Anonymous Says… | WWDD/Heauxmetown Heroes w/ Katie Maloney & Dayna Kathan

The question is how are you?

My goodness, it feels like I clung to the bumper of a garbage truck and got dragged here, but we are here. We are thriving. I'm happy to see you. Happy to see you too.

You look so cute today. Really? Show them your shoes. Oh, my shoes. Oh, my shoes.

She has these really cute. They're like Doc Martin's, slide on with flames. Yeah. I feel like Guy Fieri. Yeah.

“They're giving flavor tone, but in the best way.”

Yeah. They're driving and dives over here, but everything's good. Good. Things are great. Good.

I had life experiences last night, and yesterday, you were like, you went on a journey yesterday. Did you want to talk about? I don't know. We don't have to talk about it.

Yeah. Oh, we can talk about it. I mean, I made choices and made. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions, welcome to disrespectfully with Katie Maloney and Dana Kathan on the apologetically.

We're here to do what we want to do. Feeling the tea, babe, you're going to see the power of women, like disrespectfully. I do love those journey type days where you're like, it just went to have lunch. Or I just went for a happy hour. And then I say, I know it's 2am, and I'm pouring myself in there.

And I'm leaving a strip club. I'm like, I, in Rolly, went and got lunch. And then we were like, let's go bowling, because we do love to bowl. And I will say, her and I weren't fire. We were busy.

I've ever bold. We were happy. Great time. Lucy Goosey. We made friends with Bartender there.

And then we went to hang out at her house, and I was planning on just staying for a bit and then going home. And then that kind of went on and on, and then our friends were out, and we were like, sure. Why not?

We'd been drinking heavily. This whole, that's what's missing here. And then we were out at a bar in Silver Lake. And then we decided to go to Jumbo's Cloner Room, which is an institution in L.A. I hope you've been, if you haven't used to go.

We've been there together.

We've never been there together.

We've been there together. And it's such a fun strip club experience. It's definitely different. Well, they don't strip all the way. They're just third, scansly clad, scansly clad, but full of moxie.

And great song choices when I walked in, nine inch nails was playing. And I was like, oh, I'm home. Whenever I've gone, I've always like, I make friends with the gals dancing. Because it's one of those places, you know? And there's usually just like creeps and they'll just sit there and lurk and not tip.

And so they do not fuck with them. But then when we walk in and we got a stack of bills and down to clown and have a good time. Down to clown. Yeah.

Tip your dancers' folks. We also, well, and we got lucky, we got three seats right there. And so yeah, we were like, the second you no longer have cash in here and you need to get up and either go get more cash or, you know, admire from afar. But luckily shout out to our friend Pat, who was more than happy to just keep giving

us cash. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, watching your story back this morning and like going on the journey with you was like, okay, the lunch.

“And I think there maybe there was some bowling on there that I see the dog, so I'm”

okay, they went to Rawli's and then I see like a photo with pictures like, I'm crying and then I see jambles. I was like, okay, what kind of form will she be in this morning? You know what? I was responsible.

I left jambles at 145. I didn't stay close. I didn't close now. No. So I got home at about two.

Yeah, it was just honestly, sometimes you get those wild hair moments and it really doesn't happen a lot for me anymore, but when it does, it's like that was so fun and stupid. I know I haven't had those moments and in a many, a year, I remember having those types of moments and ended up in Vegas. Yeah.

That was an incredible, I mean, tell us about one.

Oh, just like one of those times to get off work from working at one of my restaurant jobs, you know, it's 10. I'm like, if we get, if we leave now, we could be in Vegas by like 1230. You're driving. I mean, or like one, you know what I mean?

And so you do it. You're like, let's go. You have that one friend that's down for anything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that definitely happened.

Yeah. What time? Or just an on a whim, too. Just like two go to Vegas today. Yeah.

I mean, I, I've been having a Vegas itch. I'm like kind of craving Vegas. Are you? Yeah. I feel like you brought it up a couple of times recently, so.

Yeah. Should we go right now? Yeah. This podcast is done. We're leaving.

Cassie, I'm sorry. Bye. Cassie, come with us. Yeah. Okay.

I, um, probably need to have a hard night of the soul and have a, have a glass of camiability, a little mug of it when I get home and meditate. But yeah, we'll take it soon. Okay. Let's go.

And we need that. Um, anyway. Do you any else to share with the class, what did you, what did you do last night? Nothing.

I watched my programs. We watched that 56 days with two really hot people.

“I don't remember the guy's name and dove Cameron anything to his name, she was like a Disney”

kid. But it was like a bit of a thriller, a psychological thriller, a sort, you know, there's a murder like a who done it, who got killed kind of thing. Um, and it was at times like the writing was like super corny, but it was still pretty satisfying.

I had like a nice payoff.

A movie or show. It's a show on prime. Okay.

“Basically my life consists of like watching TV these days.”

Yeah. Well, just because I know that coming up in the next few months, things are just going to start to get crazy. So I'm sort of enjoying just being at home. I'm just craving, just like watching TV on the couch and watch the pit.

One of the things I'm passionate about, you know what, you're right, I now get to go home and enjoy the pit and love story. Oh. I'm not caught up yet. Really loving love story.

Did you see Jack Sloshberg talking about? I did. I did. Let's talk about that real quick. So he hates it.

Yeah. So he is JFK Junior's nephew and he had some pretty strong words to Ryan Murphy and he

was basically like, if you like to watch a show about my family by someone who is never

met a single one of us, definitely go to Ryan Murphy. He basically was just like, it's, it's a celacious doing its job making money off, you know, an inflated version of whatever this is. But it doesn't offer real context and whatever. Yeah.

He's not into it. And he was like, I think he should take some of the money he's making. From the show and he putting it toward the, which I don't disagree with, but I, I don't agree with like, people can't take any kind of creative liberty when they're telling a story. I mean, these are some, hugely famous people like for them to not, for people that people

have always been curious.

“That's why there's been how many books written about them.”

Right. And they did find out that the, the, the source is used to tell the story where people that wrote books. And again, and they, and they, those are people that spoke to the people that were closest to them.

And who knows.

But like, I'm enjoying it and I'm going to continue enjoying it.

Oh, I love it. I couldn't love it more if I tried. And you know, I love me some Jack Schlossberg. But yeah, I was just like, I understand, you're entitled to fill that way. And as let's just say, I love him sometimes he says some things, I'm like, oh, I don't

know about that. Yeah. So well, it's a really good show. It's a really good show. The music is really good.

And I take it with a grain of salt like, I don't know, like, it's just enjoying it. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just loving myself to be entertained. I'm going to. I'm going to tune in. Yeah.

And there's been a show that has captivated me enough to stay off my phone. So I feel good about this. And especially watch traders, I just don't know if I could get into it.

I know, but it's so good.

Everyone loves it. Love as blind was a dumpster fire just, I watched it just because I had to finish it. You know what I mean? But like, God damn. Like, how would you, how would you look pretty good, though?

How would you rank this season as far as comparatively to the other ones you've watched? This is like minus the Minnesota one where everyone was just like milk toast. This isn't probably one of the worst. I just, it's just, again, I understand the entertainment value of having messy people. But this show, I've said it before, I'm not saying it again.

The format is to meet someone sight unseen, getting gauge, fall in love, and get married in 21 days. Is that possible? No, I don't think, you know, whatever, but that is the experiment of the show. And I think they're just specifically choosing people and following storylines that just

they just know, aren't that? And it went from being like, okay, well, when you watch the weddings, like, are they going to say, I do, I really think they are and being shocked when they say no. And now moving to being shocked when they say yes. And I just, I don't, I don't know, watch, if I want to watch people frighten eyes and

be messy, you know, there's love island and I, I'll eat that shit up because the point of that is to just like, when money and it's a popularity contest is not to fall in love.

“You know, it's called, but, you know, that's how they're treating it like a love island”

show and not like people who want to get married. I feel like this is the most feedback I've seen online about a season besides the milk when Milwaukee. What are people having that same feeling about it? Yeah.

I think they do need to try a city on one of the coast. That's a bit away. Where, what, sorry, where was this one? Ohio. Authorities says that Ohio is for lovers, so other than that, I'm not so sure.

Anyways, but yeah, I'm glad so, but I will watch the reunion because it looks spicy. And I just like when people, I don't know, make themselves look like fools. Yeah. What's the point of watching that, Joe, if not. So, most of you not, summer house is great, enjoying that, and, yeah, that's my life.

I'm going to Disneyland this weekend. I'm really excited. Incredible. Just unique. No, Instos, he and Bo in the kids.

It's going to have a fun little Disney day, but Nick and I are going to stay at Grand California. Oh, yeah. And then we're going to go to the park again on Sunday. I was going to say, I mean, that's, we've talked about that, like, I am so jealous of

people that are staying on property, and then can just, at their leisure, come in and out of the park. Like, we're not all staying there, so we'll do a full park day, but, you know, the next morning, we'll just, like, go and, like, have breakfast and toys around, but, like, not say that, but it might be a little too much.

Anyway. Anyway. So, that's what's going on with us.

We sure hope you are. Hey. I'm telling good stories going here. Well, speaking of stories, some people wrote in, some, some hometown heroes. We do have your stories to read.

Should we jump in to home dinner? Yeah, let's see it. Katie says, hello, Dana and Katie, I've been a fan of Vanderpump rules since season 1 episode 1. Love you both, and your take-not-shit attitudes.

On your Friday episode, you mentioned you were watching the American print show. Hey! Hello. JFK Jr and Carolyn Bassette, listening to you talk about it, I knew I had to write in.

When I was in my early 20s, my family booked a trip to the East Coast for a vacation. We were so excited to explore Massachusetts as we had come from a fly over country. The day before we left, the plane JFK Jr was flying crashed off the coast of Martha's Vineyard, where we booked a stay for the week. We ended up going anyway and had a pretty fun time, even though the island was wall-to-wall

media and cranky locals. We just rented a car and did our own thing hitting flea markets, cemeteries, jobs, filming sites, being on the island during this time was surreal. I have many stories, I'll stick to just this one. The night before we left the island, we decided to hit up a local restaurant for some

fresh seafood.

Being in New England, I ordered my first lobster.

It arrived looking beautiful and exactly as I thought, except that the little guy's head was sitting in a cup off to the side of my plate as a terrible decoration. I don't like to make eye contact in my food regardless, I turned his little head away and dug it. I can just imagine like twist it on the couch.

Absolutely. It was delicious and very succulent. My dad kept giggling and I asked him what was so funny. He said that at the flea market that we visited earlier, he heard the local saying that they wouldn't be eating any shellfish for a few weeks because of the plane crash.

My puzzled look, he explained that shellfish eats dead things. The waiter walked up at the very moment to ask how things were. Just as big tears began running down my face and I choked, "I hate to have Kate Jr. The poor waiter didn't know what to do. My brother and father were laughing as if it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.

My mom was trying to console me and we'll try not to laugh as I blubbered into my plate. Did I really eat him or Carol and her sister? The odds are better than I want them to be, but I haven't eaten lobster since." Stay sharp ladies, don't look your food in the eye and if there's been a major nautical accident in the area, don't eat shellfish for a bit, respectfully patty your Katie.

Look, yeah shellfish are the filters of, you know, you see.

“They are and it's why are you so delicious, you're scary looking?”

You little fucking, basically, sea louse.

I'm like, "Lopsters, so good. Why are you so good?" I also don't like looking my food in the eye and I also don't like it to come on my plate in its form. No, I don't want to be able to recognize what it was.

No, we had that happen a lot in Barcelona. Do you remember they're just all the, just shrimp looking right at, yes. And I'm, I balls, all the plates. Well, and then also just from a logistics perspective, I know that they say if you leave the tail on the shrimp that it increases the flavor, please take the fucking tail off for

me because then I have to do that. Especially if you're serving it in a pasta or a salad. Yeah. One thing is a cocktail and I'm just going to bite down, but like, why, why you got the tails on that?

No, that's specifically what I mean. I'm like, 'cause then I don't want to use my hands, so I have to am missing out on meat. Just the whole thing.

I will never forget you cracking.

“Was it crab wings or what were you doing when we were in the Hampton?”

Is it crab? And I cut myself on it because I was really hungry. Dana was, I never seen her, it was, it was primal, it was insane. I was starving and have been a long day and there was, I think it was a stone crab claw and I couldn't find a tool or something and I just was like trying to get into

it like a raccoon and I seriously injured myself. Dude, that was crazy. I think about it often. Yeah, that was a wild hair trip, I would say. Anywho, I was really worried about infection due to the crab claw, but it worked out

we found a band-aid. I'm still here. And now, thank you for sharing this story, he went up to fear and I'm not going to appeal to it. Unremember that.

Uh-huh. Audrey says, "Hi, ladies, long time VPR fan wanted to trauma dump and share some unfortunate story with my bestest and closest friends. You guys. Buckle up, there's a lot going on here."

I did demand for five and a half years. We broke up in April 2024 because one, he sucks and two, I figured out I'm a lesbian and now engaged to my beautiful fiance. That's plenty of reason. Exactly one year before we broke up, so April 2023, my ex and I decided to adopt a dog.

“We've been wanting one for a while, and I think part of us knew our relationship was in”

the shambles, so we decided to put our energy towards a dog. I do recommend this, but you live in your learn. His name was Clifford, and yes, he was a big red dog. Specifically, he was a 50-pound, 100% American-pip-bolt terrier. He was my entire world.

For some background context, Clifford had a history of abuse and neglect and was almost euthanized before wonderful women swooped in at the last second to foster him. Unfortunately, that's situation didn't last long because Clifford had some one-sided beef with her husband, so they ultimately had to surrender him back to the shelter.

was unkept and treated him poorly.

“My ex and I adopted him at the perfect time.”

When we made sure to give him all the love and attention, he so desperately needed and wanted, because he was passed around a various shelters and vet clinics he developed a positive reputation around town and everybody was invested in his journey. He was truly a special boy, and he made that with every inch of my being. In September 2023, my family and I were at the beach with Clifford when he suddenly became

extremely ill. It was our last day there, so we were headed back to the Appalachian Mountains and stopped at a North Carolina state, veterinary hospital, since it was on the way home, and it's also one of the top veterinary schools in the country. We knew they'd figure out what was wrong, long story short Clifford ended up being admitted

to their hospital for 11 days undergoing hemogialysis treatment and recovering from his acute kidney injury. He developed a rare condition, which is only common among foxes in Europe, which is crazy. When I say he's special, I mean that in more ways than one. After almost two weeks of straight trauma and $20,000 later, Clifford returned home in

my ex and I became nurses feeding him through a feeding tube and ministering over 10 medications per day.

“Clifford rebounded super well, and was able to live a successful two years and five months”

post-hospitalization. Even with chronic kidney disease, after my ex-nice split up in April 2024, he got majority custody of Clifford because my fiancee has a cat who Clifford would knock it along with. And I needed to take a healthy step back from Clifford, this feels so familiar. When I say he was my entire world, I mean that in both a sweet and unhealthy way.

I lost my social life and my anxiety increased so much I couldn't leave Clifford at home alone without feeling guilty. My ex was also struggling and I thought it would be cruel to take the one thing keeping him afloat at the time. Sounds crazy, but it's true.

The main reason I let go of him was because I knew it was best for Clifford, and that is what's kept to me asleep at night, any whom I actually navigated co-parenting the best I could. Clifford would say with me on weekends, and although my ex-nice weren't fond of each other I made sure to have a copacetic relationship for Clifford's sake.

After I got engaged in August 25, I stopped reaching out to my ex's often about seeing Clifford because I knew he was probably wasn't taking the news well. Well, in December I got a call from my ex that Clifford's kidney levels were bad again, and he was likely going to pass away soon. I was visiting my in-laws and couldn't leave, but those two weeks, I was away for the holidays

repair torture. Luckily Clifford beat the odds and was stabilized so I saw him frequently throughout January and even stayed at my ex's house while he was gone to watch Clifford a few times. On February 16th my ex called me at 7.30 a.m. and asked me to meet him at the bed office. We put him down that morning, and it was single-handedly the hardest thing I've ever

done gone through in my life. Every vet had came in to say goodbye, and the vet postponed her surgeries that morning to be there for us. He meant as much to the vet office as he meant us, and I'm so thankful for the kindness. Clifford was my soul dog, and more than a pet, he was a physical representation of just

how resilient animals can be, and still have a smile on their face that's going to meet me for. Clifford had every reason to be an asshole, but he was a total opposite. My ex and I feel at peace knowing Clifford isn't suffering anymore, but we also miss him so deeply.

The grief will never go away, but it has been getting easier as time goes on.

I apologize for the length of this mission. The grief has been real hard, part of me wanted to reflect on my time at Clifford as a coping strategy. I've attached some photos of Clifford for your viewing pleasure, including one at the hospital. Thank you for being amazing pet owners, give your baby some extra love for me.

He'll have you by. Oh, so be hard. Thanks for sending in photos. I love when people tell pet stories and send us photos. Yeah, I can't.

What is we, boy? Yeah, no, this is so relatable, especially when you share animals with an ex and trying to go parent. I had to do this similar thing with the boys, because like, Gordo's a senior dog now. He's getting up there and, you know, them going back and forth with us and also our schedules

and lives are so different and Tom, like, those stalks are his world.

They're my world as well, but like, there's always the one person that's heavily

heavily attached. And I knew that he just cared for them in a way that like, I couldn't match or even measure up to.

“So yeah, you have to kind of concede to those things sometimes, it's really hard, but it's”

just like, especially seeing Gordo Gordo has had, I think, a cancerous tumor in his thigh. But I just know that, like, his time is probably limited, so I'm wanting to see him as much as possible. And I think about portal butterfly, never has a clue of anything that's happening. He has a smooth brain, he has a very smooth brain.

It's the size of a peanut. He has a very, very big heart. You're tired. But anyway. Also, I'm sorry, you went through that putting down an animal is so traumatic.

Like, I mean, I guess that you should just assume that, but like, once you actually experience it, it's, yeah, it's so hard. So sending love to you and thanks for letting us know about Sweet Clifford.

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or a story for your reading pleasure." When finally morning, I was on my way to the airport. I want to say the location as it could be on some sort of FBI wanted list based on what

As I was pulling into the parking garage, I felt a familiar urge that every IBS-girlie knows well.

“I had a few minutes top to locate a bathroom.”

Literally, PTSD from running around a train station in Japan and being like something terrible is about to happen, horrible. Unfortunately for me, the airport parking garage was huge, and I was not able to make it inside of the airport in time to find a place to go. I quickly pulled into a parking spot, looked through the back seat, and found a small

cardboard box. I jumped in the back of my car, tore my pants down, and did my business in the box. Feeling proud of myself for keeping my clothes perfectly clean, I debated on what to do with the first package. I couldn't leave it sitting in my hot car while I was gone traveling that week, and

there was not a garbage can in sight. So as I was pulling my luggage out of the car, I'd literally put the box in the ground and slid it in the corner. I spent the whole week paranoid that some security camera caught me leaving my suspicious package behind.

And I figured I'd be going straight to jail, owner, turn, I haven't been arrested yet. So hopefully I'm in the clear setting so much love to my fellow Tommy Trublers disrespectly in fact, I see it's me, I'm de-avert this in just kidding. Would you ever sit in a box? If I had to?

Have you? I have it, but there's, I have to protect the innocent, but I was with someone else who also has a series of Tommy's shoes that was taking a while on the throne, and I deeply considered for a few minutes going in the living box. So I was like, this is such an idea, I didn't end up going to that, and I was like, okay,

and I also want to let you guys know, because we were talking about speaking of your IBS

“person, you should be looking into low-faud map diet too.”

Unfortunately, I've never felt better.

I'm on day four, and I actually didn't realize how my baseline is just bad all the time. I just don't notice it, it's like when Trump wasn't in office, and then we just didn't hear about the government, that's what's happening in my gut. So unfortunately, this is just my life now. The way you feel about the low-faud map is the way I feel about alcohol, because it's just

like, it feels like now any amount of alcohol, I feel like trash, then I say, like, I'm admitting and recognizing that that is the problem in my life, am I going to stop, no, but do I drink a whole lot less? Well, I also think that, well, it also anyone with any type of gut, you shouldn't be drinking alcohol, it's, it fucks your gut up, it fucks everyone's up, but particularly if you're

more prone to that. But we also have to live a little, but yeah, I'm just like, oh no, I just have to eat this way. Going forward, but it feels good to feel good. Can you have Mexican food?

Yeah, there's just different elements of things that you have to eliminate. You can, you can, like, find things at places, but you just have to be conscious of it. Man, I had, I went to our favorite place this day, and I got a burrito, and it was so good, and it was also the size of my arm.

“As it should be, they brought it out, and I was just like, oh, got bigger.”

That's in my fridge at home. I'm dreaming about heating it up. I'm so hungry, so I'm definitely going to go do something after this thing you put. We should get back to ordering. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I know what I'm just saying. Hi there. First, love the pod, and you both.

I've got a hometown here, a story from the mid-90s, that still feels completely unreal. One night, a girlfriend comes home, absolutely buzzing, and announcing she just met a roadie for Ziggy Marley. His band was in town for a show, and apparently they had one specific problem. They needed weed, and they needed it fast.

I'm very, very.

Naturally, I knew exactly who to call my brother, always stopped, always reliable.

I told him it was an emergency, and technically it was, and he came through, like, a champion. So we go from tonight, hop in the car, and head to the holiday in. As we get closer, it's like something out of a movie. Rotis, with full on dreadlocks posted on nearly every corner with the no three block radius. Clearly, on lookout to a duty.

We pulled up, make the hand off, and they immediately invited us to come up stairs and light up. Next thing I know, we're in a hotel room, getting absolutely ripped. While Ziggy Marley himself is sitting on a bed casually playing guitar. He didn't smoke, he didn't really hang out with us.

He just sat there, viving, and playing live music while we all lost our minds trying to act normal. To this day, I can't think of a better soundtrack for a moment. I never ever expected to experience, and it definitely never planned. Thanks for letting me relive one of the weirdest and coolest nights in my life, anonymous.

Yeah, that's fucking awesome. See, I love shit like that, like the randomness of it all. The randomness, and just like being like, what I woke up this morning, I could not have predicted that this is where I'd end up. I've had so many of those kind of pinched me moments, and I'm really grateful.

Yeah. Oh, that's such a good one. Good for you. I would be, I would not be anonymous telling the story. I would be, it would be my whole personality. It would be my dream.

It would be the cover lover letter of my resume. Absolutely. Got high. We'll watching Ziggy Marley. It shows your resourceful trustworthy problems, all their problems, solution oriented.

Exactly. Thank you. And fun. Yeah. Which is important.

And always up for a good time.

And anonymous says, Katie and Dana, just like everyone else includes, day one listener,

I started and binge Vanderpump rules when I was home in maternity leave.

“So now my three-year-old also knows that theme song.”

Sure, that's going to be a well adjusted child, just kidding.

Writing and finally, because I have been intending to do so since you started reading

other stories about hometown heroes. When I was around 25, Yikes, like 12 years ago, I was living in Missouri and visiting a friend back home in Michigan. At the time, I was single as hell. My best friend was also on a break from her long-term boyfriend, so we were living.

She was hooking up with my male best friend on the deal, even though he was living with his mommy and daddy at the time. Anywho, the guy she was hooking up with had this friend that had expressed some pretty heavy interest in me. Did I have any interest?

Nope. Not a bit. He was nice, but he didn't do it for me. We were all out of the casino, and it was getting time to leave. My friend told me she really wanted to hook up with the guy that night, and the guys had

written together. In order for her to get what she wanted, we had to split up. So I'm mustard up some fake flirting and convinced the friend to take me home, although I knew 100% he was not going to get in there with me. Instead, what did I do?

“I go down on him for a bit in the car, and then tell him I'm ready for him to drive”

me home now. My acts of service was solely my best friend, and evidently, it left this man's mind blown. For years after, the man would randomly message me that he thought about me and how that was the best night of his life.

Friend, it was literally just a little fun in the car. My friend and I still laugh at my dedication to getting my friend whatever she wants in her life, and my willingness to sacrifice for her. Let her pathetic and literally fall in love with her penises. Thanks for reading my ramlings, love you both, exo, exo, and dedicated soldier.

Yes, we are currently married to high quality men, our trash behavior doesn't define us. No, it doesn't, but you are a real one for that. That's so funny. Have you done that for a friend before? You know, I can't think of it off the top, but I mean, I've done all kinds of weird

shit, so I would assume, wouldn't you think? Have you? Oh, for sure. I mean, at the top of my head, but no, but I recognize that the feeling. Yeah, I resonated with this in some part of me.

The dedication. It's, yeah, it's there. It's there. It's there. Holly says, hi, Katie and Dina, former Bella Rina here to give you the inside scoop, revisiting

it topic. Three things first. One, I love that you guys have been talking about ballet recently.

“It's such a beautiful art forum, and I think it gets sort of invisible because it's”

people don't understand it. And when it's talked about the focus, can we on these wildly exaggerated stories about how vicious and awful Bella Rina's are? So I love you guys talking about it positively. Two, thank you so much for not calling them toe shoes.

So many people do, and it's honestly a nightmare. I would literally scream when someone said toe shoes run away. I don't think I've ever heard someone call them. I have an eye there, but like, thank god. And three, every ballet dancer loves center stage.

It's a perfect movie, and I love the you guys love it, too. I love it. I love it. It's like, it's like when all the doctors are in medical workers are approving of the pit.

I don't feel like I have to ignore it, like I do with love story, but whatever. Okay, answer some questions you asked.

First, prima ballerina's don't really exist anymore.

It's an old term from the mid 20th century that basically meant the main ballet dancer at a given company who danced all the lead roles. That doesn't happen in the same way anymore, at least not in the U.S. Companies, larger ones nowadays, generally have three layers. The corpse did ballet, that is pronounced that weird.

Yeah, I don't know what it came out about. I don't know what it came out about. Or the youngest newest, police experience, soloists who tend to have a more opportunity for lead roles, but still sometimes dance in the corpse, and then principles, which is like the closest to prima.

They dance leads and often have central roles in more contemporary ballet. They can also often be apprentices who are young dancers, making the bridge between school and professional dancing. As for points shoes, sometimes even 15 hours is generous. It really depends on the dancer's feet and what they're doing.

Typically a pair of points shoes is good for like one to three shows depending on the dancer's preferences. There has been some attempts to innovation to create points shoes that aren't made of paste and fall apart, but there's a lot of tradition baked into ballet so it can be hard to sell.

Gainer Minden was sort of the first to do this and they created shoes that could last

months, but people were really hesitant about them, and often dancers who wore them would be told they're cheating and that the shoe was doing the work for them. Wow. We got some real purest stuff here. A little bit of a stretch.

Also the way I feel about ballet dancers replacing their point shoes is how I feel about me replacing my converse. They last you one to three shows a little while. I stretch it out. I stretch it to like and feel the balls of my feet almost on the ground.

But you know what, but it's like you just, would you have a shoe out there that you consistently do? I thought I was the one out all night at Gembo's Rio Gembo's do, I just didn't feel that wrong. It's like in the process of the wrongs the level.

But I've just seen, but there's only one shoe that I repeat or replace, replenish, and

Anyway, it makes sense. I digress.

“As for dancers, as for how dancers get shoes, most companies pay for or are given allowance”

for point shoes. The company like the New York City, the New York City ballet folks can't be renamed it. The New York City ballet literally has a giant storage area where dancers can go grab them.

Also, most professional dancers basically have custom made shoes or they use a specific

maker who creates shoes they like. Dancers are very picky about their point shoes. Most companies have a contract with the brand "Freedom London" and all the shows are handmade. Oh, that's interesting.

There's literally so much I could say, but I wrote a novel here so I can come back later with more. Belly is so important to serve as a bigger spotlight than it gets. dancers are some of the hardest working people out there, and they do not get paid enough or get the support they deserve.

Thanks for talking about this. Love you guys. All this. I love so much when you all out there teach us things like if you really talk about any topics and you are very well informed on it, please write in.

Especially things that are so specific that you would only really know about if you were deeply interested in it, like ballet, like it's not something that you can't just be like a novice and like know that much. Well, from my ballet shoe following that I've been doing all of it in internet, I will say I've seen some of these newer shoes that have also, I think it's just not in terms

of longevity, but it's better for the dancers' feet, but yeah, it just seems like it's people are like, like the shoes doing the work for you. How dare you not sacrifice your feet and your toes and get 50 bunions. Yeah.

“You need to have the surgery, like I had to have the surgery again.”

Have you seen the cover of saw one that foot? That's how I wanted to look. Okay. So now in my incredibly fragile condition, let's give people advice. Yes.

Should you do some dubstep specifically? Yes. Specifically. Let's do some dubstep.dd. And on to my says, hey, pretty bitis, huge Vanderpump rules fan here and love you both

in your friendship. Dana you're so quick and real, wish we had more screen time with you on Vanderpump rules because your facial expressions when confronting bullshit were on point. Katie, you are a true queen and it is such a joy watching you come in your own and choose yourself.

Thank you both for making me feel like I'm having a kiki with my friends. Here's my dilemma. I'm 33 and I'm married to my partner of nine years last year. My wedding/bachelorette party was so much fun, but I was a little disappointed in my girlfriend's.

I'm a newer member of a very tight knit crew who always puts on partying, drug consumption

at the forefront and most of our time together. My bachelor party felt more like any other girls trip, mass with psychedelics, which is exactly what I didn't want to see. I understand the fun in them, but I feel like I'm having a hard time connecting with my girlfriend's when we're on a different plane.

My wedding was the same. They bailed on coming to hang out the night before and no one really came to get ready with me in the morning of the wedding. I understand we're all older and have different priorities, but lately it feels like I'm getting a second to your friend and they would all rather party than spend equal quality

time together. This year, one of the girls in the group is getting married and I'm having a hard time wanting to spend time, slash money on flights, hotels, party favors for her bachelor at party. This one girl and I are not very close where it definitely feels like a watering a dead

plant situation should I bail in the bachelorette and protect my piece or just suck it up and have fun and move on. Thank you ladies. Keep running the world. I am very, I mean, as a year 33, I'm very protect your piece, do what serves you, don't

do what doesn't. I think that you also have to be aware that there could be implications of that of the friendship changing or possibly falling apart. But in general, it sounds like you have different wants and needs than this group of friends so you should be seeking other friends that are maybe more aligned with you.

Like you said, it's like fine if they want a party and it's totally fine if you don't want to and also like that sucks that it was your bachelorette party and they, I feel like it typically, you follow the bridesly about what she wants from her experience to be. So I think that's kind of a bummer and yeah, I don't, I don't play about that watering

dead plants if let it go, babe. Yeah, I think as you get older, you learn that like, you just say no to things. And yeah, there will be implications like you said, maybe the friendship change, but like, what is it going to change too? It already seems like it's not really that deep or genuine as it is, not to say that you

don't like those people. But like, it is a massive expense and time commitment to just spend on somebody's bachelorette party that if you already know you're not aligned with these people in terms of how you like to spend your time, why would you waste it?

“And I'll just say that like that this moment in time in her life is not important to you”

or you think is a waste of time, but it's just, I mean, the truth is, it's that you just enjoy

spending your time differently. And you should start to spend it with people that you're aligned with and maybe save these type of friendships for when you are feeling a little more frisky, you know, I'm

Yeah. Because yeah, it can be difficult when you're hanging out with people who typically want

“to go all night or do drugs and I think, you know, there's just a place for all that.”

Obviously, obviously, but you know, if you don't want to spend your money in time doing that, then don't do it. Yeah. And I wouldn't feel guilty about it. I wouldn't either.

And I mean, it's not necessarily, you're going to call or be like, you druggy bitch. No. That's not how the call. No, it just shouldn't. And you shouldn't make, you shouldn't, like, yeah, and that's not what we think you're

going to do. But yeah, just keep it cute, protect your piece. And I have friends, I mean, I know you do too, we have like your core people that are your family people. And then it's like, friends, it's like, I see you when I'm out.

If we have a good idea, but you're not necessarily who I'm going to really connect. So let the, let it be that. And I don't think she'll think too deeply on it. If you're just like, hey, I'm just going to watch the money right now.

“So I think I'm going to hang back, I should probably be like, okay, yeah.”

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First, Pleasantries, Katie, I've always had your corner, some of the VPR moments, and the

And Dana, we didn't get nearly enough of you on screen, but I'm so glad I get to see more of your beautiful face now.

“You're both badass outspoken women living your truth, and I adore you.”

So my dubbed-of-dede, I've been with my husband for eight years. The kind men, and he can be in a human can really be very sweet, but he also drinks quite a lot. Last year he stopped for about three months, then broke his sobriety with just a drink with a friend, didn't tell me since then the drinking has slowly crept back in.

Last weekend he got pretty drunk on the Friday night. I had been up since 3.30 a.m. for work, like I home around 4 p.m. and he was already at the pub. He didn't get home until about 13 a.m. and I hadn't heard from him. He just made me feel a bit unseen.

When we first got together, I drank two, but now I'm in mid 40s and barely drink it all.

So we're just in very different places with it. He also has two kids. One isn't biologically his as ex-wife was sleeping with multiple people, and he found out a few weeks after the baby's born, but that the child wasn't his. The kids only found out about the parent-age last year, so understandably there have been

a lot more questions and emotions coming up. I think it's been really hard on him. Where a struggle is the mental load. We split the bills, and basically the project manager of the house. I literally have a sheet on the wall telling him what to pay for and when.

I'm also reminding him about things like buying food for the kids. For example, they stayed over last night, and there was no breakfast for them because I hadn't bought any. He's also quite a soft parent. The youngest recently nearly spent $300 on the game on his phone, or £300.

Sorry. On his phone, my husband deleted the game, but a few hours later the kid was back on his phone again. So boundary sometimes feel a bit flexible. Clearly, I've been finding myself thinking about whether this is a life I want long-term.

And that's the part that really hurts because I do love him. He's not about person, but sometimes I look ahead and think about my 50s or 60s, and I'm not sure I can see myself living like this forever. He's been extra lovely recently, talking about taking me out to dinner, booking trips away, and part of me wonders if he senses I'm unhappy.

Last week, and I ended up crying in the hairdresser's chair and then crying to a friend afterwards, and I just had this moment of thinking, I feel like I'm losing myself a bit.

And if I'm being honest, I struggle with being a step parent when I never had children of

my own. I care about the kids and I want them to be happy and safe. But when they're here, I often feel completely overstimulated. So I guess my question is, can you love someone and still know that the life you're building together might not be the right one for you?

Sorry for the huge email. It's a lot, much love XXX. Well, to answer your question directly that you asked at the end, can you love someone and still note that this isn't life for you? Yeah, absolutely.

For that internal conflict comes in because you know you deserve more. You can fuel yourself like sort of slipping away, and this is kind of like your wake-up moment.

“I think, yes, you can have the bond with this particular person, and it can be deep,”

and you can be big feelings of love there. But like you said, you're kind of living through these parallel lives where he wants to go out and drink with his friends and kind of evade responsibility and not be, you know, on top of his shit and being an adult and you're over here having to pick up his slack. You're becoming his mother as well, and that's just not a sexy place to be in.

I'll be perfectly honest. So, I mean, I relate to you because I've been there and I've had to like sit there and say, like, is this how I want to live my life? Do I want to feel this way forever? Do I want to have these questions in my mind?

Do I want to be hoping that this person catches up to me one day? And this way, you can't have no control or that. The only control you have is how you choose to live your life and the decision to you make for yourself every single day. And so I think, you already know what the answer to this is. And I feel like there's probably an element of you that feels like you're banning this person who you care so much for and help survive.

But you got to take care of yourself first.

You know, I think the mental load that you take on and also like, yeah, you can make the excuse for him that self with the kids and the parentage stuff is a heavy thing and so maybe he's using as a coping mechanism. But like, there's really no excuse for that.

“And I think if you want to try to like salvage things, bring up counseling,”

pop some ultimatums on him about the drinking and see that there's improvements. I mean, I think him just voicing that he wants to spend time away from you isn't enough to to cause real change or see real change. Yeah, I mean, I agree with everything you said. I think that it's worth, you know, if you want to make sure you feel like no stone was left unturned. Having a conversation and saying, okay, here, this is what you're needing and wanting.

This is what I'm needing and wanting. I'm thinking about the rest of my life. I honestly like as a whole, I feel like our culture has really woken up to the fact of like our parent's generation who would just stay together forever. Even when people are miserable and now people are evaluating what do I want my life to look like.

So I think that it doesn't hurt to put it out there. What you want and what you need and be firm in your own boundaries with that. Like, especially when you see someone who's flexible with boundaries, meaning they're just not good at holding them. You know, don't say I need this or I can't do this and not then walk away. So just say this is what I need and then see if it improves.

And if it doesn't, like Katie said, I feel like you already kind of know what you're thinking you need to do.

“But I think that you should be putting you first and we have one life to live in.”

It's quite short, though.

That's why I feel it's never too late to start over or reevaluate what you want.

I wish you luck, though. I do too. My goodness, so many anonymous ones today. An anonymous says, hi, Katie and Dana, love you ladies, love everything you stand for. You give me hope for future generations.

Truly gorgeous, amazing women with microphones and moral clarity. We need more of that. I'm writing about a custody battle that's lasted over a decade, costed roughly $1 million. No, we are not wealthy.

Yes, we are now intimately familiar with ramen and ended not with a bang but with silence. I've been married nine years to a genuinely good man. The kind that shows up, the kind people insist don't exist. He has a 14-year-old daughter. He hasn't seen her spoken to an ear.

“Before anyone warms up the deadbeat dad narrative, he didn't disappear, he went to war.”

Within a month of us moving together, his ex was arrested and he got full custody while she was in rehab. When she got out, I went back to 50-50. She later married a man whose criminal history includes child and entertainment and had all four of his kids taken away from him, which I foolishly assumed would be relevant.

Turns out family court concerning is more of a vibe than a disqualifier. For nine years, we lived in hearings, mediation rooms, and therapy offices. You had a frame degree and charged by the hour we paid you. We were trying to provide stability. Our house ran on an extremist ideology like a 10-school regularly.

Speak to adults like they are humans, clean up after your soup. Self-take is not breakfast. The other house operates more like a 24/7 dopamine festival. No rules, no consequences, structure treated as emotional oppression, boundaries framed as cruelty, personal responsibility considered a hate crime.

Guess which house became the favorite? Over time, we were recast as villains for requiring homework and basic hygiene. Eventually, my husband made the brutal decision in his life. He let her choose where she wanted to live. She chose the circus, he hasn't heard from her any year.

And here's the part that makes me feel like a monster.

Our mayor just finally peaceful, no emergency filings, no draining of her savings.

To prove that bedtime isn't abuse, no constant crisis, we sleep, we laugh. We don't jump up every time the phone buzzes. I feel like we escape a burning building and he's still inside it. He carries the quiet grief that shows up on birthdays and fathers' day. He doesn't rage about it, he just shrinks a little.

Like someone who's fought as long as he could and then realize the system rewards chaos and punishes consistency. So here's my question. Did we surrender too soon? When one parent is committed to rewriting reality,

is stepping off the battlefield abandonment or survival? We saved our marriage, but it did cost him his daughter. We genuinely love your take, and you don't have to be gentle, we've heard worse in court. Anonymous. Oh my god.

I know, first, I'm just so sorry that you guys have been through that. I don't think that you're being dramatic or hyperbolic when you're describing that situation. That was very well-written. I think that you come across as someone or the two of you that have self-awareness. And nine years is a long time and unfortunately, when kids get to be a teenage age,

they do have more agency in where they want to be. That's mainly before they're 18 courts impact that or inform that. I would say you didn't give up too soon. I'm glad you guys have peace, but I will say he obviously loves his daughter. And I'm sure that this eats him alive more than he probably lets on.

“So the only thing he can do is keep trying to keep that door open.”

And you're living over there and your life is different. And it's probably going to make her life harder for her eventually because when you don't have boundaries in the structure, we and it's constant dopamine. That's what informs the relationships you have as an adult, both platonic and romantic. So I would say it doesn't hurt to just keep trying to keep communicating with her,

to keep letting her know he loves her, that even though we don't live together, I would love to see you and it doesn't just have to be on father's heir birthday. I would say you guys, I don't think you did the wrong thing, but keep the door open. Yeah, I think keeping the door open in terms of communication and sending love and letting her know that like she has a home with you if she ever chooses that.

But I think, yeah, a million dollars later, it was time to hang that hat up a little bit.

They don't want rules. They're bit rebellious. So I think the life in the circus and the other house is more appealing to them. But in total, there's going to come an age where they're going to crave stability. They're going to crave consistency. They're going to crave like what that looks like. That structure looks like in our life. And so I think it's just at this point.

It is a time thing because they are exposed to other examples of that life and they can see that they've missed out on that and they can recognize what you were doing was just trying to offer a safe place to land in a nice home life. And then she'll come around to that. I don't know. I don't know. That could be in five years. That could be in ten years. It could be a while. But I think as long as you keep the door open, it'll promote that to happen sooner.

“Also, children crave boundaries. They're screaming for them. That's why they're constantly”

trying to push that goalpost. And when those are not then provided, it's just a recipe for disaster for long-term implications of a lot of hard work that will become an adulthood. So yeah. But it means it's insane to think that hygiene or doing homework or following any type of basic rule for a harmonious life is ever going to be looked at by anyone with a functioning brain as extremist. I just think it's unfortunate that she's just going to have to learn through

life, what she missed out on and what she chose. But as long as you're still there with open arms, the workout, it's so sad though. Okay. Anonymous says, "Hi, Caitlyn, Dana. I love you both, dearly, and day one listener of the pod. Please keep me anonymous. I'll get to it and do my best to be brief." Am I the asshole? I'm getting married. Later this year to the love of my life and I'm very excited. I have three bridesmaids at my closest girlfriends who have all met my fiance and

“seen a relationship grow the last few years. A past close friend from high school asked me to be”

in her wedding about six years ago. But our friendship drifted in the last three to four

years and I decided not to ask her to be a bridesmaid. She never met my fiance at that point so I

personally felt strange about asking someone to be part of the wedding who would never met him. Context background when she asked me to be in her wedding we were closer friends. We were best friends in high school then went to different colleges. We made other closer friends but still made efforts to hang out when we were both home for breaks. She moved out of shape a few years after college and I visited her at 1.2. She then came back to our area about two years ago.

Still about one hour away from me and she reached out to catch up. I gave her specific days times to see each other but she would say she was traveling out of town or would check back with me. She never did and I followed up once or twice to be given the same I'm out of town explanation and as she would reach out later I don't have hard feelings about it towards her just figured we drifted and how other things going on life happens. She moved to much closer to me about five months

ago and we hung out a couple times. I'd reach out to hang out and she would decline for some reason or another and not follow up with alternative times hang out. Li Li I can't help but

feel alive that maybe she has heard that I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid. What was the first

something I didn't think too much about not just on me it's just the truth. I now can't stop thinking about it and worrying I'm an asshole. I didn't invite her and her partner to come to the wedding invited her to my bridal shower and they have met my fiance a couple times since. She came to the shower but says she would not be able to tender wedding due to work. Am I the asshole for not asking her to be a bridesmaid? I've been wildly ruminating about this but also she hasn't brought it up to me.

Any insider perspective is appreciated. I appreciate both of your directness. Sorry if this was long. Sure answer no. You're not being an asshole for not asking someone to be a bridesmaid. Something you really need to remember everyone needs to remember when you're planning a wedding it's about you and literally nobody else. In terms of like you're not trying to make it easier for someone else to attend unless it's like your mother or someone directly close to you but like when you have

to start considering everyone's feelings and every decision you make you're gonna lose your mind. So know you're not of course not and I mean if you really want to know you can ask her but it also just sounds like your friendship has sort of just kind of fizzled into like this sort of like once in a while acquaintance ship. Kind of thing it doesn't seem like she makes any kind of effort

“outside of that and hasn't for a really long time. So I mean I think it's easy for you to like jump”

to these conclusions so think that she must be angry at you for some reason but she might also just not care as much. Right. I mean to make a decision to be very much like I can't come to your wedding. I mean she's still participating in some of the other events so like I don't think she's that upset

maybe she's telling the truth about the wedding but I don't know you could always ask her.

Yeah I was gonna say that you can open up a dialogue and see what's going on but yeah ultimately at the end of the day your wedding is your wedding. It should look and feel exactly how you

politics of it like there's all this weird contention and people put their own feelings and it so much and it's like well this is about this couple that's joining our life together so let's just let them celebrate that however they want and let it all look how they want to look so know you're not the asshole but if you if you'll up to it then have a talk with her about it. Mm-hmm. acknowledged the elephant in the room that your relationship is changed and that's

fine it doesn't sound like you are bitter or have animosity about that like I love when people are able to have different seasons of life together and just like appreciate the times in your closer and fall into the new dynamic without it being this big dramatic thing it's sometimes not that deep. It's not and I've I've experienced that with several people in my life of just like kind of having to take a step back and then be able to look at it through new lens and different

approach and it can be wonderful right and it should be that way like you you're not going to be the same type of friends with same person your whole life so you're also your friendships and relationships need to evolve with that yeah but you're not the asshole no period no oh my god you guys the the fact that we also just share a brain soul because me and Katie picked these separately

“then we see these are all anonymous today we I think there's just a lot of anonymous folks out there”

okay just totally fine it's an anonymous week an anonymous says high Queens please keep me anonymous we're gonna check that off the list we did it I'm writing into ask you for some advice or maybe you can help me get my life in order ye any who I am in such a strange spot my life right now

I'm 30 and I'm single I have actually always been single I've never had a real relationship

yep lots of things in college and some failed dating updates is the extent of my love life however I am so okay with that I went right from undergrad to grad school six year straight of school to obtain my master's degree in school counseling let's just take a minute and give you you who yeah who knows there I am the happiest guidance counselor ever I love my job my students the staff and the families that I get to work with every day I work hard most days

of my work from 730 a.m. to 530 p.m. and continue working well into the night without being compensated for any type of overtime pay our teachers more LOL we are not a laughing matter the 100% paid teachers marks insane I love what I do and I'm so passionate to change the lives of my students for the better I am also currently working on my second master's degree you are impressive anonymous

yes I have always been one to prioritize work in school over my personal love life while I'm

struggling with being the only single one my friend group almost all my close friends are married or in serious relationships I hate being the third wheel I feel so uncomfortable when I am in a social situation with all my friends and their significant others I feel no pressure date but I fear that I will drift apart my friends due to just being in a different stage of life and the uncomfortable feeling of being the only single one so dubbed dd do I try dating apps again

and just have come to the societal pressure to be in a relationship or do I choose myself and hope my friends can prioritize their time minus their significant others okay for so all

“you're so cool I have to give you praise for multiple things I think that the fact that”

teachers are so underpaid is egregious but also when we have good teachers and good counselors like you that inform these kids lives you change lives like I still remember my sixth grade teacher who completely I was a bad student before her completely turned me around in school so like the fact that you love your job you work so hard you're so well educated god your second

masters like good for you all incredible things I think that when you get in your 30s and you're

the only single one and I novel by me it can feel that way but like I think that you're maybe projecting onto your friends like I know you feel uncomfortable when you're in those situations sometimes it's hard if you're with friends that are like only talking about their babies or only talking about their marriages and whatever that can happen but they're not all sitting around being like well anonymous a single once again like I trust me those are the I projected for so many

years and like no one is giving a shit about who you are or are not dating I don't think that you need to try and pressure yourself if you're happy in your life right now then stay there I think actually when we pressure ourselves and do what we think we should be doing it's when we fall into bad relationships or meeting the wrong people or whatever and then have these conversations with your friends one on one just be vulnerable say like hey I'm single I'm good with that right now I know

you're all in a different stage but I'd really appreciate one on one time and like having things that aren't just the partners your partners are great too we can definitely hang out but I would I just want that on your radar and then also find single friends they are out there there are other cool people like you that are prioritizing themselves and it's really nice to feel seen in that

“yeah that's what I was going to say that I feel like there's there's a huge population of people”

especially now more than ever who are in you know there are 30s and 40s who are single either like

things in common with and really yeah I know it's hard to make friends you work a lot but also like I do work with anybody that is in the same position as you like you know if that becomes a

“priority to that's what I suggest but also like if you're happy like Dina said then why would you”

change anything yeah why would why would you open yourself up to people who are going to add zero value to your life especially that you're not looking for and I think it can be a societal thing that we feel pressure from unnecessarily that am I being looked at or people sad for me because I'm

not with someone in the answer is no I think maybe there's a subset of people who project that but

like we don't talk with them anyway right so who cares what their opinions are you wouldn't want to trade lives with them anyway so I say you just keep doing you and what makes you happy and like Dina said talk to your friends let them know like hey this is cool I like hanging out with you guys but like sometimes I just want to like take it with just you yeah congrats on everything you're killing a question yeah for you all right anonymous says this that's a title this episode

anonymous yeah there was an episode title we're done what up disrespectly pod what up y'all y'all are my stride and true workplace podcast and the reason I'm slightly less of a shady bitch on Wednesdays and Fridays my boss thinks you ranble to the big ask I'm 21 and just got out of a two year relationship in November we fully merged lives moved in travel the whole us against the world thing I love to time travel and shake us both long story short he's so and one of those

undercover nice guys who's so brags about the fact that he read infinite just once in high school

and likes IDM intelligent dance music kill me what the fuck is I never heard of that my life

god it sounds like I don't know is it like is it techno where Bill nice telling us facts I don't know I don't know I don't think my question is how to get over this relationship I know I deserve better I know he wasn't my person what I don't understand is how to get over any relationship at all I'm young and maybe my experiences with love are so forming but every person I've loved has walked away with a huge piece of me not a days goes by that I don't think about them it's not always sad

sometimes it's neutral just a passing memory but sometimes it's stings I cringe at how I acted at what I tolerated I miss versions of myself and moments in my life that I actually never go back to it feels like everyone else moves on it flourishes and I'm stuck like a ghost watching my own life from the outside my heart aches for love that wasn't even right for me and sometimes this makes me think perhaps there isn't anything to fill this void there's something wrong with me

I feel so alone why can't I let things go am I broke him or just someone who feels too deeply I want to be happy I want to find my person I want to find me dang girl or guy sorry

first of all you're 21 and I think you're just kind of like you're you are in a real like

coming of age finding yourself kind of position where like you are deeply affected by the things that are happening to because it's informing who you are going to become and I think it's important that you take inventory of this regularly I've been there where like you do kind of like warn these people that like we're big nothings in your life but they taught you something so I think kind of reflect on what it is about that person or what it is about those moments or

times that you reminisce on or think back to and what you want to take from it what you want to learn

“from it and apply to the future or say I'm never doing that again I think it's important to like”

find out what those lessons are and not they're not haunting you necessarily but it's like if they are like bigger matters I think it's showing that you have a lot of depth to you that you're able to access these types of of feelings and you're able to go there and you're not scared of it it's cringy I cringe about myself on a regular basis that's just part of being human but I think you will find someone you will find yourself like you got so much time and you're going to become

eight different versions of yourself between where you are now and my age that you'll become but just remain like open and I think that is great that you that you feel deeply and you're not close often jaded yet that will go away that will go away yeah I think I think getting like loving deeply and losing someone like that like you do lose a piece of yourself but sometimes it's necessary for you to become the next version of yourself the better version of yourself the new

and improved version of yourself so let it all go shed it and brace that if a 21 I gave birth to you two minutes ago this is crazy like and I know it feels that way and it's big and you are just still learning so much about yourself for at the end of this and you're said I want to find me that's

“the one you should be focusing on right now the other things will fall in mind you're going to go”

through so many iterations of who you are you're going to think you have it figured out and then three years later look back and be like holy shit what was that little raccoon that little trash

there there's no like finish looking you know it's just you just you constantly grow and you get

“better at it and you learn more and you have life experience but relationships are hard to get over”

and it's your 21 a two year that's a long relationship like there's nothing wrong with you I'm

glad that you know that you deserve better that's a good that's a good perspective to already have

I mean I didn't know that until like six months ago so it's like you're doing all the right things

and I'm excited for you like to be 21 and have your whole life ahead of you and get to have all those experiences some are going to be good some are going to be scary but you're going to find that the one that matters the most is the experience you have with yourself yeah no I don't have anything

“I'll say I think yeah I think that was it I'm excited for you yeah you look beauty man okay”

well I think that was that episode that was it thanks for writing in continue to write into disrespectedly potted Gmail your home town heroes if you have something to teach us

“dubbed of dd if you need to know what to do and hopefully I have more brain cells the next time”

we chat yeah but I think it's pretty good all thanks considering yeah okay we'll have a good weekend have a good weekend till next time you love you bye can you love you bye [Music] babe you're going to see the power of women like disrespectedly