HTDE: Burritos and Handshakes

who use street drugs live in a network of government run, farm, and work camps. Focus is abstinence. This is very hard to answer without getting angry. We know that abstinence based programs fail over and over again. The health secretary's controversial vision for recovery this week on Consider This, from

NPR. Hey guys, it's Peter once again, in your weight weight feed, I am so pleased to present you another episode of How To Do Everything by Weight Weight Producers Ian and Mike.

“Now remember, you can only get these episodes of How To Do Everything in our feed for”

a short while. So if you love the kind of mysteries that Mike and Ian are revealing, make sure you subscribe to How To Do Everything at their own feed. Thanks. Andrea is an athletic trainer.

She wrote into us with a technique for stopping a nose bleed, something we never heard

of. Andrea, what's going on here? So there's this trend in athletic training called the heel pump for stopping nosebleeds. And basically, you figure out which nostril the patient is bleeding from.

And then either have them lay down and like whack the bottom of the out of the heel with your hand. Or you have them standing up and you have them stomped on that out of the heel on the ground. I don't know how it works.

Wow. Some athletic trainers really swear by it, and I've actually tried it once or twice. It works about 50, 60% of the time. For me, some people like I said swear by it, but nobody knows how it works. You said it's called the heel pump.

Yeah.

So if I'm bleeding from my right nostril, you would either whack me in my left heel, or

I would stop my left heel on the ground. Yeah.

“And typically when you have a nose bleed, it does come out of one nostril, I think if you”

have a double nose bleed during real trouble there, you might as well just start jumping up and down. Wow. Would that work actually? Could you just jump up and down?

I'm not really sure. I've only really seen it work out of one. Okay. Feels like if somebody's bleeding from both nostrils and they start jumping up and down, it feels like just the blood splatter could be something you want to avoid.

Oh, that gets pretty gruesome. Yeah. Andriott, what happened the last time you had a kid with a nose bleed, and you said, all right, laid out, I'm going to start banging on your foot. They do look at me pretty curiously.

They look at me like I've got two heads, but most of the time, I've developed a really good relationship with my athletes, so they trust me when I tell them to do something they'll usually do it. So what does that dialogue like? Most often when I work with high school athletes, I work with high school wrestlers.

Unfortunately, noses are very common in high school wrestling. Yeah. Sure. They shoved in the mat and you give your face to face with an opponent. And in a lot of high school wrestling, you only have about two minutes to solve whatever

injury you have on the mat before that the athlete has to go back or they're disqualified. So time is of the essence, and really in that situation, but they don't really question what I tell them to do. So I say, hey, lay down real quick, you're going to take a hand and make a fist, and then I whack them on the bottom of their wrestling two a couple times, and I haven't set up.

I say, OK, you're good to go. And they look at me funny, but they go back and I finish their match.

“If you, if you thump the wrong heel, does the blood flow increase?”

That's another good question. I don't think they're the way to screw it up. OK. I don't shoot. I hit the wrong foot, but my tooth just fell out.

I was very curious, we looked into this. There's actually a bit, it's classified as a full perimeter. There's no, you know, peer reviewed research into why it might work. And if you try this, if you have a bloody nose or if you know some of who does and you want to give this a shot, let us know what happens.

Don't go out and induce a nose bleed just to try it. We don't want, we don't want that. We can't be, we're not going to be held responsible for that. This is how to do everything. I'm Mike.

And I'm Ian on today's show, how to say goodbye to a burrito.

The first, hey Isaac, what can we help you with?

All right. So I'm missing a hand and it makes hand shakes very awkward and sure. Whenever I meet someone, the first thing I'm supposed to do is extend my hand. And if I don't say anything, they grab it and get startled and then try to pretend like they weren't startled and it's an awkward start to relationship.

And if I say something like, "Missing a hand, it's a weird thing to say as the first thing I ever say when I meet someone." Yeah. So when you say they grab it, they grab your left hand, your other hand. I'm missing my right hand.

I can put my right hand out. It's like just a small deform hand and I grab it and it feels weird to them and they didn't

I don't expect my left hand out which I did for a while but that ends up being like a kiss

the back of my hand sort of helped me into a carriage kind of situation. Oh. Uh-huh. Yeah. You don't want to start off with on a dainty foot either.

Yeah. Exactly. Okay. Is there a time like a specific instance that you remember when it was particularly uncomfortable?

It's been happening my whole life but like I just had a few job interviews where I walked in looking for the manager at the pizza place as a teenager and met the guy and tried to shake his hand and it was weird and it was like the only chance I got to ask for a job. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So it's a lot of things like that. It's a lot of professional relationships that just start off on a weird foot and I'm not really sure what to do about that. Yeah.

“Are you, are you ever in a situation where you fist bump with the left hand?”

Is that any better? That's the best option I've found. Um, okay.

Unfortunately, that doesn't always work and informal business situations.

Yeah. Yeah. This might be Isaac the time to bring back a kiss on both cheeks. Yeah. Could you maybe a hit bump?

Oh. That's fun. Yeah. So I guess the question is are we looking for just like a good way to kind of break the ice on this?

Yeah. Sure. Like a good strategy. Um, I've tried a lot of different things. I'll decide I'm going to try a new thing like right now, I say missing a hand for someone

shakes my hand. Yeah. Doesn't really work up and use an app for like a year. If you've got a new idea I can try, that'd be awesome. Well, I want to say that you've come to the right place, but I can't promise that.

But we're here. We're going to, we're going to look into this for you. Okay. I appreciate that. Yeah.

I figured you'd have some interesting thing to say about it. We think we have the perfect person to talk to about this. It's Mike Conley of the Minnesota Timberwolves. And as we speak, they are up three, two over the Denver Nuggets in the NBA playoffs.

“Conley is, I think it's fair to say, the greatest handshaker of our era.”

Yes. I know, pocket for Mike Conley. What you're here in here is Mike Conley hitting a three, then walking along the bench and giving a different elaborate handshake to every single one of his teammates. Mike, how many handshakes do you have?

I should have one with all of them. If not, it's because they're probably newer to the team or I'm still trying to develop. But I got at least 45, 50, the months, the whole organization right now, so there's a lot. Whoa. Wait a minute, just with the Timberwolves, you have 40 handshakes?

It's up there. It's up there for sure. Wow. How do you remember them all? Honestly, it's gotten to a point where I like, it's like a facial recognition thing.

I assume as you see the person, it just comes out. He just goes reach for their arm and hand or whatever and they'll start doing the handshake

and you just start doing the handshake and it's like, oh yeah, you know, it's just like second

nature, it doesn't even think twice about it. What's the most recent handshake you have? Most recent one, probably I was probably the most recent one because I came in a little a couple of weeks after he was straight here. This is probably impossible to do in audio, but can you describe one of your, one of your

“favorite handshakes, just everything that goes on from start to finish?”

Yeah. So, this is where it's on my eye. Yeah. It was fresh on my mind. So, each one has a life of this one and it's kind of dictated upon like your relationship

with that person. So, if there's something this y'all haven't come in or if you like the golf or whatever you, your hobby is, whatever day you try to find something that fits the both of us. And then I/O, we play cards on the plane, that's like one of the first interactions I had with him was being on playing cards, so our handshake literally is like, you know,

you go to flat hands and you go one pass by, he's back side of your hand and you do two times on the front side of your hands and then we're dealing with different cards. So, we'll deal like three cards or like, deal five cards, whatever it is that we need for that day. Kind of like a fluid handshake, but each day it could be, you know, we'll ask some of

some of them, like the middle of the handshake, I'll be, you know, wrapping them up and then after we do like two or three passes with our hands, we'll start dealing out cards, how many you need. And then like one, two or three or five whatever it is, and we'll just kind of go from there. But everybody got their own own special deal and something along the lines, so you know,

Wow.

And like when you are, so you and I owe, you're getting to know each other at what point

in the relationship or how does it happen that you guys work that out, that you get to a point?

“Does everybody know you got to get a handshake with my Conley?”

Right. It's got to be organic. We all sit there and like stare at each other and we gotta figure this out. Right. I mean, it's not all those things, it's one of those moments, you know, when it normally

happens, it's like, it normally happens like, either during a practice day or like a, right before the game, when you know, I am giving handshakes out everybody and you're going down the line as you get down the bench, you start tapping up everybody and you get to

eye you and I look at him like man, we ain't got a handshake yet.

That's it. That's what I'm like. All right, here I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got it and we're just like boom, boom, boom, boom, and then, and then he'll, he'll, he'll, he'll, he'll, you know, it's all right. I'll think it's all right.

And kind of go from there. So it kind of happens by the moment, but there's a little bit of thought that goes into it though. Yeah.

“So Mike, you heard Isaac's question, what advice might you have for him?”

Man, I can say like from experience with like guys who, like this, something guy, like you might injure a hand, right, like, injure a finger or with a wrist or something like that. So you're, you know, unable to use one side and so you still try to do handshakes and it's like, you know, people will still go grab your hand real hard and say, bro, my finger is broken or whatever, you know, it's kind of like, you know, stuff like that can kind of

occur. And most times when like, we're in that situation like we do try to go, like, lead, lead the dance with that other hand, whatever hand that's not injured or whatever, or not having an issue like, well, like, if you're being somebody, like immediately jump out of it and be like, it will stop, bro, like bring that hand out immediately, like to where they have

no choice, but to bring that left hand out or like, you know, putting it out close, you are with them or if it's closer to people, like doing stuff with, you know, chest bumps and elbows and like all kinds of stuff, and we got some guys who get sick a lot in our team too. So we, we will bypass the hands and go straight to elbows, like taps and stuff like that

little, make it really easy to bypass, having the shake hands, but it's still like greeting each other.

“So yeah, you know, I probably look into something like that if, you know, yeah, I think”

that's where I think the elbow coming into play seems really, really smart. Isaac was saying that it's, it's particularly hard, like, in a business setting, a job interview, as somebody who designs a lot of hand shakes, what's the most business-like thing you could do with an elbow, do you think? What would you do if given that assignment?

Wow. I mean, literally, like, you know, it's the fist pump with the elbow because I mean, people a lot in different settings and sometimes you're meeting so many people and you might be in a situation like I, you know, my hands are sweaty, I just got in, you know, from doing this, I just want to, you know, be throw out the fist pump for the quickest,

very nice to meet you, you know, making eye contact, no, I stuff and it could be very similar to that with an elbow and, like, I think Isaac said is, you know, trying to announce

whatever that is, you know, at the start of your conversation, you know, is always, I think,

a good idea and whether you have access to an eye so that you can spread the right route. Let me ask this a dumb question, Mike, so bear with me. Have you ever hurt your hand and has it impacted the game because of a hand shake? No, but the, the one person who can kind of, you know, hit a knuckle the wrong way is Rudy, Rudy O'Berry has a few wears, like, if he's not planning a game, he wore, like,

these, these big old, like, rings that have, like, you know, his hands are big anyway, but, yeah, these, these shoes, rings with, like, jewels and stuff on, I don't know what they are like, rocks or something and, and when he hits like the back of my hand sometimes, like, I'll catch a ring on my, like, knuckle, and I'm like, oh my God, I can't, I can't play. You know, like, he's, like, that painful, but, nothing bad, everybody else has hands shake

a pretty pretty, uh, non-violent. Well, Mike, thank you so much for talking to us about this and helping out Isaac. Yeah, anytime, man, I hope that, uh, hope it helps and glad that I'll be able to be on. Hey, if you have any questions, and you want our help, go ahead and send them to us at [email protected].

We are about to take a little break, but during that break, uh, we're going to build up all of your questions into an almost insurmountable pile that we will then answer until the end of time. We will make a question, Pinjata, and then every episode, we will take a bat, we will

We will treat that question like a piece of candy, we will unwrap it, and we will take it on.

You can be one of the first questions that we stuff inside of that paper, machine, donkey,

uh, get it to us at [email protected]. Hey, Rachel, what can we help you with? Um, well, I, uh, I am mourning a burrito that I had for about 10 years and then went away when the restaurant changed ownership and, and their menu changed as well. You said you're mourning the burrito.

“I am, yeah, it's, um, it's something I think about a lot, uh, and that'll probably never”

have again. I mean, it's, yeah, like, I feel like it was, it was an Indian Mexican fusion burrito, and so I think it's something that's sort of hard to recreate on my own because I would have to develop, like, a mastery of cooking Indian food, which seems unlikely. Yeah.

Have you tried to, uh, either recreate it or, you know, go to different restaurants and see if they can, you know, try and match your expectations? Um, I tried to go back to, so the place, the way I discovered that it was dead, because I, I went to the place where I had been going for many years, um, only to discover that it had, it had changed hands, but that the menu had changed, and I tried to order what I had

previously ordered, which was no longer listed on the menu. Uh-huh. It was, yeah, it's a New York, you can masala breakfast burrito, so it was, like, the New York, you can masala egg hash browns. Wow.

Um, all inside, like, a really massive tortilla was, like, a three pound burrito.

Um, and so the other tough thing, too, was they had really amazing mint chutney that was,

like, you know, like, the color of the coolant that you put in your car, basically. Nice. Um, that is no longer an existence either, and so that's, that's another problem area. Wow. Yeah.

That sounds hard. So when was last time you had it? The last time I had it, probably like, I guess it would have been about two, like, a year and a half ago. Okay.

And I guess you didn't, and I guess you didn't know that was the last time you were having it. No, I didn't. Yeah. That's how it is.

You know, you still don't know what might be your last moment with a person or burrito.

“So I guess the question for us is, like, so what, how can we help you?”

Do you want us to help you process this loss or find a new burrito? I mean, I feel like this is a common phenomenon. You know, people have a problem all the time where, like, a dish that they love, you know, disappears because the restaurant closes or, like, a product in stores, like a food product, you know, is continued.

And there's no, like, I feel like there should be a grieving ritual, kind of a thing that kind of a lot. All right. Rachel, we're going to see what we can do. Cool.

Oh, yeah. Thank you, guys. We got to film with Rachel. And we thought it would be fun to have a priest deliver a eulogy for her burrito, to help give her the closure sheet needs.

So we called up Father James Martin. He's author of the new book, Work in Progress, Confessions of a Busboy dishwasher, Caddy Usher, Factory Worker, Bank Teller, Corporate Tool, and Priest. So, like I said, we had the idea that he would give a eulogy for this burrito. We talked to him.

And the conversation actually got more serious, more sincere than maybe our usual, how to do everything in a view. But we want you to hear it because what we have here is actually helpful for people who are mourning, no matter what it is, burritos are not. Probably not a burrito.

Okay. So, here we go.

“Father Jim, what do you have for Rachel who says she's mourning a burrito?”

And she's serious, right? Yes. She, in as much as anyone is, I think, she told us that she would have this lunch. I think, you know, correct me from wrong for like 10 years, this is what she would eat. And then something happened with the restaurant.

It changed hands. She's gone back and they are not able to recreate it. Yeah. Well, it sounds like she's also grieving or mourning those 10 years, too, right? So, probably represents something that's larger for her.

Yeah. So, maybe it's a question of just letting go of that part of your life or that period in your life, you know, more than letting go of the burrito. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. So, she had it for the last time a year and a half ago. She didn't know this was the last time she was going to have this burrito. So she didn't really have a chance to say goodbye, which I think is, you know, that echoes with some of my experience of grief when, you know, you often don't know that you're spending

Yeah, I don't want to trivialize what she's talking about, because it, you know, like

Proust's Medal N, right, it can kind of star up memories. And as I said, it does sound like she might be grieving the last 10 years. You know, I lost my mom a couple of weeks ago and I was actually with her on the last day of her life. So I was able to say goodbye.

“But for people, like letting go of people, I think, you know, as a Christian, I believe,”

you know, they're in heaven and we can say goodbye to them in our prayer. One of the things that we can do to say to help us say goodbye to something was something that was recommended to me by a trappist spiritual director. My mom had moved out of her house. And he said as a meditation, why don't you imagine yourself going through the rooms with

God?

Or if you're not a believer, just kind of going through those rooms.

And remembering all the things that happened in those rooms and letting it go, which was really quite powerful. You know, in your house, your bedroom, the living room, kitchen, all that. And what happened to me in this meditation, which I found very powerful was, as I imagine myself leaving the house with Jesus and my prayer, my expected in my meditation, I would

shut the door, right, and that would be it. But the door was open and I realized that I could go back any time I wanted to, right, I could go back to that imaginative recreation of my house and sort of live there and dwell there and remember things there. And maybe four-year collar, you know, it's an invitation to go back and look at what happened

in the last ten years and kind of grieve that and say goodbye to it. That's really beautiful. That is.

Yeah, it was very helpful for me because I think the door to our memory is always open.

And, you know, with something, even as simple as a breeder, and again, it's like a loose metal and or something that can, to trigger memories, you can always go back in your memory and thank God for that time or if you're not religious, just be grateful, you know, for the time that has been given to you. I'm just, I, I feel like I just want to acknowledge the feelings that I'm having right now,

which is, that is so beautiful. I also, I feel, I feel guilty that we have brought you this question about grieving a burrito when you have experienced this very real loss in your life and I'm very sorry for your loss and it feels funny that we've brought up this burrito. No, that's okay.

“You know, I would say everybody, that's why I asked specifically at the beginning of”

she was serious because I want to make sure she was serious. Yeah. Everyone has different things that they grieve and, you know, not everyone has lost their mother in the last couple of months, but you know, the loss of a job, the loss of relationship, the loss of a familiar way of life, which it sounds like this period of represents.

And, you know, I would say to people, everyone's suffering is meaningful to them. Right. So, we have to take it seriously. Everybody's sort of experiences are meaningful to themselves, so we have to take that seriously.

This is surprisingly profound response to the loss of a burrito, but I think it, hopefully it will help Rachel. I hope so. And I hope she's, you know, it's also, you know, there's lots of new burritos that you can try, right, it's also about moving ahead, too.

It's funny, because it almost sounds like we're speaking euphemistically, but we're, we're talking literally about a burrito. I'm speaking a little bit more euphemistic, but they've been metaphorically, look, I mean, there's kind of gradations of grieving and saying goodbye and saying yes, you know, in the middle there's lots of stuff going on for people and everybody has to say goodbye.

“You know, that I think that's part of growing saying goodbye to something, which means”

saying hello to something else. If you were to, if you were tasked with utilizing burrito for someone, where might you begin? At this burrito, we've been this peneer, take a masala breakfast burrito. Eulogizing and meaning kind of composing something that I guess a homily is that the right

word of. Yeah, I wouldn't use people and I would not do a homily about a burrito. But I might say, okay, you know, you might say something to Rachel that maybe it would be good to write down the pleasant memories that were associated with that, because it can't be just a burrito.

I'm sure it's people she knew in the store and stuff that was going on in her life at the time and maybe people she ate the burrito with just to recall those things. There's a Jesuit prayer called the examination of conscience where you recall things, you and sending nations to the founder of the Jesuits, said, you save them, you actually save them, like you're saving a meal.

And then you thank God. So, part of it's just kind of calling that to mind, and maybe listing the things that you're grateful for and conjunction with that experience. Well, this is great. Father James Martin, thank you so much for entertaining this question for us.

Thanks for inviting me on.

Well, that does it for today's show. What do we learn today, Mike?

“Well, I learned that a high-fiving, or coming up with a cool handshake, can actually hurt”

people. It can be dangerous if a player is wearing like fancy big rings. Yeah, be careful what you have on your hand when you're high-fiving someone.

Actually, I do think if you ever, like if you're somebody who's never won a championship,

you never have that championship ring.

“In some ways, it makes it easier for you to be someone you can do a high-five with.”

Yeah. So, to the NBA team, who in a few weeks loses the chance to fulfill your lifelong dream and you go home with nothing, keep in mind you're going to give better handshakes. Better handshakes better times. What is gentler handshakes?

“No one's going to want them because you lost, but on the rare opportunity, somebody”

puts their hand up for you. You can rest easy knowing you're not going to hurt them. If you ever run into Charles Barclay, have no fear.

You can give him the hardest high-five ever because he never won a championship.

Reggie Miller, you're welcome here, let's shake hands. When Charles Barclay and Reggie Miller here this episode, they're going to be really sad. How to do everything is produced by Skylar Swinson with technical direction from Lorna White. Join us in this your question, send them to us at [email protected].

We're going on a short break, but we'll be back soon and we'll get to your questions. We promise. I'm Ian. And I'm Mike. Thank you.