They Did WHAT: The Moth Podcast

No, not at all. This story is my z-space. You mean, you're all right?

“Yes, exactly. This story is the story of the story that I just understood.”

The story of the studio, the job or the music. The story of the house. I don't really feel like a story. The story is a lie. - Save. With this story. In the back of the house. A lie in the building. A lie in the building.

And a lie. A man. A man. A man. A man. This world is much more than a big Britannian. The country in the country is really beautiful. The war begins in the history of the war. A more than a big Britannian.

Welcome to the Moth. I'm Chloe Salmon. There are so many ways a story can move you. It can make you laugh, cry, can make you rethink your place in the world. But sometimes a story can make you go. Are you kidding me? He broke up with you via text.

After you cat sat for him, jerk. I know that when we review stories at the Moth, those are the ones that often lead to a spending ten minutes sharing our own tales about the times. We were flabbergasted by the absolute audacity of another person.

“So in this episode, two stories that will make you go, they did what?”

First up is Becca L. Who told this in a Denver story slam where the theme was appropriately enough.

Love hurts. Here's Becca, live at the Moth. I remember laughing when he asked if I wanted to marry him. Not at him, but the joy and the idea that anybody would want to marry me. But this man that I loved wanted to marry me. I was grinning from the ear to ear and he had tears running down his face and I made a joke.

I said, are you sure? He laughed and said, no, but I can't imagine my life without you. And I believed him. A few months passed and I noticed that his, I love you's turned into love use, turned into hearting my texts that said, I love you. His kisses got shorter and his hugs got stiffer and that question, are you sure?

“Hung in the air, like a heavy fog, but I couldn't bring myself to ask it anymore.”

I didn't want to be the kind of girl who had to ask her fiance if he was sure. And I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. But I told myself, once I buy my wedding dress, he'll be sure. Once we pick a venue, he'll be sure. Once we book a caterer, he'll be sure. Once we pick every single order of on the menu, he'll be sure.

Six months to the day before our wedding, I woke up. I checked my phone to see the date and I rolled over, meaning to tell him that in six months, I would be his wife just in case he forgot. But he wasn't in bed. He was already getting dressed.

He never got out of bed before me.

I asked if he was okay and he said, yeah, I'm just going for a walk. Are you sure? See what I thought was a normal Friday. Turned into six hours later, the two of us sitting at our kitchen counter. That damn Denver December sun beating on my already red face.

His head is in his hands and he can't even look at me as he says it. He looks up at our fridge. Our fridge covered in our own save of the date and in four years of photos that I have carefully picked and printed and pinned to our fridge. He looks at our fridge and he says, I can't marry you.

I know, I say. I hand him my ring as he walks out the door and I wonder when it started to weigh five

thousand pounds because the second that I do, I feel so much lighter.

Because that question is no longer sitting on my chest. That question of are you sure because for once I know he is. But it turns out I was wrong because six weeks lighter. He writes me a letter saying that he loves me and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. And I read it and I feel nothing.

he feels the need to tell me that for the last six months he's had a duffel bag packed in his car because he knew he was going to leave. He just couldn't find the right time.

“I read it and I feel nothing but certainty in my soul that for once I am sure that I deserve someone who is sure.”

Three days ago he calls me to tell me that he sent me flowers for Valentine's Day. And when I say why he says he didn't want me to feel alone. But he doesn't know that feeling alone feels so much better than being with someone who isn't sure. I go to the lobby of my shiny new apartment and I see the flowers sitting on a table.

And I hand them to the first stranger that I see.

I say my ex-kids used to me and I really don't want them. She laughs and says you're sure. Thank you. That was Becca L. She works as a red teamer in the cybersecurity space and currently lives in Colorado with her beloved rescue dog. We asked Becca her thoughts on the whole situation now since it's been one and a half years since she told the story.

And she's choosing grace. She says looking back, she's grateful to him for ending things. She wasn't in the place to do so at the time because she was scared of being alone. And after two years of living alone, she can happily say that it's not scary at all. I'm so glad to hear that Becca. I'm also impressed with your maturity.

It would take me at least a decade to come around to the conclusion that a person who I felt wronged me was actually making a sound choice.

I may never know true peace but golly if I don't love to hold a grudge.

After the break, another story that'll make you shout, "The Audacity" out loud. We always recommend Shopify. It took us from an idea to a real business.

“We got set up, I think, in less than a day, with very little effort.”

We could just focus on the supply chain to the product development. Shopify gives us the ability to customize without the complexity. We can change something without introducing fragility or having to pay a developer. Well, thirsty turtle, and we leveled up our business with Shopify. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/AU.

It's your garden start club for the free link for action, quality, and the smallest price in hand.

For example, a few mini-cats can only be 24-880. Or a garden-touch garden-sharing, only 1-2-880. And there are now all the products in our field and in the Action App, action, small price, big joy. Welcome back. Our next story is from Allison Or.

“She told it at a New York City story slam where the theme was about time.”

Here's Allison, live at the mouth. The date with Andrew ended as perhaps no date in the history of courtship ever has, with me asking him for his XYZ phone number. I had questions, but not about Andrew. See, Colin was my previous boyfriend, my pandemic boyfriend.

And this is a story that's familiar you've probably heard it before. We were college friends, we reconnected on Facebook. I had had a crush on him back then. Oh my god, decades later we're both divorced, Yadiyada. And he lived in North Carolina, and it turns out that 2020 was a really excellent time

to have a long-distance relationship because we had lots of time and not much to do. So pretty soon we were visiting each other every chance that we could texting all the time. Usually we'd meet in the middle in DC and hotels. And it was so much fun. And that year where there was just very little fun to be had.

But it was more than just fun. Because when Colin told me that he loved me, it was like the ground shifted. And I had just out of an 18-year marriage, and I've been carrying around this really like scary question. Could anyone ever love me again? And so the question was answered and it was really nice.

And then we broke up. That's fine. The relationship ended, but we stayed friends who was really special to me.

Like I now I carried that around with me, and it made me feel confident and strong. And resilient as I got vaccinated and downloaded all the apps and started dating again. So I'm on the date with Andrew around the corner from here, in fact. And we met on Bumble, and he seems, he's funny, he's chatty, he looks like his pictures. It's all good.

And we're in our first drink, and just had like halfway through the first drink, the conversation turns to last relationship.

I give him this very quick thumbnail. You know, pandemic, Facebook, college friend. He's like, oh, that is familiar. His ex-wife did the exact same thing during the pandemic hooked up with a college friend. She connected with on Facebook.

And then he asked me, does your guy live here? I'm like, no, he lived in North Carolina. It was a long distance thing. That's so funny. My ex-wife's guy lived in North Carolina. What's his name?

“Or did you guys, what would you like meet in hotels in DC?”

Mike, well, yeah, that's the geographic midpoint. What's his name? I bet it's the same guy. It's got to be the same guy. Like it's not the same guy.

Oh, come on, tell me his name, and he will not drop this joke. He's like pushing this joke to the point where he picks up his phone in the middle of our date and starts texting his ex-wife. What was the name of that guy, and as he's texting her, he asked me a question, but where did you go to college? She went to be you. Like, fuck. [laughter]

She texted back right away, ding. Is his name calling? [laughter] I excuse myself to the ladies, right? [laughter]

Like, why, when? Wow, what the fucking fuck just happened. And Andrew felt terrible.

He always takes a joke too far, apparently, like not knowing when to shut the fuck up is his thing.

But he was really nice about it. I was a rack, and he drove me home from Brooklyn to Manhattan and outside my apartment building. He handed over his ex-wife, Paxton's phone number. And I stayed up all night long waiting to call this woman.

“I think I made it to like 8.59 a.m. on a Saturday morning, which seemed sort of reasonable, not crazy.”

[laughter] She was expecting my call, and she very nicely answered all my questions, like, how, when? It turns out, we went to college together, but we didn't know each other. She just like me had a huge crush on Colin and college. Just like me, they reconnected on Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic.

And, you know, their thing was a little more on and off than mine, but we paired calendars. There was significant overlap. And while they didn't have the L word, it wasn't nothing, and she knew nothing about me. So, of course, I confronted Colin about it on the phone, but that was very unsatisfying. I mean, the relationship was already over, and yet I was so completely unmoored by this, like, new reality.

I just like couldn't even absorb it into my head. And somehow talking to Paxton seemed to be like a good idea to help me process the shock, so she and I went out for drinks. And she's really cool. Of course, Colin liked her. And we have so much in common. I mean, Colin, my date with her ex-husband, but seriously, the Dan, the writer from Blue Buds,

who lives in LA on Bumble, we both went out with him. And build the poly guy in Brooklyn, same. I mean, we had a lot of things to bond over. And also, she's really smart, and she's a great person to talk to about the things we have in common that we're struggling with. I mean, teenagers, our exes, the new guys, what we even want from relationships at this stage and our lives.

And, you know, how to try to be happy sometimes being alone. And we're friends now. That was about a year ago. She's here tonight. [ Cheers and applause ]

Andrew, I never saw again.

“But with a perspective of time, I think it was a great date.”

I mean, I got Paxton, and his, like, not being able to shut the fuck up thing, like, would definitely have been a problem in a relationship. But on that night, it was this big, beautiful sign from the universe, like, telling me Allison, move on. Learn to love yourself first. [ Cheers and applause ]

she's most comfortable telling stories about other people.

“Good news. Allison and Paxton are still friends. The sisterhood indoors.”

As disbumble, she stuck with it, and three years ago met her current boyfriend.

She is not in touch with Colin, but says that time apparently does heal many wounds.

She also says that he's a huge fan of the moth, and that she hopes she appreciates being the subject of a good story. That's Queenship right there.

That brings us to the end of this episode.

Thank you to our storytellers for sharing with us and to you for listening.

“From all of us here at the moth, we hope that if you have a story that makes people say they did what?”

You'll find it in your heart to share it with us. To find the next show near you, head over to the moth.org/events. Chloe Salmon is a director of the moth. Her favorite moth moments come on show days.

“When the cardio is done, the house lights go down and the magic settles in.”

This episode of the moth podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Genes, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Salinger. The rest of the moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christine Norman, Marina Cluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinalay, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rest, and Patricia Orenya. The moth podcast is presented by Odyssey, special thanks to their executive producer Leah Ries Stennis. All moth stories are true as remembered by their storytellers.

For more about our podcast information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, the moth.org.