Farmageddon

Let me know. Hey, storypires, podcast listeners. Lee here.

“Today's brand new story is about a kid who”

is stuck inside of a movie and has to figure out a way to get out. Kind of similar to how I'm stuck in this podcast, except I don't need to find a way out. I'm pretty happy in here. Anyway, that story about the movie is coming up right after a few words.

It's for the grown-ups. Hey, grown-ups Lee here. See storypires live.

Our amazing touring cast, including Eric,

will be visiting some East Coast cities this spring to perform some of your favorite songs from the podcast. And they'll take suggestions from kids in the audience to create a brand new story that will only be seen once. Best of all, all of our upcoming shows are on weekends.

So no need to worry about school nights or bedtime routines. We'll see you soon in Munhall, Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh. Cincinnati, Ohio, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Medford, Massachusetts, just outside of Boston,

and Richfield, Connecticut. Take it to all the shows are on sale now at storypires.com/live. (upbeat music) - I love storypires. - It just filled me up with joy.

- My mom loves the jokes. - Yo, yo, my check.

“- It may be very proud of that, my fighting.”

- Yeah, we'll just get like really deep into like,

I want to say philosophy. - I definitely think I can be more creative now. I'm the champion. I'm the soul in pilots. (upbeat music)

- Oh, hey, have you ever thought that a movie that you'd love should have a different ending than it does? What if you could change it from the inside? Find out if it's possible.

In today's new story, here's the author to introduce it. - Hi, I'm Logan. I'm Logan Texas and I'm Daniel Dolb. - This is my dolly, follow me again. (upbeat music)

- Ethan Nathan, it's 8 a.m. on August 14th, 2002. Which means it's time to watch a movie. - Nathan picks the movie last time, so it's Ethan's turn to choose. - I choose farm life.

- Aw, you always choose farm life.

The ending makes no sense.

“- Well, you always pick something on hand.”

- It's 2002, all movies are utterly unhinged. - That's true, but Ethan chose farm life, so that's what we're watching. (upbeat music) ♪ Farm life, farm life ♪

♪ It's a film that'll laugh on the farm ♪ - Love the theme song. - Life these days is all hustle and bustle. What if you could go back to a simpler time? A time when everyone was a farmer.

- Even my little baby over there. - Oh, go, harness. - I love the wonders of farm life. - Oh, this part is so boring. - Yes.

- I'm trying to hear the hour-long monologue. - And this concludes my hour-long monologue about how great farm life is. One thing I've been wondering though, is a little weird that everyone in this place

is a farmer. No, why is that? (coughs) - Because of me! (laughing)

- Evil wall, a cleavo. - That's right, you're our farmers, because I cursed you to be farmers for all eternity. - Oh, and there's no way to stop me. Unless you come to my evil lair,

a cleavo mountain and enter the past go for be 80. - Whoops, I shouldn't have said that out loud. - And the movie. - Huh, what do you mean in the movie? - Ugh, the movie just ends right in the middle

of the farmer's sentence. There aren't even any end credits. I wish real life could be more like farm life, including the part where you aren't in it. - Ethan, that's a very mean thing

to say to your brother, apologize. - Sorry, Nathan. - I know you wish farm life for real life, but that isn't possible. Now go to your room and clean up this old lamp

by bought at the haunted antique store. Okay, ma'am. - Maybe I shouldn't have said that to Nathan. - But maybe he shouldn't have been so mean about the movie. - Well, I guess I'd better clean this lamp.

(upbeat music) - You have a welcome legini of the lamb. I'm here to grab you a wish, but before you do. - Think long.

- I wish the movie farm life for real. (laughing) Oh my goodness, everything went dark, where am I? The movie's starting.

- I can see the opening credits.

I can actually reach out and touch them. I really am in the movie. - Here comes the monologue, farmer. - Life these days is all hustle and bustle. What if you could go back to a simpler time?

- A time when everyone was a farmer. - Jeannie, because I'm in the movie now, does that mean I'm a farmer too. - It does. - But not forever, right?

- Well, I suppose you could leave farm life at the end of the movie, but this movie has no ending. - What? - Welcome to Farmed Gaddawn. - That's pretty clever wordplay.

A little too clever for a jeannie. Let me see that mustache. - Hey, don't touch my real mustache. - Oh, my fake mustache. - Oops, you're the evil warlock, Clevo.

- You're trapped in this movie forever. - Unless, of course, you find a way to write an actual ending to the movie. Something exciting, like, oh, I don't know. - Finding your way into my secret layer and defeating me.

- So that's how I leave the movie. - Oh, Clevo, come on in.

Still, you'll never find my layer.

- And even if you find it good luck getting inside. - You have one hour until Farmed Gaddawn. - He disappeared.

“- One hour until Farmed Gaddawn, what does that even mean?”

- No time, I gotta find his layer. Maybe that farmer knows where it is. - Farmed life is a wonderful life. Getting up with the sun in the morning. - I don't really have time for an hour long monologue.

I'm in kind of a hurry. - At the moment, the rooster calls until the sun drops. - Okay, so the farmer's a no-go. - Um, think, Keith and think back to the movie. - Unless you come to my even layer at Clevo Mountain.

- That's it. Now I just have to find it and stop Farmed Gaddawn. - But why stop it when you can join us, Ethan? - Huh? Are you talking to me?

That never happened in the movie? - Join us. Come and join. - The wonders of Farmed life. - He's acting like a zombie.

- Farmed life. - Farmed life. - Farmed life. (laughing) - A few.

I made it to my house. Why is my house in the movie? Oh, there's mom in the front yard. Ethan? What's wrong?

I made a wish on that lamp for everything to be like Farmed life, but it turns out the genie was the evil warlock Clevo, and now we're stuck in the movie with no endings. - Slow down. - And help your brother till this soil come brother,

Farmed with me, but you hate Farmed life.

- I've always loved the wonders of Farmed life.

I thought you guys too run away. - Farmed life. - Oh, I've just got to find Clevo mountain,

“but how I can't even see past that giant mountain in front of me?”

Wait a minute. I found it. There's a door right here. I just need to figure out the passcode. What did they say in the movie?

- I entered the passcode for BAB. - For BAB. In work. Clevo. I cracked your passcode.

And I'm here to defeat you. - I know I should have set up two factor authentication. - Well, you're too late. You still have no way to defeat me. - Wait.

I have an idea so imaginative. It just might work. So, Clevo. This firma getting cursed. Why'd you do it?

- Wow, really? - No, never asked. The villain to model out about their evil plan. - See, when I was a young warlock. When we'd visit my little warlock,

cousins on the farm, they refused to let me help with the farm. Chores. - They'd say you can't help us. - You're friend to savers. - It was then that I vow to seek revenge.

- B-F-R-M-O-Gadden. - Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing? - Oh, nothing. Just asking you about your plan.

So you'd be distracted long enough for me to find and pull these down from the ceiling. - Are those the end credits? - No! - What's your head?

- Ah! - Good night. - I defeated Clevo and the credits. They're rolling. The movies ending.

- Far and life. Far and life. The end of the film will die to death on the floor. - Well, huh? Hey, I'm back in my room.

Ethan, where have you been? I was looking for you. Nathan, it's so good to see you. Hey, I'm sorry I was so mean to you earlier. Well, I'm sorry I didn't appreciate farm life.

It's a pretty good movie. Wanna watch? I don't really want to see it for at least 18 years. Welcome. Adult Ethan to slacker movie production studios.

I'm Ted, the director of farm life. What can I do for you? Well, as you know, it's been 18 years since farm life came out.

“Which means I think it's time to reboot the franchise.”

- How much will that cost us? About 80,000 dollars Mr. Filmmaker. - Okay. Second question.

- 'Cause we don't. - Roll the credits. - Oh, that's how you get to. - Woohoo. Sorry.

- Vienne. - We'll be right back after a few words for the grown-up. - Hey grown-ups, Lee here. See story pirates live.

Our amazing touring cast including Eric will be visiting some East Coast cities

spring to perform some of your favorite songs from the podcast. And they'll take suggestions from kids in the audience to create a brand new story that will only be seen once. Best of all, all of our upcoming shows are on weekend so no need to worry about school nights or bedtime routines.

We'll see you soon in Munhall, Pennsylvania, just outside of Pittsburgh. Cincinnati, Ohio, port Smith, New Hampshire, Medford, Massachusetts, just outside of Boston, and Richfield, Connecticut.

Tickets to all the shows are on sale now at storypires.com/live. Hey, welcome back to Story Love where we read stories written by kids. And we talk about them. Hello, Peter.

Hello, Lee.

“Would you kick it off with our first story for today?”

- There is nothing in this world I would love to do more. - Nothing? - Not a single thing. - Wow. This first story comes to us from a nine-year-old

from New Zealand named Elizabeth. Elizabeth story is called "Back in my day." (laughing) I was in "Back in the day." Back in my day.

Er. Back in my day. Oh, sorry. My satellites must have let you hear me. I'm Dr. Professor, an alien from the planet.

Blair Reblub. As I was saying, "Back in my day, we actually had to find the alligators to wrestle." (laughing) And.

Crash! Dinosaur crashes through wall with kinds fighting it. (laughing) Man runs away screaming. "I liked the old days."

The end says "Dinosaur." Incredible. Wow. So many surprises here. Starts with us to love how deeply in character.

Mm-hmm. This monologous from the very beginning. Mm-hmm. Effortlessly gives us the exposition that we need to understand that this old person

is from, is an alien. Mm-hmm. From another planet. Yeah. And I want to know.

Who is this old Dr. Professor talking to? Like, who is the, whoever will listen? Yeah. Just like a whole people. (laughing)

He's just like, "Where will come by?" (laughing) Hey, you, do you want to hear about my youth? And thank goodness that this alien dystopian future, whatever this is, has dinosaurs to save us by crashing into walls

to say the end. Really beautiful story. And I have to say, though, Peter,

“despite my comments, I think listening to stories”

from the elderly is one of the most interesting things you can do with your time. True, true. I love hearing about the old days. Yeah, because you know why?

What? I wasn't there.

Elizabeth, incredible story of my friend.

All right. From 10-year-old Oslo in North Carolina, here is the big problems. One day, in the city on Mars, Mayor, we have a problem.

Said the mayor's assistant. Here's a taco. Said the mayor. But the problem is, but then aliens from Pluto came

and kept beating everyone at Uno. And they were stealing Martian coins. With their new money, they bought emoji masks. One of them was a poop emoji. Oh, no.

Everyone was laughing. Then the mayor got everyone on a giant couch and they all watched We Tube. Everybody had forgotten about the problem from the beginning, except the assistant.

He told the mayor,

"The problem is that your golden toilet is clogged."

Then the mayor gave the assistant a plunger. The end. P.S. We Tube is the Martian version of YouTube. (laughing) I loved, you know,

the lolliest assistant who can't get a word in. Sure. And that whole, like, wait, wait. This is important. And then the wildest possible things happen

and we finally get to it. And what is it? A little bit of good ol' fashion. Toilet humor. They're kind of flipping it.

Because usually the problem is huge that the assistant's trying to get through.

“And there's, like, less important things”

that are interrupting the assistant, right? This is the opposite. This is the opposite. A great flip on the trope. Yeah.

Normally, actually, in most cases, if you just listened to the lolliest assistant

we would have fixed the problem early.

But honestly, this is the assistant's fault. Priorities. And does the assistant need permission to get a plunger to plunge the toilet? Yeah.

Why does he need to tell the mayor at all? Probably because he wants it delegated elsewhere. Plunging is not fun, but everyone's got to do it sometime. Here's a question. Actually, it's the mayor's golden toilet.

Which says to me, this is a private bathroom. And there is nothing that I value more than private bathroom. As we know from the spray-bride's bucket. A very persistent plot point.

“That's not the only thing I love about the mayor in this story.”

I love the mayor's approach to the leadership. If someone's like, we got a problem, here's a taco. Right? Just anyone who brings a problem to you, hand them a taco. That doesn't work.

Sit 'em on the couch and turn on YouTube. Ha ha ha. The toilet. Here's a plunger. The best mayors know that you can't.

People got to solve their own problems. Yeah, you need to empower your subordinates. That's right. To pick up the plunger. That's right.

On their own. It's a great life lesson. You know what? If you're in a position to pick up the plunger, pick up that plunger. And if you can't have a few tacos on hand at all times to hand to the people that bring you problems.

Yeah. That's how I run the story part. It's pretty much. We have a lot of plungers. Here's a taco.

Thank you. All right. Oslo, that was amazing. Fantastic story.

“Peter, would you read our final story for today?”

Yes, I would. Our final story comes to us from a five year old from Illinois named Maven. Hmm. And this story is called Jane and Apple fall down because of the dinosaur. All right.

Jane and Apple are sisters. And they were walking home in the desert. And a big dinosaur was sleeping. Hmm. And while they were quietly walking, Apple sneezed.

Oh, no. And then the dinosaur woke up. And then the surprised apple chased the dinosaur. And then Mr. Paper towel came out from behind spaghetti. And then the mom T-Rex came out.

Then the mom picked up the dinosaur that was woken up and tucked them back in bed. Then the mom dinosaur chased Apple Jane and Mr. Paper towel. Then a terror act will came out of the clouds and spread his wings and grabbed a fish and dropped it in the mom dinosaurs mouth. Apple Jane and Mrs. Paper towel found bananas.

It made a car to escape and go back home. Apple and Jane made a new rule not to walk home through the desert again. The end. Probably a good idea. This is like a dolly painting to me.

It's like a does-or-least. Yeah. There's spaghetti hanging on a tree and stepping out from behind as Mr. Paper towel. There's a dinosaur sleeping.

Just the images here are amazing. The terror act will fly in by dropping a fish into the mouth of the mom T-Rex. That was a big moment. It doesn't say this explicitly. But I feel like that's the thing that's modified.

Is that the right word? Yeah. The dinosaur mother. She's like, you woke up my baby. Oh, a fish.

Oh, oh. Yeah. Exactly. Because if there's anything that we know as humans, it's beware of the sleeping dinosaur,

but be extraware of the sleeping dinosaur's mother. Never.

That's the never come between a dinosaur and a dinosaur's mom.

If you see a baby dinosaur on the trail. Yeah. Don't approach it. Exactly. Because you could accidentally put yourself in between

the mama dinosaur and the baby dinosaur. Absolutely. These are basic nature facts. You might not be so lucky as to have a Mr. Paper towel. Just hanging out behind spaghetti nearby.

For safety sake, just stop walking home through the desert. Yeah. For sure. Take the long way through the forest. And I want to say that I don't know if this was intentional or not.

But Mr. Paper towel is hiding behind spaghetti. Yeah. Mr. Paper towel is running with Apple and Jane. And then finally, the dinosaur goes to sleep. And Apple Jane and Mrs. dinosaur.

A Mrs. Paper towel found beneath us. Oh. Is there a Mrs. Paper towel? Yes. She's here building boat on the fence.

Not about a car. [laughter] And is there a Mrs. Paper towel? Oh boy. Maven.

Incredible story, my friend.

Thank you so much for sending it in. To read all of today's story-love stories, just head to storypires.com.

“And remember, grown-ups, you can find an even longer version of story-love on the storypires YouTube page.”

That's it for today's bonus episode. Thanks to today's author Logan and we'll be back next week with another brand new episode.

Bye!

“The storypires podcast is a production of storypires studios.”

Executive produced by Lee Overtry and Benjamin Salka.

This episode was produced by Sam Bear, Peter McNerny, Andrew Miller and Lee Overtry. Recording sound design and mixing by Sam Bear at the relic room in New York City.

Additional production by Brett Toven.

Dean Song by Bobby Lord. The musical scoring by Jack Mitchell. Our head writer is Peter McNerny.

“Staff writers are Megan O'Neill and Alexis Simpson.”

Farm a get-in was adapted by Alexis Simpson,

episode artwork by Camilla Franklin. This episode features performances by Ben Blackman, Allison Frasca, Alexandria, Ayona, Justin Linville,

“Peter McNerny, Tony Rodriguez and Jamie Watson.”

Hey Peter, hey Lee, you have got to check out this new trick I learned from this week's episode. Ooh, a new trick sounds fun. Watch, I just reach up here to the ceiling and I can pull down the credits.

But we already did the credits. Here they come, huh? Good night. Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter.