Projection Psychology: Obsession, Dopamine & Nervous System Dependency

Not every strong reaction is hard.

“Not every structured environment with an SOP is a cult.”

Sometimes the work isn't actually in taking down a system. Sometimes it's learning how to rebuild your nervous systems that you no longer interact with other systems in a way that actually creates the very cult environment in what you speak. Your brain is wired for deception.

But here's the true. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen?

There's a phenomenon that keeps repeating in modern culture. People experience being controlled or manipulated or pulled into a cult like experience.

Even when there's no real system of control,

no enforced dependency and no punishment for leaving. So what is actually happening? Last week, we took a deep look at the mechanics of cult environments.

“And today, we are going to look at a counter part to that.”

The role projection and obsession through a neuroscientific lens play not simply as character flaws or pathology. But as what can only be seen as a predictable nervous system response that is rooted in early childhood wiring. Our episode after this, we're going to go more specifically

into nervous system patterns and what sorts of nervous system regulation tools are truly science-based versus will. So get excited for that one. Because let's be honest, sometimes what looks like power being taken away is actually power being handed over.

And when the hand-off process collapses, the brain starts to scramble to explain why. Let's take a look at projection and what the brain is actually doing when projection is being experienced. Projection is not a conscious form of deception.

I know we've talked about this on multiple episodes. This is a regulation strategy. It is also a psychological mechanism, which the person is not consciously aware they are doing it to them. It feels real.

From a neuroscientific standpoint, projection happens when the limbic system, which is the emotional threat detection center of the brain, becomes overloaded. And the prefrontal cortex cannot maintain a stable sense of self-reflection.

We've talked in previous episodes about the importance of metacognition. When somebody goes into projection, what ends up happening is that their ability to operate within metacognition drops out because they are not in that part of their brain, they're in their emotional centers of their brain.

In simple terms, first step is that emotional activation is going to rise.

Second step is that cognitive regulation drops down, and then the brain starts to seek immediate relief. Think about in previous episodes where we've talked about the distinction between those who naturally self-regulate and those who seek out external, either people or objects in order to co-regulate.

When we're talking about the brain seeking relief, the brain is typically seeking relief through some sort of co-regulation. Co-regulation can come out in addictive behaviors, like co-regulating with alcohol or with drugs. It can also come out in co-regulation with people,

or when we talked about how this shows up in early childhood environments. This could be a very intense attachment to a blanket, a stuffed animal, a pacifier that's gone on too long, et cetera, even honestly, mommy. And instead of processing the distress that they're experienced from the internal

place, right, that self-regulation, the brain actually relocates it to something external. So instead of being able to say to themselves, "I feel destabilized," or "I feel unsafe," or "I realize I am craving dependency," the mind actually shifts externally and says,

"You caused this, you did this, you took something from me." So the projection is the shift away from self and metacognition toward some other person or pattern of cause. What this ends up believing the person feeling is victimized.

“Most important thing here is that this is not rooted in objective truth.”

This is very much about bringing the nervous system back to a state of equilibrium as fast as possible. Example, for a little kid, if their brain determines the fastest way to get back to equilibrium is to cling to my stuffed animal, it will reach for the stuffed animal. If a adult who had that same brain pattern go unchecked age 40,

if they're feeling that instability or that out of equilibrium, they might decide, in that moment, even through self-deception, where they may know that's not the right step to take, that they need a drink of alcohol in order to regulate. Is the drink actually helping them do better and be better in their lives?

and building up these rules in early childhood has determined that that is the fastest, most familiar way to get back to nervous system regulation. So I know that that might be challenging for some people to think of, but this is why if you've ever known someone struggling with addiction, sometimes it can be hard for an outside looking in to understand,

like, how could you not see this, right? And I mean, even some of the conversation topics we've been unfolding in this podcast, especially over the last month or so, sometimes it's hard to go from the outside in and just say, how can you not put these pieces together?

It's like not that challenging of a puzzle,

but the problem is because when you're in these patterns,

it does feel stabilizing. It does feel like something your brain has run through some sort of logical checklist and been like, yep, story checks out. So it is checking out to the person, and that is why ultimately, no matter what happens,

I always have empathy for people that are in these places, even when they're actively harming myself or others, because they cannot see their way out of this. They would, in fact, likely pass a lie detector test that they really believe this is happening.

And for that reason, when you're dealing with somebody who's struggling with mental illness

“or with addiction, you have to find the line between empathy and the boundary.”

Right? And that's one of the most challenging things.

Navigate, that's something that I navigate daily with my mom. It was telling a client this the other day, there are some years that I've allowed her more access, because she has demonstrated the ability to make better decisions, and then there have been other years where I've had to pull back that access

to protect myself and my family. But the thing that doesn't go away is the empathy remains. I don't ever feel just straight up angry and resentful toward her. Even when there is a boundary that needs to put in place, and there is distance put in place, the empathy remains.

And I think for each of you listening to this podcast today, that is an important thing for us to navigate toward

is being able to have empathy for people who are in struggle,

who are in disregulation, but not let that empathy become something that we allow to be weaponized against ourselves. Right? Not let the empathy be a reason that we justify not putting up a boundary or not exercising some type of self-preservation. The next mechanism we're going to take a look at is obsession,

because obsession is a different regulatory loop than projection. Obsession is often mislabeled as admiration, loyalty, or intensity. Neurologically, obsession actually functions in a dopamine-based regulation loop. So it does function differently.

“Sure, can something start off potentially looking like admiration and loyalty?”

Yes, can it eventually slip off the edge and intensity and become obsession certainly yes? But true obsession goes beyond admiration and loyalty, and it does have a sort of chemical dependency that is wrapped up in it. So what's actually happening here is when someone lacks a stable sense of emotional regulation

right that self-regulation, the brain learns to stabilize through external proximity to people, predictable access to people, or some sort of symbolic attachment to people. I know that last week we talked about cult dynamics, cult dynamics naturally draw people in that seek out the subscessive regulatory loop because they are easy targets, because everything we just described technically are things that they do somewhat on purpose.

So each interaction, each message, each moment of perceived closeness with whatever that target is, is going to produce a dopamine response. And this temporarily quiets the anxiety, it quiets the messages that I'm not enough, or I have to perform better, or I want to be loved. So the brain actually learns this person or interacting with this person's words,

or their identity or their community reduces my personal distress. The thing is this is not actually rooted in commitment and loyalty.

“The truth is when people are oriented toward commitment and loyalty,”

they're very unlikely actually to experience obsession, validation, seeking, et cetera. So was this something that we look at on brain pattern mapping, for example, if you've ever done brain pattern mapping, when you get to certain scores in the timeline behaviors, this is going to help us see how loyal you are, how committed you are, what your commitment looks like at different stages.

Example, are you slow to commit initially, but once you do eventually commit, then you're completely fixated, locked in internal vision. Do you go fixated, locked in internal vision right away? And then eventually, overwhelmed your system and have to pull out of things, thus looking like you have push pull commitment.

These are all examples. So when we see somebody who is prone toward obsession,

And I will tell you this right now, and we've talked about this on previous episodes,

this sort of duality between those who are more obsessive and fixated, and those who are naturally more self-regulated, distracted and detached,

“they tend to attract each other like models to a flame, right?”

Because the person who's naturally more oriented toward self-regulation and possibly detachment, they're a great target for this person to want a chase. Because whenever that type of person does give their full attention to somebody or something, they're usually very present with that thing. But they can't be that level of present all the time.

So it's the margin at like the sun. When the sun is on that person, it's like, "Ah, the sun feels so good. It's so warm, there's so much light." But eventually, that sun's going to go into something else.

Maybe it's a work project or now it's their kids.

And to the person that is seeking out a dependency or this dopamine regulation, loop out of that sun, as soon as the sun shifts away, the sun shifting away is not harmful. It's not intentional, literally just like a natural process of life, because we can't be everywhere at all times.

“It can start to cause this level of distress that we're talking about.”

So that is a sure, sure fire sign that if you were that type of person, I just described, and people tend to get really easily agitated, and in their heads and take things personally, when you were just kind of reorienting and having to live your life, because that sun one way, it literally is that they are feeling

the pull back of your sun or your warmth or your energy or attention, and they're seeing it as a potential threat. So instead of being able to see it rationally like this person, needs to give this sun to multiple people. They're immediately perceiving it as a threat.

And what I want to drive home here is that with obsession, not only is this part of this dopamine response system, there's also implicit expectations that typically only one party is aware of. So in most cases, and I know for a fact, we talked about this in the power projection and collapse

of personal responsibility episode,

“there's typically one person that's coming up with,”

and maybe, you know, to be honest with you, when somebody is experiencing both projection obsession, they're operating in such a deep level of self-disception, and arguably, some either personality disorder or personality disorder, a tangible experience that they can't see these things consciously or objectively.

So they're not necessarily aware that they're holding this person in their mind to, like, X, Y is the expectations, but they've not communicated those things. And I know that I've said this in a previous episode, if that were the case,

and they brought those lists of expectations to the other person, these are my expectations of you. The other person, every time, would push back their list and be like, "No, thank you." Not only do I not want that, and I'm not agreeing to that, but I'm not capable of that.

That is not who I am, that's not how it would be like. Thus, the ultimate set-up from the outset, which is something that I hope, as you've been listening to these sort of building block episodes, you're starting to get the sense that this was a set-up from the outset,

and it's a set-up specifically to mimic early childhood patterns. And with that in mind, let's look at some of the developmental origins of where this sort of obsessive-projective wiring starts,

because it always starts in childhood, literally every time.

So one of the things that can happen is there is a, in a childhood format, there's often a difficulty sharing belongings. When a child shows intense distress around sharing objects, the issue is an often selfishness. Of course, it looks like that from the outside of your looking

out as a parent, but this has everything to do with object-based regulation. The child's nervous system is actually using that object to stabilize their emotional state, to maintain their sense of control and to preserve their safety. So, example, in this happens all the time when I work with families in break method, when you have multiple siblings, right?

There are certain siblings that are appeared to be adaptable, go with the flow. You can like beat them up, slap them in the face, take their stuff, and there's just kind of like whatever I just want to keep the piece. And then you tend to have the other, which covers their belongings. Potentially doesn't want to share is very specific or particular

about siblings going into their room or touching their things. That has everything to do with what we're talking about right here. There's a part of their brain that is using the control of their belongings, and also how they're allowing others proximity to their belongings to regulate their own nervous system.

but it's really something that is rooted far more than that.

It makes them feel like they cannot be safe if they don't understand how to control the proximity to that object. So, example, this is why in little kids, and obviously this is somewhat developing, normally normal in toddlers, for example, if you are, let's say a toy is on the side of the room and you're not playing with it,

but suddenly you're sibling once to touch such a toy. Like, well, I want that. It's like, well, you didn't want a two seconds ago. You just want it because they wanted it, right? So, what they're trying to do is they're trying to control their proximity

because if you take it, even though I don't want it right now, if you take it, I don't know technically how I'm going to get it back. So, it's like they're already jumping to this future of not necessarily being able to get that object back. Makes sense? Great.

So, neurologically, the object itself becomes linked to calming the amygdala. In adulthood, this pattern, of course, does not disappear.

“I think I've emphasized this on multiple decoded episodes.”

Patterns don't disappear. They get deeper, and they find sneakier ways to justify themselves in other aspects of your life. So, this object that we talked about, maybe it was the stuffed animal, maybe it was the blankie, maybe it was a specific toy. In adulthood, this object is going to likely transfer into a person

a role access or proximity. And loss of access is going to trigger the same threat response as a toddler or child who doesn't want you to go into the room, doesn't want you to touch their stuff. That's mine. It's mine, right? And you're like, that's mine.

You can't touch that. That's mine. You can't take the way from me. That's mine. And again, it is not coming necessarily from self-centeredness, although there's certainly our people that fall into this cluster that are also self-centered.

But this is much more about regulation and safety at the nervous system level. There's also a prolonged attachment to comfort objects. So, we kind of talked before about the more coveting that's mine, not wanting people to touch their objects

or to keep them in a certain way, not allow others to share with them. But there's also a childhood pattern of prolonged attachment to these comfort objects. These are transitional objects that can be developmentally normal, like I said in some toddler years.

But there are people, and I'm sure some of you are listening, and this is not going from a place of judgment. It just is, it's just data. Those of you who maintained the attachment to these objects like through teen years, or maybe some of you

even still have your blanket, still have your soft animal. I'm talking to you, babe. These are signs that this part of your brain is active. Typically, the people on the opposite side of this conversation that are more detached or, again, can also be disorganized

if you're looking at it from attachment styles perspective.

“These people tend not to be attached to anything, right?”

So they would, the ones that like, sure, take that. I don't care. More just detached and not caring about their physical objects. And they tend to be the ones that in this dynamic or hierarchy, they tend to chase, right?

Because they're really not available because they're

really never going to give this person what they're seeking.

So what happens is that whether the brain, if the brain doesn't fully transition out of this process, let's say, in the 68-year-old range, the brain actually will never overcome this until you really take a cold heart look at it as an adult.

Because it does have a soothing effect, and the parasympathetic nervous system in turn will start to rely on these outside anchors to comment itself. So, example, because I know we didn't mention this, we talked about people, but this can certainly also

transfer on to food. I know we've done a previous episode on emotional eating. This can transfer on to veterinarians. This can transfer on to a comfort food or a binge eating disorder as well. We can do up a next episode on that,

because it's definitely its own whole episode.

I want to pause for a second,

because this episode matters to me on so many levels personally. As you know, if you've been falling along with my podcast, I did not get into the peptide space for human optimization. I got into them because my body was completely broken down. I was having autoimmune flares,

hormonal weight gain that was not responding to any of my strong willpower, or time spent in the gym.

“The only thing that actually made a change”

was adding peptides to my daily routine. When I did that, I started to understand bioavailability, dosing, stacking, and that is everything we are covering in two days episode with one of the leading experts in the peptide space. As you know, I am partnered with LEMD,

so that you don't have to guess where your products are coming from, whether they're black market from China. You can find all of my recommended stacks at LEMD forward slash busy gold.

And I go deeper into all of my protocols and offer support on my telegram group, which is also going to be linked in the show notes. Now back to the show. And what ends up happening eventually here

is the nervous system learns. I am okay because of you. So at that point in the brain when it makes that leap, it's no longer seeing it as regulation around safety. It's putting it into more relationship terms,

which is natural as you get older, one hormones are in the mix. So it becomes I am okay because of you or because I have access to you or this thing. Another thing that's worth looking at

in terms of childhood patterns is the role that jealousy plays in the underpinnings of this mechanism. Chronic childhood jealousy reflects a nervous system that is calibrated for relational threat detection, which is the majority of what we're talking about.

“Your relational threat detection is one of the key components of this.”

The brain becomes hyperattuned to who has access, who's closer, who might replace. This is a true story and love these women. But this is a good example. And if any of you have ever had a best friend

and then maybe there's now distance in between and then your old best friend or really like your current, but like older best friend in terms of the timeline, knows that you have kind of a new best friend and you're trying to introduce them to each other.

And this doesn't, by the way, what I'm about to say

doesn't mean that this is always the case,

but this is just a good real life example. Sometimes those meetings don't go well. Because it's like, oh, you're the new me, like are you trying to replace me? And I literally had a retreat once

where I had my previous best friend who was still my best friend at the time. Like that hadn't changed. It was just somebody that had known me longer than the other person. It was a better way to say it.

And they knew that they were coming into a situation in which they were meeting kind of the person who was really playing that role in my life in the new location in which I lived.

“And I'll never forget when they met at the door”

walking into this retreat. There was this moment where I was like, oh, shit, are they going to fight? No, it's happening right now. And that is that relational threat detection

like who's closer, are you going to replace me? And this kind of brings into the song, no new friends. I think it was the DJ Khaled. And I remember at that time of my life,

I've you know, arguably had much more toxic friends than I do now. Not saying that these two of them were toxic, but just surrounding me at that time. There were more toxic people around me at that time

in my life. And they would jokingly be like, no new friends. Like we don't accept new friends into our into our group. But I was kind of the new friend in the group and they were kind of taking the position like

you're the only new friend, but no new friends. So that kind of shows this sort of jealousy, competition,

caddiness idea that they're basically underlying

as some sort of scarcity. Like we can't both have proximity to this person at the same time. So when we're thinking about those of you who have this more inclination toward jealousy, which is called what it is,

this also wires the salience network to prioritize proximity over autonomy. So this will, instead of being independent and feeling good on your own, your salience network will actually prompt you

to try to keep proximity as much as possible. That will feel safer. It will make you feel more worthy. It will make you feel more stable. So what ends up happening

as a byproduct is you start to fixate on attention or ways to get attention. And there is a major sensitivity to perceived exclusion. And there is also emotional volatility around any sort of boundaries. Most of you, I'm sure, can think about a time

that you were left out of a sleepover. This is another true story, this one's hilarious. So when I was in, this also tells you a lot about my mom. Okay, so when I was in preschool,

pretty sure it was in preschool. I still remember the kids' names. This new girl came into my school. And I had kind of like my little group of friends before this girl came.

“And I think I was probably like the alpha”

of the group at that time. And I wasn't thinking in these terms,

but I think that's basically how it would have been.

And this girl moves to town and very clearly tries to take over my group of friends, but tries to do it in a way that very much seemed prompt and by her mom. And low and behold,

it turns out they have this tea party, and they don't invite me. And for whatever reason,

I'm like four.

“But I, this is burned to my memory forever”

because my mom lost her ever loving mind. Somehow she had found out about it and my mom put me in the car. The soul bears thing. And she drove over to the girl's house

and basically got in the mom's face and was like,

"You think that you can just move here and push my daughter out?" I don't think so. No one does this to my daughter. And I'm sitting there like this is so embarrassing.

I don't even want to be here. I don't even care about this birthday party. But it was burned to my mind forever because example to me, I didn't care.

I wouldn't have known even if I went to school and I heard the girls talk about this birthday party that I wasn't invited to. I was the type of kid that literally would couldn't have cared less.

Probably would have been like, "Oh, it was a fun. Just move on with my life." But my mom is one of these type of people. So for her, it was like, "Hit this personal wound. You're going to leave my daughter out.

I see what you're doing here. You're trying to like, you're trying to triangulate and keep my daughter's friends away from her. You're trying to replace her."

So there's just an example of how this can transfer into adulthood and then even be played out with your children, which, you know, Blast it.

It was quite the child that my friends. But I think this is important to, you know, because sometimes, let's say you are, as we're unfolding this episode, you're like, "Oh, I'm kind of like this.

I see this."

“It is important to take a look at how this plays out”

with your children, because typically people like this, children tend to be extensions of you. So example with my mom obviously, this was an extension of me,

and she took it personally when I didn't know probably didn't need to know it all. So for something like this, I want to make sure that we're very aware of how that emotional volatility

and boundaries can happen. Let's say, you know, "Well, this, you know, this birthday party we only had room for two people, and we just didn't have room for busy, okay?"

Like, that could have been true that could have been a boundary that was respected, but my mom did not respect the boundary, and she drove us over there, and practically started to fight.

The sensitivity to perceived exclusion also gets hit in the story that I shared, and then the fixation on attention may be not so much. But these other two are obviously very real tangible examples of activating these other two,

but this could happen through something much more under the radar, like subtle looks. It feeling like people are getting, you're looking at the signals that it looks like they're getting closer and like are they closer

than I'm closer with this person, et cetera. Another thing that we want to look out for is anxious, attachment, and emotional fusion, and this is what forms when caregivers, especially in early childhood,

years are inconsistent with their regulation. So the child learns that safety is unpredictable and that proximity to that person like the close, or I am the better chance as I have of this going well, and that separation from this person equals threat.

And from a neurobiological standpoint, this means that the amygdala is overactive. The prefrontal cortex is recruited to monitor others and set up self, right? So it's dropping out no metacognition available,

and internal regulation never fully stabilizes.

So authority figures become stand-ins for early regulation. So another thing that we talked about in previous episodes was how this tends to cause people like this to look to hierarchy, to essentially transpose a parental figure

on to a boss or a manager or a mentor, et cetera. From the adult perspective of this wiring, as we know this persists, and then often gets sickier, but this can turn into idealization of leaders, mentors, or systems over investment and proximity.

So going way too hard.

“Example, I mean, I think this term has negative connotation,”

but it's just the word, right? So you've heard probably the term pick me vibes. This is really easy to spot for somebody who isn't like this, and it, unfortunately, it's a repellent. When I'm in a group and I'm trying to either like make selections

or pick people that, you know, based on a variety of criteria, for example, in booty, based on a variety of criteria, are I a belief ready to become master trainers, based on their leadership qualities, how kind they are to other people, how emotionally regulated they are,

how good their practices, from a physical perspective. Those are things that I'm looking to, but one of the things that I have seen often is that if that person has this, like, pick me, I would do anything to be here, sometimes that sometimes I'm being nice here.

That almost always gives off the signal that this person is unstable

and will eventually be weaponized against you. So I actually find that sort of pick me intensity as repellent, especially now as I get older.

they always started off like that.

Literally had at some person tell me, but like, you're my Barbie and I'm like, I'm not a Barbie. I'm literally, almost a boy looking at my girl. Nothing about me and gives Barbie vibes. So, you know, that's on me.

I excused and moved on from that one, you know, got bit in the butt later on. But those, that sort of pick me intensity should be a red flag to you if you are a leader because that intensity doesn't go well.

That usually turns into all the things that we're discussing right now. And that's different than confidence and commitment to whatever that person's trying out for,

“whatever they're auditioning for or applying for, right?”

Those are things that I now, especially now, know, to be red flags in that sort of dynamic. There's also a difficulty tolerating limits. And if you think about, as children,

they may always push or find a gray area or find a work ground.

If this isn't properly parented, the kid that found a way to get away with this continues to try to get away with this, even when it's completely ridiculous. The amount of former employees that I've had with that sort of mechanism,

that clearly just wasn't corrected in childhood, is incredible. The limits that are pushed regarding, you know, invoicing, feeling entitled. It really does not go away and it can get you into serious trouble

when you become an adult if it's not handled through some sort of work, whether it's break method or something else. So that comes from that difficulty tolerating limits,

“because your brain just learns I'm able to push, push, push, push.”

Narrow assistant desableization whenever the access changes. Sorry, that's another key. So this relationship is no longer something that is purely, you know, love or connection or communication. It's something that is deeply rooted in neurological regulation.

And when that regulation gets it all disrupted, the brain starts to demand an explanation. And obviously this is where we kind of come back to last weeks uncomfortable AF episode on cult experiences. Because let's say a person like this is fired

or is asked to move on. Honestly, you guys, I've seen a couple, like let's say I were to pick like a random sampling down. I've seen a couple of people like quasi kind of leave on their own, but almost in all cases that I can think of,

all these upheavals start from people actually getting fired. Like so from very real boundaries. And the interesting thing that I know we talked about on last week's episode

“is those interactions are often about at least on behalf of like me”

or the company, et cetera. They're like about as amicable as you can possibly make it.

And obviously this sort of thing is it's never an enjoyable experience,

because you're having to lean on real things that happen. Like, no one ever gets fired for no reason. I mean, I'm sure that can happen in the world in general. But in general, in most organizations, if you are being let go, there is a reason behind it.

And it's usually a very justified reason. The has a lot of data and evidence that supports it. So if we look at something like this, what often happens is that even if the exit itself is like amicable and you try to make sure like,

hey, I appreciate your heart. I appreciate your effort. Like this isn't a good fit. When we're dealing with a person like this, it doesn't matter how amicable you try to make it.

Or how soft you try to make it. As soon as their nervous system experiences, what it's like to be separate of the thing that had been regulating them. It's pretty much a guarantee that this is going to happen. Right? Either to call it a cult or to leave

in some sort of really explosive, dramatic way that was completely number one, not necessary. But number two is used to kind of demonize the thing in which they're leaving. So that it's not because of them. There's no self accountability.

There's no ownership. There's no like, well, I did this. I see where they were coming from. Like, I wish they didn't come to this. That's not possible because remember,

prefrontal cortex, not available to this person. Production, obsession, loop. All the things we just, those are all the things that are preventing this person from being able to see beyond their own emotions. And again, I've empathy for it.

It sucks to be on the other side of it. But I do have empathy for it because it would suck more for them, frankly. So thinking about how a cult experience can actually be internally generated. That's exactly what we're talking about in this episode.

So a real cult, as we talked about last time,

right where the organization is punishing and authority.

“And unfortunately, all these things right,”

removing you from your friend groups telling you that your other friend groups are bad, et cetera, right? So kind of isolating you. Much like what can happen in abusive relationships. But projection based obsession that we're talking about right now

can create a felt experience of control without any of the control mechanisms being present. The brain actually assigns authority without consent. It builds identity around proximity, and it uses the relationship itself to regulate the internal emotional state.

And when boundaries start to appear,

the nervous system experiences dopamine withdrawal,

a migdola activation, loss of regulation. And that state to the person is intolerable. So the brain rewrites the entire story.

“What was once chosen proximity becomes coercion.”

And what was once internal reliance becomes externalized blame. And this comes down to a misattribution of power. The reframe that most people resist is that not all power is actually taken. Some power is neurologically outsourced, and that is certainly the case in these situations.

And when that regulation is externalized, the brain experiences a loss of access as harm. So calling someone a cult leader might be a way for them to explain away

their disregulation, to preserve their self-image,

to avoid having to take any sort of ownership or self-accountability. Even to avoid grief or responsibility, the fact that they themselves struggle with self-regulation. The accusation itself starts to stabilize their nervous system, and unfortunately I know we covered in this in the last episode.

The way that they do it, ironically, often creates a real cult environment, where they're actually actively recruiting other people into their distorted narrative, their slides, their lives, their slander, their defamation, their pulling everybody into that,

because they're trying to build up their identity. Like if I'm not alone in these people believe me, like then I'm safe, because now they're rebuilding that same sort of cult framework. So how to tell control from projection.

I want you to ask, did this environment strengthen my prefrontal cortex? Was autonomy reinforced or bypassed? Was dependency designed or did I actually assume this dependency? Was leaving punished or did I leave and actually did the punishing? Because in these cases, typically the person leaving or was fired,

they're the ones that actually do the punishment. The organization didn't do the punishment. Control systems actually suppress regulation and projection systems outsource it, and these are not the same.

“We have to remember that boundaries themselves are neutral,”

but a nervous system that is wired for external regulation triggers boundaries. So amygdala threat responses are going to come from boundaries. Attachment panic, dopamine withdrawal. We know that they're in that loop. And the brain reframes that boundary as projection, harm, betrayal.

But that does not mean the boundary itself was harmful. It simply means that it triggered this person's nervous system. Not every intense experience is actually manipulation. Not every strong reaction is harm. Not every structured environment with an SOP is a cult.

Sometimes the work isn't actually taking down a system. Sometimes it's learning how to rebuild your nervous systems that you no longer interact with other systems in a way that actually creates the very cult environment in which you speak. Agency returns one regulation returns.

And for that reason, next week we're going to be focusing specific on nervous system regulation and how to tell what's actually rooted in science. Versus what is just will. I'll see you next week. Your brain isn't broken.

It's running an old code. Break method is a system that maps your neurological patterns. Decodes your emotional distortions and rewires your behavior. Fast. No talk therapy, spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings.

Just logic-based rewiring in 20 weeks or less. Head to break method.com and see what your brain is really up to.