Armchair Anonymous: Spas

I'm Daniel Shepherd, and I'm joined by Lily Padman,

“and today we're gonna hear crazy stories about Spaz.”

- Spaz, these are fun. - Spaz is a broad word, it could mean in a hot tub as well. We didn't get any of those. - We didn't, and I buck up against that. - People do refer to a hot tub sometimes with the Span.

I don't know why, and it won't be revealed in this episode, but please enjoy crazy Spaz stories. ♪ All times, coming home ♪ ♪ Good times, take 'em slow ♪ ♪ My life, I had a move ♪

♪ But the warm day, you gotta know ♪ ♪ I'm a keepin' shiny ♪ - Hello. - Cat, you're in a sound dampening cubicle, it seems. - I am.

- Are you at work? - I am.

- And we're part of the country, are you, I am.

- I am an Charlotte North Carolina. - Oh, what a beautiful area. Are you from Charlotte? - I'm from Eastern North Carolina, originally. Moved up to New England for a little bit,

but North Carolina is just so beautiful, the weather's great, the people are nice, so I've been back for about 20 years. - Oh wow, have you been out to Emerald Island? - I grew up about an hour, oh wait, yeah,

we'd go there all the time for senior skip day, and yeah, no, no, no, okay, wonderful. - Okay, so Cat, you have a spa story. - I do, so I'm gonna set the scene a little bit. That married in 2009, actually on Halloween,

2019, the schedule just happened that way. My husband, fiancee now, has been had a five day weekend. So, got married, have time to take her quick little honeymoon. I'd also been laid off for my job about three months prior, and the Friday before we were getting married,

I got a job off her, so I was scheduled to start on Wednesday, all the things, for two at his time. - Yeah, and also like real crunch time.

“- A lot of happening, remember this is also 2009,”

so the great reception, all that. - Oh, lots of snacks, yup, yup. - We decided just to take a long weekend up to a really nice hotel spa place. I'm not gonna say the name of it,

'cause I don't wanna get anybody in trouble. And we really love it, so I want it to be able to get back. - I gotta protect it.

So, it a really nice spa, I had never been to a spa

at this caliber before, we were celebrating. So, I booked my husband and I had those 90 minutes massage. Separately, not a couple of some massage. I had had massages before, I've had DML and mail messages before, didn't really carry their way.

So, I gave my husband a female masseuse, and I said, you know, I'll take whoever's available. Well, when the gentleman came to retrieve me, let's just say he was not bad looking. - Oh, fun, oh my god.

- Tall, blonde, swimmer's body, shoulders. - Of course, he was fully clothed, but you could just tell that the B was there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I wanna back up to,

I had had a many little panic attack right before, maybe a month before the wedding. So, my doctor prescribed me some very mild Xanax. - Oh, yeah. - And I wound up not taking any,

but come on massage, I'm like, you know what? I want to fully relax, this is all over, you know, have a job, we're married, all of the good things are happening.

“So, I think I even took like half of one,”

I don't even know what dose it took was. So, laying there, and I'm just fully into the massage, and I start to notice that the sheet is falling a little bit. - How are you in your back or your stomach at this point? - I don't remember how I started.

I'm assuming I started on my back because I ended on my stomach. - Oh, interesting. - Which is different. - We're worse, yeah, yeah, we're worse.

- It's a little irreversible. But there's some side-bed braids. - Oh, okay. - And when you say this sheet was falling, you mean like off the side or like falling down.

I felt like it was a little low. - When I turned over onto my stomach, I thought it was maybe showing the little top of my butt crown. - Okay, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Didn't care, I was all for it.

- Oh, I think this is the norm for a spa like this. You know, they're highly trained professionals. Things are going great, and I'm feeling it. I'm here for it right at the end. Like I said, I was about a 90 minute massage,

so I'd say probably about men at 87, a hand sweeps under my hip, and I get a happy ending. - Stop it. - Wait, are you serious? - I told you, my heavens.

- Yeah. - Wow. - No, okay, there's so much air. - This is incredible. And Monica's gonna need the name of the resort,

- Hold on, hold on, you can't say that. - Of course I can say that. You didn't pay for that, did you? - Well, I did tip him extra after. - Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Wow, wow. So you were faced down in these slid as hand under there. So that's exciting. - That's the only reason I remember that I ended on my stomach was because of Zaz.

(laughing) So he leaves the room and let's maybe get dressed to put my word upon and when I opened the door, he's standing outside, and we start walking down the hall.

“And I remember coming from the other direction”

is my husband and his missies. And I remember him saying, "Oh, when here comes your husband, can you meet you?" And I remember thinking, "You're a dirty bird." - Oh, hi, bye.

- Oh, hi. - Hi, thank you for turning me first.

- Did you tell your husband? - So, okay. - This is the honeymoon, by the way. - I know, this is the one that you're going to want to hear. - This is the one that you're going to want to hear.

- People are going to have a lot of opinions on it. - Yes, I've had a lot of next time. (laughing) My husband and I meet like a dark room, there's a fireplace. By this time, it's November 2nd in the mountains of North Carolina.

So, it's a beautiful fall day, but it is chilly. They have fireplace as burning. So, we sit there, typically on our cucumber water, and I'm like, "So, how is your massage?" And he said, "Oh, it was great.

How is yours?" I said, "It was good." I said, "Did she do anything different?" - Right. (laughing)

- And he said, "Well, "she gave me a scalp massage." That was really nice. - Oh, so innocent.

“- And he's like, "Oh, yeah, something did happen."”

- She said, "There's more minutes."

And we're like, "Okay, let's go get our bathing suits on." They have a really nice, grotto pool area. Outside, they have actually, if I recall, it's like a donut shaped pool that's heated with a fireplace in the middle.

So, you're really just meant to lean on the side and drink a beverage. So, by the time I get out there, he's sitting in a lounge chair, and he has a ball of champagne and some shots.

So, I get a glass and a shot, and I'm holding them. Just whole time I've been debating how to approach them. So, I was like, "I have something I need to tell you." And he looks at me, he's like, "Oh, God, are you pregnant?"

- Maybe. - Maybe, we'll help him. - Maybe we'll help him. - Maybe we'll help him. (laughing)

And I'm like, "No, but I did just get a happy ending." (laughing) Oh, my God. I just said it. He looks at me, and he sort of looks away,

and he looks at me again. He's like, "Why didn't I get one?" (laughing) I can't help you there. - You need to bookmark.

- Yeah. (laughing) I don't know. I said, "Are you upset?" And he said, "Well, was there penetration?"

I said, "No, there wasn't." He said, "Then good for you." - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. - I said, "So, you're not mad."

He said, "Absolutely not." I said, "Because I want to tell everybody the school." (laughing) And he said, "You sure I can do right then." Of the many reasons why I married him,

and I guess one of the main reasons. - Wow, that is wild. I want a little more detail only for comfortable. - Sure, absolutely. - Of what constitutes a happy ending?

- He robbed her, I can tell she overguides her. - He's a climaxed. - Yes. - Oh, my God. How does he have the confidence?

Someone could definitely be like, "This is so inappropriate. "I'm getting you fired right now." Like, "How does he know?" - I don't know.

- I can't let her go. - I know, but this is like, I have so many questions. - I have told this story. I mean, I was at a party one time,

and like, I've got some acquaintances, and a random girl came up to me, and we were talking about this facility. She said, "Oh, did you hear about the girl "that got the happy ending?"

I said, "That was me." - Oh! - But I have another friend, I was telling the story too, and she started talking to her friends, 'cause she's the live in that area.

And apparently, I was not the first,

rumor has that there had been a complaint, which does surprise me because of the caliber. - Let's attempt to weed into it a little bit. It's a dangerous thing. - This is dangerous.

- So let's start with, if you don't want that terrible, that's in us all. - Yeah, I just want to be clear for anyone who finds this. - Yes, if you don't want that, that's in us all.

- That's right, but you wanted it. - Right, right, so, but wouldn't you agree in this situation, this is wonderful? - I think it ended up wonderful, because it all worked out.

But there are so many ways this could have gone absolutely horribly. If she didn't want it, if the husband, if this caused a huge issue with her brand new husband, - An enrollment.

- I know a lot of men that would not be okay with this. - Yeah, very high risk.

“But I think that's why I'm so excited about it,”

'cause it's very high risk, but it worked out perfectly. - I agree. - Did it occur to you like, "I'm like to come back and see this massage therapist." Like, as in this case, we could say misuse, right?

They don't like when you say misuse, 'cause there's a sexual implication, but in this case, maybe we can't say it,

- I feel like you must have checked a box

or something on that. - Yeah, was there any, do you think you said-- - I think what they say, do you want you to lip it? - Yeah, hot rocks.

- And then it's like, there was like an extra box that you checked, and I don't mean to victim-brain. - No one's a victim, right? - No, you're a victim. - No, and I do think I was giving the green light vibes.

I was not shutting down, I was not tensing up. It was 80 minutes of solid for play. - Oh, wow. - Okay, post the experience, a minute, 90. Did you get self-conscious at the end

or nervous to see 'em in the hallway? Or were you fine? - No, that's why I brought up the Xanx, because I had taken that pass. So I do remember most of it,

but the inhibition was just non-existent. - Sign up, yeah. - Oh wow. - Wow. - It's great.

You're really nervous for the car, yeah.

“- I think I understand the way you understand the way.”

So especially at this specific place. That is just shocking. - I wonder if it's happening with the female. - No, I don't. - Probably not massage therapists.

- Well it does happen places. - Oh, sure, there's a lot of it. But they're generally not nice, Spas. - Exactly. - Okay, back to you, did you make a mental note like,

"Yeah, I'm gonna swing through here again and get him." - He's probably not there anymore, but I think at one time experience, and it doesn't need to be repeated. - That's why it happened to you.

You can take a quarter of his Anx. You're not abusing anything. You're not gonna now abuse this. That's why the universe gave it to you. - Well if you go back,

that's gonna be an issue with the husband. 'Cause then it's like, you know what you're doing. - Every trip. - Yeah. - Like, where should we go for the summer?

- I was thinking. - That massage. (laughing) - Oh wow. - Wow.

- I really love that one, yeah. It's very heartwarming. - Good. (laughing) - And I love your husband.

- Me too. He's great. Thanks for sharing. - Yeah, yeah, big time. - Thank you for having me.

This was so exciting. I listened to you guys every Friday on my way home from work. This is how I relax from the week, and I look forward to it every Friday afternoon. - Oh, so delighted we got to meet you.

All right, take care. - Bye. - Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

- Mary? - Hi. - Hi, how are you? - How are you? - Good, do we have you in your living room?

Where are you?

“- I am at my husband's office, honestly.”

He has to help me do everything, so I couldn't do this. Which is ironic that this is what the story is about is a super supportive husband, so. - Oh wow.

- How long have you been married? - We just celebrated our 30th anniversary in September. - Oh my goodness. - Oh my goodness. That's so exciting, congratulations.

- Did you meet in high school? - We did. - And what part of the country? - In Idaho. - Oh, I'm going there tomorrow morning.

- Oh, that'll be fun. - Okay, so you have a spa story? - Yes, this story takes place in 2008. There's about a very supportive husband who will do anything to help me succeed at business.

And so we owned a salon and spa together, and I also worked at a dermatologist office or a MediSpaq twice a week. So Monday's in Friday's they worked there, and I mostly did laser hair removal,

and then I worked at my shop, Brad helped me run like most of the business. And I was like, I need to take more waxing classes because when I do eyebrow waxes and stuff like that, but I thought I need to do more about body hair removal

because I liked it so much at the dermatologist office. And I thought if I ever move over and just want to do it at my shop, I really like unwanted hair. I want to provide that service.

So we searched all over for a class and I found a three day class that was in Wisconsin. So the thing that maybe you want to take this class is that she seems like I will tell you what products to use, what machine reading by.

It was like her 20 years experience condensed down to these three days. And so all the cliff notes, I guess of everything you'd need to know. My husband and my little boy,

he was about one years old at the time. Well, you had your hands full, an outside job of business in a one year old.

So we go to Wisconsin and the very first day of class,

we go over like, which products to use when people are allergic to this. Mary, can I quickly ask you

“where were you taking classes in this first-in-home?”

Oh, at her studio. She was a doctor, like a clinic. So the first day of class, and there's about 20 people in the class. And it goes really well.

But by the end of the class, she said, I have some bad news, but unfortunately our male model for the bikini wax is not going to be able to attend. And this was all going to be hands on for the next two days.

So it was like, oh, that's a bummer. And everyone just kind of showed their shoulders like, oh, well, I feel like I already got my money's worth out of it. So I go to dinner that night with my husband and my son and I have a ton of how great the class was.

And then I was like, and unfortunately, the male model is not going to come. And then I looked at him, like, wait, do you want to be the model?

So we had this entire conversation about, I don't think that we'll even put the service on our menu and we get home. And I, oh, that's fair. I totally agree.

So I go to class the next day. And I'm telling the girls, my new friends about. I wish my husband would have said, yes, I would have been fun, but unfortunately, and they're like, oh, yeah, mine wouldn't either.

There's no way. But everyone was just super disappointed. I was like, well, keep working on it. I'm like, OK, I'll see what I can do, whatever.

That was all the second day.

And we did like, men's chess and legs and ears and nostrils. And all kinds of body, but the last day was going to be focused on just the bikini area. Generals. Yes.

So we did all morning females. We had to do each other. Oh, wow. Why is the end to men, X-ray? Yes, yeah.

And I forgot to mention to them the last day I told Brad. I was like, if you want to come, we're going to start the meal at 3.30. Last chance to show all my new friends your penis. [LAUGHTER]

Well, would there be like a sock over it or something?

“That's why this class was so important to me,”

because it is an etiquette of how to have people have their dignity and still get in there and get your work done. And that's why I was mostly curious about, of course. Yeah, yeah. How do you handle it, literally?

That's where the story goes. So, oh, anyway, 3.30 comes. And Brad does walk in the door and you're ready to hear up. Mary, did you notice Brad had taken a shower and combed his hair and so it was his best presenting himself?

Well, when he walked in, he mostly just looked sheepish. And then my little boy, the receptionist was so kind to just kind of watch him. And part of the training, too, is to say, this is what you need to do to get prepared.

You're going to go into this room, unrobe from the waist down and then be on your knees first, kind of facing the opposite way. And then I'll knock on the door and come in and the entire class gets to come back in. Just to be clear, he's on all fours naked.

Yes. Holy shit, okay, this is extreme. We're going to start with the aina's. That's the easiest part, just FYI for the practitioner. No, for the receiver, the bud is the easiest and least painful part.

I believe that I'm just talking more of the emotional right of presenting your aina's when your first, that's to me sounds really hard.

And honestly, one thing we always tell people at the anxiety

have before the treatment starts is when you're the most anxious. I think once the technician comes into the room and you start working, it feels so much better. Not to compare it to this experience that I'm having right now, but it's like I was wearing a few more.

And then you just start it's better. So the very first position is on your hands and knees and then the instructor teaches us that when someone's nervous, they're a little bit more like a cat, nervous and their butt cheeks are closed, which is fine, especially on a male of where we want to do the buttocks first,

which women is not as big of a deal. We just kind of started off with doing the strip wax on the buttocks,

“which is like when you use the muslin paper and then you have to pull it off that way.”

And then when you go to more delicate areas, then you'd use hard wax. So the next position, as she shows the difference between when the client wants to kind of leave the table and like move forward, but you have to push their hips back and like keep it at the end of the table for you. So you can have the closest access and you need to get in there.

So you just really kind of pull their hips towards you and then you push on their back for a little bit back to really make their butcheeks play out. Yeah. There's all these girls all the way around the whole table, watching them, and she'd push on the back and his bun cheeks would open up and then close.

Like I could have closed and his head was just down and then I kept having this like experience of like, I'm just a student and then I'd be like, wait, that's my husband. Yeah, I mean, you even seen it that close. Like he had exactly examined it.

He had never gotten Brad up on a table and just positioned his hips and lower back.

Straight into his asshole opening close and his butt cheeks like a shutters. Wow, that's I thought you were to appreciate that because I think when you're in the movie or something when you're like, oh, I'm so worried about my aim is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they all saw it for sure because they covered it with a sheet afterwards.

Then the very next thing is to do the scrotum and I didn't know this, but you really want a flat surface and the skin has to be really tight. So you just push up with the balls with like a piece like, you know, and pull down. But then you can't let go.

“So then you have to reach over with one hand and grab this wax that's really like tucking”

on it and just lay it like buttering toast. And he's still on all fours for this? Yes. Okay, quick question. And I'm going to try to do it as appropriately as possible as I can imagine.

But I feel like there's a high degree of risk with him becoming around. I mean, strangers tugging and pulling on your testicles could definitely activate things. Right. I think that's a major question that everyone asked, but they're like, for some reason, Brad said this to me goes, I was so worried that that happened, but it is like the furthest

thing from your mind.

because if you touch people correctly and you're doing it so professionally, I guess, then

it's a different experience. But if some weird quirky guys do happen to come in, then you could just say, this is not the service that we're rendering and just be done. But then everybody in the class was the most curious about this part because up to this point, it's really similar to doing a female.

So everyone just had to come up and push on the testicles and pull down on the screw on. I was getting in there. Is he laughing? What's his demeanor.

This is so good. It's a good student. Like whatever they told him to do, just let just and do, then after everything kind of cleaned up from the back because the more you clean up from the back, then the easier will be to do the front.

So then it is like, okay, Brad, go ahead and roll over from Brad's perspective.

“Now, this is when he got the most nervous because I think at before he had his head”

down, you just kind of don't think of it much about it. You don't even realize how many people are there. It was until I rolled over with I saw all these faces and he was like, I just kept staring at the ceiling and didn't know what to do with his hand. This is where it really comes into keeping the dignity or the privacy.

So you could cover with the towel and I found it was really helpful to just have them help you hold everything over to the right and put your leg up like a tinkerbell so you

could do the inner thigh first and work over but the way she taught you and this was important

to learn but you just would grab the penis head and pull it and then grab the scrote it like a go opposite direction. It's hard that's two hands and then how are you putting the wax on? So you guys, did you really do a number on them? Did you take it all away?

Yeah. All gone. Wow. And how old was Brad? I about 30, 31.

Oh, that's a great age for this. I feel like. That is wild. Yeah. Good girl.

Yeah. He really is a supportive husband. No wonder you made it 30 years. Yes. What was the post game chat?

Between Brad and I? Yeah, yeah. It was just wild.

“I just was like, thank you so much like you were just awesome and he was like, if men knew how”

clean it with bills and it's so easier to wipe but he is clean shaving.

He shaved his legs. At the time we did a lot of bicycling as cycling and he still keeps his leg shaved and his arm shaved and his chest trumps. I think he prefers no hair anyway. Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah. So, has he kept up this wax? We did wax for a long time but now he just shakes. Well, man. I love it.

There's a lot of counter-intuitive stuff like a cute couple for my to hold going to a cute town in Wisconsin to do this. I know. Someone's got to do it. Oh, Mary.

This is delightful. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. I've been a fan for a long time and love it so thank you for making it so easy. Thanks for listening.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. You know, when they do the butt--

Hi. When they do the butt, hello. Let's start with what fake name we want. I'm going to go by Julia. I have to say of the bat.

I am not ashamed of this story, but I have three daughters and they are very embarrassed that I'd be telling you. Okay. Well, we love that someone's embarrassed. As the father of a couple daughters, I know.

Anytime we go to the school, there's like a full, they go through me inch by inch to make sure I'm not going to embarrass them. Oh, yeah.

“Can you tell us vaguely where in the country you are?”

Yeah, I'm outside Boston. Oh, okay. Wonderful. Julia, you have a spa story. So this story took place summer of 2007.

My boyfriend will come John and I. We're in our late 20s and he had a cousin who was getting married in California. So the story takes place on the west coast. Since we're coming from Boston, we decided to take a couple days, drive up the coast before heading out to wine country.

So we got into San Francisco pretty early in the day, so our hotel room wasn't ready. And we decided to spend a couple hours just exploring the city. Eventually, we got hungry and we found a little Italian restaurant without door seating. So we sat down, the sun was shining, ordered some wine, got some pasta,

really just full blown vacation mode. So after lunch, I realized this was probably going to be my last chance to get my nails done before the wedding and there were a couple days of events. So we find a little nail salon. I walk in and the place is totally empty.

It's the middle of the day. Only the people who are working out were there. I sit down to get my nails done and John meets. He's going to go explore the neighborhood. And everything's going great.

I have a little buzz on from the wine. I really enjoy myself and then the polish comes out. Okay. And I noticed, feel a little bit off. My fingers are feeling tingly, my vision is kind of starting to close in.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. And everything's feeling just a little bit hazy. So it's been two to the couple times before and I knew the drill. I felt this feeling before.

But if I could just take a couple deep breaths, I was going to get through it. Everything would be back to normal. You go back to my manicure. Do you have low blood pressure? I think that's probably the case.

So I'm taking deep breaths, but it's not working.

And the woman who's doing my nails. She's getting worried. I'm not looking good. Someone comes over and starts massaging my shoulders. Oh, this isn't going well.

“I can't remember when it's visible that you're losing your faculties.”

Yeah. And at this point, another feeling hits. And that's what I'm going to throw up. Oh, no. And I'm not thinking clearly.

But I did clock that there was a bathroom about ten steps behind me. And all I could think was I really didn't want to throw up. All over this nice women's workstation. So I was going to try to make it to the bathroom. So I turned to make a run for it.

And I made it about eight steps. Oh, no. You're the only guest in there where they're more. I'm the only guest in that. Oh, thank goodness.

Okay, that helps. I remember reaching for the door handle. And then the next vision I have, I'm staring at the ceiling. And there are four women staring at me. Oh, no.

And then you have booted and then kind of passed out. Oh, God. I'm on the floor. What the heck? Man, everything was going so good.

I know. It's a good day. Italian.

You never get food poisoning from Italian.

That's right. No. Perfect. You just confused. I have no idea what's just happened.

Why am I looking at this ceiling? So I set up an I start scanning for clues. And the first thing I notice is it looks like someone took a plate of pasta and just threw it at me. Oh, no.

Oh, you're covered. It's all over my dress. It's on the side of my face. Oh, he's in my hair. It's all the way through my diesel cavity.

Which I found that reader. I've had that a bunch. Yeah. You was able to learn how to throw up so that doesn't happen. Yeah.

It was inside my ear. It was everywhere. Oh, fuck. But the next thing I noticed is that I'm also soaking wet. And this was very confusing until I realized that when I passed out, I not only throw up.

I also emptied my bladder. And I was lying. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What are these screaming was it?

Heck. At that moment, I was mortified. And so I jumped up.

And the first thing I did, I looked to the back of the salon.

And there was a woman on the phone. I'm guessing with 911. And she looked terrified. Yeah. That's so scary for them.

They're just trying to paint nails. What's going on in your body? I know. The next thing I did is I turned to the front of the salon. And I noticed that John is standing in the doorway.

Oh. And he's just bathled. Oh, my goodness. I am seeing if he walked into him. I was dropped off of your happy and excited to your nails.

He took a trolley ride. He comes back. You're on the ground covered in your fill. He must have thought you were jumped or something. It was a guy.

But I did that one again in the ambulance. All I wanted to do was leave. I was apologizing to these nice women for destroying their salon. And we took off. You took off.

Okay. So you didn't get any nail polish. Oh, no. But now I'm on the streets of San Francisco. It's covered in urine and throw out.

Oh. Oh. Oh, my god. Oh, horrible. Did you figure out what happened?

Yeah, what the fuck happened to you. I have no idea.

It's never happened since I went to the doctor.

And they did all sorts of tests on me. They told me I have low blood sugar. And that's about it. Which is nuts.

“Because you have to belly full of pasta and wine.”

You're blood sugar. You should have been an insulin issue. They want to get you out of it. Yeah, maybe you're allergic to the polish. Oh.

Oh. I would have thought, you know, had you not been with your boyfriend. They got roofy. It sounds like a roofy. Like you're in there.

You're a buzz. Now you're like really intoxicated. You still could have maybe whoever served you the wine. Oh, they're playing a band. Now I got to get rid of John.

Yeah. She didn't think it through. Oh, that's horrible. Well, I have to say the cherry on top was that our hotel room was ready. But John's parents were the hotel close by.

So we went there. And I took a shower in their hotel room. Which I'm somewhat grateful for. But there was also the most humble in part of the whole thing. Yeah.

John called his parents. He's like, well, I got to get Julie off the streets. Is that your room open? How was the wedding? Was it fun?

It was lovely.

“Did you have anxiety that it was going to happen again?”

I would have anxiety for the rest of my life. That I wouldn't happen again. I just laughed about it. I thought it was hilarious. I think I was talking about it at the wedding.

All right. That's the perfect attitude. It does remind me sometimes your body just fucking betrays you. I was on the beach one time with Aaron and Santa Barbara. We didn't yet live there.

I think we were on a road trip. And I went out swimming.

And I put my shirt on.

“And then I was starting to get really kind of my vision was closing.”

And I was feeling very wobbly.

And then I tried to take my shirt off because I was getting kind of sweaty. And midway through taking my shirt off. I completely ran out of any energy. And I was like trapped in my shirt. And then I just kind of fell back.

And Aaron was talking to me. My vision went away. And then I just was in this like paralytic state for like five minutes. In my head, I'm getting relieved for it. I'm dying.

And then it passed. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know. I had a bunch of oil on my heels from like being out in the ocean. There's a bunch of oil rigged on my heels.

And then yeah, I mean, I was freaked out every time I went to the beach. Like a year, like am I just going to die? Like what's going on? It's so scary. Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm sorry that happened. And I'm sorry to get your manicure. I know. That's going to share one final gratitude with you.

Yes, of course. I was very much looking forward to sharing with you how grateful I am for you talking about your dyslexia. So openly. I am now married to John and we have three beautiful girls together. Who of them are dyslexic?

And even though I know how incredibly smart and hard working they are, it's just so hard to watch their confidence get shaken because of this stigma attached to it. So I'm incredibly grateful you are such a model of someone who is so smart has such a beautiful perspective on the world. And it's so creative and you also had a really hard time learning how to read. Well, thank you.

How old are they? They are 13 11 and just turn 10. And is the 13 year old have it? Nope. It's the two younger ones.

Okay. I'll just say my own experience and my experience with one of my daughters is it weirdly passes. It clicks.

You finally absorb all writing and totality as opposed to syllable by syllable.

So I would just be optimistic for me around 13 it clicked. Yeah. They got there. My middle daughter. She is a lover of books now.

Oh, great. Great. Well, it's lovely meeting you. Give our love to them and thanks for saying that that was very nice. Thank you so much.

It was so nice meeting you both. All right. Have a wonderful time. Get out to the cape. All right.

Thank you so much. Bye. It's a nerdy to say get out to the cape. Probably. Even understand.

Which is embossed. I know I mean, I keep on. Okay. It was a nerdy. It was nice.

It was earnest. It was earnest. Sometimes earnest is nerdy. The Venn diagram there does have a big overlap. But that's all right.

Yeah. Hello, Sarah. I'm going to share. Oh, oh my god. It's so cute.

Thank you. And do we have the exact same sleeve? When you went backwards, it looked very similar. Yeah. Very similar.

I've got lots of tattoos.

“We're going by the fake name Sarah, but can you tell us where in the world you are roughly?”

I am in my closet right now in Vancouver Island in Canada, Western Canada. Oh, you know, a lot of Vancouver Island listeners. Yeah. We'd love that. You guys should all get together and throw a party.

Yep. Regatta would be my pick. Would love that if you agreed to come to the party. I would love to throw a party. Right.

We are dying to see Vancouver and Hards glory. Arguably the bus place in Canada. It's hard. Me and you guys have some real gems. You've got that whole Ontario, Muscoca Lake thing.

You've got Montreal. You've got Prince Edward Island. You got a lot. You got a lot to choose from. I agree.

Okay. So you have a spa story. This took place about 15 years ago. I was in my early 20s. And I had just started my aesthetic career.

And I was working in my first job.

“Can you tell us what the curriculum is if someone wants to become an anesthetician?”

I'm always curious about this.

Like, what is the training? So there's a program that you do, which actually is less and less becoming popular. But there's a program. I think it was about 11 months. You learn all about the skin, how it works.

Your biology, basic body stuff. And then you go into how to perform services on people. It's like officials, body waxing, massage, like all sorts of things like that. Okay. I'm a trained anesthetician.

I was working in a day spa. So there was a room in the back of a hair salon. And I had just given my two-week notice to move on to a different salon. So it's very common in the industry that someone who is going to take over your position would come in and do a working interview.

So they would perform a service. Someone would overlook it. They would decide if you were competent for the job. So it's like a little trial of the person replacing you. Totally.

And looking back, I don't know why like the new girl who wasn't going to be in the company anymore was signing off on.

I was like, sure, whatever.

So we had this woman. She was what the same way design was. She comes in. We get an introduction. We go into the back room.

I'm getting a Brazilian wax. I should say that. Oh, she's going to do it on you. Oh, I thought you were watching. There's a lot of we already talked to an anesthetic.

She went to a workshop. And yeah, all the students wax each other. Well, because I probably can't wax like regular. But it is interesting to do it with your co-workers. Yeah.

She's going to perform a Brazilian wax on me. So for those of you who don't know, Brazilian wax is commonly you take all of your hair off front to back. Like Volvo, but whole everything. So I go into the room with her.

She's a stranger to me. I take off all of my clothing from my waist down off and get on a like massage type table bed. I lay back.

I spread my legs out in a frog position.

So at this point, I have like a lady to the wind. Really quick.

“Do you attempt at all to assess whether she is full of shit or knows before you lay down?”

Like you asked her any questions or no. That wasn't really my job. And also most people went live or being able to do something and then immediately show that they can't do it. I wouldn't. Yeah.

Yeah. She waxes the top part of the design. So like the pubic bone. She does a great job on that. I have no problems.

We're having a conversation. She applies the wax in between my lady of Majora. Lady of Minora puts the strip on. Pulls it off. And when you get wax, obviously it doesn't feel great.

But I don't feel any excessive pain. It's just annoying for like 20 minutes and then you're done. Pulls the strip off. And all of a sudden. And she kind of powers in the corner.

Yeah. Ben's over. And she's like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

I'm like, oh. What's going on? I look down. Blood. Okay.

Sarah really quick. Really quick. How has it done wrong and right? You put it all on. You put the paper down.

You give it a yank. You put the wax on with the hair. So you're going with the direction of the hair. Then you put a fabric strip down. Press it on there.

And then you're going to hold the skin very tight and pull against the hair. And you're not going to like rip it off. You want to gently kind of pull it off. And not force the hairs in the come out without breaking. Well, she didn't do that.

So she, I think, put the wax on to thick. So there's a lot of grip on it. And then she didn't hold the skin hot enough. And she just pulled straight up. This is my biggest fear.

I'm always worried. They're going to just like show me a bit of a gin as long. Yes. She's having a moment. I'm like, babe, you got to go get my coworker right now.

Like I need to talk to somebody who's in charge. So she goes and gets my coworker slash friend at the time. She comes in and she takes one look at me.

“And she's like, you need to seek medical attention.”

Something's up. Oh. So I'm like, great. Awesome. I love this room.

So I grab a handful of hot and rounds throw them in my meandies. Put my pants on. Penguin walk out of this day spot. What's the pain level? More shock.

Like I was in pain. But I think I was like making the pain up. Like I was like, oh, yeah, this is bad. But really, I was like, oh, my gosh. I just need to go over.

So I'm in a mall. So I had to then penguin walk through this. Oh, gee. Oh. Oh.

Across the parking lot across four lanes of traffic to a walk in doctor clinic. And I walk in. It's a young male doctor. He's like, what's the nature of your visit? I'm like, I have a Volvo wound at this point.

So this is when I start to get panic. Same thing. Take my clothes off. Lay me down on the table.

“Because there was a male doctor working on me.”

I had to have a female on the room. So they had a female nurse come in. And I'm deathly scared of meals. He lays me down. He's like, I have to freeze the area.

And I don't really know at this point how bad it is. So I'm holding on to nurse his hands. So tight. I'm like, oh, I got freaking out. He's like, you have to get stitches.

In my head, I'm like, I'm never having sex again.

I'm like, I'm ruined. My body. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

So the nurse just squeezes my hand a couple of times. And she's like, this is what they're made for. You're good. Everything's going to be fine. And I was like, okay, thank you for that.

After he's done, he's like, okay, I have to let you know. I gave you seven stitches. And the wound was two centimeters wide. So like three quarters of an inch, still most ripped my lip off of me, essentially.

Oh, my head. It's like a sea section, but post a period of media. Yeah. Yeah. So I obviously didn't go back to work.

I go home that night with a parry bottle.

I just moved in with my boyfriend at the time. My ex-boyfriend at the time. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? Like, Frankenstein over here. I need your help with this.

It's just so embarrassed. So then I call my mom and my mom just burst out laughing. She's like, how? Like laughing at me. I hear my dad in the background.

Like, what's going on? My mom immediately tells my dad, "Look, I don't want my dad to know, right?" Sure. The next day, my brother had a baseball game.

And I shocked him the baseball game. My dad is holding one of those little donuts. Like, "Clears off." For people of the Amrines. Oh, yeah.

Or pro-letters.

James is really so sweet.

It's such a dad thing to do with the fight. Yeah, go buy something. Oh, buy something. Oh, they're the harbors. Yeah.

Yeah. He's asking customer service. My daughter recently lost her menorah and/or Majora. I'm not sure which one is with.

“Do you have a cabby's best friend or a hemorrhoid seat?”

Oh. Wait, what was the moment when he handed it to you? He was so awkward. It's like my aunt and my uncle there. You're also calling attention at a baseball game.

You have something going on annually or vaginally. Yeah. Yeah. You could just say, like, oh, it's just because it's an uncomfortable scene. Yeah.

Oh, God. Did you, like, sue her? No, and I just wanted to forget it. I honestly thought I was like ruined for life. And now, you know, I've been in the business for a long time.

I have my own chop and stuff. And I'm like, oh, yeah. They are made for that. You can't tell everyone looks the same. Everyone looks different.

It just is what it is. Did you inquire as to whether they did hire her? I think they did hire her. Yeah. Stop it.

And you know what? I wonder if she thinks about me. I bet she does every time she's doing that on somebody. I hope she does. Well, you know, she was mortified.

I mean, is an anesthetic. And it has to be the very top nightmare. That's what I say. And that's the tissue. What you need it.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really sorry that happened. You know, the comp is like, every time you hear one of these stories, I know what's going to happen.

Every time I hear that a guy put something in his ear. Yeah. I think those are that that's the comp. I know.

“I think that's so interesting because we also have your rate.”

Do you think yours is so much tinier? Well, ours is hanging out of our body by inches. I know that it's still so tinier.

You never hear a stories of women getting anything in their rethro.

But we're constantly interviewing these nurses and the guys are putting like test tubes in their rethroes. Oh, that's there. Yeah. Well, we know some women who put, well, not their rethroes. Right.

Right. Oh. Well, you really have taken in and strived. Yeah. Yeah.

I think it's made you even more likeable. Yeah. I'm so happy to meet you guys. My friend Sarah and I call it our podcast. Oh.

So that was my little shout out. I don't know what it is in my real name. Well, it's so nice. Yeah. Really give our love to real Sarah.

All right. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Take care, guys.

Bye. I wanted to say something earlier. I forgot. Okay. So it's interesting that when the men have to do the butt wax that they have to get on all fours.

Because they don't do that for women. Or because the butt cheeks. You're just getting your anus, your perineum.

“You're not doing your butt cheeks at large, correct?”

True. Huh. So I show up at one of these places and just take it all off. You should try it. All right.

I love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? No. Okay. We don't have a good song for this new show.

So here I go, go, go. We're gonna add some random questions in the hell. Oh, oh, Jerry's book is so sweet. Beautiful. I'm a fire-rime dish.

I'm a fire-rime dish. Enjoy.