Don't Rely On People | Joel Osteen

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I'd like to start with something funnier. I heard about these three sons that left home and went out and prospered. They got back together to talk about the gifts they bought their elderly mother. The first son said, "I've built mom a big house." The second one said, "I got her a fancy car."

The third son said, "Since mom loves to read the Bible, but she can barely see anymore, I got her especially trained parrot that can quote the entire Bible." A few months later, they received a letter from their mother. It said, "Milton, the house you built me is way too big."

Gerald, the car you bought me is way too small. But my dearest Donald, your simple gift is my favorite. The chicken was delicious. (laughter and applause) Say, "It like you mean it. This is my Bible.

“I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have.”

I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess, my mind is alert, my heart is receptive.

I will never be the same in Jesus' name.

God bless you. I want to talk to you today about not relying on people. It's great when people believe in us, cheer us on, make us feel valuable. We love when our spouse compliments us.

A friend is there to give encouragement, our co-worker stays late to help us on a project. God uses people to help move us toward our destiny. But here's the key. You can't become so dependent on people

that you're getting your worth and value out of how they treat you. It's easy to become addicted to compliments, addicted to encouragement, addicted to them cheering you on. Now you rely on them to keep you feeling good about yourself to always be there to validate you, to make you feel approved.

Like a drug if they don't keep you fixed,

“meet all your expectations, you get discouraged,”

feel inferior, work overtime to try to win their approval.

The problem is you're trying to get from people

what only God can give. Your worth, your value doesn't come from another person it comes from your creator. And if you rely on people, you'll be disappointed. People will let you down.

People will get busy and not be there when you need it. Sometimes people will even turn on you. In the scripture, Peter was Jesus close friend. They were with each other day and night. But when Jesus needed Peter the most,

when he was about to be crucified, Peter denied that he even knew Christ. Jesus could have been upset. God, I don't understand it. Why wasn't my friend there for me?

He would have missed his destiny. Quit relying on people. What they do or don't do doesn't determine your worth. What they give you or don't give you cannot stop your purpose. God breathes life into you.

He has crowned you with his favor. Quit waiting for people to approve you and start approving yourself. People may not encourage you. You can encourage yourself.

People may not make you feel special. You can make yourself feel special. I'm a child of the most high god. I know I'm crowned with favor. I'm one of a kind.

I'm a masterpiece. You'll have better relationships if you'll start validating yourself.

If you're always depending on somebody else,

you'll become needy, a burden, waiting for other people to keep you fixed. Can I tell you your friends, family members? They have enough problems of their own? They have enough issues that they're dealing with

to not come home and have to work on you for three hours. That's not only hurting you, it's unfair to the people God put in your life. They're not responsible for your happiness. They're not responsible to keep you cheered up.

Don't put that extra pressure on them. Learn to receive your value, your self-worth from your heavenly father. If you're basing that off of what people give you, then if they change their mind,

if they stop doing it, you'll feel devalued. But when you go to God for it, nobody can take it away. It's not dependent on how somebody treats you, how they make you feel,

how many compliments they give you. It's dependent on the fact that you're a child of Almighty God,

That's where you're getting your value.

“Well, Joel, my parents didn't raise me right.”

I didn't have a good childhood.

My spouse never compliments me.

My boss didn't give me the credit that I deserve. I say this respectfully. If you didn't get it, you didn't need it. They can't stop your destiny. What they say or do cannot override God's plan for your life.

Shake off the negativity. That person that walked away did your wrong, made hurtful comments. Shake off the disrespect. Don't believe the lives that you're not talented enough,

attractive enough, good enough. They don't determine your value. They can't lessen yourself worth. The only power people have over you is the power that you give them. Jesus had all kinds of people come against him,

politicians, religious leaders, haters, critics, trying to discredit him, making him feel inferior, calls him to give up. He could have taken the bait.

Thought, I must not be too special.

Listen to what they're saying. Look at how they're treating me. But Jesus understood this principle.

“He knew his value didn't come from people.”

It came from his heavenly father. He said to them, in John chapter 5, "You're approval or disapproval means nothing to me." He was saying, "I don't need your approval to feel good about myself. I don't have to have your encouragement, your support,

to keep me moving forward." Paul said it this way in Philippians, "I am self-sufficient in Christ's efficiency. Not in our own strength, but when we know the creator of the universe lives in us,

he's equipped us, empowered us, andointed us, we can put our shoulders back. Hold our head up high, knowing that if God approves us, we don't have to have people's approval."

It's good when people encourage us when they cheer us on. What I'm saying is don't become dependent on that. If somebody's not giving you what you expect, they're not validating you.

That's okay. You can validate yourself. You can approve yourself.

“You are self-sufficient in Christ's efficiency.”

You can feel good about who you are, knowing that God hand-picked you, created you in His image, put seeds of greatness on the inside. What am I saying?

You don't need somebody else's praise. You don't have to have people's applause. You have the applause from the one who matters most. From the God who spoke world into existence. I'd rather have his applause than people's applause.

Well, if I could convince this person to like me. They know a lot of people, then maybe some new doors would open. The Scripture says promotion doesn't come from people. It comes from the Lord. God knows where all the opportunities are.

He can make things happen for you without you having to convince somebody to like you. You don't have to play up to people. Try to win their favor. If they don't want to be your friend,

it's their loss and not yours. Do yourself a favor and keep moving forward. They're not a part of your destiny. God has divine connections. People he's already lined up.

They're already in your future. Sometimes the reason people don't give us what we need is because they don't have it. Nobody gave it to them. They didn't see it modeled growing up.

If they weren't raised showing affection with people expressing feelings, being good to each other,

the problem is they don't have it to give.

If you're trying to get it from them, you're going to be frustrated. Why don't you let them off the hook and go to God for what they can't give you? Here's the key.

God has it all. If you learn this principle to not rely on people but to go to him for your encouragement, for your approval, for your self-worth, then you won't live stressed out

because somebody is not giving you what you expect. If nobody's complimenting you, you can compliment yourself. Get up in the morning. Look at yourself in the mirror.

Good morning. You good-looking thing. Call it by faith. God calls you a masterpiece. Say what God says about you.

I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm one of a kind. I'm highly favored. You have to build yourself up.

Encourage yourself. Complement yourself. You cannot rely on your spouse. Your parents, your coach, your teacher, your pastor. They may mean well.

They couldn't love you anymore, but no person can meet all of your needs. Only God can. If you're just looking to people eventually, you're going to become resentful,

better, start holding that against them. It will sour the relationship.

Maybe they have issues. They could be doing better in areas. But if you will not rely on people

“instead go to God, then you won't be dependent”

on what somebody does. If they're not giving you what you need, and that was the only way to get it, they would control your destiny. God didn't design the plan for your life

and say, "Okay, it's all dependent on if these other people do what's right. If they encourage you, if they cheer you on,

if they never let you down,

or God put everything you need within your power." And instead of us living in need, I mean, why don't they compliment me? Why won't they be my friend? The right attitude is, nobody owes me anything.

I don't have to have people's credit. They're applause, they're support, they're compliments. I am self-sufficient. I know where to go for everything that I need. My father was raised very poor on a cotton farm

during the Great Depression. He didn't have enough food, hardly any clothes, a limited education, but a very rough childhood. At the age of 17, my dad gave his life to Christ, and he left the farm and went out

and started ministry. Years later, when he was in his forties and had become a successful minister,

“he started thinking about how he was raised”

and all the things he had to endure. He wondered why his parents didn't give him a better childhood. Why he had to go without food and without a good education?

All these negative memories filled his mind and he started thinking, "Oh, that wasn't right." They should have done better. They didn't give me what I needed.

He got so stirred up about it. He was about to travel back to his parents' hometown and confront his parents and tell them what he thought. Just before he left,

he heard something on the inside saying, "They did your wrong, didn't they?" He said, "Yeah, they sure did." It said, "It wasn't fair, wasn't it?" He didn't give you what you needed.

He answered, "No, it wasn't fair." "You're going to let them have it." "Yeah, I'm going to let them have it." Then the voice said, "How do you think you would have done

if you would have been in their shoes?" With no income, with the bank's closing, with nobody to buy the cotton, with six children to raise,

no electricity, no washing machines, no modern-day conveniences.

“That conversation changed my father's perspective.”

He realized his parents did the best they could with what they had. They couldn't give him what they didn't have. Why don't you let the people in your life off the hook?

Maybe they did the best they could. They may have made decisions that you don't understand, feels like it puts you at a disadvantage, but you didn't have to walk in their shoes.

Maybe nobody gave them what they needed to give to you. Bottom line, nobody owes you anything. God is keeping all the records. He has seen everything that's happened in your life.

The injustice, the bad breaks, the person that did you wrong. Those people cannot pay you back. They cannot make your whole only God can. He said he would give you beauty for the ashes.

He would pay you back double for the unfair things that have happened. Quit looking to people to make it up to you. Quit trying to get somebody to apologize to admit they were wrong

to give you what they don't have. If you go to God, he'll bring you out better. He'll make the rest of your life more rewarding, more fulfilling than it would have been

if that hadn't happened in the first place.

That's what my father did. He let it go. He realized his parents couldn't give him what they didn't have. Daddy went on to live a blast.

He was just prosperous, successful life. When you let people off the hook and quit trying to make them perform perfectly and keep you fixed, not only were their life be better,

but your relationships will improve. No matter how good a person is, they can't give you everything that you need. I realize I can't meet everyone of victorious needs. I can do my best.

I can't complete her, encourage her, treat her with respect, but I'm human. I have flaws, shortcomings. If she just looks to me, she'll be disappointed. But if you look to God, you'll never be disappointed.

No person has a hundred percent. I've heard it said, in a relationship, the most the other person will have is 80 percent what you need.

There will always be 20 percent

that they don't have to give you. The mistake we make is we leave the 80 to go find the 20 in somebody else.

will be missing 20 percent as well.

I know some of you think of Joel.

“My wife is missing a lot more than 20 percent.”

Think of it this way. If she had more, she wouldn't have married you. (laughter) I'm sticking with the ladies. Part of the 20 percent that I'm missing

that Victoria needs is, I don't like to talk a lot. You see me up here, and I see him out going, but in private, I'm more quiet and reserved. Small talk is not one of my favorite things. And yes, at home, we talk and laugh and have fun together,

but Victoria and her family, they can talk for hours. They enjoy each other. We were having lunch one time at our house with all of her family, and we have to about 30 minutes. When I had finished eating, I asked to be excused,

and I went to the back and watched the football game. Three and a half hours later, I came back, and they were still sitting at the table. Nobody had moved. I was so amazed.

“I asked him, "Did you all go somewhere?"”

Victoria said, "No, we didn't go anywhere." What are you talking about? Victoria said nothing? (laughter) They talk about nothing longer than anybody I know,

but the key to a good relationship is to recognize the other person's strengths and weaknesses, then give them room to be who they are. Don't try to squeeze them into your mold. When I appreciate about Victoria's,

she doesn't say, "You all come in here and visit with us for three and a half hours. I'll get up and say, "I'll give you the coach." She recognizes that's a part of the 20% that I don't have. I thank God every day that I didn't get it.

(laughter) Victoria, she doesn't try to squeeze me into her mold, and even more importantly, she doesn't try to get something from me that I don't have.

“If you're relying on another person to meet all your needs”

and become everything in your life, you're going to be disappointed. You have to let them off the hook. Sometimes God will let us go through seasons where we're not getting what we expect from people.

On purpose, he'll have them withhold it to teach us to not rely on another person but to get our encouragement, our value, our worth from him. When I first started ministry back in 1999, I was very insecure, very unsure of myself.

I'd never done it. My dad had that heart attack and went to be with the Lord and I stepped up to pastor the church. I was so concerned about what people thought and was I doing it good enough,

were they going to accept me after the services when I talk with visitors and different people, I lived off of people's compliments. Joel, that was good today. I really enjoyed it.

Those comments were like water to a thirsty soul. I'd get my approval, my validation from people, and God uses that to keep us going, keep us moving. But at some point like a mother wins a baby off a bottle so the child can grow up.

God is going to win you off having to have people's compliments.

People's applause doesn't mean it's never going to happen.

It means you're going to get to a place where you're not dependent on someone else cheering you on so you can feel good about yourself. You're not dependent on them complimenting you and keeping you in courage. It's nice to hear, but you've developed this self-sufficiency. You don't rely on people for their approval.

You go to God for your approval. The first year that I started ministering at Lakewood, every time I got up to speak, people would cheer for me. They were very encouraging, very loyal and supportive. Every time I walked off the platform, Victoria would say,

" Joel, that was amazing today. You did so good. Could have been the worst message in the world." I could always count on her to tell me it was good. I know sometimes she was lying, but I needed it back then. One day I just finished my message about a year in,

I walked off the platform and Victoria didn't say a word. I stood there and waited and waited. Gave her plenty of opportunity, still nothing. I thought when she just preoccupied thinking about something else, I went out to visit with the visitors and talk with different people,

not one person complimenting me on my sermon. Usually every other person says something, just being polite. I thought they were playing a trick on me. I left there so discouraged. I got home, my little dog can hear our car coming in.

She's always at the back door, so happy to see me jumping up on me.

I opened the door, my dog wasn't even there. I walked over. She was in her bed. She looked up at me, barely opened her eyes. Oh, it's just you. Close your eyes.

God will use your dog even to work on you. Looking back now, I realized God was teaching me to not rely on what people think, to have to have their applause and their approval. If I had not learned that back then, I wouldn't be standing here today. Because the higher God takes you,

there will be more disapproval, more opposition, more critics. If you're basing your work and value on how people are treating you, how much they're cheering you on and you're trying to keep all of them happy,

you'll never become everything God created you to be.

In those early years, if I heard one negative comment, it ruined my whole Sunday. I'd go home to scourges, thinking that I didn't do good enough. But now that I've been weened off that bottle, so to speak, if I hear something negative, doesn't bother me.

I realize as long as I'm doing my best, honoring God, I don't have to have people's approval. I have Almighty God's approval.

“Here's the thing, you're never going to keep everyone happy.”

Quit trying to please people. When you come to the end of your life, you are not going to stand before people and give an account. You're going to stand before God.

He's not going to say, did you keep everyone happy?

Did you please all your family? Did you have the support from your coworkers? He's going to ask, did you fulfill my purpose for your life? Did you run your race? Did you finish your assignment? Maybe like with me.

You're not getting from people what you used to. The compliments, the support, the encouragement. Instead of being frustrated, have a new perspective. God is growing you up. He's getting you prepared for the next level of your destiny.

The less you depend on people,

“the stronger your spiritual muscles are going to become”

and the higher you're going to go. In Judges 7, the Midianites join forces with two other armies. They cross the Jordan River and we're about to attack the Israelites. Gideon put out a call to all of his men. 32,000 Israeli warriors showed up ready to fight.

Gideon was feeling good. He had a large army to protect the people of Israel. They marched out toward those enemies. But God said to him in verse 2, "Gideon, you have too many people with you.

If you win the battle, you'll think you did it in your own strength. And God instructed him to tell everyone that wanted to leave. Anyone that was afraid, they could go back home. 22,000 men turned around and laughed. He lost two-thirds of his army.

“I'm sure Gideon got and said, "God did you see what just happened?"”

God said, "Yes, I saw it, but Gideon, you still have too many people." And God told Gideon to take those remaining 10,000 men down to get a drink. He was to divide them into two groups. Every man that put his mouth to the water and drink, that was one group.

The second group was the men who cut their hands and brought the water to their mouth.

9,700 men put their mouth to the water. That was the group that was to go home. Only 300 men drank it the other way. His army went from 32,000 to 300. I could imagine Gideon thought, "God, I was confident with 32,000."

As a little worried with 10,000, but God 300 men, this is impossible. God was saying, "Gideon, you don't need everyone that you think you need." You're depending on too many people. God is saying that to us. You don't need all of your coworkers to support you.

You don't have to have all your friends and family members cheering you on. Here's the key. The less you depend on people, the greater the anointing in your life. When you're not depending on someone else, hoping that they'll help you, thinking that they're the Savior,

then God will release his favor in your life in a great way. Gideon went out with those 300 men, one percent of what he started with. God supernaturally helped them to defeat those armies that were much bigger and much more equipped. In the same way, God is going to give you victories where the odds were totally against you. You know you could accomplish your goal if you had the support, the connections.

You could overcome that obstacle. If you had the strongest players, the best people on your legal team, God is saying, "Don't worry about it. You don't have to have all those people, you and God are a majority." The forces that are for you are greater than the forces that are against you.

if you quit depending on people, the anointing will increase in your own life. You'll accomplish more with less help, with less people because of God's favor on your life. Are you frustrated? Because you don't think you have enough support, have this new perspective. The greatest force in the universe is breathing in your direction right now.

“Are you discouraged because people are not giving you what they used to?”

It's because God's growing you up. Quit trying to get from people what only God can give. Go to him for your value, yourself worth for your encouragement. If you'll start passing these tests, not relying on people, you're not only live more confident, more secure,

but I believe and declare like Gideon, you're going to overcome obstacles that looked insurmountable, accomplish dreams that seemed impossible and reach the fullness of your destiny in Jesus' name. If you receive it, can you say amen today?

We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life.

Would you pray with me, just say, "Lord Jesus, I'll repent of my sins, come into my heart, I'll make you my Lord and Savior." Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again, get in a good Bible-based church, keep God first place. He's going to take your places that you've never dreamed.

We all go through disappointments and things that are not fair. But God sees every hurt, every injustice, and He's promised to pay you back for the unfair things. Now, I love to send you my new resource, double for your trouble. It's filled with inspiration, dampness, stay in faith and not get bitter and think, "Why me?"

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If you've never been to Lakewood, we have a great opportunity to come.

We call it Homecoming Weekend. We love to meet you and your family. You can see the building, a tin one of the services. It's a great time to be a part of the Lakewood family. Looking forward to seeing you at Homecoming Weekend.