Smoke This And Your Hair Will Grow

I know Shopify has already been the first day, and the platform makes me no problem.

I have many problems, but the platform is not one of them. I have the feeling that Shopify is going to continue to optimize. Everything is super simple, integrated and balanced. And the time and the money that I can't invest in there. For all of them, in Vax.com, yet the cost in those tests of Shopify, point to the E.

Good morning, good afternoon, all good evening, depending on where you are on the planet. This is ill advised by Bill Nye. I am Bill Nye, and I'm here returning to my quest, which is to answer your questions. I'm not actually making things worse. This is a podcast for people who don't get out much when they do.

They wish they hadn't. If you wear shorts to the theatre and are drawn to the menace sphere, there's nothing for you here. Thank you for all your questions.

“We do try and remember that I know as much about the world and how to answer your questions”

you do. If you ever catch me, answer your questions on anything serious like sexual relations or how to get ahead in business, call a cab. Hi, Bill. This is Sarah Kong from the Cosmos. I live in a cemetery, which wasn't disclosed on the listing, but I'd flown into view the property.

It was within my budget, and I liked the debt quiet. My problem is that couriers usually want deliver packages. Thinking no one would be mad enough to live in a cemetery. I once had a spook cab driver leaving outside the gates at 2 a.m. As he didn't want to answer.

And the late night pizza delivery guy boarding delivery thinking he was being pumped. There's no house number, but the previous owners graciously changed the name from cemetery lodged to something a lot nicer. But I feel I'm doomed to miss half a shim it out in my later years. Pizza and package lift.

Any suggestions? Well, we've had a quick conference here on your behalf, Sarah. And we all seem to agree that you should buy a pizza oven. And if you don't want to buy a pizza oven, then you should get in the car and go to the pizza restaurant.

I don't believe in takeaway food. And I don't believe that food generally travels. And pizza really doesn't travel. But then there are some people who like last night's pizza for breakfast.

“But I think you have to be under 17 for that.”

And you need to do it with a can of, you know, diet pepsi, probably, or red bull. Maybe red bull and last night's pizza for breakfast. That's a youthful way to start the day. It's got everything, it's got vigor, it's got carbs, you know, it's got speed, it's got everything.

Either that or you need some kind of bell, don't you? Like a some system whereby you can be alerted to the fact that there's someone at the gate. But that doesn't seem to be the answer to it. Or can you go to the nearest post office and get a post box address or something?

Anyway, I think it's great that you live in a cemetery and that you're not spooked in anywhere by it. I used to hang out in a cemetery when we were young. We all hung out in a cemetery after the pub. Because there was a cemetery on a hill where you could look out

across the valley where I grew up. And we would lounge on gravestones. And talk, you know, youthful nonsense.

“I think probably a lot of sex happened in the cemetery as well.”

Which is kind of great because there you have the circle of life.

I never had sex in the cemetery but then I never had sex.

I've managed to not have sex in all kinds of places. Hi, this is Kim from the Netherlands. I think you're one of the best dressed men out there. So I'm just curious, what do you think is the Rockstar that dresses best? Kim, thank you for your kind remark.

And this is an easy question for me to answer because in my view without question, the best dressed Rockstar of all time was Charlie Watts, the drummer of the greatest rhythm and blues band the world has ever known. The Rolling Stones. And one of the things I admire, I admire everything about Charlie Watts.

But one of the things I admire is that he didn't go to pieces during the '70s and the '60s or indeed the '80s. And he would drum for the Rolling Stones on occasion in a three-piece suit with short hair and a shirt and a tie. Which was, I can't tell you as someone who was around at that time.

I can't tell you how radical that was.

I remember the first time I ever had a job as an actor for money.

And I took my girlfriend to the Isle of White Rock Festival

“where about 600,000 people gathered to hear Jimmy Hendrix”

and various other artists. And it was like I might as well have had a communicable disease. Everywhere I walked, this crowd of people would just part and open and let me go by. And I ended up sitting in a large empty circle with my girlfriend with all the people with long hair sitting around staring at us

because they assumed that I had to be either a police officer

or a member of her Majesty's Armed Forces, neither a witch with that popular or welcome

in the context of the Isle of White Rock Festival. And eventually one bloke in an army Greek coat with very long black hair

“and a stoke pipe hat came out of the crowd with a joint in its hand”

and offered me the joint as if to say smug this and your hair will grow. And of course I took the joint just to be polite, but obviously ladies and gentlemen I didn't inhale for anything of that kind. But all the way home on the boat on the ferry I was shunned by my contemporaries,

no one came near us. I only my girlfriend who was loyal was prepared to associate herself with me.

So I don't know what happened to love peace and understanding but it didn't survive my hair cut. But Charlie, who had infinite class, he did survive whenever when else was falling apart. And I only met him once and I was walking down in wintertime, down bond street and somebody said my name, somebody said bill and I turned around and it was Charlie Watts. And the fact that Charlie Watts knew that I was called bill was kind of thrilling,

more than kind of it was thrilling to me because he's a serious figure in my life. And he lent forward and he took my lapel of I was wearing a reasonable suit. He looked absolutely sensational, he was a regular customer in several row and he had several tailors that worked for him constantly and he looked absolutely impeccable. He had a wonderful overcoat bespoke obviously and a three-piece suit and a collar and tie with a bar, a brass bar

through the collar and a tie over it in the old-time tradition. And he felt my lapel and he said, "You're an actor, you're supposed to be skin." And I said, "Well, things looked up." And he said, "I'm glad to hear it." And then he got in the car and drove away. That was the entirety of my contact with Charlie Watts but it was kind of perfect as far as I was concerned. It was exactly long enough and it was about something that we both shared and enthusiasm for.

I once went into a tailor and in a basement in several row that I knew Mr. Watts used. And I said to the governor, has Mr. Watts been in recently. He said, "Mr. Watts has ten items in the process currently. One of those items was like, you know, thousands and thousands of pounds. Charlie Watts suddenly passed away not long ago. I read a biography of him and he said that he'd broken so many wardrobe rails in hotel

wardrobes that he had his own wardrobe constructed. It was a huge traveling wardrobe that

“he would open out into three bits I think. And then down one side would be the suits hanging.”

And the other side would be the shirts. And in the middle there would be drawers with socks and underwear. And Charlie thought it was a crime to roll a pair of socks. He would only have a fold them into having pressed them. And between each pair of socks there would be a layer of tissue paper. This is untour with the rolling stones. And he had the same arrangement at home. And if his wife and daughter wanted a laugh,

they would run upstairs, go to his sock drawer, roughly about, and then run away. And then later when Charlie went to the drawer you would hear a roar from upstairs as Charlie realized what they'd done. But without question, there was no one as stylish as Charlie wants. I have observed that the fifties, when I was growing up, was generally dismissed as the dull grey decade. We're nothing stylish happened. And people would say Elvis Presley came along

and the world turned into colour. And the fifties looked like a white, well I dig black and white for a start. But also if you look at fifties photographs of same-mile stavours or Frank Sinatra or Bill Evans,

glasses. You just can't. You look at Miles Davis. Juliet Greco once said, "Who couldn't

“speak any English and neither could he speak any French?" And they had apparently had an affair”

very successful affair when he went to Paris. She said, "You just had to look from the wings at the silhouette. It was just breathtaking." And then the sixties came along and even Frank Sinatra wore a mini-cafdan with beads when singing with the fifth Dimension. And you think, "Gentleman, you had it so right." You know, and Bill Evans started to grow sideburns and wore sweet safari jackets. And I regret that on their behalf.

Hi, Bill. My name's Lang. I'm from Vietnam. So I recently discovered that my 84 years old grandma has been unplugging her washing machine after every use of foreign-trial life. Do you reckon that this is socially acceptable? Or should I do something about it? I'd love to hear

“about your washing machine situation as well. Thank you.”

Lynn, hello. Thank you for your question. I'm not quite sure about the social

acceptability of turning off your washing machine in between uses. I've never heard of anyone

doing it. I suppose it's in the tradition of turning everything off in the old paranoid way that you don't leave anything electric switched on around the house in case of fire. And I did see a fire truck going by the other day with a picture of a plug with flames coming up around it, saying switch it off. It's a danger. So it's a modern thing. It was not just my mum who used to do that. And you're asking a very personal question about my own relationship with washing machines.

And I forgive you for that because obviously you've got concerns about your grandmother and it's all

“within that context. I don't have a washing machine. I've never owned a washing machine.”

It's like I don't own really own an oven. I do now have a kind of oven. I have a small grill stroke oven thing that you might find in a tent. But it's the sort of thing you'd have

at a campsite. And it's never been used. It's never been turned on. It's a new development

because for many years in my last department, I didn't have an oven at all but I did have a hob which also, which I don't know where that makes me look. I had a hob which also never was never used. And the only reason I had it was because when the builders were there and they were taking away the old oven, it was a new phase of my life and I had never really made these decisions before. And they said when is the new one coming? I said sorry. And then I realized in the moment

that there was never going to be a new one because who needs it? They're kind of ugly and I didn't want one hanging around in my kitchen. So I said well know there won't be a new one and my daughter was there. She said like she said most of the time in those days dad don't be weird. So I had a hob

in order not to be weird. But I never used it and then one day my daughter came in and she said this

isn't a kitchen. This is a library because the hob was discovered in books. Anyway so I don't have a washing machine. I'm decadent. I send it out. When I was young I used to be in digs a lot and I was in one particular digs in London at 33 from wherever near Hygate where the other residents had a laundry system or laundry service and a van would come and they all had boxes like these sort of or long boxes with a leather strap tied around it and their name on the lid and I thought if I

ever make any money I'm ever one of those. So now I have one of those because I made some money and you put it in this box and it goes outside the front door you never see it again until it comes back. I would tell you how it comes back but the word that I would employ to tell you how it comes back is been recently not so recently put on the band word list but I may ask the permissions committee if we could make an exception in this case hang on one moment. Yeah the permissions committee

have decided that an exception can be made on this occasion so I can say that my laundry comes back sheathed every single item is sheathed and it's so glamorous to me and when you pack and I have to

five shirts bang bang bang bang bang bang you can pack them like books and similarly with t-shirts

“and it's all very very glamorous so my relationship with the washing machine is not existing”

but I have a deep relationship with the laundry service and with dry cleaning I am a committed dry cleaner if it stands still for six seconds I dry clean it everything I run my wardrobe like a fascist state. Hi Bill I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on the corrected tyre for swimming at the beach in particular any advice from relation to the dilemma between bad geese fugglers and board shorts will be welcome. Yeah Brad did you ever come to the wrong guy

I haven't been in swim a tyre or owned swimming trunks this century and before that

“so I'm not your man really I'm not even going to repeat the phrase that you used in the question”

because it's for a start my colleagues won't survive it because they are basically

with no disrespect to children they are children but I know what you mean if you're talking about speedos there's something about me that when people talk to me if I ever indicate that I exercise at all the first thing people do and they try not to because they're nice people but they try not to but the first thing they do is laugh and they laugh quite you know properly and sort of you know at length and the second thing they ask me is what do you wear like you know I'm going to be

dressed in a suit in a gymnasium or something you know and similarly there are certain people one of whom is not far from me at this moment actually Brad who I can barely have a business conversation with without at some point she will mention speedos she will mention speedos or like her yeah like her is another matter but pertinent to your question is speedos because the thought of me in speedos is apparently unavoidably funny which I can't deny I would say it's unsavivably

sad but you know each to his own so yeah you came to the wrong guy if you're going to go on the beach and if you cut off a pair of jeans that's it it's all she wrote job done now welcome to illidvised by Bill Nye's band word list and we have been inundated with suggestions to band certain words from the English or any other language and this week's words are mucus

“I'm a mouthpiece I just report but um I think I kind of I'm behind that one kitty I think that's”

absolutely it's long overdue to band the word kitty k i double d y many petty which also should be obviously should be banned that refers to manicure slash if you pardon the expression slash slash pedicure actually slash maybe that's a bad word don't gotten which I presume means instead of I got you would say I've gotten which is obviously not a word in the first place so it should be not encouraged and yeah and I thoroughly agree

doggy bag give me a break really how did it ever catch on anyway too late now it's gone this week's playlist is called not quite evening and the first track comes from the Jesus and Mary chain which I still think is one of the great band names of all time

and the track is called sometimes always which contains the cup lit if it's okay to say that

I won't get on my knees don't make me do that please which I find just it scans nice the next song on the list is from Phoebe bridges somebody I particularly admire and the song's called would you rather and the chorus is what you call curious and it goes I'm a can on a string you're on the end we found our way out of a suicide pact over family and friends

the song is called we were cool and some of the lines in it are do ran do ran on the radio

“the wild boys in the days ago I was sitting on his right on his left was a fresh tattoo”

oh man we were cool his daddy had a drinking problem my daddy worked way too hard now the next track is from Taylor Swift yeah Taylor Swift and it's a very very early kind of really not kind of a country song which called Tim McGraw and for those of you that don't know Tim McGraw is a major major country star and it's a very sweet song about a love of her and guess what I pick up truck that had a habit of breaking down on the back roads

late at night oh yeah anyway it's a nice song and it arrived on an old iPod of mine in New York

years ago and I never knew who put it there or how they got it there because it just sort of arrived

one day and I thought who is Taylor Swift the next song is by Nick Cave and the bad seeds and it's one of my favorite love songs of all time and it's called Love Letter it opens with I hold this letter in my hand a plea a petition a kind of prayer I hope it does as I have planned losing here again is more than I can bear and the final song is from one of my favorite singers and writers of all time Van Morrison and it's a song called Crazy Face which is a mysterious song and I once read an

interview where he was asked about it and he kind of just said I don't know where that came from and

“it has one of my favorite saxophone solos on it which I think I don't know but I think it's played”

by Van himself and the majority of it is on one note which is part of why I like it anyway he sings the same verse twice and he does it beautifully. This episode's book is by Walter Mosley and it's called Devil In a Blue Dress if you were to read this book which features Walter Mosley's hero

EZ Rollins who is a war veteran who comes home from the Second World War two Los Angeles having

been in combat and if you liked it you would thank me because there are I don't know maybe 20 more featuring EZ Rollins and they're all good and they're very good about being black in America in Los Angeles in the 1940s immediately after the war the 50s the 60s and the 70s I think we

“make it to the 70s and they're superior novels and I highly recommend them as it says on the front”

a damn good read and I'm going to read you the first two or three pages this is chapter one of Devil In a Blue Dress which was made into a film and EZ was played by Denzel Washington I don't think I've actually watched the film and I don't know that I don't know how successful

it was but there wasn't you would imagine there would have been more but they've never been made

chapter one I was surprised to see a white man walking to Jockeys bar it's not just that he was white but he wore an off-white linen suit and shirt with a Panama straw hat and bone shoes over flashing white silk socks his skin was smooth and pale with just a few freckles one lick of strawberry blonde hair escape the band of his hat he stopped in the doorway filling it with his large frame and surveyed the room with pale eyes not a color I'd seen in

a man's eyes when he looked at me I felt a thrill of fear but that went away quickly because I was used to white people by 1948 I'd spent five years with white men and women from Africa to Italy through Paris and into the fatherland itself I ate with them and slept with them and I killed enough blue-eyed young men to know that they were just as afraid to die as I was the white man smiled at me then he walked to the bar where Joppy was running a filthy rag over the marble top

they shook hands and exchanged greetings like old friends the second thing that surprised me was that he made Joppy nervous Joppy was a tough x-hebby weight he was comfortable brawling in the ring or in the street but he ducked his head and smiled at that white man

but before I was off to stool Joppy turned my way and waved me toward them coming over here easy

“this here's somebody I want you to meet I could feel those pale eyes on me this here's an old”

friend of mine's easy Mr. Allbright you can call me do wit easy the white man said his grip was strong but slithery like a snake coiling around my hand hello I said yeah easy Joppy went on bowing and grinning Mr. Allbright and me go way back you know he'd probably my oldest friend from LA yeah we go ways back that's right Allbright smiled it must have been 19 35 when I met Jop what is it now must be 13 years that was back before the war before every farmer and his

brothers wife wanted to come to LA Joppy got forward at the joke I smiled politely I was wondering what kind of business Joppy had with that man and along with that I wondered what kind of business

“that man could have with me where you from easy Mr. Allbright asked Houston I said Houston”

now that's a nice town I go down there sometimes on business he smiled from moment he had all the time in the world what kind of work do you do up here up close his eyes with a color of Robin's eggs mat and dull he works at the champion aircraft up to two days ago Joppy said when I didn't answer they laid him off Mr. Allbright twisted his pink lips showing his distaste that's too bad you know these big companies don't give a damn about you the budget

doesn't balance just right and they let 10 family men go you have a family easy he had a light draw like a well to do southern gentlemen no I said just me that's all but they don't know that for all they know you could have 10 kids and one on the way but they would let you go just the same that's right Joppy shouted his voice sounded like a regiment of men marching through a gravel pit

then people own them big companies don't never even come into work they just get on the telephone

to find out how their money is and you know they better get a good answer for some heads gonna roll Mr. Allbright laughed and slapped Joppy on the arm why don't you get us some drinks Joppy I'll have scotch what's your pleasure easy usual Joppy asked me sure I said when Joppy moved away from us Mr. Allbright turned to look around the room he did that every few minutes turning slightly checking to see if anything had changed there wasn't much to see though Joppy's was a small bar

on the second floor of a butcher's warehouse he's only usual customers were the Negro butchers and it was early enough in the afternoon that they were still hard at work the odor of rotted meat filled every corner of the building there were few people other than butchers who could stomach sitting in Joppy's bar Joppy brought Mr. Allbright scotch and a bourbon on the rocks for me he put them both down and said Mr. Allbright looking for a man to do a little job easy I told him you out of work

and got a mortgage to pay too that's hard Mr. Allbright shook his head again many big business don't even notice or care when a working man wants to try to make something out of himself and you know

easy always trying to be better he just got his high school papers from night school and he's been

threatening on some college Joppy wiped the marble bars he spoke and he's a war hero Mr. Allbright Easy when him with pattern volunteered you know he's seen him some blood not a fact allbright said he wasn't impressed Why don't we go have a chair easy over there by the window and so begins the big adventure So that's about the size of it for this episode thank you for all questions I hope you've enjoyed wasting some time I hope we have successfully helped you take a break because that's our mission

“Stay loose and most important you don't forget to discover”

I'll advise by Bill Nage is produced by Alice Williams and Kera Gregory with assistant production by Angelique Selma's pronounced Selma's and Charlotte Ross pronounced Ross R. O. S. S. And it's an iPod