Kesha: Serve C*nt & Prevail

What is up, Daddy Gang?

“It is your founding father, Alex Cooper.”

We call her, Daddy Gang. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Casha, welcome to Caller Daddy.

Thank you. Looks excited. I am so excited. You are Grammy-nominated musician. You have put out truly some of the most popular songs

of all time. And you have been in the public eye for almost two decades. You have had some incredibly high highs, some really low lows. And I feel like through it all, you

have just been and be continue to become such an inspiration for women everywhere. And I'm a fan. So like, so happy to be with you today, seriously. Really happy to be here, too.

Is this true?

I heard you're doing Samurai training?

Oh, yeah. I just did a Samurai training, yes. How does one get into Samurai training? Well, well, that is a long story. But let's just say, there's a place called Samurai Island.

And you can go and really learn the wisdom of the Samurai. Believe this gentleman is 64th generation Samurai. And a huge thing I got out of taking the Samurai class was you're not supposed to think with your head. You're not even supposed to think with your heart.

You're actually supposed to think literally and listen to your body and your gut. The Samurai training comes as one of the many things I do for healing. And like my healing journey has been mythological.

But it's also been so fun. Like it led me to Samurai training. That makes so much sense because I was like Samurai training. Like how did we get there? But it's actually crazy to even hear you explain that

because I feel like as women, we can be so disconnected from our body, understandably. So to have you doing something that is forcing you to be like in your body leading with your body. And what's like the end goal of the Samurai training?

Well, my end goal is I actually ended up making out with the Samurai's assistant.

“But that's what didn't mean to be my end goal.”

You're like, I want to kill all the enemies with my Samurai sorry. You're like, oh, just to get a good make out. Oh, it was just the goal and all of it, I think, is to live a joyful life in my body, in my power presently

with gratitude in authenticity. That's the goal of everything I do these days as we should before the Samurai training. Yes, before being a musician, you were focused on school and you planned to study religion at Barnard,

which is like a top tier school in the United States. What do you think you would be doing right now? How do you kept going with that direction? Well, it's so interesting because I actually have been considering going back to divinity school.

You're so fucking interesting, I'm like, but I have been flirting with the idea of going to divinity school because I'm so fascinated with the structures of humanity and what makes people do the things that they do and what do people believe in and how to live a beautiful life

in the light. Like, I'm so fascinated with that. I used to have my mom drive me from church to church and she's like, who's child are you? Because I just wanted to find community.

You know, I love community. I love creating community. I think community is really important. Of course, do you have any daily rituals or practices that you engage in every day?

Yes, I do.

I wake up in the first thing I do is listen to a gratitude

meditation by Dr. Joe Despenza. Hi, recommend. Then I go outside and I try to be naked in the sun for 20 minutes.

“Do you have a private backyard or with a, I don't know, do I?”

You're like, wherever I can get the sun? Well, that actually like being comfortable in my nudity is kind of an act of resistance, too, because after being a pop star from 2009 to current present day. Like, I have almost just started waging a war against my own body,

due to things I read about myself. And I just internalize this like, all these external voices. So to then be in my body enough to just be like, fuck it, I'm going to be naked in my backyard. And I'm going to call my tour the tits out tour.

Like, that is also an act of resistance. Like, I don't hate my body anymore. I actually love my body. And I went to Italy and I like a lot of pasta and I love it. Like, it's so kind to you to just like be in your body and love it.

And it's so hard. It's so hard and the world does not want you to do that. Isn't it so fucked up though that I feel like sometimes it takes us

where you're pushed to the point of seeing that you can't win no matter what.

You have been literally dragged through the mud and every direction.

“And then you're like, at some point, I think I got it just to side.”

Like, I'm not going to have it. But like, it's so horrible that we, it takes us to the end of the earth, essentially to be like, now I can stand outside in the sun and fucking naked and be like, oh, Lou, yeah, I've got my life. I'm like, I don't care if somebody can see who gives the shit.

Who gives a shit? That's something I wear somebody told me. Nobody cares, nobody cares.

Like, they might care for like a headline, but like nobody actually cares.

We all think everyone is so consumed with what we're doing. They're not, they don't care. I mean, I have been through so many things and I was walking around. Like, oh, my God, everyone knows that you can probably Google a picture of my butthole, probably.

Like, so many of the things in my life are on the internet. That should not be on the internet. Don't know how I got there. Don't like that it's there, but you could probably do it. So I'm walking around being like so much like embarrassment.

Then I kind of realized like, nobody is cares, nobody, nobody cares. Okay, you had it's interesting upbringing in the sense that your mom chose to have you on her own. Yeah, there was no man romantically involved in her life.

“When you got older, how did she talk to you about this?”

Well, I met, I've met some of the people that may be my birth father. Okay, but she really wanted to Pisces. So here I am, triple Pisces. And so I have met some of the people that might be my birth father and she was like, who do you look more like, and I was like, mom, no, stop, stop it.

But so yeah, that's how. And you explained your mother wanting a Pisces, what are some characteristics? Well, the Pisces supposedly, it's like the last in the cycle of the astrological signs. Okay, I'm like, where the last, I've been told, I'm in my last lifetime multiple times. We're very emotional, we're very in touch with like all things spiritual.

We're like one foot in the ether vibes. So you believe in past lives. Oh, yeah, I have a song called past lives. What do you think you were doing back then? I think I was burned at the stake.

I definitely was a man. And I like have, this is like a delusion that's helped me in a lot of ways. But I like to think that I am the reincarnation of Athena.

“So as you should, you know what, whatever works.”

You're like, you also can just decide what your past lives were. Whatever you think is like the country of space, over it. That is who you fucking were in your past life, bitch. Okay, so you weren't necessarily raised by any male figures in your life. What did your mom teach you by being kind of this like single mother role about independence?

I mean, it taught me so much. I'm so grateful. I saw a woman that just did it all, like she wrote iconic songs. She wrote songs for Dalai Parton and Johnny Cash and like, she's so cool. And she raised three kids all on her own.

And she also is like really instrumental in like the positive, the power of looking at your life positively and deciding who you want to be and what you're going to do.

She really always was like, don't say like, oh, maybe I'll be a pop star.

She said like, I'm going to be a pop star like this. It's like a little delusional, but it also worked to really believe in yourself with she at all hesitant about you getting into this crazy industry. I think she she always warned me that it was hard. Yeah, but I like literally was Yoda laying by the age of three in the backyard.

Like she'd be like, you're so loud, go Yodel in the backyard, and so I'd be like wandering around the backyard Yodeling, she's like, what is she going to do? Like I knew what I was supposed to do. I came out of the womb Yodeling, like that's do you still Yodel? I mean, like in TikTok, that is like my weird spooky monster-mash voice version of Yodel kind

So you brought it into your life, into your music, just like in a little bit of a different

way than when you were three. Listen, I don't know. Whatever that is, I did that, we're not mad about it. Okay, you blew up when you released a song, TikTok, back in 2009. I need you to know, I don't know what it was.

It was some type of thing that you could submit a music video to, and then you could try to win. I made one. Are we gonna watch it? I don't know.

I might roll the clip. But I made my dad take my best friend, Chris, and I, to New York City, and we made a full TikTok music video. I actually was kind of good. It's well, I think we have to see it.

I didn't win. I'll pull it up for you out. Yeah, I'm gonna send it to you because it's, it's not embarrassing, because I know the type of person you are, you'd be like, like, like, like, get a bit, brace face, love it.

“But I was a huge, like, I was in it, like, I was there, I was loving it, and I just remember”

that era so clearly. So I want to go through a couple, walk down memory lanes with you. There's some pictures next to your chair, reach down and pull them up. Okay, I want you to just tell me what you feel by looking at these pictures and what do you remember?

I'm, like, so happy about it. I'm really happy about this. I, like, yes, you know what, fuck, yeah, like, I was having fun, and I, like, did not give one single fuck with anybody thought that was jingle ball 2009. Yeah.

I also think your makeup and just the hair and everything the outfits were so iconic. How did you come up with the glitter and the mascara? Oh, my gosh. Okay, to be honest with you, I grew up, like, seeing my mom be this single parent. And loving, like, punk music and rock and roll, like, bowie and Iggy Pop and the stones.

And Alice Cooper, so this is, like, inspired by Alice Cooper and bowie.

“And I just always remember thinking, like, if a boy can do it, why can't I do it?”

And, um, one of the first albums I listened to a lot was licensed to ill beasty boys.

Those produced by Rick Rubin, who I later got to work with. And, like, I just remember relieving attracted to people that were, like, okay, being, like, a silly fucking crazy goose. And I was like, I want to be a silly, crazy goose. I don't want to be like, like, I would go to school and everyone, like, straight in their hair.

And I'd be like, I don't want to, I want to do it purple. And, like, I don't know if that maybe psychologically is because there was, like, no man in the house. But, like, I was just, I wanted to, like, be a silly fucking crazy goose. Do your thing. Yeah.

Did you keep any of that style still? Like, is anything in your closet that resembles that era? I mean, there's, like, that I walked in here with heels and I was like, man, throw my fucking converse. I'm done with this shit.

Okay. Next one. Oh, my god. That was my first Grammy's. And just in Bieber, that was, like, the, we came out basically in the same 12 months cycle.

“And I, yeah, I remember, like, we would always be at the same jingle balls.”

I was in, like, a radio show in Europe somewhere.

And we would always see each other.

And he was just, like, the heartthrob of all heartthrob. Yeah. And, but I did remember being, like, so insecure, walking in this dress and heels. I felt like I looked like, like, a baby giraffe that was just born, like, not in a cute way. No, like, in a way where I was going to topple over on the Grammy stage.

You look amazing. Thank you. I actually do look amazing. I just remember being so terrified. Like, a lot of when you're, like, launched into pop started, it's, like, so fun.

But at least for me, it was terrifying. I don't know if other girls have this experience. What were you scared about? I was just, like, it was just so intense. Like, it was so intense.

I came from, like, very, very humble beginnings in a very young life. And then Nashville, and then, like, launched into this and it was just, like, it was intense. It was like, it goes, you're being seen in such an intense way that it's, it's just kind of intense. Yeah.

It's like, going from that to then 2010, you're standing. You're presenting an award and a Grammy's with the biggest star in the world. In the world. So you're like, hello, and I'm walking in heels, which spoiler alert.

Okay. I do it if I'm on a red carpet, so my leg looks nice from the side. It's the only time I do it. I'm usually barefoot and naked. Okay.

“And so then you have to, like, walk out on stage in these giant heels.”

And those ages are hard to walk out. Oh, hi, everyone's like, we're going to give your shoes a seven out of 10. I'm like, why? And I can't walk. And like, what?

It's just stressful. Oh, my God. No. You and baby bebes. You're really cute.

Okay. Next. I'm so proud of him, by the way. I saw his, I wasn't at Coachella, but I'm so proud of what he just did. Me too.

He's have to say that. It was incredible. Yeah. I haven't seen him in forever, but like, very proud and proud of him. Amazing work.

Amazing. Um, fun, fun. Hi, recommend. This is the show that I just put on last year.

It was my first tour as a free woman.

It's the biggest try I've ever done, period. And I'm independent. Period. Congratulations. Thank you.

And it was like that felt so fucking good. Not that you're like even turning around to be like, looking at your past, being like, fuck you all, look what I'm able to do. But there must have been some feeling of just like, oh my God, I'm so happy that I've proven to myself and to the world.

Like, I'm still here. I still fucking got it. What was like, after almost 10 years in a litigation, um, and you just, it's, you know,

“I was like, maybe, maybe that's, that's what it was.”

Maybe like this part of my life, like that was awesome. And like, but maybe that's part of the past and like, I'm so grateful if I got to live that, like, who gets to say that? And then to go on this tour, it's going to make me emotional for real. No, it's stopped.

Absolutely not. You're good. Are makeup? No. It's okay.

You can cry. But like, the makeup, you know, to be able to, like, go on stage and see, like, tens of thousands of people that quite frankly, like, I have seen some major ups and major downs. I still want to show up and, you know, just as like a person to, like, feel still

worthy and lovable and it, like, really did something for me this tour. I feel like I probably got way more emotionally out of this tour than anybody else, like, I can walk through the world. I walk through the world in a different way because of all the people that showed up for me.

And I hope that I also, like, was in service of them.

“That was my intention, but I think accidentally, everybody that showed up for this”

tour did, like, this incredible act of healing for me.

Well, even, and I know, we don't need to get into the details today, but like, even when you say, like, nine years, nine years of your life, almost a decade of your life, you are locked into a legal battle where you are fighting for the right for your voice. Yeah. And then to get out of that and to look out into a crowd and see people there who are just

waiting to see you again, like, how do you feel when you look back at that time of your life to then know the tour eventually came and you didn't get free? It was so interesting, I mean, just to give a little bit of context, I signed the record deal I was in when I was 18 years old. I got found when I was 17 and I signed the record deal at 18 years old.

And this record deal signed away the rights to my voice and likeness in perpetuity in the universe. So things happened, it didn't feel appropriate for me to remain in the situation I was in. So I did spend nine years in litigation fighting for the rights to myself back. And it's just like spiritually and conceptually such a weird, it's like such a weird concept

that somebody else can own a something that's coming from inside of my body, like that so weird.

And it just never, I never like could understand it really like spiritually speaking and

then to really be fighting for the rights to to my own voice and my own face. And my own, my me to myself, like what are we talking about?

was a lot of support.

And I'm like that support carried me through like one tweet could carry me through for months.

Like one stranger in on Twitter that I should not be on Twitter. But I was and I saw them and like that would carry me for a really long time. Like little things would take me through because nine years is a long time. Like it's a long time, it's a, it's a fourth of my life. It's actually more than a fourth of my life.

How did you keep yourself going through that time? Because I also am thinking about it like anyone listening to this, even when you put it that way, you're right, it's like, it's from, it's you. So like I'm sure there were so many moments where you had to think like what if this is so ingest and like what if I didn't win?

Like what if I let me lose myself?

“Like how did you like grapple with those emotions as a human?”

It was honestly, it was very hard. Like I'm not gonna sugarcoat it like I kind of, I feel like I had to just hide because it was so hard. And I feel like I'm so synonymous with joy. And I love that.

I love bringing people joy. But like when I could not show up as that for others, because like I can only give away what you have for yourself. And I would try, like in this litigation, I would go out on tour.

And I would sing the hit songs and I tried, but it was really difficult.

It's a really, it was just a really difficult, complicated, really confusing for me, even like the emotions were so complicated.

“What do you think your dominant emotion was at that time?”

I was so lonely and I was so lonely in how anxious I was and how much fear I had because we're told to speak up and stand up for ourselves and say something. And I had and I felt like, why am I, I'm getting like punished? Like my medical records are on the internet. My therapy notes are on the internet.

Every text message I've ever sent, it's on the internet, every email. I've ever sent, it's on the internet. You know, I went to treatment for a needing disorder. Those notes that I went in to try to help save my own life. Like those are on the internet.

And I did that because I have nothing to hide. And I now can sit here and talk to you and realize that that, that's actually very freeing in a way. Some like, kind of feels like sitting naked in my backyard. You know, where you're just like, it's, it's freedom now.

But at the time, it was really like, it felt really just so bad. Hell, it's, it felt like fucking hell. I also think this is so relatable for women and something you just said is like, you're at a place in your life where you are radiating joy and you're choosing to live and joy.

But the way that women can be painted is so angry when we try to stand up for ourselves. I written down a quote, you said, I grew up thinking women can be all the things. But the one thing I really cannot be is an angry woman. Like, what did you think would happen if you allowed yourself publicly to show your anger towards this unfair situation?

There was like a period right before I got treatment for my eating disorder. Where Timber was the number one song in the world. And I was in my dazzled body suits with my dancers and my wig. And like, behind the scenes, I was not having fun. I was starving myself.

And I had this moment where I looked in the mirror and I told you I grew up on like punk music. Like Iggy Pop, I didn't Iggy Pop tattoo, like.

“And I looked in the mirror and I'm like, what are we doing?”

What are we doing? What are we doing? And I canceled the rest of this tour. And I started a band called yeast infection and I only played dive bars. Kesha, I love the ocean.

I am pretty sure everyone was like, and she's lost her goddamn mind. And I'm sitting there thinking like, pop a Iggy Pop would be so proud of me. I'm burning it down, fuck the man.

like, I got help in treatment and trying to sort through the emotions.

“And like, to be honest with you, like, anger is so interesting as a woman, isn't it?”

Like, nobody wants to see that. No, because we're hysterical and we're crazy and it's like ugly. And I kind of like, I'm down to challenge that, because I actually think it keeps us from being

our most boundary and most powerful selves to keep us from anger.

Because I can only speak for myself, but my anger indicates. And I feel it somatically in my body, I get anger. And it means I need to make a boundary and someone is crossing a boundary. Every woman's like, you just described that better than I could of myself. Why are we not allowed to express that dominant emotion right there?

That clearly, there's something underneath that you're so right where we're saying, we're screaming for help. Yes, we're like, because I'm pretty sure anger is not a dominant emotion. It is a reaction to one of the emotions. We're hurt. We're in pain. We're sad.

We're whatever it is that someone usually made us feel. And so I'm fucking pissed off. Yeah. And people are like, no, no, no, no. It's just anger's just the top layer. That's ugly.

And no one wants to ask what happened. See that? No, no one wants to say, well, we would happen. Why are you so angry? They're like, girl, that is a bad look on you.

And it's like, do you want to ask why I'm pissed the fuck off? Never.

No, just be quiet. Sit down, shut the fuck up. Well, I think that like, I'm down. Well, so if I'm going to back it up, this is like why I love songwriting. It's because that is a safe place to go absolutely buck wild.

“Like, because I always think like, where is the safe place to be really fucking angry?”

Let me tell you where. When you're screaming a song into a microphone, and all your friends are like, oh my god, girl, that's great. And they're like cheering for you. Oh my god, this is why right music. Right, it's a little less like intense when it's music. Because like, oh, this is a Bob girl. You're like, little did you know,

I'm actually fucking serious when I'm dead screaming. I'm screaming, but like, that's the power of music. Girl, like, next. Next one. Okay, okay. Maybe I don't know what the fuck this relates to, but and this is where we're at. And here we are. I'm a cult leader 101. Well, you post this back in January.

But catch what's happening here. Okay. Let's, what is happening? So I'm a Pisces and like statistically Pisces are great cult leaders. Okay. And we were going to Brazil, and I haven't been to Brazil in forever, and I was thinking about how culture, the word culture, it's like, culture. And then I was with my dancers. And they're like, you're kind of our cult leader. And I'm like, what's the cult? And my goal

is to kind of create like queer church. When I was designing my show, I wanted it to feel like a pop church for all people, but specifically having had gone to church after church, had to church in my life wanting to go to divinity school and being like part of the queer community and caring very deeply about the queer community. I wanted like one of my main goals, the last act of my show on this tour is called queer church because throughout my whole career,

I would not, I wouldn't be shit if it weren't for the queer community. And as like a pop star,

like I owe everything to the community. And I want to always make a safe space for all people.

“What do you think is the biggest misconception about you?”

Oh, shit. I don't even like truly, it depends on what article you read, what era, like, I don't even know. Like that's the craziest part about having everything in your life on the internet, like truly. So it was like depends on who you ask, depends on, I have no idea. I literally don't know. And part of me is like, do I care? Because I'm so fucking solid. It's so good. I don't give up. No, it's so good. I like spent so much time.

Girl, after this litigation, I was like, not, I was truly so full of fear. Like it was in my bone

system and heal. And like, I am so fucking good with myself now. And that is like a miracle. So I don't know. I don't know. People might think, oh, I don't even know. You're going to, I don't care.

“I don't, I'm like, I'm kind of curious, but it's kind of like going on Twitter. Like, do I want to know?”

Yeah, you're like, what are these bitches fucking say? What do I have to say? You can put the card

on those first. Okay. I think that I want to talk about something that was very interesting.

And I know that, you know, you said to Monica Lewinsky and you said, during that time, you weren't able to have an orgasm because of the stress that you were under. Yeah. What has it been like reclaiming your sexuality? Oh, my God, it's a miracle. It's a miracle. Do you know? Should I say this? I probably should. I don't care. I'm free. I now mostly sell it. You know, except for when you're in Italy. Like, I now, what did you just say about Italy? I mean, I'm

sell a bit, except for when I'm in Italy. Okay. Oh, I like that. It's like by country. Listen,

whatever. Anyways, you like the Italians. Okay. But so now I actually like,

masturbate to gratitude meditations. You're, you're lying to me. I certainly am not casha.

“They're like, breathe in and be grateful. Oh, all right. Don't not get too strong, honestly.”

Everyone, let me just say those downloads on the gratitude ones are going to go away. Up. Remember when I said I started every day with a gratitude meditation? Right. It's been amazing. Literally, when I got my freedom, I was like, I think, you know, I'm pissed about a lot of stuff. But one of the things is that like pleasure, I keep coming back to pleasure. Like, it is okay as a woman to feel pleasure in this world. When things, when you go through things,

pleasure is not like the number one neural pathway that your brain always goes to when you

have survived things. And I had to reprogram that and I do it every fucking day. And I'm not even embarrassed about it. You shouldn't be. You absolutely shouldn't be. And I think especially as women I relate to, like, I think when we are stressed or we're going through something traumatic, the actual last thing that we can think about is sex and pleasure because our bodies are so frozen. We can't, we literally can't feel our bodies. Like to lose that part of yourself and to shut

down. And then to be able to now be like, I connect this shit with gratitude mother. Yeah. Fucker. Totally. Wow. This is why I am celibate is because I'm calling in a fucking king. Like it's time for my king. Your manifesting. My pussy is manifesting with gratitude that my

“king is coming. Okay? Because you have to, your body has to align with your reality before it”

shows up in your life. So like, are there kings in Italy? Like, what's going on there? There's some fucking things in Italy. I go. It's really that different. Kind of love it. I know you also kind of mentioned like going through this experience of not feeling right in your body, you know, being on the world stage, having people comment does the exploitation to the end degree of people feeling like they are entitled to a woman's body is so disturbing. And I also think this

impossible standards that we're held to, right? Like, be hot, but don't be slutty. Like, you know, be hot, but don't be fake. Like, there's so much that we have to be like, where is the middle line? Like, how have you managed to get kind of rid of those expectations? Because like, you are so confident now. And we need your wisdom of like, how have you just learned to just be comfortable with who you are? I mean, it's been like such a journey, right? From the beginning,

of my career. And I, you know, we've talked about this a bit and it's been very public. Like, people have commented on my body. I internalize those comments. I make that the word of God. I try to adjust my body to somebody else's, like, what they want me to be. I went through a horrible

I actually don't like the way that looks, but like, it's just like this constant dance with society

“on what it does mean to be a woman and what is acceptable. And like, also, we're not supposed to”

age, like trust me. I don't want to, but like, I don't know what else to do. Like, I, so I just have to try to have, like, because my body image can get very perfectionism. That's like what came up when I was, you know, in the eating disorder, which has been a while ago now. So I like, it's interesting to talk about it because I just really wanted to be loved. And in my healing process, since I got my freedom, I realized like wanting to be famous

and wanting to be loved, all of that actually had to come from myself. And it couldn't be fake self love. It could not be performative words from a stage. I had to sit with myself and really like treat myself with kindness and grace and gratitude. And I sat with my leg. I tore my ACL on stage. And I fucking finished that show. And I played another one. Like, I'm so grateful. But I remember Kesha, that wasn't it that after you did that, though, the headlines were

you were drunk on stage. Like, things like that make your blood boil because I don't drink before I go on stage. I barely drink. Like, that's the one LOL that's probably a huge misconception. But like, I don't want to have to defend myself. I talked to me a little bit

“about that persona that you built because I know everyone builds a form when you have to have this”

like public image, right? I feel like there was this very like wild child's party girl that you were bringing forth to the world and people loved it. But like, how intentional was that? I think that that is absolutely a part of where I was at. You know, I was in my early 20s. And I think people love a headline. We love the drama, the salacious. We love it. So it was a version of a thing I did sometimes just like everybody at that age. And it was fun.

And it's funny to talk about. It's also probably more interesting to write a song about a night, a wild night than like, uh, getting a car wash. Like, I don't know. Now I'm going to challenge myself. Yeah. All right, I go right after this. Like, at the time, it was also, I write many, many, many songs for a record. Like, I'm talking like a hundred plus. So, um, let's just say, I wanted to showcase other sides of my personality with single choices,

but like the party thing was working. Right. And so it became almost like a caricature of itself,

which is not to say it was never like disingenuous. I was having a great time and having fun

“and rumping around the world. But I think the balance of that is also who I am, which didn't”

maybe get as much of a spotlight at the time because one thing was really working. And how much do you think that that public persona influenced the way people treated you? Well, I think that there has been a level of can write off a talent because there's auto tune or it's a silly song, or it's a pop song, or like there's so many ways to try to discount kind of like what I've done,

but the cool thing is, is that I'm always like, all right, y'all go right one. Go ahead,

right one. See how easy this, like part of, I actually truly think this we're talking about this earlier, but joy is such an active resistance. A lot of times in my career, my joy has been written off as something that is not maybe that impressive because it's kind of silly, it's kind of fucking goofy, it's kind of just crazy, but I think to vibrate in the frequency of like silly goose shit is

Babe, I could have gone to Barnard, okay, I'm really fucking smart, and I also can be really fun and silly,

and both things can exist, but you then refute, you're taking away my intellect because I'm having fun and I have an image and I'm leaning in and I'm doing all these fun things because that's what everyone wants, what to be able to put them in a box because it has, we need to be able to fit them into a structure where we can make sense of it. I guess what bitch is, no, how about no, that's just not how life works with a human. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna, I'm just not

gonna, like, interest me there, mad at me, live there, mad, but I'm not, you're happy, like no,

I'm like killing it, I just sold out MSG, I'm chilling, so like they tried so hard to make me so sad. No, can we all go talk about this joy because you're right, we were talking about for the interview and the way you talk about it, it's so refreshing because like I just don't feel like as women and especially like if you're trying to forge a path for yourself and be successful, when you're smiling and you're enjoying your success, no one wants to see that, no, and it's like

“really disorienting to people and I just like don't know why, I'm like you don't either, I think that”

what do I think? I don't know, I think that when you are, I think we're all mirrors for each other and to some, you could be a massive inspiration and to some, you can be a reflection of what they are not achieving in their life. I know, I mean, I just know that I feel like I have been projected upon a lot and kind of going back to the body stuff, it's like I tried to shape shift to make everybody happy and at some point when you do that for literally almost 20 years, you start to be like,

I'm going to Italy and eating the pasta, see you guys later, eat shit and die, eat shit and die, everyone eat shit and die. Well it's just like what, what, I can't, can we talk about these kings in Italy? Yeah, let's talk about your dating life. Oh god, okay, L.O.L.L. Let's go. Okay, so you're selling a bit, except for your

magnetic kind of, well, first of all, you have a song called Red Flag. Yeah. Were you just like straight up

admit to loving a red flag in a partner? This is why I've been mostly sell a bit and I'm going to remain very single on purpose because we have worked on this trait of mine. What were some

“toxic traits? We're not into anymore, but maybe in the past we were a little like, huh? Do I think”

our hot? Yeah, just like, truly the funnier the story, the hotter. Like, oh god, oh god. I'd like just, I have just dated people, I have no business dating, just no, I can't even call, there's like some stories I really want to tell, but I don't want to call anybody out, but like one eye, which I think is hot. Yeah, he was cool. Okay, like the line got drawn because he just smelled kind of like a subway sandwich that had been sitting in the back of your car for a couple

of days and like honestly, you better work, but it was just not a match. It was like a vibe

“'cause I'm actually secretly a hippie, but like, there's a line. Yeah, for me, you know?”

Oh god. Oh, wait, then I'm going to give you some dating disasters. Oh, you tell me if any of this relates to you. Okay, go ahead, give me the story. What is the prettiest reason you've ever gotten dumped? I've only gotten dumped actually one time and it's because the guy was dating I kind of like thought he was probably a star fucker and I was like, I'm just going to like test this theory and so I went to the era as like after the trailer's a little party and I was just like,

I'm going to pop in, take my girlfriend, I'm not going to take the boyfriend, just see how this goes.

and that was that. I was like, have you no shame, like, can you wait like 11 days or something? Him being like so angry with you? You're like tantrum. I mean, over, if you're going to do it

“over anybody, tell us honestly. Honestly fair, honestly, I would have fucking done Joe, yeah,”

never, never, never. But get it together. Okay, what's the time you completely misread the vibes?

And you're like, wait, no, that's not how I felt. Oh, with a guy. Yeah. Misread the vibes. Well, let's just say, most, okay, let's just say, I had these two athletes, two of them at the same time and they were like, let's hang out and I was like, I can't because I realized I forget there's a word for this, but if I don't like someone's brain, I can't deal with their Pena Senus. That's an SAPO sexual. But I just like, I really like,

I was excited because I got my orgasm back. You know, and I was like, I'm going to like,

kind of have a whole phase. Like, what's that like? And I can't. No, no, no. So that's, yeah, the athletes,

it sounds like a good idea. And then you get there and you're like, hmm. But it was like a really cute flirtation, but I just like, I misread my own vibe in thinking that I could have a hope is.

“I think I like just want to king. I just want like one. I just want to master a meditate,”

smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Dude, okay, what is the time you found out you were potentially the other woman? Oh, oh, well, okay, I met this guy and I was really into his brain and then we had a little kiki, had a little make out, it's cute, but then I found out he was polyamorous. So it's not really the other woman, but it's like an open situation. And so anytime I met with like, I felt very judgmental, you know, he was like, oh, I'm judging

the situation. I'm judging my part of being in the situation and then I had a conversation and like, it's a full blown life choice. They've been doing it for a very long time. His partner has a full blown other partner. And so, I was like, I'm gonna give this a try for a moment and it turns out it just like was not for me. You just want a king to yourself. I think the most like a devotion, oh my god, do you know that someone like built a pyramid for somebody? Didn't they? I think so.

Okay, so we're gonna go with it. We're gonna fucking go with it. Back, back, back, back, back.

“And who am I? Yeah, in your mind that's what you want. But like, what would you want some”

to build you? Like, I want a fucking, I want a fucking, fucking cathedral full of cats and starburst. I don't know, I just like, want and like a river running through it. Ooh, and like a weeping willow next to the dolphins. Obviously. Obviously. And that's what every woman wants. You're like, click this, send this, send this to him in Italy. Get started. Yes, with a manicurist inside of my pyramid.

I love the men like this. So a pyramid, I like this. I like this. What do you want, Bill?

You know, I've never thought about it, but I don't think anything I could say would

top what you just said. So I'll take what she's having. Honestly, I'll take the cats and the starburst and the weeping willow. What is the worst neat the parents interaction you've ever had? Oh, wow. I had one in Indiana. I'm not gonna say his name. Okay, he knows who he is. He took me to Indiana and I had only gone on like two dates and it just ended up being like, I love Indiana, but like this particular meeting that parents after just a couple of dates was

like wildly awkward. And then everyone thinks because I'm coming home, then we're getting married. And you had two dates. Yeah, but that was my bad. See, crazy, horny. I get horny for crazy. Like if someone's like, I know, let's do this like really, it's a bad idea. And I'm like, that sounds funny. I do it for fun. I do it for like the book. You know, let's go to Indiana meet your parents. And I'm

And then it's gonna end with him building me a pyramid and it never in Indiana. Fucking does. This

“is just why I'm mostly selling it. Okay, yeah, now I think definitely don't go meet the parents after”

two dates, right? That was my bad. It was a good story. What is the biggest lie you ever caught someone in? Okay. Okay. There. There was a guy. I did feel like a long time. Okay. And I don't know. If you ask my dancers, he may not have a home. Was he living with you? I don't want my answer. You're like, Alex, shut up. That's not important. Okay. He may remain on another thing with me. And we never went to his place, but he always says an excuse. I was really busy.

I was designing my chore and then I was like literally hand designing everything and it was like, I'll go see your place when I have time and then one thing led to another and then you never saw the place because I don't know if it exists. I know. You know, yeah. Yeah. No, I know. The red flag thing. I know. But you're so self-aware, right? Now you're like, I know. Like, at least you recognize it.

You know, like you'll always be on guard now. If they never are like by the third time, like,

when I come to mind, it has to be that I have to like, I need, I'm just gonna, what do we do? Literally. It's women like, what do we do? Just try to prevail. Okay. Like, I think

“you just like serve kind and prevail and like, just close up pissy up and call in Kings. That's what I'm”

trying. That's like, we're working on it. But sometimes they don't have homes. And then you should like definitely not let them move in with you unless you do a background check for your background checks, Kesha. I know. Let's go on. I know. What is the most rogue first date you've ever been on? Your face. Well, for my birthday, someone sent me a yacht, not like as a present, but like, for me and

like my whole crew, but they weren't even there. Oh, so there was kind of a first date, and it was my favorite one. You really said me shit and don't come around. You're like,

“that's actually the kind of relationship I want. Give me all the good things, but I don't want”

to ever see. Okay. Don't annoy me. You're so fucking annoying. That's not the yacht babe. And build the pyramid. And I'll be in the pyramid. Oh, hello. Um, okay. What is the weirdest place you've ever hooked up with someone? Hmm. Weirdest. Let me take a little walk down memory line for a minute. Weirdest place I've ever hooked up with somebody. Like, I don't know. It's like playing strains and automobiles vibes like on a bus in a bus,

bathroom in a bunk on a bus. You're on the, like, I'm always on tour, which is like kind of the

thing. So like, at a sexy bathroom at the restaurant, love that. I love like nature sex. Oh, it's the best. Um, in like the woods. Yeah. Okay. It's the best. Really with like the sticks. Oh, in the leaves, honey. And the barks. Yeah. And the worm can never ever. And that mud, honey. I'm like, what just went in my vagina? Oh, that wasn't his. No, I'm like, okay. Actually, maybe my favorite sex has been like body paint, like paint in the woods. Oh, in the grass,

but there's paint and there's a canvas and there's sexiness happening. I could picture it. I like it for you. Um, are you the type of person that says friends with their acts? I do. If like, if you're like a real shit, I'm gonna write a song about you and like it's what it is. If you're not, if it's just like not a match, totally. Yep. I like to me kind of realize now that I'm like free and I'm independent and I'm sovereign and it's this whole energy of like, if you don't like fuck

in the paparazzi pictures or lied to me about having a home like that is like deal breaker. So deal

“breaker. We got to cut out all standards. Um, have you ever been cheated on? I think they know”

that I'm a little crazy. You're like they ended it before because they knew you don't, you don't want to do that. Like I collect human teeth. Let's talk about that. What's going on? Well, so I've been collecting them for a while now. Okay. And I make art out of them. I have my cats had to get their little teeth taken out because they were, I don't know, they're a little kitty wisdom teeth. Yeah, like those two, I'm like the tooth fairy and didn't fans like you

to send you their teeth. Yeah. No, they still do. And did you ask for that? Yes. How did how did

that kind? I tweeted it. You said what? Do you send me your teeth? Just like send me your teeth. Good morning. Hit me up. Love you. And what did you want to do with the teeth? Also, I make art. I make jewelry.

“I've made a crown like a head dress. I made a belt. The thing you're carrying is in a tooth, right?”

Oh, no, that's my placenta. Wait. What? Where's that? Where did it go? Oh, I lost my placenta. Oh my god, where is your placenta? You were holding it. Maybe you went down into the crevices. We'll get it after. Let's in here. You were holding your placenta earlier. Yeah, I brought it in.

So your placenta supposedly gives you second sight. It helps open your third eye. It's according to

my mother. So she stuck it in the oven. She put it in a box and she found it when I was like 21 years old in the basement. We did to like fight for my placenta. My mom, they tried to take my placenta away from her hospital and she like fucking threw a connection fit and she fought for it. She fought for that. So now I carry it around. She put in the oven, wrapped it up in a box, stuck it in the basement. We found it, throw it in the blender, pop it in a necklace, work.

Art. Gives a little show to the camera. Okay. That's your placenta. And that's in there. And do you travel with that everywhere? Yeah. What is it bring you? Um, I just feel like it's like I love a good ritual, right? Like I'm a cult leader. We all saw on the photo. And I just like I love a ritual that reminds me of this like esoteric world I prefer to live in. Like down here on earth, boring. But like when I go up into like with my spirit guides and the whole realm of angels,

like that's where I prefer to be. It's kind of fun. It's like the teeth. It just reminds me when I have like a little piece of the people I love. What are they going to throw? Where do they put teeth anyways? What do you throw them in the toilet? Yeah. Where do you like when you take your kids teeth to the fairies out there? Yeah. Where do you put them? You send them to Kesha. You send them to me because like we're also going to put them in the trash. Have you ever gotten anyone that

you're like, oh, I got to throw this one out. It's a little, yeah. Oh, I've gotten crazy once. And I live for it. I'm currently trying to like design a coffee table and this center, I want to just be a bowl of all the teeth. So for real, if people want to send it to me, this actually like art, I make out of it. I live for it. You're literally the tooth Barry. I know. I know you once broke off an engagement. What led you to that decision? Because that

must have been tough. It was really hard. It was during I was in litigation. It was COVID. The legal bills are like coming in hot and like aggressively at a time where I could not tour. And I'm engaged to someone who is a beautiful person. But quite frankly, I just didn't see us growing together.

“And I think to be honest with you, there have been many people that I've dated that have felt”

one way or another about what I do for a living. And it's like my fans are the love of my life. Like they really are. Like it's my longest relationship I've ever had. And we've grown up together and they've shown up for me. They stood outside the fucking courthouse. Like my fans in my music,

relationships that almost like will nag because maybe they are, I don't know what they feel about it.

But they feel a type of way about what I do. And I just realized especially in my freedom and independent era and like sovereignty that like I only want a partner again going back to like really wanting like a partnership, the visionary our life together. And I want them to be like baby, be fucking bigger, be even more. I want you to eat your healthy Omega 3 fatty acids to feed your fucking gorgeous brain. Like that's the partner I want. Like take your magnesium, you sexy

bitch. He just wants you to keep fucking climbing and taking over instead of being like a little wiener in the corner, being like you're out shining me or you're getting too big and you're like

“it's so you just can't have someone holding you back. But I think a lot of women feel like”

maybe I am too much. And I also think what's so admirable about the decision regardless of the person. I think a lot of people can relate like when you get engaged, I think there's such a it's such a feels like it's such a beautiful time in your life. But there are a lot of people who recognize like, oh my god, almost making it more finalized. Maybe realize maybe this isn't what I want. And there's so much fear. I think of ending it whether like you already posted on Instagram

that you're engaged. So like this is going to be so embarrassing if we call it off or people publicly know about it or the families are whatever, like how did you deal with the emotional weight of knowing you wanted to end something but also knowing optically. Like there's so much

“also that comes with that type of fallout. I think that like since we're, speak for myself,”

since I was a little girl, I have seen many movies read many books, there are many stories about how one of my life's greatest missions is to find my soulmate, my missing piece, the person that will complete me and really like give my whole life meaning. And I realized, you know, going from being not free and not sovereign, too sovereign and free, that I'd really like to challenge that

and and feel holding complete on my own. Um, and ending something with someone is always

difficult, especially if you love them, especially if you've integrated your life with their family. But I think kind of going back to the samurai piece, like your gut is going to tell you if you are with the right partner and my gut became unavoidable. And I, and I had to weigh the option of honoring myself or doing something that is, it's horrible to break up with someone you love. It's so difficult. And I've so much love for him and his family. They're beautiful. Beautiful

people. It just, I just didn't feel like we were growing in the, in the same direction. And like I'm wildly ambitious. And, and he was more comfortable, he was more satisfied, which I'm not saying that one is better than the other. Actually, sometimes wish I could just be more satisfied and show. It just didn't match. It just didn't. It wasn't a match, like, at the end and it was really difficult, but we're still friends. And I have so much love for him. He's a really good person.

“I love that. And I think also just women listening, that's such a good testament too to like”

when you deny what you're feeling in your gut, it's never going to go away. You can put band-aid

on it. You can ignore it. But like, you're only just prolonging the pain more and more. And so although sometimes making a really, really hard decision in that moment can feel excruciating and uncomfortable, you're then already in the process of moving forward with what you know and you're got you're supposed to do. And the more that you avoid it, you're just going to continue to live a life where like you're not being authentic and honest yourself. And that will eat you live

inside. And it's kind of not fair to the partner that you're with. They deserve to be with someone also that is wholeheartedly in it with them. And so sometimes it really is the selfless thing to do as much as it feels selfish in the moment. Well, it's interesting. This idea of selfish versus selfless. And I think self-care really does include honoring yourself and your highest good because we each have that over ourselves. So to try to people, please, to remain in relationship with someone,

it is actually quite unfair to both of you. And you have one life like you are born into this life

Like you deserve that. And if you go down a road, like you can begin again every fucking second of

“every day. It is never too late. Like I am 39 years old and I just went on the biggest”

tour of my life. Almost 20 years after my biggest song came out. Like, and to get there, my fucking God was that a road. It was a difficult road. But I had to honor my truth. I had to honor myself. I had to go through what I went through to get there. I had to break up with someone I love. I still love. And I'm so grateful for. I had to have all my fucking medical records on the internet. I had to have the ugly filler phase. Like I had to have all these things that were so intolerably painful at

the time. And I can sit here and talk to you and be so grateful. I went through them because I feel so free. And I just, I want that for like everyone, everyone. I want everyone to really feel in their authenticity and like connected to their highest version of themselves. I'm so happy

“for you. Like everything you've went through. That's why I think so many people love you. Not that you”

should have had to go through it. But like you sitting here. I mean, you've new music out. You're new single or Gummy. Like I want to talk about it because it's like, what was the inspiration behind this song? Yeah. I've a new song coming out called Origami. And it is, I am having a fun time immortalizing this reclaiming of my sexuality. The past like year and a half, two years. I'm reclaiming myself and part of that is my sexuality. And this is a song that's about, you know,

bend me, twist me. How you want me? Baby, make me all right, Gummy. In Italy. You know, just in Italy. What is there an album that would be coming with this?

Well, try to figure it out because my God, there are a lot of songs. You said you always

feel like a hundred. A lot of the songs are happening at all times. You're writing. I'm writing all the time. I mean, my God. So like TBD exactly what form it's going to be in. But there is a new song that's like so, kind of. And it's really fun. And it's just like celebrating being in your body and quite frankly, like having so much fun again in my body at 39 years old, having gone through hell and back. Yeah. And I'm having the best time. And I feel like I got

a sing songs about it. Absolutely. Yeah. You are going on the freedom tour the summer. Yes. What can fans expect from that? Well, so I kind of was, I had all this. My story, my trauma was like trapped in my body. And I did a psychedelic assisted therapy that was really helpful for me in my anxiety. And I kind of was like, how can I tell the story? How can I ever get this all out of my body? And my body was like, bitch, you have, you're playing the forum. What are you talking about?

And it's like, nobody can't say the whole parts of the story. Like, I can't talk about it. And my

leg was like, put it in the show. So I tell basically my life story through my life's work.

“And that's why it's the freedom tour. Wow. Because I go through like, I go through the story”

in the only way that I can through my life's work. And the goal is to create love for myself, love with my community and to really walk through this world in like freedom and sovereignty. So beautiful. Yeah. And it's like gay church. Let's go. Is the first time I've ever had mine MSG. Congratulations. Thank you. Would it that feel like? Well, first of all, it was sold out. Girl. I can't. How did you feel just like chilling in your

dressing room before hearing a road screaming? Cassie Ventura sends me this massive bouquet of these beautiful pink roses. Before I go out of the table. I have chills all over my body, talking about it. Oh, I know. And my whole family is there. And it is sold out. And I just can't tell you like feeling because Cassie was in the room when I recorded the song TikTok.

you guys have both individually been through with horrific unimaginable situations to then now be on

the other side of it and both be able to be together. I don't want to speak for you. But like I'm seeing you smile and not in all that it's like whoa, how emotional was that? Oh, like so. And like she just had a baby and she seems to be doing so well. And I'm so happy for her. It feels so good to witness that. And I'm sure she feels the same about you. I know it's just like such a moment. And it was like, well, I'm a special nice of my life because there's this like hard curfew at MSG.

And if you go over one minute, it's like a very bad. It's a big, big trouble. And the crowd literally started cheering and they didn't stop for I think it was like 10 or 11 minutes to the

“point where everyone's freaking out in my inners being like, you have to start the next song.”

You're going to get a tag of this day. You're fired from New York City forever. And I just was like, no, this is like I have waited for this kind of I felt. I was like, I'm not stopping them. There's no fucking way I sat alone in my house and like truly questioned the point of living any longer for almost a decade. And I'm gonna stop them cheering. Charged it to the card, baby. It's worth it. Oh, I can't even imagine. Did you feel in your body in that moment? I literally

felt like my heart people like say heart chakra. Whatever it was, I felt my literal heart. It felt like someone was tearing the fashile tissue apart. And I literally felt my heart open in a way that I don't think I've ever felt anything like in my entire life. And it was so

this is what I was saying to earlier, like the fans. I hope had an amazing time this summer,

but I don't think they're ever going to really be able to understand what that did for me. Like that night alone was, it was like a turning point in my life. It was one of the greatest nights of my entire life. I can't even imagine what's so beautiful about the industry, because I know there's so many, much pain, obviously, that it's brought you, but for you to be able to do the thing that you love so much and that you're so passionate about

you're so talented and do it and get so much fulfillment and healing out of it, but then also to simultaneously be giving such happiness also to your fans, like you're being able to do both at the same time, like what a beautiful gift that you're giving everyone and yourself included,

“because you should put yourself first right now at this time and you're like, but the fact that”

putting yourself first means you want to get on that stage and that's your healing process.

Like, I can only imagine what your fans feel in the crowd, like they must feel that for me. Well, I mean, God, they were there at the beginning and we were having fun and then a bunch of shit happened and it was like, was sad and hard and like now I'm like, now let's celebrate like that we also have each other in this life. It might be an unusual form of community, but like that's my community. I've been doing this for a long time and half of the time again,

unfortunately, you shouldn't have to go through it, but when you go through harder shit, it brings you even closer to the people that you love because you can be like, it even, it's that much sweeter that we get to stand here and say I'm free and we get to enjoy it that much more because we felt it almost be taken away. Yeah, and wow, and I do think that's like the art of a writing a book. Okay. And it's called the alchemy of pop. It's gonna not be ready for a while.

Okay. We'll we'll be waiting. But like, it's gonna be great, but it's gonna take me a while. Yeah, but it's all about alchemyzing your experiences in this life. Anything that happens to you, like, I have found that I can take it and I try to alchemyze it into something that can help someone

“else somehow and, like, to your point, like, that's what I've tried to do with my experiences in life.”

I try to put them into a song, it helps me, and then I really hope it helps other people. Last two questions. I feel like I could talk to you for nine hours. How would you describe this current era of your life that you are now in continuing to enter into? I think I'm just so

maybe a crazy thing to say because the world is crazy. But it's the first time that I've ever felt

this. And so I would like to create safe places for people, whatever that means. So I'm just really

“open to the universe. I would love the universe to show me, like, what is the best way to do”

to do that for other people? Because it was like, yeah, to feel safe is everything. And I would love

to help other people feel safe. So I'm like, open to what that means. But that's, I'm in a place where

I feel very grateful to be alive and to have lived through what I live through and to feel safe. And now I would like to help pay that forward. Wow. Yeah. For fans who have been with you since day one, what message would you want to leave them with today? I literally, truly though,

“you're actually the love of my life. Like, I think about all these silly goose men, I'm a go, my animals,”

like, I'm so grateful and I'm sorry your mother is, and a lot of phases. You're like, girl, you're loving me through all of them. And I just, I'm so, I'm so lucky. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. And I'm just like, very, I'm just so fucking grateful. And I want to just continue to create safe spaces for you to come and be, like, authentically, as fucking weird as you want to be. So I'll see you on summer tour and be weird. Be so weird.

I feel like I can speak for everyone when we say, like, we love you so much and we are so happy that you're out of place where you do feel safe in your life because you deserve it more than anything. And I am so happy for you and your career, all that you've accomplished. We could have sat here for hours and talked about every single song you've ever released, every single tour you've been on, every single thing you've accomplished. Like, there's too much. And it's so crazy. Like,

it's still going and it's still coming. And I'm just so happy for you. You're such a beautiful, interesting, intelligent person. And I'm so happy I got to sit down with you. Like,

“I never know what to expect. Like, this is why I love my job. I get to sit down. I think I know”

from researching. But you're even more incredible than I could have ever imagined. So, and thank you

for your time because I know you haven't done a long form interview in a really long time. Yeah. I don't think I've done it since I got out of litigation. So thank you for making me feel safe. It was my absolute absolute honor. Thank you. Well, creating a safe space allows us to be silly geese. And here is the goal, honey. Cash shot. Thank you for coming on Color Daddy. Thanks for having me.