Jocko Underground: How to Get Your Wife on The Path | Wife Won't Let Me Be The Man of The House

We have received questions from you the troopers out in the field and we will respond with answers recommendations or courses of action that may help you Make good decisions and move forward or all three on the path

Okay, first question. Hey, Jockel echo. I've been with my wife now for 11 years since freshman year of high school

We've been married for two years and have a nine month old I found the path in college and have rarely strayed since my wife can get on the path for short bursts But all often sizzles out

“You need to fizzles out before seeing real motivational results”

I've been trying to trust respect influence and care for a few years now But this is often led to to miss my goals workouts and lose Heads of steam versus bringing her up if I bring up the slightest hint of this this subject It often it's often met with so you're saying I need to work out more attitude Understand I've tried leading by example without being too hard charging. I have also tried doing things with her

With her at her pace like pickleball and walks, it's such a

If she doesn't have the same goals is me, I get it, but it has come to the point where I get judged for waking up early to get to the gym before Before family is is up because my alarm disrupts her sleep saying she wishes I could just spend time with her in the morning Then I do that work us get missed and I feel like I'm sitting a bad example What are the next steps of influence one of person disregard all potentially have to make a difference? Thanks for the constant advice and motivation

“Won't glad you mentioned trustless and respect influence and care because we definitely want to have a good relationship with our spouse”

That's the mother of our child You know, I think I think broadly speaking I would be trying to get things done that I need to get done and I would give her space Right Dude, she's got a nine month old. She's tired. Like she's got a lot of things going on. What can you do? How can you give her space? Can you get a vibrating alarm that you wear on your wrist doesn't wake her up when you get up in the morning?

People always ask me like, oh, you know, don't you wake up your wife?

No, but I have the blessing that my wife is a heavy sleeper and she just She gets up early now, but back in the day like she would just sleep through you know, and I would shut my alarm off quick or whatever Yeah, maybe he's vibrating watch or vibrating pillow or something some way like how can we give her space and then that's not talk about it all the time Right you got to give her some space Get the workouts done when she doesn't really know it. You know what I'm saying and

“Then spend time with her in the morning. That's what we want to do”

It sounds like the trustless and respect influence care. They're kind of outbound right now You're on send mode instead of receive like receive some of this stuff How can you and I get it? You did the pickle ball thing like, you know, did the walks? Letting her influence the what the workout's gonna be But even those things, you know if you if you label it as a workout

It did it doesn't it doesn't help You know, I'm saying if you put it that label on it in her mind, it's a it's a workout It's not what she wants to be doing So you might have to stretch that a little bit more. I have to figure out what she really wants to Maybe she wants to you know go to a movie with you. Maybe she wants to play a board game with you

Maybe she wants to go bird watching with you. I don't know But let's go beyond Something that has to be a physical thing and you know anything that we can do to stretch her thing to make it into a workout like pickle ball What about all right, so that's just That's kind of not

Really being influenced by her I Don't mean this how I mean it. That's gonna sound but like do the workouts of kind of behind her back You know what I'm saying not not like a thing not sneaking around but like kind of behind her backwards, you know It's she barely even notices that it's going down on your own time. Yeah, there's a bunch of things

I could be happening here right she Like most people are a little bit Intiminated slash guilty slash jealous about someone else getting after it We all walk jive or jive or like you're whatever

For whatever reason you're doing something early in the morning something not physical and Like let's you had to drive to work early in the morning one day and it's four o'clock in the morning You're going to catch a flight and as you leave and someone's running You know what I'm saying

You reactively would say what the hell is wrong with that guy and it was and get a life little jealousy

“Little jealousy little little little intimidation little guilt”

So And these these are you and me brother we work out a lot you know and we still get that little bit of Wang so so so for some of that's you know just had a kid nine months ago and it's trying to keep life together Maybe wasn't that that physical before and now she sees the dude running in the morning It's a push wrong with that guy

It's really a little bit of intimidation. That's a little bit of guilt So we need to kind of massage her through those feelings because they're there and bring her slowly on board Is a plan right or can you do stuff what can you do stuff with the baby? You know like even going for walks of the baby

Those those kids fall asleep in the rock in the thing right

Um we have to let her find the path on her own We have to let people find the path on their own We cannot force them on the path We can't force feed them the discipline because they will throw it up all day long when you force feed people discipline they hate it They hate it look they already kind of hate it when they force feed it themselves when they voluntarily drink discipline

They already don't like it kind of right they might like their feeling afterward They might like the results if they can think strategic for a little bit of time But most of the time it's like no dude. I don't want this. This tastes bad to me right now and therefore I don't want it What do you got for a home gym again? This is kind of violating what I talked about of like doing things

Kind of behind her back, but have you talked about a home gym? Have you maybe thrown a little you know

A stair stepper in the garage with a square rock. You know what I mean Where like right that just just making it a little easier make it a little bit you know even for you you said you got to go to the gym in the morning waking up early to get to the gym

“To get the gym in before so I'm not far you have to drive to the gym”

But it is probably at least eight minutes maybe even 17 minutes to get to the gym by the way you got a park you got to walk into the door You got to show your past you got to go into the thing you got to get your clothes on There's a bunch of things that are going on and that that's gonna take I think minimum transition time From home to gym is probably minimum 40 minutes. What do you think? Yeah, I mean depends on where the gym is

Yeah, but I mean less is around the corner. Yeah, it can be 40 minutes for yeah So 40 minutes by the way 40 minutes. You're done with your work out if you have a home gym. Yes, it's done Here's another big thing Habits instead of goals Right habits instead of goals meaning and this is the opposite of what a lot of people say

Like you need to set goals right you need to I need to lose weight or I need to get to owned I need to whatever because she mentioned that Like she sizzles out before she sees the the results right

“So instead of saying like here's what you need to achieve just say now it's just about today”

It's just about doing it. It's just about feeling good today Let's feel let's go for walk You know, oh I got done do you want to do you want to put let's get the baby in the store Let's go for a quick you know little around the block by the way. Let's do so you know like what can you do Well, we're just doing a little something today make it about the daily habit instead of these long term goals

Which you know is like When you say it she does it for sure a burst if the short burst she's gonna feel good when she does the short burst But then she looks at the mirror in three weeks. She goes do I being getting up early every day? I don't see any difference So then why do it so instead let's focus on oh yeah, I didn't you feel good today Then you feel better today. Hey, thanks for spending time with me. Hey, that was cool to go for walk with the kid like you make it about the fit about the about the

The effort and the process instead of the outcome So that's another thing By the way all this might take a long time you've been married for two years Wow your your your marriage and your relationship is gonna go through all these different phases And it's gonna take a while to figure out how to make all this work. It's no big deal no big deal no

But you gotta play that strategic long game You think you're gonna change your wife overnight. You're not gonna change your wife overnight You're having to change her in a month. You're not gonna change her in six months, but you're gonna look up in eight years and she might be working out more than you Right, I don't know so

You have the rest of your life to get this figured out and I would take and focus on Backing off

Doing stuff not in her face

“Make let's focus on habits and daily things that we can do together that are kind of fun that have nothing did do do that no inkling of”

I mean, I literally if you can get her to do knitting with you for 40 minutes a day right now. I would do that to start with Or improv. Let's do improv game. Well, let's play a board game. Whatever the thing is chess Let's do chess dot com Do something that's just and let's just start getting let's start building Things that we're gonna do together that we're gonna be fun and eventually and by the way those things are primarily her things and

Then eventually we get to add in something and then we can add in whatever we add in a little something Make let her

Find the path on her own you can you can you can kind of like put a couple crumbs out on the trail

But you can't grab her by the arm and pull her down the trail. She gonna resist Put some crumbs out occasionally not not big like giant crumbs not little cupcakes where she's like. Oh, I see what this is

“No don't do that just let her find the path on her own. That's what we're done. Yeah, you're you're right about that thing where it essentially make the process enjoyable”

I wouldn't even see it as a pro I don't know everybody's different different relationships. I get it or everybody said something like really quick where he was like if she has If she doesn't have the same goals I get it. So it's kind of like almost like it's this four-gong conclusion that she has like goals It's not everybody's like that, right like you I think sometimes we we have this vision of like My wife or my whoever my kids whatever thinking to get on the path with me because I know the value of the path and

You know once I get them to see that. Oh, man there skies the limit for them. You know kind of a thing and you know

It seems like Our hearts are in the right place we think that or whatever but right some people the idea of like a gym Like I go to let's say I go to target which I did and I see some and you know how you know when you're a kid You walked down aisles and sections and stuff. You want to go to the toy section the candy section You know walking down the aisle. I see this aisle of dumbbells. Yeah, I have dumbbells at my house by the way

I'm full set. Yeah, I see a dumps. I'm still on 20s one 20s. Yeah, I see These only went up to like 40. Yeah, yeah, and I'm still stopping. I'm looking and browsing about to me That's like that's my you know like interest or whatever and I was in my son. He was into it too But some people they're gonna be like for a while. We hear like those dumbbells in fact I'd rather not look at dumbbells because just like I you said sometimes it can reflect a little bit of guilt or something like this

Or like I said it's just not their thing don't assume she has these fitness goals that just they're just different than yours right. Yeah, so I I guess this is a bad Example but nonetheless so I joined a 24 fitness. You don't want to move to your son. You go you know I go join my gym or whatever And the guys like oh cool. Hey, what are your fitness goals?

I'm like proud. I don't have fitness goals. I just want a freaking lens, you know like but I leave me alone Yeah, stop with the whole goals thing You know or like like let's say you over, you know you'd move to a new town and you open a bank account We'll just say because you need a bank account, right? You need checking account. That's kind of what we're doing And you're let's say a 20 year old kid whatever

moderately squared away. We'll say and the guys goes hey, so what are your financial goals like proud? I have financial goals right now. Leave me alone with that stuff. All right. Look. I might find that in the in the future 100% You know, and you know when I change my I'm glad or whatever, but get off my back about these financial goals I'm just saying yeah, so I'm just saying we like when you start treating your wife like that

“Like no, no, you need to do this, you know, and then you know like if you don't you're kind of you know”

It's like a bad thing or whatever, but I think that's kind of the wrong direction so I was with my daughter Coach Rana Yeah, yeah, sure that was due to competitions this weekend and she loves due to you Have you ever watched her train due to you seem pictures of her she's in the middle of a crazy match You got a big smile in her face. Yeah, she absolutely love So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the jockel underground podcast. So if you want to continue to listen

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