Comic Jeff Ross on roasting, loss and his epic bar mitzvah

know my guest Jeff Ross as the roastmaster general. He loves to make people laugh by insulting

“the guest of honor, as well as the roasters. But his new Netflix comedy special is very”

personal and autobiographical. It hits lots of emotional notes and reveals a more vulnerable side of him beneath the tough skin that's gotten him through tough times. He talks about his family. His great-grandmother founded the popular New Jersey catering hall Clinton Manor, which Ross's father eventually took over. It was known for its weddings and bar mitzvies, and for the food. One of the people who aspired to have a wedding there was the main character

in Judy Bloom's 1978 novel Wifey. While Jeff Ross's friends were out having fun, he was

cutting brisket for the next catered affair. It was a tight-knit family, but that kind of ended when Jeff was young. His mother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 12, and died when

“he was 15. Five years later, his father died of an aneurysm, leaving Jeff and his younger sister”

orphaned. In his early 20s, he lived with his grandfather and became his caregiver until he died. If you know what Jeff looks like, you know he's bald. It's not a fashion statement. It's a result of alopecia, a condition in which you lose your hair, including eyebrows and eyelashes. Shortly before he started preparing his one-man Broadway show, in which he talks about all of these things. He was given a far worse diagnosis than he added to the show, and that was staged three

colon cancer. It required surgery in several months of chemo. His new Netflix comedy special is a filmed version of that show, which is called Take a Banana for the Ride. The special begins with clips of him from a couple of roasts, including the now famous or infamous 2024 roast of Tom Brady, which was produced and co-hosted. Here's Jeff for us. Snoop. Love you, man. So much. The only person that's in hell more smoke than Snoop is Pete Davidson's

dad inside the World Trade Center. Thanks, Pete. Tom, I really wanted you to be our first

go to be roasted, because you're an example to future generations. And if you work hard, eat right, film the other team's practices, deflate the balls, and have the NFL make new rules just for you. Then you too can be the third most famous guy in a Dunkin Donuts commercial. Jeff Ross, it's great to have you back on the show, and that stuff is so funny. Terry, thank you. I is so enjoyed hearing you ramp this up. I can't even tell you what a full circle

moment for me. This is my record breaking third time on. I don't know how many comics have had this privilege, so I'm thrilled. Oh, it's great to have you. So to the extent that you're comfortable talking about it, how is your health now? My health is 100% thank you for asking. Oh, that's such great news. I just had my chemo port removed. Oh, great, because you're still headed on when you're

“filming the show. Yeah, my show. So it's it's it's really important for people to know that I'm doing”

okay. I'm doing better than okay. And don't worry about me, at least right now. I feel very fortunate. And to the people listening who are going through chemo, it's you can do it. You can do it. I want to talk now about how you became you. Yeah. So let's start with the catering business. My parents were such veterans of catered affairs, weddings and barmitages at various catering halls around like queens and Brooklyn. Yeah. So let's start with your grandmother. She founded this

successful catering hall in New York, New Jersey. And then you moved like the business and your family moved to, which part of New Jersey after that? New York stuff was on Clinton Avenue, it was Clinton Manor, and eventually moved to Route 22 in Union New Jersey where I work there as a boy in a young man. I want you to describe what the typical barmitseful was like when you were working in the kitchen. You know, I would ride my moped on, you know, an egg turning lane of this highway, you know,

12 months a year to go to my family owned catering hall where these lavish affairs would happen. So I saw, you know, human nature, people at their most nervous, broads, grooms, mother of the bride, father of the grid, like, you know, you saw people at their most intense. I would watch the bands from a window in the kitchen. You know, I would like peek out as a 13, 14, 15 year old working

but I had red fingernails from the cherries that I put on the fruit cups. So nice. Everyone thought

“I was wearing nail polish and since I was the center, the pun center, they all stared at my hands.”

So there were a lot of funny crossovers. I worked parking cars there. My grandfather and I ran the parking lot sometimes. I worked in the hat check, like taking people's coats as a boy. As a little boy, I rolled meatballs. I would just sit on a, on a big barrel of salt, metals, you know, canister, and I would roll meatballs for hours. Or, in my teens, I would feed the workers. I would make mozzarella fry for 80 people on a Sunday morning. You know, the, the,

the servers were all Scottish and Irish. They were Haitian people. They were Hungarian people. They were French people who worked there. So I got a real mix of, of ethnic humor and different senses of humor. It was a very enriching time for me. I just have to briefly ask you about the

“food, like my parents grew up during the depression. And their parents were Jewish immigrants from”

Eastern Europe. So there wasn't a lot of food early in their lives or in their parents' lives. So when they'd go to like a catered wedding or bar mitzvah, they would just like eaten eat. And there's so many stages of food. Like at the, at the catered affairs they'd go to, there'd be a smorgasbord, which would have like sculptures of chopped liver. And like, Charmaine was the Chinese dish. There were Swedish meatballs and, um, some, yes, and some kind

of like chicken and other side dishes and salad. Then you first set down to the meal. And on the

really lavish ones, like if you're going to somebody's, you know, catered affair who had money, then after that there'd be what was called the Viennese Table, which was breakfast. So it was like three meals in one event. And it was, and then everybody would have like a very source stomach afterwards. So, but was it like a, everyone felt like a king when they left, you know, the Chinese Table was dessert, wasn't the Viennese Table dessert, Hall of On. And ice cream and cake.

Oh, maybe, maybe it was dessert. But then after that, I remember once there was a breakfast.

“I mean, and I thought this isn't sane. You know, I think we might be finding a direct connection”

from the catering business to me getting calling kids. I think we just figured it out, anything. And then the bands, sometimes the bands are so bad, because the parents would hire a band that suited their taste. And so the band would play like lots and lots of cha cha's and just like songs that the actual bar mitzvah age people were totally uninterested in. But they would play like one or two songs that they thought would like,

this is for the kids. And they would do like terrible covers of it. Did you see some really

awful bands? I saw the house bands are the ones I remember. And they were always great. Dave Aaron

and before that, my grandfather's band, the herbal arson orchestra, who I played their music in the credits of the Netflix special. It was fun actually like finding my grandfather's old jazz albums. And I would play it as people were coming into the Broadway house. So the Neederlander was filled with my pop herbs jazz band from the 1950s. Another connection, Terry, is the catering hall, the building where the Clinton manor was for all those years, was torn down recently. And the

weekend they tore it down was the weekend that we built the set into the Neederlander. Yeah, Beowulf, for its beautiful set, went up the same weekend that the old building came down and my family got a real chill from that. But also, you know, it's like a real sign that life goes on and we've kind of rebuilt the Clinton manor into a Broadway show. You know, we had a real like family pinch me moment of the Clinton manor. My great grandma Rosie, this great leader of our

family, maybe the only person on earth I've ever been jealous of. Because she worked up stairs, she was a real like pying here in her field. She had this kosher catering hall in the before women really owned a lot of big businesses in Newark, New Jersey. And her three sons, my two uncles and my grandfather, it was the band leader, my uncle Murray ran the kitchen, my uncle, I'll be worked there for a while. We say he cooked the books. That's the joke that I do in the show,

together. She kept everybody fed and employed and happy. Well, you brought up religiously or

culturally Jewish. Culturally. Bar mitzvah's all that stuff. I did it but it was a struggle. What was your bar mitzvah like? Was it lavish? My bar mitzvah was like something between a super bowl half time show and like something, you know, Saddam Hussein would throw for one of his kids. Like every favor of New Jersey was called in, you know, the best band, the best florist, the best, you know, of everything. It was like my dad, my mom, they really went all out from my

bar mitzvah. It's a core memory for me and, you know, talk about a Vietnamese table, people are still talking about it. The third thing, cheesecake, the vodka. It was, you know, it was a beautiful bar mitzvah. I remember the first three words of my half Torah. So religion,

it was not, it was not the focus for us. It was always cultural like Jewish pride,

Jewish strength, the Jewish food, Jewish music, Jewish laughter. That was sort of my upbringing. You became the second youngest black belt in America when you were 10. You were bullied at school

“and your mother suggested that you should take, was it karate Taekwondo? What? It was Taekwondo.”

She dragged me. I did not want to go. Okay. That's Korean karate. Yeah. So once you got there though, did you like it? You must have stuck with it to become a black belt. I immediately loved it. I was terrible. I was punching with my fist upside down. I wasn't coordinated. I, you know, six

years old when I started. But quickly, I learned that it was more than just self-defense.

Like I was, it was community. It was role models. I was taught by these Newark detectives. And, you know, I would hear the way they talked about life. You know, there are wives, there are kids. I learned life through my karate teachers. And I learned discipline.

“And I, you know, I learned to protect myself. I think that gave me confidence to talk smack”

for a living later in life. It was cool. Do you ever use your, um, Taekwondo skills to fight bullies in school? I did. I did. I was more like not fight bullies, but defending others against bullies. I didn't like when people got picked on. Um, so sometimes I would step into those kind of messy situations. So you said that learning, uh, Taekwondo, Korean karate helped you talk smack without being worried about getting beaten up for it. So I mean, on some level,

I am going to dangerous occupation. I make, you know, I'm telling notorious figures, you know, roasting is sometimes dangerous. Um, so when you were 12, um, your mother was diagnosed with leukemia. She died when you were 15. Were you very close? We were. We were. What was it like watching her suffer when you were so young and you probably hadn't seen someone suffer like that before? Uh, it was, uh, it was hard. It was hard. It was hard to see somebody

so tough and was so full of laughter, such a positive person suffer and, you know, it may be

“realized that this life is very unpredictable and we were responsible, all of us are responsible”

for our own happiness. What caregiving responsibilities fill to you, your father was really busy with the catering business. Uh, besides the having to take care of yourself for her, you know, she wanted to make sure while she was in the hospital that I was my sister and I was playing footballs, watching my uniform every night and making my own dinner and just being a good boy. We couldn't visit her very often because the hospital was in New York and we lived in New Jersey. So I would

write her letters and that was a big part of my mission to cheer her up. I'd write her funny letters. And I found a bunch of them recently. I couldn't find what I wrote to her but I found a one she wrote back to me and she's like, all the nurses had a good laugh and she's like, you know, had some funny Nazi name that I must have used. I think I wrote my mom a letter as a Nazi general at the hospital. And I remember going to visit her one weekend and she was losing her

be losing her hair. And I remember hugging her and making cojack references and, you know,

“with the only kids at school whose mom looks like cojack and we had just seen the King and I,”

my sister and I and my dad would take us to Broadway shows to cheer us up after the hospital visits and the King and I, you'll better, you know, so I made a joke about that, you know, that she would look like you'll better, who was awesome and bald and bald. So I take some satisfaction in knowing that I made her laugh because I found the evidence, the letters, you know how time works, Terry. It's like, you know, you start to go, did this happen? Did I dream this? Did I exaggerate this

20 years ago and then when you find, you know, I kept digging and I found a letter that my dad wrote

to me when I graduated high schools, the only letter he ever wrote to me and I read that in the show. And there was some debate in my head whether it belonged in the show or not because we'd kind of moved on from my dad after he kind of dies in my life story. He dies from cocaine from having too much fun. And so I read the letter and you really get to, it gives a chance from redemption from my dad for some of the stuff he missed. He apologizes to me if he was out and partying too much

or if he wasn't, if we didn't talk about my mom much after she died and I want to inspire dads to be communicative with their kids. And there were a lot of dads with their kids there at the Broadway show this summer. So I'm glad I, I'm glad I'm meeting these letters. There's a part of me that should I be talking about my parents like this when they're not around to laugh along with it. But I do think the greater mission is to inspire people and give

“people hope about their whatever's going on in their life. This is something I think about a lot.”

Like I don't believe in an afterlife or anything. But there's part of me that really thinks the people I've lost in my family are somehow hearing what I say. And there's something that they really want kept private and I tell somebody they know it, you know? Like the people who have died like they know it. And I know that they, that they're not alive. I don't believe that they're in the room with me. But there's a part of me that really believes they're hearing it. And I wonder

if you feel that way when you're on stage. God, my family, there's no getting offended. I have the bunch of wackos in my family. Like I remember, oh God, I don't know how to tell this. My aunt and uncle Joe lived in Iran and Japan in the '70s. They were teachers. And eventually there was an overthrow in Iran and they moved back to America with their baby daughter,

“my cousin Melinda. I remember like the whole family like meeting the new baby was such a big”

deal. They'd flown across the world and they have this new baby that was born over there. And now here it is in this house in New Jersey. And we're all just admiring, you know, the beautiful Melinda and the baby's naked and my dad goes, you know, to his sister. He goes, Donna, she has your blanket. And remember my aunt, Donna, you know, here I am a little boy hearing my aunt, Donna, holding this beautiful baby, shrieking laughing. You know, I saw the sense of humor of my

funny family early on and that almost nothing was awful limits. We never want to hurt each other.

It's all like in good fun. It's all to snap out of sad times or awkward times. So like humor is so healing, you know, it really is. We need to take another short break here. If you're just joining us, my guest is Jeff Ross, who's known as the roastmaster general, having hosted produced many celebrity roasts and dished out many insults on those roasts. His new Netflix comedy special is a filmed version of his autobiographical one-man Broadway show. It's called

Take a Banana for the Ride. We'll be back after a short break. I'm Terry Gross and this is Fresh Air. If you're a super fan of Fresh Air with Terry Gross, we have exciting news. Double UHYY has launched a Fresh Air Society, a leadership group dedicated to ensuring Fresh Air's legacy. For over 50 years, this program has brought you fascinating interviews with favorite authors, artists, actors,

Learn more at www.yy.org/FreshAirSciety. When your parents both died, you lived with your sister

“and when she left and I think when you were still in high school or after college, you moved in”

with your grandfather and you became his caregiver till he died. What was a like for you to be taking care of him? I know you liked him very much, you were close. Well, I felt experienced. I understood, you know, a lot of change. My family was all spread out. My sister was in college and here I was a recent college graduate living with my 79-year-old roommate who happened to be my best friend for my whole life. As hard as it was, it was also kind of great. Yeah, I loved him. Like we had fun. We ate

or we meal together. All my friends became his friends. We were both single. I was 23 and he was 79 and he would meet women at the senior center. I mean, I only wanted to drive at night. He would

“say, you know, that's how he would meet these women. And he would just talk about his girlfriend's”

and dates and encounters and I would talk about mine. And you know, we were like almost like brothers by Pop Jack, like he was a retired construction worker from the Bronx, like a real blue collar, Jewish tough guy, patriotic but cynical. And I was like, I loved living with him. It didn't feel like a burden until sometimes it just was. You know, he got sicker and sicker, he'd hallucinate. And I would take into his doctor appointments every day. And then at night, I would try to go

in New York. I would take the bus or drive in New York and try to get on stage. And he would always

give me a few dollars for the bus and a banana. Take a banana for the ride. That's where the title, the inspiration for the show comes. To him, it was a like a tough guy's way of saying, I love you. I can't go with you, but I'm honest, journey with you no matter what. Having had three deaths, your parents and your grandfather when you were young and being raised culturally, but not religiously Jewish. Did you sit Shiva? Shiva is the Jewish tradition of for seven

days not doing anything. You sit on a hard bench. If you're seriously observing, you cover all the mirrors because it's no time for vanity. And you just, you know, talk with people and cry and laugh about the person who you're grieving. Did you do that? Yes, my mom died slowly. My dad died suddenly.

“And the one I remember is my dad's. Shiva was, it was so absurd that this guy was dead. He was”

such like a big shot. Everyone loved him. He ran this very popular catering hall. He would go down a Atlantic city in Gamble. And everywhere we went, people knew him because they they'd shared their, you know, parties with him. And, you know, Ronnie, Ronnie left shelves. He had a cattle act. And when he was just suddenly gone, like my sister and I, who's, you know, year 16 months younger than me, it was just like, it was almost funny. Like, how could this be? His estate

was a complete mess. He had a sort of two wills. You know, I burned one, my sister because we didn't want our uncle, Jerry, as our executive, because we knew he was not up to it. And so we,

I hired my own, you know, accountant. And that was a total mess. We never collected my dad's life

insurance because it was contested by the life insurance company over his smoking, his cigarettes smoking. There was no recourse for two teenagers back then. There was no go fun means, you know, you put in whatever fight you could. But we were just like victims of circumstance. And I just didn't want to be a victim. I wanted to be a winner in life. I wanted to have a positive outlook. I wanted to make the most of my life because as I saw could end any second. Right. I'm seeing

you in such a different light. You know, I'm so glad that you did the show on our showing us this side of yourself. It's like, so a kind of complex and deep knowing all that you experience. When you went to college, which was in Boston, after having lived your life in New Jersey,

you wanted to be or thought that you were? You know, college is like a reboot for everybody, right?

So some people change their name. They change their look. You know, for me, it was a chance to really be with other creative people. I immediately started working at the college radio station. Eventually became the music director. I was playing in punk rock bands. I had this creative liberation. Were you the guitarist or what? I was a very bad guitarist. I still am. And I was writing, you know, I didn't really understand comedy yet. It really wasn't until

after college, a couple of years that I understood that comedy was what I should be doing. How did you figure that out? I didn't. Someone did it for me. My friend Mark, who I named check in the in the Netflix show, he was taking in a a stand-up comedy class taught here in New York by a guy named Lee Frank who was a comic and he said, I think it'd be good

“at a Jeff, you should try it. And I tried it and I loved it right away. Not since karate,”

had I felt like a connection to something. I was obsessed where I could do it all day every day. And that was it. I was trying to get on stage three, four times a night if I could. I just wanted to get my hours in. My five minute increments of just expressing myself talking about whatever I wanted. It was so cool. Like it was all like mind boggling to me. It was punk rock. It was free speech. It was like shouted out loud. I didn't understand that I could be a comedian. I understood that I loved

comedians like as a kid was like Steve Martin, the blues brothers, Eddie Murphy, these rock star comedians, you know, Eddie Murphy and a red leather suit. That was a comedian. I didn't know it was a comedian. The blues brothers were playing music, but they were comedians. Teaching Chong were playing music and doing sketches, but at the heart of it, they were comedians. I didn't know that word comedians. I thought comedians were, you know, on Johnny Carson, my parents' generation,

you know, and I got a lot from that too. There was like, I remember just, you know, listening.

I would never watch because it was late, but I remember hearing Buddy Hackett and Don Rickles on

the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I would sit at the top of the stairs where my parents

“couldn't see me. And I would listen. I could hear them laughing at comedians on TV. So I think”

it rubbed off on me. You knew some of those old school comics. You knew Buddy Hackett. And you knew Don Rickles. You joined the Fryer's Club when you hurled? Oh boy, I was probably a my early 30s. And it was the coolest. I would play poker there with Greg Fitzsimmons and Elon gold and and they had a poker room. The George Burns poker room where we could order lunch and play poker

and then they had a billion's room and then they had a steam room and a gym and then they had a

dining room where you might see Milton Burrell or Buddy Hackett sitting under their own portrait. I need to reintroduce you again here and take a short break. I love it every time. If you're just turning us, my guest is Jeff Ross. His new Netflix comedy special is a filmed version of his one-man Broadway show, an autobiographical show called Take a Banana for the Ride. We'll be right back. This is fresh air.

So the first time you were on TV, it was the Letterman show. That was my network television debut. No, was that when he was on a 1230 or 1130? He had just gone to 1135. I guess that would have been

“April 13th, 1995, something like that. You know, I don't remember many dates but”

getting the call to be on Letterman when he had just gone number one at that prime time slot was a big big deal in my business. How nervous were you? Couldn't have been more nervous. Here I was this sort of like young fragile performer. I couldn't get booked as a stand-up on any of the cable shows. It just wasn't clicking. And I auditioned, I was at this festival and I heard the comedian in the next room Mark Marin get a phone call. You can hear the phone's ring back then from

room to room. He didn't get it. He auditioned right before me and then my phone rang a few minutes later. So we were all getting calls from our agents and managers at the same time and maybe the Letterman producer Daniel Kelisum was calling me and I got it. And they said, "You're going to do it in a

So I started getting my act together and a Min L.A. and Boom. Somebody canceled the Letterman

shows calling. You got to catch the Red Eye from L.A. You're coming back to New York, the Ed Sullivan Theater tomorrow. So I flew all night. I landed in New York and there I was in the makeup chair next to Bob Costas and Pen and Teller and it was so cool. I just barely had time to call my Antonah and my sister and tell them I was going to be on Letterman tonight and Paul Shave from the band played a rock and roll all night and party every day by kiss which was my request and I

ran out to my mark in my one good suit that I had just bought for a friend's wedding luckily. I came out all cylinders firing away my five minutes. I did my seven or eight best jokes.

And it was just like, "Is this for real? They're laughing at everything. It's washing over me."

And it just worked. Like the audience just was rooting for me and I was just sort of on what they call a flow state. So we have a clip of you on the Letterman show. Oh great. Yeah, so why don't we listen to that? And this was recorded in April of 1995. I was right. Our next guest is a very funny young comedian making his network television debut.

“Let us gentlemen a nice welcome for Jeffrey Ross. Jeff?”

Oh man. This is one of my dad walks for my mom. It's called enough with the bread already. Your smile blooms like a bright summer flower. Your hair flows down like a soft rain shower. Your eyes are like open seas blue from coast to coast. So how come your f*** looks like a truck? And enough with the bread already. That was a real letter, right? It was a love poem that might, you know, it was all,

no, no, they were long gone and this was sort of my way of taking that pain into something funny. And then wait did you write that or did you father write it? No, I wrote that. Oh, you wrote that. I wrote that. Because I know your mother was very self-conscious about her weight. You talked about that in the show. And you think your father really told her to cut

“down on the bread? Oh, that for sure happened. Okay. And I think my parents would have laughed”

at that joke because the next one that I told, I say this is a love poem in rebuttal that my mom wrote back to my dad. It's called put a shirt on. You're scaring the children. And it goes from there. I remember running to the comedy seller to watch it with all the comics on the TV there. And back then it was all answering machine messages. So suddenly, you know, 80, 100 answering machine messages coming through when I get home. It was like, oh my gosh,

all that struggle. I think I just got my black belt or at least my gold belt, my next level of comedy. Like suddenly, I felt like I might not have made the wrong choice.

What was the first roast you ever did? And I assume that was at the friars club? It was, it was

a roast of Stephen Segal, who had just made under siege two, and Milton Barrell was the host.

“And it was life-changing. I found my Yankee stadium. Terry, it was the greatest. What did you say?”

I walked out and there was no YouTube. I had to go to the Museum of Broadcasting and research what a roastyman was. I wrote a bunch of jokes, probably too many, and I walked out at the podium. Milton Barrell gave me a terrible dismissive intro. I looked at Stephen Segal. I said a lot of you know know me, but I feel uniquely qualified to be here today, because I'm also a f***er actor. And Stephen Segal is looking at me. Like, he doesn't quite

understand, get it. So it's just like you see Milton Barrell and Buddy Hack and cracking up, and I just kind of went. If you're just joining us, my guest is Jeff Ross. His new Netflix comedy special is a filmed version of his one-man Broadway autobiographical show Take A Banana for the Ride. We'll be right back. This is fresh air. So I want to ask you about the L.O.P. show, which you talk about in your Netflix special. Yeah. So people who know you know that

you're bald, and that's because it was, how many years ago was it that you got it? It was probably about a dozen years ago now that it all happened. Mm-hmm. L.O.P. shows a condition as a lot of people know where your hair falls out.

and knew you had a head of hair, and suddenly you didn't. Did they think it was like a

“stylish decision? You know, it's a great question and something I have barely come to terms with.”

I had this big bushy fro, I was making jokes about it every night, and then all within a few weeks, everything fell out. And then if that wasn't weird enough, my eyelashes and my eyebrows. So I just looked so differently, whatever celebrity if I was going to get noticed, it was all gone. So it was very rattling emotionally. And I was trying to put like, make up on my eyebrows, where it had some sunglasses, and I was saying I was doing it for a roll. It took a while to

accept it, and as I say kind of channel my inner rock star, in my case, people, I guess. And be okay with how I look, and understand that looks aren't everything, and it's how you own it and carry yourself. And going balls one thing, but people thinking that I was sick or weak for some reason, that really bothered me. That went against my grain. It's hard to go out and be the funny guy, everybody thinks you're, or the confident guy. Yeah. You're like, if you're not

confident in yourself, it's hard to project the confidence on stage unless unless you're active about your own neuroses and not being confident. Right. And it wasn't. And I was making fun of people. And now suddenly I looked kind of off. So how did you break the news that it was

really like a condition? I never outwardly said it until a couple of years later,

when Chris Rock got hit at the Oscars. Oh, yeah. What was your take on that? Because you had

“alopecia, and that's what Jade of Pink at Smith has. And Chris, Chris Rock made a joke that was”

a reference to her being bald. And then Will Smith went on stage and sucked Chris Rock. You know, it devastated me. And I wasn't the one getting hit. I was the one watching from a hotel room in Atlanta. And my girlfriend was like, oh, are they doing a bit? And I shook my head and I started like almost tearing up. I knew it wasn't a bit. I knew Chris wouldn't do a bit like that. I'd worked with Chris for years. I understood that Will Smith

snapped right away and hit Chris Rock who handled it like a man, like a grown-up. He went on with the show. And like everything about it hurt me. Will Smith was slapping comedy and Chris was taking that hit for all the outspoken funny truth tellers. He said, but that's the thing that first of all, the Oscars have become a rose. If you're going, especially if you're nominated,

“you should expect that there's going to be a dig someplace. In this case, it's, you know, his wife,”

and not, not himself, for Will Smith. But it's also saying that saying that your wife is bald

and referring to the fact that she has alopecia is an incredible insult. And you had that condition

yourself. So were you insulted by that joke? Or are you more insulted by Will Smith for punching back after that joke? I was upset for everyone who has alopecia. The Smith, if they had laughed about it, they wouldn't normalize the condition for kids. They would have seen this most beautiful person on the Oscars with a bald head laughing, normalizing it, taking the stigma away. So that's the first time you talked about it publicly? Yeah. After hiding it for years,

it just suddenly burst out of me that I wanted all the kids with alopecia. And I know losing your hair for a woman is like, I can't put myself in those shoes. But I also was sort of thrown off and traumatized by losing all my hair in a few days. So I get it. I get why someone would be sensitive. But I also go, well, you're going to be a star, then you got to act like a star. And you got to laugh it off. So many of your friends are our comedians. And three of them

died within like eight months of each other. Gilbert Gottfried, Norman McDonald, Bob Sagitt. You're a close to all of them. So you had to deal with a lot of grief at the same time. And grief

So here's something. I don't know if you did ulogies for them. But I imagine if you did do ulogies, you'd want them to be funny in honor of their ability to be funny. But that means

“that you have to write a set while you're grieving. So how did you handle that?”

Well, in Bob's case, Bob died suddenly. So I was angry. My ulogie was angry. And I was sticking up for his wife Kelly, who really got a raw deal by losing him after only a year or two of marriage. They really loved each other. And I was angry at that one. So to answer your question, I wasn't particularly funny with the sudden death of Bob Sagitt. I spoke from the heart as they say. But I can't say I was trying to be funny. There was John Stamos and Dave Coye and Dave Chappelle

“and all the funny people. There was definitely some laughs when we lost Bob. But I wasn't there yet.”

With Gilbert, Gilbert had been suffering. And so when someone's suffering, there's always, you know,

you kind of get a heads up. And when they finally do die, chances are there's some little relief there. And that's where comedy grows in the relief of tension. So when there asked me to speak at the funeral, I was guns blazing. I was so ready to give Gilbert the kind of sendoff that he deserves, which was tasteless. You know, in Gilbert's crazy body over the top, fryer's club,

“no holds barred, bordering on illegal comedy. So we have to wrap up soon. I regret to say.”

But I have a request. Anything. Okay. You might be sorry that you said yes.

Here's what I'd like you to do. I want you now to roast me and go hard. You've listened to the

show so you know something about the show and about me. And then I in turn will let you know how it made me feel. Oh wow. On a scale from really grateful for the hilarity too. I will be so gorgeous for the rest of my life. And if I really hate it, I can insist that we edit it out. Terry Gross. Terry Gross has been around so long. She interviewed Ed Sullivan. I wish I could.

Terry Gross, a barely living legend.

Well, it's been a pleasure to talk with you again. Really always always enjoyed this.

You always find something in me that I didn't know was there. Jeff Ross's new comedy special take a banana for the ride is streaming on Netflix. To keep up with what's on the show and get highlights of our interviews, follow us on Instagram at NPR Fresh Air. Fresh Air's executive producer is Sam Briger. Our technical director and engineer is what you've been through. Our interviews and reviews are produced and edited by Phyllis Meyers and

Reboot Anado Lauren Crenzel Theresa Madden, Monique Nazareth, Thia Challner, Susan Ycundee and Abelman and Mikoganzala's Whistler. Our digital media producer is Molly Sivine Esper. Roberta Sureock directs the show. Our co-host is Tanya Mosley. I'm Terry Gross.