Episode #119 Featuring Allana Pratt! Emotional Intimacy's Effect on Mind and Body, The TRUTH about fear and facing it head on, The power of healing through relationships and more!

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All right, everybody. Welcome back to the Dillingermailie podcast. So, I have a special guest today. I'm getting into some topics. I haven't really talked about it. I'm actually excited to talk about it. I'm going to say this before I get into her little bit of intro here is that I owe her a great deal of gratitude because you're the first person that's got my extremely camera shy wife to do something with me on camera and actually talk. So, she's comfortable enough with you and hasn't been with anybody ever, including me, of her in my own. So, thank you for easing her into that a little bit because we did have fun.

“And I think that both of us feel like we made a good impact with you, and you know, she has a lot to offer and it's just not her thing, you know, we're opposites attract type of thing.”

So, she's more behind the scenes. So, thank you for doing that for her and for me. It was my honor. Really nice. It really was. And I'm going to put that interview up here for people to listen to that haven't got. She shared so much, so much wisdom, some delicious jewel. A lot of humor. It was great. It was definitely fun. So, I'll give you a little intro and we're ready to roll. Thank you. So, my guest today is an emotional intimacy expert. She's a global media personality and go to authority for those that are really ready to transcend heartbreak and live unapologetically and also cultivate a soul shaking relationship. She's an Ivy League grad. She's an author of six books.

And you will see in the way that she speaks in such a calming, but caring manner and that will draw you in immediately. I'm going to really really get to the bottom of some things. Here, relationship wise and other things that you're really good at that I've learned over the time that I've got to know you. So, my friends, a lot of prayer. Thank you, Dylan. It's so good to be here. I love how you changed my bio-arming away. That really opened my heart. Thank you. I've known for my interviews and it's not for reading scripts. Now, but I do like to always give you the accolade you deserve, but give them to them in my own words from what I've observed and seen and encountered.

So, thank you for coming to see me. It's always a blessing when people come and see me. And like I said, this is a topic I haven't gotten into, but it is extremely health related and multiple ways.

“I think any time we get into emotion, relationships, the way that that controls our everyday life and health, I'm going to let you expound upon that, but let's talk a little bit about why you have gotten into this career path.”

Yeah, my love to swear on your podcast. Okay. I just got cold out for that because I'm a guy that praises God, but I've cursed in my podcast. We're allowed to do both. We're allowed to do both. We love God and we love cussing. I honestly got into this because I say I was so fucked up. I had the best of intentions, but divorced number one, divorced number two, third boyfriend, criminal assault. You know, the only one in common was me. And in here I was, I have this superpower, this ability to help people become the one I say to find the one or become the one to awaken the one. So I could do on the outside. I could support people, but my own skeletons in the closet were quite shameful.

And so I kept doing the work on the inside to go, why on earth can't I walk my talk personally? And what I discovered, even though as you said, I'm an Ivy League grad, I'm a super smart girl, our conscious mind is so small, so small, 5% maybe of what we believe, what we remember, what we can think about. And so this iceberg under the water is really who's running the show when it comes to relationships. And I figured, well, I must be, that's must be where the problem was, and I was right. So in my subconscious, my unconscious, there were very different beliefs.

I would attract the people that would take me for granted, use me, take my money, hurt my body, all these different things. And what I discovered is inside there was unhealed trauma. And the unhealed trauma was saying, "Where's the next abuser to survive?" That was the survival mechanism. And so when I finally did psychedelic somatic integration work, I had done all these other modalities for 20 years. But when I finally did that, all the memories came back. Everything that happened that I had blocked out, I had dissociated. Humbling as fuck. The smells came back. My bodies, the fascia holds our cellular memory. I was recapitulating the abuse. I was watching my body. Be abused. The beauty with my facilitator, which I'm now a facilitator myself, the beauty was my facilitator helped my autonomic nervous system.

“Come back into my body, feel through suicidal ideations, what's wrong with me, all of the self hatred, feel through the panic and the terror, the rage, the how could you?”

All the way back to zero point. And when I got back to zero point, the soul, my soul light that was out around me came into me. We hear the term soul embodied.

When my soul light literally came into my body, and I had this full on, it's like God was sitting right with me. This is why you took this on. This is why you're here to heal this. This is how you're here to help others and pay it forward through your humility and your bravery. I'm going to support you. I've guided you to these this modality. You're going to heal and you're going to be able to help others. And I finally forgive myself for all of those personal and professional and romantic relationships.

I'm calm. I'm in body. This calmness that you say I wasn't always like this because I've forgiven myself and not that I'm like thank you. Let's go for coffee with my abusers, but no thank you because you were the catalyst to bring the home and heal and now make a difference with my life with others.

One of the things that I think is the hardest thing to grasp and understand when you're really getting into the Bible and learning about what it means to carry across.

You hear that term and you're like people don't they misconstrueth that means they think that we have to get crucified. And carrying the cross along with Jesus is you utilize what he did for us and realize the only can't any worse than that. So the stuff that happens to us like what you were saying happened to you, it shaped what you became. It actually was done for a purpose and a reason.

“I've really learned and I'm not going to get into my stuff that I always do but what I've come to accept and being severely grateful for is wow you let me experience that that's why I could shape myself to become what I am and then go help others.”

And the more power we have the more influence we have we need to be sure we use our power well and I think these experiences have humbled us so that we do not lead with ego and arrogance but with with our soul our heart our humility and our wisdom. So I'm relatable when clients come to me these very successful people great careers you know that they looks like they've got it all together. But inside they might have existential loneliness. They might have lost a child and never fully healed and grieved through that.

They might have lost the business they might have had their spouse might have had an affair it could go all the way back to the way they were treated most often it does the way they were treated as as children well-intending parents but not there not present feeling abandoned feeling their expression was wrong tone it down don't speak truth around here.

You see not heard boys don't cry like all of these day stay in our body and then we create these survival mechanisms to operate on top of them but at some day at some point.

We got to deal with these we can't keep running from ourselves through your observations over time you correct me if I'm wrong here this is what I've observed but you've seen it more than me but I'm I'm a people not expert but I think because I communicate with so many people and see so many things and things that I know I've personally been through that took me.

“Like 40 years to figure out. I think and I truly believe that a lot of the most rich or famous people or the people that have the biggest egos or flaunt or do these things there's something there.”

Where they have to prove something not only to others but to themselves that something must have happened where they weren't getting attention or something. There's something underlying and everybody that has some sort of thing that they're doing that's there sometimes it's health related but a lot of times it's something from the past that they just can't get past.

That's what was driving the whole show safety and so I was a very high achiever and on and on but it was never enough because what I wanted to feel was safe but I'm not going to feel safe I get a guy I still don't feel safe I get more money I still don't feel safe I get the big house I still don't feel safe like it's never outside in it's this little one inside that doesn't feel safe that I need to do the work with. So that's what makes me so compassionate and understanding with my clients is they have everything on the outside but they're still afraid on the inside they still don't feel enough on the inside they don't trust God has their back they don't feel at peace in their skin.

“It could be around their sexuality around their expression it's just it's this constant spinning and most of the time they'll keep spinning because feeling and this is the bottom line feeling takes practice.”

This is a society that doesn't feel we Medicaid or we go for dope I mean hits let me watch them or porn or let me close another deal or let me take another trip like we get these hits and we think that's feeling now that's glossing on top of true. Peace, home, calmness, oneness with God you know really feeling I am that I am like that's our birth rate there's never any healing is bandating a wound it's just it's delaying the inevitable or trying to just block block block block block without actually fixing you know one of the things that happened for me more recently was I I realized.

because I've always pictured and thought that idolatry was worshiping another God and I'm like oh I'm good there I'm great you know I don't have that problem but in reality I was worshiping.

The stuff that I was buying that I had that I could advertise what people thought of me worried about how many numbers I had and this and that and but you know when you take a zanx or something like you said and it's like you have an a panic attack and all of a sudden it stops.

“But then it never you never feel at ease you only feel at ease for a few moments you feel numb yes but you wake up and you're like you don't feel great correct because you didn't integrate that wound right feeling when I just finally said.”

I'm putting God first and I'm also going to trust because putting him first is one thing but trust gets confused with faith believing in God is great but if you don't trust him you're really doubting him right.

When I just said you know what it's not on my hands it is it was like the the permanent zanx where it's like you know what okay because what.

What does crying actually solve what is pouting solve what does moping around or being stressed like. I just want to understand how it treats the problem I'm not saying don't be emotional that is not what I'm saying it's fine to cry it's fine but tell me what it solves you tell me.

“You you're the expert on this and I'm curious does it solve anything or does it make a worse it's a great question.”

Integrates it into wholeness calmness peace so most people dabble in an emotion and become drama queens or drama games or whining at least is what you're saying and that actually what you resist persists. So you're so with the autonomic nervous system so when you're dissociated you've checked out your numb you got the fake happy face on okay you're spinning a million miles an hour trying to do it right look good get get take take all of that guy that doesn't work. So you start to come back into your body and feel the feeling well that's sucked that's not fine where's my glass of wine where's my social media where's my next project where like whatever we leave so a lot of people loop.

Between level four trauma out of the body dissociated and level three trauma which gets really dark really fast okay and so I looped there for decades and I thought that was feeling a feeling no that was dipping my toe. The autonomic nervous system knows damn well what it's doing if you have a facilitator that when you come back in and start to feel this feeling and you want to leave stay with me. Let's let's inhibit that coping mechanism let's stay and keep the it's dark I got you I'm right here so they're blindfolded and I'm right there with him take me with you.

I got you so I'm literally repairing the way their parents didn't know how to be with them maybe they never even shared with their parents how they were feeling or their wife or what have you.

So we get through level three trauma which is the the real darkness then we get to level two as I said is quite acute. But you're a body as a little kid thought it was going to die right or like it was life or death of mum or dad took their their love away right so this really intense part who's going to feel that on their own.

So dabbling in it doesn't do any good but I'm like take me with you all the way and I will screen with them whatever like I will be whatever it takes for them to feel safe to fully layer rip.

“Let all that emotion through and then they get to zero they haven't left the autonomic nervous system is still coming home level one is relief.”

And then zero point is when all this is this is true embodiment you can actually take the pain and be peaceful you can actually take the shame and be compassionate you can actually take the terror. And feel it peace in your skin and that's when God comes in truly as an embodied experience of surrender like you were saying and true trust. I was being really feisty with this one client the other he was making all these excuses I'm like do you really think I'm going to buy this so here you are this men's coach and you don't even trust God you don't trust life and you're asking them to do all these things to go come on.

It's like oh you're sexy when you're feisty and I said like oh care of I'm sexy I'm calling you on it you're not embodying it like what is that.

“I'm like we actually need to do the opposite with a skilled facilitator in a safe container we actually need to integrate that because remember the story I said for your gone three is suicidal.”

Two level two trauma is that really intense dear one is some relief zero point is you and God are one soul embodied I go babe it's time it's time to face your darkest night of the soul and get your body get your autonomic nervous system to do what it already knows how to do but on its own it's scary.

I couldn't do it on my own I have wonderful facilitators and I did well over 30 of these journeys to get back into my body finally and integrate these wounds and feel.

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So I mean, and I understand this because I think I still have a problem with certain things that I'm working on to it's really comes down to fear. And what you do with it? Yeah, so it's it's all really fear related when you're trying to fix something it's your it's almost it's strange because you know you you get these people like that and I relate to say have been in prison and they've been in there a long time and they're scared to get out. Because they don't know what to do and they're fearful about getting out and it's like how why would you want to stay in hell.

“That's what I'm going to relate to what you're talking about it's I think that the resistance there is really fear of the unknown.”

You can't remember what it was like to actually I don't want to say normal, but you know what I'm saying to live in some normal see where you're not on edge and you don't know will these stress and strange. So yeah, you're so right this is this is such the epidemic we're afraid of fear fear is scary but being afraid of skin now is like doubly worse that yeah it's a compounding yeah so fear I'm not going to see it's fun. But who's going to win fear or love who's going to win ego or gone who's going to win your life purpose why you came on to the planet or this fear of the fear.

And so when you're all by yourself it's a tall order you've got bills to pay you've got kids you've got a business you just keep pushing you just keep just keep avoiding keep avoiding avoid that fear with all of the addictions that we all have. Whether they're drugs and alcohol whether they're work whether even you can even have an addiction to making a difference you can be like spiritually bypassing about it. But you're still avoiding fear but when you have a trusted facilitator who will walk with you through the darkness.

It's not like fear is going to go away but this is the alchemy we learn that we actually are alchemists when you lean in breathe in stay present with have a partner and I call in the angels it's not just me.

I didn't die like literally on level one level one they're always I didn't die I didn't die I'm here. I'm like yeah you're here baby. I'm right here with you. So it's like I'm reparenting them to walk with them through fear in their body which feels like they're going to die.

A panic attack is a panic attack or terror or even like so much self hatred to actually come to terms with how critical people have been of themselves.

For decade it's dark there for that 30 seconds 60 seconds but when you get through to the other side and you're like oh I can't get right a fear. But I can now dance with it I can dance with fear it no longer has power over me. I know how to have a partner with it. I know a protocol that works and this will no longer stop me. That changes the trajectory of your life, of your relationships, of your parenting, of your business, of your money, of your health, everything. The things that you do make you give away your power excuses avoidance all the rest of it.

I don't know you now have integrity you have accountability you have this embodied courage if compassion for yourself.

You believe in yourself you start to have self love like so much blossoms within you when you have this new relationship with feelings of mainly fear. And some of these things were put here for a purpose they weren't put here to break the best they were actually put here to make it. Make us totally totally yeah you don't get brave just waking up one day. Yeah you get brave through facing fear you don't get forgiveness and mercy if you haven't really fucked up.

“But how do you differ like how would you ever learn success without failure how would you ever learn bravery without fear?”

Like how would you even know these emotions they wouldn't exist so we would be robots.

Yeah people people always say well if God was there this wouldn't happen or this wouldn't happen or that wouldn't happen.

It's like but if none of these things ever happen and I'm not saying they're good but if they didn't what would we be. We would not evolve we would not grow we would not learn we'd be nothing would not experience what it is to be a humble brave soul grateful for another breath. It's hard to understand for some people because they live in this facade and this fantasy land and they never stop to think about what they're saying or what things mean. Or have never even given the chance to do anything.

“Well slowing down is honestly terrifying.”

Yeah slowing down if I just keep spinning fast enough keep making enough money keep like my Charleston game going on my resume task like no one will call me on my stuff. People literally have a whole life like that and die have fun with God and the goddess caution cigars and heaven if you have that is your life like that's fine with everybody's soul is different that's fine. But if we actually go okay I'm going to slow down with a trusted advisor a trusted facilitator I know when running. I know I'm bullshitting myself I know this is not sustainable my marriage is starting to get get on the rocks my business it's up and down and step in down.

I go on these podcasts I feel like a fraud I talked to my staff I feel okay it's time. It's not like people come to me hey I'd like to feel a bunch of fear and discomfort let's sign up today no they come because there's been an affair cancer. They in cryptocurrency child committed suicide they come to me because they didn't slow down before when it cut a made a difference so we've got not only that pain we've got guilt and shame on top of it that's generally when they come to me. And if you don't fix it and I'm living proof of this because I was a hypocrite many years on like nutrition stuff I talked about the eating disorder and telling people how to eat.

And living in the darkest hell on earth and it started to eat at me good aside from you know the darkness that you live in and how you feel which is the double whammy I'm the type of guy that I'll I'll have struggles and and then I'll just walk in one day or wake up and go okay enough is enough and almost everything I've got a couple things that I just you know but for most that's how I work and it's like that's it you know and I'll just be like fuck it that's it today today.

“That's it today today's the day but most people can't do that and so I think it's important to.”

A admit. Be willing to look in the mirror and have the conversation with yourself because you can lie to a lot of people but when you're face on with yourself yeah I'm not talking the psycho conversation like you got issues I'm talking the real. Let's take a look in the mirror and ask yourself the real honest question of what's happening here and do I like what I see right you know many year. I sat in the mirror and did not like what I saw look back at me for multitude of reasons now it's just gray hair but I love what I see as a person and it took me.

How many years to get there yeah and I still have days but you know it it's a feeling of freedom and I think that once people get it.

And the courage to do something about it and ask for help you have an incredible way if I had the blessing of really listening how your partnership supports each other there are people who live like two ships in the night. They don't have that partnership the person they don't want of all to know how horrible they feel is their partner that level of shame or maybe their single. And it's just them in the bottle at night right so we I want to have compassion of what it really takes us to to do this work.

“But I also want to say you must you must you can you can change this you must if you still have another breath this world friggin needs you your children your business.”

Your purpose your legacy friggin needs you and the next piece is humility you don't have to do it alone. I don't think in the fifth dimension the whole fifth dimension is win win win win win win win for you win for me win for all.

Maybe in the third dimension me me me you know I'm on top and it's I'm it's all about me now we're not there anymore.

That's not where we're living we're living in the fifth dimension now in order to do that we've got to ask for help. Got to ask for help got to have partnership we got to not there were needy losers. I haven't need I need your help that's healthy that's brave. And that's to be respected in ourselves. I think there's a difference to people should understand about asking for favors and asking for help. Sometimes you know I always say I don't want to ask for too many favors, but I'm not scared to ask for help when I know I need it. I like to give the favors so that I know if I ever meant desperate need that I'm I'm good to go ask for it.

I like to be the guy that does more and gives more the ask for more.

But I'm not scared. I used to never want to ask for anybody's help and when I realized in prayer that you're really not supposed to do anything on your own.

“You're supposed to ask God for all the help in the world and lean on him every day and that's what I do now and I believe that's why.”

All these years I wanted why it wasn't successful as I thought I should be and now all of a sudden miraculously it happened well because I gave up trying to do everything on my own. Partnerships sacred union sacred union with Queenie sacred union with God you're reminding me of my humility. So I think I told you my son called after six years. Yeah, so that was a long drought. The coach that I asked for help with I called his baseball coach and I called his men's coach and I said could you just check in on him?

Just check in on him and the one got a hold of him and basically had a man to man conversation and said, you know families everything. One of you has to pick up the phone. You've blocked her. It has to be you and he did. So when I was talking to that coach way back ten years ago, I wanted a favor. I wanted to be saved. I hadn't done the step of work yet. I just wanted somebody to make my me next husband go away and everything to be peaceful and where can you arrive on a white horse that would be fun to and could you just pay for everything?

So I don't have to worry about how to be an entrepreneur like I was so depleted and such a victim and hadn't had connection with myself had and had connection with the divine. I was still looking outside and to be saved. I admit I was a damsel in distress. Then the next phase of taking responsibility. I got a little bit too much bitch bad boss. I got this myself like I'm all that in a bag of chips. But it was a good step. It was self ownership. It was responsibility. It was accountability. But I hadn't talked to this gentleman in ten years where I'd say now I'm moving into more of this sacred partnership with the divine open to sacred partnership with a beloved and ready for reunion with my son.

And my business I am being used used me God for this business so I can serve humanity. My business is my spiritual practice. So I treat my clients, my staff, people of the grocery store like everything is my spiritual practice now. So I'm talking to this gentleman. He's like you've changed. You're not asking me to call your son to save you. You're ready to to meet him and not drop everything. You're seven years. I didn't unpack. I was living in an Airbnb just waiting for my son to call.

So that he would call and then I'd be good enough Dylan and then done third on and you can hear like the violin playing and all the rest of it. I was still wasn't home. I wasn't home all the way. Not that I'll ever get there.

“I think we all like I've arrived but I'll never arrive.”

There's always work to do but I'm whole enough home enough that I asked as a sovereign being to another sovereign being, please help me. I need your help.

And the way he's showing up and the way my son is showing up is different because I've changed. That's right. I've changed. It's you. Yes. And that's the key. It's always us.

Well, that's the whole accountability thing. I did a whole thing just on accountability myself like literally talking about how unaccountable I was and now how accountable I am. Nice. Well, when you're teaching about stuff you need to educate people in the fact that you're not speaking like a holy roller.

Totally. They just don't make them twice. That's right. You know, and that's most of the things I speak on where it's teaching people to overcome stuff. I've screwed up.

Yeah. So I know firsthand. What it's like and how to fix it. So then that brings me to what you do. So we've had a great engagement here on so many personal concepts and internal concepts and things that need to be addressed and aren't are often avoided.

Yeah. It's uncomfortable. Very. I'm going to comfort zone with this and show you.

“So, but then what kind of coaching and what kind of different types of people are you looking for?”

Like the types of problems that you aim at fixing. So successful people who basically have it all together, but it's not sustainable. They're running so fast. They're running away from something and they know it. One client was running away from ending a relationship completely giving away all of her power at work.

Her family was in her business. Literally in her business. And she needed to stop. She needed support. She needed someone to have her back.

She was slow down and feel all these feelings she was running away from. That's a great example. She's a very successful doctor. Another very successful corporate woman. Her husband died. And as soon as he died, she started traveling and eating and doing everything she could to avoid that.

But what she really was avoiding. Obviously the grief.

But also that she never did the work with intimacy while he was alive.

Shame and regret.

“So she's a new client that has come on and we have done so much healing of what was it that caused her to never speak up to the one she loved the most.”

And now he's gone and integrating that. Another client I look forward to working with lost a child. Many years ago going through the second divorce. And I'm like, hey, I did the two divorces too. Don't wait for this third to kick you on the ass.

Like what who's in common with all the love of my heart you. And here's the wound and it started all the way back in childhood. And yes, you have millions of dollars in your super successful. But we both know you're not at peace. You can't even have a weekend of relaxing.

You gotta go on a vacation. You gotta go do something. You gotta go go. It's going to bite your ass at some point. Let's slow down and do the work.

So it's these successful people who need to not be judged to be totally seen with compassion and understanding. But also with fierce first truth, someone that's willing not to pity them or baby them and go and remind them of what their soul came here to do. And to walk with them through those uncomfortable feelings until they're home in their body. And then those feelings don't scare them anymore. They actually get manipulated a lot.

“If you don't know how to sit and fear, someone can manipulate you.”

Yeah. Right. Usually. Yeah. And you're probably not eating great.

You probably have some other behaviors on the side that you're not proud of. Because it leaks outside ways when you can't sit in the present moment and feel through these feelings all the way home to God. That's just how it works. So a lot of the things that situations that you deal with an encounter with people, struggles and summits people by themselves, summits couples or relationships. Yeah.

Do you find? And I would expect this answer to be asked, but I want to know because I don't see it.

What I've always encountered is the people that are under the most stress that have the most inadequacy type of feeling or these built up things.

They also have pretty bad blood panels. They don't sleep well. They have a lot of stress. They end up getting sick a lot. They have low immunity.

There's a lot. There are hormones are off low testosterone levels. You know, things like that. That's what I encounter a lot. And when I'm digging, it's like they're heavily stressed.

There's underlying causes when I can't find what I'm looking for. It's normally mental. Oh, yes. Well, the way I've been taught by my teachers, physical body, emotional body. You can't see that one.

Mental body. You can't see that one. And then there's your soul. And so your soul can't get in when there's an integrated mental and emotional which then turn into physical issues wounds. I'm thinking of a couple that I work with.

He was drinking and then he stopped drinking and then drinking. And we started to do this psychedelic somatic integration work.

And what we met on our very first immersion we can together was such suicidal feelings that he never told his wife never told his kids as when his mum died.

Not the professor that teaches at university. The little guy inside, the 15 year old inside, was convinced it was his fault. And on the second day of medicine, they track their bodies. I'm very aware of what their the body is holding these different energies and coping mechanisms and his knees were bent yet as blindfolded and his knees started to rock back and forth. And I said, "What's up with your knees? My mum is here. She's rocking me.

It wasn't my fault." And I say this changed his life. This changed his life. The way he was avoiding drinking was that I failed.

it never when he started to slow down the feelings would arise.

So that's the husband, the wife back to the physical body. She had never knew when he was going to take a drinking bender. She had to be the masculine. And so she would never, never rest, couldn't quite trust him. But that wasn't didn't start with him.

That started with how she grew up.

“You know where the boys were more important than the girls in that culture.”

And I was never good enough and I have to overcompensate all this. So her nervous system was shot. When you take all the tests of her heart, happy heart. Not a problem with her heart. She was on the medication. She got it out.

What does it call when you zap the heart? Ablation. Oh yeah. She had all these procedures to get her heart better. But her heart is totally fine.

Yes. And as we have started now, so he's done his two years. Good. Now she can come down because she can trust him. Now she's starting to do the work of integrating, not just the trauma from his drinking for 15 years,

but all the way back to childhood. And isn't it interesting when we do all this work? It's the heart. You know, she's closed her heart. She hates herself.

It's like it's all emotional. And then the mental words of what people would say to her. It's all held in the heart.

“And as we integrate this, as an interesting,”

she hasn't been on her medication. Is it interesting? She's exercising more than she has before. Isn't it interesting that her libido is-- Right? It's all connected.

And so to see this in a couple is exquisite. And the last piece that's really cool about couples that come and do this work is you've attracted each other when because you love each other.

But there's also quite often incomplete loops you never got in childhood

that you're still seeking from your partner. And it wasn't safe for either of them to speak truth. As soon as the mum died, Irish Catholic, they never talked about it again ever. So that's been shoved down inside.

And anytime she ever spoke up, no, no, no. Your brother's first, not you. shoved it down. So they have the same wound. So they're attracted to each other because they can actually become

each other's master's spiritual teacher. That's safe sanctuary. I get it. And we are going to speak truth in this relationship. And we're going to reparent one another.

We're going to be that safe place where you don't get shut up. You get tell me more. And to watch the intimacy and this safety of this sanctuary that they're creating. And then they're on our group coaching calls. So yes, they do the private work with me in the psychedelic work with me as well.

But they show up and there's a lot of single people on the call. They're like that. That's a real relationship. Not the Disneyland fairy tale one. But on your knees, vulnerable, brave.

Do the work and the gratitude if I couldn't do it without you. Sometimes.

“And a lot of my prayers, because when people pray, I was wondering, what do they pray about?”

Like, I've changed everything. I pray about generally it's obtaining virtues and qualities to make me a better person. And to be able to do the will. I was meant to do as a host of praying for success. And this and that and help me overcome this.

I mean, I know if I get the virtues and everything I need.

Then I will become what I need to ultimately achieve what I was put here to do.

You know, one of the things that I have asked for a lot is and it's still something I have tried to figure out what's the cause of this. Because I feel all kinds of emotion and love in my heart. But there's so much inside of me. And I think it's because of my busy and I feel like I have to be a certain way or do a certain way of work. Just doesn't come out.

And I don't know why because it's sitting there. And I show it sometimes, but I will pray just unheard of my heart a little bit because I don't know why. And I don't know what the cause of this is because it's there. It's not an emotion. I'm not feeling.

It's just not coming out. I love you. It's just a door here. This is that when I say humility, I've said it so many times. Our brains.

I'm an Ivy League grad. I'm a smart cookie. I had no clue why I was doing what I was doing because it's it's preverbal. It's subconscious. It's unconscious.

It's in here. So a lot of my clients are super smart and super frustrated. And they have a lot of self criticism because they should be able to figure it out because they can do this that and the other. Why can't I do this? I mean, you're getting all feisty.

And I'm like, I just adore you. I so know this, please. And this is when we're in a journey when I do the psychedelic somatic integration work. And then I do follow up calls weekly after and then we do another about three months later. Well, when I coach them, I say, okay, so you're going to put the blindfold on.

It's a very low dose of medicine. It's going to turn off the y-y-y-y. And we're going to get an all we're going to do is be like Sherlock Holmes or just going to follow body sensation emotion. And I'm not in charge. And you're not in charge.

God's in charge. The medicine's in charge and your body. That is our holy Trinity right now. And we're going to let go and we're going to let our bodies show us what it wants to show us. And it might go into the fetal position.

Or it might go, I just want to kill somebody who knows what it's going to do.

And when we watch the body do this, it is revealed.

The y is revealed. And it's nothing we can ever cognitively figure out.

“Just like, you know, God has a better plan than we could ever make, right?”

This inside is beyond our cognitive analysis. And it's going to be, and then all of a sudden, the memory will come back. Or all of a sudden, the pieces of the puzzle will come together. And then, and then the wave of emotion will come through. And then it'll just be flooded with, like, compassion and relief and homecoming of, like,

"Oh, I did my best. I have such a, if I give myself, I love myself." Oh, it was all meant for the good. Everything's okay now, forgiveness doesn't even make sense. But we got there with a willingness to let go of trying to figure it out. And jump off the cliff, surrender, trust, and take the body's journey.

And the medicine is just a tool. Just a medicine is just to turn this, freaking thing off, and to let God in, to let the spirit in, to let the breath in, and the body will show us the way home. Every time, every time, every time we get to the light, every time. I threw my hand up because sometimes it's like, you try so hard to figure it out that you can't see.

Yes, you're blind. Yes, you're just, you're so focused and engulfed that you never let it come out.

Yes, I'm seeing a little fly and the door is open and they're going, "No, no, no, no, no, no." Then it's the glass, you're like, just pull back a bit, slow down, let go, be held, and then all there's a huge open door there. That's really what it is. And so it's beautiful to watch the ego take the back seat, and the soul take the front seat. It's beautiful to watch these very successful people go, please partner with me and help me.

Walk with me, and then for me is there a greater privilege and honor in being in that incredibly vulnerable place. And I'm fierce mother bearer. Like, I've got you, nothing will happen. And I'm patient, and I'm tender. I get to be these energies of the divine masculine and divine feminine, and literally walk with someone back to zero point, and with zero point happens. It's almost like you can swim through the room. There's so much spirit in the room,

and one is in the room, and it's tearful, and it's beautiful, and it's funny. And like, oh my god, I thought I was going to die. I'm like, you're here, everything's fine. And then they go home, and then things shift, somebody gets a new job. They're making more money than they ever have. Somebody meets the love of their life. Somebody divorces with grace and he's not a 13 year custody battle.

Right, like these shifts, people start to close ideal clients, because they're not selling anymore. They're just being their authentic self. Every year, the kids start talking to them, and sharing with them so many beautiful people get orgasmic. If not been very orgasmic, whatever the block was around, shame, fear, control. It opens, and light comes through that aspect of their life.

“We were wired to have love in our hearts. That's how we were made and created.”

That's why I'm such an animal lover, because they just don't know. They just know that they want that, that's why they sit there only for you all day, and why they just freak out and get so excited. They don't know what to do. And that's how we're actually hardwired internally. It's just like, there's, we conceptually, the way our minds are,

we understand more, we think more, we know more. So we have all these other things going on where they don't, right? Because it's like the purest form of love, they have. So it's why I love it so much. But we have gotten so complicated and so convoluted,

some because of medications, some because of all the shit that's going on over the time. Yeah. And these, some of it's societal, I mean, because of, you got to do this for that. You know, one of the best things that ever happened for me, when I got close with God that I try to convey to everybody, is everybody will that writes me, right?

“If I talk back wherever, well, doesn't your team do this or don't we have to go through this?”

Or what about this? Or what about that? And I'm like, I'm a fucking dude. I am no better than the next person. I just am good at what I do, just like you're good at what you do. I may not have enough time in the day to talk to everybody. But I don't think I'm better than anybody. Yeah. Actually, it's not that I think I know I'm not.

I just found something that I was meant to do and I do it. And I try to, I say, humanize everybody because we're all the same. You're just somebody's good or somebody has something that the next person doesn't have. But you have something I don't have to and the next person does and the next person does the next person does. Yeah. Yeah. I can't stand that.

Something's mean I fit like with my show or something, but I'm always like, well,

I tell everybody, I'm just humbled you want to talk to me because I know what it's like that be reduced into nothing and have nothing and sleep with rats and everything else. I know what it's like to have everything that wasn't really meant to be everything. It was shit, meaning the shit that I thought meant everything. Now I feel like I have everything because I have God first.

I have a beautiful family. I get to do this, talk with people like you and you come and want to talk to me. But the hell do you want it? Well, it's, it's, we could, all that you just said is the difference between living with a closed heart and an open heart.

food or society or medication is made it so that we're numb and we're disconnected and we have forgotten how to open again.

And there are so many modalities, one of which is what I facilitate to help integrate all of that. So you can live with an open heart, which is the way I believe we give our life over to spirit, use me, use me. And this opening of the heart, it is a choice and you do need to take responsibility and accountability and do the work. But you don't necessarily have to know all the how that's the ego trying to figure it out.

“You need to show up but also surrender and do the work that aligns that aligns.”

There's breath work, there's psychedelics, there's all, there's a lot of different work out there that can help open the heart. But that's to me what it comes down to. I remember doing a I co-led a couple's retreat with a yet all the letters behind his name. And he had all the things and I was I was feeling honestly quite inadequate, but the processes I took everyone through were the ones that made them cry.

Because it made them feel and get out of their head and really intimately vulnerable connect with their partners.

And then a few years later was the pandemic and he he wrote me and he said, You're open your heart, close your heart, open your heart, it's a practice, it's a muscle, we must be aware of. Oh, the reason why I'm fighting with my spouse and I hate myself and I'm drinking and I'm, oh my heart's closed, got it open my heart. Ooh, kind of vulnerable connection intimacy, oneness, authenticity, being seen and heard and valued, okay, I get it. Close the heart, open that he he texted me and said, thank you for saving my marriage through the pandemic.

Because I practiced opening my heart to my wife, to my kids, to God, to my having to shift my business from a practice where people came in online. That very simple practice was so profound.

“So I felt really touched that my self doubt, like who am I of a simple practice, but I think it's the most important practice of all.”

Opening our heart to ourselves inwardly, infinitely, to all the little use that we have shunned away and avoided, bring them home and then open our heart outwardly to others and give what we're here to give to the world. And that's just it, there's a lot of smart people with a lot of knowledge that have no wisdom. And I will take the person with the wisdom 100% of the time over the person with the knowledge. And I'll trust the one with you. Yeah, it's exactly right because you can be as smart as you want to be, but if you don't know how to use it in the right way, it's pointless.

It's useless, it's like wasted talent, like a basketball player that gets all they had so much ability and didn't go anywhere with it. It's the same exact concept and things, except it's worse because it's your life. Yes, right. Yeah, I have this little memory of being a trader, Joseph, my son, and I practiced living with an open heart everywhere. And I said, how was your day? And I like locked eyes, my mum died.

And I was right there with them, and the line started growing, but I stayed with them until we were done. And then we left got our groceries and left and my son was like, you do that everywhere. People tell you all these things everywhere. I said, baby, I care everywhere. Everybody deserves our love, everybody. And this open heart allows people to feel seen and safe. So you become a walking gift everywhere you go. So it's a, that's why I'm called my intimacy expert into me. I see emotional intimacy.

Normally, we don't value that as much, but it's the core fundamental building block of our self realization that goes in every area of our life. You'll be a better lover, a better father, a better mother. You'll be a better business person. You'll be kinder to your family. You'll have a much deeper relationship with the divine to me. It's the center spoke of the wheel. And it's worth slowing down to feel and do your work.

The rest of your life I promise you will evolve, explode, awaken, peaceful, be delicious. One of the things that I spent so many years focusing on was diet, nutrition, and training in fitness. I mean, that was the end all be all for me. Learn it, learn it, learn it, learn it. But we need to have more people come and speak to you and talk to you because I can fix all of that stuff. And I need everything.

Amazing. And it doesn't matter because if you don't have the other side of it. Yes, exactly.

Then it's you're never going to get there.

You will never be in full alignment. And I, you know, this is my argument is if you start with the spirituality and it grants us off into what you do. And then the other side with the health side and everything. So that's why everything is a mind and body. And ultimately that starts with the spirit connection.

They only wait a really obtain it in my view. And if you don't like it, that's your own thing. But that's what I've observed.

“And that's what I believe and I'm fucking stand by it.”

I love this because where we are in the fifth dimension is time for our soul to come into our body. Because we have to integrate all the wounds and that's what I help people with. But by the time the soul gets into the body of the body is not healthy. It's like, what am I doing here? This is not working.

We want both of those to be the best they could be.

I'm 100% alignment with you.

I love it. Yeah.

“Well, tell everybody where to come and sign up.”

Where to follow you, where to listen, where to learn and where to, you know, just get a little positive energy. Thank you. Yeah.

Well, my podcast, which you and Queenie are on intimate conversations.

Season 14. My website is my name, alanaprat.com/connect. That's how you can book a call with me. And you can put in the show notes. Use the scholarship code ready now.

And then they can have the Dylan scholarship.

So how little discount? Little scholarship. I also have something alanaprat.com/top5. The number five mistakes that destroy a conscious relationship. This really helps people get out of trying to figure it out in their head and go down

into those blind spots that might be the unintegrated wounds in their body. It's actually repelling the love and intimacy they truly desire.

“So those are those are three ways that I think I can initially support people with.”

And thank you for asking. You're welcome. I'll link everything in the description as well. So it's easy to find. So all right, everybody.

I hope this episode gives you some insight on how to look at yourself. Overcomes some things and not be scared.

“And that's what it's all about, opening your heart and taking fear head on.”

And making your weaknesses your strengths. So that being said, stay tuned for plenty more to come. Dylan Jimelli. Sign it off. [BLANK_AUDIO]