886: Blackout

When Sharin Jafari moved to the US as a young adult, there are a lot of promises made to her family back home.

We'll be in touch all the time, call you every week, almost like we're in the same town. Which is the kind of thing you say, but Sharin actually pulled this off for the last 20 years. We are a close family. We message several times a day, we send each other real, like, no more stuff. I mean, I don't want to lose those details, those small details of their lives, because I am so far away from them. And they really get into the details this family.

Who ate what? How far was the walk? With the latest with the dental work, on the phone, by text, random thoughts tossed out at any hour.

“Have you seen this pumpkin dessert and solicited suggestions?”

I would send them videos of exercises they can do at home. Like, you were worrying about them getting enough movement. I would love them too. Yeah, I would love, yes, I think I have been trying to get my mom to do more yoga. And my dad to not sit all day has that going. Not great. So just like a constant ongoing conversation with them. Totally.

The kind of thing that you would be asking them if you were actually in the same space and close. Then, in February, the United States and Israel attacked Iran, where her parents live.

And on that very same day, the first day of the war, the Iranian authorities shut the internet down.

Just put the whole country into an internet blackout, a shockingly effective blackout. The call wouldn't go through. I would just disconnect. I didn't hear anything. It would just disconnect. Did you get over and over again? Yes, of course. I tried so many times. I wouldn't be able to get through. Calling through cell phone was impossible. It just became useless. The cell phone became useless for us.

“The only way I was able to communicate with them was them calling on the landline to my cell phone.”

That was the only way they could reach me. Tax message, email, nothing else was worth it.

After that point, no, they called me on the landline. And it's funny.

When I think of it, there were so many times when I visit them and I would tell them, "Who needs a landline?" Maybe you guys should get rid of this, you know? In the same day, tuning to landline. Inside Iran, what was happening was, as soon as the war started, cell phones were only working to call people inside the country. No internet. Communication with the outside world

became so difficult. It was like going from breathing regularly out in the open to being underwater and breathing through a straw. Work rounds, like VPNs, are expensive, or janky, some are flat out scams, and they're banned. A private satellite service, like Starlink, the legal, and people have been arrested for using it. So, the landline. That was the only way

Iran's parents could reach her. But when bombing got two intents in Tehran, they fled the city, leaving behind the landline. And Shiren was left going for days, sometimes weeks, without hearing from them. Were they okay? Were they safe? She'd go on social media, scouring every platform, looking for anyone she knew any run, who had found some brief internet work around,

to ask them if they'd heard from her parents. So, sometimes I would stay up at like three or four a.m. Looking for any information that I can get from any relative or friend or somebody who knows my parents, that could be online. I would just send messages to everybody. Like, hey, let me know if you are online. Let me know the next time you're connected.

Can you give me an update? Just message me as soon as you see this message. I've heard a lot in the last two months during this war about deals and negotiations. I've heard about bombings by the US and Israel and by Iran. Also lots about oil prices and the stock market and the straight-of-war moves. But I haven't heard much at all from Iranians inside Iran.

“What are they seeing and thinking and doing and talking about?”

For the last few weeks, we've been working with two journalists in the United States, Fatima Jamalpur and Roxanna Saberi, to collect voice memos from inside Iran. So many people sent messages. Even though it was difficult and dangerous for them to get these messages out.

I guess that's part of the point of an internet blackout. So that's what I want to share with you.

“Today's show we hear from people inside Iran where war is only part of what's going on for them.”

That's coming up. Stay with us. [Music] It's this American life. Today's episode blackout.

Other places have had their internet cut-off during a war. Iran is not the first.

But this isn't something that's being imposed on the country from the outside. It's being done by the leadership of the country to its own citizens. While they're being attacked, in this case by us, the United States and Israel. Listening to these messages that people sent us, you really get the feeling for how total a blackout is.

“I had the thought listening over and over that every part of what they're saying is not supposed to be heard.”

Even basic things like what are people doing every day. A blackout is not a censorship that goes line by line. It is wholesale reduction of people's lives.

And sometimes deaths. Here's what it took for people to get these messages out of Iran.

They had to borrow or pay for a VPN or satellite connection. Wait for it to actually work. Starlink connections in Iran keep getting shut down. They had to not get caught. Iranians have been imprisoned, for speaking with foreign media. It sometimes took days to get these waste memos out of the country to us. Often short messages, a minute at a time, so the files were small enough to get through.

“The messages came from a whole range of people from different parts of Iran, different ages,”

professions, political views, and also different experiences. Every time I got one of these messages, I stopped what I was doing to listen all the way through. So I want to play them for you. The way I heard them, one person after another. We have edited them, but try to leave them at a length where you can really hear what people have to say as they go about their day. I'm going to play the messages in four sections. We could call them acts. So here we go, act one,

both and. In these first few messages, people talk about the dual experience of living both in a

war and at the same time in an internet blackout, both dragging on and on 63 days in counting as I record this now. First voice memo, Nadine. She's in her early 40s and lives in Tehran with her boyfriend, Amin. After breakfast, I got ready to go to work, got into my car, and drove onto the highway. Then suddenly, I mean called and said, "Negging, they're bombing Tehran." That was pretty much my last call. All internet lines were suddenly cut off.

This message and all the messages you're going to hear in the show is being read by an actor. To protect everyone's identity in this show, we've changed people's names and we've asked Iranian and Iranian-American actors outside of Iran to listen to the messages and then record what people said and how they set it onto their phones as voice memos. Some of the original messages were recorded in English, most were translated from Persian. Once or twice, we've changed a small phrase

for clarity. Okay. Back to an again. And then they started hitting the east of Tehran. These strange terrifying sounds. We were really not prepared for suddenly being in the middle of the highway and hearing sounds like that. Some people, they just parked their cars and they cut out and they were staring at the smoke. They didn't know what to do. Two, three people had gone and hidden in the bushes. It was really strange. Then this delivery guy on a motorcycle passed by me.

He had this Kurdish accent. When it was down and I was completely terrified. It passed my car and said, "Bebe finally came." And I was like, "My God. Nobody even knows how this war is going to end." Who cares about Bebe? I finally made it to sort of at the street to go towards my mom's place and I saw that they had closed all the schools and they had called all the families to come pick up their children. Some of the mothers were clearly regular office workers.

They were wearing their uniform of Monto's and trousers and they were running on foot towards the schools because the streets were blocked. And everyone at the school was crying, begging for their

I saw these girls come out and they took off their head scarves and messed up their hair into

“the air and they were chanting that, "Yes, now we are finally becoming free."”

Then a bomb hit somewhere nearby and the sound was unbelievable. And at once, people just poured into the streets and some people clearly, they were gathering their things to leave to Haran. Hello, I hope you don't well. First I apologize because unfortunately I've caught a cold these days my voice is horse. This is Puya. He's in his mid-30s. He owns a pizza shop in Tehran. Cutting the internet is a disaster. Our phones are constantly ringing, so-and-so be careful

as such in such a place as being bombed. We worry about each other. We wake up, try to have a normal day which is not very normal and become to work. We're reading the news. Some of us have the internet, some don't. So part of the news is actually past from a person, a person

“went around as a tact. I don't do anything special. I mean, I just see where I am and go about”

my day through three. There have been many times when I was cooking or doing whatever and I just continued doing it because there was nothing I could do at that moment. People come out now. He go to cafes, but economically you can't just say conditions are bad. Conditions are almost on the verge of collapse. We've laid off nearly 70% of the staff for almost more. People still come to buy pizza, but much less often. Regarding the menu, some things have been limited

for example the salads or the appetizers like chicken and so on because it might not be economically viable for people to buy them right now. I took away the salads for a month. I'm laying them back at the end of this week, but our beef bacon pizza is among the best sellers. There are checkpoints everywhere in the streets. The atmosphere is really unsafe, like very highly secure ties. And I mean, we're very afraid of these checkpoints. We're really as afraid of the

checkpoints as we are bombs and missiles. Sarah is in early thirties. She's talking here about checkpoints that have been set up all around the country by Iranian security forces, including the

IRGC, the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. We know they check phones, we know they search photo

galleries, we know they've arrested people we knew because of just something they found on their phone, like a photo or a call or following a certain page or something like that. It's very terrifying. For a long time I just didn't take my phone out with me at all, but for example now that I've started taking it out, I just constantly erase everything and clear my phone of everything.

“Honestly, when things are outside of my control, I just start cleaning and tidying my house.”

I constantly clean everywhere in the house. I vacuum, I wash the dishes, so the house is perfectly tidy. I cook, I start dusting, vacuuming, washing the bathroom, washing the kitchen, washing all

the dishes and the thing. I started making jam, which I've never done before. I scrubbed the whole house

with the thought that if there's no electricity or water, at least my house would stay clean for a few more days. And then I took a shower, I blow dried my hair, I man, no, it's really stupid. Like, if they bomb your country's infrastructure, this might help you for what, maybe two extra days, but it gave me a good feeling psychologically at least. Next voice memo is from an emergency nurse, Sylvia, in her late 20s. She lives in Esfahan,

centrally run. Sylvia talked about something other people mentioned to, trying to use the sort of substitute, very limited internal internet the Iranian authorities have created. The national internet only works inside Iran. It's its own system, tightly controlled and surveilled. There are apps for messaging, texting inside the country, banking services. There's an Iranian search engine, called Torab, and sometimes some international sites can be accessed through the internal

internet, but others can't. Sylvia had a day off work and was testing out what she could and could not do on the internal system. I wanted to buy kill-ons, so I ordered that online and I had no problem with the payment. Some sites that you used to connect to directly through Torab,

they don't open now, and so I don't know why. Some open, some don't. I don't know what the problem is,

before, never something came to my mind that I didn't know, I would quickly google it and I

“spent so much time every day talking to chat to you. I would consult it about everything. I”

wanted to do, but now I can't do any of those things because basically my phone has just turned into a tool for calling, texting, taking photos. Things like that, that's it. There is an app they've provided as a replacement for Google, called Zader Bean, but I haven't been able to get anything decent out of it so far. I mean, what you search for has to be very common and simple, like searching for the name of a medicine, for example, and even then, it doesn't show

all the references. It brings up some very simple Iranian references and basic explanation. Otherwise, it just, it doesn't give you a proper answer for anything else. I even wanted to find a number for a fast food place to it, so I could call them, but it wouldn't bring it up for me. That's how ridiculous it is. Okay, now I want to play a different group of messages for you.

Act 2, the blackout, before this one. From an American perspective, we went to war with Iran.

“That's what's happening there. That's where the story begins.”

But this war for Iranians landed in the middle of an ongoing story about what's been happening inside the country. And these next two people, who sent voicememos, they had a role in that story. There have been regular, large protests against the Iranian regime for years in Iran, and right before the war, massive demonstrations erupted around the entire country. People took to the streets demanding the end of the regime, which has been in power in Iran for

almost 50 years. And then, Iranian authorities put the country into a full communications blackout. It started on January 8th. Over the next few days, during the blackout, security forces massacred people all across the country. They killed thousands, possibly tens of thousands, of their own citizens. They did this at a moment when there was no way for people to tell

“anyone to post photos or videos or to warn their friends, or call international reporters,”

or even reach family outside of the country. We still don't know the scale of the killing. Human rights groups have been trying to document as many deaths as they can. In a blackout, you can die without being counted. The two reporters who collected voicememos for today's show, Roxanna Sabari, and Fatima Jamalpur, also managed to get messages out during the last blackout.

dozens of people inside Iran found ways to send them rare first-hand accounts,

images, videos, medical records, that suggested that the IRGC and other security forces, shot protesters at close range, targeting their heads and chests, their eyes. The protests and killings in January haunted some of the voicememos we got. Even as people try to continue living, going about their normal routines. Amine is in his 20s. He's a professional bodybuilder in Tehran.

He joined the protests. One of his friends was shot and killed while protesting. Medis at Parvara. He was a well-known champion bodybuilder. I've been on a special diet since January. I wanted to compete back then, but I didn't. I canceled it out of respect for those who were killed. Out of respect for Mr. Zodpevara.

After that, competitions were canceled altogether, and gradually I just kept my diet because I saw I had nothing else to do. I usually wake up at 445 and I do my cardio from 5 to 6. I get by with seven or eight meals a day, even though prices of skyrocketed and my savings are completely gone. But I am still keeping added anyway. I generally don't follow the news anymore. Either Iranian nor foreign news.

Iran International says one thing and Iran State TV says another. So I simply don't get my mind involved with the news anymore.

Unless, for example, Trump tweets. Every post, we basically assume the opposite,

because he either does exactly what he says or the exact opposite. Right, and front of me is a checkpoint, and I am passing through it. The IRGC is completely controlling everything with its own full supervision. Recently, I've been recording videos as motivation for those who think they just need to

in a way that at least keeps their vibes high. Anushirvan is a doctor in the north of Iran. He's

“young in his mid 20s. He spent January treating hundreds of wounded protesters. Some of them”

shot with military grade weapons, sometimes at close distance, sometimes in the head. And while he was treating people, playing close security agents roamed the hospital. So if someone needed an X-ray, Anushirvan and his colleagues would personally escort them to radiology so they wouldn't be detained. They showed people how to leave out the back door of the hospital. As he worked, Anushirvan began saving X-rays and photographs and notes in a panic that the regime

threw its blackout with succeed in hiding what it had done. In a lot of ways, it has. And now, in another blackout, an endless blackout. Anushirvan is just still doing his job getting through each day. After eating a very sad excuse for breakfast, I fed my cats which I had adopted after the events of January due to my friend's recommendation

“to have a companion in those times. I believe it helps. Very interesting creatures, cats are”

dressed up and called for a, you could say, in a rainy inversion of an Uber to the hospital. Went downstairs and looking at the car, it was barely functioning and being held together. And the driver had a very safe stereotypical type of beard. And my suspicions were confirmed. When I sat in the car and saw two stickers of Solamani and Hamini on the dashboard of his car. Not exactly the two faces. I want to see that early in the day, but, you know,

so he drove me to the hospital and saw a white lab coat in my bag. And as if I was a doctor. And then he said, "They got give you strength, doctor." Of course, had the situation been a lot different. Him or at least the men of his type would have beaten me to death, but, you know, I think, improperly still. I'm not saying anyone who believes in the regime would kill you in the streets for protesting them, but it could be an uneducated dynamite.

So I reached the hospital and it was a fairly nice shift. Not a lot of critical patients,

fortunately. So I could spend some time in the pavilion watching my new favorite show The Walking Dead. It's my favorite show because, basically, I can't tolerate anything else because, at least in The Walking Dead, the things are objectively worse for the people there than it is

“for Iranians right now. That is the only thing I can tolerate. I really like to show Darrell”

is my favorite character. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him and, well, let's see how both the stages. One of my patients was a live-in-year-old girl for coming in with a chief complaint of extreme headache. In front of her head, it was nothing too serious. I asked if she undergone any stress recently, kind of an obvious question these days, but she was a child. I asked the parents if she had any access to any of the news of the war and they confirmed it,

which sounds like very poor parenting to me. So after making sure the hospital stabilized,

me and two of my friends went to the park near the hospital to smoke cigarettes. I had never

smokes any cigarettes up until like two months ago. My very first cigarette was upon hearing the news, the confirmation of how many being killed, and I'm really glad I waited that long, because now every time I do it, I'm reminded of that night as it was one of the best nights of my life. I knew Sharevon spent more than half of his monthly salary on a VPN. Then he got online, finally, and was devastated. He saw some of what was being said about Iran

in the wider world. By far, the most difficult moments for me during the blackouts were times like this where I could barely connect with the VPNs. Only to see people on social media following for the regime propaganda, and I'm not talking about Iranians, these are people living in free countries. And that is incredibly depressing to see. I've seen Charlotton's actually denying the January massacre in which dozens of thousands of people were killed, and whitewashing the

Islamic Republic all the way through, just because they disagreed with this war or Trump or the US foreign policy as a whole, outright denying the January massacre, and saying there was no evidence for that, the massacre which I saw happened, and the evidence I collected. There is no excuse

in that, they have zero right to do that. And for the first time ever, I truly understand why,

of seeing such privileged people denying your suffering.

“Coming up, more from Insight Iran, including that day President Trump said a whole civilization”

will die tonight. What was that like? That's in a minute, from Chicago Public Radio, when our program continues. It's this American life. I'm Hannah Jaffee Walt, sitting in for Ira Glass. Today's show, we hear from people inside Iran. People who are living through a war, and an internet blackout that the UN Human Rights Office has said is quote, "one of the longest and most severe shutdowns ever recorded globally." We're hearing what that's like from Iranians

who managed to get voice memos out of the country, in spite of it being difficult and dangerous

“to send them. Act 3, neighbors, friends, and lovers. Iran is a big country. It had deep divisions”

before the war. There were massive protests against the Islamic Republic and the brutal crackdown just over a month before America and Israel attacked. And in the messages we got, responses to the war were all over the map. All the people are happy. I'm telling you, say thanks, President Trump, thanks Netanyahu. They pray to God that my Bibi and Daddy, I mean, a Donald Trump, they can make help because many people as a joke and they say Daddy to him. But heed owns a small business.

He's in his mid-40s, lives on the outskirts of a big city in northern Iran. He despises the Islamic regime, wants a secular democracy in Iran. The protests and massacres in January

convinced by heed that change will never happen without outside help. Everyone is preparing

themselves for the moment that President Trump and Bibi declared that the situation is such that that people can come out. They will flood to regime to take them over. They all expect to have a new life after this regime. The internet is not a stable. The moment you send the message on to now, it took four hours and 36 minutes arrived to me. The speed is very slow.

“And you should know, the Islamic Republic, their fear, and this is not just my opinion,”

everyone thinks the same thing, is not that internet would be used against them in war. They're afraid that internet will become a tool to help protestors to get together and create an internal revolution. That's what they're afraid of. That's why they shot down the internet. But I don't remember exactly if I told you that I have a family member. He has a bad autoimmune disorder. He was worried. We were watching Iran International by satellite and he told

me, "What will come up if President Trump is going to do shut down electricity and all of the infrastructures?" What would happen to the country? He was worried. He was worried about all the people as like a him that they have a bad health issues and they need full care. I said to him, "Our situation is like that. We want to have freedom and going far away from this government. This IRGC and it would be needed to pay by something. This is the cost of freedom and that's

a shame, but I have a good feeling that this is the last second of this government."

The conversation's very, but everyone talks to each other with a certain caution, meaning in a way they size each other up so they don't get challenged. Omid works at a film studio in Tehran. He makes all sorts of content he worked on a candid

the regime, including the Blackout's policy. The Iranian Foreign Minister, Abbas Iraqi, said the

“Internet is shut off in Iran for security reasons, while the country is under attack.”

That idea makes sense to Omid. At work, Omid is a manager. Out of the 24 or 25 people who work under me, one or two of them are very left-leaning and

opposed. For example, regarding the news of the martyrdom or death of Omini, who was ultimately

the leader of the country, look, I had my criticisms of his performance, but regardless, it's a war. And when you lose your leader in a war, ultimately you're shocked, sad and confused. But one of the guys was happy. And it was like, if he wasn't embarrassed in front of me, he would have handed out sweets. I see the IRGC, the army, the police force, which are operating under a more or less unified command and are serving the country. They stood, fought, were killed,

were martyred, were assassinated. They could have just left, but thank God they stayed. The American should be satisfied with Venezuela and their own oil in, I don't know, Saudi Arabia. They should stop their wickedness. Regarding the Internet Blackout, I was forced to use a VPN,

“but the point is that we're in a war, and I think being connected could have perhaps caused”

more damage. Thankfully, we didn't have any unrest or clashes, I mean, at least not that I'm aware of, or I don't know, those common cyber attacks, hitting those different networks like banking network, the network of, I don't know, digital currency exchanges. Most of the people around me have come to terms with the fact that right now the conditions are wartime, and it's necessary, for example, to have certain limitations in control.

At night in Tehran and throughout a lot of the country, regime supporters have been gathering in squares to chant in support of the Islamic Republic and wave flags. Near our office, there is a street running north to south, that's a pill. I mean, it's quite a pill. I see a lady whose husband is in a wheelchair, and she's around 45, maybe 50 years old, and this lady in her husband come this way every night.

They go to the second square of Tehran Powerson chant. And I sometimes come to the window to

smoke a cigarette, and I've seen them. They go by at 8.30 or a quarter to nine, and then they return around like 10.30 or 11. And this poor woman sometimes has a hard time on the way back alone, because the man is a bit heavy. And sometimes I've seen people go up and alley to help them get home. The fact that a group of people are so patriotic and so dedicated that every night, whether it's raining, it's cold, it's hot. They get up and come to the city squares, participate

in gatherings, chants, and so on. That's really heartwarming and it's very fascinating. I really wish you were here to see it up close. There have been every night protests from the government supporters from one month. Whenever I'm out at almost 9 pm, I see them. Oh my goodness, not again. Maharu is in our 30s, lives outside Tehran. She works as an English tutor online, but there's not a lot of that work these days, so she's been taking on extra hours at her

dad's pharmacy. She's there till nighttime. She sees the rallies on her way home. The men chant repeated slogans and favorite the regime. They declare that they're ready to be martyrs of Islam and the Islamic Republic. Once I even saw a few of them were in shrouds to prove they're ready to

“die for their cause. When I go to bed, I think about Reza. I immediately burst into tears.”

Reza's the guy I've been in love with lately who turned out to be a religious fanatic. I knew he wasn't my match, but I couldn't help but to love him. Reza and I met at my dad's pharmacy. He's a

pharmacist. We used to work different shifts. All I knew about him at first was through my brother.

My brother's high opinion of him. I remember a winter evening that I went to the pharmacy to give my brother something. Being in my 30s, I'm maturn off not to believe in love at first sight, but at the very first moment I saw him he captured my attention.

He was always well groomed and obviously picky in the way he dressed. He looked so mild mannered,

kind, always ready to help the people around him. We started texting each other. At first it was

only about work, but we gradually switched to other personal issues. At first he was so cautious because he was our employee, but little by little he stepped forward. To be honest with you, I already knew that he was a religious guy, at least more than me, but I didn't expect him to be a religious fanatic with rigid opinions about Islam and the regime. The first time that I was shocked at his perspectives was during the 12th day of war with Israel around nine months ago. He believed

that Iran should not reach an agreement or stop the war because doing so will make us lose our dignity. I was like, what are you talking about? Iranian people are being killed. To me, dignity was an abstract concept. People's lives was something that mattered to me. Since then I chose not to

“talk about politics with him. Honestly, I knew they were trying to be dismissive of politics and”

religion was not the solution, but unfortunately I was deeply involved with him. The days before the war he left our pharmacy because he was about to establish his own, since then we've met a couple of times. The last time we met almost 20 days ago, he mentioned that he agreed with the idea of digital blackout for now. Because in this way, the government can be in control of the enemy's propaganda against the Islamic Republic.

I was like, how dare you say so? People are losing their jobs because of this blackout and you're talking about your idea of propaganda? I think this war made me far more realistic about resigned my love for him. This war was an accelerator. It made our relationship go downhill faster. Act 4. Now what? Every time I hear President Trump declare what Iranians want, or what they should do, or what he thinks should come next. And every time he tosses off a threat,

“I want to know, what is it like for Iranians to hear that? Are they hearing that?”

Another thing the blackout has erased, or have stifled. For instance, what was it like for Iranians on the day that happened only a few weeks ago when President Trump posted on true social about Iran?

"a whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don't want that to happen,

but I probably will. We got several voice memos about that day. I'm going to play one from the doctor, a new shear bond, who treated patients during the January masquer, then Sarah and Tehran, the woman who had been blow-drying her hair in case US strikes knocked out Iranian power plants. Trump had set a deadline for Iran that day to open the state of Hormuz. The deadline was evening in the US, 330 in the morning, and Iran."

Part of me didn't really want to take Trump seriously, but he is the president of the most powerful country in the world, so there is that. In Iran's time, it would be around three and a half a year. If I'm not mistaken, I had charged my phone, my laptop, my portable power bank, not that. They were going to last too long anyway, and had my essentials ready to go in case of emergency, or if I decided to move back to my hometown, since being so high up in my current apartment,

no electricity would also mean no water pump, not to mention no elevator. I took a shower,

“and I think it was around 2 a.m. when I decided to leave it up to fate and sleep,”

and wake up to either the unthinkable or to a war-torn country, and yes, by unthinkable, I mean the ceasefire, as I had no idea what it would look like. I woke up automatically around 5 a.m. grabbed my phone, and saw my dad's text notification that there was a ceasefire. I stared into the message, a good couple minutes, stone-faced, before going back to sleep. To make all the damages caused by the war worth it, we would have to have a regime change, but now it looks like

we just got the shorter stick on both ends. It brought nothing but more death than misery, not to mention it further and trench the regime. This was one of the dumbest wars in history to be honest. Last night, I was awakened to maybe 1230 or so, and there's a hallway in our house that has no windows around it, no glass, so that's where we sleep at night when they bomb. We go there to take shelter, and I was trying to sleep, but I was constantly checking the internet

to see what was happening, like, where they're saying what, and I just had a feeling that there

was going to be a ceasefire, so I couldn't sleep, but I finally did fall asleep. You're

my feeling when I read that news was just very, very, very full of rage, especially the things

“that I read, and I mean, I honestly don't know how much of it is propaganda and how much of”

it is reality, but the things I read that Iran is even earning money from the state of hormones during the ceasefire, because we, the people of Iran know that that money earned from there is not going to be spent on us, so we're just thinking that, well, we're just going to have a richer IRGC, and they're going to commit crimes even more easily. And I'm really, really afraid for the kids who are in prison, the kids who received death sentences, because I know they're

going to be persecuted terribly, executions are going to increase, I think we're going to have

even more severe crackdowns, probably any kind of social movement, if any form, which I honestly

find unlikely after the January massacres, but they'll face an even greater massacre. I feel like we're the main losers of this war, the people of Iran, because practically nothing is changed. One voice memo was short, and to the point, from Kabat, a carpenter, he's Kurdish and ethnic minority in Iran, living in the western part of the country. People are really frustrated

“with Trump, who wasn't he supposed to keep the pressure on until the regime surrendered?”

Why is he going to negotiate now? He was supposed to finish them off, not talk to them. One last person, Arta. He runs a tech company in Esfahan. Arta's voice memo's

came in last, I listened after hearing all of the others, and it helped me understand something

I hadn't before, about where things might be headed in Iran. Arta was deeply unsettled by people around him who were furious that President Trump did not follow through on his threats, especially a promise Trump made on social media to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age. You might not believe it, but the mourning the ceasefire was announced, I actually call the friend, and he picked up the phone saying, "What is this? What am I?" Why did they just let it go?

I mean, believe it or not, there is a segment of society who, in my opinion,

“probably lack a realistic view of what returning to the Stone Age actually entails,”

because maybe they don't really know what it's like to live without electricity in a fifth or six or a tenth floor apartment, but whether it is out of intense rage or just pure sheer ignorance, many people prefer that we go back to the Stone Age and have our energy infrastructure be completely wiped out as long as the Islamic regime went down with it. So, there's one group completely upset and furious, but then there's the complete opposite, the diehard, loyalist, ready to sacrifice

their lives for the Islamic Republic. The situation is truly, it's extremely terrifying. And for me, who's like, you know, slightly in the middle, I completely oppose the Islamic regime, but my red lines are the destruction of my country's infrastructure and the loss of my loved ones. And aside from that, I mean, if I'm being real, I'd give my own life to see the Islamic regime gone, but I do hold these two red lines.

There's another red line, Arta has held for a while now. He tells this story, and this is where I felt like, oh, that is a clue, not just about the blackout and what's happening now, but something the Iranian regime seems to have been building up for years now. Before the war, over a year ago, Arta was offered something he calls a weight line. It's also called a weight sim card. Weight sim cards are a way for Iranian officials and political

leaders regime aligned journalists to bypass internet restrictions and access much more of the global internet than the general population ever has access to. So even when there's an internet blackout or delays, if you have a weight sim card, you can get online. Arta had a contact because if they could get him a weight card, a weight line, but back then, Arta refused. Many of my friends and former colleagues around me had white lines and I knew it, but I resisted. I felt this is an undeniable

right that all Iranian people should have. I didn't want to use this special privilege. I wanted to stand alongside everyone else, living with the same hardships and struggles and VPNs and staying on this side, the side of the ordinary people. What it's like, it's like using a special privilege just to have the right to eat food while the rest of your society, your friends, your family, your siblings, can't afford to eat meat. But because of your privilege, you do. Does that make sense?

have children. I would tell them, oh, shout out, bro. You have a white line. We would actually

“talk amongst ourselves saying, did you see that guy at a white line too? That guy who put tend to be”

so aligned with the people? And, you know, I was one of the proud ones. Many of my friends told me, we thought you'd definitely had a one where you didn't. No, I helped my head eye. Then this war and this blackout, the longest ever, and Arta got a new offer. A new service approved by the state called internet pro. This would be like a white line or a white SIM card, but it would cost money, and it would give Arta a way to access the global internet.

Arta is supporting his extended family. He had staff depending on him. They're an IT company

that couldn't work without the internet. So, he did it. He signed up. This was a guy who, before the war, would not even use the domestic messaging apps in the state

“run internet. He did not want to be surveilled. Now, to get internet pro, Arta was required”

to provide his national ID number, phone number, and the names and details of everyone he works with who would be using the internet. He handed all of that in. Do I feel secure? No, that at all. I was an I firmly believe their monitoring over me has increased significantly. I have absolutely no sense of security. Surveillance and submission are the price of access. The blackout wasn't lifted when a ceasefire was declared, and it hasn't been lifted since.

It now seems more and more possible, but Iran will not return the internet back to the way it was before the war ever. And instead, there's a new plan, tiered internet access. Internet as a privilege, granted by the state, for people who support the state, or are at least willing and able to pay a state sanctioned company for access. It turns the internet from a public place where anyone can show up and speak, listen, argue,

spread conspiracy theories, find the bestweezers, to an internet that is more like an airport lounge, a silver elite gold-related platinum loyalty program. This is more and more common around the world, governments limiting internet access, and sometimes going a full blackout. The whole thing has a real coming to a country near you, babe.

When I first listened to these voice memos from Iran, they felt to me like a rare document,

of a rare time. People living their lives in this temporary moment through a war and a blackout.

“But I think of the voice memos differently now. I think it's possible”

they're documenting a massive, frightening change. That story was produced by Diane Will. Narangapu's Thad Kasey, Booyatana Tbuy Egoly, Booye Egoly at Lasey, O'er Keebe Thad In Kasey, Tos Kudum Romi Rasey,

Bhakti Mi O'er Kede Shudur, Na Monde Derman Fasey, Bi O'er Keebe Thad Shresy Thad, Our program was produced today by Diane Will, and edited by Nancy Updike. Roxanna Sabari and Fatima Jamal Poir collected the voice memos for us.

They're both journalists and authors. Fatima's book for the sun after long nights. You can find a link to Roxanna and Fatima's excellent reporting on what happened in January in Iran at our website. The people who put together today's show include Fia Benin, Zoe Chase Steena Chivis, Aviva de Cornfeld, the manual Jocchi Kasey Howley, Valerie Kippness, Adrienne Lily, Seth Lind, Tobin Lowe, Stone Nelson,

Molly Marcello, Katherine Ray Mundo, Nadia Raymond, Ryan Rummery, Alyssa Ship, Aixrice Kandurajah, Lily Sullivan, and Christopher Svetella. Our managing editor is Sarah Abdurachman, senior editor, David Kessenbaum,

Bajor Bihagi Tara Grammi, Jerry Habibi, Darius Homeyoun, Ava La Lazarza da,

Abraham McCanney, Aryan Moaïad, Navid Negban, Babak Tafti, Pij Vadat, Sheila Vand, and Selena Zahednia. Our wonderful casting director Sabrina Hyman, special thanks today to everyone in Iran who sent us voice memos for this story, and also special thanks to Sardar Pasey, Kave Dasturay, Hussein Hafizian, Dury Brisgarin, Amir Rashidi, Narky Spajoli, Ahmad Ahmadian, and Maxah Ali Mardani.

Shirin Jafari, who you heard at the start of the show, is a reporter on the public

“radio show The World. Our website, thisamericanlife.org. The American Life is delivered to”

public radio stations by PRX, the public radio exchange. Please consider supporting the show as of this American Life partner, you will get regular exclusive bonus episodes. You can listen ad-free and more join at thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners. I'm Hannah Jafi Walt, we'll be back next week with more stories of this American Life. .org.

Hey everybody, we have one more thing for you today, and that is a free sample of our newest bonus episode that we made for our thisamerican life partners that bonus episode starts like this. Hey everybody, I were here. I went to a high school graduation last year around this time, and can I say chat, GBT has not been good for graduation speeches.

“They're honestly like most graduation speeches were pretty bad before AI.”

Like I don't know, that's where my experience going to graduation. Maybe it's minutes too. Though I think graduation speeches are bad for reasons that are really built in and nobody's fault. When students give them, understandably, they feel like they have to say something about the experience that they just went through, being in school. Unless something very unusual and dramatic happened that year in school with that particular class, those stories are kind of just sound the same.

Then it's a section acknowledging and thanking teachers and parents, and there should be a section like that. No question, of course there's a section like that, but that's another section you can kind of predict how it's going to go from the moment it begins.

And then there's a section always about the future and the promise of the journey that we're

heading out on today, taking our first steps, the grand adventure, the graduates are heading out on. Which is really hard to do without falling into a lot of puffy platitudes. It's just a very difficult kind of speech to make interesting and alive and fun to hear. And when somebody does a good one, and there are some really great ones out there, it's usually some of the, you know, like Steve Jobs, or Michael Lewis, people with surprising

lives, telling surprising stories from their lives and having surprising thoughts that go with those stories, it's hard to do well. And when we get to graduation season, but like we are entering right now in May, I don't think I'm the only person who goes to those things, dreading the speeches. In 2012, a gun named Sanford Anger asked me to give the graduation speech at Goucher College in Baltimore. I knew Sanford Anger, Sandy had been my boss when I was in my early 20s at

MPR, or a daily news show called MPR Dayline. And Sandy was the host, I was his tape cutter.

“There's a tiny staff, it was like, I think it was just like three or four or five people was the”

entire staff for this daily show. And Sandy and I worked very close together and I always

really liked him. He was a smart guy with immense self-confidence, which he were likely, charmingly. I thought he'd been a foreign correspondent, he'd been a reporter for the Washington Post, he'd been the host of all things considered all before we did date line. And when date line was canceled, he went on to a series of very fancy sounding jobs. He was the dean of the School of Communication at American University, then he was the head of Voice of America,

then he was president of Goucher College, which is how this call happened. I'm for Baltimore, I have some personal connections to Goucher College, but I did not want the job of graduation

but I decided to do it. For reasons that I ended up putting into the speech and telling the audience

about, I also included in the speech, one very personal story about me and Goucher College.

“I remember I was not sure I should include in the speech, but I did and it got a response,”

like it turns out it was the right move, and then I also got to tell them about the day, my grandma Frieda met eight off Hitler back in 1932. And so I'm saying all this because with graduation season upon us, I'm going to play the speech for you right now. And so just to set the scene, this was a sunny day in 2012. It's outdoors. The theme of the graduation that year was transcending boundaries. So that was a phrase that was being repeated now and then during the day.

That's the kind of day this was. Okay, here's the speech. Graduates, parents, faculty, guests, president, younger, I'm honored to be asked to be your commencement speaker. I still oppose on principle the idea of any commencement speech.

“I believe that it is a doomed form, calling and impossible. Commencement speakers give stock advice,”

which is then promptly ignored. The central mission of the commencement speech is in itself ridiculous to inspire at a moment which needs no inspiration. Look at yourself at this moment. Something

incredible is happening to you right now. The whole world is opening to you. You guys have been

in school your entire lives. And you have completed something difficult that took persistence and willfulness. Probably you questioned yourself again and again. And now you're off to face the world and do everything you have been dreaming. What can words add to that. Accept delay the moment you get your diploma. I oppose the form of the commencement speech and I continue to oppose it even as I do one now. And I said yes only because of my personal connections to this school.

One is your president, Sandy Unger, who I was closely with at MPR years ago, who as many of you know has a special gift for convincing people to do things they do not necessarily want to do. Which worked out great in this case because I have a special gift for saying yes to people like that. As was said, another personal connection I have to voucher is my grandma Frida's, my dad's mom, Frida Freelander, Goucher Class of 31. A very defiantly proud Goucher

grad. Are the members of Phi Beta Kappa here? Can I hear Phi Beta Kappa? You are my grandma's sister in that organization. I'm wearing her Phi Beta Kappa. Key from a Frida were her key to any special dinner or occasion until she died and was not shy about talking about being a member of Phi Beta Kappa with anyone who would listen, which makes her seem like some wacky, crank, grandma, old lady. But she was actually anything but she was smart and funny and awake to the world.

And I left her enough that although I oppose the form of graduation speech, I am standing here

in front of you because I know it would please her a great deal. My third connection to Goucher,

I really was not going to talk about it all and this week my wife and some friends insisted that you graduate to find it relevant. And that is that I lost my virginity in one of the dorms here. Not recently. I was 20. It was still an all-girl school. The Goucher senior, who did this was very much, she made this happen. I was not the insigator. I had some good quality to the stage, but I was kind of immature and scared. She, however, was used to transcending

boundaries. Okay, so that is obviously just the beginning of that speech. This is just a sample

“of the bonus episode that we made for our life partners. If you want to hear the whole thing”

and support our show, go to thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners that unlock the full bonus episode