Elizabeth Banks Returns

- Hi, my name is Elizabeth Banks,

and I feel blessed. - Oh, wow. (upbeat music) - How about being countin' over hands? - You are a terrific actress.

- Thank you. - That was, that took a lot. - You might be the best. (upbeat music) ♪ Fall is new in the old ♪

♪ Back to school, ring the bell ♪ ♪ When the shoes walking loose ♪ ♪ Climb the fence, books and pens ♪ ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪ ♪ I can tell that we are gonna be friends ♪

- Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien. Needs a friend. I'm sitting here with Sona of Session. Blessed to be sitting with you, Sona. - Hey, that's nice.

- And also filling in from Matt Gourli is our trusty David Hopping. - Hello. - Also blessed. - Also. - Oh, yeah, sure.

- And blessed to be sitting here with me too.

“- I think you're more blessed to be with me.”

But anyway, you're hangin' on by thread. We have something to talk about today, which is Sona, apparently, and I have not talked to her about this yet, but she told me that she had a very intense frackous

so word you don't hear much. - Yeah. - On the street with somebody, and I wanna hear what happened, tell your tale, Sona, tell your tale.

- It is not a pretty sight. So sometimes, look, sometimes when I'm walking at a karaoke, I have a leash. - Let's slow things down a bit. Okey is your dog.

- Okey is my dog. I'll take her off the leash for a little bit of the walk. - Mm-hmm. - A lot of people do it. Cops have driven by nobody cares,

but this one damn walking by this guy's house, and I have my headphones in, and I hear him just like, talking to me. And I turn, I take off my headphones, and I turn around, he's filming me.

And he's going, walking your dog off a leash is a crime. You see, word? - What? - Wait, wait.

- Hey, wait, don't move past that. He called you the C-word. - He called me the C-word. Like, 45 times, not that, there's, wait, what? - I'm not even, it was like, this crazy man,

and the thing is like, I was shocked

at first when I turned around, and then I turned around,

and I was just like, fuck you! And then I started screaming at him, and he's yelling at me, calling me the C-word, over and over and over again, and then at one point,

and Okey was such a dick for this. - Okey's still there. - She's still there. (laughing) - But Okey had left, and we'd gone on a flight or something. - She did not like the vibes.

So she starts walking into the street, and it makes me look bad, 'cause she's like, I'm like, yeah, he's like, he was walking on dog, I'll have the leash as a crime. You see, we're going to see the, like, he's like foaming at the mouth.

And then Okey walks in the street and he goes, look, your dog's gonna, your dog's gonna die. And I'm gonna help kill it, and he's seeing this crazy, so no, this man's had a break of some kind of stuff. - I don't know what's going on.

I have no idea. But of course, instead of just being like,

“Sir, you need to come down, I yell back in him.”

- Yeah. - And I'm just calling him the F-word. I'm saying he's an old pathetic loser. Like, I'm saying all this awful, and the, - 'Cause you run hot, I've been with you.

When Sonah says red, he happens instantly. - Yeah. - And I remember a time when we talked about it years ago, when you and I were in New York, and we were at, I think, Sarah Baths,

or something on the west side. - Yes. - And we were with a friend of yours. - Yes. - And an old man across the room,

shushed us, 'cause you were talking a little loudly, and you, I saw your pupils disappeared, and your eyes were just all white. And you were like, excuse me, it still's me. And he was like, do loud, and you were like,

"Yeah, they don't do fucking loud." And I'm just, the whole time, I'm thinking, "Oh, this is a page six in the post." 'Cause I'm sitting here like an idiot. - Yeah.

- And I was trying to calm you down, and you only get angrier. You went a little crazy too. So this guy made the mess, he yelled at the wrong person. - He's matching my craze, and he's like,

"In the thing is though, he's filming me." So he's on the, he's on the, he's in front of his door. I'm on the sidewalk. We're just standing here, like there, yelling at each other back and forth.

“And then, I'm just like, oh my God, where's this going?”

Like where's this film going? And is it, am I gonna get canceled for being ages? So I'm just like, at one point I switch, and I'm just like, "Why are you being so rude?" And then I, (laughing)

- Oh, you decided to clean it up a little bit. (laughing) This is after, this is after you've already bitten him in the leg. - I said some awful stuff. And then at one point, it kept calling me to see where it,

and I was like, "You're lucky I liked that word. "I go, I've reclaimed it, so fuck you!" - I wanna see those videos. - You know, we have to see the video. - I Google this is the case.

- No, it's not, I don't even find the video. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't, he probably posted on like next door

- Maybe he doesn't know, maybe he thinks, he buried the phone and said a prayer, and he thinks that's how it goes out. - He might not know. - Some people, I don't know.

- I wouldn't know how to post a video. - Yes, you would. - You have people do it for you. - Yeah, I mean, yeah, at this point, I have David take me to the bathroom.

(both laugh) - I'm gonna find the guy and I'll post the video for him. - Oh my god, oh my god. - It would be a great video to see, but it is upsetting that he called you that.

- He called me it.

I've never heard that word come out of a man's mouth.

That many times, so he's so angry. And then at one point I was walking okay and he went back inside. And then I just see him pop out of the back of his mouth. And he starts filming me again.

And it was, they got cartoonish at this. - Maybe we had a crush on you. - I mean, maybe he wanted this, I don't know. - That is how I used to act towards women. I really liked you.

- Oh no. - Yeah, I would wait. Now I'd film them and I would shout the C word. And you know what, it didn't work. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

(both laugh) - Like I said, I love this man. - Oh, he speaks, what's he speaks his mind? - Yeah, no, that is, that's intense. - It was intense.

- So how far away do you live from this guy? - He's like around the block from me. - So what are we gonna do? - So here's then what happened? I wiped home and I told tech what happened.

And tech are really upset.

- Sure. - And tech's like old school. You can't, you can't say stuff like that to my wife. And so I was like, let's sleep on it. I bet it's funny to Marl.

- Right. - So you both gummed up. - So we both gummed up. - He can't talk my wife that way. Let's take a gummy and do it.

(both laugh) Tropical fruit. - Norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse norse. - Oh yeah, that guy. - Let's get him.

- So then the next day, you know, where at home we dropped the boys off at school. We come back home and I'm just like doing stuff. And I didn't hear from tech for a minute. And then I heard the door open and he came back and he's like, I talk to the guy.

- Oh wow.

“- And I'm like, what do you mean you talked to him?”

And he just knocked on his door, the guy opened the door. And tech was like, if you ever talked to my wife like that or threaten my dog, I'll have you arrested for assault.

And then he walked away and then the guy started me like,

fuck you know, just like crazy yelling back at him. And then he was, I think he went to go get his camera and then went out and started building that wall away. - Well, sounds like he got the message. (both laugh)

- Had you guys had either of you seen this man before? - Never saw him before. I never saw him before. But he really, we're not gonna walk by his house. - You know, I'm gonna say something.

And this just occurred to me because this is the time that we live in. Going up and knocking on someone's door like that. - I know. - That because we live in this era

where someone can shoot you through the door and say I was standing my ground, whatever. I don't know. - Yeah. - I don't know that I respect what tech was doing.

He was standing up for you. I've mad respect for tech but that I don't know if he should be doing that. - I told him not to. I told him I said that exact thing.

I was like, what if he shoots you through the door? And he goes, well then that's murder, right? - Oh my god. - He's been dead. - I showed him.

(laughing) - Tax up and have it. - I showed you. - Oh, wait a minute. - I know.

“I think it was just eating him up inside.”

And also, I don't, I think that guys all talk. I bet if I walked up to him, you'd be scared. - You know what I think? I think you should assume he's all talk and keep harassing him at his doorway.

- Yeah. - That's just my advice as a friend. - I need my documentary. - Oh put on masks and the teaser at night. - Right at his doorstep.

- I gained, you know, my petty side kicked in and I was just like, should I just take Oki's poop and spread it all over his lawn and the front door, should I egg his house? Like I used to egg houses and back when I was in high school.

But then I slept on it and then the older mother version of me kicked in and was like, you know what? Let's let this lie. - She sent her to the house. I would stay away from this guy and if anyone harasses him,

it should be me and it should be done in a way that we can monetize for the show. - Okay. - Oh, that's nice. - Do you wanna make it like, yeah.

- We resolve it. - Yeah. - What the fuck? - Did you make a big noise over there really? - I dropped my pen, but I got this pen.

We got like, he got pots and pans over there.

“'Cause he's like, that's how to fix guy in a drive time show.”

- I'm making some bank, bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. - I'm making some of that up. - So my podcast Gulosh. - No, I was gonna say we could scooby do it and make him think his house is haunted.

- I think he did. - No, no, I'm just saying where you're saying we dress up with masks and stuff. - I'm gonna put it up in a way for you to be shot to the door. (laughing) Then we've got something.

I'm just so interested in the fact. (laughing) - All right, we gotta move on here. - I have so many good ideas today. (laughing) My guest today is an actress producer and director.

You know from such films is Wet Hot American Summer, pitch perfect, and the Hunger Games. Now you can see here in the new peacock series, the miniature wife, I just adore her. I love it when she comes by.

Elizabeth Banks, welcome. (upbeat music)

“- This is one of those ones where the fact that the guest”

has to say anything about being my friend is ridiculous because we are really good friends. - Oh no, I love it. - And one of the great discoveries was that you and your super cool husband are just such nice people and fun to hang

with and we've hung out in a bunch of different situations and had a blast. - Yeah, we have a blast.

I know it always feels I always feel weird

whenever I do someone's pockets where I know like where we have like a actual relationship. - Yeah. - That this becomes like a weird like performance of our relationship.

- Do you know what this is? - It's like, we're just gonna perform being friends. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - I know we hung out.

- It'll go great. - On a steam out and for days on ends. - And while our-- - Well, where are those mashed potatoes? - And that's no bread at that time.

- Our kids have thrown rocks at each other and we've intervened. (laughing)

“- And you're gonna broke my TV ones as I recall.”

- I think you did. - Oh no. - We did, yeah.

My son always into tech and like to take things apart

and then not put them back together. - It's like I got it, I got it. And then we went down the remote control. We were like, "We'd have no idea. "How to turn our TV on every day."

- Well, no, it's just trying to help me. Try to build me. Here's a lot to talk about. I'm very excited about this new project of yours which we will talk about the miniature wife

because it looks fantastic. - It's fun, it's fun, it's absurdness. - And you're an opposite, I mean, you're one of my favorites and then you're opposite one of my favorite people who I'd have met.

- Matthew McFadden, yeah. - Yeah. - He doesn't want to meet you. (laughing) - He doesn't want to meet you.

- You know what I mean? - I've been in an airport lounge with him and he has left the airport lounge and canceled this flight. - Wow. - Wow, wow, wow.

- No, he's a delight.

“- He is so good and everything and so the idea”

of you two together and this seems like a really funny idea I absolutely love. - Yeah, the miniature wife see this is me now. I have to like tell you what it is, right? The miniature is that what I'm supposed to do.

The miniature wife. Is a premiering on peacock in April and yeah, it's this really fun absurdist comedy about a couple who have a lot of relationship issues and are working through them,

but then he accidentally shrinks her to six inches tall. And she becomes his miniature wife. - I like how you add, you just toss that in. - Yeah, everyone does that. - Yeah, and you see where this is going.

- Yeah, right, you see. - She shrunk to six inches, but it looks really funny and so I am excited about that. - Thank you. - And just also excited to have you on.

We have a lot in common. We're both Massachusetts people. - I still have my Patriots nails on from the Super Bowl. - Yeah. - I did my nails for the Super Bowl and then I kept them

because we have the red white and blue colors for the Olympics and all of that. - And also a Patriot, just in general. - I am very patriotic, I just wear red white and blue nails at all times.

- I had my nails painted for Ken Burns's Revolutionary War

- Yeah. - So, yeah. - We all have our different reasons. - How good is that documentary? - It's fantastic.

- It's unbelievable. - Let's talk about that instead. I like the part where George Washington has shrunk down to six inches. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - No one's like coming. - You're from Massachusetts. But you're from a part of Massachusetts that might as well be, you know, Oz to me.

- Yeah. - 'Cause I grew up right outside Boston and Brookline and you could probably roll out a bed and step into Boston. - You're in Bitsfield. - Yes.

- I don't think I've been in Bitsfield in my life. - That's you and many, many, many people. - It's way out there, it's-- - Yeah, it's in Western Rats on the border of New York. So we were sort of like a suburb of Albany.

And in fact, I grew up in what we call in Massachusetts a divided house, a Yankees red socks house. - Oh, I've heard of them. - Yeah. - So my dad's radio growing up is whole life.

The news that they got was out of Albany, New York. So it was a lot of Yankees. And my mom, who's from Boston proper, Red Sox family. So grew up very much like we would go, it's sort of a liquid descent between New York City and Boston.

So we'd go down Yankees Stadium and we would go to Fenway. And every year we still have that tradition. I took my dad last summer, we'll go again this summer. Like it's still our tradition to watch the Yankees and Red Sox. - Okay, I'm a good deal older than you,

but I don't know if this was your experience growing up 'cause things may have changed. The Red Sox Yankee rivalry became more gentile at some point. And I also think baseball in general because teams switch up their rosters practically every year.

I come from the era where, you know, the Red Sox team stayed the Red Sox team and changed very little for years and years on end.

We hated them, hated them and everyone in Boston, hated them and they hated us. - Yeah. - And there were fights, I mean, between players and there were brawls and it was this vitriol.

And late now, it feels like it all got more gentile. Do you know what I'm talking about? - I do. I absolutely agree with that, actually. And I don't know how that happened.

When did that happen? It's interesting. Yeah, I remember the big poppy years, the Damon and all those years were like, yeah, you, well, because also the rivalry was, we would get so close.

I watched them win, the Red Sox win against the Yankees, going to the World Series in a hotel bed, like crying.

- Like, you know, like, finally.

- When they finally won the World Series, I had the same thing. I was crying and calling my brothers and we were all emotional. I mean, crying for us means slightly moistars.

Which could have been pollen. - That's the Irish way. - Yeah, that's the Irish way. - So you grew up in Pittsfield, and then it's also rural. So I picture you, like, running around with unicorns.

- We did, unicorns is interesting.

“Do you know how many people think unicorns are real?”

Unicorns and dragons, real, I love it. - Really? I didn't know that. - That's like our shared mythology. I'm fascinated by humanity's shared mythologies.

And that's one of them is unicorns and dragons, right? Because dragons were in every culture,

and they never existed as far as we can tell.

And they were sort of like, what were people all over the world and different cultures imagining the flying lizard thing was? - I'm okay. - And we all agree that it's like in all of our literature. - I will believe in it in a dragon long before I will believe

in a unicorn. And I'm just saying this to anyone out there that thinks there's a unicorn, there is no unicorn. - No unicorn. - Or never has many unicorns.

- I had a friend from Australia who 100% believed unicorns were real. As an adult woman, I had to be like, they're not. I don't know how to break it to you. - And they're so terrible.

- There's a medication for that. (laughing) - I didn't go up with unicorns, but I did go cow tipping. And I had one of those, you vary like John Hughes in high school experiences,

you know, yeah, running around in the woods, like wheeling, rolling pegs out into a cornfield. By the way, running, you know, hiding in cornfields, hiding off the pontoon boat on the lake, where we were all skinny dipping.

And like, you know, very classic American.

- I've never been naked, so I don't know.

(laughing) - I was, I was, I was, I was, I was like,

“I remember when you were hovering your junk”

with a washcloth in the shower. - Oh, I see. - It's like, it doesn't want to take a peek. - Liza, Liza once saw me naked, and I shriek. - I don't know, I'm suing her, I feel violated.

So, you know what's funny is, you were a joke. You were really good at it. - Spority, I don't know, yeah, I was sporty. - Yes, I was. - You were a megalo joke.

(laughing) - You imagine, you were a weightlifter, and a shot footer, you had a thick, I've seen pictures of you, thick, thick, thick. - Yeah, thick.

- Your neck just went right into your head. - It's called, yeah, it's called bolt, it's called bolt. I had bolt, but you, you're a great softball player, right? - I was, I was on the ulcer softball team, and I was kind of the track you were on.

- Well, I needed money to go to college, so I definitely thought like, I better be sporty, and maybe I'll get recruited, so I don't know, you know, you're in your 13, what do you know? And so, I was really into what my dad loves baseball,

it's why we've been talking about it so funny, and he was like a coach, and he was, he was just really into it. So it was also just, I'm the oldest sort of my way, I'm really spending a lot of time with my dad,

and played a lot, and then I was sliding into third base at a practice, and I spiral fractured both my tibian fibula, and my foot was hanging sideways to my knee, like 90 degrees, just dangling off there, and I spent a really long time on crutches

and in a cast, and that fall, which at the time

“was the worst thing that it ever happened to me,”

and was going to dream crush around every level, and separated me from all my friends, and the thing that I like to do, I found acting because of it, which is crazy. - That's interesting, 'cause this ties in with this theory,

I try to tell this to young people, there are so many times where this giant boulder lands in your path, and you're convinced, this is the end. - You did it in your, you said that in your commencement suite. - Yeah, you think it's over, and then you take a different road,

and you think, well, this is, and I think I've, that's what I got, I've had like seven of those, and then later on, you think, oh my God, look at the life you had.

- Yeah, you can't, you've got to go toe.

- You've got to go toe, seeing it in the moment, you have to get all the way through it, and then sort of take that look back, and, you know, the older we get, and the Lord knows I'm so old now. - You're a child, I'm looking at a child.

- No, no. - And you get that perspective, comes more and more and more, and all those, all those, like, really big feelings, you had about these very big moments in your life, they really start to fade, don't they?

Those feelings, they just get a little smaller and a little gentler, and you just so much easier with all of that, and I feel so easy about that time of my life when, in fact, it was really, really bad. - Yeah, and you're crushed.

“And I think, I actually think that is maybe the biggest role”

of being a parent is just to provide perspective, 'cause there's so much we can't, you know, initially once you're past the feed them, help them grow, get them clothing and shoes. Once you, you know, there's all that stuff,

but then there's this whole part that you and I are probably getting into more now, where it's just explaining to them, it's not as bad as you think it is. - Literally, that's 99% of the job. - It's not even a percent of life.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm saying, yeah, you're not right, you're an idiot. (laughing) - Being a parent of teenagers, which is me now, is who it's a, it's so hands-off on so many levels,

and then also, like, I'm really watching how, and being reminded how hard it is to be a human, like it's just so hard to be a human, and function properly, and take care of yourself and other people in any decent way.

And we have so little leadership to point to it this moment in time, and so you're sort of like, right, teaching them how to be a decent, like, it's just impossible, it's impossible, watching them.

“- Well, I think that the, I was so proud once of the fact”

that I've calmed down, I have more perspective. I'm slower to freak out, and I was really giving myself a pat on the back, and I was talking to my mother-in-law about it, and she's, you know, she was a very smart woman,

and she had trained as a therapist, and so I was explaining to her, yeah, I've really come a long way, and I think I see it, and then she said, well, yeah, well, you're a testosterone level's a fallen one. - Exactly, and, and I just just explained to her,

I never had a lot of testosterone. - Yeah.

(laughing) - They've actually gone up, I'm taking a pill now, but no, but she was right, I realized, oh yeah, there's, okay, so much from my Zen wisdom. - That middle age really, you know, remember,

we're like two generations away from people who only lived to 50, right? So like once you're past that, you're in some evolutionary place that humans have never really been in.

- Yeah. - And it is so true, I was, you know, I was talking, I had a girls week in Utah recently. - I was not in my favorite thing. - Did you think it would be, yeah, I like to be invited to a girls week, I blend right in, he does.

- We'll get a manny petty, and we didn't have massages, but just talking about how little we give a shit about so many things that used to really get in our crawl, and now we're just like, I think it's just we don't, you literally lose the hormones that make you

care enough to like, mate and do child rearing. - Yep, yep. - And now I don't have any of those. - Right, right. - I'm like, I don't, really, I mean, do whatever you want.

I'll do whatever I want, 'cause that seemed like a good plan for the next 50, god darn years. (laughing) 'Cause really, we're gonna keep this going. (laughing)

'Cause my body is saying, no, no, no.

“- Ah, well, that's the way you have to look forward to kids.”

If you're in your 20s lesson to this, that's what's coming for you. - You don't really love a detail about you, which makes total sense now is that growing up, and you get into acting, and the person,

your role model, you know, it's thinking who would, who would, Elizabeth Banks role model be as an actor, who would she want to grow up to be, and it makes total sense, but yours was Harrison Ford. - I love Harrison Ford.

- I want to be all, well, first of all,

when people ask me, you know, I was a real good, I was a straight-aist, and you know, I'm like a hard worker, like you. And so really, it is a work ethic thing. I just believe you get up every day,

and you gotta do something with your time, and Maswell, like, you know, get an A and math,

And so I've just always like had this work,

I think this like engine inside me, and someone was asking me about, like, how that fed into everything else I ever did. And I was like, I was competitive with boys, always.

“Like, I, oh, and it's, I think it's because the world”

was not made for girls, and when I looked around, I was told you can be anything you want to be, and everywhere that I looked, the boys were getting into that. So I was like, just really competitive with boys, my whole life, and so when people asked me,

like, who did you want to be as an actor? And like, I wanted to be Indiana Jones, and I wanted to be Han Solo, and I wanted to go on adventures, and I wanted to have these incredible, like, that's what I wanted.

And the damsel in distress was not interesting to me. And like, you know, I think it really just comes down to, I came into this, like, rare and to go, and wanting, I want my piece, yeah. And if you're a one, the men get all the pieces.

So it's like, I don't know, it's always, it did not occur to me

to not have my role model be Harrison Ford. - Yeah, I mean, and also when I look at your career, yes, you have had this great on camera career, but you really quickly, it was like, I'm gonna be producing, I'm gonna be writing, I wanna be directing.

I'm imagine that was not an easy thing for you to break into. - No, it wasn't. I mean, it took a lot of planning and hard work. Definitely wasn't just luck. It was something that I was ambitious about and wanted to do.

“And of course, you have to be in the right place at our time,”

and all those things have to line up, and you have to find the things. You know, I think my last movie was the movie that speaks to this point the most though, right? Like, I feel like I was starting to get,

like, well, she makes movies with like a lot of women in them. And I was like, well, then I'm gonna make cocaine bear. - Yeah, yeah, so good, and I maintain, maintain. Maybe, there's like, one of the three best movie titles of all time.

- When I heard that, first of all,

I'd be up for anything that you were involved in, but when I heard that it was cocaine bear, I became a cocaine. - Don't add a lot. - You don't need a trailer, you don't want to see a trailer.

- No, we said that, we were like, it's like, snakes on a plane. You know exactly what it's gonna be. So it's gonna be a bear, it's on cocaine. I only say that to say, I don't, like, I don't,

I like surprising people. I don't like being put in a box.

“I feel like I still have a lot to offer.”

- And nothing's gone the way I thought it was going to. - Yeah, well nothing ever does. - Nothing ever does. - It's a cookie football play. This was the idea, and you're gonna break that way,

and the whole's gonna be over here, and then I can throw that way, and then hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. - Yeah. - And then, giant play, everything goes to shit,

and then the next thing you know, you're running through the stands with a footballer. And it's illegal, but you're still going, and that's been my experience in show business and in life in general.

- I agree. - And, you know, but I love that idea that you were not having it, and you were, this is what I'm gonna do. And what's interesting is, and there's no way to say this without embarrassing you,

but you are a very beautiful, you're a very beautiful woman, and I imagine that people can dismiss, you know what I mean? It would be easy for people to say,

"Here's this stunning, stunning blonde bombshell." - I'm just your type. (laughing) - I appreciate it so much. But if you love, if you love Padma Lakshmi,

like I'm not for you, do you know what I mean? - I love you for saying this. - I'm just saying. - Same. - I'm also like, "Come on, Conan, I just look very, like, much like your life."

(laughing) - Okay. I did, I did think I was marrying you. (laughing) I didn't have contacts at the time.

(laughing) No, yes, my wife is very... - I appreciate it. - My wife is very beautiful, you are both very beautiful, but I'm just saying it's, I remember,

I mean, I didn't know you the first time I started seeing you and things when I saw you show up on 30 Rock, you are quite stunning. And I don't know if that makes it easier for people to say, "What do you mean you're gonna produce?"

- What do you mean you're gonna direct? - Yeah. - Well, also I was, so yeah, I was like, "Look, I'm that blonde actress, small boobs, "and I have a husband that produces with me."

So it's like, "Okay, the actress in her husband "are gonna make a movie." And it's like, "I get, yeah, we're gonna try our hardest." I don't know, it did, it was, I don't wanna say it's easy to dismiss somebody

who's good looking because I've had a lot of success being good looking. So I'll take it over anything else every day.

You have to do the work, that's, and so at the end of the day, I just put in the work. And I didn't really think about what I look like or any of that stuff. It was just, I absolutely have faced a lot of obstacles for it.

I was literally told by a big producer once, I just don't think men are gonna follow you as a director and I was told like, women just, you don't get action movies.

Like you're never gonna be able to do an action movie.

I mean, I literally had like people look me in the eye and say those things to me. - Yeah. - So I don't wanna dismiss the obstacles, but I really, like what we were just saying

about having a lot of grace for those moments in time. Just, you know, they build you up and you move through it and you just do the work and put your head down and that's, you lead by example. - That's all I've ever tried to do.

- Well, I would say to anybody that is played any kind of party game with Elizabeth, and any social situation with her, been in any, seen her out in the world. Yeah, I would put you in charge of the forces

invading a country. - I wanna know what the party game is. - Oh, don't fuck with her. - That's true. - I actually just got, I got kicked out

of playing settlers of Katan with some friends, you guys. I don't know if you know this nerd game that I don't know since it's the time. - I was, I got, it's a game where you, it's kind of, it's the older game now.

It's been around for a minute, but essentially,

“you have to negotiate with people for things,”

like you're trying to build the longest road and you're trying to build a civilization, you're a settler of this island. - Yep, yep. - And so you have to negotiate.

And I basically, I became such a cutthroat and it goes there, like, "No, you will give me that week." Because you did it, and I, and like, that where people were just like, is getting too intense. - Right, well, you can't, and you don't allow

to play with these people. - We touched on this last time, so I won't go into it, but let's just say, I was in a situation where I was playing this fun party game with kids. - Yeah.

- Okay. And at one point, someone said, you know, those are the ones to speak to, and I went, and your face had become a match. - Oh God.

- And you, I don't even think you were there anymore. And you were telling me what needed to happen, and you were a hundred percent right. She was one hundred percent right. And I was like, "Whoa!"

- And she was like, "You know, "Put yourself together, man." 'Cause we're doing it. And in that moment, we're trying to win. - Yeah, we're trying to win.

Put yourself together. But I just, she slapped me. (laughing) But in that moment, I saw, like, "Hey, "I's in Howard did a great job with D-Day."

But had he not been available, and we had a time machine, I'd get Elizabeth Banks. And I think we would have been in Berlin a year early. - Oh, yeah. I would have handled that.

- Yeah. (laughing) - Really, really impressive. - It's an entire theme of our conversations as far as is my intense competitiveness.

- I am telling you. - I mean, but also, I don't have any issue with that. I like people that care. I like people that do the work, have a really strong work ethic.

“And I think the rule is you need to treat other people well.”

- Yeah. - And sometimes it can be tempting if you're really incredibly determined and psyched to not treat other people well and you have to watch yourself all the time

or you can be brusk with people.

And David, of course, you've never seen that happen once.

- No, okay. - You're dismissed by the way. - Bye-bye. - But, so yeah, it's a constant challenge, but I think do the work, do the work.

- Yeah. - And care, care about it. - But it is funny, I mean, I, you're bringing up a, I've definitely had those moments. To the, where as a leader, I'm like,

oh, not everybody wants to work 100 hours a week. That's just me, oh, right. That's, you do really have to take care of people that are, you know, I want to go a million miles a minute. Although, less, so now, I see that, like, every day.

- But you know what? - Here's a thing, 'cause I say that all the time. - I know, and I realize this, and I always saying to realize why do people make me, and she always step in and go,

you know, it's making you happy. - No, I know. - You have this idea. You said we're gonna build a giant catapult. - Exactly.

- Exactly. - And, you know, whatever, I, so, yeah, exactly.

So, it's my own, it's my own, you always will say,

like, hey, let's try to keep the schedule a little light next month, and then. - That's a tiny thing, everything, yeah. - Every month of my life, and it's never, it never happens. I'm always like, oh, yeah, I, saying no.

No is a complete sentence. Here we go. And then I'm like, well, if you can make a work with the schedule, and then someone's like, so you wanna do it. And I'm like, wow, I'd be interested in doing it.

If it works with the schedule,

“I think that's a worthwhile thing to pursue and do.”

Okay, so we're doing it. Oh, we're doing it?

- Okay, well, I guess you schedule that.

- No, I do. - But then I switch into this, I'm indignant. - Yeah. - That's someone made me do this. - Yeah.

- And I'm like, ooh, there's no winner. - Who is it, David? - Why is this on the schedule that Conan build Stonewall recorded in every new position in the woods of Maine? And then just like, you wrote me a text that said I've agreed

to build this Stonewall. - Oh, and Maine. - Exactly. - So yeah, that's my own doing. I'm curious, 'cause you talk about this dynamic

being a woman in this industry and also trying to manage being in a relationship. I feel like all of this would be addressed in this new show a little bit. - Do you know what I mean?

- Don't you love a segue?

“- No, but that's what I was thinking is like this,”

there's this obviously really cool looking because if people check out the show, it's a very cool, when you shrink down and you're having these scenes with Matthew, it's a very cool looking, like fun looking dynamic.

But then I'm thinking like this is talking about something that's probably close to your heart. - I definitely, it's based on a short story and when I read the story, it really is about how you minimize your partners' feelings

and how women generally are very minimized. And it's how culture that happens but also in relationships like between and the power dynamics and a couple. And I definitely felt like it was a fun metaphor,

like a very on the nose metaphor and then also we get your really play with it because this character is very complicated and not a great person. Neither one of them are particularly great people

and you're kind of like rooting for them to figure out that they're the best version of each other when they're whole and together.

“The show was really technically challenging.”

My husband Max said that he thought it was the least mentally prepared I was for a job ever and I think he was right. - I just didn't realize how technical being six inches tall was I was on a green screen, half the time.

Matthew and I were separated. I live in a literal dollhouse which was great. They built a replica of my home that I live in but he's in a real size house, like doing everything.

And then they would make these incredible life size props.

So a remote control that's six feet tall bigger than me that I can't push, you know, I'm trying to push buttons and travel size toothpaste that comes up to my chest and a giant Chanel lipstick at one point because it's still got to look pretty when your six inches tall.

I guess patriarchy. (audience laughs) You know, it was really fun. My co-star becomes like a doll, like a action figure like a guy who goes to space, you know.

And things like that. So it was really the technical stuff was really fun and wild.

“At one point, I jump off of a toilet onto a plunger”

and they built a life size 30 foot tall plunger that I like wire onto and slide down and... - It's incredible. - It's incredible. - It was the moment.

- It was the moment. - I have moments. - I want to understand, I was like, "How does this happen?" I don't know, people's brains are like,

"This is what you're trying to make." - Hey, where's this AI? I've been hearing so much about it. - Exactly. But I have so many moments in my life

'cause I went down this crazy stupid path where I step outside my body and say, "What are you doing?" I'll be in an absurd situation, and absurd outfit doing an absurd thing at my age.

And you just do it 'cause it's the work. And then you're standing there and you're stepping outside yourself and you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflection and you go, "What happened?"

And so you're thinking, "Okay, I got into this." - I got into it. - I got into it. - And I'm jumping off a toilet onto a plunger. - It's on a wire, on a giant green screen.

And by the way, so vulnerable,

I've never felt this vulnerable either.

I would stand on this giant green box 30 feet in the air, so I would get like wired up onto it. I'm in all this a gear. And the whole room is green, except for the area where the crew is.

And right before action, I would be like, "Okay, so where am I again?" Right, so I'm outside, it's snowing. There's a cat chasing after me. I'm gonna jump off this building,

which is just a curb on the street, 'cause that only six inches tall. So I'm pretending I'm on a curb on a street outside and it's snowing and there's a cat and action. And like, I have to imagine all that in my brain

'cause I'm just seeing green and like, Larry, the grip, just walking over to get poor coffee

You know what I mean?

“And so I was like, "Well, what is going on?"”

And they're all just sitting in front of me.

And I finally, I said, "Guys, I actually need you

to bring in like some curtains or something." I can't-- - Right, that's too much to ask. That is too much-- - All alone in the space trying to imagine all these things happening to me. So I can take the audience on the journey

of the six inch tall woman and watch everybody like shit chatting over the donuts. Like can we, I need a curtain, I need a curtain. So they literally just slate a curtain and put the slate of like a 20 buy-in

and just put everybody behind it for me. - It is too much to ask when you're in those situations and someone walks in, you know. They're shaving or something in front of you. - Yeah. - I find that to be, I have been there.

You know, it's funny 'cause I was thinking about, you've done, you've had all this high profile success, but probably I'm gonna guess one of the things you hear about the most is a project that at the time you thought, "Okay, that came and went

"no one cared, which is wet hot at the American summer." Like that has got to be, that's one of those projects that had all of its life later. Is that right? - Yeah, yeah. It premiered us on dance in 2001.

I was one of my first films.

I actually had to pick my name to be on the movie 'cause I'm Elizabeth Mitchell and there was already an Elizabeth Mitchell in Sag. Shout out to her, she was lovely. She was on loss, one of my favorite shows for her.

And so I just changed my name to banks and we read Sundance. We thought it was just the greatest thing ever. And then no one cared, it didn't get, did no business.

“And then it started showing, I remember in New York,”

I wanna say, like, at Webster Hall or somewhere, it started showing like, late, like, how they used to do Rocky Horror Picture Show. - Yeah. - And so they were having these screens and it was getting like a little traction.

And this is back when DVDs have, so then people just had the DVD of it, I guess. And nothing, it completely changed my life. I went to Sundance, I met my still my manager to this day, 25 years now, it's been.

And started going on real auditions, some of which, those very early days, I auditioned for being Spider-Man and Catch Me If You Can and that led to Seabiscuit, which actually put me on the map in Hollywood

and then years later got an audition for 40 year old Virgin because all those guys, Seth and Evan and all those guys were addicted, you loved it. And then I was in 40 old Virgin and suddenly,

so she's funny and then I got 30 rocks. So like, truly, and I'm still friends with David Wayne, I took him on a USO tour, a while back. - That's great. - We literally went all over the world together, the director, writer, director of it.

And I, nothing, yeah, I still to the same, like that, changed my whole, I can't believe I'm part of that insane ensemble.

“- Yeah, there are these movies that I think right after Fargo,”

I could be getting this wrong, but I think after Fargo, which, you know, when it's the Academy Award winning film and it's a huge deal, the Cohen Brothers, I think made Big Lebowski and people were like,

what's this? And this is weird, you know, and it's, at the time, even people making it, you know, on the set, we're probably thinking, what is this?

We're making giant bowling pins and what's happening here? What are we doing? And then, you know, that's probably their, that's the movie that people know every word to, every single word, and it's become this,

I don't know, this text that everybody, that generations members of us. - I'm gonna shout out, we were skiing, Cohen and Noah's were at ski. And we were skiing and we were getting lunch

and this, the waiter brought our lunch out and he was shaking and he had sauce over his face.

And I didn't quite clock it at first

that he was, he was basically like, I've barbecue sauce over my face. And he was doing like an homage to the barbecue sauce. - Oh my God. - In what had it from 25 years ago,

this like, 22 or then he was so excited. - Oh. - Say he was talking and I like shout out to this guy 'cause he really committed to the bit. - Yeah.

- It was very impressive. All my friends were like, what is happening? (laughing) And the minute we got it, he just lit up a joy like a meal works.

Like she understands what's happening. - And then you had it fired. (laughing) - Like deer, like when people were like, what's the weirdest thing of fans ever done?

That's close to the top of the list. - But you know, that is, it's one of those gifts that just keeps giving. - Yeah. - Where you do something, you made it.

That's a very discrete time in your life

And then, you know, someone who's, wasn't born. - They were not born. - Not born when that was made is now so here's that you're out there and needs to do this.

- I know. - Do connect with you. - And that's the nice thing too is, in those moments, you wanna be the person that they want you to be.

- I know. - You know what I mean? - Of course. - You don't wanna be like, hey, you know,

“that's what I mean, you gotta talk about your price.”

- Get out of here, get out of here, you know.

- You know, no, I always look at it.

I get to come and talk to you and get to do these things because people watch the things that I make. - Yeah. - We're a period full stop.

If people didn't care about the stuff that we made, you may wouldn't get to be here. So I'm constantly like, "Ah, thank you so much "to anybody who cares at all to watch it." The mazes me constantly.

- So what is, okay, you've made this show. And what is the next step for you? And what's going to the future? Are you really gonna try and calm down a little bit? Or is that total bullshit?

- I literally started. - 'Cause I'm not, I'm not gonna calm down. - I was in a writers room yesterday, Conan. (laughing) - How much do you love a writer's room?

- I love a writer. It doesn't love a writer's room. - Well, I think there are people that don't, probably, but I, I love it.

“- It's the only place I stopped them from doing work.”

- None of us know if Conan's in the office and then we just hear a bang and a screamed upstairs

because I always take the writers room.

I always kick the door open in a dramatic fashion and they go, whoa, all of us up here. - And I start doing a very over-the-top bit. - Are you carrying coffee's in or why are you not kicking-- - No, no, no, I don't give them anything.

- Right, that's okay. - I'm just gonna burn, I'm just gonna burn. - I'm just gonna burn, I'm just gonna burn. - I'm just gonna burn. - I'm just gonna burn.

- This is where you and I are very different. (laughing) I'd have torn that guy with barbecue sauce since he sent you last hole. - How dare you, sir?

(laughing) - I'm trying to enjoy my appraise scheme. (laughing) Manager? - Yeah, so, well, this has been an absolute joy.

I love you dearly, and-- - I love you too. - You look, look a lot like my wife. (laughing) - And I'm just weird.

“- It's not weird at all, and I think Max gets it, right?”

- You guys, you get it. - You get it. - And you know what the nice thing? - Not threatened at all. - No, no, no man is. (laughing) Take your shot, Conan, take your shot.

(laughing) Well, thank you so much. - The minutes are wife, on peacock.

- minutes are wife, on peacock, and I never met your co-star.

- Matthew, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. - We'll just tell him that, 'cause he also did a show about the assassination of Garfield, and I think it's called death by lightning.

- He did. - And he plays the assassination, gets you. Charles gets you, and I mean, that guy can be anything he wants to be. - Yeah. - Well, the American accent is really good.

- It's better than mine, American accent. - Most people don't realize how British he is. - Yeah, I'm kind of obsessed with him, and so when I heard you two, obviously I'm obsessed with you, so when I heard you two were making something together

and I checked it out, and it's really great. And so congratulations, please come back tomorrow. - Yeah, we'll both be busy. - Yeah, exactly. - I'll start managing our schedule too.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So I'll reluctantly say yes, and then I'll just be here. - I'm judging a potato sack race in Quebec. All right, God bless you, God bless you, God bless you. (upbeat music)

- Okay, welcome back. We're gonna do a staff review today. These have been quite popular. It's where I pull people in from our little team cocoa staff and talk to them.

And we find out all kinds of amazing things about the wonderful people that make up my empire. And today we brought in a young lad named Sean Dorty at your senior producer. - I'm a senior producer, yes.

- And people have said we bear a resemblance to one another. - A little bit. - A little bit. - You are tall Irish, Irish fella. - You've got a lot from Boston.

- From Boston, which part of Boston you from? - I'm from Branchry. - Okay, Branchry. - And you're Burlington. - Plus enough.

- Okay. - And just for her, you were not doing it. - Oh, okay. - Yeah, there you go. - You've got a little bit of a pompadore going.

- Hi, Nick. - Hi, Nick. Did you have that going before you met? - I did. - I did.

- So I did, I promise. - For the Oscars, I was shooting this bit where I'm Aunt Gladys from Weapons and they had a stunt double stand-in for me.

And so we'll use some of this stunt double look

out of the line. - Absolutely nothing like me. Because I got hurt and I'm thinking, why didn't we bring Sean Dorty? I mean, you should have come in.

- What's that? - Can I say, we actually use Sean, where we were building the studio as a fill-in for you, like me. - Yeah, right.

- And you did test podcast and his were much better. (laughing) Use funnier, use faster. So anyway, you have had kind of a remarkable rise. Here, you started out as an intern, what year?

- 2018, 2019. - The show, what was that? - Yeah, the end of the TBS show. I was there the last year on Warner Brothers. - Yeah, okay.

- And what was that experience like? - It was awesome. - And beyond. - Lucy was my boss. - The pretty white, the rest of the show,

our social media priestess. - Yes. - Fantastic. So it's a lovely job. And also full of sunshine.

- Oh, yeah. - That's the best.

“- I think anyways, come into the worst mood”

and it'll just go away. There's like unicorn sprouting from her head. - Yes. - Wonderful. So you're working at the show.

Did you see terrible behavior? Did you ever see me do anything awful? - Oh my God. No, everyone was so good. Everyone was amazing.

I loved the one of those. - I'm sorry, that's boring. - Yeah, yeah. - We need the drama. - We're an asshole.

- We're an asshole. - We're an asshole. - There you go, there you go. No, we're trying to expose the rocks in our industry. - Yeah.

- But take down.

- So you worked as an intern first.

And then you've just done so well. Let me tell the listeners a little bit about you. And I'm gonna find a way to shit on you. I just haven't found it yet. - It feels like getting called into the principal's office.

- Yeah, this is like. - It's the part where the principal butters you are. - You started out really well. - Yeah. - Third and fourth grade.

I thought you showed great promise. - Put down, yeah. - You, you are now, have risen to this point where you're in charge of producing Andy Richter's podcast. - Yeah, yeah.

- Roblo's podcast. - Yes. - And so you're dealing with those two monsters. - No. (laughing)

- You can quietly say no, but both of them, both of them skirted on the business. And so you've done really well. And then I find out it was in the trades that you sold the screenplay.

- Yeah, yeah. - So, my question is, when am I getting a piece of your success? (laughing) You've been a barnacle on this boat a long time shot.

So, is there a part in this screenplay for me? - Oh my god, of course, anything, anything you want. - I think it's a high school comedy. So, I don't know if there is a, I hear you say, you want to tell you about

- You might've aged out of your role. - Fuck you, Sean. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - You come in here and you tell me,

I'm true. - Oh, the play I've posted. - When no one would have that take. - That is ages. - It's a little concerning to just see like, you hovering over the teenagers.

- I don't know if that would be. - I think a lot of people would think, "That's not how it is." - Yeah. - I'm still pre-pubescent.

That might be somehow. - I'm so post-pubescent. I came around to pre-pubescent. - Yeah. - Or shoot.

So, there's gotta be, no, I don't play a high school tune, but there are adults that work at the high school.

“- I think you could be principal, disciplinary.”

- What are you talking about? - What are you talking about? - I'm doing right now. You just said you felt like I was being called in the beginning. - If you don't find a part of me in this movie,

I will sue you into oblivion. I will make up things about you. - Oh, what ground are you gonna sue him? - When you reach my state of the business, which is quite high, this is the level that I'm at right now,

I don't need reasons. (laughing) I got judges in my position. - Puzzle lawsuit. - Yeah.

- And the audition on the ground. - I can now. - Yeah. - You kids better cut it out. That was in here.

You nerds, there's no way you're gonna win against the Joccey. 'Cause I'm with the Jocce. And you nerds can stay up all night and work on your robot. But there's no way you beat my Joccey. - What role was that?

- It was very 1980s, 1970s. - And then later those nerds didn't watch. (laughing) - Wait, wait, I'm the robot they invented. I've just beat up the football team.

- Yeah. (laughing) - I think you nailed it, I think the robot did. - This is a great movie. Oh, don't tell me yours explores relationships and stuff that might really happen.

- It's so boring. - You want robots and you want-- - I think this is great. - I had master.

- I think you would be amazing at this.

I think, I think you've kind of sold, it takes place in Massachusetts. So this is another point for you. - Perfect. - I grew up in Massachusetts, not far from you.

- Through, yes. - So you're growing up in Massachusetts. What were you interested in?

“What was your, what, what did you aim for in show business?”

And how did you end up at this fucked up place? (laughing) - How did you wash up on this beach of all places? - I mean, I don't know, I wanted to work in late night television.

And then it died the second I came to Los Angeles. - Yeah, it was just so, yeah. - It was you that held it. - But then it was unfortunately.

- Sean Dorey showed up with his cardboard series. (laughing) - Garsh, I'm here from Brain Tree. (laughing) - No, I'm here to see the big city.

Where's the chowder? There's no chowder here. - Where? - Where? (laughing)

- Please, the red socks. - There's no red socks either. - Where? - I'm there. - I don't know why you deserve all this abuse, Sean,

but you do everyone.

“Here's the thing that I find disconcerting.”

You're beloved. Everybody, universally, is like, that's kind of Sean. Sean is such a good guy.

They're always talking to me about you.

And I don't know what this is, but when I hear too much praise about one of my people, I find a way to try and break them. And that's what's happening. - You identify a threat from within.

I get it. - You look like me, but you're younger. He's better looking. He's got the leg strength. He could go strength.

- He could go strength. - He could go strength. - He could go strength. - He could go strength. - He could go strength.

- When men have too much leg strength, I want them gone. - Oh. - And because I know that they will beat me on the alpha. - He could single-white female you, pretty easily.

- Oh, you could. - That is what I'm planning to do. - I will say the first time I ever interacted with you as a PA, you did say we hired this young man sort of someone tries to assassinate me.

This kid will die instead. - Yeah. (laughing) - When he hears the holes of your 20s,

the first teacher actually.

- Because I had read, it's Saddam Hussein. You know this, right? Saddam Hussein hired all these other Saddam Husains to look like him. - Oh my God.

- And you know, thanks. So that if someone went to kill Saddam Hussein, there was a nine out of ten chance that get the wrong Saddam Hussein. - And that made me, first of all,

this is why you were hired just not. - Yeah, yeah. - We saw you, I turned down so many interns that day. - And then this guy comes in. - So what's more prepared?

- How far are you? - Is he far? - Okay, this guy is exactly my height. Sean is six four. He's got the red hair, the pompadour.

He's got my look and I thought, this is perfect.

“And that's why I kept sending you out for sandwiches,”

even when we didn't need sandwiches. - I wanted you vulnerable. - Public, yeah. - And that way you draw out the people that want to hurt Conan O'Brien.

- And you first thing he got from you. That's the first conversation that you guys had with each other. - I am a notorious Hollywood celebrity interaction. (laughing)

And if you will take a bullet from him, that's it. - And not, you won't do it, you'll do it against your will. - Well, not a loyalty, no, no, it worked. Because he was attacked constantly, like that. I had him wear a t-shirt that said, I had Conan.

He would come into the office with arrows sticking out of him. Rocks had been bounced off his head. He'd been kicked by old women. (laughing) And it was like a sponge that softs up all the hate gravy.

You know? - I love the thought that the people attacking your old women. - Yeah. - I'm like, "You're so scared of them, you said not a decoy." - Yeah, I said not a 20, I said not a 20 year old kid.

(laughing) And he just gets beaten. They're hitting you with their purposes. They're throwing old neco-waves at you. And yet I stuck around.

- I said, "Give me more." - So what's the dream? You've written this screenplay now. Would you like to do? - With my friend Caroline, yes.

- Okay. - Okay. And don't tell me the whole idea, but the basic ideas, these are high school students in Massachusetts. - Uh-huh.

- And it's an homage to the apartment. - The Billy Wilder movie. - It's terrific. - Yeah. - That's great.

- We'll leave the title out of this. But, that makes it sound classy. - Yeah. - And it's called the fuckbook. - Yeah.

(laughing) - Yeah. - No, okay. - Well, certainly, I'm just a thing myself. I'm just a thing myself from the fuckbook. By the way, I wrote a good luck with that.

I wrote a screenplay called the fuckbook. (laughing)

“- 1987 went nowhere, but what happens next theoretically?”

- You've sold it, how does these things get made? How does it happen?

- That's the million dollar question.

- I mean, I don't know. - I know very little about the film. - But you're a movie star now, too. - It's true, yeah. - I'm just flooded with offers.

(laughing) - No, I honestly don't understand that business at all. And increasingly, I don't even understand the business I was in. It's all changing so much, but that's very impressive

that you sold a screenplay. And you're kicking ass here at the show and people, again, much to my irritation, think you're a wonderful person. And I'm tired of it, the only tired of it,

so we're letting you go. - That is all right, that was the exit interview. I could feel like I had a fine complaint with the writer's goal. Perfect, yes, that fuckbook is my title.

I had a catamaran when I was in high school and I called it my fuckbook. (laughing) And you know, I called it my fuckbook David. - Why?

- So get on it and write around a little pond and go, "No, but he wants to fuck me." - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What is this? - What is this?

- Oh, my.

- We're going in a sad circle.

- No, there was no wind, Charlie Brown. - No, nobody wants to fuck me. And then, "Well, can I fuck both?" - So that was my screenplay. I think yours is going to be better.

- Thank you very much, John.

“Thank you for having us honored to have you on the team”

and hilarious that my first comment to you

was that you will draw my ass. (laughing) Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and McGorley.

Produced by me, McGorley.

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Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

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