1KHO 746: Yesterday Is a T-Shirt That Shrunk in the Dryer | Tanner Olson, Getting Through What You're Going Through

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Real ingredients, real hydration, ready for the whole family. Welcome to 1,000 Hours Outside Hotcast. My name is Ginny Erton, the founder of 1,000 Hours Outside, and I'm so excited to get children's book author and a poet, and a stand-up comedian, and an adaptive father, and an all-around cool guy, Tanner Olson, that last part was so cheesy, I wish I wouldn't

say it. Okay, Tanner Olson, and he just came out with his book, "It's no tempo, I'm just called getting through what you're going to, Tanner welcome." Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

I have so many friends who listen to this podcast. I listen to this podcast, and so it's like, you're gonna be on, I'm like, yeah, I don't know how we got here. But I feel like... Well, it's collide.

Look at that. It's so fun. Well, hello to all of your friends. Can we kick it off with a nature thing, and I love this part of your story, that you are in Nashville now, but when you wear a kid, you got to spend time in orange groves,

like your grandpa's orange groves.

“Yeah, yeah, right outside the backyard, this is the beautiful, here's the thing about”

Florida. It has a bad reputation for good reasons, but there's also a lot of like, hidden corners of Florida. The backwards, the orange groves, like, far from the beach, far from Disney world. And it was just like growing up in Florida, I was the best.

Yeah. And walking outside, yeah, my grandfather had some orange groves, and it was just right in his backyard. It was wonderful. Yeah.

So this is like tying into the cover of the book, and his whole premise of just like slowing down. So you're growing up, you got these orange groves, you know, you're with your grandpa, and you're going to go squeeze your own orange juice, and you're like, you know, good things take time.

So this is like a big part of the story, can you give us the backstory about becoming a poet? I'm sorry. I know. I'm sure that everybody asks.

No, it's a good question, because I don't, they're not, there's not a lot of people who grew up being like, you know what, I'm going to be a poet.

I became a poet because I never made it to the NBA.

Like, that's the real big thing. The hope growing up was like, I was going to be in the NBA, and then I was like, well, maybe that won't work out. So maybe I'll be in a punk rock band, but apparently have to play, you know how to play music and sing, and I can't do either of those things.

But I loved words so much, and so I just started writing, and then I started sharing, and then along the way, people would say very kind things like this matter to me, or hey,

“like, what else do you have or hey, keep doing this?”

And so you're not been doing this for the last almost 15 years now of just writing, putting words on the internet, getting up in front of, of, you know, audiences and sharing poetry, telling stories, and like we were joking about earlier, making jokes, not that I am a branded stand-up comedian, but I try, I try, and it's just now, you just need to brand yourself.

That really is, you know, like, people will say, I am the thought leader in this space. It's like you just say it. Yeah, this is I am a, I'm a stand-up poet, theologian is how my friend called me one time, and I said, I think I need to make new business cards. Okay, so why did you love words so much?

I think I, well, I know I was a kid who had just a lot of feelings, and I didn't know what to do with them, and when you stumble upon words that reflect how you feel, it kind of helps you take that next step forward, and so the punk rock bands that I was listening to, they said things that I felt, and so something inside of me just kind of unlocked and changed that, and so I wanted, I thought that was like, that's like the best, one

of the best gifts you can give somebody is, well, as your time, but then like helping them find language for how they feel, and so that I couldn't help but do it, and then I just really liked telling stories, and I'm very good at rhyming light with night, and

I have just never really been a poetry person, though I did a really love your book, and

the book is called Getting Through What You're Going Through. The only poetry I remember from

“childhood is, and I think it's poetry is Shell Silverstein, where the sidewalk ends, and”

I did like that. There's something also about the, it's about the rhythm of it, right? And this sort of, the phraseology, but then even it's the way that it's presented on the pages different. Can you talk about that part, and how does that work when you're creating a book of poetry? So, this book is actually like, got a really cool design to it, it's obviously this orange on the front, but it goes from like these pages that are white pages with black text to occasionally

a page that's black, that's got white text on it, and it kind of alternates through.

Yeah. So, like this page, it's like looks like handwriting, right? So, can you talk about the,

some of them are like left justified and presented on a page in a certain way, and then some of them are not. I'm a lot like you, like I didn't like poetry. It wasn't like a big fan of it. I wasn't a big fan of school on brand. I liked being outside. I'd honestly just wanted to be outside. I went to school to make jokes. I went to school to make friends, and when it came time for like tests and learning, I was like, well, that's, I'm not sure we need to be doing that

today. Like today's a good day to go have recess again. But as, as I was, as I was in college, I just kind of found myself being drawn to just words in general. I studied ministry and theology in college. I did not study poetry. I did not study writing. So, I kind of stepped into this as someone who's like, I'm just going to give this a shot and see what happens. And so, my style of writing, my style of poetry is very different from maybe what you understand or what your brain goes

to when you hear the word poetry. After every single event that I do, anytime I share poetry on stage, anytime somebody reads my book, the number one comment I get is, I don't like poetry, but I like yours. And that's because like my style of it feels more like this, like a handwritten note that is slid across the table right to you. You know, like it's words that are written for you, because I wrote this book because I needed it. And I'm not super concerned about like,

oh, it has to be just like this. It can be this many words, whatever. I just wanted to sound good

“into the as personal as possible. And I think that's kind of what makes it poetry. And of course,”

there is some rhyme. There is, you know, some stuff that we do with the text to kind of make it more appeal to the eye or to help you sit with it for a little bit longer. Yeah. I really think that's the big thing of like when I think about poetry, I think of like something that is going to help me slow down, but not give me answers. Oh, oh, I like that. So what's the process like with, you know, because when you write a book and you are right now in this period of traveling,

you're going, you're doing, you're reading this out loud. I mean, this is like your book want season and you're traveling and you're doing these events. And also, you're doing podcasts, right? Because, you know, this is the type when you're like marketing your book and it like just came out, go grab a copy. This one's called Getting Through What You're Going Through. What is it? So for me, it's like, well, I just send my words in and then they're going to send it back,

laid out. Is it a pretty big process that you're involved in in terms of the, it's like artistic, it's like artistic layout of words. Yeah, it really is. I mean, we walk through each page and we're kind of like, okay, we want it to like lay out like this or look like this, especially like as you were as you were flipping through the book, you could see how there are somewhere. It's the black background with the white and that's my handwriting. So that's like my unique style that I've been sharing

on this degree. Yeah, so that's my handwriting. Yeah, so that's my handwriting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, it's a fun now. But like, yeah, so I would, I would write all of those out and then we scanned them in for the book. Because I wanted it to feel personal. I mean, the whole, the book is titled Getting Through What You're Going Through. And I don't know about you, but like the last, I mean, six, seven years. It's been, it's been a lot to be a human being. And as you read

“through the book, I mean, I think you would appreciate this, but like a lot of the times, I'm basically”

encouraging people to step outside, open your hands and look up. Yeah, because I don't have, I mean, and that's one of the gifts of being of a poet or maybe one of the curses of being a poet, is we really don't, I'm not trying to give you answers. I'm really just trying to invite you to come close and see that somehow, some way, everything is going to be okay one day. Even though everything is not, obviously, okay right now. Yeah, the nature references were abundant. That's for sure.

You know, get out of that, get outside, go on a walk. Here's a recipe to cure another defeat in day 41 minutes, 41 minutes exactly. A walking outside underneath the sun amidst many other ideas.

Okay, so let's talk about some of the topics that stuck out to me. I'm always like, oh, I just

So, you wrote, maybe it feels like, okay, no, no, I'm so sorry. You should put your easier, use your poet voice. Thanks, Tina. I've got to, she's got to slow down and really go full. Yeah, I'm not very slow. Maybe I've been drinking too much coffee and not enough water. Maybe it's because I look at my phone more than the sky. Maybe it's because I'm stuck in the past and forget to be in the present. Some days, I feel like nothing's wrong, but something just isn't right.

So, I'm days I feel like a glass have full, but the wrong glass. So, I know you're not giving answers, but what do you do when you feel like something is off? When I feel like something is off, it feels very similar to the answer I give when somebody asks me about writer's block.

It's always step away from what you're doing. Go outside, pet your dog, watch, walk your dog,

I have a, there's a, there's a poem in there at some point where I basically say, like, put your hands in the dirt. Like, remind yourself that you were here and that you were alive.

“And I think that's just a big game changer. I mean, I don't know what life is like for anyone who”

is listening, but I know for me, like, I spend more time than I want to on my computer, and I spend more time than I want to on my phone. We're thinking about what I should have done rather than just like enjoying this gift of a life. And so if anything, this book is one long encouragement to enjoy this gift of a life. And I know that sounds like so hobby, lobby, put a sign on your, in your living room. But I mean, isn't it true of like, this is the gift,

and we get to enjoy it. And I know things are not perfect, and sometimes you feel like the glass have full, but the wrong glass, but you're still here. And so go outside, or lay on the couch. I mean, I think I like that. I like because it, I just talked to this woman this morning. Her name is Michaeline Duklaff. She's one of my favorite authors. And she wrote a book called Hunt Gather Parent, but a new one that's coming out called dopamine kids. And the whole premise

“is that we have been turned into people who want wanting, like the things that we are wanting”

so much, and our kids, like more time on the video game, and more time on the screen, and more

time on Netflix, that none of it actually satisfies. It's always, it's meant to be that way.

It's meant to like, get your clothes, get almost have enough Instagram followers, you know, and I lost a couple. Or like, no. And into you're just constantly like pursuing wanting without, and she talks about it's the same with all the process foods. They don't ever really satisfy. And so I do think that those answers of petting the dog that actually, you know, if you like dogs, that's really going to satisfy you. And then you go with cats, too, if you want,

or if you're like a snake person, but let's not. Right. Right. Yeah. So I love that. So that's one of the topics that comes up in this book of notes and poems. I love to when you talk about relationships. I actually thought this is relatable, like funny and relatable, but also really deeply profound, which is when you can't find the yogurt in the fridge. True story. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's a true story for a lot of people. I'm sure.

Uh, because it's right in front of you. But you said this and I thought, oh, gosh, I would have

never really did these two. You said sometimes we need help of seeing what we're looking for,

especially when it's right in front of us. So obviously, the yogurt is kind of a joke. Yeah.

“But it's very relatable one. Yeah. Can you talk about another instant where, I mean, I think this”

probably happens a lot. We're kind of like shrouded in our own despair. And by having relationships and someone who can come in, like I've got one friend who, like any time you are started to like go down the path, she can always. I was like, what is this? A spiritual gift? She'll be like, here's the bright side. I love, I love the bright side. Sometimes I want someone to sit with me in the dark side for a little bit longer, though. Um, but I think like with, with like, I mean,

we can talk about the yogurt being the thing that's right in front of us, or you can talk about the heavy thing that you're working through in your life and just trying to like see, to find the goodness, the hope, the bright spot. And I think that's the, the, the, the, the beauty of having honest and vulnerable conversations with people. I wrote a lot of, I wrote a lot of this book while my, my wife and I saw your diagnosed with unexplained infertility. And then after, you know,

a long time of like, you know, season of grief, asking God how and why we eventually led to adoption. And it was wonderful. Before we entered into the adoption process, though I was sitting down with a friend, his name is Phil, and Phil and I are very different people. He would, he would never read a book a poetry or write a book a poetry. He knows how to do a lot of things with his hands. I, just write. I don't, I'm not not changing the oil. He can change the oil. I can't do that.

But he sat down and I told him, I was like, hey, man, like, this is what's happening in our, in,

if we're going to run with that, those right in front of me is all he said. He didn't try to, like, Jeremiah 29 11 me. He didn't just tell me everything's going to be fine, whatever. He just said, I hate this for you. I hate this for you. And I can't tell you the number of times that I have now told that to other people. And they have come back to tell me that that is also what they needed to

“hear. I think sometimes it's just to sit with somebody in the, in their hurts or in the thing that”

they just don't want it to be. And then I also think about like, you know, the morning that I was looking for the yogurt. I was looking all over the place for where it could be when it was right in front of me. And I just needed someone to like calm me down and point it out. I hate this for you. Yeah. And I know like what that person empathizes, it, it really actually communicates quite a bit just those couple words. Okay. I have been waiting to say this.

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stays surface for x amount of minutes. And then something clicks and you're like, how are you really?

Well done. That was right in front of me. We had to go with it. But I think that's it. That was like we're so good at asking people how they're doing, but we're really bad at giving the answer. And so if to come back around the block and ask it one more time, and to say like, but I actually, I really want to know how you're doing. And I don't have any plans. So like what's the thing that's like, what's the thing that you're getting through? What's the

“thing that you're going through? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's really deep. And I just,”

it's like, you got to stay with it. And it's difficult in this teenage because you're really distracted by our devices. But well, that's the thing, too, is like, all of a sudden, like, you're making eye contact with somebody, and then they're phone buses. If any time I'm talking to anybody who has on the Apple watch, I know it's not going to last for a long, because I know it's going to buzz, and they're going to be gone. And I'm just like, I, or had you ever talked, tried to have

a conversation with somebody who has an air pod in? What are we doing? Like, what are we doing? I can't do this. Like, I'm just, I'm ready. I like, I know you're kind of here, but like, I kind of, and maybe that's a selfish thing for me. Like, I want your full attention. But isn't that how it's supposed to be, maybe? And so I, I mean, I think that's one of the, uh, as a writer,

and I think you know this as well. You're always, you're, you know, you're taught to pay attention

to find new stories or insights or like, what's the thing behind the thing behind the thing? And so if I'm sitting there with somebody and they have, like, their phone is face up on the table, rather than face down. I know at any moment, like, our conversation gets interrupted. D-railed. And then it's hard to get back. And then it's hard to get back.

“If you get to rail, it's hard to get to any depth. And, uh, I think that's what we really want.”

As we want, and that maybe that kind of goes back to what you were saying earlier about, like, the video games, the dopamine kick, as it gets you just far enough. Yeah. But like, what we really want is like to enter into that, that connection, that, that deepness. Yeah. It's really hard when distraction enters into the picture. I talked to this man just before you, actually, like, just like, 50 minutes ago. And he's a neurosurgeon.

His name's Dr. Lee Warren. Wait a second. You went from talking to a neurosurgeon, the talking to me.

To a standup comedian. What a step back. I promise. I won't use any words that are longer than nine letters. He was the only neurosurgeon. I don't think I've ever talked to him before. I also today got to talk to a meteorologist. So that was pretty cool too. Well, it's been a good day. Standup comedian, poet, meteorologist, neurosurgeon. But he, this neurosurgeon told me about the story, because I was asking him about, you know, he asked to deliver news to people like that

their loved one has passed away, or that they only have an X amount of time to live. You know, they've got these tumor. That's incurable or whatever the situation is. And he said, I said, how did you learn that? And he said, well, I got to observe some people who are really good at it, and to people who are really awful at it. And he told the story about how there was, it was their friend. Their friend's daughter needed a heart transplant, like a little girl so need a heart

transplant. And so they'd gone with their friends to the hospital. And in, like the surgery happened, and then the surgeon comes out and this guy I know Lee Warren, he said, you know, you could kind of tell from the surgeon's face that maybe I hadn't gone well. And so he comes over to the family and he said, I'm sorry, I don't think she's going to make it, and then his phone ring, and he just left. And I was like, oh, that's an extreme example of, you know, what we're talking about, but I was like,

I gosh, you know, like, how devastating. I mean, it's like that really matters. Like, that's the time when you're going to let your phone go. Yeah, that's maybe a time to leave your phone back. And then, yeah, yeah, to come out and have that conversation. So I agree with you. And I think it's something to teach our kids to. Yeah, I'm very, we have a two-year-old and I try so hard. My wife and I, we both work. And I try so hard to leave my phone either in the other room or somewhere else.

And it is like, it's, you know, you have this weird draw to it. And I don't love that. I do not love that.

“You gotta read the job of reading the dopamine kids book because it's all about that. That's what”

the whole thing is about. What's next? What's next? What's next? I need to check my email in like, how to like, sever that. And there's just so much of like, and that's, I mean, one of the reasons why I put this book out is like, hopefully, you can put your phone down and just sit and be for a little while. And I think that's one of the things that poetry does. And I know a lot of people are like, well, I don't like poetry, but I think if you read this book, like, it'll help you

like slow down. Like come back, like come back to yourself. I watch our son and I'm like, I am so jealous of him. For he's very cute. That's number one. Number two. But like he also doesn't

know, he's never checked his email before. Yeah. He's never like, he gets to be a kid. And I

down. And that was one of the pieces of advice, is with all of these technologies, they're so fast. And that is what makes anything that's addictive more addictive. It's like if the gambling,

if the games come faster, you know, how many slot machines think, I don't know, I've never gone,

but like how many you pull something. Yeah. And I'm like, there's cherries. I don't know,

“you know, however fast it goes. And then if that's what's happening with us with our kids,”

it's so fast or how quickly can you eat? Yeah. You know, a can of Pringles. I mean, really fast. The thing that's like taking up space in the back of your mind, which really takes up space in your whole body of like, well, we don't, maybe we don't need that tab open. Maybe we can close out a couple of these tabs so that we can be a little bit more present. Yeah. So one of the things that you talk about in this book is your faith. And I have had a really cool year of it's been

brief, but like reading people's books and just grabbing up prayer from their book. It's been two people, this lady named Danielle Cardez and this other lady named Jenny Allen. And I was at these are two really good prayers. Like, I want to incorporate them in my life. And you have a really cool prayer in this book, and I love it. It's just this. God, I don't know. Amen. Yep. Can you talk about the power of that prayer? That's a simple prayer, but I think it's

a man people could really incorporate in their lives. Right. I think that's the, it's an all-the-time kind of prayer. It is one of a faithfulness. It is one of hope. It is one of obedience. When I think about, when I think about prayer and you know, I wrote a children's book of all-brow prayer. And it's basically like, you can talk to God anytime, anywhere about anything. And so what that looks like then is like, I can give him these three words of I don't know

and then rest in that. One of my, one of my best friends, he taught me the best prayer that I've

“ever heard. And it is just one word. It's father. Like, that's what he's, and he just say that”

over and over again. And then for me with this prayer, like, I wrote this, I've been saying this prayer for the last, I don't know, 15 years because I feel like I just don't know. And it, it is like this invitation to be drawn closer of, I don't know. I don't know. We'll come close. It's me turning my hands up. It's me admitting that I need help. It's me sharing, like, the thing that I don't want anyone else to know. You know, like, but then when we begin to say,

I don't know, a cry for help. We begin to see how God continues to come close and work in the ways that he does. Yeah. You have some beautiful reminders in here. We question almost

everything, but God never questioned if He loves us. You are loved regardless of your performance.

We try and put our phones down and look up and see the colors God has swirled in the sky. And another prayer, another short one, is make me whole. But then you talk about how the little broken pieces, those reveal light, you know, the scattered and chatter pieces can become seeds that grow shade for others to rest beneath. So that's beautiful. A lot in here about faith and trust and the steps that are to come. One of the things you also talk about is change.

Yeah. Do you love it as much as I do? Are you related to the seasons? And like, oh my gosh, I'll get the trees and my God don't care. Well, you live in Michigan. So you get you get all four seasons. Yeah. That it's most beautiful and it's most harsh. Yeah. They're not like equal and length and that's the problem.

The problem is that the winter one is rather long. And like the beautiful fall one.

Like three days. Maybe. Yeah. Like, we just are gone. Yeah. You can't travel at the wrong time in Michigan because you either miss it. Yeah. Yeah. You're not going to miss winter, though. It's the whole thing. So obviously you've had a lot of change in your life. Like you said, you're in the ministry in theology. You're hoping to be in the NBA. And here you are a poet, comedian, came to talk about, and then you talked about the infertility, which is a really common,

um, I don't actually want to say that. I don't know how common it is. It's not, it's not as uncommon as you think. It's for it. It's becoming more common. I would say. Yeah. A lot of people are struggling with it in different ways. And actually we have a, like a friend of the families, who just asked to be, like, a lot of, maybe almost full-term. It's just a heartbreaking. There's so many things there, so many layered things. So can you talk about, that's a lot of change you've gone through

“in your life on how you have dealt with that, you know, that kind of immense change?”

Well, I think it, you know, we kind of just talked about it a little bit with the prayer of God. I don't know, a man. I find myself leaning more and more into the kindness of God and knowing that he does listen and he does care. But I also know, like, everything is not going to go perfect on this side of heaven. Like life is just a lot. Like, I mean, I can travel all over the country.

it's just a hard and heavy thing to be a human being. Like none of us know what we're doing here.

But we're continuing to like hopefully take those small faithful steps forward, trusting that the one who cares for us loves us is going to meet us and guide us through the change. Changes like, it changes coming, whether you want it to come or not. But as I write about in the book, like, I'm, I am made of them. Like, I am made of changes. And so I know that when a new season rolls back around, like, I am prepared. Like, I am ready. I am tired. But I am prepared.

And I am, and I am, and I'm ready. And I want to face that change in that challenge or that new season with hope. And that's also like one of the major themes of this book is, is hope. And hope for it, hope is, you know, explained in a lot of different ways. For me, it's like the full assurance that God is with me in this. So I'm not, I am not walking through this alone. The darkness does not win. The light gets the final say. And holding on to hope as I continue to

navigate all that is uncertain, and all that is, you know, unknown allows us to kind of come out on the other side. Hope is the thing that gets us through what we're going through. Yeah, and that's another big part of the book too, which is just about getting through. Just getting through, especially when people think they feel like they're not as they should be. And a lot here is about hope and a lot of it is about getting outside and marveling at the kindness of

God. So you're putting out this book of poetry, notes in poetry, and like we talked about at the beginning, people are like, eh, not really my thing, but I like yours. Yeah. So I'm intrigued that you're like, I'm going to take this show on the road.

Oh, yeah. Well, so that's, I mean, yeah, I first, one of the reasons I got into poetry is

because I saw somebody perform a spoken word poem. I stepped out on the stage, they shared it, and I was like, I want to, I want to do that. Something inside of me just unlocked when I saw that happen. I didn't know that was a job, and I'm still trying to convince myself that it is a job.

“So I mean, I think that a lot of people are looking for a few things. They're looking for a”

ways to connect. They want to hear, they want someone to put into language into words kind of what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they're going through. And then, you know, there's some people out there who are just like, are down with poetry. I often travel with other singer songwriters because I know this is a business move. I know people aren't going to show up to a night of poetry. I can tell you that right now. I tried that for many years, and they were like,

it was really good. I wish more than these seven people showed up, and I would say me too. But now we're like, you know, go on around and I'll travel with a couple of different singer songwriters, and we'll pack out churches, and it'll be an evening of music of poetry and stories.

And so I'll tell stories. It's like a, I mean, it's basically a Netflix show. So I'll share a poem,

“tell a story, tie it all back into it. Can I, do you mind if I share one of the poems from the book?”

I would love if you did. Okay, this is one of the poems. We talk about it every night, and it's not, there's, this is not, this one's not funny at all, but it's shorter. But I talk about in the, in the evening, how, you know, we've all gone, we've all gone through something, and I talk about our story with, with unexplained infertility and how we were led into adoption and, you know, kind of how, when you tell somebody the hard, heavy things that are happening in your life, we often just say,

"Oh, everything's going to be okay." Like we just kind of pass it away, and you wonder when somebody says that if they're actually listening to you. And so this is a titled, "What I mean is on page 125 of the book." Because like this, when I say everything will be okay. What I mean is, in the end, everything will be okay. Along the way, it will not all be okay. You already know this. There will be sadness and death and failure. There will be brokenness and moments that feel beyond repair.

There will be pain and fear and unwanted changes to your story. There will be seasons when you feel far from okay in moments when you wonder if the last line of this poem is true. And if the little I know, one thing I know for sure, through it all, there is hope. And hope invites us to lean in and hold fast to a light that continues to last. It moves us to love and dream and give and continue and stay for another day. It leads us to pray and forgive and cling to grace and believe the

last line of this poem is true. Everything will be okay. Even if everything isn't okay today.

“I love that one. I hit that one in my notes. Yeah, that's, and that one I think is kind of”

helps sum up the book a little bit. Because I don't, like I said at the beginning, I'm not someone to get answers. At least I don't think that they're answers, but just like this encouragement

isn't okay today. And you know, when I talk about everything is going to be okay, well, that's my

faith that's talking. Yeah, can we go back and forth? My turn. Yeah, you're going to read a poem. Well, then I might, can you read other people's poems? I can do that. I can try.

“Well, I want to read your words. That's what I mean. Oh, I would love it. Yeah, this is great.”

Well, like, is that what people do? Do they read other people's poems? Yeah. Like when someone read your poem, you're like, in your mind, you're like, that's not the rhythm I thought. I'm trying, I'm trying anyways. All right, I'll tell you what I think. All right, you cannot go back to your old life. Which I think is a really, another, it's like you hit on so many of these human experiences that are really relatable. I talked to this woman, she's a singer,

songwriter named Ginny Owens. So we have the same name, which is an uncommon name, so it's really excited, exciting. In fact, actually, I did a piano competition. This is so random. Okay, I have to tell you this. I did a piano competition last weekend, which I haven't done. You play piano? I play piano. I'm not in a piano competition in decades. I did it when I was a kid. And I've been motivated to, like, show my kids that adulthood is really cool and that you can

still learn and grow. And so my kids are taking piano lessons. And I was like, you know, I'm going to do it too. I'm just going to get back into it. And the kids were doing this piano competition. And there was an adult division. I was like, I'm going to go for it. So anyway, I signed up. Turned out there was only one other person. That signed up. It's like head on head to person, the competition championship around. Oh, it was. And so I, when I looked into

the program, her name was Carol, I was like, she's old. It's going to be an old lady. Because I'll

“knew it. He would even Carol. I'm sure you don't know any way. No. I think if your name's Carol,”

you're born at 70. So anyways, but then my name is Virginia. So it was like Carol versus Virginia. She's probably like this lady. He's a hundred and six. Anyway, I did win. Yes, that's where I am. And I have a trophy. Anyway, okay, but I brought all that up. The stupidity in it. Because I talked to the German name, Ginny Owens. And she's a singer songwriter. And she's blind. And I didn't actually know that about her. I just knew that we had the same name.

So I liked her. And she wrote a book. It's all about when things happen and you can't change it. You know, like someone had done a poor operation on her when she was three and she completely lost their vision. It was already not that great, but that changed her life forever. And it's not

ever going to change back. And I thought nobody ever really talks about when it's never going to

change back. And then I read your book. And I was like, oh, Tanner talks about when it's never going to change back. So I'm going to read your book. But then I want you to read. Do not let the little things go unnoticed. You got? I'm page 161. So we're going back and forth. Okay, you cannot go back to your old life. And that is a good thing because it no longer fits. Yesterday is a t-shirt that shrunk in the dryer. A life lesson turned hand me down for someone else's future tomorrow. What I have come to know

is that it's hard to hold what today is handing you. If you're still holding on to yesterday,

“you must let it go. If this comfort is a sign of change, then we can expect growing pains to come”

with becoming and do the stretching and testing I've learned nothing is wasted. I never would have grown. If it wasn't for what has been, the mercy, the pain, the wonder, the long nights, the frustration, the wrestling, the waiting, the morning light, nothing is wasted. I cannot be who I was just like today cannot be yesterday. But who I was made me who I am? So here's still letting the past, rest in peace and welcoming today with grace. Here's to continue into change with the change.

Knowing what's ahead is worth the letting go. Here's to moving forward with eyes,

how often do you mess up on stage, never? No, I've never messed up before. This is

here's to moving forward with eyes open wide, trusting that God is a God of surprise. What is what last? And you'll begin to see how brave it is to leave behind what was meant to stay in the past. So you'll begin to see how it is brave to leave behind what was meant to stay in the past. Okay, I had two mess ups. You did great. It's great. It's a lot of it takes a lot of practice. What do you do? Do you practice them on your own? I do. I read. Do you know when it's your own word? It is. And this is part

of just what I do. It's just read, out loud, which is wild because I was always afraid to read in school, out loud. Did they pop corn game? Oh my gosh, you mean the anxiety game? Oh, now we're going to continue. So I have to follow along. I am not, anyways, this is do not let the little things go unnoticed. And I, it goes like this. Do not let the little things go unnoticed. Look for them. Slow down to see the way the clouds move and how the

Watch the sky fade before the stars begin to shine. Listen for the laughter and the distance and the

“dreams being whispered and sung in your soul, hold the world with your bare hands and be amazed”

by the little beautiful, beautiful things God gives and gives again. I think you do that on purpose.

I did it on purpose just for you. Yeah, never actually. Yeah.

Did you do it on purpose? This is a live podcast. I love that one. Do not let the little things go unnoticed. It's hard. It is hard. That's the whole, you know, pay attention, slow down, look for the thing, keep your phone in the other room. Yeah. Isn't it amazing how many of these topics interweave? I think it's just like, hey, you're a person. Yeah. These are, this is what it looks like to, this is going to sound super hippy, hippy, but like live out your humaneness.

Right? Like this is what it looks like. Didn't it sound a little hippy, hippy? I'll go for it.

“But like, I mean, go live your gift of a life. Like, this is, I think that's what I keep getting”

back to again and again. Maybe because I get frustrated with myself or how often I want to look at my phone or like the direction that I see like the world going. I had a conversation. I also also do, I have kids poems that I'll share at schools and stuff and I'll read my children's book for them and it's really, it's really fun. But just this week, earlier this week, I was and like it was about to start and so I was talking to all the kids and I was like, what do you

all do this morning? In this little girl she's in Fusen first grade and she told me about her

morning routine and she was like, I woke up. I got myself ready and then I got to be on my iPad. And I was like, oh, I'm so glad you're here. And it just something inside of me. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I am learning how hard it is to be a parent and also to have to work. And I don't know the whole story there. Yeah. But it has stayed with me. And I don't think it's

“going to leave me. And I think like what's the best, the best gift that I can give my son is”

probably the gift of boredom. Yeah. Like let him play and figure it out and live something analog rather than going, he's going to have a digital life. It's probably going to happen. It's not going to escape it. But effort, you know, how does he enter into that? When does he enter into that? And how much of him can be formed by what has been grown and not just been manufactured? Now, Michaeline was talking about her own story with this book, dopamine kids. And she said that

like her daughter loved Lego friends that like a cartoon so much. That she was like, oh, it's her favorite hobby. Like she likes it so much. She's so upset when it turns off. She asks about it all the time. And then she said when I realized that it was just a one-to-one thing that she

been hijacked basically. She was like, it gave me so much freedom. And I thought, oh, that's

so relatable like how often our kids ask for things that don't satisfy and someone's making money off it for them to pursue, pursue, pursue to have so much motivation for whether it's the food or whether it's the screen that, um, in that to break the cycle. I mean, really the one of the biggest keys in the book was slowing down. So I love this. I love this about poetry. There's a huge topic that you bring up in this book getting through what you're going through. Tell us about the diamond

dogs. In the thank you section. Yeah. And they got, have you ever watched Ted Lasso? Nope. There's like four guys and they call themselves the diamond dogs. And so I got three friends in Nashville. And we'll get together every now and again. And so our group text thread is the diamond dogs. I love that. Okay. Yeah. Shout out to Justin Joe and Adam. All right. The diamond dogs tells about your dog's name. Pancake. We got pancake the day the pandemic started. He is a golden

doodle. He's a special boy. Um, he, uh, yeah, we, so as, you know, we were navigating what we were going to do what life was going to look like for us with this diagnosis and we're like, we got to get a dog. And I don't know if you know anything about golden doodles, but you basically got to put your order in and then wait for the day. So we don't shed. They don't shed, which is great because I am allergic to dogs. But I'm somebody who needs a dog. My personality is also dog. Um, and so we got

pancake. He came home the day the pandemic began. And it was so sweet, you know. And so we named

poem that I share on stage. And I kind of talk about how I watched the dog run into a glass door over and over and over and over again. And one day we got a dog and we named him pancake. So I'm most of your poems memorized. No, I'm a terrible memorizer. Oh, I am not a good memorizer. So I'll read a lot on stage. But I've also found that when you read somebody a poem, rather than perform it for them, they might have an easier way to to digest it because it's not like this intense,

“you know, blah, blah, blah. It's like, yes, or like, why did he just make eye contact with me?”

You know, nobody really wants. Nobody's like looking forward to having a poet make eye contact with them when he's reading a poem. You know, I don't think that's like a bucket listening. So I love the part in the book where you talked about pulling up another chair to the table. You said, I have found this secret to living a full life. It begins slowing down and breathing deep and giving things. And it involves pulling another chair to the table. Can you talk about the college

group that you have at your house? Wasn't there, isn't there a line about eating the cake, too? Well, I have that. I have that. I have that. I have that. All open it up and find it. I've made 153. Okay, here. Let me read it for you. Not that you, not to say you were doing it. You did a great job. Look it. It was like, I ran out of time for notes. So I put that to that. But I did say beautiful. Do you know I wrote

in your book of poetry? Is that fine? Look at that. I did. I loved this one. Yeah, I does something about cake. So you do it better. I have found the secret to living a full life. It begins with slowing down and breathing deep and giving things. And it involves pulling another chair to the table and remembering hope remains and saying, yes, to another slice of cake.

“I'm a big cake guy. So that's why we used to, I just wanted to honor all the sweets in this podcast.”

Just so we know what kind of cake. Honestly, yes. Any kind, like vanilla chocolate first,

chocolate far in a way, vanilla is great. My dad will only eat cake if it's vanilla. He will not eat chocolate. I like also if you're like lemon cake. Oh, look at my big lemon guy these days. I think that means I'm getting older. We have a college group. I actually think this is super special. I loved reading about this because when I was in college, we went into these people's house, same thing. I actually think college is really tricky. We are I'm a customer of our oldest

being college age, but he's probably not going to go to college. And I am like petrified is probably an overstatement, but like mildly nervous about like social well, like what's going to happen socially, right? When all the safety nets fall away and then you don't have a basketball team or

“whatever, you age out of everything except for the piano composition. You can still be there”

with me and Carol and anybody else who wants to join us. But you age out of a lot of things and when I was in college, I did go to college but I commuted. So I went into this college group and the people said their house was so small and they just said so many people want to be in a place that's functional. That's all they care about. We have a 1200 square foot house in Nashville which means our living room is like four square feet and we we started doing this like five years ago and

the first year was like five students and now it's like 25 kids coming to our house. We just

pack it in. Like I just went my son and I went grocery shopping this morning to get a bunch of breakfast food to make them breakfast for dinner and we just we just gather together and this is one of the things like one of the reasons why I do what I do going to churches and conferences and sharing poetry because it's like can we just get together and gather around something honest and hopeful and true and remind each other that like we we're all getting through this together

and that there is a greater hope beyond all of this. It's our Thursday nights are a favorite night of the week because these college kids spaying out with us and they end up teaching us way more than we could ever teach them. But then at the same time they just they're I mean they're they're still looking for for people to help walk with them and guide them and also one of the cool things is a lot of their parents message us and just thank us. Oh I'm sure. Because we're just like

we're just like we're super happy to have them and to create a space where where they can talk about where we can open up God's word but also like how like what what's life like for you these days. Yeah. What are you walking through and then the way that they support each other and care for each

other is been just it's been incredible. Yeah. I mean they can make friends. That was my whole thing.

Yeah. That's their community. Yeah. There's just not especially if you don't go away to school.

thank you Tanner you know. I mean and wife Sarah thank you Tanner and Sarah for like supporting in this fairly large transition supporting solid relationship. College is so hard and I can't imagine what it's like I mean at high school and college right now just the amount of things that

“you have to do. Yeah. Like they're to do lists are insane. I'm surprised they have time to come over”

on Thursday night and when they get over here. Well they're so on. It's their it's their big exhale. Yeah. They're not on their phones. They're just like I'm here talking to me. I love you do that. I love that. I think that's so important. What was the conversation with Barrett grieving that changed your life? So my friend so Barrett is a he's a pastor down in Texas and we were living in Austin for a couple of years and he was the pastor of the church and I did a lot of

other like I ran like the community groups and some stuff on Sunday and spoke every now and again every day I would wake up at 5 a.m. to write and every day I would get home in at like 8 or 9 a clock I would just sit down to write and I wanted to be a writer. That's all I've ever wanted to I just wanted to write. I wanted to put out books and one day we sat down and we had a staff meeting and after the meeting he was like what are you going to do this? Like when are you going to

give this like the fair shot that it deserves and then he didn't just tell me that I could do it.

“He was like what if you did this and this and this and this is something else you should probably”

think of like he wanted to walk me through it while encouraging me at the same time. It is it's very kind of people to say hey you can do this but it's different when somebody says now let me help you do it and there's and so he was somebody who's like let me just help you do this and that's when I really begin to think like well maybe I can maybe I can be a writer maybe this idea of being a full-time poet isn't as laughable as I think it is and then for him to say like

hey you're work in your words it matters to me and I think it can matter to a lot of other people

so he and his family will always hold a forever special place in our lives.

Gosh that's huge you never know you never know the words that you read life in a someone like where that's gonna go. So can you tell people where they can find you you've got your sub stack you're on the road my friend Megan who helps to schedule she is so amazing she's like from my childhood youth group and she came to your show and in Arbor with her middle daughter the other night and got to meet you and she sent me a short video and it was so cool to see the poetry

from the stage I got to get a glimpse of it and she goes out in like finds incredible guests and she's got all these ideas and like if I have an idea she can find the person you're blessing and so she loved it she came to your show the other night on the road you've got a sub stack you've got this book all um getting through what you're going through but you also have a kids book all things I say to God and my missing anything you have Instagram where can people find you? The internet you know written

to speak.com is my website um on Instagram I am just at written to speak and I post a lot of

hopeful words on there all the time and I'm always touring I don't know when this episode's coming

out but I'm about to be in Texas and Iowa and all these other states so if you're in the area come out to a show most of them are are put on by the church and are free. I love that yeah an opportunity to come see in person you just have a night that slows down and my friend Megan she came with her daughter so like that's a special thing that you could do if you got probably like I'm what do you think 12 11-year-old 12-year-old 12-year-old 12-year-old 12-year-old is probably good yeah

yeah you can come with your child and have that night together. It's honor to finally meet you and we cannot we cannot un-meat this is the forever those of our locked in now. It is true can you I know you talked we talked briefly before we started but like your wife's got all these

experiences at this camp in Michigan which is cool camp Acadia we always end our show with a question

about a favorite child and memory of yours that was outside. There is in the book there's a short there's a short writing or essay in the book about me and my mom picking oranges from my grandfather's backyard and then making orange juice together and that's something that lives in my mind. Oh that's where we started we started and ended in the same spot. That's it's called a call back in the podcast business so I'm trying to keep up with you. You wrote she wasn't your mom she wasn't

just teaching me how to start my day with fresh squeezed orange juice she was teaching me how to live how to squeeze life dry how to get everything it has to offer how to make a mess clean it up and start again. I tried to read that whole essay on the stage the night and I completely broke down

“and had to take a moment which I mean this is the only thing more yeah so. Isn't it amazing”

someone her name's Aaron Lyonum she told me that like God uses hands I mean this makes sense right like

now we've got our phones and we take pictures of like every single thing you know you got your

“Google glass actually someone was telling me the other day they got invited to an omish picnic or something”

an omish event I was like how do you can invite it to an omish event and the omish

they don't want you taking pictures of them just I don't know all the reasoning but no pictures

“so then they were like what if I just wore glasses there were because they're like I want people to see”

they yodel you know whatever I was like oh I know you can't you probably can't like no it's fine

you yeah they would find you and they would not be happy and I get that they don't want that but you know

“in a day and age where you're almost at it's about where you could record everything that you know”

that the fresh creased orange juice that's going to take you back talking about a experience in it and I thought that's really cool like that God made a way for our memories to resurface like even without current technology so I love that story that's good yeah thanks for having me on your podcast it really means a lot. Thanks for coming on it's been honored to talk with you and people can come see you live yes thanks for being here thank you

with viso steuere.