Johnny Knoxville

Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville. And I feel harder than a turnbuckle about being Conan O'Brien's friend. [laughter]

“You know what, I think you just may have had the best one ever.”

I would wish you'd prefer harder than a folding chair because I can switch. I would turnbuckle. It's got a nice, it's really poetic. And I want that on my gravestone.

Hard than a turnbuckle. Yeah. And soon. [music] Faun is new in the out back to school, ring the bell, bandissues, walkin' lures, climb the fence, books and plans, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

The second day when we are gonna be friends.

Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien, it's friend, joined by Sonamusesian and Matt Gourli, still out on a parental leave, has a brand new baby, very excited for him. For his wife Amanda, he's got two girls now, just lovely, and David Hopping, filling in for him, David, good to have you here again. Thank you, happy to be here. Nice to see you. David, you love your reality television, you just love it, yeah. Explain one thing to me, because David loves the show traitors. Yeah, and so I checked out the new season of traitors, because someone I knew was a contestant on the show.

And I just want to see what this is like, and I've seen it before, but I don't know what this strategy is on a show like that. I was watching traitors and I thought, isn't it? They all act like, oh, I'm gonna really practice my wiles and my expertise, and I'm gonna win the game. And I think it's not like chess, it looks like people are just doing stuff, but I don't really see a strategy, and then they get voted off or not. Yeah, it feels kind of random. Am I wrong? You're supposed to like really be like paying attention to people, like to slip up, like if someone is a traitor,

I'm like really watching to see if she messes up and gives me any clue that she's the person going and meeting at night to like kill people in the castle. Well, here's why I watch. I watch because Alan coming saying the word murder. That is what keeps me coming back and he says it. I mean, he must know it's working for him because his outfits are fantastic. They're just wonderful. But and he's he's he's just chew and scenery left and right in the most delicious way, but he manages to say.

Married. Maybe every other sent. Yeah, you know, and and it's, so that's fun. And then people are doing stuff like they're running around and you've got to put this canlope on top of that.

Graves stone. Oh, no, not on that graves stone and it doesn't seem to.

I try to figure out what it's all about and I don't know. I don't watch it.

“What do you, what reality shows you obsessed with, Sonna?”

You know what? I'm not watching reality right now. I'm watching. I'm, I'm in the, I just like, I like corny shows. That's what I do. I'm sorry. That's what that felt me.

He did rivalry. Well, yeah, now I'm watching the new season of Tell Me Life, David and I talked about that. I don't know what that is. Of course you don't. What, how is it, horny? No, it's, it's horny. There's, there's like sexy people sexy.

Yeah. And so I like it. Is it full nudity? Hmm. No, you'd, like, do you see things?

No, no, but just like, it is actually like soft core kind of, not soft core. No, and not, so it's like, with, you know, there's stuff. There's, you could see it, but you can't see it. Yeah. Yeah.

You'd be occasional, but maybe a half-boob. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're getting really into, like, gay. Can you draw what you see?

Oh, my God. Can you just draw it for me? You can watch it. You're an adult man. If you want to watch it, you can.

Sometimes my priest stops by. [laughter] A virtual gaze. Father McNulty. Um.

[laughter] Oh, my God. So, reality shows. Yeah.

“What is your, what's your go-to reality show?”

Is, is it traders or no? I would say big brother than traders, which I know playwatches. And Adam's a man. You're a big brother. I've never, big brother.

I've never, big brother. I like traders too. Yeah.

Here's what I love about big brother, which is it's in a house.

The idea is it's people who are sequester in a house. And they don't get to see another person period. Like, none of the producers they see. All the camera people are behind one way mirrors. And it's watching 18 people slowly lose their mind.

Right. Over the course of the season. Because it the house is very big. And it's made for 18 people. But people get voted out every week.

And it gets down like to like six people in a house full of four 18 people. And they haven't talked to anyone else for like months. It is insane. Would you agree with that assessment, Adam? I would.

I also, there's something really comforting about it. It's on three nights a week during the summer when like a lot of the big sports are off season. Yeah. And it's, it would be considered boring. At times, it's people sitting around whispering like on couches.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just something kind of passive and enjoyable.

It's better than talking to your loved ones or reading a really good moving book. No judgment. Yeah. They also have a thing called Big Brother After Dark. And they have all these camp refeeds.

Or you could just, when they're not on the show, you could just watch them unfiltered. And I used to put those on and work out when they were working out. And that was like so. I would work.

Yeah. But I like I had a friend because I live alone.

“I could just say, first of all, it's just for voyeur as I think.”

And in my day, you had to go out and do your own peeping. And I think that's one of the things we've lost in America is you had to go into someone else's yard. And you had to hang around near the shrubs. And then peaking through their windows and hope that someone was undressing. And that's the kind of stuff that I thought really was the fiber of this country, the backbone.

Yeah. I peeped all through my teens, my 20s, my 30s. I peered occasionally. And those were things that caught me valuable life skills. And now people were just, oh, I don't have to do that.

I don't have to even leave my house. I left my house wandering at night to try and find houses that were brightly lit, where people were possibly undressing, maybe on the first floor. Or if it's on the second floor, I had to go up a drain pipe. This is stuff that taught me to be resilient.

You really had to put the work in. I had to put my heart, my arm and hand strength from climbing up the sides of houses. And then policemen would show up. And it's, hey, we've got a peeper. And then I had to call us.

I had to scurry down and I had to run. And that old cherry top would come after where we were.

“And then it's a peeper, peeper, stand still.”

And I had to run. I had to really run and run and run and run. And then I'd get home. And my mother would say, "How the peepen go?" My mother said, "How the peepen go tonight."

And then saying, "Man, I got chased by the fuzz." And she's like, "Ah, how the fried ham." And so, you know, a chow down. And that was just how things were in my mind. So now we can just put on a paramount bus.

[laughter] You ever do any peeping there? Edward, I'm back in my day.

No, no, no. Never. Never.

No, don't play along. Anyone here want to join me on this peeper? There's only peeper. I'll be peeper. I'd peep to the right. I'd peep to the left.

I was really good. I used to not be able to go to the left, but then I learned how. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you happy for you?

I'm a good peeper. I just love saying peeper now. Mm-hmm. Today's guest, co-creative. Oh, God.

And stars in the MTV Series, Jackass. This guy would appreciate my peeping pass. I know it would. Now you can see him hosting the Fox series Fear Factor House of Fear. And he just announced that a fifth Jackass movie is on the way.

That's good news. Later this year, we're thrilled he's here. [music playing] Johnny Knoxville. Welcome.

[music playing]

I've always been an admirer of yours.

And you have a special place in my heart because in another lifetime, you were on an episode of the late night show that we then decided to turn into claymation.

“And so, and it was an episode where I think you were the first guest”

and you were great. And so, it all happens in claymation later on. And then I think Richard Lewis comes out and starts talking about Jack's penis. Just goes off the rails.

It was wonderful. It was wonderful. When he goes off the rails and at one point I stand, this is in the real show. I stand and I say, walk with me, Johnny, because he's going on this long. He says he saw shex penis and he's describing it and I walk with you.

And I put my armor on your shoulder and you and I walk to the fake window and look out at the fake window. Wow, Richard Lewis is still talking about shex penis. And then this all happened in claymation, which made me so happy because I'm like, walk with me, Johnny, and it's not good claymation.

And David Bowie's there. And I think he was on the couch. I don't know if Richard Lewis starts going off in front of him. I don't remember. Yeah, because that's the first time.

I think maybe the only time I met David Bowie. And it was like, this is one of the best nights. Because after we filmed you're like, wow, that was good. We wanted to do a claymation episode, but we wanted a really great episode that would be visual and funny to see in claymation.

And then that was the episode. We decided, oh, that's not going to get better than that. And then it was so much fun, but there are so many times, the weirdest times. I like to be brushing my teeth and I'll hear, walk with me, Johnny. You and I go into the window to look out.

So weird, but you've always been, you're always an amazing guest and a true

true year, your, your uvra, your work, a real showman, you know. And so I wanted to start with, I don't do this with every guest.

Do you know what I mean?

Just absolutely fascinating.

Why do you do quotations when you said career coming in? I'm including myself in there too. No, I've, no one sets out to have a career the way that you have. And it's, I just think there's so much that's brilliant about it. And, and then you're so effing likeable, you know, and you've, so you, you ride that all

“along too, that is kind of your, I think your secret sauce.”

But how does one even begin to become a Johnny Knoxville? Well, you don't go to college. That's for sure. [laughter] And you get on the 10 West.

[laughter] Okay, step one, if you're listening, don't go to college. Then get on the 10 West. Yeah.

And you're, you're fast, fast, you're in disaster.

That's how you do it. And you started making these videos on your own, right? This is, we're going back to what in the late 90s. Yes, what happened was, honestly, I moved out to Los Angeles to become an actor. Just two months or maybe a month after high school.

Yeah, I didn't do a lot, you know, right, for five, six years. And then my then girlfriend got pregnant. And I'm like, oh, I have to do something quick, because I, that's the most frightened I've ever been, because I had a little girl on the way. And I'm waiting tables.

And I'm like, I got to do something quick. So, I was living next to Anne Tuan Fuqua in this duplex. And he set me up with this casting agent who got me a commercial agent. And I started writing for magazines. And my, like, my version of a participatory journalism, like honorist Thompson.

“Yeah, I was like, how about if I, when my first articles was that?”

How about if I test self defense equipment on myself?

I was, I was just, that was my best guess at how to support a family. And it was all out of fear of how to support a little girl. Honestly, I think you described that leap as if it's an honest, uh, natural progression. You know, well, a kid's on the way. And I better, you know, start to get serious here.

It's time to tell self defense equipment yourself. Time to shoot myself in the chest while wearing a bulletproof vest. It worked. Yeah. So you start doing it.

And then you start making videos. Well, when the only magazine, a few magazines around town wanted that. But none of them, they wanted treated as a negative pick-up. Come see us after you're done. And then we'll, the only magazine who would help me, like, by the stun gun,

the taser gun, I, I bought the bulletproof vest with money. My mom gave me for Christmas that year. Was the editor of Big Brother magazine, Jeff Tremaine, who is now the director of Jack S. And he had a skateboarding magazine owned by Larry Flint.

That's in Jim Wright before I was writing. I said, how about if I write the article in Jeff goes, why don't you film it at the same time? And they, for our skate video, I'm like, okay. And that's what happened.

And of course, I went to the, he's like, I'll have to meet Rico with you to film it who is now the director of photography of Jack S. And I pull up that morning. And I'm like, get in. And he goes, uh, here's the camera.

This is play. This is pause. It's got film in it. I'm like, you're not shooting it. He's like, I don't know.

He, because there's a gun involved. He didn't want to be there. Nobody wanted to be there. Nobody wants to be there. Yeah.

“So that's why the camera works so shaky with that.”

So you start making these things. And then you get a chance to make a show for MTV. And I didn't know this at the same moment that you have this deal to make a show and you're about to make the show. I didn't know where you get this offer from Laura Michaels.

It's Saturday night life. Yeah. And I never heard that. Nothing was happening in my life like two or three months before. You know, I mean, I have wonderful things with the family and the kid.

But professionally, nothing. And then it's like, I have a TV show. We're about to shoot the pilot for MTV. And then, like you said, Lauren Michaels comes calling. And we go meet at the polo lounge at the Beverly Hills hotel where fear and

lowling be did begin. And it was a lot, you know, because I had no gigs before this. And he's offering me a spot like five minutes on Saturday night live each week. Not to do characters and things like that. But do what I do like make a video each week.

And it was a, I had just, I really seriously considered it. But I ended up thinking, I would go on there. I'm not going to have any creative control whatsoever.

where I have all the control and I'd rather bed on us than enter into that. And would probably, I'd been lucky to be on Saturday night live. But I chose that. No, I mean, obviously, you certainly didn't make the wrong move there. And you got to be the master of your own universe by doing jackass as opposed to being a small piece of a show where you have very less.

Sometimes we're not going to air your piece tonight. It didn't make it or, you know, we're going to hold on to that. Or so, so that was the right thing to do. Well, I didn't think so when the pilot, while we're shooting the pilot, it got shut down.

And I'm the old man, we're canceled. This is not even making it to the air now. I was in shutdown.

“We were filming a bit in West Hollywood at this hardware store, which I think is a restaurant now.”

Now, Laurel Hardware, it's both. You can get hardware and food. Great, great. And I'm the steak tartar and the rake of the rake as well. And I walked in.

My face was all dirty and a prison orange jumpsuit. And I was handcuffed. And I was trying to get them to help me solve the handcuffs all the way. They cleared out the place. Everyone's scared.

And I realized at one point, I'm out there on the saw section. And there's not even my camera man or around. Like, well, shit. I love your, you're doing your committing to the bit. And there's no camera.

At one point, I'm so in, and it goes, right? Oh, my wrist.

“And it was very close to, like, so then I heard the cops coming.”

I'm like, well, I better get outside because that's where the cameras are. And I run outside. And the ride is, like, three or four car loads of cops are pulling up.

And the first lady on the scene, she gets out of her car.

It tells me, get on the ground. And I abide by what she's saying. But she didn't put her car in park and it runs right into a telephone. Telephone, phone, phone, front of me. And I'm on the ground.

You can even go, oh no. Because now, now they're mad. And, you know, TV couldn't shoot in Hollywood for over 10 years after that. Because we didn't have a permit. We didn't know you permitted to shoot these things.

You didn't have a permit? We didn't know what a permit was. It's so fantastic. You know, you are giving credence to this idea that I've had for a long time, which is that if a camera's going, I will do things that I won't do otherwise.

And so in a jackass kind of way, I have always, if there's a camera rolling,

I'll say, and there's a potential for people to be laughing. Yes. And it, for it to be recorded. I will do things that otherwise, I'd say, oh no, I'd rather not. I eat bugs.

I mean, we'll talk about fear factor. But all the stuff you guys do in fear factor, I lose common sense. If I think there's a potential that people would see it in the laugh. But you're talking about situations where you're invoking the police are coming. People have guns.

And they can very justifiably say a guy in orange jumpsuit came running out of the hardware store. And I discharge my weapon. And then it's like, oh, that's too bad for that guy making a pilot.

“Well, that's what the lady told me afterwards.”

The female policeman, she goes, if you would have just moved a few inches while you were on the ground. I was going to get away. Put a bullet in your ear. And I'm like, well, I'm glad I kind of just laid there. Yeah. And I said, is this the weirdest call you ever had?

And they said, no, one time a guy was on PCP at the top of a palm tree. Uh, but naked and slid all the way down. Yes. Oh. Which we tried to convince one of the cast guys to do, but no one was up for it.

That is either extremely painful or an erotic thrill. No. No. Okay. But the laughter thing you're talking about.

I don't know how to write to make, like, wow, what would America think's funny? That would make me freeze. But so with Jackass, if I only know how to make my friends laugh. And if they're laughing, yes, probably we're good. If they're not laughing, we're probably shooting again.

There's Jackass itself.

And it's not always you doing this non-sobviously.

You get your friends so that you can, it seems to me like distribute the pain in injury.

So that it's, you know. And it's a huge sensation. And then Jackass, the movie. I remember seeing that and just being, because I remember thinking, how they do this now. Because, you know, the TV show has so many sort of iconic moments.

How do you do a movie? And I thought you guys made great decisions when you made that movie. Oh, thank you. You know, and I don't know it because you up the any a little bit, but you also have, like, production. And, you know what I mean? It's not just the show. It's sort of on steroids and more presentational.

“I don't know, what was the thinking behind the movie?”

Well, the thinking behind the movie was we did, they called it three seasons of Jackass. But it was 24 episodes and over a series of nine, 10 months. And we had an unfortunately a couple of copycat incidences. And it was an election year in Joseph Lieberman came down on Hollywood. That was his big platform and me personally and MTV because of that.

Yeah. So it became impossible to do Jackass, right? We had all these safety OSHA guys on the set. You can't jump off anything more than four feet. And I felt like this doesn't feel right.

What we do is really silly, right? But it means something to me. So I'm like, I think this is the end. And so I gave an interview to my hometown newspaper and said, I quit. Yeah.

And everyone was kind of surprised because I just went rogue. So there was a lot of heat back and forth. MTV was upset because I was under contract, yada yada yada. A lot of back and forth.

And finally, a move idea for a movie was floated in Jeff and Spike came and means, well,

how about we still a movie instead? I'm like, like, the idiot. I am like, what? Who's going to play us? And they're like, no, no.

Yeah. Yes. And there's a lot of stuck in the love story. A naughty version of the TV show. I'm like, okay, got it.

You know, so that I was a little confused as I often am. But I felt like there was a time when South Park made a movie. And I thought, well, this traditionally when TV shows make a movie for many years, it was the rule that it's a bad idea. You know what I mean?

Justin and Kelly. Okay.

Almost always a bad idea.

That's the first one that popped into your head. Justin and Gary was just here. I'm not the butchist guy to come along a lot. Well, anyway, great pull, by the way. But you know, I remember like South Park made a movie and it turned out like, oh, yes.

Excellent. And then you guys made a movie and it felt like this time when people were making the right call. And it was actually translating. I think I'm curious.

“You know, I think about there was whatever 30 years or 28 years there where I was doing a show.”

And always saying yes to things because I thought it would be funny. And I got tossed by a water buffalo once and fell onto. Up into the air and fell on to hard concrete and it was. Wow. I jumped on a water buffalo when that was not what I was supposed to do.

And all my common sense went away. And I think about that all the time, now I'm thinking about your life where you have a montage playing in your head of things you did, where probably halfway through you thought this is a terrible idea, but I'm going to do it anyway. Well, it's like this is a terrible idea. I'm so glad I'm doing it.

We're about to get footage.

And by the way, I've always wanted to get hit by a water buffalo.

So I'm envious. I'm sitting there like. I'm glad that you look up to me that way.

“So are there things that stand out to you now that you are this silver-haired wise, you know, Patricia?”

Are there things that stand out to you now we go like, "Oh my God, that was a terrible idea." I don't know. Do you have any regrets at all? Like, I wish I hadn't done not one. Well, yeah, I mean, we've been going back looking through some old bits and you're like, "Oh, that, that." But not like anything for my physical safety just because, you know, they all can't be hits.

[laughter] So then I'm like, "Oh, man, we just even watching the first movie. It's almost, first Jack has movie. It's so tame into what it became."

And which, but I don't regret any that is just what it was.

And like, watching myself do pranks. And I just, I watch it and just go, "Why did I do that?"

“Course of action. Why couldn't I have pivoted into that?”

Yeah, we all do that. Just like to beat myself up. Yeah, we all do that. Look at past work we've done and have regrets. But for you it might be, um, why did I light myself on fire?

Well, I mean, the two sides are the tube cone. And I can't do anything about it now. So, yeah, I'm all right with everything. That's good. Are you in pain? Do you walk around in constant pain?

Eee sometimes, but I'm not... It's not even a joke. I'm not really in touch with my body. So I can just kind of deal with whatever. Yeah. I just, funny you say that because my least favorite question is if I go to a doctor

or something and they say, "Now, how does it feel?"

And I go, "I don't know. I just want to get to the grave." Yeah, I hate when they're telling me, you know, or whatever. You get a massage and they're like, "Now, how does this feel?" I go, "I don't know. To be alone. I'm trying to get through life."

You know what I mean? I have that kind of feeling. And so when you said that, I was electrified. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. I did this to myself.

So what am I going to do? Yeah, I'm not going to complain to anyone. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah, that's true. I hadn't thought of that.

Most people that walk around like, "Oh, man, my hip." What happened? Well, just all those years of working at the plant. And for you, it's, well, I strapped myself to a rocket. You know, I had it fired into a concrete wall.

You know, like Wiley Coyote. Yeah. And it's hard to be like, "Oh, man, that's tough." Yeah, what happened? I know exactly what happened.

We have six cameras. I can prove it. Wow. Yeah, it's incredible. It's so interesting to me to that you've referenced Hunter S. Thompson a couple of times.

Sometimes I had the honor of getting to interview twice. Yeah. And, and your interest early on in writing. Do you know what I mean? These are, I, those are things that I feel very connected to.

And Hunter S. Thompson was someone who put his entire, himself and his body and his sanity. He poured it all into his work. Yeah. And it's, it's fascinating to me that in a way you are in that vein.

Do you know what I mean? You're, you're, you're saying, okay, here's my body. And I'm going to put all of it into what I do. And it's going to go through this, this grinder. But that's, that is my work.

Yeah.

“This is, that was my best guess, you know, honestly.”

And I love Hunter. You know, I, like, two books kind of change my life early on, like on the road. Yeah. Yeah. We're in a bar with my cousin and he hands me the book.

I just, I didn't know people lived like that. Yeah. And it was, you know, I'm small town in Tennessee. Everyone lives there, stays there. And, and then I read fear and low thing in Las Vegas when I was 19.

And I felt like I didn't know anyone could write like this. And be so free. And after that, I, I was useless. You know, it's like my, my half was set, I guess. That's so funny.

Those are time in your life. I think I had just moved out to LA 22. And I'm just only reading, you know, fear and low thing books. Yeah. And it just spoke to me.

Not that I, it, my life matched that in any way. But it takes you over in a way that, you know, it my age now. I don't know that it would. I'd like it. But it wouldn't, it wouldn't inhabit me the same way.

And like in actuality, if you're living like that, or your friends living like that, it's so fucking exhausting to be around. I mean, Steve, oh, he was off the rails. Yeah. Just doing the worst drugs.

You can get your hands on PCP. She was those as nitrous canisters. There would be, it would be a sea of nitrous canisters at his feet. And it was exhausting. I mean, he'll tell you it was exhausting.

But I mean, now he's like, he's doing great. He's been sober for well over. We put him away in 2008, so 17 years. It's incredible. Good for him.

Yeah.

“So I mean, people ask me, well, would you say something about a bravery?”

I'm like, that's, that's bravery. Like he has to face that dragon every morning. Yeah. And he does. And he's, he's doing great.

And I'm really proud of him. It is the most impressive thing. Yeah.

I see people do is, you know, and it's just amazing that you can give yourself another chapter like that.

Maybe I do have high viscous tea.

It takes you four seconds to stand in front of a bowl. But he has to do something like this. Yeah. He has to face bowls. Yeah.

All day long. Yeah.

“Do you ever get when you're with all those guys and you guys together are together?”

Do you ever have the thing of guys keep it down? You know, it's, it's, it's, you know what I mean? We're not that anymore. Keep it down. I don't want to make too much noise tonight or I got to get to bed.

It's 9.15. I don't even, I wouldn't even know how to go about trying to quiet them down. You know, you can try to tranquilize that. Yeah. I think everyone becomes worse in those situations.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I would do that. Well, here we go. Though we get that when the cameras are off, especially early on, it was way worse than when the cameras are on.

Is that true? Oh, it was, yeah. Very, they're very excitable. [ Laughter ] It's like you're talking about Gremlins.

[ Laughter ] Don't get them wet, you know? Yeah. Don't get them wet with whiskey because they're very excitable. [ Laughter ]

“It's funny you brought out safety coordinators or people that are there to make sure that everyone's behaving properly.”

Yeah. The times that I've been on a set where I had to do the most tame thing. Literally the most tame thing. Like, go through the ceiling of the show the office and land on a desk. It's just like three feet below me on Dwight Truth's desk.

And just, it's just like a little drop down at the time I'm doing it. I'm 40 and I'm just throwing myself around all the time because I'm a big kid. And someone's there like, let's talk. I know. This is, let's walk through this.

Now, we're going to hold your body in six different places. And slowly, yeah. [ Laughter ]

You gotta buy me dinner first.

[ Laughter ] And then they're gonna slowly, and then we've made the desk, kind of a special foam, and I'm like, guys, I grew up in a big family. Yeah. And all we did was toss each other off of staircases.

Yeah. And that is my way of, you know, most times I have a comedy idea. The first thing I want to do is pretend to punch somebody. And then I'm thrown through a glass window. Yes.

I like that kind of stuff.

“And I think I, I am not body aware in the way that I'm going to do something.”

Still, at some point, because I just think I'm having fun and being funny, and I'm goofing around and I'm going to forget that I'm 85. You still hold it. Is, are you guys picking, are you auditioning for me? Yes, I am.

Yes, I am. Why, I have to say I am, and it's going to run. [ Laughter ] You know what? I would do it.

But it's just him falling out of bed. No, I think I would do it, yeah. Yes. A big stunt for me is behaving myself in a crowded theater. No, I swear to God, there is a wishful film with me.

That's why I'm, I get so excited. And I used to, obviously, a big fan of yours. And the stuff that you guys were doing, and there was,

there's always been part of me.

It's funny to me, it's the Yin and the Yang. I am very cerebral and cautious. And all of those things, and then there's the flip side of it, where I kind of like it where I'm not in control. It's a relief from the other guy.

Yeah, yeah, I'm cautious with my kids, right? Yeah. Oh, but so funny. I was like a total helicopter parent when they were little. Like, I'm the guy underneath the...

That's hilarious. The monkey bar is trying to make sure they don't fall. Just you lecturing at 19-year-olds. Now listen. I want you to have your head strapped on right tonight.

And you have, like, you have an anti-iron sticking through your skull. A bicycle? Are you kidding me? A bicycle? No way.

You're going to wear seven helmets. I love all of that. Yeah. That's fantastic. I did, you know.

Well, I want to tell you, we had... They let me watch the new fear factor. They gave us a link to it. And I was really enjoying it. And I have to say, getting you as the host was a...

It was a stroke of genius on somebody's part. Yes. I'm very happy. I had a lot of fun, but... I mean, it's not too much of a pivot from what Jack asks was.

Except if I can't go at these people, like I do, my... You're dealing with civilians. Yes. These people have pride. [laughter]

Sensitive. Sensitive self-esteem. [laughter] They want to live in society. [laughter]

They can use tools to make other tools. They hunt and gather. Walk on the train legs. Yeah. [laughter]

Yeah. So they...

“No, it's fun because I also love that you get to be around it.”

And it's really fun that they're doing all of this stuff. And you're there wearing one of these fantastic, like, polo sweaters. Oh, thank you. My wife was my costumer, Emily. It's...

But you're always there, like, "Ah, ha ha."

Enjoy. And you become the Ricardo Montoban on fantasy. [laughter] It's like... You don't have to break a sweat.

And you're, like, all of you get into the giant meat grinder. [laughter] And you're there. You don't even... It feels like you've really earned the right to be that guy.

Yeah, it's fun. So, you know, when people display fear in an entertaining manner, I'm here for it. [laughter] And I thought I was going...

I first got the gig. I'm like, "Oh, man, I'm really going to make their life hell." Yeah. And I got excited, and that's never good. But then as I got closer, I'm like, "Well, these are...

These... they're different." You know, and... There's money at stake, and they're trying... And these people actually do have phobias. Yep.

So I was like, "Maybe I'm... I just felt more natural to kind of help them through it."

Right. But I should give 'em hell. But mostly, I enjoy both things. It sounds to me like you've started to develop empathy. [laughter]

I did. I even teared up a couple of times in the show. It's like, "Cause you see these reality shows that people are... The cry. I'm like, "Everyone's fine.

What are you crying about? You just met this person." I can't feel my legs in your crying days ago. But then, a few people left the show. I'm like, "I don't know.

I spent too much time around my mother. That's very nice." Well, I'm curious, if...

“Do you ever get asked to like come back and speak at your high school or something?”

And it's... Do you want to mean 'cause it's a strange thing to get it? Because you've been extremely successful and iconic. And now, we'd like you to speak to these young people. To these young people.

I can antivalent. Exactly. Do as I did. Where's what I find in the show? That's true, college.

Yeah. Don't go to college. Fire and nail gun into your anus. [laughter] It doesn't have bad.

That's good. Oh, I could be a writer. If you guys will let me be in the new jackass movie. Oh, well, that's true. I will be a writer.

Has anyone ever... God. Fire and hot lava. Get to their Eurethra. Lava from Mount Etna.

[laughter] You guys like Conan? No. It wouldn't work. It would evaporate the tissue around it.

No, okay. I'll keep working on it. Yeah. I come in with really giant glass. I'll keep working.

Conan, I'm just spitball in here, but... [laughter]

No, I have never been invited to speak before...

I love high school college or... Yeah. You know, and I don't blame him. No, no, no. Well, I think you'd be a great...

They should. They should. They're missing out on a great speech. So, I also was telling you... I'm obsessed with the new fear factor house.

Because... There's... Reality shows always take place in a house. It's always... Similar looking house.

Yeah. I don't care. This house is a house that's absolutely stunning. And it looks like the richest man in the world lives there. And he's got taste.

Yeah. It's like beautiful. This house is where is it? It's in West Vancouver. Yeah.

It is a beautiful place. They have all these shots of it. And I just keep thinking about... I want to be on the show as a contestant. Because I really want to try this lava thing.

You can't do that on your own. I know. And trust me, I have. It's getting the lava hot enough. It's a problem.

But I also... I just... I love that house. Well, they do celebrity jeopardy. What about some celebrity fear factor at some point? Yeah.

I love that. Oh, yeah. Damed Judy Denskin. Shot out of a cannon. [laughter]

You know? I was trying to convince the show traders. I'm like, we should have a jackass traders. Oh, oh.

“Because all the things that you need to possess to be good in that show.”

None of us have. And it will be physically attacking each other. Yeah. I love that thing. You go into a show where there's strategy and psychology.

But you just start firing nail guns. No one is going to want to walk down to breakfast and open the door. Yeah. You know what? No one's going to want to touch the door handle.

It's... The genius behind... I mean, Alan coming, watching Alan coming say "mode". Is the whole... I watched that show just for his costumes are fantastic.

And then, but no, you, fear factor coming into other shows.

Yeah. And I think, you know, like password. You know, just just like it. Yeah. No, a jeopardy.

Yeah.

“You know, just shows where it's very intelligent shows where people have to kind of use their streets.”

Their knowledge. But you guys are just smashing everything. You can really amp it up for the celebrity fear factor. Because these people know what they're getting into and they're in the business. So, just hand me a pen in a piece of paper.

And yeah, I can... That would be fun. Just writing bits. Okay. I will... I'll produce this with you.

Yes, yes. Yeah. I'll take very little money. And by very little, I mean, 80 percent. Yes.

That'll be my biggest stunt. That's getting... It's doing a fear factor show with you in getting most of the money. That'll be... That'll be a pain like anything you've ever felt before.

Well, that may come into price. [laughter] No, I don't target. I can only target my... The Jackass guys.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a trust... Obviously, there's such a trust and there's real friendship there. I've had...

In a couple of times, I targeted a friend that was not part of... The civilian wasn't. And it just hurt his feelings.

I'm never going to do that again.

Isn't that the worst? Yeah. Yeah, that was... It is interesting you bring that up because they always say it's always... You know, it's funny until someone gets hurt.

And I always think... It's actually when someone's feelings get hurt. Yeah. I... This is the bottom falls out for me.

Unless the person is pure evil and deserves to have hurt feeling. But other than that, the times I've done... Any time I've done something and it got back to me. I don't know. Someone heard that joke.

And they were sad. I'm like, "Oh, man, that's the worst." It sucks the air out of the room. And then you feel... I just like, "I'm a monster."

And it was... I was doing things that... Not even like a one-tenth of what I do to the guys. But still, I was like, "Okay, I'm not going to target anyone else." I can, you know, save it for my fellas.

And now Rachel Wilson. Yeah. When is the next movie coming out? June 26th. Okay.

Yeah. And are you doing any stunts in the new one? Or do they cut to a dummy? Well, I mean... Well, I mean...

I always cut to a dummy. Um... I can... I can do stunts. I just can't do anything where I get another concussion.

Because I... How many of you had? 16. So... Do you know who I am right now?

Yes, Andy. [laughter] I don't care about a broken armor or ankle. But it just can't have any more concussions. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's a wise course of action. And I feel like I did my thing. Yeah. And I don't feel like I'm missing anything, so...

That's good. Yeah. I mean, if I saw you in the shower, I wouldn't be horrified. There's not a--

“Oh, well, I think you probably would be.”

[laughter] My god! [laughter] I didn't know it could be so small. [laughter]

[laughter] There's just like a big piece of torso missing. And you don't even notice it any. You keep like a little knick knacks in there. You keep humble figurines and a little alarm clock in there.

[laughter] Pull my arm off to get my back. [laughter] Hey, Conan. Hey, thanks a lot.

Okay, this thing's great. I love it. [laughter] So, what is your now commitment to the fear factor show? You're waiting to see?

Yeah, I guess it comes out tomorrow. Yeah. 14th. Yeah, it's really fun. Thank you.

And yeah, I'm hoping-- I had so much fun. I'm hoping they pick it up, so. It seemed to do good on the sneak preview on Sunday. The only thing that--

There's a lot of stuff that doesn't-- I don't worry about, but insects creep me out. You know?

And I don't think I have a phobia about it, but I just always--

“A hairy spider to me is like the worst thing in the world.”

Like a tarantula. And a rack near that has hair. Yeah. It creeps me out. And the idea of--

But then again, if I was on camera, and there was a studio audience there, and people were laughing, and I knew they had really laugh. If I went for it, I'd pick one up. And start licking it.

As it stung my tongue and filled me with a heart-paralyzing venom. And I'd love to care and go, Daddy likes his gongam juice. And then I would die. You know, the thing about those hairy spiders is the hair gets in your eyes,

and it feels like a spest dose. What are you talking from experience? No, it's-- you just can't get it-- It can't get it off of you.

I can bring up anything to you.

And you're like, "Here's the thing."

About a rhino horn in your ass. Yeah. It's fun. You don't know. The horn is kind of waxy.

And then you can't get the wax out of your ass. Like anything I bring up, you're going to skip-- You know, it's funny. The bulls horns are very dirty. And that's when people get gorged before penicillin.

That was kind of it for them. Now they have been to cylinder. And you can get gorged pretty much. Oh, you want to do everything. [LAUGHTER]

There's one man to door. I can't remember his name. He's been gorged like 63 times. It's crazy. When he gets a drink at a bar, all this--

[LAUGHTER] Oh, this bit in the world, but I love it. I'm fine. Look, look, look.

He's my favorite man to door hands down.

But you know, it's funny.

“I think of a germaphobic madadour as a really funny idea.”

He's like, he doesn't mind getting gorged, but he keeps trying to use a wet wipe on the horn. [LAUGHTER] His cape is a big wet wipe. [LAUGHTER] Yeah.

It's like, it's kind of less cool. There you go. I don't care. You got to wipe the bulls horns and horse before he gets in the ring with them. Well, this has been a blast.

It's been really fun. And I really enjoy you on the new fear factor. And I just love talking to you. Thank you. You're just an infinitely charming fellow.

And congrats on the new movie coming out and that you're thriving. It's just really-- and that you're well. You're happy, you're here. Yeah. You're able to move about.

Oh, yes. After I finished the last jacket, I was so happy. I'm still walking. I'm good. Yeah.

But thank you.

You've always been so kind to me.

Oh my god, you're kidding? I'm a big fan. And thanks so much for doing it. I really appreciate it. Oh, one lesson.

You were talking about all these safety guys when you're shooting something. You got to get really shady safety guys. [LAUGHTER] Our safety guys are the shady-- It's just a little tip before I go.

So there's no union. Oh, no. But our alligator expert, Mandy, who dives in swamps at night with the minors light and pulls alligators up from the bottom. She's a wonderful man.

He is Tarzan. But he's our safety guy when we work with alligators. And so you know, you filmed those safety meetings before. And they're like, OK, Mandy, tell us what's the plan here. He goes, well, Steve O will be in there with an alligator and if the alligator bites him.

Hopefully he will let go. All right, let's shoot. So that's good. You need a very shady guy who probably wasn't a safety guy a month ago. You need a pretty good safety guy.

OK, I am sitting here with Son of a Session. Yeah. And normally, now, I'd say Matt Gorley, but he is out on maternity leave. He's a man. He's a man.

I don't-- I'm going to stick with what I said. Oh, you're going to-- you're going to double down it. Yeah, he's on maternity leave. OK. He got his knickers in a twist.

He's out. He had a beautiful baby girl. Yes. And now, and very happy for him, filling in for him is David Hopping. Now, this is a rare occasion where both of my assistants are sitting here with me.

You've got Son of a assistant since 2009. Yeah.

“And David Hopping, what did you really take over as my full-time assistant?”

Well, 2021? 2021? Yeah, that's right. OK. So you've both assisted me.

And I thought this is a great time to ask you guys some pretty blunt questions. Oh. And you have to be honest. No, seriously. You have to be honest.

OK. Maybe we don't have to try to protect your feelings. No. Because we tried that all the time. I mean, I think this was a good chance to know more about me.

I am not in the least bit defensive. I'm hoping to look. Yeah. OK. I'm like a 30 minute segment.

I'm curious. Son of what was your least favorite thing to do for me? Whoa. The least favorite thing that when I asked you to do it, you really do it. Do you apologize?

Is that one? Can I say apologize? When you--

“When I messed up and you were just like, can you just feel bad about not doing something right?”

Because you wouldn't do it. I know, that's your thing. But no, I think-- No, wait. We'll say you screwed something up.

Which didn't happen a lot. I mean, it did. We made jokes. But I got things done. Yeah, you got things done.

But when things would go terribly wrong. And I would say, oh, come on, Son of. You'd say, yep, that happened. And you would just go out ahead. All right.

And so I would sometimes-- I'm just being honest. I would try to get you to apologize or say you feel badly about it and you wouldn't. I know. Okay, here's-- you know what? So that's a good answer.

That's okay. But also, I'm trying to think of things I did regularly that I was just like, every time you would ask me to do, I'd be like, oh, God. Yeah. And you know what?

“Honestly, I can't think of anything where I might need some time with it.”

Because I-- You liked shaving my back? Oh, God. You enjoyed that? Oh, God.

Because I didn't think you would. I would put that out there. I don't want people to think that was going to happen. Whatever happened. You had the longest shaver in the world.

She was on the end of a poll like that. Oh, yeah. She would be maybe 35 yards away from me. Like those gripper things? I was horribly cut up.

So whenever you do that, because you were often on your phone while you were doing it. I know. I think that you're not a very high maintenance person. I don't think so. I don't think you're high maintenance.

But now we switch it over to David. What do you not like to do for me or it's kind of a drag? Be honest. I mean, let's see. Where do I start?

No, I don't know what I-- Sorry. I just remember. I don't know if you have this, too. There's times when there's something you ask us to do that we--

“I think we know you can just do on your own.”

Yeah. And then I lived in Pasadena and you'd be like, can you just come to my house at night in the morning to help me with this thing? And I'd be like, you know how to do that. Yeah.

But now I had to be traffic for an hour and a half. It was usually how do I read my email? Uh-huh. Or how do I get into Netflix? Yeah.

You can never get into Netflix.

Now in my defense. In my defense, it's very hard to get on to Netflix. Yeah. I mean, next to impossible. You have to make a brain surgeon.

Although, I do want to say, I think I got hired because of things so that I don't want to do like writing the errands and things as why I even-- That's true. That's true. Yeah.

My various creams and bombs, went missing so many creams and bombs. And bombs, saves. Yeah. Immolience. Yeah.

Jels. Yeah. So I'm grateful for that. I know. And it was job security.

Like, you know. When did I get one? Oh, and this is to do that. I got it. You have an assistant that is the end.

That is nationwide search. That is the end of days. I think, yes, the tech stuff. I'm constantly-- I don't belong. I should not be living in this century.

It's like I'm-- I'm an 18th or 19th century man. I-- I think I would have been uncomfortable in the 19th century. Because they'd be like, hey, can you pull that crank and make that steam power thing work? I cannot do it. We don't have to drive to you.

His witchcraft. Talk to my assistant in the Pasadena. Pasadena? No one lives there. That's not inhabited yet.

Oh, my God. Look, in my defense, I-- I'm poor technology. Yeah. And so, yes, I think that's probably the worst is when I call you up and say, I don't know how to take a picture with my phone and then send it to someone.

It's not bad. Which you've done a million.

“But sometimes you're in your head so much about something you have to do,”

that you do forget very basic things.

This is something that Sona was really on top of she would always say.

I don't think to be fair, I don't think I would make you drive from Pasadena to my house. You didn't do it often. No. There were times when I had to have to be there. I didn't know what I was making a sandwich if the bread goes on top.

You forgot how a sandwich works? Yeah. And I needed you to be here to show me. So I was like, get here. Well, yeah, and also I liked going to your house.

Yeah. It's fun there. It's pretty nice. All those portraits of me. The statues in the yard.

Yeah. I love seeing that stuff. Yeah. Me on my back naked. Oh, God.

Oh, God. I saved the back of my statue. So, you know, so crazy is that I would call you Sona. And I would say, I can't do this. And you would say, yes, you can.

You have a phobia about it. Yeah. But it's very intuitive. And you would coach me. And I would realize that I'm very tech phobic.

And I will think, I can't do this.

This isn't something I could ever figure out in a million years.

And because of you, I do try a lot now. Before I call anybody, I try to see if I could figure it out. Yeah. And then when blue foam starts coming out of my device. I know it's time to get David on the hook.

I'm really proud of you. He learned how to put things in his calendar on his own. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're doing it. Yeah.

Oh, good job, bud. Think we're talking about a one-legged turtle. Had one-legged turtle.

I'll take it. All right.

This is a serious question.

Yeah. Would you, if my life was in danger, would you put yourself between me and the danger, Sona? You know what? Like, would I sacrifice myself for you?

Yeah. Would you sacrifice your life for mine? I probably would have before I had kids. Now I won't. Now, but I honestly, they were fired.

Oh. No, but I mean, I was going to say, that's crazy. Well, no, but I also-- What do you mean before I had kids? I know, I'm not like secret service.

I'm going to jump in front of a bullet for you. But I think that I would have-- I think that the-- And I don't know if you feel this too. But the need to protect you and make sure you are good is more so within

the two of us than these than a lot of people. Yes. I give you a lot of credit for that because all joking aside, there were times when I was on tour in 2010.

“I remember, I think I was in Eugene, Oregon and we did a show”

and afterwards I said, hey, everybody meet me at this. Like, there was a sculpture or something of a big red wagon. Because everybody met me there and I really went there because I wanted to be kind of like an Andy Kaufman happening. And there was a huge crowd there and you were with me.

But then it was just so many people and it took-- He had sucked into this crowd. He had sucked into this massive crowd and then I saw you later back at the hotel and you were freaked out and you were mad at me. You were like, I didn't know how to protect you.

And I said, you don't-- that's not your job in this situation. Yes. I know, but that's my job in this situation.

But you're a very-- yeah, you've always-- look, all joking aside.

I love you and you've always been-- you take really good care of me. Yeah. David, not so much. Ah, there it is. Here we go.

We were in New York and you cut your head open. Excuse me. Are you finally-- what are you doing back here? Oh, sorry. What the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? I'm getting all the-- I'm getting all the ads ready for you. Yeah. You're not doing that right now?

Yeah. I keep trying to remove paper from people. Sorry. Goryle was doing it the other day.

“And now you are-- I think you're putting your thesis together.”

I-- I-- I realize you were at Princeton. I shouldn't have done this outside. Would you drop it on the floor right now? Drop it. Oh.

Good. Damn. I'm sorry about that. I'm looking-- I'm trying to talk to you guys. And he's over here.

He's not going to jump in a front of a bull for real. I guess what? I wish you would. Yeah. Because I'm hiring that guy now.

He's the one who's going to shoot you. Yeah. He's going to shoot me and jump in. And all your papers will come on. I'm on it.

Okay. Here we go. What are you saying? I was going to say we were in New York at like one or two trips to go. And you-- I get a text from Liza that you cut your head open.

Mm-hmm. And I ran to a CVS and got you all the medicine, all the band aids. You did. And you did. So that's-- I don't know where I'm going to go.

I know what I did. Yeah. I walked into like a low-hanging lamp because I'm a freak. Yeah. That's not meant for people of your head.

No. They like hung a lamp and they thought, don't worry. 99.9% of the people won't hit this lamp with the rusty corner. Yeah. Yeah.

I slammed into it and there was blood shooting everywhere. It was like bruised. Yeah. But you did go get a bunch of pulses. I got everything CVS.

There is treatments, herbs, remedies. It was-- but would you, let's say, the moment comes down to it. And it's my life for yours. Would you make the ultimate sacrifice? This is a crazy question.

You know what? This should have been in the interview. [LAUGHTER] Would you?

“I think that we really won't know until it happens.”

No, okay. Yeah. That's a good idea. It'll be a game-time decision. Yeah.

You just gave me your answer. [LAUGHTER] What cafe are both of you working in here? Yeah. You know what?

I think one of-- we do need to stay behind to let lies and know you died. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. This is so dark. Yeah. But you're right.

You're right. And you know what? You'll both be chopping on sandwiches when you call it. [LAUGHTER] Anyway.

Yeah, you didn't make it. But it's really bad. And no, no. No, no. I want humans on the side.

Oh, okay. Homeless. Homeless. I said it correctly.

I-- but why-- why is it always homeless?

You need a lot of homeless. I do like-- I do like it. I mean, sometimes you don't even have homeless, but you have it in your pockets. And you have homeless on you at all times.

I wish. I really wish. I wish it was like a bowl when I was just dipping pita tips in it all the time. Listen, you guys are both fantastic.

I will say that. I'll deny it. I'm glad this isn't being recorded. Oh. You're both fantastic.

Oh, why are we recording these? And let's get back to play shuffling papers. Noisily off camera so that my ads are in the right order when I read them 20 minutes after we end this recording.

Thanks. Both of you. Godspeed. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

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Produce by me. Mac poorly.

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