My Birth Story: What Nobody Prepared Me For

Hi, I'm low-boss Ruth and Tally and I'm a first-time mom.

Over the last decade, I have built wellness products for millions of women at my company, blood wellness. But nothing has rocked my world quite like having our marable baby, like not even close. This is Tell Me I'm a Good Mom, a show about navigating modern

“motherhood in a culture that tracks our kids, but frankly, sidelines us. And I think it's time”

motherhood got a rebrand. Let's get into it. I guess we will just get going. It's kind of weird

to do it by yourself, but let's get started. All right, everybody, welcome to the very first episode of Tell Me

I'm a Good Mom. I am really excited to be doing this show and this first episode is what we're calling a haves the episode. So I recording half today and then half in the future because it is the birth plan versus the birth story episode to kick us off. I am 36 weeks pregnant. My baby will be here soon. I don't know how soon, but we thought it would be really fun as we get into this podcast and developing this show to start the series like this. So I will get into the episode

shortly, but first I really want to talk about why I'm building Tell Me I'm a Good Mom and how

did I get here. I want to go into the thesis behind the podcast and the show in general.

“I'm nervous. I think I haven't spoken that much about the emotions behind pregnancy and motherhood”

and having this happen in real time and on the internet. I'm somebody that can't hide from the internet. I've been on TV since I was 17 years old. I have a consumer brand, love wellness that is in a bunch of retail stores and has been available for 10 years. So when I first realized that I was pregnant, it was like my phone and I realized at the same time and it's almost like we entered into this unspoken mutual shapeshifting agreement and it taught me right away that the world talks

at moms. It doesn't talk with them and I want to talk about that because that conversation is

“one that has not really been happening. I think it happens in small circles. I think it happens”

in the group chat, but it hasn't been happening in a big cultural shifting kind of way because the majority of people think that motherhood is just about raising a child and it is, but it also is not, it is about what happens to you and almost no one gives space to moms to talk honestly about that and that is what I want to do here. So the good mom podcasts exists now because I think so many women are quietly wondering if they are doing motherhood right and what I observed is that they

really need to hear that you're allowed to feel any way that you want about this, right? You're allowed to feel overwhelmed, you're allowed to feel ecstatic, lonely, grief for your old life, you're allowed to feel capable and confident, but that's the rule at all. You are doing a good job. I don't think that validation is selfish in motherhood. I think it is an necessity. I think it's required. He has truly win two moms here that they are doing a good job, hopefully like from their

partners and from their support system, but I do think that it is probably rare. Meanwhile, it is genuinely one of the reassurances we could hear that would make motherhood a little bit easier. And I'm sure if we select this clip for social media, the comments on this will say, "Well, you chose to be a mom, you don't need or deserve a pat on the back for a choice that you have made and it's that type of commentary that really gets to the heart of why I'm doing this

and why especially online, the cultural script of motherhood is so narrow, so performative,

of time that we have to be brave and happy and not need help or kindness or empathy or gratitude

“from our partners, our kids, our communities, we're just supposed to do it, right?”

There is a massive emotional gap between what women feel and what they are allowed to say. And already, I am experiencing the negative side of motherhood on the internet. I'm doing it wrong, everybody, as an example, I posted a video in early December that was asking for breastfeeding or just feeding advice, right? Because I'm very nervous about it, I have a lot of anxiety about it and I got so many positive comments and it was really just trying to come have a conversation

about how does it really feel about this, not specifically, like, how do you breastfeed? And it has already turned into hate content from lactation consultants, no doubt,

“that reply and say, please take a breastfeeding course and learn about breastfeeding instead of asking”

a comment section, comment prep for my holistic breastfeeding prep course.

So basically I'm already being told to shut up, don't ask for help, keep your opinions to yourself,

and the comments on her video support with this individual saying. My theory is that they don't actually want advice, they want engagement. If you need pumping up from your random community of followers, your mindset around breastfeeding is already drastically off. Well, I guess to this individual who's lactation consultant who's supposed to be supporting moms, we're commenting prep. Oh, you're going to love this show. You guys are just going to be so, so fun.

I want to build the show that I wish already existed. It is not just parenting tips. It is not about my kid. You guys are going to be a big part of this show. It is about us. It is about community that I want to build for one another where you are allowed to ask each other for advice on the internet. God forbid, you haven't taken the breastfeeding course. The show is not about how to bounce back or bounce back culture. Even though we will talk about

that from time to time, it's not about optimization or perfection. It is about real conversations about identity and fear and confidence and loss and love and partnership and ambition and self trust told in real time because I am becoming a mom right now in real time. And that to me is so fascinating. I am 36 weeks pregnant. My baby is in my butt. She could arrive at any minute. I literally was on the way to this studio. I mean, like, oh my god, what am I winning to labor? Well, I was recording

“the first episode of my podcast. And that to me honestly is fascinating. So with that, let's get into”

the very first episode of Tell me I'm a good mom. The birth plan versus the birth story.

And as I mentioned, this will be a combo episode where I'm recording half right now before our daughter's arrival and half later after the fact, of course, to compare notes with myself, examine how silly or potentially not silly. I have been. And I'm going to do this in this episode by asking myself questions about my plan, the plan, the birth plan, or the projection version of how I see this happening. And then compare that to a series of questions and answers after I give birth. So let's get into it.

The first question is, do I even have a birth plan? And I have to tell you, when I was 20, 25 weeks pregnant, I started thinking about giving birth as many of us do. And I have not been nervous about it. I'm not afraid of labor. I don't fear the pain and the discomfort, even though I know that it's going to be very painful and very uncomfortable. I'm not even that nervous in regards to how it's

going to go down because I've always said to myself, how can you have a birth plan when you have

no clue how this is really going to happen? You have no control over the situation. And so I admire people that put together their wishlist for how they want their birth to go. But I decided not to do

control. I realize a screw could be loose there because I'm just not particularly afraid.

“But that's really how I have felt about it since the beginning. And when I started to ask my doctor,”

my OB about a birth plan, she immediately said to me, Lauren, let's call them birth preferences, not a birth plan. And nothing has ever made more sense to me. Like me, she leads with logic. I love my doctor. Of course, I want to do skin to skin, delayed cord clumping if you can, all of the things that it, you know, are recommended that are talked about often. I'm aware of all of

these things. But yeah, I have just felt pretty relaxed about the whole thing. And I wrote that

high horse for about six weeks until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. So my next question, do I have a birth plan now? And oh, yes, my friends, I have a birth plan. I have gestational

“diabetes, and it turns out that my GD is not well controlled by diet or by exercise.”

And she is a beast of her own. Long story short, I have to take insulin every day. I do about four insulin shots a day, fast acting when I eat and then I do it at night. And it has been stressful. And one of the big changes to my no birth plan plan is that now I have to have a plan. So with medication controlled gestational diabetes, the majority of doctors will not let you go past 39 weeks of, you know, gestational age for your baby. As the risks of complication can increase a lot.

And so with that, I was presented with a choice a few weeks ago. Would you like to be induced, or would you like to have a sea section? And being induced early is tricky. I've had long

“conversations with my doctor about this. She told me that women my age, I'm 39, women my age”

or older, at least 50% of the time, you end up having a sea section. And that is often,

and that often happens after being induced and, you know, 20 to 25 hours of basically, I don't know,

failed progression in labor. There's a term for it. I don't know the term off, drop my head. But basically, labor that does not progress well and eventually has to end a sea section. So already, 50% risk of that, because of my age. And we spoke a lot about recovery and the recovery that I do not want is one that comes from 20 plus hours of labor and then an emergency sea section. And then I learned about another thing that I don't see talked about almost at all.

I have a couple of her needed discs in my spine. And when I mentioned this casually to my doctor, she got a look of horror on her face. And I thought, oh, no. And she said, Lauren, if you attempt traditional labor and bathroom delivery with her needed discs in your spine, you could permanently further fuck up your back. And my back has already been in constant and overwhelming pain for this pregnancy. So I put all of these pieces of information together that it's likely I could already

end up in a sea section after a long induction that my back could be pretty fucked. I attempted vaginal delivery and that just in general, like my risk for complications and like risk for my baby or higher because of a medical condition. And so I made the decision that I want to have a sea section. People are like, oh my god, you're electing to have a sea section. You're going to get cut open. I know that. I have already made peace with it. My doctor and I have decided that, oh my

baby is moving. My doctor and I have decided that the lowest risk health wise across the board for me is to have a sea section. So that has been scheduled. I actually feel a lot of relief. It's on the calendar. And now I'm just wondering, is my daughter going to show up early by surprise, TPD? Am I worried what other people will think? Are there choices? I feel I need to defend

have to explain themselves. Truth be told, an acceptable explanation should be, I just wanted to

because we have autonomy over our bodies. It might instance, or in many people's instances, is maternal age risk, a desire to avoid a long, medically induced labor, and potentially ruining my back good enough for all of you to not judge me for making this decision. I don't know. I don't actually really care to be honest with you, which is why I'm telling you what my birth plan is and the decisions I made to get here, right? If I'm also being honest, I have been fascinated

“by pregnancy. I am fascinated by labor and birth, and my secret hope is that I naturally go into”

labor before my sea section, and then I just try, because in that instance, if your body is already in labor, if you need the potositor, whatever, it just helps it move it along, versus being induced from zero centimeters dilated, no a facepent, which everyone I talked to that goes through that it's just the worst ever. But naturally going into labor and delivering vaginally, that is for me, the true golden experience, and I am sad that given my situation, that is not going to happen

for me, or probably won't happen for me. But the reality is that I do have a set of health issues

“and complications that make a sea section the right path for me right now. Like I already had”

pelvic surgery before I got pregnant, and they sliced through my abdomen in four places to get to my uterus. The recovery sucked, and I know that a sea section recovery will be worse, but I already know to a degree what like pelvic plus abdominal surgery means looks like feels like, and I am comfortable with that. My goal is to get better as fast as I can for my baby and my husband. And I simply will not sign up for a broken vagina, a broken abdomen, and a broken back. So judge me for that decision

if you will. Let me know in the comments what you think. The last question that I want to ask myself

today is what scares me about being witnessed this closely? And the answer is complicated, and it's

not going to be a perfect answer. I've already talked about it a little bit this episode, but I know

“that doing this show will create a feeling in people. I hope it's a good feeling, but I think that”

I will create a lot of negative feelings in people that explicitly result in the comment that I'm a bad mom. I've already get it. Naming the show, tell me I'm a good mom, invites that criticism, and it invites that commentary out of the gate, and I am acutely aware of that. But again, that's kind of the point here. It's to shine a light on that. What is so wrong about needing or wanting validation? Truly, just like, tell me what you think. I'm genuinely curious. I am

nervous to a certain degree to be putting myself back out there in this way. But I am somebody that has been telling my stories since I was 17 years old. And then in 2016, when I started love wellness, I was going through a personal health crisis. I had crazy vitamin deficiencies, gut health issues, chronic women's health issues. And as I started my company, I told my personal health story, and I've continued to do so for many years. And so as I enter into this next

chapter of Motherhood, I feel genuinely excited to share my story in real time in this space that we are all creating. Being a mom, I already can predict and from what everyone has told me and what I've

is going to be cathartic for me to be able to discuss what we are all feeling, but not really saying

“out loud in real time. This potentially could be the biggest mom group chat ever. I have found”

that the group chats that I'm in are remarkably supportive. As is some stuff on the internet, like good job, Mama is the common I see a lot, and I love that, right? So with that, just know that every week here, when and if you need that lift, I will be here telling you that you're a good mom. And with that, I'm going to sign off and go have my baby now, hopefully not today, hopefully on the date of my schedule T-section, maybe she will surprise me earlier as discussed. But with that,

I'm going to go have my baby, and then we're going to transition into the back half of this

“episode, which is the birth story. So did the birth plan go as planned? We've tried it all,”

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All right, enough of that before time. It's time to transition into the present, the birth story, and of course, nothing went to plan. Well, it half went to plan. Kind of. Around New Year's, I start to not feel great. And New Year's Eve dinner, we went to Union Square Cafe, my husband,

and one of my good friends and her husband, and an amazing dinner, and I did not feel great at this

dinner. I was dizzy when I went to the bathroom. I started to feel nauseous. I just was not myself.

“For a few days around the New Year, I was not myself. And I didn't call the doctor. I think because”

by this point, I have consumed so much internet content that just is like, yeah, it is terrible at the end. It is pro-drama labor. It is Braxton Hicks. If you go to a hospital, they're just going to send you home. And I think for most people, that is probably the case. I got to my 38-week

appointment. The first week of January when everyone was going back to work. And I mean,

wow, my husband and I really were trying to take advantage of that first week back at work, because my C-section was scheduled for the very end of that week. I think January 11th was like my original C-section date that I had planned. And at Love Wellness, we are launching quick melt strips. They are live in the world by now. Back then, I was still working on the launch, trying, frantically last minute to get everything prepared with my team. I'm the CEO of Love Wellness. So,

I did not get to complete that first week of work back, because I went to my 38-week appointment in the morning, that Monday morning. So, because I went to my 38-week appointment that week,

and I got my blood pressure taken. And my blood pressure is always pretty good, pretty low,

pretty healthy, and my blood pressure was high. So, the doctor comes in and she says, you know, it's not so high that it's pre-eclampsia right now at this moment, but blood pressure and pre-eclampsia can change and happen really quickly. So, you're in true gestational hypertension territory. Your 38 weeks, your baby is full-term, and so, Lauren, I am going to deliver your baby today. So, it's time for you to go to

labor and delivery right now from this appointment. See you at the hospital. Can you imagine?

I went to labor and delivery at the hospital. I call my husband and our hospital bag was like,

not totally packed, but obviously they didn't have it with me. I was planning on going to Whole Foods after my doctor's appointment. So, he leaves the office, he goes home, he gets our stuff, and he meets me at the hospital, and a few hours later, our beautiful daughter, Nell, was bored, but of course, it was nothing like how I thought it would be. At least, in terms of our original plan, my original plan was a scheduled sea section for all of the

“reasons I talked about on the first half of this episode, right? I think for me, I had gestational”

diabetes. All of a sudden, I had gestational hypertension. I'm 39 years old. I have her need

to distance my spine, and I can count on two hands, literally, at least 20 women that have been induced, meaning, you know, labor starts using medication, and they labor for 20 to 30 hours, and then they have to have an emergency sea section. In my doctor said, there is an above 50% chance of that happening to you if you get induced. So, choose, choose your path, choose what you want to do, and like, I don't want to do that. That sounds really bad. And because I had insulin

supported, gestational diabetes, my baby needed to be delivered early, hence, scheduled sea section,

all of that stuff. So, the sea section part of it was the same from plan to the reality, but, you know, the day of was definitely more frantic, more the baby is coming today, more. There is an issue that necessitates the baby being delivered, you know, right now. So, I get to the hospital, and I wait, and my husband arrives, and we're very nervous, and, wow, like, it just feels like,

“it's been six weeks, but that day, that moment of waiting, I remember with such clarity,”

we were calm, but not, it's kind of hard to explain to be honest with you. I started to get really nervous, heading to the OR. You put on your gown, and your little butt hangs out, but they try to cover you from honesty, you know, and you walk down with your doctor, and your surgical team, and they anesthesiologists, and you walk into the OR, and it's otherworldly in there. It is bright and sterile, but in a good way, somehow, and you see this table where you are about to give birth,

and all the machines all around you, and you see the little empty bassinet where you're baby, you know, is going to be placed, and it is one of the most beautiful and terrifying and completely life-altering moments of your life, and I'm just talking about, like, going into the ER, like, I haven't even gotten to the part where they hold up the baby, like Simba, like, I'm just talking about walking into the ER, oh my goodness, and shoot, it is really,

it is scary, I was really scared at this point. Not of the surgery itself, but of the spinal, or the epidural, because you just have to go in, no drugs, and get needles, huge needles, but into your back, and that is scary, and if you're not scared of that, you're a special god of person. So they have you sit up on the operating table with your legs hanging off the side, and I start to cry, and breathe heavily, and really panic at this point,

and my doctor comes over to me, and she just puts me, she's facing me, and she puts me just into a bear hug, and she's like, listen, like, we're going to do this together, I've got you, put your head down and forward, and the anesthesiologist, in my case, used a spinal plus epidural, because I had pelvic surgery previously, I had endometriosis excision surgery, and if you get a

“spinal, I believe it only lasts for a certain period of time, and that's it. But if you have an”

epidural, they can keep giving you more drugs, so if you need to be in surgery for longer,

combined spinal epidural, and how they do that, I have no idea, I don't have eyes in the back of my

“head, I just close my eyes, tried not to cry too hard, and, you know, got through it, as they stuck”

whatever they stuck needle device contraption into my spine, and it turns out it really wasn't so bad, the fear of it was 100 times worse than the pain or the discomfort itself, and very quickly, my butt started to get kind of warm, and then it trickles into your legs and into your feet, and before you're totally numb, they kind of have you put yourself and they help you get on to the table, and then they start through surgery prep. You are laying on your back. They, gosh, I don't

know, they rep stuff all over you to get you clean. And at this point, my husband was brought in

“in his own little surgery bunny suit. Gosh, can you imagine being the partner that has to wait”

to be brought into the OR, if that's its own moment of terror, and it is a patient and excitement and joy. So he gets brought in and they start, and I had such a good spinal epidural that I didn't even know that they had started, like I'm still laying there so, so nervous, and I'm also very hard of hearing. I have auto sclerosis in one year, so I'm pretty sure they did tell me that they had started. Like I didn't hear them or I was paying attention, because five minutes into the

procedure, I asked the doctor loudly, and I have the curtain in front of me so I can't see anything. Like, have you guys started? And I'm like, Lauren, we started five minutes ago, like we're already like,

are you like almost at the baby? And then I finally calmed down, because the fear of pain is

very real for for any human, like, everyone's afraid of pain, most people are afraid of pain, and discomfort. And when I realized that they had already, you know, chopped through a bunch of me, and I literally didn't even know. I didn't feel anything. I didn't even feel any tugging or any of that stuff. The people say that they feel are right about nothing. And soon, I heard my baby cry. And it was just, wow, a beautiful moment that

I'll never get back. You only live it once with your child.

It's me, it makes me weak, be just thinking about it. I heard her cry. And they caught my husband up to help cut the umbilical cord, like, not off of my body. That would be whole. But, you know, they cut her umbilical cord, but left it long enough so that my husband could just finish cutting it, you know, when she was placed in the bassinet. And, you know, they took care of her and they brought her over so that I could see her, because, you know, I'm like strapped

to the surgery table. And, oh my gosh, what a beautiful moment. And we have photos, and I put the photos from the OR, you know, in a family scrapbook. And, like, as I was seeing her, and as I was seeing all the blue in the room, I was reminded of the photos I would see of, you know, my birth, my sister, my brother, and those classic hospital pictures, you know, you see in your family album. And, I thought, oh my gosh, this is that moment, you know, for me

“and my family, my husband and my daughter, I will never forget this moment. And, I got to do a”

little bit of trust to chest with her, which was amazing. And, my husband got to hold her in

his arms for, you know, the rest of the procedure when, you know, they're stitching me back together.

and have to deliver. But, I don't think if this one, I would have it any other way. When I think about it realistically, when you have a date on the calendar, it's great, and it's calm, but I can't imagine the days leading up to it are very awesome, because you have so much anticipatory energy. So, in some ways, I'm so happy that it was sprung on me in a way. Um, what came after the birth was very challenging. It's challenging for every mom.

I am not the exception to that at all. Nobody can prepare you for the first few days after you give birth. No matter how many books you read, how many videos on TikTok you watch,

“how many stories you listen to from other moms you have to just”

live it yourself to understand how upside down and fucked. And also really amazing it is.

So, for me, when you recover from a sea section, they want you to walk often early and as much as possible. And thankfully for me, that wasn't really an issue. By, like, we had my, I had my sea section in the evening and the early evening, but we didn't get to go up into our hospital room until almost like 11.30 or midnight when I was post-op. And I think I was up walking the hallways by like three o'clock in the morning, four

o'clock in the morning with the help of, you know, a nurse, obviously. Um, and I did walk a lot after

“my procedure and I recovered. I think pretty quickly because I made the choice to be active.”

I had heard from other sea section moms that the more you walk and move, the quicker you heal, which is, like, confusing, but that's the reality. So, if you're going to have a sea section, try to get moving, try to be active. The hospital stay was fine. Tough. I was breastfeeding the baby at the time. She was so little. She was born, like, six pounds. And 38 weeks, just a tiny, tiny little baby. Yeah, the hospital was like a mixed bag. I think

mostly because people are coming into your room all the time. You don't get a lot of peace at the hospital, but obviously, like, you want to get birth on the hospital and be taking care of in the hospital.

I'm so grateful for everybody that took care of me. My nurses weren't incredible. I don't know

if anybody else has experienced this, but I did not sleep for 30-ish hours after I gave birth because my adrenaline was just so, so intense. The baby's crying, but our nanny's here. So let's

“just give it a second. I heard that she cries. This sounds like she's settled. I think.”

I did not sleep for 30 hours after I gave birth. Not because the drugs they gave me because my adrenaline was just 10 out of 10. And I have heard that this happens to some people. You give birth and I think you just go into animal mode. I got to keep my baby alive mode. Even if you're at the hospital and your body like doesn't know that you live in 2026. So yeah, I didn't sleep for more than a day after I

gave birth. So the whole first night, I tried to sleep. I laid there and just my brain and my body

were just just going. And that made the next couple of days pretty challenging. I would say from a recovery standpoint. My second night, third night. I don't even know. I was talking to one of the nurses about pumping and how to use the pump of the hospital for a couple of minutes. And I had like been on my feet. And so it's confusing why this happened. And then she went out to go get me something. And I went into the restroom and you know, our hospital room to go be.

And I have fainted before. And so I kind of was like, oh, this is like a little bit like

that time when I fainted. And it really got so severe. And I was scared. My husband happened to be downstairs at the hospital, getting us dinner, meaning the delivery guy that had our food. So he was not in the room. And I had to you know, pull the record that is present in all hospital bathrooms. That's like, if you're fainting or you need help, pull this string. And it was so bad that I thought, well, I guess this time to pull the string. So I pull the string. And within seconds,

I had 15 people in my hospital room three in the bathroom with me. So I don't know what that's

“called when you pull the thing. Coat something probably. But truly within seconds, I had, I think”

probably everyone on the floor in my room. And somebody was like, give me smelling salts. And they were throwing the thing on my arm and they were checking the medication. And my blood pressure was really, really high. And it was really scary. And then I started to get a piercing headache behind one of my eyes and hearing, you know, really crazy sounds out of one ear. And I got to be honest

with you, I thought it was the end. And I was so frantic and so emotional because our baby was,

you know, in her bassinet at the end of the bed. And I thought, oh my god, I can't leave them. I can't leave my husband and my baby. It's too soon. Like I really thought I was meeting my maker. I don't know how in your ism something. I don't know. Not a professional. And the nurse standing over the baby was trying to distract me. And saying like, oh my gosh, like, I put it, I put her her hat on again. Her bow is so cute. She's, you know, looks so perfect. Look, I

read it her swaddle. And I was fine. I don't know what happened. Something with the blood pressure, something with standing up or sitting down. You know, I don't know. But it was really

“scary. And I'm honestly so grateful that my husband was not in the room so that he didn't”

have to witness it because it was scary. Like I had no idea it was happening. And after that, I started to have to get heparin shots, like multiple times a day, like in my arms and my legs, or maybe I was already on the heparin. I don't know. After you get birth, it's just such a blur. The rest of the hospital stay was less eventful thankfully. And the night after I pulled the rip cord, I think they gave me something to help me sleep. Maybe Benadroll or something. So I

was breastfeeding and I think it was safe for the baby, but they were like, okay, you really need to get some rest lady. We're going to help you get some rest. And they thankfully took the baby to the nursery that night. And you know, it's interesting in the hospital. They really pressure you obviously, so you're baby, but to take care of your baby, like right away. And it's really hard

“to do that right after you give birth. And I think that they saw how fragile I was. And so they stopped”

pressuring me to keep the baby in my room overnight. And you know, you all just stop and they gave me some relief at that point, which I was very grateful for. Like if you can send your baby to the nursery overnight in the hospital, I am an advocate for doing that. Like I trust doctors and nurses. I don't think I don't think anything bad is going to happen to the baby in the nursery. I know a lot of parents like to keep their baby with them like in their room. But for me, I just desperately

that I could get at least small chunks of sleep, you know, in between, you know, medical staff coming

“in and checking all your vitals and everything like that. And then a few days later,”

by gosh, they send you home. I know everybody says like, oh my god, you're just going to like send me home. This is my baby like what do I do? I didn't really have that feeling. I actually felt really calm and confident to be honest with you. I still feel calm and confident as a mom. I used to be a really anxious person. And I definitely have some postpartum

anxiety. Mine is like, SIDS related, breathing related, suffocation related, which is very normal.

But I'm actually talking about like just different kind of anxiety, just like generalized anxiety. I had awful anxiety, my entire life. And especially like my adult life, really bad anxiety. And when I got pregnant, my anxiety just went away. And it hasn't really come back. And yeah, maybe it means that I was meant to be a mom. I don't know, because I feel really calm and good. Most days, even though I'm postpartum, like that, that's it's like

own thing, separate from this. Yeah, I feel relaxed about motherhood to be honest with you.

And we're six weeks in the first few weeks, we're fucking, oh my god.

“Um, like, hard does not mean bad. So I think that's important that I say that. Again,”

I'll say it again. Hard does not mean bad. It was really, really hard. In this country, how do we expect moms to get birth, come home from the hospital, take care of their child, take care of their house, take care of everybody in their house, like all at once. And the newborn has to eat every two to three hours, probably eating off of you if you're not formula feeding, like, and your sister or a cover from giving birth, it's not reasonable. It's not,

it's not doable. Um, and like we talk about like we've lost our village and like we certainly

“have lost our village. My parents came and stayed with my husband and I right when we got home”

from the hospital and thank all they did, they helped me with the overnight shifts for, you know, five or six nights. I would get up to feed her, but they would just hold her otherwise for me in the living room. Um, you know, while she slept, and then when they left, our nanny started. So, you know, I have a, I have a paid village. I'm extremely lucky in that way, but yeah, like it's, it's not possible without help. Um, and if you don't have help, it's not good for you. It's not

good for your health, for your well-being. And I really see moms now and I didn't understand before. Like, why can't you meet me for lunch? Like, it's not that big deal. Like, just like, bring your maybe. And I have so much regret for not taking better care of my friends that became moms before I do. And I have expressed that to them and to other people. And they have all said to me, "Hello, it's okay. Like, you just, you don't know until you go through it yourself. It's just

impossible to know." And so don't feel guilty about it. Like, you can't go back in time and change anything. But yeah, this, this, this season of postpartum is one that is so serious and so underrepresented in media. And nobody is talking about it. And it is so dramatically challenging and life-altering. Because of all of the obvious physiological reasons, but because of the

your own and taking care of just you forever. 39 years of taking care of just me. It's very

“long time to, here's your baby and your life is totally different in an instant. And it's beautiful”

and it's amazing. But there's also a amount of time you need to get used to it and to wrap your

head around it. And that's kind of the moment I'm in right now. And every day, honestly, it gets better. Like, I love it. I love it. I'm gonna cry again. Clearly, I just said it maybe a few weeks ago. But yeah, you know, the past few weeks have really shown me how much more we need to take care of each other, to take care of moms. And I hope for everybody

“that they have incredible partners that they do have a village, whether it's family or friends,”

or a village that you fucking hire, because nobody can do it alone. And if you are doing it alone,

I will be your village. You can DM me. I will be here for you. This show will be here for you. I think that is one of the reasons why I'm doing this show, right, is because everything is about our kids and like, God love them. There's so cute, perfect. But like, what about moms? What about us? And they think, in some way, the best kind of person who can be there for a mom is another mom.

“And so that's what I'm trying to accomplish with Tommy, I'm a good mom.”

Because yeah, like the title of the show is Narke, it's a double on taundra, but also, sometimes you do just need somebody to hold your hand and tell you that you're doing great to tell you that you are a good mom. And so I hope that we can all do that

for each other here. Okay. This was the very first episode of Tommy, I'm a good mom.

You can follow me everywhere at low boss worth and please subscribe to my YouTube because all of the podcast videos will live on my YouTube channel. Upcoming episodes of the show will have guests, some will be more solo episodes just with me, but we're going to talk about internet, mom culture, we're going to share listener stories, we're going to support each other. I would love to hear some of your ideas for the show. I'm thinking like giveaways and

spotlighting moms of the week and things like that. And I have to figure out how I'm going to do that exactly, but I would love your help and I would love your insight and thoughts because I really want this to be our show. All right. Thanks for tuning in and we'll chat soon on episode 2. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or

services referred to in this episode.