Why Relationships Fail (It’s Not What You Think)

Me's ovens, right? Like, is he gone gone?

You came home. You asked all of us to come out there and you made us all stand on a line. Got down on your knees in front of Zev, and you took ownership of all the things that you did. And then you did the same with Zev, and then you did the same with me. And it still brings tears to my thinking about it because very few men would do that. And that day I fell really deeply in love with you.

Your brain is wired for deception, but here's the truth. Patterns can be broken. The code can be rewritten. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? What's up everybody? I'm here for a special episode of Decoded that we're going to try to do more

“frequently. It's not as important if you've never done it before. He's not super active on social,”

but that's probably why our family is so great. So that's the things. Gordon is really involved in what we do with break methods. So many of you who have done brain pattern mapping have surely worked with Gordon before. But I wanted to bring him on here and just have a little bit of a discussion about relationships and what it takes to rewire some of your older childhood patterns for the benefit of your relationship.

And about our person in my life to bring on then, my husband. So what we decided to do was we each came up with questions and interviewed each other. So neither one of us knows what the other person's

going to be asking. And we decided that we're going to flip to see who goes first. So should I just

flip the phone? Sure. Is the the the faces? Yeah. So if the screen is down, then I'll ask you a question first. Okay, if the screen is down. Don't make sure you don't throw it. I don't hear you throw. I don't throw it. Okay, I'll ask you a first question. I feel as though you're just as good. That was good. That was planned for sure. All right, great. And nothing's broken. My husband's top qualities is honesty. Yep, it's hard to sort of lie. So we're going to start it off with, I don't know what's

the best question asked first. So let's start with this one. Since the start of the relationship

“to the present day, where have we grown the most and what would be the main contributing factor to this?”

It's a professional question. Do you chat you be here? I did a blend. I was like, I started doing like chat GVT. It's like, no, no, make this your own. Okay, I'm proud of a boss. But it sounds too professional. It's probably chat GVT. It sounds good. You're really smart. You've got a great vocabulary. A lot of change in our relationship. As you know, and I would certainly attribute a lot of that to you taking break in the beginning. But I do think it's been something that both of us

have stuck with and we've grown with, as the circumstances in our lives have changed. And I think that's one of my favorite parts about break method is that it's a tool set in our framework that

grows with you. So the one of her life circumstances change. There's always a new level to discover

in digging deeper and figuring out where some of those remnants still are. And those of you that don't know, we Gordon came into my life when I had two older kids, although they weren't older back then, I guess, how old was that be like? I don't know or say me just hardly know. So they were

“still I think 4 and 6 or 4 and 7 something like that. So Gordon came into a situation where there”

were other kids involved and then we kind of had to build our relationship and we had to build our relationship in the midst of a social media frenzy of right one Gordon I started dating. Was it traditional by any means? No. There's no honeymoon. Let's put it that way. No. Maybe a 3D in Austin. Yeah, me. But I don't know what that wasn't even honeymoon. I feel like still around in a bed. That's where in the beginning of a relationship, you know, like some of the

more passion driven feelings are so intense. So I obviously felt like there was the like passion driven intensity. But we were just talking about this the other day. I feel so much more like the honeymoon phase of our relationship now than I ever did. One of my questions, you already answering two things. Sorry, we'll see it now that we've now we've mind merged. Yes, right. Now we actually do fill the relationship with sandwiches. So back then, of course, you know, passions, someone's new,

it's fresh, whatever. But there were so many ups and downs happening in my life at that time. I had just sold booty, which was a huge change for me from the previous 10 years. And as a result of that among other things, there was this huge social media attack waged against me. So you had

you got to see me in that phase of life and that we got to kind of build our foundation through that,

“because I think had something like that happened years after us being in a peaceful, easy relationship.”

That might have been really destabilizing. But I think, you know, those of you that don't know Gordon, I are both very, very spiritual people. And at that time, I feel like that's exactly what God knew we needed in our relationship to be like, hey, just so you know, this kind of stuff can happen. So true. I was thought about it like that because it was kind of a rest period for you, even though there was a lot of a tax happening where I got to see a side of you where there,

you know, you weren't running multiple businesses. And we really got to grow close. And without that, if like I kind of just got thrown into the life that we're in now, I feel like patterns could have pulled me and there could have been more separation, either you're to kind of go our separate ways. But that really built a strong foundation for us. And it was like, you know, in a sense like a prolonged honeymoon, like sort of we didn't have one,

but that way like you were, you know, you were able to come to Canada for a month or two, and able to like, you know, this version of you that just wasn't as busy as we are now.

“Which is awesome. It was awesome. And I even took off, I think, almost a year and a half,”

maybe even two years from social media. Literally did not go on. Yeah, so true. Guys, it was such a blessing. It was so wonderful. And I really just got to like be full-blown housewife mommy mode. And that was a beautiful thing. And you're right, there was this juxtaposition of me being at rest and not having to work. So hard and be in the grind. And then simultaneously be dealing with all this social media shenanigans.

Just let you guys know the extent of it. There were people creating fake accounts to DM my husband telling him to break up with me for various reasons with all, you know, like some random account with 10 different numbers. So imagine, I just want you to just, if you will, go into the shirty, you've just started a relationship with the man of your dreams. And now, literally every one in their mother is creating fake accounts to try to convince this person to break up with you.

You know, in early relationship moments, even those who may be are not anxiously attached, you're kind of, you're like more protective over your new person, right? Totally. A little bit more jealousy. You don't really know them yet. You don't know where the boundaries are. You don't know how sneaky or not sneaky they are. So just imagine you guys, and I'm not an anxiously attached person thank God, because it's probably would have like really

something for the head. But imagine people actively trying to destroy your relationship at the beginning of it. So that was where a relationship started. And to round about answer your whole question, I think to me, my favorite thing about what has changed in our relationship is how you and I have matured alongside each other and that somehow, in a matter of seven years, I feel like we've lived a hundred lifetimes and every time we've gotten through a period of hardship,

you and I have always gotten stronger, more emotionally mature. And I think that it is because

we have this framework really front and center in our marriage of knowing where we default back to, knowing where we can not be great people or be triggering or not be emotionally mature. So it's like we already know these edges where we have to press in and try harder. And I think break also has given us the language to remind the person that and we doesn't feel like a personal attack. So instead of getting kind of stuck circle in the dream, I feel like every year

that we've been together, our relationship has gotten better and grown more. And I obviously work with so many couples and that's usually not the case. Usually what you hear is, you know, everything was great for the first five years and then, right? And I feel like our, I love our personally, I love our relationship so much more this year than I did year one, two, three. It's not even a close call. And we've got kids and businesses and, you know, it's like a clown show,

“but that's what we say. When I'm on calls with people for brain pattern maps,”

it's talking about relationships and now it's actually gotten much stronger as the years have

gone on. And I always explain it as, you know, when you know, you're never going to see I die on

everything, right? If you were the same person, number one, that would be boring. And you probably wouldn't be attracted to each other, right? But when you know that, you know, there's going to be times where there's tension and when, you know, you're parenting and there's all these things

you're going to be able to communicate your way through it, then on the other side,

“that builds, you know, strength, perseverance, right? It's like, no matter what's going to happen,”

it's going to be okay. So when you have that kind of anchoring, what happens is your relationship

just gets stronger and more secure over time. Because exactly like you said, it's never

no one ever gets into a relationship because they don't like the person. It always like starts off, like, you know, the attraction and you, there's so much unknown, but something kind of draws you in. And then over time, just what I've seen with working with clients is that things start to chip away a little bit. And it might be slow at first, right? It might be like, oh, that's kind of annoying. And then over time, they get to this place where it's like, there may be living in the same house,

but they're like roommates that don't even like each other, right? And there's more administrative, especially if there's kids involved. And of course, it never started out that way. But when I

“see that happening, it's these little things that aren't addressed, that depending on, you know,”

the person's brain pattern, maybe they're keeping it in, or they're not communicating it effectively.

And what happens is that gap gets larger and larger. And it's never like a one-off thing.

Sure, if someone like cheats or something like that, of course, that's a deal breaker, but for the majority of the time before someone does something like that, there's like a thousand things that go unaddressed, right? Or they're just not dealt with correctly, or you can't get on the same page. And it's not overly complicated. Once you understand your own system, right? Once you understand your own lens, you're seeing the world through and what your default settings are,

which is, you know, in this podcast, if this is kind of the first episode you're listening to, or you don't know what I'm talking about, saying patterns, or, you know, how you're perceiving reality. It's just what we do and we're able to see that. People have different brain patterns that are essentially crafted and early childhood, and it's how you're experiencing reality and anything that is perceived as a trauma, eventually when you have a repetitive stimulus

of that, you're going to anchor into a belief system to keep yourself safe. Now, unfortunately, that belief system isn't usually accurate because when you're three or four, you know, trauma's very subjective. But that is still operating as an adult, and what I see more often than not is, two people will find each other that have opposite brain patterns. So what will happen is, eventually, that will come like an emotional drug dealers for each other hitting this wound over

and over again, which will cause the divide. But when you're both able to understand your own patterns,

then that never happens. And then like you and I, whenever there's conflict, you can actually

move through it and reset. Right? For me, one of the biggest things that I've learned in our relationship is my brain is so quick to jump into assumptions. Right? And it's wanting to believe you're doing something because of this. Right? And my pattern is more self-directed. It's going to like take whatever's going out, whatever's going on, and kind of direct it towards what that means about me or what that person's thinking about me. Right? And that's false. Most people aren't thinking

about you. Right? People are doing things in their own interest. But it was to take that and weaponize it and cause conflict because my pattern actually wants to seek out conflict. And what that means is when we look at it in a emotional addiction cycle, terms as I have an earlier anger. So that means that it's like, it's trying to, it's more like defensive and in my brain thinks it's doing that to help me. But it actually ends up causing me to get into more conflict internally or externally

and drive me away from, you know, purpose, God, all the things that I actually want in my life, you know, a strong relationship, but by actively building to pull away from assumptions and anchor in more of the possibility of, oh, maybe this wasn't directed towards me, maybe she's doing this because she's thinking about something else or she's in fear of something and going out. I should ask her a question, I know what she's saying. Yeah, maybe I should just ask her a question.

Right, sometimes it's as simple as asking a question about, you know, like, hey, is there anything I can do to help you? You know, I know you do so much like what, what can I do to, you know,

“easier bird in a little bit instead of being like, what's wrong? Something's wrong?”

Which, by the way, is my ultimate love. That's true. Right. So yeah, I guess that's a long round one answer as well, too. But, um, yeah, that's pretty much everything. Can I hit you with a question? Sure. Okay. Here we go. I see clients all the time that struggle with navigating mixed family scenarios where there's,

use your break method skills to navigate blended family dynamics and build strong relationships with

“sevenths, right? Oh, that's a really good question, because I feel like a lot of people,”

especially if they have my pattern would deal with adversity when it comes to stepchildren. And, you know, to begin with, for me, what happens is whenever I go into a new situation and it's like, I'm relatively unknown. It's, it's easy for me, because my brain looks at that as it's safe still. I'm not knowing that well. I'm, so that's like, say, going to a new workout class,

or, you know, a meeting a group of people for the first time, I can, because it's more of a safeguard.

So when there's, like, the novelty to open, the novelty to totally, for a moment. For a moment. And that was, like, how it started when you and I first got together was, like, you know, I built Zev that swing right away, right? And I was, that's core memory. Of course, memories, like a rope swing. And I thought it wasn't, you know, a big deal. But I was, like, easy to be just more naturally myself, right? So when I'm at peace, you know, like, it can be funny. I'm just

relaxed, but whenever I'm, you know, people hate this word triggered. But when you're in your pattern, it's more controlling. It's more like, you know, not as nice. It's, it's going to come off, like, easier to be agitated. And so I started off more in the peace. And then, as time goes on, what happens is my pattern is going to look to find the lowest hanging fruit, right? So it's going to look for, again, we talked about earlier with the conflict. So it's, it's easy for me to look

at someone, like, you know, my steps on and be like, well, you know, he's not your real son, right? This is unfair, right? Like, if it's, if there's any difficulties, there's going to, it's going to want me to push him away or create, like, a separation that I'm not even consciously aware of, right? Just it's going to, like, maybe highlight, like, oh, that's an annoying behavior he does, right? And if you fix it on any five-year-old long enough, you're going to

be able to find something annoying, right? It doesn't take long. Whereas Eve is really, he's such a genuine boy, he's so loving and just overall, like, an exceptional kid, right? But what happened early on is my brain would find ways to tell me that this isn't really what I want or word. This wasn't unfair. I wanted a traditional, you know, like honeymoon phase, start to have kids. And the reality of it is you just need to step into whatever purpose God has for you, right? And

whenever there's resistance, that doesn't make sense, you know, that's, it's not, you're not actually in your purpose. And, you know, what I would call as, like, the enemy is trying to deceive you and do something that you'll regret later on. And what I found was there had been some times earlier on where I would just kind of pull away a little bit from, from Zeven's Rye and it felt like I was like, you know, I don't know what, how it felt. But essentially, it felt like, you know, this,

I just trying to do my own thing or however, whatever goes on in your head, right? It's going to come

“up with the, the reason why you're right, and this is why you should do this thing. But what I found”

was whenever I was in, would intentionally oppose my pattern, right? So if my brain was telling me, hey, you know, it's fine. Just watch movies on the couch with, you know, river and Harley, and Zeven's in his room. But if I would go out of my way to like, go, get Zeven,

okay, come hang out with us. And like, I would have to take the first move, because I'm the adult,

right? And it's like you, it's funny, because you can like resort back to almost like, a child of like, well, he's really not showing me that he loves me, and he's being kind of stand, obviously, well, then I'm not going to go out of my way to, you know, include him in things or try to like build that relationship. But that's just a child's perspective. Well, that's really, that's that self-disceptive pattern. That's a self-disceptive pattern. That's great. So then you've

got to catch it. You like, here it, and you're like, that's not me. Yeah, that's not me. I wouldn't think

“like that. What is that? Right. Like what? And so you have to think of like, what are your goals? Well,”

I want to have the best relationship possible to do that. I have to pour into every one of my children, and just because they're not my biological children actually changes nothing, right? But what people have to understand is depending on what your pattern is. It'll it'll weaponize different situations in your life and cause you to act in a way is directly opposite of what you should be doing. And that's what pattern opposition is. And that's what we do in break method. Right? As we help you

understand currently what's going on and what these areas are that are trying to be weaponized against against you. And you actually have to pour directly into those. And on the other side of that,

it's freedom. Amen. Because when you do that, then, you know, means they have an amazing relationship.

things as a family and then everyone's happier. And it's like, it's just easier in general. But it takes a little bit of work to get there. But once you understand your system, it's not that hard.

“But that's what break really unlocks. And that's why I love working with families more than anyone else.”

Family marriages. Family marriages are like, full on on the brink. Yes. It's my favorite. I mean, not but I like that they're on the brink. But I love being able to help

marriages stay intact even when the whole world is basically told them to get divorced,

which I feel like happens literally every day in break method. Before we switch, I wanted I was thinking about this as you were sharing that. Do you remember when we were living at the Choia house? I don't remember like what made things explode. But it was the first time that you like left. And me, this was before Harley and River. I don't think I was pregnant yet. Okay. I don't know. But it was the first time that you left where like me's ovens prior to like,

did you like leave? Like, is he like gone gone or did you? Because you left Matt. And I don't, I still don't remember what set it off. But do you remember this word that you like started drive to Sedona? Yes. And me's ovens prior. Like, well, and I remember seven driving like, is he gone? I'm like, I don't think you would just like leave forever. But so we started to do

“something else and you were gone for a while. And I think you started to drive towards Sedona or”

something. And then I think God put you in like the word traffic jam ever. If I'm remembering

correctly, so you basically want nowhere for like two hours. Right. And then how to just kind of think

about what was happening. And the point of this story is I feel like this moment really to me, it turned a lot of things around in our family for the good. I don't know if you remember this, but you came home and you came home and remember how you had that big man cave in the back garage area with the big screen TV. Yes. You asked all of us to come out there. You like walked in your like, "Hey, everybody, you made us all stand on a line." You were like really active in your

breakwork at this time. And I feel like this was one of those moments in a relationship where we've had like a couple where I'm like, "This could be it forever." Like it might not work after this. And this moment I feel like was one of those ones that I think catapults didn't really positive direction. I think we got pregnant with Harley shortly after this. But you sat, made me even bad. So he basically, you like stood all of us up and you went to Zav first and

think you went in like age order. But you actually, because we were talking about this and one of the break lectures, we were talking about how when you're a little kid, your perspective is a different, like physically because you're shorter, you're smaller, all those things. And you actually like got down on your knees in front of Zav. And you took ownership of all the things that you did in your like Zav. I did this and I did this and I did this. Like, "Well, you please forgive me."

Literally, like right in front of him and he was like, "Whoa, yeah, but like in front of all us, and then you did the same with Surai, and then you did the same with me." And it still brings tears to my thinking about it because very few men would do that and set that example of even like really honoring the mom and apologizing for all those things and taking ownership in front of the kids. But the fact that you were able to get down to their level and take ownership of everything

that you had done and truly apologize to them with like them above you to mean, and maybe fall in love with you and like just such a deep level because to me, everyone's going to have wobbles. Everyone's going to have moments when they're not living their best life and they're doing things that they would regret. To me, being able to take real ownership and clean it up properly is a way better sign to me that makes me feel safe.

Because I know that like people get in bad moods and people do things that suck. But to me, it's like how able are you to take real ownership and see exactly what you did and not gaslight the other person into thinking that you didn't really do that thing. And that day, I fell really deeply in love

“with you and do you remember that? Yeah, I know that you, I didn't remember how that all played out,”

but now that you articulated it, yeah, I totally do. But it shows you right kind of forgettable with that. I was like, oh, so in the early stages, I wasn't doing my best, but there was moments,

because I was in the break work. Oh, yeah, you, you did great. I just feel like it's always,

there's always a level up. You, with you, not the, I'm just going to say like, we were battling not like it was that bad. But we were also battling, I feel like your age, right? You were young and you were living a young person's life. And then all of a sudden, you had to become like

you were also kind of in the whole, oh, pretty much it's on it, whatever. So it's so interesting.

“But I think God kind of took me through that to experience that, because when I, we first,”

so what happened was, you know, I was a firefighter for a while, and then I, my mum passed away, so I ended up, you know, quitting that to go help my dad, which in hindsight was kind of just an excuse, because I was like, I want to do something else. And that's just part of my brain

pattern as well, too. But it always sounds like, I got to help my dad. And this is like such a

only, only child thing to do. And it's like, it's, you know, it's honorable, you know, the brain will tell you whatever it wants to, to justify your decision. And but it all worked so because I ended up meeting you through going to Arizona with him. And this is your new girlfriend and all that. But, you know, what I was getting at here is I was really open at that time to like exploring new things, right? And then what'll happen is like, the new age can kind of like hold on

to that or like suck you into that, because it's all a front of like, you know, love, right? Everyone, um, it just like, it's a lot of like the perversion of what I know now through Christianity.

And it makes it feel like, you know, why would you control someone through one partner,

right? Everyone loves each other, right? It's like these communities, yeah, like a community can grow a child, like what's better, what's better, one father or ten fathers, right? It's like, I have a ruin you tried to mimic that back to me from a podcast and I was like, are you or are you high right? But I can, but I was in self deception, but when you're in it, you don't see it. Right? So they don't, when someone's going into something like that, they don't think they're getting deceived.

Right? It feels like spiritually uplifted. You're not controlling anyone, right? It's like, don't let your evil try it. Non-duality, man. Non-duality. But then when we go into that relationship,

“and I was like, I remember like the way I was thinking like, it's so different from how I think about”

things now and know like, what is, what is real, right? And what actually develops a good relationship. And I'm not going to go into all the details of everything with it comes like the new age and how that works. But I just, I know now that really it comes to like a core family, like a nuclear family, like everyone has their role to play and there's nothing better than building your family. Right? All the experiences I had through, you know, being single, being a firefighter,

traveling, doing my own thing, how I wanted to do it all the time, right? Really, I had all the freedom in the world. But I was really, I was really empty, right? At the end of the day, I was so empty and there's like these highs and lows, but it's not actual real love. You know, it's not anything that you can honestly reflect back on be like that, that had purpose in it, right? And when you build something with someone, like we have and you have kids, it's like, for me, that is

everything, and a lot of that actually helps you develop your character and become a real man. Right? You can have all these things that people think are real man, like toughness or, you know, used to watch, so you have see a lot. It's like you're the ultimate fighter.

“Sure, those things are great. But what you have to do when you become a parent and how you have to”

be self-sacrificing and put others before yourself, right? Some people naturally do that and it just happened in childhood. Maybe is because, you know, their parents were super volatile and they had no choice but trying to repair things. Okay, that naturally happens. But when it comes to someone like me who, you know, is like well off as a child, only child, right? Spoiled, parents love me so much. That doesn't naturally happen. Right? It's not like it's intentional because it just

was developed when I was a kid. Yeah, they never created a situation where you would have to learn

to self-sacrific it. I wouldn't have to learn to self-sacrific. Exactly. And my mum loved me so much but also through that, there's certain patterns that are developed. And this isn't taking shots at my parents at all. Like, of course, when I love my children so much, like, I want, I got to stop myself from trying to do those same things. Like you want to buy them toys all the time, you want to do this because you just love them so much, right? But unfortunately, what can happen

on the flip side of that is you can be a little bit more selfish, right? And through having kids and then even like jumping into this family like you, it was so difficult at times, but it was exactly what I needed to like break this off and then really become the true version of myself that, you know, God created to walk in this life. And so if anyone is like has step

understand that you have to push into that. You have to take the first step, right? You have

to try to build a relationship, no matter how many times it feels like maybe they reject you or they... Yeah, you're the adult. You do no better. You do no better. And if you really sit with that, you know what's right. At the end of the day, if you really sit with your thoughts and like, is this better or this better? If you thought, well, 10 people were reading both of these statements, you know, what one would people agree with? It's probably the better choice to do.

“And at the end of the day, that's what you need to do. It might not be easy, though.”

We had to have like, it's easier if you know break. Yeah, that's very, very exactly right. On that one, I just want to piggyback, because I remember having this argument with my sister, while my, you know, my sister is like one of my best friends in the whole world now, which is great that I can say that. But I was having this argument with my sister maybe like three years ago, or so. And I think it's really important on specific, broadly, but also specific to this topic

on blended families. I was trying to explain to her how beneficial it would be to a part of her relationship to kind of do X instead of Y, right? And she really wanted to do Y. And I was trying to explain to her, like, hey, if you do X, can you see that this other new outcome could be generated and let that could get you and your partner into a better place for the long term? She's like, yeah, but that's manipulative. That's not really how I feel. Okay, so if there's one take away

“you have from this podcast, I want it to be this. What comes naturally is coming from pattern.”

And often what comes naturally is sadly built to help us continue to fail in the same way that we failed those children, or to experience the same heartbreak or trust break downs. So what I want you to take away from this is what comes naturally, right? What feels authentic is often coming from a much deeper pattern that is completely antagonistic to all of your future hopes goals and dreams. Learning how to oppose these patterns is not manipulative. That is

actually what helps us rewire and become a different improved version of ourselves. If I'm constantly

feeling like the victim and I always want to be mad, that might be natural, right? That might be

the rut that my brain is stuck in, but that doesn't make it objectively true. And if I want to get to a place where I am the victor in my life, I can't keep operating in the old mindset. You have to change something. And this is where a lot of our work centers around pattern opposition. We call out specific things in break method called rebellion zones, where these are the places that you're being called in, right? If Gordon was raised to be able to be a little bit more

self-centered and not self-sacrifice, it's not going to feel natural to go out of your way for a little kid. You're going to be like, I don't want to do that. That seems like work. What if they don't even want to do it? What if I make all this effort and then they're brought the whole time, right? Their brain's going to come up with all these what ifs.

The reality is if he wants the dangling care on the other side, all of those what ifs don't

matter at all, right? Those are just opportunities to like move through resistance to actually build up that skill. And we've talked about it on the podcast before, but a part of the brain is called the interior mid-singular cortex. And this is going to be activated when you're moving

“into and through that resistance. That's what not only builds emotional resilience, but when it fires”

up, it makes you feel a sense of purpose. Which is why when people do what feels natural or authentic, they often end up in this cycle of futility where they're like, what's the purpose of life? And then eventually they end up with suicidal ideation or some sort of other negative coping mechanism. When you learn how to oppose your natural instinct and do what is best for others and instead of just what you feel like in that moment, you actually get into your purpose. Like that

is exactly how you get into God's welfare life. And I just want to say from getting to watch you live your life and come into your purpose for the last seven years, that is probably one of my favorite parts about our relationship is every year, I see you become an even better man and even when I thought that you were like the best man in the whole world, it's just really an honor to get to watch you grow. And just as an example,

it's been really consistent out that you've woken up early, you've read the Bible every single morning by yourself, like you have your quiet Bible prayer time in the morning. And I just want to say, when all of that, it's something has really shifted in our whole house when you do that, because then when everybody wakes up, it's like you've changed the whole atmosphere in our house, you're like happy and giving and patient, everything in the morning. So now it's like you

want to say, like, that's what it is to be a man, right? This whole like tough bravado all like that,

“you know, as much as I think a lot of the narrative on kind of like the toxic masculinity thing”

is a fire. There are some aspects of it that are rooted in truth. And I think being a real man is obviously being a fierce protector, right? But learning how to self-sacrifice and to really lead your household and just want to say it's such a great leader right now and it makes it so easy for me to follow. And I've found especially lately, it's getting me into this new phase of life where I kind of hold a few days out. So I don't know I'm kind of thinking maybe like, I just maybe

I get to chill a little bit now. You deserve it. If anyone deserves to chill, it's you. Almost tired. I want to live my sourdough life. Don't I get to have a sourdough life? You deserve to be taken care of. And this is unnoticed capitalized, but like, my bread's pretty good,

is it? Oh yeah. Anything you do is always good. And as you're speaking, I was like, man,

if you guys have any idea what it's like to live with someone, that's just so intelligent and so the way you can articulate things is it always blows my mind. The way I'm thinking about like trying to describe these things in you, it just comes out like perfectly first draft like no red line, like holy smokes. And you have this ability to like build people up and speak into them. That is like truth. It's not doesn't feel fake and it really like you uplift people. You do that

day in and day out. And it's it's amazing. And I have like, I'm just so blessed to have found you. I know there's there's the one reason I know there's a god is somehow handed up with you. Put it that way. That is grace right there. I'll tell you that. That is also the whole way that thing played out is pretty good. I grew up in a town of 700 in middle of that. I took a Canada. Most Americans don't even know where Manitoba is. It's right in the middle. This town was

almost a hamlet. Like a hundred people less so we're not even considered a town. You get a bonus point for you. You're using the word ham. I know. I was waiting to drop that. But yeah, just that

whole how that was ordained and how that all came to fruition is is absolutely amazing. One thing I was

going to say that in the background mind. So you know a lot of times people will have powerful partners. Like you know you're a powerful force right? And what'll happen with some men is you really you just want to be taken care of right? You want peace. You want a man's man. But what'll happen is sometimes if there's a powerful woman like you raise an entrepreneur right? Very you can talk to anyone. You can like you can just have authority wherever you go.

Some patterns can take that. Like men can take that and they actually get defensive with that. And it brings out the worst qualities in them. And what I've realized is there's been times that is really triggered me and brought out these qualities that I'm not proud of. But that's really weakness. Right? When you're able to step into your authority and not be like I'm talking about myself more not like a dictator and more you know essentially working out of fear,

then you're able to actually soften up. Right? You're able to drop into more of your feminine.

“Right? And that's why I say you're like when you cook things you're doing sourdough,”

you're the best mom, right? No matter what you're able to shift like even this morning where Harley was throwing a bit of a tantrum and I was like oh here we go. This is going to be one of those mornings. You're able to shift and bring her with you to work and spend an extra 15 minutes with her which is exactly what she needed to have that little mummy time. So as busy as you are

you always find time, right? And you're able to adapt and you know give everyone what they need.

And I guess where I'm going with this is if you're in a relationship and it seems like you know your your wife is very successful. And sometimes you can find that that is weaponized against you. If you're able just to walk in your purpose, right? And you guys are able to complement each other, then the polarity can like even out and you can be in your match against you can be in your feminine, even if by world standards, she's more of what you consider to be like an entrepreneur

“like more of a powerful woman, right? I don't think I articulate that completely right?”

You didn't do it at all. But do you know what I'm trying to get at? I think you're articulated and beautiful. Because I've seen that you have been able to really soften up and whenever I'm in like my, this is why I need to do it. This is what the man of the host does. Like it's that actually causes you to hard enough and get the opposite of what I as like you know like as say as like a in a fear state want. Because it puts me into my protective mode

where then I have to kind of I feel like I have to shield the kids from it. Right exactly. But when you're doing all the things that you've been doing, I get to really, I get to chill. You guys I've

irony in my life is that whenever things are going so well and I'm like deeply in God's purpose

for my life and things are great at home. There's always someone that gets activated. It's like,

you know, not to make this conversation overly religious. But it really does seem like whenever I'm like, we're all aligned and we're deeply in our purpose and aligned. There's always something in the spirit that will just like activate some sleeper cell and be like, oh turn on busy now. Yeah. And it happens in waves. It's pretty wild. Right? I never experienced anything like that growing up. I had no idea. But so many people just like attack you. It's like it blows my mind

like because I know I know the real version of you. And I'm with you all the time. There's a at one point we didn't sleep a part for two years. Right? So I was like, I got I've seen all versions of you. Right? And at the end of the day, you really just care about people. Right? You always have your their best interest in mind. And you can get frustrated. But you reset so quickly. And so usually it's

“me being like, you should cut that person off. Right? Like, you shouldn't bring them back into your life.”

If you're like, yeah, okay. And they're like, well, but really I need to work more on my forgiveness because my pattern just wants to like cut people off and essentially protect myself. Right?

Air quotes. But your heart is always in the right place. And you're just you're here to help other

people. And it's just interesting. Right? Because maybe people are listening to this. And they've seen things or heard things. And it's like, when you get to know the real version of someone, you can't truth is truth. And you're always doing this for the right reasons. Thanks, honey. I don't know. I mean, it's a lot. Yeah. I think we're probably out of time. Well, that was good. I think we should do it much more frequently because I have so many

more questions that I'm pumped up about. So I just want to say to anybody watching if you're in a relationship or you've been having relationship struggles, a truly do you brain pattern mapping? You'll meet with Gordon and Gordon will explain to you why

the conflict is happening. And I always explain it's in any relationship, how your brain pattern

functions would be like, it deciding that I speak Russian and you speak Chinese. So in any given situation, I'm going to be like, you know, seeing it from my perspective and he's going to see it from his perspective and we won't be able to bridge that gap. What brain pattern mapping

“does is it, it's like a translator. So it gives you like, oh, this is how you have to translate into”

Chinese and this is how you have translate into Russian. And then all of a sudden, you realize these issues that you're having are really not actually objectively occurring at all. And you're able to just speed through them and repair it really quickly. And they're not that complicated. No, it's actually so simple. That's it's like the most simplistic thing, but almost impossible to see when you're in a self-disception. And it's not because you don't want to. It's a protective mechanism that the

brain's developed and time and time again when I see people start to push into this. It's not like it's rocket science or you know, you have to learn all these crazy things or relive trauma. It's just it's simplicity with action and it is accuracy with language and timing. And when that is all done in synchronicity, things can shift like rapidly and days. It's instantly. Yeah. So if you're in a relationship and things are going great, you should do it. If your in a relationship and things

“are not going great, you should also do it. If you are in a family and you've got family dynamics”

that are popping off, you should do it with all your kids. A lot of times we're working with whole families where there's you know toddler, she's that after you cleaned up, teenagers, she's that after you cleaned up, mom and dad are not on the same page with how they're deciding to consequence or discipline. These are all things, all things function and systems and break basically helps decode whatever the system is to get everything cleaned up as quickly as possible.

So that link will be in the show notes. You can also go to predictivemind.io all the sessions typically end up with Gord. So you'll get to know Gord on those sessions. I love to meet you. And we're going to keep doing this at least once a month. So if you also have questions that you want to ask us about our relationship too, you can drop those in the rewire room. So if you don't know we do have a free community called the rewire room, you can go to stand.store/busy

gold and just click on rewire room. It's a completely free community. And you can drop all of your questions in there and I'll make sure that Gord is added there as well. And I just I love you. I love you too, enough with the ox. No. This is amazing. I love you. I love you guys too. We'll see you soon. See ya. Bye. Your brain isn't broken. It's running an old code. Break method is a system that maps your

neurological patterns, decodes your emotional distortions, and rewire your behavior fast.

weeks or less. Head to break method.com and see what your brain is really up to.