Jimmy Kimmel & Molly McNearney

- I'm Jack Shepard, I'm joined by Lily Padman. - It's me. - We have two returning guests,

but never together, good friends of ours.

Jimmy Kimmel and Molly McNirney. - So fun. - Yeah. - I just love him. - So glad that they came together,

that was a fun, different type of interview. - And it was in the evening. It was a very appropriate for a late night show family. - Exactly, BTS, we started it around 6.45 pm. - Yeah, just so you know the exact time.

In case anyone needs it as an haliby. Molly, of course, is the head writer and executive producer of Jimmy Kimmel Live. And Jimmy Kimmel is the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Please enjoy Jimmy and Molly.

- Oh, look at this, you have a dupe camera. - That's right, that's right. We're gonna ask you guys to award the next best boy. - Oh, nice. - How are you, Jifon Masali?

- I did love her, she's great. - She's great. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're gonna do that artifact photo shoot. - Oh, I want to keep it in also.

- Oh, yeah, that's amazing, we love her.

- But wait, I like who she's curating. So you guys are her models, and you guys are very much the behind the scenes,

“the cast kickers. - Yeah, that's what it does.”

- Yeah, that's kind of like unsung women. - Totally. - Yeah, she's an old man for like working women, and she really likes to highlight women who are back. - You invest in this, look with death?

- I wish. - I've been trading stocks on my Charles Schwalb account for about a year and five months where I actually focus on it. And I'm like so proud of myself.

This is measly amount of money I've made. - Molly, have you been consuming anything and gone to Jimmy and like we need to get involved with this? - No, have I?

I don't think, I have. - No, she doesn't, I don't allow her to eat. - Okay, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I do remember like explaining like dry bar to you.

Once you're like, oh, that's a good concept. Both of them invested in it. - You remember, my reaction was I wanted to learn how to blow dry hair so we could save the trip. - I did.

- I feel like I could figure this out. It's not a super precise device. You're going to use swat the wind and hair. - It's a big franchise. They're teaching these people their way

if they just teach me the way how hard could it be. - Oh, hi.

“- That's how I look at everything, how good it be.”

- He does do that sometimes before a word shows he offers to do my hair makeup. - I mean, never say yes. - He did convince his cousin Sal wants that he gave haircuts.

- I did, yeah. - Well, Dax gives haircuts. He gave me a haircut on this podcast once. - And she hates to admit it, but it was a good for her. - It was a B plus, it was really good.

I thought it was a day. I'm just learning it was a B plus. - Oh, I mean, he has an A plus, I don't know. - Exactly. - Actually, it's been an F minus.

- It was good, he's good. - How many heads of hair have he cut hundreds and hundreds? Really? To bore you, I detastled corn between 7th and 8th grade all summer. And I think I made like $800.

And I spent the money on a Nintendo, Mike Tyson's punchout, and then wall clippers and scissors. When I came back from this summer of detastling corn and before school, I was like, who wants a mohawk? And I cut like six or seven kids hair before the pitchers,

and it was a big dust up at me or junior high. My mom got called parents for super upset, but it didn't tort me, I kept cutting hair. And by the time I was in high school, I was pretty good, like I could do faves.

And anytime I got my haircuts, I was really paying attention like, what are they doing? Oh, they're cutting like this, okay, cool. Oh, they're grabbing in these sections.

And no YouTube, there's none of that. You know, I died or anything. Yeah, 25 minutes at, you know, Sam's to study for three months. It comes, you know, some skills. But what's funny, and so all through my 20s,

I cut most of my friends that I hung out with hair, I did a pretty good job and everyone was broke. And I used to do it for like a six pack or a pizza or whatever. So now my thing is I don't really need anything. I loved it cut people's hair, but only one time,

'cause I want to impress them,

and then I never wanted to go with it again.

So like, Chris and his mother was visiting like three years ago, and I'm staring at her hair all weekend, and starting to drive me crazy. It's like a classic Michigan cut. Well, you need some layers, you need some things going on.

And she crazy enough, let me cut her hair. And then she came back on the next visit, and she's like, I've never gotten more compliments from a hairdo. I'm like, oh, that's so great.

“She was, I mean, honestly, like, maybe 20 people told me.”

And I was like, oh my god, that's incredible. And she's very much staring at me like, can I get a trim? Yeah. And I'm like, I just got the thing I really wanted, which was to blow your mind back in the air.

It's so selfish. And you know what I'm doing again? Like, I would cut your hair for a short one time.

And then once you were impressed, there's nothing in it. Can't get it again. I got to say B plus.

“I shouldn't be shocked because I will say,”

when I first met you, I looked at you and said, this looks like a guy who cuts his own hair. And I was cutting my own hair. I haven't had my hair cut by professional on seven years. Since I was on a show live.

You're still doing it to yourself. Yeah, yeah. How do you get the back? So in the back, I generally use a five clipper attachment. And that one just lives at that level.

There's no layering going on yet because it's problematic. But now that I'm going my hair out, the back is getting really challenging. 'Cause I am having to cut it with scissors. Wow.

Yeah. That was way too much about me. Do either, if you have a super hesitant talent that you like to do one time. I am completely blown away by this fact.

I have to say, you know, it's weird when you know somebody. And then you find something out about them. Like Chris Bianco, our friend who's a pizza chef.

I've never heard the guy sing two notes in a row.

We did karaoke at the lodge last year. He's got a really good voice in. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

And we were going crazy. Yeah. And what is this? It's all exciting. But if we're talking at a school that performance

that Jimmy Fallon put on in the fall Elvis outfit was about us, yeah. Well, for a private show that you didn't pay that. Okay, first of all, he was dressed as evil can evil. Oh, I'm saying the truth.

Oh. Well, I'm behind me between the giant one. Yeah, yeah. I look too white jumpsuit. The best part of that story was that, you know,

Jimmy and I fish together that day. And he had no fishing close. He had nothing to wear on the water at a fishing lodge. So I said, all right, well, we got to go to the shop and get you some clothes and like, you know,

it took like 45 minutes. We got him. The clothes we get him all decked out. And then he comes into the bar, fully dressed as evil can evil to sing.

And I said, you brought this and nothing to fish it. I was a huge outfit. Took up probably the majority of his things. It was the whole bag. Yeah.

He's incredible.

“The performance was so good that I think we all”

mid performance started getting very concerned. He was going to have a heart attack or something magical, right? That's no surprise. So we know that he's a very talented singer and performer. Now, if you seem to make a pizza, not as professional,

not as impressive. This is like Chris Bianca. Well, you remember he made that shitty pizza and he made a video of it? - Did?

- Yeah, and then I made a one in restaurant. It was like a wrap-out on old school wrap-out. I don't want that one, you want that one. - Yeah, but it is weird when people have like some weird talent. I don't have any hidden talents because when you're doing

the show every single night, you bring all three of your talents to the former media. You can play a little bit of drums. You'll be playing the drums. But you have the cartoony.

I've done that on the air. It's hard to be funny, though, and to draw at the same time. It's almost impossible.

- He's also an incredible cook.

He's not messing around. - But what are you going to do with that? - A little feed, all these sounds. - They get everybody happy around you. I have a very weird skill, which is I can remember

what women were to. Almost everything. - It is really, really. - Right, really. - It is just a scum.

- The most impressive thing I've ever seen anyone do. And what did I say to you last month? I just threw something out there. I said something to the effect of what did our niece Allison wear to our daughter's baby shower 18 months ago.

And she's like, she thought about it for a couple seconds. And she came up with it. - It was like a white linen pant. - And our niece was going wild. - I don't know why I'm not aware of it in the moment.

But I don't remember what men wore. But I can't remember what women I'll just wear. - There's nothing memorable about what we wear. - Yeah, I'm sure. - I'm sure.

- Last year, Jimmy Fallon and people. - Unfortunately, I'm probably more of it. Jimmy questioned, but maybe it's not. So watching, Fallon put on that show last year. It was kind of like a right of passage.

I remember watching him. And I was like, this would be so hard for me five years ago. He's so much funnier than me and energetic in the life of the, like he is in the role I filled in my group for years. At that time, I was 50 watching.

I was like, I think we're finally here where we can let him be spectacular. That's nothing to do with how unspectacular I am. - Do you remember getting, I mean,

you've always been funny.

And then, but you're surrounded by a lot of people at something you gotta go like, yeah, let Fallon jump on the camera. - I've never had that inclination in the slightest bit. If I'm at a table with funny people, I'm more than happy to just sit there and listen to it the whole time.

- Yeah. - I think maybe being a talk show host,

“you need to have that because the goal is for those people”

to shine. - Yeah. - And to me, it's just a relief when somebody can carry the ball, right? - Yeah. - You know what I mean?

- You know what? So when there's an audience, whether it's a live audience, and it, like, you know, get that. - Once in a while, we get comedians on. And I'm like, oh, we should have them every fucking day.

- Makes it easy. - Yeah, they care.

And you're like, oh, man, what a blessing. - But you still want them. - Yeah, I know. - I don't know what their approval, you want them to do. - If it was a long form situation like this,

yeah, I would certainly want that, whatever. But you know how it is at our show. You have eight minutes, and those are your eight minutes. If you see me being funny in those eight minutes, it means I'm just trying to fill in a hole.

It means there are three minutes story was 45 seconds. - Yeah. - And now we're gonna get some stuff. (laughing) - It's funny.

Are you conscious of that click? 'Cause occasionally we'll have an expert on who is very,

very smart, but they've never been in front of camera.

They're not gonna dull out the info that they have. And I go like, handskin, just giving me one of these episodes, I'm just telling random stories quite a bit. And you feel a little bad about it,

“but you're like, that's what I gotta do right now.”

- It's funny because online, like, if you get somebody, like sometimes the worst guests are very young and they're very popular. And they have a rabid fan base of young people who are very excited to see them.

And they walk out there and they don't know what to do. - Yeah. - And you have to help them. And you have to help fill that time and make sure it's not a train wreck.

And then your reward is you will go online and be bash by everyone saying, you didn't let someone so talk, I couldn't agree more. - What I have to resist, to comment to those people. - Yeah.

- And it's really easy to see on YouTube, you know, they're right there for you. So that's just something you have to deal with. - It really is a skill. And I know you guys have figured that out.

It is a skill for people to know how to tell a story. And some of the most talented people can't do it. - Yeah, no, it's interesting chefs. A lot of chefs. Some of them are made for television.

Some of them are made for broadcasting. And some of them are great chefs. And they're just not good at it. You're kind of puzzled. You're like, oh, this is guys such a great chef.

Why can't he tell me what's happening? - Yeah, of all the ways they get famous

“and end up on your show, that one required the least amount”

of probably personality. You have the skill set and you're a great manager, probably. - Doesn't mean to talk show. - Yeah. - When thinking of things, we already know a life story.

We've done life story.

First of all, again, just publicly,

what a great episode you had. You had such a spectacular episode. People love it so much. - Really did. - Thank you so much, huge.

- It was a real bucketless moment for me. You know I love this. - I've had so much, constantly texting Monica, everything I love about it. - So thank you for having me.

- Well, the thing I was thinking about is, I have known you guys for a long time. How long have you been any other now? - Well, you and I have known each other for 20, something years, 22 years probably.

- Yep, yep. - And you and I have been married for 12. - Oh, it'll be 13 in July. - 13, you and married for 13. - 13 in your day, the other three before that.

- So 16 years. - That's so long. - That's mega. - Yeah. - Is your longest relationship, right?

- Oh yeah, sure. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, by some time, right? Not by much. - Okay, all right. - All right, we might, okay.

- Okay, yeah. (laughing) - We made it. - I don't really know your meet-cute story, Amana, can I really wanted to hear like,

how it sounds like, yeah, yeah, yeah, how it blurs. - Okay, well, we've knew each other 'cause we work together, but when I met him a couple of weeks into working at the show. And I went into his office with the executives

at the time and he said, "Oh, I want you to meet my new assistant." I don't think Jim even looked up from his desk and my boss at the time Daniel said, "This is Molly, she's my new assistant.

She just triathlons." - She said, "I was doing triathlons at the time." And Jim, he said, "How stupid."

- And then that was it, that was my first one.

- He said it by me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He had just read that book. (laughing) - No, I really couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't understand why a human being would be something like

- Oh, I didn't even agree. - Oh, I didn't agree. - Well, really, you're first impression of him, other than the fact that you got from giving you eye contact. - Yeah. - Where are you like, this is like a thing.

- No, sorry, not at all, like not even a little bit. And by the way, same with him with me, like I didn't even-- - Even more so. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, I did not look at him that way at all.

- Were you intimidated by me? - Yeah, for sure. - I was intimidated by him, yeah. But as I got to work with him for years, I really loved this guy.

I was like, he is such a good human. He takes such good care of his staff. He's so good to his family. He's just a good human being. - So what I do, that's how I,

you said the table, you know? - Yeah, it's just that. - I don't really get to know how you treat everyone in your life before the traction ramps. That's what I have to do.

(laughing) - So, I think, I don't know how far in, I think it was like eight years and maybe he'd be working there and-- - I ate that one. - Yeah, it was a long time.

- Oh, my God. - I remember at that time, I was one of the headwriters and one of our writers' meetings, someone asked, oh, cousin Sal said,

“you only have five foods to rest your life, what are they?”

And we all went around the table and said them. And I just rattled off. I remember I said pizza, and yokey, crab-caused BLT, and chocolate of cookies. - Mm-hmm.

- And great, yeah, real quick, good list. And about six months later, talking about long-play, six months later,

He asked me to come over after work.

I just got back from Africa, I think. And he was going to help me build a classroom over there. I went over to his house and he opens up the door and it smells delicious. And he's like, I've made some things.

And it was pizza, and yokey, crab-caused, chocolate of cookies, and BLT. And he had remembered what my favorite food was. - And he made them all. - Now, really, do you immediately register

that as, oh, he wants stuff for you? - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - And it made me very excited and very nervous.

- Yeah. - I wouldn't have been so weird if that wasn't. But I was just like, no, I just-- - I don't know what I know. - I want to know what you like to eat.

- I really love you. - You're just the most confusing, plutonic, friend, and whatever he had. (laughing)

“- But I remember thinking, oh, no, this is a bad idea.”

I mean, he was my mom. - I didn't have that thought. - Yeah, no. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

- No, no, the person in power usually does. (laughing) But I was very nervous about it. I thought it was a terrible idea. And I was very skittish, and I kept telling him,

I think this is a bad idea. And he kept saying, it's not a bad idea. And now we've been together. (laughing) - He just stopped talking.

- He talked to my husband, and he ate this meal. He ate this meal pee. (laughing) You eat this meal pee and then you tell me you don't wanna do it. He's telling me that.

You look me in the eye when the straight place. - All right, blondie. (laughing) - So are you guys doing some sneak-in? - A little bit.

- Yeah. - A little bit of sneak-in. - For the first few months, we were very, very, very quiet, but I was very nervous about it changing. Obviously, the work dynamic, and I was in a room full

of mostly men, and we had a great thing going on in that room. And I didn't want it to change, but then it did. - If I can defend the men in power for one second, 'cause no one's doing it. - No one's doing it.

- Yeah, I did. - And anyone is taking up a sword to defend the men in power. You would think the man in power would be like, oh, I hope she doesn't just like me, 'cause I have power.

You're thinking, I don't think she likes me. (cheering) - I don't know if this person likes me. The last thing you're thinking is like, she likes me so much, I hope it's not for my power.

It's free, because that would never occurred to me.

I always was like, oh, if she thinks I'm funny, then maybe she'll like me. It's never about like anything other than that. - Right. - Right.

- I know that my only chance is to be funny. Now, when it clicks to a guy in power, then we got danger. - Yeah. - Yeah, big time. - But I don't know that the friends I had

do have ended up dating coworkers. I don't think they were afraid the person liked him because they had power. I think they're just mostly really nervous and hopeful they liked him.

- They're saying that person and power was nervous and hoping that person without power liked them. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like you'd have to be like, oh, they love me.

They like me. I hope it's not for my power. They not even assuming you liked them.

“Like you have to start there in some weird ways.”

It makes sense. I think it depends on what you look like. I think like guys are real good looking. It's just makes more sense to them. - They're not worried.

- That's like societal power, I guess. But more it's once you're dating, then the power is the problem. - Yeah. - Can you be the problem?

- It's a big time. - I just kept thinking like, statistically, this is not going to work out. And your life doesn't change, but mine does. - Yeah.

- And that's what really freaked me out. - That's what gave me so much comfort. (laughing) - Absolutely. That was your leverage.

- Yeah, I was really freaked out. I had worked really, really hard. I was one of the headwriters, the show. I'd been doing that role for about a year and a half. The thing I most relate to is when you're talking about like,

I don't want it to be like, I like being a condemned. I want to be in this writer's room and shit on the end. Like that would be the thing I would be afraid to lose. - Yeah, I still shit on them in the writer's room.

- More so. (laughing) - Sometimes I do find myself over correcting a little bit. - Not a little bit. A lot bit.

- Yeah.

“- I gotta keep my relationship in there, you know?”

- Well, I'll tell you right now, Monica will probably cut this out, but she's in the situation, which is a guy that was moving furniture into her house. She's like, that guy's tall on handsome.

- When I'm a date with him, it didn't work out. And as she can't ordering more furniture. - Well, I will be ordering more furniture. (laughing) - You see the old lady?

- It's the old lady. - It's the only furniture in her house. - The kind of person he works with my designer. So my designer's like, okay, we're bringing in this. And he came over twice and I was like,

"That guy's cute, stay on the couch." - Yeah, bring more couch to the couch. - I did make him the steak because I then pursued, which I was very, I was very proud of myself. - Yeah, we're all happy.

- Everyone's very proud. - How did you do it? What did you say? - So I reached out to my designer and I said, "Who is that guy?"

And she said his name. And I said, "Do you know if he's single? "How old is he? "She gave me all the information he was single." And she said, "Should I give?"

First she said, "Do you want to see him again

"before you decide?" And I was like, "Very designable." I didn't do it. (laughing) - Try it out for a moment.

- Yeah, look at the phone. Was he on it? Was there a 30% commission? - Exactly. - No, they call it auditioning a piece

when they have some hair. Do you want auditioning it? - So I said, "Okay, well, give him my number."

- It was fine, right? - Someone needs to snatch him up and marry him, but it's not gonna be me. - Yeah, he was a nice guy. - He was a nice guy.

- We're very nice. - We're very nice. - How bad she wants the ottoman from the cattle.

- I never coming downstairs from upstairs.

- Yeah, that's hard. - What if I'm there when he arrives? I'm like, "Hey, yeah, yeah, she was a nice start receiving your furniture." - Start dating him.

- He'll start dating me. - From your point of view, this is confusing to me, but I accept it, which is you slowly were exposed to what a wonderful and generous and thoughtful. Humanity was in your attraction group.

What took you eight years? - Well, I was dating someone. - Okay. - I was dating Sarah, Silverman, and then we broke up, and then because we broke up,

I didn't feel, I don't know. I just didn't feel like it would be cool for me to go anywhere, to be out or anything. So we were just hanging out at the office with a group of about seven or eight people every night,

and that was really like our social life.

“So it was like a reality showing some ways, you know?”

- But you're mean to sound so dramatic.

You're like, basically I couldn't go anywhere,

so she was just there. - Yeah, sure, there's a question. - Yeah, you know what? - You know what? - There's no reality, but we were in lockdown.

- Well, we got to know each other in a way that you don't usually get to know people at work. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. - Especially me, because there are like four people at work that I talk to every day,

and Molly's not one of them. You know, it's like, I'm in an office, just kind of staring at my computer trying to figure out what we're gonna do that night. - Right.

- Okay, now that you guys have been working together and together for 16 years of that, I do wonder, it's almost impossible to have time with your partner when you have kids. Considering how demanding both roles are at the show,

you think you could have been together 16 years if you didn't work together. Would you ever see each other

and would you only see each other

in this stressful kid dynamic? - That's a great question. - There were like work weekends where we have to go someplace that we wind up spending a lot of time together and they feel like vacation weekends.

And then occasionally we do go on, we don't take long vacations together, but we'll go away for a couple of days, and that's always nice. How often does that happen?

“- Well, I was gonna say, I think we would have found each other”

and been together whether we worked together or not, but I do think that the job has made us so much closer. I do think that there's kind of like this. I'm similar to I imagine what you guys feel. Like you have a common goal every day.

We have a short hand with each other. We have an understanding, especially just like the ups and downs of our life professionally personally publicly, I think it has made us so much closer.

- We don't have to explain things to each other like, "Oh, wait, you hear what happened?" I worked today because experience at Simultaneously. - Yeah. - Do you think it's also neutralized

what could easily be bad behavior? Like, if you were just the host of this talk show, and you had a wife who wasn't in the business, it would be easy for you to think like, what you're doing is so demanding and important.

And you would come on and you'd explain to her the pressures and she might be enamored with how much. But you're doing the same thing. No one gives a fuck that anyone's burnout, right? Don't you think that's kind of healthy?

- Yeah. - Like, Chris is not impressed with what I do. I'm not impressed with what she does. Do you think it's like neutralized how you might have behaved otherwise

in a different relationship? - Yeah, I don't know, really.

“I think most people have a pretty hard day, right?”

I do a lot of stuff. - You're much stuff. - And if anything, the argument we have is that Molly says I'm doing too much stuff and can't understand how I'm doing this much stuff.

To me, it's just kind of like, well, I have stuff that has to be done. So I'm doing it, I leave doing it. Well, I get frustrated personally is when there's something that I don't want to do.

Some work that I have to do, that's like two hours of going through scripts in a very detailed way that is not enjoyable and I get shit for it. That I don't like.

That's like, wow, this is once again, I found myself in a loose, loose situation. - Well, you have someone who wants to be with you. No, that's not your thing. - But then I go like, yeah, but also, you know,

you work at the show, too, and you know how to do this stuff. I do it. - So it sometimes is like, not only do I have to do this, but she's mad.

- Yeah, sure, sure, sure. That's the icing on the cake. - I said in the other night, the day is so grueling and like putting on a show every day is so demanding. I don't know if people really understand it is

from seven in the morning and to him, it's usually like 10 or 11 o'clock at night. You get to home with the kids to bed. You know, he reads Harry Potter with them. We have dinner and then it's back to work

for about two to three hours on his computer prepping the next day. And the other night, we were just like laying in bed and I said, this is my favorite time of the day. When it's just quiet, there's no noise

and she's too of us laying in bed together. And we got really talking and connecting. And it's also crazy that it's just like 10 minutes a day.

- And there was silence and then she heard. (laughing) - Well, he is not electric and he falls asleep immediately. - Well, it will up he's up from working from seven to 11.

“- That's why secret talent is falling right to sleep.”

- It's so annoying. He falls asleep in immediately. - Oh, that's aggravating. So I'm very much at you in the relationship. I think Kristen could say no to more things.

I envy her sleep. - Yep. - It's interesting because you agree. You don't just get angry that they work too much or that they've said yes to me things.

I start getting into psychoanalyzing her. And I'm like, what is the big barrier of saying no? - Yes. - Or is it? - Can you not remember how you felt the last time you said,

yes to that thing and that you'll be there and you'll pay to it and you don't need to do that anymore. So I get overly obsessed with trying to figure out what is going on. - Same and I think a lot of it is I just say like,

yes to all that is a no to us at home. And I know that a lot of it is part of the job and you have to do it. But I start to take it. I wouldn't say personally, but like yeah, I guess personally.

I'm like, why do all those people get a piece? Can we have a little bigger piece of the pie? But I also understand the demands of the job,

“better than anybody, it's all the extra stuff.”

- You know all that. - You're doing one of it right now. And by the way, I just want you know if the record. I did not ask you guys to come on.

He was so nice and offered and I never would have done

anything. - I was confused at first. (laughing) - That's what you didn't know about. - I said you would take up trying to communicate with me

as a human being and I'm not used to that. - Better go ahead. - I've found that this time of year for both of us. - I saw it. - I saw it as he needed.

- Oh, I was like, yes, we will, you know what? We are very busy, but we will figure it out. And he's like, well, I wasn't asking you. And then I'm doing a trick. He's like, I would never, ever turn you guys down his gas.

- Wait, where are we here? Did you invite us here? - I did. - I invited us here. Molly, I just said, kind of hate checking in.

I know this is our most miserable time of year. We share this. Always when we get to Idaho. I'm dead and I can see you guys are dead. So it's just kind of like saying like,

hey, how's the grind going? - Yeah. - And I don't know why introvert that is like, I'm not sure why I introvert either. - I'll tell you why.

- Maybe he's asking people to work more than you think he's just saying, yes. - No, this is the problem, this is the problem. - This is just a human being trying to have a human interaction between a friend, checking in.

What a nice thing, but you're so like used to just like the transaction of every day, like yes or no, it was a middle of the day, I was in that mode. - Oh my god, this is a confusing time of the day. - Well, so this isn't exactly work.

The only time we really get to have a long detailed conversation is when I'm here doing this spot. - Yeah, sure. - I look at it as a social opportunity. - Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

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North Brook Illinois, roadside assistance by all state motor club, incorporated and all state affiliate. (upbeat music) - You may have picked up on some truth though. We did need this.

We do. We're trying to get through the summer. - Right. - We need to get it. - I understand it and I felt like if I can help that.

- I can relate to that. You know, you've got to bank some shows in order to go on vacation. - Wait, I need more. Was the intention at all to have them on the show?

Tell me the truth. - Oh, 1000% zero. - Yeah, no, it's not what it's got. - I know what it's got. - That wasn't as intent.

- I know what it is. - That's how I read it. I want to ask you guys to be on when I need you and I know you're free. So I will.

- I will. - I will. - Dury, y'all's hardest. - We have asked you so many times.

Dax and Chris and always come through when we need to guess.

That is also in my head too, like if there's a request of any kind, I must, okay, you're any? - Yes. - It's that time of year that doing six to eight a week trying to get free for the summer.

Thought you might be in a similar burnout phase. June 19th can't get here soon enough. - I see how you read that as he might need some. - I was like checking in now. - I was like checking in now.

- Did you make a checking in with another human?

“- I think it was the, it's that time of year part that,”

I was like, okay, all right, it's that time of year. - He says I've been the same boat, but if you need me, I'll make it work.

- Oh my gosh. - No. - Cause I responded, ah, that's generous and beautiful. I promise I wasn't fishing, I was just thinking of who could relate to the bottomless content

for know that we won't ever obey. - Why are we here? - And then I wrote, ah, either way, the offer stands. And now it's like-- - Now he's done the down.

- I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna send him by that inconvenience to him. - And he's so great, he's already been on. - I did this episode for us to see you. - That's one of the fun things about being me.

Like on one hand, I don't wanna do stuff. And the other hand, for instance, if you had been doing this podcast for a long period

of time and never had asked me to be on it,

even though you said, you know what, he's so busy, like I don't wanna bother him. As soon as you got on it, it would drive me insane. - Yeah. - Yeah.

“- So hard to figure out, I think that's why I'm still intrigued”

with you every 20 years. Cause I wanna know why you're saying yes to everything. The immediate theory's jump out at being like, one is you have a hard time saying no. - Two is like, you think you gotta keep your foot

fucking slammed at the floor board to keep, I don't know the business going, which doesn't seem right. - You are generous. - I'm in the business of asking people

to do things for me. - Okay. - Excuse me, what do you mean by that? Like, I'm coming on the show? - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. - I'm like, we have a bit, and like, you know, I'm committed to some idea. I think it's gonna be so funny, but it can only be this person.

And if they say no, it can be so heartbreaking. - Yeah. - Or if you're in like a tough spot, you're like somebody got sick and the show's in three hours. So for me, there are certain people like DAX, for instance.

Well, I would never say no to ever.

And I mean, unless like, you know, I was on the moon or something like that. And then there are other people, you know, who, to a lesser extent, like, you know, somebody's been on my show eight times.

“And then they want me to do their podcast”

in my head that the just thing is to do the podcast. That's it? - That's a beautiful way to put it. But if I were your partner, what does someone say to me is,

they're not doing your favors to me on your show. - I agree. - You have a great fun show that is a great opportunity to promote a project that you're obligated to promote.

And there's no better funer place to go do it. So really, it's not about doing favors, really. It's about being fair. The spirit of it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It's about knowing what it takes to pull off something like this, but it's hard. And so if you can show up for someone, you will do that if anyone asks you to be on a podcast, you say yes.

- Oh, I love it. - But I'm not as busy as Jimmy. - Well, yeah. - Of course popular. So it doesn't make him up as much. But I want a psychological breakthrough here.

- There's something more going on. - I have a hard time saying no to charity events, as well. It's a very, very difficult thing for me, yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah, that's hard. - And also just like to add, that I think some of it is guilt, maybe, like a little bit of guilt. I think Jimmy is still in shock

that he is as successful as he is. And I think that he feels very guilty almost about that. - I think it's more I grew up Catholic and I just have an inherent sense of guilt. - Yeah.

- I'm about existing in the world. And having, listen, if you're gonna really be Catholic, you should have no money. You should have nothing. You should give all of it away.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - So that's strike one, two-and-a-half, he's just starting out. - Yeah.

- That you gotta come back from. - And when general, like I'm from a family of people who do a lot of things for other people,

“that's the model, that's what I've seen in my life.”

When we would go to church at the end of church, my parents would be folding up all the chairs while everybody else left, right? So that's just what is ingrained in me. - That is exactly who you are.

- That could be motivated by two things. One is, yeah, I don't deserve this.

And I'll jinx myself if I'm not always available

and ready to show up. I don't look at it like that. - You don't. - No, it's not like superstitious. - Thank you.

- Okay, you just passed the most important test. - Yeah, we just talked about that. - We just talked about this. We went to lunch with some friends a few years back. And I'm at this lunch and I'm staring at my male friends' nose.

And there are six very, very visible, huge black hairs growing out of his nose from across the table, I can see. - Inside. - No, no, the outside. - Oh, sprouted from the bowl of the nose, right?

- Oh, wow. - Yeah, are you French or the Reese's monkey? - I can see it from the other side of the table and catty corner, right? I was diagnosed with my friend.

And we got in the car and I said to my wife, she hates his fucking guts. That woman is a foot from his face. She sees that. - And she's like, yeah, I want this motherfucker

out there with hair all over his nose. And she goes, yeah, it's kind of crazy. There's no way you would be moving around town with huge hairs growing, you know. - It's for mine, her, what's wrong with him?

- No, you can't see. - See you. - Why can't you see it? - He's got a mirror, right? - I want to say my friend is Stevie Wonder. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- But it is an older man who probably would have to put glasses on to see the mirror in the mirror. And we don't drink our reading glasses to the mirror, right?

So I say this in the car and Chris and kind of agrees.

“Guys, they got divorced three months later.”

- Really? - They did. - Oh, wow. - So what I just saw, you caring for how your partner looks good job.

- Just bought us at least three months. - Yeah, I am not making that prediction. What was it like, is there some like no's hair version of irreconcilable differences? - If I were him and I was in court, I would say, look,

she could see these huge hairs. I was embarrassed in myself everywhere and she wanted me to be. - She could also say in court, he just stopped taking care of herself.

- Exactly. - He was letting all these hairs grow of his nose and didn't seem to care enough about me. - You would say, Molly, I can't see. - We made that furlough.

(laughing) - Drove home, was it her or him? They were staying at the hotel. - Oh. - That's enough information.

- And I was hot under the collar when we left that.

- Wow, because she got mad.

- What is she doing? - Why are you telling them? - Because it doesn't mean that you got the mad at her before him. - That's not bad.

- You were one of the most feminist men that I know and I'm a little surprised that you were mad at her and not him. Like, weren't you like, hey man? - You think you would have felt the same way

when you were a reverse, right? - You wouldn't have. - He doesn't know that. He has those hairs. No one would leave the house if they knew about the amount of falling hairs growing the nose.

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

“- And so, is your partner not looking at you at all?”

- That's concerning. Like, if Chris and Ed five huge black hairs growing, I would see it. - Yeah. - And I would go on.

And now you're going to photoshoot. You want me to grab the tweezers because I love her and you would do the same thing. - Yeah, I was.

- This is a good reason to be disappointed.

- Okay, he could be a very sensitive person. Maybe before she's trying to be like, hey, you have, and he's like, don't stop, just stop picking on me. - Don't touch my face.

- I had it terrible. - I had a terrible experience helping some of the hair lengths. I was high school in this girl. Carmen Pestor, blonde, beautiful.

All the guys love her. They're all around her. She's telling a story. Everyone's enamored. And I was like, oh, look at her.

But I'm embarrassed her because she has blonde hair and wants on her face. - As she's mid story, I reached over and I pulled it and it me, and I'm like, oh, and all of the guys are at the same time.

And she got beat red. She had a nine inch long blonde chin hair. I don't know how she made it out the door, not seeing that. But I remember just feeling.

“- When you pulled the string, did she say something?”

(laughing) - I want to be friends. (laughing) - No, and then I showed you my friend anymore. I felt terrible.

- Oh no. - Yeah, because you just thought it was an arent hair. - Yeah, that was an arent hair. And I would pull it and it was connected to the chin. - We have somebody at our show who has a lot of ear hair

that I monitor and I talked to him about it. I was like, that's too much ear hair. - Oh, good. - You got to take care of that because once you just stopped and it's just like, what happens?

You become an old man, right? - Yes, yes, yes. - And so I monitor it. - Have the children taken over any of your duties because Lincoln, for whatever reason,

is so on top of my ears. She examines them all the time and she fights, crust in there. She hates it. She wants me to have clean ears when I leave house.

- Oh, I like that. - So, as Jane taken over any of your duties and that. - She yells at me when I put cute tips in my ears. - Okay. - Because she knows they're not.

They're very interesting children. They're very by the book. We have a friend who litters and smokes and they are mortified by this and he loves how mortified they are by and so he does it a lot in front of them.

- She yells at me when I hold my sneezes in which I do. - They both do. - As I then made the mistake of telling them and you have to fact-check this that it kills brain cells and they now are worried about me. - Well, now she lets these terrifying karate chops

sneezes out. (laughing) Each one takes like six and a half days off of my life. - Yeah, it's so mad. - You have no idea how mad I can.

Because I keep it in most of the time. It really is like somebody hit you in the back of the head and he doesn't want to let it out 'cause the kids get mad there and mom let it out. - She went from, when we met.

- Did you ever say, no, one day I really let one loose and I hear on the other one. - And we started dating there was so quiet. - You were so mad that you thought like I was telling me. - They frightened me.

- Oh, fuck God's sake. - They startled me. - We have a friend who has horrific sneezes in the same way. It's like the whole table just jumped every time. - They're harmful.

- They're harmful. - They do they feel aggressive. - They're she's adding to them. - I am not recommending that. - She either cartoon it, yeah yeah yeah.

- Okay, I don't want to get into the weeds in it but there are several funny things that came out of the cancellation. - I wouldn't have thought this. - Those are cancelations.

- It's a suspension. - My, yes, my, my, my vacation. (laughing) - Yeah, whatever we're calling that now. - I found there to be some funny things like that.

- Oh, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I didn't know this. - I didn't know this. There were helicopters all around your house during this. - Yes.

(laughing) - So I didn't know that, that's intense. - Yeah, there were like 15 black SUVs following us home. - Remember when we were crouching in the bushes?

which I found for whatever reason, that really pissed me off, and that got you. - What the fuck? (laughing) - We were trying to lose them on the way.

- Oh my God. - From the show. - I learned that in time of war or strife, we would be so dead. - Yeah, we would.

- I'm like, here's what we're gonna do.

You make a left here. We're gonna get ahead of the car. You're gonna keep driving. You'll keep going, you know, we're blocked by the houses.

You keep driving, and then send another car to pick us up, come in the other way, and we'll slip into that car. And they're like, yeah, and they're like, the whole time we lose, if they know where we live.

- Yeah, yeah. - And then they got a car. - And then they were in cars. - And then they got us or when we were doing that stupid car swap.

- Yeah, yeah. - We were the one who had to trade with parking lot. We'll swap cars. - Oh, that's right. We went in and traded those also.

- Oh, we did. - Oh, that was part of the plan. - Yeah, we did. - Oh my God, we have no idea what we're doing. We're not going out for this.

- Yeah. - And we'll go to the Brittany Spear School of Pop-A-Rocity Division. - That's where you guys see and just switch to motorcycles that week.

- Yeah, that's cool. - Yeah, cool, yeah.

“- But it was more intense than I think I gave it credit for.”

But there are a couple of historical moments that came out of it when you had to like tell the kids. And I'm thinking about something Jane said and Billy.

But Billy was the first right to ask,

is it the president? Is he have something to do with this? He didn't want to ask that. - I believe it was Jane. We had to explain what was going on

because there were helicopters and noise outside our house and also there were still in school and this was becoming a very huge story. We didn't know how big it would be and we didn't know if the kids were gonna hear about it at school.

So we said the show has been canceled for a little bit and Jane said it's this Donald Trump's fault. - Okay. - And we said yes. (laughing)

- That's right. - When you're evaluating all the weird ways our kids are growing up, that's incredibly bizarre. - It really is. I said it Jimmy, they're like,

what a wild childhood for these kids to know that the president of the United States doesn't like their father? I mean, that's not a great feeling but it's also kind of funny.

- And a father in your camp. I don't know if they understand that he's not like a movie villain or a TV, you know, in a way he is. He's like a cartoon character in the art.

They're probably having a hard time taking him seriously.

It will also they never had a normal president.

For them, it's like, this is what happens with the president. These are president, it's like interchangeable with Dr. Evil or something. - Yeah.

- But the one that cracked me up is that Jane was really concerned. And I just learned this about her. She very much thinks she'll be taking over your show. - She does, yes.

- Oh yeah. - She's gonna be Jane, come a lot. - Yes. - So she started crying because her show was going away. - Oh yeah.

- Yeah. - Which I found annoying and presumptuous. For whatever reason she's decided, even though she is one of my four children, that she is taking over the show.

It was never a conversation, even. It was just like, yeah, well, I will of course run the family business. I love the spirit. I know if I were your kid, I'd be thinking.

I was sure. I really don't wanna be your red question. - I think she'd be great. - She'd be great. - She'd be great.

- I told John Stewart about this. He said, yeah, yeah, my son said the same thing. He's like, yeah, and then I will be taking over the daily show.

“And he was like, what's with this Trevor character?”

(laughing) - Yeah, yeah, I'll be with you. And then another really funny thing was, you had said, I think to Jane, I hope you know that over time,

you'll find out that we were on the right side of history. - That's really important. - Into it she replied, I thought we were on the left. (laughing) - She did, because I thought we were on the left.

She also offered to sell her libubus. She merely cried, who's also on my libubus. She had three libubus at the time. - Yeah, each time something happens, they think we're just gonna be bankrupt the next day.

They don't seem to understand. (laughing) - There's some savings. - I went to play poker with my groundlings friends from like 30 years ago.

- It's like a $10 buy-in poker game. - And I went, little that I know the entire three hours I was gone, Lincoln was obsessed with the fact that I'm gonna lose all of our money. - And they got homesick.

- Dude, you lose all of our money. And I'm like, I guess you have a right to fear that I'd be a gambling addict too, but I'm not. - I mean, it's better that than I'm thinking, like you guys have infinite money.

- Yeah. - You want them to be a little anxious about it. - Yeah, maybe not as anxious as they are, you know.

“- Yeah, I think it might be fine, I guess.”

- How long was the window before you knew that you were coming back? We were suspended on, was it a Tuesday or Wednesday? - I remember it as a Wednesday, is it? - Yeah, I think a Wednesday's correct,

and we were back on the following Tuesday. The following Tuesday. So if I almost a four week, yeah, almost a week. Three shows, really, it's what it was. Were you at any point going like,

oh, okay, I'm retired. It was in any little window where you're like, maybe I need to embrace this, and maybe I'm excited for that. - Yeah, I mean, it's funny, it's more immediate than that.

It's more like, all right, so I don't have to do

- You know, that's kind of how I looked at it.

- All right, well, the good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow. Of course, it turned out to be a much more stressful work day than the usual work day, but it was a little bit of that.

- Yeah. - It was like, I don't need this, this is such bullshit. I don't need it. - You do deal with that thought. I deal with that thought regularly,

not just in an extreme situation. - I deal with that now on a daily basis, I think. (laughs) - Just like, like, why? - Weirdly, I deal with it less now than I used to,

because now I feel like this show is an outlet for people who are outraged by what's going on, and I feel some responsibility to those people. So, it's not just like, why do I need to get up? And they're like, well, yeah, there is kind of a reason.

“I'm not in financial reason that you need to do this.”

Nothing we ever did in the past had any consequence,

you know, I was like, you know,

you know, he would say something or tweet something, maybe. I don't even mean consequence in that way. I mean, consequence like it didn't matter. We had people jumping off a diving board in their bathing suits that we pulled off the street.

They had nothing to do with anything that was actually going on in the work. - Not winning a P-body really for that. - Yeah, no, no, we didn't get one of those. - By the way, I noticed today that P-body's been rolling

around in my trunk for like two weeks. (laughing) - What is this, can we brand it? - That's right. - We, you know, we can't paint for it almost every episode.

We don't want any award other than the P-body, and we're not sure how you get one. - Or why? - Or why? - It sounds great.

- There's 15 jurors, and they all have to say yes. If one person says no, you don't get it. - So they join in the Hell's Angels. It's got to be unanimous. - Yep.

- Aren't you now on the committee for P-body? So I guess told us this.

“They said I think Kimmel is joined somehow.”

- If I am, it's news to me, I don't think so. Well, if you are, and if you're an up at a meeting, - Yeah. - Or they probably don't even ask you offer to go. - If you want the one that's in my trunk,

I would love it. Yeah, I just want to see what it looks like. - It is pretty cool. And it started in radio, the P-body started, it was in a word to people in radio.

- Oh really? - Yeah. - Oh, I said it's all there was at the time. It's a broadcasting and film award. Okay, didn't get tricky at all.

It's stressful on our relationship, no? - Yeah, for sure. I think this is a little different because we were in it together. - Yeah.

- And most of the situations we are. - Yeah, like it affects my livelihood, my job, my co-workers. So I was right there, hand-in-hand with him the whole time. I will say, like, I get to a point of resentment

when it is relentless scrutiny. Or, oh my god, that joke we said yesterday is everyone's mad at us for it. I resent how much time and it sucks. - Yeah, how much energy it takes.

- The energy it sucks. But no, I feel like we are lucky and that we really kind of were in the same spot during that. - I let it roll off my back much more than I ever had.

The older I get, the less affected I am by that. - I'm much more affected, I think. - Yeah, when I heard you guys talk about it, you said you get more mad. - Yeah.

- Why do you think it's less bad? - I think I'm not as connected to what people are saying. I also, you know, before I did this job and even before I was on television, I was in a very stressful job as a radio dishjockey

getting fired from town to town to town. And I've become hardened in some ways. Also, like at that time when I lost my job, I was in deep financial trouble. Like I couldn't miss one paycheck.

“It was a problem if I and I do try to remember that.”

I go, okay, but I don't have this job. I'm gonna be okay. I don't have to worry about that. And I do take some solace and comfort in that. - So there's like little spikes of gratitude

within the misery. - Keeping getting perspective. That perspective at that time now. Yeah, it wasn't the president.

You weren't dealing with the most powerful person

in the world. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But a much bigger concern is I can't get $20 out of the ATM because I have less than that in it. That's a real concern.

So these things that I'm dealing with are big and they get a lot of attention, but getting fired in Tampa, Florida was harder than this. - How about the aspect, though? - I don't mind at all if I set an opinion

and you understood the opinion and you object to it. I can live with that all day long. Are we a little dust-up made me mad because we were in trouble for joke people didn't get? And so you're mad at me for something you've misunderstood.

And I find that really fucking uncomfortable. - Yeah. - I can't just let that roll off my phone. - Same, I feel like I have to explain it and protect it. - Until they accept it.

- Yeah, yeah. - I do believe we're also living in a time where people are deliberately misinterpreting words for either clickbait or attention or just prodding people.

- Yeah, I resent that too.

“- Yeah, it's hard to live with the notion”

someone that's really angry at you or something may misunderstand. - Yeah. - I don't know why. I wish I could shake that off.

Misunderstanding, I can deal with that but really driving it crazy is intentionally perverting your words to suit whatever their narrative is. - Yeah. - But that's a class of person, right?

They're coming for you no matter what. Like that I would put in the category, no matter what, I say you're gonna look, but it's just like the average person who heard through the great mind what the thing was

and they don't understand that irritates me. - Don't you believe it, that's the heart. It's like, yeah, that type of person. - It bothers me especially 'cause I don't do it. I won't do it.

Even when I see Trump say something crazy and he's obviously joking which he is sometimes. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Yeah, but he was joking. And they're like, oh yeah, but he's joking.

So you have some ethics about what you're gonna do. I might make a comment about if this joke was presidential or whatever, but I'm not going to make that literal statement. - Right.

“Do you have a harder time when it's directed at Kristen”

or at you? - 1000% worse when it's Kristen.

In fact, I never, I don't think I ever engaged

defending myself online, but if I read some of my Kristen, I am fucking at the keyboard. - Yep. - I had won't have it. - I find it really hard because I feel like

you know that person better than anyone and you're watching people write their story that is absolutely not who they are and I feel like I do it all the time with Jimmy too and it makes me crazy.

- You're also married to a very generous beautiful person as that might. So my anger is like, how fucking dare you? Sling mud at her. What have you fucking helped somebody do recently?

Like no one in this country is in a position that they can be on a moral high ground over Kristen. - And drives me like, how dare you? - Completely. - This is the most generous person I've ever seen.

- That's where it's really, really hard for me. I get really upset. I'm like, you don't know this person. - Same here when it happens the other way. You want to fight them.

- Yeah. - Yep. - Yeah, you don't really care about any other principles you had. - Yeah, I don't. - Yeah, you become just like kind of an animal

protecting a cave. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's funny, it even happens here. But we often are on opposite side sometimes of a conversation or an issue.

But then if it's like, when it's your brother, like when somebody else says it, I'm like, no, no, you don't get to say that. - Right. - You are not allowed to say it.

Only I can say it. - I want you guys to apologize to me, because I'm sorry. - Well, I prefer you heard it. - Oh, okay. (laughing)

- It doesn't feel as genuine when you don't know what you're all. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, sure, sure, sure. - I can see that you balance someone for 16 years. You have the right blueprint.

- I love to set up to this question. I almost don't even want to hear the statement because it's so exciting. I want to revel in the drama of what is, because it's something for a while.

- I'm not gonna come back to it. - I'm good at your marking, but. But when all this stuff happened, I'm like, oh, boy, I mean to send Molly and Jimmy a text. And then I go, the last thing they need

is a fucking text from somebody. I'm at home and I'm just like, ah fuck, I know I don't want to bother them. And also I need them to know that I'm heartbroken going through this.

You know, I molded it over for a couple days

and then I finally committed to sending it.

And that was just really stressful for me. - I cannot apologize enough for that. - Okay, go, sorry. - You can't really imagine what I did that to you. - Oh, we're apologizing to you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I didn't know when there was a text or a text or a text. - It's funny because the question itself is puzzling to me because I'm not adding up who has texted me

and who hasn't or who has emailed me and who hasn't. It would be impossible. - Yeah. - But I wouldn't notice if like my dad didn't send me something, you know, and I do think that yeah,

waiting like a week or so is good. It's a good way to go because it shows that, you know, hey listen, I'm just not trying to add to your thing. - And then the fear kicks in, you're like,

maybe he is going like, what does he agree with these people? - I'm going to be honest with you, that's where I was. - What? - I was there.

- I was like, wow, we haven't heard from so-and-so,

“we're so-and-so, and I think I was spinning out.”

We were in isolation in our home. We were being attacked by the White House and a big part of the country. And I was, after a few days, been like, haven't heard for you, I'm sorry, I didn't say name.

- You're name great. - But it would be a few people, I'm like, wow, haven't heard from them like, today, think we should be off the air? Like, I started thinking like,

- Oh, they agree with this decision. - She was never there. - I would bring it up. - We haven't heard from so-and-so, we stopped it. They don't want to reach out, but I was going there.

- But this has been super productive, 'cause now we know in the future, I will text you. - Thanks, and I'll tell you, guys, this isn't your last desktop. - Yeah, I know, I know, so tired. - We got to learn to appreciate when the sailing is smooth.

- Cause in the south, said it best the other day, he said, writing for the show and being part of the show

The cop pulls behind you and you start to just drive, like, oh, I should be slower and I could get pulled over for a little thing. That's how it feels every day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Like there's a cop behind that. - Yeah, but I'm still speeding. - Yeah, you're still drunk.

- Yeah, I always, I always are on the side of sending it.

Even though it can feel a little selfish, 'cause it is like, I just need them to know that I care, I'm thinking about them. And I recognize it's like, oh, I know they're getting so many, but it's important to me that you know that.

- A lot of it is about who it's coming from. You know, sometimes there are people who you just don't know at all. Like you know they wanna tell their friends, they know the text came in. And you're like, oh, they just wanna know what's going on.

“- People in their lives have said, have you talked to Jimmy?”

People in my life said that. - Right. - My mom called me. I'm like, what do I want? (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - To give you an example. - To send her on to her.

I would have texted her. - Oh, I would have texted her. - I did not respond. I got hundreds and hundreds of text. I did not respond to any. I would just heart-heart-heart-heart-heart because I was too scared to say,

I didn't know what the status was. And I was also afraid to honestly hit that moment on like, where my text was not just gonna be recorded. Like I don't know what's going on. - And so I just hearted it. - Here's another angle though, I will throw at you.

- Okay. - Sometimes when somebody who's famous is going through something, I intentionally will not reach out to them because I don't want them to think like, 'cause sometimes something's going on with me

and I'm like, 'Oh, this is no big deal.' And then suddenly it's like, 'I look at my phone and go, 'Oh, crap, I guess this is a big deal.' - I'm gonna out. - I'm gonna out. - Jake Tapper, I learned that we were in a controversy.

We were five days in, I had no clue. - No way.

- He never stops reporting the news.

(laughing) - No, over to the people involved. (laughing)

“And I literally wrote back, wait, what are you talking about?”

And then he was like, 'Oh, sorry!' I'm like, 'Yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about.' - Wow. - 'Cause I'm keeping it from me.' - Yeah, that's something. - I didn't even know. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, she's, I would never have known about this.

But you text back right away, of course. And you said, 'You want me to come and go and talk about it?' (laughing) - I'm a little busy, but I could be there in 15 minutes. No, but you wrote back right away. I was like, 'Exactly, this poor guy.'

He's fucking dealing with this and I was gonna write me back. I shouldn't have said 'Okay, lastly, I want to talk about family.' I wonder, we addressed it already. What's not fair to say is that our kids are growing up in a very weird situation, because actually, they're not.

I think people will be surprised about that.

Like, it's just the same year, and dinner,

you're begging them to clean up the room. You gotta go to school. It's just real life. But then there's pops of insanity. - Yeah. - Or it's like, someone may worship

is walking through the driveway that comes off the day. That stuff's kind of weird. And I wondered, do you guys share the same fears? What are the fears?

“We do, but also, I think we have to accept what reality is.”

And there's this idea, like, I'm gonna create this phony world for them, or everything is, as it was when I was a kid. Even I think back to when I was a kid, I grew up in Las Vegas.

It's a strange place to grow up. It wasn't a normal, up or no, most of it was. And I think it's the same with them, like, most of it is. But then, also, there's the strip right near your house. And people are there getting drunk and gambling,

and everyone's parents work there, and you're exposed to it. And I just think, like, you want to teach them values, and you want to have like a normal life and give them attention, and all those things that are important and make sure they learn their multiplication tables.

But you can't be phony, and you can't pretend that what's happening is not happening. Yeah, you can't gas like them. And that's kind of what I think our initial inclination is, like we got to let them think everything's exactly the same

as if they were growing up in Brooklyn, you know? I find that I definitely worry about it. The access they have or the things they get to experience, and then I will say to them, "Don't talk about this at school."

Yeah, I'm saying. And then, I'm like, "What am I doing?" I'm teaching them to lie or to hide or feel shame, that they got to meet Olivia Rodrigo. That should be exciting.

But also I realize like, they don't know how cool that is. They genuinely don't like Olivia Rodrigo is on the show, and she made an off-handed comment, like, I love to babysit the kid sometime. Well, Jane keeps asking, like, "Once you're gonna be safe."

But she doesn't know what her hourly rate would be. I think we put so much more value on these things than they do. The things I worry about also, I'm gonna have to also let it be what it is. So one of the things I observe is like,

"Well, they go to a totally normal fucking school, "more than half the kids are free lunch, right?" So half the kids that come over to this house, they don't have a swimming pool. I start getting nervous about like,

"Oh, she has all the leverage." It's not healthy for someone to have all the leverage.

the special thing to all the people when you're young. Will she exploit that? Then I've spent out, all like, observe, like, "Well, she being a little short with her friend." It's just normal stuff.

But I have such a fear that she would not realize, "Well, a lot of these kids, this is a special experience." That's what stresses me out. - You know what's funny is so many times I've been stressed about this

and I've thought we should call Dax and Kristen and, "Well, I'm learning, you don't have the answers either." - I make decisions. - Yeah, I have no idea. Like, parenting already, no one knows what they're doing.

- Right. - And they don't. We're doing the best that we can.

- Sure first. - And there's this, yeah.

It's like this added element of like now there's fame in there and there's billboards of their dad on the way to school. Like, that's not normal. I don't know how to do it. I'll be honest. - Yeah, it's a little scary.

- I do, I go, "Hey, you guys, look, it's me." - Okay. - I think it's me. - I get me over there. - But I also don't think they should carry our,

I feel like we do project our own, it's good.

“- Well, I think we have this idea that however we were raised”

is the way you're supposed to be raised. - Yeah. - And it's very ego-monyical and a lot of like, look at how I came out. I mean them to come out this way.

This was the formula that I guess. But if you think about leverage, you think about like, leverage to kids. I think having a beautiful house with the pool is not so different from when I would go over my friend

Kleedos house and he had a beta max. You know, it's like, it's like, it's just to a kid. - Exactly, it's different. - Leverage could just be, you have a pair of rebox. - Yes, you know.

- Yeah. - But I was in a situation where it's like, you did hang out with a kid you didn't like in your neighborhood who had a pool, because you wanted to go swimming. I was friends with the Duke 'cause he had a fucking odyssey. I wanted to be around this off-road view.

You know, I'd be there feeling kind of dirty about it. Those dynamics happen. - It's a part of it. - Yeah, it's part of it. - It's part of it.

- Society. (upbeat music) - Stay tuned for our shared expert if you dare. (upbeat music) - The most popular kids are not necessarily

the ones with famous parents or like rich parents, or anything. - Yeah, yeah. - A personality and cool factor is real whoever your parents are. - That's what I want them to know.

You can't ride on this shit. You have to be a rap friend.

“You have to be funny, you have to be a ton of,”

like that's what I want them to know. - Right. - Don't skate on this. - Right.

I always find myself overexplaining stuff

when they get to experience something through his work or they get to come to the show. But this is so cool. I said, yes, and your friends, parents also work very hard. Just 'cause they're not on TV.

Doesn't mean their jobs are less meaningful. And Jimmy is just rolling it out. I mean like, I go way over the top. (laughing) I'm like, there are nurses who work just as hard

and they can't afford to have a pool on their yard, but that doesn't make them special. - Oh, I'm so happy. - I'm so happy on that. - Yeah, it's true though.

- Yeah. - I think first class is a tricky one, though. - Yeah. - 'Cause like, going back from first class, that's tough.

- Yeah. - If you're used to it. - Your first class was dealt as plus one, remember? - Yeah, the first time I flew first class, I was a three-year-old plus one.

- Awesome. - And it was amazing. - That's a fool. - That's a fool. - Yeah.

(laughing) - Like, I feel like I'm originally a Roberts right now. - Yeah, but what do you do? You go in first class and you put your kids into the pool. - I know, and that's cool, you can.

- I've heard of people doing that before. - It seems admirable, but I'm not willing to do that. - It's hard enough to get them to sit down in first class. I don't want to be fucking with them in the back of the airplane.

- It seems kind of terrible to me. Either we're all in coach, we're all in first class. We fly Southwest twice a year just to let them know what's happened in the year. I want to talk about retirement.

You and I end up always talking about it more and more

in Idaho, you know, right? I know we're gonna talk about it this year too. - Time of year. - And I guess I want to know Molly first, like what do you think about the notion of retirement?

- It definitely appeals to me for the nervous system of the household, but I feel like Jimmy has like a fly rod in one hand and like a torch in the other right now. It's like he deserves to go out there and just be on the river and relax,

but I also want him to keep fighting. And I feel this sense of desire to not quit

“because I think what he's doing is incredibly important”

right now. And yes, I know we're doing it a vacuum, but I think it's giving people a feeling of like their voice has heard and I think it's important. But as his wife, I really would like him

to be able to not do this show anymore. So he could relax. - But what about you? - Yeah, what about you? - Me, I'm good either way.

I would be happy to be done with the show and in a great way and do my own next thing. But I do care deeply about that show and the people who work there and I think that voice is really important right now.

And do you have a fear that if you guys did wrap it up

As you wanted, do you have this simmering fear that you'll, two years later you're like, wait, why did we stop doing this thing we love? Is that in that equation? - Yeah, I do, I have that.

- Maybe. - 'Cause I know people who've been in that situation. It's funny people make a big show like I'm done and I'm tired doing this and then they make a lesser comeback trying to do the same thing.

That's always a bummer and I always look at that and go,

oh, is that gonna be me? - I do look forward to that moment when the kids leave for school and then it's like coffee and open the computer and digesting all the news of the day and like having a purpose with it

that I will definitely miss. Reading it leaves your sounds nice but I also like reading with a purpose. Like I'm gonna read this and then figure out the angle on it. I like that feeling and I will miss that.

- Do you have enough hobbies that you think you'll be entertained? - No, and I need to work on that. I started learning piano, trying to learn things, but no, I look forward to that.

- I do. - He has a lot of hobbies. - I see, it's really tricky to evaluate it 'cause a part of me is like I've done show business for a very long time.

“I don't know how long did I need to do show business?”

A, B, I'm afraid of letting it all go 'cause it was so hard to get. And then that is what makes me horny for it because I'm afraid of it. It's how I felt when I was in Detroit

and was like, we're gonna go to California. We don't know what's out there. Probably failure, we must try this. The actual fear of it is what really mode of it. It feels like, oh, there's a challenge in front of me.

Can I let go of all this? Can I have a different chapter that has nothing to do with any of this in feel valuable without being productive? It feels like a lot of life challenges. Do you ever think to yourself,

how would I explain this to me at 25 years old, just giving up, just letting it go? I know that 25 year old me would be like, are you crazy? - Right.

- You're going. - 25 year old me too, but also 25 year old me was in a blackout five days of week, right? - So as I said, I have no interest. It was in 25 year old, that's the thing.

25 year old me would have just been so excited to work at a place that had a snack table that was free. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- That would have been for a guest. - Or a guest card if they like gave you a free fuel or something. - I would have kept any 22 cents a mile or something forget about it. - Yeah.

- How do you feel about retirement? Sorry, I'm not trying to do your job. - I'm curious, like he gets asked this a lot, but I feel like it changes. - I mean, it depends on what you mean by retirement.

I'm never going to stop doing things.

- No. - So it's just a different scenario. - That's the thing on the aisle. - I know, but yeah, my, my, my, my, I make up coming up.

- Yeah. - When I ain't garlic, my eyebrows start flaking immediately, is it an allergy? Is it an allergy? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - That's pretty immediate. - Yeah. - I just, I don't know, something got in my eye.

“- Do you think Molly though that you will do another job?”

- Yeah. - That makes, that like, yeah, hopefully that makes money. - Yeah. - That probably makes money, yeah. - Molly's always wanted to open a karate studio. - Oh my God.

- Oh, I think my lot of us have wanted to open a karate studio. - Oh my God. - Well, when Daxwood tires all annoying me. - He has to learn karate. - Yeah, I'll do that for him.

- That part's easy. - Yeah. - No, I'm definitely excited to write something and do my next thing. But I also want to write this as long as we can.

And then do my own thing. - What have you opened a karate studio to learn karate? - Oh, that would be a-- - I love that. - I love that.

- I like that. - You wanted to have your own man or whatever in the fuck you haven't karate. - I like that. - Really all I need is positive affirmation.

I need somebody to look at whatever I've done. And go, oh, that's great. And then I'll be-- - Do you recently painted a sweatshirt for me, you'll see it in Idaho.

Handpainted the sweatshirt. It was how many days of work? - No. - That many. - Several.

“- But just this beautiful scene of Idaho”

on a sweatshirt, I love it so much. It's like my prized possession. But he can't-- - Can't stop when I get started. - He can't stop and also like, are your hobbies

are you able to enjoy them? Or are you sitting around? I should be doing something that earns money. - Hmm. No, I can enjoy this shit out of my hobbies.

If anything, I feel very guilty. I'm not doing some of my hobbies. Like I have them into the sand dunes and two seasons. That actually makes me mad at myself. Like why are we here?

And if we have the ability to do this thing,

you've always-- like, that drives me nuts.

I'll get critical. - I do sometimes wonder, like, if you could know this is how much time you have left. Are we wasting it on stuff we shouldn't be doing? - Yeah, yeah.

- It's just interesting. I didn't grow up again, talk about how we grew up. I never met anyone who had the option to retire. I never met anyone that was fine and took on another challenge

and became a different human being. - I knew you worked until your body quits and then you go to Florida and you drink. - And then you play golf. - Right.

- And then you're dead in like, I don't know, 12 years. You aren't your app and you're going on. - Yeah, same here. Everyone I know who has or can do that

- Yeah. - Right. - And you don't know if you trust someone. - Yeah, there's some guilt with that too. Like my dad just retired, he's 72.

And yeah, to be like, I'm done now at 52. - Yeah, yeah. - It feels like a response. - It feels rude or something.

“- Yeah, I think people will hate me all the time.”

- I don't do that. - Yeah, it feels lazy. - Yeah. - It feels un-American. - It does.

- I know people will hate me all for that. If I retire in my 50s. - Yeah. - The part of me is like, "Oh, there's this great challenge.

I'm afraid to know who I am without being productive in spectacular and I want to take on that challenge." - I love that. - I don't know how you guys think of Legacy. I doubt you think about it.

I certainly don't. But I just have to say, your guys is Legacy from the bottom of my heart. It's so unique. There's about 30 kids that come to eye to ho every summer.

And I promise you, if you ask these kids when they're adults, the best weeks of their entire life, that is this thing you guys created, this environment and this vibe and the way it's put together. And for the 30 adults, are we at the seventh year,

six years, seven? - Yeah, I think six. - It's getting long. - Yeah, I did. - Every year we debate it when we're there.

- I know, we never remember.

- Since the year, leave from the bottom of my heart. And I have had a spectacular charm life. And everyone that goes to this thing has had a spectacular charm life. It is among my favorite weeks of my entire life

that you guys have given me and 30 other families and it's so special. That's a weird art to be able to do that. It's very much your legacy. - Very kind of you to say.

But for us, we feel the same way. So for us, we feel like we're a part of that and we do it because we love it and we know our kids feel that way. And we do it with our family also each year.

We do the same thing. And we just remember like Molly always talks about her time going to Lake Michigan with her family. We never really had anything like that. But those memories are so intense and special

and important in your life, I think. And also just they mark time in a lot of ways. And so I'm big on that.

“So I think it's important to have family Christmas,”

even the traditions and to do it properly because I love watching these kids running wild. - They turn into teenagers. Some of the boys now have muscles. - Yeah. - It's so fun.

It's like I love seeing how everyone's growing up. It's so special. We're just so grateful. I don't know that we can relate to you. How special it is.

- You guys have done a really good job of communicating. You are not as good as texting us after we were canceled. (laughing) - You know what I mean? - Yeah.

- You've done amazing job communicating.

And it also brings us such joy to do it. And to have people who love it. And I think we've curated a really great group of people there. And I'm so grateful you guys keep loving it and coming. - I love being around people who are having a lot of fun.

- Yes. - That's why I love going to Las Vegas. And I try to explain to Molly she's like, "What was that?" I was like, "Look at how much fun everyone's having here."

It's infectious. It's contagious, you know. Certain things that you just go like, "Oh yeah, everybody in that for me, going to that fishing lodge, being around everybody,

it's just energy that feeds me in some way."

“- Yeah, I think after the year that we've had,”

I feel like that is just something we are craving. It's just being around a bunch. Who we love, who just are feeling joyful? - You know, I had that observation. We had a friend who was doing a show for us.

You know what I was called? Flightless Burton. He's a Kiwi and he's confused by a lot of the American things. So he does this whole episode on Disneyland in Disney adults, and it finishes, and I go,

but obviously you went to Disneyland for this story, right? And he's like, "Oh, I'm gonna hang out." We're not putting this fucking story out until we go to Disneyland, so the four of us went to Disneyland. And it was on that trip, I realized like,

oh, the reason Disneyland is the most incredible place

on the planet, aside from the park, which is amazing. Is it the only place you'll ever go in your life where everyone that's there, all present, decided this was gonna be a spectacular day. - It's the best day of their life.

- And there's really no place you can step into, where that vibe is life. It goes to Hell by 4pm, all the kids have gotten cranky. No one's having that, but man, those first four hours it is a lens like everyone here's optimistic

and it's going to have the best day of their life. - Nice. - Like a flight to Hawaii, it's like going to, right? - Yeah. - Everybody, you know, like people have saved up

and this is it, and they've got the whole week ahead. And there's that moment where you walk into the hotel and the other people are walking out and you're looking at me go, you poor bastards. And then I think to myself,

at that moment, I'm gonna be that guy walking out. And then I am that guy walking out and I see the people walking in and I'm like, God damn it, I'm going back to work. - That's the one pleasure you were denied by growing up in Vegas.

There's no starker difference between a flight to Vegas and a flight plane going on. - They're on the Spirit Airlines and Detroit where your fucking ticket was 115.

and the ride over everyone.

“- I will tell you what, how I relate to it.”

How I relate to it is the drive home when the sun is coming up in Las Vegas. When you're headed home after a night and you see people like running, you're like, oh, I just feel like a piece of shit.

- Yeah. - These people are up for the day I've even gone bed yet. - That was my number one grievance about being a cocaine addict. As I was constantly coming home on San Vicente Boulevard

and Santa Monica in the whole town and running in the morning and homework. - I gotta figure out how to go to sleep. (laughing) - The Saturday's gone, I'll see you guys on the evening.

- Well, I love you too so much. I'm so lucky. - Thank you for letting me invite us here. - This is so fine. - You're welcome.

- You're welcome for coming on. You don't even need a book or any of yours. - Yes.

- You sent out, finally checking on me.

- Just checking on your friends. - Oh, no, no. - I gotta figure out what Brad Pitt's doing more. - Yeah, so they're appropriate. - Yeah, I love you, Molly and Jimmy,

and I'm so grateful that we have you in our life

“and thanks for coming in and everyone wants to become alive.”

And I don't know what everything you're gonna host this year, I guess. All right, love you guys. - Love you. You guys are the best.

(upbeat music) - I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom and this is Monica comes in and tells us who was wrong. How was your MP dinner party?

- It was good. - It was good. - Yeah, I mean, a new recipe. - A new chicken item, right? - Yeah, so I was listening to a New York Times,

no, I'm sorry, a New Yorker podcast. - Okay. - It's called Critics at Large. I very much like it. - Uh-huh.

- And you know like it very much. You very much like it. - Correct, in that order. - Yeah. - And they are doing some series

and they were talking about cult classics and she was talking to a cook lady. - Uh-huh. - Someone who knows cooking and there were time at cult classics

“and they said, she recommended this cookbook Zuni Cafe.”

- Okay, what Zuni Cafe? - I guess it's a popular cafe or was maybe in San Francisco. - Okay. - And there's a cookbook and she was saying she made one of the recipes, a chicken, a roast chicken

with a red salad. - Red salad. - Oh, I like it. - So stuffing? - No, but like...

- I mean, you cook all, yeah. - You cook all stuffing, bread salad. - Red salad, classically, is called Panzanella. - Oh my gosh, you know so much about cooking. - I do, I do, I do, I know a lot.

- I really do. - I actually thought that. - Did you do a moment ago, I mean, I know a lot about cooking. - Sure.

- I mean, this is what happens when you watch so many videos, you don't know your learning. - Yeah, yeah. - But then someone will say something and you'll know.

- Yeah. - The answer. You're Mark Dax. I wanna ask if you made a certain thing recently, but continue.

- Okay. - So then, it sounded so good to me. I couldn't get out of my head. I went to an actual bookstore that didn't have it. - Really quick is the Zuni Cafe cookbook

from like the 70s or something? Why is it a cookbook? - I don't know why I look at it. - No, not that long, but like... - But you're not sure what that came.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - So then I ordered it. - The cookbook. - Yep, okay.

- Came right away. You know, this is what's frustrating. I'm trying to support local biz. And like they just don't have what I need. - Yeah, that was the origin of Amazon.

Was books. - I know. - You know, that was what an original was rare books. - Well, the irony, you know, it's like I go into this week and I go into Barnes and Noble to look for Zuni Cafe cookbook

because that's at this point, a small business. - Right. - A small bookstore. Anyway, they didn't have it. - For other Barnes and Noble's and borders,

we're around people who are so mad about it. - That's what I'm saying. - It's just the nature of life of all of you. - You know, one of my favorite movies of all time, you've got mail, that's the whole premise of that movie.

Is that basically Barnes and Noble comes in

and takes over this little baby mix. - Sounds so quaint now. - I know. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, sometimes the villains become the victims.

- And it's on imaginable as it is. Some day someone will take over Amazon and they'll go, "All remember Amazon." - I wonder how old will be when that happens. - Good crush.

- Dead. - Probably dead. - Although the breakthroughs in anti-aging who knows, maybe that'll even be the reason Amazon is for your right and interesting.

Wow, it's all tied together. Anyway, so I couldn't get that out of my head. So I was like, "I'm gonna make that." So I did, I made rose chicken. Now this was a dry, brine rose chicken.

That means it had to sit in the fridge for 24 hours before I hand, but really think things through. And then the bread salad had had a change up some of the ingredients that I didn't have.

And I used arugula instead of, I forget the other thing I was supposed to use. A lot of swiss. But it was very good. I also made a peach and barotta.

- I feel so guilty, but I wanna be really honest with you. - You don't know what currents are?

- No, I never do it, but you know when I talk

about automotive stuff and I see, oh God, she's gone. And you admit to it, like you can only do, I don't even know, a sentence of automotive and then you're out to see. And I went a little out to see for a second.

- That's fine. - Yeah, I just wanted to own it. Okay, this is what it feels like. - Sure, I mean, okay, so I wondered. - Maybe like the third ingredient or something,

is it's like, I started thinking of... - It doesn't make your mouth warm. - My road trip to Florida and how it is a tropical flower. - Wow, it doesn't make your mouth water when you're hearing red salad and rose chicken

and dry brine. - No, it's really not the dried brine.

“Even though I like, as I think it's interesting,”

it's called a dry brine if you're doing chicken, but we call that a dry rub when you're doing steak, you know, us barbequeers. - Yeah, sure. - And brine for me really just sounds like sea water.

- No, well, it's salt, that is the point of it. That's just very interesting because when I hear people talking about food, I get like aroused. - Same, if someone's talking about a new valve in the main system and an overhead cam,

that might have reduced. - I already left. - Friction, that it could rub the 9,000 rpms. I'm like, what? 9,000 rpms. - Wow, it's interesting, it's really interesting.

- The nature of interest, I think. - Yeah, what about peach and tomato, heirloom tomato and barata? Does that sound nice?

- I mean, here's what things taste nice

and when I look at them, I'm very hungry for them and I'm excited if I'm looking at them. But no, just thinking about a laundry, 'cause all you're doing is walking me through a grocery store right now.

Which is not stimulating for me. - Well, I actually hate going to the grocery store, so I can't relate to that. And I'm actually offended that you said what I did was that.

- But I feel like what you just said,

“doesn't hold, because the thought of those,”

they aren't you walking through the produce and going, ooh, oh, given the fact that just hearing the word tomato makes you excited, you said? - heirloom tomato, peach and barata salad. The whole thing, not necessarily just one ingredient

that comes. What I don't like about the grocery store one, it's freezing in there. I hate it, it's way too cold. - My favorite part, by the way, I love the grocery store.

I don't want to paint a picture that I especially love going to Croger in Mount Julia, Tennessee, 'cause it's like the Croger growing up for me.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- 'Cause here grocery stores are limited space. They do what they can. - Yeah, that's right. - But, I mean, you go into those Crogers, you could have like seven, eight people

all pushing carts in the aisle next to each other and they wouldn't be bumping in each other. And I get in there and I'm like, let's play. - Okay. - And it's acres of food.

- There's so much food. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, the other thing I don't like about it is that, if you're too vast, there's too much to look at. I get, I don't know where anything is.

- The decision I anxiety. - I just don't know where anything

“and then sometimes I feel like should I ask or I hurt it.”

And then nothing's made yet. So it's possibility. - But it's not at home. Like, you know, it's just the green bean, but it's not the maid.

It's not the cooked green bean. - Unless they've got a bar, I don't like term wise. That's not for me. - What's our guy here? - Lazy Acres.

- Lazy Acres. - Yeah. - They've got a medley of him. - He looks like Delta, the Lazy Acres, and she got, the only, she got so much vash potatoes.

And I said, can you get a little bit of green? She got like one piece of rock. (laughing) - All right, go for her. - So anyway, I was very happy with the dinner.

It was a great party menu. - Okay. - Party menu. - Okay. - And people were happy with it.

- Okay, great. - Did it was at a moist chicken? Did it come on moist? That's really all I care about. - Because of the dry brides.

- Because of that dry brides. - And you know what I'll say had to do? - Stuff garlic and thyme under the skin. - That was hard. - We didn't separate the skin from the meat.

- Yeah. - I actually don't know if I did that part right. - Okay. - But it tastes a great. - Well, great.

- So, well, I wish I had a bite. - Sounds delicious. - I can make it for you. You do have to crank that up into 500. - Let's go.

- All right. - You know, your smoke alarm is gonna go off as it did. - It did. - It did. Even with my new circumstances.

- That means you've already had stuff drip at the bottom. - It's just smoky because it's so hot. - You sure there's nothing in there burn? - I sure. - You just the painest smoky in or something?

- That was just like, it gets so hot. - It gets so hot for these smoke. (crickets chirping) - The light going on. By the way, this is a crazy update.

So, I went for a walk. I'm trying to do a new thing where I walk after dinner. - Wait. - What? - I'm trying to do that.

Can we go together? - Sure.

- I mean, the odds of us having eaten at the same time

seem a little, let's hope for the best. - We get my hands. - But yes, yes, yes. - Okay. - Okay.

“If we're gonna plan it, you're gonna have to wait”

to the madness decides when they're eating. - That's fine. - Okay, great. It'll give you a heads up. - Yeah, I've been really, this has been a thing

but I'm scared by myself because the coyotes. - Okay, I just wanna give the virtues of it and why it occurred to me. Now I've already heard this right there. - Of course.

- Exercise, 15 to 20 minutes exercise after you. It really helps the spike in your insulin. - Yes. - And it's just not great to spike your insulin. So your glucose your insulin, whatever, both.

And the other thing that happened was when we went to Europe, obviously every time you eat when you're on vacation, and you're up, you walk back to your hotel. - That's my favorite part. - It's the best part.

And I went hog wild, you know, I ain't like a mother for it. As much as I could every time I ate. - Me too. - I was exercising in the gym but also just all the walking.

The point is, as I came home a little lighter than I left, and I had eaten probably 1.5x what I normally, maybe the twice as much.

“- Definitely, me too, and I didn't do any lifting.”

- Okay, yeah, and you come home kind of, and I was like, it's not just the miles 'cause if I do walk the miles, I'm like, it really is that I walk after every meal. If you have lunch, you then walk home from the lunch.

So try to do it in Nashville a bit. We were pretty hit or miss, but I did persuade often large groups of people that were visiting to join me on these walks, and a lot of them are quite fun. - Yeah.

- So anyway, I went for a walk to night to go after I ate a particularly heavy meal. - Uh-huh. - Like I gotta do a zipper on the neighborhood. And I noticed that the entire street is cut up,

and that people can't park in front of their houses. And I said, Chris, and I go, man, they just can't get the fucking sewage pipes right in this neighborhood, 'cause since we've been here, they've dug up the streets,

like I wanna say four or five times,

and always for sewer means,

they can't get the poop out of this neighborhood. - Yeah. - So I was like, here we go again, this fucking... These DM sewers, and then today I get a text from our sweet neighbor, Jay, it's like,

"Hey, bro, someone in a dump truck just smashed into your fence, right?" - He texted you that. - He saw it happen. - Okay.

- And then you sent me a screen grab of someone saying, hey Monica, we just bumped into Dax and Chris and his fans don't worry, we'll fix it. And then you forward it to me, and then I said, you, why did someone send that to you?

- Yeah, I'm telling you. - And you said, 'cause it's Bill, it was me, basically. It was me who hit, not me, but my people who hit him. - Right, and then come to find out all that street cutting up is you.

- Yes. - Did you have to pay for that? - That's the power thing I told you about, yes. - Oh, my God, Monica, I am so sorry. - It's horrifying.

- I'm so sorry. It's really bad. - What a bummer. Yeah, you're paying for a major, major construction project where they have cut up the street for a quarter mile.

- We're doing a trench through Loughland Park to get to Los Fielas Boulevard. - That's what's happening. - Oh, boy. I guess here's a great place to air

and enormous grievance with the city I do love, but my God, this has been a disaster. It should not, we should not, there's a way to get,

okay, basically I only have 100 amps of power

from my house. - That's not gonna do it. - It is definitely not gonna do it. - Yeah, yeah. - As Bill said, he gave a great analogy.

He said, you have a Ferrari running on a hamster wheel. - Mm, okay. - You don't like that analogy. (laughing) - The way is not to like about that.

- Well, tell me, tell me why that's the same. So there's a- - 'Cause it's, I have a house that's this beautiful, nice, I thought you, I thought you didn't say you have a Ferrari with a half gallon fuel tank.

That kind of makes sense, which is basically, you're not gonna be able to fuel this vehicle. But now, Ferrari is gonna say it's a huge hamster wheel of the Ferrari's fifth time.

“- No, that's the whole point, is it's not a can, okay?”

- Okay, okay. - Okay, I love Bill, it's a good analogy. - Yeah. - Okay, sorry. - It's not about Bill.

- Okay, it's not about Bill. - I'm really sorry. (laughing) - So, - You know what is the great analogy of a house that requires flight 250 amps,

you only have 100 amps, that's a great analogy. That's a analogy, that's just regular work. - I'd just say it doesn't even really require an analogy. - Okay, so I have 100 amps and I need more. And there's a much closer easier way to get it.

Should have been a non, this should have been a non-issue. And we went to the city, we said we need to do this, they said no. - I'm not exactly, exactly. And so Bill was back and forth with them forever on this.

And just, what do you mean no, it's right there. - Yeah. - It's crazy.

And so we have to do this insane.

- I'm so sorry, I'm bit. - Oh my God, is this another mean thing about Bill? - No. - Okay, great. - I kind of don't want to sue the city.

- Oh, I know, I do kind of, well, wait till you hear this. - Okay, okay. - Okay, so now we're doing this crazy construction. - No, guys, it's like, when I thought I was going to the Bershure L.A.D.W.P.

whatever water and power was in charge of this. - Well, if he told me yesterday, he said, you know, he looked in, it's a trench, it's a huge open trench outside my house and other people's houses. - Yeah, yeah.

- And you know, we have to close that all up. We have to, we have to do the whole thing. - Yeah. - Anyway, he looked down in the city had added their own, yes.

- On the shoulders of your days. - Oh, you got it. - So he said, he said, he's gonna talk to them, obviously. And he's gonna tell them if that is used by anyone else, we need to be compensated for that.

So anyway, yes, I'm the one ruining the neighborhood.

“I hated the email, email went out, you must have missed it.”

Email went out and by Mike who runs the neighborhood. And he, you know, two emails, one one this was starting to day because literally a section of today, I think maybe it for another hour is completely blocked. - Well, I ran into issues.

Today, dropping Delta's school coming back because of traffic going in the entrance and trying to come by your house to come to my house. And you know, it's all completely blocked off. And then I go around, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, that's just today, it's just for another hour. - But anyway, it's a disaster and... - Yeah, I'm getting a lawyer over this. If they could have let you do it, - I know.

- And then they threw their all by the time. - I know. - It's bad, it's really bad. - Okay. - Anyway, so, yeah, and it's hard I hate being like

this crazy inconvenience for everyone. - Oh, I wouldn't be sweating that. I've been here for a long time. These roads have been dug up a bunch of times. But holy smokes, I had no idea that was your bread.

- Yeah. - I'm so sorry. - Wild, really, really wild. - The amount of money to replace this,

“to run power to fucking low-sphereless boulevard,”

you could have gotten something absolutely elaborate or made him beautiful and whatever. - More than, I mean, I could buy another half of it. - Essentially. - Dude, it's horrible.

- That really sucks. I'm sorry. - Well, it just, it extra, it's more of a just thing than a money thing because I didn't, it didn't need to happen this way.

- Yeah. - And it's... - Did you consider, I've been like cool city of LA. I'll be running a fucking diesel generator in my bed. - Oh, look at my dad.

- Of course, was like, trying to figure out all these ways to run it. - To run it. - Yeah. - To run it.

- To run it. - To run it. - Yeah. - To be off-grid.

- Ultimately, this is the way, and I'm gonna have 400 ads.

- So, yeah. - Was there, you're gonna have 400 ads? - Yeah. - Oh, guy, put my welding shop in your backyard now. - Exactly.

- Was there any talk of doing like an insane amount of solar panels and then having a big bank of energy to pull from and the sun's down to offset? - There was the generator, there was a solar panel, there was all of the things ultimately not really made sense.

- Mm. - Um, and... - 'Cause in a weird way, I feel like with the amount of money you spent to go get power from most fields, well, you could have become completely off-grid.

- I know. - It's hard, though, 'cause it's like, it's not as reliable, there was a million reasons, but it, like, also very hard to get that from the city, too.

“You have to get all these permit steps, solar and...”

- I mean, I think so, that a lot. I think so, because Bill Mar was famously complaining about that non-stop, yes. So, anyway, listen, that's what's happening. I've ripped up the entire street.

It's also scary I could fall in, anyway. Um, okay, I have a question. - Oh, great, that's what I love answering question. - Now, this is a dirty question. - Oh, those are my favorite kind.

- Now, when you hear the word cookie in regards to something sexual? - It's supposed to be. - Okay, that's what you hear, right? - Yeah, that's what my dear people say.

I've never referred to a vagina as a cookie.

I don't like it personally, but I heard people say they're cookie. - Okay, no. - Because I was with Jess, obviously. - For sure.

- Me and me, obviously, the story includes him, because he, he thought a cookie was a boob. - Oh, he's so gay. - And then he kept saying, "I'm sorry to show you this game as well."

- Well, that would mean the aerial.

It's how many aerial is. - Yeah. - Also, the only cookie that would make sense is, you know, those short breaks, because with a Hershey kiss, - Yes, a hundred percent.

- That would work if that was the only kind of cookie that is.

“- I think that's the one he is thinking of in this scenario.”

- Because chocolate chips, like what the aerial is, - So many. - So many. - Fragmented everywhere? - Yes, splashed.

And I said, I said, "No, my God, no." It's a vagina. - Yeah, yeah. - And then I was like, wait, then I started to get my head, is it?

Because he felt pretty strongly that it was a boob, and he kept saying, "No, it's a boob." - And why wouldn't then be called cookies? - Listen, I know. - Yeah, yeah.

- I gave a lot of reasons why there's no way it was. But then I got in my head and then when we looked it up, there really wasn't like that much corroboration on either one and then someone said, "But." - Okay, well, someone might call their cookie.

- Yeah, they might. - But that's kind of cute. Like if you're in no butt stuff and you're like, show me your cookies. - Show me your cookies.

- He was in my cookie. That's kind of cute way to, I mean,

“it definitely, it's destigmatized, isn't it?”

- I know, but it's too cute. - Cookie boy. - Cookie boys are into anal. That's a lot of boys, I think. A lot of boys are cookie boys.

Anyway, I agree that I thought it was

of a giant app, and I'm glad to hear that was your first thought

to Rob. - Yeah. - Oh, he has a question mark. - Rob is this. He's such a patented, yeah.

- Yeah, it's very, very specific. Like I could be blindfolded. Like they do this thing in the formula and drivers, it's so impressive. They play audio of just an engine noise with a car

and they say what track are you at? And they can tell within like 12 seconds. - Oh, turn six, going into turn eight at Silverstone. - It's like a sum of yay.

- Yes, yes. And when I could hear a symphony of noise and if I heard that, yeah, I would say, that's Rob's maybe. - Yeah.

- That's a hundred percent, that's Rob.

“Kind of wanting to agree, but not knowing”

that if he's the people, please, or in him. - Yeah. - So what did you think it was, maybe? - A boop? - No, I mean, it's a thing you eat.

- Well, obvious. I don't want to take it out of hell, sexy trash, he's such a rascal about this. - I guess it could be either one then to have. - Your pants on back there?

- I just don't normally associate it with vagina. - Yeah, yeah. - Is that my go-to when I hear cookie? - Would you be more inclined to say it was a butt? - No, I mean, I would say vagina

if it's what body part of it. - If those are the, if you had to pick one, yeah. - ABC. - Yeah, it's multiple choice. Anyway, okay, well way in listeners, if you want,

if anyone has ever thought it was a boob, stop, just stop, yeah, yeah, don't do that. - Yeah, do that. - You think it's a boob stop thinking it's a boob? Stay tuned for more armchair expert,

if you dare. (upbeat music) - Also, okay, well it's speaking, I've got to hate to do this to her because it's just so. She's so sweet and nice.

- Okay. - But this is for Jimmy and Molly. - Oh, okay, yeah. - Could have been a little cleaner. - Oh, no, I mean, she said, in their meet cute story,

which was so cute, you know, in the writers' room, they were just, they were going around saying they're five different foods. The one of hers is chocolate chip cookie, mine too, by the way.

- Yeah. - The actual food. - Yeah, right. - Chocolate cookie, does that mean brown girl or do I know?

- I mean, it does. - Chocolate chip, chocolate chip. - I know, I love chip out 'cause then, yeah. (laughing) - And there's those, they're chocolate cookie.

- Oreo cookies are chocolate cookies, but then they just have white on the inside. - Okay, let's move on. (laughing) Let's move on, on a respect for the camels.

(laughing) - Okay, well, listen. - As Oreo ever made a pink filling cookie. - They have a bazillion flavors back to the burger. - Oh actually, yeah.

- There's one of my great joys is, when summer time is Oreo time for us. It's dairy queen and Oreo time.

And basically, each night is either like

are we doing Oreos or are we doing dairy queen? So, I found myself at Crogres loading up on Oreos, and by God are there a lot of flavors now? - I know. - I used to be very partial to the spring one.

It was before they had all these different kinds. It was like one of their first, and it was kind of like blueish green, kind of like a minty color.

- Like refreshing cookie. - Yeah, but it's still tasty.

“- Look, before you kiss somebody quickly,”

you have one of these cookies. - It was a mint flavor, it was just mint color. - Okay. - Anyway, yeah, they probably do from Valentine's Day. They probably have pink inside.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Strawberry Oreos. - Brown, chocolate, pink. - Cookie. - Brown, gross.

- Fuck, it looks great. (laughing) - It's a little. - Yeah. If I could, it doesn't sponsor us after this.

I don't know what they're doing. - I don't they need to like, right? - Well, I don't know. - 'Cause I just have an anus, I learned this weekend

that they've never spent a dollar on market.

- I know, they don't need to. - They don't, they put on such a good show that they don't need any marketing. - And there, waitless is five years. - Yeah.

- It's crazy. - Five million tickets on the waitless. - It's so cool. - But I wanted to ask you, what your five foods are. - Okay, and I'll just caveat.

I can't eat these foods with these are my five. - Okay.

“- The tropicalia chicken with the super garlic,”

the chimichura, that meal with the, with the, also the far lofa, the ground, Brazilian flour thing is like a little bit of crunchy. I called it the cherry, the slurry or the, yeah, the slurry.

- It's gone now. That place is closed. - It's gone and I, I couldn't eat it anymore for the last few years. It was there 'cause of the garlic set.

Then I would probably have to say my spaghetti, I know that's arrogant, but my own spaghetti,

macaroni and cheese craft to packets of cheese.

My mom's meatballs that she makes for me for my birthday. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then maybe, maybe she done a single slash,

does he just slash hanky pinkies? - Wow, okay. - They're big, they get called different names all over the place, but half spicy, Jimmy Dean's sausage, half ground beef, high fat, everything.

Whole block of elevated cheese, mixed all together, garlic salt on the little tiny right or dirt breads. - Yeah, put in the oven. Yikes. - So good.

- Your five go. - Wow, you really rattled them like she rattled them. I'm not that good at that. I'm not that good at that, I cannot think I'm there. - Okay, could you put a couple on the list?

- I mean, hers were kind of like good 'cause they were, they were not specific. It wasn't like this burger from this restaurant 'cause that really requires a lot for me. So I have to, you know?

So I think I'll do more her style,

which would be like a bit of a nice. - Uh-huh, mm-hmm. - A, uh... - It's hot. - I ain't, no, probably if I had to choose,

I'm like I'm going full an A's, being in cheese burrito, probably. - Are you fucking kidding me right now? (laughing) - What the heck?

- Get out of here. - I love being in cheese burrito. - Oh, wow. - Are you upset 'cause you don't know me? Like, 'cause I want your love.

- No, I'm about to make criticism that would also expose me as being a very big hypocrite. Because really, Magra ain't cheese of what is it. It's a noodles and cheese.

“- But it's just like being, and when do you say being?”

- So, I mean, come on. - They're good. - They're good. - They're good. - They're good.

- We used to get the member from that place. I'd also closed, I think. Remember we used to order them a lot. - Oh, yeah. It was like a, it was like a truck inside of a store on sunset,

called like Cali burrito. - Yeah, it was so good. - So good. Not as good as California Bajad. Bajad California Taco, so my news.

- Do they have the bean and cheese burrito? - I haven't had it 'cause they have hard shell tacos. - Right. - Anytime there's hard shell tacos. - So, you want it?

- You want it? - I might, yeah. - They're a play. - Yeah, I might have to swap something out. - See?

- Yeah. - See it's hard. But anyway, I'm going bull nays. I'm gonna be like, she's burrito. - She's burrito.

- White slice of bread. I'm going banana. And I'm going white rice. - No, this is because hers were crab claws. - Crab claws?

- I wrote it down. What did she say? She said, yeah. It's a, okay, it's if you could only have five foods for the rest of your life.

- I'd love to offer it by go ahead. - See? Okay, if you'd only have five foods for the rest of your life. So, it's not just like your last meal. - Right, it's your on an island.

You're gonna be five items to choose from. Me better love one. - Okay, hers was pizza, mioki, crab claws, BLT, chocolate chip cookies.

Great list, I think. - Yeah, yeah, that's why. - BLT's great. - Sam, when do you get the perfect BLT? - I'm actually really proud of myself

for putting BLT's burrito on my list. I'm really proud of myself. Okay, listen. - Okay, yeah. - Both my names.

- BLT's burrito. I'm also going chocolate chip cookie. - Okay. - I'm going, I'm soft, I'm, I'm going. - You've two left, too.

- Cheeseburger, what am I talking about? Of course, cheeseburger. - Cheeseburger. - Oh, I love cheeseburger.

“- And by the way, I love so many of them.”

- That's what? - Like when I'm saying, that's a little bit my ish with the bean and cheese burrito. It's like, they can be fantastic. They can also be microwave and tastes like a fucking cheese.

So.

- Oh, you've never had a bad one.

- Me and cheese. - That's like saying, I've never had bad pizza. That makes sense. - Yeah, it's like, yeah. - But I can name like 65 places I like to eat the hamburger.

You know, so dependable. Probably the most dependable offering out there. - Okay, well, that's four. - And I reserve the right to add the fifth later on. - Okay, great.

- Yeah, sleep on it. - But wow, you really went fast and you messed up. So yeah. - Hey, it's makes waste. - Now, if--

- I stand by the first five, though. - Well, you only have five. - I know. - Okay. - Well, if I would--

- Well, even when me said cheeseburger, I can't then think of one of the five, I mentioned that I'm gonna replace it. - Really? - I'm not gonna remember my spaghetti.

- Yeah. - I'm not getting rid of Hanky Panky. She should on a shingle, dosi dosi. - Okay. - I am not getting--

- It's--

“- McGrink cheese, craft, McGrink cheese.”

I'm never getting rid of it.

- You're not. These aren't necessary-- - Pizza. - I'm never getting rid of it. - I don't think you said it.

- I did. - Oh, you did, okay. - I hope. - I-- - So that's the number one.

- No, you said-- - You said your mom's meatballs. - Yeah, mom's spaghetti throwing up mom's spaghetti. - But mom's meatballs, your bowl and eggs. - Yeah.

- McGranny and cheese. - Chicken, garlic, chicken thing. - Oh, from top of Kelly, but I said I can't eat it. - Yeah, but-- - I just said I would.

- It was number one though. - It wasn't number one. - Oh, this was if I can't eat it. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm the McGranny.

- And the McGranny, I'm a malt scrambled. - Okay. - You want-- - I made mistakes. - I need you to just think about it because, you know,

maybe for your birthday, somebody can make all your items. - Yeah. - 'Cause there no one's gonna have meat cut with you since you're already married, so it has to be for your birthday. - Yeah, and then I'm just asking my wife

to make me these five elaborate meals. - We can all do it. Have everyone in the pod bring a, that would be great. If I ever get a terminal diagnosis, I will do that. - What?

- Speaking of-- - Hold on, hold on. - He would, it's too good of a ding ding ding ding. - Okay, okay. - I have to.

- Okay. - The other, one of the other facts is just holding a sneeze cause death of brain cells. - Is that what Molly thought might happen? - Yes, okay.

- It doesn't. - Yeah. (laughs) - It doesn't. - But what does happen is, it traps high pressure air

inside your body. It increases your airway pressure up to 24 times normal levels, which can damage your ears, blood vessels, or throat. - Yeah, everything in the system. Are any of the facts that you get to

that you just look at and you go, yeah, no. But you don't even look it up. Like for that one, I would just go, it doesn't damage your brain. Let's next one.

- No, I have to get to see what I got because I don't think I know everything. - But if someone says water boils at 208. - What if in some circumstances it does? I'm gonna look.

- Well, it's certain elevations that could be okay. - Okay, sorry. - What if someone says water on earth boils at 100 degrees Fahrenheit? You know, nope, don't need to look that up.

- Be like, what? - But you just go, no, you just check. - All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.

“- That's why, that's why I'm good at this.”

- Yeah, yeah, I don't know it all. - I do think I could be wrong about anything. - Yeah, any of us could, I guess. - Yeah. - Yeah, not for me when water boils or freezes.

Like there's some, there's some, - Like I guess I'll give someone said, this isn't blue. - Well, that's very subjective. There's no such thing as blue.

- Oh, let's not do that. - But there isn't, there's just, that's how our three cones combine those wave lengths. So it's not objectively blue, but anyways. - Okay, go towards your earmark.

- Savannah bananas. - Okay. - Yeah, I want to tell you this story. - Right. - 'Cause it was such a wonderful time. And it's gonna involve a brag, but I hope you'll be happy for me.

- Okay. - So, okay, so we go to the Savannah bananas game in Denver, Colorado. And we bring Erica and Ace and Wilder, our friends, and the two little boys play baseball.

- Yes. - Not only did the two little boys play baseball, one of the little boys also is the most incredible street dancer you've ever seen, right? His whole life is baseball and hip-hop dancing.

- Yeah. - And he's incredible. - He is. - And he will not dance for any of us. We just get to see the clips occasionally on Instagram.

- So we all have to go to the Colorado Rockies arena, or stadium, so that Kristen can learn the song and the dance routine in the whole nine years. So we've got a couple of hours hanging on the baseball field. It's so neat.

- It is. - It's so neat. It's such a special feeling to be able to, because you've just looked at it your whole life. So anything you get to be out there on it,

it just always feels neat.

- I'm playing with the catch with the girls, my daughters,

and Ace and Wilder, having a good time. And then a guy comes up on the players and he's got this sweet mustache and a mallet. He looks just like dynamic bride and-- - Oh, amazing.

- Yeah, he looks awesome. - Yeah. - I immediately like him as he's walking up. And he's smiling really big and he's just like, man, I just, I got, I grew up on without a panel

because of Thura and he just starts to-- - That's a lot. - And boy, the month my family starts doing lines to me. And I'm like, oh, this is so lovely. - Yeah.

- Right, and then another guy comes up and another guy and Monica, if I didn't have video evidence of this, I wouldn't expect you to bully me. But for the full two hours, we were there while she was rehearsing. I had an enormous group of these young dudes around me.

They wanted to meet me and they had their favorite lines and stuff from things I did. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It didn't have very long time to send something like this happen. - It was so funny that like,

everyone on Kristen's team, like hair makeup and then on everyone was like, what's happening with textiles, 80's over in the, they were filming it. Lincoln was laughing so hard.

“She's like, what's, why is dad so popular here right now?”

It was such a, I got celebrated in a way and never have it.

It was sofa, I love, every one of these guys. They were so fun to talk to. It was a sweet, sweet two hours. - Now, did you plug this show? Do you say, you know you guys, if you love me?

- I'll tell you one thing that was quite special. So of the 40 plus dudes that came up and I talked with and took pictures within the whole nine. Only one guy came up, he was taller than me. He came up to me and he said,

I just want you to have been an armchair for six years. And all the other guys, I shook their hands and stuff. I immediately grabbed this boy. And I hugged him for so long. And it was such a connected, beautiful hug.

And then when I let go, he goes, oh man, I really needed that. Thank you. That was like, yeah, that's a fun armchair right there. - Listen, how old is he?

- I think he was 30. - And was he cute? - Extremely. I also think he, I'll start those guys were married. - Most of the guys that was meeting were,

I'd see the majority of them all had wives and the majority of them had all gotten married around 23. I kept asking like, what age they?

“- So how much longer do you think he'll be married?”

Like, year two. - This guy, Monica, would be such a catch for you. - Oh. - DM Bro, who I have, he's so handsome and tall. - Oh my God.

- If you hear this, please on this episode comment, it was me so that I can follow you and trigger all this out. He is such a fucking babe. - But do they travel like non-stop? - Yeah, but we great that's great.

- Yes, yes. I think they play 60 games a year. - Wow. - I think they travel from like February, March, all the way to October.

- Okay. - And so again, it was like, it was fun 'cause I'm getting to have like, I'm like, you guys are like, you know, you're two thirds of the way three,

but on the road for a while. You're like, you're in the hotels. And really, how's that going? It was very like, oh, it was so, it was such a blast. - That's a fun.

- And then of course, watching Chris and do that thing. - So fun. - Was, she's been a lot of impressive things over the years. But this one, to just showing up in a pretty quick time, learning that whole thing and all the choreographs.

We're in the jump and do the fucking, the dirty dancing moment. - Yeah. - You saw it, right? - They sit her up in the air.

“I think it's among the most impressive little sequence”

that she's ever had. - That's great. - And so we were just, we were in the suite that they let us be in. And we're cheering like fucking crazy. And I just, it ends and it's so impressive.

And I said to the girls like, "Can you fucking believe that woman's your mom?"

And which never, no one's impressed with her mom,

your mom's your mom. - Your mom's your dad. - Your mom's your dad. - Your mom's your dad's your mom. And they both were like, no, like they really had a little moment and it was so sweet.

- That's very sweet. - It was lovely. - Now, another thing that's impressive, karate, you said, what do they have in karate? They're omat. They don't really have their omat.

- I asked if in karate, I have their omat. - Yeah, it was part of a bigger thing. Molly said, it was a joke about karate. - Okay. - And then owning your own karate studio

and then you said, yeah, you just get it because you want your own mat or whatever they have in karate. - Oh, okay, okay. - And they don't-- - Okay, it was all over the map in this episode.

- Well, they don't have their omats, but they use specialized training surfaces called tatami mats or interlocking foam tiles, typically one inch thick, rather than personal individual mats. - That makes sense.

- So they're one big area, yeah. - Yeah, they're gonna fall, and they need a lot of space for that. Oh, one thing I wanted to bring up, I'm reading a book.

- Oh. - Fun. - Of a book called Switzy. It's by Emma Klein who wrote the girls

“and I think the guest, a very popular author”

and this new book coming out has a lot of buzz around it. I'm about a hundred pages in, it's very good, but I have to keep putting it down because the protagonist, I feel fine saying this, has dementia in your in his brain.

- Oh wow. - And it is intense, but it's also very, it's like very funny and like it's written with humor, but it sometimes I'm like, oh, my God, yeah, it's scary. - Using your, losing your faculties, I know.

- And in the book at one point, he goes and takes this cognitive test as part of a physical and they ask him to remember these three words and like they write them out.

And then he can't remember them basically.

And basically, since I read that every 20 minutes, I'm trying to remember those words. - But you read in the book. - Yes, now it's become a test for me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I think it's Rose App, full chair, Rose chair, apple, I'm pretty sure. - Okay. (laughs) - But it's now like I'm getting kind of OCD about it. OCDP, no OCD, no, I don't know.

I'm getting weird about it. - No, kind of is OCD because again, OCD is you think you have or are something that is not in alignment with your more and you're, yeah. So you don't have to mention, that's just a fact.

We're in a frickin' Alzheimer's study and we know for sure you don't. - We can take the last one.

- Yeah, so you don't have to mention,

but yeah, you think you do. I think that's just hypochondry. - I do, so I do, okay, hold, I don't think I do. - Okay, you just wanna make sure you don't. - Yes, exactly, I'm just fearful of it.

I'm not, I'm not walking around thinking I have it. I just am like, oh my God, like, that's scary.

“And I gotta, if I don't remember it, what does that mean?”

- Yeah, can I say one thing to end the scene of-- - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - What I'm saying is thank you guys.

- That was so sweet, it made me so happy. - The boy is-- - Yeah. - Yeah, I just wanna say thank you. - Yeah. - Okay, so back to this.

- Well, did it make you miss being like, in things?

- No, it just, at times I'm like, was I in things? - Right. - You know, did anyone see those were they for anything? I grew up in an era where you repeated all the lines from flesh and the lines from all these movies.

That was the culture and then all the lines from wedding crashes and all the lines from the real fairer movies. And it's just like, I did this for a long time and I don't feel like I really had that thing

and then I had a little experience with it. So it just felt like, oh, it did happen. It was one of those, yeah, that really happened. And people really saw that stuff and they liked it and they remembered stuff from it.

And it was sweet. - That's great. - So they gave me a very nice gift. - Good. - Back to the cognitive thing.

- Yeah, that's the scariest thing.

“And as you remember, like, I have never cried from an injury.”

Like when I went over the handlebars of motorcycles, it's like the nearly every bone above my hips was broken and I don't care. But the moment in my loop from the concussion when I recognized that I had been on a three minute loop

for hours was the scariest I've ever been on planet. - I know, I know. - I had just enough cognition to go wholly fuck the rest of my life might be in a three minute loop.

I can't do anything. - It's so bad. And it is it's so hard to see people you love have dementia, like my grandfather had it. And he was so brilliant.

And then to see someone's brain who worked over time, like worked at a capacity none of the rest of us did to like can't get to like peanut on the floor. - I'm gonna be honest with you. So I know someone who seems to have a little bit of like it

in a little like light version. Like I'm just noticing some stuff, right? And it so goes against my stupid stereotype that I shouldn't have. And it's kind of what you're saying about your grandfather.

It's like I thought if you used your brain really intensely, which this person did for sure, that that would safeguard you from that. And I'm seeing that it hasn't, and I hate it.

Yeah, I don't like it. - They do say that like crosswords. (laughing) - They do say dry, brine chicken helps. - They do say cooking and repeating the things you made.

- Yeah, rose share, apple. - It's wild to think like, and it's just gratitude like every day that your brain is working, that your body is working. It's, it can go quite quickly.

- Yeah. So, you know, I'm such a David Sedaris fan that like I couldn't wait to watch our own episode. Like I just wanted to stare at his face a little bit. - Yeah.

- And we got into that. We had that whole section about him getting his haircut. And I asked him on the road, you know,

“these barber, you know, how do you choose a barber?”

And then come to find out he doesn't care at all who cuts his hair. He said he made that very clear.

And I never mentioned in that episode that I cut hair.

- Oh yeah. - So, you know that I'm gonna be assisting him at his book reading the next time he's here in Pasadena. And I texted him yesterday and said, "Would you like a haircut before the show?"

And he said, "I would love it." - Yeah. - Once he got into cut his hair before the show. And then be as a... - Whoa, hold on.

My brain is exploding because do you don't even know, I'm sure you don't remember, that that's a crazy ding-ding ding. Sam, we talk about you cutting hair in this episode with Jimmy and Molly.

- What do we do? - Ooh. - But I just need to tell you, I cannot wait to cut his hair. - Are you gonna wear this beforehand?

- I need to practice. (laughs) I guess what? - He's your hero, it's like... - No, I cut my own hair.

He was just way harder to cut my own hair

and it's long and there's layers. - We're so different, man. - Yeah, we are. - Yeah, it's kinda what makes this show. - Oh, it's so cool. - Oh, it's so cool.

- But all it does. - No, I can't wait. It's a very intimate thing that got someone's hair. - I know. - It's a very nice, they're trusting you.

You have sharp scissors. - I guess. - It's a lovely thing to share with somebody. I can see why hairstyle is like being hairstylist. It's an intimate activity.

And the person sits there like, they sit real still and then you know, you're playing with their hair. - You're a full control. - Yeah, and just yeah, they're trusting you quite a bit

and they sit like they're behaving, right? They sit real still. And you're like, you're just combing their hair and grabbing, I don't know, I'm so excited to be able to play with David's hair and cut it.

- Now, this brings me to something 'cause you're saying it's intimate, which you're right.

I've never thought about that, but it is.

“- I think that's like people tell their barber so much stuff.”

It's like, or any of forced intimate situations. - Totally. But also, you know, you reiterated in this episode, but you've said it many times. You'll only cut someone's hair once.

- I'll cut his as many times as... - No! - Well, Monica, my kids hair is much as they want to do Kristen's hair errands or your hair. - Oh, there's exceptions?

Oh, I didn't know, okay. - Okay, okay. - This is more like, I know people, they find out, like, again, that whole scenario is people finding out I cut hair.

I mean wanting to show them, I know how. - Right. - You guys already all know that there's nothing about that. - Okay, that makes me feel a little bit.

- Like, when I cut your hair, you already know I can cut hair. - Yeah, I do. But, okay, but I was the point I was trying to make 'cause you only do it once.

And then maybe that's kind of like, when you used to have sex with people. - Well, it stands. - Yeah. - And I just wanted to impress them

and get their approval. - Yeah. - And now on the next for sure. (laughs) - That's what I'm only up to in that

in the conversation with Molly and Jimmy. Like, I know this is a gross part of me, but I'm trying to be an open, honest about it. It's volunteers. - But it's better.

- I want them to be impressed with me. And then once I have that, I don't want, there's nothing in it for me again. - No, well, okay.

“- And that's how I want to be intimate with me.”

- Okay. - Look at it, that's a, that's one bad thing to say about it. But it could also be that you're afraid that if you do it again, the thing they thought was so great,

well, won't be as great. - That's not my fear at that point. - Oh man, I'm trying to give you an owl. - Thank you. My fear at that point is like,

I don't have space for clients. - Ooh. - I don't. I can't have like seven people. - Six, and then five, five, five.

- Because I was telling you that it got worn out with all my friends in my 20s when I was broke. And what got weird is like, I cut Tim's hair. Every haircut Tim loves that hat for 10 years. I gave him.

I cut Scotty's hair. These guys didn't go to a barber for years. And then all of a sudden I had like money and I was busy. And of course, they still wanted me to cut their hair.

And I still did, but I was also like, I gotta be careful how many more clients I pick up. I don't have time to cut everyone's hair. People think they're haircut all the time, Monica, especially if they have short hair.

- Well, that's, yeah, I don't know about that. - Yeah, you wouldn't know about that. You can probably do the ones every six months, right? - I do like twice a year. Yeah.

- Wow. - All right. This is great. - Yeah, I love you. - I love you.

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