Caissie St. Onge

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Did you know that only six mammals go through butterflies, or orcas, luggas, and other things like that, and humans, and all of them live in a matriarchal society, except us? That is annoying. Well, I mean, I think it's even more than annoying.

“It's like that's why under the water is so much calmer,”

because imagine if women, if we lived in a matriarchal society, instead of a patriarchal society, everything would be so much smoother. It would be like living under the water. Right? We'd all be floating, not fucking pissed off an angry. How about we float into today's episode? Welcome to Talk If Did Am I? [Music]

So I think some of the things that would help us be a better matriarchal society, and I talk about this a lot, is I think we need to shift our focus and stop caring about what we look like so much. We talked about this. We've talked about this many times,

but like I remember even posting pictures of myself in my 50s, I absolutely never wanted

to post almost half the pictures I took. I was constantly upset with how I looked with new wrinkles that were appearing, and all of those things, and I'm so happy to say that

“at 65, I really do not give a fuck. And I think I actually look better now than I did when I was”

in my 50s because I no longer give a fuck. And I wanted to know like where are you in that journey? Well, I think also what I would like to say is I believe that the not giving a fuck is is also paired with you have a confidence about who you are now and what you give out into the world, and that is why it's easier for you to dress. I mean, you do a whole thing about getting dressed, right? And it's very much about like I'm wearing this because I want to and this makes me feel

good for me, for me, not for you. I'm still not in that place. I am confused. You saw you came and tried to help me in my closet. Like there's right, I would hold up things and say, why would you ever have worn this? Because I think I'm still on the tip of holding on to what I think I still am or want to be versus where I would like to dive into and just fucking exist with no insecurity about it. I'm not on that confident side yet the giving a fuck and not giving a fuck.

I'm still leveling. I'm still teetering because I still really fucking care about what people

“think about me. Yeah. Well, I think part of that has to do with what you do for a living as opposed”

to what I do. And I think I'm very lucky that right at the moment in my life where I stopped giving a fuck what I look like thousands of people tell me that I'm beautiful daily on my page. And while it doesn't matter, it does. So it's a battle. It's a battle for all of us, you know? But if you thank God, what I do know about my 50s is that it is giving me the opportunity to find that confidence. And it might come tomorrow. It might come in five years. But I know

it's coming and that has been I think the most exciting thing for me about being in this decade.

And I know what shirts I'll never let you wear again. Let's get to today's guest.

Speaking of fashion. Exactly. Today's guest is a woman who spent decades making comedy legends funnier. And now in her 50s, she's stepping into her own spotlight. She's been the secret weapon behind the scenes for Joan Rivers, Bet Midler, Rosie O'Donnell, and David Letterman. And now she's the funny one out in front. Cohosting busy this week on KVC with busy Phillips, which just launched its second season and is crushing late night. She's also killing it in the podcast

different when it comes from someone who's lifted. Today's guest is the Oso Charming and fabulously

“wonderful. Kasey say it all. Yeah. Yeah. That makes so much fun right here. We love having you.”

Thank you. It's so nice to see your faces. I'm glad you can see us. That's a technical plus. That's right. We're still new to this. This is so new to us. We're just like, we know you know more than we do. So we're just going to try and be professional. Well, try. Yeah, for the world. You're pulling it already. Okay, Kasey, do you think you're like a beginner at intermediate level or are you full on expert already about your 50s? Oh my gosh, I feel like

I'm not an expert at all. Like I feel like I'm just into my 50s even though it's a third of the way through my 50s. It's such a weird place to be and because like I feel like I just started being in my 50s like a second ago, but on the other hand, like I am already thinking about being in my 60s. Is that weird? Not at all. Not at all. It's funny because you know, when Constance and I like pretty early on when we met, we met when she was turning 50 and I was turning

60 and she said, oh my god, I don't understand why everybody thinks the 50s are so crazy. They're amazing and I went just wait. I mean, you know, three years to the date, she was like,

what the fuck is happening to me? So, you know, I'm basically just always right. Yeah, I mean,

well, it how many times do we have to learn in our lives that people have experience that we should listen to, but we never believe it. We never believe it. We always have to experience in ourselves. And then we act like we're discovering something that someone has never been through before. And then you do have a friend who's a few years older than you being like, I've not been told you. Yeah, because guess what? They're called elders. They're called wisdom speakers. They're called,

it's like everything. There's so many different cultures that put women who are older

“upon pedestals so we can learn from them. So that's what we're doing. Casey, no pressure,”

but I think generation X, that is our journey is to become that generation that makes it easier for women to age and to learn from women who are doing it like not quietly. And as a boomer, I would like to say, yeah, she's welcome to the Elder Dome. No, no, no, no. Okay,

so what? I'm not a boomer. I'm a boomer. She's a boomer. I know, I never feel like Gen Z,

but I'm going to go with it. We've adopted her into generation X. It's okay. We've adopted her. Okay, do you have one word to describe your 50s? Serial. I'd have to go with surreal because I still feel like so emotionally in touch with who I was at eight years old and who I was at 15, 16 years old and who I was at 27 years old and who I was when I turned 40, you know, and so I'm still, I'm still all of those girls and I'm still all of those women.

Is that, is that new? Is that something you're discovering in your 50s or have you always been

“that in touch with your other selves? I think I have gotten more in touch with my other selves as”

the years have gone on, but I've always been really, really in touch with who I was as a kid and maybe

you could even say like kind of stuck there, kind of frozen there a little bit. But when I got into my 40s, I started really like trying to be radically honest with myself about who I was and it's a long, long, long process, but I always say I've been like five different women, seven different women, and I've like known myself, now it's going on like 10 different women and like thank goodness for the people in my life that love all of those women, you know? Because I know it happens,

sometimes you become like almost this different person with this different perspective and then suddenly everything in your life isn't really working the way that it was and that's got to be so scary and so I'm a little bit like that, you know, we work in entertainment so like a lot of the things that we knew in the past aren't working now or not working the same way that they were so we have to learn a new way of doing things, but I do feel like what is working is like I know

we stay the same person throughout our lives, but the acceptance from the outside world changes

for who those people are, like I was always really loud and confident and you know it got beaten

out of me. It's sort of like that Jane found a quote about how we all get back to being you know in our 50s and 60s we get back to being the little girl we always were meant to be when the world is telling us to be someone else right right well you know it's so funny we see it with like the labubu crazed right I saw something I saw something on social media about a woman who had to like curb her labubu budget because she was like her kids we're getting them but she was

“also getting them for herself but I think it is a little bit of like reclaiming that joy so that is”

something like that I've always been in pursuit of my entire life like reclaiming joy that I

felt like I missed out on or whatever but really recently I feel like I'm really looking at things that I have adored since like jump street like the muppets are a huge deal for me peanuts are a huge deal for me Scooby-Doo I love you you know all that kind of shit that you're like it's in consequential but also like I loved it and I still love it. Why am I screen saver on my television is just peanuts it's just peanuts so it's like anytime I go into the living room it's just little it's just peanuts cartoons

on there and I don't even know how that was selected or how they came about but I think that that goes back to we might not have had appreciated those things when we were children as much as we now appreciate and understand the simplicity of it as adults or allowed them I wasn't allowed a lot of that stuff you know we're 10 years apart and our dynamic is is is is is similar because she's been through the 50s right so like have you found yourself to kind of be a mentor and a sister

and a guide or and a leg I don't know like how is that working in your dynamic at work well I think that everybody's experience is different you know and so one mistake that I think I have made many

“times in my life is being so quick to give advice or you know to like jump on to someone's experience”

and say like oh I went through this I've been through this you know kind of unsolicited or whatever instead of just listening to them and hearing them out and so one of the things that I feel like I've grown into is like a sussing out whether or not this person want even wanted advice are they asking for advice or they just wanting to be heard which you know I have a great deal of respect for and the other thing is when someone does ask for my advice like sometimes people ask for your advice

about something that's kind of scary in a shit show like you know my giving birth to my kids was kind of a shit show for me and so when someone's like okay I'm going through this in this and this

and I know that you did as well I feel like I'm always careful to say like my story isn't your story

“what happened to me isn't necessarily going to happen to you and so I'm here to support you”

it's the same as like in our careers constant you know like people are like how do you break into show business I'm like I can tell you how to break into show business in 1993 that's not how people are doing it now I don't know you know it's a it's a totally different story and so even like things like that I went through medically like five years ago or what or biologically five years ago there's a whole different world a whole different scenario of like what's available

I feel like I can learn from younger women who are just now like beginning to embark on like I didn't even pay attention to Perry menopause I was just like what was that exactly I don't know why was detoxing from being an alcoholic I was like I'm I my Perry menopause or do I just have the shakes right right yeah so I mean same thing I just was like a power through it kind of person I wasn't detoxing from anything but I was just like

well whatever's happening is what's happening and you know and I did have some health issues at that time which is you know to be expected where our our models are aging you know and so our kids are aging or avocars yes it meets whatever yes whatever you're calling your body

yeah so I'm so proud of women busy's age who are like you know in their mid 40s and they're

“like on it and they know about it that like just being aware of it I wasn't even aware of it”

when I was that age because that's generation X that's gender where the menopause movement has just begun and it's it's got only been out in the universe for like the last year wait until they get into midlife because yeah you know the menopause is just the entrance time ever wonder what Marie Antoinette and Kim Kardashian might have in common

or how celebrity scandal from 2007 is basically just history repeating itself

or test and clear and we host right answers mostly a podcast where history and pop culture collide from ancient queens to reality TV stars we break it all down with the rich juicy storytelling it deserves it's giving girlhood it's giving historically accurate most of the time new episodes every Monday and Friday come for the facts stay for the drama this is right answers mostly where history is just gossip

“you know it's really funny talk about like being proud of younger people saying things I remember”

going to a Sephora and a Gen Z I was just talking to my friend and saying you know I don't know I'm exhausted I just don't know I'm so tired today and this little girl the counter said you probably need to go home and rest your social battery and I was like what the fuck I do

like just stuff I never thought about it's like in my 50s I learned the most important thing

and I tried to do it still is just to meet people where they are right right and you know we were raised in that generation where like I know it's the biggest joke about Gen X and I'm sure it's the same for boomers like nobody was watching us you know nobody like I this is so sad but like I remember getting yanked out of school because I didn't have the right vaccinations and I was taking out of school and they were just like just go home or

whatever and I was like how do you go home like my I don't know where my dad is my mom is working she can't perfect me up like she's like it was unheard of like I didn't even know the phone number

at my mom's work where she worked and so I was like what do I have to do and they were like you

have to get these vaccines and I was like what how do I do it and they were like you can either go to your pediatrician and I was like I hated my pediatrician so I didn't want that I was like is there any other way and they were like there's a vaccine clinic at the town hall you can go to the so I like walked my little self down to the town hall to grab a vaccine so I could return to school but like nobody was watching us so of course we aren't we haven't been watching

ourselves so it doesn't surprise me that I was just like what like you know menopause what peri menopause what's that I wasn't paying attention I was just walking it off powering through and like I couldn't even I couldn't even tell you what all happened I mean the difference between menopause when I went through a 10 years ago and now is it's standing I mean I didn't have hot flashes so I didn't even know I went through menopause but both Gen X and boomers were raised

in that kid should be seen and not heard and just fucking grind through it you know and I do think there's some happy meat because we've gone too far the other way now like kids that can't even you know I can't tell you the amount of TikTok I've seen this last week from young girls that are just absolutely freaked out that they have to leave their mom home to go to college yeah it really is it's very interesting to me because we haven't our generation hadn't taken care of ourselves physically

clearly we haven't we didn't know from mental health at all like nobody just nobody ever talked about it you know and so I think you are right the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction especially with like kids are learning about mental health things on TikTok and I think they're kind of like self-diagnosing themselves I'm also web-endie yes exactly exactly and I also think

“that you know we've swung so far in the direction of self care which I think is so important but like”

now I think you know I think you can go down a little bit of a spiral of self care where you're not caring about anything else and you're kind of letting yourself off the hook for for everything like

and in the name of self care like I worry about that and that's probably because it's been

“monetized so heavily and marketed so heavily so I think like a little bit of self care is definitely”

necessary but I do worry that like like one time I added up the time that it would take during the day to do all of the self-care is that I hired you and it was 32 hours like you know yeah no we literally consince and I literally had this conversation the other night because I said I can't handle my hormone cream it just it's too much of a word I can't I don't want to do it and she said her nighttime routine is 45 minutes and I was like I don't fucking have time for that

my husband oh my god hey I don't know no no I have an idea that I have yes I have a business yeah Heidi where I'll come to your house and I'll put your nighttime cream on oh my god please I'll like get you a little drink I'll read you a little story oh my god I love that time when you I'll tuck you into bed and kiss you on the forehead and then I'll be gone and then you just then mommy like whatever that I'm working so I'm so here for that it's the new version

of a paid woman like it's you come out or to give comfort with face my night nurse and T yeah oh my god it's the adult night I love it adult night nurse started I'm in I'm backing it I don't have any money but I'm backing it can I I have two things really quick okay can you tell us um what was the what would be the biggest thing that you learned by working with Joan Rivers who I feel like was iconic at every age every decade she was in so when you worked with her where was she

at in life and what was your biggest takeaway from working with her I loved working for Joan so much can I say like when I first met her I was so intimidated and I thought she was going to be such a tough customer and she really wasn't she's so tender and so loving I'm looking at uh behind my computer is this wall my husband had framed for me like all these checkstubs from working for Joan

because she would always write a sweet note on the check her itself and so just like encouraging like

and hearts and smileies and and little personal messages I just learned from her that

“you know to stay vulnerable I think she really she could have been the hardest hardest person”

in the world and she stayed vulnerable and generous and so I mean like generous to people that had critiques of her open to like what they were saying she continued to evolve on like you know sometimes I'd ask her like you know this person really took issue with this bit that you did like a few years back you were you so pissed off or whatever and she was like no I mean it's there right to say and like at the time I was like you know fuck this person but then later I was like oh I see

the point of that I see the point of that and so it goes back to what we were talking about like your own experience and and something that enlightens you to like how another person is feeling so

I think she always was evolving as a person and she just really stayed like very tender and gentle like

just for an example of her tenderness like I would write stand up comedy for her and she would ask me to come watch her perform it so I could give her notes but she would ask not to know when I was going to be in the audience because it would make her nervous and I'm like you're the proiest well out like you've been at this for years why would it make you nervous and she was like because I have so much respect for what you do the hard work that you did you're doing it on my behalf you know so

“that's what I learned from her is just that like I don't think she was humble necessarily I think”

she knew she was good at what she did and I think she knew that she could always like bring it home

but she was also just open to the changes that a person experiences and like you know I were like owning her you know fucking her over yeah like really putting up a big hurdle in her career that you know she got over but like you know that was really that to me is like such an evolved person who can just be like let me try to think of it from this person's perspective and like

abusing their power whatever whatever you don't forgive everyone but but yeah she just was

so open and like evolved and always like sometimes I'd picture a joke and she'd be like I don't

know what this is about explain to me what it's about you know instead of just saying no like it didn't mean that she was necessarily gonna do the jokes she just had like curiosity about like what it was about you know so I wish she were alive today to see all the work that she did to see how many women are now stepping into their power at the age that she was because we wouldn't be where we are without people like Joan Rivers and I want to I want to leave with asking me one more

question and then we have a surprise question and the last question I want to ask you is do you have

advice for people that are you know of another generation about about your 50s about their 50s

what's your advice to the next generation my advice is it's not over you know it's just like like so many people I know are in their 50s and like the world is so wild right now and so many people I know are starting over their you know their jobs were wiped out their you know they've had a change in their health a change in their life circumstances because you know for whatever reason for whatever reason they're infinite reasons but they are all starting over and I'm so proud

of people who are doing that and I'm also really proud that all these people that I know are kind

of sharing it they're kind of sharing their journey and I know that it kind of feels like

you turn 50 and you're like in the downslide to like the end or like you're trying to look

“to cross the finish line but the truth is like there there really is no finish line in terms”

of your career because of like you know again the way that we're all set up like we're probably all gonna have to work until we're well into our 70s. Yeah I know it's not to us to decide where that finish line is. I'm gonna I'm 65 and I didn't still I started a new career you know at 61 so who the fuck now is happening okay you gotta get to your surprise question. So surprise question we're gonna grab it if it year if it's two dirty constants wrote it but if it's really good

I did rude so I'm not sure that true okay ready yes what do you have no patience for in your 50s? What do you have no patience for in your 50s? I have no patience for nothing works anymore nothing works like um trying to sign in to anything and I need like so many like show me where the stairs are in the cap and I'm like what are stairs I forgot what stairs are and my eyesight's not good enough to see all the pictures so I'm just like guessing like that looks like it could

be stairs there's no way for me to know and just like circular customer service where they're like

“if you'd like to talk to a person and I'm like I think we've established that I'd like to talk to a”

person but I talked to nine robots and so like whenever I just get an email back from a real person and I'm able to respond to them or I talk to a real person on the phone I don't care what country they're in when it's a real person I'm very excited I just have no patience for how nothing works like nothing works yeah it's all it's all broken it's all like digital tumbleweeds that I'm very that's when I feel my age the most I feel more than my age when I'm like I don't know how to do

this I don't know because we know that it used to work better the other way I think digital tumbleweeds is a great name for a band I would just like to believe us with that and maybe that's the band which maybe that's the name of the night nurse company it's just digital tumbleweeds.

“I'm gonna tuck you in and I'm gonna help you remember what your three-digit code is.”

Casey thank you so much for joining us today we love you lovely it's lovely but lovely and we love you we didn't even get to talk to you about your fabulous fashion please fall for on social media just to see her outfits but we will we'll see you soon. That's right see you soon. I love you so much have a great day. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. So I want to put this out there and I may be wrong but I'm putting it out there that I might be wrong.

read a lot that hacks is based on Joan Rivers and also I've heard people say that it's got a

“little bit of unreal in it which is this mentor mentee and to women trying to work together to forge a”

like not a group but a team but the what to call that like the hard love the tough love yeah the tough love right and and hearing Casey say that like she was so soft not no tough love right and Casey was that young on genu giving all the jokes that even literally she said it here which is a scene from hacks that Joan you know what's her name I'm so sorry from hacks we'll say to her young joke writer I don't even know what that means right you know and that literally happened

in in real life she literally was the voice for some of the funniest people out there and and I just think she's just so what a life what a what a really cool thing to do you know and I think like oh my

“gosh she's only 53 yeah you know like that's what I love about that is like everything that she's”

already experienced and now she's coming into this stage and her life with all of that all of those women that like propped her up at a young age I think is and now she is doing that for the next generation right despite what we're taught it actually there there were women that were mentors to

I don't I didn't have any of that people always ask me like who's your mentor and I'm like I

I don't I didn't have any female mentors that's right I wonder boomer generation man I'm telling you it's parents of boomers they really were you know just shut up and go eat your dinner and go to bed right to their kids I would have loved to have had I mean my mentor didn't know she was my mentor but my mentor was Lucille Ball because I was parked in front of the TV every night and

“watched her right agreed yeah same same here too because I think I mean I had an older sister”

that I believe I just wanted to be everything she was because she was older and her friends were

older and they were more mature so I've always wanted to be older I've always felt I was a older soul

and the young part of life to me felt very trivial and that nobody took me seriously and people didn't start taking me seriously until I went over a threshold of like 30 yeah and even then I was still the child I still hadn't learned but and a woman and a woman had to add that to the fact that nobody takes any of us he's that's true that's true fuckers anyway that is all the time that we have for today oh just want to leave you by telling you all the places that you can find us if you

want more talk 50 to me you can follow us on instagram at talk 50 to me you can subscribe we're so hard to our email list to get TFT updates and announcements if you have a question you can DM us on instagram you can email us at talk 50 to me [email protected] send us questions send us your thoughts send us jewelry in the real mail yeah yeah no don't forget to like and subscribe wherever you get your favorite podcast yes and if I haven't noticed jewelry you're going to talk about jewelry no I was just going to say

if you haven't noticed we do love jewelry we are the stack queen see you next Tuesday bye now talk 50 to me with Heidi Clements and constant simmer is produced by Alex Beatty recording engineer a layout walker editing by Zalene Hesse music by Matt Friedman production services provided by A4 S podcast studios a talk 50 to me LLC production distributed by the forward network talk 50 to me hi I'm Tamsen Fidel journalist and author of How to Metapause and host of the

Tamsen Show a weekly podcast with your roadmap to midlife and beyond we covered all from dating to divorce aging to ADHD sleep to sex brain health the body fat and even how parametapause going to affect your relationships and trust me it can each week I said down with doctors experts and leaders and longevity for unfiltered conversations packed with advice on everything from hormones to happiness and of course how does a saying during what can be well let's face it a pretty chaotic

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