Interrupto!

- Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

“- Hey Mike, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.”

- Hey, thanks so much. Hey Mike, how are you? Where are you right now? - Oh my gosh, they're Conan. I'm in one in Ontario in Canada.

- Oh, wow, okay. And are you in the wilderness right now? Or are you in a pretty urban area? - Yeah, I'm in the urban area today. Okay, can I just pretend that you're way out

on the tundress somewhere? - Yeah, let's do it. - Okay, can you occasionally make a sound with your mouth just so I feel like this is really authentic? - What do you want to say?

- Forget it. (laughter) - That's the perfect response. - Why don't you repeat what you asked him? - No, I'm good.

- Okay. - And I just wanted to get you to say Canadian story. So I'm happy. - Hey, oh, Mike, it says that you are a conservation authority.

Is that correct?

“- Oh, yeah, I worked for a local conservation authority.”

And in the past, you were a polar bear monitor. - That's right. - That's right. - That's right. - Essentially, I would go up to the Arctic

and get dropped off by helicopter with anybody who needs a safe escort across the Arctic from polar bears. So I would kind of track the bears, find the bears, keep my eyes on them, and make sure. - Sorry, I suppose to do this for real earlier.

- What is, oh my god, look, for those of you listening to me. - She's very toxic. - Mike just can't, to, I mean, a Hogwarts owl. You, a beautiful owl is perched right next to you.

And apparently it was just happily, it's a perfect meal. - That was a perfect experiment for Ville. She got a chance to see that. Go on your computer and check it out.

That's amazing. That was amazing. She's gonna love that. - What is that, bird's name? - Well, Conan, I was hoping you could name her for me.

She's fairly new to my team here. So, how about Interrupted, Interrupted? Interrupted? I love it. - Well, Interrupted, the owl.

She's also sitting on my router right now. So, she might even interrupt this further. That's okay. (laughing) That bird, Interrupted just wants to destroy.

Like, not that guy. - Just this podcast. - Yeah, this podcast. Why isn't it smartless? And he's like, crushing the wire.

Where's Will Arnett? He's Canadian. (laughing) Hey, Mike, so I just have to ask you, so your job was to be basically a guide

who would protect people from polar bears in the Arctic. And so I have so many questions right now.

If I've always heard polar bears

are the most dangerous bear they can kill you so quickly. Is that true? - It's true, yeah. Like a black bear, a grizzly bear, might not want anything to do with you

where a polar bear, if they smell you, see you, they're coming to get you. They're hungry, it's cold. And they want to eat. - Right, they're not sitting around on their backs.

Eating a bunch of blueberries that they found. - There's nothing like that in the Arctic. So when they see a ham steak and boots walking by, they go for it. They go for that person.

- They want it, they want it bad.

“- So what can you do to protect them in that situation?”

- Yeah, so I care about conservation so much. So I want to protect the bears. This is much so I want to protect the humans because I am armed, I do use non-lethal rounds,

but there are lethal rounds that need to be never had to,

never walked to. - So what are the non-lethal rounds made of? - It's like a rubber slunk, so it would hurt. - Yeah, yeah. - If you hit a polar bear with it,

he'll say I want to leave now. - Kind of, I didn't, once in the polar bear just kind of like squinted its eyes and walked away. - It's sort of like clandiest what it looked annoyed, and then walked away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And can I ask you, what is the caliber of weapon if the rubber boat isn't working that you would use on a polar bear? Because I would think it just has to be a, you can't just be using a 22.

- No, no, it would be a 12 gauge. - Jesus. - Okay. - Yeah. - But I'm glad, but you never had to kill a bear.

- No, I haven't. I've had some guys think that maybe I should have. You might have pooped their pants a bit while they hit behind me, but I wanted to give that bear every chance to get away. And luckily, nobody got hurt in the bear.

- I think once they pooped their pants, the bear wanted to leave. - Yeah, yeah. - That's what saved their lives. - They didn't want food.

- The bear was like, oh my God. There's poop all over my ham steak. - Yeah.

- You also have worked a lot with birds.

Is that correct? - That's right. - Yeah, birds of prey.

“Birds of prey, and you would train the birds of prey.”

- Yep, train them right from the very beginning. And I would use them anywhere that has a problem with birds, not of prey. So if there's a blueberry farm and all the songbirds are eating all the blueberries,

they would hire me to bring my birds of prey and fly them around and it would scare all the other birds away. - Okay, so big, tell me a little bit. - What kind of birds of prey are we talking about? - Yeah, Hawke, geer falcon, saker falcon,

character falcon, haris hawks, bald eagles, all kinds of if you can train all kinds of people. - I had a bald eagle named Bait. I raised her from an egg base, please, so. - Oh, you are so rugged.

- Take it easy, son of a girl. - You're married, son of a woman. - What's up? - All right, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, wow.

- Thanks, Daniel. - Good lord.

- To be fair, I'm swooning, too.

(laughing) - Oh, sure, why. - Yeah. (laughing) - Wow.

- Let's get it on. (laughing) - Time's down. - Hey, time for some polar porn. So anyway, moving on, I didn't think

you could train a bald eagle. - Yeah, it's possible.

“- They are one of the trickier to train birds”

because they have a natural instinct to be a bit nasty. - Oh, really? - If they can steal prey from another bird, they will. To save themselves, the energy of catching their own. So, you know, they can be good.

- I love it, that's the symbol of America. (laughing) - Oh, I know.

- Our national symbol is the dichiest of the birds.

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I'll steal that food before I get my own. (laughing) - Well, yeah, babe had a babe was her name.

She had a really good personality. She didn't really have that nasty side, except towards women. (laughing) - What a dropper at the time.

- But really, we're near me when I have her, but you could come up and shake my hand and she'd just be like, - No, I think. - Many birds have thought I was a woman, trust me.

- Trust me. - They're like, no, but, so really, so sometimes a bird will, or in this case, a bald eagle, or in Babes' case, specifically, babe would be cool with dudes,

but if a lady showed up, would try to attack the lady, or just shoot a super jealous. - Yeah, I wouldn't give her the chance. I had an old mom too, pretty good, but yeah, she'd think about it.

She'd let, you know, she wasn't happy. - This must have gotten in the way of your dating life. I would think that you would have learned to attack women instantly. (laughing)

- Yeah, yeah, well, it did. And, but that's all right. (laughing) - I know, I got a full of bears to monitor. - You get to live a long year, you know, yeah. (laughing)

- Wow, so you have all these different birds, and then you would use them, like, oh damn, there's some seagulls that are hanging around my house by the ocean and they're real drag and they're pooping all over the place.

- Yeah, I'm gonna get one of these birds of prey to chase them out of here and it works. - Yeah, I'll get rid of them right away for ya. But we do something called carhocking, which is essentially the hawk will ride in the front seat

of my car. We will do a drive by of your house. I'll do down my window and the hawk will just fly out. She might grab a seagull, she might miss, but either way, every seagull in the area

is gonna disappear pretty fast. - And how long do they stay away for? When does it, when do people think okay, the coast is clear now, the guy who has a hawk and his car, what left, yeah, it depends,

they will dominate the guy with the hawk left. If it's a food source, like a landfill, they will keep coming back daily to check and see if I'm still there. - Yeah.

- And I would be, I love that you would ride up with a hawk in your front seat. - Front, right, and shot gun. And then you'd pull up to the address and go, here we are, a 34- - Yeah.

- Crenshaw road, put the window down, and wha, wha, wha, that's so amazing. - You know how fierce 'em on, just comes right back into your car? - If they catch a bird, they'll stay out there.

I didn't have a hawk train to come back right in the window and I drove a Dodge Dakota at the time and she went out of the window and I was driving behind a Dodge Dakota and they had their windows down,

and they didn't know that they didn't know me. And she flew straight into their window and the car hit the gravel and everyone came and run it out of their cars.

“- You know what I love, the hawk being embarrassed?”

(laughing) - Yeah, I'm just thinking if the hawk going, "Oh God, I'm sorry."

- No, it's just, it's just, it's just, I swear to God.

“- It's the same, it's maroon, it's the same color.”

- It's okay, it's okay, no, no, no, oh God. Oh God, what did the hawk just cover it's face when it got back to your car? - We're the two, we walked back to the, yeah. - Yeah.

- Just give me home, just give me home, oh my God, oh my God. - The walk of shame. - The walk of shame for a dog. - Bird of prey, walk of shame. (laughing)

- Oh my God. - Oh my God. - Wow, that's so amazing. (upbeat music) A bunch of fascinations here, I love the birds, I love,

did you always, did you ever work with other bears,

other than polar bears, Grizzlies? - Because Grizzlies fascinate me. - Yeah, they are incredible, I didn't work directly with them, but I was a guide on horseback in the Rocky Mountains, and I've had a few running

with Grizzly bears, but nothing to, nothing too crazy. - Yeah. - God. - But they are also quite incredible. - Yeah, I mean, take it easy, I don't know.

(laughing) - I'm sure attack has been around. - There's one thing after the other with this guy. - Didn't attack, it hasn't attack, worked with some lethal animals.

- No! - Wasn't there right, no, there was a sickly hamster. - No, he's like cuddling with her poodle at home. - Okay, no. - All right, well.

- That's what I have.

- Okay, take it easy, I'm a big tack fan.

(laughing) - Wow, you can have 'em. (laughing) - I'm gonna move to Canada. - Yeah.

(laughing) - And be attacked immediately, by one of his birds, I won't allow it. (laughing) - I'll cut a bitch, call a cop, I'll cut a bitch.

(laughing) - I'll die immediately. - I forgot, I'm not gonna do it. - Take it easy, take it easy, interrupt it. (laughing)

- Um, wow, I know I'm fascinated by grizzly's, and it's this crazy fascination where I find it terrifying, the idea of being mauled and eaten by a grizzly, but I'm also, I just find them so fascinating that part of me wants to have a grizzly encounter,

just as much as I don't want to have a grizzly encounters.

That makes sense to you. - I totally get it, I totally get it. I try to tell my mom and family things 'cause it's a bit of a dangerous job, so they worry about me, but it's not to be morbid,

but I don't want to, you know, die of old age working in an office my whole life, if I had a, you know, a bear encounter,

“and that's what happened, like, I don't want it,”

it would be awful, but like, you know? (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, that's like, that is a closed casket funeral. Telling you, I know, if, yeah, yeah, or if there's a,

I don't know even know what's left at that point, you know? They have to follow the bear for three weeks. (laughing) Keep tricking it to use a toilet. And then put your wool cap on whatever's left.

- I'm sorry, but that's exactly what would happen. (laughing) - Yeah, nobody would go next to you, dude. (laughing) Just leave me out there, it's okay.

(laughing) Okay, leave you out there, got it, okay. I think it's this very cool, now, be honest with me. My, if you've been listening to me at all or familiar with my work and know me as a person,

what you see is pretty much what you get, how would I do in these situations, you think? If you were with me, too, whether it's in the Arctic and we're approaching a polar bear, or in a grizzly encounter. (laughing)

- I'm, I want to know, I want to know, I'm constantly wondering how I would measure up. - I think even, you know, I don't know. - No, I don't. Go ahead, let's see, how big can you get?

How big can I get? - I'm six for without doing anything. And if I, when frightened, my hair gets much taller. So I could be six, six, maybe. - Okay, so then I'm on me, I'm bald.

So I'm six for, but I'm bald. So you might stand behind me, we'd look even bigger. So you know what, we might survive together out there. Would you think that I'd be the kind of person to panic and run or do you think I'd become?

- I want to believe you'd be, become. - Why do you want to believe that? Why can't you just believe it?

“- I believe you might try and use comedy to get out of this.”

- Yes, hey, where's my question? Do grizzly's like bits. Do they like sort of cartoony, physical stick? Little bits. - Yeah, okay, yeah, okay.

So I'm just thinking, yeah, that's the problem. The biggest problem is I might see a comedy opportunity. I can start pretending to be another mayor, who's kind of a wise guy and I could see that really irritating, not just a human, but any member of the animal community.

- If the mayor wasn't going to kill you, after your bits, it would not kill you. - Yeah. - You would be doing yourself a disservice. - The bear might befriended me

and then I would start to show the bear

at which point the bear would reduce me

to a pile of ground chop.

“You're still going to be doing bits during the attack?”

- Yeah, even during the pack. I'd be like, oh no, I'm being murdered by a bear. - Moth, moth, moth, I tell you, moth, moth. - Look at me, I have one leg. Look at me.

Oh, hoppy hoppy hop, got one leg and a hoppy hoppy hoppy hoppy hoppy. - Yeah, Mike, I'm going to cancel this idea right now. (laughing) - Okay, I need to change my mind, no, you know, we can go out there, I'll make sure.

- Yeah, yeah, we have a good time. I would have a good time. I like this guy. - I do too, yeah. - And I think you and I would do well, hangin' out.

I think we'd be good buddies. - And I think-- - I feel mutual. - I would try to, I think I could, I think I would be a little, you know the way I, you've seen this, Sona, and David,

I kind of become the person I'm with, if I'm with them for a while. I'm very zealig that way. I think I would become more like Mike. - Mm-hmm.

- And I would, I would like calm down. - I really like being out in nature. I chill out a bit.

“There's way too much stimulation around me all the time.”

This might calm me down and maybe battling a bear of some kind would, you know, make me realize what it's all really about. - Yeah, battle a bear, yeah. - Yeah. - Like you think you have a chance?

- I have a very good chance. - Okay, we don't like it. - We don't like it. - We don't like it, yeah. - We don't like it, yeah. - Only if Mike is there. - That's true. (laughing)

- Yeah, I will be in the car. The car will be locked. I'll be in there with your hawk. The hawk. - There's no cars out in the Arctic, drop off, so...

- Oh, we get dropped off, okay. - Yeah, so there's, there's no, obviously no Wi-Fi no reception, you're in the middle of nowhere. And that's, it can get quite boring. I'd go out for 30 to 60 days at a time.

So I basically downloaded a good Julia and hours of your podcast, the entry or part voice. - That's a big compliment, thank you. - That's a look at that, that is very cool, that's really cool. - Well, I've been watching you for ever, Conan,

I just have so much respect for you and your team. - Oh, thank you so much. - You can keep your image, harmony, and kindness. And we just need so much more than you're bringing it away. It just reaches everyone's side.

- That's so nice of you. - Me getting to tell you this is changing my life. - Oh, wow, like I just, I want you to know

how incredible, your changing people's lives,

whether you know it or not, it's got such a good way. - Well, all I know is we keep our head down and we do this stuff and we do it 'cause I can't not do it. Does that make sense? I'm not trying to do it with public service.

I do this 'cause I just has to have it, 'cause I know it's cool. - Well, you guys have been around me when I haven't been able to do this for 10 minutes and it's not pretty. But Mike, getting to talk to you is a real pleasure.

You seem like a great person and what you're doing is really cool. And I love that you have found this life for yourself. Those are, I say this all the time when we talk to fans. People that have found what they love

and that what they're passionate about. And then they manage to will that to be their career, their life.

“I think that is the best way to go through our time here.”

I really do. I manage to do it, you're doing it. It's a beautiful thing. So I hope our paths cross in person, 'cause I'd love to shake your hand.

I would really would.

- Incredible, Conan, incredible.

- Did you have a question for Conan? - Oh, a question for him. Well, I got him to name Interrupto over there. - Yeah. - I think that was, yeah.

- She sat beside me perfectly through all the tech checks as soon as we got off, she flew away. So, yeah, I know. - She saw which way this was going. - Oh, look at this, she's really standoffish now, just get back to our net.

- I brought her to my staff meeting earlier today as she was interrupting everyone. So they're gonna love that name, you great. Well, say hi to everybody and Mike, a real pleasure and I mean it, I hope we cross paths, that'd be fun.

That would be interesting. - I'm hard to miss, so keep your eyes peeled. - Okay, well, thank you so much. This was incredible, guys. Thanks for really being able to do.

- Take care, we'll see you soon. - Bye. - Thank you, bye. - Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Matt Gorley.

Produce by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Lea. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina, take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples,

associate producers Sean Doherty, and Lisa Burm. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, get three free months of SyriaSXM when you sign up at SyriaSXM.com/Conon. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever

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