Not Alone | EP 7 | Saskia's Story

I'm Clayton Eckard, in 2022,

I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.

“But here's the thing, Bachelor fans hated him.”

If I could press a button and rewind it all I would, that's when his life took a disturbing turn. A one-night stand would end in a courtroom. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract.

Agreed to date me, but I'm also suing you. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young, listen to Love Trap on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, it's Show Interesting, host of the Spirit Jodder Podcast, where we talk about astrology,

natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life.

And today, I'm talking with my dear friend, Krista Williams. It can change you in the best way possible. Dance with the change, dance with the breakdowns, the embodiment of Pisces intuition with Capricorn Power Moves.

“So I'm like delusionally proud of my chart.”

Listen to the Spirit Jodder Podcast, starting on February 24th on the I-Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Next Monday, our 2026 I-Heart Podcast Awards are happening live in South by Southwest.

This is the biggest night in Pod Pasting. We'll honor the very best in Pod Casting from the past year, and celebrate the most innovative talent and creators in the industry. And the winner is...

Creativity, knowledge, and passion will all be on full display. Thank you so much. I-Heart Radio. Thank you to all the other nominees. You guys are awesome.

Watch live next Monday at 8pm Eastern 5pm Pacific Free. Itfeeps.com, or the Veeps app. Ego Wota is your host for the 2026 I-Heart Podcast Awards. Live at South by Southwest. Hello, is anybody there?

“Raised by a single mom, Ego may have a few”

father-related issues. Are we supposed to talk about your dad? Her podcast, "Thanks Dad," is full of funny, heartfelt conversations with actors, including fellow SNL-O-Lums, comedians,

musicians, and more about life, and they're wonderfully complicated relationships with their fathers. I think I know that's a good thing. Get to know Ego.

Follow "Thanks Dad" with Ego Wota, and start listening on the free I-Heart Radio app today. If Saskia's story sounds familiar to you, it might be because of another case that's been in the news.

The mass rape trial, which has stunned France, has ended with 51 men all being found guilty for what they did to Brazil, Pelico. Well, our top story today is the mass rape trial that has horrified France.

Giselle Pelico's story was shared around the world. For almost a decade, her husband, drugged, and raped her, and invited dozens of other men to do the same. In those years, Giselle thought she was seriously ill.

She thought she was blacking out because of a possible brain tumor, or maybe early onset Alzheimer's. She'd been married to her husband for nearly 50 years.

She never suspected hit anything to do with her symptoms.

Like Saskia, she only learned the truth when she saw videos of herself being raped. Miss Pelico chose to have the trial held in an open court and hopes the public trial will help change society. When Giselle's story made headlines in December 2024,

we were a few months into talking to Saskia. We forwarded her an article about the case. It was the first time she'd ever heard a story like her own. It was empowering. I didn't know that there are other people out there like me.

But Saskia and Giselle aren't a club of two. In the last two years, there have been more and more stories like this. Of people raping their partners and publishing images in videos of their crimes. For example, German authorities uncovered a group chat on the app telegram, where men were sharing intimate images of their partners,

some were even sharing live videos of sexual assaults. This wasn't a group chat of 10 or even 100 men. There were 70,000 members. The same thing happened in Italy. 32,000 men on Facebook were part of a group called Mia Mogli, my wife.

Were they shared non-consensual intimate images? It took 3,000 complaints and 6 years for the group to get shut down. People are just waking up to this crime and as awareness grows, other survivors like Saskia are coming out of the shadows. When you go home at the end of the day and you crawl into bed with the man that you love,

I found out that that was the most dangerous place that I had ever been in. And that is your real mind fuck.

“I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrial Season 5 episode 7.”

Not Alone. We're not finished telling Saskia's story, but before we dive deeper into this season, we need to zoom out a bit because what happened to Saskia was in a one-off. There are people all over the world committing these kinds of crimes,

and there are more survivors who are just now climbing out of the dark. In the past few years, we've heard from other people like Saskia. They're women of different ages and different backgrounds. Their stories unfold in years or even decades apart, and they each made different choices in the aftermath of what happened to them.

But they've all endured something similar and unthinkable crime at the hands of someone they loved. We want to share the stories of three women who wrote into us. Let's start with Ember.

Growing up, Ember never imagined she'd be the victim of a crime like this.

"Everyone described me as like just a very strong individual. And I, myself thought, if you're strong, you're not going to fall prey, that kind of thing." At 21, Ember was confident, outspoken. She knew who she was, and her faith was a big part of that. She's Christian, and she drew clear boundaries in accordance with her beliefs.

I really did not want to engage in intercourse until I was married. And I was honest about that with every guy I dated. Like, this is what I believed, and if you don't like it, there's the door. With her fiancé, she found a guy who understood a man who'd respect her values. His name was John.

At this point, we had been together for about four years on and off. During this four years, there had been ups and downs. Periods were John's mental health suffered.

But finally, Ember saw him becoming the man she always knew he could be.

He was stable and thoughtful, and he was getting more involved in the church. "I thought that it was really from a place of him growing and healing and changing." Everyone around them saw the shift in John. Their friends and family were so excited about the engagement. Even their pastor gave his approval.

It's like, all relationships go through really hard times.

“You guys seem like you're really good together, and I think this would be completely okay.”

And we're like, okay, and I'm sitting there going, if there were red flags, this person would point this out, and nobody would have red flag out. Their engagement was the start of a new chapter, a beautiful life together. Then a month into their engagement, Ember got sick. It started one night at John's house.

She remembers sitting down to study. But after that, I don't recall anything that happened other than I somehow made it home. It was like her memory just jumped. One second, she was at John's. The next, she was home. She explained it away. She must have had a long day, dosed off, but nights like this kept happening.

There were so many occasions where I would fall asleep studying, and he would wake me up.

“I'd be like, "Oh my gosh, she fell asleep again. You need to hurry up and get home."”

And I would be so out of it, I wouldn't know what was happening, and I'd just somehow make my way home. Over time Ember started experiencing other symptoms, like chronic pain without any clear cause. It was a pain that was indescribable. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I just couldn't find any comfortable position, and I couldn't remember anything that had happened.

And that wasn't all. I'm breaking out and hives all over my body, having migraines I've never

had before. Through it all, John was there forever. I remember him coming over to comfort me. He just sat with me and like rubbed my back and was like, "I'm so sorry you're not feeling well." He supported her as she searched for a diagnosis, and went to doctor after doctor. No one could figure out what was going on. They were just like, "Oh, you're probably really stressed out." I was, you know, in the

function, but internally, I was all in the heart.

Things went on like this for a year, with Ember at a total loss. Just like Saskia, she wanted a solution. Some answer that would tie all her symptoms together. And then, one day, an answer began to emerge. During this time, Ember was taking classes to become a massage therapist. On this particular day, her instructor was talking about the so-as muscle. The so-as muscle is a highly protective muscle that a lot of people don't even know exists.

It attaches on the front of our spine, and if we are in fighter flight, it is engaged in painlessly. The instructor asked Ember to come up to the front so she could have someone to demonstrate on. This happened all the time in class. An Ember didn't think anything of it. I'm laying on the massage therapist table, all of the other students are watching, and she goes to address my so-as muscle, and I immediately dissociate.

“I don't remember anything that happened on the table. I don't remember anything that my body did,”

that I said, all I remember is, at the end, first thing. Okay, that was interesting.

I get up from the table and she's like, "Hey, do you have a minute? Can you come outside?" And I said, "Okay, sure." She's like, "Do you know what just happened in there?" And I was like, "No, you were working on my so-as." She's like, "You were somewhere else. You were not present." And I really have a strong sense that I need to tell you that something's probably really wrong if you're so-as is responding in this way and causing you

to go somewhere else. Somewhere else. Lying on the massage table, her mind and body split off into separate directions.

Just like it did on those nights, studying with John.

“Things were happening around her, but she couldn't remember them.”

Looking back, Ember and Al has an explanation for what was going on. I was dissociating from my trauma. Dissociation occurs when the mind separates from the body as a way of protecting itself from harm. The brain mutes physical sensations, thoughts, and memories, such that many people coming out of dissociative episodes feel like they've just woken up from a dream.

But the body stores memories of trauma, even if the brain tries to push them out. That day on the massage table Ember's body demonstrated that something was wrong. It was kind of the beginning of my body and brain saying, "We need to be in this together," instead of separating. In fact, it was shortly thereafter that I actually woke up mid-attack. The night started the way so many others had. She was hanging out at John's house when her mind

went dark. But on this night, in the midst of her dissociation, she woke up, and her brain and body snapped back together. When she came to, there was someone on top of her. Her eyes focused, and suddenly, she could see. It was John. I freaked out, and I was like, "What is happening?" She was like, "Nothing, nothing, nothing happens," and I'm like, "There's evidence." That's something happened.

“His pants were pulled down, so we're hers. And remember, Ember didn't want to have sex until”

marriage. Immediately, Ember could tell John had taken that choice away from her. In the moment, she was still groggy. I'm still not fully there, but I'm conscious enough to know something that's really really bad. But I lost it. In a days, she threw on her clothes and ran out the door, went home. She called people, she could trust, and one of those people notified the church. The next day, a pastor called John and Ember

in for a meeting. And we sit down with the pastor and he's like, "What's going on?" All I can do is look down at my shoes. All I remember is the floor. She was quiet, but to her surprise, John spoke up and he told the pastor everything. John came right out and confessed. He was drugging me and raking me. The pastor goes, "How often has this happened?" He goes,

That is now almost an entire year. I was so much worse than anything I had ever imagined. And I'm just completely just numb, just numb. John and their pastor kept talking, but Ember tuned them out. All of her senses bird together into one loud hump.

Finally, their pastor asked John to leave the room so he could speak to Ember alone.

“So he leaves the room and pastor looks to me and he's like, "You need to get out of this relationship.”

This is not safe. This is not good. This is not going to stop." But as shocked as Ember was, she wasn't ready to hear that yet. After all, she loved John, and leaving him would mean calling off their wedding. We're like three months before our wedding at this point in time. And breaking that off, now means I have to tell everyone what is happening. That to me was almost as devastating as realizing what it happened. Now everybody's going to know.

This intense desire to hide in that amount of pain was just insurmountable.

Ember couldn't allow herself to face the reality of her situation. She was still holding out hope that maybe if John got treatment, it would all be okay. They could forget about this and move ahead with the wedding. So John started going to therapy and so did she. I was seeing a therapist that specialized in sexual abuse and he was seeing a therapist that specialized in sexual addiction. But therapy gave her different answers and the ones she was seeking.

Ember and John's therapists worked at the same location one day while waiting for her session, John's therapist came through the waiting room. He walked past me and then he stopped and he came back.

“You can see his wheels turning. Like, I'm not supposed to stay this, but I feel like you need to know.”

We've run through a serious and diagnostic test on your fiance. He's not a safe person. He's officially diagnosed as a sociopath and you should get us far away from him as possible. I'm Clayton Eckard and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.

Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. He became the first Bachelor to ever have his final

rose rejected. The internet turned on him. If I could press a button and rewind it all I would. But what happened to Clayton after the show? Made even bigger headlines. It began as a one night stand and ended in a courtroom with Clayton at the center of a very

“strange paternity scandal. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract”

agreed to date me, but I'm also suing you. This is unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. This season, an epic battle of he said she said and the search for accountability in a sea of lies. I'm done nothing to get pregnant by the rat slur. Listen to Love Trapped on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Joe Interestine, host of this fairer daughter podcast. Where we talk about astrology,

natal charts, and have a step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver. The Irish traveler said when I was 16, you're going to have a terrible talk with men. Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic aquarium visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom loving and different perspectives. And I find a lot of people with strong placements and Aquarius, like our misunderstood, a son and Venus in Aquarius, in her seventh house, spark her unconventional

approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms on different houses in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart-side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to this viewer daughter podcast starting on February 24th on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast.

We'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year and celebrate the most innovative

“talent and creators in the industry. And the winner. Creativity, knowledge, and passion will”

all be on full display. Thank you so much. I Heart Radio. Thank you to all the other nominees. You guys are awesome. Watch live next Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.m. Pacific Free. It feeps.com or the feeps app. I'm Nancy Glass, host of the burden of guilt season two podcast. This is a story about a horrendous lie that destroyed two families. Late one night, Bobby Gumpride became the victim of a random crime. He pulls the gun. Tells me to lie down on the ground. He identified to

remain Hudson as the perpetrator. Germain was sentenced to 99 years. And like Laura, this can't

be real. I thought it was a mistaken identity. The best lie is partial truth. For 22 years, only two people knew the truth. Until a confession changed everything. I was a monster. Listen to burden of guilt season two on the iHart Radio app. Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Emma was waiting for her therapy session when she was approached by John's therapist. He told her that John was a diagnosed sociopath and she needed to protect herself.

The therapist had to have felt strongly because he was taking a huge professional risk.

Telling Amber threatened his license. He violated client confidentiality.

“But it was a godsend because honestly, if I hadn't heard those words, I think I probably would have”

assumed that everything was going to be okay for a lot longer. I really thought that I was doing the good Christian thing by staying within. Like I was sacrificing myself so that he could experience love. And that was the point where I was like, I can't bury this man. We'll hear more from Amber at the end of the episode. But now we want to introduce you to another survivor, Natalie. At 23, she started dating a guy, we'll call Steven. When she was with him,

I felt like I was a queen. He would make me feel beautiful and smart and he would type up these really nice poems or just say how he looks forward to spending time together and getting

“married and having a family. Their relationship was a long time coming. He was her best friend's”

older brother. And in every way, their lives just seemed to fit together. They played on the same softball team. They had a lot of the same friends and when they talked, the conversation flowed. It was very natural and it was just easy. I felt like we had a really strong foundation. Eventually, they got engaged the married. But when Natalie got pregnant, that was when Steven really became her rock. She was nervous about being a mom. In the

months leading up to the birth, I would rearrange the nursery. I don't know how many times I rearrange it and I'd like vacuum it every day. Steven grounded and supported her. We had a lot of late nights setting things up and I would feel bad because you would have to work in the morning, but he was all about it, all about helping and getting everything ready and being very hands on. When their son arrived, Steven really stepped up. He made everything feel manageable.

He would get up with him. He would feed him in the middle of the night. Even when he had to work the next morning, he would be wanting to help with my son and changing his diaper or just being with him to give me an hour of time for myself. Steven was a dream dad. They were in this together. And for a while, they lived a great life as a family. Then came one night when their son was five. Natalie was helping him get ready for bed. He had his own tablet where he could play games

and watch TV. All the families devices were linked in a cloud. And I had his tablet because I was going to put it in on the counter to charge it. She was plugging it in when she saw something on the home screen. There was like a little window that had a man and you could see a penis on the

he didn't click on this, like what I didn't notice that before. Her husband was at work.

“Natalie messaged him right away. Steven put her at ease. He thought it must be spam.”

Once her son went to sleep, Natalie went back to the tablet to reset it to factory settings. I was looking in the cloud where the photos and images are because I didn't want to delete all of that. And then that's when I saw photos and like videos, dozens of these clips and images. It was all graphic sexual material. I was like, I got to get the stuff off of here, but then as I'm looking through, I noticed my bedroom. She froze. And she zoomed in on the

photo. You can see his hands, his wedding ring, and then I realized that I am in these images.

I'm just like horrified because I'm not awake. Some of them I'm like barely conscious and I'm like, how do I not know what's happening to me? There's no way that he's doing these things to me, and I have no idea what's happening. I would have woken up. She kept clicking through more photos and videos and then the images led her to fetish websites. She could see that one of the videos was posted for anyone to see. The title of the video that

he had posted was something like creeping around without her knowing and I was nauseous. I was so embarrassed and I was, I just like shut down really. The most upsetting part of it all. I was pregnant with my daughter. I went, I found this. One of the things I remember thinking was, oh my god, was I an active participant and making my daughter. And just remember thinking like, oh my god, okay, I'm this many weeks along and counting back like, oh my god, okay. And I remember the weekend and I remember like,

oh my god, okay, yes, I remember this was when it happened. When Steven came home, she confronted him. I remember sitting in the back room of the house and I just gave him the tablet and I had the images pulled up and I'm like, what is this? And he just kind of looked at it and was like,

“I have a problem. He was asking me, like, let's go to counseling. Can we do counseling?”

And I'm thinking, I think you need a counseling. From the day that I confronted him,

I never slept in the same bed as him. But leaving all together didn't feel like an option.

I remember shutting down and thinking like, what am I supposed to do? Like, I work two days a week. He's a hands-on dad. He's supporting us. I need his help. What am I going to do? So she stayed. She picked up as many shifts at work as she could. And when Steven would come home at the end of his work day, she'd find it an excuse to go out. I wouldn't want to be home when he was home. As the months passed, Natalie began to uncover the full extent of Steven's abuse.

I found in his bedside table underneath some files he had, a bottle of Tylenol PM, and they were all broken up and they were in pieces and then there was some other powder stuff in the bottle too. And I'm like, that is probably what he was using and putting it in my drinks because I was not just asleep. I was literally unconscious. It shattered her sense of safety in her own body and in her own home. I didn't even want to drink anything that was opened in the house because I was afraid they

could put something in it. In the aftermath of her discovery, her friends and family could tell something had changed in her, but she kept the truth to herself. People would ask me, "Are you okay?" or, you know, "You're quiet. Oh, I'm just tired." Oh, I didn't sleep well last night. Or, "Oh, I'm just nervous about the baby coming." It was so embarrassing to meet. It was like I was trying to avoid really thinking about that.

“It was just like this deep secret that I had.”

When her daughter was born, she continued to stay silent. Her priority was giving her kids a good life.

But eventually, she realized she couldn't keep living in that house. She had to leave.

“I remember starting to pay things off that were in my name.”

And I was starting to try to save a little bit of money like my own money because he was in charge of our finances, but took me well over a year, just kind of living in the same house with him and being paranoid and then being just angry and then being bitter.

Three years after her discovery, she finally saved enough money to move out.

The new house wasn't much, but it was hers. She was free. My realtor unlocked the door and, you know, we had walked in and she's like, "Here it is.

“Where's your keys? Is this your house?" I was like, "Oh my gosh, you know, this is great."”

And then after she left, I sat in there on the floor and I cried and I was excited and scared and just really proud and thinking like, "Okay, this is going to be really hard." But I told myself that day, "I'm going to do it. This is mine. This is something that he's not going to take for me. I'm going to do it by myself. Me and my kids and I'm going to be

the best moment that I can be. This is the first day of the rest of my life."

There's one more woman to introduce you to, or maybe reintroduce you to, because we've told her story

“before, on the first two episodes of Betrayal Weekly. She was the woman who got us thinking about”

this kind of crime two years ago. When she discovered what her husband did to her, I couldn't think I couldn't function. I mean, the kids had to sit me down at the table and force me to eat and I just laid in bed and cried. It didn't just lose my husband.

I lost my job. I lost my home. I lost my community. I lost trust. I lost safety.

I really had to start over from square one. Stephanie was married for 23 years, but then she discovered something horrifying on her husband's laptop. He had a flicker account that was filled with nude photos of me. Hundreds of pictures. He explained that he puts the picture up in a chat room and 25 people at a time can be in the chat room, but people come and go. And so, as they come in and out, these other men are explaining how they would rate me. We asked Stephanie, what is it that only

people who've experienced this crime can understand? Every woman has that fear, that awareness, that there could be a stranger that could jump out and assault me, rape me. But for her and for women who've been through what she's been through, it's this other thing. It's that when you go home at the end of the day and you crawl into bed with the man that you love, that should be the safest place you'll ever be in the world. I found out that that was the most dangerous place

that I had ever been. And that is a real mind fuck. Amber Natalie Stephanie and Saskia, four women who wrote into our show with strikingly similar stories. All of these women survived drug facilitated sexual assault. For three of them, non-consensual photos and videos were shared with strangers online. All of these women spent months, even years in the dark, not knowing what their partners were doing to them. And they all thought they were the

only one. Nobody that I knew had been through anything similar, so even the way out of these people around, I still felt so alone and like a freak. The shame was really unbearable. Like who am I going to tell this to? It is such an isolating experience to feel like nobody else can relate to what I've

"I get it. I see you. It's a gift." I'm Clayton Nackard, and in 2022, I was the lead of ABC's The Bachelor.

Unfortunately, it didn't go according to plan. He became the first bachelor to ever have his final

rose rejected. The internet turned on him. If I could press a button and rewind it all I would.

“But what happened to Clayton after the show made even bigger headlines?”

It began as a one-night stand and ended in a courtroom, with Clayton at the center of a very strange paternity scandal. The media is here. This case has gone viral. The dating contract agreed to date me, but I'm also soaring you. This is on like anything I've ever seen before. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. This season, an epic battle of he said she said, and the search for accountability in a sea of lies.

Listen to Love Trap on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, this is Joe Interestine, host of this fair dotter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and have a step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver. The Irish Traveler said when I was 16, you're going to have a terrible talk with men.

“Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic aquarium visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom loving,”

and different perspectives. And I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius, like our misunderstood, a son, and Venus in Aquarius, in her seventh house, spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms on different houses in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart-side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology,

creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to this viewer dotter podcast, starting on February 24th on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Next Monday, our 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards are happening live in South by Southwest. We'll honor the very best in podcasting from the past year, and celebrate the most innovative talent and creators in the industry. And the winner is creativity, knowledge, and passion will

all be unfold display. Thank you so much. I Heart Radio. Thank you to all the other nominees. You guys are awesome. Watch live next Monday at 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.m. Pacific Free at feeps.com, or the Veeps app. Ego Oda is your host for the 2026 iHeart Podcast Awards, live at South by Southwest. Hello, what's anybody there? Race by a single mob. Ego may have a few father-related issues. And we're hoping to talk about your day. Her podcast, thanks dad,

it's full of funny heart-felt conversations with actors, including fellow Estinella Lums, comedians, musicians, and more about life, and their wonderfully complicated relationships with their

“fathers. I think it helped. That's a good thing. Get to know Ego. Follow thanks dad with Ego”

Oda, and start listening on the free iHeart Radio app today. After speaking to these four survivors, we knew we wanted to gather a group together, because we're at an inflection point. Like us, the public is just waking up to this crime, opening their eyes to the fact that intimate partners can do things like this. And share them on the internet. To get more victims to come forward and to expose

how pervasive this crime is, we need to talk about it. So we set aside a Saturday and we gathered

Amber Natalie Stephanie and Saskia on a video call. First off, I just want to say I am so grateful

that you guys made time today. To make sure this was a safe experience for everyone involved, we also invited a facilitator. Hi everyone. My name is Megan Cutter and I am the Chief of Victim Services at Rain. Rain. The rape abuse and incest national network, which is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization, and we operate the national sexual assault hotline. Rain has been consulting with us throughout this season. And I'm really honored and

grateful to facilitate this conversation today. For the rest of this episode, we'll be playing

episode. I thought we could kick off the conversation talking about this idea of community. What has

“it been like trying to find community or support groups after what happened to you? Saskia jumped”

in first. I hadn't heard about any of this before it happened to me. And when I did try to reach out

for help, I felt like because it was such a unique experience, nobody really wanted to touch it with a 10-foot pole. One of my favorite parts of all this is meeting other people who can relate to having these acts done by someone who is dear to you. It's like, wow, you did this to the person you're supposed to love most in the world. That's Stephanie, the woman who told her story of the trial weekly. I had no bad feelings about my husband. I trusted him 100%. And so what that told me

is that my gut for who was good and who was bad was busted. I felt a lot like you did Stephanie of like clearly my ability to judge is broken. That's Emma. The woman you heard at the

top who's Beyonce was assaulting her. And I had always prided myself on being a good judge of

“character and being able to read people. So that was like a hit to my sense of safety, honestly.”

It has been a real journey for me to get to the point of realizing that it's not my gut that's broken. It's him that's broken. Natalie brought up something we hear about in so many of these stories. You know, just talking with my perpetrator. I know that he sort of normalized that, well, I'm not the only one. There's more than just this sight or there's a lot of people doing it, like it's normal. My husband actually said to me, you know, otherwise just participate in this

and like it. Really? Well, not me. It's almost like because you don't want to participate. This is happening to you. I wouldn't have to do this if you were just a really participant. And also that idea like Natalie said, they're trying to normalize their behavior and make us feel like were the one that's wrong. I completely get why people don't come forward because we've been so traumatized already and it's so re-traumatizing to have to then put your life on display.

Going through the criminal proceedings, they had no idea how ashamed I would be in the process or how difficult it would be. Suscia, you are so brave. I did look into trying to press charges against my husband, but it didn't have what it takes to sit there and to be

“shamed and have every decision in my life, looked at 100%. I think that's one of the hardest”

parts that I still carry a lot of shame about is that I didn't have what it took to batter back again, the justice system. I was being drugged and raped and at one point I woke up at

attack and I remember going to law enforcement about two days later when I finally had my head

about me and I told them what I knew and they're like, well if it's been two days the drugs are out of your system and it's really a key said she said situation, you guys are in a relationship like we can't prove anything. There's nothing we can do about it. I didn't report either and I tried to remind myself about that being the best decision at the time that I made and I just was feeling guilty for not even thinking about being able to file a restraining order

because I was financially dependent on him as well. And then that's another part where people like diminish what's happened to you because it's like oh well did you press charges? And if you're answer is no automatically you lose credibility. If you really did that to you you would have press charges as essentially what people believe. There's no sure thing so even if you had filed charges I mean I think if you looked at the statistics of people who do report how few

share a statistic. 98% of perpetrators walk free and for every 1,000 sexual assaults 50 reports lead to

“arrests 28 cases lead to felony convictions and only 25 perpetrators are sentenced to some form of incarceration.”

These numbers shocked us we knew that few perpetrators ever faced justice but we had no idea it was this few. On the next episode of betrayal we dig into one reason why. I said that is not allowed that is illegal it's a crime he can't do that come to find out they're married come to find out here we are in 2019 2020 2021 2022 2023 he probably was allowed to do that. For resources on sexual violence visit rain.org/betrayal that's r-a-i-n-n.org/betrayal

you can also get free confidential 24/7 support through rain's natural sexual assault hotline just

text hope to 64673 or call 1-800-656 hope you are not alone if you would like to reach out to the betrayal team or want to tell us your story email us at [email protected] that is at [email protected] or follow us on instagram @betrayalpod to access additional content and to connect with the betrayal community join our [email protected] we're grateful for your support one way to show support is by subscribing to our show on apple pod

casts don't forget to rate and review betrayal five star reviews go a long way a big thank you

to all of our listeners betrayal is the production of glass podcasts a division of glass

entertainment group in partnership with eye-harp podcasts the show is executive produced by Nancy glass in Jennifer Fason hosted and produced by me Andrea Gunning written and produced by Caitlyn Golden with additional production by Olivia Huitt our supervising producer is Carrie Hartman our story editor is Monique LeBord also produced by Ben Fetterman our associate producer is Leah Javlow production management by Kristen Melchieri additional support by Carrie Richmond

our eye-hard team is Ali Perry and Jessica Crime Check audio editing by Tanner Robbins with additional editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio special thanks to Sasuke her friends and family it's special thanks to Will Pearson and Carrie LeBordman the round-table discussion was led with the help of rain the rape abuse and incest national network thank you to our facilitator Megan Cutter and to Angelina Marcano for her support digital thanks to Jennifer Simmons Khaliba which I also

theme is composed by Oliver Baines music library provided by my music and for more podcasts from iHeart visit the iHeart radio app apple podcasts wherever you get your podcasts

“I'm Clayton Eckard in 2022 I was the lead of ABC's the Bachelor but here's the thing”

Bachelor fans hated him if I could press a button and rewind it all I would that's when his life took a disturbing turn a one-night stand would end in a courtroom the media is here this case has gone viral the dating contract agreed to date me but I'm also suing you this is unlike anything I've ever seen before i'm Stephanie Young listen to love trapped on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

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