The Slow Clap

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Last night

I fell in love with you last night. Last night. You look good today. Your hair looks good. You look good. It looks

interesting because some moves baby Asian boy baby Asian boy. So he already okay go ahead at the communist world last night Yeah, the comedic store

“I'm already doing already I'm just you from last week. Yeah, I already did already. I'm you from last week. Yeah”

I'm for you from three years ago, dude. I doesn't mean it. I don't know. Sorry, dude What's up? Okay, tell the story. There is no story, dude. What's the story? I just I don't know. It's the story morning glory Nothing, dude. Okay, what happened last night? You're a little rude. What did I do? I'm at the comedy store Watching your sad great sad terrible set. It was not a good set. I was meending through meandering through poop last night

Sebastian gave me a great intro. I don't think I brought this guy in stage before. Yeah, he has

Oh, fellow Chicago and ladies and gentlemen He's got an Italian lesson. He doesn't look at that Yeah, it was such a good intro. Yeah, it was he killed harder in the intro than I did on any of my shit jokes He crushed and I went up there and just That's all I did okay for 15 minutes. I'm in the hallway fart crap poop

Okay, and that was the reason and then he's on he's in the hallway. I can see him. I can see Just a little dumpling resting in the window of the hallway and I walked down and this is what he's doing This is what he's doing leaning us all going You know, you know what you want my reaction to be do you know What would you want? I hate shit on stage and then then you're leaning it's the wall going

A man in the level a man in the level of condescension with So what would anybody react to it? All right, okay, so I didn't know let's let's backtrack a little bit I didn't see your I didn't see your set. I didn't see your set. I showed out right I'm in the hallway. I'm watching him right toward the end right so I have no idea What he did what the crowd was like a one and I hadn't even gotten into the room

Okay, see he walks out and just as a joke I go Right, he walks right past me. It says nothing right go to the kitchen. That's right Right slips out the back to the valley. Yeah to the valley without acknowledging my friends and then Bobby runs up to me. Yeah. This is icing on the cake everyone's in agreement with me By the way, okay, but this is icing on the cake after the condescending clap

Then he chases me in the parking lot and he goes you're not gonna say hi to me You're not gonna say hi to me and I said I gotta go home And then he goes we're business partners We're business party. Yeah, we are we are not business. Oh, we're not business partners We're not friends. Okay. Exactly. We're not friends. We are I guess not because I would have fun

“It can be true say hi to my friend. I guess I'll say hi to my friend. Why couldn't you say hi to your friend?”

We're business partner. Why couldn't you say hi to my kid's a law firm? Okay, okay, it's it's not leans and you know law firm the boss is here the boss is here You're the boss did okay. I was your intern you boon me up as I fucking I'm the only boss I'm the only boss that gets paid the same as is employed I'm the only boss on earth

Where the employee is that okay to the CEO. Anyway, um I grabbed your wrist you did I didn't because you're Troy no because you were trying to leave. I was trying to get in my car and go

Okay, what's not gonna happen here bud is us being in an environment where you're just gonna not acknowledge my presence

“That's what's not gonna happen. See this fame is going to his head. I told you on dress when I called you last night”

I said I think he's getting Too famous Is he gaslighting me dude? What you're getting too famous a lot of people have been telling us Okay, so grabbing a friend's wrist is generally considered crossing a physical boundary particularly if it's done without consent forcefully or to your boss Particularly to your boss okay

Boss, I'm sorry I grabbed a wrist. I had a bad couple of sets. I did not know that I'm running through a new shit all this week some nights are good some nights are tough

trudging through the mud and

Then the clap in the hallway. Yeah, it was like a sign-filled episode. He did the clap He did the clap. He did the clap. Oh, I did that. No, so now I have further contacts of the situation And you and every right to not say I love you. Thank you. Okay, but I'm gonna grab your wrist from now on I mean you you're gonna get hurt if you do that. You're gonna yeah a slow clap is widely considered a condescending sarcastic Or ironic gesture every one in the world in Africa

They know yeah

“They know yeah, okay, so it was kind of a guy has a cricket stick. What's going on here? What's the contact he missed?”

Yeah, okay, he missed and slow clap. Okay. Good. So they click cricket in Africa All over the world. Okay good cricket is universal sport. Thank you so much, right? I want to be No, I just had a terrible set. I didn't know that was slumming in the bumps. Yeah, yeah. It was bumping in the slum. Yeah, so I grabbed your wrist I said you know Say hi and I understand why you reacted the way you did and I apologize

Thank you. I love you. Yeah, and I'm sorry for ignoring you in the hallway, but the slow clap got me good All the way home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no music. Yeah, you know like in here. Yeah Looping through my head. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway, can I just through another fact in there then? Give me no if I make yeah, please I killed anyway. Let's move on. Okay

I had a really good set, but I know you did no because I'm doing old shit

Yeah, yeah, but not for long and get not for long because the finally tour is on sale right now. So please go to

Go to Bobby league dot lie. Yeah, and please go see my best friend my business partner as he refers to it I would have said friend first. I consider you my friend first one of my closest friends. Yeah, I and we do a job together But I wouldn't do this if we weren't friends. I understand that but we are also business partners We are yes, but I'm you're you're my friend first. I care about you more than this. Okay. Yeah, yeah, and I would agree with that because otherwise if we're just two guys doing a show who aren't friends then it's just two bears one cave

Keep that and that's true. Yeah, hey, hey, they love each other They're killer whatever go father to kill a are we not allowed to make jokes we can anymore Everyone sensitive. Yeah, they're very sensitive. I love that fucking shirt and your hair looks good You're doing all that you're touching a lot of the buttons right now. I'll tell you why because I quit smoking as well. No, you did it. Yeah, this is day two Yeah, you did you really. Yeah, day two day two. Yeah, and how do you feel pretty good? Well, I'll tell you why I did it

And I'm not a scientist as you know I Don't know some people think is it general health and well-being? Yeah, are you coughing at night? No, no, what happened was I was smoking a cigarette and I had a luggie You know me and yeah as one does right and in my thing I just went and I just spit in the sink inside your house in the sink right right

Oh, my sink isn't my back yard where you smoke Yeah, no, it's that you what you have an outdoor sink you have many outdoor sinks. I do have I do Okay, all right wait a minute. I thought you were smoking in this. No, I was smoking in the house I went I smoke this guitar outside. I went inside Right, I did you luggie right that's fine, right and then I just let it sit there

Science remember the science. Okay, look I'm a scientist. I wore the shine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, and It dried it does yeah as one does it's good. Yeah as it's called elements You know what I mean? I told you he was a scientist So the elements caused it to drive. Yes So elementary elements caused him to die right, so they drive the color air air. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

“You're learning you're learning. You're learning. You're learning. You're learning. So the luggie dried in the sink. Right, and then you want to know about geopolitics. Do I'm really not interested?”

Okay, okay anyway

It look like tar

Yes after it dried because of yes because of the smoking right, right and then because Remy had died

Right death was on my mind Right and I made the connection Between the tar luggie that dried through elements through air and whatnot Okay, yeah, and the death of my dog made me go. I'm done. That's good. Yeah. Yes, so I'm the little anxious Um, I tell I told the boys before I don't know if I could do this today. I have, you know, very filled with anxiety and

You know, I don't know much. I don't know what I'm going to talk about, but you know, but we're here Well, you're cold turkey. Why don't you just supplement it? I like sweating. Why don't you just let this smaller doses and nicotine to get you off and general You're still doing it. Yeah I'm doing it. I know. Of course you're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean I'm not yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Yeah, but it's

“There's a lot anxiety here, but it's okay going on, but you have to stop not to be dark because you've also mentioned a lot”

You're still smoking. You're still smoking. Yes. You got to stop smoking. I have said it a lot. Yeah, do you know why you said that not because we're business partners Because we're friends. Yeah, I do care about the business of it Oh, no, no, no, I do care about you a lot tremendously and if I'm being honest and I know this is not going to be a funny part of the show But I don't care. Yeah. Yeah, my biological father is A perpetually sick because he smoked for like 45 years. Mm-hmm. I mean he's got did he quit?

He did dude when Got to be 15 20 years ago. What's the one I quit? I quit. I keep smoking then. I'm fucked. No, no, no, no The consequences already in play. No, you can lessen how bad it is because your body is your lungs are incredible They clear out very quickly. Oh, but if you smoke up into your like 60s you're in deep shit

All right. You're in deep shit. Yeah, so if you quit now, yeah, the lungs are amazing

They clean out at such a rapid rate, but Keith Richards has always been my bar

Yeah, you know, I mean because you know, there's a legendary story where you smoke like two packs of marble red Bring the photo of Keith Richards today. Yeah. Yeah without makeup. Yeah, but that is makeup and hair done

“Yeah, yeah, go to the first photo. Yeah. There you go. That's what you want to look like he's 42”

Yeah, yeah, him and I are the same age my point though, but he's alive though. He's barely a lot. I know my mind I'm like oh, he's oh, there is that's what he looks like. Yeah, that's on the left on the left and by the way Yes, he is a live Bobby. He's an A in anomaly and B and B if you know nothing about this show once we speak of this on this show He will be dead Everyone we talk about on this show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Someone sent me a clip

I guess Eric Dane passed away. Yeah, and we talked about him two weeks before I know I didn't want Yeah, I said it was just in conversation and we were like Eric Dane and we got a stop talking about celebrities They're all gonna be dead. Can we talk about celebrities? We want to die. Did he? Wait, we did a whole episode on Diddy. He didn't die. Yeah. He didn't die. So it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah You know who I saw had some celebrity beef this week that was wild

was our cat and Tarantino. Did you see this? Oh, yeah, she's this is what's interesting about how Lee would now They're attacking each other because she was in pulp fiction and Then she didn't like Jackie Brown. No, was she in pulp fiction? She was she's mad about the N word scene at the end. Wait, what are cat? Rosanna, or Rosanna. Oh, Rosanna, okay. Yeah, she's in pulp fiction. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. She doesn't and she doesn't like that.

He used the N word in the scene with the house with the guys and she did like a whole thing about it And then Tarantino went off online. It was fucking nuts. Yeah, what was like you didn't seem to uh, he's uh Well, this is just what she said. You take 12 years of slave which supposedly made by an amateur Steve McQueen is very different than Quintin October. Wow. When you have a yeah, she's just going on about him using the N word and saying it's like, You know, cheap and hack and gross and whatever and then he popped off and he was like, you had no problem taking the job from me.

Oh, oh, so at the time though when that when that movie was fun to say no. No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying.

“It's that yeah, it's samped it seemed, um, I think with Samuel Jackson wasn't the same, but I'm weird.”

I did their needs to be like, you know what I mean? Oh, well, Sam's fine with it. There's two ways to look at it. Okay. That's his quote. He said, I hope the publicity you're getting from 132 different media outlets writing your name and printing your picture was worth disrespecting me and a film. I remember quite clearly you were thrilled to be a part of the writer director,

wrote in this statement, adjust directly to our cat. Wow. Here's what's interesting. Two ways to look at this.

And let's get some, let's get some honest perspective from the booth as well then. Yeah, especially from filmmaker over there. Yeah. Yeah. If the calls for the character in almost anything that we've ever made in the world of art and film, if we're going to believe that this is the world and a vacuum

You mean in Django on Chad? Yeah. No. You know what? Leo. In Titanic when he yells at Edward.

“Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah. Right? What he Browns. He says it. Yeah. You got to turn it off, but he said the end word, right?”

What, what, what? What he's like, a bye rose. Yeah. And then says he says I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, dude. In Django, he says it. It's very appropriate for the character. It's a trotist to hear, but yeah. What, when Tarantino was doing was showing how vitro and disgusting these people were. It was brilliant. It made you love a guy that we love. It was perfect. Right. The argument that many people have made is this man. It didn't really fit the character. It was very odd. It was almost inserted in a way where you go.

This guy lives in the valley as we know, kind of wife. He's friends with these guys. So he's obviously a little bit of up to no good or. Yeah. It doesn't see it. It is true that it doesn't quite fit the character. Yeah, because Leo in Django is a plantation. And you know, I mean, he's a slave owner. He would say it.

Yeah. But a guy that was in Sherman Oaks. Also, yeah. I can't shoot with Sherman Oaks, right? Who has a, does he have a black wife? Yes. Yeah. Bonnie's black. Right. So maybe that, I don't know. I don't know. That's an intro to that. Can Bill Burse say it. I'm, how about this? I bet you he doesn't.

Yeah. Yeah. I bet he doesn't. Yeah. - Yeah. - I understand the argument where you're like, "If things are called contextually for a character." - Yeah.

- Yes. - But that character wasn't really that. - Right, right, right, right, right, right. - Look, does she need to talk about a public name? - No.

- But also we've all thought it. We've all been like, "Ooh, that was weird." When he said it, you were like, "Ooh." - Yeah, yeah.

“- Because I have that sign outside of my house.”

(laughing) - Yeah. - Like, "Let's act fits me!" - But last night, I saw Shupel Lacy at Swingers. - Right.

- Key is always at Swingers.

- He's always there. - He's there, he's there. - He's there, right. - And he gets that chicken sandwich. - Careful.

(laughing) - It's not fried. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not fried. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You get that, you know. - I know. - He gets exactly what every night. - Yeah, the same, it's how he loves that sandwich. - Every night.

- But it's as if, you know what I mean, I said it to him last night. - Why? - No, what I'm saying is that in-- (laughing)

- Did you say it? - I didn't say it. - Well, I didn't say it. What I'm saying is, is it how casually he says it in the movie, right?

It's like, even if you're with your black friend, you wouldn't casually say that. - No, you wouldn't. - You wouldn't. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You know where you would-- - You want to say it. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, you want to say it. But you wouldn't casually do it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You know where you know, you know when you say it in front of your black friend? - When? - Never.

- Exactly.

- Yeah, yeah, you never say it.

- Yeah, you don't. - You never say it. - I got a fan, like a fan to my fan page. Is that or the girl that helps the book, the show? - Go back, boy, go back.

- Sorry. - I got an email through the team from like a fan or something. - Go further, back. - Okay.

- Okay. - My dad ran out of my mom and I-- - Okay. - All right. - Now, I got an email from like a fan page thing

or something and it is a request for you and I to perform at a wedding. And now immediately, I was like-- - There's no way. - Not gonna perform at a wedding.

- I'm not gonna perform at a wedding. - I'm out. - But how about this? - I'm out. - It's the royal family.

- Okay, I'm in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, but as-- - But Prince Andrew has to be there. - It is.

(laughing) - It's his wedding. - It's his wedding. - Okay. - It is very weird.

They want us to perform at a wedding. Clearly, I'm like, no, we're not going-- - No, I'm not going to wedding. But the thought of it was so funny that you want this beautiful special mom.

I was just in my car laughing like, you want this beautiful special moment of you wearing your wife and Bobby and I doing bits. (laughing)

“You want us to do bits at the happiest moment of your life?”

- Yeah. - You want Bobby and I to do a Bobby Lama to your uncle? - Yeah. - Yeah, there's just no way.

- No, I'm never, but it didn't make me laugh.

'Cause they say, it is where we get, okay, we get people to say, "Can I propose to my wife at your show?" - Yeah. - We did that all the time.

- We let them go, yeah. - But we've never been asked to do the wedding. It's a performance of wedding. - Yeah. (upbeat music)

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Join it rockem on he.com/badfriends. That's [email protected]/badfriends. [email protected]/badfriends. Let me ask you this. Last night, so you went up.

- Mm. (clapping) (laughing) - Then Allie went up. - No Allie.

- Went up after you. - Yeah, I brought it back. - And Allie brought me up. - Correct. - And she brought me up great intro, right?

- Right.

“- And you tell a joke when the got previous person, right?”

She took it well, but some people don't. How do you think about that? - It's what I did was, ladies and gentlemen, yeah, Marko Chow. - Funny.

- Simple. - Right, she turned around, did a smart. - Yeah, like, right? And she took it well, right? - And went to the lot.

(laughing) - Yeah, but I've given people, you know what I mean that, and they haven't talked to me for years. - You will, well, it depends on the relationship. - No, I've had great relationships with comics

where I said something, like, I'm not afraid to say it, but do. - Yeah, I mean, it wasn't even bad. It was Argus Hamilton. - Respect a legend.

- Legend, right? Great hair today.

- Right, right. - You know what I mean?

“Two years later, I have a resentment towards you.”

You know what I mean? My hair looked good that night. (laughing) - I was like, two years. - He was feeling it.

- Yeah, yeah. - How do you, do you say, I mean, do you do a little slam slam, you know? - Here's why, unless it's you, if it's a, - Oh, you say crazy thing.

- Well, but your friend, it doesn't, I can't, you know what, if it's, if it's a certain people, I'll do it. But pretty rarely. - Yeah.

- Like, because Marin and I went back and forth for a little while, 'cause that fuckhead, he'd give me an intro every time he'd be like, "I try to be friends with this guy,

"we went hiking once, he never wants to hike with me again."

I don't know if we'll probably never be friends. Andrew Santino. - That's still pretty good. - And I'm like, thanks for the fuckhead. - But that's still pretty good

because it shows relationship. - I know, but it's not even like, you're gonna like this guy. It's like, here he is. - Yeah.

- You got, I pump it up. - He got spade. Huh? - You got spade the other night. - What did I say about spade? What did you say? What did you say?

- What I was like, give it off for that guy. What did I say? - He needs it. - He needs it. (laughing)

- That's he? - It crushed. - It crushed. - But David loves that kind of thing. - He's, he's great about to like that.

- There are certain people that enjoy, 'cause they kind of think it's fun. He also, if you saw from, he was holding me from going on stage. - Oh right.

- You do, that's a good fun bit. - He stops me from getting on stage. - It's fun bit. - He pretends he needs to like talk to me or something. - Yeah, yeah.

- And he's just making you wait longer. And the host is going, yeah, yeah. - Get to the stage. - And I don't know if it's for them or the host suffering. - It's both.

- Yeah, yeah.

“- I think you're having two people suffer.”

- Yeah, yeah.

- 'Cause the host is always a newer comic.

- And they don't know what to do. - And that's what I like. - But they keep going. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then sometimes they look at the curtain.

(laughing) See if anyone's back there, right? They get really nervous. - Yeah, they do. - Yeah, yeah. I do a one minute rule with Ramsey Badaway, I go one minute.

- What does that mean? - He doesn't get to get a bomb stage for a minute after his name is announced. - One minute? - One minute rule.

- Oh my goodness. - It's the best. - There's he tank, that's him, that's him. - Yes. (laughing)

- It's a challenge to dig out of that hole. - Yeah, yeah, you got to learn. - He's throwing him in the well. - Yeah, you got to throw him in the well. - Dude, go get out.

- Yeah, Buffalo Bill style dude. - Put the lotion back. - Yeah, the nails have to be in the wall. (laughing) - So what I do is I'll grab the wrist I apologize.

I know I realize when we go with it, the wrist grabbing is bad, and I won't do it again, right? But when I didn't know that, right?

I would grab his wrist, I would close the Greenland door,

and I'll look right in a minute, and he could come up. Right? They're already clapping for him. - Yeah, they're waiting. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- How much more? I go 44 and 55 more seconds. - Oh my, yeah, it's great. - It's so uncomfortable. - Yeah, and then I'll gradually open their door.

He'll run out there, right? But sometimes he kills with it. - 'Cause he tells the truth. - I'll be locked me through for a minute. - Right?

- Yeah, and we'll figure out a way. - And that's gonna crush. - Yeah, because they used to do that to me, when I was opening for him. - Who did that?

- So I don't know, I told this before. I mean, I've told this before. - Yeah. - And see you did it. - Did you remember why, though?

- No. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I used to have this bit where I would do my hair like this. - Yeah.

- Right? - And I would go up on stage, right? And I would just, just the look would be funny. - Right. - So I would, people would just laugh,

and I would have like a, I just start the audience like that, right? For like 30 seconds and I go, I'm not really Asian, I just woke up. (laughing)

- And it, that's a great bit. - Dude. - I'm a bit crushed. - Yeah. - Back in the late '90s?

- Oh, God. - Crushed them. - Bring that back. - Bring that back, right? - That's so good.

- And then we don't want them to see us. They said one night? - One. - He threw at me a half. - 'Cause you're not doing that bit again.

- Why? - It's a crush. - It's a funny joke. - I know, but he put it through me a half. - Because did you do it to open every show?

- Every show. - Well, that's okay. - Every show I would use it, right? And he thought that it was not helping me, right? And so he gave me a hat.

I would have to wear a hat and not do that bit. - Okay, well, I get what he's doing. - No, but he's 20, it's about teaching. - Yes, you're, you're coaching. - Yeah, yeah.

- But you gotta know, you gotta know. It's good, but you gotta grow. - Yeah. - And that anxiety, I don't know what I'm teaching with the one minute.

(laughing) - I know, I know there's a lesson there somewhere. I know there's a lesson there somewhere. I just don't know what it is yet, yeah. - I don't know what it, it doesn't matter.

Maybe he needs to find out what the lesson is. - Yeah, yeah. - Maybe that's on, it's on the student, not the teacher. - Yeah. - The teacher doesn't need to know.

- The teacher doesn't know, need to know. - The student. - That's the student. - The student must have to be good. - They have to be good.

- They have to be good. - Right, he's another thing I used to do. (laughing) - All right. You have to say, "Yabba-dabba-do."

- Yeah, but I have to do. I have times in your set, and you can't tell the audience why, oh my god, it's a great one. - It's in the middle of it, be like, "Well, you have it, I have to do." (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And you use it as a filler, so if you go, and my mom and dad, they're moving, and you have it, I would do it. - Yeah, yeah.

“- So then, yeah, you have to throw it in.”

- Yeah, because you know, they used to be like hamburger.

- You know the comic hamburgers. - Oh, hamburger? - Yeah, hamburger, right? They used to do that between joke, that was their hook line. We get back in the '80s or '90s.

They used to have hook lines. Like, "Jick a plastic." You know what I mean? Just in the middle of nowhere. And the whole audience would chant it.

"Jick a plastic!" - Right? So that's what I'm teaching. - Right. - Yeah, maybe Yabba-dabba-do is the thing.

- But chicken fry steak is also great. - Yeah, that is a great line. - There's another thing I used to do, right? You have to hop scotch one time from one end to the stage to the other, and not tell the audience why.

- While you're in the middle of set? - No, in between jokes. (laughing) - So you do a punch out, and then you have to... (laughing) - Across the stage.

- And I'm in, no one's laughing, but I'm in the back of the room. - You're laughing. - Oh my god, I do it. - Oh my god, I'm just cackling.

- That's so funny for you, that's for you. - It's for me.

- 'Cause I've never, I don't, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, I got, I'm a boring headliner. I'm like, "It out there and have fun." (laughing) - No, you've got to do challenges. - I just, I'm scared of making them uncomfortable.

I'm nervous that they're gonna be like,

“- I think this is back in the day, you know what I mean?”

- Yeah, not now. - I don't think, yeah, you fuck with Ramsey now. - Only Ramsey now, but I'll tell you why Ramsey, I've, he owes me his life. - Why?

- I've given everything. - You've given him a lot of opportunities. - Yeah, I give him a lot of opportunity. We're very close. I talked him last night.

We're good friends. - You do love him. - Yeah, so he's not just an opener. He's now turned into a friend. So I feel like we can fuck with each other.

- He fucks with me as well. - Well, yeah, no, it's next. - You know what? - Your friends? - You might as well be business partners with him.

- Maybe one day. - Dude, I watched Soft White underbelly, yeah, I love him. - Those are, I bet. - And that's stop watching. - Some of them are hot, the homeless girls.

- So many, oh my god, I got so many. - You can live in my house for it. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - And you know what, the Soft White underbelly?

You know what's crazy about this? - Yeah, yeah. - He'll go back, like, he'll go back like eight, nine months later. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And what they're doing.

- And they're doing the same thing. - Same thing, same thing, yeah, like this girl. - Beautiful. - Yeah, yeah. - Beautiful.

“- He needs to get on his like, you know.”

He needs to get on, he needs to get on my arm. - He can take, look at her face. - No, buddy, that's how too. - Oh, that is all five. (laughing)

- It is crazy. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, man, that's a good one. - Yeah. - Wait a minute, is that a bruise?

- No, she's half-panda. (laughing) (laughing) - Who knows, new hybrids, right? - Yeah.

- Wow. - Like, this girl, like, for instance, if she, okay, the last girl that you had. - This girl's gorgeous. - Gorgeous, right?

- You're single, right? - Yeah. - 100%, I mean. - If this girl said to me, hey, I'm in the throes of addiction.

- Yeah. - Live on the streets. - I'm sharing needles with strangers. - Yeah. - I'm sleeping with people for money.

- Yeah. - What do you think? - And then I go, come on in. - But then your TV is missing. - Oh, what?

- Oh, yeah, you're right. - Get a new TV. - Get a new TV. - Right. - She robs all my friends.

- And then like, late at night, she's in the bathroom. You hear scratching sounds for some reason. (laughing) - I'm like, what is she doing in there?

- Right, we should note. (laughing) This is very sad. - Sad, it's very sad, very sad. - No, what it is is we love the interviews 'cause they're powerful.

The shit, we get to see the window into this life of addiction that is fucking, it's dark and wild. And it takes everyone. The point we're making is addiction knows no bounds.

- Yeah. - It doesn't matter where you're from. We'll call you our how much money you came from. But it's everybody. And then these interviews are fucking so powerful.

- Yeah, they're real. - Feel it. - Oh, man, you're like, I can't. How can, like sometimes you'll see a kid who's like 20 years old.

- Yeah. I've been home since that was 16. You're like, what are you? - Yeah, I love it's nurture though. - It's not nature.

- Yeah. - It's all nurture. - I think most of it's nurture. I think that, you know, - Well, you know, addiction.

“- I think addiction, I think addiction's nature, right?”

But if you have, I know, but if you have great parents, you can navigate it. - I think so, but I think so. - I think that without my parents, 'cause I got sober when I was 17, right?

My parents threw me in rehab a lot, right? - Yeah.

- And they never stopped caring.

They never stopped trying. - You know, that's important. - I think that's important. - But also, 'cause you have a broken home, right? Your parents aren't there.

They're in their own addiction, right? You know, you have no money, you know? I mean, it's a layer to fact. - It's a layer to fact. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And it gets harder and harder. - Yeah. - Well, I'm happy that you're sober. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But my point is, it's more, it's a combination of both.

- It is. - It is. - Yeah, why are you sweating now? - Because of the, I know, I know. - With the role.

- With the role. - I know how much it's a, what's the intake of nicotine now? - How much? - I don't know. - How many pouches a day?

- 6mg, it's probably three. - Three a day? - Yeah, that's not that bad. - I mean, I guess, what do I know? But I feel like that's not that bad.

I feel like the averages got to be way higher. - Yeah. - Oh, you'll be proud of me last night. I was laying in bed and I put away my phone 'cause I was thinking about our screen time conversation.

And so I put it away and I didn't touch it until made coffee in the morning, walk the dog, drop the juice, played with the dog in the backyard.

Then when I was finally done with that,

made a little snacky breakfast, and then I picked up my phone.

And I know we're business partners and friends.

I think that's a lie. - Why?

“- Because last night, you set me a TikTok video.”

(laughing) - What time? - Let me see what time you took it, send it. - Why prop, I wasn't, oh no, oh no, oh no. - I wasn't in bed yet.

- Okay, let me just see, let me just see. - What time? - Let me just see. - So, there you, what time?

- Hold on, I gotta go down because I get, oh there you go, I go ha ha ha. So, time was at, so what time did you say, you put your phone down? - When I went to bed.

- Yeah, what time? - 130. - That's when you put your phone down. - 130 or two in the morning. No, 12, 30 or one, maybe that maybe is closer to one.

- Okay, 12, 15, you sent it. - Okay, so that means. - Okay, you're right. - Yeah, okay. - I don't go to bed.

- I thought it was much later. - Right, because I was like, he's texting me, he's, you know, me sending me a phone. - No, I was on the couch with him. - Yeah, I show him what you sent me or what's one of the funny,

well, I was on the couch with the dog, what's growing through my phone. - Yeah, yeah. - Because she had to get up early. - Yeah.

- And so when I sleep, I sleep in the other room 'cause she's gotta get up early. So I'm sitting on my phone, playing with the dog. And then I said, I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna brush my teeth and I'm gonna lay in bed

and just stay on my phone. But I did and I left the phone. But that is one of the last texts I sent. Show them the video, though you can send it. Text it to Carla.

- Okay. - Play this video, so here I am sitting on the couch, petting the dog, tick, talking away before I go to bed.

“And I see this video and I think Bobby's gotta see this.”

Right away. (upbeat music) - This is what he sent me at midnight.

But here's what, I don't even know what's going on

really to be honest with you. - They don't either. - Okay. - This is, yeah, yeah. - She's singing a song and having her daughter

or sister sing along. - Yeah, yeah. - I just think the foot, what's the funny part? (laughing) - You think crazy stuff, you should.

- What? - Yeah, you sent the most wild shit. - I just wouldn't know how to do that. - Yeah, but it's unbelievable. How are they living?

(laughing) - I was impressed by her talent. Is this, did she post this? And if she did, what was the goal? - Yeah.

- So I'm thinking, what am I supposed to feel? - Yeah. - That's why the internet's beautiful. You interpret it as you may. - The second thing I would like to add

is that the little one feels like doesn't want to be there. - No. (laughing) - It's forced.

- It's for clicks. - It's forced. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, go go to it. Just zoom in on the girl the whole time.

- Yeah, she gives me Sabrina. Do you want to do a video? - No, no. (laughing) - Zoom in is Christchurch.

- That joke sucked. - No, that joke was bad. - It was good. - Yeah, I'm sweating, dude. - All right, let's see.

- Yeah. - Just zoom in on her, start it all over again. And let's just see her from the beginning. And just go to her face. (upbeat music)

- You're right. - She doesn't want to be there. - She does not. - She does not. - This is a hostage.

- Yeah, yeah. - And they put the dog in the background to give people some semblance. - I don't even see the dog. - Right there.

- I don't even see the dog. - Right there. - Yeah, where? - Do you want to video again? - Yeah.

- Oh, there it's the dog. Yeah, yeah. What a cute dog. - Huh? - The dog is like, eight eyes or something on its floor.

- Oh, maybe this is a eye. - It could be a eye. - Is a eye getting me all the time and I don't even know how to. - A eye is so crazy, dude.

- Do you think models are in trouble? Because of a eye. - Well, I know why you're asking that. - Why are you asking? - Because on Instagram.

- I asked, I mean, why am I asking? (laughing) - It goes on Instagram. - Sometimes I don't know. - I've seen, I know.

- Do you? - Well, you've sent me some of the girls that you're questioning. - Yeah, yeah, is this real or no? - Real or no?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, it's not. But it is funny, some of them are so, they're so good at copying real influencers. - Yeah.

- That, you don't know. - How about this? The real influencers? - Yeah. - They're putting so many filters on,

they look a eye now. - Exactly. - So it's like a hat on a hat. - Yeah, they all look fake. - They look, yeah.

- So the fake's look more real than the fake, then people, it's fucked.

“- I think filters should be illegal on dating apps.”

- That is a very good point. - I know, I'm being real. - No, no, no, there isn't app that does that. There's one that you can't use makeup and stuff. There's like, what is that one?

Someone talked to me about there's a dating app where people are like in the real or something. Yeah, real, is that what it's called? - I don't know. - Whatever.

- Yeah. - But Bobby Lee's new app is gonna be, no makeup, no, how you can wear makeup? - No, no filters. - No, yeah, but the filters are--

- Let me see you first thing in the morning.

- Do you have to wear it? - Do your face again. - What? - Do your hair and your face again. - This is your date.

This should be a dating app where everybody looks like this. (laughing) - That would be amazing. - Amazing. - The first thing in the morning.

- The first thing in the morning. - The first thing in the morning. - The first thing in the morning.

- First thing in the morning.

- Oh, I didn't get no matches. - That's not our problem. - That's not our problem. - Yeah, you can stay on the thing. - That's where there's AI, by the way.

I get fooled by Hinge AI girls.

“- That's why it's just said, it should be illegal.”

- Thank you, I did it with you. - You're welcome, I'll vote for you then. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, if you'd like to get on our app first thing in the morning, it's all natural.

It's completely verified by humans to make sure your human, you have to call or call center to verify that your human. - But I'm gonna be working at the call center. - Correct.

- Okay. - And you can reap some of the benefits. - Thank you. - You can go, "Hey, you know, I work at the call center." So if you wanna wear makeup and not wear your first vote,

corrupt it, corrupt the system. Something has to corrupt it. - You're gonna blew up a checkmark kind of day. - 100% valentines that I'm being real. - That's a good idea.

- First thing in the morning is all.

- Adating app? - Yeah, that's a really good, that genius. - Because it will force people to go, don't try to look good for this first thing in the morning. - Yeah.

- We will call you out. - Yeah. - So first thing in the morning is the app that Bob and I are creating a titating app where you take a photo. - Right, right when you--

- Every photo is right in the morning. - Right, and when the morning. By the way, every day, you're allowed to update a change that photo. Let's say you don't like it, you're allowed to change everything.

You can leave it in perpetuity. But you can-- - No, no, you can take as many photos as you want and-- - Oh, no, no, I like the idea of your profile photo is you, first thing in the morning.

“If you wanna change it, you have to wait a full day.”

So once you upload it, that's gotta stay. - Yeah, yeah. - And you can leave it for a few days if you want. - But dating apps, you need five or six on your page. - No, no, the joke of first thing in the morning is this--

- It's not a joke, it's a real app, sorry. (laughing) - Yeah. - Shopify. - You're a bad friend, we have an online business

without Shopify. I don't think we would have this online business. - Be very lost. - Get started with your own design studio. I think that's why I'm trying to say,

with hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store and room that matches your brand style. It's all about style. - Tell about style.

- Looking people in. - That's right, well, 'cause you wanna embody whatever you're selling or putting out to the world, it has to be what you are and what you're selling. And Shopify is your commerce expert

with world-class expertise in everything from managing inventory, to international shipping, to processing returns, and much more beyond that. Shopify helps all businesses of all sides.

- Well, well, if I get stuck, Shopify's always around.

They're always run to share advice and they're award winning 24/7 customers support. - You can tackle all those important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and so much more.

- Talk about the purple button. - Did we mention that purple button, Bobby? - No. - 'Cause that purple shop paid button, it's used by millions of businesses around the world.

It's why Shopify has the best, the best, converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less cards are gonna go abandoned and more sales for you. - It's time to turn those, what is into Chitching,

which Shopify today? - You can sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com/badfriend. - Go to Shopify.com/badfriend. - You heard it right from my friend, that Shopify.com/badfriends.

- Bluetooth, I'm 54 years old, all right, and I'm gonna say it's right now, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. It's harder for me to get up. - Upstairs?

- Upstairs, right. - And sometimes you wanna go upstairs, when the time is right. - When the time is right, you wanna go upstairs. - I mean, you find a lover, right?

And I'm telling you right now, and I 100% endorse Bluetooth is saved me. - You love it. - I love it so much, right Carlos? - Yeah, it's the best.

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This eight-year grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four-in-one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking about two ingredients for blood flow to keep that rock, rock, and pumping mix with.

- Apple, morphine, and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body. - That's what I was gonna say, dude. - No, yeah. I know this is peak passion and peak performance

in a single tablet. Bobby has been chewing Bluetooth for quite a long time now, and I've heard no complaints. - No complaints. - Anybody else?

- Bluetooth gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation.

Forget about all that other stuff that you know about.

“Bluetooth is the only one that you need to use”

to keep that pipe flow. - And we got the baschille deal for our listeners, get 10% off your first month of Bluetooth gold with code bad friends. - That's promo code bad friends.

Visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast and helping Bobby stay rock hard. - Talk space there, RIPP is so important guys.

Every Thursday at 4 o'clock, I do therapy, right? Talk space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere.

- Here's the thing, man. We all need to talk to somebody. - Yeah. - I don't think you should keep anything bottled up and sometimes it's hard to talk to your partner.

Sometimes it's hard to talk to your parents, so your friends, you just kinda wanna get it off your chest to a, you know, just a non-partisan party. And talk space makes help convenient for you.

your car, your house, your tub, your backyard, it doesn't matter. They give high quality care that's backed by science. - Yeah, like, I think it changed my life and also with my therapist, you know what I can talk

to somebody, you know what I mean? But what's going on, you know what I mean, I'm dealing with your trauma and whatnot. I think talk space is so important. - Well, talk space makes getting help

and you need easy accessible and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a $0 copay, so you gotta try it. As a listener of this podcast,

you're gonna get $80 off your first month with talk space

when you go to talkspace.com/badfriends and enter promo code space80. - That's space80, SPA, C-E-A-D to match with a licensed therapist today. Go to talkspace.com/badfriends

and enter promo code space80. - What do you wanna make it a joke? - 'Cause it is a joke. - It's a death jam. (laughing)

- Can I have you? - Yeah, kind of. - No, no, no, no. I'm being real. - Okay.

- We make a real app, first thing in the-- - Well first thing in the morning, where it's just natural pictures of people. - Yeah. - Where people really know what you look like.

- But the problem I have is-- - Okay, tell me. - If you let them upload multitudes of photos, they're going to try to manipulate those to look better as time goes.

So that's my point. If you have one photo,

“that's all you get, that's how you engage.”

That's more interesting to me to go. That's the one thing I have to work with. Let me go from there. Otherwise, people are gonna try to make those other photos look better.

They're going to find a way to look as sexy as they can first thing in the morning. - Yeah, but you can just have to upload one a day. - One a day. - That's what I'm saying.

So, upload every day. You have to upload every day. And you can keep the one that you like three days ago and not upload. - Pin it.

- You can pin it. - You can pin it. (laughing) - Okay, good, good, good, good, good. - Yeah, yeah.

- And then, how do you start it? - We'll get an app guy. (laughing) By the way, there's an app guy listening to our pod, a developer making it as we speak, and he's like, "God,

"it, I'm gonna make a billion dollars."

- Yeah, yeah. - We should hire someone to develop that app. - Yeah. - First thing, and we've talked about it too much. (laughing)

- So, I honestly think it's a good idea. - It's a very good idea. - Yeah, don't you think it's a good idea? - Natural. - Yeah, yeah.

- Because we've been deceived. - Yeah, I mean. - How about this one? - No, no, you've like, we're up to a house. And you see them walking out of the house

and you just drive away. (laughing) - It's happened, but I've got-- - That's happened before. - I'm going out with them, I don't-- - Me too, I've done that too.

- We're like, "Come on in." - No, I see these stories around. - They're like, "I don't go, I don't go, I don't go." (laughing) - You were scared, Star Wars A, I'm movie.

(laughing) - I don't go, I don't go, I don't go, I don't go. - How come I see these stories online of so many of these women being stood up on these dates? - Is this bullshit though?

Is this bullshit? 'Cause I see these TikToks or these Instagram reels, people being like, "I got stood up again "and I'm like, "I don't know that." - Is this happening that much?"

- But I feel like it's happening the other way. Girls are standing up dudes for sure. - Yeah. - You've been stood up. - Twice, I've stood up more girls than not,

so I've actually done it. - Oh shit, I don't know if you're scheduling, I've done it. - Yeah, flaking, yeah. - No, I'm not flaking.

I just casually. - What do you mean, what's the difference? - Oh, like something comes up, like, you know. - Oh, a fake thing. - I got one more dating app for us.

- Oh, give me the one.

“- I don't feel so good, that's what it's called.”

I don't feel so good. - You see them at that worst. - And when they're sick. - Oh, that's a good one. - Yeah, yeah.

- I don't feel so good. - Yeah. - So the whole, the perfect, - Oh, let's call the way. - Yeah.

- Diseases too. - Diseases? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Can you take a look at this? That's what it's called.

- Yeah, yeah. - Diseases look bad to you. - Tumers. - Tumers. (laughing)

- Tumers, websites. - Yeah, tumers. - Do you have tumers? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

- I do too. (laughing) - Honestly, I think, I think a sick one where the photos of you are when you have been very sick are very, it's very funny.

'Cause when you look like when you're sick,

that's the fucking, that's way worse than first thing

in the morning. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause when you're sick, you look the worst. - Yeah. - I don't know.

- I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - I know, I'm experiencing the morning. - I'm gonna have to develop.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - First thing in the morning, we'll take. - We'll do the first thing I like that way, yeah. - Someone is doing. - Yeah, you know that.

- What's up, dawg. - Hey, is that all saints, what are you wearing there, Mike? - Oh, see, he's interested in the clothes already. - Oh, you like this shit? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I like this shit 'cause I don't, this is my merch. - Oh, this is your merch. - Yeah, really good fit, thank you. - The pants too? - This is Puma.

- Oh, I rock Puma, nothing but Puma, and then the shirt says buildings don't fall like that. - Yeah. - Wow. - Which is just a fun, 9/11.

- You get it. - Yeah, you get you too, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm a two guy dude. - You know, buildings don't fall like that, dude.

“- Yeah, I think it's important to talk about it.”

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We found out all the conspiracy theories turned out to be real. - Yeah.

- Kulinon was correct on almost everything they predicted. - They did. - Pits of pizza, pizza. - Honestly, I was, I was nailing the last 12 years hammered drunk at most bars.

- Yeah, yeah. - You were telling people the truth. - Now Mike, I'm calling people like to, I was right, the whole time. - Yeah, yeah, I'm still on your fit though.

- Yeah, yeah. - Like he loves the shoes.

- Yeah, yeah, white brand new. - Uh, no, I keep them clean. I got the same ones dirty. - Yeah, yeah. - You look good today, man, thank you, bro.

- It's intimidating. I look bad most days. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

That's a good one. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, you're like Asian ladies. You know what I got one of the crib right now You're really yeah, yeah, you're a musician. Yeah, do I know or no? She's I don't date other comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah I'd try not I don't actually I actually I do I do I know her do I know her I see Mike at that comedy zone time. I know you guys all know. Right? You mean they're could have you know what we live close to your hood I live by Kate down so yeah drive home some time and we don't know each other too

But I was like what if I just turn it so Bob really getting a handy in the alley. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's more likely He's over there eating Korean barbecue. Yeah, which is nothing the same thing sometimes

It is she full blood at her half. She is full blooded. She is not you're this is my first of all

She's not Korean. I want to say that that's fine. Yeah, which is but which I love because Yeah, we love that I want more because you guys are like elite Asians. That's right You see that again. You're elevated Asian. Can you see that again, please? You're a lead Asian. You're weird. That's right Thank you. There's a there are rankings the Asians know is she Chinese? No, she's oh, that's also not just Phil's What you go on Filipino? No, leave the you're liotian stay on land. Leave getting closer. Tie

There was a there was a yeah give it some head. Yeah, there was a similar word of Korea Cambodian brother. You don't know You were straight down a body I cheated that there was a similar war. Hey stay in stay in the fucking game Cambodian. No, all right Good, let's stay in the game. All right, all right We did family few we lost the flavor of life

That was fucking rich. That's what you're dealing with. Okay. Yeah, not liotian not tie I said tie Filipino. Okay, give us another a hint, please phenomenal culinary stuff really good and Like a huge a huge Vietnamese, yes, yes, like a very popular dish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that wasn't much of a war

“Brother, I think we won. Yeah, you know, I like to tell bearded it. Yeah, and that's why I say our relationship with it ends”

I'm gonna tell everybody I want to say what you feel favorite behavior Vietnam movie you think my favorite rom-com is hand burger Hill Stick around for though good. I stick around for the really appreciate the end. Yeah. No, I don't know. I probably like I mean they're all pretty depressing There's none letter like yeah What's the full-metal jacket plastic so if the classic it yeah full-metal jacket might be one of the best movies of all time You think that's a tough that's a bold. I love them. It's such a it's such a yeah

Yeah, I that I'm fine with it. It's a dark beautiful movie. It's it says a lot and then I'm like almost I'm 39 so when I watch that movie growing up

That was such a the first time you see a movie where you like go what the fuck what the fuck yeah

Halfway through you like what there's more movie. Oh, yeah, I'm not joined the military. Yeah. Oh my god From the west so you When you when I saw that as a kid I was like, I don't think I'm gonna join the military The first half of full-metal jacket. You're like. I can't deal with that. Yeah screaming. Yeah Yeah, me waking up at a certain hour get up. Yeah, it's two p.m

How close were you to join in the military out of high school and I was a but I'm like

“That's why I say about the Midwest you leave the Midwest at 18 year dying in the Middle East. Yeah”

Right, it's true. It really good slogan. Yeah, that's yeah, that's my other merch. Yeah It's in camouflage. It doesn't mean Midwest people that a lot of our friends. Yeah, I think like they go for the Midwest first Yeah, we're easy. I think that we are very American. We're very American. Yes, so I say I didn't go But a lot of my good friends joined a couple of homies passed away and I now yeah, that's honestly that was my original origin

Comedy stores my buddy passed away when I was 21. I was like I hit the family up. I was like yo

I got to speak at his funeral. I had to preach a crime and laughing and that was the first time

I was like yo, I can do something with this. Yeah, if I got people cracking up at a funeral Yeah, because I was 21 and that nobody knows Anybody more at that age than your friends You know I mean your parents and your family don't know you my dog guy last Saturday

“Maybe you should have showed up. Yeah. I would oh the crush chuckle cry. Yeah. Yeah”

Well, first of all, I told the story I told the story the other night about you Flirting with the vet tech that came to put your dog

He's trying to fuck

“He timed out the Bluetooth nor did a bad”

He's like daddy's rock hard

You took the wrong pill goodbye, Remy. Hello, Mammy Insane they we all mourn differently. That's exactly right. That's but I gave him credit Yeah, you're vulnerable. Yeah as a California boy. Do you think I'm a pussy? I don't think I know Fast you think I am though. You think I'm a little weaker my strand because you're California. Yeah. Yeah I'm San Diego boy. LA most of my life. I call for my generalization on my worldview is yes

You think that this is just good from so-called oftentimes how if he was from so-called he was Mexican Different different story different stuff. He's tell that you have no East LA and you that's right I'll go. What do I have in me? You've got West. I got a lot of guard some garden grove and you made me go see

“You've got some nice and high-mari as my boba”

Yeah, he's a lot more monobello You know, yeah, yeah, he doesn't though he's rocking when he starts rocking. This is deep so-called I'm not gonna do this guy. He'll go nuts on you guys Anyway, yeah, there's some suburb in me too. Yeah, yeah, my life my life. A lot of my life. Oh I know I'm not above my life. You know people watch. Okay. Good. Good. San Diego. But you think in a war

No, I think he started something with me. Oh, of course. Yeah, fuck. I'm like you think in a war like situation I am much older than you are much. Yeah, yeah, but you think I'm not recruiting you. Yeah. Yeah Not now sure. Yeah, but back in my day. We're the same age. You think that you would stand you would be tougher and Resilient in a war like situation. Yeah, yeah, I mean did I used to crush laser tag? I'm all right. Yeah, okay. Good. I could dodge and stuff like that because I took third when I did the VR boomba. Yeah, I mean

Sandbox you got the least the last one I got number one bow was with you know, I mean jewels in them. Yeah, but maybe you're right. Yeah, this guy He'll cheat it in a scape room. He's so clever. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, I'll do it twice and then take a date on it Hey, oh, no, this is not you're doing

“That's what's so good about you is that's why Bobby would be good in wartime”

Yeah, you would find a way find a way to live in survive That's the first though. So what yeah? Yeah, it depends on your perspective on what's good at work

Hills or survival. Yeah, I always thought that in a war movie, right? I when I would be dead

We'd be dead. Yeah, we'd get a couple kills a hundred percent. Yeah, I get two kills, but your dead bodies would I be you'd be on me Yeah, I Who thought that you would pull that you over? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, two dead bodies and just put it up A dire and a murder suit we do that kill a guy. I'm like that's I can't go on like my legs will be blown off I believe and I'd get a few hits and then be like I gotta get up

Yeah, I can't put it in a forest gum situation You know me and my legs blown off would you come and get me and drag me or no? I would get you you'd seem the most carryable That's a very good. You're thinking well. Yeah, yeah, post will go V. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah speaking of what's that time Thanks through me. I saw on the shit of this morning Jim Ursa the old owner of the cult Colts. Sure. You're a big full. He's fast away. Yeah big football. Yeah, yeah

He sold you're gonna love this dude. You're gonna blow his gonna blow your mind. He had the biggest collection of Sports and whatever memorabilia that you've ever seen in your life. He has a fucking a guitar of Hendrix He's got Dylan's guitar. Mm-hmm. He's got this guy had look at this collection and I brought they saw it's up for live auction I don't know. Oh, dude. The collection this guy had is so unbelievable. Yeah, it's gonna blow. He's got the lyrics of fucking Hey Jude handwritten by McCartney. I mean really the collection is explore the 3D space. I want it or

Or whatever go through it. He's got John's passive aggressive corrections on it. Yeah, exactly. It's a deep beat. It's not what we know For all the people who watch all four episodes. It was so good. Yeah, but look at that. Wow. Oh, hold on Oh wait, there we go So a lot of rock and roll, but not you know, but dude he had he had Ali Ali's robe or out of slug. Oh, really

Hunter us Thompson. That's Hunter Thompson's car. Oh, that's amazing. That's the fucking saddle from

What's the horse that what that's the that's the secretariat secretariat that's the original script that Rocky was written in that that You know, so so still I'm probably wrote it on a typewriter and then wrote it down to be like what I did Jack Kerreweck's type script scroll of of on the road Kerreweck's book on the road on wow That's a weird one. Yeah, no, that's amazing. That's so fucking good amazing. This guy's got so like This is the kind of shit, but I meant. Yeah, Gretzki's Jersey from his 500 damn keep going the guy. That's a lot of value there, too

This is the one that you would have loved to. Which one smells like teen spirit Kurt's guitar from smells like teen spirit

Yeah, yeah, the actual fucking from like the video. We're like from the video Johnny Cash's D21 Acoustic. Yeah, I don't know if I had the money that I Would do that if it had his money. Yes. You know I wouldn't Bobby the guy was worth billions. What are you gonna do with it? You have all people love music shit Yeah, you wouldn't go buy co-banks left handed fender Mustang. How much is it? He it's not priced on there

It's a bit. It's for bidding. Oh my there estimate is crazy. It was a 2 to 5 mil 2.5 to 5 it's either 2.5 million to 5 million

“That's a big that's crazy. I think maybe yeah, you're right that one. I want you would you don't want specific thing”

Clapton's the full gifts and look at how fucking yeah, but like Jenna joklin's toenail. I don't know what five dollars Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. If you had other things I wouldn't buy you had unlimited funds like what would you buy? I would do some weird like I'm a big hip hop guy, but I don't know I'd like get the NPC player the dilla did some stuff on Maybe or something like that or like some tribe call question. I don't know

Like a huge low and theory good album. It great up. You know, I was you know when I always thought that I would love

People's addictive travels too, but yeah, you know, I always thought I would love the carpets That are in recording rooms that go underneath the musical instruments to muffle the sound. Yeah, I want one of those carpets Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone powerful. Oh, that's cool. To put in my house because because these things they sit on a shelf and I think this I'd want to Carpet to be my fucking carpet in my house. Yeah, yeah, I want the carper from the mended net as killings The pair's better. Yeah, with those boys. I know that how much is that?

I want the duvet cover. It's beautiful Beautiful styles Davis's trumpet. I mean get fuck. I don't know when I would like the sports stuff too And then I'm a big movie guy. I wouldn't you like like things from movies. I would like what's something from a famous film that like moved you are with it Like the gun that Vincent de Nafrio glasses had off 20 minutes into full metal. That's a fun one That's a fun one. That's a fun one. That's a fun one. That is actually I got one. Oh, yeah, right. I mean

We're walking here that car that he slapped With me that cowboy, right? Hey, we're walking here. I mean that car I buy yeah, you know what I was $1 dollars. He had the original He had the original Vali ball from fucking casterway will He had will really that's yeah, he has some movie stuff in there that was pretty cool. That's pretty cool. Like the oh, you know

“I showed you the photo and I think we can say it doesn't matter, but over at Spade's house”

I got emotional because in the hallway I saw as Farley's jacket. I saw that and it dude. It's even looking at it Which jacket if I got in a little coat jacket or what no a jacket when he was three years old that one right? Yeah, yeah, that jacket. Oh, the Tommy Boy jacket. Yeah, yeah, but the jacket I'll be in the comments How much is it sorry my God, I like

She's tank in the room a hundred and one grand. It sold for wow and then now this image has conspiracy theory stuff all over to Oh, yeah, tell me one. Oh, well like that image is something that is on a lot of celebrities Shirts. It's something very similar to that and that is something that they now with the Epstein stuff coming out is like attached to that What wow wow wow that to like There's some weird conspiracy sirner open us up to it open my mind. I mean there's some yeah, cool and uh, oh baseless

I don't know it's baseless better feel you miss yeah, yeah way pop culture trivia The original heavily damaged Wilson prop in the film was sold in auction for three hundred and eight thousand dollars Confirming it's high status and pop culture Rather than any hidden scissors or meaning this sounds like AI's trying to convince us of Yeah, why would they say that you said it? I didn't you brought this up. Yeah, come on. I just like Ellen has a shirt with the jazzy has a shirt with it. It's tough stuff

Ellen Ellen is she gone what did she do did she leave didn't she get mad at Trump and left the country?

“A fall off one of my honestly growing up one of my favorite stand-up. Yeah, what did she now what is a great stand-up? What is a great stand-up?”

Speausport shows the early ones are like good so good. Yeah, you're like oh, she's a monster We're gonna the deer and a bit the deer antler bit on the wall didn't you have a bit like that? Maybe I just remember sleeping and falling one. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah. Yeah, I like the elevator button Yeah, that's how good yeah, there's like that's a lot of good Already push it yeah, it might make it come faster. I love that. That's such a stupid idea. Yeah, yeah, she was great and then she just

She's gone yeah, I mean the Anne has death. I think she got too you know that. Oh, yeah, she died on a A car that all of a sudden went speeding through Brentwood or something like that and then she was pronounced dead on the scene But if you there's a video of her going to the amons which she physically gets out of the gun. It's crazy

She wakes up for a second then they push her back out

It's creepy creepy shit. Oh That is where the last words were castaway should have won the Oscar So that's the whole circle. Oh, wow, yeah, so my work. Where can we see your special? It's on YouTube Yeah, and when you release it on

Thank you. Chuck one number. Thank you Thank you. It means I don't know what your your culture says but happy happy belated lunar. Thank you And and so yeah, it's on YouTube on my it Michael Turner comedy on YouTube and then

Yeah, just dropped it. I filmed it at four columns on New Year's Eve. I've never seen anybody film a special on New Year's Eve

You know what I like keeping things loose. I'm like loose, but also tight with my bits Yeah, and New Year's is a very competitive night sometimes. Yeah, that'll be fun Shout to for congratulations. Thank you, man. Yeah, so funded and It's all me so well Michael turns a very very very funny stand up. He's up in calming we love him You're at bad friends and go check out it's fucking special on YouTube also by the way

Do a great you do a great job for people at our sports fans you are a sports fan but specific sports fans Have you ever done it at a soccer game? I know because he's a die hard soccer family That's interesting. You would do it for you. Wait wait wait. What's that why? I will I don't know I just don't meet a lot of soccer fans in America. Okay. Yeah, very good Yeah, I mean

Mike I'm just want to let you know you're blushing But um I quit smoking a couple of years ago. I'm a little agitated. Yeah, I know it comes across I was like as I've been combative right, but it's just me full of anxiety

“Why the fuck is it interesting? Yeah, yeah, yeah, so that's what that funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I apologize”

Yeah, yeah, I apologize. No, you're doing fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't say it enough from proud of you See, oh, thank you so much Mike. Yeah, I told you he is proud of you. Yeah, thank you, so no, he does interviews outside of football games And they're very very fucking funny. Okay brother, and it's usually um it's a little bit of nagging It's but it's but it's like ribbing in a way that people would really love that like sports and it's some like I know enough about The opposing team to make fun of them but also be aware

I'm a fan of bad sports teams too, so it's like you can make fun of me, too So it's fun. Yeah, it's like yeah, I'm sorry, bro It's a banglesus. God bless the bankals. Yeah, here's on the state sun levels. Phoenix sons Arizona state not that you would give a fuck whatsoever We literally played a men's basketball game two days ago and lost about 45 points. I think it was 50 points. Yeah, pretty cool

And Bob really was like I'm out I'm done

“Imagine this in soccer would be losing like 12 to nil. Yeah, yeah, that's how big of a get in men's basketball is losing by 50”

Unheard of it's it's like a it's like even the players who were winning were like Are you guys okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're fucking you guys out. I had friends. I haven't heard of in years been like you good dog You're hyper. Yeah, you need some help, but I do I like I like sports drinking beer talking shit And so I go to sports games and sporting events and then I do a tour around it every year So it's fucking so that's my that's how you got to be self-starter in comedy as you guys now

So just started what you're doing well you're you're here. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is great

Yeah, I appreciate you guys put me on the plan. Oh, we're proud of you guys have always been very kind of me

So I'm Let's connect be honest with you. Oh, oh, careful settle in yeah, I want to settle in let's be real Say what you need to say. I don't think I have been that kind of you That's fair. No, I don't think that I've given you enough time of myself I think I let's be honest with you. I think that I've

Been in and out with you. I think I think I don't know I'll just because I think it's the no cat the the the jonesing that I'm I'm feeling but I feel a little vulnerable right on me You're saying in general. I think in general. I bypassed some a lot at the store and I don't really take the time to say hi I think that let's be honest get that let's get it on the paper. An interesting god of me because I know you and I are

Good friends when I see you. It's always love and say whatever. Yeah, and so sometimes like I remember initially when you guys started the pot

I was like oh Bobby would probably be cool to me and we've had we've had some back and forth You know what it is though. Yeah, I'm just who I am I'm from the Midwest. I'm just a dude that's from sits and Eddie Yeah, and I remember one of our first interactions. This is probably something that's not talking to either of you I think you like tried to high kick me Yeah, and like yeah speaking of soccer, I know you're just a soccer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I tried to

“Yeah, I think that's what it was. Luke Kang me. Yeah, he's trying to fight hit me. I was like dude”

I've seen more of combat and I've been a couple of ancient stereotypes. I can kick it you too. I understand that But I'm above that, but that's what I remember in my relationship with you. It's not like it's more like a violence Yeah, and so I want to change. Yeah, no today's the day. We're buddies at the same people. Yeah, and he's a good buddy Yeah, we talked about it clarify something. Okay. Okay. He will only kick you if he likes you so now knowing like seeing some of my I know I'm every one

Let's just get that out of the way. I think about that now It was it was it. Hi, it was high. It was impressive. That's a good one. And this free GOP thing. Yeah. Yeah That's because I like it so again now. I know that yeah I was like newer to LA and I was I'm just not the type of cat that'd be like that was cool Yeah, and I didn't say anything, but I probably gave you body language was like yo. That was not

Yes I'm not good. I don't like a reaction 100%. Yeah Yeah, like who the fuck is it because I had liner? Oh, yeah, you know, you know, I don't see his name on the wall And I mean, but then I don't I don't bend the knee and I don't know you don't and you know what and now we have an understanding Yeah, but next time my hike a kid. I got I'm fucking grabbing it. Okay, I'm saying. Maybe a DD2. Okay, okay

His girlfriend he's been training for a year She's been surprised for him. He's all via to me. There's tried been to I've been to the house

Yeah, I've been a battle test. I never party with some Vietnamese people. Yeah, yeah, I know what the fuck to do

Yeah, but this is interesting because you I want just a quick perspective share of where in the overlap of the pie charts of You've adopted a Filipino family into your life. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's interesting. You've adopted a Vietnamese family into your life You're I want to know what the similarities are of like because you live they live at your house

“Yeah, they do and now you're embedded into their life is and yeah, we've lived together”

What are they do you have are there moments where let me ask let me ask yeah, I can these can they sleep anywhere Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah She's in the kitchen on the floor. He sleep everywhere. They do they just fall asleep when they just I'll just go Right, right and it just jewels on a fucking chair sleeping like this Can they eat like anything anything and like an amounts that are alarming. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've I've done this like

I'll get two jersey Mike sandwiches. Yeah, right. Two. Yeah. You're eating two. No, I don't eat him all is it I have an emergency one. Oh, good. Yeah, check on that. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean you I'll get two right and I'll do an emergency one. That's smart. Yeah, yeah, and I'll keep that in the fridge right and then It'll be there for like I don't know how long and they'll eat it They'll eat if they're after like a week a week. Yeah, yeah, just to lead it

The I and they'll eat the wrapper two. They won't. Yeah They don't waste they're very not we they don't waste yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then are they actually from the Philippines and now live here? Oh, yeah, yeah Yeah, so she's okay. Yeah. Well, you know that is I want to hide cookie so bad It's what I kick you so bad right now. It's your girlfriend from so half of your family's been on but she was born in Cali So she has a she's more oh my I'm from the actual yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

We'll have for families and I party with them a lot and we kick it a lot. They're great. They've I've never had more support in my life

But if you cross them the most you never crossed the most combat of she's like so if this relationship

“Which I hope it never does go south. Yeah, you need to leave the country. You know what's funny is if it hits it'd be so it'd be so cold and I see”

That it would be no interaction. I forget it would be dead in a way that would hurt more than if it was compared I got you I got you know if it's if it was for the white girl. You know what I mean? Yeah, but this is this is Yeah, yeah, and also Southeast Asia both Filipino that's the other crossover Southeast Asia, but Filipinos are obviously on the island. Yeah, but Vietnamese are That's a kind of that that energy is a little similar. I've always found a mouse Cambodia

Vietnam Filipino's is that fair? It is fair. I'm dating a hippie white and hippie white stuff Right, I think you're first hippie white. Yeah, hippie white's are different. They're different. Yeah, they're a lot more like Asians In what way they'll eat anything Well, that's because they're high That's the weed

But also hippie whites are like Asians in this um trying to find in a Zen way And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Except for this is you. I what except for what which one Indians

You can always get one kidding. No, I love everybody he's kidding. I'm kidding look in the Mike looking there and go

Thank you for being a bad friend. Well first of all, we want to thank Mike. Yeah, I think we were already plundered You did yeah, I just have to go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got to go. Thank you for being a bad friend

“That's how you say it again. Yeah, it's still good. Thank you for being a bad friend”

I don't know when this episode comes out right, but the towels were not done Really yeah, after all of this after all of that entire episode of a towel about the towels were not done Three in the morning last night. I texted jules. I go where are my towels, right? And she goes I'm going to Hawaii She went clubbing too She went clubbing for three hours. Maybe the the merch will be your towels at some point