Nikki Glaser: Foreplay, Fetishes, & Face Lifts

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper. With call her Daddy. [MUSIC] Nikki Glazer, welcome to Caller Daddy. Thank you so much, Alex. Girl, I don't even know where to start. You've had like a crazy couple years. You have become a household name after I feel like the Tom Brady rose. It felt like your life changed forever.

Yeah, that was it. Then you have hosted the Golden Globe twice. You just signed up to do a third one. You have a new special coming out. You've been busy, so busy. Congratulations. Thank you. But how do you know when it's like, you work for so long and then when finally people start asking you

to do stuff, you can't say no because it's always ingrained in you early on.

“Like don't turn down anything because that's how you get good.”

And so it's like, I just have to say yes to everything because you all sort of like, you know, you look at other people's careers and like they have this, you know, people will have a pop. And even the most famous people in the world go through a dip and you just think like, okay, that dip is just coming. So I just got to do as much as I can now while people like me. Isn't that such a weird fucking feeling? You're like, stay relevant at all costs at all costs.

But then you're like, am I a whore like, where do I throw like, you feel like it sometimes? And you also feel like, like, and then sometimes people go because I always tell my team, like, hey, let's just enjoy this because it's not always going to be this great. I hope you guys like stay with me through like the leaner years. And they're like, no, it's never going to fade. I'm like, name one person whose career hasn't taken a dip. And like, I'm talking about any, there's, even if you don't lie to my face.

You have that it has to be that way. There's going to be abs and it flows.

It does have to be that way, but you're not in. I don't need a moment yet. I don't think. I think I got a couple years. You're thrive. Okay. Yeah. I know this until I started researching you that you're from St. Louis. Yeah. And then you moved to LA and then you moved back to St. Louis.

Oh, yeah. Like after, so I went away to college and like, start doing comedy and realize,

“Oh, that's what I want to do. And by the time my, you and my senior year of college,”

I got on last comic standing, which was like the American Idol for comedians. And I was like, you know, I just got to the semifinals, but I was like, this is enough to like move to Hollywood. So after college, I was, I did LA that I went to New York that I went back to LA that I went back to St. Louis a little bit. Then I went to New York that I went to back to LA.

So I was always kind of jumping LA in New York and then COVID hit.

And I was like, I'll just go back to St. Louis and hang it with my family and then I just stayed. How is your family feel about you being in St. Louis? They love it. They love it. Like they were so close and they, and I'm on the road all the time. So constantly going out and flying here to shoot something and coming back. So it's like always fun to just get back with them on like a Monday or Tuesday and like kind of rehash what I just did.

You're not really giving Missouri. Thanks. Like you're, is that it? I don't know, is that it? I don't know.

I don't know. But most people think Missouri is like, thank you. But we saw what I know. It's like, like, fuck you. Like, okay. St. Louis is like, St. Louis is cool.

What is the best and worst thing of like St. Louis?

“I would say the best thing is just the the chill factor and like just feeling like, you know, it's just like where I grew up.”

Just being familiar with it and people are being people are really nice in the Midwest. Like I get that a lot when people are like, you are so nice and then they find out St. Louis and they go. Everyone from St. Louis is so nice. And so I really like that St. Louis is known for like nice people. It's also interesting that you just said that you're like everyone's like, oh my god, you're so nice. Because meeting you today like you are, I can tell your vibe.

But I've only ever watched you on your fucking specials and your roast. So I'm like, not that I think you're an asshole. But you're so known for like roasting people. It didn't even like cross my mind. It'd be like, oh my god, Nikki Clay is like this like nice person and like, oh, you are.

I really do. Like it's weird to be like, I'm so nice, but I do pride myself on being a nice person. I think it's like something that I would, if I pass someday, I want to be remembered as nice more than any other thing. More than popular, more than talented, more than funny, like just nice because I think I don't know. I just really take pride in that for some reason. And I do feel like I'm really nice and it does like juxtaposed so crazily with how I am on stage and especially roasting.

Like I feel like the roasting stuff comes from like a place of like the way I feel about myself. Like I've low self-esteem and so like I am, I bully myself so hard that I am able to do it to other people because I'm able to do it to myself. So I think that's where I kind of, when I think about what I'm going to write about people, I'm like, what would devastate me if I was this person. I was going to say I remember reading somewhere where you were like, I just think about like, if I'm in a room and someone's going to roast me and I'm like, please don't say that one thing.

And then they say it, like that's where you're coming from, which is great. But I think this is good. This is a good PR to let everyone know. Like you're not an asshole. You're good at roasting, but you are a nice sweet Midwest lady. Yeah. You being from the Midwest also, I can't help but think because I know your guy is from the Midwest, right? What is a Midwest man like love sports?

I mean, I think every guy, just I like, I like a guy that, I don't know, kind of a little bit, like college, immature, preppy.

And for me, like the popular boys were like, played soccer, lacrosse, preppy, white hats.

Like, you know, like, I don't know. I think it's just a good smile. I don't know. You just said you're like, I, you know, like the immature, like, fraught boy. I'm like, all of us are like, yes, but also, like, we're, we've tried to be working. We're working on it. That guy, I didn't marry the guy that I was attracted to in high school. Is he some version of it though? Like, can you see, like,

Yeah, but is he like an elevated version of that, a more evolved? Um, maybe I took it a little too far in high school. Okay. So you, you, you owe me.

“That's, that's the best thing to do. Like, burn out and be like, I can't do it anymore.”

And be like, I'm just, like, discuss you, the thing that you once were addicted to. Did you see this season of Love is blind? Oh, yeah, I did. In Ohio. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So like, that to me is like a Midwest man. Yes, I think so too.

And they, I think that they thought that Ohio was going to be, like, this is going to be so fun. And I remember Nicholas Che and the reunion being like, I'm mortified that you guys are representing me as an Ohio. Because I guess he's from Ohio. Yeah, yeah. And that Midwestern man, like, didn't come through as a gentleman. Yeah, but would you ever do Love is blind if you were like a regular girl?

I was thinking of like, like, no, would you, because you were good. I think I would. You weren't, because you said if they were, if I was single. But I would, you know, I would, I would be really, because I am, I, this is the thing that I don't like about that show is that they, they go,

you know, like, this would work, but I have a type. And it's like, well, if you have a type, you don't go on Love is blind. Love is not blind. But that's not for you then, if you, if you're someone, and by the way, your type clearly, it hasn't worked for you.

So maybe like go of your type. Don't you think though the only people that work is yes, if there was love, but then they actually like, oh, and I am attracted to the person. They're like, fuck, yes, I got lucky. Yeah, people that work at, so it's, it's not blind.

It's not blind. We've determined that. And it's, but it's still fun. But it's still fun. And I do, like, you would, you can just hear someone's hot. Like, I feel like it's really rare where someone's like really

taking a back by what they got. I feel like there'd be, for like, just a voice. I think that's important.

“That's why I think like, I guess hinge has like,”

where you can leave a voice message. You can hear their voice because voice is huge. People don't think about it. That's a good point. No one's ever been so taken aback.

Yeah, that would be my biggest, that would be my biggest fear. It's like the wall parts. And he's like, and then you see their face kind of sink and they're kind of like gently touching you. But you've got a good voice soon to get far.

Okay, thank you so much. Okay. We both started our careers kind of talking about the same topic. Yeah. Which was sex.

And we talked a lot about sex. Yeah. Was that extremely intentional for you in the beginning? You don't know. I think it was like, what was easiest for me.

It was like the thing I, what, like, felt like I wanted to talk about. Is that, for the same for you? Like the, at the forefront of my career. But I was interested in every day.

And people would always, you know,

people often dismiss female comics because all they do is talk about their vaginas and sex and it's so easy.

“And I go, it's easy for me to talk about that because, but why would you want me to do something that's not easy?”

Do you want to see Paul McCartney play pickleball or something that's hard for him? Don't you want to see him do what's easy for a, you know, a musician to play? Why do you want me to talk about something that's, do clean material? Which would be hard for me to do. I don't know why just at that time of my life.

And I always said as soon as I'm not interested in sex, I'll stop talking about it. And I kind of have, as I've gotten older and my libido is like kind of taking a dive. I do talk about it last. Like it's become less and less a part of my act. And, and so I stayed true to that.

But I just want to talk about what I'm interested in. And no one talked about sex when I was coming up. No one talked honestly about sex. So to, like, it was, I grew up before podcasting. I would have been all over podcast listening to girls talk like conversation,

have conversations, frank conversations about what it's like to have sex.

And so when I first started doing comedy, I was just like,

I want to talk about this thing that I've been so scared of. I didn't have sex. I was 21 because I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to be bad at it. I was scared to be bad at it.

I was scared. Like, what do you do with the penis? What do they look like? Like, how do you even start kissing a boy? Like, my friends would just hook up and they'd be like,

and we made out, and we, you know, he went down on me and I'm like, But how do you even, like, he walks in your room? Then how do you make out, like, who makes the first move? Does he put your hand on your shoulder? I wanted, like, the mechanics of it to be prepared.

And nothing prepared me for that. So when I was able to start talking freely about anything into microphone, I was like, I'm going to start telling girls like me who are scared. What's up in there? I think that is so fucking normal.

And then some people are so disturbed by the concept of you being so comfortable. Yes, speaking about sex, which have the time for me. Also, it made me more comfortable with sex. The more I spoke about it. Some of the times, I was even overly talking about it.

And I wasn't actually as confident as I was.

Presenting. No, it made me more confident.

“Yes, it made me, like, it made me feel like when I was having sex,”

it was almost like I was collecting data. To not, to not like make fun of the person, but just maybe make, maybe make fun of myself. Like, I felt like, I mean, I still like, sometimes during sex, I'm like, this is so weird what we're doing.

It's so funny to me that we, like, just to, you know, the idea of going on a date with someone, and you're just getting coffee and learning about each other. But it's really to determine if you're going to, like, lick each other's genitals pretty soon.

Like, which is so crazy. That's where you, like, pee from. There's, like, pee and poo down there. And we're going to, like, put her mouth on it. Like, that was what, like, in high school,

I remember my friends started, like, blowing guys. And I was like, you did. What, like, putting your mouth where a guy pees from. I couldn't even comprehend it.

No, it's crazy. I couldn't, I thought my friends had, like, onto the dark side. I didn't understand how you could do that. And, and it's still fascinating to me to the

stay that we get so animalistic. We get so horny that makes us dumb enough to be, like, I want to put my mouth down there. Yeah, I wouldn't, wouldn't share a soda with a friend. No, because they might have a cold.

But I'm going to lick this guy's asshole. That's crazy. That's funny. The licking of the asshole, you're so right. It really takes it to another level where, like,

what's wrong with us? But everyone's doing it. Well, maybe not the licking of the asshole.

“Yeah, but, like, you, but that's what I learned.”

I used to have a bit about it that, like, I used to, the way I was able to initially have sex was I drank. Like, I finally got drunk enough where I could get comfortable and feel it ease to, like, hook up with the guy because it was so scary to me.

And then I quit drinking when I was 27 or something. I forget it's been a while, but, um, 2011. I quit drinking. And I just stopped talking up because I was like, I just couldn't do it.

I was too nervous. And then I realized that I have to get horny enough to get drunk brain because when you're horny enough, you're just like, like, if you've ever, guys get horny so fast, they act like cavemen.

When they're, they'll go from, like, having a normal conversation and then it'll look so good. So gross. And they're, but they, in the right mind,

they would never make that face if you were, like,

make a funny face. They would never even make that face because it's so humiliating. Yet they become that because their brain become stupid because their horny chemicals do exactly what drunk does to you. So you have to then, to actually, for me to hook up,

I would have to actually get horny, which was a foreign concept to me because I had never allowed myself to do it without alcohol getting in the way first. Well, and because half of the time when you're so young and if you are hooking up with boys,

it's happening so quickly for them and as a young girl. You're like, oh, I guess I'm supposed to be enjoying this. Meanwhile, like, nothing is happening downstairs. Like shout out to all the girls out there that are hooking up for the first time.

I'm talking, like, girls in their 30s sometimes who have not had an orgasm. I have a friend that was like, I don't think if I ever had an orgasm and I was like, that's normal. Then you haven't because you would know.

You would know. I used to be that way too of like, I mean, it feels okay. It feels good because he's not going to give it to you. You can't rely on him giving you your first once. Okay, you got to find it yourself.

You have to find it yourself. You have to find it yourself. They're going to be done before you even were starting to get in some busy, how fast they get into it versus us. It is truly insane.

There I have done so many stand-up bits about four play and how important it is. And almost like how hacky that is to even say like,

"Oh, ladies, I always felt like an 80s comedian like,

"Wait a minute, four play. I'm not doing four." Because I would even hear about four play and women complaining about it before I ever had sex. And I was like, guys hate when you joke about that.

Like, guys always go like, "Oh, four play. I have to wine and dine her." And so I was always like, I'm not going to be a woman that complains about that. But then you start having sex and you're like,

"How are you guys not just like rubbing over my jeans "a little bit longer before you go in. "Four play to them is a blowjob." And you're like, "But I'm still my pants aren't unbut in Jeremy." Like, "Where am I in this equation?"

It's like, please any men who are listening just like bring back dryhumping. Make her beg you to put it in. That's when you put it in. Because she will when she's ready.

But it's so awkward when they try before and you are not gripped up. And you feel like insecure like there's something wrong with me. I'm menopausal or something. I had a boyfriend once who like really couldn't do for a play

that he then like sometimes would take a shower after sex and then I would like bring out my vibrator after and like do it to-- Yeah. And he's like fully gone thinking me the time of our life

and I'm like, "All right, here we go." Because right as he was finishing, that's when I just started getting into it. It could really-- It happens.

I'm not getting you like almost every time. It is really rare we sync up. And I have a partner that I am able to communicate with and has seen my act of thousand times telling like I need more. And like I just--

“But then you just-- I think we're so conditioned.”

And I still am is to like, a man has a boner like do something with it. Like don't inconvenience him when he has a boner. Like he doesn't want to like kiss your neck and like whisper sweet nothings when he has a boner.

Like this is a problem we have to take care of right now. And I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

It's always so much about like I don't want to make men feel bad

or angry at me or resentful of me.

And it is so annoying that no one talks about that. We're like, I bet a majority of the women who are watching today if they are in heterosexual relationships. They're like, yeah, I would say like the past like eight times I faked it. Unless you're with a partner who's like,

I'm going to go down on you for 20 minutes. Then we're going to get your vibrator out. Then we're going to bring toys into the bedroom. Please God. Like it's men.

I always say like don't be threatened by it

because it's like your dick alone is great but your dick is it? Let's say your dick's in a B plus. Like in terms of just sex with just us like and if my vibrator alone is probably an A.

But together A plus. I can't get to the A plus with alone. I need your dick too. So you're contributing to the A plus instead. You're part of it.

“You need to be there to make it an A plus.”

Don't think it's just about the toy. But so does my vibrator. They put together. We can change the world. Like together.

Toys need to be necessary. When we have sex with that toys. I don't understand it. Maybe it's I'm dependent on it. And like I can't if I didn't have a toy.

I wouldn't be able to master it. I couldn't just do my hand. Oh, no, no. I don't know. I've had like some like dark days where like it dies

and you're like, we got to get through. Looking at your toothbrush and like. Is that. Can I use my pulsar? World B.

It has to be right on it. I've done it. But I've had to be like, I've tried with the fingers. Like a couple times because it got so dark.

I know. And I can you not. I've done it a couple times where it was like. I really had to take my brain to an imaginative place. And I did it.

But I don't choose that life. And I don't claim that. I couldn't do that. When girls are I'm really like. It's like speaking in other language to me.

When I find out like you've ever found a friend like speaks. Fluid Spanish or Russian or something. You're like. What? Like you're like, why have you been busting this out everywhere?

“Like that's how I feel about women who can mess right with her.”

But I like those are the girls that are fully having like. Squirting and orgasms in high school. And girls who were like, my friends were all mass reading in middle school. None of them told me about it. And I felt so betrayed by like, you know, in my 20s.

I finally was like, I started mass reading.

And they're like, oh, yeah, I've been doing this. And that's, I was 11. I go, oh, why? We talked about everything. What did you tell me?

I didn't even, it didn't even occur to me. We, I was the same as you. No one told me. And then in college, I was telling my friends to like, and I was like, oh, wait.

Got, but I went to Catholic school. Yeah. So everyone was like, I should have thought that shit. Yeah. Did you not masturbate because of shame?

Or were you just a little bit of both? I didn't know. I didn't. I thought it was just sex. I didn't know there was masturbating.

And then when I started to like really understand. Then I was like, oh, there's the thing called masturbating. But I thought it was only for men. Yes. So I didn't know there was like an option for women.

Totally. I didn't either. And like, even if I was like, sometimes I would like scratch my vagina. I'd be like, that feels good.

But it was never good enough for me to like keep going and figure that out.

I just feel like I was kind of desensitized to my body. Although one time I do remember. Like sitting on a rail. I still like drive past the railing. Sometimes in St. Louis.

So my friends front porch and I had like like one of those like things on top of the railing. That's like a little bulb. And I remember like sitting on it and it like went up my butt a little bit. And I was like, oh, that feels so good. Like I remember feeling that like that feels good in a bad way.

Like you're a sick person. Like a butt plug. Like it was like a butt plug on the. Like you're waiting for a monster because I was like,

“I just remember that was the only memory I have of having a sexual feeling.”

That was like that's naughty. Like I just got a feeling from something in my butt. Take a look at you every time. But to me. Like, who's love a little something.

I do. I was gonna say I feel like that was like a little precursor to like what was to come for you. It was for shadowing. For sure. I'm also dying at you and your friends in their mom wondering why.

Why every time does she come to our fucking house. She's like sitting her fucking ass on top of our. I just like alone out there. She might even home. [MUSIC]

I love how also I brought this up more to say like people don't talk about sex as much anymore. And then we're like let's just fucking go. Let's just go because I don't really talk about it as I don't know. It's just I've gotten it shamed out of me being in the business. I know.

The more popular you get the more you have to kind of like tone it down and be more like TV friendly. Even when you're doing things that aren't censored. I know. To like be like if I want if Golden Globes want me to have me back. I can't be talking about anal the time.

But it's like I'm not saying kids go out and do anal. You know like it's just something that I think. It is and I do think we're both lucky though that we did it in the beginning of our career. We're like I do feel like I'm tapped out. Like I do too.

I'm like I'm having fun with you right now because I can tell. We're both on the same page. We're like singing about our old days of like. I'm bringing up bits I used to do like 20 years. But it's like it's not at the forefront of my brain or my brand anymore.

But I did. Okay. I did get some quotes from both of us from our OG days. And I want you to tell me if it's a quote from me in the early days of Cardani or do you think you set it in an OG like stand up routine.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh my god. Because I do forget so much of me trust me.

Me too. I had my team pull this and some of these I was in shock that I said this. Okay. Number one. I just want to be a horror.

I think that's me. That's so you. I feel like it was just like sometimes. I don't. Yeah.

I do relate to that. Like I just. I like to. I don't want someone to look at me like a horror when I'm like walking down the street. Like what I'm in the bedroom.

“I want a guy to be like what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Like I really like to let my horror flag freak flag fly in the bedroom. The way you're just so proud. You're like that's me. I really like. I like don't even think that's you for us.

I'm sure we could find somewhere that you've said without a doubt. I don't know but that was so you. Okay. I'm feeling light, tight, easy, breezy, beautiful vagina. Okay.

First I was thinking that was you.

And then I was like I I feel like I often put in the like the cover girl tag line to things. So I'm going to say it's me. We are the same person. It's me. What?

Do it's me. No easy breezy beautiful. I do the same thing. It's me. Do it.

See. I would have bet so much that was me. It's pretty. You remember what you were. I just remember.

I do remember saying that one on Colorado. I have no idea why I was saying it. But it's like such a girl thing. Like a easy breezy. What was rated again?

I'm feeling light, tight, easy breezy, beautiful. The vagina. Yeah. Okay. So you're just having a good vagina day.

I was so good. In some days, they're not. Like there's a little next one, right? Okay. The cobwebs have formed and my pussy feels like it's shown sewn shut.

The next time I have sex, I'll be a born again virgin. You. What the fuck was I on? When my team pulled this quote, I was like, the cobwebs have formed. It feels like it's sewn shut.

And next time my foot, no, it got too tight. You were tight, but tight in the light. Easy breezy. And then I got so tight. It got sewn shut.

In cobwebs had formed. When I'm rereading these things, I'm like, no, that's. These are fucking funny. This next one sounds like it would be you, but it is me. But now after that context, I said, put it in the ass.

So I know what we're working with. Wait, you said that? I said that. But I feel like you would say that. No, no, you like that.

It does sound like I would say. I think I already know what I'm working with by the time I say that. But I was like, what is that?

“You must have been referencing someone else or something.”

Without a doubt, I think I also just did. It's like rage. People like I didn't like anal.

And I would always just be like, put it in my fucking ass.

I thought people thought it was just funny. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like, and people would get so bad about that. So mad about stuff. It's like, you don't have to do it. And also it's like, I just, yeah, I mean, I could go on and on.

Okay, this one's you. Oh, we don't. I'm not supposed to tell you that. Okay, well, read it to you. I swear to you, you can squirt.

I didn't think I could. And now I know I can do anything. Yeah, that was me. And I haven't since that joke. I don't think.

Because it's good. It's not like a control. It just has, it has happened a couple times. And you were like, by my own hand. I will say it was always my own creation.

I don't want to give anyone else credit for that. That is so important to clarify. It's been, it's been, it's happened where you're just like, has that ever happened to you? No, sorry to pry. I didn't like it.

I don't know for there. Is it the same space? No. I think it happened.

“I think one time that I can remember, maybe another time.”

But it was, it was insane. Like you really feel like you just spilled a glass of water. I thought that was, and I just peed myself. Yeah, because you're like, oh. And sometimes men are so stupid.

Like you could peel a little. And they think it was. Yeah, that's, that's smart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can fuck with your hat.

But water broke. Yeah. They'd also believe that. There's so fucking stupid. Okay.

I have a vagina that resembles a hastily packed suitcase. That's me. Why? I mean, that was just a joke about like how I have like lips. And like sometimes when you like shut a suitcase when you're in a rush,

there's like stuff hanging out of it. And so that was just, um, it's good. That's a descriptive way of describing that. That's a way describing my vagina that has haunted me forever.

Like people always were like, "Hey, sleep back, suitcase."

So it's like, oh. So, but it's, you know, it's, it has good days in bed. That was stuck with you. Yeah, it's definitely, I shouldn't have shared that. Like people, but I keep doing it.

And for some reason, I feel like it gives, it makes, you know, you make fun of the things that you're insecure about so that you can take control of them. So if you make fun of it about me, I gave you that. So you don't really get like, win.

Like when you never come out from a vagina. So look, shut the fuck up. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And anyone that has no complaints.

Like, it's well-reviewed. So now that we're done with sex. Like, do you have any topics that you're really thinking of like, exploring in the future for your career? Because we got a long way to go.

You know, like, it's the stuff that I've been into. You know, I'm obsessed with like beauty and aging,

how we are, how, just the struggle of like,

“wanting to, you know, be your own person and like,”

establish who you are on the inside and like, that should matter, but also being like, well, a big part of any kind of brand when you're in show business as a woman is like, how you look and presenting fuckable and trying to get to both women and men.

You know, like, women like it when you look fuckable to men too. And then men will say, well, we don't like big lips. And we don't like a lot of makeup. And it's like, well, the women and the gaze do. And they are determining what is marketable.

And so we're trying. Like, it's, I'm very fascinated by, you know, psychology and sociology. And, and, and, and, but also just beauty and general. I think it's fascinating. Well, it's fascinating because yeah, you kind of can't win as a woman.

And there is obviously such a double standard that's like, it's tired of talking about at this point, but it's like, for women and our bodies and our looks. It's just such a fixation that you constantly are trying to pivot because you don't know where to meet.

And when you are in this industry, you do have to kind of appease the people to some degree. Yeah. Or you just have to lean out and be like, I'm just going to be completely fucking railroaded by everyone and told I'm like an ugly fuck.

If you don't give, if you don't try. And then they're like, she doesn't care about herself. So you're like, where do I, or if you're trying too hard, or if you're getting too much done? Yep.

You, like, and then there's, you know, people will always point to like,

well, Pam Anderson doesn't wear makeup anymore. And everyone loves it. It's like, well, we love that as a reaction to what she used to be. Like, if she came out of the gates like that, we wouldn't know who she has.

No offense. We should. She's an amazing talent. But that is, we loved that because it was reaction to that. And then people will always cite someone who doesn't wear makeup and say,

you know, I, I had a joke about, you know, people would say, well, you're a comedian. Like, you don't need to be hot. Like, you, why do you care about looking hot? And I'm like, well, I'm, I'm a, I'm a brand too.

And also, I like being on TV. And I know what, I'm smart. And I know what works on TV. And people would say, but you're like Joan Rivers. Like, you don't need to be pretty.

And I'm like, Joan would be so fucking offended by that by the way. Joan was so smart. One of the best show creators of all time, best comedians of all time. And she was obsessed with her looks.

“Obsessed because she knew that's what mattered.”

And she felt ugly coming up. And she would make fun of her looks. And that people think she's ugly because she would call herself ugly. And they, and they felt like they could. And my joke was like, I do want to be Joan Rivers.

Because I plan on dying on an operating table too. Which she did. She died going, undergoing a procedure, a medical procedure. And to stay to look younger. It was on her, you know, vocal cords.

But it was like about appearing younger. And it is, it is important, unfortunately. I want to read a quote too, because another female comedian Ali Wong said about you. She said, for the longest time we were led to believe that physically showing any sort of sexiness was going to work against you and stand up. She's pulling off what some of us might have thought was impossible.

And she's talking about you. I love you. Do you agree with that? That is so nice. I would say, I'm not trying to be like a trailblazer of like women can be sexy and funny.

I just, I like, I like pretty girls on TV.

I always wanted to be one of them.

And I wasn't in high school. Like I always like aspired to that. And so it's just when I have the ability to dress up in higher stylists who can elevate me and glam teams to make me the best-looking version of myself. Why wouldn't I utilize that? Like it's kind of fun.

But I will say that I, you know, the first comedian that I saw that I was like, I want to be like her with Sarah Silverman. And what I loved about Sarah Silverman was that she was stunning. She was so pretty. And like every guy I knew was like, I fucking love her. And like wanted to bang her.

She was adorable. She was so approachable to women too. She was so pretty. So stunning. So cool.

And nice. Sameing. But she also said horrible things. And like really dirty, crass. Like things.

But she also had this like ability. And I was like, I'm really attracted to that. Where it's like, you can, you can look a certain way. But the stuff that comes out of your mouth is almost you get away with more because of how you present. Nothing was ever intentional.

“But I, I, I always, you know, I have to admit like it was important.”

I never felt pretty when I was young.

And it was always something that bothered me that if I felt it was unfair and unjust that my sister was the pretty one. And I wasn't. And I really resented it. And I have a complex about it. And so it's something that when I have the means to do so I pursue.

I'm not doing everything I can. I'll tell you that. Like, there's a lot of stuff I'm not doing. Okay. Hold on.

Because you, yes, you have been so open about what you, like some of the things that you've gotten done. What is on your wish list? I mean, a facelift for sure is going to happen in the next, you know, two to five years. Like without question. Because I mean, well, I went the other day.

I got a little filler in my upper lip. And I haven't done filler for a while. I do Botox filler itself. You know, every year, six months, you know, Botox more regular. But, um, and he was just like, can I just show you some like stuff that I would maybe, like,

I've gone in for the facelift consult before to multiple doctors and see what they could do. But he was showing me some stuff. And I was like, that's pretty great. Like, it's, it, it just takes 10 years off your face. It's not that noticeable.

The problem is is the recovery.

“Like, I just, I don't, I think it's does not talk about enough women are just like, yeah,”

she got a facelift. And I'm always like, she went, she had to be off camera for months and months and had to stay inside and had drains in her face. It's painful. Like, it's, that's the part that I'm like, yikes.

Like, I know you're so right. Everyone's talking about facelift nowadays because it's like, get rid of the filler, get rid of the Botox. Just get the facelift to them. Like, they don't talk about the recovery at all. Like, even people have done it.

I'm always like, tell me about the recovery. And they kind of, it's almost like childbirth. They kind of forget the pain of it. And they go just do it. And you, but I, I recently, someone really close to me just went through one.

And it is brutal, brutal. And it's, and you know, I was hanging out with someone who had a facelift two years ago. And she's like, oh, my face is still numb all over here. I can't feel anything. I mean, she looks stunning.

But it's like, there's, it's super risky too.

I, I always look at people who have facelift work.

I'm never like, oh, they, like, I've never been one to judge anyone. And that's done facelift work. If anything, I'm like, she's so brave. So your face cut open and it might not look good. What if it doesn't look good?

But even you hearing all these things. Do you think you're going to do it? Yeah, because I'm going to pick someone that's like, never failed. And it's done all the women that you just, you. I know you're talking about, I think.

Yeah, I mean, there's a couple of them. But I know what, who we're about to do. And you pick the guy who, it's this new thing that has happened with face work in the past. I would say two years, two or three years where it's just a, Actress that has been around for, like, 15, 20 years.

And she's always been pretty, but somehow something happened. You know, the red carpet, and you go, huh, you ever really, she was a super model. People like don't even think because it looks so. It's so natural. It's stunning and natural.

People just go, I guess I've just been missing the boat on this one. And then they go, you know, I got to take whatever probiotics she's taking. That's a face lift, babe. It's always a face lift.

“And that's why it's so funny to me when people go, don't get face work.”

It's going to look horrible. I'm like, but you, that's a bias that you have because you're only noticing the bad stuff. Because you don't notice the good stuff. You just think she's drinking more water. It's so comfortable to drink it because they have to lie because if they tell you the truth,

they'll get shamed for it. Completely. You know, having a face that is manicured in that way is just a status symbol of, I'm wealthy. So it's not a way to show people your beautiful or fuckable as to show people I have money. Even a fucked up face.

It's a way to, it's like a car. I have money. It's the new status symbol to not have a normal face is to tell people I have money, which is very important in our society. Now to just promote how wealthy you are.

And that's the new way to do it. That is a really good point. Do you think there is a thing as Botox blindness? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that, because for Botox, I feel like,

well, I guess I've seen it if people pull it up too high, but I think those are like prowl lifts. Botox, I don't think, like, if you can't move your forehead, like, who cares? It, I don't think it matters. I feel like when girls, there's so many girls, friends of mine from, you know,

like high school and college who are just, they won't do anything because they're so scared I'm like, it's like girls back in the 40s and 50s, people, women were so embarrassed to find out to, like, revealed that they died their hair. And Botox is the new that.

It's like, it's not shameful anymore. We're all doing it. And it makes you look better. And it is expensive, but it's, it's,

you would never imagine like having to hide that you had highlights.

But that used to be a thing that women were ashamed of. They, like, did a box die on their hair. And now it's like, who gives a, like, I remember, I remember girls will post online and be like, oh my god, like, I told my boyfriend, I was getting Botox,

and he started to freaking out. And then I came home and he's like, when are you going to do it? And he's, she's like, why did it? Like, I thought if a guy freaks out, they're just scared.

You're going to leave that. They're very sincere that you're going to leave them because you're going to be too hot. That is like such a red flag. It's guys like, do you're beautiful the way you are?

I get that and I do believe that some guys are like, I don't change your face. I love the way your face is. But there's a secret part of me that thinks when guys are like, don't get anything done is like,

don't upgrade because I can only have you. If you look this way and you would leave me if you could upgrade, because I'm not good at all. It's so fucking true.

“And that's what's going on most of the time.”

Like, I always just see like, this is a separate issue, but like, you know, like, I've been in relationships like this before where you get really dressed up in the guy like won't say anything. And you know he notices, like, you look stunning.

And you've just worked on it. It is because they, and I know so many girls listening right now have been through this where you're like, you put in so much effort and they, you see them see it and they don't say anything. They are not saying anything because they're insecure

that if they build you up too much, you'll leave them and you'll have too much self-esteem and you'll do better than them. It is always that. It's not that they don't think you look hot at all. Or they might be like, what's it red lip?

It's because they're literally threatened. I promise you. It's never like, they think something on you is, what's such a good point. It means orange.

No. And this goes for girls too. If anyone is ever insulting any beauty thing you get, they are threatened by it. And you have to remember their jealous.

Otherwise they wouldn't say anything. If they really didn't like it, what do you do when you don't

You don't call it out. You don't say anything. You talk about it.

Maybe your friend behind her back.

But it's don't say it to her face. The only reason anyone ever insults you is because they like what you did in their threatened. It's such a good fucking point.

“And you need to remember it because girls are always like,”

she said the meanest thing to me and I'm like, it's not because your hair's busted. It's not because you look bad. It's because she's jealous. Dude, a boyfriend like that can take you down.

Down because you're looking to him for all your confidence, because he has created a world in which no other man can compliment you. So he's your only source of getting any kind of positivity about your sexuality because if you posted a bikini pic on Instagram and guys commented, he would call you horror or be jealous of that.

So you can't search for anywhere else. Now you're completely bullied. And you're only person. It's giving it to you isn't. And you feel like I must be disgusting.

And so then you are trapped in that. What's talk about your boyfriend? Yeah. Chris. Yes.

You guys have been together for over a decade. On and off though. On and off. Yeah. Why have you guys been so on and off?

Because I think if any couples being really honest, they would be on and off too. If you could really take a break from your husband, not you. But like in a general you,

you may be what? And we just do. Or at least I will call for one. When I see it's necessary to like, I do call for one.

I just say like, I don't want to do this right now anymore. Like I'm not having fun in our relationship. You know, like when you're going through a phase of like, I don't really want to be around this person.

Like and he will feel that way too. Like it's, you know, I think. And also like I didn't. He's like been my first boyfriend like ever.

I had some like stuff. We met when I was 29 and and I'm 41 now. So he's been the only consistent thing. And I had some flings when we would be like, you know, in our off ears.

But he's my only like boyfriend. So there's sometimes that urge of like,

“what if I haven't experienced the the best that I could have?”

And like this is hard right now. So I just don't want to do it. Can we just put this on hold and like. And if we're meant to be,

we'll come together because we always do when we haven't found

any one else or like there isn't something better. Like I don't know. I just feel like I would like to be in a relationship that I could call off whenever I want and take a break and not have to like keep in touch all the time and talk.

In fact, you when you take a break and you're like, okay, let me go see if I like anyone else. Have you ever then like gone on dates and been like, it makes me miss him more because this person is such a fucking loser in front of me.

Yeah, well, like I used to have a joke that was like, you know, we break up and then I date other guys. And then I look back at him and I'm like, oh my god, he's the best. I can do.

And that's kind of what you realize sometimes is like, I thought I could do better in whatever way. Like not looks wise or whatever, but just like he's not doing this for me. So I'm gonna find a guy that does this and then you realize, oh no, he's lacking all these things that he had.

So yeah, that has happened. I have definitely, because we've been like broken up before and not just like a break and I've like had other things. But yeah, it's like we got back together after being broken up for like four years because I moved back to St. Louis during COVID.

He's also from St. Louis and we were both back there and we were like, let's just hang out and then that just started to eat. It worked out. Yeah, how does he deal with because even though he's a producer like, you make some crazy jokes that are great jokes.

“Has there ever been one that pushed him over the edge?”

Where afterwards you guys get home and you're like, okay, this is for sure. I think there's, but you know, I think there's been times for everyone in my life that's been close to me where they've gotten stung a little bit by something I've said that just was a little too honest and like,

you know, I was watching Hacks last night and you know, Gene Smart's character was like, says something that hurt her daughter's feelings. She was like, I don't know why it's so much easier for me to say this stuff to strangers than to the person that it's for.

But sometimes I like would air out an anger thing that I was resenting and I put it in a joke. Not even thinking I hope he hears this and he gets it. But it would just like, I would realize after the fact you'd be like, that one joke like kind of seemed unnecessary and I'd be like,

oh yeah, I think some consciously I was trying to hurt your feelings.

I would never do it consciously but there's been stuff like that.

He actually kind of, you know, as always said, which is something I'd really admire about him is that if it's funny you can do it. Like as long as it gets a laugh and if it doesn't, you're just like being a dick.

Yeah, then. How did he feel when you said that you would chew him in the face for a chance to blow Tom Brady? He was there when that joke was written and I turned to him and I was like, is that okay?

And he was like, yeah, it's great. And I was like, are you sure? And I was like, but I'm gonna like reference you and look at you and like do like a thing like, you're my boyfriend. I love you and then I'm gonna chew you in the face.

And he was like, it's, he was like, let's try it out tonight. Like, you know, he was like, and if it works, of course. Like he didn't care at all because he knows. He's like, it's genius. And it's such a clear joke to you.

I think that's the other thing with something. Yeah. That's the good thing about comedy is that even stuff that's real that might be insulting to him is long as it's getting laughed.

But even if it's like his parents seared or his friends see it,

“there's always the guys of like, she's just joking.”

Like that thing that might be real. What I'm talking about? That's just a joke. It's a joke. Yeah.

That's a nice cover. It's always a cover. And it's good. And that is nice. And sometimes it is a joke.

Sometimes it's a, you know, a hyperbably exaggerating. But a lot of times I will say people think things are jokes. And I'm like, that's absolutely true. It's really like that was 100%. Or someone thinks it's real.

And I'm like, that was so made up. Like, if you've got it made. Yeah, like, yeah, there's, but that's that protects me for sure. Do you have a celebrity hall pass? Um, you know, I think, like, you know, I think there's a problem.

As I'm like, I would say who it is because it would just like, I think that would actually be mean that it was eliminated because he would be like, well, that's you trying to make it happen. Has happened naturally or something like that. Do you think you could hook up with this person?

I think that I think he's a really good guy.

And he was, he was always said, like, you know,

especially after the Tom Brady roast, and after my star kind of rose to these like new levels of like, being around ALICE or she's like, if there is someone that you, your whole life have like,

“longed for and they want to fuck you like you should.”

Like, that's too good. Like, and not that he wants that and he would get turned on by it. And it all, like, there's none of this like cuckold stuff. He's just like, once me to have the experiences that, and that is like, that's like asking someone to not collect their lottery winnings.

Like, it's so rare to get to where I am in life where that would ever happen. And it hasn't happened. And I wouldn't even want it to because like, the circumstances in which it would have to happen. I'm like, well, could I DM them?

He's like, no, you can't pursue it. It has to be like natural. Like, well, that's never going to happen for me. So have you ever met your whole past? Um, I'm trying to think of the,

yes, I have. And he is like married with kids. But he's like my whole past from like, my crush in like, okay, okay. Okay.

So there's one on my mind, but there's like probably another one that I would be like,

oh, yeah, but he would never be into me because of like,

age stuff. Younger, old. I don't know. But I, but I, like, um, in a relationship,

I don't really care if my boyfriend were to hook up. Okay, I read about that. Yeah, I wanted to talk about that. But that is not a two-way street. Like, I'm, I'm not someone who likes to hook up with

I'm in a relationship. I'm not really like, I don't really care about that. I, you know, um, but I don't care if someone else were to hold on. In fact, I like kind of like it.

“It's kind of, it's, it's a problem, I think.”

Yeah, yeah, no. We need to talk about this. You told Howard Stern that commitment felt like admitting defeat or settling. Mm.

Do you still feel that way? No, I don't feel that way anymore. Okay. Um, no, I mean, they're, innately it is settling.

You do not know that the person you are with is the best person for you. You haven't, there's too many people on this planet. You haven't met on any of them. You never will.

So you have to settle. Okay. There could be someone better for you. And statistically, there probably is. There's, you know, like, there is.

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So when did this start for you, Nike? Let's start it with my boyfriend when I was 29. Because I really hadn't had a boyfriend before then. You could tell me about...

I would always ask him about past hookups and girlfriends and how they got together.

I was like the beginning. How did you guys first know you liked each other? I love that. Our legs were touching on our table. Neither of us moved our leg or something like that.

I don't know if it would make me like horny to think about him doing that with other girls. And then I would ask about all of his girlfriends or anyone he had hooked up with. All the details about it. And I would really be like a for-play for me. I would get revved up talking about it.

And then it reached a point where he was out of stories. He had gone through all of them. And I was like... And it's almost like he was telling the same ones. And I was like, "I know this one."

So it wasn't as exciting anymore because I was getting the same stuff. I had never heard of anything like this.

“I felt so weird, but I was like, "I think I need you to get some more stories."”

You mean new material class? I was like, "I need you to go out there and just do... Just have a flirty moment with someone like anything where I can feel like... Maybe it's my competitive nature. I'm like, "I want a guy who other girls want."

I like something that is like... You know, you want a handbag that other girls are like, "Oh my god, I'm dying to get that." That's relatable. Like, yeah, I have experienced that massacism to a certain degree where I'd be like, "Tell me about every ex.

Tell me about all the things." Like, that part of the beginning of the rolling upward or where you like, "I want to know because I know it definitely like made me be like, "Okay, now I'm going to like fuck you 10 times better tonight." Okay, yes.

But then it's like showing their value that they are valued by other women. Because I respect women. And women's opinions, I do. This all comes back to anything.

This whole thing is like men are discussing and they need to get their boners fixed immediately. And I don't really want to fix your boner, but I love women. I want my boyfriend to fuck other women because I just love women so much.

I'm such a feminist. Hold up. This is all about. This is not pick me. This is pure feminism. Hold up now.

Exactly. Thank you for getting to the root of it. So you then tell this to Chris. And was he like, "This is a trap."

Yeah, they always think it's a trick.

Like, you know, he was just... He knew that I was a sincere person and wasn't the type of girl to like, I wasn't a jealous person up into this point. So I don't think he was like getting any of that vibe

of like she's just trying to test me. So it was like, "Are you serious?" You really want that, okay? Like, how should this happen? And so I was like, "You know what?

If you do it, and I don't like it, because I don't know how I'll feel." Like, I've never done this before. So I don't know how I'll feel if my boyfriend mere my first boyfriend ever.

And so how will I feel if you have a flirty moment with other girls? So just like try it, and if I don't like it, we can stop. And just don't do, like, don't kiss her. But like, see if you, like, if you could,

like, if you get to a place where you're like, "Maybe you even go, I can't have a girlfriend." Like something like that. But I don't make her feel bad about it. Yeah.

And don't make her feel like she's being, like, actually, you know, like, I was very careful

to like, always let the girlfriend girl know you have a girlfriend.

So she's choosing to do this and just let her know that I'm okay with it. The way I'm pictured you having this fucking conversation with Chris, you know? I remember. Oh, we don't have a thing.

Um, and he's like, we, and one more thing. What if you also, like, wear those jeans that I like?

"Oh, anything else?" I remember it so vividly. It literally was like that.

And I remember the first time anything happened.

I did feel like a thing of a jealousy came up where I was like, I think it was about I hadn't communicated that I need her to know that I exist. And I think I felt a little bit sad that maybe she thought there was something

with this guy that wasn't gonna happen. And I'd been that girl so many times whether the guy's lying about having a girlfriend or he's like, just casually dating someone he's making it seem like it's not serious.

But he just, that I, he's leading me on and I don't have a chance of devastating.

“So I think that took me up a little bit,”

but I was kind of into it. I really was. Did he hook up with the girl? He's done some stuff. Yeah. He probably wouldn't appreciate me elaborating on that.

But like, there's, there's been interesting things that have been like really fun for me to like hear about and experience. Like, and fun for him too, because you know, you get older, he's 45, and I'm like,

get out there, like get some, know that you're a sexual being again, like sometimes I'm like too busy to be really sexy, so I'm like, "Ah, get some attention." Does it freak you out to be open about this?

Like, do you think people judge you guys? Yeah, every time I bring it up, I'm like, "God, here she goes." Because women, I think women,

I've never, I have not yet.

I may be in that one woman that felt this way. Like, exactly how I feel in my whole life, and I've talked about this extensively, so it's very rare for women to feel this way, and I feel like I want to be very clear

that I know that this is not how many women feel, and I'm not encouraging any other woman to do this, or I think this is like the right way to run your relationship. I think honestly, it probably is detrimental. I remember Dr. Drew telling me,

like, he after he heard me say that I don't mind. He was like, "I need you to look me in the eyes and repeat, I am enough. I am enough." And I'm like, "No, it's not about that." I'm like, "Maybe it is. Maybe I'm enough."

And I feel like he has to have more,

“but it's, there's probably a sadness to it,”

but it's just what I'm into, and I can't help it. And I'm not trying to be cool. I believe me when I've been single, guys are not into this.

It sounds like a dream, like, "I could date a woman and fuck other girls." That sounds like a dream. Guys really like to be, like, they like girls to be jealous

and to kind of boss them around. I want you. It goes to free. They kind of like, they don't like, they think they like it,

but I assure you this isn't getting me guys. It's like this interesting thing.

It's never been a pitch for me to be like,

"Look how cool I am. Why don't you date me because you can do whatever you want." It doesn't, they don't like it. We, what are your friends think about this? They're used to it at this point.

They're just like, they marvel at it because I have one friend who has, you know, been cheated on before, so she experiences a lot of jealousy in her life. And she has this amazing husband

who would fucking never cheat on her. We just, I just know that about him. He's like the most decent guy, but she still gets jealous about, you know, him hanging out with,

past girlfriends, or like, a therapist who's a little too touchy, or something like that. And we, a therapist is being too touchy. Yeah, like, just a creepy therapist.

Like, definitely a therapist that I'm just like, get her out of this life. Like, immediately. But it's so casual. That happens all the time.

Like, a masseuse or like, a literal therapist. Wait, why? This one friend. This is the friend of mine. She also went to a couple of therapists one time.

And I wanted, I put this in a script once because it was so funny, but she was going to a couple of therapists to like, save her marriage. They divorced eventually,

but this therapist was so into her husband. At one point, they asked her, the therapist asked her something, and she's like, well, I don't know.

Like, my friend answered, like, I don't know. And the therapist just put her hand on his leg and goes, we just can't get through to her, can we?

And they both had like a moment. I was just like, oh, so she's gonna be like, so anyway, this friend has had jealousy before.

And I said to my friend, I go, if you could make it so that no women were attracted to your husband. You split your,

it's never been your, and no woman on earth, will ever be attracted to your husband, would you, and she was like,

in heartbeat, I would love that. And I was like, that would be my nightmare. Like that?

No, I would hate that. That I would hate that. No, she would love it because it would give her freedom to not have to worry about him being taken from her.

And see that though worries me because then that's also plays in insecurity why are you so worried that your husband's gonna get taken from her. Yeah. Like I don't,

I know that people think my husband is attractive. And that, I like. And you know that I'm not running. I'm not worried about it.

No. And he's an off leash dog. Yes. You don't need to be like, no.

Stay with me. You're just like, come over here. He can go smell a bush. Yeah.

And he'll like come right to you. Like there's nothing more than an off leash dog.

“And that's what I want in a boyfriend is like,”

I know I'm the master. Like if my boyfriend were to like fool around with someone else, I would need that girl to know like, do you know who's in charge though? Like who he's coming back to?

And I would love to see you try to get him. I would love that too of like, oh my god, she thinks she's gonna, because I've been that girl before that's like, I,

I'm gonna win this guy over who's dating. You know like, you don't win. You're so competitive. I think that's it.

I love it. I wish I wasn't so much,

in a woman. But I realize I am. It's okay. Yeah.

I actually really respect it.

Um, speaking of your friends,

“you have a group chat with your nine best friends.”

Yeah. All of these girls though, you brought together, right? They came from like different areas of your life. How did you merge them all?

I, So it's like my best friends since fifth grade, fourth grade, my sister, my old podcast producer,

a comedian that I know and my, my boyfriend's friends, ex-feed, ex-wife, like it's, I just collected all these girls,

but I just knew, were cool as hell, and funny, and we just would do, I would do girls trips with certain groups of them,

and I would just be like, I think I want to add a girl to the girls, girls trip, because she's like down, and my friends just trust me.

I've known them for my whole life, and they are all best friends now all through me. Like I've been the nucleus of this group, and we are constantly chatting 24/7. Like they know I'm here.

Like it's, it's, it's the best, it's my,

most proud creation is my dream.

I was gonna say like, that is, as you get older, it's so hard to have adult, girl friends in a large group capacity,

because it's like sometimes you met someone in college, or sometimes someone's from childhood, and then someone's from, and to merge them together, because they should be able to merge.

“You should be consistent with your friendship.”

They should all fit a criteria of like, you know, sometimes we have friends that are like good for just one-on-one, and like we have friends for different things, but like,

I, and girls are so desperate for girlfriends. It's really hard, especially in the Midwest, if you're working a desk job,

to like, to meet people, I feel like I meet a lot of people, so I'm like, I'm so happy to give my friends,

who might not meet these other interesting girls, like new friends, and like, it's so incredible. It's the most fun.

I like, I met a girl yesterday, who I'd lunch with, and I was on girls chat, like,

I think I have a new girl for our girls trips. What is the group chat's name? It's just called girls. Oh no, it's called Angels Angels,

because we went on a yacht one time that my friend got us, and the captain's name was Angel, and Angels Angels Angels for the day. [MUSIC]

Okay, I'm going to ask you a couple questions about the group chat. Yeah. What is the text that if it got leaked, you would get canceled?

Or like,

“what's the content that you're speaking of?”

What was something that we said? Like, I would say, I would say just like, making fun of people that have wronged us.

Like go in really hard and say, and some really mean stuff that I'm like, that we have to sometimes start doing like a code name, because it's like that. And I only would get canceled

because people would be so shocked at how, like, they wouldn't be shocked at me because I roast, but like, I roast pretty hard in there.

Like stuff that I would never say it.

I like an actual roast. But it's a safe space. Yeah. What is the most insane relationship advice that's ever been given in that group chat?

Oh, my friends thought she broke her husband's dick the other day. Okay. And she said it was like, a train car pile up.

She like sent a picture of like, when a train do rails and it's like, that was really funny. And we were all giving her advice about what to do for that, because he was like,

I don't want to get it checked out, like he was so embarrassed. And she was like, I heard it snap. I think it broke his dick.

And the fuck do you break a man's dick? It's like slipped out. And she like went in. And it like went against her stomach. And like was like,

but you can do it. She like Googled it. And it was. So we gave her advice about like telling him to go, but he never did.

I guess it's fine. It's going to repair itself. So there was a lot of chance. That's amazing. Yeah, that was good.

Have you ever sent nude for pre-approval in there? Um, No, not even pre-approval. That's where they go. Okay.

You know, like that's where they're ending up. Like that's where. Yeah. Like,

Do you know the other day, my friend was talking about, you know, I have a lot of friends who have had babies and like, their stomachs are just like not going back to the way they were,

because the muscles get pulled out. And my friend is like, I need to get a tummy tuck, but they can't even fix this. And she was showing her belly.

And it just looked like she ate a skinny girl who ate a sandwich. And so there was a day on chat where we were all just taking the, gnarly, pushing our stomachs out, just tended as much as possible.

And that was one where I did crop off my head just in case something late that I could like deny that it was me, but you could probably tell by my face, it's pretty damn that it was. You know what's good though is when you are getting older.

I'm like, I do the same thing where like, I'm not sending nude to my husband. I'm doing with my friends being like, what does this look like?

And like my friends, I literally would like, my friends have sent me pictures of her giant up being like, oh yeah, this normal like, is that's the nude, is this herpes or a and grown hair?

I've got many of those. Yeah, that is, that's, it's like medical diagnoses are the new perfect. Do your friends think you're funny? Oh yeah, yeah,

but they're like funny or the night. I'm like truly like the funniest people ever. Like I'm, I'm obviously trained being funny and it's like something I've worked at and is my career,

but they are so, so, so funny. I know I love how much you talk about how, obviously you've referenced other comedians, you've referenced your friends like women, and also you're just like a huge feminist

'cause you let your man like fuck out their women,

This is about feminism here.

“You are in a pretty male dominated field.”

Yeah. Obviously, what is a time in your career? 'Cause obviously you're thriving right now, but like what's a time in your career where you really

felt the weight of being a woman in comedy? Alex, it's so weird and I hate saying this 'cause this is so one feminist of me.

I like never really noticed that I was different.

If that makes any sense, I never was like, I'm a female comic and this sucks and I'm not being taken seriously. I look back and there's so many instances

where that was taking place, but I really didn't notice it. I was just like, to me, the best my favorite comedians were female comics.

So I thought it was always like a cooler thing to be. And I never felt, you know, it was almost safer because I, maybe I noticed that men were always getting things

so when I didn't get things, I wouldn't take it personally. I was like, it's just this thing beyond my control because only one woman can get this roast.

And so if I'm not getting a roast, there's only one woman per roast. There's maybe, they're giving out specials that year, or stand-up specials.

It would be like two women get them. And I know which two, those girls are in the class above me. They deserve it more than me. So it was always kind of like,

and like it's an unsaid thing that's like, it shouldn't be that only one woman's getting it. But it's like, that's just the way it was. And so it was easier for me to be like,

that's why I didn't get it. Because there's not enough spots, not because I'm not good enough. And so I, you know,

and then I look back on, and now I think I noticed it more where like, you know, a comedian will come into a show that has like,

you know, seven comics on the line up. And there's like some famous guy dropping in. It's called dropping in. He just drops on wherever he wants.

Because he's famous enough that like, he bumps anyone. So, and I'll get, he'll go up before me as opposed to anyone on the set.

And I'm like, is it because of a woman or is because I'm nice, and he knows that I don't care. And I'm like whatever,

but like it always happens to be,

I feel like I'm, it often is me. And I'm like,

“I think it's because they don't respect us as much.”

Or like, it's, and now I'm noticing it. It's just easier when you get bigger for, um,

them to just dismiss what you do and say like, well, oh, she only killed the Golden Globes, because she had writers.

And I'm like, what reward show doesn't have writers, mother fucker? Like, why is this suddenly pointed out that I get right? Like,

every award show in the history is had a writers room, but now it's like, that's why she's funny, because she had such killer writers, but they'll not,

they'll not say that. They'll just say things like, oh, Nikki, guys are as the best writers.

And I go, okay, I know exactly what you're doing. You're dog whistling to your fucking fans, that I don't write my own stuff,

which is so untrue. And, or they'll say, um, or,

oh, she does talk about sex. And that's all she does. And that's easy for her. And I'm like,

yeah, but it's not easy for you, because you're disgusting. And you're disgusting. And you're almost to hear about it,

and you are ashamed of your sexuality. So yeah, it is easy for me. You talk about what's easy for you, and I'll talk about what it's easy for me.

It is easy for me, but not everyone. Who else is talking about, it's not easy. Just talk about sex.

That is so fascinating here in you with the writer thing, because it's like, they're trying to discredit you. And they always say, like,

they're like, praising me like, you hired the best writers. Like, I'm supposed to take like,

and I go, yeah, I do, because I've great taste, and I also write the,

like jokes. Like, people, but it's like, and it's the quickest thing to,

they always do it. And as if every, like you just said, every single live show is, it is to the second,

that you have practiced this. They know the exact word that then gets you to the transition to the next thing, because that's how it has to go. That's how you run live,

television. Talk about singers. No one has ever like, but you know, yeah,

she didn't, so many singers don't write their own music,

and they never get discredit

and for that, they have mail, you know, let's just talk about men helping, like producers in the room,

producing a song, and no one gets taken away credit for their song. I mean, I'm not going to say no one, but it's just very interesting to me,

that, for some reason, stand-up comics, like, call each other out for that stuff.

They don't call men out. It's like, it's like, every late night show. They all have writers,

but we say, Conan's the funniest. Cole Bears the funniest. Found the funniest, but we don't talk about the writers.

But when a woman does it, I swear to God, it happens every time, given me a complex where I'm like, I can't,

I can't ask for help. I don't want to, I need to write a better joke than that one, because if I use that one, I can't really claim that it was me that did that,

and it's made me kind of insecure about like, well, I only got far because, the Golden Ghost is only good, because the writers are like,

it's made me feel that way, but I'm like, wait a second. When there's a home decorator that puts together a beautiful room,

people don't go, well, she didn't make that couch. She didn't make that book. But she put it all together.

What about that? We give credit for that. And I'm actually making the chairs. I'm handwriting the jokes, but it's like,

if you don't do it all, you're not allowed to claim credit. And it also is, aside from even just that, it's like,

“the amount that you have to pour into it”

to think about, but because I am a woman, inevitably, I'm going to get this backlash. So how can I think about this

in a way that will also mitigate the damage of people saying this, because I'm like, as soon as you ask me about this, and I start talking about writers,

I'm like, oh my God,

and then that's going to be something

that I'm like, I'm giving them something to now, and every man that you have seen on those ages has a fucking writer. Every single one.

And you have seen a lot of them are women. And guess what? Yes, a lot of them are. It's,

it really, really irritates me. And it's something that I wish I wasn't. It didn't get to me as much, but I,

there was just a couple of fucking clips from friends of mine that went out right after, something I did that was like, she's got a,

murders, murders, row of writers, and they were talking about my husband. And I'm like,

first of all, I know you don't know any of my writers. So you're just saying that just to let people know what to, how your male fanbase can take me down

as a female comic, who they're mad at, because I talk about my vagina or whatever. I just think, also that the more we do talk about it,

and I get it, I get you're going to sit here and you're like, oh my God, did I just start this whole thing up again?

I've been there,

“but I also think it's important to talk about”

because again,

we're putting them right next to each other,

the same amount of writers, the same amount of people that do it for the men. So why is it even a conversation for you? And I bet most people genuinely didn't know that men had writers,

and they think that they're these genius people, and then because you're a woman, they're trying to nitpick me like, they're has to be something behind it. Yet for all of them,

whether you have a dick or a fucking vagina, there's writers behind all these people. There was a joke about me having writers done at the roast, uh,

the Tom Brady, that really irritated me, because it's like, everyone up there has writers, by the way,

every single person that does a roast has a, and there's a, by the way, they hire a writing staff to work on the roast,

so if you don't hire writers yourself, which everyone does, they give you jokes. Yes. You walk in,

they give you just no one, and by the way, I wrote the bulk of my jokes. Like, you know,

you haven't to help you out and shape it, because it's a lot of work. And there was one joke about me that I had writers, and, and the guy that told the joke had that joke,

written for him. And I was like, the irony here, like I know the guy who wrote the joke, the joke,

for this guy that was making fun of me, for having writers. And I'm like, it was so irritating to me,

“because that's just not something that I would ever call it another,”

another comment, because, because, especially if I was using writers, I wouldn't call it something for something that I was doing.

So it was just saying, that's one that really gets me, and I like that we're talking about it, because I can, again,

like I can make fun, I can say the thing before people say it, but it, it will be a thing that falls me the rest of my life, probably.

Not only that, I think it's like, we have to, we have to be aware of it, as women,

because you read this shit, and we care about our careers. It hurts when people try to put us down off of things. They're just,

are a prerequisite in the industry. Yes. That are things that have been happening before us. Yes. And by the way,

people bomb when they have writers. It doesn't mean that you're going to be good. People choose bad jokes. Also, it is so exhausting,

the standard that we are held to as women. And it is true. It is true, the working way. A lot of women are holding other women

to this insane standard, because I think it's like, yeah, we want to have this moral high ground that we are like,

no, you have to do this. You watch certain people getting crucified online for certain things, and then you're like,

wait, but what about the obscene files? Like, what about those got, like,

the way that we crucify women for something that is point zero percent compared to the men who are doing what these children, like,

you don't even restart it. It's like, guys, put your energy towards that fucking shit. I,

and I really, I can't handle it anymore, especially with obscene files, and with the deep dive that I went on that. I was like,

this is more, this is, you know, I've always been like, well,

“politics are more important than celebrity stuff.”

There's always been that like,

well, Trump's doing this, but when the Epstein files came out, that like, was so insane to me that I was like,

anything other article about celebrity calling anything else is just shut up. Like, even the, the capacity at which I wish people put the amount of energy they put towards being,

like, obsessed with chapel-grown, and like, the chapel-grown, it's like,

why don't we focus on the living, breathing men who are in the Epstein files? And chapel-grown, just like, something with like,

not wanting to say how to her fan. It's like, let's focus on these. It's like creating children and emails that is like, not even in code words.

And that, but that, though I do think what's so crazy is all women, we get all, chapel-grown security was mean to the cousin of someone.

It's really important, we address that. And then she addressed that. Yeah, I mean,

we'll child rape aside. We have to deal with chapel-grown in this too, that she has ever since, she got famous. She thinks she's better than people

to tell them to leave her alone and on-day pictures, when she doesn't want it, to be taken. That's what's important.

And I would like a list of that. I want the list to be all the times that she has snapped at paparazzi. It's more important. It's so much more important.

It's insane that they can even exist. Like, I don't even understand how we talk about anything else. If you haven't done an Epstein deep dive, I know it's a little too late.

Oh, I've done it. Like, not you. I know you have, but based on like, do you listen at home?

Got guys. Guys. I am scared even say the name because I might get murdered. We're dead.

We're dead. We're dead. We're literally dead. This is our last episode. Call our daddy's over.

It is true. Like, how I love that you just said that because I kind of did it here. I've had that realization the past couple of weeks of like,

Why is this a headline? It is. What's going on? It is so shocking.

The way that women are reprimanded

in comparison to what is actually fucking happening in the world. And you're like, how we cannot keep fucking doing this. Women, if you look in the comments,

“it's just fucking women tearing other women down.”

It's you got hurt. Let's redirect our fucking energy. Let's stop that laughing at us. Stop reading comments. I want to stop reading comments.

It's really hard. But comment culture. I talk about this all the time. But I have to say like, I'm so sick of it. Like, it is literally destroying art.

Like the fact that people, because even when I'm watching something, I will read the comments before I watch it just to see how I should feel about it. Do you ever do that?

Yes. And it's. How do other. And it colors how you watch it. You're a savvy consumer.

So what are dumb people doing? They're just going off of what the comment is. It's so fucking dangerous. It's really bad. I can't.

I don't even know the last time I consumed anything without finding some kind of review about it before. Like feeling. How do you get into this? It's true.

I need to know. People on TikTok have talked about how there's people who only the minute you scroll you just open the comments. So you get like a brief analysis of what's going on. But all these people are like sick in the fucking head.

The sickest people ever.

I've never commented anything.

Except like fire emojis. And like hurts, queen. Or like slit. Like slit.

“Only telling another girl she looks hot is the only thing”

I would ever comment. And like, I think I guess. I guess life of a show girl was lasting. I consumed where there was no. There was no reviews out yet.

It was just consuming it without comments. And then like you just know. And then you open TikTok and you're like, Oh, I guess. Many people didn't like the album. Exactly.

And then you're like, am I wrong for. But that I think this will last pure. Like it thing that I needed to blow up. I'm just like, I just don't want any more comments. No, I know.

Now we just can't. Then people get so mad if you disabled them. They're so mad. Let's talk about your fucking special. Yes, please.

We're like, weep. One more thing on Epstein. I mean, you bring out a full fucking pizza. Why are they always talking about pizza? And like, cream pizza?

No. The fucking. No. The fucking goats. The fucking blurs.

Like every like why are we. What's going on? We need some. But it's over. Like we bought.

It's over. Like people don't talk about it. It's over. It's so true. They checked off that list.

They checked it twice. They're going to find out who's naughty or a psychopath. And we're moving on. They're like, got it. Okay, him.

Anyway. Good girl. Let's. Let's bring some girls. Okay.

Yes. My special. Good girl. If we are alive by the time this is. I want to make it clear.

I have. I do not want to self harm. I have no suicidal thoughts. I think happens to me. I was murdered.

Someone is gunning for us. Yes. But I'm not cutting this out. We're saying we're. We're an example.

Mickey. But Google the stuff we said. Yeah. Good. Like those keywords.

Get that on your algo. You're not getting in like MSNBC. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Cream cheese. Yeah. Like people read it. Go to obscene read it. Yeah.

Okay. Your new special. Good girl. Yeah. What can you tell us about it?

Um, I decided on the name because it's a joke I have about like um the porn. I can assume I really like when the got there's like a guy who's being uh almost like a coach kind of person that's like making a girl do something really horish that she's kind of like I don't know if I can do this. And he's like you can do it like be and then she doesn't he's like good girl.

And that's like always when I'm like I climb acts is when the guys like praising the girl when that search for that.

I search um gang man. (laughing) I know that's not what you wanna be safe, but it's true. Gangbangs, four store gazzams,

four store gazzams. - Four store gazzams. - Yeah, okay. - That's where girls tied up and I really like that because I have a hard time orgasming because I feel like it's just so embarrassing and it's a loss of control

that I don't like like like because I like to be in control. And so I've always felt like orgasms were hard for me because I was like, I just look so stupid. I don't wanna look like, like, it's just so embarrassing. - Yeah.

- And I would try to push them down and not have them. And so I discovered this genre of force orgasm where girls tied up and like once it, but the guy's like making her come. And she's like, it's like almost too much

and then she comes a bunch and then he says good girl and then it's not her fault that she looks stupid. He like, did he use the same video? - No, I honestly need. - You need to do this.

- Sometimes I'll repeat after like a year.

“I'd be like, oh I kinda remember this one,”

but I don't know how it ends, but let me guess it's. This was filmed during the last leg of your like, what had liked her on me? - I'm so sorry, it's like, what did we do today? I don't know how I am like this.

- You filmed this during the last leg of your tour and you did it in your hometown in front of your friends and family? - Yes. - Is that like harder to do?

Or are you like, you bitches will fucking laugh? - No, it's much harder because I, you know, like growing up, I think, you know,

the popular girl, I felt like unseen, I felt quiet, I felt like, oh God, these people don't even know

my potential and they never will know it

because I wasn't like, I would audition for plays, I would never get like, I would audition for like the diary of Anne Frank and I would think I was gonna get Anne Frank and I would get like Jewish Townsperson B.

Like I was always like way under what and any like I would think. So I was like not being shown any reason why I would ever be successful

“and I had the secret dream of like, I wanna be on TV.”

So there's a part of me that is like, look at what I did, but like, there's this other thing of like, I just project them being like, this isn't that good. Like almost like seeing the real me. So there's this like kind of, and also I don't feel like,

I'm a star, like I don't. As much as like, yes, I know that I've earned the status and like other people might see me that way. I really don't think it's like,

I can think of a million reasons excuses for why it happened

and I'm like, I feel imposter syndrome. So there is a part of me that feels like stupid like making all these people come to this big theater and like give a standing ovation and they're like, you know girls that take Pilates classes with

or like my hairdresser or like, you know, girls that went to high school with, it's like kind of embarrassing. But overall, like, I loved it because they're just so supportive and they're so, they are excited that someone made it and like she's bringing this home and like she lives here

and they can tell that like that I don't think I'm better than it.

“Like I think they really get that I don't think I'm hot shit.”

That I am the girl that they knew and I, and that's I think I get that feedback. - I'm so excited to have everyone watch your special because I also think like you, you are right when you were saying like you are a conductor

of storytelling through the beginning middle and end and like we've watched you at the Golden Globes. You've done such a phenomenal job. Like I, when I went this year and I was sitting in this, you know, first of all, I was like stressed for you

because it is like, I think that you make it look easy but I can only imagine before you get on that fucking stage you have every fucking a-lister in that room staring at you wanting you to like lightly stumble on like the joke

“that's about them or like not maybe hit it”

and like they don't want you to fail but like people, they just don't want me to make a joke. - Right exactly, you just want to get through on skids but you also kind of want to be acknowledged because you're slurping and you like are a big deal

and you have an ego. So it's very interesting. I give you all of the flowers because it's like the pressure that is put on you like you said to land the joke, to go out there, execute, timing

with everything that you do like you've done such an incredible job

and it's really been awesome to watch your career rise. - I love that my career can have different. - That's it. - You know, it's worth the love. - I can be a freak on the stage at live shows

and in my standup and then I'm like more wholesome on TV like 'cause I am both, I got more handsome person. - Okay, you have brains. - I'm a wholesome girl with lots of holes. Isn't that what wholesome means?

- Nikki Glaser thank you so much for coming from Colorado. - Thank you so much for having us. - That was fun. (upbeat music)