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treatment. That's equip.health/goodinside. This episode is about two letters, AI, a lot of parents are scared, not mildly concerned, not vaguely uneasy, scared, scared that their kid is going to outsource
“their thinking to chat GBT. Scared that social media is going to swallow their confidence,”
scared that AI is moving faster than they can possibly understand. Scared that they're already behind, and there's something uniquely destabilizing about this moment. Because most of us grew up believing that as parents, we would eventually understand the world better than our kids. And now, it can feel like they're entering a landscape we don't even have a map for. I've had parents sit across for me in my Denver office and say, "I don't even know what I'm supposed to be worried
about. I just know I am." And that's where I want to begin today. This podcast isn't a tech tutorial. It's not a policy manual, and it's not therapy. But every week in my clinical work, I see patterns. I see what happens when fear drives decisions. I see what shifts when a parent moves from panic to steadiness. So today, we're going to talk about AI. But more importantly, we're going to talk about you. You are fear, your energy, your role. Because the goal isn't to
outpace the technology. It's to stay steady enough to help your child build an internal compass
in a world full of powerful tools. And that starts with naming what we're actually feeling.
This is the in between years, a podcast from good inside, a show for anyone raising, caring for, or loving a tweener team. We're going to explore what's really happening during these years. I'm Dr. Cheryl. I'm a clinical psychologist, mom of three teens, and the author of the
“crucial years. I've worked with teens and their families throughout my whole career. The in-between”
years aren't a series of problems to fix. There are a time of great opportunity. But they can be intense. Big emotions, shifting friendships, dating, academic pressure, social media, identity changes, body changes. It's easy to worry about what it all means. This show is here to slow things down. To help you make sense of what's underneath the surface. So you can respond instead of react. Because the more confident you feel, the more confident your kid feels too.
Yes, your kid is growing up. That doesn't mean they need you less. It just means they need you differently. Welcome to the in-between years. Today, I'm joined by Carolyn. Welcome Carolyn. Hi, it's so nice to see you. Oh, it's so nice to meet you. And I'm super excited to talk about today's topic. So before we dive in, though, tell me a little bit about yourself. Well, I'm a mom of two. I have a son who is seven and I have a daughter who is nine
and a half. We are just on the cusp of navigating all the things technology and social media and AI. And that's kind of why I'm here today because it's all very scary. And I don't really know how to start talking about AI with my kids, how to even begin to broach the topic because it seems to me like AI is constantly changing. And like once I feel like I have kind of an idea of something, it changes. So I'm very, very excited to pick your brain and hear what you have
to say on that topic today. First, tell me what you mean by on the cusp, on the cusp of like
having to talk to her, having to deal with AI in her life. Like, how did that come to be? What do you
Think is on the cusp?
daily access to any kind of technology. But that's going to change. Like sooner than I would like.
And I know that it's coming and I know it's an inevitable part of like life and I certainly want to equip myself and equip her as she gets older on what AI is, how to use it as a tool so that it doesn't overtake her. And I want to be able to approach it from a neutral stance because in my mind now, like even talking to you about it, it feels like the big bad wolf. And I don't want that to come across to my kids. I don't want it to become like the forbidden fruit
if that makes sense. I really want to have it be neutral. And I don't know how to
“approach it from a place of neutrality when I'm so terrified by it. Does that make sense?”
Oh, yeah, it makes so much sense. I'm curious. She's nine and a half. She doesn't have her own
technology any kind of screen yet of her own. What do you think is the percentage of people like in her life and her class, whatever in her friend group that do versus don't have some sort of screen of their own? I know for a fact that her best friend has a cell phone which is complicated and I have lots of feelings about. But that's my knowledge is the only peer in her everyday life that has access to technology like that. Okay. So because I think it was interesting you said on
the cusp. I mean, you in terms of like society, you kind of are on the cusp around the thought is around 40% of kids by the age of 10 have a phone already. Right. So show it's a lot. So you're right. You are on the cusp. And even if you say, well, we're not going to do that at 10, we're going to do that whatever 12, 14, whatever you're going to do it, it is still going to be sort of in her life in some way. So when you say that you are really scared about this, you don't know how to
talk about it. What comes up for you? Look, what are you scared of? What am I not scared of? You can do that one too. I don't know necessarily how it's going to show up in my kids' life. Um, like I said, in a year or so, it could look even different than it does now. I'm afraid that I'm going to get a handle on it and then it's going to change. And how can I equip my kids for something that is so swiftly changing when I don't even feel like I have a handle on it? I think
“that's what I'm afraid of. You're scared of like three major things. Number one is the unknown.”
I don't even know this thing, right? I don't even know. I don't know what kind of consequence it's going to. It's just the unknown. Number two, even if the unknown becomes somewhat known to me, it's going to change. I know what's going to change. It seems like it's changing really fast.
So I'm always going to be behind. Like I'm never going to know, like how is it changing? Where's
this showing up? And number three, I don't know how to prepare myself for this. And if I can't prepare myself for this, how am I supposed to prepare my kid for this? Yes, absolutely correct. So the first thing I want to say, you know the image of like sometimes people call it like I do a volcano or there's like the iceberg and the tip is what you can see and then most of it underneath is what you can't
“see. The tip of the iceberg is like AI. The unknown is it going to take over. Is it going to replace”
humans? It's going to replace jobs? Like, ah, all the fears, right? That's like the tip. But all the stuff underneath, what I hear you saying is not really about technology, right? It's really about how do I raise my kid so that they can think for themselves? So that they can protect themselves. So that they know the difference between, it's not just right or wrong anymore. It's like between real and fake. Yes. Yes. How do I raise my kid so that when they do watch something next year at a
sleepover on someone else's iPad, they still feel comfortable to come home to me and say, I saw this thing. I don't know, mommy. It was confusing. Yes. Right? Yes. So why do I start reframing that leg as opposed to all my gosh, AI terrifies me? Maybe it's more like my kid growing up growing older and being exposed to things that I don't know that much about is really scary to me. So when we do that, what that does is help you get grounded in knowing, oh, I don't need to be like a tech expert. Oh,
maybe it doesn't matter. What is the difference between chat, GPT and Claude? Like, I don't even
Know, right?
difference between the kid who discovers AI and starts doing things on there that would make you uncomfortable and between the kid who goes on it and then goes literally yells from the couch, like, Mom, come here. Let me show you this thing. Mom, come here. Look at what this thing can do, right? So here's how I want you thinking about the setup because you are so clear. I want to be
prepared. I want to just be equipped to deal with what might come. So the first thing I want you to
“do is I want you to be curious about the things your kids curious about. What are the curious about?”
Like, right now, right? That might be curious about animals. Oh, I might be curious about, you know, the rainforest. Eventually it's like, I'm curious about this thing called AI. I heard it can do like really cool things. And I want you to be right alongside with her being curious with her. The biggest mistake I see that parents make, it's usually of teens, is that they feel, there's that humility that they don't have, like, they feel like they should know everything,
because, like, up until this minute, I kind of did know most things, right? Until she's 10, maybe even 11 and 11 and might start changing, you're the smartest human being she knows.
You and her teacher, right? You're the, you're everything to her. You're the smartest,
you're the most beautiful. You know everything in any single solitary thing that's wrong in her life. Somehow you magically know how to fix it. Right? That's the power of you today. I know. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. This is really cool too, though. You're going to go from that. And then all of a sudden, she's going to be like, I heard this thing and my friends are talking about it and maybe they seem a little sneaky about it. So like, am I not supposed to be going home
talking to my mom about it, right? And then that's where they're one foot in childhood and one foot in that beginning adolescence. Like, so should I keep that? So by you saying, I want to be ahead of it, it just sounds something like this. You know what? This might be the year where it's school, or maybe even with your friends, they might start using something called Chachy B.T or Claude, right? Or something like that. And it's funny, because she might say to you, oh, yeah, I've heard
that. Oh, really? Tell me what you know about it. Yeah, I would love to know what you're learning about because it's changing so fast that I used to know kind of things on it, but like, I don't know if I do any more, or you can say, if this is true, something like, I would love to hear what you're excited about with this. I know for me, I've used it a little bit like, I ask it for recipes. You
“probably don't even know that. But that's how I make recipes, or when I was like redesigning your”
room, I took pictures and it helped me come up with the coolest design ideas. So now you're normalizing
something, right? You're saying, I've used it to a little, I whatever the truth is, a little bit,
a lot, not at all, whatever. And this is how it's been helpful for me. That's how you set the tone of like, hey, with some moderation, with some guardrails around this thing, it's just going to be really cool. Now, where could it get bad, right? Because if it was just so great, we wouldn't be talking about you wouldn't be scared. Yeah. And then she could be like, you know, what? And then you just give a kind of a mild example. I don't know. I've heard like, because it's so amazing, you can take like
pictures of things and then you can change them. Yeah. And I know sometimes imagine if people do that like it could hurt someone's feelings or something. And you just keep it like that. That's 11 year old appropriate. Yes. It just can change pictures, right? When she's 13, you're going to go
“deeper. When she's 15, she's going to tell you a story and you're going to be like, well, yeah, right?”
Put at 11, when she's young, you're just sort of like curious and you're acting very open and you're sprinkling in little things. Here's the biggest thing today. I will say that I know I really know is going to keep evolving. I would say something to her like, it is actually created to sound like you're talking to someone. Like, maybe even like you're talking to me or like you're talking your dad or like you're talking to, you know, grandma. And then she's, you know, she's she's living
in this world. She's growing up in it. So she will understand that. And then you can say so one of the things that I've heard is not that great is that sometimes people go to it, like instead of going to an adult or it's just right. So now I'm trying to role model for you how you're getting to the hard stuff. But it's not fear based. It's your calm. She's calm. You're giving her, especially as a beginning conversation, just the right amount of, again, curiosity. And as you might, what do you mean?
Boo, Boo. And so I actually just shared with everybody a funny example this morning, right? A little example you could use. I have a teenage daughter and she heard legs hurt yesterday. And so I talked to her last night and I said, oh, so what did you wind up doing about your legs? I know that they were so sore. Did they feel better now? And she said, oh, yeah, I chat. She'd be
Tired of what to do about sore legs.
I thought, see that that chat replaced me. And that's a pretty benign. But that was good advice.
“I don't have a problem with that. But if I have an 11 year old and maybe they got their period”
for the first time, right? Or somebody said something really mean to them at school or they have acne. And they hurt all these different things they could possibly do about it. Do I want them going to artificial intelligence? Or do I want them coming to me? How can I encourage her to come to me first without going to AI? Like is there anything that I can like set the tone for now before she's
using it to like encourage her to always come to me first? Because I would hate that, obviously,
if like, for her to go to that first, you know, again, she's nine and a half. So she is not yet as impulsive as like a kid in puberty or a teenager. Okay. Right. She's not yet as impulsive. So what you want to do is predict that out because that's your mindset anyways. I want to prepare. So what you want to say is like, oh, so one of the things that I know people do because they really do, I know people do is sometimes they go to it for things like advice or they tell it their deep
feelings or they talk to it like a friend or even like a therapist. Right. Because we know the stats right now. It's like nearly 40% of teenagers say they do that and even more adults do that. So this is very real. And then you say to her, not like, and that would be really bad. I didn't
never want you to do that. I want you to come to me, right? What you want to say instead is,
and you know what, like, I kind of understand in some ways why people would do that because it's always there. It's always available. It's never distracted. It gives you usually some pretty good advice, but we don't always know what it's going to say. And sometimes for some kids they'll say they feel like it's less embarrassing because they can tell it anything and it's like, it's about, right? It's not a person. So if you say someone was mean to you today, you don't have to worry that
it's going to get all upset and call the teacher. So you can say to her, and so while I do understand why people do that, here's what I want to do in our house. Like, if I ever have a question about you, like, you know, you've never been 11 before. And so if I have a question about like,
“am I doing the best thing for an 11-year-old daughter? How about I make you a deal? I am not going”
to go to an AI chat bot. First, I'm going to talk to, and then you could say you're best friend,
your sister, you know what I mean? You're going to model for her, what you want for her. Okay. Stay in human relationship. So you can say, okay, so let's make a deal. All right, I promise. Like, the first time that you go to the mall by yourself, and she's in a laugh, right? This doesn't sound foreign to her, but I promise I'm not going to go on my phone and ask like, what I should do and how the rules are. Promise, okay? I'm going to talk to you and so and so, who has an older daughter,
I'm going to talk about with her. So you're not lecturing her and you're not saying, so then when you have a problem, you need to come to me, right? And then you can say to her, okay, so now let's think about it for you. Like, maybe you say, you know, next month, you're going to be getting a phone or whatever. So when you have a problem at school, let's say somebody was like, mean to you or you had a question about something and you felt personal and maybe you were starting
“to feel like you weren't sure if you should ask me like, what are you going to do? What do you think”
you can do? What do you think you can talk to? And hopefully she'll say, I would maybe I would talk to aunt so and so and so maybe grandma, maybe you. And say, okay, let's make a deal. Let's just, let's start with like a person who actually knows us and we actually know we'll start there and then maybe if together, we want to see what it says, we can do that together. So it's not a big bad wolf. Yes, and we can explore it together. We can ask it those questions together.
Yes, that is the foundation for you. I mean, a nine and a half year old Jericho, the perfect age to be thinking about, okay, bigger stuff is coming, right? Things have feel like they have higher stakes are coming. They're not here yet. Let me enjoy her now, right? I don't need to be in fear because I know that if I stay in curiosity and low judgment or no judgment about things, I will continue to be a safe place for her to come. And the first time
she doesn't come to you, right? Maybe she does use AI for something or whatever. You're going to approach that with curiosity, commessertiveness, right? And say like, oh, I noticed on here, you asked it, blah, blah, blah question. And so tell me, tell me what made you do that or tell me, how did you come to that decision, right? And she might be like, well, I don't know, I just wasn't sure. Like, I, she asked it when should I wear a bra? Maybe she asked it that, right? Because she's curious,
nine, 10, 11, 12. The curiosity is booming out of them. And when we were that age, we didn't grow up with this, right? So when you wanted to know that if you weren't comfortable
Talking to a parent, you asked a big sibling, you asked someone's sister, you...
thing to go to. She does. So we can't shame her for it or you we talked about this and you, right? It's just sort of like, I know, remember it's, it's so funny. It's like what we said, it would be there. And maybe I wasn't there. And you asked it. Let's see together, what did it say? And then you can remind you at the end, we can tell her first what you should tell her. I really like that answer. It's very similar to what I would have said. Or I liked parts of that answer. And this answer,
“this part of it, I probably change. And that's why it's so important that you keep asking”
me these questions. But if you want to know what it thinks, we can always do that together.
It's making it so that it's not, I'm not telling her like, no, no, no, like, don't ask it that, like, don't, no, don't, like, I don't want it, you know, like I said it in the beginning. Like, I don't want it to be like the forbidden fruit. Like, I want her to be able to use it, you know, in a way that can be helpful to her. But I don't want her to rely on it all the time. Absolutely. And it's in going into what that mindset is going to help you so much because
we're all adjusting to us. Right. So if like, if you feel this way, tons of listeners feel this way, because most parents feel this way, it's like, it's changing. The rules aren't consistent. How am I supposed to be consistent? And what I'm saying to you is like, that's why don't worry about being a tech AI expert. Like, you're going to lose that battle every time. What you have to really focus on is how do I remain a curiosity? How do I stay connected to my kid? Another thing is just because she,
let's say, is going to do it or does it or her friends or whatever? And she comes and tells you,
then it's like, skip the part where you say, like, I want you to come to me first and just be like,
sounds like you guys are having fun with that. I'm so glad you told me that story that's so funny. Let me see what mindset as if I ask it that, right? This is one thing that the data shows is that because we're starting with AI, but then you're going to move on to social media, right? And one thing that the data shows is that parents who ask questions are curious are willing to sit and watch the YouTube video with the kid, whatever it is, are the ones that the kids know, my parents are involved.
I know they don't know everything, but they're curious about this. They ask me a lot about it. And so they're less likely to do the big restaking because you've shown curiosity and involvement. Not expertise. It doesn't nothing to do with it. No expertise needed. Just the involvement. And like, hey, what are you watching on YouTube? Let me see next to you. Let me watch this with you. Really big differences in the outcomes. I love your question. I thank you so much for sharing. Is there
“anything else on your mind that you're like, wait, I need to answer this one thing for me?”
Okay. So this is actually my son who I've caught doing this, not my daughter. Now my son is seven. Okay. We have an Alexa that's in our kitchen. Our Alexa has like upgraded. Like, I don't know how it upgraded, but it just did. I don't know if it's automatically upgraded or we upgraded it. I don't know. But now it's like even more human-like. And it can like respond a little bit within more detail. I have caught him talking and having conversations with the Alexa about
very benign things. I think he was talking to her about how he was excited to go see his first Broadway show the other day, which is like very endearing and very sweet. But, you know, he's seven. So that is very endearing and sweet right now. I said to my kids just yesterday,
because I've never actually said this before. We do use our Alexa as like a tool. If we don't know
the answer to something, you know, we will say, oh, well, let's ask Alexa and then we'll all collectively because she's in the kitchen. Alexa, whatever. And I use the Alexa all the time for timers, you know, five more minutes when I'm cooking things like that. So they see me, I model it as a tool. But I said to them the other day, guys, do you know that you know that that Alexa, like, isn't a real person, right? And they both started laughing and they were like, yeah, mom,
I'm like, yeah, it's like a robot. Like, you guys know that, right? But like, yeah, I'm like, okay, I'm just like, want to make sure that, like, we all understand that, like, it's not a real person, because I've like never said that. And like, I just assumed they would know when I guess they did. But now that it's so much more human-like, should I be telling him, like, don't have a conversation with the Alexa back and forth? Like, I don't know. Like, it's such a sweet, innocent place,
but I could see it, particularly for him, like, getting to be more and more and bigger questions. And I don't know. What are your thoughts there? I mean, it's such a keen observation that you
“made and it's such an important conversation, because when I said that the data shows so recently,”
some data came out that that truly said about 40% of teenagers are using some sort of AI bot as a confidant of friend romantic relationships. And you can see how easily that could actually
Happen, right?
that that's not real, right? But we call it she, right? Yes, what did she say? And I'm gonna see it back. Where are you talking about? Yes. Right. Right. It's she, we humanized Alexa. It is being presented to people as a personal system, right? So you're seven year old. He doesn't need a personal system, because he has you, right? But he does want someone to have fun with in the moment and it's there.
“And I think that is where it starts. So I think the more that you can say, I just want you to remember,”
this is kind of like a game. It's kind of, you know, maybe think of it as a toy. When you get older,
it's going to be a tool. And my job is your parent is to not just take powerful tools away from you,
like, nope, you can't have that. That's a powerful tool. But to teach you how to use powerful tools responsibly. So you can say, you know, whatever your son's name is, you know, hey, I know it was fun. It was so cute when you were talking about it the Broadway show and all of that. Maybe we have a rule of what anything we were talking to Alexa about. We also talked to someone in this house about. So that's one little seven year old friendly way of basically saying, like, my job is to keep you safe.
And I'm going to need to keep reminding you, you're not crazy for thinking that you are going to need to keep reminding him like, oh, this is a robot. Oh, yes, I know it's human like, I know it sounds like the way a friend or an adult would talk. It's not actually though. And yes, it can be useful. And so even for your seven and nine worlds, like we'll stick with Alexa, because that is an AI. So that's perfectly great example. You can say to them, what are really great uses of Alexa for
all of us? Maybe you're sitting at dinner tonight and you have this conversation. And everybody jokes around, but you say, oh, I use it for the time or when I tell you guys five more minutes, right? So mom says timer and then everybody goes around and they say what they use it for and you're like, we're so good. That's exactly what Alexa was made for. What if I told, when if when you guys were at school, I told Alexa, like, my deepest arc of secrets, would that be a good use of
Alexa, right in the pile. Yeah. No, I blew this idea. And then you said, no, I wouldn't do that. So that would be like very age appropriate way right now to reinforce what you want. And you
keep the conversation going and it's never going to be weird because you've been having this
conversation for as long as they can remember. Yes, I love that. So smart makes so much sense. Well, Carolyn, you have brought forth to us just I think what's on so many parents' minds, the things they're worried about, don't even know where to start. Thank you so much for sharing
“what your interferes are because that's how we create community. Thank you so much for being here.”
I'm so grateful to you. Thank you for having me and thank you for taking the time. You might have noticed we didn't solve AI today. We didn't map every app. We didn't future-proof childhood. What we did was something more important. We moved from fear to steadiness, from control to connection, from I need to master the tech to I want to raise a thoughtful human. If you're listening and you feel behind unsure even embarrassed about the things you don't know,
you are parenting in a landscape none of us grew up in. In your job is to not outpace the technology. Your job is to stay steady enough to help your child build an internal compass in a world full
of powerful tools. That's the work. Let's end by zooming out. Deep breath.
“This in between stage feels hard because it is hard. If you remember nothing else,”
remember this. They act like they don't need you. They still need you. I'll see you next week.
