up, you know?"

- Okay, I know. - And then I'm gonna watch out. - Well, 'cause I'm coming after, you know, once I get my supplies, it's a little bag. - And my little bag.

- That's when I like to stroll the boulevard and check for action. Anyway, I'm in there, and what do I hear? Oh my God, it's pit bull, and he's rapping about men in black free. And sure enough, this rapper has had to bend the knee.

we gotta go back in time and he's explaining the plot.

Turn around and I mean, again, that always freaks me out.

- When rappers, you know? - Well, everybody needs, I mean, imagine how much money they get.

“- You should try to do a rap for a movie.”

- You know what? I think maybe I'm jealous that no one's asked. - Toy Story Five. - Toy Story Five, thank you. - Thank you.

Now my guess is Toy Story Five's coming out soon. I'm in it. - I guess I was thinking maybe in the back of my mind, they might want me involved in the soundtrack. - Yeah.

- You know, no one wants to hear of from Tim Allen and Tom Hanks anymore. - Oh, also. - When they are done that, this is my chance to show up. - I know Randy Newman typically does a lot of the songs for the Toy Story movies, but maybe we change it up this time.

- Well, it's probably getting late. My guess is they've figured this out already 'cause they've been working on this movie for years, but if they haven't, and who's to say I can't rap. I did a movie last year, people thought,

he can't go on movie, well, guess what I did. So I think I could rap the plot to a movie. - I think you can too.

First of all, your beat box is your beat box.

- Here you go. - There you go. - Your beat box game is off the charts. - Yes. - So I think you can definitely--

- Definitely short adjacent. - Yeah. - I'm like off the chart, and then so far away from the chart. - Yeah. - That no one can even see a chart in here me.

- Do you know what I mean? - There's no clipboard, there's no chart in sight. If you had binoculars, you wouldn't see the chart. - I've heard you rap before, and you do a throwback where you go.

My name is Thud and I'm a Conan and I'm here to say, yeah, I like to go back. - I like to go back. - Early 80s. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Every rap should start with my name is Blank whoever you are in my case, Conan. My name is Conan, and I'm here to say, I'm here to rap the USA. That's how every rap should start.

- You also throw Superman into any-- - You do.

- Man, it rides really well.

- Superman. - Yeah, I've got tears about Superman's boss to keep an hour ago. - Yeah. - If you do Superman.

- If you do Superman. - If you do Superman. - If you do Superman. - Because I like to say, those bills will accrue, and then you won't be able to forward your B-Foujou,

which was my favorite meal in high school. - Yeah. - The cafeteria had B-Foujou. - It's a juicy B.

- It's a real hard lyrics. - Quite a question. - I mean, I respect, uh-oh, I'm getting a call right now from my, would you think Rick Cell wants? That's my manager.

- Oh, really? I think you were doing a bit. - No, my, I'm going to do a bit. - I'm going to do a bit of a bit. - Maybe he's going to let you know that's a rap.

- Hey, Rick. Rick, you're on right now. This is Rick Rosen. He's one of the biggest agents in Hollywood. - Yeah, hi Rick.

- In that sauna and blaze back there and David. Rick, here's my question. Is it too late?

“Do you think they've locked in the Toy Story 5 soundtrack?”

Is that probably locked in already or do you think? There's a chance I could do a song that would be in Toy Story 5. - A rap. - A rap.

- A rap. - I think if you were going to sing a song, they'd erase the soundtrack that they have already locked in. - Yes. - Yeah.

So you're saying that if Randy Newman has already written like a great song that's a cure jerker, but also a beautiful melody because I love Randy Newman and it's set. If I said, if you call them right now,

Disney Pixar and said Conan wants to rap about the plot of Toy Story 5, they would delete. I don't mean just bump it, but delete, but Randy Newman is done. - I think they might even move the release date.

- Oh my God. (laughing) - Oh no, we know why Rick's been around. We know why Rick's been around for a long time. - You know what?

- Rick, you're the best agent in the business. I'm so glad I took this call and I'm gonna jump off now, but I will call you back when we're done wasting America's time. I'll call you right back.

- Bye. (laughing) - Bye. - I just hung up on him. That's how big I am.

- Bye. - This guy runs Hollywood and I just, and guess what? I now don't have an agent. (laughing) - 'Cause he's, that was fantastic.

- That was fantastic. - That was perfect timing. - Surrounded by an e-blurred. - I'm so, hey, hello, son, how are you? You're my biggest enabler, ha ha, good one boss.

(laughing) So anyway, that is the goal. The goal is I want to wrap and I really want to get into the weeds on the plot 'cause that's my favorite thing is when the wrappers

like they got to get the jewel. They got to take it up to that mountain, you know what I mean? They've got to meet Papa Smurf, do you know what I mean? And then they got to go back in time.

“But remember, don't cross this, do you know what I mean?”

Don't cross the, whatever, the purple river because that means that, what's another Smurf? Smurfet. - Oh, don't say it like I'm an idiot. - Smurfet, you idiot, the girl one.

- Okay, well anyway. - One girl. - These are the obsessions that I have. They grip me and what did I do at Wardo? Why don't you testify?

I come in hot today and what did I make you do? - You made me play pit bulls back in time. - Yeah, and you know what I did? I had you advance it to wear 44 seconds.

I said start it 44 seconds because that's where pit bull comes in with the wrap. I don't want to waste time not hearing pit bulls back. - Oh my God. - Conan texts me, days and advance warning me

that he wants this to be the highlight. - What do you want to force? How do you know that? How do you listen to it in your car? What you just said?

- What does that such a big job? - You know what I had to unlock my job to get this job out like a snake. I had to unlock my job to push more duh out of my face.

“- Yes, I heard pit bull in a blicks art supplies store, right?”

- That's right. - I'm in the blick and sorry, blick art is whatever. - If they're gonna give us free shit, you gotta give their right need. - I don't know, who cares?

They're lucky I'm talking about. And I hear it, I'm obsessed, I get in the car, I have to hear it some more. Then I notice when, okay, I really like it when it starts right in on the wrapping with pit bull,

there's a big preamble that takes 44 seconds before we get to hear about Miami. You gotta go back in time, you know. - That's the exact seconds. - No, I did.

Well, that's what I'm saying. I know exactly what seconds.

So I said, and then I come into first two,

you're like wait, wait, first two. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I know, what are you talking about? - You've played it three times on the car when we drove around yesterday.

- Oh, and now I fooled David. So David was driving me around yesterday and making him wear a chauffeur's cap, which I think is illegal. And I sit in the back of his,

“what is it, what kind of car do you drive a Hyundai?”

- Yeah, yeah. - I sit in the back of his Hyundai and I make him wear a tiny, tiny chauffeur's cap. It looks like a little Yamaka on his head. And it's got a little rubber band that holds it on his head.

So I'm sitting in the back and I fooled you because I said, 'cause I've been playing with a band recently and I said, oh, we worked out a really good tune and we have a recording of it. And you went, oh, really?

And I went, yeah, do you want to hear it? It's the first recording and we went, yeah. And I started to play Pit Bull's back in time

and you for a second, what did you think?

- I turned and I said, you really recorded this with the band. - Oh, I don't know, I'm usually, I don't know what happened to me. - Do you can tell when Mr. Worldwide is his...

- Well, I knew it. I thought he made the band play it. - Oh. - And then he got me again later. And then he started to hear the rap

and it's Pit Bull rapping. And he thought for a second, I guess Conan could have done that. - Oh, no, oh, blast for me. - And then later he said, hey, can I plug my phone and I've been really into this tape, McCrace.

- Yeah, I like to hear that. - Okay, I'd like to hear that. And then I hit, of course, what did I hit? Pit Bull, back in time. - Yes, yes, yes.

- And blasted you again and you were like, why do I believe him? - I've got it. I really want to play this new tape and McCrace on. For me, once shame on me, for me twice,

you're David Hopping. All right, peace out, let's get into it. Oh my, all right, we got enough of this. My guest today stars as Sal Saprstein in the Emmy Award winning Apple TV plus series

the studio. He now has a new trivia podcast called "Funny You Ask" with new episodes every Wednesday.

He's a very funny guy and I've always enjoyed him very much.

And excited he's here today. (upbeat music) I like Baron Holtz, welcome. (upbeat music) - I'm so happy you're here.

You are a fine fellow hilariously funny and now we get to hang. Now we had a brief interaction recently at a pizza restaurant and I remembered saying,

“I think to the waiter, can you escort this man away?”

- Yes, yes. I was there with my family, my daughter's birthday. And I just gave Conan a wave across the restaurant and we sat down a couple of months later. Some of the staff came out and said,

"Sir, you need a lead." - I segmented them. - Yeah. - Which was, they took you away from your daughter. - Yeah, and then she started crying and she said, why they take my daddy away and I said,

"Shut it!" And now when we ever we see Conan on screen, my daughter goes daddy. - Yeah. - He points him in and goes daddy, which is nice.

I'm fine with it now after a lot of ketamine therapy. I'm okay with it. I am legitimately wanna be your friend. I think a lot of phonies come on this show. And there's no one to be your friend

and they don't care. - They don't. And you know what? I try to follow up with a lot of them. - I can't get through.

- No, no, no. - No one wants to talk to me. - I'm here 'cause I truly wanna be your friend. More so than these vipers. - Yeah.

- These are not your friends. - They are happy when you fail. - They are the little fish that grab onto the larger more productive mammal and suck it of its life essence. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I won't suck your essence. - No, no. - No, no. - No matter how much you ask. - If you wanna get into this business,

you'll suck my essence. It's the way it goes. - We have a lot to talk about. - Let's go. - First of all, I'm a huge fan of the studio

You also have this new podcast, which is trivia based, which I'm very excited about because I know you to be a trivia maven. - I'm gonna say maven, and you beat me to it. - You are a...

- Jeopardy, celebrity, jeopardy chance.

- You wanna million dollars for charity.

- Yes. - Of which I'm told you took 600,000 dollars. - Well, you know the phrase you got to let your beak. - Yes. - Yeah, the charity got money.

They got paid, they're fine.

“It was for, I think, pediatric oncology.”

- Yes, and you took 600,000 dollars. - First of all, if you said to someone, I wanna give you 400,000 dollars. That sounds pretty great, right? - Let's leave that there.

I have an infrastructure, I have business, I have people that I have to pay to make sure that I'm able to get to Jeopardy. - Okay, you talked that way, but when I saw you at the Pizza Restaurant in Santa Barbara,

I did notice when you left, because I made you leave, that you got into a very expensive Bugatti. - Yes. - And the license plate was number four charity. (laughing)

- That's, when I say I'm playing for charity, you don't specify it. Did I get a Bugatti that has four cars for my family? Yes. We drive up and down Monocito.

You see, everyone's seeing a motorcycle. - I see you. - I see you. - But I see you. - Pod here, a pod here, a pod in the back of the pod.

- They're so amazing. - They're all lashed. It's smaller Bugatti's attached to the larger Bugatti. - Oh, okay. - And they're lashed together, so they take up both lanes.

- Yes. - Oncoming. - So cars have to, he has to, you have a car that goes ahead of you. - Yeah, we have a four-hour car, you have a four-hour car. - You have a four-hour car that goes ahead of you

and lays down orange cones to keep people off the road. - This is why I need money to pay these people. They don't work for free. - You, mother, a fucker. That's what I only wanted to say.

It was to get, like, parental care. Who's, everyone's like, oh, he's so funny. He's such a good guy. Ripped off this charity in the name of charity, Jeopardy. - ridiculous.

- I also want a million dollars on celebrity who wants to be a millionaire.

- That's true. - Yeah. - So I've done two celebrities. - How much money should I? - And you've got to keep all that money.

- That money went straight to me, baby. - No, that would be both everything went to charity. Every time I went to charity, it was worth it. - This has kept me off these charity shows. I won't, I'm sorry, it has, I'm sorry, I can't do it.

I can't do it, I work hard. I don't want to go on celebrity Jeopardy. If I'm not getting a major piece of that dough. - Okay. - And that's just been my policy since day one.

You know? - I do think you would do a good job on it.

“- I think it is charitable organizations.”

They get soft if they just get the money. - Do you know what I mean? - They've got to work for the government. - You've got to earn it. - And it will make them stronger.

- No. - Anyway, this may be an unpopular stance. And if anyone thinks that I'm on the wrong track here, feel free to let us know on adultcare.org. - It is good that you guys got an organizational status

for that, to me that's reeksof.com. But you guys did the paperwork. - Yeah. - They paid the fees and now we're paying all the fee. - Okay.

Listen, we could score on like us all day. I don't want to be very happy. But so much to talk about, we have points of commonality here.

And that's always a good place to start,

which is my interest in comedy really began with my dad. And I know that similar dynamic with you growing up Chicago area, right? - Big comedy house. - Mom and dad, both.

- Yeah. - You loved SCTV, loved Saturday Live. - Yep. - And in some of my earliest, love taxi. I remember when my first memory was them watching taxi

and thinking like Jim was funny. And but there is something about them laughing that it's very nurturing. - Yeah.

“- That's why, because I don't want my kids to be in comedy,”

we don't laugh at all now. We want serious documentaries. - Yeah, I watch comedy, but I wear an iron mask. So they can't see that I'm laughing. (laughing)

And so I've watched some of the funniest stuff wearing an iron mask. - They're watching stepbrothers and just a full mask. - Yeah, just a cold mask. - No kidding, I've painted, I didn't paint it.

I would admit to that. I had a very good artist paint a frown on the iron mask so that, yeah, 'cause I don't as the same thing. I want them both working for the, any kind of electric company.

- Yeah, steady, good, steady work. - We're running for the power grid. - We're running for the power grid. - So you're watching your parents laugh and then you get this joke.

And one of the cool things about your story is that you very literally then pulled your dad as you had success, as you've had success over the years, you have taken your dad along. - Great.

- And given him his chance 'cause he didn't go into comedy. My dad was a research scientist. - Right. - Doctor. (laughing)

- He told me he was a job, yeah, I'm sorry, guys. But he said it as he was holding a microscope and we're in very short from you to short. (laughing) That's what I knew.

When someone tells me, and he's in say, "Joc, you said I'm a real jocster." (laughing) So I suspected that wasn't the case. - My dad wanted to be in comedy

and he auditioned for second city when he was really young

and then you, it was just like too hard and my mom was pregnant and he was like, "I'm just gonna go to law school." Let's go to law school and come on the attorney and have steady work.

And then he kind of took me to see my first improv show

“and I remember seeing like Amy Poler and Chris Farley”

Tim Meadows in particular was so funny that I was like, "I want to do this." And then years later my brother did it. And our dad was watching from the outside, looking, he was watching from the inside looking out.

And long story short, he, a couple years ago, got a call to put himself on tape for a random show where they needed a judge and that became jury duty. And now he is an LA-based actor. (laughing)

- He's doing a movie right now with Jennifer Gardner. (laughing) - And it's pretty wonderful. - His career has far-out strip yours. - Oh, you're my brother and the reason you're here today

is he canceled. - Yeah, okay, that's better. - He was the big gats, what it was. - Oh, correct. - But I got it.

- Is Allen as your dad, right? - Allen as my dad. - And so, what's so cool is that and working on the studio, he played a part in the studio.

Do you need a camera? - He played the projectionist on the studio. - I know you're a fan of the studio, because I, like everyone was destroyed when we lost Catherine on her.

- Yes, yeah. - And she had this memorial service and my family and I were appropriately in Canada that weekend, so we couldn't go. - And I talked to Seth Rogan when I got back,

I was like, how was it? - He goes in. - It was really beautiful, it was really sad. Conan came up to me and he said,

she was incredible in the show.

- Yeah. - If you're replacing her, I would like to be considered. - Yeah. - Oh, no. - Yeah, I did, I did.

And I was... - Oh, man. - I was, yeah, and I thought it was good. - It was the memorial, and I had an eight by ten. (laughing)

And it had the quad split of me as a nerd on the safari. - Yeah, on the safari, me as an ice cream vendor. (laughing) - Ice cream vendors are real. - And the usual that's a big, yeah.

- And Seth said, I don't think this is the right time. - Yeah. - And I said, when he is the right time, would later today be okay. - So that was, that's on me.

- That is on you, but they're still trying to figure it out. So, that's the season's done. - I guess it's taken for a woman a lot. So, that's in my favor. - I live in his neighborhood.

“So I see you, I remember I was at my vet one time.”

And I saw you walking down the street and there was a guy in front of you who clearly worked with you. And you were slapping him on the shoulder. - Yeah, that would be a writer. - That would be a writer.

- It's like shaking. - It would be either Mike Sweeney or Maddo Brian. - I have Maddo Brian. - I have certain writers and Maddo Brian in particular. No relation, I tell everyone he was my cousin

and I had to hire him, even though he's not funny. And he's a brilliant writer, he's really funny. He's no relation, it's just such a common last name. But I'm very comfortable giving him a physical beating. - Yeah, and I'm very tactile to you.

I touch people, I kind of grab my friends. - Yeah, I was like, I was like, I grew up with a lot of, there's a lot of grabbing, wrestling and growing up. - I was kind of like some Jews are both tactile.

- Yeah, I like to touch. - I like to get my hands on consenting males. Yeah, that covers it for the law. (laughing) - I think I'm okay now.

(upbeat music)

“- Well, here's the thing, 'cause you talk about comedy”

and these influences, but I do love the studio. And then I heard you talking a while ago about how much the Larry Sanders show meant you. And I thought, oh, this is interesting to me 'cause I love Larry Sanders show.

And there's a similarity in between Larry Sanders and the studio. They're both about the business. And there are specific ways if you're in show business that you can pick apart certain things.

And say, well, that's not really how it is. And for me, watching Larry Sanders back when I was doing a late night show, and there was one writer on the show. (laughing)

And Larry would be like, yeah, I would see things that if you're in it, you can pick apart. But those are irrelevant

because they're getting the essential soul of it right.

Also I think, too, if you did like an exact version of what it's like, it would be kind of boring, right? It would be like, it's like, oh, we're in a car, we're driving to the lot, and we're gonna talk to a director, and real life they show up.

But we want people to watch it. Yes. (laughing)

And also, I always want to believe

“when I'm backstage that there will be showgirls,”

two people in the horse costume. Yes, classic. - Yes, I wanted to do a late night show that had that backstage, so that almost influenced what kind of comedy we did. I wanted horse costumes.

I wanted people dressed as soldiers. I wanted... I wanted masturbating bears. I wanted all that shit backstage, you know? Shut up, Brian Stack, by the way.

Brian Stack, Conan O'Brien Legend, Brian Stack. Yeah, yeah. He is, and you know what, I had a very sweet moment with Stephen Colbert, 'cause Brian Stack is one of the great all-time writers and writers on my show

who did so many great characters in was so prolific and was such a voice of the show. He went to work for Stephen Colbert after we shut our thing down

and has done great work for him for many years.

I went, a couple of months ago, I'm in New York. I call Stephen, he says, come on by, and I'm hanging out in Stephen's office, and we're chatting for a long time about different things.

“Late night, war stories, and then he had to get to rehearsal”

and that he was gonna show me out or have his assistant show me out. And so we leave his office and there's a flat screen up. And on the screen, they're rehearsing a comedy piece and it's Brian Stack wearing a ridiculous costume

with his wife, Miriam, incredibly talented, Miriam, and a credible actress really funny and such a great, such a big part of our late night show as well. They're both on screen going like, now you will listen here, and they're wearing ridiculous costumes.

And I'm looking at it and I realize I was looking at that in 1993. Yeah, on the screen, as I went down to my late night show, here it is, 2025, at the time, and nothing's changed. Now you listen here, I'm gonna tell you right now.

You know, we're the watermelon heads, whatever.

And, oh, Baron, I just lost it. Like, there's no escaping that face on a rehearsal now. And it will disappear forever. But I have to talk to you about this. Yes, you have this experience. Yes.

Because you-- A threesome. You-- No. No. No. What is it? What is it? It says here a six-some. What is there a threesome twice? You had a threesome twice.

I see you in a threesome twice, guys. Different, sorry. I get rid of my many hours. Don't ask. OK. Yeah. It says here, six-cocks. Six-cocks. That's it. You don't have love.

My research says here, six-cocks. Yeah, six-cocks. No, it's three-cocks. Six-- three-thedge. OK. I'm telling you what-- your researcher is incredibly base. Oh, in there. I have to say.

Yeah, three-cocks. Yes, right. Two. Let me see. Oh, that is me. Yeah, it's me. OK, take it back. The guy's working hard.

You're giving-- High-fiving the cameraman. Oh, I feel like it's my dad. My friend. And he also happens to be doing a great job.

Get it, son. Get it. There's like I told him. You know what? Tell Alan that he's mentioned in the podcast. Got to listen to the whole thing. You got to listen to the whole thing.

When you get to the six-some, where you're filming me-- And you're listening with Mom, just do me a favor and be like, uh, I'm losing the signal or something. Yeah. Yeah, the plus-fifteen drill would happen there. Did they say six-some? No, no.

He said, "Rexem," "Rexem," "Rexem," they talked about "Rexem," "Rexem," "Baltone," "Baltone," "Baltone," "Baltone," "Baltone," "Baltone." It's wrong with you. What's wrong with me? It's him.

He's the one that did it there. I went there. I thought that was-- So there's this thing that I heard about years and years ago, one of the early, early travel things I did. Travel shows I did was I went to--

“I can't remember. I think it was related to some kind of promotion.”

They were going to have our late night show appear in some European markets. They asked me to go to Amsterdam. And I also think maybe Cologne, Germany. And so I traveled there and thought,

"Well, which should record this?" So we're in Amsterdam. And I only found out later on that there-- I think I was stopped by someone on the street who said, "Hey, Conan, we're a bunch of Americans who are doing improv,"

which was how I began as an improv, not stand up. So we're doing improv here in Amsterdam. Can you stop by? And I remember saying, I'll try to, and then I couldn't, because we were busy shooting all this stuff.

And also, I just didn't want to go. But I didn't-- I didn't have to mention. Why do that? Why not just ask to busy? Even now, but I get it. You're in a foreign country.

You're working-- saying to someone, "You want to watch some improv." It can be a tall order, especially for someone who's done improv. But it was very mean what you said. Please continue.

But I'll remember now how not busy I was.

I would say, "I have my-- my research of what my schedule is."

“Two whole days of nothing to do in Amsterdam.”

1999. Yeah. It's nothing. That's it. It's a tundra.

It's a vast-- All I have is wake up and see the matrix. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] See the matrix twice, it says.

And then question mark, question mark. Nothing else to do. They wrote it down. I did not have time to go do it. But then I later found out from Seth Meyers

that he was part of that troop at that time. And I'm thinking, I'm wish I had gone by and met everybody because that'd be cool. And see what they were up to. And it's this thing called boom chicago that's in Amsterdam.

And you did this. Yes. And I replaced Seth, basically. Right. It was like 1994, like these three American guys

are backpacking through Europe. And they love Amsterdam. And they're like, this is the best city. The comedy is terrible. The comedy scene in Amsterdam the time was still like old European

cabaret stuff where it's like, you know, Hans and Yop. And in the second act, he will wear a dress. Right. And it was like, what the fuck?

Always ends with, let's go buy some wooden shoes.

Yeah. Was the blow to every sketch. A lot of clocks, a lot of clocks, very clogged heavy. And so they're like, what if we opened a second city style theater

“that was some sketch, music, some improv, and stuff?”

And at first it was just like five or six of them in the back of a bar. I believe Miriam Flynn was one of the, or Tolin was one of the first ones, rather. Yep. And Miriam Stack.

Miriam Stack later, Miriam Stack. And by the time I got there, it was like a big theater. Like it was like a 250-300 seat dinner theater. And the appeal, if you were in Chicago for me, was like, oh, you don't need a day job anymore. Because that horrible day job that was killing me in the night, I would do improv.

And to go, I'd never been to Europe. I was 22 years old. And I went and I had a three-sem-everyday. And I was there for two years. That's like seven, that's like 21,000 sexual experiences I love.

With all different people, a lot of bucks. A lot of bucks? What's your in it? It doesn't matter if it was in the '90s. Yeah, different times.

Yeah, different times.

And it was, but it was incredible.

I got there, and I learned how to perform big. Because in Chicago, I was doing a ton of improv in Chicago. And in Chicago, you can kind of, you can score without having to go big in Chicago. You can come in and drop a really funny reference. You can play kind of a cool character.

And you're at a small room, and you're going to get a big laugh. But going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily, or don't understand your reference base at all.

“Yeah, that taught me how to, I think, be bigger and kind of perform for the masses.”

Well, when I was 22, senior in college and about to graduate, I knew, I said, I want to do stand up, and I'm very interested in improv. And a lot of people in 1985, I would say I want to do improv. They didn't know what it was. And so I wrote a letter to El Solans.

Oh, Bernie Solans, I found out the name Bernie Solans. I wrote a letter, and it was just very formal. I wish I had a copy of it. It was very formal typed letter that said, Dear Mr. Solans, my name's Conan O'Brien, and I've been, you know, President Lampoon.

And I've done all this work in comedy, and I wish now to do improv. And I would like to come to Chicago as their way. I could join your troop. I didn't know about the classes.

I didn't know, and I basically got like a form letter back that said,

I was asking basically, can I come be a part of the show? As opposed to, can I move to Chicago, start taking classes and try and work my way? And I just didn't know what was all about. I got sort of a form letter back saying, that's not really how it works. Bernie Solans just took some cigar ashes and I'm looking.

There you go. Bernie Solans is a famous line where he was directing a second city show or something, and someone was pitching a sketch, and another actor was like, "Yeah, but we kind of did a version of this sketch in the last show. It's kind of the same joke and Bernie Solans goes, "Look, there's seven jokes."

And it's all about how you tell them. Seven jokes. Yeah, it's like there's only seven rules. But they're only five. It's my going to Chicago, we have couple extra bonus ones.

That's all right. Yeah, sausage and then, yeah. That's the cup. Yeah, and our cups. Dipper. Dipper. And then sausage, good one. But I, yeah, I was intrigued by that. And so when you guys talk about, I mean, it didn't exist when I was going there.

But the idea of being 22 and living in Amsterdam and doing comedy, I would go, I almost want to do that now.

because I can make one phone call and you will be in the boom Chicago cast. They would be thrilled to have you. They're going to fire one of the younger current cast members.

“But you know what, I think it's worth the squeeze.”

It's as I, I'm just going to say that same thing. And then I realized I don't know what it means.

And I've never heard of it before.

And that's why I didn't say it. I think it's funny when someone who's established in their career and open very old and has, like, really is set financially, goes and takes work away from young people. That's funny to me. That's funny to me.

And it's a good life lesson for them. Yeah. Yes. Work hard or not, it doesn't matter. It's someone more famous in rich, my comment, take your leave and embrace. Like Conan O'Brien can come in and go, this, hey, you know what?

This amuse is me. Great job you got here would be a shame if something happened to it. Like I took it. I'm going to live in the fanciest house in Amsterdam. It's on a by-house, it's on a boat.

Yeah, I'm going to have a big boat house. And I'm going to drop by and do some bad improv. And you can fucking hit the road. This is I'm so happy with all these life choices I'm making here. I think that's a sounds fantastic.

It was so much fun.

“And it was a great group of, you know, Seth Myers, I kind of replaced him.”

But he would come back a lot. His brother, Josh Myers was there, Jordan Peel. He was there, Jason Sadekis, Liz Kakowski, Kken and Jill. But all these great performers were there and it was a really great time too. It was 99, 2000.

It was before the Euro. So we used to have a gilder. You were on the Dutch gilder and it was two gilders to a dollar. It's crazy. I appreciate you guys having leather pouches with gold coins.

I have leather pouches. And you'd be paid by someone tossing you a leather pouch and you'd catch it. That was basically what it was. To your saddle bag and go up. You get on our mule and go back to our village.

It was a beautiful, it was really beautiful. It was a special time for me. I showed you in a night, he has a sack of gilders. But we still go back. I took my family there last year and it's, Amsterdam is an amazing city.

Really one of the greatest cities in the world. I love it. And then has nothing to do with the abundant legal drugs. That's a separate thing that I love. That's nothing to do with the charm and feel of the city.

Yeah. The drugs. The drugs are good. Which we have now in Los Angeles. Do you guys have any here?

Do you have any? Do you have any? Do you have any of those? Do you have any of those? Do you have any of those?

Do you have any of those? I don't really. I don't really. I don't really have any of those. I just wanted to say, I don't really have that point.

It was not, no, nothing. I don't have any moral judgment about it at all. I really don't. I just didn't ever feel like it was my thing. And mostly, I've been spending a lifetime trying to understand my mind.

So the idea of throwing some kuku juice in there didn't appeal to me as much.

“What if I try to be putting in an accelerant or anything weird thing in there?”

I always felt to me like, no, no, no, it's everything I can do to get this thing to sell down.

What have I told you by doing it? It could help you understand your mind deeper. Yeah. What if I don't want to understand it? What if I'm happy with this level of understanding?

I'm trying to get to the grave. I look at the grave the way other entire person looks at a well-made bed. I just wanted to pull up the soil around me and go, no, no, no, no, no. I'm ruining my love soon, soon, the grave back in the grave. This is your fault.

You know what? I blame... I really do. I blame you. Because you're an accelerant for this kind of foolishness.

I am. I want to make sure that I, because we could do this for thousands of hours, you and I, which is the lovely part of having you here. But I want to... See your friend. Because I know some of your friends in real life, and I'm better than

then. I guess what? I know what you're talking about. I would rather swap out. Right when it says name of the kind of free one, two, three, Paul Rudd.

Paul Rudd. Here's what I'm going to say about Paul Rudd. He's richer, he's more famous, he's funnier, he's better looking. I am younger, and I am more loyal. Yes, to my fans.

Yes, also, you know, Paul Rudd, and if you're listening, Paul, I'm speaking directly to you. He comes and goes with the tide. When Paul's tide is up, you know what I mean? Yes.

I don't hear from him. You know? But God forbid, there's a setback or a movie that doesn't quite hit, then he comes running back. He comes running back.

He could have, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

But then the second thing start to hit again as they always do, because he's just doesn't

You won't have that problem. Nothing hits. Right? I will always be there. I'm a loyal friend.

You know what? Your career is consistently ice cold.

“Just, just, yeah, it's just never interesting or good, and that's why I'm, you know,”

you know, I'm the ice cold. Ice cold. Well, frozen? Yeah. Just, absolutely frozen.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, I got a critics choice of war for my character in the studio, I bet you did. You can't, he came in.

Do you see what he was wearing when he came in? He had his Creek's choice of word made into a necklace. And he had it. And it was like 46 pounds. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll listen. It was like flavor flames clock.

And he's, that's shows the kids I know what time it is. He weren't just about to get the word out on whatever project. Yeah. I'm sitting on them. Sorry.

As about to, I know, as about to do the professional part, we have to take a second

here and acknowledge your hilarious as sound sampling in the studio. You were so funny in that role. And it's funny because you had a very specific idea for who this guy is. And I know there are a bunch of execs.

“Many execs come to you and say, oh, that's based on me, isn't it?”

Yeah. Because, yes, they're all so involved, but they all see themselves in what you've created with self. Which has a lot about them, by the way. Yeah.

Yeah. Where there's guys and ladies that I know who are a studio execs who will say that, like, oh, you stole that from me. I'm like, yes. And then there's something that I'm like, I know you got that from me, and I'm like,

I didn't. Yeah. I'm struggling to remember your name right now. Yeah. But I did not take that from you.

But I think people see what they want in the part. And it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers, who's an executive universal, except where he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible. But they love the, some of them, the work is exciting, making the movies exciting, but they want to, where are we going to dinner afterwards?

And that's like my cornerstone of, like, where are we going to go to dinner? Where are we going to dinner tonight? Yeah. That's me too. Well, dinner isn't for, I mean, it's not even noon yet.

Let me do this. And I, I'm, I'm from Madrid, so I eat at 10 o'clock at night.

And I always, I'm from, I always, you are born and raised.

You and the greater the year when you were 19. I have the face of Madrid on, look at my face. It's so Madrid. Yeah. No, no, but it's always 10 o'clock at night.

It's always paella. That's why. Yeah. Yeah. Always 10, always paella.

Yeah. But it's got about from Italy, by the way. We're shooting the studio in Venice for two weeks. How great is that was in this place? That is an experience you're having.

It makes me so jealous that you'd be part of something with it's say your job is to go live in Venice and yeah, you're working. But then I'm sure there are times where you're not working and it's time to go watch someone blow glass and drink really good wine. So just below this is Venice Beach.

Oh. Yeah. They had me stand at a motor out of Lincoln. Also, you have a travel show. Yeah.

I don't know what you're talking about. You just remember, you know what I just remember who I am.

“I thought I was Gallagher 2, which is Gallagher's brother, who I think is dead.”

One of them is not with us anyway. I think neither one is with us now. Both went. I think Gallagher 2 went to mourn Gallagher and fell into the grave. This just sets up Gallagher 3.

This is finally his time to show him. And Gallagher 3 was there and was like, I should probably pay my respects. No. Watermelon. Watermelon.

Yeah. Watermelon. No. What I'm seeing is I guess what I'm thinking about is when I do these travel shows, it's go, go, go all the time.

But if I was playing a part, and they said, we don't need you for six hours, that would be very different. There was a couple times.

That never happens on the travel show.

That was a couple times where I was not needed. And I got to go explore Venice. And I saw them blowing the glass and I went and drank a ton of spritzes. I had dinner with Michael Keaton. Wow.

It's a big one. What was he there as part of the show? He was sitting with his girlfriend at a different table and I was sitting next to them. And I kept saying, Michael, it's like from the studio. He didn't acknowledge me at any point.

But we were in the same restaurant. This is the same thing you did to me at the pizza restaurant. Why don't you know, you actively said, I want him gone. Michael completely ignored me the entire time. Good.

Like I was next to them. You know what it's called, an LA when someone's bothering you at a table, the barren holes. No, the other day I was in an internet, and I'm just trying to enjoy my shake, and this guy gave me the full barren holes.

I don't know who the fuck he was. It turns out it was Michael Keaton. He'd go and go and remember me. I was in Batman. And I was like, what he gave me the barren holes for?

I'm trying to enjoy my shake. I'm trying to sit in a table alone and enjoy my shake.

And you're giving me the full barren holes. Do you remember? I mean, this is who you are. This is my name's sake, and I'm fine with that. And it's something that my daughters will have to kind of carry with them throughout their

life. What's an even book today? And he comes in and gives us the full barren holes. I'm here. I'm here.

Good luck getting rid of me now. I'm part of the show now. Jesus, I want to talk about this new project. Yes. You love trivia.

You always love trivia. You're very good at trivia as you've proven on these different shows. Are you going to trivia?

I, here's the thing about me.

“I don't, I know, I think I have my brain knows a lot of different strange things”

it shouldn't know, but I don't have command of it. Let's find out. I don't think I could just go bang bang bang bang bang. Oh, let's find out. Because I brought stuff.

Because I don't recall. You know, I'll be like. You can't true. You can't try. I'll try that trivia.

Here we go. So this is just trivial pursuit. I think this is like genius three. So I'm just going to run through these. What cities Lord and Taylor boasts the one-a-maker grand, the second largest pipe organ in

the world? I think I know this. I don't know this at all. Wait. Say it again.

What cities Lord and Taylor boasts the one-a-maker grand. The second largest pipe organ in the world. I have no idea. I'm almost sure Chicago, because my Aunt Libby used to work at Lord and Taylor. Well, well, okay.

So the guy from Chicago takes a shot. I was wrong. It's Philadelphia. Oh. Okay.

Oh, okay. What hip-hop mogul used? I feel safe and white because deep down inside, I'm an angel. Okay. I'm going to go with flavor flip.

That is. Just because we came up earlier. I came up earlier. No.

The answer is a dear friend of mine.

Sean Puffy Com. Oh, no. I know you are a documentary. Yeah. Yeah.

But just friend, mid-air. Yeah. Giving him the advice, whatever you're doing, do it some more. Who became the first move on? Anyway, next question.

Let's go. We'll get out of that part. No question. I don't know. Lord of Taylor.

Sean Puffy Com. Who became the first female British royal to walk instead of ride in the family, a family funeral procession in 2002. 2001 is female royal. Well, it's not firgy.

We know that. It ain't firgy because she hates walking. She hates a little fun fact. And you've gotten too. She was on tour with the black eyepiece.

It's not her. It's definitely not her. Yeah. But she is a royal. She is a royal.

I have to keep pulling the black eyepiece. I don't know her. I don't know her. I'm talking about, let's see. Oh, what is that?

Well, wouldn't be Queen Elizabeth. There's no way she's breaking tradition. She's very traditional. You think she's going to get on a horse? She's walking instead of riding in the procession.

She ain't walking. No, she ain't walking. And Anne isn't walking. I think Anne's walking. Do you think Anne's walking?

I think Anne's walking.

The answer is Princess Anne.

Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. Yeah. How many?

These are terrible questions. I don't know. This is trivia. How many of every six stutters are male? All.

Well, I'm going to go with five. Five is the answer. What do you look like a stuttering enthusiast?

“Which grand slam singles title had Monica Celle's failed to win during the 20th century?”

Which one did she not win? Well, you have first half to know all of them. I'm just going to say Australian Open. Australian Open. I'm going to say US Open.

Wimbledon. Last question. What this is about a friend of yours. What hugely successful video was Joe Francis inspired to make after viewing a flashier tape sent in for his band from television video.

This is your dear friend, Joe Francis. We are not friends. I form business partners. Business partners. Okay.

I saw what he was doing. And I wanted in financially in a big way. And then I did everything I could provide moral support. But I wish we were better friends. What's it again?

What's the name of the show? I believe it's girl's gone wild. And it is girl's gone wild. Yeah. We have a clip.

Listen. Sorry. If you had a girl's gone wild, clip. I would be. I'm like Paul Rubber instead of makin' me.

It's girl's gone wild. All right. So let's get to your new project. There we go. Funny you ask.

A weekly comedy trivia podcast. And this is, this sounds like a labor of love for you. It is.

“I, for years, people were like, you should do a podcast.”

And I was like, I don't think the medium is going to work. And a couple of weeks ago, it's like the medium works. Right. So let's get into this now. Right on the ground floor.

But we're on like the 80th floor. Right. I wanted to figure out a fun podcast. And I, I just couldn't think of like a fun hook. And then I was like, oh my god.

You write the trivia. Oh, I write the trivia. Not because not for me.

I have a producer who writes the questions for me.

So I don't see the questions on our system. But for my guess, what I will do is I will take three subjects. You know a little bit about.

“So for you, what are some things that you wouldn't consider yourself an expert on?”

But you know a little bit about the Beatles. So you know about probably American history 19th, 20th century. That kind of stuff. Sorry, sidetracked. Remember the last time I was on your show was Beatles Week.

And Paul Simon saying, "Here comes this. Here comes this son to me and you." It was a deeply romantic moment. What? That was not my show.

That was your thinking. Your show, my friend. No. You were here. I was here.

Paul Simon was right here. Actually, no, you were here. Paul Simon was here. I was right here. And Paul Simon was in my lap.

Remember that very clearly. You kept calling you Garfunkel? Yeah. You kept saying, are you art? Yeah.

And you were interacting. And he said, "You give me the full barren holds here." Remember that? I was honored. I knew my name.

That was cool. He didn't even know who you were. But he knew. He didn't know you were like barren holds. She said, "What's this fucking guy give me the barren holds for?"

I'm trying to tell a story. So you would come on.

“I would write questions about the Beatles.”

American history. Yeah. Other things. And we would come on. Have a fun conversation.

And I will sporadically ask you trivia questions. And then you ask me trivia questions. And then we would do a big speed round. And as a guest shows up with their own trivia questions. No.

My producer comes up with them. It's really fun. It's very, very fun. The reason I'm here is to ask if you will do mine. I don't have time.

I don't have time. I don't have time. Okay. I'm not just today, but I don't have any time. I've been in this busy since I was in Amsterdam.

That's when that's 27 years ago. I have like David. Boom Chicago. Yeah. There's no time.

Okay. We'll figure it out. I'm going to have a little bit of a discopency here between. Well, you're saying this. Don't remember.

I have that thing. What is the thing? What is this?

What has never been more clear.

He's just swiping through. Not just months, but years. Yeah.

“He's just, he has a whole year on one page.”

He's just swiping. I see nothing. I would be honored to do show. I mean, I, you know, I so enjoy you. You are so funny.

You're such a good fellow. You're always hilarious on my show. All the times you came on. So yes, the answer is yes, yes, a thousand times. And I feel like we are making really good headway into the friendship arena.

This is the real reason that we're here. You know what? Be careful with this guy. When I say this guy, I mean me. Yeah.

I am a slippery eel. You will probably never hear from me again. I, I'm, when I'm here in the zone. I'm all heat. And yes, yes, yes, yes.

But then the minute you get out of here. Oh, like, what's with that guy? And then an hour later. Who was even on today? Right?

You completely disassociated. With an hour of finishing. With an hour. I don't know who was on. I had my favorite job to bring me seven baked fessants.

And I just eat them. And there's an order line. You put the. Yeah. You've got your head.

So that God doesn't see your shame. Yeah. Doesn't see my shame. Um, no. I would, uh, I would love to come on.

I would. And I do think we should be pals. Um. Oh, my God. I was expecting that.

Woo. Now. Are you up in Santa Barbara a lot? We like to go there a couple times a year. Yeah.

I'm sure you have a house there. We might have seven houses there. That's. Really building. I just bought Oprah's house and kicked her out.

Against her will. I bought it out from under her and I said you've got an hour. But she's squatting now. She's actively squatting. She's roaming around.

She's. Yeah. She's hanging out in the garage. She's roaming around. Yeah.

She said I didn't know Lee. Oprah said this. I didn't know legally. Someone could buy your house without you letting them buy it. And but you know what I did.

I have a lot of money from these charity gigs I do. Clean up. And then I just buy rich people's houses and tell them to leave. So you can stay in one of my family.

The wall take up on that never saved me some hotels.

We love it up there. We love that Santa Barbara. What a beautiful beautiful. It's not doing that for Santa Barbara. It's not a shit.

It's about a 90-minute drive from. Yeah. I like it. There are no time. It's beautiful downtown.

Okay. Don't forget to be sure you're blossom festival. Okay. Let's move on. I don't know how this guy from the tourism bureau got here.

But. Just an enthusiast. Yeah. Sure. I wish you the best of luck because you're new podcast.

I will come on. I will be happy to come on. And just delighted to have you today. This was. Yeah.

This is just not work. I don't know what to call this but it is not work.

Right.

Well, we don't say what day it is.

“I want you to quit the illusion that it's happening.”

As people are hearing it. It's a good. You know what? Just having a fun Monday to see what. Wait.

Wait. You know what I mean? This was a real honor. You are the funniest person of my generation. Jesus.

Well, let's expand it a little. Okay. Why just your generation? Okay. Okay.

Okay. Some of these quote funny people from previous generations. It's not so funny. That's actually true. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm on. I look at them all. Let's just click it. A little bigger.

All generations. Yeah. You very much. I got what I wanted. I've learned books.

Okay.

This is part three of Blagate.

There in Blagate. There in Blagate. Attempt. And this is too fraudulently used. So the IRS loop holes to bankroll his childish fantasies.

And we have Mr. David Melmets here with us. And you are. Are you a lawyer? I am. Yes.

Okay. Because that's what we hired you to do. Yes. But you might have been here to fix the AC. And we just hired you.

That's fraud. Yes. Okay. Anyway. Let's get back into this.

What I think is a major scandal. So what are we talking about? Yeah. I will take you in. Can I write all that off?

Anything I mentioned on this podcast. Can I write it off? Based on Blas logic. Maybe. Based on Blas logic.

Yeah. Maybe. Based on the law. And again, I'm not. I'm not a tax expert or an accountant.

So this is just. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. But why did I bring you in? I actually.

No. No. I have a cursory. Sort of understanding of what we're doing here. Because I also and familiar with the tax.

This is ridiculous. No. He's got a same thing to ask. I love it. Like I'm trying to understand exactly how vision works.

I got a squirrel here. The home. This is for the person. Well. Quarrel.

I know that. Good. I'm hiding in for the water. This is pretty much about vision. But here goes.

This is this is my protecting. The myself and the show. So if someone hears this and said, Oh, I'm going to start writing off. X, Y, and Z.

Right. I'm just saying. Yeah. You can't do this at home. Correct.

So personal expenses that are not related to the podcast. You cannot write off. So if you're bringing edibles. I think I heard that segment for. Yeah.

Right. That would probably work more into production than on air. Right. And we're production costs can affect Conan and I am the opinion that we are here to manage Conan. Right.

You could eat into. Yeah. I know if it works for you and for play. I don't think I'd make it in this business. But through your wise counsel, though you're clearly not an expert in anything.

Yeah.

And three plays incredible work of buying these due dads.

Yes. Yeah, shoving them into the conversation. Correct. Like it with a crowbar. Yeah.

I don't know that I would have a career at all.

“I think that's why that's where we're here.”

No. So I'm saying. Blay, maybe. I think you have to separate yourself into when you are bringing something on the show. Are you in your role as a producer or as an on air personality?

Can I ask you a specific question? You can. Okay. And are you a producer? I call myself a producer.

What is your title? I don't know. What do you mean? I don't know. Your title.

I thought you were here to get lunch. Oh my god. I kept wondering. Where is the lunch? I just want to ask.

I thought this kid was getting this food. Can I ask me a specific question? Okay. So like for instance, we talked about how I watch being clips on a plane. Great.

Okay. Which I love being. I watch a lot of being clips. Big fan of being. Now that's been established on the podcast as a bit.

Okay. Now can I play a. This is a real question. Can I buy a bean mask as a follow-up and write that off? Because it's been established on the podcast.

Can I buy a bean mask? I would say maybe. I think this should all be submitted ahead of time. I think what might be a problem here. Play.

And I say this with all respect is that you are this. Unteathered child running around. Having these ideas and swiping a credit card. And I think that's potentially problematic. Could be.

“What I think you should do is you should go to Adam.”

I'm evoking you. And you should say here's my idea.

They're $9.99.

And I think it would be a good segment.

And then you can think about it. Maybe you can approach me and we can have a discussion. I totally agree. And I think the whole thing. I mean, I think we have established.

I think the play is committing fraud. But the one. What I'm hearing though from David and David tell me from wrong is it's very like tail wagging the dog. Like it should start as the show wants to do X, Y, and Z.

So let's go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities. Whatever it is so that we can make that happen so we can execute it. But to do it the other way around, which is we're buying a bunch of random curiosities and let's see if the show can do that feels like it's in violation of whatever. Yes.

I think that is exactly.

“I think that's a very good way to articulate.”

Not to say that what you're doing hurts the show. I'm just saying if you're looking to write off certain items, probably go about it the way that Adam described it. So I guess my my next question is, can I have a company card to do that? I'm going to ask if you had a corporate card.

I don't, but I would it would help I think with this situation. Don't you guys think I can put that sword on a company card? I think you need a real accountant. Yeah. I took from company card flat.

No, wait. There's no way you're getting it. Well, but we should get so done had a company card to put a bunch of watches on. Pass. Pass.

She has what to do. But that is what she's on it. I sure do.

So first of all, I knew that was the deal when I hired someone.

That's what comes with Sona. I don't care if you're going to work on drag. No. I mean, she's like, Zorba the Greek. You don't, you know, she needs to have access to all the things that make her Sona.

“I, I think it's a little presumptuous to think that you should be entitled to those same things.”

I just do. I'm just saying it like, okay, I bought a big Medusa skull. Okay. You're not helping yourself. I'm going to do a scol, you have forever.

I mean, I'm going to do a scol, you have forever. No, you don't. Yes, I do. You have it until you get married and she throws that shit out. Yeah, well, lunch.

You just eat once in your dawn. I mean, there's a scol you have for lunches. They are, we talk business. Can I ask a question? So we have David here.

We should take advantage of it. What are, are other things that we should be writing off that we're all that we're not? Well, let me, okay. Yes. And I do you guys a favor.

I would say anything to manage Conan who can be written off. What did I mean? What did I mean? I'm sorry, what did I become? You're on your side.

You're on it. You're on it. What did I become? This virulent strain that must be contained. Oh, no.

Conan got loose from the lab. That is. That's the way the IRS sees you are on air talent. And we are here to manage you. So anything we do to manage the IRS knows that I'm a toss.

I love it. Well, you're, okay. So to answer your question now, anything that sort of costs to create, produce, protect the show is deductible, right? Anything sort of personal performance, the consequences of wrongdoing, we cannot. Well, meaning you're bringing a mask on the show for, we have to say, what's the intent?

What's the, if you're bringing it on to have a potential right off, I would say, if you're, if we've discussed the segment, right?

First, and then you bring it on to sort of you, then I'm going to say maybe.

So being mask might be something I could do. It might, but I would probably bring that up first, then just bring it on and start talking about it. Can't just ask, why not just pay for the main mask? It's, why do you need Uncle Sam's help? You're well compensated.

“And you should take pride in spending your own money on something as precious as a main mask.”

You shouldn't need to invoke some weird castle that you think you found to the IRS code to do it. Why not just be a real man and when you buy a main mask? It's only, you know, in the true tradition of being a man, like a real man, when you go to buy, you know, whatever it's a bumblebee head, or when you, when you go to buy, you know, oh, it's, it's, you know, the vision from Marvel comics, I want to buy his panties. Why, why can't you just be a real man and say, this is what I want to feel good about me and buy yourself.

He's an android, he doesn't wear panties. I think so. Just somewhere. I'm trying to wear panties. In terms of what the act.

So these are sort of personal lifestyle expenses, which are not deductible.

And so that's okay.

“I'm putting it into, unless, unless we, unless, unless, and this is play, you'd have to accept”

this. Okay. But if you could prove that this was an illness of his, a deficiency. Sure. That was some kind of a handicapped, something he can't help, because something stunted,

something that developed a medical, like a medical span, kind of a logical. Yeah. Okay.

We'll never grew into a real adult and he's trapped in this cycle of just more toys and more

ephemera and more bullshit. Yeah. And he just won't break free of that and won't go out into the world and, and really realize himself as an adult. Yeah.

Yeah. He can't, then this could be, possibly, his version of a wheelchair or crutch. Absolutely. Or a special seat that happens on the toilet because he can't make a poopy without it.

You're opening good a text credit for employing. Yes. Yes. Okay.

“I think we've been in the red for a while now, which means we've gone way too long.”

Yeah.

We'll probably have to lose some of your talking play.

You defend yourself. I do get the real criminal here is blaze mom. I think that she. I think Mary Blair needs to go to prison. I think she is an absolute criminal.

I agree too. Yeah. By and look, we wonder why he's infantilized and she's sitting his taxes to turn about that. Yeah. Yeah.

When she get a diaper, you know? Yeah. She insists on doing it.

“She wants to make sure that my bottom is talcum properly.”

So. Yeah. Fucking right. Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to end this right now.

I find you guilty and no corporate power. The great of that. Thank you. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonom of Sessian and Mac poorly.

Produce by me. Mac poorly. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina.

Take it away, Jimmy. Music. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair. And our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering in Mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns.

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