Conan Unboxes “Toy Story” Merch

- Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com/CallConan. Okay, let's get started. - So we're gonna do something a little different today.

As we all know, Toy Story 5 came out. You play "Smarty Pans." A few weeks ago, you were presented

with the first ever toy of "Smarty Pans"

and you're really excited. - Great, so we have this giant "Smarty Pans" here. - Okay, no. - That's great. It's your open for just a special time.

- Anytime. - You just glossed over Toy Story came out and you're in it, stuff like that. It's the biggest movie in the history of the world. - The history of the world.

- The history of the world. - It's a massive, admit, it's a massive huge. And something is sweeping through the country right now, which can only be called "Smarty Pans." - Oh boy.

- People are doing this "Smarty Pans" dance. It is everywhere, "Smarty Pans." - And I was all just talking about how "Smarty Pans" kind of is the movie.

“- I have a "Smarty Pans" which character did you voice?”

- "Smarty Pans." - Yeah, that's interesting. - I just occurred to me, what's one. But anyway, tons of articles are like, "Well, he's, you know, "Smarty Pans" is the movie

and "Oh, were there other characters? "Who is this Bonnie in this buzz?" - Oh. (laughing) - Toy Story blasts for me, how dare you?

- I just have to point out, dare you. - They like, day before we went to the Toy Story premiere, you were like, "Oh man, what if this isn't good? "What if I'm the reason that this fails? "Wow, you really changed?

"Oh, I've changed. "I've changed. "I've decided, I went from, "Oh, I don't want to be the reason "this Toy Story 5 goes down to deciding "that I'll take full credit from all of you."

- Oh my God. - My God. - People don't know, I did all of the animation. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, Pixar was like, "We're not sure how to do this," and I said, "Guys, guys, guys, guys!"

And I went in there and I took over. - You're a real computer guy. - I'm a man of my computer guy. I'm a real computerer. - Oh, that's what they say.

- Yep. - And you're just so humble about it, too. - No, no, anyway. Now, I'm sure a lot of people have seen Toy Story 5, just if you're checking the numbers, it seems like.

- Oh, God.

“- Seems like everyone, I think everyone on Earth”

has seen it three times already. - Oh, wow.

- But a fourth time, always a good idea.

- Five for five. (laughing) - So, my character's smarty pants is a, he's one of the tech toys, but he's the first level of tech toy, like the first tier.

So, just when they were starting to put tech into toys, and he is a potty training device. It was my insistence. I've been waiting for years. I've had many offers to do animation on it.

We said, "Come to me when it's a toilet training device." - Oh. - This was my insistence. - This is my insistence. - I mean, it looks like a role of toilet paper.

- Yep, yep. - Yeah, yep. - It has a number one and a number two. - Yes. And is there any part of you?

- Yeah. - That's like, "Why me from this specific?" - As I told them, when they came to me and described the character, I said, "I feel seen for the first time."

- It just felt right. - Really seen. - They see the real me. - Yeah. - So, yeah.

And of course now, I'm told there's smarty pants. - Yeah, it's smart. - Yes, so we showed you the one toy, if you would. - And really just point out. And I think I should point this out.

I don't get a piece of this merch. - I've tried, you know, they said, "Do you want to be in Toy Story 5?" And they said, "Yes." And they said, and then I said,

"Is there gonna be any merch from my character "and they went, "Yes, there will be." And I went, "Well, I demand it." And they said, "Do you want to be in Toy Story 5 or not?" And they went, "Yes, pretty."

- I'm going to use all that fast. So, yeah, I sure showed them. So, I don't profit anyway. I just thought it was to be fun to take a look. - Let's go up against Disney.

- All right, what's the first one, David?

- All right, first one is this little play scale. It's you and your little friends from the movie. - Let's go from my buddies from the movie. Let's see, who's here? - Well, look at that.

- Oh. - Look at that. So, you got smarty pants right here. That's a, he's adorable. There's Jesse, Jesse's got her hat.

- Good for, for sun protection. - And, it's like, it's like she wears it. - I like any character that's being serious about sun protection. - So, Atlas, snappy, and then of course,

there's smarty pants here.

“And what a lovely set, I think people should get this set.”

And if you do think I should have had a piece of merch, feel free to lend me money. - You want the fans to send you money? - I think fans, if they'd really enjoy playing with their smarty pants, if they were nice.

- We're gonna just move on. There's another play set, a few more characters in this one. We have 4K, Lily Pad, Buzz, and Woody up top. - Okay, and why am I on the lower level? (laughing)

- I'm sorry. - Wow. - Well, once you take them out, there are no levels. - Very nice. But no, this is the thing my agent should have been on top of.

- I mean, I love 4K, we all love 4K, but come on. I should be up here. So, that's the kind of thing. I'm gonna get to Rick Rosen right after this segment. And I'm gonna shoe him a new asshole.

Smarty pants sideways.

You get a little side eye.

- The one eyebrow raise. - The old one eyebrow raise. That is, man, that's smarty pants. - Oh, hey, wait a minute, I don't like this. - Woody gets his own box, 4K, all these guys.

And then you get to my box, and look at that. I share a box with Atlas Snappy, and then me. That's not gonna happen in the future either. And one of my own box. - Aren't you a trio?

- Yeah, you guys are all connected by like a U.S. - I'm not kidding, I'm kidding. (laughing) - Slime, pace, hey, chill.

- You know what? I probably went too far there. - Well, your toy in this one is also on a stand with the two other girls. - Not if you have a power saw.

(laughing) They're also, you can get this at a Kellogg cereal box. - Look at this. - If you get Kellogg cereal, you get a little, smarty pants card, but then look at this.

You're trying it around, and it's a Woody toy. - Woody, what is that? - They're using me. - I mean, look at this, they're using me to sell Woody. That's wrong, that's just wrong.

The other thing I got to talk to WME about. - Oh boy, so many, so many calls to me. - The calls that are going to my agents, my various reps.

“You should go to battle with Pixar for sure.”

I think it'll be good. - You know what? They're shaking in their cartoon boots right now. (laughing) I'll chase that lamp all across North America.

(laughing) They'll be hopping away from me. - Come back here, lamp. - Oh no, he's crazy. (laughing)

- I love the lamp being the attorney for Pixar. - The lamp, the attorney. - I read your contract, and it seems to me. (laughing) - Oh sorry, it has his own Funko.

Look at this, we got some Smarty Pants Funko's right here. Funko Pop. - You know what? You gotta go with the Funko. We've had a bunch of Funko's from all those years

with the new Comic Con. And now this is added to the Legion of Conan Funko's. - Yeah. - Very nice, you know what this means? I'll be signing these at airports for the rest of my life.

- Yes. - And that side sizzler restaurants. - Yes.

- I don't know why, but they always do.

- They always get me a sizzler. - Conan is the most funcled person. - We're gonna look at it right now. Somebody is right there. - Judy Denk.

(laughing)

“- I would say, look at this little wallet.”

This is a whole new credit card. This is a wallet. Look at this, you have all your credit cards back. Oh, I thought it said Prada. It says Pixar.

(laughing) It's like Prada. - Prada. - Look at that, you can get a Smarty Pants. - That's cute.

- While it right here, guys, this is incredible. - I would love to be at a restaurant with you one day, and you pull that out. This is what I'm gonna use from now on, and I'm gonna go to very fancy restaurants.

And then when it comes time, I'm gonna make a big show of saying, (laughing) Time to pay. Oh, really?

Let me get my wallet. - Huh? - Oh, oh, oh, Smarty Pants. - Yes, that's me. I'm the voice of Smarty Pants.

And then cut to the extra of the restaurant, and I'm just blown out, and then this wallet hits me on the head. - There's some more. - So Conan, you are the most funcled person

with 38 different funcled dolls. Stanley is 37, and Elvis is 30. - This is incredible. (laughing) - And you wonder why I've gone insane.

It's just too much success. - This is ridiculous. - It's too much success.

“No one reaches this status in show business.”

Has a wallet. Can I just say, this is a clumsy wallet. (laughing) The whole idea of a wallet is for to be aerodynamic, and they've put a giant chunky toilet on this one.

- Can I just make a comment? - I don't think it's for adults. I think it's for kids. And I think that it's for kids. - So this is where kids put their credit cards.

- Yeah, I don't know. - But I know, I know it's not for grown men to put in their backpaw. - So when kids... (laughing)

I don't know when I was a kid, I didn't have anything that could go in here. Not one thing. - They'd like to put, pretend. - Okay, that's fine.

- It's not adults, where you are. - Now we're getting into the shirts and the hoodies, and what's this explain what's happening here 'cause I don't know that much about fashion. This is a hoodie with like a retro looking

smarty pants on it. - I gotta put it on. You can get them like Amazon telling them hot topics selling on. - Again, smarty pants.

- Conan O'Brien, in no way participates. - Financially, this is me as a fan of smarty. - Oh, oh, oh. - That's a cool, that looks cool. - Yeah.

- I'm just gonna start. - This looks cool. - It actually does look cool. It's like, I love that retro 80's print.

- This will never fit me.

Look at this, this is for obviously a toddler or a very small child. - Yeah. - Very cool, it's a smarty in the game. - Uh-huh.

- Technically awesome, it says. - Yep. (upbeat music) - Oh, look, this is nice. I like this one.

There I am right there with Woody.

- It's a blue sweater. - That's a good color for me.

“- It's a playtime and it's smarty pants and Woody.”

- Uh-huh. - Oh my God, he's gonna describe it. - This is gonna be fun. - This is gonna show everyone's gonna want one of these. - I like this one.

- That's cool. - This is nice. - That's a picture of smarty pants with that jelly hand that he has.

- He's got that jelly-dhand incredible.

- It's like a, what is it called? - There's a baseball shirt. - Baseball shirt, yeah. Here's a shirt that says I need to recharge. I need to recharge, okay, because smarty pants

does run on electricity. - Yeah, yeah. - What are the batteries? Do we need this much? - I mean, here, I've, here's a nut.

- What are you talking about? - Don't you think this is like little too much? - No, for smarty first. - First side character. - Do you hear it?

- Do you struck a nerve? - A lot of people are saying I am the comedic and emotional center of the movie. - Oh, okay, it's not genius. - I wanna say a lot of people, is it you?

- It's me. Me alone. - But, uh, wow, look at this.

“There's smarty, that means the one you're wearing”

just a t-shirt. - Yeah, that's great. - Okay, this one, you recorded the lines for this toy and that chair. Press.

- Shows. - Oh, that's when he's low on batteries. This is actually my voice. When do people ever get to hear my voice?

You've gotta get this toy or you'll never hear my voice.

(laughing) If you don't have this toy, my voice is lost to you forever. Just trying to get some batteries out of the needle. - Don't you want it to shut up? Like, that's how we feel.

- At least this one's about motion activated, like the other one? There is a motion activated one and I almost killed it. - Well, I was here like, I had to grab something at night once and he started just talking in the corner.

- Oh my God, you look at such a shill right now, wearing the sweatshirt and... - Look at this, don't look like, hey, you're never gonna find me selling out to the man. (laughing)

- That's not my style. - That's not who I am. (laughing) - I have never seen, they're like all different sizes. They're so many different smarty pants toys.

- It's too much. - And they're different, stop saying that. - No, no, no. - This one's also, can I say one thing? - Can I say one thing?

You're not gonna like? - I think it's not enough. - Oh, okay.

“- I think it should be a car that's patterned after smarty pants”

that you can get in. It's like a really expensive car. - I don't know, like a rolling toilet paper. - I like that you don't know. - You're not sure, that's a good idea.

- We've got to be fun for everyone. Everyone gets involved, it's a mystery box. We gotta see who can find the smarty pants. - I've got to play. - Did you see how I cut that with one hand?

- That's so cool. - Wait, we gotta find out, it's a mystery. - We have to find it, it's a mystery. - All right, well, I got this. Let me see who I got, I got this pig.

- Okay, try again. (laughing) - How about if he just got him? - I got him. - You got smarty!

- Oh, I got the other one. - We're not weird when the guy who is dealing the game wins. - I didn't cheat. - Look at him, this is adorable. He's a little guy, so this is a toy

where kids don't know who they're gonna get. - You don't know who you're gonna get, it could be. - You guys, you're gonna be riots in malls when kids don't get smarty pants. - They could be getting stuck with the pig.

(laughing) - You know what I mean? - It's just like the stapler, whatever. - Whatever is hand. - Yeah, it's a little jelly-y.

- A little jelly-hands, when kids get that, there's gonna be rioting in malls. - It doesn't sound lame. - A kid says, "I can't wait to get smarty pants." - They pull out this jelly-dhan.

(laughing) Suddenly, you see a drone shot, a new helicopter shot of a mall being torn apart by kids. And so you don't think they bring in riot police who shoot cannons filled with little smarty pants

to calm them down. How diluted am I, how insane am I?

- We should have never done this.

- We never, you know what? - This is so weird, but I have to admit. - It's gonna start setting things up. - There's a sticker book. - Oh my God, look at this.

- I'm like one of those like golden. - Oh, those are cool. - Golden bucks. - Yeah, those are classic. - Everything's just going the way I always intended it to.

- This was the plan, long ago. That when I started my career. - What's that? - There's mysteries, snow globes. - What?

- It's a snow globe. - Okay, you know, I think you did these in the wrong order, David. - It's gone too far. - David started with the biggest, wow, once.

And now he's down to, oh, look, it's a little sticker that can go on a frying pan. - It's a box that may or may not have your toy. (laughing) - You admit you did this in reverse order.

You did this in reverse order. - You ended on the t-shirts. He ended on the t-shirts. And now he's opening toys that possibly have smarty pants in them, but most likely, statistically, not.

- Adam, hey, oh, smarty, oh he's trapped, trapped, I say. - I just love that the lamp is watching everything

(laughing)

- It was really appalled by it all, my wife, my wife's.

- We also have cheese, smarty pants, cheese.

“- No, yes, smarty pants, cheese, what kind of cheese?”

- It's like the little baby bell, little, I think they're cheddar, little cheddar cheese. - Okay, okay. - Is this Eric got some today? - Can I say one thing?

So I honestly don't think this has gone far enough. And I'm being serious. This is great, this is amazing, this isn't enough. Because right now America's grip with smarty pants fever, a lot of people thought

that July 4th, 2026, was going to be the 250th celebration. - But you're not hearing about that. That's fizzled. You know what's happening instead?

- Smarty pants, mania! (laughing) - I have a question. Earlier you said there's a smarty pants dance taking over the nation. What's the dance?

How's it go? - It's a rock to the left, a rock to the right, flush, flush, and then a spin. And you know what, people are doing that everywhere. I see, I can't, I haven't seen it yet.

It's everywhere, I've never not seen it.

I've never opened my eyes in the last month and not seen that. - Can I make an appeal to the Pixar merchandising department? - Yep. - Fucking stop.

Just stop. We're good. There's plenty of smarty pants merch.

“- I think we made it all day. - I don't see the nettle.”

- And you could see something else? - They know what they're doing. - They do, though. - They have research. They know what they're doing and know what they know. When they see smarty pants, mania, they know what to do.

You know, they can step into reading and like learn how to read with smarty pants. Look at that. Jesse meets some of Blaz's old forgotten toys. Known as the tech trio.

First, there is smarty pants. Voiced by a needy Irish Catholic who I can lost him. (laughing)

He has a hole in his heart that can never be healed.

Oh, this is real. - I didn't think these books got into it in this level. - Yeah. - The love he didn't get as a child in a large family will never be saved.

- Wow, it's fabled word. - SALVED, it's right here for kids. The only way to ameliorate this problem is by constantly calling attention to himself. - Jesus.

- This is terrible. - All the cognitive therapy in the world cannot help. - It's still going. - The voice of smarty pants. It just goes on for pages and pages about smarty.

I'll skip ahead a couple. Okay, I'll take it to the end. You think each success would calm him. But no, on the contrary, each success only feeds the need for more success.

It's a bottomless cup of coffee with the needy, sad voice, smarty pants. Who wrote this? Wait a minute. My therapist, you didn't see that coming, AJ.

You're doing this, so. You're like, you have to get done? - Yeah, it's the hardest I've seen her going in a while. - You were really-- - You've learned a backstory on smarty pants.

- They really go, yeah, and they keep talking about the voice. In the rest of the book, they just talk about the characters. But when they get to smarty pants, they say, has the voice of a desperately sad. Clawing, needy creep.

It says the beady-eyed voice of smarty pants. How would they even know what-- How does a voice have beady eyes? Yeah, don't listen to Sona. Whoever's behind this, Disney, Pixar, go-go-go.

More, more, more. - I think we've had enough.

“- And remember, if you think I should've had a car of the merch,”

send cash to the Conan O'Brien fun. - But when you're Venmo, I should put up a Venmo. It's just me, a guy who doesn't need money, demanding money for a smarty pants merch. - They already bought.

It's not like they're getting camera kickstarter. - It doesn't work. Is there any way I could get a kickstarter? - It's like, you know, I go fund me. - Yeah.

- I didn't get a piece of a smarty pants merch. And I, if you, I'm entitled. - How would that go over in America, right in this America right now? How would that go over?

- Yeah, yeah. - I think it is. - It's sweet thingy. - David, have my it bently brother-in-law out. - Go fund me, I love the description.

- Yeah, Conan O'Brien did not get a cut of the merch. - Yeah, the merch. - The merch. - The merch. - Please donate to the cards.

- I wanna really, I'm really sad song. - I don't think that all space, yeah, I will beat. - I will beat. - Ever or go mobs will descend on me and tear me apart. All right, well this was, I have to say this was really fun.

- I am really excited, this is really cool. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, it's a little on the wall. - I hate to say that. - All this stuff for yourself, yeah. - It's insane.

- It's insane and I can't wait to see it on a blanket.

(laughing)

“- And there are people who really collect all this stuff.”

And this is like, you know, this is really cool.

It's a lot of really cool stuff. It's beautiful, it's designed well. - What are you doing? We're not selling this stuff. (laughing)

- You already said we don't get a cut of stuff. - We, we, we know what we're just made. You can say whatever you want. It doesn't matter.

- It is, I like, I like Pixar a lot.

So, you know, I, I just, you know.

“- That's just your, that's, that's you guys.”

- That's me being actually sincere. - 'Cause earlier I was telling them, they do have to stop. I do love that, no. - No.

- The lamp goes out. - No. (laughing) - You're the lamp.

- The lamp crashes through your door.

If you violate their precepts,

“just separate me from these other two dead beasts.”

(laughing) (laughing) Craig Robbins is gonna come to my door. Just cave my head in with a pipe. (laughing)

All right, you heard it here. What do, what are we, what are we here? - All we did was pile up a ton of smarty pants. - merch. - Go, go, go, the business of America is business.

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