Giggling about subpoenas, sunny d, and ex boyfriends

The whole of Toy Pongkong on the app.

“If I did do okay, and came up with a hundred business ideas, and one of the business ideas was good and we're set worth it.”

Absolutely, we're set. By the way, yeah. Oh my god, I tried a new coffee place. And I walked, no, it's fine. I love a new coffee place, it's fine.

You were being a tourist in your own city. Yes, and the barista was like performing. And I'm like on my phone, and I, you know, when you hear... Arrestes are the flight attendants of the land. Yes, but you know, oh my god, right?

Oh my god. They are the flight attendants of earth. They literally, they have so much power in such a small area. And like their mood dictates everyone else. And it's so tricky.

No flight attendant comes in and you're like, "Oh, it's jokes. We have jokes. We have fun." And then there's the ones that you're like, "I'm scared of her. I'm messing up."

She's not at my time. Yes, she's living.

“So this barista, I hear him like, obviously, he's like a hilarious gay.”

Yep. And so he's running the room. And this is early, so I'm like, "Not. I haven't turned on my personality yet." Yeah.

We're charging. And he, I hear him exclaim. Like, the word exclaim. He exclaims. And you know exactly what I mean?

Exactly what you're talking about.

You know, I've never in my 33 years on earth has ever heard someone say that.

I've only read it in a book. I've only read it in a book. I saw it for the first time in person. He exclaims. He went, "Oh, oh, oh, oh."

He mixes, so I'm a gas. A gas? And at attention. The girl in front, he goes, "Ice latte with oat milk. Never have I ever."

So he's like making fun of her. Yeah. And I realized, "Oh, we're in a bit." Yeah. We're in a bit.

And she's just like froze, which, like, I would be in my 20s for sure. So she's, and she's like, "Yeah, with ice."

And he's like, "And ice will never hurt of her."

And he's like, "You can tell me the girl couldn't go along with the bet." She was just kind of like, "Just, please give me my coffee." And she's like, "I don't have time for this right now." This is like, "In New York City, it's always the day that you're like, "I don't have time." I'm almost like, "When someone's doing something so insane

"and to like explain it to anyone anywhere else in the country, "they'd be like, "Oh, my God, go to the police." And by the way, this place is full of people working. And no one's looked up from their computer. Like, they're just like, "It's another day."

Yeah. I don't know if he does this all the time. I'm new to this establishment. So I don't know if they're like, "Oh, it's just Gary being Gary." So, she's going nuts. And then I, for a second,

I'm like, "There's two ways to go about this. "I can show up and just kind of take it and leave." I'm like, "Or I'm like, how do you're a fucking stand-up comedian?" Yeah. You stand up to join in.

You join in. So I go, "Fuck it." And it's my turn, I go. You're not gonna believe what I'm supposed to order. And you can tell, he's like, "She's fucking whatever I go."

I'm gonna, I slot 'til you don't look plus vanilla. He jumps in, he goes, "Not vanilla!" And you're like, "You're going back to porn today." Yes. Come on, I'm exhausted.

I put in a good 30 minutes of crowdwork with a... Arista. Oh, God.

“I can honestly say I've never once talked.”

I mean, I've never walked in to talk.

No, but this is what I'm like, "I'm sorry, I just need my coffee." Like, it's one thing if it's, no. But you know what? I see both sides. When I'm miserable at work,

there's two ways you go about it. You can cry, you can laugh. And this man shows happiness. Is he coming for some people in the line? Yes, but you know what?

You know, this is New York City. People are always auditioning. Well, that's about to say, do you want to open for me? Do you have a good time, then? He has a floor for a minimum eight hours.

I mean, he's on a stage. Yeah. He has the microphone. But it does make your job more fun when every time someone orders something,

Just watch, it's in the lower side,

if anyone wants to call it. I don't know. I've blasted out. But if you're not in the mood, don't go to that place.

Anyway, what's up, your glare? Yeah, we didn't even say hi, because we got right into it. I like your red bear. I'm sorry, thank you. How are you?

'Cause as you see the Jake from State Farm got ahold of Windbreaker Gate, whenever brands get involved in certain funny bits, it's interesting to see like what brands State Farm wasn't in my back pocket.

I was not expecting that. The OG Giggler is no. Back in my day, I was seeing a guy named Jake, during COVID, and we called him Jake from State Farm.

“So it was kind of a beautiful, honestly,”

forgot about that. I mean, what we called does, Caddy Daddy. Oh, my God. It's so funny, though.

The other day, I was cleaning out my kitchen. You ever cleaned out your kitchen? Never, my wife. Okay, let me tell you, you find things, like it's a totally different world

than cleaning out your bedroom or cleaning out your closet. 'Cause you're like, "When would I ever use 85 spatulas?" Do you remember?

Spiralizers? Spiralizers? There was like a time in 2018 where all the girls were buying these like $10 spiralizers on Amazon

where you put a zucchini in it and you spiral it and you make zucchini pasta. You know, I didn't have one of those, but that's the type of things I was finding. Like choppers and like slicers

and like a salad make, I've never made a salad. But it's the kind of stuff you buy to just make yourself feel better, but you know that.

It's like, "I'm in a doll, they should have like a complete kitchen." So I'm cleaning out my kitchen and I just find like a coffee mug that's a state farm on one side

and Jake on the other. And I was like, "Is his name Jake?" No, not his real name. Okay, it was false advertising.

There was a whole other guy before him. I mean, what did they do with him? They're done in this town. I want to see documentary.

Of where the first Jake from say find is now.

Yeah. What does he do now? Guy from Dell. Whatever happened to him, ever him? True.

Remember, they brought back the Mayhem guy because people were like, "Hello." Yeah. There should be a ward for commercials. Flow from person.

We do show. She's probably made. So much money. So much money. Much money from her.

And she's probably like tried to audition for something else. And they're like, "Hey, can we talk for something?" You're full of from safe. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her.

I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her.

I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her.

I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her. I mean, you're full of her.

“You guys want to know what happened to Jake from Safe Farm?”

Yeah. The original Jake from Safe Farm was a real estate farm employee named Jake Stone, who worked in an Indiana call center, was cast from an internal casting club, blah blah blah, he did not pursue acting, left state farm to become a bartender, and now lives a private life with his family. Obsessed with him, he got too big. He was like, "Oh, I didn't want this thing." I didn't want this life.

He's like, "Hollywood is not for me." That is so not how I saw it going. He got too famous. He got famous. And he was like, "I just wanted to use my cash in, which is making drinks."

Look, I got it. Well, what's funny about when I saw this cup, I literally had a thought where I was like, "Oh, should I throw this out?" and then I was like, "Yeah, throw it out." No, I would never. I don't know. I don't throw my cups.

It doesn't matter. Like, just throw it out. And I was like, "What am I ever having an encounter with state farm where I have to be like, I hear your cup out." Literally three days later, Jake from Safe Farm on Windgate. When the universe came for you out.

I was like, "I was like, it's just a cup." Also, I was thinking about it. The non-stop. Safe Farm is so happy right now. The marketing girls are like, "We knew they would latch on to this."

Yeah. You know that they had to set that up. He had to go in his green room. Right. Because the wind breakers are the jackets lined up.

So, shout out to the girl at marketing. [laughter] Do you ever have, like, where you feel bad for, like, in animate objects? Like, do you ever, like, in your house and, like, um, like, I'm trying to think of an example.

Like, like, the salt shakers in one cabinet and the peppers in another. And you're like, "Oh, I feel bad because they're, like, alone." So, I have to, like, put them together. You should talk to someone about that. [laughter]

“You should, for sure, talk to someone about that.”

It's crazy because you don't feel bad for that. You don't feel bad for animate objects. [laughter] But non-animate objects, you suddenly have empathy for? Yeah, looked at up.

Get that checked out.

Go to, like, you've never, like, left your stuff to animal.

And you're like, "Okay, like, I'm leaving." And, like, I'll be, "This isn't Toy Story 3." Guys, not one time your entire childhoods. You've never looked in an item and been, like, I feel bad.

Well, you're, like, the most materialistic person I've ever met. [laughter] But now I, no, it makes sense because you're, like, 'cause they have feelings too. [laughter]

Like, maybe, no.

I don't give me a start about my plan. I'll cry. I've had my plan for almost 10 years. This is my favorite item. [laughter]

She would treat her well. I mean, I had to take my plant for, like, a couple of weeks. You didn't trust her. And I checked on my plant more than I've ever checked on Daphne with, like, the sitter.

I'm, like, just being, don't forget to order my plant.

“Well, I think the sitter, you have to check on the sitter more than Daphne,”

you're, like, has she been rude? Is she, like, you feel bad about yourself? Okay, so is your kitchen clean? Yeah, my kitchen's clean. I got a lot.

I got rid of a lot of stuff. You don't realize how many things you have that end up being expired. It's not good. You got a check.

Oh, if that's why I don't have anything on my fridge. Yeah. Well, it's, like, more, like, my canned items. And, like, my dressings. Wait, canned items go bad?

I thought those were the whole point of preparing for the apocalypse. Well, sometimes. Like, like, like, I can't think I'd throw out some, like, soups. I don't think I've ever bought a canned item and ate it.

[laughter] Like, I, you know what? I've been on a tuna cake. So, like, I've been eating tuna. I just recently ordered a bunch of beans because I got a tick-tock

that was, like, beans are so good for you.

And my mom always says that, so I'm, like,

"Let me get on my bean." Poor definitely. She's, like, "Your hub bucks ain't me." [laughter] Wait, wait, wait.

You love tuna, but you're not giving fish wife a chance? Fish wife? Oh, the tin fish. Yeah, because they have tuna, albocour. What does that mean?

What does that mean? Inside the tin. It looks, like, a tuna fish can. Okay, then I'll give it a try. You should give it a try.

Because it's full of antioxidants, and I'm not sponsored by them. There is this thing in my brain that it's kind of food. No.

There's this thing in my brain that it's, like, this is sick, too. If my mom didn't buy that brand, I'm not buying that brand. Oh.

Like, I can't deviate from certain things, because I'm, like, I didn't grow up with that, and, like, we use Heinz ketchup. Like, yeah. And, you know, like, when you go to someone else's house,

and you're, like, "Oh, interesting. You guys are that family you buy that." Yeah. You're, like, you guys are glowing the dark, because you're drinking that orange juice product.

Yeah. Like, I remember one time I went to my friend's house, and instead of orange juice in the morning, they drank sunny tea. And I was like, "Well, I was, like, obsessed.

I love it." And I remember going back home being like, "Mom, there's a different kind of orange juice you can buy. And she was so offended."

She was like, "I'll never."

Sunny tea. Sunny tea in the house. Sunny tea in the house. Do you use if orange juice and mountain do you had a baby? Yeah.

And their name was Chad. Juice. I mean, not juice. It's basically soda. It's, like, soda juice.

Yeah. Wait, Sunny tea. Oh, my God. I had some crazy days on Sunny tea as a kid. Yeah.

Like, I had the Sunny tea in black out for four hours. You wake up. Everything's a mess. You came out from a... That's a k-hole.

Sunny tea. It's a very different children. That was my kid. Like, I didn't play unless my socks maxched my bow.

So no, I didn't slack out on Sunny tea. My mum had a full meetings with babysitters telling them to water down my juice. Because I was, I was like, unsafe to be around other kids

with the amount of sugar I was, anyway. Sunny tea. Oh, my God. Yeah. That was a blast from the past.

Wait, I was going to say something before we got on the Sunny tea tangent that I just didn't see coming.

“I feel like you should be wearing more rings.”

Why are you not wearing any rings right now? You know, I just saw my ring. This is also what happens when you clean things out. I saw, I go, guys, I don't wear you enough. Pages would ever ring.

How did you choose which fingers do you feel bad for me? Okay, fingers that don't ever ring? I actually did it. I can't. I said, oh, you guys have two rings here together.

You don't have any rings. I'm really into, like, I mean, this is obviously a fake diamond. But I'm really into Pinky rings recently and I ordered from this.

This is Italian. This is a new. Wow, yeah. And I ordered from this brand. It's called Wolfen Badger.

And they had like all these like diamond pinky rings that I'm like obsessed with. And that's just my team. I'm obsessed with non diamond rings because I don't want the responsibility of owning real jewelry.

You know, I have a sensory problem. So I don't, which I feel like you do too.

Because you never wear jewelry when you don't have to.

I don't wear my wedding ring. Right. Because it's just me. I don't wear a lot of jewelry either. But every time I see a girl that's like,

has a bunch of rings on, has an necklace to hazard earrings. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're out. It looks 10 times better because you accept her eyes. I feel like ring girls to me are like tattoo girls. We're like, it looks good on them.

But on me, it's like, she's a try hard. Yeah, fake bitch. I love tattoo girls. Oh my god, every now and then I see one. Like, this girl's my antennas.

And she has one on her arm. I mean, like real tattoo girls. Like, like a Cat Von D tattoo girl. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, full sleeves. You know how girls were like, if I was a worm, would you love my ass does? I was like, if I was tied it up all the way, would you love me?

I don't remember what he said. Because I didn't care. No. That is the most random.

“Look, if he said no, I would be like, what is in 1955?”

Wait, I keep this a secret. I'm just going to tell the gig verse. It's our four year anniversary.

I know.

“Wait, Hannah, the other day did you see that when you commented”

on Desis Instagram? You're like nice jacket. Oh, yeah.

I commented back to you and said, don't get any ideas.

But when I saw you comment on your own husband's Instagram, I did have a moment where I was like, oh, they have inside jokes. Okay. So they have bits that they've run. That I have no idea about.

You're actually in on that bit. Because Desis was going to do comedy, stops and goes like, my outfit. And I go, wait. I love a jacket and you go send it to page.

And then walked out. But I just had a moment where I was like, oh, she has a friend. She talks to me like, obviously. You've been married for four years. That's your friend.

But I was like, oh, okay, I guess. I'm out. I like, I do like to comment on his photo. Just to remind people that I'm there. That I'm lurking.

But never to like, lovey Debbie.

But not to mean where people think we're in a fight.

“I like it very, what are you going to do for your four year anniversary?”

Are you doing anything? We forgot. It was actually yesterday. That's so you. Wait, that is so you guys.

Well, we woke up in the morning and I had to hop on a plane. And I got on the plane and texted me. By the way, it's our anniversary. And I was like, I love you. I love you.

And I just sound so like me, but you really aren't like other girls. Like, like, I feel like if you ask like a 25-year-old guy, like, what's your dream girl? Like, it is you because you don't care about like certain things that, like, the majority of girls would be pet. You asked a random girl, oh, if your husband forgot you're wedding anniversary, would you be pissed? The majority would say, yeah.

Well, you're like, I forgot. Oh, I was going to say, I don't know about it him because I'm in the same boat. But also, I just want him and who's kind and nice and funny. And those, I do think when a guy goes too hard on an anniversaries, it's like, you have another family. Yeah, intrigue does not overcompensating.

Is Des like all send you flowers randomly kind of guy? He's like, like, he's like an act of service guy. Like, I helped you organize this because it would help you die. So great question. I early on, like, kind of made a joke, but I was serious.

I was like, I don't, I'm not really a flowers person. I get them and then they must pick anything. No, it's a bit because they will say, oh, wow, that's picked me. But like, to him, I was like, don't give me flowers. We're doing like about gang flowers.

Because then they go bad. Or so I have to take care of something I have a child in my house that I'm not around. And then start smelling, I get in trouble because better eats a flower throws up.

Like, it's just I've never had a good experience with flowers.

I guess like Valentine's and I'm like, yeah, I could eat a flower. But like, guys randomly bringing you flowers. I'm like, who did you fuck today? Yeah, like, I don't like that at all. This is Des.

I let, well, first of all, I land. For the Sports Illustrated Week, I'm doing immediately order Chinese food. Like, as I'm getting in the Uber, I get my chicken broth with white sauce, mushy pork. And dumplings. Go to town on it.

Yeah. Realize, oh, I have a fitting for Sports Illustrator weekend. Nothing's happening. And I was like, well, the sodium and the bloat from the flight together was disaster. I was called.

And I knew I was about to get sprayed, it was hard. But anyway, my specials coming out. And we're doing, we're trying to put the trailer together. Comedy trailers are really hard because they don't want to put the full bit. They want to like tease.

But if you tease too much, it just doesn't look like you're saying anything. Right. So I'm like insanely editing this trailer. And I called him just like overwhelmed by the edit and like trying to figure it out. And he like talked me off a ledge and he's like, let me look at it.

I'll figure it out whatever. That's what I want my husband for. Right. Not giving me flowers and then like not talking to me all day. Which does not be so well.

Honestly, I'm going to say the latter.

“But the trailer is said, I think we got it.”

I'm just like a perfectionist with it. Yeah. You are a perfectionist. I showed it to you. Yeah, it's really good.

You looked phenomenal. Well, that's all you. It's so funny because there was one part in the trailer where I was like pause real quick. And you were like, I know you're going to say. And I was like, you're a hair, looks phenomenal.

Like in that two second. You actually don't mute. I was like, did you like the bits? I chose and you go, the way you're hair was like off your shoulder. Oh, did you know what?

I think everything you do is funny. So I don't even have to like, I don't have to check on that. I'm there for certain aesthetic things that made you wouldn't think I would have missed. Yeah. And does what it missed.

Oh, God. Anyway, happy anniversary. Um, does men. You know how there's like a whole side of TikTok that's like, "Chinese medicine."

Guys, this is important actually.

Don't even speak badly because there are a lot of things that I've tried.

That I'm like, that actually really did work. So the most recent thing was that you're going to go. That's what I look. Say, Anthony, don't let this happen. But I'm going to say you're going to try and show something in the wrong place.

Wake up in the morning. I like eat this. I'm like, absolutely. No, this girl was saying that in Chinese culture, it is just the norm that when you're at home and you're about to take a shower.

If you're a girl, you get undressed. You take your underwear in the shower with you. You wash it in the shower, then you throw it in your dirty laundry. Because it's such a sensitive area that it should be washed double. And I'm like, yeah, absolutely.

That makes so much sense. Then I saw the video.

“Did you see the girl washing her underwear in a hotel in the coffee machine?”

Oh. Women in seven. That's the weed. That is. One of the most diabolical things I've ever seen in my life.

This is how I do my laundry from now on. No, no. Because you know I'm in a hotel with just a bunch of dirty underwear. And I'm like, do I insta car? There's a thing.

There's a coffee. The heat. The heat really gets to the bathroom. And then people are just drinking your water charge. I don't even notice.

If there's a coffee machine in my desk. Does that make the coffee in this household? Or I order it. But also when he tried to explain to me how to make coffee. Because I didn't drink coffee until like I went on tour.

Yeah. Because I was too hyper. I could barely drink sunny tea. He's like, yeah. You just know how much he acts like an Italian grandma.

He's like, you just put so coffee on the coffee on the top. What's your coffee machine of choice? He's that's his job. Like, he's the house manager. Right.

He is. Like, I don't ask where things are from and how they got there. It's so true. How they work. I don't know when it's working when it's not working.

“Occasionally I'll just be like, do you know the brand?”

Like, are you a queasy? No. Are you doing like that? Quizziness. Quizziness.

Quizziness. Quizziness. Quizziness. Quizziness. Quizziness.

Or are you like an espresso pod family? Scenus espresso pod that's a whole different. It's a whole different genre. That really stresses me out. I fucked up many espresso pods in a hotel room.

Yes, see. Now after the woman washing her underwear, I'll never even. Two things that are bougie about me. Let's hear them.

Because I let me think first what I think. Not travel. At every day. That's sleeping in accommodations. I'm really getting stumped.

I would say now in the person you are two days. I would say, you're not going to get it. I know. Because I was going to say hotel, but you're really not. Well, I do.

I do love hotel rooms.

I love treating my openers to amazing hotel rooms.

“But that's all because you taught me that it was important.”

Because I'm like, we got a bed, we got a bed. Okay. These are things I spoil myself with now. I will order an eight dollar delivery coffee. In the morning.

In the morning. If I want. Yeah. That's a non-negotiable. I love.

And I want it like a milkshake. I want. He's on that. I want it. Second thing.

Really get your gut started on the right foot. Yes. Then I'm like, I've been gave me. Yes. Start the day off with blood circulation.

Only down from there. So I'm going to be emotionally miserable. I might as well be physically emotionally, whatever. Anyway. Okay.

This is insane. But I bought an Amazon phone chargers with a really long cable. Like 10 photos. And I put it in every single year. Right.

So every room I go into. Yeah. Put your hand down. You'll find a cable. Yeah.

Plug it in.

Somehow still my phone's never charged.

But like, you know how like you've had one charge. You can never find. I'm losing it. One day I said, fuck it. I'm buying 10 chargers on Amazon.

I'm putting it in every. One of my favorite things is small. No, we got it. Yeah. Every club is in my house.

One of my favorite things is like small luxuries that aren't real luxuries. Like one time I went away for like a weekend with one of my girlfriends. We stayed at this insane house in Miami. And everyone was like, oh my god. This house is amazing.

And it has this and it has this and blah blah blah. And I go, did you see that next to the beds? They had like a little sticky thing that stuck onto the nightside table that you put the charger in. So the cord never. I was like, these people are rich.

And they know luxury.

Every room needed to have one wherever there was a charger.

So it never like slipped down.

“I think it might be like the New Yorker and me.”

We're like, I like to smell bullshit. And sometimes we'll stay in like a nice hotel. And you're like, yeah, it's so nice. And I get there. The fucking light isn't working.

You have to go here to get the charger. I'll burn the place to the ground. I'm like, that's not luxury to me. I don't care that it's like it has gold. Like toilets.

I want a charger. I want a charger. I'm talking about a fucking casino in Vegas. So you want to. But he's like, oh, this marble's been around.

So I don't give a fuck. I can't charge my phone. Yeah, I hate when there's not enough outlets. Like, I don't need the alarm clock plugged in. I have a phone.

It's 2026. I'm going to rip. Have you ever had an alarm clock go off in a hotel? No. What happened to me?

But I'm not going to get into it. I'm going to press. And lastly, I like vintage bags. Yeah. Because it's sustainable.

Well, sometimes you do send me a bag where I'm like, that was run over by an 18 wheel tractor trailer. Someone's grandma owned it. Ripped the handle off so that back together. And I'm like, why would you buy this bag for $2,000?

Because I love a sale. Yeah, I do. And if it's like, it says like Chanel bag for $700. I'm like, it's just incredible.

You always like shopping to be competitive.

Yeah. I feel like I got something. Yeah. But then you'll be like, let's zoom in for a second. Let's take a look.

I'm going to take a Sharpie. And we wrote all of it. Yeah.

“And I'll be like, oh, that's why it's like $5.”

Yeah, it's $4 for Chanel. But do you prefer the vintage shopping if you find your size? Yeah. And if it's kind of ugly, you're like, well, I have to get it. Yeah.

Absolutely. Because you're like, when am I ever going to come across? I'm going to Italy. There's one vintage store that I go to. That I'm like, I have to get everything that's in my size.

Because what am I going to come across? My mom's like, you don't even like it. I feel like bringing it over. I was speaking to you. I'm like, I need to get it.

One time I went into a vintage store and they were like, this bag came out 1992. I go, I was born in a TV Jew. That's my bag. She was like, okay.

I was thinking with bags. So it's a whole generation. They'll be an outfit one day that you're like, oh, this crazy outfit works perfectly with this crazy bag. But it could take years.

Right. And the vintage shopping is like, it could take years to have the perfect thing to wear that to. Where I am such a like, throw her outer that I'm like, if I haven't worn it in the past year, it's out of there. You get rid of vintage?

Well, no. I don't get rid of anything designer. Yeah. But like, if I don't wear something for a full calendar year, I get rid of it because I'm not what I'm wearing.

I don't wear a full shop or I never wear anything.

Yeah. I go, I'm like, I'm wearing what I've been wearing. Here's the other thing. If you don't see what you have, you can't remember.

“That's why I'm always organizing my closet because I'm like, I forget that I have things.”

Are you against drawers? [laughter] Speaking of anyone, I guess drawers in 2026. Because if everything's inside drawer, okay, but like if things are folded up and drawers, you feel like you don't wear it.

Well, I think what goes in drawers is your like essentials, like your workout clothes, your underwear, your pajamas, like things that you're not putting together. I do see a world where you're running like a styling organization, pimple pop and company, and if you try, I don't know. It's just like, you'd be so good at it.

But I guess that's how you influence now, like you tell people. Those are just my hobbies. Yeah, you're like, don't try to monetize my hobbies. monetize, do I try and monetize when you do needle point? No.

Oh, that's a different one. I'm so knowing that my dad loves the next and he's so funny when he talks about the next. And I'm like, that's starting next podcast, and he's like, "No, this is what I love to do. Why make it into a job?" But I'm like, "Okay, I'll go to therapy."

[laughter] [singing in foreign language] [singing in foreign language] or at least in the moment. Just like the world with Tui, New Year's Eve.

With Tui, as you can see, as a family, or a family. Flexible, safe and with the good feeling that someone is coming from there. With Tui, you can go to your village. In the future, we'll be back on Tui.com and in the app.

I have an update from last week. I was complaining about people who blow their nose and make, like, insane sounds. Insane sounds. A girl message to me. She's a running runner-up woman of some week. No. She said she used to make that noise. She realized it's because those people don't realize that you're supposed to close one nostril. So they're doing two nostrils, which may...

Also, how did we get there? Like, I don't remember anyone telling me you do one nostril.

So when I heard it was just a night, you want to hear one of the most disgusting things that I've ever witnessed in my life. I don't like flimmed stories. Well, it's a flimmed story. So buckle up. I-

I- I had a boyfriend. No. I don't. All ready?

Correct.

“I don't get anyone listening to this as, like, how many goddamn boyfriends?”

And honestly, guys, it's actually not that many. It's just they did a lot of weird shit. So I rotate the stories in and out. I don't want to be a boyfriend for kind of a little bit of a while. I was just a shock to see was.

Who would blow his nose? No tissue, no nothing. Put one finger and just blow into the air. Well, you know what that's called.

I'd be like, "This is my living room."

It's called "Snot Rocket." Now, if we're outside on a hot summer day somewhere, he's a little stuffed up. Like, maybe I would get it. Like, go to the bathroom, get a piece of toilet paper.

What's going on? Where did you meet this caveman? Like, if there was like a takeout bag or something on the table, he would just go like that and do it. And I would look at him and be like, "People think you're like a put together person." And I'm out here lying.

That's like crazy. No, it's crazy. It was one of the craziest, like, habits that I'm like, "Where did you even learn this? And how has no one in your whole, like, see this when I think about men?" No one's called them.

No one calls them out. No one calls them out. Yeah. They can get into these little pockets for years. Were there around people that are calling them out?

So then here I come. And they're like, "This is the meanest woman we've ever met in our life." Like, I'm calling it high. See it. And I'm like, "Hey, just telling you that, you know, you're so ready for it."

You know, friends are like, "That's actually pretty cool, bro." And he was like, "That's my whole thing, now it's my whole personality." I've snuck, snuck rocketed before because, like, I'm on the tennis court and you're playing. It's so funny. And you go to the back and you don't have a p- and you just go, "Yeah."

“And it feels disgusting, but like, you have to.”

And you're sweating and you're crying and you're bleeding. Like, that's just part of the war. I'm so happy you said this and brought this up. Because I used to have a theory. That's another thing whenever I have a boyfriend.

I have multiple theories. But I don't, I don't dare to tell anyone. You'll be in the end of that. I only tell Hannah so that we can revert back to it after I break up with them. So that someone here has remembered my theory.

And I used to think, "Oh, did the guys that were cool in high school who played sports do that?" And you thought it was cool. So then for the rest of your life you did that. Now, I made that entire thing up. No, even.

But I think it was true. And I think it was accurate. I just had a piffy knee. Yeah. But my loud shortmen don't like me.

They hate you. They loud shortmen. Well, you're their competition. They hate me because they see me. And they were like, "Oh, she could beat me at sports."

And they hate that they couldn't do sports. And I'm like, "It's not my fault that I'm at your athletic." And my calves have a good word. Men don't care about women. They don't find attractive.

So if you meet someone who's your same height,

they already know she's never saying yes to me for a day.

And they know I can throw up a ball far than them. And they know I could beat the show though. And so they're immediately like, "I'm the defensive with you." But then with you, they're not. Well, because I come off dainty, but they don't know that

I have a mouth on me. I know. And then when you do let the mouth out, they think they blacked out. They're like, "That couldn't have been paid shows, Hannah."

“I think the first time Joe ever heard my mouth.”

He was like, "Whoa." And I was like, "Yeah, I'm so sorry for that. It will happen a million times again." I had a good good day. I mean, she goes, "Hey, I found my boyfriend's pocket pussy.

What should I do?" I'm jarred, I'm floor. I'm like, "Of course, the one DM I opened." The most sexual, I'm like, "Girl, where?" You know, she goes, "What should I do?"

I sent her back the most die of our alcohol response. I go, "She goes, should I say something about it?" I go, "Don't you dare let him know that you know this little tidbit of information because you might need blackmail at some point?"

Then I said, "If you ever get into a fight and immediately the line that came to my head was go fuck your pocket pussy." In cell loser. And then I go, "I'm so sorry.

He might be a nice guy." Wait, I love her. You go, hold that. It's like a punch line where you're like, "I'm going to wait for an important show to do that punch line."

You're like, "This is good." See, I would immediately just want to talk to him and be like, "Wait, tell me the story. How this happened." Or I would find a printer somehow,

print out a photo of my face, tape it on, put it back. Or I put hot sauce in it. But that's like if he's cheating or something. But also, like, look on the other side,

he's, he's, minding his own business money. He's literally at home. Minding his own business money. Doing what's naturally done.

I think it's the same thing. I've never... Same brand. Have I ever seen one in person? Never have I ever.

I'm going to say never have I ever.

I wonder... Oh, no.

“Remember that time when God delivered to my apartment”

and I opened it and I was like, "What the fuck is this?" And then he was the wrong. And you were to look the guy and give it to him. I never looked him in the eye. I knocked in ran.

That's how the guy at the hotel felt, giving me my thumbs from Target. Chris, do you judge a friend if they have a flush light or is that just kind of... Wait, that's... they definitely don't know.

Like, is there a certain guy? It was a flush light or it's like... Anyone can have something. You guys would like openly talk about... Oh, some guys do.

Yeah. Oh, no, say, like I bought one. Wait, I love Chris. Honestly, it's really gross. I don't want to talk about it.

At to be so pick me, though, which is at the theme of that episode. But, dare I argue it's the same as a vibrator. I mean, kind of. We're both doing the same thing with something plastic.

[laughs] No, you're right. It's not good for these words. These words. Does it definitely doesn't decompose?

There's a sadness too, though. You know what it is? It's because, like, men can jerk off easier. We're women, like, we need multiple vibrations. We need different shapes.

We need a rapid. We need, like, all these.

“Did you see the attack of the girl that was, like, sorry?”

Is anyone using the settings? [laughs] And I, and everyone was like, "No, why are they... Why is it more cold?" It's like...

She's like, "Is anyone stopping?" It's actually "Darding." Female aliens calling for help from a different, isn't it? We're like, "What is this group?" [laughs]

Our third woman of some of the week. Like, "Hi." He's our a larson. Yeah. I have a question.

People do the today show all the time. Every day. People perform. Every day on the day show. Yeah.

Why is this the first time there's footage going around of an actress? I mean, a singer, like, doing their practice run at the today show. Have you seen this? See this. All over my feet is Zara Larson.

It's like, "Forem. Her face is, like, "Forem. "No makeup." And she's, like, trying to go through her practice. And I'm like, "Why is this being filmed?"

And blasted everywhere. What is the, like, she's doing a more... She's doing a more... Like, what did people say? People are just, like, getting footage of her doing the practice.

Like, a sound check. Oh, okay. They're not being like, "Oh, my God. "She... "No, they're, like, she's awesome."

But, like, she's bare face. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it.

You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it. You just mean that we're common about it.

You just mean that we're common about it.

I mean, it was iconic, but, like, I've never seen a sound check.

I've never seen a sound check either, and I would assume, because it's so early in the morning, that the people aren't there yet, to, like, get footage of celebrities. I don't think people perform that much. I think they only perform in the summer. Oh. Because they do that, like, outside summer series.

But still, like, I've never seen... Make a place in the summer, right? No, I don't feel bad for it. It was empowering, but I also was, like, at least make it even playing field. It just makes our larcen go out there.

Because I'm not a morning person. So I saw the pain in her eyes. Yeah. And I was like, I feel so bad. Also, you're into my ex-boyfriend.

Oh, my God. We have to tell the game. Wait, okay. You know, when you're walking with your friend, and you see someone that's, like... Okay, maybe not, like, aesthetically pleasing, and you're, like, that's your boyfriend.

Like, and you're joking. You're like, "Oh, here's Hannah's boyfriend." So anyway, me and Hannah are walking on the sidewalk and Hannah goes, "Oh, that's my ex-boyfriend." And I immediately just think everything she says is jokes. So I'm like, "Okay, cool."

Like, I know all the time, I'll see, like, a crazy man right now. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm just thinking, like, it's a bit, but I didn't really look at the guy. But I just saw that he was on a bike. And so we're, like, keep walking and kind of, like, "No, really, that's..."

You had zero reaction, and I was like, "That's 22. Living Hills Kitchen." And I was like, "Oh, I didn't know you were serious." Then, at that same exact moment, you're still looking straight. I turn around.

I seem to go past on the bike, and I'm like, "Oh, he's definitely checking to see if it was you." Then, I hear him coming behind us, and I'm like, "Okay, just, like, keep walking. You're walking, and keep walking." No, mind you. So many obstacles, right?

I was agree with you. First of all, I was really sweaty. Yeah. You were overstimulated. I was wearing jeans, and it was really sweaty.

And I had that bend overstimulated for, like, the last hour.

Yes, and then I put my hair up in a bun, which I never do.

“Because that's how hot an overstimulated it was.”

Yeah. And if you see Hannah's hair up, it's not inside. It's not inside. It's not inside. I'm freaking the fuck out.

So I was already, like, over it. And then it was such a, like, moment that your ex-boyfriend will come by. Yeah. So if I had been, like, feeling myself, I would have turned the fuck around and be, like, you. But I was, like, we got to get out of here.

Like, this is not the moment that I'm vision. This is not the timing.

Oh, he was, like, we could have said how I was.

“No, he's done nothing wrong in his life.”

What is that, like? This was a low-nourced situation. This was early in my 20s. La Norge's goes, "I'm over it." And I was, like, but he's, like, and she's, like,

Yeah, I don't think he's the one. Yeah, he's fine. She was, like, he's fine, you're 23. What are you going to do, date? I'm for four more years.

Get out. That's me. And the breakup was actually really nice. Sad. Oh.

Because, like, it was just, like, a normal day. And I was, like, hey, so I had a meeting with my mom.

And we've decided to never see you again.

We were going to have to let you go. Yeah. And he was, like, so I can't talk to you tomorrow. Like, there was, like, no bad vibe. Like, it was really sad.

Yeah. And I was, like, I don't, let me call my mom. And then I was like, yeah, she said we can't talk tomorrow. And, like, she was right. Like, he wasn't going to go as meant to be with.

But, like, I actually wouldn't have, I could have not gone into comedy if I stayed with stayed with him. Wow.

“I think I've had, like, one of those breakups.”

I think I would have gotten distracted. Maybe later. Well, you were bored already with him. Maybe. Yeah.

I remember, like, it definitely is. It was a premature breakup. Like, I definitely was, like, the next day I was like, oh, I can't text him. And I'm the one who broke up with him. But it was, I was ready.

I was ready. There was tears. I'm just sure. It was really sad. That's sad.

But, like, it was mature of me to be, like, we need to get more people in the roster. I know. I don't think I'm the roster. It felt like, it felt like I was running it a basketball team. And the star of my team, he was good.

He's never done anything wrong.

We're not winning a championship. Got it. So I was, they're like, what can I do better? And I'm like, it's just not a championship. You just don't have the sauce.

And we need to bring in some new blood. Yeah. To, like, get a new team to possibly want championship one day. We, that's a great way. That's a literally how it was.

So, I actually have not had, like, any real dramatic breakups. One breakup I had. That sounds so nice. That says a lot about you, I think. No, I have a lot about me.

Shout out on my ex-boyfriends. Also, all my ex-boyfriends, like, real ex-boyfriends. Don't have social media. That was what was crazy about seeing him on the bike. He has, you search his name. Nothing comes up.

And his mom has texted me recently. Wow. Because, like, we never had beef. And everybody uses mom. And she probably was like, I get a girl.

Yeah. But, like, we're cool. No satisfaction. Like, a mom, years later, being like, you were the one. And I'm like, bitch.

I know. I know. That is the thing I don't know. I'm like, you have amazing taste. Just not with your son.

But then also, once I had to break up with the guy, I had to wait for my mom to go on vacation. So I could do it because she really liked him. And I didn't want her. So I did it while she's on vacation.

She came back and I had to drop it on her. I mean, I was right. She just was like, I knew it upset her. And I didn't want to upset her before her vacation. Because I love my mom.

It's funny because I get a lot of DMs of girls being like, I'm going through a breakup. And very split.

“Some are like, what do you do to be like distracted?”

Like, how do I move on? And then other girls will be like, I'm devastated. Yeah. Like, I was blindsided. And honestly, I feel like they should be sending like you,

those messages because you're more like a biological breakup, where I'm, I'm like, you just went through a very public break up. So people are like, want to connect with you on it. But no, I'm really healthy with breakups. Yeah, where I'm.

I've never hooked up with the next.

Yeah, that's crazy. And do you do any ever reach out to you, like, amacably and say, like, just like been seeing what you were doing, like, so proud of you. I've dated a certain character of guy who again is like,

chill, confident. Doesn't do social media. Doesn't want attention. When we broke up, he was like, I love you. I wish he'd the best.

And then never hurt from him again. Yeah. I have like multiple guys like that where I can't. That's why I was so free. Yeah, I've become like never hurt from them again.

Like, I don't know if they are like that. Shut up British Dave. Like, I don't talk to him. Like, I'll say happy birthday sometimes. If something really big happens, he'll say something.

He's dating a girl in Australia. And like, we just, we always loved each other. We just, it wasn't, like, we never even were like official. I don't think that's so bad.

That's so bad. We just, because we like fucked with each other. You know, I don't have one ex boyfriend that would dare. Even dream today to send me a tax saying congrats on, like, anything.

They wouldn't. They wouldn't even cross their mind. There are a ton of great guys I dated.

Okay. The shots are a lot.

“Yeah, this is how it took an interesting turn.”

Interesting turn. I have the best break of advice. Okay. If you're feeling like shit, first of all, if you're blindsided, like, that's not your soul, man.

Okay. But thank you. Now go have fun. If you're single, tell yourself I'm going out tonight. This is the song.

You put on that will heal everything every time. Writing solo, Jason de Rula. Have you played that song recently? I haven't. Put it on.

You're good. You've moved on. You're excited. You're like, get me out there in these streets. I hate the phrase industry plant because I don't know what it is.

But I feel like Jason de Rula was an industry plant. Yeah. Like a real time happening during COVID. Like it was really on the internet. Just a little bit.

He was at a point with his songs. Were like, they all somehow had a little cocaine in them. Or like they had so catch it. It was bad. But like, like, the trumpet song.

You can imagine me trying to pitch that to a room. Like, I have us, it's just about trumpets and the trumpets go. Yeah. It does a phenomenal song. They'd be like, what is the best songs on paper?

Sounds horrible in person. That could change a party.

“Remember he like broke his tooth or something?”

Some type of light. I think he dated Jordan's mother. Can you pass me that water? Well, whoever decided water bottles should be made for ants. Why are there ant water?

Like who's like, like, just have a full one. It's not even good for you because it's in plastic. And it's just like there's so much plastic all around us. I can't take it. I have two quams with like technology right now.

One, my TikTok is so bad right now. Where I don't know if it's because I don't scroll that often. But when I do, I'm seeing things from a month ago on my feet. And I have like pop culture stuff.

So they'll be like, you'll never guess what just happened.

And I'm watching three minutes of it. And I realize, this is from three months ago. Nothing should be on your feet from April 1st. Right. That never happens to you.

It does. But that's when I'm always like, the governments up to something. Yeah, like, I don't know what's happening. The number two. And like, this is bigger than me.

It's too easy to delete a note on your note up. And I literally thought I could fire from Gagley Squad last night because I went to add something to the Gagley Squad note to happen. It wasn't there. Well, I guess you answered laughing.

I'm like, of course, you don't have the Gagley Squad up on your phone. I was like, did I just like delete it? I think I accidentally deleted it and it deleted you. Because I'd be crazy with my notes. And you know, you like sneeze and X, you know, you have no notes on your phone.

If you had to pick one, your text message is getting subpoenaed. Your note tap. Getting subpoenaed. What are you picking? Note tap.

A hundred percent. My text messages are insane. Insane. I don't know. I say some crazy things to myself in my notes.

They'll just be like, that's not a funny joke.

“Like, that's what they'll see in my notes up.”

They'll be like, I see the premise. I don't see where it's going. It'll be like her idea when she was high is just chips and dip. I think it would be hilarious, my notes have. But also, my notes up what I love is you can go to 2017.

And I have like my goals. I have like a list of like my to-do list. When I was like 20 minutes stations or like things that I'm working on. Like it's actually, I've renal in them when you need to like reflect on your life. Scorer notes up.

Yeah. You'll see like a breakup text.

I always have like my long-to-do list.

Yeah. My 10-year plan. Yeah. I was coming up with like funny video ideas in 2016. Alfred ideas.

I have a lot about what ideas. How many of those have never closed. I want to order stores. I want to shop at that I don't want to remember the name of them. Recipes of things that you'll never make.

Yeah. Actually, don't have a single recipe. It might not. My problem with text messages with which people have to talk about with opinions is when someone's texting me, I'm leaning into their side.

Doesn't mean I agree with them. What about your energy? I'm not. I'm not going to just leave. People don't want to go around.

And like they'll be like, oh, these two were talking shit. I'm like, yeah, but show me talking to the other girl. Right. I was playing both sides, babe. Like don't don't put me in a corner.

I was, I was just getting it for me.

I really hope that we're kind of messages are never separated.

I don't know when what situation that would happen. And then they throw this clip of me being like, I'm playing both sides. Maybe. And they go, she plays every side. Oh, I also had a really traumatic experience at the Netflix and the joke festival that I didn't bring out.

I saw night chasing on their show. After I was like running away from Maria's show, Pova. She kept trying to talk to me. I was like, stop. I run into Blakely Thorin.

Yeah. Who's hilarious. Fun. We're vibing. We're loud.

We're kicking. And then he's holding a drink. And I'm just like, I'm having a sip. Yeah. And he's like, sure, take a sip.

Oh. What kind of deranged person doesn't warn someone that their drink is Mescal? Had you ever had it? Yeah, once.

And I said, never do that again.

Yeah. Mescal, if you don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. What I want is to see you at like an after party at 4 a.m.

Like, I just want to see what you're doing because, but I feel the same way. Mescal is it? Because it's so like smokey. It has a smokey, but it's like smoke salmon. Do you know what it was?

Do you ever see those YouTube videos of babies eating lemons? Yeah.

“That's what I was when I drank Blakely's Mescal.”

Yeah. But I'm out. I looked at him like I'd been shot. Yeah. Like, I can't drink anything that has any type of smokey, like a bourbon.

I don't even know. But like, I'll do a spicy margarita. Of course. I'll do a spicy margarita. I'll do a spicy ginger.

Except then I have a heartburn. Yeah. Say something weird. I mean, such bad heartburn. So think that you're just going to get a little like tequila soda in your mouth.

Yeah. And then get Mescal and he said nothing. He left me for that. Well, because tequila drinkers are true. A different breed.

Like, I actually, I would say the majority of the people in my life that I'm around when they're drinking is tequila on the rocks. I feel like I's showing off. Like, in your heart of hearts, is that really what you want? Get it?

No, I don't like alcohol. I don't like the taste of anything. I get pineapple juice. It has to taste a little bit of a little bit of vodka. Yeah.

And ice. A lot of ice. That's like 17 years old. I'm like, give me orange juice. I got it.

I got it. The water it down, please. You're like, do you have any sunny D back there? I just love it with a little tequila. Wait, sunny D tequila with tequila with tequila?

That's really good. It's basically a thing. It's basically a mocha. It's like sunny D with champagne would be so good. Lightly on flights.

Everyone is ordering alcohol next to me. Wait, I clutch my pearls on flight sometimes. And I understand that people get nervous. But the other day, I was on a flight.

“And it was literally, I think we took off at 10, 10.”

And there was a woman behind me. And she ordered the most hardcore drink. I was like, the way she set out. She was like, one big rock. Like three.

Ordered like they're out of fancy bar and Manhattan.

And I'm like this first of all.

I didn't really even know you could drink on a plane. Yeah. Also these businessmen are ordering the most. As I thought that was for girls. Yeah.

Like why are they taking it off the board? A lot of people ordered just like straight red wine to at any time of day. Red wine. Where I'm like, I feel like that's an after dinner drink. This, it just wasn't the demo.

It was like a 47 year old business man seen next to me. Who's like, bossily was like, I want a mocha. And I was like, and then he went to white wine. Then I'm tracking this man's night. Like, I'm like, oh, we're doing another.

I feel like his girlfriend being like, okay, we're going to have a fight. He had like, he's, he's, he's switching.

“I'm like, why are we switching like stick with an alcohol?”

Then he's peeing like the whole time for the girls who are stressed when you're, and you don't fly that often and you want to get a fucking balini. Sorry, I love same balini. Yeah. I don't know if they are available on flights, but get it.

But it's just the man ordering all of these mimosas. And it's like, this is a business trip. You do this every week.

And you always get them a mimoson.

It's 8 a.m. and you bring them flights every girls. Yeah, it's interesting. Unless you're in a batch, you're at, or you're like going to, I want the girls on TikTok that pack like, first of all, the girls have their little snack tray.

Oh, a drawer, well, the girls that pack. There was a girl that made a full matcha. I was like, you're the cutest girl I've ever seen in my life. That's a freaking adorable romanticized your life. It was so sweet.

And then there's like men ordering like to kill a straight. I'm like, you know. No. And like, you're going to see your second family, aren't you? Yeah. I'm like, what are you celebrating?

(laughs) Go to work. (laughs) Wait. People need to ask me. Yeah, we're going on speed.

We're going for the first 20 minutes stop. Literally stop. Okay. Anyway, thank you guys so much for giggling with us. I love you so, so much.

And we'll talk you next week. Yeah. Bye.