EP 1 - The Handyman of West Texas

Are you worried or husband might come home? Not until we rolled over spent, did that thought, even crossed my mind.

And then I was thinking, "Oh God, you know, Billy Bob come home anytime and you know, murder us both."

“That's how the handle thing is in middle and taxes. Everyone has guns.”

Yeah. And for any prolific sex worker in West Texas whose clientele is predominantly wealthy housewives Getting shot on the job is a real concern. Hundreds of women have paid you under the guise of coming over being a handyman and then they're really paying you for sex. Yes.

Hundreds in middle and taxes. Yes. The older I get, the more I realize nothing is wanted appears to be. Not in the least. I'm Jonathan Walton, and this is the handyman of West Texas. Episode 1, she was a deacon in her church. Yeah, you're fine. They're very sensitive, but I'm going to close you to the better obviously.

Okay. All right. Excited. On everything sounds good. How would you introduce yourself?

“And I know we're trying to keep you anonymous and we're trying to protect our identity.”

But what name do you go by? I always go by Mickey. Mickey? Like Mickey Mouse? Yeah, just like that.

Mickey stands about six feet tall. Confident. Lean. Fit. He looks like a man's man.

Someone you want to call when there's a problem. Heart Bouncer. Part rugged police officer. All right, Mickey.

“So introduce yourself to people if you're just meeting someone through the first time.”

And choose yourself and tell me what you do. Oh, my name's Mickey. And I'm a kind of jack of all trades and whatever you need done, you know, in and out of your house. I'm pretty sure I can do it.

And never has that sentence meant more than coming from your mouth.

Whatever you need done, I kind of leave it open and just for that reason. For lack of a better term, you're a handyman. You know how to fix things around the house. Like what kinds of jobs do you do? I can do flooring.

I can do drywall. I can do electrical. I can do plumbing. I can do framing. I can do roofing.

I can do exterior landscaping, fence building. Rock wall, sheet rock. Just about anything. If you have a home that you don't like, I can rip it apart from the ground up and rebuild it to your needs.

But Mickey isn't from Texas. He's actually born 1,000 miles west of Midland in Los Angeles in the late 1970s. And he lives in the city of Angels until his early 20s before heading east. [Music] So I was 23 and then I got married, moved to Texas.

It was conservative, faithful, father and husband and going to work, coming home. You know, 95 kind of thing. [Music] But after 20 years, Mickey and his wife go their separate ways and get divorced. And he rents his own place in Midland and throws himself into his work.

Mickey is an oil guy, a fracker. [Music]

So the job basically is hooking up tons of iron and equipment.

High pressure water induced pumps. And what they call it fracking is because we're fracturing the earth. They drill down about 3 miles into the earth. And we pump millions and millions of gallons of water under high pressure with sand and force the earth fractured.

And then once we're done, we pump out the water. Oil comes up behind it. Wow. We are now the number one producer of oil in the world. More than Saudi Arabia, more than Russia, more than anyone.

And 75% of it is done right there in the Midland Texas area, which is surprising. Yeah, and it recently got my attention with that Hitch show landman. We've built about Billy Bob Thornton, John Hamm, it's set in the Midland area in the oil industry.

Oil and gas industry makes $3 billion a day into your profit.

That's the scale. That's the size of this thing, and it's only getting bigger. Yeah, that's exactly the life I was living. Those are the kind of guys that I work around and that's exactly. It's pretty accurate assessment of what life out there in Midland Texas is.

Landman, such an amazing show. And it's pretty close to really. That's life and there you live. It's a part of Texas West Texas where black gold reigns supreme. We're epistening oil derics pumping up Texas T from the depths are everywhere you look.

And millionaire mercenaries lined up by the thousands are caching in, left and right. It's a boom town when things are great, and it's a ghost town when it's not. Because the price of oil goes down, then we can't afford to do what we do.

“Really, but when the price of oil is anywhere over $60 barrel, which I think right now it's maybe 85.”

They're making millions every single minute that we pump. So it's almost like it sounds like fracking is like squeezing all the oil out of the sand and rock.

That's basically what it is.

But it's trapped. It's trapped in the sand and rock. Yeah, back in the old days, you would drill a hole and, you know, hope for the best that where you were drilling, there was oil underneath there. You poke the hole once you hit oil, it starts coming out.

It's not that way at all with fracturing. We know it's under there, but we have to force it out. It reminds me of that opening scene in the Beverly Hillbillies. You know, where he's shooting for food and then he shoots into the ground and then oil just starts bubbling up. First thing, you know, old judge of millionaire, the kind of folks said.

[Music] God, that's burned into my head for much from childhood. Yeah. Did you watch that show? I did.

The Beverly Hillbillies.

“So that's how oil was so easily accessible back in the day.”

It would just come up out of the ground. Yeah. But not anymore. [Music] First of all, all the areas where that type of oil is, you know, accessible is already bought

while the Chevron's and all the big companies of the world and they've sucked it out today. Well, they've not so much sucked it out as they've laid claim to the land. So they decide, you know, we need a little bit more. Let's go poke a hole over here, poke hole over there. And in the middle of the area, the premium basin, that area is still very much white open.

There's still land to buy. But it went from maybe $500 an acre to $10,000 an acre, just because they know what's underneath the ground. Yeah. They can squeeze the oil out of the sand, as much as they can. Three miles is pretty deep.

Yeah. And they're doing 3 miles a day and it's horizontal drilling. So it's not down anymore, it's down and then it starts curving. It makes that like a 90 degree angle. Wow.

Three miles under the earth. So technologies come along way. [Music] Fracking in Midland, Texas is like what casinos are in Las Vegas, Nevada, or what Disney World is in Orlando, Florida.

It's the reason people go. And it's the land of opportunity. Come as you are, you don't need a college degree, or even a high school diploma. You just need to be willing and able. The median income of this desert town is $80 or $90,000.

Wow.

Because you can get a kid off the street who's never worked a day in his life in the oil field.

And you're starting at 65,000. Wow. Yeah. That's attractive. Yeah.

And I know there's a lot of controversy with the fracking. To lose to groundwater.

“There's no other way to look at it because that's what we're doing.”

You can have every car in America. Electric car. You're still going to need petroleum products. Everything is made. Oil.

Everything plastic. Everything plastic. Yes, well. We do live in a plastic world. So.

I live in LA. Probably the most plastic of the mall.

But Midland, Texas is the polar opposite of Los Angeles, California.

In every conceivable way. There are no homeless people in the Midland, Texas. That's interesting.

“So, is it that Midland has solved homelessness or is it just two damn hot?”

No. It's the absence of protective flaws, I guess. I guess. What do you apply? I would lie.

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They figured it out. They figured it out. And it's not a friendly figure out. No, it's a suspension of law and order and just get it done kind of rambo type minute. Can I get something to eat?

“How would you describe Midland for people who don't know that part of Texas?”

I mean, people know Dallas, people know Houston, people know Austin, people Austin weird. It's where all the music festivals in South by Southwest, but Midland Texas. What's that? I didn't think Texas is as far away from any of that as you can imagine. So you can stand in one place, doesn't matter where you're at in town.

Do a whole 360 and you're looking at desert. There is nothing out here. This is an oil town, oil industry. I would say 80% of the population has some kind of job in and around the oil field. There's nothing in Midland.

You know, you had to visit for whatever reason you were planning on the biggest thing to see is like the house at George W. grew up in. Growing up with mother and dad was an interesting experience. They made a little kind of museum out of it. You know, two bedroom, one bath house in the middle of town.

That's about it. So that's the draw of Midland. Yes. Well, it's not a draw, but it's something to do while you're there. And the stadium where they did Friday night lights.

We've got Texas high school football. We've got a lot of fun. And what brought you to Midland? Hydraulic fracturing boom was in the Midland area on the Permian Basin. And there's apparently billions of billions of dollars worth of oil underneath Midland area.

And I got job there.

“That's how I discovered that Midland existed.”

How would you describe the culture of Midland taxes? It's right in the center of the Texas Bible Belt. You know, there's actually some counties around us that won't sell alcohol. Really? Yeah.

Like, you can't get alcohol anywhere. They're not going there. They're called dry counties. And you drive through them. And there's, they won't sell them in.

Not at several other store. No supermarket alcohol?

You cannot. And it's illegal if you bring alcohol into a dry county. You can get arrested. Oh, my God.

And then they have some crazy laws when I first moved there.

I didn't understand it on Sundays. They don't sell alcohol. You can buy beer, but not alcohol for some reason.

“And you can't buy it before noon because you have to wait until the church is over.”

It's an actual law all throughout Texas. You can't drink until noon in a Sunday on a Sunday after church. And only beer for some reason. What about the whole heat turned water into wine thing? Apparently not in Texas.

So, everyone goes to church in Midland, Texas. Ah, as far as I know, yeah. Are there a lot of churches? There's churches everywhere. And the Presbyterian Methodist Catholic.

What are you? Um, none of the above. I technically, I guess, on Catholic. But yeah, I haven't got an attention. Thank you.

You grew up Catholic. Catholic school for 12 years. And that turned you off of Catholic. Oh, yeah. Well, organized religion in general.

[Music] Mickey is raised in a devout Catholic household. His teachers at school are nuns and priests. He grows up very sheltered. And he actually has no idea that he's well-hunged.

[Music] Like really, really well-hunged.

I have eight and a half thick inches, and I always please eight and a half

inches. Eight and a half and thick. Don't forget the thick, because that makes a big difference. Wow. I mean, that's impressive.

“How do you go your whole life and not know you have a huge thing down there?”

You know, it's, it's, it's, it's my only point of reference. You know, up to that point was... [Music] I have something for you right here. [Music]

You know, and as far as I knew, you know, I looked like all the guys in the house, so I thought... So you thought that's normal. Yeah. I mean, like I said, no other point of reference.

So growing up, you weren't in like changing rooms with other boys or other men, and no one would say, hey, you're Catholic school. [Music] They didn't do the shower room, kind of deals. You know, everyone's a shame.

Everyone's covered up. Everyone's hiding, you have your own little stalls, and kind of deal, and there's no group showers, or... Yeah, I had nothing to compare it to. Except, you know, what I saw, which, yeah, all those guys at the same

size as me. But those guys are huge. I didn't know that. I thought, hey, all right. [Laughs]

I'm like those guys. I'm good. Wow. [Music] And you're married for 20 years to the same woman.

“So does she ever tell you, oh my God, you're hurting me?”

She's huge.

Yeah, at first, and, you know, I thought, you know, that's normal.

I had, you know, kind of the repressed Catholic upbringing where you don't talk about sex. You don't talk about, you know, those kind of things. So I'm like, okay, well, I guess sex at first is supposed to hurt the woman, and they get used to it. Yeah.

It was terrible. So you was conception that I just, you know, worked through until after I got divorced, and I started getting more and more kind of an inkling into, hey, maybe I'm not just like everybody else. Because I would hear comments, and you're the biggest I've ever had, you're so huge, you're this and that. [Music]

I think if you were a kid growing up in a regular environment outside of a Catholic school, like a regular school where all the boys are changing in front of each other, I think you would have been a spectacle because in these types of situations, the big guys are. Oh my god, look at, you know, everyone's got a nickname, like, you know, art-varrant, elephant, elephant trunk.

You know, like, the kids give each other nicknames based on, you know, an anime. Like, my buddy Evan went to school with a guy who had a huge dick. Everyone saw in the locker room and they called him the serpent. Because he was so big, and I think that would have happened to you, but you went to Catholic school. Everyone changed in secret, there were no public showers where you saw other boys,

so you had this giant tool down there, and you didn't know it was giant, and your only comparison is pornoes, and all the guys look like you and the pornoes, so you think, oh, I'm normal. Exactly. So the wedding night with your wife, did you just, like, tear it off the juice?

Did she call a doctor the next day? Like, yeah, the first time was, I guess, you know, heart for her. It was great for me, and I didn't realize, you know, we had to take a break for like a week. So it's so great.

I had been with several women before I got married, but again, I was really young,

and I attributed to, you know, everyone giving, oh, you're the most beautiful. Yeah, right. And they're just being nice. Exactly. It's like you would say to the girl, oh, you're so beautiful.

Exactly. What's that nice to say? Exactly. She's not ugly, but you're just harping on something to have something nice to say. And I thought they were just reiterating the same thing back to me.

Being polite, exactly. So you have this, for lack of a better term, this asset, or entire life, and you don't realize it, how old were you when you realized

“that 8.5 inches is way above the standard equipment issue to most men?”

I was in my mid 40s. You're in your mid 40s before I realized, yeah. Oh, my God. After I got divorced. And what are you now, 49?

I'm 49 now. So just a few years ago. Yeah. I'm about to be 15 next month. And yeah, mid 40s before I realized that I was a lot bigger than the average guy.

I learned over time that the average, you know, penis size anywhere from 4 to 5 inches. And I was 8 and a half and quite thick. And what's fascinating to me is the moment you realize you're a lot bigger than the average guy is the same exact moment you realize.

When people call a handyman some have other ideas in mind. Yeah. Again, I guess I was living a sheltered life or just in realize that this lifestyle existed. I was sheltered from the reality that was out there.

And the first time that I was called to, you know, I thought a little legitimate handyman job

and it turned sexual did I realize, hey, this exists. Different realm of what my existence had been until that point was out there, especially in a town like Midland.

“That's what blows my mind, man, midland.”

Midland Texas, middle of the Bible Bill. Yeah. The other thing about Midland Texas is a lot of people work there, but not a lot of people live there. The city's population is just over 140,000.

No one lives in Midland. Like I said, there's nothing there. So every single olive oil worker basically commutes for wherever their home base is. Toast him Dallas, Albuquerque, mine was Albuquerque. So I lived in Albuquerque.

I would drive to Midland, stay there for the two weeks that I would be working. And then come back for Albuquerque. So on so forth, but after I got divorced, I actually moved to Midland. Why do the commute? Yeah.

You're not going home to a life anymore. Exactly. And so for the last four years I've been in Midland living.

“How long were you in Midland when you put up that first handyman ad?”

Just a couple months. I just got myself settled. Got a place. And I was working. And two days into it, I got bored.

I was like, what am I going to do? I have a whole week to do nothing. So Mickey has a two week on one week off work schedule. And it'd be different having a week off in Houston or Dallas or Austin or San Antonio or any other metropolitan area.

But a week off with nothing to do in Midland, Texas can drive a person mad.

So Mickey, who's always been a man who can build and or fix anything and everything under the sun,

decides to look for work as a handyman during his week off to make some extra money and to fight the boredom and monotony of Midland. It's like, huh, you know, I put an ad out in Craigslist. I can help you, you know, with stuff around your house. And didn't take very long before I got my first contact.

When you put your first handyman ad out on Craigslist in Midland, Texas, it was just a regular, you need a handyman. I can come fix things like there was no in UNDOW. It was a straight handyman. Unbeknownst to me, there was in UNDOW.

So you didn't mean to have a new ad. But as much as you can recall, what did that first ad say? The first ad was kind of along the lines of, you know, I'm a jack of all trades handyman. I'm available 24 hours a day for the next week to do all the things at your home that have been neglected.

Yeah, even using the word touched like that.

Exactly.

“And like I said, looking back at it, there's, there's, yeah,”

I didn't realize how suggestive I was being. And I thought it was covering my base to, you know, get 'em fixed things. Exactly. And here's the thing. There are more than 15,000 millionaires working in the Permian Basin alone.

Most of them are men. Clocking in 100 hour work weeks. Leaving their rich wives home alone to raise the kids and decorate the mansions and organize church fundraisers. There's plenty of lonely women whose husbands are away for long periods of time.

And all of a field that just filled neglected. And that feeling of neglect has a way of manifesting into something else entirely. Because a lot of these wealthy housewives in Midland, Texas are in their forties and fifties. Their kids are in college.

Their husbands are at work. And they have a lot of free time and money on their hands and not a whole lot to do with it. And that gives Handyman Mickey a new and exciting opportunity. He does not see coming.

You had all my tools. I was ready to fix things.

“Not knowing that I'd be helping them on the other ways.”

So you put this ad out in Christ's list.

It's your first time getting a job as a handyman.

How many people call you to come over and fix something until they make a pass at you? Was it the first one? It was the very first one. Oh my god.

It was the day after I put the ad up. And again, not thinking I was being suggestive. I put a picture in the ad. A picture of yourself. A picture of myself.

Just so it would do. In my mind, I was thinking, hey, I don't want you to have the worry that someone anonymous person is coming over. Right. This is what I look like.

That was my reasoning behind it. Right. No, it makes sense. Because now it's not a stranger. Like, oh, I know what this guy looks like.

And you're a rugged, good looking guy. And that's a thing. It's oilful. We're all kind of rough and total kind of guys. I'm not polish.

I don't go to work in a student tie kind of deal. So I wanted to put that out there. Not knowing that that coupled with the wording in the ad was going to, you know, had the effect that it had. But you put the ad up a day later, a woman responds.

She had, uh, wooden shutters in her back that needed to be repaired. And I said, yeah, I could definitely help you with that. And what were you going to charge her? I was planning to do $100 an hour kind of charge. Based on, you know, what needed to be done,

supplies, how long was, you know.

But I always let them know ahead of time,

or that my plan in the head was to let them know. Let me take a look at it. And then I can give you an accurate price. So you drive up to this house. Describe what this house looks like because you're driving up.

This house is massive. [ Music ] So it's crazy because again, there's nothing in middle. Okay, this is desert surrounded by desert. And so in the middle of this, nothing this,

this lady has, you know, one of these god-y huge mansions in the middle of the desert. You know, they have no grass, of course, there's nothing we'll grow out there, but this, it's a two-story wrap around with pillars in the front pillars.

Oh, yeah. [ Laughter ] Like I said, it was, it was god-y to the point that, look, we have so much money. We don't know what to do with the pillars.

Yeah, we're going to, yeah. We have mountains in the middle of mountains. Wow. So she was rich. Oh, she was, she was very rich.

And I'm thinking, you know, there's no way that there's shutters in the back of its home, because this is $1,000 home, but probably it was just built last week, kind of deal.

“And why would she be calling some handy men on Craigslist?”

Exactly, you know. Now, what's this woman married? She was married, and-- Was her husband there? No.

She mentioned when we had set up the initial meeting that her husband was on a drilling rig right now. Oh, so he works in the oil industry. Oh, no, everyone does. And he's got a lot of money.

He was one of the upper guys. He was, he was Billy Bob. We're referring to that Billy Bob Thornton character in the show Landman, who oversees all the oil workers and oil executives and defuses problems

that pop up with rig explosions and land leases and angry Mexican drug cartels.

Well, wishing one hand a shit in the other

see which one fills up first.

“God, the writing on that show is just next level.”

Anyway, this wealthy woman who hires Mickey to come over to her Midland Texas mansion to quote, "Fix some shutters" is married to a Billy Bob type, who leaves home for work early each morning

and comes home from work late each night, seven days a week. So when Mickey arrives at this wealthy housewives home

at around noon, she's alone,

and come to find out, she doesn't really want her shutters fixed. And I turned around to look at her,

“and she immediately leans in and starts kissing me.”

She started kissing you. Like tongue in mouth. tongue in mouth. God. And keep in mind, this woman has no idea

the gargantuan colossus, Mickey is packing down below, but she's about to find out. Like she just eyes wide open kind of deal. She's all, you're at least twice as big as my husband.

And this isn't just any random Midland Texas housewife either. She's pretty prominent and well known. She was a deep and air church. No. ♪ Oh happy day ♪

♪ Oh happy day ♪ ♪ Oh happy day ♪ ♪ Oh happy day ♪ Next time on the handyman of West Texas. Things get graphic.

She's grabbing my cog when I'm on the floor and link kind of leverage in herself on top, kind of aiming herself so she could start struggling me. And she's like, you gotta give me a minute

because I've never taken anyone as big as you before.

But this housewife is extremely determined. And before long, she's right in me like a wild woman and did she have an orgasm? She had several. ♪

♪

“If you want to help me find my happy place,”

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