New Year New Roast | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

>> Welcome to the fourth episode of the Winter Bears. >> The fight finale.

“>> The finale, now very similarly, we have people,”

the big wigs from YMH, behind the scenes guys, are all here to try to talk us into doing a show permanently on the network. And what is the answer going to be?

>> The answer is resounding, no, absolutely not.

Chris, you're already looking for houses in Texas. >> You're ready to move to Austin, you're ready to fucking completely change. >> Right, you're ready to go. >> No, this has been a great time. >> Right. >> I've enjoyed hanging out here in the studio.

They have a lot of amenities. >> They do. >> This is they have a whole staff. >> They do. >> I'm actually pretty sluggish because I have continued to crush pastries.

They have a lot of snacks here. >> Right. >> I had way too many croissants. >> Sure. >> So, I'm bringing in 2026, this is 2026 FL Chris. I'm bringing in sluggish, and I'm ready to get home to beautiful New York City. >> New York City.

>> Now, I'm ready to hold hands with you on our Delta flight back. >> Dude, I hope, what city do you do now? >> I'm 5D. >> I'm 3A. >> Damn. >> But we'll still hang. I'll ask my seatmate to switch.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah, so you and I could sit next to each other. >> Now, here's the, let's be honest. >> Well, you can't even, here's the problem, you know, not to start. I mean, would it be an episode of, would it be a run of two bears without talking about

“the fact that we're in first class and complaining about it?”

>> Yes. >> The one of the downsides of the first class, you can't, as easily, secretly suck your friend off sitting next to him, because there's real partitions there. >> Yes. >> Back in the day, you could do sneaky gay shit if you're in the back.

>> Yeah. >> Back in the day, I was always, I was like being near the bathroom,

because I thought maybe people, they were the least desirable seats, so if any middle seat is going to be open, because of fat person, I would get the one right by the bathroom. And the worst was when it's a full flight, and it smells like shit, and your open thighs with another grown man. >> Yeah.

>> But a lot of times it would work out for me, and I would have a whole road to myself. >> Right. >> I could get through, by the way, I'm the guy shitting. >> Sure. >> So, someone shitting in a bad, and airplane, it is an insanely fat guy who got way too

much pop eyes at the fucking, at the leg food court, because once you know you're flying, there's no nutritional law. >> Zero rules. >> You cry fucking, I would even when I was broke, I would probably spend more on snacks and even, because I used to find the most budget flight I could, and then I would go and

spend like $40 on horrible gummies and fucking fried chicken and chicken shit. I've almost missed flights, I've been, they've called my name, well I've been in line and it's Chick-fil-A, and I've just been like, "Come on, I need my fucking nugget!" >> Yeah. >> And literally it was just fucking, yeah, nothing better than watching a fact I run to

his flight. >> Yeah. >> One of the best things you could see, if you're just absolutely, you know, I'm in the terminal just waiting, boom, a guy who does not usually run, you can tell, yeah, you're like this guy is about to pop, like an ACL is on the verge, yeah, just completely, my physical

therapy, the green pops up, I can run over there, I need a fucking massage, I'll do it out, dude. >> My shoulders are fucked up.

“>> Now, I think, well, what are we going to do, when we get there, we're going to go into”

the Delta lounge, they got some nice food and snacks, they are all freebies. >> I have law, this is, you know, I've become, I have lost my Delta privileges. >> Wow. >> Yeah. >> I'm becoming a man of the people yet again.

>> Well, lucky you, I have, you have a guest. I've only, I've been hardcore with, I've leaned in, I'm like a freaking, you know what I mean? Delta special forces, yeah. >> I can get a plus one, so you will be my honored esteemed guest. >> Wow.

>> It will be nice to be back if somebody's fucking guest. >> Yeah. >> Now, I will tell you that, you know, Austin, the flights from Houston to New York City are much, they give you the better planes, they give you the shit level planes, at Delta from Austin to New York, Austin is his bubbling city, but they don't treat it like that in

the airport.

Houston, they'll give you first class, Houston to New York is Delta one, lay down beds

and all that, this one is not even close to that, it's partitioned off tight spaces. >> Wow. >> Now, and also, no opportunity to fly into La Guardia, we have to fly into JFK, which is the worst airplane. >> I'd rather be in the back of a car with JFK.

>> [LAUGH] You'd rather be wiping off visor and brainwashed your lapels and then fucking flying into JFK. >> I really despise it, and it just takes a lot longer to get to your home to my home. And I do feel like, as you mentioned, if we're going to complain about sitting first class and the privileges that come along with that, this is the show to do that.

>> This is the platform where you do that. It is the perfect two bears topic to complain about the first class stopping you from doing

>> Yeah.

>> It's kind of every element of the program.

>> Yes. >> We're too rich to explore our latent homosexual desires now, which is a problem. >> And by the way, which won't be able to stay late and for long. >> [LAUGH]

“>> You know, I don't know, I think I'm past it.”

>> I think if you would call me, I could have been groomed into a gay lifestyle, you know. >> Yeah. >> I could have been, if somebody, if I found somebody, some older man who wanted to lean me out, treat me like his little fuck pig, and then make me, you know, he buy me stuff, put me on our exercise regimen when I was broke.

He might have, you know, it was thick wasn't too big. >> Sure. >> It wasn't too much of a hassle to talk about. >> Here's a guy who's looking up to you right now in, like his early season. Twenty is who sees a lot of himself in you, and you kind of just said that to him.

And he, he is in, he's hoping that happens to me. >> Well, he's hoping that that happens for him, and so what he's saying to himself is, okay, so I could see him eventually getting in line with Tim Dylan. >> Right. >> Tim Dylan, what I just described is what Tim is looking for.

>> Exactly. >> You want to be a hilarious, if Tim started, if you've seen behind the candelabra, where Libarachi makes all his boyfriends look exactly like him,

“what if Tim took all these fucking twinks and started feeding them to like,”

I've fattish it, and like forced them to look exactly like him, so you have fuck a carbon cup, you've fucked, made them smoke cigarettes, so they get a gravel, yeah. >> Yeah, so if they're all wearing Balenciaga, you just have a fucking, he has an army of like fat guys and fucking designer sunglasses.

You've fucks in the ass. >> Yeah. >> But no, I think Tim tastes to the twinkish side. >> Yes, they are, yes, they are too twink, so we're not necessarily as type, but you know, think you could have ever been convinced to be game ends played,

sexual play toy. >> I mean, dude, I mean, what do you, that's, that's foundational cathalses. >> So, I mean, this is what the, this is what the beginning here is on. >> Right, right. >> So, you know, I don't think, I think that for me, the gay stuff,

you take the body of the Lord, yeah, you put your tongue out down. >> Yeah, yeah, give me a morsel of your body, Daddy. >> Yeah, just on my knees, tongue open, you're like, "Sir, you don't have to do that."

>> First time you took it, I mean, you tried to get it on all floors.

>> Yeah. >> Dude, you know what sucks at that catholic church now? They don't give anyone the wine anymore, since COVID can't drink the blood of Christ. >> Just the, just the body. >> No, you can't drink the blood of Jesus, not the blood.

“>> That's why, yeah, dude, that's why, you know, now we have to just take the blood of Greek Orthodox,”

because I haven't had communion in a while, I've become a heathen. >> Sure. >> But I did grow up in the church, and they wouldn't make you, I don't, it was one spoon, and they would put a little bread and a little wine in there, and everyone eats off the same spoon, and the piece would have a little cloth and wipe it off, but, yeah, no.

>> Germs don't work. And then I was like, 'cause you have to often follow on a fucked up looking, because people who love community, the old, the elder, yeah, and you would have to follow a really fucked up mouth and dirty old mouth, yeah, fucked up shitty dentures, like a frontier mouth. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't want to tell them how to trail.

And I asked my mom, I was like, what the, like, I don't want to, this leaves germs are on it. She was like, God disinfects it with his powers, so like God is down there like zapping every fucking communion spoon, and yeah, he would be pretty busy. >> Yeah, dude.

>> You know, the conflict with my whole life, they would say, like, you know, we would

study for the test, and then they would say, but the most important part of it is you

just pray to God to give you the answers, so I would just, just getting a 10 on my essays. >> Yeah, but I'm praying. >> I'm praying, yeah. >> We're not praying. >> I don't know.

>> I'll answer your prayers during NASA Community College. There you go. Now, it's New Year's Eve. >> It's time to think about New Year's Resolution. >> Sure.

>> You know, goals for the year. >> I had a New Year's Resolution last year to not cancel any Comedy Shows to say committed to what I say I'm going to do, and then I canceled the last quarter of all my shows this year. I just said, nope, I'm not going.

>> Right. >> I canceled Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, and I love the city of New Northwest. >> Great. >> Great Comedy Town, shout out all those people, shout out to people of Columbus, Ohio, that I canceled on, I've no problems with any of these towns, I love these towns.

I just got to a point where I said, I just don't want to leave the family anymore. I don't want to be multiple times on the way, it feels too far. I am now on a quest in 2026, 2027 to do shows just primarily in the original 13 colonies. It's what I thought of as this would work for me, if I'm on the Eastern Seabarch of your in one of the original 13.

>> Yes. >> There's a high chance I'm coming to you. I hope you'll come see me. I don't mean to neglect the other parts of the country, but just mentally with my family

looking to stay home.

>> Okay, that's beautiful.

A lot of jokes about the Atlantic Ocean. >> Sure. >> You know, a lot of regional stuff, founding father, material, you know, all that stuff, dude. We'll start shooting on the Algonquins. >> [LAUGH]

>> The Ericoy. >> Yeah, how fucking, how gullible they were. Who gave us who traded Manhattan? >> The Lenape. >> The Lenape.

>> And the only reason I know that is because I'd watch Colin Quinn's New York history.

“That's how all of Brooklyn learns about history.”

>> Colin Quinn's. >> It's awesome. >> One man shows and him on weekend update. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> In the 90s.

>> Of course. >> He was our hero. >> Of course. That was the close you got to actual news with Colin Quinn, a guy from the city being on weekend update.

>> That's it. >> Like kid, I was not, when I was a kid, I was actually pissed. I didn't like Colin Quinn, I was a kid. >> Well, because he hated New York type thing. >> I don't know, I was, because he was too, like, he was more about jokes.

I was a dumbass little kid. Like, what year was he, was he right after norm? >> Yeah, like 96.

“>> I was like, I also, you know what's so funny?”

>> I loved norm, even though I was a kid. >> Yeah. >> And his is a very dry style.

But I was my first SNL that I loved was like that.

All those guys that got fired was like Sandler. >> Yeah. >> Oh, sure. >> Stay in the car. >> Yeah.

>> Yes, norm all that stuff. >> Yeah. >> And I only watch it because my mother was a waitress at a Greek restaurant, and she would come home with leftover lamb chops and colomari. And so I, when I went up for that, I would, no, I would stay up, pat, like, I would

watch SNL. >> Yeah. >> Like, I was like fucking seven, like we're talking, there's like the mid 90s when those guys got on SNL. I was literally six and seven years old, and I was staying up.

The promise of colomari or lamb chop actually gave me a, yeah. I gave me a education in comedy, fellas, you already know what time it is, it's time to level up, and Bluetooth just dropped something crazy. I'm talking next level, championship belt, gold, plated energy. Bluetooth gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable ED brand.

This is the four-in-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that rocket pumping, mixed with apple morphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body. Bluetooth gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you get it on quicker and stay in the game longer.

I love taking this stuff, it's helped me stay in the game way longer than I even need to be. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at bluetooth.com.

You've got a special deal for our listeners, get 10% off your first month of Bluetooth gold

with the code Bears. That's promo code Bears.

“Visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information.”

And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. This show is sponsored by draft king's draft king's sports book, an official sports betting partner of the NFL, makes every playoff moment feel bigger. Let me tell you, if you're not pumped for these playoffs, I don't know. If you have a heart inside you, I mean, I almost, I almost want to get a job at Buffalo

Wild Wings so I can really watch all the games. I spend every week then there watching the games and draft kings makes it so much more fun if you have not tried draft kings. You are missing out on a huge part of football draft kings has your back with early exit protection.

For your in your eligible NFL prop that goes down at any point in the first half, you still get paid in cash. Come on, bro, download the draft king's sports book app, use promo code Bears. That's promo code Bears to turn five bucks into three hundred bucks and bonus bets if you're bet wins in partnership with draft kings, the crown is yours.

Rolling problem call 1-800-Gambler in New York call 877-8 Open Wire text open Y-467-369. In Connecticut help us available for problem gambling call 888-789-777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of boot hill casino win resorting Kansas, pass through a per-wager tax may apply in Illinois.

21 and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction void an Ontario restrictions apply. That must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required NBA league pass auto-renuance until canceled additional terms at dkng.co/audio limited time offer.

Oh my god, they're really funny.

“They're epic and you know he I think like in comedy like you have to have someone that you look up.”

Here's what's wild is that was our thing SNL you have to believe that there are little kids right now who are 10 11 12 13 years old

who they you're getting them into comedy. That's really there's some little kid right now that's like I stay up for colomarian lamb chops. I see myself for him. Yeah, he's just watching fucking Vitt you just on on his phone waiting. Yeah, yeah, it's funny because it's not tethered any time anymore.

No, you can just see comedy whenever you want whenever you want it's yeah.

“Yeah, I hope there's some fat little child who's watching who's inspired by my comedy.”

So I got so near as he's coming up I have course did the the one thing that my family asked me not to do. They've did work. They were one request and they said, please can you just not work for the holidays.

It's also by the way, the worst gig in the world 1,000 percent. Yeah, so instead I've done.

I'm now doing two shows at the Count Basie theater in Red Bank New Jersey. Great theater. Great theater. Yeah, of course now my you know beautiful you know wife and children have instead of being able to say in the comfort of our home. I've now gotten them hotels in the outskirts of Red Bank New Jersey. One of the finest tourist districts Red Bank. Yes, they don't have any type of like nice hotel. So where I swear to God. I have them in a holiday and express symbolic symbolic of what their life with you is going to be. Yes, so now they're have to stay Jasmine has to now you know put on her finest Newers Eve gown and stay huddled up.

You know, they're not going to come to the well, you know, I got the you know little babies. We're going to have the dog with us. So you know your Siberian husk. So now we're staying in literally two queen beds is the the most extravagant I could get for 25 tonight is two queen beds in a holiday and express. You know, it's getting a jersey and but I have promised that I'm not working New Year's day and any really that much in January. So we'll do something, but that is going to be my New Year's Eve is is having to slug it out to Count Basie theater with James Madden and the great my cam.

That's a nice. I'll be good, but my family is because we did it. I did the Paramount on Long Island two weeks two years ago and you know it was good enough time, but John's just like don't do it again. And you so then I did I took last year off and then I immediately forgot what she said and I booked myself. I booked this show on New Year's Eve January of this year. So I booked it a year in advance. So I was like I'm immediate. I'm making sure to go against wishes. Yes, actually the first thing I do this year is make my wife mad.

Yes, or my not yet wife. No, but she's told me though that she wants to she wants me to start saying it publicly. So I start to get my mind to the idea like this is what's happening. And she also was like we've been together long enough. It's kind of weird. You're coming to say like girlfriend. It is. It is. It starts to become very trash. You had a certain point. Yes to be a woman, you have, when you have multiple, when your kids are like have like four have started to form political opinions and you still call the woman that you had them with your girlfriend.

Yeah, that is trash. That is a trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you live with her. It'd be one thing if you guys were divorced or like, you know, we're, we're Coperns. You are in a her name's on the deed. Yeah, you're in a committer relationship. You have a child who's like 10 years old. Yes. And you're like my, my chick. Yeah, my girl. My, my child's filling out college applications. I'm like, yes, my girlfriend. Well, cheap things. Now, I've done two regrettable things here. Okay, hit me with New Year's Eve show Redback New Jersey. Also, I just sometimes you just can't get away from New Jersey. Can't get away from the roots.

I said yes after multiple asks me saying, no, no, no, but then finally just warm me down. I am now doing. I am now roasting the cast of the Jersey shore in the state of New Jersey at the board.

I've never got a hard rock in Atlantic city. I've thousand people in there arena. I am now. I've never roasted in my life. I have no idea what to do or say.

And I set and I said yes because they offered me just enough money and a free weekend stay at the hard rock. Wow. So that's your family coming to that. Jasmine is okay. But yes, so she was like that. And but even that I'm like, come on.

“I'm able to go into Atlantic city. That's what she said. She was like, you know, Chris, like, when are when are you going to understand that like, I vacation in Atlantic city isn't a vacation for me.”

Like, you, you like, you also went in fucking December January. Yeah, in the winter you're going to Atlantic city. Yeah. Disgusting. She's like, you know, like, what about going to Puerto Rico and all that. I'm like, well, I don't know if they have a comedy club in San Juan. So I couldn't, I'm like, I got, am I going to, is somebody going to pay me to make fun of J Woz plastic surgery in San Juan? I don't think so. Yeah. So it's like, what the hell do you want me to do? And she's actually even that's been a big gripe with her. And I do understand it now, where she's like, why does every single vacation we go on as a family? Why do you have to do stand up at the beginning or end of it? I'm like, because that pays for the trip. She's like, stop with that.

Yeah. They just work before the vacation. Yeah. Like, that's, that is, again, you being too stupid don't understand things. You're like, well, I have to pay for it. Well, I'm there. And it's like, no, dude, you could just do a, you could do a gig the week before. Yeah. And if you could go to Columbus, yeah, right, instead of canceling, you're going to just kept Columbus on the books, use that money to pay for Puerto Rico. Right. You know what I'm saying? You see how that works, Chris? But you see how we're not in a direct, you think we're in a barter economy.

Yes, we are like, can I tell some jokes for hotel rooms? Yes, I know. Just give us a minute. I'm still living in the original 13 calling mindset. And I'm, I'm bartering with the Lenape, take goods and services to get us through the winter here. You want to get through the winter? Yeah. We have, I have seven goats for the family.

So now, so I'm actually nervous about this Jersey Shore roast because I've never roasted anyone. I've never been.

You've never did a single roast ever? Zero. And now listen, the guys who crush out, you know, of course, like, you know, the column quins, the Tony henchclips, the Nikki glazes, these guys, they're professional roasters. They do it in a way that I marvel at. I just have never been interested in being mean to someone else. Yeah. I mean, it's just not my thing.

“I get, I think the roasting stuff is really overrated. I think like, I miss when it was, because the original roast is fun.”

It's like, uh, your friends who you shit, like, I wouldn't, the only roast I would be interested in doing is it was like, if it's like your roast and it's like all our friends. Yeah. And we're all shooting on each other like a loving, like way where it's like, yeah, you can make fun of like, I just remember when, when, when, when I first moved to New York, the roast battle was the big thing, right? And pretty much you had to get stage time anywhere.

You, the way you worked your way in was to do a roast battle. So I did a couple. And it's like, and I did, okay, I roast an Ian and Nick and Molly. Yeah. And they were fun. Those are my friends that was fun. But then it got to the point where you're just roasting people. You don't know. Yeah. And it's just like, you just meet up with someone and it's like, and then you just kind of,

all right, everyone just takes turns telling each other the worst things that ever happened to them. Yeah. And then, like, so a straight, you meet a stranger. And they go, okay, so I got around seven. Yeah. My mom has cancer. You probably get some good out of that. Yeah. And it's like, this isn't what comedy is. Yeah. And then it's also like, I know them a little bit the cast of the Jersey Shore.

And I like them. And we get along. And it's like, now I'm going to say hateful things about them. And I'll be blow up the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Just for a stay at the hard rock. But yeah. Yeah. I'm sure the hotel, the casino buffet is pretty good. Yeah, true. But I mean, they know what they signed up for. That's true for the roast.

But I don't know. I just think it's strange to roast someone you don't. You knowing them a little bit makes it slightly better. I think it's weirder now that we just roast people. We don't know it all. Yeah. And sometimes they're all this. You just, you just, you take a guy out. Yeah. If someone's fat, you could make the same jokes about them that you do, you know.

“Yeah. It's just like paint by numbers. That's what it is.”

That's what it is. Where I prefer when it was like, and the great people that are great joke writers can still find a couple of ways around that, you know? Yeah. But I don't, I see, I feel like, I feel like you got to really know the people for it to be fun. Yeah. Because then it's friends, busting each other's balls. Yeah. And also I'm sitting with this feeling. I booked this like a month ago. I'm sitting with this feeling.

Like, just, it's the only thing that's coming up that I'm like regretting. And I'm like, I'll do stand up. I'll do stand up for people that don't speak English. Of course. And just have fun within in my own way. And I love doing stand up. That's the best show you've ever done. Yeah. But they like you more than that. Yeah. Yeah. This is on our low. This is, yeah. These ideas are communicated to us.

Yeah. I'm like, dude. I kind of do more shows in Bangladesh. And, and, and, but I realized, like, oh, I took a gig because I was like, oh, jerseys, sure. I'll do that. And then I realized, like, there's been a lot of realizations for me in the patent this past year.

I'm like, oh, wait a second. I would just say, immediately say yes to something because it's like you have anxiety about your careers.

You're going to go away or something like that. But now I'm trying to be like moving forward. Hey, like, just have some confidence in yourself and your own abilities that you'll be okay either way.

“You don't have to say yes to every, you have to say the majority of things you don't want to do.”

Yeah. Just say yes. And so somebody told me, you need to live 2026 like this. And I'm going to tell this to the fans. Remember this kids if you remember this folks. It's a thing some guy told Chris that he has not yet put into effect his life. But just a thing he's planning to do. Yes. Listen up. It's a thing. And the friend who told me does live in his car, but he's doing it for his own reasons. He said to me, the way you need to leave 2026 is this, if it ain't a hell, yes, it's a no.

Wow, dude. What do you think of that? That's beautiful, man. That's fucking awesome. That's a really good bumper sticker. Yes, that's my merch.

It's such a fucking simple thing. It's amazing. It's so fucking amazing. It ain't a hell, yes? It's a no. That is being mass printed and being shot in an Etsy shop.

Yeah, fucking 48 year old wine mom right now.

It's Cabernet, a clock somewhere.

“Yeah, it's like who said that to you? I'm like Ricky Bobby.”

I like that my personal, I actually do have a motto as well. Okay, something that it is my, it's my New Year's resolution every year and it's double the bread double the head. Nice. So let's get twice as rich. Let's get sucked off twice as much. And have the numbers have you been doing that? No, it's unsustainable. Okay, double. I started that when I was very broken.

It was like make more than $8,000 and get sucked off more than twice.

So the first few years I could do it, but New Year's Eve is just with a prostitute like I got hit these numbers.

Well, there was one, there was one New Year's where I fucked a girl at a party. Like at 1205. And then I fucked a different girl at like 1150. And I was briefly on pace to fuck 300 to fuck 725. Or whatever 365 times 2 is.

Yeah, you know what I mean? So there was, there was one day where there was one year where for one day I was on pace to fuck over 700. And I ended up fucking, I think like 4. Yeah, but, but briefly I was like, wow, this is just something. Yeah, I go with the Japanese 1% better each day. If you could just get 1% better, that's more sustainable. You're good.

Now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. Thanks, the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on over spending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless.

All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

We've been using Mint Mobile for our office phones here at the studio. It was so easy to switch over and working with them has been seamless. This January, quit over spending on wireless. Plan start at $15 per month at MintMobile.com/bears. That's MintMobile.com/bears.

Limited time offer up front payment of $45 for three months. $90 for six months or $180 for 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. Capable device required availability speed and coverage varies. See MintMobile.com.

It's the time of year to reflect on how far you've come and how much further you want to go. With the new year right around the corner, it's time to let go of the excuses and start your business with Shopify. We've been using Shopify to power our merch store for years and they've been a breeze to work with. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to brands like ours here at YMH.

“Shopify has everything you need to sell online and in person.”

They have hundreds of templates to match your brand and built in AI tools to help you write headlines, descriptions, and even edit product photos. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Chuck Chang, sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/bears. Go to Shopify.com/bears.

That's Shopify.com/bears.

Here you're first Chuck Chang this new year with Shopify on your side.

But I still like there's something about shooting the moon with double the bread double the head that keeps you. Yeah, keeps you focused. Shooting for the stars, baby. Now let me just because it's you, obviously respected comic. Can I read some of these please?

I would love to, yes, let's get into it. You're going to ask, what are your angles for yours now? Obviously, you know, the angle that I want to take is to kind of be the guy that's like, look, I don't want to be here either type thing. I'm not a roaster.

Kind of take the approach like this is like, like, I don't like that. I don't like being a half measure guy. Either you do it or you don't. But I can be a little respectful. You're saying you respect there.

You're like as fellow intellectuals, I don't want to be roasting you. Yeah.

“So it's more like, like, I want to say something like, like, where is it?”

Like, you know, like, look dude, like, I don't, I don't, you know, I respect you guys. This is bad, but I got to be honest with you. I mean, this is a bigger slap in the face to my heritage. And then if I did an olive garden commercial. Is that not bad?

Okay. Then I say Vinnie Guadini knows here. Vinnie Guadini knows doing stand up comedy now. Walk up to the business man. GTL used to stand for Jim Tan Laundry now.

It stands for got two or three laughs. I don't know about it. Okay. That one's out. Got two or three laughs.

That's not GTL. Got G got two or three. Or three. GTL. Yeah.

That's not GTL. That's GTL.

They, that's not even right. Damn. And then two or three laughs. And then I'll say,

“I mean, that's a good, making fun of him for doing stand up is like,”

They go down that act. That's a good one. Because that is pathetic. Yeah. And for years, for years, you were the one who had the most dignity.

And now you're doing stand up. Now you're doing stand up. Yeah.

And she would like, I feel like he always was high horse.

Right. That he used to pretend he was the best one of them. Right. And it's like, whenever you do stand up comedy,

whenever you start stand up in your 40s. Yeah. You either just committed or you're like, you have like tax issues. There's no other thing.

Well, that's why I was going to say, I was, I can make the situation. GTL means grant-after-order tax evasion lawyers. Okay. Again, you don't understand how acronyms work.

You keep adding. You keep adding these to GTL. [laughter] All right. Then I'll make fun of MTV.

I said, guys, I'm a millennial. I remember pre-internet. When MTV was really for masturbating to rap videos and trying to finish while one of the dancers was on screen. Hey, like that.

Not bad. That is my experience. Right. More. What were some of your favorite videos to check off, too?

Yeah. One that comes to mind immediately from me is the PD Pablo. Like, how you like your daddy? Yeah. Remember that one?

Yeah. Yeah. That girl in the blue. Yeah. To this day on Instagram.

Yeah. I just jack off to the Biggie Smalls videos. Was it when he's dancing in the mansion? One more chance, maybe? I forgot that.

This is our generation. We're slightly different ages. So it rises. I think, I listen to a lot of Biggie's music.

I never caught the videos.

I was much more in the, I jacked off to Britney Spears videos. Yeah. Jacked off to, like I said, PD Pablo. Yeah. A drill held the five, uh, Cisco's the thongs song song from Baltimore.

Yeah. So I have some real pride from that. It was very funny because I was in third grade with a thongs song came out. And our people were proud, but it was at the thongs song. Right.

“I think that, was there, what was the kids' bot version of the thongs song?”

Can you guys look that up? Yeah. It was one that they played in our house. Really? Yeah.

All right. Well, you look at, I mean, about this one. But listen, you guys all did pretty great. I mean, great careers, families, product lines. Meanwhile, Britney Spears is an empty mansion covered in dog shit trying to stab ghosts

and are underwear. Oh, where is Britney? I don't know. Why don't we know. Why don't we?

I'm just like, they're not doing better than these spheres. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what do you think of that? What?

Why Brittany, bro? Yeah. Just get her in there. This is good for you. You need to feel this.

Ronnie looks like a sun-dried garlic knot.

I like that. There we go. There we go. Let's get back to basics. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, it's a sneaky, some, um, palumba. She's pretentious. She's not even attached. She's adopted. Yeah.

You know, that's all that I think. He's something about her family.

“The one Italian family, you know, not racist.”

The adopted. She's not even Italian. She's Latino. That's why ISIS here. Okay.

Okay. First idea. Yes. First idea. Not off in the best, but you're getting a ball roll.

Yeah. Something Latino. Yeah. I mean, yeah. We could shit on Vinnie for doing stand-up.

Objectively deep. Yeah. Yeah. You know, what else do we got? I got, uh, yes.

I mean, I've wrote some real, you know, some, you know, a couple of few speakers. Or any of them, or whatever. Has Ronnie still, who's he? Are they together still? Is anybody?

Sammy. Sammy is the one that not there. Like, got away. Like, she's the one that got out. She's not, uh, she's not a part of it.

Okay. So that she's good. Yeah. So you could either, you could take a tack to either, shitting on her or saying how she's the only one who is gay.

No. Or I should just cancel it. Yeah. What I've heard so far. I would cancel.

At this point, actually. Can I get out of it? Yeah. Hopefully. Like, is there a way?

Mm-hm. Is there a way at this point? What would you do if you were a mate? You don't want to do it. You're now realizing you don't cancel 100%.

But your name has been billed. I didn't sign a contract yet. Okay. Or maybe I did, actually. I mean, it's not my fault.

What would I do? I would probably just hire writers to get out of this. Right. I would just be like, all right. I'm doing the gig.

Pay somebody fucking, you know, ten grand who's good at this shit. Yeah. To, you know, pay, pay. Pay some real money for some good writers and just get some bang or jokes. We could even workshop some stuff.

Yeah. If it wasn't, you know, if it wasn't sprung on me, I could have maybe wrote you some jokes. Help me some stuff. Off the top of my head, I would talk about, you know, classic steroids. Yeah.

You know, like the situation. What's up with this situation's face? Yeah. This, you know, the, uh, maybe he was too, uh, situation had so much plastic shows. They wouldn't even know him in jail.

Right.

Off the top of my head.

He couldn't even get robbed in jail.

Yeah. Yeah.

“Something like, like, the Jersey Shore has done to New Jersey.”

But COVID did to Wuhan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The Jersey Shore did to Italian culture. What Israel is doing to Gaza's hospitals. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's good.

I don't know. I don't think so. The room will allow you that. Yeah. But Gaza and hospitals.

Yeah. Gaza and hospitals is real. Uh, Jersey Shore. Yeah. Yeah.

Good stuff. Yeah. What was the one, uh, plastic surgery? Couldn't even get robbed in jail? Yeah.

I don't know.

“I would just, um, I would get something about him being.”

Yeah. What about CJ Polydees from Providence? His hair spiked up. He's DJ. Right.

Right. Right. There is something. Like he threw the for a long time was the coolest one of them. Yes.

And it's the clock's even taking on him. Yes. Even he's kind of like getting, uh, Yeah. Like is there a neutral gen X or, um, oh, yeah.

He's going to start doing like. Yeah. The neutral gen X. Yeah. Yeah.

Like that Polydee Polydee Gen X. Yeah. Yeah. Neutrogen X. Neutrogen X for Guido's.

But is there a way? Is there a way? Like, how do I make fun of me? Like, how do I make, how do I maintain a sense of. Sure.

Like ability. Right. And endearing. You know, because in my stand up,

I'm always making fun of me.

Right. Right. I can't. So that's like a thing that I don't want to come off as, like, someone superior to them.

I mean, something about how you wish you were in Jersey Shore. Yeah. Your audition, actually. Thank you for it. Yeah.

That's funny right there. Yeah. You're like, I couldn't even. You're like, here's how bad my career is going. I audition for Jersey Shore.

Yeah. I wish I was getting roasted by one of, I wish one of you. I wish Vinnie was the shitty comic roasting me instead. Yeah. Instead of me being the shitty comic roasting camera.

Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. I don't know how much better, how much more, how much better they,

what your Jersey Shore experience used to be. Right. These guys used to be the kings of the Jersey Shore. I would go there. You know, right.

Get shit. My pants. Whatever. Yeah. You got, you got hard.

Yeah. You guys, you, you know, you guys made all this money and did all this great work. Off the Jersey Shore. And I used to go to the Jersey Shore and do soldiers comedy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like that. Yeah.

I would bomb it. I would bomb much like I'm bombing here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And also know you mean what tone? Well, he want to be loving. Well, here's the problem till here's what it is is this thing. They have like Rachel Feinstein is on it and a couple other comics, but they have this bill this went out the marketing this went out The Jersey Shore roast feature in Christophe now. So I'm the last one up and it's this whole thing where like Vinnie's coming in like, okay, you guys thought that was good way It now I'm bringing in the closer and it's me and you have to pretend you got some kind of disease

You think I have to get out of it now I would try and get out of it. You're the last guy. The last I mean, you know, who else is on it? Rachel Ray? All I know is Rachel Feinstein and like Eric Della Sondrow. Okay, is the only one I know you're in the really the worst spot You could possibly yeah, this is actually not. Yeah, look what is it. You're the only person Advertisement so

Along with more surprise guests Comedy star a very special don't and don't miss a very special performance from comedy star Chris Stefano I mean, could I I mean listen to it at the end of the day. I mean we could do it. You know, yeah, I'm in control here You don't want to do it. Yeah, I don't have to do it But the question is should I just do it? Yeah, I would just work a lot harder on it than what you have so far

Yeah, fortunately you said yes. You can't back out of it now. Yeah, but what I could do do here's the thing here's the thing

I've never asked. I've never been the guy, you know, you and I've been friends a long time I've never asked you to like do right a commodity for me. All right. I've never so could I go into the my friend group? You Sam moral Mark Norman heavy hitters Colin Quinn and say guys Colin Quinn definitely I just need some help. Can you imagine texting Colin? Hey Colin. I'm in a real tight jam I'm in I'm writing for I can't fit figure out jokes to roast the jerseyshore

I think you help me. Yeah, one of the fucking best comics and I have our who's doing who's doing like historical one man plays You're like I need jokes about steroids and again botched plastic surgery I'm too stupid to come up with them. Can you help me? Can you imagine what we would say to you? Yeah He would be next to them inferior

“But I think you could definitely ask but you should also go to the people it like because just the other thing”

Here's another reason I don't really like these roast It's everyone hires writers. Right. It's not genuine right. It's like it's who has the better relationship with writers and so I You know you could go to people who've been like I would I would do is just if I were in your position I would just get writers because this is you this if you do these Joe these shows

Yeah, JP McDade

“You should honestly I could make go say I can make go but I'm telling you JP I mean you might not be able to get it because JP is probably writing for the golden globes”

Right now, but you should go to like some of the bet and at least get a little brainstorming session go and something You know, unfortunately, this is not one you can win You gonna because if it was stand up, but they said he go out there and do some and stand up. I know what I'm doing. Yeah I have sets based on that. I can jump to the crown But this is your behind the podium. You have the expecting roast roast so I and I'm going last all the

All the low hanging fruit has been taken early. Yeah, like the best spot to go in a roast is like

Second or third or fourth. Yeah, like right in the middle

But when people aren't too tired someone goes first they get the worst spot and it almost feels like if you're gonna be the last guy on the roast Like who they want it like you need to get someone like a Jeff Ross like someone who really wanted Jeff Ross and they could not they couldn't get him and then then Yeah, and then shows didn't answer them and then yes, and there was definitely a list You're first my first red flag on why I should have said no to this is the initial offer Came from Dino who owns a club called Uncle Vinnie's and point-place in New Jersey

So that is the first problem when Dino for his convenience reason the club where they threw a fucking beer can at Area the life he was voting for Biden. Yes, yes, and they threw a full beer can at it Yes, and that's the guy who said we need to step for no, and I said you know I'm here for you, Dino, baby So honestly good club

“But there is a point now where I've reached we are now very close and it is at the point now where do I just say?”

I'm not doing it. It's I feel like you it is too late. Do I just say at this point? Do I need what is this gonna do for my career other than making you work? Yeah, I mean, no you aren't a no-in situation and now all you can do is not lose

Right, that's basically when it's come down to so it's but don't embarrass yourself, but your point is is because they're

I'm gonna tape they're probably gonna tape this or just going on the show This is going on MTV's to Jersey Shore you'll be immortalized. Yeah, luckily no one really gives a fuck any more Yeah, but you think at this point. I have watched a couple of the reunion because it's very nostalgic Yeah, you're in that age. Yeah, I can I think the first season of Jersey Shore before Because afterwards it was kind of spoiled by celebrity. Yeah, but that first season where no one knew who they were and they were so desperate for fame

But they were their legitimate selves before outside and you know influences forced them to act a little different One of the best season of television ever yeah, it's it's a fascinating social experiment I love it to I remember why it was like fucking appointment. I was in college, right? And he would just get it was like a perfect pre-game show

To go out and not get any private but you know, and since then it's still interesting to check in on them

It's a little spoiled by fame the whole thing, but but it is a you know It still is a show people care about so It will become best case scenarios. You bomb so hard that they just cut the whole thing from the show Yeah, they're just that they all they show as fuck if any but then I could actually obligate it to get that money But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so your two options are try hard

Hires and writers to help you bounce some ideas or go full-comic as he yeah shit your pants on state You'll say so many slow do it in blackface, so they can't show it on MTV Right the end word across your chest But with that crowd you'll be like yeah, because I love this guy my ticket sky rocket. Yeah Dude, I don't yeah, I yeah, unfortunately it's just one of these things where I just I should enough

I was convinced by my agent of course convinced I got I got Yeah, my agent just came in and said this is what it is do it because my initial got if I would have been taking the words going into 2026 if it ain't a hell. Yes, it's a no I would not be in this situation So this is

Example number one if it ain't a hell yes, it's a no it's a damn cuz doing new years even red back new Jersey despite my family being upset about it It's still a hell yes to hell. Yes, it's still a hell. Yes, so I'm okay with that. Okay. Yes, I wouldn't it's still a hell Yes, it's still a hell. Yes because because of the money it's easy. Yeah, and my thing is like they're going to be mad at me anyway You know, might as well make some money. Might as well not even try to make them happy. Yeah. I'm gonna fail anyway

That's now that's a winner's attitude, but I I do think that this one this Jersey as a matter of fact

“Why don't you know some of the fans of two pairs one cake? Can you send in some roast jokes for me help me out?”

Yeah, I'm fucking funny. Yeah, I mean it could be you know I mean Tom and Burke did it. Yeah, when they roast in the year last year. Right. Yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna that's exactly what I mean. It's like I thought that roast was fun and like I think it was good to try and do something different But that's my point about these things being so strange is like

Like if you were doing the if we're doing the roast of Joe Dorosa, huh, you know fun. That would be because right his friend

“Yeah, you know, he is yeah, you know, and all it just like that's why I hate these fucking you know”

That's why I hate these fuck yeah, I just think these roasters so I don't know I mean who am I to fucking say I put out cryo clips, which are fucking low low is common denominator stuff It's sort of what you got to do what you got to do, but it's just like even though I haven't really done them for a year But I think if you're really good at them They're and again there are people who are really good at crafting very specific roast jokes

But I think for the most part. It's like pretty paid by numbers like You know pick what this person is if they're if they're a woman collar a whore, you know You had a black boyfriend talk of be racist. Yeah, I mean it's really just the lowest common denominator when you don't have a personal relationship But you know the Jersey Shore. I feel like that will fly Yeah, racist be realistic. Well, the things homophobic, so the buckets we can look for is make fun of Vinnie guan and you know

For doing stand-up. That's a big that's the one make fun of J. Wow for plastic surgery and Mike's all of them for plastic

“All of a pleasure to make Vinnie Vinnie do is credit. I think has a natural face. Yeah natural face make fun of snookie for being small and”

Like you know

And wanting something about her birth parents new. She's always involved. We're right about

Yeah, Snookie were her birth parents. Snookie is really small and she's been ex-communicated by the Italian culture She's like our doctor Fauci. So some doctor calling her doctor Fauci doctor Fauci your doctor Fauci. Oh What do you mean he Italian? He is Italian, but he's been ex-communicated because he made up COVID Is he so when still gets they're used from the statin island examiner The statin on advance

So so I'm thinking maybe that's the angle there's an angle there. D. J. Paul D. Actually is a very successful DJ. Yeah Very successful from Paul is the one who really finessed it the right way. He did well. Yeah, yeah Michael situation would be being a fucking I guess there's old DJs. Yeah, did he still do his hair the same way? Yes, here's the same way that you know, it's gone. Can we look up D. J. Paul D today? Yeah, let's take a look

“I saw I think I mean yeah, I believe he had a hot girlfriend or wife too. Yeah”

The hair. Yeah, that hair is crazy. How does he keep that up? Yeah, I got to be honest even like you know seeing these guys I just it's almost like I respect them. I respect the show I don't actually want to be a part of this. Yeah. Is that his wife? Hell yeah, dude. Shout out to DJ Paul D. Hot black wife. Oh gorgeous. Oh there you go. There's some jokes right there

Yeah I God why do I get myself into this? Yeah, look up Jersey sure now. Let's look at their faces But you know I got to get an outfit

Yeah, I mean situations face. I mean you know it's good. Do you know what's hot? Absolutely. That's the thing it's like I actually, you know, oh Yeah, I also don't want to make fun of the girls. I know that just doesn't work. I mean Roddy looks like shit Yeah, that's just fucking great. Sun dried garlic. Not as good. Yeah. Yeah. That is really good. Roddy does let you know Roddy looks like a fucking like Right looks like a who's that? Who's that like I don't know if she's trans or what but that Italian lady the husky voice

Big-ange I think big. Yeah, it looks like big-ange Jeff who's dead. She looks like yeah, Roddy looks like big-ange right now Yeah Ryan looks like big-ange with a shape-up There's another there's another like there's another like Italian

Sort of person who looks like this there was a clip there's a clip of them that goes viral I don't remember maybe that's a bit I come out for seven minutes and I just shit on Ronnie. Yeah, I'm not gonna rest you guys are all right Yeah, I'm sure they've been arrested. What do you know? I'm sure Ronnie's been arrested for stuff just look up their rap sheets Look up all this other stuff. I honestly snooky has maybe done the best She's done the best which there's a joke right there. Yeah, you know that that's you were the most pathetic one

When I started you actually figured it out you figured it all out

You've done you've done the best out of out of all of us actually. Yeah, I always love I mean

I did love them though. That first that first season was truly truly a legendary season of television And so unfortunately I'm gonna have to go on the internet Google look stuff up. This is what you'll have to do Is Angelina looking good these days? I don't know Angelina does look good. Yeah, she's heard. Oh, she clawed. Oh, that bitch. What was her name? Dina when she the one who got kicked out. Did it want it which one of them was like they they came late Like they got hit off and got replaced. I think Dina was a replacement. Dina replaced Angelina

Sammy sweetheart I believe and then wasn't there one who was just the front he was she was just the

Sammy sweetheart actually got out of the industry. I don't know Sammy Sam you're right Angelina's the one I'm thinking of Sammy's pretty hot Sammy Sammy just got out Sammy sweetheart got out of the Jersey Shore now She just looks like a girl-off sex with her students Teacher of sex with her students. Yeah, that's good. All right, something like that. You'll figure it out

“I don't but the thing is I won't know you won't you have to fucking hire people to help you”

Yeah, that's just might be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you if it goes wrong Yeah, yeah, yes, yeah, but part of the course we talked about that your whole career's been yeah a series of near near near misses near misses So maybe this is being able to touch the thing yeah, and then meeting them like nope Sorry Sammy looks like a teacher. Wow. I think having sex with her students Yeah, folks, you see how we said we were gonna do the worst episodes ever. Yeah, this is a writing session for one of the

Shittiest comedy shows that anyone's ever gonna put on. Yeah, the roast of the Jersey Shore at the fucking board of auto Yeah, and we're making companies put ads on this piece of shit We're gonna we're gonna miss our flight back to New York trying to come Up with jokes about how snookie us chlamydia Yeah, man. Well, well, I mean, you know what what are you gonna do for New Jersey? What's your plans? No shows?

No shows. I hate comedy shows. Here's the thing

There they're often pay really well because it's a it's an event, but no one and this go I don't want to say this to people listening because we have a lot of comedy fans and I'm a lot of a lot of When you're coming up New years of really lucrative gig because people pay a lot of money For like a dinner and drinks package or whatever and they'll go see whatever, but nobody actually wants to be at a comedy show on New Year's Eve Most people don't they want to be they get there and they think it's a fun idea

But it's people who don't really go to comedy shows and not there for the comedy They think it's like, oh, that guy will do his comedy while we talk and laugh and have fun They're not there to actually see the show So you just have to prepare for it to be the worst show of all time. Yeah, and I'm doing two of them one at eight and one at ten

Ooh, but it's the eight maybe people will listen the eight will be good. It'll be like pre-gaming for them

The ten will be you're getting the audience that's coming to that are people who are already legit hammered and people Why the time I start to get into my clothes are they're looking at their watch like I need to get somewhere to watch the ball Yeah, yeah, I got to get off stage right now one time I saw I did see Louis on New Year's even bolts more back in the day with my college before this career blew up before it was like Louis, Louis It was kind of right in the middle of it. Yeah, and it was really funny

He just like he was just like looking at his phone and he was like all right New years It was kind of fun. Yeah, everyone was looking at eleven fifty and I was like, all right, that's it and they were like see up Yeah, and he just literally got off at twelve out of off. Yeah, it was when he killed all the bullets. Yeah, yeah

“Really it was cool to fucking see him there, but lyric theater. Was it maybe the one bigger than the lyric?”

Oh, okay, so like the Meyerhoff or some shit five thousand lyrics like the lyrics pretty big lyrics like twenty five hundred Yeah, which I love that place. I'm trying to figure out. I will be going back. We're figuring out the specifics of it Oh, little little hint for For yeah, little something might have something very special planned. Oh You know who knows who knows you're roasting the Ravens

What would you do if that? No, okay here about what about this? I heart ball tomorrow Ravens fan what what would you do of our ball call Joanna was like I want you to like the teams in the Superball I think a roast of them would really get them in good spirits and have fun loosen them up Would you do that? I would and the way I would do it is like I said I would just hire writers But I would also because it's the rate if it was like going in the Super well

I would lightly shit on them and Then more than anything. I would just make fun of the other teams. Yes, like you know I mean I would call Ben Rothers burger You know, I would maybe yeah, I would I would do I would call the Sean watch and a call That's kind of pretty easy to make those jokes about the NFL yeah, I call someone I was a domestic abuse

Yeah, I would stay away from Murder. Yeah, that really wouldn't be a topic I would bring up a real race Send it to that I he had his damn corn the American criminal justice system worth the wait and he was acquitted as was Kevin Spacey Ralose didn't have to come out of the closet. I loved I love Kevin Spacey's like I'm gay now

Yeah, you know, I mean that was so funny when Kevin Spacey was like, oh, yeah, I'm actually gay So yeah, I guess it's okay that I And then he kept coming back and doing those like in character videos. Those were crazy. He did want to kill it Yeah, I mean Tim is you got it. You got a tip your cap to yeah to Tim for employing an out of work and now

“It says I'm a broad road in a question said which of you winter bears is going to do a solo guest bear episode first and who would be the guest?”

Oh, so they want us to just fully do the podcast. They want us to take a

The legal team is right outside the door

They're gonna they're gonna show for us to our flight. Well, it's very funny because they don't even want to make eye contact with the producers here Yes, you know what I mean they don't even let them you know they talk through eye pads. Yeah, you know they're behind a wall They can't be seen they don't want to have an actual a relationship By the way, this is a huge operation if you ever get you know if any of the fans ever know I mean, this is a huge thing. They have multiple employees and they are one ad sponsor away from pulling out where Benson spoons get fired

Well, they don't have the money for his salary anymore Yeah, where they will do our idea to start prostituting out Benson spoon. Yeah, this is gonna go This is gonna go from this you know went from LA to Austin now. It's in this huge warehouse facility They have all these beautiful cameras and green screen equipment all that and then eventually little by little It's gonna wind up just as a live show at the mother ship

“It's gonna open for a kiltony. Yes, that's what it'll be yeah, and that'd be the glory”

It'll be beautiful. That'll be a beautiful thing. Oh, yeah, well, I would say one thing one problem I have with The if I may do some, you know, we've been the obbudsman We've talked about how the show is going. I think we're problem with two bears when they have a guest bear

Never fat and the whole and first of all, Tom has

Tom has betrayed the very idea of the show and you to a certain extent, you know Even though in your heart you're fat. I'd like you to be fat or two. Yes, if I were to do it It would have to be someone who is fat as shit, right, you know I don't know who you know what major who is out there that merits what obese person Have they had a woman has it always been have they ever had it was there have been a woman on two bears

Miss Pat would be perfect miss Pat I don't want to waste that on two bears. That's a obvious world. Yeah, so it can be too good Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

No, it's bad. It's too good. Miss Pat is great. But it's somebody like famous that I because one funny thing about two bears

It'll be like someone they have no business talking to. Yeah, you know, it means I wise Matthew McConaughey here They need like a fatty like Eric Stone Street from modern family. He would be good. Great. He would be good Gabriel in glaciers fluff right. I would love to chop it up a flop. Sure talk about you know what oh, if you think On the Christmas episode, I talk about my my Chinese order Do you understand how long me and Gabriel in glaze could go just talking like things we order

I bet you we could uninterrupted for one hour list food. Yes Just keep going just that would actually be fucking awesome. Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean, well, I mean Louis C. K. That's a good guest That was good heavens

“Okay, but I don't know who the fuck that is the Undertaker. I think she's really famous”

And he's just a go pot. What did you take a would have been a good episode for with Bert? You could just give him some tips on yeah, he's gonna die On what the afterlife looks like Yeah, sometimes gun that's cool. Oh, that's not fat. Oh, fat director Gilmolder Toro Okay, that'll be really funny me and Gilmolder Toro talking about fucking pants labyrinth and shit. Yeah

Yeah, not that many look not that many fat people. That's no mark norma. There's like ripped. Yeah, he's not gonna work But yeah, I would say Gabriel in glaciers for me Because I would I would want I would want to keep the other like they've had stamos on that's a dream Stobby's real guest. I gotta get him on a Greek show. Yeah, you know, let's get him. Let's really let's really get him in the zone Yeah, again, this is we are this is our side job. Yeah, we don't you know

This is like when you're dating someone and you actually see people you respect out in public and

“Then you stop holding hands with them real fast. Right. That's how me and Chris treat this podcast. Yes”

We don't want to be identified as this. You know, we post where we are contractually obligated to post and not a Piece of content more, you know like that couple that guy caught having an affair on the cult. Yeah, that's us People like I loved you and Chris on two bears if they see us which people have actually been very nice But when they see me probably I'm like Are you sure? I think that was H foley. Yeah, I think you're thinking about H foley. That was H foley in the honest

Wasn't us Now look much like the roast to the Jersey Shore because we're gonna have I'm gonna have to roast something and also say nice things about them Because you have to give respect respect of course what these Tom and Bird have created is pretty it's saying really X Chris what they have it is but it's trying to do it a little smoother than that Let's change the topic and then at the end. Let's go back. Yeah, we're friends with them

Yeah, but don't immediately be like now it's beautiful. Yeah, I do love that about roast We're someone who clearly doesn't have a relationship with someone. Yeah, we'll be like you fuck your daughter in the ass

Well, I'm just because I'm now trying to really systematically get out of

“This Jersey Shore thing and I'm thinking how I can replace that and come get by spring bears locking it”

That's sure that is true. You're already thinking about spring bears Yeah, we will be back even lower if they'll have us we'll be back with even lower effort on do you know how how bad spring bears It's gonna be starting like march. It's just us with allergies Just all flow-naysed out tired from Daniel just really trying to just shit through four episodes I do hope to be yes. I do hope that's my new year's resolution. I'd love to let's see how far we can push

We should get shittier audio we should get shittier audio quality. Sure. We should use shittier cameras Yeah, we should see how low we can take the form of podcasts. Yeah, that should be like our artistic Yeah, like that that's performance art. Right. Let's take this medium and really push it to the Lord. We're not even in the shot It's just half our heads. I like that. Yeah, we're doing it backwards. Yeah, we're doing it like I did the IDF takes their fucking takes their bit there their ID pictures like this

I got that for Tom, then you the Garth Brooks card That's beautiful. Yeah, I just knocked it over. Yeah, what's that Garth Brooks card because you know he's got like the few like the thing with Garth Brooks Who else, but what's the car? He's got the Garth Brooks played like in a celebrity baseball game, and I got it in broyer. It's a Garth G. Brooks 300 bodies I'm surprised did Garth suit Tom for that. I mean, I'm sure he's in there in an act. I lost you don't imagine. Oh, yeah, probably yeah

“I'd imagine that. That's why Tom doesn't ever come back to his house. Yeah, he doesn't want to get served papers by Garth Brooks”

He's just fucking fleeing that would actually be the that should be our guest on two bears won't give you a And he just serves a dual purpose That is the answer to your question. I'm a broad is the guest would be Garth Brooks. Garth Brooks. That is the good one. That is the good one. That is the guest bring him in that is and then What else do we got here Do we have it? There's the booth have any any final a final new years thought they wanted to do or well

Here's a question from Johnny Wee when I was a kid. I always wanted an AR 15 for Christmas

I unfortunately never got it because I was deemed mentally unfit to stand trial What was the one childhood Christmas gift you always wanted, but never got right? I know I you can tell you to even pre read that because We talked about that last episode. Yes, and it's about Christmas So you kind of blew it there So there you go

I literally asked you you had no good answer that actually might have been the dead spot of the last episode Right you actually read you rehashed a topic of discussion. No, that nothing funny came out of right and that's the kind of work You'll see at the church you sure rose And you know what Chris? I salute you because that's the perfect way to end our tenure As the for winter bears is an unfunny retreaded

Unfunny retreaded joke. Yeah, my best one was a game cube though

I didn't I never answered on Christmas. Okay, when the game I was pretty late. I was pretty I was older

But it was like me and my brothers. We we've never bonded more than we got that game cube playing star Fox and sure It was a fucking good time. That's it. I am excited about 2026 good. I know I do as much as I make fun of your hell Yes or no How tried and and like that's the most like a Woman who's been in a sexless marriage for third years and yeah, she's embroidering that on a throw pillow as we speak by the way

That is how I will end the Jersey Shore roast is that quote I love that when someone is bombing and they try and pretend they're doing an inspirational speech Yeah, but anyway guys stay up. You guys are the best man

“And I love you so much and if it's and remember if it's not a hell. Yes, it's a no”

Trying to get the audience to say it. Nobody says it. Just as my kids to speak Yeah, I'm excited for 2026. I you know, hopefully Tom and Bert keep not caring about this show and keep asking us to come in and fill in some time We'll be here for spring bears and then summer bears again finger fingers cross to fingers cross to fingers cross will be here But we love you. Thank you for allowing us to be your substitute teachers for these four weeks

We really really rolled out we really brought out the fucking TV of the cart Yes, the roll cart and we just played fun gully and we call that that was for because we're we're substituting teaching like environmental science and we just play a cartoon about that's it about fucking taboo shit We will talk to you got hey who knows come see us on the road by the calendar We have the stavies world

I got the calendar the 2026 calendar for sale now

The final leg of the dream boat tour and we're trying to figure out when we're gonna

“We're I'm trying to make plans to film the special at the end of it. So come see this material for the last time live”

Stavvy dot biz listen to Stavvy's world all that good stuff watch me on YouTube all that good stuff do it up

Do everything Stavvy just told you to do also listen history hyenas coming at you every Thursday and

“Christy comedy dot com the only show I have on sale right now is in Charles town West Virginia”

Racing come to see the show. I might be doing Vegas in February

But the goal is to stay in the original 13 colonies and just kind of re you know, just get freedom back into our seas

“Beautiful. That's a beautiful goal. See you guys. Bye. Bye”

[Music] That's a world in the Heldendurch Strasenyard a Liebe imbalsal auf blütt and magie an jeder echo warte. This world is filled with great talent. Van der Leyenwand ins echtelé besucher den warenstar der Geschichte entdecke mehr auf trippertweiser.de schrägstrich groß britannien