Tracie Thoms

We got set up, I think, in less than a day.

“With very little effort, we could just focus on the supply chain to the product development.”

Shopify gives us the ability to customize without the complexity. We can change something without introducing fragility or having to pay a developer. We're thirsty total and we leveled up our business with Shopify. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/AU. So, 65th birthday, I was pondering what to do for my 65th.

And it made me think back to my 50th birthday party and what a monumental thing that was. And I decided to take myself and a bunch of friends to Europe and it turned into a giant

shit show. Welcome to Talk 50 to me.

Okay, when you say, do the thing in the case. As an essence, that's exactly what happens. So weird, it's like you were there.

“No, so I had just gotten an American Express Platinum card.”

And I thought charging $25,000 to it was smart. I think I paid it off last year. So that's about, you know, probably about $100,000 for me. It was myself and about eight other friends and my deal was. I paid for two other people's hotel rooms and I paid for dinner every night.

For 10 people. So it was three days in London and three days in Rome. And the shit show was the fact that my crazy fucking psycho boss decided she wanted to come to the birthday party uninvited. So it was a few people that I worked with and a few of my oldest friends. And this psycho who was running rough shot over my entire party and just ruined it.

And I was sober already 10 years. But a lot of my friends were not. And they just made up for her insane behavior by drinking. So I was just miserable the whole time. Not the whole time. She finally left early and everything was great. And I spent my actual 50 birthday in top shop for eight hours.

So that made me happy. Right. You could have been eight hours in top shop anywhere in the world. Right. And you would have been happy. No, the one in London was special and I'm very sad that it's closed.

“But I mean, I think it's important to celebrate. What did you do for your 50 years?”

Yours was in COVID. Yeah. I do think the 50 is birthday party is definitely something you think about when you're 45.

Right. And I was always thinking about it and planning it and had all this great ideas.

And I was going to run out of really small boutique hotel and pomp springs. And it would only had like 10 rooms. And I was just going to invite weirdly also like a 10. Whether it was 10 couples or 10 people that didn't matter. There was 10 rooms. And I had it all planned out and I put down the down payment and then Buckingham the world ended. COVID and everything shut down.

That is when I was like, oh, that should have been a sign of how the beginning of my 50s were coming up. That's very glass half empty, though, and you're not that gal. Well, it was very much like you can plan all you want. Yeah. But life has other things in store for you. Whether you like it or not. And then my 50th birthday I was in a tiny house in Malibu as far away from any other person beside my husband and my daughter. And could see people on the beach and wave to them across the way because

nobody could be, you know, close to each other. It was also hard because I was working on a show at the time. So I wasn't allowed to legally be around anyone outside of the show. Right. So I also had these crazy parameters. But yeah, I still think here. I'm going to do a doover because my 60th was in COVID also. While you were doing your 50th, we had just met. So while you were doing your 50th, I was doing my 60th. And I had a private concert in my backyard that was catered for 30 people who wore masks.

And it was fabulous. And why wasn't I there? We didn't really know each other that well yet. We had just met and I probably was afraid to invite you because you were famous and shit. And I was like, she's so cool. And then I found out you weren't. You're just normal. So disappointing. Oh, wait. You found out that I wasn't cool or that I was just normal. I mean, you're still cool. But you were just be clear. There's still cool. But you were slightly

correct. Cooler. But you know, who threw herself a really cool 50th birthday party? Our next guest. So you just turned 50. Now what we are getting into it with today's guest. She loves to throw a kick-ass theme party. So it's no surprise that she threw herself and her partner, a studio 50 themed disco birthday party for their 50ths. Plural a few months ago, which we can't wait to hear about. Also continuing to crush it in her career,

returning to the Delaware's product, too, almost 20 years later, started filming season nine of 911. At one point, she was even juggling recurring roles on station 19 and truth be told

at the same time. And here's a personal full circle moment. I first saw her on Broadway when she was

starring in rent as a teenager in the audience. Then I had the joy of working with her on the 20th forever plays and later on Unreal. And now she's here. We couldn't be happier to welcome the truly terrific Tracy Tom. And no gorgeous woman. Hi. So, can I correct one point? Please do. I wasn't in the original cast of rent. I was in the final cast. Wait, what cast did I see? Did I see the original? If you saw it as a teenager, you saw the original. Okay, well, I knew something was

missing and it clearly was you. That's all I'm saying. Okay, still a full circle moment. And you're still

a damn legend. There you go. See what we're so glad that you're finally with us today. And we do

love to start off by asking people a question that is very new to you, which is, what is one word so far to describe your 50s? Weird. Oh, my God. I love it. Tell me why. What's weird? Give us the all the VT. Well, first of all, there's the Perry menopause of it all. The body is weird. Also, I don't feel like it's hard to believe that I'm 50, not because I didn't think I would make it's a 50. I just thought it would take longer to get to 50 than it is. Like, suddenly I'm here.

Yeah. Now what? Now what? You don't mean because 50 means a different thing to us now than it

“did when we were younger. You know, I mean, I think 50 in general in the world being something different”

than it did then for a myriad of reasons, but it's just like, I don't know what 50 is supposed to feel like, but whatever I thought it was supposed to feel like it doesn't feel like. Hmm, interesting.

Yeah. We had a guest on the podcast say, we're here for the first time. Yeah. Right. So, so we are

going to be redefining what being 50 means because specifically this generation, we're showing up differently in our 50s. Right. Exactly. Because 50 was kind of like old. Yeah. Little. My grandmother was 50 and she seemed to old. But of course, I was a child. So it's all relative. You know, I mean, maybe she didn't seem old. But my mother would tell me that her mother, my grandmother, was old at 50. But it, it has changed. Oh, even the house old at 50. You know, I mean,

it's changed. Oh, I'm 65. And when I turned 50, it was really old. And I felt really invisible.

“And I think because your generation and Gen X is talking about being 50 and how cool it is”

that it actually has a totally different patina than it used to have. Like, it was old when I turned 50. I was like, fuck. I mean, I woke up the other day at 65 and was like, oh, shit. Now, am I old now? I don't know. You just, yeah. Right. You know, but then, you know, and I want to work with Angela Bassett, who's like, oh, like, she's, what's 67 or something? I mean, it's crazy. Maybe it's not that old. I mean, I didn't go with it. I didn't go with it. Let me go with it.

Now, but she is such a great example. She is ageless. But she is. I literally saw her one day coming out of her trailer. It was raining. It was raining. She had things in her hand. And I heard a slit, I heard, I heard like, oh, God, someone's falling. And I look over and there's Angela Bassett falling down the stairs. And I'm like, oh, my God, is she landed in a push-up position? And push yourself off? No, she did not. And picked up her stuff. And it was like, I said, I would have turned to dust.

[LAUGHTER] We run to dust. Oh, did you see me fall? I said, I, I think I did, but you seem fine, that she's

“wouldn't have worked. Wow. But you can happen. That is what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.”

It's different. We're showing up differently. And we are setting the new example.

grown-ups table. So, like, what does that mean for you? Well, I mean, I guess I can't,

“yeah, she's 67. I wasn't lying. I had to make sure that was where I could lie on my girl.”

I could not make good love. I could make sure. But yeah, I can't believe it. You know, when I look at her, I work with her. And I can't believe it. So, it is very inspirational being around someone that youthful. So, she makes beefy, you know, really excited about the future. But also, I wouldn't answer her question, but I didn't forget it. Oh, I know you. And it's just, everything is different. But like, every idea we have what aging is different,

right now. But what I mean about being, having a seat at the real grown-ups, I mean,

you can't lie and say you're young at 50. You know what I mean? I mean, again, it's almost like,

well, I'm just young. I'm still young. No, you're grown. You know, it's like, it's official. You are grown at 40. You can still kind of be like, you're young. But at 50, it's like, no, no, no, you're grown.

“And there's no way of getting around it. So, you have to have real conversations with your partners,”

with your friends, about like this next chapter of our lives. You don't mean, and maybe we're the generation that lives to a hundred more than the generation before. Maybe we live longer. We don't know yet, time will tell. You know, we've seen that we have so much technology now and access to medicines if we can't afford it. That's another conversation. But, you know, aging is different. But yet, and because we're embracing it, and because I think we're not just

ready to just crawl into our graves, we're having the conversations about how do we share information. How do we help each other, you know, go through this moment, you know? Yeah, I also like the word grown. I know, I was going to say like that better than aging. I'm grown. I am fucking grown. Do you think it's also changing the way you have conversations with friends? Have you noticed that instantly you sort of leveled up to a different place with your

“friendships also? Well, yeah, absolutely. I mean, there are certain things that I think, as we”

get older, growner, we know what will tolerate anymore. You know what I'm done on that enough. I'm not tolerating that energy anymore. You know, without addressing it, without trying to like reframe it or get rid of it, if it doesn't serve you anymore. I think, I think, as we grow, we learn ourselves more, and I'm still learning myself. You know, every year we do a word for the year. More word for this year was surprise. You know, I just want to surprise myself, and I'll

all myself to be surprised all year. So hand some doing this concert inapolis when I'm terrified of Kong. Yeah, can you tell us about that a little bit? Well, I started doing this cabaret back in on 2010, also against my will. The artistic director of a theater in Baltimore, a center stage, it's just kind of called me one day. I was like, hey, kid, you're doing a cabaret in our cabaret series. I'm like, that's weird. I don't do cabaret. I had done one at that point that my father made me do.

I'm like, I'm not telling him restaurant Baltimore, you know. So, I guess you are, you're already on a list. You're doing it. You know, and I'm like, oh, you know, and this is 2010. So rent came out in 2005, and I've closed what I'm brought in 2008. So it made sense that people would want me to do one then, but I just, I just had to figure it out. So I called my friend Billy Porter. That's a name drop, I know. And he was like, okay, let's call James Sam Plainer, my musical director,

and let's get going. You know, we just really put together the show. We wanted to be timeless. And it's a lot of like soul songs from like the 70s and 80s and 90s and 2000s, but it's like, you know, like Stevie Wonder and Donnie Hathway and Michael McDonald and Bonnie Raiden, John Legend.

Like kind of timeless songs that just, that never gets sick of, you know.

I put together in 2015, and then I did it again in 2010, then did it again in 2013 in LA. And then I just brush it off and did it again in New York this year and now I'm in Indianapolis. And it's, you know, and it's like, I get terrified. I, I, I kind of gauge everything by what I want to hear like, do I want to hear me sing 13 songs in a while? I wouldn't. I do. I do. I do. I do. We do. So I've got a mile away and and realize that, you know, I'm not always in charge.

And I have to surrender to certain things and maybe we'll find beautiful experiences on the

or where the rewards come in, but that's also growth, you know, because it's also such a great lesson for people who are in their 50s to show that there's, there is no age limit on doing things. And there's no age limit on surprising yourself. Like, what are some other things that are on your

“do you have, like, a little list of other things that you want to do as your surprises this year?”

Well, then it wouldn't be a surprise. You're first year. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not like planning it.

I'm just like allowing, you know, things to happen and trying to say yes, not like, yeah, saying yes, because I've been asked to do this conference before, and I've said no. You know, I'm like, no, I'm not really singing like that anymore. No, I'm not in vocal shape. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, those things may be true, but there's some else like I just have to just do it. Right. And see what happens. Let's see what I learned, you know.

I think that's, we talk a lot about how in our 50s, well, and Heidi is in her 60s, that when you come into this age, there is a little bit of power of that being grown. Like,

I can make my own decisions now. And my decision is to either say yes or no. Right. Right. Right.

And, and be okay with how the person reacts to that decision and that choice. So you're more boundaries. Yeah, a little bit more boundaries.

“No, to think, sometimes that's what I mean with when people say come do this. I'm like,”

no, yeah, I normally will say yes. Yeah, I definitely didn't learn in order to people, please, you know what I mean? Yes, being like, no, I can actually say no to things. They're not show up to everything. And has it been nice to you have this milestone getting into this decade with your partner? Has that? Wow, he's nine days, we're nine days apart, same year. So, but we're on the customer. I'm a Leo and he's a vertical, which is interesting. So he's the end of August.

And I'm like August 19, but he's the 28th. But yeah, you know, he had a week of being like, hey, old lady. I was like, you've got nine days. Oh, no, let you have it for nine days. But yeah, it is because I don't know, there's something really kind of poetic about being like the same age as your partner. You know what I mean? It seems like it's kind of rare.

I don't know a lot of people who are the same age as your partner, but somebody's always older.

So we have all the same references. Like we, everything happened to us at the same time. You know, we experienced everything at the same age that you've experienced through life. So that's something that's comfort in that. And I know that I'm not alone, knowing that I'm, you know, because my ex-partner has been younger than me. You know, and I always felt it. You know, I always felt like my last boyfriend was like six years younger than me. And he goes felt it. He doesn't matter.

I'm like, yeah, it does. He may not be. Well, like 20, he was at 27. I was at 32, 33. The time is that it doesn't matter. I'm like, it's going to matter. There's going to come a time when it's going

“to matter. You know what I mean? And then when when I'm at 36, I'm like, what are we doing?”

You know, because the baby thing, are we doing it or not? Because like, I have a Tik Tok on it. You don't. And I'm not thinking about it because I hear a man and be your younger. So and those things did come up, you know, but being that we're both at the same place at the same time is really, really great. And we can have important conversations at the same moment, like, let's get our colonoscopy. Let's do it. Yeah, come on, colonoscopy. That should be a, you know,

our whole business. Yeah, we know. What about girlfriends? Do you have girlfriends that are also entering their 50s that you might have chats with? You know, the reason 1975 was a busy year. There are so many of us turning 50. So many friends turning 50. One of my friends turned 50 and just had a baby. Oh, shit. So she's on that journey. And I'm like, wow, wow, that's a low little tired. I can't even imagine. I can't, I'm like, I'm exhausted. Thinking about it. Yeah,

for, yeah. And she's like, I mean, I'm tired, but, but the being pregnant actually gives you energy in a weird way. Because it's giving you hormones. Yeah, because it's giving you hormones, you know, that you're lacking at that time in your life. Your hormones are happening because of that. So that's the menopause part of it. But we talk about like how great it is to have to surround yourself later in life with girls who are at the same age you are so that you can

that maybe you were ashamed to have when you were younger, you know? Well, yeah, absolutely. You know,

“I have a friend who I didn't sit in a long time and she knows we're about the same age. She was like,”

"Hi, I was like, "Hey, oh my god. So we had to sit for the, "Hi, are you one of the drugs yet?" Like literally she went, "Why are you doing?" She was like, "Pair your menopause, right?" I was like, "Yeah. Are you one of the drugs? Take the drugs. Get the help." Yeah. And I was like, "Oh, I'm doing this to everybody. I know around my age. We have to just confront it and do it because we don't have to suffer." You do not. There's so many women that suffered before us. Like,

we can finally take that part out and not have to suffer. I didn't get on the drugs till 65,

like after menopause. And I don't know what the fuck I was waiting for. But well, you were waiting for people to talk about it and not be ashamed of it. Yeah. Well, and to get permission out. And then not feel like you're cheating or something or whatever the bullshit we surround ourselves with, you know? Yeah. But yeah, I was like, "Okay, let me just go ahead and figure this out. HRT, let's do it." I mean, like, let's get, let's get into it. Let's get into it.

“Let's get into it. I agree. I'm all I do when I take my underwear off the only thing I care about”

is my patch still on. Right. But that's all I care about. Now, I don't care about anything else. I'm just like, "Is it still there? Did it come off? Is it okay? I'm okay. I'm okay. Everybody's okay." I was like, "We're all okay." We're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying, we're staying. Ever wonder what Marie and Tuanet and Kim Kardashian might have in common?

Or how a celebrity scandal from 2007 is basically just history repeating itself.

Or test and clear, and we host right answers mostly. A podcast where history and pop culture collide. From ancient Queens to reality TV stars, we break it all down with the rich juicy storytelling it deserves. It's giving girlhood. It's giving historically accurate, most of the time. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Come for the facts. Stay for the drama. This is right answers mostly, where history is just gossip. What feels like the biggest challenge to you? I know you are just barely 50, but

like, do you already feel different? I don't feel like a switch put on when I turn 50 necessarily, you know. But I feel this push and pull in my brain of I'm so young and I'm old, right? So there's certain things I'm like, I want to do that, and I'm like, I'm too old to do that. Wait, no, I'm not. You know, whether it be simple things like jumping off of a step or something like that or like going to the club. You know, I went to the club. Yes. Yeah. So me and my man took our younger friend

because her brother had never been to a club. He's like me and I know the owner and he's like,

sure, I'll get them. You know, it's kind of a young club anyway. He just can't we'll put a wristband on or something. He can't get a drink or whatever, but you guys could sit at the VIP section and he had never been to the club. So here in Eugene Hall, like, let's the chaparones in this club. There was one older lady I saw and I think they were there for a birthday party. And we're like, oh, wow, this has like really young. So we're in the corner like we're the parents fully feel like we're the parents, you know. I mean,

“and this kid is like, who's 19 is like, what are we supposed to do? Just like dance?”

I'm like, yeah, you know, yeah, you just dance. See, watch. And I just started like going forward. I was like getting my life. Like we were at the at that rap party. Yeah. Consists were at this rap party for our show. And like we lost our minds. I turned around all the more like look at people in the party like we do. We see you party and just like had a good time. Like I think a lot of younger people because they're so glued to technology,

they forget how to interact with people. Yeah. I do think 50 is that I when I turned 50, those were my thoughts. Like I sort of lost what my relevance was. And I think that's part of what's baked into us about turning 50. Like it's the official. Oh, like can I wear that? Can I do this? Can I go here? Am I allowed to do this? And I went through all of that also until I hit 60. I was like, I don't give a fuck what you think. I'm doing that. Yeah. And luckily,

I know a lot of people will well in their 50s who I see them in every party. Like it looks like, I'm out here. I don't know what you're doing. Yeah. I'm getting my life like, okay, I can still do these things. Okay, great. I could still wear flattering clothes or whatever, as long as I feel good in it. Yeah. I'm saying like, where would ever? You know, it doesn't matter, but it does change the

like it's a soup that doesn't quite fit me yet. Because you're a newbie. Because I'm a newbie.

“You're a newbie 50. But that's okay. I mean, look, you know how to celebrate your birthday. It's”

like, nobody's business. And so it doesn't last one. No, no, don't make that the last one.

No, I said, you never know when it's your last. Oh, God. Thank you.

You hit my bus next week and it was your last birthday and you didn't do shit. You know, I mean, I was like, celebrate yourself. A great, you know, a great, a great, a great, a great, a great, I always, someone said this the other day. I always think of if I were on my deathbed, would I be mad about this? Would I be mad that I ate that donut? Fuck no. Yeah. I'd be glad that I ate that donut. You got to eat all the donuts. When you're deathbed, you mean celebrate the things,

you know what I mean? And my birthday parties are kind of like a way that I celebrate my friends, my friend. I like to throw a party for my friends. I'm like working in. I'm not like sitting in the corner like, come see me. People are like, I couldn't even find you a trip or a thing. I was like, oh, yeah, because I was over there fixing that thing. Oh, yeah, I was over there. I was over or whatever. You know, they're like, work. And I love it. You know, I love it. I love giving

people experiences and creating opportunities and spaces for people to meet each other and to have a good time and forget about all the bullshit that's going on right now because it's plenty of bullshit. Oh, God. I don't know. Now I want to ask you, how did it feel to go back to do devourous product? Like, what did I say? Did it was it 20 years ago? Yeah, exactly 20. I found out I booked a devourous product one on my 30s birthday. Oh, wow. I thought we'd work that. I found out

I booked that. So, and I was shooting around my 50s birthday. I didn't actually shoot on the day.

But it was really weird because the first scene of the first day of the shoot of

devourous product was me and and you know, right. So, that was day one for everybody. It's a shot one for everybody was us. And it's like the camera crew is the same, the director, the writer, the director, the director, serves me. It's all, you know, the people behind the camera are the same guys. And it was like, it felt very familiar, like putting on an old, like jacket that you thought you lost. You finally, then, that was what you put it on. You're like, yeah, love this jacket. Yeah,

and it's still fits, you know, but yeah, the table, I felt that everybody was really nervous. Everybody was nervous. Well, like, are we really doing this? Is this happening? They include in several street was like, oh, okay. I mean, I hope it's great. I think it's got to be great. I'm sure it's going to be great. It's going to be great. I don't think anyone's worried about it. But I'm curious because all of you, right? Like, did everybody, did it feel like everybody was just

bringing a little bit more of life and experience with them? Oh, absolutely. And it was interesting. I didn't realize how much older than Anne Hathaway, I was the first time. You know, I mean, like, oh, she's like 42. I'm like 50 playing besties. You know, I didn't feel that different then. But now it changes, you know, I mean, because she and Emily are still like stick skinny. There's, you know, they're in their a list, bodies, and I'm like, oh, I'm currently now. So deal with it.

“Lily, don't fill it out. You know, I'm saying that's what I'm saying. Lily is alone. Yeah,”

she's grown. She's grown. Lily's a grown. Okay. Do you find yourself sort of, um, do you, are you leaning in a little bit more to a mentorship role on sets when you're on sets now? Do you find that happening? Yeah, I think it happens naturally.

People just ask me things. You know what I mean? I just feel like, um, you know, I've always kind of

been in an, an, an a mentor space, even when I was younger. I just would talk to people younger than me. But I realized that I just have a certain amount of, I don't know, better in ship. I guess I'm a better now, I've been in the business for 20, 12 or four years. I guess that counts. A better fucking count. And feeling like I kind of know what I'm doing. Even though I still don't know what I'm doing. I mean, like, I think at this part of being an actor, like, do we ever know what we're

doing? Nobody knows what you're doing. No one knows what they're doing. You know what I mean? But, but, but accepting that I don't know what I'm doing, rather than being afraid of the fact that I don't know what I'm doing. Just knowing that's part of the gig. Um, you know, we're pretending to be people who are not. It's not really achievable. We just get as close to it as we can,

“and try to tell as much truth as we can. Um, I'm just letting go of that. You know what I mean?”

And being way more, I used to be so anxiety-filled. And I still have it. But it used to be really, really bad. I would just be racked with fear all the time. Oh, I'm like, and you get addicted to that fear.

But it's like, no, you're okay. It's okay. Actually. That's awesome. So, do you, do you have some advice

for the next generation? Since you're a newbie, 50? How should the next generation handle entering the elder dome? Not the elder house. Not the elder house. But I like the elder dome. We got to find a balance because I think some people are so afraid of aging that they forget to live their life. I mean, I mean, they're just every decision they make is about, oh, my skin, my hair, my body, my butt, but, you know, they're just constantly worried about all that stuff.

And I'm like, we're supposed to age. That's weird. You know, and I did an episode of, and I went one more on the right-on-challenge, right? Right-on-challenge, of course,

within this hotty and like the 80s, you know what I mean? And we were talking about it. She was like,

I would be weird if I walked in here look the same as I did in Camando. That would be strange

“because I'm not, and that's not how life is supposed to go. You're supposed to age and change it.”

That's the beauty of it. You know what I mean? And so many people are afraid of change because there's a stigma on aging for women, specifically. It's much for men, men are supposed to age and be a zaddy. We're supposed to look like teenagers are whole lives. You know what I mean? And it's like, you know, I'm grateful that I'm on a show. And I want one where the women on our show were all, we all have grown as women bodies. I love it. You know? Yep. We need more of that.

We need more of that. Yeah, you know. Yeah, we have one last question. We got to let you go. Got to let you out of here. So it's from our surprise question jar, so we don't know what it says. So to gird your loins. So you're loins. What's your loins? Do you have a nickname for your vagina?

Do you have a nickname for your vagina? Let's go. I wish I did. I don't. You got to get one. I don't. I've got to make one up. Make one up right now. I'm going to give you some time on the clock. Ready? You're distracting or you're distracting. I'm going to call my vagina the pleasure palace. Oh, yes. Perfect. Your pee pee.

Your past evidence in my pee pee. We love you so so much. Thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me and my weird hotel room in Indianapolis. That's all right. Good people. Good

luck tonight, break a leg in your show. It's going to be amazing. And I think of us next time you get

down with your TPP.

“Don't think of down with CP. I don't think you need to think of us. Okay.”

Thank you so much, Tracy. I appreciate you. My Tracy love you. Hi, I love you. I every time I see Tracy or here Tracy talk, I can't stop smiling. I just she had such an energy that I've been so fortunate to like have in my life for so long. I just love her so much and to see her showing up at like the grown-up table is she is showing up different, even though she's just barely gotten here. You know, and how she said that don't fear aging, don't be afraid to age or you'll

some people are so afraid of aging. They forget to live. We like when our producer steps. Yeah, she said people are so afraid to age that they'll forget to live. That is so profound and so true. I say all the time. You're just you're going to miss all the good stuff. You're going to miss the good stuff. You're going to miss all the stuff. Even bad stuff is the

“good stuff. And you know, it's why you have to stay present. Don't go back. Don't look forward.”

Just stay here. Stay here now and be happy. And she's it's really funny to talk to someone that's just entering 50 because I do remember all the things that she's feeling. Like, can I wear this? Can I do this? Can I go here? Is the club okay for me? Like, I remember feeling that way. There's this weird search for your new relevance that happens at 50. And I only think it happens because of all of how society tells you you're supposed to feel it's the number.

It's the number that has been held over our heads and entire lives. Yeah. And so you definitely

She I want to talk to her again at like 55. Right. Where I'm at? Yeah. Because it's different.

It is different. And she'll probably have a very different name for her vagina then, too. I don't have a name for my vagina, by the way. I mean, I just call it like, you know, the

“hey not my hey notty notty. No, I don't know that. That's what you call it. Yeah.”

And are you like like when you're walking around in your I don't talk to my vagina. I mean,

but I don't want to have a name for it. No, you know. No. You just say vagina. I don't just say anything. Say Russ, would you like to enter my vagina? No. I definitely don't say that. Okay. But I'm getting that's my homework. My homework is I'm going to come up with a name for my vagina.

“I would really appreciate that if you have. Well, Leah, do you have a name for your vagina?”

Yeah. See, she doesn't either. The youngins don't have a name for their vagina. Well, I would like to do it.

Do you just call me young? It's a good point. Yeah. No. Everybody go home and come up with a name for your vagina. Before we leave you today, we want to shut out a couple of our favorite one words for turning 50 from our Instagram friends. We have Elizabeth Sophia at Lizard underscore Jay said her one word for turning 50 was

“disoriented truth and Michelle Sim at Michelle dot scm said frightening. And that's why we're here to make it less”

frightening frightening, right? Yeah. So do you want more talk 50 to me? Follow us on Instagram and subscribe to our email list to get talk 50 to me updates and announcements. Do you have a question? DM us on Instagram at talk 50 to me or email us at talk 50 to me [email protected]. Like and subscribe wherever you find your favorite podcast and we'll see you next Tuesday. Bye now. Talk 50 to me with Heidi Clemens and constant simmer is produced by Alex Beatty, recording engineer, Alia Walker, editing by Zelene Hesse, music by Matt Friedman,

production services provided by A4S podcast studios, a talk 50 to me LLC production distributed by the forward network. Hi I'm Tampson Fidel, journalist and author of How To Metapause and host of the Tampson Show, a weekly podcast with your roadmap to midlife and beyond. We covered all from dating to divorce, aging to ADHD, sleep to sex, brain health, the body fat, and even how parametopause and effect your relationships and trust me it can. Each week I said down with doctors,

experts and leaders in longevity for unfiltered conversations packed with advice on everything from hormones to happiness. And of course, how to stay sane during what can be, well, let's face it a pretty chaotic chapter of life. Think of us as your midlife survival guide. New episodes released every Wednesday. Listen now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.