Are You Doing Enough to Reach Your Dreams? THIS Is How You Tell... | Ed Mylett

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Now on with the show. Welcome back to max out everybody. I'm Ed My Let, and I want to welcome you back to the program. I'm fired up about today's show because we're getting right into what it takes to win. And that is this, right this down, one more, one more.

See, I accepted a long time ago. I wasn't the smartest, the best looking, the fast enough with the best background, the most connections. I didn't have any of those things. What I could control was my work ethic. You've heard me speak many times about outworking everybody.

“But I think that just feels good when we hear it, but most people don't take it seriously.”

If you think that I have a little bit of success in my life, I can tell you what I attribute it to. Yes, self-confidence, yes mindset, visualization, goals, all the things I talk about all the time. Listening skills, influence, energy transfer, how to be happier, all of that stuff applies. When you get to winning, for me, it's come down to maxing out. And what maxing out means is you do one more at least than you think you're capable of.

So when you're done, whatever you're doing with it, it's at the gym or phone calls or meetings. Or in sports, one more shot, one more throw, one more swing of the golf club or the baseball bat. The separator is for the winners, they do one more. I'm addicted to one more. So I want your mantra going forward to be one more.

What does that look like if we're working out? That means when we're in the gym and we say I'm going to do five sets of 10, I'm crazy. Like I'm a psycho because I want to win, I want to be somebody, I want to separate. I want to compete and the way I do that isn't with my giftedness.

“Because I wasn't born with a bunch of gifts and I think gifts are crap.”

I think for the most part gifted people struggle in life because things come easy them. I like the things I've been coming easy for me in my life. I like the natural talents in every area. And maybe you like that about you too. Maybe you've looked at yourself all your life and thought. Man, I don't have that natural beauty of that natural talent or this gift for creativity or intellect or humor.

I don't have any of those things. But what I got is I will outwork you. And so if the gym, one of the things I focus on, they say it's five sets of 10. When I'm at 10, I go one more, bam, 11.

If I'm running on the treadmill and it's a 45 minute run, I never finish it 45.

I always go one more minute, 46. If I'm at the office and I'm supposed to make 25 phone calls that day. When I'm at the end of the day, always do one more. If I've got meetings, always do one more. My mantra for three decades in business has been one more.

Why? Because we get out of life what we think we deserve. And I'm the kind of guy that I know when you do 45 minutes on the treadmill and I do 46. I deserve to be fitter. I know that when I'm lifting weights and I watch you do five sets of 10 and every single time, I do one more. When it's set of five, I do six.

When it's set of eight, I do nine. When it's 45 on the treadmill, I do 46. When it's supposed to be 20 phone calls, I make 21. When it's supposed to be an eight hour workday, I work nine.

Whatever it is, I always do one more.

And what that does is it makes me eventually think I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do. So I should get things other people aren't going to get. And if you go to the root of the things I believe philosophically about winning,

When I watch the really gifted golfer and the one who actually wins the gifted golfer, they do what they're supposed to do.

You never know they weren't working on it.

It's not like people don't work hard. Everybody works hard. That's a given now. But what's the separator? To where you become the maxed out version of you?

See, the gifted golfer, they hit their 100 balls because they're supposed to. But they're not so gifted one that ends up winning. They hit 101 or 110 or 120. I watch them on the driving range and they can hear them say one more, one more.

“What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and other gifted NBA players when he played?”

Or Michael Jordan when they played? Or right now Kevin Durant, people tell me, Steph Curry, they're constantly when everyone else is done shooting in the gym. They say one more. Larry Bird was legendary for one more.

One more. The people that would throw the passes to him, the ball guys.

And practically, he always wants more.

He always wants more. The great hitters that I know, the mic trouts and MLB, they're gifted. But they just take a little more. They take that extra batting practice, that extra session. They're always doing extra.

That's the separator. But you can learn all this stuff. You can digest all the tactic is information that I give out. But if you're not willing to do one more, eventually there's a part of you that says, maybe maybe I don't deserve it.

I'm just doing what everybody else is doing. And that's not good enough. It's not even good enough to do more than everybody else. It's your maxed out level. It's one more of everything.

“And so whether that's a phone call and email, a text and appointment.”

One more time you tell your spouse you love them. One more time you go and kiss your children good night. One more hug of somebody. One more phone call, one more everything. I want your theme to be one more.

Have I said that enough times for you today? So what's that really look like an application? Well, the second thing it does for you is you actually do more reps of whatever it is you're doing. And when we do more repetitions, we get better.

And when we do more repetitions, we're more productive. So number one is the psychology part.

If you're someone who's always doing things, other people aren't willing to do.

You always max out. You always go to the next level. You convince yourself you deserve to win. You can take low self-esteem, low identity, low confidence, and change it over time by building this habitual addiction to doing one more.

This obsession of one more. All the greats do one more and all the average don't. It's not that the average don't work hard. It's not that the average at your company. They don't work hard.

They probably work pretty hard. But do they always do extra? Do they always do one more? Do they always do ten more if they need to? Do they always get after it?

The other part of it number two is you just get better because of the reps. You just do more of something. You get better. You get stronger. You become a better phone caller when you make one more phone call every day.

You become a better communicator when you do one more meeting every single day. You get better at coordination in your sport or at the gym by just doing more reps. Yes, you get better. So that's the second layer. But the third one is you stack the odds in your favor.

See for me, I want the odds that I'm going to win to increase. The larger numbers we play in life in every area, more is always better. People tell you, more is it always better and almost everything, more is better. Just so you know. And almost everything.

People who tell you more isn't better and most things are lazy and they try to justify their own weakness. Don't let people who are justifying their own weakness convince you that you work in hard. You doing more isn't the pathway to your success. People say, well, you got to work smarter and not harder.

That's a lie because everybody who wins works smarter, the separators who works harder. And by the way, we become smarter through working harder. All the new revelations, all the breakthroughs. All the new discoveries, always come when you're doing one more. Always come through more repetitions.

You find new ways, new strategies, new words, new keys by higher repetitions. So even if you believe working smarter is more important, you will become smarter by doing more. So if you work 300 days a year, let's just say, 300 days a year. That's 300 more phone calls every single year, over five years that's 1500 more context.

Just think about that just for a second. Over 30 years, that's 9,000 more context.

“What are the odds the person who makes 9,000 more context?”

Or even 300 more years are going to win. You give me two average people that walk in a room. Same ability, same skills, same backgrounds, same product. One of them makes 300 more context. You're the other one who's going to win.

We know how about over five years. One of them makes 1500 more context over five years. Who's going to win over a lifetime 30 years of work. One makes 9,000 more context. Who's going to win?

You stack the odds in your favor. Never mind the person who'd made the 9,000 more context is better. They've got more reps. They've got more confidence.

They just have 9,000 more opportunities.

How about a golfer?

“One of them makes 300 more swings a year, a year.”

And that's just one more swing a day. Right? And over five years, 1500 more, 9,000 over lifetime. Who's more likely to win? So you pick anything you want.

You begin to stack the odds in your favor. How about at the gym? If every day you went one more minute in your cardio. So it's supposed to be 45, you do 46. Do you know what that starts to do to you?

You start knowing you're different. You start knowing you obliterate standards. You start knowing you can break through. When you break through an artificial barrier like 45 minutes, you do one more. It sets a catalyst for your entire day.

It sets a syntax. It sets a mindset for the rest of your life.

Never mind the fact that if you do 300 more minutes, which is 9,000 more over your lifetime,

who's going to be more fit? So you begin to stack these things and your entire life changes. This is what I like to call compound pounding. Most people underestimate what time can do when backed up with massive activity. Right?

As I'm speaking to you, I'm looking out at the ocean right now. And there's a massive rock formation. And you can see the rivets and the rocks. And what caused those rivets in the rocks was compound pounding of the ocean hitting that rock over and over and over again.

Over and over compound pounding against that rock. And over time, that ocean breaks the rock down. Over time, where you can see the breakdown in a rock that water does hitting it. Think about that over time. Not one time when the water hits it, not two times, not five times.

When you add up years and years and years of that water hitting the rock, it breaks it down. And that's like getting through to your dream.

“You have to be like that water hitting the rock I'm staring at right now.”

That over time, that compound pounding breaks down the barriers, breaks down the obstacles, breaks down anything in your way of getting to your dream. So I'm sold out on all the strategies and tactics that I teach you. But what I believe in completely is the power of compound pounding. And here's the crazy thing about most people.

They will give up on their dream before the compounding has been allowed to kick in. So they work at it and they work at it and they don't see the breakthrough. But what they don't understand is that rock was getting ready to break if you just keep pounding against it. But because most people don't see the evidence, see, if you watch that water hit that rock over one day, you're going to see no difference.

Two days, no difference. Five days, no difference. Maybe even a year, there's no difference. Maybe even five years. But you have the compound pounding of every wave hitting that rock over and over again.

There's an inevitability to the breakdown of the rock. That's true of your goals and dreams as well. There's an inevitability to success. It's not a matter of if it's a matter of when when we adopt one more. When we adopt compound pounding.

Do you know the kind of confidence you begin to have when you just accept in your life

that I am going to be relentless, I'm always going to do extra.

“And you accept the fact that all things break down over time.”

All the barriers will go away. All the obstacles will go away. Everything in your way will go away if you keep after it over an extended period of time. Most people overestimate what they can do in a year. They do.

They set up goals for a year and they overestimate where they're going to get to. And they dramatically underestimate what they can do in a decade. And the reason for that is most people don't understand the power of compound pounding. So I want you to accept today that you're going to be relentless. That you're going to keep coming.

That you're like a dripping faucet. You're like those waves hitting the rock. Other people are going to get slowed down. Other people are going to take a break. Other people are going to flinch.

Other people are going to cool it. Other people are going to believe they've made it. Or maybe some people are going to believe they can't make it. But you're going to be relentless. You're going to be repetitious.

You may not be the fastest. You may not be the smartest. You may not be the strongest. You may not be the most beautiful. You may not have the most articulate thoughts and ideas in the world.

But what you got is compound pounding. What you got is one more. And when they get weak, you just keep compounding. When they flinch, you blow their doors off. That's how you win in life.

As you keep getting after it and keep getting and after it until the job gets done. You show me somebody you can succeed. So a lot of people can be excited for a day. They can be excited for a month. Some people can be excited for a year or two or three years.

But the winners, they stay excited as long as it takes to get the job done. They keep after it until the job gets done. They never stop. They're always after it. And that's where their strength comes from.

That's where their confidence comes from. Is knowing their capacity to keep coming at you. And that all your competitions going to get weak. They're going to get tired. They're going to surrender.

They're going to give in. They're going to think they made it. They're going to take a break. They're going to cool it. And you just keep coming.

It's just nature. Just like the nature of the ocean against that rock. It's just nature that you run down your drain. That you knock down your drain. I want you to implement all the things that I teach on max out.

All the tactics, all the stretch, but more than anything.

That it's inevitable that it might not be a year or two years or three years. But you're going to stay excited.

“And you're going to keep doing one more until the job gets done.”

Today's message is very simple. You can win. You should win. And you will win. I want you to feel this.

You will win if you just keep coming. You keep getting after it. You keep doing one more. You can control this. You can't control all the exterior things in your life.

People's attitudes. How they treat you. Who cancels on you? Who changes their mind? Who hates on you?

Who lets you down? But you can control this.

You can always go 46 instead of 45.

You can always go 11 instead of 10. You can always make the next phone call. Always do one more meeting. Always do one more. Always, always, always.

And I promise you, you will knock down that rock that's in between you and your dream. And make them come true. Today's really simple. You're going to knock down whatever that rock is. It's been between you and your dream.

You're going to keep after. You're going to be relentless. You're not going to give in. You're going to be the person who stays excited until the entire job gets done. Until that dream is real.

And you know long term. All these other people. They're going to flinch. They're going to get weak. And you won't.

You've adopted a max out mindset. And I want to remind you today to stay connected with me. I want you to win. Hope you can feel it today. I want to break it down to its most simple form.

Which is that you use nature to your advantage. You use the force of you, the force of effort. The force of sustained effort over an extended period of time. To wear out the obstacles in front of you and your dream. I want you to feel the confidence that comes with that.

I'm telling you. Look at me. Listen to me. You're going to do this. You're going to win.

If. And it's a big if. If you'll just adopt it. It ought to be written everywhere. One more.

One more max out. Everywhere you can put it. It's inevitable. It's not if anymore. It's just when.

Very short. Intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

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That's QU-I-N-C-E.com/ed free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/ed. Now on to our next guest. This quote by Thomas Edison said when you feel you've exhausted all options. Remember this.

You haven't. I love that. That's the power of one more one more. And so I have lived this book in my life. Like I have lived this mindset and it has changed my life.

Because I've always been just one step away.

One habit away. One mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live.

“Well, that's the truth, right? You're right. And I think the great lie in life is that”

I think, you know, some scriptures say, well, where there's no vision the people will perish. Whatever your scriptures are. Really? Do you have no vision? If you ask the average person, you want to be happy or sad what's your vision. They'd say, I want to be happy.

You want to be rich or poor. Most people say, I'd like to be rich. Do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world? I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or no memories?

I want memories. So there's a vision. Our issue is depth perception. We think it's further away than it is.

we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there. Ooh. And that's what we do in our life. But what if that's the great lie of life?

“And what if the truth is that you're one relationship away.”

One meeting away. One conversation. One podcast. One interview. One new thought.

One new emotion. One new tactic or strategy. Away from completely changing the trajectory of your life. And everyone that you and I know that we both work with, that we're blessed to work with in our lives.

The truth is it was one decision, one meeting.

One extra rep. One more phone call. One thing they did that changed their trajectory. Then the question then becomes, how do I do it? And so the strategies are in the book, but conceptually.

That's 100% how you're changing your life. Yeah. And you're so right. I was thinking about this this morning. Last year I had double honey surgery on the front.

So I couldn't walk for about a month. And when I said couldn't walk, I mean like a literally couldn't move.

“It was like, I was like, I felt like I was teaching myself to walk again.”

Like that's how it felt. It's really interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push it far away. I would wake up every morning. And my mind or my initial mindset was like, it will be gone today. Yeah.

And most of gone today like today will be fully healed. I'll be fine today and I'll wake up and I wouldn't be. And I would feel like healing was so far away. Yes. It would be like 80% away that I was missing out on the 1% chain since yesterday.

You got it. Since yesterday I made 1% change. I wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves. I was able to be flexible by 1% more. And I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was.

That's the journey. And what happens is when you live with an expectation that these one more is exist, the reticular activating system in your mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the matrix in a second chapter of the book. When you wake up believing, hey, I'm one decision away.

I'm one meeting away, one relationship away. That's not hokey. Your mind begins to filter the pleapal places and things into your awareness. You develop something called sensory acuity. You hear conversations you weren't hearing.

We've all had that experience where we're on an airplane. I can't stop hearing these people over here. Or you walk it around, but you can hear your own name automatically over all the other names in the room. That's because it's important to you.

And it matters. You see things. And so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true, the RAS goes to proving it for you. And when I learned this, I wronged.

I talked about in the book. My father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many, many times.

And I'll never forget a J. We were driving to a baseball game of mine.

My dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. And he pulls the car over. And he still isn't looking to me, but he's crying. And he says, Eddie, and then he turns to me and he goes,

I'm going to try to get sober. And I'll never forget this brother goes. One more time. And I said, really, Daddy, he goes, I'm going to give it one more more try.

And I said, do what I said. Why would this be any different this time? And he said, never said this to me before he goes. Because I love you. And you deserve it.

Father, you can be proud of. And you can't be proud of me right now.

“And I think every great thing we do in life is one away.”

But it's also born from love. To talk about your book. When you love people or you love something so deeply, if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be. Now you've got a shot to do it.

Then my dad gets sober. He comes home from rehab.

I say, Daddy, are you never going to drink again?

And he said, I can't promise you that. I can promise you, I'm not going to drink for one more day at a time. And he lasted the rest of his life, stacking those one more days up. And so I know the power of one more and Jay.

The other thing, I also know humans can change. I watched my hero do it. I watched my dad live my first 15 years. So I'm going to lot of fights. A lot of lying. A lot of difficult times. And then I saw this man transform.

And in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And when we think in life and I hope everybody gets this, we think the things we're most ashamed of. Embarrassed by our divorce, our bankruptcy. Or maybe we've just always been average and ordinary.

This disqualifies me from being successful and happy. What if that's not true? What if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you. I'll give you an example. You know, my dad got sober, somebody helped him. My dad was going to take his life for loses family.

And I didn't know who it was till months ago. Some precious human being, whom I didn't know. And my dad's darkest hour of his life, Jay, said, I'll help you. I'll help you. Little to that person, no, I'd be his son.

And I'd help millions of people. And I'd be on Jay Shetty Show. And we both helped millions of people. And the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what qualified them to help my dad.

They at one time were a drug addict.

They at one time were lying and stealing and living in the shadows. The very thing that person probably figured, that disqualifies me from having a successful life was the one thing that did qualify them to help my dad. So if you're listening to this,

you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback. You're most qualified to help the people you used to be. And that person that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad.

Live those one more days forever. Ah, that is the best explanation I've heard of how pain tends into purpose. The thing that brought you down, that broke you down, that made you feel like you're losing everything.

That's right. Gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it. And then there's a purpose. And if you can survive the temporary pain in your life

and all pain is temporary. I watched my father pass away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our bodies are terming. Only our souls are permanent.

If you can survive the temporary on the other side of temporary pain, you need another version of yourself. Another inside about yourself.

“And that's why it's so important to grow as a person”

because the more we grow and become a new person, we can help those that used to be like us. And that's why you and I are so addicted to growing and learning and we're curious because if you used to be a broken person

and you no longer are quite as broken, you can help broken people. If used to be broke, eventually and you no longer are, you can help people.

Whatever you do for living, at one time you didn't know about it. And now you do, you can help those who need to know about it. And so you're immensely qualified

if you understand the power of doing one more. I love it. I love it. Tell me about so, let's say,

and you probably come up against this all the time. A lot of the people say, "Okay, I'm going to practice that. I'm with you, Ed. I love you and Jay.

I'm listening and I go, "Yes, I'm going to practice the power of one more." Now what I find and this is why you're also great at teaching this, because you're not teaching it as a gimmick,

a glitch, you're like a little affirmation. This is like real, it makes sense. Like it works.

People get so tied to the result that when they try it the next day

“and the sales meeting doesn't go their way.”

Or the pitch doesn't go their way. They go, "Ah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Why didn't it work and how should we respond when we fail or get rejected?"

Well, it didn't work, because you're so attached to the outcome. I coach a lot of athletes. I know you do as well. One of the things that's a really new,

one's thing in life. It's great to have goals. You should have goals. I want to do this or that. But in the moment of execution,

you have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist. I talk about this in the book. Here's what I would say.

If you're going to win long term, 95% of people have a operating system in their mind where they operate out of history and memory. And about 5% of humans operate out of vision and imagination.

So the reason we're so much happier I believe when we're children is we have no history in memory. So we operate in a imagination and dreams and vision. But it's some age.

Some people, it's five years old. Some it's eight. Some it's 18. Some it's 28. They create a history.

And that history then becomes the operating system. So even if they take on a new behavior or attack, they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory based. And so the number one thing I would say is

begin to operate out of your imagination again out of your vision again. Create from that place. If you create from that place, now you're not tied to the result in that moment.

You're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in your life.

I've never heard that in that language man.

That is so powerful. You're so right about his kids. We don't have any memory or history. So we don't have any blocks. We don't have any in it.

And begin to listen to the people around you. Say hey, you're the product of who you hang around. How do I know if they serve me or not? Here's the way that one way to just deduce this because they could be beautiful people who care about you

and they might even support you. But when you're with them, what are you? You're of those friends you're with them. You remember when you remember you remember. You remember that party.

Remember that thing. And if your friends are constantly bringing you to the filtration system of memory and a history all the time. Think this through.

How will often are those friends saying hey, what are you working on now? Where are you going? What's your vision? What do you want to create?

And maybe that sounds hokey. But you and I have some of our both our friends.

Have the most amazing histories.

And you can't get them to talk about them. You have the word because what are they still doing? They're talking about now and where they're going.

“Their viewpoint in their life is being present”

and having a vision for the future. A formula for misery. A formula for lack of creativity. Like a productivity. It's constantly being a history in memory.

Even if it's good, it doesn't serve us. And for most of us it's not good. And we keep living from it. Or trying to move away from it. Create a new future.

Don't move away from the past.

curious vibrant vision for your life. I love that.

Yeah, we're always trying to create the same path.

Yes. As opposed to a new future. I find that what's really interesting about that all the study showed that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it actually was.

“If you remember that party you went to a college,”

it's better in your memory than it actually was. If you actually could have gone back and remembered how you thought hung over and what you broke a bone or whatever happened. But now in your memory it's beautiful. Right?

So our memory also is slightly warped of the past. It can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes. No question. But what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's something you said a couple of moments ago and it sparked a thought for me.

I remember the story that Vanessa Brian told about Kobe Brian after he passed away. I was fortunate enough to interview him around three months before it. Before it is tragic passing. And she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury. He would play through every pain.

He would play through everything even when the doctors and his coaches would say stop playing. And she asked him she said once why he still plays. Right? Again going back to our curiosity. Not assuming you know your partner.

She asked him why do you still play? And this is just her and him. There's no camera as there's no. She's telling this story but at the time it was just them to. He said it's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today.

They saved up and this is the only time that ever going to be able to come. Maybe a dad's board is cared, maybe someone's come to the game. There were lifelong fans and they came today and today is the only day that they're going to get to see me. And if I say I'm injured, they won't get to see me. So I'm going to play in that person.

That one person gets to see me play and then he goes in wins. Yes. And it's like that's love. That's love. That's what you were saying.

Love for something is in the present moment. Love is not just for the past.

“And it's funny how important one day is, man, when my dad got sick, my dad got cancer.”

When he first got sick he goes, hey, my dad was a dude. He goes, look, I'll fight this one time. Okay, I'll do your little chemo and your surgery. But I'm not going to pour poison into my body. I'm not going to lose my hair.

I'm not going to deteriorate. I'll give this thing a shot once but doesn't work. That's about that late eight years of him fighting it. Chemo radiation, proton therapy, surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo. And he did lose his hair and he wasn't pain.

And I'd say to my dad, I say, dad, you're suffering so much. You said you wouldn't suffer. He said, no, Eddie, I'm in pain. But I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer.

And I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again. And I said, Dad, why are you doing this? And he said, you only understand the power of one day.

One day when you're threatened with never having another one.

I'll do anything for one more day. Get to be with you one more time. Give your mom a kiss one more time. Maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, I'll do anything for one more day.

The beautiful thing is I was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away. We were in the same gym, our daughters played volleyball. And ironically that day, I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. It was only a couple dads left. It was late at night.

He stayed at high state. And he had his youngest daughter and his arm. And he was rubbing his other daughters back. And I remember taking note of it. Because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym.

And I remember thinking, I don't hug Bella enough. I need to hug, I'm no joke bro. It's in the book. I went, I got a hug Bella one more time every day. Not just once a day, plus one more time every day.

My daughter's gonna get extra hugs because Kobe does that.

“What if I could have said that Kobe when he got in his car?”

Kobe. Have one more week, brother. Tell those to you, love you, love 'em. Get it right. Whoever matters to you, make it right.

Call your dad. Make it right. Call your mom. Call your family. What if the day before you could have said Kobe?

Have one day left. And my dad's the same thing. I was with my dad when he had one day left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left.

And then when we begin to think of our life that way, the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute is so beautiful.

It's so blessed, it's so big, it's so amazing.

Why would we spend that minute in history? Why would we spend that minute in the past when we could be fully present and creating a future? And so, you know, I think most people think Jay, everyone else is gonna die. Hey Jay, everyone else is gonna die. I'm not gonna die.

Or they go, I'll get around to be unhappy. I'll get around to making my master piece of my life. I'll get around to my dreams.

I'm gonna get around to feeling those emotions.

And then it's another day and another day. And they keep it in the distance until there are no more days. And I don't care if you're 18 years old listening to this, 28 or 48. We don't know if we have one more day or 100 more days or a thousand more days. But we know this, they'll eventually be a time where we don't have any more days.

And so why would we spend the ones that are coming looking at the past? And so, my dad really taught me those lessons and watching him pass away.

“And that's why I have a whole thing in there of how to get 21 days a week, run many days.”

I get 21 days a week. We still measure time, bro. Like it's 19. If I want to get you a note, I'd have to write a letter out. Stick it on the back of a horse's butt in 1850, 30 days later you get it.

That was a 24 hour day. Now I can text you in two seconds. We measure time the same way. So I teach you how to change your time so that you can make that day. It's maximum lists.

It's maximum productivity. What's one more that you're working on right now? Right now, I'm actually, it's an interesting season of my life. I have a TV show that I did with NBC that's called Change. That I think is as a chance of getting picked up.

But my one more that I'm working on right now for me and my life is my piece. And so there's this guy, Jay Shetty. That's a friend of mine that introduced me and my family to meditation. And I'm giving myself the gift. I don't just do it in the morning now.

I've given myself the gift of one more time every single day. I've just emptying my mind and trying to be fully present. And it's been worked for me. I've got that busy type of a mind. But I have found that my piece in my life. Most of us, Jay, have all these goals of things we want to do.

And they're wonderful. And I believe in doing that.

“I think standards are more important than goals because I teach you in this book.”

How to set the standards that don't get those goals. But we really don't want the jet. We don't want the hit song.

We don't want the amazing relationship.

We don't want the million dollars. We don't want the, we want how we think it'll make us feel. And what if we begin to become more intentional and out-comoriented about the things we feel in our life? And it took me a while. But now that I'm older, when I feel strong, when I feel blissful, when I feel peaceful,

is when I produce the physical things that I want. Not the other way around. And so my one, more or more emotional focus. Most of us, then I'll come up for air here, having emotional home. There's three or four or five emotions we experience on a regular basis.

I write about it in the book. And no matter what happens, we find a way. Even if they don't service to get those emotions. If your emotional home is fear, anxiety, worry, depression, anger, you find a way every week to get that emotion. But what if that emotional home could become bliss and peace and joy and creativity and ecstasy?

And so I'm working on one more beautiful emotion for my emotional home and for me, it's peace. I love that, I love that, I'm so mad. It's good to hear about what you've been saying. Like, we're not living in the past. And you're like, in the present, but to have you answer that question, that peace is your presence. Like, that's what you're looking for.

That's the present. And it shows that you're using this, like it works. You're doing it time and time again. And I love what you said. It moves from the physical things into the subtle, into the emotional, into the deeper, right?

I think that's so profound. Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for the moments that matter for the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken, the times you're deep in your flow and the absolute last thing you need is an auto update, throwing off your momentum.

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So, you know, we talk a lot on the show often about health and energy, vitality, strength, wellness. You know, when it comes down to more of it, anything I found out after about a thousand interviews. Food, like what you're putting in your body, you cannot out train a bad diet. What it really comes down to is what you're eating. And you know what, we all want to eat home cooked food.

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None of the bad stuff that you put in food. But the other thing that I like about them is, you know what? You can get seafood on there now for no upcharge. There's three times the amount of seafood on there. My favorite, by the way, is the rib eye.

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“What was that one more that if you didn't do it, you wouldn't be here today.”

What was, what was one of those ones that like, ah, like that was the one that convinced me, apart from obviously a father that you were like, ah, if I didn't do that, wouldn't be in my lead today, I wouldn't be max out right. But first, the first business I've been was a financial business, and I had had some success, Jay.

Like a lot of people do in life, and then it went backwards. And sometimes you get up to flagpull just a little bit and you come back down. That's an emotional difficulty. Could be a relationship that was good, that's gone, or maybe it saved some money. It's gone, maybe it lost a bunch of weight and got fit and you gained it back.

For me, it was my business, and I called my dad. It was a pretty wise guy now that he was sober. And because I could tell you, man, I do one more rep in the gym. I haven't done 10 reps on a bench press in 30 years. I've done 10 plus one more a lot.

I've done 45 minutes on a treadmill, but I've done 45 plus one more minute.

10 contacts a day, never, 10 plus one more.

But the biggest one more was actually something else. I called my dad and I said, hey, dad, ah, it's not going. It's the business's crashing. And I'm running out of money. Our power was turned off.

Our water was turned off, Jay. I had to take my wife every morning. We'd lost our house. We're living in an apartment now. Then the water got turned off. You can't cook. You can't bath.

There was a apartment building. We had an outdoor shower at the swimming pool. And I'd have to wear newlyweds. And I'd have to get up every morning walk down there. And I'd hold a towel up.

Well, my wife took her shower every day outdoors and brush your teeth. And then she'd switch and hold a towel up for me. And I'd walk back up to the apartment. And I was so amasculated, so ashamed, so embarrassed. And I was living a nightmare selling a dream to everybody.

Every day we can do this. A lot of entrepreneurs are people can relate in their life. And anyway, I called my dad that night. And I said, I think I need to pack it in. I need to go get a job.

And just, I'm this success thing is not for people like us.

And my dad goes, Eddie, you don't have to decide you're never going to quit.

He goes, just don't quit for one more day. See how he filled the world? I go with that. He goes, just don't do it for one more day. And I got the next day and I still wanted to quit, but not quite as much.

And then I went one more day and one more day. And I found myself about 30 days later. I didn't want to quit anymore. And thank God, the one more I did was I went one more day without quitting. And I'm so grateful I didn't quit on my dream.

Oh, Ed, wow, that is like, oh, my gosh, man. Like, just everything you're just dropping right now. I'm just like, I hope everyone is taking notes. If you haven't been taking notes, I want you to take a screenshot right now.

“Where we're at right now, because that's what you're going to have to listen to again.”

So take a screenshot, share it, tell everyone to go to this segment. Listen to that over again, because I think what I'm hearing is that this is a lifestyle. Like, this is a mindset, it's a lifestyle. It's every day, every moment, way to live. This isn't just in the big business you're building.

This is me telling my wife, I love her one more time. This is me making sure I message my mom one more time. It's me making sure that when I'm sitting here with you,

I'm always going to have to ask you one more question.

Because you keep giving so much. No, but you keep giving. Well, that's what you just said. It would never end. I think of people feel like they tried a lot.

And then they start building up resentment and like pain and bitterness towards that path. And a lot of people also that I know, they just think that there are some people that are meant to be. I agree with this.

And then there are some people that are not meant to be. It's correct. And they carry that with them. And it comes from this like, oh, yeah, you were meant to be this. So that person was meant to have it.

But for me, this is where, and I heard that kind of come up with what you were saying to your dad. Like, doesn't happen to people like us.

“How does this rule out as this principle apply to some reason?”

Rather best question ever. Because I grew up with no. We have alcoholic data, drug addict. Or maybe you come from the voicemail. Maybe parents just didn't love you enough.

Whatever it was. Didn't tell you they loved you enough. It's hard to have self confidence. There's a little guy. I got bullied in school.

And I just, and even at this age now, bro, I, if I'm being completely honest, self confidence, we all teach that it's, you know, part of keeping the promises you make to yourself. But if you raise the standard a little higher,

you keep the promises you make to yourself. Plus one more. Because for me, self confidence didn't come easy. I think in life, ultimately going to get what you believe you deserve. And if you're wound up wired like me,

I didn't think I deserved a lot. I didn't even have a dad who could stop drinking, right? I wasn't six foot four. I don't have an incredibly high IQ. There's nothing really that impressive about me.

Nor were people very impressed with me most of my life.

That was my history. That was my memory.

And so the only, I could wait around until I

developed tremendous self confidence, or I could begin to do things every day that were small. They're not major. And over time when I did those one more calls that one more meeting, that one more book I read, that one more podcast.

Not only am I doing more reps, so the likelihood of me being successful is bigger. But I started to convince myself, I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do. Maybe I deserve things other people aren't going to get. And slowly, but surely, I started to convince myself,

I did deserve it based on what I was doing, not necessarily the caliber of my talent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a difference. Yeah, you just, there's a thought I've been having recently,

and it's that comfort creates self care. But discomfort creates self respect. Oh, but I love it. It's what you're saying. I love it.

That the one more discomfort every day.

Yes. That's where self respect comes from. Yes. You don't, you don't, you don't start to trust yourself or build self esteem or believe in yourself

because you just say it to yourself. It's coming what you just said. You got it then take one more meeting and see what you learn. You got it then take one more risk, one more discomfort. And I guarantee you, if you have a successful or happy friend,

whichever, how you determine that, and you ask them this, they tell you that we're right. They would tell you. Gosh, that's right. It's right.

And the difference between winning and losing, happiness and sadness is so small. It's almost scary to talk about.

“But the good news is I think I kind of know what it is,”

and it's this one more. Absolutely. The people that I know that are the most successful and happy have more uncomfortable conversation. Agreed.

They're more uncomfortable days. They're more discomfort in their lives. Totally. But selected discomfort. But one of the other things that I'm asking from now,

I'm going into the people that I know that I'm thinking about and can see their faces. And I want them to know that I'm asking for them. A lot of the time, one more in the wrong direction. Can also be really misguiding.

Sometimes people, and I know you're a person of faith too. And so we can touch on this. Sometimes we're climbing the mountain and we keep doing one more. But we're actually going further away from who we are, who we want to be, our faith, our partners, right?

We know people who've built multi-billion dollar companies,

but lost their kids. That's right. Or they've become famous and rich, but they've, they're pawn to cheat on them. We know a lot of those stuff.

And you know people who didn't do all of that, that's happened to us. It's both ways.

“How does one use one more and make sure it's in the right direction?”

That's a great question. I'm doing this now regularly because I've made some of those mistakes. And what I do is I check in with myself one more time. Meaning it's important to ask yourself, "What matters to me now?"

See, if you leave this conversation 20 years ago, the things that matter to me then are so different than what matter to me now. But a lot of us keep operating out of what used. Maybe you've achieved or pursuing a dream.

And it's really, truly no longer your dream. It's no longer your dream. When I was young, listen, we're going to do a podcast. You say, "Hey, I need you on the show. People are going to love you.

You're going to get recognition. You're going to get all this acknowledgement." And that would've been my hot button. My need. You know, I believe in the six human needs.

My need was significance and recognition. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's wonderful. And so that's the button to get me to move would be significance recognition.

Well, I've been blessed the last 30 years or so of my life to have a beautiful abundance of significance and recognition. It's no longer what fills me. Now you get me to do an interview. Hey, I really think we could help some people.

My big button in my life now is contribution. There was another stage in my life. It's still there, but hey, if you go there, you'll grow. I still want to grow, but I know me now. Right now, I'm in a season of my life that's contribution.

It's giving. It's what fills my heart. And I think it's checking in with yourself. One more time. What matters to me now?

What do I want now? What's important to me now? What season?

“Maybe you're in a season where you need to rest.”

Maybe you're spirit and everything about you's telling you, hey, it's time to feed you again. It's time to recharge. If that's the season, then answer that call. Don't play out of a past playbook.

And so for me, that's the season I'm in now. And I'm sure that in five or eight more years, you know, there'll be something else. But I regularly, on a monthly basis, you recommend it in your book. So beautifully about your relationship. Checking in.

You have these strategies you teach about weekly and monthly. And quarterly and yearly with your partner of checking in with them. I also recommend you check in with yourself. What matters to you now.

So that I don't lose my family in the pursuit of my business.

Or lose me. Yeah, lose me. Who am I anymore? And I've had times where I'm like, This doesn't feel like me anymore.

Yeah. And I had at least the ability to at least acknowledge that and make a change. Yeah. And I love that you brought up seasons because I feel like no one on planet earth. We don't have the power to change the season.

But you have the power to live the season well. That's right. You can need to be in the right now. It's been raining right wherever we are. It's been like pouring down with rain.

This world's effort. You can carry an umbrella. Well, you can tell how I'm dressed. I'm definitely not dressed in my usual gear. Right.

Because I'm dressed for the rain. I'm prepared. Yes. Because that's what I can do. I can't make the rain switch off.

I can't stop it. Right. I can't do that. Yeah. And so I love hearing that you're just learning how to thrive in the season.

And so if your season's telling you to rest, you can't force the season. And you have to live it through. You have to experience. You do.

“I think you have to remember one thing, man.”

I think it's as easy as a person to forget this. And I just would love to say this because you're such an amazing reach. Very short. Intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far.

Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

You'll never miss an episode that way.

Welcome back to the show, everybody. So today I've got a really difficult question for you. Is your will to win for sale? You know, I really believe that of all the things that comes down to in life about winning and making our lives the master piece that we want them to be.

I really believe will has a lot to do with it. And the people that I've been around in my life, they have strong faith, obviously. But there's a part of them that has this will to win. This will to want to be somebody. That's extraordinary.

And for most people in life, I think when they take enough failure, enough setbacks, they will sell their will to win. You know, it's an interesting thing in life about winning. I just want to discuss this with you today.

“You know, you have to really decide right now and early on in the journey.”

But you can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success. And you can't be bought with enough failure. Most people at the end of the day quit on their dreams. Usually because there's just so much rejection and so much failure and so much let down.

You know, I would love to tell you that winning is pretty. And that making your dreams come true for your family is beautiful. But man, I got to tell you on the journey for me, there was so many setbacks. So many times I thought I had it going and then I didn't. I thought we were going to make it and then maybe we weren't.

So many people that I thought would be there at the end that weren't. There were people like you probably have had in your life that you really, really trusted that then let you down and hurt you. Dark nights, sleepless nights. So really difficult mornings with a lot of anxiety and trepidation.

You know, if you're going to win, you're going to carry the emotional burden of your business, of your family. And sometimes that burden emotionally just over time is so difficult to carry. That most people will surrender their will. You know, I really believe that winning has a lot to do with your will to win.

It's not always just, you know, having the right strategy or the right people in place,

although you can't win without them, but at some point it comes down to grit and desire and toughness and resiliency. And relentlessness. And I call all of those things will, but for most people with enough of it, enough setbacks and things, they'll just sell their families, dreams up the river. They'll call it something else, don't they?

Well, I didn't get along with somebody or there was this setback or the economy changed or this person screwed me over or whatever the story is that we come up with, all which could be valid. But at some point, basically what you're saying is all of that was too much. And so I've sold my family's dreams up the river. And I say it to you that harshly because I want when it comes for you for you to avoid it that strongly,

that I won't let you create a word game that makes you feel like it's okay to take an out, you know, take the door in the back there and get out of here and quit on your dream. That's not what you were born to do. That's not what it was designed for. Part of the game of this winning thing.

Part of the game of changing your family forever. Part of the game of changing how you feel about yourself is really difficult. And it's going to come with all of those things I described and more and shocking setbacks. Every couple, two or three years, going to be a day where you go, my gosh, right? Like that's going to happen.

And for most people at one point, that's enough. That's enough.

“And that's why so few people win because theirs is for sale.”

See, what I would recommend you do is negotiate the price tag in advance. See, I believe the price you will pay to make your dream come true. Your vision for your life come true. Is infinitely less than a price you will pay if you don't. The price you pay if you don't make your dream happen.

Your vision for your life is you live with that forever.

I'll pay any other prices on this legal ethical and moral because the price you will pay to make that dream come true is so worth it.

“And it is so much less than the price of living with losing forever.”

With the life you don't deserve, with the people that you don't want around you. With the all of your music still in you. So many people pass away with all their best music in them still. Because of the setbacks or the criticisms or the things that just didn't go their way or their fears holding them back. You know, price tags of life are interesting.

See, successful people negotiate worth whether something is worth it. Not what the price is or the expenses.

If you're focused on the expense, you're always in a really difficult place.

I'll give you an example. This is a metaphor, but it makes sense. When I had no money, right, which was most of my life. When I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted in the store. I would get what I thought I could afford.

And so what did I do? I flipped the price tags over. I didn't always just get what I wanted. What's the cost? What's the cost?

What's the cost? I'm sure you've done that as well. It's just really one of the real things in life. What's the cost? I wouldn't get the jacket in there.

I wanted to be based on what it cost. So that's a scarcity mindset, right? And so instead, when I became a wealthy person, I'm able to walk in that store and get the one that's worth it. What's the one worth it?

And in our lives, we're operating from a weak position. We're operating from a poverty mindset. We're constantly negotiating the price tag of life. What's it going to cost me? What's going to cost me?

And we focus so much on what it's costing us. The pain we're going through, the price we're paying. We're constantly focused on the price we're paying. That eventually, we just go, I can't do it. The cost is too great.

If you're focused on the cost, you'll eventually lose because the cost is so extraordinary. But if you switch that subtly and say, is it worth the price? Is it worth it? You focus more off the cost and onto its worth than you got it. And so let me ask you, what's your family worth?

What are your dreams worth? What's the pride of living a life that you've dreamed of worth to you? And once you focus on the worth, you'll probably pay any price. You'll go through any cost.

“But you have to negotiate, in my opinion, that price and advance.”

I think if you wait till you're in the middle of it, you're in big trouble. And so I would challenge you today to negotiate the price you're willing to pay in advance, whatever it is. And then the negotiation is over. So decide now what price you're willing to pay or not pay for your family. And just be honest about it.

There's certain place where I'm going to sell my family's dreams up the river. You know what? I'm just going to give up. And that's what most people do. Like I said, they call it something else.

They frame it differently. They create a story that makes them feel okay about it. By the way, the only reason I know this is I've done it myself on several different things. This guy screwed me over here. That one let me down.

Ah, you know, timing wasn't right. Right.

Whatever the bottom line is is that the price became too great for me.

Had I negotiated that price in advance? Maybe that would have never happened. So if you focus on what it's costing you all the time, which is what you're doing. And you know it's costing me this time. It's costing me this money.

It's costing me this experience. It's costing me this. It's costing me that. You're probably going to lose. But if you start to focus on, is it worth it?

Is the price I'm paying worth it? Then you got it. Why is that also matter? Negotiating the price is you're going through the battle in life. Takes all your energy and your focus. It isn't it constantly a drain on you.

Is it worth it? You're asking yourself this all the time. How do I know? It's what most people do that are trying to do something great. Is it worth it?

Is it worth it? Right? What's it costing me? What's it costing me? And you're constantly negotiating.

Takes all your energy. It takes all your focus.

And so the bottom line is it's better to just to decide today.

And I would ask you what your family worth. What are your dreams worth? What's your life worth? What price are you not willing to pay? Hopefully you don't want to do something illegal or unethical or immoral to do it.

But beyond that. What's the price you're willing to pay and get clear on it? And then just stop negotiating it. Stop doing that thing back and forth those mental gymnastics that you know exactly what I'm talking about. And just decide.

I'm going to win. I'm going to pursue this. Whatever comes my way of already negotiated in an advance. So although it might be shocking or really painful. I already negotiated that price.

I already negotiated it. One of the cool things for me like in my faith is I know the price has already been negotiated for me. Right? Like it's already been negotiated. I didn't have to do it.

Remember this. Change only happens when love is greater than your fear. When love is greater than your price you're paying.

“What I believe you have to do is you have to start to attach yourself to the love you have for other people.”

That love because you're such a good person is so much greater than the adversity will come your way. But what happens when adversity comes we detach from our love for our family, for ourselves, from the people that we want to help.

See, you show me anybody with a big old dream with enough reasons to win. And I will show you somebody who's going to win.

“I believe more of an anything in life having big giant compelling reasons why you want to win.”

The why is so much greater than the how or the what the why is and relentlessly focusing on that. When the why is big enough, you'll go through the how and you'll figure out the what. Right? But in in most cases in life, we don't attach those two things people say me all the time. I'm not even sure what will motivate me.

I can tell you. Do you want to know the two things that will motivate you in your life?

I'm going to give them to you right now. You always go I lack motivation. I lack inspiration. I can tell you what they are.

They're your dreams or other people. Those are the two great motivators in life. Usually most good people won't do very much stuff for themselves. They just won't. They're too giving. They want to change other people's lives. They love other people. They put other people first. Those are the people that ultimately win long term.

So the two things will motivate your dreams. What your vision is for your life and other people. Those you that have children. Are you really willing to quit on them? Are you? If you have parents that you love, are you really willing to quit on them?

“Or do you love them more than any adversity that will come your way?”

Could you negotiate the price and advance to listen? It's worth it because my mom is worth it. It's worth it because my children are worth it. It's worth it because my God is worth it. It's worth it because I'm worth it.

It's worth it because my dream is worth it. It's worth it because if I make this happen, I can change all these other people's lives and those lives are worth the price and pay. Once you have the thing and the reason, the love for what you want. Now you've got the negotiation handled because that is greater than the price.

But when this isn't focused on when the price is greater than the love when it's greater than the dream. It's difficult. So one of the examples of that that I've talked about before is Bella's wedding day. Number one key from Bella's wedding day story. From many years ago, 20 years ago.

Why matters most? You show me somebody with a big enough Y, a big enough reason. I will show you somebody who will solve for how to do it. For what to do, I will promise you that.

Why is the most important thing?

You give a father a story like not being there and the picture, the mental picture in my mind of some strange man that I've never met before. Have that first dance and walk and Bella down the island or wedding day. I'll do anything to make sure that doesn't have. I'll do anything to be there.

And I can tell you, I've done just about anything. In fact, my doctors that I'm with right now, part of that journey of staying healthy. Where I found both of them, a Gabrielle and Amy, is because I want to be there on that day and beyond. One of the reasons I'm willing to take this sort of down shift to some extent is,

yes, I'd love to help more people and yes, I'm going to contribute. And yes, we've got one of the number one podcasts the world. And I'm one of the top speakers and my businesses are growing and all that matters. And I want to help all kinds. I want to continue to help millions of people that I've been blessed to help.

But not more than I want to be there for Bella's wedding day. And so number one key is why matters most. And if you say, I don't know what my why is. I can tell you, let me give you a hack to find your why.

Your why will always be your dreams.

Whatever your dreams are or other people. Why is going to be distilled down always into dreams or other people. Doing something for other people that you love or proven people wrong. And what I will tell you under the why as that love is the biggest force in the world. My will to win is not for sale.

So that's why I get up and I work out.

“That's why I try to do the nutritional program.”

That's why I'm taking this break from social media and reducing my travel schedule. Because my dream is to be a Bella's wedding day. And my will to win is not for sale on that. I've got to be there. There's no negotiation for me. It's get up and work out.

It's make sure you take the right nutritional supplements. It's the doctors say slow down and take a break for a while. I do it. There's no negotiation because I belong in that dream. I belong there with Bella on her wedding day.

And I like to get to the heart of it, guys. Like I think the more we water down the reason, the easier it is to have the price take us out. Listen, as I've been doing this video or audio with you, thousands of people quit on their dreams.

Thousands of people quit on their vision. Every single day, thousands and thousands of people quit on something. And the reason they quit is the price got too great. And by the way, that's okay as long as you've already done the negotiation. But I have a feeling that if I ask you again really closely,

how much if your parents are still here, do you want to make them proud of you or take care of them? How about your children or your spouse? These people that you love the most, maybe it's none of them. Maybe you have a grandparents who that when you're a little boy or a little girl,

really believed in you, really saw greatness in you. And you want to honor them and make them proud of you. As they've gone to heaven, and they're looking down on you,

I won't let you not focus on that today. Because if I can get you focused on these people you love, or these great visions for your life, I think that that is greater than the price you'll pay. And so, I want to ask you that today one more time.

Are you willing to quit on them? Are you willing to give in?

“Really the only way you can lose in this life is to quit.”

Only way you can lose is to quit. Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't pivot, innovate, course correct. Those aren't those that's not quitting. That's the pursuit of something and saying, "Listen, what I'm doing isn't working. The definition of insanity is do the same thing over and over.

Going to expect a different result. I've got to innovate. I've got to pivot. I've got to get a different strategy. Clearly, I think you should be doing that. That's what my show is all about is about strategy and innovation and progress. But the truth of the matter is, most people aren't totally committed to their dreams.

They're not, they're going to stick their toe on it. I'll stick my toe on it. As long as it's not too painful, doesn't get too difficult, too uncomfortable. Take too much from me. Be too inconvenient. Then I'll pursue it.

But if it gets too inconvenient, too difficult, too uncomfortable. Ah, I'll give in. Let me give you a secret. People ask me all the time about the people that have been on my show. That are some of the greatest achievers in life.

What do they have in common? And I'm going to be candid with you.

Here's what they have in common.

They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. Most everybody, frankly, is pretty screwed up to some extent or another. And we're all just trying to get through this life and figure it out. What they also have in common is they didn't quit on their dreams.

And the reason they didn't quit on their dreams is their love of their dream. Their love of other people was greater than their fears for their inadequacies. But I can tell you that we all feel inadequate. We all don't feel prepared. We're all sort of faking it to some extent.

Aren't we in our lives?

“And I know that shocks most people, but I think it should give you hope.”

They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. But what I have figured out is that I'm willing to go into situations. I'm ill prepared for because I want to win for the people I love so much. I want to win for me. I want to win for God.

I want to do something great with my life. And so although I don't have it figured out completely, I don't have all the answers. And neither does anybody that's been on my show. Anybody you've seen on this show as my guests. Most of them don't have the vast majority of it figured out.

But they're better at pretending they do. And to the extent that they are good at stepping into spaces they aren't prepared for. But they can kind of pretend they're prepared for it. They got this belief in themselves that if I can get in the room, I will figure it out from there.

You know, if you had to know everything required to win in life,

the truth of the matter is you probably would never get started.

If Henry Ford started Ford Motor Company and said, I have to know everything for the next hundred years for this company. He would have never got started. I mean, who's supposed to repair these cars? There's nowhere to repair them because there's no dealerships yet.

There's no mechanics. What about all the stuff for the tires? You know, how are we going to fix these things? Where are they all going to get fuel from? What are we going to do when there's a mission standards?

These things didn't even exist. Then he couldn't think through every logical problem. He had to just get started. If Steve Jobs and Washington, when they started Apple, which was basically a board company, would have thought about, well, what would the internet comes?

What about this, the iPhone phone software? What about the Mac? What do they could never think about all of those things? Things evolve. You just get into the next room and you evolve.

You get into the next space and you evolve. So you don't have to know everything. By the way, no one you see that successful knows everything. But they do have this ability that when they get in the room, they're not negotiating the price anymore.

They're negotiating their way into the next room. They're negotiating their way to the next level. They're willing to take the heat and the adversity. And then the other thing is this, you got to resell yourself regularly on the dream. You know, once you have a dream, and you know what I'm talking about,

some of you are years into years, right? Maybe you just got to resell yourself on the dream. What it's going to mean when you get there? What it's going to look like? How amazing it's going to be?

Project into the future. Listen, an idle mind really, really is in pain. It's in jeopardy. But a mind who's saying, I'm fully focused in the present. But man, the future looks so bright.

The future's amazing. It's going to be incredible when we get there. Everything's going to be different. We're going to have great change.

Our family's never going to be the same.

We're going to get to go to this vacation and see this thing and help that many people and feel that emotion and have that memory. The truth of the matter is that your dreams and your life are not a hallucination. I believe they're a gift from God that is a glimpse into what's possible. It's like a possibility projection for your life.

It's when you look into the future. Dreaming is free. Yet most people don't take advantage of it or they did it once. But they haven't resold themselves the dream again. Maybe you need to go touch your dream.

Take a weekend somewhere where you get clear on. This is where we'd love to live or this is what we'd love to drive or this is how I'd love to serve in our church and just take a Wednesday and serve one day in your church and resell yourself.

“You know, most of life the truth is it's really selling yourself on things.”

You're selling yourself something right now.

of how big a trouble you could be and if this doesn't work out. It's a sales pitch you're doing on yourself. Aren't you? It's a story you're telling yourself. There's a narrative that you're starting to speak to yourself.

So is the other one. It's reselling yourself on the dream, on the story, on the narrative of where you're going and what it's going to look like.

“I just feel like in life a better life is to sell yourself on the future.”

Sell yourself on how great it's going to be when you get there. Learning to live fully present in the moment. Let me say something. When you're negotiating the price, you're not present. You've projected into the future more pain, more difficulty.

You're not in the present. So if you negotiated it already and you blocked that off and you're mine. I've already decided I'll pay that price. I've already negotiated that. That's already happened for me. Then and only then can you sell yourself on where you're going

and what it's going to like look like when you get there. And when I say resell yourself, I'm a big believer that you need to touch your dreams. And so I said this a minute ago, but I want you to understand it. You got to sell yourself on stuff. So like for example, like where I ended up living in my life,

I would take a little vacation there on a weekend for like one night. I'll never forget this. I wanted to live in Dana Point, Laguna Beach, California, that area. And so when I would have a win in my business, I would go to one night at the Ritz Carlton and Dana Point Laguna Beach.

Just one night there.

And I never had been anywhere like that in my entire life.

And I had the feeling of driving up to the valley and my not so great car at the time. But I remember just the feeling. It may sound hokey, but given the valley, my keys and Mr. Mylet, or are you staying here? Yes, your name. Mylet, great, you write mylet.

“I never forget the first time that I wrote mylet on the valley tag.”

And he gave it back to me. I saw my name, Ritz Carlton Laguna and a go or Laguna Beach. And then it said Mylet. And I remember putting that in my pocket. And I remember walking into the lobby and like the marble floor.

I was like, oh my gosh, this is incredible. And I'd watch how other people walked and talked that belonged there. Because I didn't feel like I belonged there. And then I checked into the hotel and I remember back in those days, I would go play golf just to be around successful people.

And you know, my wife would go get a massage and lay out at the pool. And then we'd have a nice dinner. And I would just touch that drink just for one night. Maybe every eight weeks, just one night. But what started to happen is I started after time over time going,

I belong here. I belong here. I became comfortable in that dream. And our mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. And then I remember the first speech I gave being super uncomfortable.

But I remember the more I did it, the more I felt like I belong here. I'm comfortable here. I moved towards what I was familiar with. And it's interesting. The other place that I would go take my many vacations

was to the desert to the palm springs looking to area of California. And I would go out to this one resort called the looking to resort. I couldn't afford to be there for more than one night. But I'd get a deal on the room. And I would just touch that drink for a night.

I remember, wow, these desert nights are so amazing.

And then we'd go out there maybe like three months later. But I would touch that dream three or four times a year. I would touch the other one. Do you know that later in life? For many, many years, those are the two places that I lived.

I lived in that area and I lived in the other one. And I really believe it's because I had touched that dream over and over again. Maybe your dream isn't anything like that. Maybe it's to be full time in the charity or full time in your church. Go take a day off and serve and just feel like it.

Maybe do that every three or four months if you can. And touch the dream because we move towards what we're most familiar with. And we get in life what we believe we deserve and where we believe we belong. And so long term, if you're doing this negotiation thing, you just don't believe you belong there.

And at some point there's going to be enough pain that's going to prove you right. You're going to go, I knew I didn't belong here. I knew this wasn't for me. I knew this was for other people. I knew I'm an imposter.

I knew I was faking it. What am I crazy? And I have to tell you, I have this happen all the time. Like I have something I'm doing right now.

“My life is a very major project. It's a property that I'm developing.”

And there's a lot of difficulty with it. And every time that difficulty comes up, I go, what am I doing? I'm crazy. That's not for me. That's for someone way, way, way more successful than me. And I have this thing where I want to surrender.

Right? I'm negotiating it. So I'm not perfect at this stuff. And so a lot of times when adversity strikes, it's like proving you right, the price is too great, the price is too great. I'm literally going through this right now with something.

And I have to remind myself, I'm re-selling myself on the future. I'm actually today tomorrow. I go visit that place just to resell myself on the dream of being there. Just to resell myself on the vision. Because it's so easy when you have a vision and a dream.

Right? And you have it. So you establish a plan and a goal. And then you start going through the stuff. And you feel like further and further away from the vision and the dream

and why you did it in the first place in the inspiration behind it.

So today's podcast, I literally designed for me. Right? It's the price. And my gosh, it's taking a toll on me physically. It's taking a toll on me emotionally. Right? Financially.

Yet it's my dream. It's my dream. And so I've got to come back and go, I love this dream. I love the experiences I'll have with my friends and family more than the price right now.

Stop negotiating the price. Ed, you already negotiated this price. You're love for these people in this place and the memories that will happen there are greater than your fears and your worries. And then I'm reselling myself by going back because our mind moves towards what we're most familiar with. So for most familiar with our fears and our worries and our concerns, we're going to move towards it.

It's like a magnet. Thoughts are magnets. They pull us towards what we're focused on. So it's very dangerous to focus on all the pain, all the price, all the cost, all the time. Because you're going to move towards more of it.

“But if you focus on how worth it it is, remember this cost versus worth.”

Right? Then you can say, my will to win is not for sale. I can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success. And it can't be bought with enough failure.

You know, many people are bought with success. They have a dream. They get a little bit of it. And then they're bought. Their wills gone.

They don't want to work like they used to work because they've got a little taste of success. They have a little taste of progress. Those people end up paying a greater price later when it goes backwards and they have to start all over again. So don't let success take your will to win and don't let failure take your will to win.

I think basically today, my message to you was, you got to decide right now what you're willing to pay for a price and not.

And once you've decided it, don't revisit it. Don't revisit it. Just make the decision that you're going to will this to happen. Get some prayer about it. Get some clarity about it.

Feel like you've got a conviction over it. You know, get your mind empty, meditate a little bit. Get clear. And then ask yourself, is this really my dream? And if it is start reselling yourself all the time on that dream that it's worth it that you belong there.

“I'm going to say something to you that I want you to never forget.”

You belong in your dreams. Your big, bold, God-sized dreams. Those aren't hallucinations. Those are visions of what's possible in your life. And I want to tell you, I believe you belong in those dreams.

You do not belong in your fears. You do not belong in the negotiation. You do not belong in your worries. You belong in your dreams. The big ones and the small ones. But I think, especially the big, God-sized dreams.

And most of those dreams are how you want to feel about yourself. The emotions you want to experience. The memories you want to have. I believe are the things that most matter to us. It's not the thing or the house or the this.

It's how we want to feel. And I believe you deserve to feel that way about you.

And never give in to a price that tells you you're not willing to do it.

Or worthy of having it in your life. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube. Or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes.

You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. People hear a lot of on podcasts and books about global setting. And one of the challenges when people set out to achieve their goals and their career and their relationships and their body.

And they're in their in their health and their bank account. They might feel overwhelmed. Right?

“And so why do so many people feel overwhelmed when they when they approach goal setting?”

Well, one, I don't think we get our goals long term. I think we get our standards. So I think we probably get 20, 25% of our goals statistically. That's probably bound to be true. But we always eventually get our standards.

Eventually you're going to get your standards. So if your standard is just to do the basic. You're going to get a basic life of your standards. You're going to get the one more. And I actually don't think you are overwhelmed.

I think that's a notion that you've created in your mind. Because what starts to happen is when our results begin to exceed our identity. We start to experience a bunch of emotions that don't serve us. The try to confuse is try to make us feel overwhelmed. Try to make us feel lack unprepared.

Not ready for something. And all that is is your identities like a thermostat setting. Sitting on the wall. I cover this in the book. And it sets the temperature of your life.

So if your success identity is set at 75 or happiness. And your results begin to exceed that identity. You get 80, 90, 100 degrees worth of results. You unconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life. And pull it back down to what you believe you're worth.

Well, how do you do that? You start feeling overwhelmed. You start creating chaos. You start thinking it's circumstantial. No, no, no.

You know, I was doing well financially. Then I'd to make this loan or the market change or the economy change. No, no. No, you turned the air conditioner on and you started to feel overwhelmed. Even though it didn't really exist because your results exceeded your identity.

So the key is raising that identity thermostat in our lives so that we never have those emotions.

I love that identity thermostat. Yes. And then that also implies that we take responsibility for where we are. That we are setting the where we are changing the environment. Right.

You know, for for something that is for us or something that could be the same, the same only.

Yeah, I feel like what it is is our filter. So the environment is set what it is. But we have this filter in our lives. This RAS is you know in the brain. I call it the matrix, which I know you know those guys.

So this is right up your alley. But I call it the matrix. And the matrix is where you can slow things down.

“And your your particular activating system in your brain is essentially the place that reveals to you what's most important to you in your life and filters out the things that aren't.”

You can be sane. So I just bought a Tesla. I like what monsters doing. I'm like, let's get a Tesla. So I get this Tesla player.

June within a day when I'm driving this thing. I'm seeing Tesla is everywhere on the freeway. They're everywhere. The white Tesla honey. A little red one.

Three lanes over going the other direction on the highway. I'm like, hey, black Tesla. Right. Here's the thing.

Those Tesla's were always in the environment.

What happens is they've been screened into my RAS. So I see them now. So what if theoretically? Our Tesla's of our lives become those relationships. Those decisions.

Those meetings that we have to have in order to change our life. In other words, we get programmed in RIS to see the things in the environment. They're always there. Here are the things that we're always there. But now have become important to us.

And that's like the law of attraction explained actually in the brain. If how you do it. So it's using the RIS. As primarily our brain is deleting everything. It's only lets things in.

It's the RIS. Let's and it's interesting. Our name when we hear our name. That's right. Because he has part of our identity and lets in threats.

Because that's part of survival opportunities for procreation. Because that's also passing on your genes. But yeah, the things that you value and the things that you're asking questions about. And you start seeing those Tesla's everywhere. So clearly then the standards are more important than the goals.

That was a great conversation.

“And if you want to hear the full interview.”

Be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Going back to earlier in your life. Your athletic career.

So we have that in common right at college sports in your athletic career. I can tell you looking.

You just jacked and instilled amazing shape.

But your career was cut short by an injury. Can you share more about what athletics meant to you. And then how you felt when it got cut short based on getting hurt. Yeah. Athletics for me was the only place man where I felt.

And I was, um, any confidence. When you raise with anxiety or, you know, dysfunction. Your family dysfunction could be. They didn't love you. Didn't tell you they loved you enough.

They didn't give you enough water. You know, the fighting divorce bankruptcy. You know, one version of child neglect is a parent not chasing their dream. It's a form of neglect.

“It's an insidious one that most people don't appreciate.”

But a parent not living their full potential. Installs that software on that child. That's a form of neglect if you're a parent. And so when my career ended it probably ended something that would have ended anyway. You know, quite frankly, it's a hidden blessing.

But the time it was devastating because it was my only dream. And it ended. And I was really lost for quite a long time sort of flailing away trying to find. Who I was because the mistake I made. This is true for a lot of executives listening to this, too.

I'd linked to my identity to what I did. My identity was what I did or what I accomplished or what I had. It's a very dangerous way to live because that stuff changes. And sometimes it goes away. And now I learned my identity is who I am.

As a man, the decisions I make the way I live my life. The way I treat other people.

And I'll never again allow.

I'm, you know, become pretty wealthy guy and got jets and houses and islands and all this stuff. But I'll never allow my identity be tied to things I do because that's fleeting. And I know many, many people have climbed the corporate ladder. They finally get that position. They finally get that influence.

They're like, well, I thought I'd feel differently. I thought it would be more. I thought it would be better. And that's because their identities tied to what they do. And that's a shallow way to live your life.

And that's something I had to learn in that moment when my identity disappeared, which was baseball. Now, if you fast forward and see that you've gained immense wealth. Like you said, the planes, the cars, the houses, the islands. You got the Richard Branson type stuff going on. But even I noticed, like you think, as you know, this is a podcast.

So you learn a lot in the first few seconds when you meet somebody prior to pressing record. And sometimes people flip a switch and kind of go into character once that you hit record. You have been the same guy from the second week started. And one thing I noticed too is an immense amount of humility, which I'm not going to lie. Like I was pleasantly surprised at because you could have easily not have that based on all of the other stuff that you've accomplished.

How do you think about that? I'm curious of humility in the role of not just fake humility, which we all have seen some. I'm talking to genuine real. Hey, man, it's good to get to know you have listened to your show. Like you can tell like this is real.

It's like, how does it not continue to go like this when you have this humility about you? Thank you, by the way, a great question.

It's one of the most important things in my life with people I want around me is humility.

Well, one, I'm a faith-based person.

“So I'm not, I don't think that everything that's happened in my life is just me that does not mean I've been busted my tail.”

But I know there's an element of blessing quite frankly, there's been a little luck, too, right? I've made my own luck, but there's a little bit of luck. The second thing is I know how fragile it is. It could go away. And so I don't really catch up too much in that stuff.

But the big thing is this, the people that I like the most, like I try to surround myself with, also have a ton of self-confidence, by the way. I think there's a nuance. I want people that nuance this line and it's not an easy way to live. I mean, it's difficult to find this balance, tremendous self-confidence with humility.

Because we all know really self-confidence people that don't have any humility. What happens? They're not curious. They don't grow. They usually finally flame out and make mistakes because they believe their own press clippings, right?

Then we also have friends that are really, really humble with no self-confidence. And you're dragging their butt through life all the time, right? Come on, man. We can do this. You're not the, it's not, you're not a victim.

So I try to have a lot of self-confidence with the degree of humility. And most of the people I surround myself with have that as well. I like curious people. I want to grow. What a ridiculous way to live to not be curious, to not want to learn.

Like, people, why don't even do your show. It's not a financial win for me, right? I love people. I love learning for people. I'm watching you, your level of preparation.

I'm like, all right.

“I gave him a little bit, how is he know about these index cards with my dad?”

Like, that's not a very public thing.

So I'm always trying to grow.

I get in an Uber. You can ask my wife. People's like, do you always have limo drivers? No, I take a lot of Uber's. Why?

I want to meet real people. Man, and automatically, every little tell you. If I have a server and a restaurant, tell me your story. What's your story? I got to drive me yesterday, really quick.

Guys from Lebanon, right? Driving. He's got a kid at Harvard, a kid at Yale, and a kid at Stanford. He's driving an Uber to put him through school. And I'm like, tell me about your family.

How did they get the well. Education's important. Tell me about Lebanon. I didn't want to get out of the car. It was like a 20-minute ride.

I'm like, can we? I'm like extending the drive. You know, I wanted to learn more about this man. What a fascinating man. You get a new who they ask, guys.

Probably the beginning. Three. Two kids at an Ivy League. And another one at Stanford. What a remarkable man.

And I'm like, tell me about your wife.

You must have an amazing wife.

Do you have these three kids? These lighten up about his wife. We met when we were 14. I said, oh, man. My wife and kindergarten.

We started dating when I was 14.

“That's the juice of life is to have humility.”

It's where you learn and you reach people. Dude, this energy is so contagious. [MUSIC] Simon, you're the best in the world. You're the worst in the world.

You're the worst in the world. You're the worst in the world. And then you're the worst in the world. Paul, no. I'm not like this.

Do you think it's all right? Yes, exactly. This is the story of a student, a job or a job. A student. Cras.

I don't think I'm like this. The story is a lie. Save. With this story.