Financial Audit's Most Abusive Husband

To watch episodes of Financial Audit a week earlier,

check us out on YouTube. - You blame me for everything you've done wrong. - Like what? - You just liked to hide behind me being domineering as the ultimate excuse of you can't do anything wrong.

You can hide behind me and say,

“that's why you don't talk to your family.”

When in reality, you don't talk to them because you set that bound. - I don't talk to them because my mother quite literally said she wants nothing to do with me as long as you're in my life.

- And that's a choice you made. - Get up for a second. - I wanna talk to her alone. - Are you afraid of what's gonna happen afterwards? - A little bit, not gonna lie.

- He will push me, he will shove me. There was one fight in particular that got very intense and he... (beep) - Something big is coming.

Something that's going to change. Personal finance forever.

And the first 500 members get to lead the church.

Go to dominoise.com to change the future. - Hi, this is Brittany. I'm 23 years old. - Hey, I'm Billy, I'm 24. We're from Buffalo, New York.

- And this is financial audit. - That's some buffaloes from Buffalo. Welcome down. Guys, happy to have you. Brittany, you're the one in front of me.

Let's start with you. - Okay. - What do you do for a living? - I'm currently unemployed. - I had to bring in much, I'll be honest, typically.

- I have a temporary start date as February 9th. - Oh, okay, that's a few days from now. - Go on. - To become a funeral director resident in New York. - How's the funeral people come on the show?

“I guess people be dying and what are you gonna be making?”

- It's allegedly gonna be in 1990. - Allegedly. What is allegedly?

You're starting in a couple days.

How's it allegedly? What is allegedly? You're afraid of lawsuit? What is allegedly? - They might change it.

- They might change it? - Okay, you've already accepted the job. They might change it? The higher a lower? - I don't know.

- They do actually not know. I've seen the offer letter, it's 19, but she's afraid of it. - Well, did you sign it? - Did you sign your employment?

- Yeah. - Sometimes that's on the start date. - Well, I'm just not sure I'll be able to start on the ninth because there's some processing that needs to happen.

So I'm not sure if it will. - The dead bodies or of you. - Of the paperwork.

- Okay, so okay, 19 an hour, what do you do, Billy?

'Cause I hope you make someone else. And I actually don't know the cost of it in a buffalo. I know New York is hired, but Buffalo's really out there. So, yeah, it's pretty similar to here. - Simon, are you part of the story?

- Yeah, you're part of the story, right?

“- You're part of the story and then you're part of the story?”

- No, not at all. If you're part of the story, you're part of the story. - Mm, you're part of the story? - Yeah, exactly. If you're part of the story,

you're part of the story. You're part of the story, you're part of the story. - You're part of the story. - You're part of the story. - You're part of the story? - Save.

- With this story? - It's your account. - 2600 by weekly. - Yeah, you look like a software engineer. - Don't you?

- Yeah. - Yeah, I look like a-- - Did you bring any lives? - I looked in the mirror and decided, yeah, okay, I'll be a software engineer.

- Nothing gets women wetter than that. Have all right, girl? - Yeah. - I'm creamin' right now. Okay, $500, $200 a month, that's that bad.

And then with you 19 an hour? What do we think that's gonna hit? - 19, 40 hours a week? - Yes. - Menemum, yes.

They suspect some over time. - Do you hear the answer for you? Do you know things? - Sometimes. - Not really.

- In general. - Wow. - You don't. You just don't care enough to know things. - I know something.

- Name of besides dinosaurs? What do you know? - I don't know who you're talking to right now. When you're talking to like that. - Well, if you knew we probably wouldn't be here.

- Is this how they behave in Buffalo? - Okay. - Yes. - That's good to see you. - That's good to see you.

- Ah! - Ah! - Okay. Well, so is that true, do you just not care? - No, I do care.

- Well, he has had to step in an answer for you. Like, if you don't actually know your way, so I'm concerned that maybe you don't. - No, it is 19, but like I said, I'm not sure if it will stay 19.

If I have to redo the paperwork. - It's something really makes sense to me. I'll be honest, but okay, let's get your, I have 40,000 bucks a year before any taxes.

I'm gonna assume in your account.

I don't know.

“New York has a little bit of an income tax,”

but it's not much for your income level.

Actually, are we married? - Yes. - Also, we'll be joined. - I assume. - Yes.

- Ah, I bet you're gonna get 2,500 bucks a month. Do we have any kids? - No. - Okay. - Okay.

We don't dynamic out of the gate, I'll be honest. I'll be honest. Otherwise, I'm just going on here. What are we talking about? - So, we've basically taken turns of

who has a job for the past couple years. - Wow, you're the one that actually makes money. You don't really make money to be able to go on. - So, it wasn't really willingly at first. So, I started at a lower wage like, like, eight or 17,

and then I got bumped up to 19 an hour. Then I moved halfway across the state for a different job and her home life was rough, so she just moved in with me immediately. - Yeah, I've heard about that by the way.

I typically go in blind, but I got a little bit of an information about you. I hear you're a bit of a problem, but go on. - Yeah, so we ultimately, so she moved in within weeks of us getting together

and we got engaged immediately. And our finances were joint since then. She was still in college when we got together.

And she never really had to work until she was done with college

because I just didn't make her. - Let's hear the great maker. - Yeah. - Make her. This is lining up with everything I've heard before by the way.

“Make her, what does it make her, what do you mean make her?”

- Well, so she's never, like, she's had to work in the past, but not well in college, so I just let her not. - Let her not, so now you're, what is a letter make? Well, it's the thing, I know you guys applied because you said you need to,

she needs to learn how to budget. - Yeah. - All the debt is you. - Yeah. - And not only that, and again, usually I really do go in blind,

but I think I just, I had a little, I wanted to read this morning. - Take a little look. Dude, she, her mom literally held her wedding dress to prevent her from getting married to you. You're an issue.

You're a problem. Something's, duh. - Well, the thing is, so her mother is very much at narcissists and she thinks I'm in her mother's fault. Now you, the problem who says she needs to budget all the debt

is literally yours and ours at all whatsoever. And you're deciding whether or not to let her work. - Well, you make her work. - Yeah, she didn't have that before me, but she didn't have a degree either.

- So, I also didn't have collections before you. - And you didn't have a job either. - I got a job before you. - You didn't, when we got together, you didn't, when we moved, when you moved in,

you didn't until well after graduating. You didn't have a driver's license either. I helped teach you to drive. I got you a car. - So what are you, my savior?

- Maybe. - Well, that's an interesting perspective to put you at. It's almost like you kind of, (beep) I don't want to throw all buzzwords.

I'm not, and that part of the internet. I'm not one of those virtual signaling freaks, but I mean, the mom said you'd murder her. You kind of locked her in, didn't let her work, engaged to her immediately.

Separated her for family. It's a little grue mask. - She could have worked if she wanted. I wouldn't have prevented her for her. - For her, let her, and now walking that back,

third time being like you wouldn't prepare her,

it's not really the language you use. - And your mom was literally afraid, her mom was literally afraid that you might murder her. That's not even an exaggeration. The literally was afraid.

That's not narcissism. Narcissists aren't afraid of murder. It kind of groomed her. - We were both young enough, like it's not like there's not a big age gap,

where I could have heard the age gap thing. I mean, the more little definition which typically, yes, is more for someone that is a minor, but separating from the family, not letting work, using your own language on that, by the way,

I know you've walked that back now. Really controlling the finances, moving in immediately, immediately engaged. - It's a little, not to go full, internet, Kerry B, and weird.

- Yeah, I mean, it was all her choice. She could have walked away at any time. - I couldn't have, he controlled the finances. I didn't know what the bank accounts looked like, and he got mad at me every time I looked.

- And you just didn't ask. - I asked. - Bro, they literally just captured it that everything you're just, what the f**k?

Okay, I was not expecting that, I'll be honest. Okay, taking me for a little bit of a turn there. So, fully controlling the finances, but she said she asked, she said she didn't ask.

“You should cut a less, she said she could,”

or what the f**k what? - So, she would only try to bring the conversations up very late at night, in bed,

When I have to get up and go to work in six hours.

And only ever asked about it at like two a.m.

And that's when I would be mad.

“It's not that we were, I was mad about talking about that.”

- Okay, then find out the next day. - Yeah, and I did. - And you bring it up this day. - Yes, I would, and then she would say, "It's fine, it's just won't talk about it."

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How many bedrooms I have? How likely I am to move, which is great, because now they can sell my info to movers in mortgage companies. - Aficient.

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That's more than enough time for aura to start deleting your digital paper trail. Now, let's get back to the show. Hopefully with fewer strangers knowing your home value, Brittany.

- It would never line up when we wanted to talk about it.

I asked about it. I would open up whatever app and look and see what balances are and what's owed, and... - If you can do that, you don't need me to talk about it. If you can see the balances,

we don't need to talk about it. - I couldn't see everything. You hid things from me. - I didn't hide shit from you. You have all the logins.

- Not all of them. - I used the same password and username for everything, and you know what that is. - Okay. - I mean, I'm talking about the gate to you

that weird separation for families, she literally doesn't talk to her mother now, because of you, specifically because of you. You've basically cut that contact, cut that relationship. You cut it off from the world.

That's Fred Flegg's galore, dude. - Yeah.

- And again, I do not throw things out lightly

because people throw around these buzzwords like crazy, but I'm just going off the information, and I know it got weird here, man. You put a line's talk to her. When you saw her, you had to go, friend.

Again, I did a little bit of reading. You had to go, friend. Immediately threw her out, downloaded and paid for all the premium versions of the app, to jarred it, go, refined her again.

It did everything in your world to find her, and then the moment you did, moved in, locked her away from her family. Stocking and separating, controlling the finances, not being willing to talk.

- Yeah, well, the relationship I was in at the time when she originally found me was a long distance relationship where we were on and off again. When I just said, it's how you went about it,

finding her and locking her away in the castle. I didn't lock her away. She could have walked away at any time. - Yeah, but you know she was not in a financial position to do so.

- It's concerning, it is concerning, when we see a woman in that situation, specifically, at that you're weaker as a gender, I don't know, but it is a bit weird because men do tend to take a more domineering presence in a traditional relationship.

And if you're taking over the finances, no, she wanted to leave, she actually really couldn't. She wouldn't have a time to name. Especially if you wouldn't let her work discouraged work, and then you started to think about forcing her work.

It's odd, man. It's f***ing odd. - Yeah, yeah, so I know it looks bad, but it's just, it's really not. - It looks bad, you literally, okay, then say this, yeah.

Made her, forced her to quit her job, which would give her some sense of financial independence if she needed to leave. You forced her to quit her job, what job was it? - My previous job was, I was a collections agent at a bank.

- And you forced her to quit? - Yeah, she was a, going to be fired anyways. And why, how can you say that? - So her department was not doing well whatsoever, and they were saying we're going to cut the department

entirely. So, and she already fired her. - Or get fired and get some severance if that's a potential option. - Also, she had laid off that fired.

- She was also miserable every night at that job. - So here's the white, nice. Separating her from the reality of the world and any kind of financial independence she might have. - Yeah, sure.

She was miserable every day and was working on studying to take the exams to become the funeral directing resident. There's exams you have to take that she was studying for, and if you fail it,

“you have to spend like another $600 to retake it.”

So I told her, well, just quit and study full time for a month or two, then take it, and then you can still be in that role coming to start the new year. - Thoughts for me.

This is a lot of shit stacking out that looks,

An off to me.

- I, I don't know. - You don't know? - I don't know.

- Hearing that, what all do you think?

“What old do you think, or are you afraid to speak”

on what you think? - I do feel like I should have stayed. - You should have stayed at home? - Better job. - No, I should have stayed at my job

because I feel like, I knew you were gonna, like, you know, use it against me. - I haven't used it against you yet. - We fought over it before. - Yeah, we fought over it before,

but that's not me using it against you. - It's just, yeah, we just haven't had that much money. And, okay, your haircut, well, you wanna go to that argument here? - Sure.

- So, she goes, in the entire time, we've been together. She's gotten exactly one haircut. And the only time she's ever mentioned it was, so the only haircut you've gotten was

a couple months before the wedding. And that was 23. So, October of 23. So, she has an asked since then for any kind of hair styling, whatever, whatsoever.

But then a week after quitting her job, she's like, "Hey, I wanna go get my hair styled." And it's like, "Well, okay, sure, you can, "but you couldn't have maybe done this a week or two ago "when we had the additional income."

- It would have been like $20. - But then when I asked you again about it a couple weeks ago and tell you dude, seriously, it's fine, we'll work with it, it's whatever. Just go get it caught, you're saying,

"Well, now it's gonna be like two or three hundred." - I don't remember saying that. - Of course you don't. - It wouldn't be, it wouldn't be two or three hundred. It would be like, at most, like, maybe $40.

- And I've been telling you to go for weeks. But because of the one time I said, "Hey, I'd prefer if you had done it "when we had the extra income, I'm the asshole." - Yes, because...

- If you're going to spend $50 on something, would you rather have an extra amount of money to do it or not have the extra amount of money to do it?

I would say always, rather have the extra money to do it.

- It shouldn't matter, it really doesn't matter.

“- And that's why I ultimately said just do it.”

I would prefer to have the extra income when you had done it or when you will do it, but it's really not the end of the world. - No, I will do it when I have my own income 'cause it's called such a fight before.

The only reason it's causing a fight is because of you. I've said to just go and get it cut. - So many times. - I don't understand why it caused a fight in the first place.

If you're willing to spend $40 on McDonald's, - I didn't even want to say that shit in the first place. All I said is, okay, and you then argued. Well, what's wrong? And it took you asking seven times

before I said ultimately, I would have preferred if you had done it when we had the income, but it is what it is. But because you dragged it out, yeah, I did say it.

- I always have to drag things out of you.

- Yeah, because any conversation we try to have is a fight. - Yeah, because you don't tell me what's wrong. - Because you don't ask, you wait until shit gets to the boiling point and then ask.

- No, I do ask. I have to ask so many times before you say what's wrong. - Yeah, because most of the time, it is bullshit that doesn't matter. It's, oh, my sock has a hole in it.

That doesn't need to be a massive thing. And at a certain point, the thing that's wrong is you continuously asking what's wrong. So to be clear, one, you're shaking. Your hand, I don't know if it's the diabetes or rage.

Two, listen, completed by her getting a haircut like twice in three years and needing socks that don't have holes in it, when literally all of the debt is you. Not one is on her, some of it is.

- Maybe some of the stuff you financed and let it go to collections. - I know that some debts are under her name that you forced her to open. - She's got student loans and the car was a joint decision

which we'll get to when we get there. - Joint, is anything joint here? You steamroll her, you lay on her. - She just doesn't, she just doesn't say shit. And then when she does, she just doesn't stay on it.

“- I don't think, I honestly don't think in the end,”

you give a shit about her. - I don't call last night. She's going into the whole big story about how she was in the ICU and almost died. Very tragic, very sad.

There's a little bit of a pause right after she said that. And then you come and you chime in, but did you die though? - Yeah, every single time, anything happens, it's just, well, I almost died last year.

And like, yeah, sure, that is sympathetic, but you didn't. And yeah, sure, you're saying, oh, this is going to come for you in the long term that it's diabetes catching up to you.

And you're worried that you don't want to do certain things because you think it's going to come for you.

Yeah, it did almost come for you yesterday.

And you're right, you did almost die last year

because of it. But ultimately, you didn't, and now you're taking care of it, so that doesn't happen again.

“So yeah, it did happen and yeah, you did almost die.”

But ultimately, you are now doing the steps to prevent that. And you are now taking care of yourself in a way where that won't happen again. - That's not necessarily true. - You have a constant glucose monitor on your arm.

You check your blood sugars constantly. You take insulin, it will not happen again. Before you just ate whatever, it didn't take insulin and just didn't give a shit. So yeah, ultimately, it's gonna happen eventually.

- You've ticked bigger than my head. What are you talking about? You told me, you did not have diabetes. - He's not diabetic. - Yeah, yeah, you're 24, I'm assuming type two.

- I actually have no idea. - Shouldn't you find the new? - I probably should, but--

- Her mother never had her tested.

- Oh, okay, but you have been at a dog for like seven years. Now I know he won't let you out of the house. So I understand that. Now pisses me off. People sitting around with 25,000 in credit card debt.

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debt.com/hammer that is PDFs.com/hammer. The most piece to fear lack of independent. Why, why wouldn't you go get tested? Because I wouldn't doubt that it actually

would be his never ending influence over you.

The shadow he casts on your entire life. What it's worth? I just, I guess I didn't care enough. Why don't you care? Why don't you care?

Because this guy right here is fully controlling you. I wouldn't be surprised in view for this. But I wouldn't be surprised if you just didn't care as much about life right now because you're just not happy. I mean, two haircuts in a few years.

What the fuck are we doing? She can't look like a woman. She can't feel beautiful. She can't do what she wants to be happy. I'm not saying I'm controlling ourselves,

manning some pennies, five seconds of every day. You know, all the time, no. But two haircuts in two years and I want to end socks with holes in them when you're making nearly six figures.

What the fuck are we talking about? How would assume maybe she's not that happy? Would you not? No, I wouldn't be, but if I wanted a haircut, I would mention it more often than just a single time,

a week after quitting my job. Why is that the biggest thing in the world? Listen, when people quit their job which by the way, you forced her to quit her job, she wishes she stayed there.

She is saying that now. But so that kind of comes with the feeling of a layoff anyway, if you're convincing her, she was about to get laid off. People get into impressive episodes

when they get laid off, even quit. They lose something. Maybe she wanted a look good for a job interview as for feeling better. She wanted it in flight.

There's often you are obviously the breadwinner in a lot of ways and that traps her to be clear, but either way, I could see, is it the best time to get a haircut? Logically, no.

Emotionally, you can understand it, though. Yeah, and you said 20 bucks, 20 bucks. I know for a fact that looking through everything you prioritize every single day, 20 dollars minimum of take out over her needs

and her wants and her desire in any kind of potential future together. 20 bucks for a haircut, you. That's what you're hung up on. You're freaking out about 20 bucks

for a haircut a few years ago. What is wrong with you?

“And that's why I told her to just get it cut.”

Yeah, after you guys thought about it and literally just re-thought about it. It somehow lingers on you. I don't even know how it's possible. Sorry, I need a moment to figure out

How I'm gonna phrase this.

Oh, you take care of time.

Yep, be careful with your words. So she likes to just ignore things until it is such a massive thing to go back and correct. Yeah, really. Really?

Yeah. What about your way? I don't think there is correcting it at any point. Yeah, not at this point. I don't think there was at any point.

We live in a world of Ocempics. Yeah, I can't, it's the easiest. I can't, I can't. What about the pill form? I know, like I can't do either, both a factor.

“I think you consume less calories than you.”

That one, yeah. But my mother had thyroid cancer and it runs in the family and those time to trigger that. You eat less. Yeah, cleaner.

Yeah, and what do you mean you can't lose what? What does this like? No, like I can't do the Ocempics. You're not, you're obese, but you're morbidly obese. Yeah, I'm obese.

You're morbidly obese.

Yeah, I was doing well for the first half of last year,

losing weight, and then I just immediately fell off once I got laid off. I got laid off. Yeah. I want. I was laid off from May until the end of July.

Now, why the fuck are you guys even considering having kids? Because I know this is a huge disagreement you guys have. Having kids. What the fuck are we talking about? Is it one of those, and please tell me,

he really wants kids? It's grounds for divorce if we don't. From whose angle? From mine.

“Because going into this, she said, yeah, I want kids.”

If she did-- Trapped her? Yeah, okay, go on. If she didn't want kids from the start, I wouldn't be in the position of like, oh,

this is a serious issue. If she had just upfront, Ben, I seriously don't want kids, and it's not a possibility. We just wouldn't have gotten together. Because that is one of those bigger things

that couples just can't just-- it's a major life decision. And yeah, if you now don't want kids, that is you fundamentally just lying about who you are as a person.

It is just such blatant false advertising. Because I'm not allowed to change my mind. You can change your mind, wear a different shirt. Wear different shoes, whatever. But changing your mind about a major thing like that years later.

Yeah, but you've also said that we could consider adoption, something like that. Yeah, and you've said, you don't even want to do that. He doesn't even have kids? No, no, we don't have kids.

No, can you? Oh, yeah, probably. Problem, buddy. I'm looking at you. There is a very, very high statistical chance.

Your nut does not carry enough sperm. Yeah. Yeah. You could probably rod dog right. How often do you guys--

I don't know. How often do we? Not often. Yeah, and I'm sure you were shows even less. But yeah, I don't think if that shit was rod dog,

anything would have result on anything anyway. Yeah, probably not. She blames me for her birthday control. What? I do.

Well, no, no, no, just tell me. What the fuck is going on? Oh, what the fuck is going on right now? Go on, please, tell me. You didn't research all the different types.

You went with the stick because it's the safest, lowest maintenance, whatever, and then when you had side effects, tried blaming me for them without researching the side effects, heavily first. Sorry, I don't know, can we go into a version?

You can go into whatever you want to go into. This is up to you. Yeah, that's part of the reason why-- that's actually a big reason why I went with birth control. He made you have an abortion?

No. He said that if I ended up pregnant, we were keeping it.

“Well, yeah, that's what birth control's for.”

But also condoms, and more. And the biggest thing is if she gets pregnant, I want to keep the kid because I want to have kids. Even if it comes at an opportune time. If I'm not ready for it, I don't want to have it.

And you've said that if I have an abortion, that's also grounds for divorce. Yeah, because it's just-- it is, yeah, it's ultimately your body, your choice, whatever. But it's not like it's also my kid, too.

Yeah, but I'm not going to push out a kid if I'm not ready for it. That's the thing. Nobody ever thinks they're ready for it. Nobody is ever fully ready for it. Okay, let me correct myself.

I don't want to have kids if we're in thousands of debt.

We're always going to be thousands in debt.

Yeah, because of you.

Okay. I didn't have debt before you. I mean, that seems relatively fair. And the debt that she does have in her name is that you forced upon her.

Made her open up on her own. Besides the joint car. Also, I think that is kind of fair. Okay, but students are such a low interest, high protection debt. That usually has a good return on a best thing.

Compared to the rest of the bullshit. Yeah, so that's communication even working this house. It doesn't. It doesn't. Yeah, I'm getting that.

“I feel like you're a domineering force that I feel like you should not be there,”

but you don't really make money as it would be kind of unfortunately impossible. Could get you connected with very sources. We'll say that will send those to you separately. But the thing is, maybe just say you don't want to have kids. It's kind of a good idea for your card.

The room in the ver. I'd like to stay with him if I can. Like, I'm not trying to be me. Like you don't. I think she's done.

I think she's done. Why? After all this, why? After all that, why possibly? Because you don't know anything else looks like at this point?

Well, he does have a point. He did help me get through college, get my driver's license. Well, I just hope, though. I mean, that's just, that's very basic stuff. That should not be gold stars for him.

That does not make up for the hand prioritize yelling at you. Literally yelling at you for $20 haircut. Literally not getting new socks with holes in them. Literally prioritizing $20, $30, $40 to take out every single day over you just having any semblance of normalcy.

Cutting off your relationship with your mother, moving you in early, forcing you to do all these different things, including to have kids even if you don't want to. Which, I mean, I do understand that that would be maybe a little upsetting if you guys agreed upon that. You can see that, but someone's a lot of change in mind, and their marriages are also

a lot to end. But the thing is, with the guilt trippy, it'd probably use over you, it would likely be out you're going to have a kid, even if you don't want to, if I'm being completely honest.

Because I have a feeling this guy always gets his way in the end, and you kind of just

go along with it because you're stuck there, and you've known nothing else besides this, and you're adulthood, and you're cut off from your resources. You really are. This is, I'm reading this from an outside perspective, no one will ever know what truly goes on in the household, more than you guys, that is true.

“But after all that, really, that's what you want to have kids with.”

After everything I just said, yeah, he did help me a lot. I just thank you about it, and way too domineering way. What's the health of the driver's license, this is not a cool start that doesn't make up for all that shit, you're giving him credit, that is very basic. Doing you say that is actually quite sad, it is quite sad to hear because you shouldn't

be thinking like that, like he doesn't, that is an excuse, and it's very basic, that shouldn't even be congratulatory, it really should have the fact that it is, means there's absolutely nothing. I do think it's also a little bit of sunken cost-failancy. Oh, sure, I mean, how many years have we spent on each other now?

Four? Four? Yes. It is hard to see that just go away. It is hard to see that enter in our second half of the tonneys, and this is like, well,

I spent all this time, what am I doing? I get that. I feel like, yeah, I might be bad, but I know her mother's worse. What the fuck are we talking about? It doesn't even matter.

Maybe her mother is a bad person, that doesn't mean you get to be bad. That does not excuse that in any way whatsoever. What the fuck? Kind of copes that.

That's a bullshit right there, never going to accept that kind of answer.

The fuck you talking about. What are the conversations? They don't go well. Obviously, you stream role, steam role, but it are some financial conversations that actually happened in this household.

Disagrements, things. I want to understand a baseline of what's happening. So we just don't really budget whatsoever. We don't come to agreements. We, when you apply, and you talk yesterday, you said she needs to learn how to budget

one. In fact, all this is your issue. So now you're saying, we, mm-hmm, good luck. Yeah. There is no budget whatsoever.

We just do, we get groceries. We don't cook them because she usually wants something else. Let's take out every day, dude. The takeout isn't usually my idea. I just really, really.

Is this true? I do feel like you will put it in my head that you want to do takeout. Yeah. And it's ultimately me who says yes or no. Yeah.

I see every idea in your head.

You've never had anything bad in your mind whatsoever.

Everything you've done wrong has ultimately come from me. Right? No. Going back to older liable.

“I think that's what you do with the takeout.”

Really? What? Yeah. What do you mean by that? You blame me for everything you've done wrong.

Like what? You just like to hide behind me being domineering as the ultimate excuse of you can't do anything

Wrong.

You can hide behind me and say that's why you don't talk to your family.

“And in reality, you don't talk to them because you set that bound.”

I don't talk to them because my mother quite literally said she wants nothing to do with me as long as you're in my life. And that's a choice you made. I didn't tell you to do that. She gave you the ultimateum.

And you're also the reason I don't talk to my brother. Or my nephews. Why don't you talk to them? Because issues with the wedding. And what were the issues?

Just people didn't want to cooperate. And why didn't they want to cooperate? Because you were, I don't even know what to call it. You were in charge of every single decision with the wedding. I couldn't even have my grandparents there because you didn't want them there.

You said you didn't want them there.

I changed my mind against.

You changed your mind after we gave the venue the full guest list. No. I didn't. You also said that you were going to invite them just because it would appease your mother and you didn't want to argue with her.

That wouldn't have been the only reason I had them there. And well, that's not what you said. Oh, guys. Oh, what the f-- what the f-- I guess for what a financial conversation is like, and it devolves into that.

What the f-- I don't remember your answer for what is a financial conversation. I don't know what to look like. I don't know. I don't remember. What was the answer?

Oh, take out. See, so you say, OK, you say it's her idea, but you-- but she said that you start planting the idea. Listen, I also know from my little redo reading before that every time she doesn't want to do something like you just endlessly accuse her of pushing the goal post on everything.

Like, she's not a lot of having a ground to stand on. She can. She just chooses not to stand on that ground. I want her to push back in conversations. Right now, I want her to be arguing.

I want her to talk more, but she just won't. So yeah, it leads to me being predominant afterwards.

“Are you afraid of what's going to happen afterwards?”

A little bit, not going to lie. OK. OK. I don't like that. What?

Tell me. You're just-- you're so controlling. In what way? What do you mean the finances? You-- our accounts are in our joint name.

You have access to them. You can log in on your phone right now, open and bank account somewhere else, transfer all the money to it. With your new job, I've said, hey, let's do different accounts for each other. You can keep a large chunk of air money separate.

I'll keep my chunk separate. You'll divide the bills on back and forth on that so much. Yeah, because I want you to have an out if you want one. I don't want to be accused of you being with me just because of a dollar. And then I'm an asshole if I have a way out.

No, I want you to have a way out. If you want a way out, I want you to take it. You said originally that if we had separate accounts that you were going to divorce me, everything leads to divorce with you, everything's ground for divorce. Manipulate her.

The grooming manipulative kid out for a second.

I want to talk to her alone, get the fuck out for a second. OK. I don't like you right now. Believe, we'll take you to a different room. Yeah, we'll get a water all your way away.

Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye. Bye-bye, are you OK? What the f*** is this household? Listen, I know, I know this is on camera. And now, of course, he could see this, and probably well.

But the fact that, OK, well, we will talk off camera afterwards to be very clear, along with you and private.

“My production staff, but while we are here, are you OK?”

Do you feel safe? Do you look what the f*** is going on, dude? This isn't safe. This is not-- listen, I knew he was a problem when I was reading the ship before, and you know, I got some information, but I didn't think it was to this extent.

Here in the actual language and disengrements, and the way he's just endlessly throwing you under the bus, and like you-- I'm happy you're at least saying you are a little nervous of afterwards, but are you OK? Yeah, are you safe? Generally, yes.

Generally, yes. That is not the answer to someone who wants to hear it. But what is generally yes? We do have fights. They get pretty intense.

Don't we? Um, there have been a couple times where he's physically threatened me. He will push me, he will shove me. There was one fight in particular that got very intense, and he grabs like the collar of my shirt and yanked me back, and it choked me.

We did not go. That's the way.

OK.

OK, this is going at a different direction.

“Um, first of all, you know, as you know, that is beyond unacceptable.”

That is disgusting, unacceptable, and there's really not words to describe it. And listen, oh, OK, afterwards in private, we would like your private communication. And also, I know he's watching this for you, by the way, um, that's the honest, no, that doesn't happen. That doesn't happen in love.

It doesn't happen in passion. Listen, a little scream here and there between two spouses, big passions. OK, physical, choking, collars, grabbing, pushing, that doesn't happen. Stopping someone from relieving that doesn't happen. That's not love.

That's not love, and that is not how a man should treat his wife. So how wife to treat his man either, but to be very clear, there is, you know, no genetic and biological things that he is likely to be stronger, and he is in that position of power.

That is unacceptable, and I'm sorry.

So what we're going to do off-camera, and again, I know you're seeing this go for yourself. We will get you contact information, especially if we're any kind of local group we can find, but certainly national. I need to be very clear.

“Next time that happens, couple options definitely call those numbers.”

Those resources we provide. I would say Texas is like, I want to make sure that what is happening has an instant response, you know. So it's like, you know, definitely feel free to keep us updated. We'll try our best.

Lindsay's going to give you a personal phone number, she just said, because I mean, I don't think you realize just how that actually is. It really don't. You've been trapped inside of this.

I've been looking past it.

Yeah, so you've been caught off from your outside world. It's terrifying, but 911 police report, that is violence. I know that sounds extreme, and in that moment, you're like, oh, I do love him. I mean, you can love him. You can love someone and it be a bad person and bad relationship and bad things at the

same time. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. They really do not.

“Yeah, violence escalates into a abusive relationship, sand.”

The fact that that has already shown signs in just a few years, and we're talking potential that kids left, and he manipulates, he knows you love him. He knows you don't have anywhere to go. You have no money. He gets you to leave jobs and he cut off all your relationships.

He knows that you can't leave. Raise your hand if you've been meaning to book a doctor's appointment for, I don't know, the past year. Yeah, mine is up too. I used to doom scroll symptoms at 2 a.m., self-diagnosed with whatever web md through

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So stop putting it off and go to zachtock.com/calab to book a doctor you love today that is zocdoc.com/calab. Thanks, Zachtock for sponsoring this message. Let's get back to the episode. That's kind of f*cking stupid, I'll be honest, but what's not is actually getting a

check-in account that gives you free money. Free money will like free money, yet you can get up to $350 and bonus cash right now. When you sign up for the check-in account that I use, time. Also, it makes your savings grow at a 3.5 APY interest rate. Guys, you can watch financial order and get free money at the same time who would have thought

that's incredible. Check it out, link in the description below. I had it for time, get that $350 right now when you're checking account. So he threatens the divorce, and it's terrifying. It's been a bit of a live.

It's disgusting. I don't exactly have anywhere else to go. Exactly. So we're going to try to get you set up with resources so you do have a place to go. But also, the police is okay to call in those moments.

It really is. I mean, for what it's worth, I'm not saying this is necessarily something I encourage, but we had a member's audit and their situation had domestic abuses from the wife to the man, and that was a couple of years ago when she actually faced a punishment because

He called the police, and she ended up getting mental health and she had dram...

her life and they were able to reunite, and now they actually have a good life.

So there is a better future. Potentially, I don't want you to just grab onto that and go through a world of shit, just for that. But I'm just saying maybe help can be provided. I will set him up with a therapist, maybe he needs to control his anger.

But just because you call the police doesn't mean that it's the end of the world. Okay?

“That's what I'm trying to say with that, because she faced her consequences.”

And he was safe, and their kids were safe, and they were able to come back together. What's your friend's situation like in your areas, because I know your family's situations are best trained? Uh, you said friends? Yeah.

I don't really have any. Okay. I think I have one. I just don't talk to people. Okay.

Is that a new thing? Is it kind of what's been encouraged? Um, it's, it's more so me. I just don't talk to people. Okay, listen, so again, we are going to do that.

I'm going to bring him in. I am going to get him. So I'm going to treat this as hopeful optimism, but prepare for the worst. Okay, prepare for the worst with something to him with therapy, do it with his ship. And you, you know, uh, we're going to get you resources, hoping for the better that he gets

a ship under control. If you guys actually do love each other and want a future, we will do the financial audit as normal. Okay?

“Because I know that's what you guys came here for, and I'm going to deliver what”

we have promised. But this is a bit tough, but I need you to know that. I'm okay. We're going to bring him in. We're going to bring him back.

Okay. Welcome back. I feel so welcome. I have a seat. Don't break it.

Hold in the mic. Listen, why do I have a note that you told Lindsay that you're annoyed she's going to start working again and you're going to be better once she starts working again. Why do I have that note? And what the fuck is that?

So when she starts working again, she's going to be able to have any kind of independent. She might be able to leave if she desires. No, she's going to be constantly complaining that I make more than her and I don't have a degree and she does. And I'm sick of touring it.

Yeah. He doesn't have a degree. He didn't go to college for what he works in. And what should be better about that? I just, I feel like I worked so much harder for my profession.

Okay. I mean, this is the first time I'm going to take his side for what it's worth because I just want to be objective on each subject matter as a whole and not taking account the entire conversation. I'm kind of going to tell you right now, I'll be honest, but I mean, that's fine.

You can get a certification. Make way. You can go through trade school and make more. I mean, people go get doctorates and art history and they're going to make less. Like it doesn't matter the amount of time and hard work and different careers has different

demands and the market pays what it pays. He's also in a career software engineer where it's had the second high as layoffs this year so far. So it's a, a last year federal government being number one, but like it's that, it's that roses in perfection.

It's also in 80,000 dollars, a lot of software engineers especially in New York making 100,000. Yeah, I don't agree with that.

I will never agree with the path you took.

I, then take it yourself. If what I do is so easy, do it. I already, I have my degree. Okay. I, I did the two year progress.

I have my degree. Funeral directing. Well, again, so you're just getting the demand that kind of comes with that. You're getting the pay that you signed up for the degree that you knew the pay. I mean, that's fair.

He knew the pay for his role as well. Exactly. That's why I did it. How did you go from 19 an hour to 80, K? I guess it's a software engineer.

Yeah. Yeah.

“But what do you do besides to the computer all day?”

I'm a computer. It doesn't matter. It's what the market demands. I literally doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, like, what the market demands is what the market demands.

We don't live in like communism. I don't agree with it. Is it jealousy? A little bit. Okay.

I went to college for two years. I did the classes for two years. Yeah, but do you know the pay though when you went into it? Right? So you're choosing to pursue that path that you knew the pay?

I just, I still think that I should not always make less than you.

I will always make less than you. Not again, not necessarily. If you be high on for a funeral director is probably on the higher end of what I can make as a salary and software engineer, because if she were to ultimately open her own funeral home after all this business, though, he owns and all this shit.

Yeah, that's typically the end goal for the funeral directing.

Okay.

I got to jump into these finances, guys.

“Listen, um, I don't know if it should be together.”

I also wanted to have independence. Definitely wouldn't get kids, yeah. Marriage, I would have taken a little more time. And he, uh, there's going to be some separate conversations after this episode. I will be honest, um, yeah, not the biggest fan of.

So, what you guys got going on? Let's see for a second. What do you guys think your household financial score is? Zero. I think it might be like a three.

Okay. If you want to see where you stand in the world of finances, take the Hammer Financial Score for free. Just take a few minutes at KalePamber.com. See where you're staying, where you're doing poorly, where you're doing great.

You guys are awesome. I love you guys. And make sure to download the new and improved and awesome dollar wise budget app and make sure you sign up for the annual version. You will get my signed budgeting cookbook signed directly to you that ends at the end of

March. And then it's gone forever. You also get my signed, you also get my signed meal plan as well. So check that out guys. March is the last to get both and the cookbook has gone forever.

All those links are in the description below. I know you applied to work here. Yeah. Where are you guys going to move to Austin? Honestly, I, yeah, I probably wouldn't.

So it could keep a closer eye on you. I, I do, I'm not a huge fan of Buffalo. There's just not much going on. Yeah. That's, yeah.

Yeah.

“Honestly, yes, only people that like football and even them, but do you move?”

I would know, do you move? Austin says. I have to tell. No. Yeah.

Well, if what would you do here, barbecue? Maybe. I've heard good things. Yes.

Well, I ultimately part of the plan is to lose weight, but, buddy, I'm sorry.

Listen, as a yo-yo or myself, as someone that is on a decent way, I'll start in this year so far. How is it the plan? That's not a, the plan you're either doing it or not. You don't have a plan to, what's your plan to lose weight?

Eat less and move more. Okay. Then do that fatty. What? Yeah.

I'm sorry. From a fellow fatty, fatty, who do that? It's a shirt. It really does. I know I struggle with it too, as a fatty.

That's not a plan. It's either, do it or you don't. If you're not doing it, there is no plan. Yeah. And if you want to have kids, I'd like you to actually be alive for them.

That is an other part of the conversation of having kids is why we want to do that sooner rather than later. Well, no, just don't be fat. I'll never really.

“So the first statements are collections of yours because again, I don't know why you”

put shit on her. Why are you the collections of the dick dude? Huh? Huh? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What's going on asshole? Pick one and I'll answer. Okay. $587 for...

I don't know because it's the collection. I'm 87. Well, that was probably a, what? Deserve. Yeah.

That was a credit card. I opened well in college. Okay. Why didn't you pay it? Well, in college.

Well, I, ultimately just didn't. I don't have her. But she's the problem. She's the one that needs to budge it, huh? Yeah.

Right asshole? Cute. Synchrony Bank. $237. Why didn't you pay it?

Asshole. Cute. During that time, I was unemployed. That one does have a fair enough. Sure.

Why didn't you pay on? And when you were employed, you make money. I made the minimums most of the time. Okay. So, what the fuck are you talking about?

Ten collections, minimums most of the time. Cute. Ten collections. Yeah. Yeah.

You can always move across the room to your computer and check.

Yeah. A lot of the stuff that's in collections. A few of them were auto payers that I just didn't check on. And I don't answer my phone if it's not a number. I don't recognize.

It shouldn't be a phone call, buddy. It's there. It's your fake accounts. Check your shit. Look at your phone.

What are you doing? You know, all you do is look at the screen all day. No one ends up looking like you who doesn't. So, come on. I know you can check this shit.

I could. But I didn't because I thought you were on a day with the script. You were on a day with the script. You were on a day with the script. You were on a day with the script.