Make Dating Fun Again

reflective heading into today's episode because fun fact tomorrow is Matt and I's two year wedding anniversary

“which means we will have been together for a total of six years going on seven. That is like insane to”

say aloud. In some ways I feel like we've been together our whole lives but then another part of me is like still shocked that I'm married and I have a husband and I'm a wife but as we're entering into this

third year of marriage I have been thinking a lot about the time before Matt and I ever met.

Obviously I feel so grateful and lucky to be in this phase of my life with him but I'm also really grateful for the time that I gave myself to just be single and on my own before we ended up together because even though being single can of course be extremely stressful and disappointing at times it can also be one of the most transformative and empowering phases of your life and I am so happy now to be building this life with Matt but I was really happy when I was single too and yes I know

like being single and being married or too wildly different experiences but what I really want to emphasize today is that one phase is not more meaningful or important than the other. When Matt

came into my life I was really enjoying dating. I was meeting new people. I was figuring out what

“I liked getting to know myself better was building my career and because of that I think Matt and I”

were able to take our time and not rush into anything and I think now looking back that was such a huge part of why our relationship works so well. Like I didn't need Matt. Matt didn't need me. We were both so centered and working on ourselves that it kind of was like if this works out great but like don't really need you and like I'm a very independent person and if our lives naturally come together great but like kind of doesn't matter if it doesn't work out because I'm going on my own

and I think that was such a beautiful place to be in when I met Matt and because of that I do think that those early dating stages between us they got to just be really fun. Like they were low stakes and we just both got to kind of be along for the ride and just enjoy ourselves. Why I'm bringing this up is because lately when I talk to my single friends or when I'm reading DMs that you guys are sending me for questions of the week I feel like the experience that I got

to have when I was single is very different from the experience of dating and trying to find your person in 2026 and weirdly like I know it wasn't that long ago that I was single like seven a year ago but a lot continues to change with social media and listen I know it's not exactly a hot take to say that dating apps have completely changed the way that we meet people but for better or worse they have taken a lot of the curiosity and the spontaneity out of the process of

meeting someone new. There's obviously so many positives of dating apps but that is one of the cons right and I can totally see how people might feel like the only option in today's dating culture is to meet your person on an app but I also know that when you're single and your mentality is in that headspace where you're like oh I don't really want to be single anymore like I just want to find a partner like I don't want to be going out to clubs and drinking and going

into the bars and all that like it's almost like you go in that drinks and you're like really

hoping it's gonna be amazing and then it's like and then like you go on the second date because

you're like come on like maybe there's like something I missed like maybe he is better on the second date of the first then you're like oh my god this is worse so the first date and then you end up ghosting each other and like then the worst part you're like I have to start all over again because I just spent so much time in the apps and then I got out of the apps and we started texting and then I met him on the day and it was horrible and now I'm back to the apps like that whole

process I do want to acknowledge can make you feel a little numb it's just the truth you start to become numb to dating and if you're anything like a lot of my single friends then you're probably also at a place where like you know exactly what you're looking for your standards are probably really high you've done a lot of work on yourself but every date you go on just feels like another disappointing job interview another waste of time and I think when dates start to feel

“like this chore that you have to check off your list I think that we really then start to strip”

ourselves from the potential to actually have a lot of fun in the process of getting to know someone and being single and dating and so I am here today Daddy Gang to try to bring a little

for today's episode if you have been feeling hopeless or overwhelmed with your dating life then this episode is for you I have not forgotten my single girls let's get into it

the whole point of any romantic experience whether it's a first date or a 50 year marriage

is that it's supposed to make us feel good right like why do any of us want to partner at all why do we deal with the ups and the downs of relationships it's because at their core there's supposed to make our lives more enjoyable than they would be just being on our own right and if you're single today that means that all of the best relationship milestones are still ahead of you the first sleepover the big first I love you's the first trips together like all of it meeting the parents meeting

the friends like there are so many first ahead of you that I promise you your friends in long-term

relationships are probably jealous that you still get to look forward to like if I could rewind and

relive some of the early dates that Matt and I went on and some of those early moments like I would because you can't recreate that feeling right the early dating stages can be truly the best time of your life if you do them right and yes I obviously know that dating intentionally means you probably feel the pressure and the timelines and expectations that I am not ignorant too but I also know that like anything in life when you get so fixated on the outcome it can completely negate the enjoyment

“that we get to feel along the way we're putting too much pressure on ourselves and so I think it's time”

to lean back into those you know the warm easy middle school feelings when all it took to make your entire day was just like your crush complimenting your ugly gout shows and being like down back you look good in those and you're like rolling your windows down blasting what is this on like suddenly I see and you're like hey oh things are turning around like you're so happy I think that's the energy we need to start to channel being in this year if you are single we are going to that

is what we're going to do so I want to start at the very beginning you're like what do you mean we're starting at the beginning I'm not abandoning you guys like we're getting into the weeds here today okay so we are going to start with flirting I'm not going to teach you how to

“fucking flirt today you all know how to flirt but I think in my opinion as a society we are losing”

the art of flirting and I refuse to let that happen okay flirting has turned into story likes, fire emojis, swiping right maybe a DM if we're getting a little crazy no okay in person somehow flirting has become a rare art form I literally was reading please guys let me read this to you

a recent study at date psychology found that 45% of men ages 18 to 25 have never approached

a woman in person for a date I just like I don't know what like I remember stories like my mom being like oh my god your dad would like call my home phone and my parents would pick up being like hi who are you calling for like you like you had to call home phones okay to like get your

“day and like this like people would be there and listening and like you have to like go to their”

house like knock in the door bring the boom box meanwhile it's like double winky face sexy oh you're so fucking done you're so fucking done I think this is what we're going to have to do listen we can do a whole episode on how depressing it is and how men have just like tripled up to like almost nothingness right that can be another episode but that's how for today we're trying to say fucking positive here so if the men are going to be annoying losers we need to take matters into our

own hands okay I remember back when I was single I used to go up to seriously like any guy that my friends or I thought was hot the bar and I would just start flirting with him and listen yes sometimes it didn't go exactly as I planned but like there were so many instances where I immediately walked right back to my friend group and I was like okay that that yeah he's not the vibe he

you got rejected who cares like I let me just tell you this story okay take me back to brawman

“oh my god I wonder if it's still open okay we're in like 2016 the year is 2016 I am in college”

and I am out of bar in the peak of winter with a bunch of my girlfriends on the soccer team and we're in tiny little body contrasts with thick heels and we have like shawls on like we don't even have fucking coats because we're like I can't afford to lose my fucking coat because like I can't pay for another coat so you just freeze your ass off in line okay we get inside of brawman and it is just heaven there's men everywhere and all of us are like giddy we're like who should

we go up to like who should we like try to like make friends with and make out with and get

guys stood by us drinks and all of a sudden this is like kind of never happened to me in my life

but all of my friends and I see this man across the bar and it literally felt like there was like a shimmering light above his head it was like a movie moment we were all like genuinely that is one

“of the hottest men I've ever seen he had like kind of long-ish hair with like a beard and he had like”

big muscles but he was like wearing like a beanie and like he had a suit on and I was like he's either like a surgeon or an athlete like I can't tell which one like he either just like finished a game or like finished open heart surgery either one let's bang and so all my friends are like that's literally the hottest guy and everyone's like who's gonna go up to him who's gonna go up

to him like someone has to go up to him like what if he has friends what if it's a connection

and we're all sitting there and all of my friends are like no like we're too young like we're just like fucking losers and college like don't eat I'm not even worth and I just leave my friends because we don't have time to worry what people are gonna think about us I go up to the bartender I say do you have a pen she's like bitch do you want to take a kill a shot I'm like a pen and me

“I get a pen I take this napkin I write my number and my a fake name because at the time I was”

thinking that every single person was an underage cop that was like a little trigger of mine because I was obviously underage I was like oh like don't want to like fully give my name because that they asked for my D my name was Katherine I had my sister's um ID it's a whole thing whatever so my name was Katherine I'm at the bar I did do I write Katherine I write my number I go up to this man I just be line it he's under his glimmering light looking sexy oh so gorgeous let's fuck

and I say to him hi and he looks at me like who is this girl and I go I just want to let you know and I just like would kick myself of I didn't say this I just saw you from across the bar and you're so fucking hot and I need to introduce myself no pressure here you go call me I start walking away he grabs my arm oh yeah if you haven't had a hook up just close your eyes to back relax you just let this one pretend it's you okay he grabs my arm I turn around this man is looking at

me go what are you doing you can't open with that and then just walk away from me I'm like oh my god I'm like oh so excited it's working he's like what's your name I'm like Katherine I'm like I'm gonna have to fix that later if this ends up going anywhere we start flirting oh my god are you here with friends yeah oh my five girls over there in the corner we turn they're all like pretending not me staring at us slurping their drinks I'm like you hear with any friends he's like

yeah my two boys I'm like oh what do you do he's like we just got back from our game I'm like I was like an athlete hunter back then it's exciting to obviously pass but back then oh I could get a rush I could get a rush it didn't matter really what you did if you threw the ball if you caught the ball if you hit the ball anything with the ball I was in and this happened to be a puck okay oh you guys know what I felt for hockey players back in the day those butts and so I then I'm

like oh my god do you want to come meet my friends great boom done his professional hockey player friends come over by all of my friends drinks at brahman we hang out I get his number he gets my number we exchange we text we're good to go and then I have a date with him then I obviously can spare you the details of then when I showed up and he was like continue to call me Katherine and my awkward lead head to tell him like I'm not 21 years old he still was interested in me

is that weird maybe but we'll get into that later anyways the point is okay shots drinks athletes fun men digs but jina's everyone was happy that night because I was like if this man rejects me who cares who fucking cares if this man rejects me because I went up to a couple other guys at the bar will realize they were freaks and kept it fucking moving but this man ended up giving my friends and I planned and although it didn't work out with him we only had a couple dates still was so fun

is I could have given an applicant to 15 guys that night and been rejected by 14 but that is okay

it just takes one oh my god what is that fucking quote from Cinderella story like something like don't let the shot keep you from playing the game or I don't that's not the quote but you guys know what I'm talking about don't stop yourselves from believing in yourselves that who cares if you embarrass yourself it's embarrassing for them to be socially awkward that they can't like engage in a conversation with you and not be a fucking dick right you know what I mean I know

you're all looking good you're feeling good go for it daddy gang and when it does click with someone and you go up and you flirt with a guy let me just tell you and he flirts back and you just like a loud like that chemistry to flow and the banter is bantering you're touching his arm he's touching your arm behind you drinks you're getting his number it is so much fucking fun like that thrill in your body you're like I am on fire I'm on fire like even if nothing comes after that night it's

also just so much for you right like that energy of like giving yourself confidence of like oh my

“god I can totally do this and the only thing between you and having that moment with a hot guy”

the bar is just one getting over the fear of rejection to getting the fuck out of your house and three getting off your phone and actually being down to like go up to someone and be like if they reject me it's fine but I'm gonna just go for it okay okay are you with me are you gonna think about me and bramin with the man under the sun okay guys I also know it's like a lot easier said than done and also like weirdly why did I have so much confidence in college but like I get it like

now when you're out of college it's like you overthink things I get it but I do think we need to start just like if you had wherever you were your highest peak in confidence get back to that stage I found an article okay guys we are we're not only talking about Dix over here we are educating the masses here I'm called her daddy and don't you ever fucking forget it I found an article an NPR called the key of flirting it's not about you by Andrew Limbbong and Andy Taggle I want to share

their advice okay let's read this one way to ease the fear of rejection is to view flirting as being more about the other person then about you we get a much better result if instead of trying to get others to make us feel good we actually concentrate on making them feel good this takes care of lingering self doubt that actually presents itself as questions such as what if they don't like me a lot of flirting is driven by a focus on the endgame maybe trying to get someone's number

or buying someone a drink this goal oriented way of viewing flirting isn't that helpful but we're so used to flirting as a means to an end to the relationship escalator which is the idea that you date someone and turn to a relationship get married have kids live happily ever after et cetera but if you remove that goal you'll hopefully instead just be looking to create a mutually pleasant experience instead of any preconceived goals aim for a few minutes of pleasant conversation

that's much more manageable and can help ease the pressure of any possible rejection if all you're hoping to do is make someone else feel special for a bit you really realize you actually can't lose

“open with a question then test and assess how they're reacting to you remember that flirting”

isn't about hitting any preconceived target of then helping someone else have a good time okay I agree and disagree with this article like I don't want you guys going in they're being like

Todd tell me everything I'm gonna tell that's amazing okay wait Todd tell me more like and you're

like okay I literally just had the worst fucking date of my life but I agree in the sense of like stop getting in your own head like just try to connect with the person and what I love about that advice is that it completely takes the pressure off of this big moment with someone like maybe they flirt with you or maybe they don't but it doesn't actually matter if you reframe the interaction as just being about having a nice conversation like shift the flirting mentality

from worrying like do they like me do they think I'm hot are they having a good time like that it's gonna be such a game changer for your headspace when you are approaching someone rejection is going to happen it is inevitable it comes with the territory but like everything in dating

that's just a numbers game okay you also never know what's going on in a person's head

“and rejection usually isn't even about you like you have to keep in mind maybe this guy is out”

drinking because his fucking dog just died and he's really sad so you hitting on him being like come here often he's gonna be like no but my fucking dog said in his head he's not going to say that and then he's just going to be a dick to you okay that's the reason he was dick but you

the next like all you're looking for here is just like a fun chat and if someone can't provide

“that then goodbye to them we're moving on to the next okay let's just have fun no stakes no”

nothing like enjoy yourself what a concept let's start there because clearly we are we are bare fucking minimum right now guys these men are giving us nothing and if you're like Alex know that is it's just too scary like I just you know I want to sit in the corner and like wait for a man to come up to me then maybe let's start with a lower stakes situation okay I want you to just start by engaging with other normal human beings everywhere you go I understand again

this is like what are you fucking mean Alex like of course I interact with human beings on a daily basis do you though like I'm not saying I want you guys out there flirting with everyone in the world

I just mean truly practicing being more open in the mundane daily moments of your life

when's the last time you complimented someone in line at the coffee shop when's the last time you strike up a conversation with your coworker in the kitchen okay while they're toasting their bagel chat with the person sitting next to you on the airplane okay I already regret skipping that example not for too long okay read the fucking room chat to them before take off and then shut the fuck up because it's my worst nightmare someone's trying to talk to me while I'm

gonna play and I'm like oh you're gonna be chatty today headphones on shut the fuck up but you know what I mean like

“I'm saying that you need to build up that social muscle when you're in situations with zero”

stakes so that when you meet someone you're actually interested in it's not as intimidating to get the ball rolling and let me be so clear I know this sounds maybe so fucking stupid and simple but I promise you it's not at this point because social skills have become something that we do need to practice at this day and age okay social media has completely taken over all of our brands all of our world we literally sit there and scroll we feel like we know people and we feel like we

understand people and we're like oh my no her oh I follow her you don't know any of these people even if it's your friend no did you call her have you texted her in a while if not you don't know any of these people and you're just like playing a video game okay I feel like we used to be able to actually talk to a wall I guess I am still sitting here alone talking to a wall right now but you guys know what I mean like I feel like I could back in the day make small talk with anyone but even now

I realize like I'm out in the world sometimes and I'm like oh my god am I being awkward like I'm having like weird like that weird interaction because I'm on my fucking phone all the time like even just with a barista or something like I find myself being so in moments awkward and I'm like Alex I need to put my phone away I need to stop being obsessed with social media and watching everyone's lives and like touch grass or I don't know go talk to someone face to face okay

like close enough that you can see the pores in their face I just think technology has changed the way that we interact with the world around us and it's it's not our fault because that's just what's happening around us but it isn't truly on us to retrain our brands of how to engage with someone face-to-face especially when it comes to dating and I know it sucks trust me like I'm so jealous of my parents I'm like the way that your generation had it like the romance and

the build and the in-person meetings and the oh oh yeah take me back to the notebook days like their biggest problem was like they couldn't get in touch with each other oh oh oh little mystery a little oh like it's not even ghosting it's just distance oh like yeah yeah and now it's like we're on

Snapchat talking to each other we're on Snapchat but we'll never meet up we're just going to

Snapchat until this whole thing fucking lingers then dies out no if you are messaging a man on

“Snapchat knock it off we're done we're fucking done okay I think it's just helpful to work on that”

social muscle so that you're ready when there is someone that you're actually interested in you're like oh my god here we fucking go so let's say you do meet someone in person let's let's start there okay what a concept we meet someone that we actually like and they're not a complete loser and they're not a complete psychopath then you're able to strike up conversation with them and it feels like things are going well from there right classic flirting boom like we're ready but remember if someone

cannot hold a fun conversation that is not a reflection of you as a person and when it clicks and the vibes are there try not to worry so much if you're being funny enough or if you're being cute enough fear being hot enough like the fun of it is just being just be present in the moment be your fucking self okay so now we're leaving our cages we're leaving our dungeons we're seeing the sunlight we're meeting men we're out there okay the next stage that I want us to

may absolutely dread but I promise it has the potential to be a night you will never forget

let's get into a first date

“I get why first dates might be so hard to look forward to it's a whole thing you're like”

I got to get ready I have to leave my house again to all of us trolls no no no this is a good thing that we're being forced leave our house but you don't know if you're going to click with this person right it could be awkward like you're just like oh my god I'm kind of like meeting a stranger and like I don't want this to be a total waste of time great okay but if you're going into a first date with the energy of uh here we go again just like like I just gotta get through this

then that headspace is going to completely affect the entire date experience so fake it okay it's probably gonna be a lot harder to vibe with someone when you're approaching meeting them where you're like this is a task that I have to get through and I'm already thinking that you're going to be worse than the last so let's just get this over with so I can tell my friends I went on a fucking date no instead ladies and gentlemen I want to reintroduce like romanticizing your fucking life okay

you need to be romanticizing and enjoying every element of a first-aid experience starting before you even leave the house when you are getting ready let's turn on one of our favorite songs let's catch up on some shows we haven't watched face time of friend okay take that long everything shower

that makes you feel oh so amazing that you had to do regardless of the date okay blow out your hair

put it an outfit you haven't had a chance to wear yet try on your new lip combo do everything

“you need to do to fill your absolute best a first date is an important opportunity to like take a”

boring normal weeknight turn it into something to actually look forward to okay a random Tuesday in your cubicle is a lot less terrible when you know that the night is going to end with you potentially just looking so well you're gonna look there's no potential you're gonna look gorgeous and you're gonna potentially meet someone new okay it's good to have a different experience than you usually would just like sitting at home we're watching who lure Netflix again and here we go

episode 457 of Grey's Anatomy trust me girl i love a good Grey's but we can pause we can pause for one night of the week i also know it can often feel like okay fuck i'm getting ready for nothing okay i don't want to spend i don't want to put my expensive foundation on this gorgeous skin for a man that isn't shit i don't want to waste it okay i don't want to end up crying in the bathroom and crying on my gorgeous makeup off because oh what the fuck i don't want to waste

tonight i don't want to waste tonight is it worth it because necklace last week talked to me about his obsession with toenails and i was like i'm never going another day again and then the guy before frank quad he literally was talking about he like likes like mommy dotter porn like i'm not i'm not feeling it and i so get that necklace in far quad like far quad far quad whatever frogger and necklace they don't exist they were losers but there could be a

“good one tonight and so you have to just go with that mentality even if you're lying”

lie to yourself you can lie to yourself and just get yourself through because here's what i will say when you put makeup on and you put your outfit on you feel good you're not going to just waste it on a date okay because we're gonna we're gonna build a shield around that when i used to

go on first date i'd be like i've never been more gorgeous okay this outfit slay i am worthy of

someone noticing me tonight even if it's not the fucking day i'm going with and so what i would do is i would always plan a drinks before my drinks with the person i was gonna meet up with i would go meet a friend so i'm like even if i just went out with a girlfriend and then have a shit date later doesn't matter i got to see my friend so plan something or if like you know your friends are going out later you're not wasting your outfit try to have things around also get a fucking selfie

okay do a little pre game okay get a catch up drink with a friend over your face time like i don't care don't just be like i'm just going on a date and if it doesn't work out i'm gonna rip my extensions out in the fucking cab on my way home i'm gonna cry i'm gonna rip my eyelashes off i'm gonna put them on the cab door and i'm gonna go upstairs and we'll go watch the notebook and cry my eyes out being like why don't i have a Noah no we have a full calendar when we have nights of a

date do you understand what i'm saying you're setting yourself up for success so when it comes to a first date i've obviously been out of the first date game for a little bit so i when i was preparing for the episode i did a deep dive on TikTok to see what advice people were sharing for first dates and you guys i was horrified i was absolutely horrified i was shocked i was

video after video of rules of what you should do and you should not be doing on a first date and i fear we have completely lost the plot i'm what it actually means to be seeking a connection with someone because look i know these rules are coming from a good place like people don't want to be wasting their time and everyone is looking for ways to optimize the experience of meeting someone but in my opinion the rules are where the fun parts of the first date go to absolutely die we have to find

some nuance and balance here i am going to tell you the top four rules that i kept seeing over and over and over and then i need to discuss and tell you why i disagree with almost every single one of them okay number one they said was to go to the same place for every first date so you can eliminate any external variables okay we'll get to that number two is to never get any food on a first date only get drinks okay we'll get to that number three is to set a two hour time limit for a first date and number four is to

never kiss them at the end of a first date okay well um here's here's here's what i have to say to that

no wonder dating feels like a fucking chore we're stripping out all the excitement and the joy when we start over analyzing and strategizing to that extent let's start with the first rule which is go to the same place every time you go on a date okay i understand the idea of being like i know the place and like i know the lighting and i i know where the bathroom is and i know the parking situation and like i know exactly what to order like you're just trying to be fully comfortable

“i get that but doing this i think that completely eliminates the opportunity to use the first date as one”

trying something new think about it you have a whole night blocked off of someone who is potentially willing to do whatever you suggest right or also potentially a horrible fucking first date so you might as well get something out of it and like at least go try the new fucking tie placed on the street okay you're like this guy is so this is oh my god he's so fucking boring but like god damn this tie shit is good or like mini golfing and you can whack him in the fucking pace with the ball like

there's options for mobility here if the date is going horribly at least they're you're trying the cool new bar down the place that you can find scout out for your next date and then go there one more time but like use the first date as a way to try something you normally wouldn't do on your own and then how about it oh my god so cool if he ends up actually being fucking normal and

not a miserable fuck that way yes the date can go horrible and you never can see that person again

but you're like got it i actually just had a good time in my opinion the unknown elements of

“a first day are part of the fun guys like you need to stimulate all of your senses to get that”

sense of excitement you're seeing new things you're smelling new foods you're trying new drinks do not go to the same fucking place every time you're going on a date it is going to feel like you're back in your cubicle and you're like bring the next one and Marty and it's like oh my god oh my god no then you're like not even you're not even having to get anxious for it you're like barb bring it back table bring him in so you mean what do you mean no you can you can go to the same place twice

maybe if you're if you got a roster like fine go twice but other than that switch it up for your own sanity babe okay also i think that like new spots can just like help you get out of your head a bit like get the get the fuck out like we're not going to fucking frankstiner every single fucking time like i get it you like to go to denies go to denies with your fucking family every Sunday

don't do it every fucking time you're going on a date number two which is just get drinks never dinner

let me just say something and i have to read her again the whole point is to have fun on a date okay eating is fun don't let the internet tell you otherwise try new foods going into restaurants is fun why are we denying ourselves one of the best parts of the experience if some of you can say because i don't want to get stuck there like i like i don't want to like you know i don't want to eat in front of this person what if i got something my teeth well if he doesn't like you

with a little bit of fucking spinach and you're upper right tooth babe he's not going to fucking like you when he spludges all for me ignore me you know what i mean they need to see you in your best in your worst okay so eating front of this man if you're fucking hungry now if it just happens to be drinks it happens to be drinks but don't be like gun and further drinks he's like do you want to order some appetizers you're like no tick-tock told me that i can only drink on a date like

no no is this man gonna never see you eat the entire course of your relationship no why are we

“not letting ourselves do it when the stakes are the absolute fucking lowest now i think people could”

assume like you just want to be trapped on the day you know food makes a linger a little bit longer then again why are we going on for a state with the mentality of just getting in and out that's

appetizers babe okay i have i have up and left if you are having that calamari and he is saying

“ruthless shit you get up you slurp your Shirley temple down and you get the fuck out of there you”

don't need to stay food does it mean babe you're locked in handcuffs on seeded three hours full course let's make it to the Sunday you don't have to do that you can leave free will free fucking will um which leads me to number three okay setting it to our time limit for the day uh literally why especially for having a good time with someone you're like clocked it gotta go he's like why i thought we're having fun you're like hit that two hour limit got a buggy like no what

am i best friends just became official with her boyfriend and their first date was supposed to

be just like grabbing drinks and then it turned into a full night bar crawl they literally had a ton of different spots all around the town they were like boom boom boom now they're dating oh my god guess how long that date was basically fucking five hours oh my god look it worked out TikTok good things come when you let yourself enjoy them allow yourself to just be a little bit more open and not be the strict guidelines boom boom boom i get it if you're like wanting to keep a

little bit of like the mystery and you're just sitting at dinner and you're like all right we need to like wrap this up just because it's like we shouldn't go on our four we shouldn't go on our three like having the two hour window of like feeling comfortable to leave after normal amount of time yes but don't don't be like setting your alarm and the alarm goes up and you're like that's time Jim also will be in touch like i swear to god i swear to god daddy gang do not set a fucking alarm on your

“date um this takes me to rule number four i think it was number four and this makes me the most annoyed”

then most annoyed and maybe i was just a little horde you know but i do believe i had it right

on this one when people on TikTok are saying no kissing no kissing on a first date

no i completely disagree with you i completely how about this also no no kissing on a first date well sometimes i thought to them on the first date how about that one take a look um how about i let him eat you out on the first date and i married him not just kidding he didn't need me out that was like the second time but okay listen if you are gonna say to yourself in the mirror before you go on that first date baby you will not accept a kiss you will not even accept a hug what are we doing

what are we doing like you're skipping the most fun and romantic and magical part of having a great date with someone like like get in there like if a first kiss feels right it feels right the first kiss at the end of the day is seriously what they write movies about and songs and books okay when i dream about because it's one of the most exciting romantic human experiences that you can possibly have you do not need to be denying yourself pleasure to prove some arbitrary point to be like

did you kiss him you're like um they're like good girl good girl get your fucking lips in there both if you want let me tell you story um i've told the story many times i'll make a quick mat and i i went in there not knowing who this man is i'm like oh this Hollywood man movie producer what's he gonna be about so we found love first night i was like oh my god i want to fuck this man unfortunately my sister was staying with me in the same hotel rooms so like

i probably would have let him upstairs into my legs but like i didn't because my sister was up there but i came across like i wasn't willing to give it up on the first date whatever the point is as i went to the bathroom relieving we're going to the car after our full long two plus hour date may i add and he texted me to come to the back of the restaurant to go the back way and i walked down the long alley and i see him under the little light in the back and he grabs my face

and he pushes me up against the wall in the back of the parking lot and he starts making out with my face and i came in my pants i was like this is this is what dreams this is what dreams are made of i come to LA i meet this man he grabs me by the back of my neck puts his hands on my hips puts his tongue down my throat puts me in his car and it's like where to next yeah fuck me like

that even if i never saw that again i've had so many dates where like i had great first date

kisses and i was like oh my god i'm never calling you but oh who doesn't love a makeout like makeout you're so fun okay and so kiss them the first date fucking sleep with them the first night like

“i don't care you have to go base on what feels good to your body and what feels right to you and so”

if you have some fucking friends that are prudes that are like you should never kid not in the first date you're going to give them the wrong impression and i just can't think you're a whore okay maybe for you Cassandra but i'm about to let him in my back door on that you don't have to do a normal I do but you got whatever feels right you have to be at your core center with what feels right

how about this if you don't want to kiss on the first date and that is your MO great but don't just

“be like googling like what to do on first date no kissing got it check no if a man is going to”

treat you like a piece of shit and isn't going to call you he's not going to treat you like a piece of shit just because you fucked him or made out with him on the first night a man knows okay and guess what stop giving all the man the power and so should you maybe make out with him so you stop wasting your time what if little robby has got a fucking tunner that hits the back of your esophagus and you hate the way he makes out or what if like slow lip Sammy is like barely gets a

little tongue in there and you're like I can't even fucking find we're just hitting teeth you're probably not going to want to fuck Sammy but good to know that you've got it done on the first date we're maximizing our time people you want to not have a two hour date I'd rather have a four hour date quick make out no he's not the one never see him again so I can then optimize my time to not

have a second date with small lips Sammy so it's always to be thinking okay we have to be thinking

this way your friends and long-term relationships I would be begging I would be begging to relive that night with Matt oh push me up against the wall sometimes they do let's pretend it's our first date okay you have the power you as a single woman have the power to be completely having these romantic nights and guess what even if he's not that romantic make it fucking romantic for yourself literally believe that it was romantic and then don't call him who cares get a make out get a make out

okay I'm sure you've like six guys on hand right now and that would be willing to take you out next

“week and so I think that you should embrace it and I think you should just start taking them all”

down not like that but you don't know what I mean just start trying start trying so first dates I think it's a win I think it's a try new places enjoy the food and let me say this something that I think is so underrated when it comes to getting yourself out there and enjoying yourself and dating is like I love being married I love being a committed relationship I love Matt put that aside that's not fun to talk about when I think back to some of the biggest funnest nights of my

life it was living in New York City it was going on crazy dates with men and it was like me just being this like reckless time in my life and so I do think that something you need to think about when you are in the dating world is like do it for the plot is not actually that dumb of a statement okay I know it's overused but like when I look back so much of my fun nights even if they did end in tears or heartbreaking or whatever that's the should I remember now sitting here in my

30s as a married woman like what I would give to like quickly live one of those nights well I don't know because like my back hurts and like I don't want to go to the clubs instead but like I like to like relieve it in my head you know what I mean like you're in that stage right now where you're like going to the club and you're going to the bar and you're meeting the guy or you're done with the clubs and you're like going to the dinners and you're getting wind and dying

even if it's a disaster of a fucking story the way that you are going to look back on these life experiences that were so wild these men that you met these women that you met that are you're just like how does this my life I'm telling you guys don't hold yourself back from those opportunities because one day when you do find your partner and if you want kids one day and the stories you're going to have and the life that you're going to live it's so much better than being like I was

too afraid to take that guy out of the dating app or to go up to that guy at the bar and to actually make something of it and so I just end up sitting and I watched nine fucking seasons of vampire

diaries over and over until I could recite all the lines that will always be there all of your

shows will always be there your books will always be there your computer will always be there but like these opportunities won't and so like sacrifice one night if you're tired and go out and have the fucking date go for it because I genuinely believe when I look back what made me so confident as a woman was a lot of these really weird experiences I went through and some were not enjoyable and in the moment I was sleeping in the bathtub crying my eyes out I don't know

“why I was in the bathtub for dramatic effect obviously but think about that that's how drama I was back”

then I was like oh my god I'm single and I'm dating and he's men they're breaking my heart like how fun is that I wouldn't I'm not going to cry in the bathroom anymore okay um so it's like allowing yourself to also be present in what part of your life you're in allowing yourself to recognize that being single is such a blessing it's such an opportunity to learn things about yourself to experience things with people even if they are negative like you're going to become a stronger

better person and I do genuinely believe that there is no fucking way that I would have been ready

and be you bar and one oak and like all of these different places it all the different bars

“and clubs that I went to and with men and or met men there what came from meeting those people”

and and the dates and the trips and all of it I had to go through all of that to then mature learn what I wanted learn what I hated learn what I what I wouldn't put up with learn certain things on a first date that I'm like oh that's another flag that that other guy taught me that I know I don't like I'm up I'm leaving by or oh my god I've never felt this when a first date this is a good sign I'm going to do a second date like you learned so much about

yourself and then when I met Matt I felt like I knew that first night because I had never met anyone

like him and I had never felt anything like that before and I had dated so many fucking losers I had gone on so many bad dates I've told you guys I think the story of like the guy that like literally used me and he was engaged and he just wanted to see like what it was like to go on a date with the caller daddy girl and I was like fully there for an experiment and I thought I really liked this guy and then it turned into like I was getting fully cond and I was like oh my god

like this is so embarrassing like I've just gone through so many weird things as you all have where you can close your eyes and picture all the fucking losers but I promise you to find the positive

“sometimes those losers are literally the best thing to continue to build your backbone and to”

continue to build your arsenal of exactly what you want so when you find your Matt Kaplan or when you find your whatever whoever that man is it's so glaringly obvious but had I met Matt when I was

22 I would have never been ready for Matt because I wouldn't have appreciated all the amazing

things that he brought to me because I had to go through the fucking dog shit I had to be like this man fucked me over in this man did it like I swear I swear it makes me appreciate that 10 times more that I had all these like really horrible dates to be like thank god I fucking found you I said that to that man like at least once a week like thank god I found you Matt and the only reason I'm able to say thank god I found you is because I found a hell of a lot of fucking trolls underneath

the bridge and thought they were princes and then they turned out to be gallum okay and I was like oh my god and I had to experience that and you guys do too so although dating sometimes listen it's not going to be 80% positive dates and 20% negatives I get it sometimes it's 70% negative but that's also why finding your partner one day is that much sweeter the effort that you put into dating the effort you put into being single the effort you put into working on yourself not self-centered

around the men in your life you're like who am I what do I like what do I deserve I have high standards now I know what I want that builds and builds and builds so that the when you do find that right person you're ready for them they're ready for you and you know what you're ready to accept and what you're not willing to put up with and so get out there to all my single ladies who maybe you have been taking a hiatus that is so fair and that's so fine but do not let yourself

continue to get upset over oh but I see like turn off also social media that's been the best fucking thing ever I like post I turn it off everyone is so fucking negative I'm sorry but everyone's so negative on social media giving their thing pieces of why dating fucking sex in 2020 sex we'll guess what we're alive in 2026 what are we going to do about it what are we going to do about it be fucking victims and have victim mentality like this sex so much all right we'll get off your

fucking phone and just go and try and try and try because I promise you something good is going to

come of it so change your attitude I'm always here I'm I'm literally at the fucking front lines

with you you are not alone you've got this sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that we're letting the internet soak into us too much and we're letting ourselves create this negative narrative around something that guess what if it was supposed to be so fucking easy everyone would have perfect relationships and everyone would be fucking happy and perfect and it would be a boring

“fucking life you need to do the fucking hard work to actually get something that is worth the fucking”

hard work nothing fucking great is easy okay you go to work for that shit thank you for coming to my TED Talk and to all my single girlies get that fucking selfie bitch because I know you're hitting that cut crease you're overlining that lip little bit you got that highlighter boom get the selfie all goes to shit get the fucking selfie before the first date and tag me going on my first date boom hot bitch love you

this inspired some of you because I a lot of times and I always tell you guys this like a lot

“of times I just think from my own perspective of like what would I have needed and although I”

loves dating and going out I do genuinely think that I really remember sometimes where I just

really struggled to be like I think I need a break and again like that's fair but

“it's almost like right when you're done with it is when you need to just get back at it”

get back on the fucking horse and so I love you guys I know it's not easy out there I also know

like men fucking suck right now and it's just like but I promise you there are some good ones

“out there and you just have to really fucking look and I know it sucks that we have to be like digging”

in the weeds to like find not even a diamond just like you know like a little like copper metal or like just like a little something but you you are smart and brave enough to weather the fucking storm ladies so daddy gang I love you so much and I will see you fuckers on one stay goodbye [BLANK_AUDIO]