Armchair Anonymous: Graduation

>> Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair anonymous.

I'm Dan Rogers, and I'm joined by Lily Padman.

>> Aye.

“>> Today we have crazy graduation stories.”

It's that time of year. >> It is happy graduation. Congratulations, congratulations. >> Congratulations. >> Congratulations.

>> Congratulations, graduates. >> Yes. >> Are you starting to see people around town in there? >> They're not gonna get out. >> It's fun Saturday lunches because the family's in town.

>> No. >> That's so fun. >> It is fun. >> You're one year children is graduating. >> Yeah, I mean, they do a graduation now for every single grade.

>> Well, this is a big one. >> Out of elementary and in terms of middle school. >> Yeah, it's a big one. >> Yeah, it's a big one.

>> Did you have a graduation?

>> Yeah, we had to sing, we sang, um, when the saints come marching in. >> No, no, I believe I can fly. >> I believe I can fly. >> That's right. >> We sang that.

>> Do you want to hit me with that? >> No, I can't believe. >> I can touch the sky. >> I think I match every night and day.

“>> Yeah, I think about it, but yeah, I think if I remember correctly, when I was in fifth grade.”

>> Please enjoy crazy graduation stories. >> Hi, can you hear me? >> Beautifully, where are you at? >> I'm in D.C. >> What line of work are you in?

>> I work for a non-profit. >> Oh, okay. >> And how's it going? Are you moving the needle? >> Maybe a little bit.

I've only been here since October. I was in a lobbying firm, so it was quite the switch. >> Why were you going out of winding and dining politicians and urging them to? >> Wow. >> Oh my God.

>> It was a lot of fun, but, you know, it kind of takes a tool. >> I bet. >> What does it take a tool? Because you're burning the candle up both ends or ethically, you feel compromised. It's a little bit of both, it's a lot of drinking, it's a lot of going out.

I'd be great at that. >> You would. >> Yeah, actually no, I like to be in bed by seven. >> Okay, so you have a crazy graduation story. >> Yes, I'll go with a name Patricia, I don't want to get anybody in trouble.

It's also my drunk alter ego name, so it felt fitting. >> Okay. >> Where are you from originally? >> I'm from Virginia. >> Oh, okay, great.

>> So my girlfriend and I at the time, we decided to have our graduation party joint at a brewery that was about an hour away from our school because her parents have been to know the owners. >> Your college graduation? >> College graduation, yes, 21. So we go, we get there.

For some reason, scheduled, a job interview at the same exact time as our party. So I show up, I'm wearing my blazer over my party outfit. I go into the tap room, I take my interview, everybody else is partying, having a great time. >> Oh, because it's on Zoom. >> Yeah, COVID, post COVID, so I had applied to so many jobs.

So I was like, if I can get an interview, I've got to get it. So I have this interview, I crush it, I'm feeling so good, I'm like going to get a beer. I'm going to go outside, join all my friends, like it's going to be awesome. So we go out there, we have a great party, gifts, and we do all the stuff. >> Cornhole, we're drinking, we're having so much fun, and I look over and I see this gator.

Monica, you might not know what a gator is. >> Oh, I do, not an alligator, the driving. >> Yep, my friend not lying. >> Yeah, like a little six wheeler. >> And so I see it, and I'm like, I got to drive this thing.

>> Sure, a couple beers in, yeah, yeah. >> My girlfriend's parents know the owners and I'm like, hey, kind of please just take this for a spin. And so I convinced them, let me take it for a spin. I convinced like four or five of my friends to get on a with me.

“>> Did anyone give you a how-to on how to operate it?”

>> I don't need a how-to. >> Okay, so sorry, yep, okay, my apologies. >> I'm like, we gotta do this. So we get on, and we go down this big hill, and then there's a river, and a lot of land at the bottom. We've get down there, I've got like three people on the back.

A couple people in the front seat with me. I'm having fun, I'm going to show off a little bit. >> Okay, sure. >> So I'm going to do some donuts. And so I turn it real hard, and I've just gone it.

And of course, it flips. >> Of course, of course. >> And you got chalked full of passengers. >> I jump off, I got my fighter flight. A couple people in the back, they fall over, I look around.

The gator has landed on top of my girl. >> Oh. >> Keep in mind, her whole family is there. We haven't been dating that long a couple months. My other friends in the back, they're kind of beat up, but it's not too bad. People will start running over.

They have to lift the gator like this. >> Oh, this is the nightmare.

>> I look at her, and it's like this color that I've never seen in her face.

She's not crying, it's just like, white makes with yellow. I can only describe it like you just know there's bones that are broken. And so immediately, my stomach just drops. And so they get her in the gator. And they try to back up to go to the urgent care.

And I'm sitting there just taking it all in. I get up to the top of the hill. Her mom gives me this look.

Like, you really did it.

>> Yeah, yeah.

“>> Did they think you were a bad influence already?”

>> Yeah, I mean, you guys, you know.

Turns out you kind of maybe did mean a little precursor. >> Yeah, like maybe you didn't need a little. Hey, just reminder, these flip easy. >> Yep. >> Yeah, it's just, it's just fun, so it's really fun.

So we get to urgent care and, you know, we get our checked in. She wants nothing to do with me at this point. So I sit in the car with my friend who we're looking around. We're like, this is going to be a while. So we found some jealous shots.

Those like pre-made ones that are pre-packaged. And the car, we take at least one of those, like, this is going to take the edge off, you know, it's been a really tough day. >> Yeah, sure, sure. >> It ends up, my girlfriend has a broken wrist and a broken ankle,

and we have graduation like two days. And so she had to walk across the stage with a boot, with a cast on her arm and a mask because it was COVID. >> Oh, she looks just like she fell out of her sky scraper or something. >> But I do have to say we got married in September.

So it did all work out. >> Oh, I thought you definitely broke up. >> Are you thoughts because you did yellow shots? >> Yeah, like you can't even not drink right now.

Are you basically killed?

>> Well, that's all the more reason. You really need drinking at that point. >> I know. >> You feel terrible. >> I know.

>> Shame. >> Yeah. >> [LAUGH] >> If you fucked her up more. >> She does most of the drive.

>> Okay, good. >> I'm so cautious about it. I really learned my lesson and I was so embarrassed. And my friends loved to bring it up. That's what they're there for.

>> I know, but it all worked out and her mom loves me. >> [LAUGH] >> Well, lovely meeting you. >> Yeah, thank you guys so much. I was really nervous.

>> [LAUGH] >> You were great. >> You were great to meet you guys. >> All right, thank you. >> All right, thank you.

>> Bye. >> My friend Kim had a gator. >> Okay. >> And she had a lot of money. >> Okay.

>> And we would go to our big big house and ride around and her gator. >> On the yard. >> Yeah, and in the neighborhood. >> It was really fun. >> We have her nervous.

She's gonna crash you? >> No, she was very response. >> She wasn't a Daredevil, my kids are. You know, I watched them drive the golf cart. And it's an interesting experience for me because I'm like,

well, I know they're like me.

“So this thing's gonna end up on its side at some point, you know?”

And that's just how life goes, yeah. >> But then if it's on their bodies. >> Then we got to go to our gym care and we got to wear a boot, but we'll lay the cast. >> And a mask.

>> Yeah, we're fine. >> But what else are you gonna do? >> Yeah, I know. >> It runs a lot to learn their lesson. My people used to tell me this allegory with that's what it's called.

He said that life is like driving up a mountain. And it's a twisty road that goes around the mountain and concentric rings. It gets tighter as you go up, you know?

And so your first lap around, you go pretty fast, you know?

You don't really know better. And you say to yourself, I'm gonna go a little slower, I barely made it. But when you get on that next ring, it's a little tighter. You should get older. >> Okay.

>> And so even though you slow down, you find out, a little too fast for that too. And then so the next ring you go up, you're like, I'm gonna go even slower, but I got tighter again. >> Oh.

>> And that's life, that's the process of life. I guess for a male. >> Interesting, like you're just constantly adjusting. >> Well, because your responsibilities are going up, and the stakes are getting higher and get older,

and you can't go as fast. You have to keep going slower and slower and slower because it tightens.

“>> You have to be more and more responsible for the, okay?”

>> And probably a really good man. Notice is the pattern of, oh, it's getting tighter over here. >> So I get a double -- >> Compensating. >> Yes, that's the art of life. Because you do want to go as fast as the road will permit.

>> Right, otherwise you get run over here. >> You just, you just try to maximize. >> Oh, just for fun. >> But you don't want to go off the side. >> No, you don't.

>> You want to be right on that edge. >> Mm-hmm. Wow. Pippie. >> Pippie had a lot of wisdom.

>> That's nice. >> And a lot of shortcomings too. >> Well, it does. >> Yeah, it's shortman complex, I think. >> My God.

>> So I want to get into it. He was French, it was a mixed double whammy. Very French, and identified as being very French. >> Like caught of himself as French. >> Oh, that's the little one.

>> Well, we called him Pippie. And that's why the fiber wasn't French. >> Oh, I framed that. >> And he was insisting that we call my grandma, Mimey, but she, that she wasn't out for it. So that never stuck.

>> Wait, so Pippie and grandma, he wanted to be Pippie and Mimey. >> I know, so Pippie is what they call a French grandpa. >> That's what a French man. >> But he wasn't French? >> He was by ethnicity, but it's not like he came from France.

>> Oh, like, yeah. >> And his parents didn't come from France. It was like 80th January, you know. >> Right. >> Took a lot of pride in the lobos.

>> Did he call his grandpa Pippie? >> Mm-hm. >> Oh, well, then that makes sense. You kind of want to be called. >> Call him, yeah.

>> But to say that you got to call my Belgium grandma, Mimey. Although, maybe they speak French in Belgium. >> Maybe he just thought that was cute. And she obviously didn't give a try.

>> Or he was trying.

>> And it didn't work, which is the best part.

>> Because we never call him.

>> Because we never call him. >> Yeah.

“>> So, you didn't really just call her grandma.”

You called her grandma Midge. >> Always grandma Midge. >> Yeah. >> Never grandma. And to remind everyone, Midge was her replacement name because she thought

Madeline was an old lady's name, but Midge was really useful. >> That's really cute. Is she stuck with us? >> No. >> When did she come?

>> A couple years ago. >> I don't think you told me. >> I'm sorry. >> Grandma Midge is passed. >> That's really sad, actually.

>> You know, don't make me mourn right now. >> Oh, I'm so sorry. I would have texted your mom. >> Let him in five years ago. >> Oh, my God.

>> I'll track with her. >> Hi. Is this Olivia? >> This is her. >> I was just scaring Monica with her.

>> Which is my grandma. >> I learned a really sad thing that Dax's grandma died like five years ago. >> Yeah, years ago. >> And she's a little upset right now. I hadn't told her.

>> Well, that's a big thing. That is a big thing to not share. Did you go to the funeral? You didn't. I would have known that.

“>> No, I didn't stop running me over the cold here.”

>> I'm not. >> I loved my grandma and I was a good grandson. >> I know. >> I did not go to the funeral. I don't even know if there was one.

>> Okay. >> All the kids were trying to write that. >> I might not have been invited. >> Okay. >> The point is that you loved your grandson.

>> You were. >> You were. >> I'm not taking that. What kind of a bad one, because you didn't tell any of your friends. >> I didn't want to make anyone say that.

Listen, again, Olivia, if I sandled up to a woman at the bar. >> And I was like, I'm Dax. Are you staying at the hotel? And she said, yeah, I'm mid. >> I'd be like, mmm.

>> And this is you trying to prove your good grandson. My God. >> You look cool for me. >> Yeah, you look 40, but your name is 1,000. >> Okay.

>> Sorry, you got ensnared in that. Where you out? >> I am currently in Iowa visiting my family. Speaking of grandparents. I'm here for my grandpa's 95th birthday.

>> That's wonderful. >> That's like so some script. >> Yeah. >> Happy birthday grandpa.

“>> Also congrats to you on those genetics?”

>> Yes. >> He's very healthy too, so fingers crossed. But I live in Chicago. So, Rob, shout out. I live in Wicker Park.

>> Right next to where I lived in Bucktown. >> I have to say, Rob is everywhere. >> Yeah, every people say where they live in Chicago. He's like, that's by me. >> Guys where I live.

I was not that big. Not like LA. Also, this is the same for Michigan. I was in Milford, Highland, Walt Lake, Dearborn, and Detroit. >> I know, but all you guys just act like right by where it is.

>> Yeah. >> And you're so jealous. >> I was in Bucktown and Wicker Park are connected. So, this instance, I lived in Wicker Park at one point too. In the stadium.

>> Yes. >> Okay. You have a crazy graduation story. >> I do. >> So, to set the stage, I and then a master's program

at the University of Illinois at Chicago, 2021. >> What's the graduate degree in? I must know. >> You know, I was a little worried you'd ask this actually because it's weird.

It was half medical, half design. It was called biomedical visualization. >> Ooh. >> Wow. >> One of the easiest things to think about is,

you know, during COVID, when that image of the virus, the like red one with the spikey balls came out. That was made by somebody who went to school where I did. >> Oh, interesting. >> Okay.

So, they can make artists renderings of biological things.

>> My first job outside of grad school,

I worked for a company that did surgical simulations, like teach doctors, how to operate before they're doing it on a person. And then I also did it for like an e-learning and anatomy company. So niche.

>> You could come to LA and do previs, probably. >> Oh, what's that? >> So, when you're going to do a complicated, really expensive action sequence, quite often, they'll build the whole model digitally.

So, everyone can watch it and get their sense of where there'll be in time and space. So, that door's open to you and cause you want. >> Okay. >> I don't know, they'll be moving to LA.

>> Okay. >> But yeah, I'm in grad school and I am just very depressed. I'm just straight up not having good time. I'm really going through it. And there's just like a combo of things going on.

And I won't get into detail there. But in my head and thinking, okay, graduating school, that's going to fix all of my problems. I just have to get to May 7 and then everything will be better.

To keep this forefront of my mind, next to my desk, I have a sticky note. And it says XX days until May 7. And so every single day, I'm going, I'm erasing the number, I'm going,

okay, 302 days left. >> Okay. >> 301 days left. >> I don't know why. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah.

>> Okay. I can do this.

Graduation finally arrives.

My family comes to town.

And everything's going well.

It's a really great day. I'm feeling good. My life's going to be better from here. Things are really looking up. It was raining that day.

But who cares? Like everything's great.

“And we go out to dinner with my friends and my family”

who'd come to town. My friends and I go out to drinks after dinner. And while we're out at drinks, my sister calls my fiance and says, Hey, moms in the ambulance.

I need you to come. >> Oh. >> Here ASAP. [MUSIC] >> They just gone to the hotel.

And they were walking from the parking lot into the hotel. And it was raining that day. And it was dark after dinner. And my mom accidentally stepped off of the sidewalk into some grass and did a full frontal split.

>> Oh. >> That was really bad. >> Oh, god. >> Late age splits.

>> And she also has an artificial hit.

>> Oh, boy. Oh, boy. >> Oh, boy. >> Big double whammy there. And we find out later on that what happened when she does

go into that full frontal split is the cup that holds the joint of your ball cracked. And so it completely came out. >> So her leg is out of the sock. >> Oh, yes.

>> Like a Barbie. >> I just imagined a Barbie. >> And she's a Barbie. >> Yeah. >> She's a endangered Barbie.

>> So she's taken by ambulance.

“And she's taken to a hospital that's pretty well known in Chicago”

for not being the best at all. >> And look at that. >> Lots of things happened. I don't want to bore you with every single thing that happened in the time we're at the hospital.

But to give a few highlights. One, they really drugged her up when we got there. So she was out of it the entire time we were in the hospital with her.

Like loopy out of her mind.

One especially spooky moment was at 3 a.m. She was like really high on ketamine. And was like in a different voice and screaming. And laughing all at once. And we were like, what is going on.

And what they used to give her the drugs. And they used to give her the drugs. And they used to give her the drugs. And they used to give her the drugs. And they used to give her the drugs.