Staff Review With Laurie Kilmartin

- Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started. - Okay, in the past, this slot has usually been a time

when I would talk to fans around the world, but today's a little different. I'm gonna talk to someone who's definitely not a fan of mine. (laughing) No, we've been doing this lately,

and I'm really enjoying it. The Oscars are coming up soon, as we tape this,

“it's, I think it's about three weeks away.”

And we've been working very hard, I'm working with an incredible team of writers, many of them I've worked with for a long time, and I've been having them come upstairs and chat with me a little bit, and it's been really fun.

And that continues today with Laurie Kilmarton. Laurie, thank you for coming on out. - Oh, I hope it continues today. - Yes, yes, that's it. You're out.

(laughing) - No, Laurie. - It was ready, it was fun. (laughing) Get back down there.

Laurie, you are an incredible stand-up comedian, and you've worked with me for a long time,

and always an incredible job,

and worked with me on the Oscars last year, and Laurie has a very special role, which is Laurie, because she's a great stand-up, she's the one that has become my life coach, when I go out into the world and try Oscar jokes out.

So, Laurie's the one that says, "We're gonna get you out there now, Conan, I said, all right, okay." And you're very verbally abusive, and then you've been picking all these amazing spots, some of them I've been to before,

some of them I have in, and it's really fun. But you are so dialed into these places, and then you watch me do my set, and you have great instincts about which ones work, which ones may need a tweak,

which ones should probably go by their wayside. But let's go back to the beginning, which is you come to my attention. How did that happen? I'm trying to remember.

- Ooh, well, I started on the TBS show.

“So, I think that's, that was my third packet.”

I think I'd done a packet for the tonight show and late night, too. So, the third one worked. - Right, yes. - Yeah, well, tonight's show. There wasn't a lot of time there.

- I just, I don't think we got our endo reading it. - Yeah, I was starting to open the envelope when that thing blew up. But, and subsequently, when you first came to work for me, I had not seen your stand up, and then we toured together.

And they got to send your stand up every night, which is phenomenal. Just phenomenal. - Oh, thanks. I don't know, I like how you look back.

I'm like, "Oh, that bit was still I was still working on it. I got sharper, but I'm glad you saw it." - That is because you have that kind of mind,

you're never gonna say, "Oh, yeah, thanks.

You're gonna say, this was a little, but I'm telling you, it was phenomenal." - Oh, thank you. - And you have such a good eye and ear that you've been just a great help to me

“in terms of what stuff works, how to tweak a joke,”

when something isn't hitting the ear quite right. And that's really helpful. And I'm just curious, when did you decide, "Okay, I'm gonna be a stand up." Like, that's the leap that everyone comes to,

differently, how did that happen for you? - Well, I had sort of, I dropped out of college and I had kind of a breakdown. Do two various things all colliding at once in my head, you were a very good athlete.

- I was okay, I was a swimmer. I was a swim for UCLA, but I was like, it was, they were in a rebuilding phase. Like, I would never make the team now. (laughing)

They were like a low level division one when I was there. And so, yeah, and then I had quit swimming and what happened? - So you go through this period of your life where things are rough.

- Exactly. And then I started to, I don't know, I went and saw some stand-up and I'm not the only one who's come to stand up this way where you can see some great stand-up

and you're like, oh, I could never do that.

That's amazing. And then you see someone who's not good and they're on the bill and you're like, wait a minute. - Yeah.

- That person's a good thing. - They're the true inspirations. - They don't. - They don't. - The true inspirations are people like,

how did that ask get up there? - Exactly. Exactly. So, I saw a bunch of that. And so I started in San Francisco

'cause I'm from the Bay Area. So, that's right. - And San Francisco is such a great place. - It's great, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, it's where there's this guy named,

oh my god, his name was, I forget his last name. He was a former porn star who, and Native American, and it was like one of like 11 or 16 children,

But he was the bartender at the Holy City Zoo and he knew Robin Williams and he was around when Robin had started to. And so he was sort of the mother bird of all of us newer comics

and giving a stage timing tips and stuff like that. And like, even though,

I never had a bad situation with him,

even though his backstory sounds troublesome. - Yeah. - But he-- - John can't do. - Yeah, and he saw something in you. He was like, okay, he was encouraging.

- Yeah, he was encouraging, but he's also running a class. So anytime someone's paying, they're always encouraging. (laughing)

- But they're encouraging, but also, they don't think you're ready just yet. (laughing) - One pair session. - I ran the same thing in improv, same thing in improv.

“- You're the very good, I think a little more work.”

- Really? - How many of them are really less important? - Yeah, there's 11 more levels. You said this was the last one. I forgot about the other 11.

- So just make that check out too. So you're doing that and you had you worked on television shows before, and you written for other comics, 'cause that's a very different thing,

you write for yourself, and then writing for someone else's voice. - Yeah, it is a big thing. And it's weird because you can definitely separate those two voices.

There's never been a joke I've written for you

or anybody else that I would have done myself. So people always think that how must be so hard to give up that joke? It's like, no, no, it would not work in my act about me complaining about being a mother.

- It's really funny. (laughing) - Yeah, many times I've seen you do. (laughing)

“- I'm not a single mom, why does she keep giving me this stuff?”

(laughing) - I tried it last night, it killed. Yeah, it's fascinating to me, 'cause that's another fun thing I get to do. If I see you or Brian Kylie tell a really funny joke,

I get to say, oh, two funny for me, huh? Like, why didn't you give me that? You'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never breastfed, oh, oh, oh, you're right. - You didn't even do that, so he deserves to tell it.

- Yeah, exactly, I breastfed Kylie. (laughing) But, hey, what's bag too far? (laughing)

I always go too far, I don't do the late night,

my late night show anymore, and I think some while ago, Jimmy Kimmel contacted me and he was asking me about this Lori Kilmart, and they said, you are an absolute fool if you do not hire Lori Kilmart.

- She will eat that conversation happen. - She is the best, she is the best. But Jimmy was high at the time, and he forgot, and then I had to call him and tell him again. He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay.

But, so you've been killing it, not just for me, but for Jimmy as well. And now we're once again working on the Oscars,

“and I'm curious, how do you think it's going so far?”

- Oh, okay, we're getting close. - I think we're way ahead of where we were this time last year, I think we have a lot more jokes than we're already. - We have a lot of jokes. - We do, and it's like, they could all change

in the next three weeks too, because we keep coming up, yeah, it's not coming up with new ones. And then we always allow for Blaster, I remember the actual show is a moving target. - Yeah.

- You can't walk down what you're gonna do a month out because in the world we live in now, things change day to day. - Right. - And something that's a joke we might have thought

was really funny in December is now, what are we thinking? That's not even something people think about anymore. That's out of the news, don't cares about that. The big thing I have to fight is sometimes

I just start to get tired of a joke because it's been with me for a while. - Right, right, right. - And that's always been a little bit my issue when we, when we toured together and I had a,

I don't know, like a 40 minute stand-up hunk. - Yeah. - I remembered sometimes being, I don't wanna say that again. I said that last night. So, I think that's one of the luxuries I've always had

is just riffing foolishly about different things. And I get bored if I have to say the same thing over and over and over. - I know, in fact, there's one joke you told last night. I'm like, oh, you gotta give that one a rest for a little bit

because I think you are tired of it, you know? So, I don't wanna say it now, but yeah. - Right, that's good. We should try them all out right now. - Yeah, do it!

- And everyone's really, all the writers are really mad at me. You just, that thing went out. - It's like an 80 joke. - It's for an 80 joke. - Yeah, that can happen where I just start to feel,

it's almost like my brain becomes overly familiar with it. And it's no, when something's no longer magical and fun to me, I can't fake it. - Well, yeah, with you, every night, you've told different jokes.

and then finding, like trying to take two months

“to find a tag or something like that, you know?”

So, for you, it's got it feel really, really repetitive. - But also, I love the joking around between the jokes. - I know, I know, I know. - Sometimes, I'm getting off on some jag and people in a club are liking it.

And I'm sure you guys are watching, saying, we're trying to try out these jokes. And you're going off on a 10 minutes about your brother, Neil, and you're getting laughs. And so, you're getting drunk off of it,

get to the jokes. - But I do think that's what's so great about doing these little sets is you're clicking into your stage persona, which is different from podcast

and bursting into the writer's room. - So, I know that it's that different from bursting into the room.

- First thing in the writer's room is sort of more

of my, like, MMA, persona. - Yeah, yeah, but it gets, it gets that very unique muscle, you know, going again. And, and because you can't, like, do 10 minutes about Neil at the Oscars.

- Oh, I'm going to. - That would be amazing. - Yeah, I could just see Timothy Shalamy and Brad Pitt streaming out. (laughing)

People who are up for an Oscar leaving early. (laughing)

“- Okay, so we bought a lot of televisions.”

- That's me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But you get it out of that part out of your system now, but you also get that muscle ready for,

when you're in the big show. And then you had some really funny riffs after the jokes, last night that we all thought would work with the jokes. You did, too.

- Okay. (upbeat music) - I'm really loving it.

I enjoy going to, as I said,

some of the places I've been before, but there's this ecosystem in LA of all these cool little spots. Some are way out in Kovina. - Yeah.

- Some are, I mean, really, I mean, who lives in Kovina? (laughing) - Oh, hi, Edward. Oh, how are you?

(laughing) - No, no, it's fine, you know. - I had my passport, I changed my currency. - Oh my God. - No, no, it's, no, it was,

and that was one of my favorite clubs. It's fantastic. - Shadow box, yeah. - But and chatterbox in Kovina. It's really fun because you get to hang out

with the comics outside. And it's this, it's very communal. It's really fun. I like all that young energy. People are really nice.

And each club is very different. - Yeah. - And their place is that I'm guessing you've played all these places. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - And so, and you do stand up. You do stand up a lot. - I do, I do. I try to do it for a say, four nights a week.

- That's a long day. - Yeah. - But here in LA, it's like one spot at night. It's not, it's not great. Like in New York, you can do.

When I go back to New York, I can do like at least six a night on a Friday or Saturday. And then, you know, one or two at least on it on a day. - Yeah, here they go. - Covering the distances.

- Yeah. - It's literally, I mean, last night, I was in, was it? - At Water of TGs. - Yeah, TGs, yeah.

- TGs. I was at TGs in at Water Village. And so, that's a long haul to get to. - Yeah. - And but once you're there,

it's, again, really fun, who's great. - Well, it's great. I mean, it was packed and it's great to have people so close to you, you know, just your surround sound of laughter.

- Yeah, it's also fun to be a surprise. - Yeah. - 'Cause some of it's somehow the pressures off. - Yeah, first of all. - They don't, you know, they're there.

And then suddenly I show up and you can always see them

registering, you know, how I've aged. My first get up there. - Oh, no, I don't think so. - I know, no, it's funny. No, it's just funny how people are like,

if there are people that have only seen you on TV and some of them have been seeing me on TV since I was, you know, or clips are coming up. - clips are coming up and they just saw me last night talking to, you know, Mary Lou Retten when I'm 30.

- Oh my god. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. - But you're also a big presence. Like you're a big person and you're like stumbling,

not stumbling. - I don't stumbles. - I know, as soon as I said it, you're not stumbling. - Well, I maybe I was stumbling.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it's been, it's been, it's been a good time. - It's been a good time. Now, it's, it's really strange.

This is all behind the scenes stuff. Is we're sort of, we're here at the office. This is where we do the podcast. This is where we do the production and editing for the HPO Travel Show.

We have all different kind of meetings here, different projects. It's like our little Kebler Elf Tree. - And what's gonna happen in two weeks is we're gonna move into the Dolby Theater.

- Right. - And that's gonna be,

“I remember that last year being, oh, wow, this is real.”

- Yeah. - And we've been living here and imagining things and then you actually see the space.

- And then we get into, you know,

we ordered some cookie prop and it shows up and I'm like, we wanted a stuffed mule and we didn't. I'm just making this stuff, but-- - Stuff mule would be great. - Yeah.

- You know what, what, what now? - Get a stuffed mule. - Yeah. - And then you're arguing with really serious talented people about how the mule should be,

- Oh my gosh. - Oh my gosh.

“- And how is it gonna fire a rocket out of its ear?”

You know, all that kind of craziness. That's the part where things really level up. - Yeah. - Which is exciting. - And I remember sitting at a rehearsal last year

and a lot of the celebrity said stand-ins or, you know, they just used, you stand-ins. And a stand-in for Ariana Grande started a singing and I'm like, oh my God, she sounds just like Ariana Grande and it was her.

- Which I didn't think about what?

- Yes, she was at rehearsal singing. It was like 25 of us in the audience. - And you're like, oh, it was this stand-in. - Yeah. - Hey, she's not bad.

Did you tell her? You know, maybe you should try it. (laughing) That's really funny if all of the a-list celebrities because they do have actors often who look nothing like them.

- Yeah. - And they all get up. They don't know who the winner is, but they'll say in the winner is Timmy Shalame and then a, you know, a black woman

will get up on stage, but she'll give a real speech. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - As Timothy Shalame and it's kind of cool. - Yeah. - And I channel that sometimes because I did that once.

“I did that once and I think we talked about this,”

but I did it years ago at like a VH one award when I was working on Saturday night live and I heard, hey, they need seat filler stand-ins for this VH one award. So I, you know, sat in the audience.

We weren't working at the time. I think I got like, I don't know what I got, like a hundred dollars or something, but I went and I sat in the crowd and then they said, on the winner is David Bowie

and I got to stand up and thank everybody and I didn't do that. - It was fun. - And that sounds fun. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - I can go do it. (laughing) So yeah, that's gonna, things are gonna get real,

what else do you remember from last year? - Well, what I remember now, what we were all talking about in the Mono team is that we wanna make sure we have big quirk boards up and back where we are so we can keep track of jokes,

a little bit better. I think we were just flipping through cards and trying to, - It looks like we were doing an Eliscia 3 card money game last year and you think, this is the Oscar.

- I know. - And I'm performing for all these people around the world and we're like, course that joke, I don't know. - And then it's attached to someone's ass, that's dumb on it. - Right, I mean, we'll have the Mono set,

but this stuff like, you know, that you'll say later in the show, if something wins or something gets on a streak, I guess we just have-- - Yeah, it's been that, it's almost like,

- Yeah, that is, yes, yes, yes. - If this movie wins, we have this great joke. - Right, right. - If that movie loses, we have this great joke. - Yeah, I remember us just like going,

wait, we had something kind of panicking and then thought of it at the last second, but it'll be nice to have that a little bit more organized

“and I think we hadn't gotten backstage until in our area”

until the show was starting in an hour. So we didn't realize, oh, that would've been nice to have. Had we thought that, so, you know, that's the, we'll be doing that better this year, I think. - Yeah, it is fun, I have to say, it's a lot of work

and it's nerve-racking, but it is fun. - That's amazing. - And then, you know, you just,

and then you're always thinking,

I hope it's a good room. Last year I was, I think last year I was thinking, how's it gonna be a good room and they were good? - Yeah, I mean, we had the fires, of course, you know? And then I feel like at this time last year,

we are also a wash and Sofia Carla Gascon drama. - That's right. - Yes, I mean, it was so many years ago. - Amelia Perez, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And, you know, we were just trying to figure out,

again, is that scandal? - Wait, what's the trajectory now? That's the big story today, but will it still be the big story in a week? Or how do we handle it?

- It's gonna be there. - It's gonna be there. - It's gonna be there and what's a joke that isn't, doesn't go too far this way or that way. - Yeah, it's just, it's a lot of trying to navigate.

- Yeah. - You know, let's pitch the sail correctly. So it catches the wind and just the right way. And it's, and we, boy, we get into arguments. (laughing)

- Yeah, sure, sure. - Which is probably happening right now, just before below us. (laughing) - Yeah, my ritual is, I like to come,

I like to kick the door open in a very dramatic way. - Yes. - And you guys all go, oh! (laughing) And then I come in and I think I waste time mostly. - You do, but (laughing)

(laughing) - I do all my bits, you guys are patiently. - Yeah, we watched, what's the, what do we watch yesterday for like a half hour, Sarah Jessica Parker?

- Yeah, someone was talking about,

there's something on that show. So we watched that, yeah, so let's call it up. And so we're watching that and then we all, you know, and I said at that moment, if someone from the academy comes by

and we're all watching it just like that and just like that, they're gonna say, we're screwed. - Yeah. - But yeah, we will pull up things on the internet.

I mean, it's a typical writer's room where you have to waste time. I maintain that wasting time is somehow useful if we're all laughing, but I might just be trying to justify it.

“- I'm gonna say, I think you're just telling yourself”

that, so you can waste everybody's time. And just like that, you guys watch that for a half an hour. - It was so, it was really enjoyable. - Oh, wait, wait. - That was an episode, yeah.

- There was an episode specifically, it took place in a stand-up club and of a comedy concert. - Yeah, I think I know what you're doing in it. - So it was just, you know, it's one of those things

where, you know, we start chatting and then the next thing you know, we're all watching

the television, and then I can always tell

that, oh, I should have left 10 minutes ago. What I try and do is leave on a laugh. If I get a big laugh, I try and get out the door fast. But if someone stops me away out the door, then I think I have to get another laugh.

- It's terrible. - Well, it's the version of a writer's room what you do on stage when you're messing around with the audience of a friend. It kind of gets your, it's that part of your brain going,

but it's not the official jokes. I think it's a good reprieve for the brain and then we all go back to trying to deal with the set-up that sinners has 16 Oscar nominations. (laughing)

- Well, that's the other thing too, as we're always looking for premises and sometimes we look too hard and our writer will write all these jokes about, you know, did you realize that the first

best cinematography of a word was handed out in 1947 and then they write five jokes about that.

“And I think I've lost the audience with the set-up to that joke.”

- I still get me fun because last year we were sweating and Isabella Roscellini was nominated so one of my setups was that she had a bed and breakfast in New York. - I read that right.

That's right. - Hey, as you know, Isabella Roscellini is nominated for an Academy Award. And she has a bed and breakfast in Ryan, New York. Do you imagine, like, that would be your top 15 jokes

at the odds. - And I look down and one of the scar's guards is just like, what the fuck? - Yeah, Brian New York. - Yeah.

- Yeah, you can take that's a clinic. (laughing) - Gunner Brian loses audience after a strong start or Brian went on a 30 minute discourse on how hard it must be to run a bed and breakfast

in upstate New York. - But Roscellini's booked for the rest of the year. (laughing) - She's great advertising. - Yeah, oh, she'll be thrilled.

(laughing) - Yeah, she really though. - She does. - She does. - She does.

“- Are you there at the bed and breakfast?”

- I don't think so. - Are you gonna repitch this joke here? - Right, right, well. - And this is gonna be even fun here. Cause it's like, it's been Roscellini not nominated this year.

But as you know, she has a bed and breakfast in upstate New York. - Well, I did find out that Jesse Buckley's great grandmother was he in the Iris of the War of Fighting for the Iris. - Oh, there you go.

- Yeah, oh, yes.

- Well, that's always bringing up the Iris of the War

(laughing) - Always get some laughing. - Great premise. - Yeah. - That's a good one.

- The famine. You got any good Irish famine jokes? Of course, we won't have that problem tonight cause we got plenty of food at the buffet. (laughing)

- Well, I'm just saying, I'm allowed to do it. - Oh man, oh my God. - Well, this is really fun and I am honored and thrilled that you helping me out again 'cause you're the best.

- Thank you for having me back. - You are the best. - And thank you to Jimmy Kimwell for letting me have eight weeks off to come here too. - Yeah, I'm sorry, Jimmy, but yeah and he's mad about it too.

(laughing) - I'm mad. - No, and you know what, and true thanks to him because when you were on my staff writing jokes for me I would not have let you go for eight weeks

for anything if you were doing a blood transfusion I would not let you go, but so thank you very much Jimmy and yeah, let's get back downstairs. - Let's get back downstairs. - Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

With Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gorley. Produce by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Lyoff. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina, take it away, Jimmy. (upbeat music)

Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conon.

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