Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate

Cheating should be legal. - I think it was legal. - It's horrible. - Go to jail. Go think about what you've done.

“- We realize that a lot of moms are really lonely.”

- Of course you can do everything on your own as a mom. - But what is the cost of that? - Your mental health, your physical health.

- I never have watched Bachelor at since maybe 2019.

I'm like, if Kilburn ever broke up, but I go on the show, yeah. - Really? - I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, baby, you go do it.

Like he was performing. (laughing) (upbeat music) - Welcome back to always here. - I'm your host Abby Howard.

- And Abby Howard. - And we're here to share the hope in the hard with heart and humor. - Every week, every Friday. - Every Friday.

- Or whenever you listen to it? - Yeah, I usually listen to it on Mondays. - Really? - Well, that's the Monday before. - Oh, I was like a boy in the sense behind the scenes.

We had exciting developments in the always here, family, our editor and his wife are currently at the hospital having their baby. - Yay! - So we got excited for your family and your family.

- And your family, so exciting. - Very sweet. - Yes.

- All right, well, there's been lots of good pop culture

things going on. - What? - Should we say good or entertaining? - Mm-hmm. - Things to talk about.

I've been talking about a lot with other people. - They're happy. - And I usually don't know what's going on. - Before we jump into this. I think it's about my morning.

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah, what? - Okay. You guys, I just, if I feel out of it, it's because I've been scrubbing diarrhea off my rug.

- Come here dog. - Yes, I woke up at 6.45 this morning and I go, what's that smell? What's that smell? And then I look and I go, it's gonna be bad day.

It's gonna be bad. - This, you have a sensitive stomach? - I don't think so. - No, no. - It's been dawned.

- I don't know. Yeah, it's been bad, so. - diarrhea? - Yes, I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do today. - It was a, yeah, I might have to get rid of the rug.

- It's a, yeah, I don't want to go to the graphic of details, but yeah, we've been working on it for a couple hours, so let's see how it goes. - Oh, it was Caleb there. - Caleb was there this morning when it happened.

- How many of you might get your house? - Only he tells us when he's, like, music went out, so I was really surprised that it, that happens. - It's an emergency.

“- I guess, I think he was surprised by it.”

(laughing) So if I feel off, it's 'cause I'm just thinking about it, and it's currently smelling it. I can't get this in the autumn, I know. - That is so rough.

- I know. - I happen while we were on our crews, and my parents were watching her dogs, both of them got diarrhea bad, multiple times in our house. And we just got our crops cleaned.

- Nice, it was like you can do it, it was bad. - They were just spot. - Yeah. - It's just like, what do you supposed to do, you know? So that's a phone when it starts to pop off.

- It's a good day. - It's a good day. - No. - That's my day. - It's hard, it's been hard.

- It's been hard. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but our hope is that we've been distracting ourselves with lots of good TV. - Yeah, I'm surprised that I even watched it,

and no, it's going on. - Yeah, I was so surprised that you watched it. - Well, I had a rough weekend, but it's fine. - Yes. - We watched it, we watched it.

- We watched it, we watched it. - Like America's next time model. That's what we're talking about. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, I actually loved love that show, like growing up.

- You did. - Which I'm like, maybe I was a little young for that. - I was curious. If you, I need to do watch it, not really. - I remember being in maybe 5th and 6th grade when it was out.

So, and that I was that young to watching it. So, I would've been, I was the third grade, I mean, potentially. We'll also, I feel like they played the reruns forever

“on the show, and I think that was probably watching,”

like, a ton of reruns. - They did have 24 seasons. - I knew what it was about and stuff. I surely saw some seasons.

I feel like I never actually like tuned in and watched it.

- Oh, Addy, you missed a whole good idea. - I actually, is it like controversial to say, I kind of want to go back and watch it on YouTube? - No, you said. - Okay, you said.

- 'Cause it's crazy. - It's crazy. - It's crazy. - It is great TV. - And I feel like I was actually also part of the,

people like the group of people that started watching the reruns during COVID, I actually had COVID. - And I had a bad guy, which was the first time, the first time I was fainting. - Yeah.

- Like, I wouldn't know without Matt, 'cause we separated 'cause he had it and I didn't have it. So, he went and separated, which was weird 'cause we were married. - And we didn't know what to do.

- No one knew how to handle it. - Yeah. - So, no, this was before Christmas. - Actually, it was. - It was around that.

- Yeah, maybe. - 'Cause I was, I, we were there, Blake and I were there. - Yeah, they gave me fame. - I got it out.

- And I was freaking out 'cause I wasn't with Matt. I was like, oh, Matt, I'm a Matt, so then my mom, like, laid in bed with me and watched the reruns. America's next time I watched a whole season. - Wow.

- Sweet. - Anyway, all that to say, the documentary was very invested, because I knew, I like actually even knew the cycles they were talking about. That's some of the shoots I was like,

I remember that. - I remember that. - I remember that totally. - And just to say one thing, when I watched it, even watching reruns, I didn't think anything of it.

Which, I mean, I feel like we're all kind of in that boat.

It was like the number one show. - Right. - And I don't think it was like because they were like, this show is, like, so popular, we can get away with anything.

- Yeah, no, I feel like everyone was like, this is great. - Yeah. - And now we've learned, we know better now about, make some things, because the shoots are crazy.

- Oh yeah, that was not necessary. - Yeah. - That was, like, immoral, one right. But yeah, I don't know where was your top note thoughts. - Um, I, I thought it was very entertaining.

I will say, I don't have a lot of pity for people that go on reality TV competition shows. Which maybe isn't like the nicest thing to say. But I thought the same way about the biggest story documentary, like, if you're waiting in line

to go on a show and you see,

I don't have pity for the first season people.

But then after that, it's like, you're auditioning to be on this, you watch the show, you know what you're getting into, you know you're doing crazy shoots, you know you're gonna get a terrible makeover,

like, you know you're doing these things, and I'm like, ugh, can you really, they have said about it?

“'Cause you always have the choice to leave, you know what I mean?”

- Right. - Right. - And some people did leave. That was when she was like, I don't know. - Yeah.

- And you're gonna give up this opportunity. She's like, yeah. - No. - They will. She's like, I'm out.

Yes, that's besides, that's outside of the unethical things. 'Cause like they were obviously a lot of really, like the shady thing was really sad. I was not thinking about that.

I'm more such a talking about it.

- No, we were like the shoots and stuff. - Yeah, you could leave, you know? - Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, the shady thing was like super sad. - That was the thing that really stood out to me

because it was just like a lot of these things like in the time, like maybe we didn't hold ourselves at the same standard we do now. We learn more so we can do better. But that was like wrong then, clearly,

wrong now, I'm actually even illegal. Like I was like that was, she was back out drunk. And even though it made me sad that even in her modern day commentary, like I don't want to speak for her,

but just like knowing the basics of the situation that they detailed, that was not, that was not consensual, that was not sex. That was like illegal, what happened to her. And you did not cheat in my opinion.

Like yes, you went to the show with a boyfriend, but like that all, none of that happened with your consent. So I don't, yeah, and it was just so sad and it just kept getting worse, I feel like, because like the recordings and none of,

like I don't need, there was also, people were mad about the people filming, which I'm also like, yeah, that's so wrong that they filmed that. But then also there were other girls in the house too.

Like they were, they were there too and sharing a room with her. I was like, there's a lot of accountability that should have happened. Like that made me really, really sad.

And I don't know, even just her talking about it then, and like modern day, like you could tell that she's still like blamed her, she's just, yeah, she does. - It makes me sad. - It makes me sad. - For context, if you don't agree, yeah, so.

- She and E was on, she was on the first or second season,

like really early on, right? - It makes Michael too, Michael too. - And they went to Italy, it was the first time that everyone abroad and they had a party and they were drinking involved

and they invited some of the guys from their day challenge that they had. And yeah, she was just very drunk and there was definitely some essay that happened and she talked about it and it was recorded.

- And it was recorded, the whole thing was recorded. Then afterwards, because it was now a storyline, they had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about it. - That is dating.

- Horrible, horrible, horrible stuff. And it's like, this is a modeling show, is this? Nest is hairy, you know?

“So I think it does bring up a lot of conversation”

just about the ethics of reality TV show because honestly, I don't know if it's better today. I think about some of the stuff that's on to realize the Mormon wives and real housewives and sometimes I even remember on secret lives,

Jessie was talking about how things came out with her affair that she had and she's like, well, I know what I'm gonna have to talk about this in the show. Like she didn't really have a choice to talk about it or not

and I just like that's very interesting and sad, but also, it's not a job, it might not at all. We might not even have actually made any progress. - I don't know if we have. - At least in that area of like,

I don't know, if they can read all things. - Reality TV, yeah, it made me so sad. - Yeah, and the expectation on people just to be blatant about everything in their life on some of these hard things is really,

I would be curious because I don't know, do you watch a lot more reality TV to you? Do you feel like there are, can you think of times when people have kept things off-screen? - No, I can't, I'm sure it's in their contract

somewhere that when things happen that they have to speak about it publicly, right? Or they negotiate a contract, not to speak about it?

“I mean, think about, okay, you watch the Kardashians?”

- Yeah. - How much does Kim talk about Kanye? Is that something they don't talk about? - No, they're also producers, which is different. - That is true, it's a little bit different,

but I'm sure they're all saying different. - Yeah, 'cause I mean, TLC, like I used to watch all the time, I feel like everything is on there. Even when we've talked to the Douggers or things like that,

like they talk about everything, but there are some things they don't talk about. I think for reality TV mostly, you have to talk about everything.

Also, it's like, we're gonna still share this element of the plot and then like you either can comment on it or you can just not comment in which case, like people have no context. - Totally.

- So yeah, there wasn't an interesting point too that Emma are on her call, she's one of her producers. She pointed out that a lot of these girls were really young, like 17, 18 years old. - And there's a power issue there and like a celebrity and yeah.

- Yeah, it was just very sad to watch that, it was hard. - It was a well done documentary though, I thought. - I thought it was too, you know,

I saw some comments being like Netflix always puts

the abusers in the seat to hear, I mean,

“I think that's a crazy thing to call somebody.”

- I think you would've been fully done if you didn't have Tyrahl on. - I also don't think it put Tyrahl in a great life. - No, like even when she was speaking, I'm like, she's not submitting herself in a way

that I'm bought in her life. - Let's say it's not just her. - Ken also took no accountability. - Ken? - Ken was the producer or the other people.

- Oh yeah, I liked him a little bit more too. - I liked him more too. - He did say he said one thing, he said one thing. - Yeah, he did say that one thing. - On those switching, race thing.

- No, that wasn't the one, it was a domestic violence one because the girl, that was doing the photo, her mother had been shot in the head. - That's so hard to do that photo shoot. - So now that you hear things like that,

you're like, what were they thinking? - That's crazy. - What was the one thing that I was like-- - No, what was his name that Nigel Barker? - Nigel Lee, he was the king of Maddie.

- I'm not even thinking of the show too. - I feel like he played a, like he did it well and honest, he was like, yeah, that was a different time. He was like, he's like looking back at it now, he's like, that's crazy.

- Yeah. - Yeah, like this was wrong and, but I feel like he was very fair and like, I don't know. - I don't know. - And just real.

- Totally. - Like 10. - I liked him too.

“I remember liking him on the show a lot.”

I thought Ms. J was, that was really sad, his story. I didn't know that he had had like, I didn't know that he had failed minutes. It was interesting seeing more of like the where they now. - That was really sweet with like that they,

like J and Nigel and like all of them like hugging and like that they came to visit him in the hospital. That was really, really sweet. - I appreciate that like behind the scenes like caring for each other.

- Totally. - That like terrified it. - I know. - I was such a bummer too because I was growing up like such a tire fan like I life size life size.

I was gonna say, do you remember life size? - I was, I remember distinctly one day. I was, I had the stomach flu and my dad to stay home from work with me. - Exactly.

- And I made him watch life size three times. - Oh my God. - And my dad did. He watched it three times with me. And I was like, dad, this is my best movie ever.

Just think about it a little kid like her doll comes to life. It's with Lindsay, low hand and tire bangs. - I was good at movie. - I don't watch a kid. - I can't movie.

- We should do, have you seen it Eddie? - No. - What? - Oh my gosh. - Eddie.

- A classic. - It's so good and I'm gonna be really sad if I rewatch it and I hate it. I actually told Matti today I was like when you're watching like the Irish.

It's about to be, like, it's going to hurt the Irish. - Is that it? - The Dizzy? - It's a D-Com. - It's the same as the Dizzy channel movie.

- Yeah, I mean calm. - I actually wasn't channel original. Lindsay channel original movie, come on Eddie. - Come on Eddie. - This is when our Dizzy channel original movie.

I just never knew the D-Com.

- Oh yeah baby, the D-Com. (laughing) We should do a quiz or something where we quiz all each other on different old, like, still a lot of TV. - I did too.

- This one's different but I learned last night what someone said there was CEO in reference to church. Christmas and Easter only. - Oh, I remember it's that Easter. - They were creasers.

No, they called it. I was a CEO and I'm like, we're like, he's like Christmas and Easter only. We're like, oh! (laughing)

- I'm like, do you think we're gonna know that? - It was like never heard of it. - I love it. - It's great. - And anyone?

- Yeah, that was well done. - That was a really good one. Oh, the reason I was thinking the other documentary where they put the, an actual, like, okay, I don't wanna say anything about Tara.

I don't know if she's an abuser or not. But an actual abuser. - Yes. - Was that documentary on Netflix about? - I liked having her, okay, what was that call?

- The stalker. - The stalker with a collar. - The collar. - Unknown collar with a mom and did up being the one that was like abusing her daughter.

- But she was stalking her. - And she was stalking her. - People were mad that she was in the documentary. That's my, I totally grew up here. - I loved that she was in it.

I didn't paint her in a good light at all. - And that should maybe have more empathy for the daughter because I'm like, wait, this is what just I put up with at home. - Yes, she has zero remorse.

“I think the fact that she showed zero remorse”

spoke volumes to me as a viewer. And like, all the, like, yeah, like you said, it kind of just like sets the scene more for what this daughter was living with all the time. And I think that we are, we need to give ourselves more credit

as an audience that we can still make critical,

do critical thinking when we're watching something. - Right. - Oh, that's wrong. - That's weird. - Like what she's saying is like so off base.

We can do that ourselves, right?

“And I think you can also have empathy for someone”

that did bad things and still think that those things were bad. - Right. - Like I could be like, oh, wow, that's really sad that their life was like that.

Can't believe that they killed people, it's crazy. - Yeah, that's what I mean. - Yeah, I think you could both things can be true. - Right. - Just because you feel compassion, doesn't mean

that doesn't make it wrong. - It makes it wrong. - Like what they're, make wrongs, right? - Yeah, I really like that they include both sides of the story.

- They had a lot of good. It was not boring, it was very entertaining. And I feel like it was very, they showed a lot of sides, but I like that they had the network even because they also feel that pressure that they had

to keep their ratings high until like constantly do crazy things. But it was interesting because you make the point I was like, wow, I can't believe they had them do that. Afterwards, you watch this brand new show.

Matt and I wanted to watch it. It's a guy from Jack A. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - They have a new fear factor.

- Yes. - It is name. - We started it. - Well, you can't even start it fear factor. - They haven't released all the episodes yet.

- Steven, Steve.

- I never watched that show growing up.

- Don't go back. - Look at the girl. (both laughing) - Jack A, Steve, something. - Yeah.

- Anyway, Steve, oh, that's what it is. - It is. - Okay. - I think it is. - Eddie Thakett, I'm more scared.

- You reminded me of Jim Carrey. - Totally, he's very expressionin. - But some of the things that they have these contestants do, they were showing previews down the line. I'm talking sticking metal rods through their legs.

They're bleeding. - Oh. - Like they're actually torturing people for reality TV. - Oh. - It was like, well, they could get worse.

They could change races. (both laughing) - Those were the ones that I love. - I love them. - They probably will.

- They literally changed their ethnicities. And then they're like, but they didn't just do it once. (both laughing) - And then they kind of did it at the first time. - It was so crazy.

- And it was like nine cycles later. - Yeah. (both laughing) - And they show that I'm like, oh no. - Can't stop.

“- It kept up and honestly they cornered those poor girls”

'cause they were here to do this shoot. And then the poor girl was white. She's like, I felt like, she got like, not like a black girl. And then they hit them the babies.

I was like, that was crazy. (both laughing) - They made them change race and they gave them children's race. - Of the race, they just like that poor kid. I'm like, this is really, wow.

(both laughing) - I remember that shoot. - Oh yeah, I did. - Okay, they did it once.

- I've never been thinking that art is beautiful.

- I was like, I love that. - And the people, yeah. So he's our fear factor, you're saying it was just crazy. - It was Steve O. It was the old host. - Yeah.

- Not the new host. - Yeah, the new, what do you mean? - You wanna know who the new host is? - No, that is the new one. - It's Steve O, isn't it?

- This is, well, Steve O is not the host of the new fear factor, the new fear factor, the next chapter. - That's where I walked. - He's not the host of that. - Oh, who is it?

- Who is the new one? - I wouldn't recommend the show, by the way. Matt literally lost his attention, and if it, like, Johnny Knoxville. - Johnny Knoxville. - One on the same, honestly.

- You knew this guy? - No, I just felt like they kind of do the same thing. - Okay, Johnny Knoxville, yeah. - They're like sticking rods through their skin. - Wow.

- But lead, like, it's torture. They're like torture. - And Matt lost interest. - Yes. (laughing)

- I really told Matt, I was like, this is a problem. - I was like, we're trying to skip this. I'm gonna skip to the next challenge. - That I was telling. - And they did a little bit of the vacation challenge

in the episode we watched. Where they were in the air, like, and I watched it all so. - And Matt was like, I'm bored. I was like, your brain is fried. I have a distinct memory of watching fear factor

when I was a kid sitting on my dad's desk in his office eating party pizzas, just sitting there watching him have scorpions crawl all over them, and then a lady had a shaver head. And I was like, I don't know if I'd ever do that.

- They were dropping snakes on this girl. - That's what they were doing. - Yeah, they were dropping snakes, dropping rats. And I was like, "Also, where's Pita here?" - Where did they go?

- He got a pink hat. - He got a pink hat. From the top. So you're ready, I mean, I don't think it's gotten better.

“- That's what I explained to America's next up model.”

And this has not gotten though. And guess what, we're still eating it up. Seriously. - I was watching, I was like, Matt, those rats are surely getting injured.

- Yeah. - Is bad. - And yeah, so anyway, that was a very well done documentary in my opinion. - I thought it was too.

I would recommend it. I thought three episodes is the perfect length. - Yeah, yeah, no longer than that. - Thank you once again for sponsoring today's episode. - Something I just cannot stand are lengthy skincare routines.

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That's 15% off one skin.co with code Abby. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and please support our show and tell them that we sent you. - You saw Wuthering Heights. - I saw Wuthering Heights. - What is that about?

- What is that originally about? - Oh, it's like a book, right? Dark, I guess, written in 1847. - Okay. - And her sister wrote Jane Airt. There's three girls.

- So it's like a classical novel. - She released it under a male's name to what it would play cool. - Okay, so I feel like I remember hearing about that in school maybe, that's why I know Wuthering Heights, I was actually made mandatory reading in a lot of schools, I didn't read it in my classes, but I thought I heard about it. - Oh, yeah, it's like, it's a classic. - Yeah, it wasn't like at the time because this book is very like, it talks about like female desire, there's infidelity, there's like, there's a lot of like, especially tough to do the topics and especially for the 1800s, especially from a woman.

Like there was just so many things about it, but it was, wow. I said on my stories like I have a lot of thoughts and people like, what did you think I want to know, I'm like, I cannot convey them in a Instagram story because it was just so much, first of all, it was, I want to say this and I don't want to sound like such a wini. And when I like a whiny wini when I say this, but we have gotten really good in society about trigger warnings about certain things. And I think that's awesome and great.

“And some of them I'm like, oh, why haven't you a trigger warning?”

It's just because it doesn't apply to me. Like, I'm like, that doesn't seem like something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's like, oh, it just doesn't apply with me to me, which is why they have these. And so, and I started talking to a couple other women who have also experienced pregnancy loss and things like that. And they were like, I have, like, they're like, I watched all the media for this movie.

No one was ever talking about this and I was really upset watching the movie. Like, I wouldn't have seen it. Wow. And that's how I felt. That's a part of the plot. Huge part of the plot.

So I'm going to just say this for anyone that's watching because I know it affects so many people. Yeah. Experience, miscarriage, pregnancy loss, pregnancy complicate. And anything like that, like, don't know that going in. And if it's fresh, like, probably just like, just know yourself.

Just like, don't watch it because it ruined, it really did ruin my day. But before all this, well, first of all, also, I wanted to bring up on the topic. Another show that I was like, they were really careless with this was the house of dragon. Which I know you guys probably, did you watch it? I didn't want to watch the dragon.

Okay. House of dragon, there's like a ton of, like, miscarriage references, pregnancy complication, like, all kinds of, like, really traumatic births. Yeah. Left and right. And I remember, like, like, one of them, there's like, there's a crazy scene. That was like etched forever in my mind.

It was like fresh after I had one of my sons. And it was like an emergency c section that happened in medieval times. So obviously she's going to die. She's awake. Yeah.

And he's the husband's making the decisions where I was like, this is something that is like, like, I actually want to vomit. Like, I literally am like, not, I can't enjoy this at all. And it was actually created by women to bring awareness to these things. But it was like, this isn't the kind of, give a trigger warning.

Yeah. Give a warning at the beginning. I thought that, actually, about this is us. I love that movie.

And I've never experienced a message violence.

“But I had no idea that that's what that movie was about.”

Oh, it ends with us. What did I call it? This is a different show. That's a different show. Different show.

It ends with us. Yeah. And I didn't read the books or anything. And the trailers hinted at nothing about that. So I went in totally blind not knowing that.

And I was like, oh, well, I know idea is about this. And this was pretty heavy. Yeah. I don't remember thinking that if that was something that people had gone through and experienced or was really hard for them to see, they would have no idea that that's what this movie is about.

I felt that way. I was like, if I would have known, I would have absolutely, like, especially at the time in which I saw it. Like, I absolutely would not have seen it. And so, like, Matt was really like the color drain from your face.

Like I was like, yeah, because it was deeply disturbing. I didn't hear anyone talking about it.

Yeah, I've just seen people crying online, but they never say why.

Yeah, and it was also like, yeah, okay. Let me just start with the bad.

Okay, let's hear it. Give us a few things.

We'll never be sexy for me.

And fidelity is one of them. And fidelity will never be sexy. I'm never going to cheer for that on the show. They're like romance was steamy. And then I was like, then she got married to another man.

I was like, so she should go to jail. I'm not into this. I'm about into this anymore. And I feel like other people, maybe that's just like, I don't know, forbidden love type of thing,

but I was just like, ah, just kept thinking. It was like, and like, they were like in her husband's house. Like, I was like, the judge is specced. I have a hard take that you see it. You should go to jail.

To be legal. I think it was legal. It should be illegal. It's horrible. Got a jail.

I have a hard time. Go think about what you've done. Well, I mean, that is a hot take. I mean, it's hot take, but anyway,

“I think I'll use a little more accountability.”

I can say it.

But then another thing that will never be sexy.

Incessed, but they're not technically related. Why? But there is essentially brother and sister. What? I think about like a half brother or a doctor.

Or like steps is not a half brother, not half brother. Not a sibling. Step sibling situation. He is taken into the house as a child.

And they're raised together. Oh. That's kind of like, clueless, though. You know? Yeah, that was gross also.

Yes, it did seem really old and clueless. But that's precisely the point. So yeah, it's kind of gross. There were points where I was like, Yeah, they're not related.

And I was like, oh, they're cute. And like, they are. Like, we all know someone from our child. That kind of felt like a brother to us. Mm-hmm.

And then I was like, no. No. Like, that was a line. That was a line. It wasn't for them.

But it was a line for them. Right. Right. And so there was sometimes that kind of other me. Sure.

Other things I really liked about the movie. I thought they did. I think the acting was amazing. The soundtrack with it was amazing. The costumeing, the set.

Like, the storytelling was all very beautiful. Like, I thought it was really, really, really good. Mm-hmm. And, uh, great. Wanna watch their husband?

I would say like, it was just steamy. Ooh. But no nudity. So I, like, appreciated that. And I really liked that aspect of it.

Great movie. Great movie. Great movie.

Um, just really what I never saw.

Great movie. It is the best movie that I wish I never saw. Okay. Great. So I just feel like everyone should know my story.

I also don't, I didn't read the book. So I have to say that. I know that some of the criticism is that it didn't follow the book, which apparently, it really didn't. Because I did a deep dive into like what the plot of the book was.

Uh-huh. Which is also why I would say the trigger warning would be very important is because in the actual book, there is not a miscarriage. There is a traumatic pregnancy first situation. Mm-hmm. But it's not a miscarriage.

And I do think that they land differently. They land very differently.

“And I also think that either way, like you should probably have a trigger warning.”

And I just, I feel like such a whiny saying that, but it really, really, like as a consumer, I feel like I couldn't have even, couldn't have even protected myself from that. Yeah. Like type of thing. And like I genuinely did ruin my night. Yeah.

And so, um, great movie though. Do you like, or do that bother you when movies, then they change the movie from how the book was, or do you like it? I feel like it doesn't bother me. I always feel really proud of myself and I'm like, that's different from the book. Mine too.

Really proud of myself. But I really can't necessarily bother me. I'm like, I can see why they made that change. With weathering heights, they could have made a chapter one and chapter two because, like, they did with wicked, because the, the book, the movie ended at the halfway point of the book. There's a role.

There's a role. Another following of the next generation in the book. Oh. So they, it didn't feel like it was missing anything in my opinion either. Well, they're going to do a part.

Are they going to do a segment of it? I think so. They ended it very finally in my opinion. Oh. I don't think there's even a conversation about a second one.

I don't think so. In fact, I'm out if they did. Because that was just, I also never watched genres like that. I didn't watch rom-coms, but I don't watch romance. I really at all.

You watch House of Dragons. Yes. We're picking it up. Well, it's because I was watching shows with Matt. Yeah.

“I think you should know that before you watch it.”

Yeah. That's good to know because I feel like everyone's talking about all mine. And I'm just like, do I need to go see this? But knowing that it's spicy and sad, I probably won't go. There's more to kind of known as.

It's not. I don't want to cry and I don't. No, no, it's it's dark. Like it's it's like depressing and dark. I don't know.

There's a couple other triggers that you could probably like look into as well. Because I mean, the whole thing is very adult. Even though there is no nudity and I don't even think there's cussing in it. Like and there's no like drugs. Like it's.

But it was just adult names. Really adult. I really I think that's interesting that you bring that up because yeah, we have nudity ratings, language ratings, drug and violence and alcohol like they have those. They do build to have adult themes as like sometimes I've seen in like movie ratings.

Like adult themes will get it a higher. But those are also more subjective. It's kind of hard to like totally. I feel like that's why like I feel like we all had PG 13 movies as kids that we were

It was Jurassic Park and Star Wars. We were allowed to watch. I was allowed to watch. I just watched all of them for instance. Like the notebook on repeat.

Like Daniel's household. They're like Jurassic Park and Star Wars and those scared me. See you at a brother.

I never saw Jurassic Park still never seen Star Wars.

“I think I say you still have never seen Jurassic Park.”

I've never seen it. I don't care too. It's so good. I don't care. I'm a son.

It's probably seen. It's such a good movie. Yeah. I know. I like my TV to be really light.

Okay, that's true. Yeah. I don't want to sweat. I don't want to cry. You don't want to feel anything.

I don't want to feel anything. I just want to laugh and just then go to bed. Okay. You know what I mean? Watch different types of videos.

We do. Something light coming up is the bachelor at. Yeah. I'm actually going to watch this season. I have not watched in a long time.

I said I would only watch it if I watched it with you guys. If it was like I could lump it in to like family sister bonding. Yeah. We're going to do it. We're going to make it happen.

Yeah. I don't know what it is. I don't know. I thought they changed it from bachelor Monday. Well, that's during football season.

It's not on Mondays. The girls lost. They went down. The boys dominated the DBs. Yeah.

Taylor Frankie Paul is the bachelor at. Yes. I actually want you to take to a girlie. You've got to watch. It's Sunday.

Sunday March 22nd. I like Sunday. March is busy. You guys got a lot of good shows. What else is in March?

Virgin River season. Eight and maybe. I thought that one was sad. No. Okay.

I mean, it's kind of like drama. But it's nice. I don't know. I like Virgin River. I feel like only grandma was watching.

She has our kids grandma. We were going to do. I want to ask really quickly before we started on that one. I want to ask and we thought about the advertisement because I just popped up on my Instagram. She's holding the book.

I didn't see it. It says the book of more men. And I feel like that had to cause a rise. I didn't. I don't really know what the commentary.

A lot of the advertising that these utilized in my life. Their show does. I'm like the LDS church. They just had to be so furious about it. I was like, are they offended?

“I think they probably should be offended for that.”

I'm not a member of the church about it. Have you ever seen it all the way over here? Did you see that? It has the church window in the back. Like, yeah, that's.

I'm not surprised, but I was a little surprised actually. It's. Yeah, why are they carrying it on? I know. The bachelor is so separate from supervisors.

Different. Everything. The book of more men. They've got to stop and claim you are more men. We know you're not.

The book of women. That's a great play on words. I was like, wow. We're like there. We're like there.

Okay. Okay. So what are we doing? What are we doing? What am I doing?

Okay. This is my idea. We're going to be just announced. All of the candidates. Candidates.

Yeah. Is that what the guy in Canada? The bachelor's. The bachelor's. Who are going on to the bachelor's.

The bachelor's. And so we're going to look through them. And we have pictures of each of them. They're a role in where they live. And we're going to give them some privilege.

What happened? She got a bad bad.

They never look good in these pictures.

Okay. You can always better. Okay. You stand up with your first glance. Who's your first impression rose?

Who do you think is going to get the right off the job? Either your first impression or who you think is going to get it. I feel like Brandon looks nice. Where's Brandon? Yeah.

He does look nice. He's got a friendly smile. He's a loan officer. You have to pass a test.

“You have to pass a test to be a loan officer.”

A hard test. So. You might be smart. Yeah. I'm just a shame.

I'm going to shame. Private wealth planner. 28. Elena just has smiling with teeth. Abby.

Is that a red flag for you? You just doesn't look warm. Can I tell you vibe? Yeah. I also feel like Michael looks like a sweetie.

This is my problem. - I like booleac. - Malik. - Yeah, I can see that. I can see that.

I can see you're like a milk.

Is this your first impression of her?

- Yeah. - Are you my yours? - Oh. (laughing) You look nothing like Blake at me.

(laughing) I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - Oh, this looks so good.

- I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - I love it.

- I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - I love it. - Oh, this looks nice.

- So nice. - I feel like they give him fake jobs. Like Doug is a lotion lifeguard. I'm like truly Doug. - What do we think about the kind of like--

- Kind of a practical-- - Kind of a practicaler. - It's a co-practor. - He's a co-reformer for her. - He's a co-reformer for her.

- For her baseball player. And like what's his current job? (laughing) Do you know what I mean? - They're only--

That's all I guess. - I actually should probably say,

“I don't think that she's probably going to go”

for the nicest guy. - Who's going home night one? - Oh. - I don't know what I want to be mean. - Yeah, that's sad. I'm just going to say, just because of age, Matt is 43.

- Yeah. - I just think that feels more on the older end for her. I know they had to get all ages. I could even say maybe Christopher because he's 35. I don't really see you're going for like older.

Trenton's 35 though, and I could see her going for Trenton. But that's because he looks like her exes. I think. - Well, 'cause she, okay, she has three kids. - Yeah.

- That's a factor. - Big factor. - Big factor. - And so, I wonder if any of these men are dead. - So potentially she would need to find a guy

that maybe doesn't want to have any more kids. - Sure, maybe older is better. - Yeah. - That's a good point, Abby. - Question.

They don't want anyone who's there for the wrong reasons. But they're casting a social media person, like someone who's a public figure

for the first time as the bachelor at.

And so, do we think any of these guys are there for the wrong reasons? (laughs) - On your pictures. (laughs)

- Oh, this is hard. - It's my few shallow, but this is how it starts. - Brad looks like one of my high school teachers. - But he's just a cowboy and entrepreneur, it's not him. - Oh, cowboy.

(laughs) - It's harassed. - A cowboy that lives in Newport Beach. (laughs) - That would be a serious area of California.

- Yeah, but it's also slashed on Twitter. - I know, yes. - Okay, who looks like maybe they're here for the wrong reasons? Let's look at job.

- Richard, Richard, the photographer. - Photographer 'cause he's kind of in the art space. - Maybe. - I could even say, maybe Trent and he's a pro athlete. - Well, Richard is not here for the right reasons.

(laughs) - I can just argue itself. - Conrad, very general startup founder. - Conrad. - He could be trying to get his company's name out there

as a startup founder. - Oh, Clayton, Conrad. - Conrad is a small writer. - He's a small writer. - He's a small writer.

- Screams, I want to like become Instagram famous. - Nash, yeah, you know. - I do think that Doug might be a villain, Ark, Doug. - Just based on his shirt. - He's got great eyes.

- Brad has 158 Instagram followers. - Where's Brad? - Cowboy. - Okay, maybe he's there for cloud.

“Honestly, I just don't even believe these people.”

But then what did you say he'd be the least likely to be there for cloud because Yardie has it following? - I don't think so. I think he wants more to follow along. - Do you think because she is famous,

that it would be good for her to find someone that already has some cloud. Like, that isn't care about the attention. - I'm thinking maybe. - Yeah.

- So Clayton also has 44,000 and he's the singer-songwriter. That's cool. Hey, I'm really rooting for her. I want her to find a great man. - Yeah, she's three adorable children.

And yeah, I'm rooting for her. I love her on Sequelizer Mormon Lives. - Off the jump, I think Michael looks like a kind man. - Who do you think is winning? Last wrap it up.

Who do you think is gonna win? - I'm not gonna win. - She's gonna get married to the person that she ends up with if I'm not. - Oh, okay, then who's she gonna end up with?

Who's getting her final rose? - Maybe Malik. - Malik. - I'm rooting for Malik. (laughing)

- You never know, I'm gonna stick with Shane.

First impression, and last impression. - Actually, yeah, I'm gonna agree with that. You think Shane can eat for us? - Yeah, there's a million reasons why my opinion on this means zero percent.

- Because I've never watched Mormon Lives. I never have watched Bachelor at since maybe 2019. - We're gonna watch it season and we will... - So my head is long. - So my head is long.

- Nothing, yes. - But gosh, I wouldn't want to be in her position. I used to want to be on the, but okay, I was always dating Caleb, but I'm like, Caleb never broke up, but I go on the show.

- Yeah. - Really? - You to part. - Abby, I was the best one to watch your season. I would've gotten that was pretty good.

I'd always been like, "I feel like Matt would be like, "yeah, baby, you go do it." Like he was performing. (laughing) - The first ever.

- Very bad.

“- Honestly, Americans haven't been that direction.”

- They don't. - Of course, they really haven't. - We really should make it clear. - Let's try and get her on. - Let's not give them those ideas.

- We will. - We don't watch it. - We don't let it. - It is a most dramatic season. (laughing)

- I always think back to remember the season

where they made the men choose between Caitlin and the other girl. - Yes. - I'm gonna go back on that. And I'm like, that is disgusting.

- The date with those two girls. They said, "We can't decide who we want the bachelor, "to be so let the guys choose." So on the night one, - The guys weren't even applying

for a specific person. - You know what I mean? - You know what I mean? - But some of them were, and then some of them left, like when the girls, they did choose, didn't want.

- But they probably ended up with her. - But imagine the self-esteem hit. - Like you're a girl, and you're meeting all these guys night one, and they're coming in, and they have to cast their vote,

and then you get booted. - Well, I can't take that to her. - I feel like the whole show is for anyone that's not the single person looking for. Anyone that's willing to share a girlfriend or boyfriend

with 20 other people. - I have to just felt so picky about them. Like you know, the men choose, come on. - Well, that's like when they did this. - Did you watch the duel season

when they had two bachelor's at the same time, Gabby and Katie.

- They, the girls got roses, and they gave them to the men, but then sometimes they, the men would decline because they wanted to grow up to the other girl. - That's when you know they're losing the plot, when they actually start to increase

these stuff to get people interested. - That's what the season is. - The next documentary will for sure be about that. I know they can't wait. - I can't wait, we've been here all this time.

- All the three LDTV shows are quaking in their room. - They totally are. - Well, I am excited to watch, and I hope Taylor, she's gonna be a great, she's gonna be great on the show. - Well, something that I like to do is position,

to think of a segway. - Yeah, in my segway, and my head I was like, what would drive men to submit themselves to reality TV. Only loneliness, extreme loneliness. (both laugh)

- I like that one too. Anyway, we're talking about loneliness. (both laugh) There was this comment on the last episode of Chapter 7 to go. She said, I love this episode, quick question.

Can you guys touch up on how you resolve conflict?

“How do you plan to resolve conflict as sister-in-law?”

If it was to happen, do you have plans in place for that? Can you talk about what you did to become really close? And I feel like that's a good framework for us. I feel like we can talk a little bit about conflict,

but the second half of that, we get asked a lot,

like how did we become so close? Which is such a sweet question. - That is sweet. - And I honestly give most of the credit to you because you're just a very good recruiter.

But I just feel like we can talk on that, talk on that, and we were discussing this question. We realized that a lot of moms are really lonely. And so we chart kind of diving into more about that and we want to talk about that.

And there's some pretty staggering facts and information out there. I think the one that we were both kind of shocked by is that 80% of some research suggests that 80% to 90% of new mothers are lonely.

- Yeah, so it's just so common. And I feel like I've definitely experienced that. I feel like I probably felt that a little bit more when I had just had CJ my first. Because I do feel like there's an element

when it's your first baby and your baby can't go to the park. Can't go to play date. To can't really do any activities yet with your baby. That's what I felt very isolating. And also your baby's small and you're nursing.

And there are just a lot of factors. I feel like when you have one child that make it kind of hard when you have multiple. I felt like with Vivian, I haven't felt that as much in the newborn season.

I feel like it's a little easier to get out and about and do things. So I feel like that does play a role into it. But I remember feeling lonely after having CJ. And so I thought we would just kind of talk about that.

Like what do we do to make friends? How we fostered friendships in this season, especially of being parents. And yeah, our thoughts on that.

- First of all, I have like a lot of opinions

on loneliness and motherhood, like the relationship between the two things because I can easily see where this would happen in the type of culture we have created in America specifically today.

I know that a lot of these statistics come from the UK, too.

“And I think it's because I'm almost afraid”

to share this opinion because I feel like people are gonna be mad. But I feel like this is almost undeniable is that as a society, we really, really heavily praise and dependence.

There's good aspects of that. But in motherhood, that's not necessarily something too necessarily be praised. - Sure. - But of course you can do everything on your own as a mom.

- Right. - You can, right? - But what is the cost of that? - Right. - Your mental health, your physical health, like so many things.

And ultimately, like this can go on to so many other things.

Ultimately, like you're not being necessarily a great role model for your children. And I think that we don't talk about that enough. And the other thing, so we over praise independence and we shame moms who ask for help.

And I think these are the two major major pitfalls and how America treats new moms today. And it's probably why we see birthright going down. People are putting off having kids because it seems so daunting and miserable.

And then new moms are experiencing like record high levels of depression and anxiety, like all these other mental health crises and hindsight.

“And it's, and I think loneliness is probably”

one of the key factors of that. - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. I feel very privileged that I have an awesome family that lives close to me and that is like,

I really trust with my kids. - Yeah. - I know that they keep our kids best interested at heart. But I do want to also bring up the point that we have multiple friends that have no family here.

That live in Arizona, like in our community. And they're around us all the time. And I know all of our friends would watch their kids and have watched their kids multiple times. And like have or just like want to hang out.

Like do dinners together or do all these things. So it doesn't mean that like if you don't have that within your own family that it's all over for you. - Yeah, I think there are ways to build the community and your village to help, certainly I agree.

- Well, I'm curious why you said, why you said that you think that that's a bad role model?

- Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. - Like letting your physical health, your mental health, not having your own friendships as an adult. Like I don't think that's a good role model for your kid. Like to be having friendships, getting out in the community,

taking care of your body, taking care of your mind. Like that's what I'm referring to. - And we have a lot of talks with my kids about that too 'cause I'm like, well, it's really important for mom to like go out and you know, work out at the gym

and like it's good for like my health.

“And I think that it just becomes like this standard.”

But I feel like we, it's easier to have those discussions about our physical health and it is our mental health.

And I always make sure I say it.

And I was like, honestly, I just think it's, I get to see my friends, which is really important for me too. - Yeah. - And I get to like, it makes me feel happy and excited and motivated for my day.

And so, that's what I was referring to. - That makes sense. - What degree? - What degree would you think, well, how did I make that sound? - I thought you said if you're showing independence

or like trying to be independent and doing it on yourself, that's a bad role model. - Oh no. - Okay. - Well, yeah, I agree with your clarification of it for sure.

- Yeah, I think there is something to it. It's like the days where I'm home all day long with the kids and like not getting out of the house. It's not even that my kids are making me feel impatient. It's just not leaving the house

and just being isolated. That makes me feel impatient. It's like, see, do you know what I'm doing anything? But if I'm not like getting out seeing the sun

and speaking to people outside of myself

or even just speaking at all because sometimes I'm just not saying that much, I start to feel impatient and snappy and I notice I'm not a very kind mom sometimes. And so it's really good for me mentally to get out

and like see people. So yeah, I just can't imagine, I can't imagine a lot of moms like it is hard and sometimes it is expensive to join a gym. It is hard to go, you know, to the park if you have little babies.

So then what do you do? - Mm-hmm, how do you do it? - Well, I do think you can take babies to parks. Actually, today I was at the park today with my kids and some friends and there's a ton of people at the park

'cause it's beautiful here in Arizona and I thought it was really sweet. There were two moms that were there. They had just like little tiny babies and just they did not have any bigger kids

but they were at the park 'cause they were just walking around with their little strollers. Had their were baby wearing and I think that also just goes to show is like your your your your days can be so long as a mom and those days where I stay home all day

is like if my kids are sick, I feel that. I'm like, wow, this day feels like really, really long. Like I feel like I have run out of things to like do with my kids. I feel like they're bored, we're bored.

But we make it a point. We go out every single morning. So like this is our like everyday routine. We go to the gym and then we go and have some type of fun activity

and kudos to my friends because I don't plan them. 'Cause I apparently, okay, I guess Mad and I have been discussing whether or not I'm type A or type B. Matt thinks you're a mix. Okay, and so I was like, I don't plan the events

but I should like, I think you're type B. Like you're type B, but you're on the the the cusp of these days. I don't matter. If I was married to somebody else,

I think I would sway way more type B.

“But because Mad is so type B, you have to be a little bit more type.”

I feel like I was just trying to find some type of E. Yeah, but someone else, when my friend plans it and she's awesome and then we just all go out and do fun things with the kids. It's great for the kids.

They have their friends. They're learned from their friends. They learn to socialize. But more importantly, I'm within the whole time.

And it's also like, we just always talk in the car

and we have so much fun. Anyway, that breaks up the day so much. First of all, your house doesn't get trashed in the early part of the day. You think I don't want to start off my day with a trashed house?

Sure, sure. And that is great. But I don't know. I'm going off on a rampage. But it just, or on a ramp.

Rants, I'm going off on a ramp. I'm on a ramp page. I'm going off on a ramp, but I'm saying, if you could instill some type of part of your routine where you get out and you see your friends

and your friends that have other kids like your age, I think everyone's day goes so much smoother. It really does. And it doesn't mean that I needed their help necessarily, even like I didn't need their help.

I could go to the park by myself with kids. And we have many times. But it just, there's just something about that aspect that just fills my cup up for the rest of the day. Where I'm like, I got some adult interaction.

I got to be with my kids all morning. And I feel like a lot of that is just, it's hard to cultivate that. And so I guess that leads to the question, like, how do you get there?

“Well, I think, too, you don't necessarily”

just because you have kids have to stop hanging up. People that don't have kids. Like, I remember when I had CJ, I think it was a very fortunate time to wear, all my friends had babies around the same time.

But when we were in Kansas City, I had friends that had kids and no one else did. And like, they would still come and hang out all the time. And like, I loved holding their baby. And of course, obviously, you can't relate

on the same level to things. But I was grateful that they didn't, it'd be so easy to isolate. Like, oh, I don't want to nurse in public or nurse in front of people.

And like, sometimes you just have to get over those mental hurdles. Right. And still engage. I think that's a big thing is we have to challenge ourselves

as moms to get over the mental hurdle of things

It gets so much easier. It's a muscle. It really is a muscle. It's a muscle. It's a muscle.

Yeah, because like, I remember like,

getting out of the house the first time with one.

And then with two is a whole different problem. Getting out of the house is like, you have to rip the bandit off.

“Rip the bandaid and you have to practice.”

And you have to overcome some fears too. Because you're like, what if this happens? And I'm not in the place that I know so well that is so comfortable to me. Uh-huh.

And so, yeah, you have to overcome some fears for sure. For sure. I think something else to mention is, if you have the flexibility that you work in the afternoon. So you get to have that time.

A lot of people who are working moms don't necessarily have like that big chunk of time. You can do like, I typically work nine to five every day. I still go to the gym every morning and I take braille with me.

So she gets her interaction with people. I get my interaction with people. I work all day. And then she gets to hang out with that when she goes home. So you can still squeeze it in if you make it a priority.

You set it at the other day and I think

that's really important to say is you're in charge of your time. Saying you don't have enough time for something. You're choosing, if that's what you want to make time for. And so I make sure I get up every morning. So I can go to the gym and I can get out.

And that's what I'm making time for in my week. So then I can have that interaction. Brielle gets to hang out with people and we do it that way too. So I feel like being in charge of your time

is important to like recognize. You're actually in charge of it. I think that actually brings up a good question for me because in that research, I wonder of the 80 to 90% of it. I was assuming stay at home moms.

Yeah, I would do. OK, lonely. OK, I think we're probably doing too. Working moms are also probably lonely. But they do have that like adult interaction

of going to the workplace during the day. Most of the time. Yeah, I would see, I could see it being really hard to form good friendships if you're working mom because Wendy of time to invest in friends

because you're going your job. Then you just want to be home with your kids. Right. And your husband, you know? And so I can imagine that being a whole different ball game.

That's a whole different ball game. So I guess, Nibu, we should narrow our audience. But thinking to stay at home moms. OK, I think that was a great point though, just in case. Yeah, just if you're working mom, I feel like that is--

Yeah, make even time. I mean, a lot of people too are working remotely, which is even more isolating for making friendships is really hard. Or I think I made a lot of friends when I worked in an office.

I was never a mom then. But I made friends working in an office, but working from home is a lot different or you're working with a small team. And that's like not a part of your friendship making

“is that your workplace, and you have to make time for it.”

Yeah, totally. I feel like that's good. We can kind of talk about where we've made friends. I feel like I've made a lot of friends. Most of my friends have come from church or the gym.

And I think I sometimes hear the price tag of these boutique fitness jams. And I might be that's really expensive. But I think it's not just an investment in your physical health. It's not just a workout class.

When you're going somewhere and you're going repeating, it's become a part of your routine. You're going to start forming community and relationships in those places. And I think sometimes that is more important

than the physical benefits. And I'm like, man, that you think you budget, okay, you budget a hundred dollars a month to go out to eat. But like if you budget a hundred dollars towards the gym, you're going to make so many friends, you know?

And I just feel like that'll get her for you. That'll come down for you, maybe. So don't go out to eat and change that budget to go make friends. Because I think it's just so good for your mental health. And I think boutique gym is the best place to make friendships.

Like, and I were on a tight budget and we had a series. I wouldn't even say series because Blake just said yes. When I was talking about it, I was like, it's expensive. But one, I was pregnant and I was like, this, I really want to stay into fitness

and this will help me stay reliable. And this is where all the moms are that I know. Like, this will be fun. And he was just like, yes, and we just reworked the budget because it was important to me and totally.

It's been, so I just hit like my one year of being in person. Oh my gosh, yeah, because I was doing it on demand for a while. So it's like, I completely agree. Yeah, it's hard and, you know, I'm sure they're different price points to different budgets.

But if you can make that work, I feel like the gym and a place that has childcare. I do like you're saying like, that's a huge benefit.

“And if you want to be around specifically other moms,”

finding a gym that has childcare is probably the best way. I think I've also poached a lot of my friends off of other friends. Uh-huh. Like I've been like, oh, you're friends. I think I definitely poached Val off of you.

Well, I poached everyone off of you. Yeah, obviously, I poached a lot of people off of you. When we first moved here, you and Matt invited us over every single day for dinner. Almost every single day. She would ask you.

I know, but that's so nice, but I'm like, they are making us a lot of meals.

And then when you were hanging out friends, you'd always invite me to come.

I would just that meant so much to me because I didn't know anybody. And you had friends here. And that's like that alone. It was just so, I could help so much. Yeah, poached, poached your friends.

Do whatever we got to do. I mean, here's like, gosh, and any good friends aren't going to be like, you took her. Tell me. Am I going out though?

Well, don't be all about. Yeah, I know. Val, here's your daily, seriously. Shout out. She's getting famous.

She's coming. Comment below.

She's gonna love that. And neighbors, like people just like that living around you. If you're going to a apartment building, that's even better. There's a lot more closer to you. Like.

And obviously, some of these don't happen as organically. But there are, so I've actually been looking into it.

And I want to find a way that we can partner as always your podcast with a local charity.

Because there's actually already organizations doing this very thing, even in our local area, that are helping moms find community because this is, I mean, we called it the loneliness epidemic, but it's, it's really true. It is. And obviously, we all know, I feel like we're tired of talking about it, but like, our

devices are not helping us in this because we start to feel like we're like seeing all these people, and I actually had even talked to them in years. But like, and so we're, we're definitely losing, we're losing relationships, we're losing interactions, motherhood specifically can be like a very, very isolating time. Yeah.

There was a staff on one of those articles that said loneliness affects your health, just as much as what 15 cigarettes a day. Yeah. That's a really crazy statistic. Yeah.

That's really crazy.

“I believe it because I just picture, and maybe this is like the stereotypical, but just”

sitting at home alone in like the dark with the blind shut, you know? It's like, that's just, I mean, that's just sad. That's just the fact of it. And like, I've had days like that, you know, and so yeah, I can't imagine it, that's every day.

Yeah. Well, one of these statistics said, it was in the UK, but I think this probably would be very similar in America that the new mom typically spends about eight hours a day alone with the baby, that's, that's your whole day. Yeah.

I mean, I think it's also worth saying that like that loneliness. So say you're alone all day with your baby. Once again, I'm speaking to stay at home moms, like eight hours a day with your baby. Your husband comes home from work and you're then without even meaning to, but kind of subconsciously

asking your spouse to fill all these other roles for you, which also puts a huge strain on your marriage. Yeah, that's so true. When Matt is like hanging out with buddies or like I am having girls and I just, I know that I'm like, I'm so happy for him because I'm like, he's going to just cut, like, be

so happy and filled up by this. Yeah.

And like he's so excited and always roots me on to like hanging out with girls, too, because

we just come back, charged up in a different way than like with your spouse, they can, they can only fill so many roles. I'm like, you can't girl chatter with me, like, I try some time and go off. Sometimes it works. And also, even though Caleb's with me all day long, he doesn't understand that they

know about being a mom, like, or breastfeeding and the things that you think about and all this stuff. And like, I'm grateful to have these thoughts and carry these responsibilities, but like

“they also do need to be talked about sometimes with other women that just get it, you know?”

Also, this is also going to could sound really wrong, but I do, I've heard someone else bring up this point. Oh, no, I think it was Arthur Brooks. He's a comparison is actually a good and healthy thing. I don't want to put this in his mouth if this is like, it can be a good and healthy thing

in which it's like, okay, I don't know how any time I'm like, okay, like we tried this with the kids like, check, what do we think, like is this, is this the right way to go about it? And it's not like you're giving your friends the role of parenting your children or like the authority of like how you run your household, but like it's really good to just

like get some gain some perspective, yeah, or it's like they started doing this and like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that's normal. That's normal. We've been doing that for months over here. Like we're still working on that type of thing or like, we're noticed this, even

just like a healthy thing, like one of our friends, her husband's a resident, I can't tell you how many times I've just been like, hey, shall I take him in for this? Is this like a thing? And I'm like, that is seriously, like I'm not saying you was your friends, but like, we all have, you know, you know, that can contribute to one another to just make this season

“so much more, so much less scary, honestly.”

Yeah, totally. Yeah, I think also when we were saying how you, when you go do things in your charge by them, or Matt gets to go do things, and you go hang out with your girls, I

go, Blake does the same with me where anytime I ask to hang out with people, he's always

like, yes, not that it's a, not that I'm asking permission, but I think there's not many men who are just podcasts or husbands probably, but it's so encouraging to have your husband want you to go do those things. So I think tell your husband's to be happy for you. Really, really good dad's too, because it's like, I literally, when I go out, last

morning I went to dinner and we were with a bunch of other moms and they're like, yeah, the bag my husband took, like, and I was like, oh, I didn't even, I literally went home. I was like, Matt, thank you so much. She's like, yeah, oh, wow, that's interesting.

Yeah, like, I didn't want to be alone with the kids, yeah, for on a Friday night, and I was like, okay, I was like, thank you so, he's like, wow, yeah, I'm their dad, yeah. And like, I don't even think I'm like, I'm not like, did they, did they, did they get

And there's a learning curve that like obviously if you have a baby and you're just

both still figuring it out. But like, these people didn't all just have babies. And so I was just like, wow, they'd be grateful. Yeah, I'd be grateful. And then also like, make sure that you, you and your spouse are probably both on the same

page. Like, this is a really important thing that like, in this new season of our life, this

“can feel like, you know, we're trying to trim the fat, right?”

Like, okay, we gotta get what we need to get done, because I feel like you're putting us so full, it's like, this is actually something that has to stay, and has to stay a priority. Yeah, it does. And it can look so different.

Like, honestly, when I'm saying like socializing, I'm literally talking about like tonight, we're going to our friends house, that also has kids and we're just eating dinner at their house. Yeah, it doesn't have to be just long to mom, like your husband can be included. Like, great.

From through our church, Caleb and I have community group, we met with these same, there's eight of us total. We met every week for three years every week and had dinner together and we'll just, then we'll split up like guys and girls and the girls will go chat for like an hour and the guys will go chat and we'll just share, like, 'cause not everything needs to be shared

between many women, you know, but it's like, that's just so filling, and when you have repetition, I think to end to the question of how we got so close, like, it really is time. Like, we've just spent so much time, we've prioritized a lot of time, and we've, like, included each other in a lot of things. And so when you invest in, in people, you'll get those relationships back.

And so I think it's just taking those steps.

Like, you would always invite us over for dinner.

You still always invite us over for dinner. Like, you guys, when you love making dinner, maybe sad, when you guys knew that we were going to tell you were pregnant. It's like, they never invite us. That was like, that's not true.

Well, maybe it's true. So I've been trying to be better. No, you, I've been trying to be better about it and just like inviting, you know, just like including people into your world.

“And I think it was 'cause it was a week, night, too.”

That is a huge factor. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's a big deal. It's a big deal.

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. Investing time in people, I think, like, how that relates to the gym is, like, if you're going to the same class times, you see the same people all the time.

You get that face time. And you just start to, like, remember names and people in places. And that's really good. So, like, repetition. That's actually represented in research, too.

Not to be, like, give us the value when they're, and I'm not going to quote the correct thing. Because people miss, miss, mistakenly think that it's these peak experiences, or that are what bonds you to a person and makes them a good friend. So they think, like, oh, I went study abroad with them for, like, a month and we saw

all these crazy sites together, we're going to be best friends for life.

Chances are you're never going to meet up with him again.

Yeah. So I'm thinking some are camp experiences, like, oh, this random person that you, like, went skydiving with, like, all this random things. You would think that, like, oh, we experienced, like, really high highs and low lows, Taylor, we're going to be, like, that's not actually what the case.

Right. It's consistency over time. And a lot of those things tend to be mundane, like, eating dinner, going on walks, even just, like, I don't know, getting coffee together, or just, like, watching kids together. Those are the things that, like, prove to build stronger relationships with people.

Yeah. It shouldn't feel, I know it can feel overwhelming, but knowing that, it should feel a little relieving to know that's like, okay, I mean, major progress today because we sipped coffee while our kids crawled around the playground. Yeah.

That was progress. And like, you don't have to put all these pressures around it, and maybe some friends are just friends for a season, or maybe it's like, okay, like, there doesn't have to be

“all these pressures around them, but it's just the fact that you have to know that”

it's important for you and for others. And because the other thing too is that you're also serving those around you too. Yeah. It's not just so you can, like, take care of yourself. Like, I just think about our own friend group, like, I was actually just thinking about

this when I was making dinner at the other night. Like, so many, I'm like, I'm just going to be cry. I care about the, I care about these women, like, so much. And I just think about everyone's stage of life. Like, a lot of our friends are going through some serious, serious stuff.

And I'm so thankful that they don't have to do it alone, that we're all, like, carrying those burdens together, because it's just how, that's how we were designed. And I feel like we have straight as a culture from that. So heavily. Yeah.

And yeah, I'm just, I'm just thinking about that a lot, because I just think about all the meal trains that we've had within our friend groups, and it's for all kinds of different reasons. Yeah. Some of them are really sad.

And some of them are celebrations. Right. It's like, which also I shouldn't say that, that's a really good thing we should announce. Like, meal trains are a great thing for you, like, friends.

Like, it's just a website that you can, like, sign up to make a meal for friends. But nothing really shows love and nurturing, then, like, a home cooked meal when you're struggling the most or when you're entering a new season, and, like, you're just trying to get your feet on the ground again. Yeah.

So that's a really great way to also build community and share with your friends.

And I was going to say, I got invited to another meal train for someone at church today. And I was reflecting on that this morning. I was like, just, I don't know why the meal train, it just hit me like that. I was like, there, so many people are surrounding so many people. And it's really, really cool to see and being a part of that and being someone who can

step in and I'm like, I'm signing up for a meal train for someone who brought me one a month ago. Like, it's really, really cool to just be able to make someone dinner and bring it to their house and know that they were thinking about you or praying over that meal as they were making it.

And like, it's very intentional, taking the time out of their day to make that for you. And it really is really special. Yeah. The kids birthday parties.

“Think about how many birthdays we've spent with, like, I think I've been to every”

single one of all of our friends. Like, I'm like, I went to your first, your second, your third, like, and it's like, I know, kids birthday parties get made fun of, but honestly, it's for the parents. It's for the parents. It's like, it's so fun.

We can say something. It was. Like, our, the dads have started hanging out or mad at some of the dads have hot dad's tired every Saturday.

I always make fun of them, though, because being the type of parents that he is, every

time, there's hot dad's Saturday, every Saturday morning. My kid comes home and I'm like, I never, I never brought this brand of diapers. And our staff and rappers in our car, I'm like, I've never bought these snacks before. And I'm like, did you pack an diaper bag? He's amazing, he doesn't think ahead like a fall, he's not back in a bag.

And my friends are like, yeah, I send them with extra, because I knew that. That's sweet. That's how you know. You're such a sweet community. Yeah, I know that.

What are like, Caitlyn's always like, I packed it. She's like, I knew my kids wouldn't eat them. She's like, I was talking about you and I kept these up this morning. Like, how many moms pack snacks for CJ when I was like, he doesn't need snacks, and then he gets it and he's like, snacks.

You guys always have extras for him, because I'm typey.

“I mean, yeah, it's, I think to your point, Adi, like, it's not a burden.”

People don't feel burdened by your presence or burdened by, you asking for help, or even if you're not asking for it, like, it's an honor, it's an honor to come alongside other women and do that and just be there for one another.

So never think of your time as like, I don't want to annoy them with my kid or what

of my kids have a, you know, big feelings. It's like, every kid has big feelings and like, that's just part of it. And we never judge other people's kids. You know, it's like, we just parent alongside each other and like, or like, little babies. You know, it's like you just bring them along and it's so fun having the baby there.

You know, and so it's just never to think about your, your presence as like a burden or your kid is like, oh, they're going to be annoyed by your kid. Like, they're going to love it. You know, I think sometimes there's like insecurities that are really common or like thoughts to go through your head because it is just harder to get out the door than when

it's just yourself. Yeah, I was going to add in saying, yes, when people are offering help or things like that, it's very easy to be like, no, no, no, it's okay. I don't want to bother you, but letting people serve you. I think I've said that before, like, for example, you offered to watch Brielle on my

birthday. And I think at the gym, I was like, I don't know that me has to play. I don't know. We don't know if we have any plans. Like, you don't have to do that.

And then, like, it was like, no, let's do it. Like, and I, I don't know why I couldn't just be like, yeah, that'd be great things. And it took in your my sister. Like, I was like, why did I hesitate to say, sure, that would be great if you could do that. So we could go out to dinner.

“So I think saying, yes, more often is important, totally.”

I think, and I think also the suggestion would maybe be, if you're like, I want to start this, but people aren't, like, I don't have that circle on me. The suggestion is what I give before, which is like, over to be weird.

But like, literally, be the first offer.

It's like, hey, why don't you guys go on a date this weekend? Bring your kids over. Our kids would look. Also, my kids love playing with other kids. Yeah.

They take my job easier. I'm like, everyone's 100% entertained this whole time. Yep. And so I'm like, and then, like, you said, saying yes to those things, and then also, like, retiring the favor every once in a while.

And I think this also brings up the other point that I have hesitant to also share. But I don't, I think this is because we're afraid of talking about these things that it's not changing. Sure. I do also think that in culture today, and she overly anxious parenting is pretty.

It's really damaging. Yeah. It's praise, too. Yeah. I couldn't leave him with anybody for X, Y, and Z amount of time.

Right. Right. That's not necessarily like, I don't want to be rude. Like, I want to honor that anxiety of like, leaving your kid in the hands or someone else for even a short amount of time is, is a really scary thing.

When you've grown that kid and raised it, they spent every waking hour that kid. But that temptation to like, continue in that pattern, it's not serving your kid either. Right. It's like, obviously, only in safe hands. Yeah.

Only people you like trust with your life. Not just crying. Yeah. Today it was the first time I like have handed up my babysitter, Brielle, like, while Brielle's been away hugely.

smile on her face. And it just like, they love all that. It was really sweet to see her, like, be like, so happy to be with me. Yeah. And she's literally six months old.

And so that just spoke to me right there, seeing that. That's really sweet. It's, yeah. It's so true. It's like, it's good for your kids to like get out of your house and be around

other people too. And, you know, just experience it, it's so healthy for them. And yeah, obviously, only like people you fully trust, of course. And now for long periods of time. Yeah.

Not all day. Yeah. And so it's like, obviously you as the mom are like, are you neatly equipped to be like the main nurture and care for your kid, but this doesn't need, you don't need to put this pressure on yourself that, because it's also unsustainable.

And I think that's also why people are struggling so much in motherhood. Right. I just want to say like, I literally love being a mom so much. I do not feel depleted by my kids. I don't feel like they hold me back in any way.

And I am sad when I put them to bed at night. Like, it's like, 'cause I'm like, 'Oh, it's so much fun today.' Like, I'm out of the habit. I feel that way literally almost every day.

“And I'm not saying you have to feel that way, but I'm just saying, it doesn't have”

to feel like this monotonous, super, I don't, like, tortures thing. Totally. Sometimes I think, through, I think about what people get really anxious about online. It's like, 'Okay, maybe you're not like the most prepared mom that you leave the door.' And it's like, 'What's the worst that happened?

'Okay, they have a blowout.' 'Okay, so you put them in their carcy in their diaper.' You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to be perfect every time we go out. We don't have to, I just feel like the internet puts so much pressure on moms to know

all the things and do all the things and have the right gadgets and have the right bag and have all the gear and do all the things. That's just marketing. That is marketing. It's marketing.

And we, but it aids, it adds, then let's write these things and if I don't have them, then I'm probably not doing the best of them all. I'm not being the most efficient. And it's like, 'Those are subliminal thoughts that are put on us.' And it's like, 'I'll just say, 'We need to cast all that off.'

I wouldn't even say, 'We're done with that.' We're done with that. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to make motherhood so dreadful.' And I get so sad online when I see all these videos of parents, like, dogging on their

kids and dogging up being a mom. And then the comment, so this was great birth control, great birth, oh my, okay, first of all, knock it off. Knock it off. Knock it off.

We don't have to make motherhood. There's big scary, terrible thing.

It's so fine and amazing.

And your kids really just need you and they love you and they just need your time and they need friends. And when you need friends. When you need friends. You need to do it together.

It makes it like, it's not in day different. Yes. You're gonna, and I promise you that. And I know it's so scary. And especially if you're moving or you feel like, oh, my schedule doesn't allow it.

Like, it's like, just find tiny ways in which you can just do a little bit more. And it will, your family will feel a difference. Yes. Totally. And we've been talking about this for so long.

Sorry. Sorry. I'm so passionate about it. I know.

“I think it's because we just see the lies so much online.”

And I'm also just so grateful for, like, our community seriously, like, seriously, so great. Yeah. It's amazing. Naturally, just like having deep friendships and being really invested with people,

you're gonna have conflict that comes up and arise. People want to know what our fight was, Abby. Oh, I heard Abby's feelings. I heard her feelings. And so what did I do?

I called you the minute I found out that I heard your feelings. You did. And I said, I'm sorry. And I just feel like that is, I think that's a big part.

I picture, I always think they're like, why do people have, like,

strange relationships with their family or strange relationships with people? No, I think it probably goes a lot with, like, just really poorly handled conflict. That's not resolved. Well, and I'm sure, like, a lot of repetitiveness of that. And so when I think about how I want to handle things, especially being family,

it's like, I do the same thing as my sister. It's like, I want to call and I want to make it right. And if I said something that hurts your feelings, then I want to apologize for it. Even if I didn't recognize it, I think that's a lot of it. It's like, a lot of times not recognized totally.

“And I think understanding the intent of people is important.”

But like, yeah, I think just owning up to it. And like, swallowing your pride and just being like, man, I'm really sorry that hurt your feelings. Well, you forgive me. You're literally the best at that.

And it's like, and I feel like this is where it's like the, my fault in this whole conflict being vague. And it's, guys, by the way, it really wasn't that big of a deal. No, like, I feel like it also rarely, rarely out of conflict. But it's like, big lesson for me is go directly to the person.

Like that. And I feel like that's an also an honoring thing. It can feel like, especially if you're in a conflict of avoiding a voidant person, it feels like you're maybe doing right by that person, but just shutting up, it's not, that's not the case.

Like it's honoring to that person to go directly to that person and say, hey, like, I know you're hurt.

And I know that you would never intend to do this, but X, Y, and Z made me feel this

way. And I guarantee that person, well, maybe if they're not used to that, maybe they won't handle it well.

But hopefully, like, in that moment, but hopefully down the line, they'd be like, oh, you know, you were kind of right for that. I honestly think any good friend would be like, oh, my gosh, like, I had no idea. I had no idea. I did not mean to do that.

Yeah. And yeah, I think a lot of this comes from just knowing your friends' hearts and so, like, I think women, especially, are like afraid to, like, say those things, but all that to say, just bringing it out in the open, and I'm not saying, I think there's a lot of power in the art of letting things go.

I'm not saying that, but when it's something that's like, oh, man, this feels like it's repeated or if this feels like something that I can't stop thinking about, and it's affecting when I interact with them in person, like, things like that, and it's affecting our interactions. Yeah.

Just honor them by just going to them directly and it doesn't have to be a fight. It doesn't have to be nasty. There doesn't have to be anything weird at it, and honestly it can just be a really cordial conversation. And so it can be really hard to do, though, especially if you're like, oh, my gosh,

like, I know they don't mean this x, y, is a way. Yeah. I was nervous to call. Like, you know, I was like, dang, like, this is going to be hard. I just felt so bad, you know, because it's like, you just don't realize sometimes the way

that you do or don't say something can affect. And so yeah, I remember being like, the last thing I want to do is like, call and say this because it is a hard conversation. But I was so glad, sometimes then also just like sitting on those thoughts when you know

“you need to have that conversation with someone, that is like, sometimes even harder,”

you know? And it's like, did you go to do it and call? And it's okay to say like, I was wrong, you know, like, that's a good thing to say to people. It's good to swallow your pride and do that.

I was like, literally the best person at taking any kind of crisis and we're feedback. Like, I just think I can handle things that way. And I was like, you know what I mean? I did. You both do.

No, I thought you do. I feel like we had a similar type of thing and you came to me and we're asking if I was hurt by something and I was like, I, I was like, you don't need to be honest. Like, and we got to have that conversation. I feel like, because I know you, we were able to have a very honest conversation about it.

And I feel like knowing your heart behind it, I was like, I can be honest with her because I know her character, I know their feelings behind this. I know these are things that I might have been feeling weren't true, but I just need to hear them instead of just telling myself that they're not true and I say, I don't think they're big good.

They're not be right. But it's true. Yeah, they're true. Yeah, they're not like, yeah, they can't be trusted. Yeah.

I think that's the time. Like, I, I don't remember where I heard that. And the first time I, I think it might have been like a sermon or something, but it's like, all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted. Yeah.

“So you have to like filter through your feelings.”

And it's like, is this, yeah, what is lie, what is true, what is, you know, you just, you can't just take every feeling and be like, why feel that way? And it's like, well, what's like, let's peel that back, let's dive it a little bit deeper into that and let's filter it. And like anything, like approaching it's like learning where to take personal responsibility

to. And like, don't be afraid to also own up to that with that person and be like, hey, like,

here's where I could have done things differently or here's what I should have done.

And I think that can also be really meaningful. And that also brings to say like, if you think you've heard someone's feelings, also, you can go first and just like, I feel like we can go all the time with each other. Yeah. And honestly, sometimes it gets a little out of hand, like, no, I'm sorry, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Like, can I hear your feelings if you feel like, you know, I just left and I'm overthinking this, but when I said this, it kind of could have come across as this. Yes. And I think it's just because we're all really honest with each other and like that's

down to happen and we all like, love each other and definitely care. And also are like, family. So you cross some lines at times because it's like, hey, we're family, like, I could hold you to a closer standard, different standard. And like, but obviously, within, right, yeah.

And I think what you're saying, I need to like, when you handle conflict, well, it brings you closer together. Like, now you trust you can have these open-canded conversations, because you know how the other person handles it.

Yeah, there's always safety in that.

So, which safety, yeah, we have a history of overcoming things. So it's like nothing's there's nothing that's going to like knock us down. Yeah, yeah, and that's going to permanently burn this bridge.

“I think it's important when it's family that there's an extra level of, we need”

a resolve this. We're not, if it's just a friend, sometimes you're like, ah, I'm not going to see him for a couple of years. Totally. We don't need to resolve that.

Do this. And so with, with family, I think there's an urgency to it a little bit more than there may be, maybe, with friends and just, and it was in to go directly to them. And go directly to them, especially with, like, spouses involved or things like that. When it's like, I can't, I'm not going to rant to Blake about something, because he's going

to be like, no, go talk to her. Oh, okay. I love that. It's true. It is true.

It helps when your husband's so like to gossip. It keeps me in check. Yeah. Now that I'm gossiping about you, guys. Adity, we know that.

I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I'm laughing. I don't want to, here's my problem.

always navigating the line of like, okay, I mean, honest and genuine to myself, but also like I don't want to

That's not it's telling that line. Yeah. It's like, okay, well, you know what, if I feel this, this safe. Yeah, okay. Well, and also I trust that people will tell me if I'm wrong. Oh, well, nothing. Let us know. Yeah, they, they love her. Look at her clean and have to defy. That was actually a great circle. My mom bought me socks. She was like, your socks are disgusting. Why do you? Why do people care? I also, my socks are clean. They're just permanently stained. Yeah,

I want her and we rebuying socks. Oh, I want to see your socks for three years. If you're commenting about our socks being dirty, I want to see your socks. My mom, she's a doer. She goes, that was a problem. I bought you a sock. She's a, she's a, she's a, she's a, she's a thing. Would you rather see your toes? I'm surely not. Maybe, no, you'll not. I actually just talking to somebody who's brother-in-law.

“Has a boyfriend? Has one or has had one. She's like, that's why we can't really hang out. She's like,”

it's like serious growing up. Her husband had friends over and he woke up. His brother was sucking on his friends. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a man. I'm talking on another. I don't know. I don't know the gender that. And everyone's got toes. I mean, it's a joke for a reason. The first truth to it, a lot of people are into that. I actually had, as a self-preservation thing, I, I just said, for the fetishes aren't real. Oh, sure. And turns out it is. I told you, I was like, I said, no,

I, in my head, I told myself it's not real. And she's like, it is real. No. Okay. Wow. We're going to the round. Let's listen to a voicemail. Oh, no, no, no. Ask, ask, ask, Abby. I Abby, Abby, and Abby and Abby, my name is Grace.

And I just wanted to say how much I absolutely love listening to your new podcast always here.

You guys have such great energy and it really feels like I'm just hanging out with friends while listening.

“And my question for you guys is, what podcast do you guys like listening to?”

Thanks so much. Bye. That's really sweet. Thanks, Grace. Let's go down the list. I'll get my phone off. Okay. I like diary of a CEO. Yeah, I've listened to a lot of those. I like unplanned. Oh, thank you. I have to say since we started this when I've listened a little less. It's just so much. I can't see so much of you guys. Not in a bad way. I just don't want to like too much. No, it's not too much. I just don't want to ruin some of the stuff that we talk about.

Right. You guys might talk about it on a plane. Do you influenced by Danny Austin, Jordan Ramirez, they're fun. One. Sometimes I listen to voicemail. That's good by Sadie Robertson. I loved. They just had a really good episode. I listened to her and her mom to make a conversation on the socks and fillers. I just loved those. I love those. I love those. Like her format of that. Well, I listened to John the Lonely three times a week, which I listened to true cry was a

category. So I have 40 hours, date line, crime junkie. I also listened to Diary of CEO, Arthur Brooks, and Ginger and Jeremy podcast. Oh, fine. Yeah. That's sweetest. I also listened to this one called The Glossy podcast. They're a fashion news podcast. I like that one. If anyone also sends me a random one off podcast, it also automatically, like if they text it to me, it automatically goes into my Apple podcast and then I listen to those two. There's a lot of one off ones from families and

right. That's so good of you to listen to ones that people send you. I feel like sometimes people send

things and you just never listen to them. I feel honored. I listen to them. Yeah. That's good to know.

Yeah, good one the other day. It was like three hours or like here we go. Yeah, I thought they'd be a good guess I'm playing. I know. I listen to chicks in the office for my pop culture news and then I listen to true cry. If I'm on a really long drive, it has to be long. It has to be at least 45 minutes so I can watch listen to the whole thing. A lot of crime junkie. Yeah, I get more like fun ones. Oh, I also listen to that's the point. Pod, my Christian Johns and John Volk. I like listen to

them. They're fun. It's kind of similar vibes. I feel like they're just like chatty. Yeah. I'm Jane. I just want to say that they're also beautiful and I love this podcast so much.

“My question is, when you get a boyfriend, how do you make sure he doesn't become the whole identity?”

Thank you. That is such a good question. I think I did marry him those little things. Did she say, if your boyfriend becomes your whole identity? How did not make your boyfriend become your

boyfriend? You don't take my friends if I did that. You go ahead. It is so hard when you first

are dating not to like get swept up in the feelings because it's so fun. And obviously if you're too like if you're young and you're in high school and stuff like you only have weekends to really

really important that when your girlfriends about you to hang out, you hang out with them and you don't

“flake on them to hang out with your boyfriend. That is a no-no. Don't flake on your girls to hang”

with your guy. That's a no-no. And don't always invite your guy to come along. That's actually a

different way of interpreting it than I thought. When we come your whole identity, I thought it meant like you start to like everything that he likes. Like you start to lose aspects of yourself and to just kind of replicate him. Oh interesting. I took it Abigail's way. Okay. But I could tell you about both because I didn't think that's a good news. I didn't turn it off. I wanted to play this. Like the tendency. Well to just like lose yourself

and I obviously some things are going to change but it's also more important to make those changes probably emerge than like the boyfriend. We were like okay I don't yeah just don't like shed pieces of yourself because of romantic relationship. And also that's probably the reason they had started liking in the first place. So like have your own interests in like in passions and thoughts and opinions on things inside a relationship. I think that's really important. I think it's especially

easy for females to like kind of morph into like more like their partner totally. I would agree. Um but yeah don't click on your no. I did not do that. I did not do that. That's what you meant. I was like really. No I had a lot of fun with my friends. So we just hung out. We hung out a lot too

“but yeah I think that's a big temptation. Gosh. In factuation can really just and here's the thing.”

You got to go into it knowing like you're going to get infatuated because that's it's a part of it. Love them at the part of it. But you got to know how to like keep it in box. And so it doesn't bleed out everywhere. Yeah I think you need to be okay saying no to your boyfriend. Like sometimes like if you don't want to do something that they're doing like it's okay to say no. You know. Hi Abby and Abby my name is McKinsey and I was I'm playing a wedding right now and I was wondering

if there anything that you wish you would put on your wedding registry looking back like the most random things or just something that's not just played from one end. Thank you.

Congratulations. It's exciting. Never in your life will you get to do that again. I really just

think about think about that response then right there that is heavy. I made a mistake. I registered at Macy's and that just wasn't the vibe. I just didn't know you could register to other places. Matt was a really forget about this point. So we only did Amazon and bed back and beyond which rest in peace bed back and yeah I would say register for the good quality stuff because I still use all my stuff from that we got as wedding gifts. Yeah and it's been seven years. Okay something

random. I was really upset that Killv asked me to take the trash can off of our registry because he said a hundred dollars for a trash can that's absurd. And so we just got the $20 plastic one from Walmart and it was ugly stinky and it had to be replaced multiple times where if we just got the really nice hundred dollars thing to get a nice trash can. That's a really good advice. Yeah. I would say get a really good knife. This is such a doorky thing to say. I'm thinking about the kitchen

because here's another thing too. I feel like your items that are going to get skipped of the most are in the 50 to 75 dollar range or 50 to $100 range. Yeah. And so I feel like within that range you can get a really high quality staples that you'll use a lot of times. I don't think it needs to be like hundreds of dollars. But I think about my cast iron pot that I use literally all the time you can use it like a skillet and a pot and it can go in the oven. It's a great size and yeah I think

that's a great advice to like I'm not saying to get like bougie. I say focus on things that are

“50 to $100. Well I'm going to disagree. I'm going to disagree because like I think you should”

put a dice and vacuum like a totally totally because people do group gifts. Yes. Yeah. But I'm way more likely to get an individual gift because I want to use this something I want them to think about me. But I think more I think like older people that you're inviting and close like close people they'll they'll just buy the whole thing probably. And they'll get big gifts like that's where you're going to get your big gifts as you're wedding. So I would put some of those

expensive things out there will be people in your life to do that. I take a kitchen aid on an expensive one. Yeah. I have a knife set a good knife. A good knife set. I was hassled for putting a kitchen aid on there. I use it literally multiple times a day. So I'm like I put it on our. It was worth a kitchen aid. It's great. Yeah. Good knife set that. I mean you got me a TV. I think about it every time. I think about it. Oh it's a good knife. I think I'm happy. See I wanted her to do that. It's a

staple in our house. We use it every day every day. Most of the times with the TV people. That's it's so true. I would say get put the things on there that you're going to use every day or like frequently and that aren't going to change from place to place that you move. Yeah the things that I did not use uh themed fabric by cloth napkins. I feel really sad about it but I just don't want to use them.

The spiralizer accessory for my kitchen aid never use it. What did what what would you spiralize?

It's not as in my healthy career. It's noodles. I hate cauliflower rice and I hate zucchini noodles.

“I'm going to say it. I'm going to rice, white rice. Don't make me so good at squash. Well that brings”

it to our segment of always eating and we have fun recipes for you guys. Mine is our tried and true

cook recipe that we both use and use it today. I made it to last night. Yeah I'm so sorry I'm going to cook you tonight. Um it is by some joy food sunshine. Joy food sunshine. I will post it. My friend Abbey my other friend Abbey. I'm so many good at it. Tell me Abbey. Tell me this. It's the perfect chocolate to make it every time. Bell is on who sent me this recipe. Really? No my friend Abbey sent it to me. That's so funny because I did. I got it from Bella. Yeah this recipe we're not the

first one. We're not the first one. We're not the first one. And it's titled the best chocolate chip cookie recipe and it is and it will say the recipe includes to not me taking your ticket. It includes two cups of chocolate chips but you can also play around with it. It made them one time with white chocolate chips and regular chocolate chips. I did a different regular chocolate chips and many amnems. I can really swap those out for other inclusions. Just keep it to two cups of like

inclusions. Yes. But it's a great base and chocolate chips for Valentine's Day. So cute. Do you have amnems in the one today? Yeah. I don't know what I ate it before this episode. Oh my gosh. I'm going to have another cookie. Go ahead. The recipe I'm including is I feel like this is a universal crowd. Please do I feel like your kids will eat it. You'll eat it and I've made it multiple times. Probably for both of you also. It's my healthy hamburger helper.

Wait, did you do that last time? No, I didn't talk those. Oh, so sorry. You're right. I'm a one trick pony though. I do use the same recipes over it. I mean, it's delish. It saves really well for lunches. I feel like you could and you sneak in some veggies. It has spinach and carrots but you will not taste it and it's really really flavorful. I didn't grow up eating hamburger

helper. Never. Maybe there. Oh, did you eat hamburger helper, Addy? Yeah. Does it taste like

what I make? Have you had him before? I didn't even have a hamburger helper in a long time. But I actually don't think I've had your hamburger helper. Okay. Well, I'm crazy. Someone's gonna have to let me know if that actually tastes like hamburger helper because yeah, really, really yummy and has sneaky vegetables in protein in there and really quick. Really quick. Really quick. Love it. Okay. Wow. What a chatty episode. That was fun. That was really, really fun.

And you did a heavy one after the fails last week. Not a heavy but a deeper one. I don't have me. I feel like I hope it's very bearer souls. I hope it turned right. You love you. That's all the matters. Yes. And we also are really thankful to those of you that constantly show your support to the show, not just by listening, but also by hurting it, liking it, subscribing, downloading, sharing with a friend, and especially those of you that give us five stars and

better view just like Jasmine who says five stars just the girls as a 25 year old married mom to a little boy. It can sometimes feel like I'm in the minority in this generation,

“which is why this podcast is such a breath of fresh air. It honestly feels like sitting down”

with the girls laughing, unwinding and having real meaningful conversations with our judgment. I'm so grateful I found it. Highly recommend. Oh, thank you, Jasmine. I distinctly remember being 25 years old with a little boy. Oh, and so I'm not far off from that. 27. But it just, it's really special to be in your ear like that on your car rides while you're doing your laundry. And so thank you. It really does make such a difference in our whole team. Really appreciate it. If you also

want to leave a voicemail, like we listened to at the end of today's episode, you too can call in the number of 602-456-9690. And we love hearing from you guys. It really, really, really means so much. So thank you for the news. I have called in and engaged with the podcast in that way. And yeah, we're reading the comments. I'm reading them. And if you guys leave good stuff, that'll be a podcast segment. Right. They won today. Yeah, it was. So thank you guys so

much again for leaving comments and engaging and starting conversation. Are we doing a book club? What are we waiting for more making more decisions on this? I swear to you, said the book last week. What was it? atmosphere. What is it atmosphere? Okay. Bye. Tailoring. Tailoring. Tell that you're ending the podcast. So there's a bye.

“I was like, all right. Well, okay. Anyway. Yeah. So if you want to read the book, pick up the book.”

Okay. Put those details in the description. Well, atmosphere by Tailoring and so are you. Okay, purpose. And we're going to figure out what our new avenue is for that. We're still brainstorming. We're going to read your comments. Yeah. We're going to read them from the last episode.

Okay. You guys, we are so grateful for you. And remember, we're always here.

But what I want to say is that you don't want to get into the studio. The master of the club has been a great subject to the internet. So master, I'm really sorry. But you can say that you can get into the studio. Yeah, you're a master of the studio, right? But you don't understand. Exactly. The master of the club is just a challenge. Do you want to do it with this studio? And if you then work, you'll have to do it.

Hold it, your money is back. Now you're going to try it.