Stop Wasting Time! THIS Is Why You're Not Successful Yet (And How to Finally Break Through)

All of my speeches have been private events, but now I'm teaming up with life search speaking all over the country.

“Life search is a one day faith based event where you'll walk in hungry for success, and you'll leave ready to build your resources to leave an impact on others.”

We're talking faith fueled finance, growing your resources, crushing obstacles, and then yeah, using it all for something way bigger than yourself. I'm joining life search in a few cities this year and I'd love to see you there. I'll be sharing the stage with legends such as two time football champion Tim Teebo. Star of Duck, Dynasty, Willie Robertson and leadership hero of my John Maxwell, Pastor and author Craig Groshell and worship with artists like Natalie Grant. Tickets are on sale at lifesearch.com and just for my listeners, you can use the code ED30 for 30% off a ticket.

There will be a link in the show notes. So click through and take some time to join us.

“Cities are being added all the time. So if you don't see one near you now, check back. I hope to see you there.”

So hey guys, I'm calling on all my friends here in the audience for a little bit of help. We're conducting an audience survey at gun dot FM slash my left and want to hear from you. So we can make things here even a better experience for you. A great content that you want. You know, we all know this. There's ads on our show. Right. So we want to improve the experience, but in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you. So my friends in the audience, we want to improve that experience. So please help us. The survey is quick easy and it's a free way to support the show.

If you'll take two minutes, you'll be helping us out so much by doing this. So go to gun dot FM slash my left to fill out our audience survey. That's gum dot FM slash my let M Y L E T T. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Well, the first thing I want to ask is and everybody can go online to learn more about your personal story and the masses success you've had and you know, I've been to a few of your homes and it's just incredible.

“That's why I'm really inspired by the life, but who did you have to become as a person to achieve this?”

Certainly not who I was. That's for sure. Well, I would say this. I said, well, I always grew up. I think I've always a brag about one thing.

I think I've always been a pretty kindhearted person. I've always loved and cared about people. So I think that part of me was foundationally a really good thing even before you started working with the boys. Yeah, even before I worked at the orphanage. I think I was a pretty decent human. But about everything else had to change. I had no self confidence. I didn't have a little picture of what success looked like even even is something is, you know, seemingly insignificant of like having a vision and a dream for what I wanted.

Like, I come from a really wonderful family. Everybody knows most people know my dad wasn't alcoholic and a drug addict when I was young. But my family is not material oriented. It's not even really achievement oriented. We didn't take vacations as a family or anything like that. My family is just about loving one another and being a good family member, being a good human being and being generous. So even remember when I got into like the business rope, you're like, what are your big dreams and goals? I'm like, I have no idea. And I would literally and it's not a bad thing. I would find someone got kind of modeled their life at first, you know, like I'll test run.

I'm ever one of my friends that fits. How does that feel? Like, what? What are my first heroes was a guy, Hector was his name and he lived on Balboa on the ocean and then he had a golf house out in the desert. I didn't golf. You know, but I like, well, that looks like a pretty good combo. It's like fun. Yeah, and then lo and behold, here's my life. That's an awesome ocean houses and I lends it all this other stuff. But really, I just modeled the dream. So everything from my ability to communicate to self confidence to even have an vision for what I wanted.

I was devoid about any of those things. One of the, I went out to my audience to ask them if you could have this conversation with what would you ask and lady Kelly Peterson who actually was at your event in December. October, November. The one with Pete Vargas and them. She asks, "Do you ever deal with imposter syndrome?" Yes. And how do you deal with it at this level? Yeah, I still do. I've had some situations where I was, you know, coaching somebody who's doing something really, really significant.

Maybe they've run like a big country or something like that. And I'm like, "Why in the world are they listening to me right now?" I've literally had those experiences. I had a, I won't say which one, but I had a, I feel okay about give you, I'll give everybody permission to feel it. One of the people that I had, I have worked with was a former president.

And he was telling me that his first week in office, he was, they were in a pretty stressful meeting.

And it dawned on him in that moment, "What in the world am I doing sitting here right now?" You know, this is Lincoln's been here, you know, Kennedy's been here, Reagan, whoever you admire, right? He goes, "It was just like an out-of-body experience because I literally sort of floated from it like I'm actually sitting here and I'm the actual president." So even somebody at that level had that experience and I have that happened sometimes. I remind myself, I had a great conversation, I was young, I just used this word about you with Wayne Dyer. He wrote a book called "The Power of Intention."

And I met him when he was writing the book. How did you know? I was running on the beach, I won an incentive trip in our financial company. The first trip I ever wanted to qualify, and it was in Maui.

I'd never been there before and I'm up, no one exercised back in those days.

I was one of the first ever like business athlete people. That was in a thing. Well, no one did it. I go to the gyms on trips, no one was there. And I read a book called "The Corporate Athlete" by a guy named Grapelle. And I'm like, "Okay, I'll be a corporate athlete, a business athlete."

So I'm up running early before the sun's up on the beach in Maui. This dude's running towards me, we both have Sony Walkmen's on.

“You know, like listen to cassettes, that's how long ago it was.”

This guy's bald, he's got like a hairy back, and he's getting closer and closer and closer. And I'm like, "I don't want to bump into this dude's sweat." You know? Yeah. And as he gets closer and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, it's Wayne Dyer!"

And he runs by me the other way. And I go, "I took my walkman and I go, "Dr. Dyer, you changed my life." And he has a deep voice like me. And I'll never forget he turns around and looks at me. He goes, "I doubt that. I bet you changed your life.

But how did I help you?" And he starts to walk towards me. And I spent 90 minutes sitting on the beach with Wayne Dyer watching the sun come up. And when we were done, we became friends. But when we were done, he goes, "And I think you're going to change the world."

To this day, I have no idea whether or not he said that to everybody. I don't know. But he made me believe it. And he goes, "And it's not 'cause of your big brain." And it's not 'cause you're a great communicator.

He goes, "It's because of your intentions." I can just tell you intent to really do great things and good for humans. And he goes, "Do me a favor."

“Never link your confidence to your abilities.”

Which is very foreign, because in baseball or... I mean, you take good good stuff.

You always be chasing your tail.

You'll never be good enough. He goes, "When you're under pressure, you're worried." And he goes, "I just want you to focus on your intentions." Get your confidence from your... You intend to make a difference.

You intend to serve. You intend to do right by people. Just right now, before we start it, I said, "I'm going to go over there really quick." You see that disappeared? Yeah.

I went over there. I said a little quick prayer. I reminded myself of my intentions to help people today. And I sit here pretty confident. Not in my ability, necessarily.

But in my intent to serve. That's all you can bring to the table as your intentions. So most of my life, my confidence has come from a trilogy. And in the power of one more, I call it a trilogy. But it's my faith.

My intentions. And then my ability to execute is third for me every single time. So my faith, I've got to God who loves me. That believes in me. That gives me great giftedness that put me here to make a difference.

And my intent is to do well. My intent is to contribute. My intent is to serve. I got a lot of confidence from that. And then my ability to execute third.

I got a lot of ability. But sometimes you'll find yourself in a circumstance that may exceed your capacity. May exceed your preparation. Right? What are you doing those moments?

What are you going to rely on then? Right? It's the highest level in sports when I coach athletes. It's all predicated on ability. Because everybody was the best player on their high school team.

They're all the best player on their college team. They're all the best. So at that level, the separators ability. No. The separators ability to find your best performance at any given time.

And for me, that's faith and intention. So when you unpack that, I'm just going to summarize it. Fair by listening. It's beautiful because the imposter syndrome may start to creep up. But you just have to go back to intention.

I may not be the president today. I may not be the billionaire. I may not be as skilled as the person I'm helping. But I can go back to the core of who I know. I am and why I'm showing up for this moment.

And that is undeniable. By the way, and it becomes very easy to escape it. Most things in your life that you have. One thing I told you today, I used this term with you today. We're working together.

I said you're so self-aware. You had said a thing about clinical clinical. Yeah. And I go, that's the exact.

“It's a better word than I was using to describe something that you need to work on.”

You're very, very self-aware. Same thing when there's a problem or a thought that doesn't serve you. Awareness makes it lose its power over you. So part of your brain when you're not in coherence. So under pressure, if we're going to get attacked.

Yeah, let's go. Okay. Under pressure, what I work with my athletes on is not lowering their heart rate. Although I think a lower heart rate is a better for performance and higher.

But the truth is that's not really what messes us up.

Your heart is just a different beat.

The variability quotient literally causes almost like a lobotomy for you. When your heart rate's racing like crazy, it's very difficult to think and perform clearly. So one of the things I'm constantly working on is just calming the variability, which is through breathing, which is through intention, which is through gratitude. And one of the powers is when I'm just aware I'm doing it.

The thought loses its power over me, the anxiety loses its power over me. Once I'm aware of something, it's powers reduced. And then I can use the techniques I have to reduce my heart rate variability. So what I perform at a high level, so awareness is a really huge thing for me, just what I know I'm doing it. So if anybody's having that imposter syndrome, kick in just be aware of it, get separate from it, see it, go back to intention.

And control your breathing and control your breathing. What are the main things I work with with my athletes on is breathing and it's rhythmic breathing. That's a conversation for another day. But when you can control your breathing, rhythmic breathing in and out. So it's true.

It's rhythmic breathing and you actually breathe from your heart because the electrical power in your heart is about 50 times greater than your brain. What begins to happen if you do that for about a minute breathing from your heart. Heart is so important because it's where all the electrical power comes in our body. I love intelligence in the heart. What's that intelligence in the intelligence, all of it is centered there.

So given example, your heart is setting messages to your brain. So when you hear guys use the word coherence. Oh, coherence really means is lower heart rate variability and there's a coherence between your brain and your heart work in together. I don't know we're going to go this deep, but it's one of the things I work on for performance with people. So one of the very basic things is just to do very rhythmic breathing.

That begins to get that under control.

“It's why like when we say, I love you with all my heart, right?”

When we hold a child to us, we don't hold them next to our knee or our shoulder. We hold them next to our heart to chest. So when you're in these situations, really faith and intention is from the heart. So then I'll control my breathing from my chest, from my heart. And that combination mixed in with a little bit of gratitude for the moment.

I told that president, I said, that comes up again. Control your breathing. Focus on your intentions. Focus on your faith. And then this may sound silly because everyone in personal involvement throws around gratitude.

Your gratitude is just a kicker. Gratitude is the kicker. To an amplifier. Yeah, and I just go, I'm grateful to be in this moment. I'm grateful for this challenge.

It's not the main thing. You can go, I'm grateful. You're like, I'm grateful. It's three and two, two. I'm not grateful.

You're terrified. But if you can have the other things in place, gratitude is like the kicker to come from your heart. So it's just all little stuff that I do. But it's huge when I'm coaching athletes or peak performers or anybody in life. We've got my son in his golf game.

My daughter before she takes a big test at Clemson. I'm like, let's get centered. We've got God's got our back. Our intentions is going to do our best. We've done all of our preparation.

Let's do our rhythmic breathing from our heart and our chest. Let's be grateful for the opportunity we're here. And we have the money to be able to afford to go to this school. This amazing moment. Now let's execute and kick some ass.

It's fun for me because you've taught me so many things that I'm allowing. God to kind of push me in directions. And he wants me to ask you about faith.

“But also the energy because there's a lot of people say, I'm not religious, but I believe in energy.”

And one of the things that I've loved about your message is that you have a faith, but you also believe in the quantum. Like, it sounds for a lot of people. It doesn't make sense. How are they the same thing? If you had to unpack that for somebody or share your own story of like, where did that?

It sounded like, you know, the, you know, God was always part of your life.

But maybe the other side came in or did it come at the same time. That's interesting question. I don't know what came first. Probably my faith came first. But so I wrote about that in the book.

I was happy. The chapter on faith in the book took me as long to write as the rest of the rest. Because I was so concerned about, you know, if I was too faith based, I was being disrespectful to people of other faiths that I admire people of faith in general. And then if I went to science, the faith people wouldn't like it. You know what, I'm just going to write what I actually believe.

And that's just going to have to stand on its own. This is who I am. This is what I think. And so I'm a Christian. And so in my case, I have a Savior, which is Jesus Christ.

That's the foundation of my life. It's the creator of the universe is God.

“Having said that, though, I believe that there's a quantum field where there's energy and vibration.”

I just think it was came from a creator. So the notion that there is an energy to me is actually just, it's almost impossible for someone to believe. You feel energy right now. There's a vibrational frequency. When you have a thought that you repeated vibrates at a higher and higher frequency and up drawing it into your world.

So the idea that you don't sense energy, one thing I'm very intentional about is, I know I'm always making people feel something.

You're always making people feel something.

So go back to intention. I'm just slightly more intentional about what you're going to feel and experience when you're in my presence. That's vibrational frequency. So truth vibrates at the highest frequency. So the highest vibrational frequency is actually your own truth and your own faith.

They're correlated. The Holy Spirit to me is an energy as a sense as a vibrational frequency. And so they're correlated for me. They're not the same thing. They're correlated.

If you said I get to have one of the other, I will take my faith 100% of the time. But to understand that there's this field where I can have a knowing and a zone I'm in and a vibration. I'm in a vibrational frequency and a depth of wisdom and dimension to me that I don't have without it. It's silly to me. And so I'm a big energy guy.

I make business deals based on energy confirmed by prayer. When I give a speech. When I give a speech, it's all about the energy that I'm putting out. Confirm by the prayer and the blessing. And hopefully the Holy Spirit gives me the words to you.

So these two things together are awesome stuff. They're not mutually exclusive.

“No, and I think sometimes people that are really devout in their faith are like, well, is that a you-centered thing or a God-centered thing?”

It's always a God-centered thing for me.

But that's like saying that there's an ocean right here. We're looking at right now. That's beautiful. Is it not? And it's making this noise by.

Do you not feel an energy when you're closer to the water? Think about that every time. Yeah, most people will tell you. I don't know what happens when I'm getting around the water or the energy. I feel more at peace.

That's because there's an energy coming from it. Now, who created that ocean? You're up to your own conclusions. For me, there's a all-knowing God in heaven that created that ocean that I feel and energy in a peace from. So that's maybe the best description you can ever have in the real world is.

When I look at that ocean, most things are going to go, thank you, God. It's so beautiful, so majestic. But there's an energy. Ask anybody who serves. There's an energy.

“The clock right now, we feel the energy of the ocean now.”

And if we leave my house right now, because it's about 100 yards away, the closer we get to that water, the more we feel the vibrational. 100% of the energy from it. By the way, I want this clip because that was really good right now. Really good clip. That's for social.

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But you brought up something that you do so beautifully at is you talked about your intention

And one of several things you've taught me that this is how to huge impact on my life. But we'll on many generations was, I don't want to get emotional about it. The skill of telling my boys about them. You tell people about, you know, and I literally started that practice a while ago. And if we call them right now, they be like, "I don't want to hear it."

I don't want to hear it. As let me tell you about you, and I'll take them separate. And they say they don't want to, but then they go, "All right." They do. Yeah.

And like, can you unpack that for people?

“Because I think for me, the business stuff's awesome.”

But wow, your ability to, because I had my life shifted when a guy named Brian showed up as a teenager and just saw something to me that I didn't see in myself. Well, especially with Europe bringing that's a big, big deal. It was everything. And it's just available to every person to do that.

Yeah. Could you talk about that? Yeah. I'm writing a book right now called Let Me Tell You About You. Are you really?

I'm writing a, I'm going to leave something out of it.

But for the book, however, if you think back in your life, and I said to you for a second,

I want you to think about the person who believed in you the most, or made you feel the most special when you're a little boy or a little girl. Hopefully there's somebody. Some people there isn't. But for most of us, there's that grandparent or a mom or a dad or a coach or a teacher.

They made you feel, all your life when you're a little boy or a little girl. There is this little voice telling you, I was born to do something great. I was supposed to do something great with my life. And then from the minute we get out into the world, that noise, that whisper, starts getting more and more faint.

For most people by the time they're a teenager or 20 years old, they forgot. They don't hear it anymore. And every once in a while when you were a kid, maybe there was one person. They would whisper it back to you. There you go.

You're amazing. You're special. I love you. You're so fast. You're so strong.

You're so funny. You're so handsome. And if I asked you right now, anybody listening to this, you're watching it. Who is that person for you? Are they passed away?

Or are they still here? Close your eyes and picture the precious face of that person. For me, it'll be my grandfather, my papa. For most people, if I made you do it well, you'd probably start crying. You'd probably start to get emotional.

And if you're lucky in your life, there are three or four of those people in your life. Maybe one. And you know what, they hold a special place in your heart that no one else holds. Maybe it's your spouse right now, which would be beautiful if that was the case.

“And so, because that's true, I realized in my life, what if I could be that person for hundreds of people?”

And all they did was tell you the truth about you. They didn't lie or exaggerate. They told you about you. So it's wonderful to go. You're amazing, honey.

That's kind of hollow, but if you say you're amazing, honey, because, and then you link that to a natural gift or talent that that person kind of intuitively knows they have.

Who you got it? Let me show you how it works. Wayne Dyer. I'm sitting on the beach. Ed, you're going to change the world.

Basically, you're going to do something great with your life. He barely knew me, and he said, let me tell you why. It's not because you're that smart, even though you're smart. It's not your voice. It's that heart of yours that you're in tensions.

That's one of the few things with my lack of confidence. I believe to be true about me. I am a kind person. I opened up, I sang it to you as a matter of fact. Did he before I told you the Wayne Dyer?

You just do it so naturally now. So, like, man, he said something true about me, and then linked it to me being either happy or successful.

“And so, in our lives, if we will study somebody, every human being I believe is born or develops.”

One or two or three, really special talents are gifts. It could be their kindness, their physical beauty, their intellect, their humor, their nurturing skills, problem-solving ability, their clinical abilities, right? They're writing abilities, they're speaking abilities, they're touch, whatever it might be. And they kind of know they have these one or two things about them.

And so, when you go, I see this in you, and this is why you're going to be happy or successful. That's what great business leaders do. You know, Collins calls it putting people in the right seats on the bus. It's way more than that.

It's saying you're amazing at writing code.

And because you're so amazing at it, you're going to do something great here. I am amazing at writing it. The linking part that I think people-- It's the linking. It's the linking.

It's what I'm taking away. And I've seen you do this, and it's inspiring me in a big way. It has to be unique to them that they know you're paying attention. Right? And you got to link it to their desire that they know inherently is in their heart that they could accomplish. When you're little boy or little girl, you and I had different upbringing and most people.

You watch a little kid if they're with their mom or dad. Daddy watch, daddy watch, mama watch. You ever seen a child do that? My kids do that. They do what?

They do anything. Daddy watch. Yeah. What they're saying is, see me, see me. I don't want to be invisible.

“See me, see me, and human beings, most of us at some age, it's just...”

We're invisible. And even our friends-- Hey, bro, hey, bro, hey, bro, hey, bro. There's no depth. There's no dimension to it.

There's nothing beneath the surface. Instead of saying, man, you're a mate. I told my good friend we were talking about Richard Kabezi. Yeah, buddy, I was with him yesterday. And we were in a little group and I said, and I did it for him in front of me.

So let me tell you about him. And I said, "This dude and Bob, Bob, I'll give you that story." This is garlic. My dog crapped all over a room the other night. One of my two palm readings.

I mean, just destroyed this room. And it was super late at night. It was like two, three in the morning. And this may seem super silly, but my wife and I went, "We'll get it in the morning."

It was like in a back room in our house. We'll get it in the morning. So we go to sleep. I wake up to go in there and it's done. It's gone.

He's staying in my guest house.

“Anyway, he got up in the middle of the night and spent two hours”

and cleaned up this entire room of my... He's just the most thoughtful... People asked me, "Why are you, friend?" He's so thoughtful. He's so kind. He wants to...

And so we're in a group that next day. And I got let me just tell you about this dude. Because he's so funny. He's so funny. I'm like, "Hey, let me tell you about him." There's more. He's so kind, man.

He's so generous. He's so giving. And he got a whole watery, right? Because that's the truth about him. The surface thing is these funny. The beautiful thing about him was this other thing.

And we're super close because maybe 500 times I've told him about him and linked it to something that he's doing. And so I just feel like that's one of the things in my life. I've been really, really... Of like maybe a very few handful of things I'm good at doing.

It's seeing someone's giftedness. Seeing someone's talent. Seeing someone's truth. And man, they feel like the light is really on them when you do that. The surface compliments of your awesome.

You're amazing. You're incredible.

That means nothing. That means... Especially if you can be used for anybody. Right. It's almost like if the sentence could be said to another person

and it land. It's not specific enough if you... If you picture it, everybody's got a flashing sign on their forehead that you said, "Make me feel special. Make me feel amazing." Tell me something unique about me to me.

You just picture it out. It's literally what's flashing. You just did it. We're just talking about it. You just did this.

He sits down and a meat, a meaty or like... Let me tell you, he's the best in the world of this. Right? And by the way, it's true. So it resonates.

So the people that you do that with, you'll be connected to them in a way that maybe a handful of human beings in their entire life are. Very short in our mission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.

Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Alright, welcome back to the show everybody. So as you know, every single month, we get to spend time with the great Brennan Rouge Shard.

And today is that day of the month for all of you. And it's one of the most downloaded episodes we do all year or the monthly episodes with this man. And this week, I'm so excited. By the way, he is the founder of the greatest personal development app of all time.

Called Growth Day. If you go to growthday.com/ed,

“you can get all the information you need to change your life right there and do it affordably.”

And today, you can just spend some time with both of us for free, which is awesome. And so today, we're going to talk about, by the way, welcome to the show.

First of all, my brother.

It's great to have you back. As you spend time with us here every month. I'm more and more grateful every time we do it. It's an honor and man, this time of year to be together. It's so inspiring.

Fire is me up. So thank you. Yeah, we were just talking off camera about sincerely. How fired up we are about the world about life about this being a time and history that could end up being one of the greatest times of all time to change your life.

And what we're going to talk about today is a couple habits and thoughts that can help you do that. So today is all about self-confidence and accountability. And Brennan's written the book, you know, high performance habits. And so he's done studies and data and has numerical evidence to kind of back some of the things we're going to talk about today. But if you want to know more about self-confidence, you want to know more about accountability.

Here we go. Here's when the next 35 minutes with the two of us kind of rifting back and forth on this topic. So let me start with you because you study this really, really deeply. I want to talk about the accountability part first because of the part you and I were actually talking about off camera. Talk about the concept. Why do you think it's so important? And why does so many people avoid wanting to be held accountable?

Hmm, I love that. Man, I've really struggled with that. Coaching people for 20 years.

Because, you know, as coaches, you and I both help find somebody's breakthrough.

They're fired up. They feel champion mode. They're excited.

And then next Monday, they don't change.

“And they don't change again. And they don't change again. And they don't change again. You're like, what is going on?”

And what I discovered, which is so almost counterintuitive, is that people suck at making commitments or setting goals or making big decisions. Because to do so, requires and invites judgment. Wow, judgment. People hate judgment. If you had an expectation and you didn't do it when you were a kid, your parents got mad at you. If you were at school and you didn't do what you're supposed to do, the teacher got mad at you.

When you feel like you're failing and somebody knows about it, it feels like they're judging you that feels embarrassing. To judge oneself is terrifying to most people. Because you put your butt on my mind, you say you're going to do it. You say you're going to be accountable. It's hard to say you're going to be accountable. Most people won't even say their real commitments. They won't make bold decisions. Because it invites so much self-jection.

What if I find out, I really wasn't ready. What if I find out, I wasn't willing. What if I find out, I'm not capable? What if I find out, I'm not good enough? What if I find out by setting this goal, going after this thing, acting competent? When I go to hold myself accountable, I end up judging myself as inferior. So, if that's a risk, why even take it? I don't want to feel bad about myself.

Ed, do you want to feel bad about yourself? Well, you know, of course not. You don't. I think that all things that seem to be working in people's lives, though, there's some form of a kind of like, you and I were talking about my friend Andy for Stella and he's created the 75 hard program. And one of the things that comes with that is hyper-accountability. Every single day, there's things you've got to do. But every single day, you've got to post a pick online. You've got to post every day you're accountable, not just to yourself,

but to the public at large, whether that's two people who follow you or 50 million people who follow you,

you're accountable. And I think that accountability for a lot of people, it's like a clock on a ring in the back of their mind. Man, I got to get this thing done because I've got to report. And you said something that surprised me. When I think of accountability, I think of someone else holding me accountable. Almost me submitting to, I guess you'd call it their judgment or their assessment. So do you think that is a different, when someone, I recommend, when you make a goal, express it to somebody that holds you accountable,

that you've got to say, hey, I did it or I didn't do it. Do you not agree with that? And is that why you said holding yourself accountable?

“Or do you think self accountability is the most important?”

But it should be backed up and supported by accountability to another person.

Yeah, I think accountability is the most important thing for success, because we have to stick to our personal commitments and our commitments about people.

And what I'm trying to get to is the reason, I think everybody listening to you and I right now, they know accountability is important in their life. But they don't know why they don't hold themselves accountable. Got it. The reason people don't hold themselves accountable is because they'll be self judgment, but if I don't, measure up to what I wanted, and there's social judgment. What if other people, who I said I was going to do this thing to, and I don't follow up, what are they going to think of me?

So I do think there's both sides. There's self accountability, often just called personal accountability, and that is holding yourself accountable to it, standard that you've said. And then there's the accountability to other people, I promised you this, I said I was going to do it, and now I have that social or peer pressure.

“They're both really important, but I'm here to tell people, if you don't set up accountability in your life, and if you find yourself over and over, why am I not being accountable to the standards?”

Or the goals, or the discipline, or the habits I said I was going to do, I promise, if you dig there, I promise you, you will find that you don't like how that judgment feels by other people or by yourself. And what you need to do is go, oh, I'm probably harsh on myself. And I've found myself so many times I've developed a pattern of not liking myself when I try to do hard things, because I judge myself so unfairly, so impossibly, so perfectly. And if instead of self harsh judgment, I could give myself grace and adopt the learning mindset.

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So, I have this discipline, I have this goal, I have this dream, I'm going to keep myself accountable, and I'm going to check in on myself, I'm going to get that daily streak as your reference with, you know, like something like art or growth day, these daily streak activities. If I don't do that streak, or if I don't do that habit, instead of punishing myself, judging myself, or letting other people be mean to me, or feel like they're being mean, I'm just going to go, I didn't make it that time. What's the next right action integrity to get back velocity, to get back momentum? Get curious instead of mad at yourself. If you're a person don't, that you just don't hold yourself accountable, you probably get mad at yourself too often, and being mad at yourself doesn't feel good.

Give yourself grace and curiosity and get a little momentum towards it, momentum feels good, and that's a switch mentally for people. We ought to get you mentally feeling good about accountability versus being mad at yourself all the time. If you're mad at yourself all the time, no wonder you're not fulfilling commitments, it feels too bad.

“That was a great conversation, and if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.”

Welcome back to the show, everybody. Well, I wish this was in person, but it'll still be fire today. I'm with there is no better motivational speaker of all time. That's what you all know him for, but I got to know him a little better, and I'm going to tell you one thing about him. I don't know a better man. I wish I was around him more, so I could tell you more stories. But I will tell you this, when my book came out, very few people step forward, say, "Hey brother, how can I help you?" And this man stepped forward in a way, like nobody else did, and helped me in ways that I will never forget to the day I die, his support for me and my family.

And as great of a communicator as he is, I admire him. I look up to him as a husband, as a father, as a friend, and as an entrepreneur as well, but particularly as a man of faith and as a husband and a father. I know no better man than him, and I could give somebody no bigger compliment, man, demand than I'm giving him right now. So, E.T. Eric Thomas, welcome back to the show. I love you and it's great to have you here. What's up, man? I love you as well. And yeah, it's a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people in the business world. But when you run across a couple of people, man, who share the same values that you share, you know, trying to leave their mark on the world.

“You know, and so, yeah, likewise, man, just coming to the house the first time I remember my wife still talks about it and look at it, look on the beach. He's like, hey, before we die, you need to give me a house on a beachfront house.”

I was like, okay, I'll try, I know, but you could do it. You know, just, you know, just, you know, where your family was, man, and thank you love and support.

I've been rich and they're opportunities I've had in business things that I've done, you know, because of this relationship, man, and I'm grateful for you know what I love the most. It's, while it's public, you know, it's private, you know, it's not one of those things where you have to walk around and be like, boom, boom, boom, you know, so I'm just grateful for you, man, publicly and, you know, privately, bro. Thank you, brother. I've been around lots of highly successful people and you are one and one of the things that I think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort.

Meaning like, I don't know, I, I think if someone spent the last five years with me in business and they, I'm not trying to brag, but like if they thought they worked hard. There's, there's levels to this game or like in the speaking game, you and I talk when the, the stuff hit the last couple years, there's just levels to the work ethic and the grind, the things you got to do. You look at a Steph Curry and basketball. Oh, he's such a gifted shooter. Actually, he's not actually, it's the grind.

Actually, Tiger and Jack, Nicholas, the amount of golf balls they hit. Actually, Judge and Otani and baseball, you have no idea the amount of work. And even in coaching, you and I've been around all these great college football coaches. One of the hardest jobs in the world, there's a level that we're saved and played at.

So talk, I think most people are like it about and you talk with us a lot.

Maybe the 50, 60% of their capacity are effort. And that is not going to get it done. No matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you. There's a level to this thing and you've been close to it and you are at it. Talk about that for a minute.

Look, I want to say this to everybody is listening.

“Here's what I think would be the easier thing to do.”

Just lower your expectations. I'm just being real. Like, you know, when I was with Anne, he was doing the book launch. I'm just being real. I did the book launch.

It would probably 70% on that level. In terms of, I wasn't just in the rough. Don't get it twisted. I'm not a good guy. Okay.

I'm God makes me a better man. I was in the room learning. I wouldn't, I promise you, I wasn't just in there talking. Listen to me. I don't even know if it knows this.

After before I did my thing and after I did my thing. I was all the way in the back sitting down. I did nothing. I was all the way to the back of the room. We're not being in the back.

I didn't know that. Like, studying. Like, yo, eat. Bruh. This is being real.

You're not on this level. Like, you're not, you're not on this level in terms of like maximizing. You know, you're network. Like, you're not, you're not on that. The space that we were in.

Listen to me.

“I don't know if I told you this, but your, your guy.”

He ended up helping me. Um. About what? What would you call it? Like renovate the church and put beautiful sign on it.

You don't even live here. I didn't live here. He, he, he, he helped me. He made some phone calls. He called and he's like, eh, if I gotta leave Charlotte and come down there.

I got you, but I, I'm gonna try to find somebody. This is what I'm talking about. Y'all like. So I was in the building. Learning.

Seeing who it was connecting with. Then connecting with them afterwards. Look. So here's my deal. When I was in the room.

I had to say to myself, eat. If you want some of this stuff, it got. Eat. You're going to have to, got to raise your game some. So you got an option.

You could even go, hey, me being in the room with Ed and watching what Ed was doing. This, this is strictly for a recreational purposes. You feel me? Yeah. This recreational purpose, bro.

Go ahead and get out of here. Or AE. You, you got showed it to you. He showed it to you. He showed you a level.

Are you ready? And so for me, it was like absolutely. I'm ready. So I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations.

“Because you don't have to do everything.”

You see other people do. You don't have to do it. You can just go. Man, it's like going through a basketball game. You're not trying to suit up and do what curry does.

But when you look at it, you kind of think it. Oh, he human like, I'm human. So I can watch yourself. Okay. Watch yourself.

You might not want to put them sneaks on. You might not want to get in that gym. And when I saw Ed doing, I went back. I was like, okay. Number one, you got to get more organized.

So like you got passion. You got energy. But what you saw, Ed, you saw a system. You saw structure. You saw people over here.

And people over here. And people doing it. And people in the back. And when you get in, people in the parking. So it's like, Ed, when you get to the crib from a speaking standpoint, you definitely

given 1,000 percent. But from a structural standpoint, you're not given 1,000 percent. Then I look at the packages in the deep. And I was like, Ed, you don't got. So you all might have saw.

If you watched it, it was a group in here. Then it was a group out there. And then the level of men that was on stage. Who are also dominant in their particular area. For I was with people who I've only seen in a pocket.

I only see these dudes on social media.

I never been in a room with them.

I was in a room with them. And so yes, you know, I had to come home. Not necessarily get up earlier. Not necessarily grind physically harder. But I had to take my Mitchell game to another level.

I had to take my systems game to another level. I had to. This is a grind that you probably don't know. I had to remove people, which hurts to bring in a different group of people to take me where I wanted to go. Because I realized a group that was with me for not going to group a human.

For not going to group a people. They probably would get to heaven before I get there. But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So the answer point, I personally went home and did it.

It was the first time I got to go home. It was the first time I got to go home. But it was the first time I got to go home. It was the first time I got to go home. It was the first time I got to go home.

It was the first time I got to go home. It was the first time I got to go home. It was the first time I got to go home.

It was the first time I got to go home.

It was the first time I got to go home. And your new grind is system. I don't know what your grind is.

I had to go to conferences.

I had to shift what I was watching online. I had to shift who I was following. Great humans. Great people. They were only going to help me sustain this energy.

They weren't going to help me with destruction. Here's what I realized. E, nobody's better than you. But there are some people who's got better systems than you.

“And so if you want to see growth, you've got to start grinding on the systems level.”

So I don't want you to get what it said. And you miss it. You like, oh, I got to get it earlier. I got to grind. Maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished.

But you get this done. You do have to make some adjustments. And that's what the grind looked like. And that's what the hustle of the life. And can I say this?

I don't even know what I've ever said this before. But sometimes, I don't know if you've experienced this. Sometimes, bro, you put enough 40 with 30 rebounds. And you like whatever. And then you go somewhere, God shows you.

And I was talking to my son on the other day. And he kind of was hurt. Because he was like, dad, you know, you, you, you acting like I'm, I said, hold up. I'm sorry.

You put enough 30. You put enough 10. But the 30 points in the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist. You don't get credit for a sense. Because you scored.

You got rebounds.

“They don't, they don't take your points.”

And go, we go, put those over rebounds. They don't take your rebounds and go. We're going to put those, which are assist. And when I left you, you know, I, there was a part of me that was like, God, you want me to do more?

Yeah. You want me to do more? Am I not grinding enough? He was like, absolutely. And every seed you planted is going to grow.

But you just looked at what it was doing. And you saw that was a gap. So you have a choice to make here. You got rebounds. You got points.

But the assist, you, you had zero. So what do you want to do? And there was a, there was a moment where I had to go. You're not overwhelmed. You're just rising to the level that God has asked you to rise.

Oh, my gosh. There's no anxiety. Yeah. The Bible said, be anxious for nothing. But in all things to prayer and supplication.

Make your request known to God.

But that there was a 30 second boy was like, man, God, how am I going to be blind?

When I, he said, how? One, that's your boy. So you can just call. Of course. Then I had a rory in the back interview with me.

God, like, you know, you don't have to do it. You can just, and then just, and I did just that. My relationship with Roy, you know, went from a person that, you know, respect him, the sitting at his feet, listen to the podcast, the study and you guys. Not can honestly say, after that event, system wise, you know, I've gone to another level.

So to me, that's what it looks like when you're expectations, your dreams, your goals and your grind match. And if you're not ready to work, it doesn't make you a bad human. Just lower your expectations. Gosh, that's so, so good.

And that idea of the grind. I want to say one thing, everybody, when he's talking about rebounds and points. The application of that for you is this is that if you're average, you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing.

“But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing?”

Like the power of one more in the book. I talked about your one decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now. If I can be honest with you, you already know what it is. You know the thing, you're not doing.

You need to be doing that would change your life in your business. You already know what it is. It's having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot. Like an E.T.s case. I'm going to go back, I already to work harder.

I got to get more systematic. Maybe I could even work less hard if I put these systems in place. For you, it might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you

can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes.

You'll never miss an episode that way.

Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out Everybody. I'm Ed Mylet. Today's show is going to be ballistic. So, I am sitting next to the real life Do Seckysman.

One of the most interesting people I have ever met in my life. This man has a resume that is too long to even start the introduction with today. And we're going to talk about that thing like life resumes. But to start put it mildly, this is someone who started the company Marquis Jet. He ends up selling that to Warren Buffett and Berkshire Hathaway.

Started a water company that he sold at Coca-Cola. He's run 100 miles in one day before. He's a father of four. He's married to one of the most successful female entrepreneurs in the country. And Sarah Blakely, the founder of Spanks, and most importantly for me.

He is one of the most giving and generous people with his time, his information, and his energy that I have ever met in my life. And I'm literally looking at this. I'm getting goosebumps because I've been really looking forward to today. So everybody, this is Jesse Isler. Jesse thanks for being here.

Thank you so much, man. I appreciate it. Have we had good conversations off camera? Yes. So good.

I wish we were recording the whole time. So, you know, then thing I didn't say too is I also think you're one of the greatest speakers in the world too.

So any of you looking for speakers? This is a guy that you ought to be talking to. So you're going to get a flavor for that today. Let's help some people. Let's do it.

Let's do it. So we can go all the way back to the beginning.

“I want people to know a little bit about your background because I think one of the things that fascinates me the most about you is you're willingness to do things that you're not prepared for.”

I think going into the unknown, it seems to be one of these things that about you this very unique. But also is a trait that I see in people that win it really high level. So talk a little bit about we could start with any of the businesses you've had. But did you're upbringing it all like prep you into being this sort of type of person you are like when you grew up? Did you know you're going to turn out this way or no, not at all?

I always was dancing to my own drum.

My parents gave me a really long leash which is a great gift for me growing up. They let me do whatever I wanted to do within reason. And I always, you know, all of us we always come against this wall of fear, you know, that's crazy wall of fear. And you can either go to the wall and turn around and go through the fucking wall. And I was, I always, every time I went around, turn around and went back home because I was too scared.

I crazy resentment or crazy guilt that I wasn't able to do a regret, not resentment or regret. And every time I went through the wall and got to the other side, it was so addictive. I was so proud of myself. So I, I mean, just give you a quick example and I was growing up. I grew up in New York City or in Long Island in the 80s when break dancing and rap and all the stuff was happening.

Yep. And I was really into break dancing. I don't know, I don't look like it. But, you know, get some cardboard out here and maybe to do something. Like get some cardboard.

Okay. And I decided that like I could make more money probably. If I went to Washington, do you see? Just the kids in Washington to see, couldn't be as good as the kids in New York. We invented this whole genre.

Okay. So I got my friend, Myra and it was my partner. My sister just got her driver's license and I convinced her to drive us to Washington. Do you see? And the whole drive down, I was having all that self-doubt.

Yep. You know, at a young age, 14, 15 years old, like, what if the kids are better? What if no one shows up? What if we get booed? What if, you know, what if we go there and I stink?

Yeah. And so I was almost talking myself out. I was holding the wall, a brick by brick in my own head. Yeah. And when we got there, we went to a little bank in a George town.

And we set up a boom box and a parking lot of a bank. And we hit play. And my friend started spinning on his head and he passed it to me. And the crowd gathered around.

And ultimately, after I did my thing, more people came.

I took my hat and I passed it around. We made about $200. I paid my sister for the gas money. And then on my run and I split $82, $41 each. And this guy, he's counting up the money.

And he's counting up the money and he gets all the money. And then he sprints over to me and he gives me a bear hug. And he goes, "Just, we're fucking rich." And the reason why we were rich is because on that particular trip, despite all the fears, this young little kid that was so scared, I went around that wall.

And I realized I could be rewarded. And I was like, "I want more of that." I was doing, writing sports songs after the next song. My partner. We set up a company to write theme songs for professional sports teams.

And I did that for a year and a half. And we sold that company to a public company called SFX. And it was the gentleman that owned SFX that had a time share and a jet that invited us as guests.

“And that's how we got exposed to the world of private aviation.”

So you're flying on this jet? Was it the first private jet you'd been on?

Oh yeah. So you're on a private jet and you take this flight and rather than just enjoying the flight, you get off the flight and go, what? No, first I walked on the plane and it was like the scene in the Wizard of Oz when everything goes from black and white to color.

And I was like, "People fly like this?" We want to fly like this. And we literally like, "Let's start a private jet company." So we can fly privately because we definitely can't afford it. That's crazy.

And we were like, "Did you know anything about jet? Did you own a jet?" No. Nothing. So you knew nothing about jet. You didn't own a jet. But I knew that if we wanted to take two or three trips a year to go skiing with our friends or take a college, our college friends on a trip or my partner had a family and he wanted to go away for Thanksgiving,

if we knew that if we had a need for not four hundreds of hours, but for maybe 25 hours, there's got to be a lot of people like us. And that's really where the idea started from. It's like, "How can we make flying privately a little bit more affordable?" More to the masses.

And how can we solve the problem? How can we eliminate all the paint points of owning your own private plane? Like, you know, the pilots, the scheduling, the maintenance, all that. And provide all the benefits.

“And that's what we created this 25-hour jet card called,”

which ultimately is called Marky Jack. Okay, so let's talk with us. So here comes the note taking time. All you want entrepreneurs out there. Because there's a lot of entrepreneurs out there that have these ideas.

So let's great that you have the idea and brilliant. But idea to execution to business, to profitability, to selling it,

How in the world do you end up somehow getting net jets to allow you to use their jets somehow to do this card? How the hell did that happen?

“Well, first of all, you know, we thought about,”

"What's the fastest way to get from point A to point B?" Okay. Okay, that was the starting point. We realized that we needed to airplanes, obviously. You can't have a private jet card.

We hired an airplane. And for us, there were only a couple of, there was only two games in town, or one game in town. It was net jets owned by Warren Buffett. They had 650 planes in the fleet.

So we were able to get a meeting, you know, through a couple of phone calls.

And in the meeting, we got thrown out of the first meeting

in like 12 minutes. They were like, the CEO was like, "There's no way we're giving two kids access to our airplanes." You got thrown out of the first place. You got thrown out of the first place.

He literally said, "There's no way we're giving two kids." He said, "They're probably didn't break a thousand on their SAT, which we talked about, which pissed me off. I got an I-80." He got an I-80.

Just so, you know, in the history of interviews. (laughter) So he's... (laughter) He's an I-80.

This is so wonderful. So you end up being on the same label as Young MC. I end up being a paid for free back up dancer for a few weeks for him. There'll be a laugh in their asses off.

I know right now. (laughter) He gets a I-80 on his SATs. I'm in the high sevens. I'm a 7-80 SAT, and we've both ended up becoming,

you know, very successful entrepreneurs. This should give everybody out their hope who thinks their prior resume, somehow dictates their future resume, and that's not the case whatsoever.

And so, you get kicked out. He literally quotes your SATs. Yeah, exactly. I'm not giving you guys 29 years old access to my airplanes. Right.

And, you know, our starting point is, we have to convince them. We have to have a lot of conviction. We're the business plan. They're betting on us.

Yes. And the question we asked ourselves,

“I think, you know, the starting point for any entrepreneur,”

when you're going to give a pitch, what's in it for them? What's in it? What are we going to say to convince them that they want to do business with us?

And for us, it was like, they were catering to a much older demo. And we were 28, 29 years old. And my music business, I had access to athletes and entertainers

just from the videos and just being in the scene. I lived in New York. I was connected to that world. There was that was my demo in age group. So we offer the ability to attract much younger athletes

and entertainers that we said, look, if these guys are introduced to your fleet, they're going to be customers for the next 50 years and think about the lifetime value of that customer. Give us a shot.

If it doesn't work, there's not, like, no harm, no foul. And they said, you know what? We'll give you guys a shot. So the second meeting they say will give you a shot. Put up your own money.

Okay. You guys will give you guys a shot. Okay. And now this is one of my favorite stories of all time. Literally of all time.

So now you get a yes, which is just incredible.

The idea to get in there to pitch, to get kicked out, to come back in, to get a yes. Now the issue is though, you have no clients. So that theory sounded great. By the way, a lot of people entrepreneurs listen to this.

They got kicked out, they got rejected the first time. They've got an idea now they're in business, but they got no clients. And by the way, we really didn't have a business plan. Because we didn't know anything about the space.

And to present a business plan, they could have been like, well, we're not looking for that. We were the business plan. It was like, we're going to make this look me in the eye. I'm telling you, we will make this happen.

We give us a shot. I mean, those weren't the exact words. But that was the spirit of this. Let's stay on that for a second. Because I think this is huge, man.

People buy into people. They buy into stories and people. They don't buy into power points. Power points are just words. And we had a passion and a conviction around me.

I did because we knew we can make it work. We knew if we had the chance that no matter what, we were going to work 21 hours a day as we're going to make it work. You and I are both involved in a business together. We'll talk about the end.

And that's exactly what we both did in this case. We bought into the people. It's like so super true. But you have this thing that I think,

“I think to the extent that someone has this thing,”

I'm going to ask you about before we get into how you end up getting your first client,

which is the best story of all time. But I think all successful people on some level, and to the extent you are successful is the extent you have this thing, which is that you're willing to step into spaces you are ill prepared for. So it seems to me like you're willing to, you kind of think like,

if I get my foot in the door, then I'll figure this stuff out. Whereas what most people do, and this is killing you by the way, I won't step into the door until I'm completely prepared,

which is a total fallacy, anyways, is an entrepreneur, right? Sure, or wanting to become a rapper, or have a music career, or an artist, or anything great. If you're waiting for a threshold of, I need to be totally prepared.

Then I'll step in the door. You will be on the other side of the door the rest of your life. So talk about that. You have this sort of thing about you. You'll figure it out once you get in there.

Yeah, well, first of all, nothing happens if you don't get into the door. So you have that, you have to figure out how to get in the door.

But the common thread throughout my journey is an entrepreneur, and everything is I had no prior experience in anything that I did. And for me, that was the greatest blessing. Because for me, it meant rip up the playbook. No one taught me how to do it.

So the whole industry was operating the same way.

And I always say to my employees, "Sir, my wife does the same thing.

If no one taught you how to do your job, how would you do it?" Like, if you rip up the playbook, and you said, "How would I treat my customer? How would I go after and pitch this?" That's where innovation comes from.

That's where innovation comes from. Everybody else in the space, they were doing the same playbook. All the brochures looked the same. And we didn't know anything. We didn't know anything.

So for us, it was a greatest blessing. So I think experiences overrated. It's important, but it takes so down long. Yes. You know, if we would have waited to get three years on the line,

and there would have been four other jet companies, and we would have never have done it. So, wow, that's so true.

“You have to start the process as an entrepreneur.”

I think the number one thing is start. You never have it all figured out. It's never the right time.

You never have enough experience.

But if you let that slow you down until you have it's the right time and the right experience, come on. It's the world's like the world's so fast. So you're telling me you did not know a lot about the rap game before you got it.

You didn't know a lot about the writing lyrics game before that. You didn't know a lot. Just listen to everybody. You know a lot about the coconut water business before you got it. Or the NBA before you got it.

I would say nothing. Literally. I would say nothing. It's incredible. Yeah.

And look, I was fortunate. You know, we were able to as soon as we were able to afford to bring in people that knew more, we were able to scale it. But we started everything very small. You know, we always thought really big.

And once we got momentum, we were able to ramp it up super fast. The only way that I could really find, you know, I had to go with wealthy people where. And I heard about this conference called Ted in Monterey, California when they were first starting out.

That was attracting all these tech guys and well off folks. It's that or so. My partner's like, you got to go to the Ted conference in Monterey, California.

“So I think I connected through Chicago into LA.”

It's a five hour car ride to Monterey, California. It was a 16 hour journey. And I get there. And as soon as I get there, everybody, it's like Fort Knox. I don't have a credential to get in.

So they don't, you couldn't go anywhere near the conference. So I'm like, man, I just flew 16 hours. I can't go in. I'm so frustrated. But it's smell like there was a sale there somewhere.

So I'm like, let me go into the coffee shop over here and try to figure this out. And I'm sitting in the coffee shop in about 20 minutes into my sitting there kind of like thinking, God, how am I going to do this? A wave of people with credentials come in and they're ordering lattes and muffins. And I realize that they must be on coffee break from in between speakers

that detect conference. So they're ordering lattes and muffins. Latte and muffins. So the next morning, I show up at five o'clock. First one there, as soon as they open.

And I buy every single muffin. I control all the muffin inventory. It's Monterey California. I've got every muffin. And when the first wave of folks come in, they're like, come out of latte

and I'm often like, you can have a latte, but we're all out of muffin. And as they would walk out, I would say excuse me. I over, actually, I have the muffin with my office here. We have all the muffins. Would you like a muffin?

No, no, no, yeah. What do you do? Next thing you know, I'm in a conversation with someone. He's like, and he's to ask me what I did. And I said, well, I have a private jet company called Marquis Jet.

And Guy would just sold his company called Half.com to eBay. And he said, well, I'm actually interested in a private jet.

“Would you mind if I sit down and talk to you about it?”

And I was like, absolutely gross. I'm like, please sit down. You can have two muffins. And we started talking.

And here's what's interesting.

And here's how I built my career. He ended up being my first customer. Unbelievable. And, but he was the key, because I service the hell out of him. Anything he wanted.

Carried his bags. If he was going to Mexico, Shakenaw. Here's a book of places. Here's a reservation. Here's where you can snorkel.

Like, that's not the business I'm in. Yes. I provide time on jets. No. That's what everybody else was doing.

This is what we're going to do. Here's your family's going. Here's a floaty thing for your two-year-old. And they would get that. And I just serviced of how is the trip.

Can I help you? Here are your bags. And he was my source of referrals. There you go. And then the next guy came in.

Same system. Same thing. Same thing. Same thing. Same thing.

And what was interesting about Marquis jet. Wow. You know, it wasn't that we built this amazing company. You know, it was an amazingly successful venture. Yeah.

And that wasn't the goal for me. The goal for me was the people that we flew. Because we flew 4,000 of the who's who of entrepreneurs, CEOs, athletes, entertainers. And I was like, wow. Here I am.

I was obsessed with meeting these people and learning about their daily routines.

“So what I would do is I would say like every conversation is like, what time do you get out?”

What do you eat? How do you spend your time? How do you live rich? How do you do this? What's a vacation look like?

And I would take all these habits from these winners at the highest level and start to incorporate them in my life. And the things that worked stuck and the things that didn't, I got rid of them. And over time, built this system, you mentioned the beginning like your life resume, built this system that works for me.

And as I've evolved, now I have four kids, my system evolves. Because I can't have the same system as single Jesse 40 years old and no kids where I have the freedom to do what I want. Now I have way more responsibilities with my family. So the system evolves.

So that was the gift. Wow. What does this see for me for someone listening this and I already know what they're thinking? This is literally like an inside peak to like an absolute master class of how to do these things right here, everybody.

And I just want to illustrate two points you made and I want to make sure that I say them correctly. The first thing is is that all of the most successful entrepreneurs I know. And obviously, you're at the top of that list because there's been multiple wins. What I, well the reason I want you all listening to what Jesse covers and his social media and his content is because he's, he's not only the as mega successful entrepreneur and also successful as a father,

successful as an athlete of sorts. Successful as an author. He's also had multiple wins. In other words, it wasn't a one hit business wonder. This is a formula that has worked for him that he's replicated into many different business ventures.

And he said something brilliant. The unique thing for the ones I see is they create an experience for their customers that is completely different than everybody else. I don't care if you're a personal trainer at a gym. You're, you want to dry cleaners or not.

It's the experience because if they don't enjoy the experience. It's not mind blowing. They're not going to refer you to anybody in your business can't go viral. It can't multiply correct.

I always ask myself this one question.

Would I recommend myself as fill in the blank? Would I recommend myself as a dad? Would I recommend myself as a business partner? Would I recommend myself as a coach? Would I recommend myself as a boss?

And at the answers, no. Why? Why aren't I, why when I recommend myself? And I always tell people like, you know, people call up like my kids are going to the first job.

What would be the one piece of advice? Make yourself irreplaceable. Make yourself irreplaceable. If you have that relationship with the customer with, if you're so important, you're incredibly valuable.

Oh, that's brilliant. And, but it's true. You know, I ask myself a lot of questions. I ask myself a lot of questions.

And that's one thing I always ask myself.

Like, you know, if I go, let's say I go sideways or someone for some reason. I'm just, I don't very often. But if I do, what I recommend myself? What did I do? Yeah. And very often, you know, it's, I can, I can, I'm okay with it.

And if it's something that I did, then I want to get in front of it and apologize or dress it internally so it doesn't happen again. You mentioned something about success. And, you know, everybody has multiple definitions of success. If you ask 100 people, you might get 100 answers.

“But you touched on something that I think is important to the listeners.”

And to me, I have a lot of different definitions. Success isn't being good in one bucket. It's not about like, I made all this money. You know, and I know what's easy for you to say. No, success is not about being good in one bucket.

It's about being good in all the buckets. Yeah. All the buckets. It's about being a good dad. It's about being, you know, good to your employees.

It's about giving back in the charity bucket. It's about doing the right thing when you do it. It's about standing up for something that you see is wrong. That's success. When I see people that are mega wealthy, they're just fucking wealthy.

Yes. No, they're just wealthy. Yeah. That's not what it looks like. And you don't have to be wealthy.

If you're struggling in one area, you can still be good in all the other areas. You can't spiral down because success the way you look at it isn't happening. Well, then go be successful in the other buckets and fill up your plate. And then what it does, too, by the way. I could feel you coming at me with that, because you feel so strong about it.

Your physiology changed, too. But what also happens is when you talk a lot about this, but when you get wins in other areas, you get life momentum. And people just, I did a training on this the other day. But like, you're, to me, I look at you.

I go, okay, look. You think he said about associating with these people in their habits. I didn't have a jet-card company, but I joined the club where I could meet these kinds of guys. What is your schedule? What's your work, Arting?

How do you eat? What do you think about how do you talk? I'm sorry to interrupt you. You have to do it. You get me all fired up.

Everything comes around your day. You're talking, we're talking about all these successes. They took years. Yes.

“I remember walking into the President of Coca-Cola about the Zico thing.”

He's like, it takes eight years to build a brand in this country.

But what the foundation of that is your daily habits.

“It's creating winning habits, winning routines, and a winning mindset.”

That's, that's the formula. It is. There's no way around it. It doesn't happen without that. What are the unique things for me?

It's like completely agree. One of the unique things about unize. We both will be creating this content for a while. No one will be looked at each other's stuff like my God. We so believe the same things.

We say it a little bit differently. We so believe the same things. One of the unbelievable things about social media or podcasts like this is that you kind of can peek into what you had at marquee jets doing this. If someone calls you on Instagram or follows myself,

you get access nowadays to something you and I never had.

You can get access daily to some of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world. Or fitness people or parents or people of faith or whatever your area is. Through digital connection now. It's not the same as life, but it's incredibly information you can tap into now. You are my virtual mentor.

You know, you are. I mean, I'm into into what you say. It resonates deeply with me. Thank you. You're in it for the right reasons.

There's a lot of reasons why the things you say really have stickiness with me. But you are to millions of people you're a virtual mentor. And that's exactly your point. Yeah. And we didn't have that growing up.

No. Our mentor was my like my dad and anyone in my small town. Yeah, me too. Don't you think, don't you think part of your life, just you. You got some life momentum going on though.

Right? I mean, these the journey is I think it's the most, I mean, you're a young man. But I think it's, I think it's the most remarkable journey that I've, if anybody I've talked to because of the breadth of different areas.

It's just bananas to me. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

One of the things that popped up when you were talking earlier is that low point in your life. I feel like people can talk to you and tell their blue and the face like, get up, get going, do the thing that you want, you know,

“make, you know, do the thing that you need to do.”

Yeah. What did you find in you that actually brought you out of that? Right? I mean, I may be wrong, but I don't think it was the people talking to you. Was it?

No, it was just starting to take the steps. It was like, and this whole thing about one more is a real thing. It was just like, look, here's what I'm going to do. In spite of how I feel, I'm going to operate out of what I know I'm supposed to do, not how I feel.

I'm going to finally, here's what I was.

I was a very average person. Here's why I was average. How I felt is how I acted. That's how most people are. They feel great.

They do great. They feel bad. They lay around. And in that moment, I'm like, I don't feel good. I've had a pattern of not feeling good.

If I'm going to wait around till I feel good to take some steps, this ain't going to happen. But what if, maybe if I take these steps, then I'll feel good. And so slowly, but surely, I'm like, I'm just going to make these contacts. I'm going to make these calls.

I'm going to go see these people. And I just started taking steps. It's not always what you do on the days. You're motivated that separates you because everyone does well. It's what you do on the days you're not motivated.

And so for me, it was like, I'm going to take steps towards my potential, even though I don't feel like it every day.

And you go, well, that's easy to say.

It's not hard to do. Actually, it's not that hard to do. You just have to do it.

“You have to actually get up, get dressed, put your clothes on, and take steps towards it.”

And then what I would do is I'd like little promises. So I was just a mess. I had no self confidence because I had a reputation with me. I'm not doing stuff. I said I was going to do it.

I started thinking, how can I rig the game so I do what I say? This sounds really stupid. I'm going to tell you what I did. I'm going to take you back to when I'm 23 years old. I'm going to set my clothes out the night before for the next day.

Simple thing I don't think about in the morning, something I can control doing. I'm going to make my bed in the morning. I'm going to get up at 6 a.m. I'm going to do some meditation and prayer when I wake up. And I'm going to go to the gym.

And I actually started setting my clothes up. Getting up at 6 a.m. Stuff I could do. I said my prayers on my meditation. I did the things I said I was going to do. And all of a sudden, now when I said I'm going to make 10 calls,

I'm like, I could do that. Then when I said, I'm going to make 1,000 bucks this week. I could do that 10,000 bucks this week, 10,000 bucks this day. So it started with small stuff when I didn't feel like it. And I rigged the game on stuff I could completely control.

Yeah, that's amazing. Because a lot of people think things turn on immediately for them. They see you who you are today. Not the I laid my clothes out guy. And I see you as the guy that you are today.

Which is the hard part for most people to see. Because it's not inspiring. It's the before and after. I'll tell you one more thing. We go a couple more minutes.

I'll tell you the one thing. I have a, you don't know this story. But like, I wanted to look rich when I wasn't. And so I wanted it. I thought no one's going to take me seriously.

This is a true story brother. Okay. They're going to laugh already. My family. I wanted to drive a Mercedes.

I thought no one's going to take me serious in my business. I'm not driving a bench. So there's this thing called a penny saver back in the day. I'll be like a glorified Craigslist now.

This is so true dude. You didn't believe this.

And you know what this is.

“But all of a sudden it's 60 grand, 60 grand, 60 grand, 60 grand.”

It says Mercedes, 600 SL, parenthesis kind of. I might tell me more. And what it was was a Christ of LeBaron. Oh, hell yeah. Kit car with a Mercedes body on it.

So Kit cars have welded other car bodies. I mean, it was too feet too long. Interior was a LeBaron. You know Eric, but he blew constantly. This gets way better.

I drive down to Dana Point. I meet this lady. And I say tell me about this Kit car. She's like, look, it's $5,000. And it's a wonderful only about half the people.

Won't know it's real. And I'm like, I give you four grand. She goes, I'll take it. So she takes the four grand for me. And she goes, there's one catch I didn't tell you.

I swear to you brother, this is true. She goes, um, it's actually not welded on there. I said, what do you mean? She goes, I said, how's the kit on the car? She goes, it's, uh, Velcro.

[ Laughter ] There I go. What did she just say? Say that again?

“Cause she's already got a bunch of kids.”

It's Velcro down there. But most of the car stays together pretty good. I said, the machine, I'm going to drive 60 miles an hour. It's Velcro together. She goes, you don't have to worry when you're driving fast.

She goes, but when you drive up to a stoplight, don't stop too suddenly. Cause the front left headlight will fly out into the intersection. And dude, more than a, I don't get social media following. If there was social back in the day,

I would be the most viral MFR of all time. Cause more than a hundred times in my life. And this dude's life. That headlight went out in the intersection. I had to get out of that car.

Stop the four-way traffic. Grab my head like, you mentioned people watching. What the hell is this dude doing? I wouldn't grab the Velcro's hanging out. I would go grab my headlight, run back to my car.

Velcro that sucker back on and jump back in the car. But about 30 of the times, I was so rattle. I shut the door too hard and it would fall off. And people are hogging trying to make their left turn. I'm trying to put my door back on the car.

Dude, I swear to God, and I drove that car for four years. I made $770,000 one-year drive in that car. I swear to you. And it got stolen the four-year. It got stolen.

And the dude, they stole the car, got one block from our house and just left the car with a keys in it. I swear to you. I got pulled over in that car by the cops because they thought it was stolen.

Because it was like wrong license plates. So I went from a Velcroed Mercedes to a global express jet in a number of a decade or two doing the stuff that's in my book. I swear to you, that is a hundred. Babe, is that a hundred percent true?

Yes, she had to drive that.

That might go one of the most incredible.

Yeah, she said the life was in the life to go get the day ago. And at the same time, man, we were so broke. We were so broke. I bought her a Mustang when her other car got repossessed.

And the doors didn't work. So she had to go through her trunk to get to the front seat. So here's this power couple. You see on Instagram, I'm driving a Velcroed car. Her car everywhere she goes.

She has to climb through the trunk and crawl into the driver's seat. Who's that option? Dude, that is so awesome. See, this is what we're here for guys. This is the real head my lead.

The real story. This is this helps everybody understand that look. Doesn't matter where you're at right now. Go buy a Velcroed Mercedes because that's a starting point. It doesn't matter.

Very short intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

And my lead. Welcome to the show. Back. Welcome back. It's great to be here, man.

Do you want to look forward to the most? So good to have you. Your book is amazing. The power of one more. Thank you.

Love it. I'm not at all surprised. Now for people that haven't read it. For people that feel like they're wasting their time. They're not getting the results they want.

“What is one thing that they can be doing right now that would turn things around for them?”

Well, actually doing one more. So, you know, we always talk you and I both about self confidence and the fact that building self confidence is the process of keeping the promises you make to yourself. And if you lack self confidence, you've got a relationship and reputation with yourself. That's not very favorable.

And so the baseline way to get self confidence is you keep the promises you make to yourself. But in life as you know, we don't get like our goal. We get 25% of our goals.

But we ultimately always get our standards.

Long term, you will get your standards. So the question becomes, what's the standard need to be that? And that standard needs to be. You keep the promises you make to yourself. And one more.

So if you're going to do 30 minutes on the treadmill every day, you don't do 30 minutes. You do the 30 minutes. You do one more. You're going to make 10 contacts in a day. You don't make 10 contacts in a day.

You do the 10 contacts. And you make one more. Now what happens is you start stacking up those one more. You're going to tell your, tell Lisa you love her every day. You don't just tell her that.

You tell her one more time every single day. So you start stacking up mathematically all of these one more. You've just done more. So you're better.

And you've built the superhuman type self confidence.

That I know only do what I say I'm going to do. I do one more. And I'm saying I'm going to do and that's something almost nobody's willing to do. So I'm going to get things almost nobody's going to get. So that's one thing initially.

Everybody can do. Yeah. So you are one of this we disguise on planet earth like in real life. Thank you. But also in real life you're one of the most intense guys, which I really respond to.

So my journey is entrepreneur was toughening up. I was super weak as a kid.

Way whiny like definitely did not push myself.

And my parents love them to death. But they didn't know how to push me either. And so I really when I went to college my mom assumed I was going to fail because I was so profoundly lazy. And so hearing you in the book talk about like pushing to the extreme. You actually use the word extreme multiple times.

“And that to to expand your capabilities you have to go into the extreme.”

Talk to me about that because right now I feel like that's an incredibly unpopular message. It is. And at the same time it is true. Thank you. And by the way you talked about it on my show so there's a part of the book where I talk about extremity expands capacity.

Until you push something to the extreme you don't really stretch your capacity to do it. And so for me I already know you know at this point in my life we know what we're capable of at one point. So how do we change what we're capable of? And that's with extremity that's with pushing it to the extreme. Have another chapter in the book where I call it do one more inconvenience.

This is something that if we could train ourselves to do our entire lives would change, which is that do the inconvenient or difficult thing in your day or in your life. Human nature is to avoid that. You talk you call it being lazy, but it's just to avoid the inconvenient. Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich which I love he says on the other type of temporary pain.

You are introduced to your other self and that other self produces another life.

“So what we have to change I think to some extent is our relationship with pain.”

I'm willing to pursue pain. I'm willing to pursue discomfort and do the inconvenient thing because on the other side of that I have extended my capacity. I've literally changed to I am by getting on the other side of that.

And so for me I am always trying to find the inconvenient thing to do because it's not my nature either.

I have to build all these habits like you do because left to my own devices. Man I'm Netflix and pizza and Cheetos. I really would be like people say to me man he just seems so hardcore people think this about you as well. No actually I'm not. And so I've had to develop these mindsets, the strategies in the book. The ways I think my habits, there's a whole chapter on how to build habits in the book because I'm not that way.

I'm not overly disciplined, but I've learned to sort of change my relationship with pain. Even in the gym, but even in a given day, you know for me I've chased the thing that's inconvenient because I know on the other side of that is where all the stuff lies that I want. And so that's you know this old notion of well you know do get out of your comfort zone. I'm talking about that. I'm talking about pursuing the inconvenient in a given day because that's the pathway to your bliss.

That's the pathway to your happiness. Why is that that's super counterintuitive? Well it's the pathway to your bliss and your happiness because when we're doing things that aren't convenient on a very regular basis. There's a part of our spirit I believe in our soul that knows we were born to do something great. The nose we were born to grow and when we begin to settle in our lives it's like at a conversation this morning with a friend of mine

Who's a parent they're having some parenting issues and they're like well yeah you grew up with an alcoholic dad. So that was child neglect and my parents got divorced that was child neglect, but I'm not neglecting my kids. This is just a morning really good friend of mine.

“I said I think you should rethink that and I said there's an insidious form of neglecting your children and she goes well what is it?”

And I said it's not pursuing your potential in your dreams. That's a form of neglect of your children. You're installing the software and then it's okay to settle because they're watching you. Because they're watching you and almost everything in life is caught not taught. You don't teach lessons to people they catch lessons from you.

And so you're neglecting that child when you're not pursuing your potential you're bliss or and/or your dreams in your life. That's a form of neglect. So if it's neglecting a child when we do it it's a form of self neglect when we do it to ourselves. And so that's why it's counterintuitive not to do inconvenient things. But the reason it's a pathway to bliss and happiness is intuitively we know we're neglecting our spirit.

We know we're neglecting our soul we're nowhere neglecting our potential when we're not chasing it. And there's no way that we can simultaneously be blissful. And at the same time know that we're somehow treating ourselves less than we're worthy of. I have a growing hypothesis I'm super curious. So when I hear people like you talk about this stuff I'm going to say 99 times out of 100.

There's been a physical transformation that they've gone through. Obviously your physique isn't saying I know what it would take to achieve your physique. I don't have your physique now because I don't want it because I don't want to put that level of energy into it. I'm honest with myself about that. But I have transformed my physique and so I know what that takes.

And that I didn't think a lot about it at the time but that coincided with me getting better at being an entrepreneur.

As I reach for the extreme as I began to model myself after something other people said was crazy. Oh, that guy's too big. Oh, what are you doing? That's crazy. But I really got obsessed with it. Yes. And in doing that and going to the gym and pushing myself and being uncomfortable.

I remember one time getting trapped under a weight and I was like fuck, I don't how am I going to get out of this. And by being in those situations over and over you begin to realize oh my god, like I actually change as a result of this. Which then lets you believe that you can change your mind in the same way. Yes.

“How important do you think it is for people to deal with the body, to push themselves to have a transformation there?”

Well, brother, I love you because we think so similarly. I catalyst for change for me, all my life has been in my body. And the reason for that is that something that I actually have some measure of control over. I can't control the external result. I can't control every time how someone's going to respond to me with the markets doing whatever it might be.

I can control like you and I were talking off camera, what I'm putting in here. When I'm putting in this pie hole every day, I can control my amount of hydration. I can control the training in my life. And so for me, the catalyst for change, frankly, I was 221 pounds big and not fat. But I knew the book was coming out and it was writing the book and the catalyst for me to get in the most peak state I could do is do something extreme.

So the extreme thing I did is I said, I'm going to weigh 180 pounds in 90 days. Wow. And I got down to 177. And I did that through intermittent fasting, caloric restriction, changing my cardio, but it was an extreme. You were working on the book?

Well, I wasn't the reason I did it as I knew that if I could transform the internal parts of me that the external results I was going to produce would be that much more extraordinary. It's what I'm talking about. Yeah, well, by the way, and you've done it as well. It's not like I'm going to do this every single month of my life or even every single year of my life. But to your point, if you're sitting there and you're thinking, I can't change things.

It's like, I don't have the capitol. I don't have the relationships. I don't have theness or the that. You do have a body and you can change that. There's things you can do to move it differently, treat it differently.

Potentially be more kind to it. One thing I'm doing. I'm 51 years old, man.

I've never stretched in my life.

I've never done yoga in my life. These joints and tendons are sick of me beating them up. And so one of the reasons I got a little lighter, a little smaller, a little bit less taxing on it. And I'm giving myself the gift of great stretching. You know, great yoga.

I'm doing massage now. I'm doing things to be kinder to my body as well. And this may sound really hokey and cheesy. I find myself, this is a strange thing to worry about. But I find myself being a little more gentle with myself.

When I'm so aggressive in the gym all the time. You know, there's a, there's a transfer of that even in my life room. So aggressive and intense on myself, which I love that part of me. But like I've had 51 years of that. And so now I'm like, you know what, I'm even more kind to my body.

A little bit more gentle with it. And I find myself, you know, when I give a speech, usually I'll beat myself up. I could have done, you do the same thing. I should have done this, I should have done it. Leave a meeting, leave a podcast.

Why didn't you say this? And I've just beat myself up all my life. Just like I do in the gym. Recently, I find as I treat my body differently, I'm treating me differently. You're feeling like that's okay, bro.

You got the next one. That wasn't so bad. I'm sure you still made a difference.

I've never said those words to myself in my life.

Cause I've always thought, if I let go of this beating myself up, that's part of my recipe. Part of my formula.

“The truth is, I've probably been successful in spite of the way I've treated myself, not because of it.”

That's interesting. I don't know that I agree. And as you're describing that, I'm so intrigued how you're going to answer this question. Do you think that you can do that now? Because you have pushed yourself so far, so hard, or do you wish that you had gone back and done things

where you're doing them now back then? I wish I didn't on both. I wish I've had the extremity part of my life. I'm pushing myself to that point of past what I think I'm capable of. But then I also wish that I wasn't so hard on myself, man.

Like, I've spent a lot of years of my life. I've never really said this before. I've spent a lot of years of my life. I think at my own expense, makes me emotional, say it. I don't even know why it was coming from, at my own expense in the service of other people.

And I think I had this delusion that I had to be almost suffering in order to produce bliss for other people. And some of that software was probably installed to me when I was young with my dad being an alcoholic when I was young. And so no brother, I know I could have pushed myself and been one intense beast and still been a little bit more kind to myself. There's a more beautiful and elegant way to get to the results that I wanted. I totally know what you're saying, that there's different seasons of your life.

And it's easy to say when you got a couple hundred million to bake and all that other stuff like,

"Yeah, no, what I'm going to stretch now. I'm going to get a massage." It's a little bit different than that.

“So one, I think you're insight about what you learn to do to be the peacemaker and your family, to read your dad, to figure out where he was,”

and that you were still so generous to him as well as to the rest of your family, to take his hand and you talk about this in the book.

But you would take his hand and try to shift his mood and not really train you to be somebody that could read people and help change their state, which I think is incredible. The way that I see it is that you've earned the right, and I'm going to back up in a second. But you've earned the right to get to that position because you know you can fall back on discipline, to habits, all that stuff. Because what I'm thinking is, "Okay, if I'm 24 and I'm encountering Ed Mylet for the first time." And I have this glimmer of like, "Ooh, maybe I can do something more with my life."

That guy really does, and this is projecting because this is where I was. But that guy probably really does need to go hard first. And he needs first to learn to be tough, to be a badass, like for me to transform my physique. I had to imagine my wife being physically assaulted.

“It was the only way I could show up and put in the world.”

Got leverage on yourself. Exactly. And if somebody had been at that moment telling me, "No, no, no, you need to be kinder, gentler." It's like, on balance you're right. And if you're talking to me when I'm in my 50s, a hundred percent. But in the beginning I wouldn't have been able to be so nuanced.

And so I guess what I'm saying is, with what you've done and accomplished, you understand the nuance. You understand how important it is to do all of that and to sacrifice yourself doesn't make sense. I think you're right. I think we agree. So I think you, I have to know yourself, which you're default place. My default position has been all my life to try to earn things.

I conflated when I was young, the only time I got love from my dad is if I achieved something. If I did something, if I'd dad I got an eight, dad I hit a home run. You know, dad I won the spelling bee. You know, so I conflated achievement and pushing myself with love. So I know me. I know that part of me is sort of my default place to go.

My default place is to do this. I think you have to know yourself. I think if your default is to not do those things, then yeah, giving yourself a break and being kinder and gentler is the absolute worst thing that you could do to yourself. In my case, man, it's been a lifetime.

I was never a child. I was never a little boy.

That five year old, I was literally not a child.

“My dad would, you know this from the book.”

Five years old, I got two skills in life, man. One is I can communicate. The other one is I can be president and read people. The president and read people is really simple. I'd three sisters in a mom. And when my dad would walk through that front door at five years old,

this beautiful little boy that I was, I would have to look up at this man. And quickly figure out was he drunk or sober. What was his body language? Like how was he walking? Was his tie tie? Was he slurring his words?

If it was drunk dead, sisters need to get upstairs. Mom, go take a shower. And then the man of the house, me at that time would take over. And like you said, grab my dad's hand and change his state. Dad, I hit home run today.

Dad, I got a 96 on my spelling test.

And so I never afforded myself or was afforded to be a boy in my life.

To ever really have a bunch of peace or bliss in that life. And my dad got sober and you know that and it was my best friend. But that part of my life was taken from me. I never had it. So I don't have to be.

I don't have to worry about ed my let's, you know, drive or ambition or any of those other things. I'm going to worry about this dude hurting himself. You know, metaphorically, but actually theoretically too. And any possible way. And so you just got to know yourself.

If your default is, you'll cool it.

“And you know what the worst thing you could do is give yourself a break.”

You're wired like me. And you beat yourself to a pulp all the time. And you think you can do that. And there's some point in your life, you'll fray. And there's just a part of your brain.

Man, there's just, there's, there's, there's the neural parts of our brain. Or tell us, man, can you give me a little dopamine? Can you give me a little hit of something blissful? Can I celebrate this a little bit? Can I be a little bit more kind to myself?

Because if you don't do that, eventually you've trained your brain that you don't want to do those things.

Yeah, I think learning to love yourself is critical.

I always tell people, in my back pocket, I have detachment at all times. Like a Buddhist style detachment? Yeah. Because at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself from your by yourself.

Success, money, all those things ultimately are irrelevant. If you hate yourself and your rich, you're still going to have a terrible life. You go out. [Music] You're still standing on the street.

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