Ep. 8: Spiritual Motherhood – A Mother's Heart in the Religious Life (Sr. Mary Dominic, O.P.)

to us, whether that was like through direct instruction

when we were home school,

“they're just like talking about things of the faith,”

especially as we got older, having conversations about things. I just had a sense of like, Jesus loves me and I, and that requires a decision on my part. Like, this love is so real that I can't remain indifferent

to it. They're have to accept him or reject him, recognizing that something was missing in my life, in my practice of the faith, because the faith was something I just kind of took

for granted growing up. And so, meeting at young people who like knew Jesus and spent time in prayer with him every day, I was just so astonished by them. (upbeat music)

(upbeat music) - Hi, and welcome to Dominican Sisters Open Mic. My name is Sister Miriam, and I'm a sister of the Dominican sisters of Mary Mother of the Eucharist,

based out of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

“Each week we'll be sitting down with sisters”

of our community, and we're talking all things Dominican. Today, on our show, we have a special guest of one of our sisters, Sister Mary Dominic, and our topic is going to be spiritual motherhood. Sister, thank you so much for coming and joining us.

We appreciate you being here. Sister, thanks for inviting me, and I'm excited to chat with you. - So I wanted to give a little bit of biographical information about you.

You are originally from Minnesota, I am. And you entered in 2013, certified to teach K through eight and you're currently teaching fourth grade. Where are you at, Sister? I am currently teaching fourth grade

in Finlay, Ohio at St. Michael School. - Okay. Finlay, Ohio, I bet they love you out there, Sister. - All I love it there.

“- One of the things we love to explore is”

how does God work in a woman's life in making himself known and showing her her religious vocation? And so I wondered if we could start with that before we get to the spiritual motherhood topic.

How did God make himself known to you or show himself to you as you were growing up in your family life? - Yeah, thanks, Sister. So I actually, the topic is virtual motherhood is very integrated to how Jesus revealed his will to me

through my vocation. So I grew up in a beautiful Catholic family with parents that we're just a joyful, knew that their vocation was marriage, knew that family life was a gift

and that that was the adventure that life was. Was just ordinary family life. And so I was just blessed by a very stable, a very beautiful family. - Did you have siblings?

- I do have siblings, so I'm the oldest of five. - Okay, so I had two brothers and two sisters and so growing up, it was obviously no family is perfect. But it was a very beautiful family to grow up in. - What kind of things did your parents do

to nurture your love of God? - You know, it was really ordinary things. We prayed together every night before we went to bed. We prayed before meals.

We always went to Mass on Sunday.

We went to Confession, my mom made us, you know? (laughing) And so it was nothing extraordinary, but just like that daily fidelity. And also it's seen my parents grow in their faith

as I got older, recognizing that they really were living a life of discipleship with Jesus and recognizing how that changed them and how that. - So you could see that, even. - I could see their parents.

- Yes, their own conversion, their own growth in the faith as I got older. And that made an impact on me as well. - Probably the thing that impacted me most was my mom, being the oldest girl in the family.

I had similar gifts to my mom,

and so I always wanted to be doing whatever she was doing,

helping around the house, cooking or cleaning, or taking care of the kitchen. - I thought she appreciated me. - Yes, I think she did. - As the oldest daughter, jumping in and helping out.

- Yes, that's such a beautiful spirit. - Yeah, I just really enjoyed it. And so when I envisioned my future, I always envisioned it being like my mom.

- I'm getting married and having kids and just 'cause I saw her

so fulfilled in her vocation as a wife and her husband. I thought, well that's the path to happiness, you know, into holiness is through marriage, through being a wife and a mother. And so, so that really was this deep desire that I had.

- So where are you also in that time learning about the faith? - Yes, you were in what way were you being taught. - So I went to Catholic School for some of my elementary school and we also formed school for a little while.

- Okay. - And so my parents were the main way that I learned the faith, like I still had religion class in school and that sort of thing and sacramental prep as, you know, as those sacraments came along.

But really my parents made it a point of teaching the faith to us, whether that was like through direct instruction

when we were home school, they're just like talking

about things of the faith, especially as we got older, having conversations about things. - Do you remember having experiences of God in your year's growing up?

“I think kids can be open to our Lord in a special way.”

- They can be, they can be. I don't know if I remember any specific moments from when I was very young, but I do remember being a sophomore in high school and going on a retreat with my class.

I was at a Catholic high school and I had been to Eucharistic Adoration before like I had gone with my family. I knew what it was and, but there was Eucharistic Adoration as part of this retreat and I was just so captivated

by Jesus in the Eucharist at that particular retreat and I just had a sense of like, Jesus loves me

and I, and that requires a decision on my part.

Like this, this love is so real that I can't remain indifferent to it. Like I either have to accept him or reject him. Like it was something I couldn't do. I could be like wishy-washy.

- Okay. - And I remember going to my locker after the retreat and taking out an index card and writing Jesus loves you and you need to love him too. - You know?

- I was like, yeah. - I wanted to, I wanted to return the love that he had. - Did you put that somewhere where you would see?

“- I think I like stuck it at the top door of my dresser.”

I would love to tell you that my life changed from that moment on, but it didn't, you know? I was very much a typical high schooler and kind of like moved on to the next thing. - Did you share with anyone about your experience?

- I don't think I did. I don't think I did. I kept that card and my dresser and I, yeah, I don't know wherever I ended up and I don't remember telling anyone about it at the time.

- I don't know, maybe this was just my experience, but sometimes I think it's hard to put into words what your experience is. And so when you, even to try to explain it, it's like how do you explain?

- Yes, receiving God's love in a deeper way. - Excited to put that into words. - Exactly, even telling it now, it sounds so superficial almost, but at the time that was a very pivotal moment,

I remember it all these years later. - Did you have an openness to the possibility of a religious vocation? You saw your mom and it was beautiful to you, the things that your mom did for your family

and her sacrifices. And you could surely see yourself in that role.

“Had you thought about religious life at all, at that point?”

- Not seriously. I remember my mom actually, she was the one who suggested it to me when I was a senior in high school. She said, "Have you ever thought about religious life?"

And I said, "Yeah, yeah, I thought about it." But I really had in, because my perception of a sister was a woman who did good things for other people, who did good things for the church. And I thought that is so great

that there are people who that do that, but I just don't see how that could fulfill me. - Oh, yeah. - I made me happy for the rest of my life. I imagine getting old and being alone

and yeah, it just didn't seem fulfilling at all. - So I wonder if you can name now, like, what is the deficiency in that perspective? What were you, what piece were you missing, right? 'Cause you didn't fully understand at that moment.

- Yeah, well, it was a relationship with Christ. I didn't know him. And so, and I did not have a proper understanding of religious life, of the self-donation to Christ. I didn't understand that and I didn't know

what religious life really was even. So, without that understanding, it was a hollow. - Didn't seem appealing. I didn't seem appealing at all.

- Yes, but at the same time,

there was something in my gut of thinking, gosh,

“I think that really is what God wants for me.”

And saying, no, like, and I won't do that. I don't think that that can make me happy, no God. I won't do that. - You were saying that. - Yes, because I really, I didn't even wanna open the door.

I didn't even wanna ask the question, 'cause I didn't think it could make me happy. - Mm-hmm. - So, but our Lord, he grabbed a hold of you. - Yes, he did.

- Did you meet sisters along the way? - I did meet sisters along the way. The thing that really helped me though, I went to college and I got involved with a campus ministry.

- Okay.

- And I just met these young people who were so unfair

with love for Jesus. And I remember thinking, like, "I don't know what they have, "but whatever they have, I want them." And recognizing that something was missing

in my life, in my practice of the faith, because the faith was something I just kind of took for granted growing up. And so, meeting young people who knew Jesus and spent time in prayer with him every day,

I was just so astonished by them. And so I started doing what they did. And so I started going to adoration almost daily. There was a holy hour of the new and sound, new men's center, and so I would go to that

and I'd love to that. And then I met these two young women who were discerning religious life. And I remember thinking, "Why are they discerning religious life?"

They are so normal, you know? (laughing) And, but the more I just talked with them, and became friends with them, the way they spoke about religious life

was the way I'd never heard of it talked before.

And they talked about a sister as a bride of Christ, and a spiritual mother. And those two words were so like really caught my ear because those were the two things that I wanted. So deeply was to be a wife and to be a mother.

And when I realized that and remembering that, like sinking feeling, I had in high school of like,

“oh gosh, I really think this is what God might be asking of me.”

And then realizing this is the reality of what is being proposed. - And at that point, it was a more exciting other thing. - It was much more exciting. - Like, more beautiful and so,

it was so freeing and inspiring. - I had a fall in so in love with Jesus and the idea of belonging to him as his bride, my whole life into heaven was just so extraordinarily exciting to me that I was all in, you know.

I was ready to just to discern religious life and to be open to it. - How did you figure out where God wanted you to go? I mean, there's a lot of different religious communities. Many of them have beautiful apostolids.

- Yeah. - They all, in all those religious communities, you have the idea of being consecrated, being a spouse of Christ, being his bride. So, how did you narrow in on Dominican?

Were you thinking about being a teacher at all? Was that a part of it? - So I was studying elementary education at the time. And so, but that didn't, it didn't really occur to me to like, put that into part of my research,

I guess, of religious life. - Yeah. - I just kind of looked at who was in front of me and there was a congregation of Franciscan sisters near where I went to college

and a group of us made a retreat with them. And it was a silent retreat and we each met with one of the sisters who was leading the retreat. And in my conversation with her, she said,

"You know, you just strike me as Dominican."

“I think she's like a Dominican community.”

And I don't even know if I knew what a Dominican was at that point, but just trusting that she knew more about religious life than I did and taking her suggestion. And so I ended up just Googling Dominican sisters and coming on retreat with our community

and the rest is history, I entered the next summer. - Wow. - I bet your mom was happy, you know. I think she was. - She was excited to see me embrace God's will.

But there's a lot of unknowns when your daughter enters religious life. You know, there's no religious in my family. You know, it was a lot of unknowns, but it's been such a blessing for them

and for my family, for my siblings. So, the idea of spiritual motherhood,

Topic, I think some people might think that we're not, well, we, we forego marriage and marry life, we don't, we don't have children of our own, that that we've completely given up on or turned away from motherhood.

“And I think it's so natural in us in the sisters”

that in our community that growing up, we did desire to be mothers. And I can remember for myself when I was in second grade, we'd have to journal, what do you want to be when you grow up and other people would put jobs?

Down, I want to be a firefighter, I want to be a teacher, I want to be a nurse.

And I would always say, I want to be a mom.

Yes. And to me, the other things seemed very secondary to what motherhood would be and how motherhood would fulfill me. So the idea of motherhood was always very beautiful to me.

And I have the same feeling toward my mom of gratitude of seeing the sacrifices that she made for our family and seeing her motherhood and being inspired by that and thinking, that's beautiful. And I want that.

So our sisters, we have this desire for motherhood. But we don't actually end up having biological children, but we still practice a spiritual motherhood. And so could you explain a little bit about what spiritual motherhood is?

For sure, for sure.

I always, you know, you think of a beautiful marriage

between a man and a woman and motherhood and fatherhood comes from that union. So our spiritual motherhood really comes from our union with Christ and being rooted in that relationship with him.

And knowing yourself to be loved and cherished and known by him first and being grounded and who you are as a daughter of the father, but as the bride of Christ. And then spiritual motherhood can flow out of that,

because we can't give what we don't have. But you think of the best mothers are not just physical mothers. They don't just take care of the physical needs of their children. Even physical mothers are a spiritual motherhood.

They're caring for the needs of the whole person that's in front of them. You know, and you think about the best women, they care for all of the person that's in front of them, not just their physical needs,

not just their emotional needs or whatever it is.

“And so I think sometimes we have to widen our understanding”

of what is motherhood, especially in a society that's so busy. You know, where motherhood can be reduced to these children and make sure that they have all the things they need to succeed in the world.

I'm not certainly part of it. - Something I've been struck by as I'm living the religious life is seeing women who are married and have children of their own. Actually also practicing spiritual motherhood,

not just for their own children, but in a wider sense, spiritual motherhood, I'll see it happening. And we're both teachers, we have colleagues, and some people really have a special gift

for embracing a large number of people and assisting them along in a motherly way in the spiritual life. And I'll see that I think, well, that's a spiritual mother. Even though it's not necessarily a sister,

but all different states could practice spiritual motherhood. - Yes. - It's beautiful to see different examples of that. - Yes, and we're supposed to,

“you know, that's how God created us to be,”

it's to be able to welcome the person that's in front of us. - And we get to do that on a more universal level, because we're consecrated to Christ, and so our self-donation to Him, and love is gonna bear fruit for many people.

People that will never meet are gonna be impacted

by the graces of our surrender to Christ, of our sacrifices that we make. And so it's like this, this spiritual motherhood that all women are called to,

- And we have a great role model in our lady, in being able to ask her to help us to be spiritual mothers. - Yes.

- And she, of course, is always interceding for us

and leading us towards her son. And I wonder how what part does Mary play in your life and as a guide, and how do you turn to her in what ways do you seek her help? - You know, Mary is so uncomplicated,

and we are. (laughing) So so yes, and so I, you know, we, through our consecration to Mary that our community makes,

“I think it's just so simple and so beautiful”

to be able to just hand her all of who I am, everything that I earn, everything that I am,

and allow her to make it something beautiful for Jesus.

- Yes. - And I think that that encourages me and my own spiritual mother ahead of you, you know, especially with children, you know, that you're teaching in the class and we're like, sometimes they are a mess.

You know, I just like, I'm a mess sometimes, you know, and to be able to accept and welcome that messiness. - That they are, and realize that something beautiful can be brought out of, and something beautiful is there in the messiness, you know, and our lady isn't afraid of it,

and we don't need to be afraid of our own mess, or the messes in front of us either.

- So so you mentioned the consecration,

“and I think it's a beautiful practice and devotion”

for anyone who would love to grow in love of our lady, in love of our Lord, and to grow in spiritual motherhood. Maybe could you just give a little rundown about what the consecration to our lady is? 'Cause anyone can do it, it's not just for sisters,

and maybe some of our listeners would be interested to do it. - Yes, they might be, so the consecration that we make is, according to St. Louis Demontford, and so he has a preparation that he wrote and envisioned for how to entrust yourself to Jesus

through the hands of Mary, making your own life a gift to Mary, and allowing her to give it to Jesus. Because she is the only one who can come before God without any pretenses, and she can make our life beautiful for God.

So there are lots of ways to prepare yourself for that consecration and to make it, and then it's a way to live your life really with freedom, knowing that I've given everything, and I don't need to be whitenuckling my way through things,

so I'm trying to practice virtue more and more and more, like obviously we still have to work on things, but realizing that I've given everything to Mary, but then also she's going to be my special advocate. She's going to be my special help on my way to heaven.

- Yeah, thank you, Sister. - So you're a teacher, and I'd like to hear some reflections on how does your spiritual mother

“have play out in the classroom with your precious life?”

- Your fourth graders. - What is your greatest desire for your students? - Yeah, I want each and every one of my students to know and love Jesus Christ for all their life, to know Him well now, it's a form of friendship with Him,

so that they have that for the rest of their lives. Because at the end of the day, that's all that matters is that they know Him and love Him. And so I love having conversations with them about the faith, I love praying with them.

One of my favorite ways to watch the Lord work in their lives is to take them to adoration. We go once a week, and we just spend time and quiet, so teaching them like the pastures of prayer, like how to kneel, how to sit, how to do the Fatima

administration, children love that, to make themselves small before God, and then to give them just little tools to be able to start to have a conversation with Jesus. Some of them have very vibrant relationships with Him already. You know, we're made for God,

and so if they haven't had things put in the way

to want to talk with Him and be with Him.

You know, it gets more complicated as we get older. But when you're nine and 10, it's still-- - You're open. - They're still innocent, and they're still open. - Do you give them certain guidance of their prayer time

that you're taking them down to adoration? - Yeah. - What do you ask them to do or teach them to do while they're in the chapel before our Lord? - Yeah, I usually get them a question to ask Jesus.

And so it will usually be related to the liturgical season that we're in, or maybe a feast day that we're gonna celebrate soon. And I just have them ask that question to Jesus and I say, "Listen for His answer." So some of the questions might be like,

Jesus, what was your favorite part of being a boy? You know, when you were my age. - So they go to the chapel and they ask that question just quietly in their heart, or sometimes I'll have them ask questions like Jesus, "What's your favorite thing about me?"

Or Jesus, "What's your favorite thing about Mary?" Or Jesus, "What is having gonna be like?" Just teaching them to kind of open that door to Christ and to make conversation with Him normal. And then at the same time to have reverence

before what God is doing in their own soul. So a lot of times I won't ask them. What Jesus said. - What? - Okay. - So sometimes they'll want to share,

sometimes they'll be really eager to share what Jesus said.

“Sometimes I'll ask them, especially if I think”

that they're goofing around or things like that. But most of the time I just, I don't ask, I don't pry just because children have a real spiritual life. They have a real relationship with God. And just like you and I don't want to be forced

into sharing that, I never forced them to share either.

Like if we do journaling exercises, like they'll always ask the story, you're gonna look at these or not. You know, something they do want to keep just between them and Jesus.

And so just to have reverence for what God is doing in their souls and that very real relationship that they have with Him. And I think it's very motherly, you're observing them and you're seeing God work in them.

And you know that He is, and that He's transforming their hearts and you're praying for them. And you're doing what you can to facilitate it. But ultimately, it's God's work. - Yeah. - They're in His hands.

“I think sometimes we get the feeling like,”

"Ah, like this needs to change now." - Yes. - In our spiritual children or our children or ourselves. - Yes, we get so used to having proof of things. You know, especially in the world that we live in,

where you can have answers to a question so quickly to just allow it to be slow and allow it to be hidden. You know, it's nice when you get the glimpses of what God is doing in their soul. Do you have any stories? - Yeah, I remember.

I have many times of stories. I do have a lot of stories. - There was one time we went to Adoration. - And it must have been close to Thanksgiving time or like the virtue of the week was gratitude or something like that.

I had asked them, just think Jesus for as many things as you can think of. And it was so sweet in the Adoration Chapel. They're all like staring at the monstrance and their fingers are going like this.

They're counting all the things. - That they can think of to be grateful and afterwards they were like, "Sister, I thought of." - 25 things, "Sister, I thought of 70 things." - I thought about it. - I thought about it.

- I'll be different numbers. - So they were so excited about it. And later on in the day, we were lining up to go somewhere and the boy who was in the front of the line, he says, "Sister, I thought of 73 things

that I was grateful for in Adoration today." I said, "That's great. Out of all of those things, which one is your favorite gift that Jesus has given you?" And he just looked at me and he said, "Him."

And I just, I tear, sprung to my eyes because I thought he gets it. You know, he gets it. He has this relationship with Christ.

And he, you know, I never would have said

“that he was the most peripheral boy in my class, you know?”

But yeah, those little glimpses are so powerful and that answer from him was spot on. You know, mine was such a superficial question of like, which one of those things is your favorite? Like, well, Jesus, this is a bad obvious story.

You know? So to get, yeah, to get glimpses of what God is doing in their souls really powerful. I remember one time we were talking about Saint Joseph and going through the life, it was messed up in his feast day.

and just talking about him.

And we got to the part where, you know, he married Mary. And we talked about how in Jewish custom, they, a man and woman got married, and then that they didn't live together the man went and like built the house and got it ready. And then when it was already, then the wife would come

and they would make a home together. So we're talking about that. And one of the girls said sister is so interesting that they did it that way. I said, yeah, it is really interesting.

But isn't it kind of beautiful that the man would like prepare this beautiful home for his wife and then welcome her into it? And one of the boys, he raised his hand, he goes, yeah, sister. We're just like Jesus is getting heaven ready for us.

And I thought, oh my gosh, that's so true. You know, I thought it was such a beautiful, lovely, very scriptural. Yes, he's going to prepare. It plays like he says in John's Gospel, you know?

That I go to prepare a place for you and I will come and take you to myself. That where I am, you will also be. Yes. And such, yeah, like you can't say that and not know

who Jesus is, you know, you know, talking about heaven with children, you know, sometimes we get wrapped up on the question of like, oh, what is having going to be like, and like is this going to be there

“and you know, is my dog going to be exactly all those questions?”

But the more that they grow in relationship with Christ, the less those questions kind of occupy them. And the idea of being with Jesus is actually enough for them.

They're like, it's actually, that sounds amazing.

Wow. And they know that Jesus can make them happy, you know? Yeah. Sister, I have to admit, I'd love to see you in action. I'm a high school teacher.

So I feel a different, it's so different. And we do spiritual motherhood there too. It's different than for the younger ones, but it's such a blessing to accompany people in the spiritual life. And I love just meeting people where they're at.

And if you're teaching in a big high school, I was at one of the first 1200 kids. And they're all at different places. And some of them are not close to God or have rejected God. And some of them are open to God. And some of them are very faithfully practicing their faith.

And just discovering who they are. I love discovering who they are, where they're at.

“And how can I accompany them towards greater love of God?”

And I love being able to do that. I'd love to see you in action for little ones. There are a lot of fun, a lot of fun. Sister, now we're going to hand off with, oh, actually, can you, we are going to do the speed round.

Okay, great. We are. But I want you to just think about what spiritual advice do you want to tell our listeners today. What would be something that you want to say for their encouragement in the spiritual

life? Yeah. I would say, um, carve out space for silence in your life, um, so that you can learn how to know his voice, and then learn how to speak with Jesus as a friend, um, and, you know, all three persons of the Trinity, learn how to talk with God your father, learn how

to speak with the Holy Spirit, um, and there's a lot, I mean, there's multitudinous resources out there of how to do that. But it really is a matter of carving out that time and space for silence, um, so that you can learn how to hear his voice, and hear him speak to you, and he wants to, and he will.

Yes.

He's always speaking to us, and, and, and to realize that we can't live without that.

We can't live without that. Thank you, Sister. Okay. Speed round time. Okay, I'm ready.

Okay. Here we go. What is your favorite liturgical season and why? I love Advent, because I love, I just love waiting for Jesus. The whole life of a religious is waiting for Jesus, and so it's just, like, all of the

“waiting for Jesus that I do, my whole life is concentrated into a liturgical season.”

So I love it. Do you have a hobby? I love to cook. That's one of my favorite things. Yeah.

I am grateful for people like you. What is your favorite game at the moment? My favorite game at the moment is a card game called Hand and Foot. Have you played before? I have.

We should play later. We should. We should.

What's a book that has impacted your spiritual life that you would recommend besides the

Bible. Okay.

“I think the one that comes to my mind is a book called Swift Victory by Father Waltor”

Feral, and it's about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. And it really helped me see how the gifts of the Holy Spirit were active in my own life. Great.

What is your favorite title of our Lady and why?

I love her title Gate of Heaven, and just realizing that Heaven is our home, and that she's the one who opens the gate for us by welcoming Jesus. What age group do you most enjoy teaching? Yeah. I've enjoyed every age that I've taught, but fourth grade is really the best.

That's the sweet thing. That's the sweet thing.

“If you could have dinner with any saint, who would it be?”

And what would you ask them?

It would be Saint Dominic of course. And I would ask him a lot of things, but I think I would ask him how he learned to love God the way that he did. I would just love to know like his spiritual journey, because we don't know, so much about his interior life, so I would just love to know more about that.

Name an activity that brings you peace and refreshes your spirit.

“I play the piano, so I really enjoy playing piano.”

Sister, how did I not know this? I enjoyed playing the piano. I learned some things in the speed round and beyond. Sister, thank you so much for coming and sharing with us your reflections and it's so beautiful.

I feel inspired to hear your love of spiritual motherhood. So thank you so much and we want to encourage all of our listeners today. If you think of somebody in your family or your friends who might benefit from hearing our conversation, hearing this podcast, please, please, we encourage you to pass it along. And our greatest hope would be that we can help people love and know our Lord.

Please be a short of the sister's prayers for you and for your family and for your intentions. God bless you and have a great day. Thank you.