"Colin Jost"

- Well, what kind of shirt you have on? What is that? - It's kind. - It's cotton. - What's that?

(laughing) - It's on the front. - It's a thing. - It's a rooster. - It's a rooster.

“- Well, no, it's a Liverpool football club.”

- Oh, what is mine say? - Yeah. - And you're says, "Out of office." - Yeah. - Where did you get that particular freebie?

- I used to work. - Listen, I can't wait to hear this,

but let's do an old loose one, let's first.

- Welcome to Spartless. - Spartless. (upbeat music) - Sweet sweet willy is over on the pond. Across the pond?

- Across the pond? - I'm in Liverpool. - Wait, why are you there? - My home away from home. I'm doing a little thing with the club.

- Why? - And with our friends at Tommy Hill figure, shout out Tommy Hill figure. - There it is. We've got it.

- Was it ever Thomas, when did he go shorter with it, have you asked him? - I have an, I haven't asked him. I'm gonna have dinner with him later. - Oh, sounds like a perfect opportunity.

- Which is, which is why it's gonna be. - And yeah. - So Shawnee, you're back in Los Angeles. - Oh, I got you. - You got you. - You got you.

- Incredible, successful run. - What a run.

- What a run. - What a run. - He's got himself an Olivier award already from this thing. We will see what our friends over at the Tony. - No, no. - He's got a knee. - He's got a knee. - He's got a knee.

- No, no. - No, no. - No, no, Jay, the Olivier's from Gunnar Oscar. - Oh, the Olivier was for a good night Oscar. - Good night Oscar. - He was still giving work. - He was giving work. - Yeah, yeah, he sure did.

- No way. - Yeah, I think crazy. But Shawnee, yeah, so we haven't, we haven't started the award circuit yet for the unknown. It's called the unknown, but you can't, because it's not Broadway.

- So, I mean, - Off Broadway has no awards. - It does, but, and I got nominated for the one that they do, which I, it's called, I forgot what it's called, but is it called off to a very nice, it's off to a knee, yeah. - Oh, look. (laughs)

- Are they called the tennis? - The tennis. - Let me ask you a question.

“If you're off Broadway, do you need to go back stage”

and say hi to people? (laughs) - No, you do not.

You do not have to do that.

- We, but Sam Rock? - Well, your ears must have been burning. Sam came backstage. - Oh, I know you're working with Sam Rock and Roll. - He's so nice. - He's so fast.

- Yeah. - He's so sweet, yeah. - And yeah, I just got back two nights ago, it was great. And by the way, you know, the adrenaline dump, right? After, don't you guys feel that after you do a movie or a TV show or a play or anything like that?

When you're done, you just like, oh, man. And usually you get sick, because the body knows it's now, but now it can be ill. - Right. - But you came back and did you, what was your illness? Just basic nausea from all the saturated fats?

- Yeah, I ate so much. I'm playing back, I ordered everything that I could. - You ordered food on the plane? - Yeah, all the time. - Yeah.

- Does it like a menu? - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. - I just wanted to order that. - I had the chicken, the beef, I had a hot fridge Sunday. - You can't order two entrees on the plane.

- Yeah, you did. - And I had like three pretzel rolls. I was so hungry because I hadn't eaten in three months 'cause of the plane. I lost all that weight.

Anyway, who cares? - Wait, why didn't you eat during the play? - Because it's the whole thing I told you,

“if you're like, you have to watch what you eat when you eat”

and you can't eat before a show because of acid reflux and then you can't talk 'cause then you're constantly clearing your throat. - It's a whole thing. - It's a whole thing. - Well, where does this spaghetti bowl in is

with a side of sweetest shit, spit it. - So that can, that comes after. - I've got it. - After when I get home after, like I texted you guys a two-show day, I'm like, oh no, no, no, no.

- No, we saw the picks, man. - Yeah, you don't think the acid reflux would come from a midnight bowl of bowl in use? - No, because I stay up long enough for it to not happen. - Oh, six or seven hours.

- No. - No, stay up, stay up. - Stay up, it's done like you're going for a walk. When you say step, you're sitting on the couch and just letting it sit.

- This is correct. Why don't you sleep in an upright position that way you can just eat? - I do some tell the last possible moment. - I do want to get like a, you want to get like a sleepable toilet in order to mean the past.

(laughing) - Like, think it, you could be. - You remember how like in Clockwork Orange, he had his eyelids draped open? Yeah, maybe you do that with your valve.

- Oh, yeah. - Just a tube right in there with the whole eyes. - And just go right to sleep. Guys, my guest today. - Why don't you just throw it in the toilet

and cut out the middle man, you could know what I mean. (laughing) Throw it in the toilet. - I hope your guest understands your dark, dark offensive humor.

- He loves it actually, which is good. - Okay, my guest couldn't speak until he was almost four years old.

- When he finally did, he says he sounded like a member

of the soprano family. His mom was chief medical officer at the New York City Fire Department.

“She survived the collapse of the South Tower”

on September 11th, oh my God. - He once went through 12 dumpsters looking for his wife's lost engagement ring. They named their son Cosmo. He co-owned a decommissioned statin island fairy,

which he has called the single dumpster's job. - Oh, please welcome the long-term serving. - We can update anchor and set it in his life. - Yeah. - It's the hilarious and charming college.

- I think I got it first. - College of Truth be the best. - Oh my God. - What's up? Michael Chay here.

- Hey, how come you guys? - What is up? - What? - What? - What's up guys?

- I loved hearing that. - You guys are amazing. - That can't be true. - That can't be true. I learned a lot about you guys.

- Oh, you're, by the way, you're - It's unsurprising. - You're in your office right now. I can tell by the ceiling. - Yeah.

- Yeah, true. - Yes, these are definitely asbestos, the ceilings that are still here. - Those are the kind of ceilings that you can stand on the chair.

Lift up one of them and hide stuff up there. Put the square right back down. - Definitely. - That's what you could have. - And this one, you see, has a large stain

of some kind of chair since before I moved in. - Yeah, something up there is leaking that was hidden. - They came, they came to the S&O offices like five years ago, and they said, listen over the summer, you got a clear stuff out,

we're removing asbestos from all the offices. And I was like, I've been in this office for 15 years. - I don't know what. - Too late. - Too late, too late.

- They just found that out. - You wanna call one of those commercials that come on late at night with those doctor. You should join a class action. - I mean, well, I have that,

and I've got my vaginal mesh that I've got all about. - No, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, what's the problem? - It's all down. (laughing)

- The mesh is separating? - Yeah, the mesh is, it sounded great at the time. He's like, you wanna do this, vaginal mesh sound so cool, but then, of course. - Yeah, what does it tell me?

What is it, but just by the way, what is that? - I don't mesh. - By the way, I wanted to ask too, but I was afraid I didn't know.

(laughing) - By the way, just wanted to ask more of that. - Get more serious of the question. - Well, I did wanna get back to the asbestos, and I wanted to pitch calling,

“'cause I think I've pitched you guys before,”

and I don't remember your response, but calling, could you please? Let me know if you think this, I'm thinking about getting into a mold removal, a mold removal business based on just the company name

that I've got down, it's called adjacent abatement, and I think I'd just go into that business, I'll do pretty well, just based on the title, and just the joke, the joke alone. - The paint on the side of the vans,

the bus bench is stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I'll get some nice traffic. - Oh, when people have extensive mold in their house, they just wanna laugh, they just... (laughing)

I think I wanna know they can laugh. - Well, they're looking for a pod. (laughing) - I mean, I hope we find some mold, 'cause I just wanna call a chase in abatement.

(laughing)

- By the way, I've never heard that.

- It's fine, right? - Colin, thanks so much for doing this. - You're in being here. - Thanks for having me. - 'Cause it's busy.

What is it, Thursday night? This is a busy time for you. - We are off this week, I just came here, 'cause I was doing something nearby, and I've seemed like a good place to,

it's so quiet here. - Well, that doesn't sound shady doing something nearby. - I was doing something nearby. (laughing) - It'll get out.

- Are you bugging Lauren's office again? - Oh, I'm not away. - Not away, he would see it. - Have you seen the new Lauren documentary? - I did, I just, we went to the, I guess, premiere of it.

That was Ed Lincoln Center last week. - Yeah. - Have you guys seen it yet? - No, yeah, right. - No, yeah, right. - It was very, I was funny.

There's people, you know, a lot of people in it really funny. And I found it kind of moving. I don't know that I even necessarily learned anything about him, in fact. - Right. - In some ways, he seems less known

to have having seen it, but it was, I found it kind of moving because he is very much him. And it felt like it was of his, in his voice weirdly. I don't know. - Yeah.

- I love that he's finally allowed somebody to like kind of dig in, right?

“- Yeah, I don't, I think the thing that people don't know”

about Lauren and you can test this, Colin is, that Lauren's really funny. - Yeah. - He's, he's, Lauren is very dry. - He's really funny.

- Yeah. - Yeah, and he is, he is funny in it. Like he's funny in it, but the, he'll, you know, someone will be talking with an idea on whatever Friday night and pitch something, and he'll just look at them

and be like, idiot. (laughing) - He's like a very, he'll do things

that are very out of character and always very surprising

in funny, but it is, it's funny, he's funny in it. And he, he lets them go to like his house and amicance, it is house and main. And you see like, not like all the inside of the house, but like you see where why he goes to those places

- Yeah. - It's, I was surprised at that. - Yeah, he seems very kind of, when I, when I worked there, when I did the show 80, I think 83 years ago.

(laughing)

He was always a little, he's scary if you don't know 'em,

you know, because he's a little off-putting. Like, like, he doesn't speak much, so you don't know where you stand with him, at least that was my. - Yeah, he's kind of, yeah, he's kind of reserved

until-- - What have Colin, what have Colin just like, what are you talking about? He talks to everybody, like, he's like, "Oh, he's never been knocked out, dude." - She's like, "I was down going there." - Oh, he's like, "What are those ton of jokes?"

- And you got it. - You got it. - You got it. - You got it. - Oh, I'm down. - Oh, my goodness. (laughing) Colin, I think we've the first time we ever met was,

John only last year, Robert Downey's part, birthday party, right? - Yeah. - I think first time. - Yeah, first time. And you were so kind enough, you remember this?

“You mailed me the form that you have to fill out”

to get a face mold on Saturday night live. You mailed it. Do you remember mailing that to me?

- And I had for Louis to get it to do with Louis?

- I don't know, but it was like a format with my polaroid on it, and all my measurements, and my had measurements to get like a mold. And you just sent it to me. I was like, "Oh, that's so nice."

- I happened to, yeah, like, see this, you know, I think Jodie who does all the wigs and Louis does, I think they had all these things and they were kind of getting rid of them. And I was like, "Wait, some of these are...

I'd be cool." Like, they're also some of them are historic and everything would be. - It's a cool, it's like a cool momento to have. - Did you go ahead and get the face mold?

- Measurements, Sean? - Yeah. - And did you have a couple of spares made up of my face? - Oh, yeah. - Well, just walk a little while.

- You can realize this. - Good Jason and I make masks and go as you for Halloween. - Or if you wanted to scare the shit out.

- For just target practice and stuff like that.

- Why were you excited about pursuing a face mold? - Well, you have to. You did it. You're supposed to start out there. Didn't you get a face mold?

- I don't remember. And I don't think everybody can crack down the information on how to get one myself. - It's a whole bit of plastic. - It's a plastic.

- How do you have to get one?

“- You have to get one with you and Scott.”

- You probably did it and you probably blocked it out because you can't breathe, you know, you're brushing your face. - You're just straws in your nose 'cause your mouth has to stay steady.

- Yeah, I'm good. - It's very claustrophobic and-- - But did Sean, did you get information from Colin about how you can go ahead and get another face mold of yourself?

- Yeah, well, all that information's on the form that they make for you. - Yeah. - So now I have it. Anyway, let's move on.

So we're not going to leave this. - Now you have it and that's a great thing. - Yeah. - Yeah, why not? - Just in case you might want to make a face mold of yourself.

- Unless my head is shrunk or grown or something, it should be the same, right? Colin. - Oh, man. - You gotta get a new model every five years.

(laughing) - By the way, by the way, right, Colin, like is it going fucking nose and reggae shots? - Do you get the button? - How does trust us?

- He keeps tabs on me. - He just found a piece of paper and he was like,

“here's the person that you should talk to.”

- He's not impressed. - No, no, then I went back to the files. I was like, these measurements are a little off from the last time. - That's what I'm saying.

- That's what I'm saying. - All right, you know the famous thing about Jeff Daniel, was got it done, right? When he was posting, they set the mold in the wrong way. So it stuck fully to his face and he was stuck

with just the straws and his nose for hours and they had to chisel it off his head. And he has all this sort of scoring, not scoring, but almost burns from it and then had to close the shelf. - No way.

- Yeah, that's a fucking nightmare, man. - You could still, you could still, you could still sip Coca-Cola through, like he could still drink something. - Oh yeah, so he was fine.

- Yeah, no worries. - You can still taste the Coke. - Yeah, you can still fill, you have your sugar soda sugar, don't worry. - Has anybody ever put Swedish fish in a burger?

(laughing) - Okay, what's your go-to tackiest, awful snack, Colin? What do you, what do you, what are you ashamed of? - You still keep it pretty tight. - I'm fine, I eat, I don't eat great.

Like I don't, I don't have any discipline to eating and drinking, but I'll eat Swedish fish, actually at SNL, 'cause there's like a pot. Every Tuesday when there's a writing night, they used to come in when you're up all night

and just pour a pile of candy, like cover the entire writers room and candy. And so I would have all Tuesdays, I used to, you know, eat candy all the time and then up all night, there was one time

in Lauren's office Wednesday after the table read, where I was having like heart palpitations. - Yeah, I have that amount. - But I know having a heart attack. - Yeah, I thought that was some stress or something.

- It was a combination of stress, not sleeping,

and I thought I was having a heart attack

and like called the doctor, and I, you know, in Lauren's office. - What did, what was it, A-Fibb, you know? - Patdles wants to know what it was. (laughing)

- Well, Jimmy Kimmel called me Patdles, 'cause I've had so much A-Fibb, so many times. (laughing) - It was not, it was not, it was just, yeah, it was like a probably a panic attack, essentially,

that was brought on by, but you haven't had one sense. - No, and the doctor I went to is like, it'll be, you've got to try to sleep a little, and you've got to, you can't have sugar all night, like that, or, you know, it was like whatever.

- Sugar doesn't make you suck, sugar makes me so tired, that sugar peak, and then the crash, I go right to sleep. - It didn't affect me. - I can't run or sleep, it doesn't matter. - Here we go.

- But it was just in an age where I was like, it didn't matter, and then it caught up with me at some point. I was like, "Uh-huh." - Colin, wait, talked to me about this, I found this fascinating, what do you mean

you didn't talk to you for four years old? What does that mean? And then, and then I read that it wasn't Tony's soprano that you sounded like, because I was like, "Oh, you must have compared himself

"to Tony's soprano when you opened up his mouth." But what do you mean you didn't do that? - I said Carmella, I was soprano. - Carmella, Carmella, that's right, Carmella. - Like, I was, I just videos of me, like,

trying to, like, sell a bike that I had. It's like, "Yeah, it's pretty good, it's got two wheels. "You really can get it, I got brakes. "But I'm genuinely talking like that, and I'm sick." - Really? - 7.

- When does a kid usually talk? I forget with my kids, it was like one, or like, 18 months of like that. They start kids typically, like, yeah, 18 months around that.

“And I think it's almost always before two,”

or usual. - Yeah, and girls before guys, I think. - Yes, yeah, and people are a little later, but I think it was just getting to a little bit of a more extreme place where they didn't know what was going on, my parents. - What were your first words?

- Will. - No shit. - Yeah, I'm not just saying that, I mean, I don't know. - Of course, I believe I'm looking at your face, and I know that you're not just saying that.

- That's incredible. - And that's it.

And then I didn't say another, anything else for five more years. - My brother, why bother? - Why bother? - That was Jason. - Jason, the bait man. - Jason, the bait man. - Because there have been so much mold in my brain.

- So I knew it. - And there was nothing, they didn't pursue any sort of reason. There's no diagnosis, it was just, just weren't ready. - Something, and yeah, my mom said she wasn't worried because it seemed like I was comprehending everything

that they were saying, I just wasn't saying anything. - A lot of, and I went to, like, a lot of men, some of these special, a speech specialist at Stad Island University Hospital, which maybe sounds like I was set up for you.

- Yeah, but Joe, but, and-- - I mean, you do your own. - Everybody become their own math on that one. (laughing)

“I like that, I think you were just nodding a lot,”

you nodding a lot, and doing a lot of winking. It was winking a lot of people. (laughing) (laughing) - So we knew it was cool, we knew it was cool.

- Oh, Doctor, not just following. (laughing) - He was winking and doing the hands where he makes the curve. - Oh, God.

(laughing) - He's so think he's, he's funny. - And then walking, there was no pausing in the walking. The walking was, was on time. - I was walking so much, walking, walking like walking.

- Because I couldn't stop walking. - Okay. - Well, night, all through the night. It was basically, they based, they based, that Har, of the Har movie this year, weapons on me,

'cause I would just walk out through the woods. - Right. - The arms out, like you're floating. - You know, I remember when my middle son, Abel, was, you know, he wasn't walking.

He was like 13 months. He was a little bit later, and, you know, his older brother walked over a year, 'cause I know. So we were nervous. - No.

- And not really, but we, and I remember my, I remember Amy being like, when it's just like he's not walking. He's not walking, and I go,

she goes, hey, he's never gonna go, look out on the street.

“Do you see people dragging themselves by their hands?”

(laughing) Pulling themselves along the sidewalk? (laughing) He's gonna get it. - Okay.

- He's gonna pick it up, yeah. - I know you last people, like, what are you doing? I never picked up walking. (laughing) Wasn't for me.

- I never picked it up. - I never knew in New York. - In New York, you might be like 20 to 40 of those people. (laughing) - Well, that was just not for them.

- Yeah, it's just not for them. - We'll be right back. And now, back to the show. - All right, so I wanna talk about something that you're probably so sick of talking about,

but I don't know anything about it, which is the statin island fairy about with Pete Davidson. Because I've seen you tell jokes about it on the show and so on and so on and so on. And I was laugh, 'cause I kinda know the gist of a bit,

but why and what was the plan and what's the goal and all of that? Because you paid, like, you still have to pay,

- You still pay. - Exactly, exactly. - Exactly, exactly.

“Questions of financial advisor asked me.”

- And what is the plan and what is the...

- Is it just fun? - But was it because of your, because these guys don't Jason and Will are nobody, when I was doing my research about your reading, is the journey you took an hour and a half every single day

to go to school from statin island to Manhattan, and you took the statin island fairy? - I took this, I actually, this one. - Oh, you did. - Oh, you did.

- It was exactly, it was this one. Which is again, I explained to my friends and they're like, "Yeah, but you also took the subway, "you didn't want to buy one of those." (laughing)

- All right, all right. - All right, but it was, it's named after JF. It was commissioned for JF, John F. Kennedy, when he after he died. And it was, it was usually the 7 a.m. fairy that I took.

I got, 'cause I went up to the high school called Regis High School that's up on the upper side and it's free if you get in. It's a really great school. And so most people that go don't live in Manhattan, most people come from Brooklyn, Queens, statin island jersey,

even up to date.

“- And what's about an hour and a half every day?”

- Yeah, I took the bus. - They're in bad. - On. - Each way, yeah, bus, fairy, subway. - How old were you? - How old were you?

- I did it 14 to 18, it's just high school, they don't have it. But it was so, I mean, now it seems like a lot, but now everything seems like less of a trip.

It's like so, and I was never,

and once you're there, you're in Manhattan with your friends. - So it was fun. - It was fun. - You'd use the time for homework and whatnot. - Yeah, you wouldn't really feel the,

yeah, I never, I really never rarely did homework at home because it was such a trip. - Jason went to school on an actual bus, and the school was on a bus. - Which is true.

- On a bus. - Is that true? - Yes, that's true. - How does that work? - Not well.

- A lot of massaging, that's also here. There was some massaging. - Also true, ask 'em, please call 'em, fall out.

“- What is the need to why it has massaging get involved?”

No bus I'm ever on is like, and between two of massages, yeah. - This is one of my favorite areas.

This is second only to Ernest Borgneye,

jerking the fall over his house. Keep going, Jason, go. (laughing) - This was an experimental school. - I'm a friend of my father's,

started one of these things that is home out in Calibassas, and it was called Heartlight, one word. - Heartlight, like L-I-G-H-D light? - That's right. - And there were, because Calibassas, as you know,

you're familiar with the city here, it's a great deal of traffic about another hour and a half, just like yours, from Calibassas into the city. And so there were city days and country days. The city days we'd go in and see the museums, okay?

And so they thought a good way to take advantage of that traffic time is to run classes in the back of this bus, you know? 'Cause they were an incredibly progressive group. And so we did that, there did be some motion sickness.

And then on the country days, that's when we get into all the fun electives like Massage. (laughing) - It's true. - It's true. - It's true. - It's true.

- It wasn't an accredited school, Colin, I don't wanna paint a fucking die. - You're gonna create an architecture picture here. - Yeah, I mean, every scene will have harder. - It's funny.

- It's funny. - I love, I love Jackie Bates so much. - And I pay for it. - At my own pocket, I was forced to pay for the school. (laughing)

- And now like regular bus fare, like school fare. - No, no, no. - I did this in the bus fare. - Massage is extra, and did you tip? - Two is like the tip.

(laughing) - Did they pay you? - Yeah, yeah. - It depends if I'm giving or receiving on that. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, was the massaging.

So, Colin, would it create a sounds like such a great idea, concept? Well, might as well use the journey for the school. - Sure. - By the way, that part makes kind of sense in that way,

right like that? - It's a lot of way. - How to applaud them for the idea. - Yeah. - And it's sitting so long on the bus,

you gotta provide massages. - It's worth getting away from it pretty soon. - The doughnut, they had to give each kid to sit on, you know, there's so much class time on the bus. (laughing)

- Not great. - Anyway, Colin. - Well, anyway, so I texted Pete, which is a wrong person to text with when you have an idea like this, and I was like, should we buy this?

- Right, 'cause that's going on. - The city was auctioning it. And he was, yeah, he was a me. He was like, fuck yeah, we gotta do this. So, and I texted my dad, who's a teacher on Sten Island,

and he literally was like, did you do your homework, which is such a teacher thing to say? And I was like, dad, I'm just sort of texting you as a formality. - I'm already bought the boat, and I texted,

it's currently like, guess what, we own a ferry now,

- What did they say in operation? - It was in operation until they, until they, there was a new boat that came in.

And the new boat costs like 300 million to build.

So I was like, I'm getting an old one for only 280,000. - Right, this is a deal. - That's all the ferry cost was 280,000 dollars. - Yeah, and I thought, as a real, I thought,

I was thinking in a real estate way, if you put it somewhere, it's 70,000 square feet. - Oh my god. - I was like, if you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you've suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront.

- Yeah, and that was where it was at the palace. - Was that the palace, Garlet? - That could be a school. - That could be a, like three, three school. (laughing)

- Can the garden an elementary school in high school?

“- Did you have to explore that opportunity?”

Like, that you could actually park it there on the East River and kind of have yourself a little, a little, not a little house, right? - Yes, we are in the process of doing that.

And it's a long process because all the waterfront stuff

is just, there's environmental, there's, so we're in that process, and I think we're actually getting close to that process having a dedicated spot. - No, wow.

- Yes, I joke about it a lot, but it is, and we've done some events on it, where we really have already made back the money. We've invested, and the money we've spent on stuff to dock it and all that.

So it's very mis-reported that it is some sort of crazy money pit. - Amen, I'm not your dad, I'm not your dad. You don't have to go, it's going to be fine. - It's going to be fine, 'cause this is a good financial sign where you're like, it's fine.

- What's a home run, what's the goal with it? What's it's part here? - I think the goal, a home run for me is like, it's a thing that could be used for an event space, but also has like a norm, like an everyday purpose of,

like two versions of it to me are like, it could be an operating entertainment club, like a place where you can go, like you could have parties or there's regular parties on it. - Well, service or whatever.

- And then like, I grew up in a garden of a stand-on. I went to this place, so there was called the Great Kills Swim Club, that was like a swim club where people would just go and the kids could all hang out. The adults could hang out, and I could imagine creating

a place like that, that's not like a weird fancy members club, but it's actually more like middle class in a minute. - It just pays, you go and go play to use it. - Yeah, and you play it, and like there's a pool on the top and a diving board off the ground.

- Yeah, and you have to be crazy. - You just dive into the East River and enjoy yourself. - Really enjoy yourself. - Really swept down. - I was really touching a swim club on the East River.

- Yes, like put a pool on the roof deck. - Put the pool, the diving board into the pool, not into the river. - It's like a cruise ship that doesn't leave. - A cruise ship that doesn't leave, but for families,

and it would be actually a great, like people would spend summers there, and then it's also movable. So then half a year would be Miami, and it would be, you'd have that in the winter when it's cold here, and you'd have summer there,

and I think it could be great for you. - To Miami now, now I'm seeing the Carmella Suprado and this is a good picture. - Then we go to Miami, we take over the final eye racket. (laughing)

- Oh my God. - So I gotta say I'm kind of sold on this car, and you kind of got me a little bit. And then you'd have weddings and people already want to rent it out, and we will do,

we've done it a couple times, but we'll do it when we have a permanent spot it just makes the economics way better. - Yeah.

- And it's all about economics, ultimately.

- Sure, of course, sure.

“- And then you registered in Liberia, what, what's it?”

(laughing) - Yes, we're very open to pirates, if anyone wants to know, I can't wait, I'm gonna approach it on a zodiac with a muffle of cat, a QAC.

(laughing) - Or we were, I feel like the cat used to just fall. Have you been doing anything? - I feel like we're not. - What is cat fall?

- What is cat fall? - Well, the cat. - It's like a plant you chew that has like a create almost a combo of cocaine and hallucinogenic cheese.

- You think you read about it that it makes you, it's the phrase I read was it makes you immune to atrocities, which is such a good description. - I think there was a lot of you should have been sort of in the form of Africa, right?

Am I right about that? - Yeah. - And so in a lot of, they accused a lot of these pirates of who would go and commit piracy of chewing on it and it makes you just do crazy shit.

- It didn't appetite to press in as well. It could give you, it's like a, you know, you know, this sounds like a fucking silver bullet. (laughing) Where does one, you do need to be in the southern tip

of Africa to find it? - No up in the, like up near sort of Somalia, Ethiopia up in there. - You're a tree, yeah. - You're a tree and it's closer.

- Yeah, you're a tree out, yeah, like right in there. It's very part of the, you see these huge bushels of it is terrific.

“I gotta go, I'll get you a number of, are you on one lap?”

(laughing)

(laughing)

- Wake up, let me take it.

So Colin, you go to the school,

“you go to the school 'cause you're really smart.”

- Well, no, well, say the school is Harvard. - No, I'm just Harvard. - I'm talking about the school. - Oh, that's very different. - Oh, sorry.

- For Regis, yeah, yeah. - From there, you get into Harvard evidently based on your academic merits. I'm guessing. - As opposed to what do you mean,

and I'm not a traditional athlete? - Well, I'm not an athlete. - Well, I'm not an athlete. - I'm not an athlete. - Well, you don't, you don't have your name on a building

is what I'm saying, like, over. - That's true. - Yeah. - So, not even on my own ferry. (laughing)

- So, at a heart, at a heart, at a heart. - Good, well. - No, no, I was gonna say you go take it over Harvard. - No, no, no, I was just gonna say, you know, you got involved with the lampoon, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah, and then you wrote 80 pieces before you got one accepted. - What's the funny? - Yeah, trying out for it. - Tell me. - Tell me.

- There was a time calling five years ago, we're shot. - Shot was a designated best interviewer. - You want anything to fall for that, any where we're going to fall for a cast with the best. - The fall of for him and his questions.

- Okay. - And since that nomination, he's gotten tight and he can't spit it out. And no, he didn't go, no, you'll be quiet. (laughing)

- No, because I wrote down a bunch of stuff that I know you did in the middle. You get a given to your best one. It's a tie, like, find the best one in there and you give it a hand.

“- Well, wait, 80 sketches, none of them picked up, right?”

(laughing) - I would stop 80 failures, but I would stop it too, like you really want to be here. - How did you get involved in Lampoon? - Oh, that sounds better. - I don't know what you did.

- I don't know what you did. (laughing) Did you guys have any weird, like you ever heard of it? I mean, I heard of the National Lampoon. - Yeah, I mean, but I didn't know what it meant.

- I didn't know what it meant. - What it meant was until I started knowing some of those SNL guys who would come out of it, right? - Yeah, so for Tracy, it is literally a magazine at the school. - Yeah, it's just a magazine

that has been there. It's actually the 150th anniversary is coming up in like a week. So we're going back, like a bunch of that cone in and a bunch of people are all gonna go back and for this thing, which was like a student magazine

and then like a precursor to like kind of like something like the onion or even like Mad Magazine, right? - Something like that. - Yeah, people from there started like spy magazine

back in the day, which I never made that.

But that was, and they started, they did like Lampoon, magazines and yearbooks and stuff, and then...

“- spy magazine was, I remember in the New York”

in the United States, but I magazine was phenomenal. - Yeah, I loved it. - It was okay, and there were so many people you mentioned Conan, so many incredible comedy minds, sort of big sort of icons of comedy.

You include it, come out of the Lampoon. - A lot of people, it was like back in the day, it was a lot of writers, like literary writers, you know, like John Updike and George Plimpton and George Santiana and all these like people,

and also business, like William Randolph first was a member, there's a business board. So he, a lot of, he helped fund the building that's there like this Lampoon Castle, and he and Isabella Stewart Gardner,

who has the museum, who had the museum in Boston, she collected a lot of stuff that went to that museum on the same trip with him, and he, a lot of the stuff he got went to the Lampoon, which was a bit of a feeder for SNL too, isn't it?

- Yeah. - Yeah, so like around the 70s, 80s, a lot of it with this guy Jim Downey, who, I'm sure you guys have met through these, but he went to SNL in the, he was a writer

the first year at SNL of SNL, and then after that, people kind of saw that you could write in comedy instead of necessarily only writing novels, and then people started getting into it there, but I didn't, so I didn't know having awareness of it

when I went, like I went to school for economics, weirdly, and I didn't have any idea that there was, like a humor magazine or anything like that,

and I had always done comedy things,

but you didn't know it was really a job. - Well, you did. - And it wasn't a destination for you to get into comedy. - And it just didn't, yeah, I didn't know you could really,

like I didn't seem like a real thing, and so that was the first place where I went, and people just were really funny, and I wanted to hang out there, and then I started learning that people would graduate

and go apply and work at different shows. - And then, so did you just apply for SNL? How did that happen? - Yeah, you just called some, I actually submitted a packet, and then it was just a wrong time of year.

I submitted it and so no one read it. - No, no agent, no nothing, you just did it yourself. - You mailed it in yourself. - No, no agent, nothing, and I submitted it, and no one looked at it because it was the wrong time of year.

and then I ran into someone who had been in the Lampoon,

“who was like, I heard it, you have to submit in the summer”

in like June or July, whatever the deadline was. And so I put together another packet and submitted it, and I was just lucky there was a ton of turnover. I wrote like six sketches, and there was a bunch of writers that left, and then I got, like Tina was

one of the headwriters, Harper Steele, and they liked something that was in there and brought me an interview and then I interviewed with Lauren, which was insane, and then just it was very lucky that there was an extra spot.

And I was probably the last person hired, and I got hired with Samberg and Samberg, again, Sadekis and Bill Hader and Kristen Wig, and then they'll loan the island guys, Yorma and Akiva, and a guy Brian Tucker who came from,

and Sadekis was just hired as a writer first for that first. - Yeah, yeah, that was, he just started, he had just got hired into the cast when I started.

So that was the aid of us, that's amazing.

- That's amazing. - And how old are you when you started? - 22.

“- And so, so you go into school to study economics,”

was there ever a thought that there would be a career in economics, so I got to declare a major and let's have it be this? - I think I thought I could maybe work. I mean, I interned at like Merrill Lynch

when I was in high school, and I just thought that was, the instant island, like they were certain, all my family was firefighters, like my home mom, my mom was in the fire department, my grandpa, my great grandpa.

So that was like a clear path I knew, and then from set out, like people would go, take the ferry to Wall Street, there were people that worked in finance,

and then obviously there was a guy new about being a doctor

or being a lawyer, like those were the kind of jobs that I understood, and so I sort of thought, I would do something in that range, like I would do work in finance, or I would try to be a doctor someday,

or try to be a lawyer. - And then so then, so then you start to get the kind of this being your bonnet for comedy. Did you like talk to me about the calculation, you were making at, so you're sitting at Harvard,

where you really whatever field you decide to study and get your diploma in, get your degree in. You've got a pretty good sort of base salary to assume there, and it's like picking what you're going to get your degree in

“is kind of you're declaring what your life is going to be,”

and it's gonna be gonna be pretty good. And so you're thinking comedy economics, or I can study this, at what point were you kind of like all in, it's gonna be gonna go into comedy writing, or did you, did you, did you mitigate that risk

by minoring in something else, like just walk me through that? - I, you know, my parents definitely were worried, you know, just once I was going down a comedy path, I mean, when I was there, I switched, so I switched from economics to, when I declare,

I declare I was gonna be economics, but then when you actually had to declare, I studied Russian literature, like I went. - That's lucrative. - I was reading a bunch of books, and so I was like,

and then at some point I had to learn Russian, I had to live in St. Petersburg for a summer, and I was going down that path. - But what was just, let's pause everyone's life. - Yeah, why Russian literature,

what was, what was super important. - Are you a Russian asset? (laughing) - Being a British great cop. - I'm open to it, are they?

(laughing) - I just liked the books. I just liked reading, I read in high school, I read some Nabokov and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky books and senior year.

I liked them, so I wanted to read more, and then I just kept going down that line. Like I didn't have a plan for it. I certainly wasn't assuming it was gonna be a career. - Right.

- Can you speak Russian? - I was, yeah, fluent in Russian. - Yeah, that's crazy. - That's awesome. - Okay, all right, so then I, sorry,

then I realized, I guess, when I was at the lampoon, that most of the things I did in my life leading up to that were kind of comedy versions of what I did. Like I ran the school newspaper, but I did the comedy, you know,

broke comedy for it rather than like regular news. I was working on a newspaper, but I mostly wanted to write comedy there. I performed in plays and musicals, but I really only cared about the comedy part of it,

not the serious part of it. I did speech into debate, but I only did funny, like, or atories that I wrote, that were kind of versions of comedy, or performed funny things and didn't do any, you know.

So I just, I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was, even if I was doing it in these other ways, and that there's, there's not really a funny version of finance.

- But again, along with the statements, it's not, unless you buy a statin island there. - Yeah, but there's certainly some more predictable, financial security in the lane of economics as opposed to the world of comedy.

- You're talking about it. You're talking about it, like taking, making the bed on it and going all in. - Yeah. Yeah, I did, I just didn't have another plan,

“and I didn't, I honestly don't know that I could have imagined”

then going to law school or after that, I think I just decided that whatever version of it, it was gonna end up being, I was gonna enjoy being around people that were funny and doing things that I tried things that were funny.

- Regardless of the style that it necessarily matter. - It's so good. - I mean, I'm sorry, I've reasoned I keep hammering on this,

'cause you know, I've got a daughter that's in her first year

of college and even my youngest, the before-teen year old, she's, you know, they're both sort of like, you know, as kids do, wondering about, you know, am I doing the things that I should be doing

to set myself up for the best possible life and my making the right decisions? And I keep saying, well, as long as you're pointed at something, a lot of opportunity comes your way. And so you're gonna see some forks in the road

that might not necessarily be, you know, the lane you're on right now and that's good, that's okay, but you're not gonna find those forks unless you're driven in some direction on something, it doesn't matter what that is.

And so, I guess you're sort of a great example of that, that you're driving towards economics and you found comedy. - Yeah, and for her too, I mean,

“I think the pure element of it is so important to me.”

You know, you find people that are serious about something,

even if it's comedy and are really driven or really, you know, and then you learn from them, you're competitive in a healthy way with them, you're, you're hearing about opportunities from them eventually, you know, like when you're trying

to do things, or I think that's so important too. And so that you have a, you're not doing it in a vacuum. - Right. - Well, be right back. All right, back to the show.

- Well, so you go to ask now that you mentioned with all those dudes, how long was it before you got the update share? - Yeah, did you go with the intention of wanting to do update or did you go or did you just have it or like, no, no,

I wouldn't even, I wouldn't have conceived of that. I think I know Colin, I called you in here because I think you're ready. - What? - He did call him like that?

- He did call him, yes, he, I didn't even know why he was calling me in, and he's like, so you think you could do update? Like asking me. - Yeah, and I was like,

- Meanwhile, you'd only been a writer on the show for a year or two or three? - No, no, I'd been there for a while. So I mean, I'd been there for a long time. I was there, I was probably there eight years

or something, seven or three years. - Yeah, that's what I was getting. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause I got, and all I would've been happy to give any job and comedy, right?

Like, I applied everywhere that had a job. I wrote a rest of development spectrum script when I was going out. - Like, you told me this once. - And this, maybe I did, maybe I did tell you that, yeah.

- And that sounds familiar. - Well, I want to read this. - This is Job's story. - Sorry, well, that was Job's story or B-story. - I think it doesn't matter if it's okay. - I'm sure it was in it.

- Yeah, Job was in it. - Yeah, Job was in it. - But, so that, even though you made a song,

“I mean, the one, can I tell you the one thing I remember about it?”

Which is now, which is that it was for George Michael was self-conscious and wanted to lose weight. And so he tried, he tried joining a, what he saw was a recreation society, but it was a recreation society.

He got cast as Ben Franklin, and so ended up gaining a bunch of weight. (laughing) - That's really fun. - It's great for the man.

- So dumb. - Oh my God, it was for what I loved that. I think great fit. - So I wrote, I wrote a lot of these places, and I was very, you know, very lucky to get hired SNL.

And I felt like then I just wanted to be good at that and figure it out and enjoy it. I loved, I loved the on-camera aspirations. - No, no, I mean, but I had performing aspirations.

I just didn't think of it always as SNL related.

Like I did stand up, so while that time, I'm doing stand up in New York. - Oh, you are, okay. - Yeah, while I'm writing, I would go after, when there's nights that you could get out

and I would go to stand up like this. - Like if it were stellar or whatever. - Did you, did you ever, were there ever any summer, like end of seasons of SNL?

And you can be as honest as you wanna be, or where you were like, you know what? I'm gonna move, I'm gonna leave, I wanna do something else. Like did you ever have one of those moments

in those eight years before you got the update, Chair? - Yes, not, like not, 'cause it was sort of a little bit

where I got promoted to like a writing supervisor and then I got promoted to be head writer. And that was like a real honor that I love the idea of getting to do that someday. That was really important to me and I felt excited about that.

It was, I found it to be a really nightmarish job in a lot of ways because you're suddenly doing the same job you're doing, but you're also having to manage everyone you're working with. And that was a very weird period of time for me

because it also coincided with getting update, like it almost exactly coincided. So no, I suddenly, yeah, it was like maybe a year or a half a year that I was a head writer and then got update.

And, but I had, my only, as I was there for a little longer, I did like performing, I did like doing stand up.

“And honestly, I wanted to do some version of act,”

not necessarily acting like in a serious way, but performing in some way in a comedy way. And I thought, I've done this as a writer now. I thought maybe after a few years, if I, if I, if I, of being head writer,

maybe there would just be something else I'd want to do, or create a show as a writer, do something different. And then got this opportunity to do, to do update.

And then it was kind of went so badly at first for a while

that I then thought I was going to lose both jobs that I was going to be so bad at update. That was all really did not start with why did it go bad? What do you mean? I mean, I think Seth was leaving, Seth was leaving.

He was, you know, very loved doing the job. You know, I came in. I started with Cecily Strong. We only, we did like six episodes together. That's it at the end of the year.

And, you know, I think I just wasn't very good at it. It's a very, it's a hard thing to come in and do.

“And I don't, I think I was like really nervous”

and I probably, that I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it when I actually felt very much at sea and panicking people giving me all kinds of advice that was contradictory and I didn't know how to do it.

And then, and then basically in the summer,

I got told after those six episodes, I got told like, you might get to audition for it. And I was like, it seems like a bad sign to audition for the job you currently have. And then they tried me with different combinations of people

also, so like I did an audition with Leslie Jones. I did an audition with Vanessa Bear. I did an audition with Chris Kelly who's a really funny writer show, and I did an audition with Jay who I knew from stand up from before he came to SNL as a writer.

And I love the idea of getting to do with him because he's really funny, but I had no idea what, you know, what they were going to go with. And they also brought in Anthony Jeselmeck just to audition on his own like just to go in a totally different direction

and bring some little shame.

“And I'm sure he would have been very funny at it.”

And then they did these auditions. And then I didn't even know what was happening. And suddenly, so I was involved in all these processes of cast and hiring. And then suddenly, I was completely cut off really

from like all my friends for periods of time where everyone was probably nervous for me or I didn't know whether I should do the job genuinely, like not not that they were being bad friends, just probably were like, I don't know if he's right for it.

And then they picked me in Shea.

And then for like the first two years, at least,

we thought we were going to get fired every summer. Like we were put on suspension kind of or put on extension. And we didn't know whether we were going to get it or not. And then something sort of just started clicking really just we gave Lauren, we were lucky that he gave us enough time

to start figuring it out. And then it started feeling okay. And then it started feeling better and not like a huge existential crisis. - Oh, you guys have such a great dynamic.

You're so good at it. - When I got the funniest things that ever seen was and I couldn't believe I was watching it. And I can't believe it happened, which is Michael told the audience before you showed up to not laugh at one joke you said.

And that was the job. And I'm watching it going, "Oh my God, this is horrible to watch." - Yeah. - Like, did you, what was going through your head? - Like, it was like, it's all over.

It's not really. - 'Cause it was so perfect. - It was so perfect because I changed the joke between dress and air really on. And so he had told, he meant, by the way,

this is the most proactive Chey as ever been at the end of anything. He went and met with the audience before they loaded in, like, look them in the eyes and we're like, listen, you're not laughing.

I don't care, you do not laugh at everything, anything Colin says. - This is what they're doing downstairs. - This is while I'm waiting.

And he goes down and meets them. - Oh, that is so.

“- I remember watching it, I couldn't all leave it.”

- And then, so I changed one joke early on between dress and air. And so at air, it bombs. And in my hand, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have taken that swing. But it's perfect because I could still believe it's,

then he goes and he crushes. - Great. - All he killed. - He does two jokes. - So great.

Then it comes back to me and I tell next one, which worked really well at dress and it bombs. And I'm like, oh my God. Because I'm the first, I was like, oh, maybe it's a bad crowd. Then he crushes.

So I'm like, oh, no. - Meanwhile, he keeps looking at you like, oh, boy. - Yeah, it's just not leading. And then the fourth joke, bombs. And I'm truly thinking, like, my career's over.

Like, I feel like something's, it's a turn.

I'm never getting it back.

It's over. - Yeah. - And someone in that he had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, you stink after. (laughing) So simple, so simple, so dumb.

- So good. - John Higgins in, I just goes, you stink like old tiny heckling. - Not you, you stink, you stink, you're a bum. - And I heard that, and I was like, in full, you can tell if you look at it in shock.

And then she's like, dude, I gotta tell, I gotta tell you, I told him not to laugh and anything. And I was like, you mother fucker. - Yeah, it's so scary. - So it's like, it was so scary.

- Is this live? Is this on? - Live, yes, live. - Yes, live, and you're gonna be too bad. - You can do it. - It is so horrifying. - Now you know, and you'll look at, you know,

and it's, your face, I was genuinely traumatized for like two more shows. - Yeah. - 'Cause then the next show back, I didn't know what to, I didn't know what was coming. - Did you really start thinking about payback

or are you a gangster? - Of course. - By the way, did Chase run up by Lauren? - No, he just did a he went rogue. - He did, and I think basically, Lauren talked him into eventually telling me

versus never telling me. - Right, right, right. - Right, right, right. - And, which made it much better, actually, that he did tell me and otherwise would have been perhaps. - No, it's better to get your reaction

on camera and see it don't on you.

I mean, that's, but it's amazing.

- And then, and now what I love calling is you're appearing more and more as a Pete Hague Seth, which is so good, it's so good, it's so good. - But does any part of you get nervous about, you know, doing that at all?

- Well, on a couple levels, I mean, I, first of all, I get nervous even within an SNL world because it's suddenly a new thing and a new rhythm. Like, even though I've been there for so long, coming out in the cold open, is it's own fear?

- Yeah, but if you're all these years, it's good at it. - You've got to, you don't have to admit to this, but you've got to privately just be like, so excited to go out there and show off a little bit

because you're so goddamn good at what you do. Whether you're doing the update or doing headset, I mean, it's just, you've got to be, I'd love to see more, more, do in your thing.

“- I think it's one of my favorite politician impressions.”

- Yeah, yeah, it's really fun. That I can remember in the long, and I'm not just seeing that 'cause you're here, it's so good. But there is also the added, because, I mean, obviously, he's the secretary of war.

And, officially, right? That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a fierce bias. - Yeah, it's the only country in the world where we call that department, the department of war as opposed to department of war.

- I think it's fun that we've now let, there obviously letting school kids just name departments, is that what's going on? - So, you can tell the generals are just like, - Yeah, but, but is there a, to Sean's question?

Like, is there an added, is there another layer of trepidation as you've been, as much as you're comfortable telling us as there have been pushback in a weird way? - I don't, I mean, I'm definitely like a little nervous about, I kind of just think it's not.

It's such, in the scheme of things, like, probably, I hope barely on his radar, like, really does feel like there should be bigger, but there's bigger,

she's not tired on SNL, politically, always has been.

So, like, how is this going to make any big, huge wave

“if people are conditioned to look for satire politically?”

- I get some, I end up having a big night, he's got a couple cocktails on his belt, and then I start calling you. - They could be some vindictiveness. - Yes, what, I bet he loves it.

- When it was the, the first time I did it, my brother, my younger brother, my brother was like, it's just so great that America finally gets to see the real you. (laughing) - Well, that's what I was gonna ask,

what's like, so, like, what would you like to do more, I would love to see you do more acting,

Is it, was there, do you think you'd ever carve out some time to do more of that? - Well, you got to move it, coming out. - I would love it. - Yeah, I did this movie with Nate with Nate

for Getsy, who's, who I love, called the Brett winner. Brett winner, that's coming out. - Oh, so many nights. - So many nights. - Is what I've told.

“- And I have, I think I have a fun part,”

like Nate's basically forced to be a stay at home dad, because his wife goes on Shark Tank and hits, like gets a lot of traction. And then Shark, the Shark Tank scene is so funny, and this is really, it's so, so funny.

And the Shark's basically make Nate agree to be a stay at home dad, so his wife on camera. And I'm the only other stay at home dad in the neighborhood, and I'm really, I'm really scared he's taking over my territory.

(laughing) And he's like, really funny, yeah, that comes in. And it's so, and I was, I loved the script and he sent it to, you know, I was, people, I never think people really think of me

for things, so I was very grateful that they thought of me for it, and it was really fun to do. And I gotta say, getting a perform, not live, is even more liberating.

- Because you can just focus up swings,

and you know, it's, I never get a second chance at things.

- So if you could, if you could, if you could wiggle your nose and have full success come as a writer or as an actor, let's say in the next five or 10 years, like, let's say, go the route of like, you know, let's say Will Ferrell, or go the route

of like Mike's sure, it's tough, right? - You're good options, I mean, I would really love to do, to get to perform in something else, you know, a thing that's my own voice and get to create, I mean, you know it well,

like it's, you know, it's, it that would be really satisfying, I think that would be really fun. - And in the same project? - Yeah, maybe, I mean, I don't need to be, I don't need to be, I would rather be,

perform, get to perform, yeah. But I would, like, I would obviously be involved in some way, I don't think I would not be able to, but I would, I would like to figure out an idea, maybe ideally, both, where it's a world

that's my own, in my own mind too, I would love that. - And to think we almost lost you to Bear Stearns or something like that, yeah. - Wait, like, but I'll be doing so much better, I could be longer tired.

- Really? - But what about you? - You're going to Bear Stearns that would have been a disaster. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

“You could've become, you could've become Dandies, you know?”

- Oh, great Dandies, great Dandies, the best. - Colin, you also do Pop Culture Jeopardy, which is fantastic. - And is that the one that's on Netflix? - Yes, that's coming out of Netflix and May 11th.

- Season two, right? - Yeah, season two, yeah, it's, it's really fun. Like, I cannot believe the level of knowledge that all these teams have about Pop Culture, it's very, it's really scary.

- Well, I have, this is, I have a surprise for these guys, which is a clip, if Bennett can play in a Rob really. - Yeah, we don't think we've ever run a clip before.

- We've never done a clip before.

- Let's go to the clip, oh my God. - Three. (laughing) - In a category of so-help me, Pod. The smart, less podcast is hosted by this trio of funny guys, Anna Marie.

- Who is Sean Hayes? - That is one, Alex. - Who is Eric McCormick? - Oh, no, he's sorry, he's right. - Steve, who is Will Arnett?

- That is the second and Ashley. - Who's Fred Armeson? - That is a person, but no. (laughing) - Justin?

- Who is Hayes? - I'm sorry.

“- He's hurt, while we were missing Jason Bateman,”

but the other two are gonna be very happy to throw in Jason's. (laughing) - Got it, it's gonna hurt in the renegotiations, but thanks for running the clip. (laughing)

- So let's go, let's go round the board. We'll start with you Jason. (laughing) - All right, that sounds so great. - So you know what that Jason and Bateman

started look pretty good, huh? (laughing) - All right, hold doesn't sound so bad, I don't know. - So this was not turn of in a champions, I guess. You know, these weren't the world beaters.

- No, these were the most knowledgeable. - Come on, they're like, wow. - They're the only answer wrong in that hole again. (laughing)

- These are that cuts you never see.

- Almost the point is, for the point is, breadwinner, celebrity, it doesn't out, like all of it. You have so much going on and you have a kid and you have a scarlet and you have like, just a whole, I mean, you have a ton of stuff going on.

- Yeah, yeah, you're really, you're kicking, you're kicking in the high gear right now and it's fun to watch, man. It really fun to watch, it's fun to watch. - You know, it's been a golf club on top of it all.

- Yeah, I know. - We've threatened to play, we gotta do it. - Maybe this summer you'll be out of it. - This summer, we'll do it. - Yeah, this summer, we're going to be out of it.

- You guys, you ever do, go to do the Tahoe event or anything like that, or are you like, - I'm not in the fucking rock and roll with the boats on the fairway and fuck it what? - Well, now he's never going,

- There's still a few people in Tahoe.

“- I just, I don't understand how it just,”

- We've done, we've done a couple of them before. We did, we did the Pebble Beach back in the day. - No, that's a tournament. - That must have been fun, right? - We did that, we did, we've done the Genesis a few times

and, oh yeah, 'cause that, you know, that's fun. - Yes, no, but a sort of own golf tournament, you guys. - Yeah, let's do that, you know? - What do you say, 'cause it's just for a good golf tournament? - I don't love the island, you know?

- I'm in, keep it real. - I'm in. - We've taken up so much of your time, - Oh, my God, we talked forever to this guy, this is unbelievable.

- Yeah, I can say, I've, I've kind of, like, oh, wow, it's a, oh, that's real. - No problem, don't even feel like you're gonna wrap it up. - I gotta go, I'm gonna have dinner with Tahoe, he'll figure that right now,

that's a true story.

- To him, he did, in a Tommy, he'll figure it didn't event

on our statin island ferry. - Oh, I gotta take it, he'll come in here. - I'll come in here. - What I'm gonna say is we drag it out to Sag Harbor for the summer, right?

Let's start talking with that.

“- That's what every neighbor wants to look up”

and see in a room, of course, all those billionaires that are not gonna be mad at that. - Yeah, I love it. - It's fun, it's catchy. (laughing)

Colin, thank you for being here. - Thank you, thank you for being here. - Thank you for being here, Sean. - Yeah, Sean, I'm sorry. - You're abusive towards you and your,

and your question, Alex, tell us what you, did you, did you, were you able to ask our guests the things you wanted to ask? - There's some other thing, there's many other things, but that's okay, we'll get it next time.

- I'm sorry Sean. - That's all right. - The swimming's not the worst in me. - What's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, what's the, - It's the swimming's fault.

- Okay. - Well, get back to work, Colin, I know you have a lot of work there with it, especially cleaning up that as best as above your head. - Yep.

- 'Cause I can still see it, that's amazing.

- Oh, you know what I find.

“- Thank you, my friends. - Thanks, you guys.”

- Thank you, Gary much, and I would love to play this summer if you guys want to play any time. - I'm gonna hit you up, we're gonna finally do it. - Yes, please. - Okay.

- We're gonna finally do it. - Bye guys. - Bye guys. - Bye guys. - Bye guys. - Good to see you.

- I'm waving like that's gonna register. - It's true, it's true. - Audio wave, audio wave, audio wave, audio wave. - Thanks, dude. - Sean, what a great guest.

- What a lovely man and a funny, funny guy. - I really like all of these, that's a funny guy. - I really agree, and he's so, every time I'm with him, he's just like, easy. - Well, but it's an amazing, he's the longest,

I don't know if you heard in the intro, the longest, what am I saying? Of, we can update the guy who's been there the longest. Of any longest, 10 years? - Yeah, that was right.

- Oh, right, there's something. - Did you not sleep last night? - What happened? (laughs) - I was so catching up.

- Did you see Papo's clogged, just put your hose. - It's not wild, though, to just be, to know, like, he just makes it, he's so good. - He's so good. - He's so good at catching up.

- Yeah, he's so good. - Yeah, Mike, let's say it's hilarious. - Oh, Larry, so it's guys so funny. - Yeah, we're loving it. - What was the joke somebody reminded me of,

that they did this last weekend, they played like a clip of Trump saying, you know, look, we're holding all the cards, and then they come back to call and he's like, they're literally holding a straight.

- Yes, I saw that, yeah. (laughs) - Yeah, that's a pun, it was a pun. - It's a pun, you know. - Guys, there's a lot of purchases we've all made

in our life, you know, what started with this good buys and summer bad buys? - Is that right? - It's a shame. - Okay, so, okay, but we're gonna back in a new edition.

- Well, why don't you give it a little bit of a head, like talk about the fairy in the middle, talk about sometimes there's good, you know, I mean, yeah, what an interesting thing to learn about that he, what drew him to buy that to Tattin Island fair

when he was a kid, you spent it right there, you can't say buy until the end. - So, it was gorgeous. - Okay, it was an interesting thing that he purchased that Tattin Island fair

with Pete Davidson, 'cause he took it when he was a kid to go to school. So, you know, and we've all kind of made interesting purchases, summer with us. - Summer, good, summer, bad, but that started out

as a seemingly bad purchase, but in the end, it was a good, I know it was a bad buy. - Hey, I like your buy, that's a really love buy. (laughing) - I gotta take a leak, so fucking bad at it.

- Okay, I love you, think of me when you hold it. (upbeat music) - Smartless is 100% organic in our tizantly handcrafted buy, Michael Grant Terry, Rob Arnjarv, and Bennett Barbrooko. (upbeat music)

- Smartless.