Pimping Podcast Producers | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

What's up, everybody?

“Welcome back to another episode of Winter Bears.”

I am Chris Stefano. This is Starvey Baby.

We are taking over for Tom and Bert.

Once again, we did the summer bears. We are reluctantly begrudgingly doing it. We're trying to get the show off the rails. >> Yeah, I'm doing the smile in my face. I'm just not trying at all.

>> Yes. >> And people didn't really think we were trying by the end of last time. This will be worse. This is worse because maybe four talking points. We didn't prepare it's early.

I haven't had anything to eat and then I had just more sugar. I'm literally crashing. >> Right. >> I might just have a phone to die bet it comes. >> Yes, the jets are currently beating the Raven seven to now thinking about the moment.

>> Yeah, it's going to be really funny when this comes out in like six months. They just have these in like a bank. They're as a heart attack, they'll put one of these out. These aren't even anchored to any time.

They're just like whatever man, we just need bat, we never know when we need a substitute

episode. >> Yeah, it just, you know, Bert's been dead for a year and the answer is trying to get the money because you realize Bert screwed up the well. >> Yeah, they're trying to make it seem like they're not trying to announce his death until they can make date really a huge life insurance policy on them.

>> Yeah, Bert, yeah, Bert's actually for real, I would be shocked if YMH is not working on just AI podcasting when they can just plug the all the stories Bert and Tom have told. >> Yeah, they're even going to need us. >> You have no idea how low on the priority, let me expect that. >> This podcast is for Tom and Bert, I mean literally Tom opened up a croissant shop.

>> He said I'd rather bake the sauce than do the podcast.

“>> No, which is actually I think it's here, it's in Venice, it's in Austin, so go check”

it out. >> But it is one of those. >> This is starting, you know, I'm sorry he got, he lost weight and then got into pastries. >> Yeah, I know, it's, and he's another one, he lost weight without Ozemps, I believe.

>> I don't know that that's true. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did, so if he didn't do Azemba, he like, he's on like adrenal chrome. >> Right, Tom is on some shit that like only rich people know about, sure, yeah. He just has an IV attached to a baby, he's got a stem cells directly from a, it's actually

going into a pregnant lady's fucking pussy, yeah, he's getting the stem cells, there's having a slow motion abortion into his bloodstream. >> Yeah, I mean, it is, it is fascinating how this podcast has just become, I mean, what, literally he's like, I'll do anything else and maybe because he was like, what about opening up a croissants shop, like she did it as a bit, and he's like, you know what,

he's like, let's do it. >> Yes, done. >> Just croissants, is that all they do? >> I'm interested in it. >> It's baked goods.

They says right now they're at their fairground food haul below the Wells Fargo building, so if you guys are looking for, you know, a lot of, you know, you podcast fans are for Kasia, too. >> Oh, for Kasia. >> Yeah, so if you guys are looking for a assassination attempt, you want to go to the Wells Fargo building and go to the fairground food haul, and just look for the guy in the poor Osos merch

and the other guy with a has no shirt on who looks like a croissant. >> I love, I love Focaccia. >> Oh, it's the best. >> If I had to rank my breads, we're going for, Focaccia's probably number one, and then a nice sourdough across the sourdough, and then a country loaf.

>> Dude, it's Focaccia is number one, and I'll never forget, I was literally sitting at

Shattered Oneels Bar once again in Mass with Queens. So my boys were talking to my boy, I just banged like a 12, and he had banged, or the night before we were all, you know, Sunday football, 12 year old. >> Yes, yes, yes, remember, with this is Islam, so we've converted. >> Yeah, you're right, straight bar, here islamic, gay bar, Catholic.

>> Now we're talking, that's the common ground that Italians can come up with with Muslims.

“>> But I remember that, you know, our friend comes in and he banged this hot chick.”

>> Actually, that's not fair, I believe that Afghan warlords also had a bunch of boys. >> Yes. >> Was that a big thing, like, like, troops would come back, and they would have to let, they were talking about how weird it was that, like, everyone they were talking to, I'd

like, boy, foistly. >> But don't forget about the OGs, your people, the Greeks love the boys. >> Back in the day. >> Back in the day. >> What you needed to do to get to the philosophy, when your brain is working over time,

you don't have time to go out and court a woman. >> No, you didn't bring a client boy. >> No. >> No. Socrates said it, he said the way that he was able to get his thoughts was pre-pupressed

in Congress. >> You would teach him a trigonometry and then suck him off. >> That was the Greek way. >> That's what? >> But by the way, you really retain information, if it's like, memorize this equation

and you'll get your dick sucked, I would have been pretty good at geometry. >> Oh, yeah. Even if it was from, I guess I wouldn't have loved if it was like a balded bearded guy.

>> I would have preferred it be a woman, but, hey, whatever it is, it is.

I mean, back in the day of school, my kid with a sex worker. >> 100%. >> I'm into it and so this guy came in, we're in mass-bath. >> We're in mass-bath, we're at the bar drinking. He comes in banks, it's hot chick, we saw it, it's better than that for his great.

And then he was like, yeah, I was going down, it goes, and then my boy was like, oh, yeah, really what a pussy tastes like, anyone, a pussy tastes like Fakash.

“>> She had a yeast infection, I was like, you should probably go to the hospital”

do it because that is made with yeast. >> Yeah. >> A little, a sprig of rosemary on her glit. >> I do, but yes, Fakash, man, you know, I like, so I like Tom's ideas here, I've just baking bread, and I, this is following a trend of comedians, our good friend Tom Papa, gets

into sourdough. >> How old old, old, old school bread, I mean, in fact, I wonder if Tom's pissed that, I wonder if Papa's pissed that Tom's coming in on his bread corner. >> Yeah. >> You know, he's going to get a very polite shake down.

>> Well, it is, it is a good trend for us here as comedians, because like a couple of years ago, the main thing to do was, like, you get, you know, successful in comedy, then you get into conspiracies, and backing presidential candidates, and all that, so at least now, the big guys are just getting into bread. >> That's nothing wrong with bread, just getting a little bread, it's healthy, it's not

hurting anybody, like, so I do appreciate Tom starting a new trend for successful guys getting into bread. >> Getting it, oh, yeah. >> Papa's right there, he's like, need bread. >> Yes, exactly.

Tom is doing anything he can to hold on to the bread corner of the comedy. >> I would be fucking pissed if I'm Papa. >> Yeah. >> And sugar is like, he's already got a vodka brand, it's like, what do you, what else do you want?

What do you need, Tom? >> Yeah, it's like you have a Netflix show, you have arena tours, now you've got to take Mike. >> You're saying he's sourdough from Tom Papa. >> It's like, hello, Tom Papa, it's like dude, I'm doing a frickin' serious show with

fortune, Feemster. I'm trying to get that marriage, right? >> Right. >> And all I had, I was doing good, selling frickin' bread, and now here you come. >> It's despicable Tom.

Come on, get off my boy, Papa's corner. >> Well, you know what, I'll save my... >> Fakachia. >> Well, how about this?

“>> There's a place in Baltimore, did a cheese steak on Fakachia?”

>> Ma'am. >> Ma'am. >> And you would let the juices fucking sit there, is the fat math I would do, like, you would, I would get the cheese steak, and I would let it sit like seven minutes just so the juice is went into the Fakachia, and it got, it got just absolutely saturated with cheese

steak juice, but it was at the point where it was still crispy, and if you ate it before it got soggy, it was like fucking alchemy dude. >> It was fucking, it was, I could write a poem about it. >> Dude, yeah, you're writing a high cool on a cheese steak. >> I remember when I was 24, I was pissing all the time, and I was like, well, I got diabetes

and finally happened, and instead of going to the doctor, I went to that cheese steak

blanks in order to Fakachia, and during G-G-G-G-G-G-G, and the fucking big ass thing of fries, and I was like, this is my final supper before I had diagnosed with diabetes, dude. And then I went and they were like, you don't have diabetes, I was like, really? They were like, yeah, there's just something wrong with your fucking, something's wrong my prostate?

>> Yeah, they're like, you just have clim Media. >> Well, dude, I had to go, so I went, and there was like, something's off with my prostate, I don't know what, and they were like, the way we can figure this out is if, here's how they wanted to do it, this isn't saying, they put a tube up your ass, and they put a tube in your dick, and they pump you full of water, up fluids to see where like, what can't

retain the water, and I was like, you know what, I'll just piss to my, I'll just piss the rest of my life every 45 minutes, I don't need like a Jamaican lady, shearing a tube up my dick, because they also shoved the tube up my dick whole once to see what happened. I was knocked out for it, and they claimed there was a blockage in my cock, which doesn't, it doesn't make any sense.

>> Yeah, what's in your cock? >> I don't know, had a little blockage. >> It was a Fakachia crop. >> Yeah. >> Well, I will admit when I saw road trip, you remember road trip, where Stiffler,

it's not Stiffler, it's a different camera. >> Yeah, yeah, that got, what is it, Sean, Patrick Austin? >> He's got three names for something like that, he's a classic, he's hilarious, but

“in that show, Sean Williams Scott, that's what it is.”

>> In that movie, remember the hot nurse puts fingers up his ass, so I took a candle and put it up my ass, trying to get, because they made it seem like you press a button,

and just jizz pops out, never had any success, it just kind of, I just was like, this

kind of, I said, I can't put her ass in his cock, this doesn't feel good, but I always wonder like, did I, did that candle at my ass fuck something up, did I like, route around too much and cause myself, did I fuck my prostate up, and that's why I've had to piss my whole life. >> And do you still feel like you actively have to piss all the time now?

>> I do, but I'm also just older and fatter, and I feel like, you know, I've got to do it. >> Yeah. >> It's tough when you see a movie, you have to, you have to, you know, I've thought, I've really seriously considered being in a movie theater and just pissing in my fucking soda

>> But, you know, or that's what you call, you want to get caught with your little ass dick, out, pissing, yeah.

>> First of all, you don't want to get caught, but then also imagine if they got, my dick is so small, you know, especially when you're holding it a piss, and like, doesn't even come over the ball.

>> Yeah, I would have to push the fat down to get it over the lip of the cup. I've pissed driving to real problems. I almost have to tip my dick down because if I'm reclining, it's like how a dog's penis disappears. >> Right. My dick disappears if I'm like two relaxed. Yes. And so the last thing I want is an usher at an AMC to see my, basically it's all four skin. Yeah. >> The actual organ has retreated. >> You're not clipped? No. Interesting. I thought the Greeks get clipped. No, they really don't.

>> Well, well, that's actually, you've actually offended me. >> Well, I'm sorry. I'm a proud, unclipped warrior. >> Wow. I didn't, I haven't bowed to the, you know, to the Abrahamic faith agenda. Yes. >> You, you actually, you know, everyone in America is bowing to, you want to talk about being racist, but you're kind of doing what Muslims and Jews tell you to do. >> That is true. >> They're all clipped to be a proud Eastern European.

>> Yeah. >> I don't, I haven't, I haven't bowed. I didn't, I didn't take a need to tell of you for me. >> Yeah, I'm, I'm doing what I want. I'm here taking, talking all the shit. Meanwhile, I was circumcised personally by the Ottoman Empire. >> Just used a big simtar. >> Yeah, you see.

>> Is that what's called a simtar?

>> I've been on stage calling it a simtar. >> No. >> I've been adding an eye saying, Mom, Donnie has a simtar. >> And I love that that's, it's your mom, Donnie bit. >> You need to do, for a simtar. >> Yeah, Mom, Donnie's like, Chris, I actually like the bit, but you're saying it.

>> We're on stage. >> You're proving how dumb you are, and there you are.

“>> I think he would like me though, Mom, Donnie.”

>> Even I think he would look at me and be like, No, but then I think everything got to know me. >> He's a nice guy. >> He's a nice guy. >> Yeah, I think he's a cool guy. >> Yeah, you would like him. He actually is cool. >> Yeah, but, you know, with the prostate stuff, so I actually also had to get not the tube in the front, but the tube up the butt. >> Because I had went through a period of my life where I was just, you know, a little sexually promiscuous.

>> And I got chlamydia like too many times. >> Wow.

>> And so many, too many. >> I think it was like three times in a month or something. >> Wow. >> It was, it was out of control. >> What was going on? >> I honestly don't know. >> I really like, to the doctor, it was like, you know, we don't see this on. >> So, so, but so you would just raw dog.

>> Yeah, I was. >> I was, the way that you have described, sometimes I like when you eat, sometimes it's like to hurt yourself. I was having unprotected sex to hurt myself. >> And I was finding women who also, you know, were worse. >> Did not like themselves and we were just in this miserable sex fast where we were both like, you know, what the hell.

“>> And we, yeah. >> And are you nutting in these strangers?”

>> A couple of times. >> Yeah. >> Yes. >> Yeah. >> That's crazy. >> Yeah. >> Just nutting in a stranger, you met in mass pet queens. >> 100%. >> Well, can you insane? >> Absolutely. >> I'm a different guy now. I found the Lord, I'm on the beam in the program as we say in the history how he is.

I'm different, but back in these days, you know, yeah, ten years ago. >> I mean, I had a friend who just, yeah, I couldn't believe it. He was like anytime he had sex with me, he was like, yeah, I nutting inside them. >> Yeah. >> And I was like, you don't, like, what if she gets pregnant? He just didn't even, he was like, yeah, I would be like, I'll deal with that one and have it.

You know, yeah, I would kind of say like, I have a Catholic cross on my back and scripted on my arm. I'm like, soldier in the army of cries were I protected by the man himself. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> See, Peter is guiding the jizz outside of her foot. >> Don't be into. >> He's just like, he's up there on a cloud. >> Yeah. >> Keep that Catholic jizz away. >> Yes.

>> So I said, you know, and as Jesus will not give you what you cannot handle and all these things. >> Right. >> Hey guys, listen, it's end of the year window where your whole body is like, dude, what have you done for me lately? We all know, I'm not waking up January 1st, training for a triathlon. I just want to feel a little slightly better than I did before.

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For example, for mini-capten-segan, just 24, 18. Or garden-touch garden-sharing, just 1,2, and 80. And there are now all garden products in our industrial and in the Exxon app. Exxon, small price, great credit. So, but anyway, so I just was dripping all the time.

And so they actually said, "Look, we got to check your prostate." I was like 27 years old. I was like that. And they were like, "We got to check out your prostate."

“And I remember the nurse, or nurse practitioners, whoever she was like an old school”

Russian lady. And she was like, "You know, they're lading on the table." And she was like, "Have you ever bummed this before?" And I was like, "No, she's like, "Okay, baby. These are not going to feel good."

And she goes, "But we have to do this check. You're okay." And then I remember, as she was putting the tube, like a real deal too. This is like, whatever the machine, I don't know if it was a tube. But it was like a machine that was, that specifically was silicone fist.

Exactly. Yeah. You have to use to check the prostate. Yeah. She was doing it.

And she saw me. I was like, "Late on my side." And I was like, "Like this." And show you. I mean.

Oh. And she's like, "She puts the tube away." And she's like, "Oh." Yeah. Yeah.

You got like opening my mouth. She's like, "No, no, no, no, no.

“You're putting your fingers in your mouth."”

Yeah, like that. Can you choke me? And so she's putting the thing up my butt with her right hand and just petting my head with her left. And you're nutting. Just yeah.

Just calming me down amongst smelling your fingers. Getting something up your ass and an affectionate pat. It was crazy. It was crazy dude. And she's told me.

I'm just like, I just felt so terrible for you. So she's just, and then, but I was fine. Everything was fine. Yeah. But I do. And then when I was 17, I actually thought I had an S.

This is how, you know, stupid. Like I had sex with one girl. Right. It was that clear, uneducated, like two. Catholic school my life.

And I thought I had AIDS. Full AIDS. Dude, I got jerked off. Yeah. And I was like, I have an STD.

Sure.

And it was the first, because I was about it.

I was like seeing. I had a college girlfriend. And I was finally going to get to have sex. I didn't fuck till college. But before that, I just like, a girl, a random girl, like, touch my dick and a random hook up that went horribly.

Like, I can get hold. I was like, too drunk to get hot and nervous to get hard. But I was like, she's some dirty bitch. She's got whatever was on her fingernails got into my dick hole. And now I have fucking AIDS.

So I got like an STD. And they made me do the whole like in hindsight. It's just like you're so stupid and uneducated about about sex. I had to get the Q-tip swab. That's what I in the tip of the dick.

And it hurt so bad. It's like the feeling. And it was so, dude, I just imagined you getting jerked off. I'm like the Parkline of Tows and University. From the outskirts of Baltimore.

You know, I never had luck at Tows.

And even though they were apparently they were sluts. But it never worked out for me. Heard their big-time horse there. And then rockers as the other one in New Jersey. They called Slotkers.

Big S-T-D school. Yes. I went to St. Joe's, of course, of called Saint Hose. And a beautiful, beautiful gorgeous. But yeah, I do.

I got to be honest, it is now, like I'm 41 years old. And even though my life at times, of course, is chaotic. There's a degree of, as we said on last episode, overwhelmingness that comes over me. But it is good to know to like, you're with one woman.

You're locked in with your family. Like the, the, the, the, the, Comeness of not having to worry that you have an STD. Outways bang the chick. Yeah.

And I, and I, and I have to live through that to find, like, This is, I like this. Who are these people giving you a committee? Do you remember? I remember like their demographics.

Do you remember anything about them?

It all.

“I would, you know, it was one of those things where back in those days,”

I would, you know, I just started comedy. So I would assume I was having sex to, you, like, with the same kinds of women as the other comics, having sex in the New York City. Well, drugs and society.

Exactly. Yes. Yes. Yes. The people who, you know, you watch headline arena's now.

What was sharing, sharing women back in those days. I, I don't know. I didn't, I didn't. You don't remember a single one.

I was never able to pin down who or what.

I just, you know, I just got it. But this, again, I was like, Sometimes it's worth it. Right. Sometimes you get a type of head.

Yeah. Like, I got some just tremendous head. And a girl texted me and she was like, She had something weird. It was like, Skabies.

Who was like, he was like, some kind of, like, dirty disease. Where's she? Pyrus dude. It was insane.

She's like, I had Rickets. She's like, I need some vitamin C. Yeah. It's scurvy. Can you look at what Skabies is.

I think it was Skabies. But Skabies isn't like it. That's like a, like, skin disease. Right. It's like, it's like ice.

It's like a ice. But tiny burrowing might call. Yes. She had a kind of, she had, she went to some kind of like,

she went to like a retreat in a year to somewhere.

Oh, my God. They got Skabies. And she was like, are you banging a Mongolian? (laughing) But she was, I mean, I, I don't know what she's up to.

I might hit her. Little bit. She was so cool hot and the head and pussy were so good. That I was like, yeah. Skabies, maybe.

And I didn't have it. But it was also before my special taping.

“So I'm like, am I going to do this special with Skabies?”

Skabies. Skabies. I can't have a fucking rush. And my, well, do you know the Mark Norman story? No.

So, dude, I have caught, we did our comedy central half hour specials. This, we did in Boston. In like 2013 or 14. But anyway, Mark Norman. Mark Norman, he's talked about this openly.

Did that special with full blown, like out of control, Benjamin Franklin level, syphilis. And he took it. Pull up Mark Norman half hour comedy central presents. Look at how swollen his faces.

When you look back, more, and the public. Look at Mark Norman's face. He's like having like a reaction to some kind. The medicine wasn't working at like a full blown, like medically. And look at how firm his face is.

That's it. That's it. And he talks about how he just was, you know, like out of, he was like in full syphilis, like founding father level condition.

Like he does look like shit. Look at his face there. That's not what Mark looks like now.

I mean, he was always, he was a little fatter back then,

because I feel like he was hitting the booze harder. Right. But that is even another level. Like he has a straight, like that looks like a fat guy. No, he, because he has, he's having like some type of

reaction to the penicillin, given to him. That's crazy. Because he needed it because he couldn't get through the set. Wow. Yeah.

Yes. So syphilis is, you know, that's a crazy one to get. Yeah. Mark's old school. Yeah.

I'm not saying any private info. He said it publicly before. Yeah. Yeah. And he was even if I did what, what would Mark get.

Sure. He's also like you were reformed. I'm bad he's a reformed raw dog. Oh, yeah, dude. New Orleans, dude.

They were there. I like to then scumbags down there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but it is, it is a nice, it is nice. On at the, what are you 30, 36? Yeah. We talked about syphilis a little more before. Yeah.

Yeah. Because does it, I love that it also just makes you go insane. Yeah. So people would get syphilis and just go, like, didn't alcohol go crazy. Yes.

Alcohol. I'm an idiom. They're an idiom. And they believe Neuro and people in history because what it does actually, what syphilis actually does is like the disease.

Is it climbs up your spinal cord like a ladder. Yeah. And it goes vertebrae by vertebrae and then starts eating at your brain. So a lot of the stuff in history now, they have, you know, as you can guess is that when somebody would just snap and start to kill their people

and crucify, it was, they had syphilis. Yeah. They was just eating their brain. Because those people are, people are, it was a good guy. Just had syphilis.

“I think he's the one example that didn't have it.”

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was just a Christian. That was the last dig.

Yeah. That's what they say. Yeah. I mean, that's what they say. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he married his cousin or whatever. So yeah. Unfortunately, he's not a good guy.

Well, back in the day, if you look into the hit past, I mean, I mean, did a lot of your, a lot of your good guys are not good guys. I mean, he didn't do it. He used to bang out his knees. No, no, didn't he used to, he didn't use the banger.

Didn't he used to, he slept in bed with a child because he was like, I'm showing how strong I am. I'm resisting child. Yeah. But I know you mean, but it's like, that's so funny that this guy that everyone

talks about is like this moral, when any of whatever he did, good stuff for India, obviously, but it's like to him, the ultimate, the ultimate temptation was sleeping in bed with him. Yeah. Yeah.

That was like, you can't come up with something more than that. He was like, I would sleep in bed with her. And I would not touch her. Now, I would have one of my helpers push my dick into her ass. Yeah.

More than that shaking. I mean, of course, no one is, no one in history is a fucking, is good.

people that got to fuck that much were like leaders. Yeah.

“That's why they all got fucking sipholes.”

Yeah. Dude, when you, when you look back, it's, you see it. It's like pretty clear as day because it's not that those diseases weren't there. They were. They're just was no medication to treat it.

Yeah. And I think much like today, how like, you know, everybody has that friend who, like,

just tear through posts and never gets an STD that there's people existed back then.

These guys were just tear through posts. But the one, like, I would not have made it back in the day because I mean, I would have been taken out immediately. Right away. - I don't know. - I'm treated climmy, your dick's coming, like,

puffing up like a bad boon, so it's bad. - It's like red balls. - Yes. - Now it's good to know, like any time I feel any type of, like, pain in your nation, I'm like, it's, it's probably prostate cancer, which is, that's fine.

- That's fine, you're ready to go. - Yeah, you're ready to go. - Well, at least that you don't have to deal with the shame of your family. - Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. - You know, that's how I look at it. - You know, you just clip, you just get that prostate taken out.

- Yeah, I've just gotta take it out and deal with that, because I like, I'm feeling calm, I'm feeling calm, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like I'm not gonna sell my house. - That's good guys. - I'm glad. - I'm glad you've changed your mind in a week's time.

- Yes. - Yes, I've just been able to, you know. - It's calm it down, breathe into my nose,

out through my mouth, box, breathe, breathe into my box.

“- Yeah. - And just figure out what I'm doing, you know?”

- Yeah, and what do you think that is? - Well, I think what I'd like to do is, I'd like to hold on as long as I can, and then be ready when eventually my wife comes to me and says that, you know, it's over for her.

- Yeah. (laughs) - And then just have something lined up, like in a apartment or something like that. - Is the married, like, you're now going to get married. Have you gotten married?

- We have not gotten married yet, but I just do like saying my wife, I like preemptively kind of preparing for it. - How are the wedding preparations going? - So so far, we were locked in on a venue, and then I very abruptly, like, you know,

I had a bad hour, and I lost the deposit on that venue, and I said, we're not getting married there. We should pick a new venue. And so we put on a, this is all true. We put it in the deposit on another venue,

and then I didn't like that one, and we're now back at the original venue. - Wow. - We paid it in the deposit. We paid three deposits for the same venue. - That's crazy. - Yeah, so.

- What's going on, man? - I just, do you feel like you need control in your life? - Well, what are you doing? - Well, I feel like through therapy, what I've realized is my father was a gambling addict,

and guess what, so am I. Even though I just don't use cards. - Right. - I just don't bet on the big. - Right, right. - You know, I bet on other things.

So you never bet, you never touch it.

- No, no, that was my father's main thing to me, growing up, he was like, I ruined my life with gambling. So you will not ruin your life with gambling. I don't even want you learning card games. I don't want you learning anything.

And so I said, great, I'm not a gambling addict. I won't learn, and then as time is went on,

“like you know, you should have just told me to gamble on sports,”

because now I just gamble on everything else. - Yeah. - I gamble on things that are even more high. - Yeah, yeah, I mean, you were raw-dogging everyone you met for fucking ten years. - Yeah, because of each. - Each nut was like, I was a role of the dice.

- Yeah, exactly. - And you're not winning anything. You're just not gonna lose it. - Yeah, now I've lost my family, and I'm living in an apartment with AIDS. (laughing)

- You never, I guess I guess, sex probably was your addictive thing. - That was the addictive, 'cause I mean, I eat a lot too, and I eat a lot of sweets, but I think I also then try to work it off or like shame myself,

so I can stop up with the point of my life. It was like, yeah, it was like the sex where the compulsive just jerking off, like something was shame, shame, and that all came from Catholicism, too, was like, you're a bad boy.

- Of course, you're a dirty pig. - I know, I mean, shout out to repressive religion because the biggest freaks I've ever encountered, are like ex Mormons, ex like fundamental, fundamental Christians, ex like strict Muslims,

they've all been the biggest freaks, so salute to religion. - salute to religion. - They're kind of becoming the number one hoe academy out there.

- 100% and I'm also a new development with me, is I'm also back in with Catholicism. - Oh yeah. - I've started going back to church, bringing the family back to church,

but we're going in a more healthy way now, where it's like I'm not gonna scold myself and have to like, you know, go jerk off in the parking lot if I miss a Sunday. - Sure, what do you think of the new Pope?

- I do like to do, what is he too woke for you? - No, he is a little woke, but the fact that he's an American guy from Chicago, probably most likely, has mafia ties. He's, Pope Leo is actually kind of cool, I like him,

and I like that he looks exactly like a good friend, Lenny Marcus. (laughing) - He's so right, he does look like Lenny Marcus. - Yeah, so I like the Pope.

- I actually, to be honest with you, I haven't really been much on social media and the internet, so I don't really know what's going on. (laughing)

- He really does look like the Pope, that's so good. - Exactly, so I don't really know much about it. I mean, what do you think? - I mean, look, as far as Pope's go,

He had lunch with some trans women recently,

like he also talked about how ICE, what they're doing with ICE is on Christian and like, we should be helping our neighbors and it's like, you know, just because people of refugees doesn't mean you're allowed

to treat that, you just snap them up off the street. - When he says that, that made my friends kind of head spins. - He's like, "Wait, what? "The Pope said what we're doing ain't good?"

(laughing) - Yeah, yeah, it is funny because you know, he is really, there are certain people who will choose Trump over the Pope, which is so funny.

- So funny. You know, there's some types of Protestants that are like, no, we must follow Donald Trump. - Yes. - The highest man.

- It is really, it is, and he has been interesting. It's kind of like the way that the last Pope basically said like, "Hey, if you're gay, "you might not go to hell." Like, that was the big thing

and they're like, "Discise to whatever." - Yeah. - I'm interested in this guy. Chicago guy, you know? Chicago guy.

- I like a woke Pope personally.

“I think, you know, gay people, obviously the church”

would be accepting of gay people. I think it's fucking stupid to quote like Leviticus and shit out. The same shit tells you, you can't eat shrimp, or where fucking cotton polyester blends.

It's like the same, the same ones tell you're not allowed to fuck people in the ass. - Right. - Unless you're wearing burr, like a fuck, pure wool

and never eating fucking shrimp and keeping kosher

and whatever the fuck it tells you to do. - Yeah. - Lay off gay guy. - Listen, dude, I'm all good with the Pope. I just hope that he just, just, I like our people like this

to just kind of stay in the meat, like just do the homilies, just do church, just do like, shut up and dribble. No morning, who shut up dribble. - I don't, I don't even dribble for the Pope. - I really, I just don't want to see you doing a live

podcast at the Chicago Theater. You know what I mean? I know that you want to talk to the youth, but I really, I don't need, I don't, I don't want to see on flagrant.

- I don't want to deal with the Pope on fucking Theos podcast. - Yes, I like that to stop. I like all that to stop, I know that we have podcasts. - You know what you say that? - Theo, I would like to see talk to the Pope.

- Dude, is it, I just saw a meme today that it Theo's dating like the mom of like the quarterback at Vanderbilt. - Is that, did you see that? - No, no, it was trying to fuck her. - Oh, I don't know if it's real and out there.

Maybe it was, he was, Theo was literally like hollering at this kid's mom. - Great. - Who is a dime? - She's a dime piece. - And the kid's awesome and Vanderbilt's good,

and you know, Theo's in, it would, it would be a very beautiful Tennessee love story. - Right, it would be, it would be a very, and Theo could use a good woman in his life. - Yes, you know. - Yes.

- Yeah, I, I just, I see things like,

not being on the internet now, like never going on social media.

It's like, I feel like, you know, I mean, like a third world country when they get a movie that's been out like for five years. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. (laughing) I feel that, like, a lot of times I'll bring something up in, like, yeah, that happened six months ago. - Yeah, well, we don't know who gives a fuck.

- Yeah, right. - Cheers about, I like, I like that, too.

“I think the hat, you're much happier in like,”

a third world countries, I think, like Greece, I think about how much fun it was to go over there. - They don't know what the fuck's going on. We're watching, what you just said, I remember watching Dunkirk.

- Yeah. - The theaters increase in the summer, they're outdoors. So like a movie theater, you're smoking, you're having a fucking sunflower seeds. - We're the best memories of my life

is just pulling a weed pen, eaten fucking oregano, potato chips, and watching Dunkirk. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fucking awesome. - It's getting a horny to Tom Hardy's voice. - And it, those jess lips, those beautiful lips.

- Oh, yeah. - They should've figured out a way to show those lips off. - I know. - Tom Hardy needs to be the new robot cop. - Dude, Tom Hardy's gay, too. - He used to be gay, I believe.

- Oh, now he's bad, I saw an interview where he was like, "Yeah, when I was a kid, I sucked a little dick." - Right. - But that's childish behavior. - Yeah, that's childish behavior. - That's childish behavior. - That's childish behavior.

(laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's Tom Hardy, I would say. - He was a piece of ass. He was like a little twink.

- He is my favorite actor. - Tom Hardy is my guy. Any type of, so Tom Hardy is the only actor for me personally. If he's in a movie or TV show, I watch it. - You're going. - You're going.

- For him, I don't, no other actor, I actually really has that power over me personally. But Tom Hardy, like the show "Mobland," which I love that show, I only watch it because he was in it. - I'm excited to see it, it looks both good and bad.

- I thought it looked like trash, but with great actors. - Yes, I thought it was great. I'd put it up there with bad thoughts on Netflix. (laughing) - Yeah, it's just as, I mean, yeah, it has just as impressive a cast.

- Yes. - Yeah, maybe, you know, yeah.

“That's why I was in Tom Hardy and Helen Mirren.”

By the way, you want to talk about piece of ass. Helen Mirren, back in the day. I mean, to this day, one of the hottest old ladies I've ever seen. - My go-to is I like Jamie Lee Curtis. - Yeah. - I like her, and I still,

to this day masturbate to her dancing and true lies. - True lies, you see your tits in trading places. - Oh yeah. - That was an early pair of breasts that I saw that you love those. - And they've stayed with me.

- Yeah, I see. - Sometimes I still snap off a little bit to Dahle pardon. - Sure. - Yeah. - Sure, you want it to, again, young Dahle. - All right, stuff. - And really did a lot

- Yeah, so it was not really a main stream celebrity with really over the top huge tits.

“- Right. - And she really was one of the first.”

- Yeah, so she's a pioneer in that sense. - She's a pioneer in gigantic tits. - Yeah, that's good. - I mean, look it, I mean, come on. - I mean, respect. - And the loop back. - And by the way,

of course she had gigantic tits, but also a pioneer in country music, Chris.

- Yes, she is. - Incredible singer.

- Obviously, let's lead with her talents. - Yeah. - And also, but yes, as a youth, had I seen her breasts before I had heard her music 100 years ago. - I like to play her tits like Bongo's. - It really was a thing as a kid where I was like,

whoa, yeah, this is awesome. - Yeah. - Someone can have tits this big. And then Elvira, we're seeing Elvira as a little kid. - Sure, 'cause she did some kind of weird she would be on like maybe Nick at night or some shit

and I was like, what the hell's going on here? - Yeah. - Just a little remembering as a child. - Yeah, I like to take it a little detour to get horny as a child. - To get hornd up. - And that brings me to our next point of maybe we should

pull a page out of Tom and Burt's book and groom a girl and get her on only fence. (laughing) - Yeah, to do that. - The fun was going on only fence.

“- Dude, I think that they were on to something”

except I think they picked the wrong sex. Let's do a guy, let's get Benson Spoon. Let's take Benson Spoon. - Oh, you think we should turn out. - Yes. - Turn out Benson Spoon and say, you know what?

Let's get you to the next level. - Let's sell that boy pussy Benson. - Exactly, on only fence, get spoon out there. - You're right, 'cause look, right now he's Benson Spoon, but let's make him fake Benson Spoon.

- Yes. - Let's let people who want a fuck Benson Spoon. All right, we'll get Benson Spoon. We'll get him on, I'll give him some of my Zepound. - Yeah. - All right. He'll lose the extra a couple pounds he's got.

We'll get him on, we'll get him Tom's trainer. - Yeah. - We'll get him a jump suit. - We'll get him on backflip. - He's gonna be on backflip. - I'll get him a Siberian husky to get his car going. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He'll start backfliping on, like, repressed game Mormon businessman. - Yes. - You want to actually fuck real Benson booze. - Yes. - And we take a cut of every load he takes. We get a piece of it. - Exactly. - And I think that, and that's the future.

“And that's what I think, so the guys had a good idea.”

But it wasn't executed properly. - And they didn't look at the talent they had in house. - In house. - They could definitely pick out Benson. - A hundred percent. - Exactly. - So I think Benson Spoon's a guy and then he's our horse.

And maybe we even get him in there with a horse. - Right. - And we get him on only fans. And this is the idea, so what we do here on Winter Bears is we take some of the ideas that the guys had. Because you can't deny Tom and Bert's success.

It's next level, so they obviously have amazing ideas.

But they sometimes miss the mark just a little bit and we're here to help them get the bullseye. And the bullseye is Benson Spoon's open ass hall on only fans. (laughing) - Yeah, I'm not just talking only fans.

We do need to do in person meetups. - So you think, yeah, I want old school pimping. - Yes. - I want a really work. That's how you really got a break your podcast producer down.

- Yeah. - You make him suck dick for money as well. - It's not enough to clip stuff up, it's like, I have a businessman from Japan who wants to fuck Benson Boon. You're gonna go in there, you're gonna put on a sequin jump suit, you're gonna try your best to do a back flip.

We gotta get him in gymnastics classes. - Yes, he's gonna start doing back with me. - My daughters in gymnastics, you can come with me. - Yeah, yeah, yep, and then you'll fuck it suck off, you know, Mr. Izimaka.

- Right. - And then we'll all go out for sashimi afterwards. - Well, it's $2,000. - Yeah, you'll get 200 of that. - Yeah. - Benson, you know, it helps you. - It helps you. - In order and in effort to keep costs of living down

and we're gonna move this operation 'cause it's now moving into full-blown prostitution, we're gonna move this operation to Detroit. We're going to downtown on Detroit, we're playing. Why don't we go to the, why don't we go to Nevada?

- Yeah, okay. - Where it's legal, you know, right next to the bunny ranch, we'll do the fucking boy pussy ranch. - Yeah. - We'll do the, - Yeah. - And how about this?

- Oh, the pussy ranch. - The pussy ranch. - The pussy ranch. (laughing) We'll do the pussy ranch, and maybe we're everything this. Instead of, we'll just do, we'll pimp out podcast producers. - Yes. - You know, everyone's gonna suck,

we'll have eldest sucking guys off. - Eldest sucking guys off, homeless, pimp suck. - Oh my god, he's got the name already. - And he's like the alt, he's the alternative one, he's got the cute pants. - Yes, you know.

- Yes, we got my guy who works at me, Steve Chakoni, Ricearoni, he's a little guy, so he's good for some. - Ooh, a little spinner. - A little, little fetish guy. - And you got a small dick. - Yes. - We'll put him in a diaper.

- Yes. - You'll have a rattle on him. - Right, Google, Gaga, while he sucks your dick. - 100% the producer of history, Hainus, Jesse Scatero, he's into sculpting, and he's more of an artiste, so a little more high-brown.

He'll kind of get banged out and then sculpt the man's penis. - Wow, he's laying there in the pool of his own giz. - We can get this, we can get a good old Jamie. - Joe Rogan's Jamie. - Oh, that's high, that's a big ticket item.

- That's the big one, yeah, yeah. - That's like what that's Jamie,

that'll cost you a million dollars.

- To fuck Jamie is like, now that's like Prince Andrew. - Yeah. - Yeah, dude, you know,

to fuck a podcast producer.

- 100% sales. - They all make just coming in. - Yeah. - Yeah, just blowing a load and all over Jamie, they dog, yeah. - Yeah, this is a good idea man, yeah, I think so. - So again, I think the guys were on to something here.

- Unless I really look, we can't forget any, he's also gonna get his ass fucked too. - He's in there, you know, he's in there. - But all that he, yeah. - Somebody wants a little caramel prick,

“you know what I mean? - That's what he is, yeah.”

- Like that, yeah. He's trying to go, he's trying to sneak away from the camera, he's at the far end of the film. - Yeah, it's all fun in games until you make a black guy gay. - Yeah, man, yeah, yeah. - And then they're like,

"No, no, no, fuck that, dude, my community don't fuck with that." That's your white boy shit. - Yeah, this is absolutely white boy coded. These are white boy riffs if I've ever heard that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is what you're about.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But that's true, you know, I want, I think, pimping, you know, let's make it, let's make it intergender. - Yes. - That way, you know, women pimped out women, men, pimped out men.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, kind of ancient Greek about it. And to be honest, New York City might be the spot for it because Mom Donnie wants to legalize prostitution. - So that could work for us in a big way. - Sure, yeah, that's true.

- We can keep my apartment in Queens and that can be the spot-house. - Yeah. - Everyone can come in. One room is the podcast, really.

Well, actually, here's what we do.

We put a glory hole that leads directly to the producers' booth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - They get at the same time, suck dick, right? - You're editing 'em, fucking.

- Yeah. - Make it easy for them.

“- Yeah, get a sponsor, it's all sponsored”

by liquid-damp. (laughing) - We'll need a lube sponsor. - Yes. - Yeah, so this is an actual viable operation

because what this is what, you know, where people are getting bored with just the podcast, people are getting bored with just the stand-up. So if you have, you know, simultaneously, your producers in a prostitution ring.

- Right. - Against their will. - Against their will. - That's big. - But we have cameras on that. - Right. - Then the fan will say, you know what, maybe I will join your Patreon.

- Yeah. (laughing) - And yeah, we'll put the glory hold, dick sucks behind the paywall. - Yes, which is this, you know, it's capitalism. - And that's the way we, that's using

every part of the buffalo. - Yeah, charge the guy to get his dick suck. We charge other guys to watch the guy get 100%. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Now, we got to do this being,

just being in this studio, business is rubbing off. - Yes, you do become a business man, yeah. - You become a business man. - Yes. - Now this is, we have to get this idea out in Patton

and before it's done at Skankfest. (laughing) - Oh my God, I'm actually, I bet you this is happening already. - Skankfest, Louis is 100% pimping up, but if they're not even producers, they're unpaid interns.

- Yeah, you wanna make it in this business? (laughing) - I mean, they lit, derrosor, remember, when you lit up that trans girl? - Sure.

- That's essentially what we're talking about.

“- Dude, I remember it's going home to my family.”

I was at that Skankfest. I remember going home to, you know, jazz, put the kids to Patton, she's like so big. I was like your weekend and I'm like, you know, it was great. And then I'm just like, you know,

'cause you get so immersed in comedy. And you know, you forget like our wives and family members are like not in comedy every day. As we are, they're more normal people, we're a source more abnormal people.

- Of course. - And so I'm telling her, she's like, how was it? I'm like, oh, it's great. And I'm telling her, like, as if it would get a laugh, I'm like, oh yeah, and then derosa got sucked off

by a trans person, like it from the audience and came in five seconds. And I'm telling it, like, how crazy is like, she's like, oh my God, how nuts? And she was like, I want you to really reevaluate

who you hang out with in this business 'cause she was like, you know, you have a family, you have like, I don't know why you're around these types of people anymore. And I'm like, you know what, it's funny.

I was like, come on, he's got sucked off. He's cool with it and she was like, Chris, like, I'm just gonna go to bed. And I just want you to really think about what's going on.

- Wake up tomorrow. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - It is funny, but it is like, that is the one where it's like, it's all, like, she's the thing.

Him hooking up with a fan after the show. - Yeah. - But the fact that everyone knows that he's just in another room actively engaged inside and then he comes back, saliva is still drying on his fucking

weak and he's like, goes back to riffing. - Yeah, that's insane. - That's insane. - And yeah, I tip my cap to skanks for that. - Yes.

- And the beauty of all that is Louis Gomez's cowboy hat

never moved an inch to stay your place all the time.

- Yeah. - And then so we got, so now, so what's very interesting is here we are, doing winter baths. Tom Scott, the pastry shop, so then he's got bad thoughts and now Bert has said, you know what?

This is how bad I don't want to do the podcast. He said, "Let me go do the medium that even less people watch a sitcom." Bert said, "Let's do a multi-cam netflix account." Now, to, you know, I'm making fun of Bert here,

but in reality, I also have a sitcom and development that did not get well. - That's what I'm gonna say. - So, he's just doing the thing you've been trying desperately to do for eight years.

- Yeah. - Oh, how many pilots has it been, Chris? - Nine. - Yeah. - Yes.

- You know, for nine.

- Ideas just like, you know, Italian and a Puerto Rican wife, basically.

“- Yeah, like so far, like I make fun of this,”

but so far, it's like Bert's living this amazing career and my career is just, I'm like Bert

if he never made it out of Tampa.

- Yeah. - If he was just a guy at side splinters, that's me. - Yeah. - You know, but so, so Bert's got that sitcom out. So, I don't know when that's coming out,

but obviously check that out on Netflix. But my guess is, if we do somehow get convinced we come back here and do spring bears. - Yeah, we will be back here for spring bears. - Yeah.

- Probably if I had to guess. - Yeah. - I don't know, you know, what are we gonna do? Maybe we should do it. We did this when in Austin, we did New York, Austin.

Maybe we go somewhere tropical for spring bears. - Oh, that's an interesting one. - Make them fly us out somewhere. - Yeah, island. - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, maybe we do it on Epstein's Island. - Yeah, we do it on some. - I guess, Empty, they're not using it now. - Yeah, as I said. - As I said.

- As I said. - Yeah, I'm not doing it on Bird's Cruis. - No, it's not. - I didn't do that. - Yeah, let's look into getting Epstein's Island.

- Okay. - That way we can do. Then we can run a little pilot program of our other idea, wink, wink. - Yep.

- Don't worry about it, Bency. Just just show up and hey, don't just have clear broth for a couple days before you come out. No chili, nothing, no dairy. - Yeah.

- Let's keep that in test and clear. - Yeah. - Yeah, and yeah, and if you could just, you know, just 'cause we really want to pump the first one, if you could really just kind of go on Matteo Lane's

Instagram and just watch kind of what he looks like what he does and then just get prepared because we might have a nice surprise guess for that first episode. - Well, it's a good point.

What would it be easier to find a ribbed giga in teaching podcast producing or to try and make podcast producers hot? Some of the most disgusting looking people on Earth. - Yeah, because they're like,

they're like comedians who don't have to be in front of the camera.

“- So it's like, that's the only thing, this is like,”

imagine how horrible I'd look if I wasn't photographed, hours a week. This is me trying, imagine if I was a podcast producer, how much I should say I would look. - So maybe we've got the wrong idea.

Now, having said that, we're not gonna spare Benson's hole, he's gonna get, he's gonna get ready, we're gonna present a train run through 'em. But let's also try a pilot program where we teach a gay guy or like a promiscuous gay man

who wants to be pimped out, we teach him podcast producing. - Yes. - And then we see who's the better boyhole slash producer. - And then the fans are incentivized to stay with us for the next eight to 12 weeks to see who's gonna win.

And then you know, they can vote, they can, and it's a whole thing. - And then you go, this is how you get social media involved. - I love this. - And all those things.

So I think that that is a genuinely, a genuinely good idea, that I would assume Burton Tom are willing to put their money into producing as long as it means they don't have to sit in a room and do the podcast.

- I think they've rather watched their producer be more. - Then sit down and do a podcast. (laughing) - He's like, yeah, he sounds good to me. - Send from my iPhone, you know what I mean?

- He's never, cool, just not even,

just a thumbs up emoji, send from my iPhone. - Yeah. - And we're like, all right, great. I was a care.

“- Yeah, so I think that, it's interesting.”

It's interesting, well, you know, we were talking there, what do you think they're doing with Epstein's Island? - Right now? - Nice, realist.

- Well, I'll tell you this. Speaking of real estate, I'll tell you this. Me and Yani, we're looking for a new historian or studio at the time in hand. So we go, the realist, the real estate is looking,

I'm looking as well. - So it's looking certain parts are good. If you read, I'm gonna actually, it's good that you ask this. If you really wanna get a good deal, you might have to get in with some kind of

nefarious adjacent people. So we go and we go to this place, it's this loft, like spot that's dope, that's a couple of G's less than every other place we looked at. And the realtor says, you know, you might recognize

this guy, it's all good, you know, he's bears resemblance to a guy that is very famous, but he's a good dude, he's all, everything's good, you know, he, he, he, he like lives here on one side

of the loft, but he's almost never here.

And, you know, he's here right now, 'cause he wants to show you this spot, and he wants to give you guys a great deal. So we go that elevator doors open, and we look at this guy where like,

kind of looks familiar, but me and Yannos are kind of looking at each other in the whole time we're looking at the space, we're like, who is this dude? - Yeah.

- So we go, incredible deal, the place is awesome, you're like, what's the cat? - What's the cat's, and he's very well put together, he had like a scarf on, very well put together, and he's kind of funny, and he's very charismatic.

And we're like, this is interesting to the great location, it's got like perfectly set up for podcasting, and me Yannos are looking at him, and whatever, and then he goes, you know, we're all done, and we get, he gets into the elevator with us,

and he goes, so what do you guys think? And Yannos was like, you know what, it's started like, we really like this.

gives us this card, he goes, you call me

“when you wanna make a deal, this place is yours,”

I'll hold it for you for a week, and it's yours. So we get out, and we look at the card, and we look at it, and then it hits us, who it is, his name was Mark Epstein. - It was Jeffrey Epstein's brother.

- God, the fuck. - Google Mark Epstein's brother tried to sell us a podcast. - Are you kidding me? - Yeah, you're considering renting studio space for you.

- Oh my God. - Epstein's. - Yes. - Oh my God. - And then when we hit it, we were like,

should we do it, and then hug you? So the guy in the Epstein, should we do it? (laughing) I was like, it is a great deal. It's better than doing it over the stand,

those fucking criminals. - What do you wanna be with? - Italians in the Epstein's. - You just wanna fucking record a podcast where they had like 15 Russian teenagers penned in.

- Yeah. - They just had them, they had them in little stalls, the way you have puppies in a fucking, like a breeding mill, they have like a little serial dry feeder in the water bottle.

- Yeah. - And then fucking billionaires would come through and be like, I'll click that one. - Seven? - Yeah.

- Like a vending machine. - Yeah. - So that's why the deal was stuck with the stuff you're looking for a really good deal. - But he's the guy.

- I'm not. - Yeah. - I'm not looking for that level. - Because him and I were like, you know what we were like, we can't possibly do it there because then we're like,

what happens if like, we're filming the podcast here and then there's some like not who just wants to get revenge and he thinks that Mark Epstein's still there and then he just blows up the podcast to where we get killed.

- And by the way, this isn't just like, okay, it's Epstein's brother, but you know, they have different lives. He was the president of his brother's investment company and an executive of O sub property, so he is involved.

- And he's the one who is emailing him about Trump's sucking Clinton's dick. - Really? - That was the one. We used to go about Bubba sucked him off.

- Interesting. - Listen, in fairness, I only met him briefly. He's a very nice guy. - Yeah. (laughing)

- Very nice charming charismatic guy. Not, I don't know really anything about what he did in his life, but I'm just saying, in the flesh, - Nice man. - And a very good podcast deal.

- If it saves you $1,500 between you and Janice, 70 to 50 a month, it's okay to podcast at a place where unspeakable evil has occurred. - Listen, it's all, as I told you, I'm into investing now, it's all about compounding.

It's all about compounding interest. - Oh my fucking, you really, you legitimately met Mark Epstein. - We had no idea going in, but we were like, whoa, and it was kind of one of those moments

where we were standing on whatever street in the city. And we were like, as soon as we saw the name,

it was like, whoa, because when we first seen,

he looks like me like, dude, I've seen this guy's face before. - Can we go to his wiki, let's just get a little more about Mark Epstein? - Yeah. - Yeah, he's a public figure.

I'm not like exposing him. - Like a property developer in the brother of child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. What a great start. - Yeah.

- A former artist. Epstein has been a really, a former artist. I'm sure his fucking paintings were really good. I mean, yet, oh, he also had a real estate, a t-shirt printing business.

- Oh, this one, a modeling agent. - See, and a charter company. - Yeah. - That's crazy. A modeling agent, a charter company just means

he was a sex trafficker. - Yeah, yeah. - He fucking found the people of the traffic and he had the planes to take the model image. - Yeah, the model image.

- He was called Fisher Price. - This is so fucking crazy. - Yeah. - Yeah, anyway, these guys were definitely, you know.

“- Well, but here's the thing, when you work,”

when you try to look for studio and down here in New York City, a lot of the buildings are on, you're probably gonna deal with some type of scumbag who, of course, are building. And she can have to deal with a little bit of that.

- By our levels too, with my Chris. - If you wanna draw the line at Epstein, you know. - Hey, you know, I got a great deal. What's the catch? Well, my brother Saddam Hussein, is that a problem?

(laughing) - That's fucking insane. - Oh, yeah. I look forward to you signing the deal with him. - Yes, right.

- Wow, dude, that's fucking nuts.

- You'll come do the pot and be our first guest.

- Oh, you would love, that would be a good pot. - Yes. - He said he didn't know why he stopped hang, oh, this is very funny. In 2024, Mark said he did not know why Jeffrey's

friendship with Donald Trump ended. He said that Jeffrey had said on tape that he stopped hanging out with Donald Trump when he realized Trump was a crook. (laughing)

- Epstein was like, ah, this guy's a little shady. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know about this guy anymore. - Anyway, where's the new shipment of Lithuanian children? Where's the, yeah, can we get on the phone

with that Lithuanian orphanage? We've got a running low on stock. - Yeah. - It's fucking, let's see, it's Tony Blair's birthday. - Right, we wanna treat him right.

- Yeah, so that's it. - He run into some people here. - Yeah. - That's, you know, you're really rubbing elbows with high society in Manhattan.

- It's what it is, man, you got Mamtoni. I got Epstein. (laughing)

“- I think I know, yeah, I'm pretty glad with that.”

- Yeah. - I'm happy to be on that side of it.

I just read a study that the chemicals and Diet Coke's

“change your gut microbiome in such a way”

that while you're digesting that Diet Coke your personality is actually changing. So whoever you are before the Diet Coke is not who you are as you're consuming the Diet Coke. Because they realize now the gut brain connection,

like who you want your personality, your thoughts are not as, they aren't, of course, in the brain, but they're also in the gut. And Diet Coke's change your gut microbiome to where you are actually a different person.

- So just know that about you. - And what do you think, so it's interesting

'cause the second I started drinking Diet Coke,

I started fantasizing about it. - Oh, and some spoons. (laughing) - Maybe Diet Coke's turning me into a gay, sexual predator. (laughing)

- That makes sense. - Yeah. Three more, please. (laughing) - Yeah.

- Yeah. - That's interesting, you know, I like that because I feel like legit, I do think there's a type of like slutty girl that likes Diet Coke's 100%.

- That's a cool, they have a cool personality,

“they're like bubbly, they like, you know what I mean?”

Pretty good at giving head and my limited experience. - Yeah. - So maybe keep crushing these Diet Coke's diet Coke's. - They'll make you a fun, light, sexual entity, maybe. - Yeah.

- Just fun and light.

And yeah, little Diet Coke, all diet soda.

- The brain gut connection, huh? - That's a big thing. - That makes sense, I feel like a lot of people who have bad stomachs are like, you know, they're very antsy, they're very annoying.

- Yeah. - People with like, I feel like hyperactive people have diarrhea a lot. - Right. - Yeah.

- And I feel like, maybe that's why like fat people have similar personalities 'cause they have similar, you know. - Yeah. - You take similar shifts, they have similar fucked up stomachs.

- Sure, you're finding your tribe. You guys gotta, everybody's gotta find their tribe. That's why I'm having a really bad day just eat a little yogurt. Combs the microbiome, dude.

- I've crushed you, I mean, Greek yogurt.

“Dude, I'm gonna show you something, my breakfast”

almost every morning is a 0% fage yogurt. I put a little scoop of ATHLEANX protein in there, chocolate coke in it, I like chocolate coke in it. Put a scoopy will be in there. - Now is that, is that one of the brains

that has led in it? - 'Cause that's like no. - No, the reason why I like ATHLEANX is the guy who runs at a Jeff Cavalieri is awesome. ATHLEANX is, if you wanna get in shape,

one of the best YouTube's you can watch is ATHLEANX because he's all about the science. - No, he's like not even trying to sell any bullshit. He's like, I'm, I do think it's pure. So here's, I trust his products, the most ATHLEANX.

- And you have the no search, you just trust them. - I just blindly trust him, 'cause you just, you wanna have sex with him. - And people ask me why do you blindly trust him? And I said, well, because if you look at his history,

you realize at one point he was the personal trainer for the New York Mets. (laughing) So if you train the Mets, you're a man. (laughing)

But he is absolutely shredded and ripped and... - Joggle, Joggle. - That's a nice way. - You chocked, they chocked a coconut.

And then what I do sometimes now that was fall festive, I would go, I would he has a French vanilla flavor and I put a one scoop of French vanilla, you're ready for this, here's my breakfast. Little yogurt, so got protein, low saturated fat,

good for the cholesterol high protein. One scoop of French vanilla, ATHLEANX protein, some pumpkin puree, some cinnamon, little maple syrup, the tiniest bit of maple syrup.

And then the pumpkin flaxseed cereal from natures path. Mix that up, yummy, yummy, and my tummy. - That sounds awesome. - And then if I really want it, and if I want it to make that a fat boy,

special what I would do is have jazz, make protein pancakes, and I would make that yogurt, and then make a little pancake, yogurt sandwich. - I do that, so I've been doing pumpkin protein pancakes. - I do pumpkin egg whites, cottage cheese,

and then if I want I have to do, for a similar fall thing, some pumpkin spice, and I put a cinnamon protein in there, and it actually is fucking pretty good. - It's good, dude. All you need, really, if you can just focus

on trying to get the maximal protein, like for me when I get the reason why like, I mean, when I used to drink a lot too, but also like why I don't have such a fat, puffy face anymore, it's because the one main thing

I change is when I'm really, really, really like, family, hungry in the middle of the day, rather than eating four slices of pizza,

which I would always do just eventually,

now I just have a yogurt, and I'm like, it fills me, and it's like not the same as pizza, but at least I'm like, I'm getting cream. - No, I'm getting cream. - Getting cream.

- Wow, what a fucking nutrition hack. If you hear that folks, instead of four slices of pizza, have a yogurt. (laughing) That's really helpful advice.

And if you guys want, you could put some pepperoni in your yogurt. (laughing) - I do make a Greek yogurt pizza crust. - Oh, Greek yogurt and flour, and you just fucking bake it,

and you can make it feel like a pita, or like a pizza dough. - And then I put a little fucking sauce, fat free cheese, which has a ton of protein,

and when I'm feeding for a fucking slice of pizza,

I'll do that. - Dude, the main thing, 'cause I'm my cholesterol was 300, I was like so through the, and now I got it all the way down to like two, all five or something. And the main thing I did is just change

from Italian food to Greek food. I just literally every time I wanted Italian, I go Greek. - Come down, come a little further down the peninsula. - Real chicken, salmon, lemon potatoes, hummus,

some veggies, but like so, it's not like,

“'cause I think sometimes people don't stick to a diet,”

'cause like I got to eat salads and stuff like, you really actually don't, you just have to eat higher. I mean, you could, if you want, but, sure. - Dude, some veggies and chicken are salmon and lemon potatoes and a little hummus,

I mean, you're still a little bit of a bad boy with the pizza, but you're not, but you're good at, you're better.

- I want to go to like, one of those fucking health clinics,

like everything is, like, I don't want, I have noticed some hair plugs, I love being, I think you're a coward if you get hair plugs, you know, I face, I face my mortality head on. - 100%, no, I'm not a vain coward,

but the idea of going to like, turkey or like, Columbia or somewhere where they just have these crazy, medical procedures, and they just, they check everything in your body, and they have like a 360 scan.

I kind of want to go do that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I kind of want to go like, be fully scanned out, I want to be on like, I want whatever, like, weird rich guy. I didn't talk to Tom, 'cause I know he's got weird

for 100 medicines. - 100 medicines. - Yeah, like I believe like Tom says right now, he's doing season two of bad thoughts, but he might be like, counting in a human safari.

(laughing) - You know? - Yeah. - Like, he might actually be doing one of, like, he's in Madagascar right now.

“- So even safari, they just, that's what's going on.”

- He paid the IDF $500,000 for like, eight bazooka shells, and they're like, hey, go crazy. - Yeah. - Yeah, no journalist here. - You can't go insane. - Yeah, you know? - That might happen. - Yeah.

- So there was, do you see that story where they were like, they had, there was some disgusting thing where rich people in the fucking, in like, during the, I think Yugoslavia and Civil War, rich people were literally hunting for sport.

I mean, it's, it's crazy how Craven, that's that much money makes you. - That's actually what made me think of the idea to even bring it up, 'cause I was thinking about what you were talking about.

- Yeah. - I was thinking about, I just seen the article in the paper and one of the guys from, you know, Sarah Havo, or whatever way, Sarah Havo, look like Tom's a girl.

(laughing) - Look at in 1994, Tom's a girl. - I'm like, yeah. - It's, it's fucking insane. - Yeah. - If they track down the people

that paid to kill people and execute them. - Yeah, I mean, and listen to it.

“Here's the thing, as a fan of this show,”

if you're still interested, I have something also to say. - In and out, (laughing) do it. (laughing) So, and that was part, and that is that you, you're, you're, you're can, constantly. (laughing)

- Yeah, that's, that's it. That's a DCF, a die-cope fart. (laughing) If you still are here at the end of this hour, and you know, listening to the ads and just seeing, and literally, you've spent an hour saying nothing other than

promoting humans, safaris, and Rajesh. (laughing) Then you're, you're actually the problem, not us. You need to look at what you're doing. It's not Tom, it's not perfect.

- Not me, it's not stopping. - It's you, dude. - It's you, it's you. - But listen, buy a calendar. - That's all. Come see us on the road.

The dreamboat tour, the final leg, is going on, is gonna start up in January. - Yeah, we're starting in Florida, we're going all across. Wherever I didn't hit last year, we're gonna hit it now. - Stavvy.biz.

- Chrissy, you're on the road as well. - Chrissy comedy, I have one show in January right now in West Virginia, Charles Town, West Virginia, and it can say, you know, Charles Town races and slots. - Yes, that's right.

- I don't know that point. - Have you done that casino?

- No, there was one of the first casinos near Baltimore.

So it was like, I remember the advertisement. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, so I'm doing that, and then I might do a show in Vegas in February, but Chrissycomedy.com, history hihenus, comes out to every Thursday, go to history hihenus

is back.com, history hihenus on Instagram. - And yeah, and that's gonna do for us. We'll see you next week, it's gonna be the holidays and getting close folks. We're gonna be talking Christmas.

You know, maybe we'll talk a little new years after that. - 100%. - It's nice to be here with you, Chrissy. It's nice to be here with you folks, and we will see you next week, bye, bye.

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