Screen Time: Less is More

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"Well this is beyond us, we haven't figured this thing out. This is a great tool for connecting people outside the room, but we're learning that it kind of interferes with our relationship with the people inside the room." Welcome to Focus on the Family with Jim Bailey, I'm John Fuller.

Well, Jonathan McKee always has a lot of insight to share when it comes to media and its

impact on the family, and today is no exception. Jonathan is a social researcher, a popular speaker, and an author of many books, including parenting generation screen, guiding your kids to be wise and a digital world published by focusontheffamily.

“And he's also a contributor to our plugged in entertainment reviews, so he's really part”

of this family, so to speak. Here now Jonathan McKee at first Woodway Baptist Church in Woodway, Texas on Focus on the Family with Jim Bailey. If I were to walk into the typical American home at 7 p.m. on any night, it's not just young people staring at screens, let's be honest, dad is sitting there looking at a big screen,

mom's sitting next to maybe watching that screen, but also looking at a screen of her own. You go upstairs, definitely sister is looking through TikTok videos on her phone, brother is playing games on his device, toddlers flick and shapes across the screen, and a family dog is on the treadmill because no one will walk him. I mean, this isn't a young people problem, this is a, we love our screens issue here.

And the question we need to maybe ask ourselves is there a chance that even the fact that there's more screens, more screen time, more connections, you know, that anyone in history are we more satisfied?

“Is there a chance that maybe less could be more?”

I'm being very real with you, I like my screen, the screen can be fun. It is a great device for connecting with people outside the room when it doesn't interfere with the people inside the room. And what I'm just wondering is there times that this screen is very helpful and is there times where maybe it just belongs in the pocket?

It's funny to watch how things are changing from screens. It's changing the way we enjoy moments. We used to just enjoy moments. Now we have to post about the moment. It used to be that we would just enjoy a cup of coffee, but now we got to let our followers

know how good our cup of coffee was. We're all living the life of an 80s rock star. What do my followers think? You know, I just got to think about my followers and because it's all about the number of followers of friends we've got.

So we live in a country right now where 8 out of 10 young people want to be an influencer in one way or another. What's happening is this is kind of creating a lot of pressure on us because that number now is very important.

And here's what it does to us just emotionally.

It's kind of an interesting thing. And a lot of people are talking about this because again, this is brand new. So this is kind of new research is just emerging. But what people have started to see is that there's this moment that everybody does talk about where you post something.

Look at, I'm enjoying a moment, let me post about it. But what we aren't talking about is after that moment. After we post about it, the waiting. Because after we post, there's this moment where we're waiting to see if the likes come in, see if the traffic goes up, see if we're getting the amount of followers we should have.

And so some people are going to more lengths to try to, if I do this, I've noticed I've you know, get a little bit more likes or this is when the followers start to spike. If I do this and there's this moment after post where it's affecting a lot of us because

even if we've got a bunch of followers, even if we've got a bunch of friends, there's always

someone with more followers. How come I only got 637 likes, Taylor got 1,122 likes, I understand. And so it's starting to affect us and we're seeing this number in particular be something crucial. Let's try some real quick, let's talk about this influencer thing for just a quick second.

Let's pretend that this room right here is America, and by the way, we're talking literally when it comes to what percentage of America is online, it's almost pretty much everybody.

access online and during COVID because of schooling, everything like that, we need to get

everybody to tell me, we're at the 98 or 99% mark. So let's just say that this is America right here, this room is, let's try something. If your birthday is January 1st through November 10th, good and stand up, we are real quick.

“This is new something, January 1st through November 10th, good and stand up, okay?”

This is how many young people want to be influencers today, go ahead and look around you. If this was America, this how many young people want to be influencers today. So just look to your right and left real quick, okay, sit down unless your birthday is May 3rd and you were born between 12am and 353am, sit down unless you're May 3rd and you were born

between 12am and 353am, do we have anybody, do we have anybody, we got, hey, hey, we have

two, yes, give my hand, look at that, or maybe even three, whoa, okay, you may sit down. May right there represent the 1, 2,252nd that actually can make it as an influencer full time, okay? That's just what the numbers are, okay? They represent that and we got to be careful here because I mean, we don't want to squash, I mean, honestly, that's better odds than making it in the NBA, okay, you know, we don't

want to tell LeBron, hey, buddy, you know, the odds aren't good, we don't want to squash

“LeBron's drinks, there might be a future LeBron right here, you know?”

But the fact is there's a lot of young people out there who are trying and the question we need to start asking is what kind of effect is it having when a lot of us aren't making it or aren't quite seeing ourselves as being as popular as liked as everybody else around this? And as a guy who studies this a lot, interview after interview, study after study of people

with hundreds of thousands of followers who are saying the pressure was too much, those who even made it to the top and this isn't just the social media thing, folks, a lot of people who made it to the top can't handle the pressure. We've seen it a lot and in the world of screens right now what we're seeing is we're seeing depression spiking more than it ever has before and folks, this research went before

COVID because a lot of people could say they're well with COVID, and in a pre-COVID depression that spike more than ever had before, teenage suicide among teen girls was at an all-time spike anxiety, everything and of course, people are looking, hey, screen time's going up, depression's going up, people start to draw in those lines, of course, some people start to putting blame right away, so we start seeing studies come out, we start seeing people

saying, hey, these technology companies knew about this, we're seeing reports coming out naming certain social media, hey, comparisons on Instagram are making it really tough out there on young girls because there's this constant comparison going on, how come I'm not getting as many likes? I don't look as good, my daughter and I embarked on a book, we were actually finishing

it up, last time I was here two years ago and as we wrote this book, it was fascinating to hear her perspective on this because there's someone who loves social media and who actually enjoyed Instagram, she was very vulnerable in this book and she said, every time

“I posted something on Instagram, she goes, and I'll honestly, I thought everybody else”

looked good in the picks and I couldn't help but compare, she said, that's the one thing

Instagram always does to me, it makes me compare and she says, comparison is the thief

of joy. Then COVID came along and when COVID came along, basically all of a sudden it hit a generation it was already pretty lonely, it's ironic, more connected, but less intimate friends, COVID comes along and all of a sudden it's hitting us in the face and a lonely generation got even lonelier and we started to see actually depression and suicide go up but also

we saw awareness where a lot of people start to admit, you know what, I like face-to-face relationships but is there a point where maybe enough is enough? What do we do as parents and grandparents to people to care about this generation? But the question I want to focus on right now is I want to ask as a family, as a church body, is it too much?

Are there possibly some unforeseen consequences to being so over-connected that we don't connect anymore? We live right now in a country where the average mom and dad spends more time on a screen than they do with each other or their kids.

What's the answer?

“Well, they get to answer, let's go to a place where I think all the answers are and let's”

go to Luke 10 and just approved you that I don't think screens are bad, I'm going to go on my screen right here here we go Luke 10 and honestly it's because I can make the font really big and that really helps me, yeah I mean I've got a big it's like four God so loved yeah there I can read that there we go okay Luke chapter 10 here we go started with verse

38 it's amazing how this by the way 2000 something years ago so perfectly relevant today

I'll start in verse 38 as Jesus in his disciples were on their way he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened up her home to him she had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said but Martha was with the next word distracted

“by all the preparations he had to be made she came to an ask Lord don't you care that my”

sister is left me to do the work by myself teller to help me give us pause right there for a quick second picture this I mean I love this that we see this story about these two

sisters and and we don't know exactly what went on but it was something like here's two

sisters that wanted to connect with Jesus we thought if we do the meal thing we'll be able to connect with Jesus Mary she gets it immediately pops at Jesus feet and it's just soaking him in but Martha was distracted let me ask you a quick question anything wrong with cooking anything wrong with the gift of hospitality no I mean it's a good thing those are good things there's nothing wrong with what Martha's intentions were she with good intentions set out to do

“something they would help her connect with Jesus the problem was that she got so focused on that”

something that she forgot about the connecting with Jesus part is Mary fact she allowed it to become a source of bitterness between her and her sister and next things you know she's coming to Jesus and go and we do something here and tell her to do it because because come and come on I'm doing all the work here she was so distracted by something that she set out with very good intentions to connect and that very thing that she was using to connect

chapter from connecting hmm can I weird huh she was so distracted by what she was trying to use to connect that she forgot about connecting I got an opportunity to perform a wedding for young girl who grew up at our house all the time she was friends with one of my daughters and when it's young girl decide to get married she asked if I would do the wedding as a minister and I said sure and as we were talking once about kind of some of the lessons you know prepping for this

wedding I said I said can I share something she said sure I said I've done several weddings and here's the something I've noticed I've noticed a lot of brides when they get to that wedding day they're so stressed out by having tried to make this day that's supposed to be one of the greatest days on earth they were so focused on having such an insta perfect wedding that they're so stressed that literally is I'm standing in the background with the bride beforehand she's ready to walk

down the aisle she's gusling petal bismo to deal with an ulcer that she's got from trying to make this day so perfect that she wasn't able to enjoy the day sometimes in life we get so distracted with something it it it it it it distracts us from the connections from the stuff that matters and a lot of us when I say there's something that's distracting us you know exactly what it is it would fill in that blank if we were to fill that out sometimes I allow blank to become a distraction in my life

you know exactly what it is so what does Jesus say what what does he tell us about these

distractions in our life let's keep reading because his answers are amazing so we left with

Martha come out and say in Lord Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by ourselves tell her to help me and Jesus says Martha Martha the Lord replied you were we're eating upset about so many things how many of you by the way are right there worried upset about so many things but indeed few things are needed or indeed only one

here's what it would be Martha Martha chill order pizza and I love the fact that Jesus doesn't

“even name what the one thing is because it's so obvious Martha you're so distracted by so many things”

you're so distracted this went probably a little deeper than just prepping a meal you're so distracted about all these things when only one thing is needed and your sister found it and it's interesting because when we look at this one thing throughout scripture so many of us were going through life and maybe with good intentions we allow other things to become a distraction other connections to become a distraction from the one connection that matters

some of us are actually connecting with people complete strangers and we're hurting relationships the people around us are sister and are Lord who is begging us to just sit at his feet Martha allowed her cooking to become the one thing instead of Jesus Jesus talks by the way

“this one thing is nothing new in scripture we see all through scripture”

in fact when Jesus followers Paul talks about it later and is letter to the Philippians he says brother to sisters I don't consider myself yet to have taken a hold of this but one thing I do forgetting what's behind straining toward what's ahead I press on towards the goal which is Christ Jesus that's the one thing we see later in the book of Hebrews Hebrews does this like summary like this cliffnote version of the here is a faith in the Bible and it says look at all these people

look at all these here is the faith and the next verse says considering these cloud of witnesses these great people of faith let's do something here let's strip off all that hinders that sin that so easily entangled and let's do one thing let's fix our eyes on Jesus we keep seeing this over and over again we have these things that so easily entangle us and we allow them to become a distraction for a lot of us that one thing that we would write in that blank we know it's something that's

“entangling us and needs to go what do you need to trim I love mountain biking and I won't”

say I'm a great mountain biker but I live by some great mountain bike trails I live in California at the base of the Sierra Mountains right near Folsom and you can literally go right up the hill to one of the most beautiful places on earth I'm not exaggerating Lake Tahoe the deepest bluest lake you've ever seen and it's set up at an elevation so high that it's surrounded by snow cap mountains and pine trees gorgeous and when you look at it the blue is entrancing it's just

it's so majestic it's amazing I'm going on this mountain bike right with my friends Mark and Amy

who coach mountain biking I don't coach mountain biking okay I have a mountain bike and my mountain bike is worth about the same amount as their back wheel of their mountain bike and it's funny either I mentioned the back wheel because right before the ride Mark says okay Jonathan today there's lots of distractions on this ride he goes listen to me if you don't want to die I said yeah got my attention he says we're going to be up on some precarious trails we're going to be next to some

edges that if you fall off yeah you'd probably die and so what I want you to do is I want you to focus on my back wheel you can't take your eyes off this trail I'm going to be in front of you so just watch my back wheel you're going to be tempted to look he goes we could sight see later he goes when we're going on this precarious trail do not look to your right your left keep your eyes focus on and he said it one thing my back wheel I said okay back wheel don't die got it that's good

I'll try it and so we started on this ride and he was in kid man this was a crazy ride we're going and it's like we're going left we're going right we're on this trail and I'm just sitting around just like watch the back wheel don't die watch the back wheel don't die and I'm doing it and pretty soon we go up and we hang this left and we're in this clearing where I see from my God given peripheral vision this beautiful blue big something over there but I'm going watch the back wheel don't

die don't look right or left watch the back wheel but it was blue and it was there and it was open it was entrancing and I was just like maybe I could just just oh my gosh I mean it was he was it was

amazing it was there was Lake Tahoe was gorgeous so surrounded by snow cap mountains trees gorgeous

and that's why I didn't true story see the trail turn left and marked turn left I went straight

darn and there's this pine tree right there and I just grabbed it like elf man I just

grabbed it and as my body kept going the and I'm like my bike is hooked to my feet you know and I just go like this the pine tree goes I literally just grabbing this poor little Christmas tree

“so yeah and when I got all bent down like this the Christmas tree was like hey dude you need to lay”

off the pizza a little bit I'm like shut up you're a tree and Mark comes back and he goes you took your eyes off my back wheel didn't you I was like this the lake is so beautiful is everything wrong we're looking at the lake the fact is sometimes things become a distraction from the one thing that's important what do you got a trim I'll close by telling you this few years ago my my my kids were still

in the house they've grown up now got out of the house they were getting ready to go on a mission's

trip and on this mission's trip the youth pastor decided to do something kind of kind of bold he said I want to prepare our hearts for the mission's trips we're going to try something we're going to do a media fast we're not going to fast from food we're going to fast from screens and music and your team media want to fast a little bit and everybody's like okay and like and he said so if we want to do this mission's trip we're going to fast for the month before the trip

and everybody starts freaking out my kids are like oh month I'm not going I mean literally he's like I'm not going on this stupid trip you know and we as parents are like come on grow up a little bit and then the youth pastor literally says and his families would be unfair for them to do it so we're going to do it too and immediately the parents are like this is stupid you're not going on this trip you know I mean we're just you know come on I don't want to miss in CIS wakeo I mean come on

so we're so we all were kind of like we're abelling a little bit and we're like you know and finally we're like okay let's pray about this and so we pray to the family and as a family like okay let's try it and I remember like literally the first couple days it was just weird we got in a car I'd flip on the radio and my kids were like dad don't and I'm like it was Chris Tomlin I thought it was okay I'm sorry you know and literally like at night my kids

would finish the homework like four or five o'clock and they'd come downstairs and they'd be like what are we going to do I'm like I don't know here's a ball let's throw it at the dog

lost 30 pounds that month all right I mean it was amazing we started hanging out as a family we

started we I mean literally we're like what are we gonna do so we sit there we'd light a fire in the living room which is really weird because we don't have a fireplace but I mean we just we're like doing anything you know just hanging out when the 30 days were up they went on the

“mission ship they came back and I never forget they're like dad we um we we can't go back”

the way it was they said and they weren't ready to give up screens or anything I mean I think we literally did a Lord of the Rings extended edition trilogy day where we were like for 12 hours sitting on the couch like must have screen you know we we kind of soaked it back in you know right into our veins but we talked as a family and we came up with an idea and for our family we came up with no tech Tuesday it was just a taste it was like hey on Tuesday what do you say we're

doing homework whatever that we just make that a night where we just sit and read by the fire because we realized that less was more and with that image of a family enjoying some quiet time together around a fireplace we come to the end of this presentation from Jonathan McKee on focus on the family with Jim Daley yeah John I like that picture that's the perfect spring day here in Colorado to have a fire and just hang out together I really appreciate the wisdom

that Jonathan has shared with us today and if you'd like to try a digital fast with your family we've got a free resource for you our plugged in media team has put together an emergency kit that will help you fill all of that time that is currently spent on screens will give your family ideas for our weeks worth of games reading time and other activities that will build closer relationships in fun ways yeah look for the free guide called screen fast 2026 when you

“follow the link in the show notes and if you want to go deeper let me recommend Jonathan's book”

called Parenting Generation Screen guiding your kids to be wise and a digital world published

about social media screen time and entertainment it's so important to be wise in our media

“choices today and help our children do the same listen to this note we receive from a man I call”

Kevin who desperately needed help and had a consultation with one of our counselors he said you guys do such good work well we appreciate that he went on to say I spent years listening to very sick music and it took me a long time to clean up my mind a friend introduced me to focus on the family and I'm so thankful your staff is so wise and they've helped me tremendously that's

“really powerful it is media choices have consequences think how much we fill our mind with media”

choices it's amazing and parents need to be involved in those choices with their children

as much as possible and I also hope you'll consider supporting focus on the family as we do our best to help families to thrive in Christ which is our goal and when you make a donation of any amount we'll send you a copy of Parenting Generation Screen as our way of saying thank you for being

part of the ministry yeah you can donate online just follow the link in the show notes or give us a call

800 the letter A in the word family and be sure to look for the free resource we have for you at our website a parents guide to today's technology it really is a comprehensive look at how kids are using their mobile devices and how that impacts them physically and psychologically emotionally and socially thanks for listening to focus on the family with Jim Daley take a moment please and leave a rating for us and a comment in your podcast app and share this episode with a friend

help us spread the word about this great content. I'm John Fuller and funny you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Live your truth a lot of people say that don't they but truth isn't something we decide God has decided it for us and it's our job as believers to share his truth with a world in need I'll encourage you to do that through my podcast refocus with Jim Daley. I visit with fascinating

“guests about important topics like gender confusion, cancel culture and more while helping you share”

God's love with others listen at refocus with Jimdaley.com