Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF)

What is up, Daddy Gang?

“It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.”

[MUSIC] >> A dream of Patrick, welcome to Call Her Daddy. >> Thank you so much for having me. >> I am so excited. I have been an OG fan of the Hills.

Congratulations on writing your book. Choices to the Hills and back again. What inspired you to tell your story? You know, I guess what really inspired me was all the DMs from my fans. And just what I've been through throughout the years,

they were always writing me wanting advice or to know how I got through this,

so they could relate to me. And at the time, what I was going through, sometimes it was so humiliating and I get so hard down on myself, but reading that lifted me back up, knowing that I'm not alone. So that kind of inspired me to think, okay,

well, this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place, everything from the Hills to my relationships to basically everything that's out there in the media or gossip or whatever that I've always bit my tongue, I never said anything, I just let people say whatever they wanted about me. Well, this is my chance to really put it all in one place and set the record straight.

>> Writing a book, I can imagine, is it's a huge process. And you, in this book, take the reader through trauma that you've been through, was it difficult to relive while writing that? >> Extremely, there were a lot of moments where I would break down, and it was so hard for me and, you know, my ghost writer,

Jen Schuster, who is amazing, she was almost like my therapist through it all. And I would cry and she would talk through it and she's, I was like, I don't, I can't put that in there.

“And she's like, Adrina, this you have to, you know, so it was very therapeutic,”

and I got through it and the more I talked about it and the more I kept having to read the book over and over and it's almost like I conquered something that I don't, I don't cry about anymore, it's like it was very healing. >> I can imagine that too because it's almost like you literally started this being like, I wanted to finally just say my piece, and then naturally there is a part of us that like,

we always are like, wait, should I say this?

And so it was kind of like, I love how your ghost writer is like, Adrina? >> Yeah. >> Are we doing this around? >> We're going all in, we're going all in, and that's what I said. I want to be vulnerable, I want to be honest, I want to be open. So if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it the right way.

>> Well, let's get into what you wrote about in the book because there is a lot. >> Yeah. >> Take a sip, here we go, okay. We're going all the way back, how were you originally cast on the hills? >> So, I was actually, I moved to LA, so I was going to night school in Orange County, and I wanted to be a psychologist, so I had to drop out of college,

I'm community college because I was going to get dropped, and I was like, you know what, I'm just going to move to LA and give it a shot. So the place I was looking at didn't have anything available, and I met these two girls in the elevator, and they overheard me talking, they're from Oklahoma, and they needed a roommate.

So it was just that fell into place, so I ended up moving in with these two girls. I didn't know, and then we were laying out at the pool one day, and Adam DeVelo, who was there scouting for Lauren and Heidi, came up to us, and, you know, I thought he was this kind of cheesy producer, like, here we go again, some guy hitting on us, like, what's your club?

- Right. - But he was scouting for Lauren from Laguna Beach,

which I never watched, but I knew of her from tabloids and stuff.

So he liked my story, liked that I had my go-to nights in LA, that I was very connected, and then we started filming two or three weeks later, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. - That actually makes a lot of sense to now looking back, that you had your connections already, because I'm sure they wanted to make sure

that Lauren and Heidi had a place like plop-in, and you were like, "Oh, let's go to bootsy bellows, we're gonna hell with this call." - Yeah. - And so, like, you knew what you were doing. Were you just chilling at the pool in a beginning? - Yes. - Okay, but you were, you were like, "Hello, sir."

- That was like, "Hi, can I help you?" - You're like, "Hello, sir." Okay, that makes a lot of sense, so you decide to start with the hills.

“I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality TV,”

immediately people were like, "What did your family think when you're getting followed around with cameras?" They didn't know what to think. They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive, and I moved to LA because I wanted to do acting,

so I was already auditioning for, you know, music videos and commercials, and this, and that, so I figured, "Why not reality TV?" That's not even a thing. I knew like, the Jessica Simpson had a show, so that's kind of what I was like,

It was very uncomfortable, I hated it in the beginning, because it's not just one camera. There's like three, and there's lighting, and there's people staring at you, and it's a lot of pressure to be yourself and open up when you're just kind of thrown into that.

I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style, like super edgy, the leather jackets, like warm t-shirts, like I was obsessed with your style. You were the cool girl, and you love the bad boys. Yes.

And we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby.

When was the first time you saw Justin Bobby,

and what did you think about him? The first, so I was actually the receptionist at QD Studios, and the first time we met, he was working there with Stephen Mysell on a shoot from Madonna, and I was the receptionist, so he kept walking in front of my desk, back, and forth, and you could only go so far, and I was like, "Can I help you?"

He's like, "Oh, I'm just looking for some magazines." And I'm like, "There's a stack of magazines on the table and there." And then he would come back and he wanted a drink, and then he would call the office all the time, and I'd be like, "Could I have to new in QD Studios?"

And he'd be like, "Make funny sounds and just call me to talk." And we just started hanging out, and that's like before the hills. We know that reality television relationships can be fake, or can be edited to look a little bit different.

“What was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin?”

I feel like Justin is a very mysterious man. Yes, he is. You know, when his mother was like, "Oh, that's cool." But when we first started dating an off-camera, Justin has the biggest heart, and he's so caring, and he listens, and he actually cares,

and it's not just me, it's whoever he's talking to. He's truly connected and cares about what you're saying, and wants to help. And I feel like when I brought him into the hills, drama, you know, he was kind of like, "That's not his, that wasn't even my circle

that I would ever go into, because I was never a part of drama."

So bringing him into that where he was instantly just like put on the spot. It kind of made him act out a little bit in his own way. And then it's like he wanted, it was like he didn't care, but he did care. So I got to see the Justin on-camera and the Justin off-camera, which they kind of captured both.

And after he watched the first or second season that he was on, he didn't like how he behaved.

“Were you frustrated though by the edit of you guys ever?”

Yes, because whenever there's cameras around, people act different. Yeah. And I've even going on other dates, like they just change people. But, you know, in Justin and I were very immature. We both played games with each other. So I can't just blame it all on him, because I was doing the same thing.

But I wish that they would have showed more of us just like hanging out. They just wanted the action side of it, the drama side of it, because if we were just hanging out talking and talking about music or going and playing pool all the time, that's boring. Absolutely.

Do you think that your relationship would have worked out how they're not in cameras? I don't think I've not in the beginning, because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time

and drinking, and there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions.

But I think as we got closer, yes, we could have if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other to get a scene going.

“So what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad?”

My very first impression of Lauren when I met her with Heidi at the pool and then we went out, she wasn't the friendlyest person. She was very closed off. And as we started filming, I kind of started to understand why she was like that. Why she didn't just welcome people instantly, because people used her a lot and would throw her under the bus or, you know, and I now understand why she was like that. But in the beginning,

she wasn't as friendly or welcoming. I mean, she was doing this and she was in high school, right? And she started in Laguna. I'm wondering, like, by the time you started filming the hills with her, from what you observed, like how did she handle all the cameras following her around? She was so seasoned already. I feel like she had that experience. She was so comfortable with the

cameras. She knew all the good one liners to say when the scene was ending what to do. Like, she knew exactly what. She was a professional. She knew what she was doing.

What was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling?

Well, we ended up living together. We had the best time together. We laughed. We did everything together. We had our ups and downs. Lauren is a very opinionated person and a very strong personality. She doesn't agree with something or like something. She's going to say it. That's very respectful. I liked that because I don't like the black or the gray, like the black or white. But we had some wild times. I remember watching that. It was very fun.

We actually watched an episode for our podcast. And Brody and Frank, you're like, oh my god, you were more and like, you don't even care what you guys looks like. You just rolled down stairs after two hours of sleep because we had makeup down our face. Our lashes are hair. And I was like, we really didn't give a shit what we looked like. We just woke up and went down stairs to film. Did you guys ever like complain to each other about the process or like who hated

“production the most? You know, I think in the beginning, we didn't really care. We were all for it.”

We were young, wild. We're willing to do anything and everything because we were out every single night anyways. So it just made sense. Yeah, follow us. And we would drink. Me, guys, like we had no

responsibilities. So young wild and free, you know, kind of the life to live. Yeah. What was your first

impression of Heidi Montag? So my first impression when I first met Heidi, I met her at the pool. And we instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly and like she, oh, she lives in her own skin, you know, she is who she is. And we actually hit it off immediately and we would go out all the time dancing and like she'd come to my apartment and we would drink and laugh and tell jokes and we had the best time. Can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are

still together? I mean, that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them or her expenses because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much. And I mean, Heidi could have left him and

had a whole different life but she loved him and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it

took to make sure that that worked. And yeah, they're still together. How do you feel now that the

“Hills is officially over? Honestly, I feel good about it. I feel like it ran its course. I think”

this past new beginning season. We all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines at this point. A lot of my real life wasn't on the show. So I was all four of the storylines. There were a lot of the people who were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives. Like, Heidi and I, you know, your real friendship gets put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show, but then you're trying to have their back,

but you're also trying to do what you're supposed to do to make a TV show. So that was really hard for me. And Heidi and I we ended up talking it out at the end. But in my mind, I had to separate my job from my real life. Like, this is our job. Like, let's make a good show. It must be like a little bittersweet though because you're like, you've done this for so long. Like, you now are the seasons one. Like, you met Lauren, you're like, you're a season now. You're the

work. You're a vet. You know exactly how to do it. And now it's like you're moving on with your life. And you're not going to have cameras in front of your face. And you're not going to be a part of these crazy storylines. Like, it feels like it's like a settling moment, but also like, kind of sad. I actually have a question for you. Yeah. I don't know if you know this or not,

“but they just announced yesterday, I think that there's a new cast for the Hills, a new young”

cast. We didn't know that. That yes, that there are it's a new Hills of a new generation. And it's more diverse. And it's about addictions and dating in LA again. And like, what do you think of that? Would you, I mean, I want to watch it just because, but I feel like, I mean, I think that that's really interesting. I didn't realize that. I think that as I've sat down with a lot of reality television stars now, I just feel there's so, of course,

there's some positives that come from it. I mean, I've had so many people be like, I have my career because of it. You know, I've my platform. I make now money from it. And like, it's brought so many good things. But there is this like negative toxic side that I think maybe in the OG days, it was a little bit more authentic. Yeah. I feel now like reality should literally be labeled like reality scripted television. Yes. Because it's not in public acting. Yes.

Yes. And I feel like it's kind of detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the process of it. And people are getting like death threats

line. So like, I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know if I, I don't think I would ever do

“it now that I see this side of it in the past. I'm like, oh, it looks cool. But now I think that we”

see a different side. So different. I guess we're going to have to tune in though. I'm going to have to tune in. And you have. I know I sent it to Brody yesterday as it wrote back. I was like, wait, they could have named it something else. I give this new cast a new name or like, it's like the new gossip girl reboot where everyone's like, it's not going to be with Blake lively and late mester. It's just not the vibe. I know. I know. Shit. Okay. We need to watch it. Also, like, there's just when you compare

things, I'm like, there's no way anything will ever be the iconic moments of the hills. Like the the most terrible moment. Yeah, like exactly like those moments that everyone remembers. Like these poor people aren't going to live up to that. So give them a new name. Transitioning. Okay. Your book. You open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex husband Corey. And I mean, there's so much in it. And it was incredible to like, how much you

opened up. I'm sure as hard as it was. There's so many young women that are probably reading this, like, truly going to take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength. So I just want to

say, like, you're amazing. Thank you. Right away. Let's start from the beginning. What made you first

fall for Corey? You know, when I first met in through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin. And I just felt like I needed something like a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on. So when I met him at first, I never, I didn't think of anything of it. He had a girlfriend, you know, a year goes by. This is when my space was a thing. Who was your top five? Tell me now. I don't know my song of the week.

And, you know, our friend, it was just kind of happened organically just from hanging out. And then whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on my space and Lauren and I decided to invite him to a Halloween party because we needed new guys. And we were hanging out with all these, or I was with these professional BMX writers, ex-games and like they're all high and like, you know, or I was like, okay, I know who don't invite. Like we're inviting this group of guys. So that's

whenever you first came on the show. And, you know, then we actually did have chemistry and I liked that he was respected. And, you know, he was very healthy and all about his career and he's just had a whole different vibe about him than these LA guys. And then that wasn't the case.

“And you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating, which we've all, I mean, I think I”

can say a lot of us, most of us have been cheated on and it's one of the worst feelings. Yeah. When was the first time you caught him cheating? Well, you know, whenever he would go on these

tours all the time, I would always get Twitter messages from fans that watched the show and they would

warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night, making out with his friend and they love me and they just want me to know. So whenever I would confront him, he of course would say, they're just lying to you because they don't want you to be happy. Their fans don't believe other people. You're going to believe them over me. So then I started thinking, okay, well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And so I tried to block it out and constantly believe him because

I didn't want to believe it, but I kept getting these messages. And then we were never ever dating like solidly consistently for more than like six months ever at a time until I got pregnant.

Because I was always filming or traveling and he was always gone, traveling and had his life.

“So it was this often on relationship where it's not a secret that it was toxic. I mean, there's”

pictures of me crying all the time on the street or, you know, there's footage of it everywhere. Can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you experienced in your relationship with Cory? It's like, so I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love. I love Tim and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy. That's a huge red flag. If someone doesn't trust you or they're constantly wanting you to delete

your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages and you're not allowed to talk or go on, or you can't even go have a girls dinner without being blown up the whole

Like, those are all red flags run. It almost, I'm sure, made you at times feel paranoid of like,

“"Oh my God, now I can't do any of this because he's going to get mad." And when you're thinking”

all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad, like, that's not, yeah, you're not even enjoying yourself. So for me, it got to the point where, you know, I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations and it wasn't just like a day fight. It would string out over like a week or something would happen and it would come back. And like, you know, it was all a projection. And then if he thought I was cheating on him with one of

my producers, you know, when I was on the travel show and I didn't call him at a certain time when I was in bed, like hell would break loose. And then because of that, I wouldn't hear from him for three or four days. And then I'd find out he was with all these girls in his hotel room. So it was this really toxic struggle. It's like now girls that go through that and they see those

“red flags like pay attention. You know, I think also something you said to anyone listening that”

I definitely have experience is like the when they keep saying that you're the one cheating. That usually means they're the one cheating. Like you said projection. Like, why are you so obsessed with me cheating? I have not done anything to make you think that. And you usually start finding the truth out after, like, oh, that's the thing with my ex in our relationship. I would forgive and then

things would be amazing. And then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing.

And it would be like, not again. No, like, bad. Good. You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me yelling and cursing things like your pathetic, your failure, your a fake hunt. Yeah. To what extent were your family and friends aware of the abuse of nature of your relationship with Corey? They weren't aware of that. I tried to hide it from a lot of people

because it's embarrassing. It's humiliating. And that's after, you know, I had my daughter and I wanted it to work. I had a hope, but it just gradually kept getting worse. And I thought if I if we got married and now we have this beautiful child together, like, things would be great. He could now know that I'm his. Like, I'm not going to cheat on him. Like, stop worrying about that. Like, this is my life now. So again, it was projection because coming home so late and

calling me those names and making accusations and not having any self-control, that was a huge red flag too. And I hit it for a long time. Yeah. I really appreciate you saying that because I think a lot of people can relate to that like feeling embarrassed to tell people. And that's another sign, right? Like, when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most that would accept anything that you come to them with. Like, it but it's so hard to just open up about it because

there's also a part of you that wants it to get better. Yeah. And believes it can change. You wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone. Yeah. And I have personally experienced that and literally your heart you're all in those moments. How did you keep it together? I had to because I remember when I'd see that, it's like, I had to get up the next day and go film and try to pretend like everything's fine. And I would cry. I kind of started to learn how to

block it out and like show up with a smile. Do what I needed to do and cry after. Like, you just,

“it's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras because otherwise. And this happened with”

Heidi a lot. I would always, she knows me. So like, we would start talking barely in a scene and

she'd say one thing. And then I couldn't hold it together and I just start crying. And they didn't show a lot of that. But it's like I couldn't help it. Right. So, um, yeah, it's hard. But whenever you see that it's hard. I cried. I was mad. You know, I yelled. I was like, get out of my house, get out of my house now and he wouldn't leave. He would not leave. So I would go sleep in the other room. And I would end up leaving my own house in the morning. And, you know, then he would be,

it's my fault because I wasn't giving enough attention. Or I didn't do this. Or, you know, so then it's like, what? Like, this is such a mind. Again, it's almost gaslighting. Like, you just caught him doing something. And somehow in two seconds, it's turned around on you. Like,

photos. And I remember you wrote about how you're like, and then I would try to convince myself. Like,

maybe the girl didn't mean to send it to him. And like, I know, but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her and she would write me saying how he loves me so much and they just talk about me all the time. And I'm like, yeah, but I saw your entire vagina and what you wrote to him.

“Like, how are you and you're a fan? But like, you're going after my boyfriend? Like, what?”

It's just taught. It's weird. It's very toxic. Yeah. You write about when you found out your pregnant. And you talk about how Cory was like so excited. He was so excited, so ready to have this baby with you and for the future. Did you believe that Cory could change once he became a father?

I did. Like, a hundred percent. Yeah. And I remember he was, you know, there is these ups and downs.

And especially once Kira was born, it's like the happiest I had ever seen him. And he was so excited to be a dad and just for this new chapter in our lives. You know, but things gradually got worse. I kept getting worse and worse and worse. Were you so lonely? Yeah. God, I'm going to get like, Terry, this is another, it's like hard to go back. Yeah. I was, but I had my family. So I sold my

“LA house because I didn't feel safe there. And I, I took a break from TV and I was like, this is my”

life. Now I'm going to make it work. Like, I am, I'm such a fighter and so determined. And, you know, my main priority was my baby and making it work with him. And I moved in with my, you know, moved in with my parents. I was stayed with them until my house sold. I was back and forth. But I, thankfully, I had my family in France. Um, so they kind of then start to realize because now he's like not even a part of your pregnancy. I mean, they did, but they also knew that his career,

he was in, you know, Budapest or he was in Australia for three months or he had to be here. Like, that was his job, but at least like, don't disappear for four days and not even text you back. He wasn't even calling your texting. Yeah. Like, so that drove me crazy. And I, again, that's something I didn't want anyone to know either because I was stressing out, but I didn't want it to appear like that. Like, I really wanted it to work. So, and because like, when you're pregnant,

you, that's supposed to be a time where you're stressed free and you're trying to, so I can understand why you probably were just trying to like keep it together because you're like the energy for my baby. I just need to, yes, you're my family and not focus on that. You kind of learn how just to change your focus, your priority. And my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes no matter what happens. Like, this baby is my everything. So, once you gave

birth was correct, you write about basically like, it was a struggle for Cory to be a good dad. Did you trust him to parent without you there? You know, when we were together with Kira, he wasn't amazing dad. He, you know, he made her laugh. He played with her. He'd bring me food.

He'd, he was very helpful, but he was gone all the time. He was always gone. But that, you know,

he couldn't just be with her. He had to have all of his friends there and turn it into like a drinking fest. And it's like, can't you just be with your daughter one night or two nights just you and her and not make it a thing or like a friend thing? I mean, I can't imagine like, I'm not a mother, but I can't imagine the anxiety you have the minute you have your child and

“everything, every step they're taking or breath there, having your like, oh my God, you need to”

focus on them. And when you wrote about in the book, how you walked in and your daughter had throw up. Oh, yeah, all over her. Over. Well, she had it. It was like stains all over the bass and that. And when I got home that day, I knew when I FaceTimeed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room. The music was loud. I knew right then I was like, okay, your priorities are not right. Like, this isn't happening again because she, I think she was only

four or five months. So, you know, you have to be, you can't drink or have too much fun. You have to be there like mentally in case something happens or they wake up and they cry, you can't go drinking with your friends and then pass out with the baby upstairs. You then get married. What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day? Oh, there is so much. Um, and I got married, you know, five months after I had my baby. And I remember my sister was there. The night

mom and dad'll handle it. Like, and I was like, I can't do that though. Like, we've gone this far.

“All of our families here from Australia from like, everywhere is here. Like, everyone's here”

on this island for a week. And I was such a people pleaser at that point, which now, I mean, I've done so much healing and I've grown so much if I could go back, things would be different. But yeah, I was, I just kind of was in robot mode, kind of like jumped back into this like mode that I used to get in on the hills, where almost like performance, smell like, okay, just get here and make up, done, walk down the aisle. Everything's going to be fine. Just get through it. Everything's

going to be fine. It's so sad too, because comparing it to the hills, it's like you've learned

to how to kind of like, just turn it on and off. Like, turn yourself off and turn on like,

just get through it mode. And yet we're talking about like your life. Like, this is, this wasn't being filmed. This is your wedding. Like, it's, what advice would you give? Because I know a lot of women that have written in being like, I don't know, but I'm getting married. What advice would you give to someone who's waking up on their wedding day with a pit in their stomach, knowing they don't want to, but they feel like they should like, what advice? Don't do it because once you bring

a baby into it into the world, things don't get easier. It gets harder and then marriage on top of that with finances and parenting and decisions like that all makes such a difference. And it's

not just dating or having your space to go to anymore. Like, you're together with someone forever.

So don't rush into getting married. Take your time. Things kind of got worse. You write about a moment where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby.

“Can you kind of walk me through that moment of what you were feeling?”

I, it was kind of like that fight or flight mode. Like, I kind of froze. And I didn't know what to do, but things kept escalating. And when I was pushed back, you know, and Kira started screaming and crying and then I started crying and then he realized what happened and then he started crying. It's just like everything just spiraled and it got worse. And it's like, you know, that's when my family got involved and when the police got involved. And that's after going

to therapy and trying to make it work. It's like, you're not changing. You're not wanting to change. Like, I can't do this anymore. Not only is it obviously not okay to shove you, but the image of reading it, of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you. It's just like heartbreaking because it's going back to like, the fight wasn't about, he thought you were cheating again. No, not that I was. I knew that he was.

Yep. And at that point, I was so numb. I didn't care. I was kind of like, and I talk about this in the book. I got to the point where I was almost like, I'm glad that you're cheating. Like, go be with anyone you want. Just don't touch me. Like, I don't want to be around you. Your energy, like everything, it just made me want to run. I think it was very admirable of how you wrote about how like you knew the minute you called the

police. It was going to be kind of over. Yeah. Can you, if someone's listening explain where you mentally were at where you knew like that, you needed to do this for you and your daughter? I knew that that moment I called the police, that's the end of it. And I knew that after what had happened and just the, he wasn't going to change. And I gave him so many chances. And once I had my daughter, it's like, I wasn't living for me anymore. It was my life now as to protect her.

And to make sure she is the best life. And I knew that it would go all over the tablets because

“it's public records, which it did, which I was dreading. And that's why I didn't want to do it.”

I wanted to keep her life private. And it did go everywhere. You know, it's humiliating. After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining order? Yeah. So that kind of came after because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene, he kept calling, he kept showing up. And it's like, leave me alone. So, you know, after eventually, eventually my lawyer was like, Adrina, this is not right. There's enough evidence.

She's like, I'm getting you a restraining order. And I was like, well, are you sure that's the right thing to do? That's going to go public now. And it was constantly like, I had to stop

me and my daughter. Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point because

“how much farther would it go? Yeah, it didn't, you know. Yeah. So in my mind, that's where I knew”

this is it. It's time. And I was so depleted, energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I was, I mean, everyone around me knew that something, I was just, I lost so much weight. I was isolated. I wasn't myself. And I was trying to get back out there and smile and like, but it just, I, it wasn't there. So I just knew like, it's time. You wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected how you viewed yourself. Yeah. You wrote, when you're told your piece of

shit every day, you begin to believe it. It becomes your reality. You stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside. How did you get the strength to leave when you feel so depleted? So I got the strength through going to church. I turned to God. I literally mean care. I would go, every Sunday. I got into a small group. I had support, I had a support system. And guidance,

and I would cry all the time. And like, I finally built up that courage and just kept praying.

And I was like, is this the right thing to do? Divorce doesn't, you know, at the time it didn't run in our family. Like, you married, you, you like, hash it out till the end. You make things work. So it was really that decision was really, really hard for me to do, but going to church and just

“having faith and doing what was right for my daughter. Like, that's, that's what helped me through it.”

And I, I think that was the best decision I've made. So I, I'm in such a happy, I mean, I'm in such a good place now. I'm happy. My daughter's happy. You know, she, you know, she has the best of both worlds. And she's with all of her family and her school. And like, I, I'm just, I'm healed enough where I'm open to dating now. Accenture divorce. Have you been able to try to find healthier relationships and are there things you're immediately looking for

and having some boundaries now? Oh my gosh. Maybe a little too hard of boundaries. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No such thing. Okay. I love this one. My friends are like, I drew that your standards are up to here. Like, you know, it's like, I love to flirt and whatever, but no, I, it's like, I'm not dating for me anymore. It's my daughter too. So it's whoever I date next has to be the real deal. It's not just, I'm not just going to bring them

into my life to meet my family or my friends or it'll be someone that no one will really know I'm with until it's solid and it's good. And then people will be like, oh, wow. That's, that's where I'm at right now. I love that for you so much and you deserve that. What do you

“wish people understood about what it's like to be inside of an abusive relationship?”

Um, it doesn't have to just, it's not. Sometimes when people say abusive relationships,

they think physical, but abusive relationships aren't always physical. It's emotional.

It's being called a piece of shit. It's, you know, being put down all the time. Internally, it takes a long time to recover from that and to get your confidence back. And to feel like you're you again or like you are loveable. Like someone will love you again. Like don't believe that you're never going to be loved again or you're not good enough. Like you are. So it's just, you know, it could be a spiritually physically emotionally any kind of abuse. It's just that

word doesn't necessarily mean physical. Yeah. Um, and it's, you know, toxic relationships. Like it's not right. You got to get out of it. You need support. Like get yourself out. And it's not easy. Once you're in it, it like, it's like you're swimming and you're trying to keep your head above water and you're barely breathing and you need someone sometimes to come and pull you out. You can't do it on your own. Audrey, no. Thank you so much for coming on.

I like, your book truly, like I felt like it was such a journey to read and there were so many fun moments, so many intense moments and it all really came together. And I feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next. Because we've watched you for so freaking long. And I'm like sad that I'm not going to see on TV, but you have a podcast now. Yes. The podcast is brooding Frankie. It's a hills rewatch. But we talk about other things too. It's not just the hills. So

is it fun for, do you think it's like a fun thing to rewatch or do you think? No, I'm okay. Can I be honest? It is so cringy for me to watch. I cannot watch it without having like a glass of wine.

one day when my daughter's old enough, I'll watch it with her and be like, this is what you're

“not doing. And this is what will happen if you do what I did. I truly don't know a world without”

the hills. You guys basically like created reality television in the sense and it's going to be sad

for it to be gone, but I'm excited for the podcast. Maybe when we're like old people, like I had

“like given another 20 years, it'll be like 56. You're ready to do it again. I don't know.”

Let me be so clear. I would watch. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Adrienne. Thank you so much. That means

a lot. Thank you. Thank you.