EP 4 - The Handyman of West Texas

If you had to put a number on it, how many women have hired you as a handyman, quote, unquote, and then ended up paying you for sex? I have no idea, but it's, it's, is it hundreds? Yes. And very early on, it becomes obvious that a lot of these wealthy West Texas housewives know

each other, and are, sereticiously, passing Mickey around, like the classroom hamster.

“If you're not asking for money, how do they all give you the same amount?”

Yes. Someone gave them a heads up like, hey, it's 200 bucks. And as business starts booming, Mickey begins feeling some really disturbing requests from several of these wealthy housewives who are now pushing him into exceedingly dangerous territory.

This woman wanted me to punch her in the head and I was like, "But if you punch her in the head?" And the head, she's like, "Punch me in the back of the head." I'm Jonathan Walton, and this is the handyman of West Texas, episode four, from Tip to Shafd. So this has to be a woman you've seen many times. Yes.

Mickey and I are seated across from each other, and I just can't tear myself away from swiping through all the pictures and videos on his phone that these housewives ask him to record of their time together. What do they do with these videos?

I never ask, it's one of those things, like, "Are I care less what you do with it?"

I'm not shy, no, you're not shy. Keep in mind, these are all women with a lot to lose. They're married, and they don't work. So they are financially dependent on their bread-winning, oil executive husbands.

“Why on earth would they be okay with Mickey shooting videos of their extramarital affairs?”

They're already taking such a huge risk, inviting this handyman into their home for sex. Why make things even riskier by recording it all? I mean, I'm a private person by nature, and I respect people's privacy, and the only person that's seen is that no one's going to ever see them, they're just on my phone, and they have their versions of it.

Why do you think? I mean, I'm just amazed that they would ask you to film them, like, maybe it has something to do with this idea that, "Listen, I've already gone this far, and I'm bang in the handyman." I've had a fantasy about being a porn star, so let me fulfill that at the same time.

I've already crossed this boundary, what's another one? It's sunk cost fallacy in a weird way, which, you know, in my other life, I'm a con artist expert, I wrote a book about how to not get scammed, I got scammed and got justice. And there's a principle called sunk cost fallacy, where you've done so much already up until this point, but it's a little more, like with cons, like you've given them so

“much money and believed so many lies already, what's another lie?”

You've invested so much of your resources and your belief and your blood and your sweat and your tears into something, what's a little more? There.

sunk cost fallacy is a real thing, a powerful thing, a sneaky thing.

It's how places like Las Vegas were built. Gamblers, who are losing fortunes, instead of walking away, they think to themselves, "I'm already this far in, what's another hundred bucks, then they keep playing, and they keep losing until they're broke, and Las Vegas builds another casino." Turn on to the north end of the strip and you'll notice a fresh face of new buildings.

From resort world to fountain blue, you can expect the growth to continue. The truth of the matter is, we are all susceptible to sunk cost fallacy, in every aspect of life, how many times have you been watching a really bad movie? And instead of turning it off, you just keep watching. You say to yourself, "I'm already a half hour in, I might as well keep going, maybe it

will get good, and you'll watch that horrible movie until the very end." That's sunk cost fallacy. So maybe there's an element of sunk cost fallacy with these women who are like, "I'm already calling a handyman over to have sex with me." What's, I want to film it now, I want that, I've already crossed that line, yeah.

Yeah, I've crossed that line, it's just a little further, and what do they do with these videos? Well, see, and that was their concern, you know, they were basically asking permission, and I said, "You can do whatever the hell you want with it.

They've never shared that with me what they're giving to you."

But I imagine you've done what they're, I mean, they're watching them. Sure, there's tons of videos out there circulating, I have no idea.

Yeah, because I've never, this sounds strange, I've never been, I've heard of only

fans, I've never been, I've never seen what an only fan's is, I don't even, yeah. Yeah, are you on Instagram? I have nothing, I literally have nothing. You have no social media, is there? But the racy contents of Mickey's cell phone would definitely make for a lot of viral posts

on all kinds of social media platforms. I'm finding it hard to stop scrolling. I'm handing Mickey back his phone. I think I've seen enough. It looks like you're blushes.

I totally am.

So after that second housewife called you, so she answers the donor negligee.

So you know that she knows that she knows that she's going down.

“After that whole thing, do you remember the third, it's kind of sad to say I don't, after”

that it kind of, it was a whirlwind kind of situation, I can't remember the third from the hundredth or, yeah, it's, they pretty much kind of all meshed into each other kind of thing. I'd remember distinct situations in somewhere in between, after the second one, it was more women, more places, more, you know, it kind of started to get to point everything

look the same, you know, the women houses, the situation, the intro, the, yeah, it pretty much followed the same script almost. And I have no doubt that the first one started all, you know, she told her friend, that friend told the friend, yeah, because they pretty much all look the same, the set up to calls, initial, me, all of it.

There's actually a scientific reason for why Mickey can only remember his first two handy

man's sexual encounters and not the hundreds of others that followed. It's a phenomenon called reduced memory encoding, and it happens to all of us as we age.

“As adult life is less filled with novel events, the brain creates fewer unique memories.”

When you're a kid, everything is new and exciting. And your brain records details of every single new event. But as you age and start doing the same thing over and over again, you don't remember all these women because it's kind of the same, and to the door of love, have sex, get money, go, and to the door of love, so if nothing unusual happens.

What your brain does to save space, almost like a think of it, you're brain like a big computer, and you don't want to take up all the space with junk. What your brain does to save space is it files away those routines as one clip, your brain has filed them away kind of like this, and that actually makes a lot sense. Yeah.

I was trying to reason it, you know, I might forget all these women, that just let that I can, you know, that I can't remember all these things, I was trying to, you know, even as an adult, some days are still very memorable. You had a birthday recently, Happy Birthday, your 50, I have me too, welcome to the 50s. If you look at me, I don't look 50.

No, you don't look 50. And the job that I have, keeps him pretty good shape, because out in the oil field, that's like hard, effing work for the 50s. Yeah.

“So it's a, it's a, it's a, I can imagine, you eat a lot, you have to, or you waste away.”

But there are times working in the oil field, Mickey sits on his ass all day, waiting to work, waiting for the weather to clear. It's up here in a truck stop off FM 1788 here in Odessa, this parking lot filled with snow and ice and it's dangerous conditions that have a lot of these truck drivers hunker down for who knows how long it's snowed, it's snowed, they shut us down.

What is it warm up in Midland? It'll warm up next week is a, there's a freak storm that came through, we see the oil, there's oil, there's oil for you. If you notice, the price of oil last week for this week has gone up considerably. It was below $60 a barrel and now it's like $64, it's because we stopped production.

The winter storm couldn't, we couldn't wreck. Nothing happens to the oil, oils, you know, it takes a thousand feet under, it's not going to be affected by the weather up top. But the logistics of the trucks and the supplies that we get, they can't go on the roads, because they were ice-dove.

It's a delicate duality, the life of Mickey the oil fracker, moonlighting as a handyman jiggleau. And as the years go by, and as Mickey develops this reputation in certain circles, certain

gaps for 200 bucks a pop, the premise for all of these West Texas housewives, inviting him into their homes, remains the same.

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Often is valid for a limited time in terms of conditions may apply. Pretext and all, no woman is calling saying, "Hey, can you come have sex with me?" They're all calling, "Hey, can you fix this, can you fix that?"

And then it's always under the guise of her handyman work.

It was a rarity that I would actually go over and fix something, I would need any tools that I brought. Wow, but you always bring your tools just to fix this because it happened.

“I'm not going to assume, and you know, the worst thing I wanted was to walk into a situation”

where it was a little legitimate job, and I assumed the other and started making advances to be revoked, I was going to put myself in that situation. Again, he wasn't going to put himself in that situation again, because it actually did happen. Yeah, once that it was terrible, apparently she was just a very friendly lady. You know, it was a friendly hug when she opened the door to me.

And I took that as a sign and apparently it was not. And so we're going throughout her house, and she's like, "Well, let me show you," and she's walking ahead of me, and I put my hand under her hip, and I like touch, and she turned around and slept my hand away, and I was like, "Oh, shit, I just fucked up." Oh, my God.

And she gave me this look. Was it her hip or her butt? It was very close. It was a border, and it was a light touch that shouldn't have happened, because apparently that's not what was going on, and I misread the situation.

She gave me a hug when I met her. I know that is weird. You don't hug the handyman. Exactly. Well, apparently she did.

She's a hugger. She's a hugger. Yeah. And so she slept your hand away. She slept my hand away.

I'm like, "Oh, my God. Did she say anything?"

“She just looked at me like in shock, and I was like, "I'm so sorry."”

And, "Oh, you're a good guy. You apologize." Yeah, well, 'cause shit, I was petrified, so she might call the cops. Exactly. She uses.

And then, so, you know, she, I guess, accepted the apology and just kind of gave me a look, and I actually did the work that she needed to do, but yeah, it was awkward to say the least. I misread that really badly. Never happened again after that.

I was like, "I will never make that first move ever again."

Wow. Yeah, it was probably, you know, maybe a dozen, a couple dozen women in. Right. So you just got comfortable. Yeah, I felt like I needed to lay in the land, and I was like, "I don't know what's going on."

Yeah. And, yeah, I was mistaken that type of, like, regrettable. Yeah. I have the gay counterpart to that story. It happened to me.

You know, my husband works at this (beep) and there are a lot of these fancy events. And I was at one of them, this was years ago. And my husband was wearing a suit, like a dark suit, and he was at the party. He said hello to me, and he was like working, and I was just talking to people.

And I saw my husband standing, like, by the bar, from behind. So I know it's him. So I go up and I put my hand on his butt, like to say, "Hi, like it's me." And it wasn't my husband, he turns around, he's like, "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone else."

You know, my hand on the strangers butt for five seconds, like grabbing it. So I know how you feel, like, "Whoa, I'm not, and that's the same thing I thought.

I'm never doing that again.

I'm never assuming." So I'm looking them in the eyes, you know, because that's my husband. But yeah, that is a crazy feeling of like the terror. You feel like you violated someone. Yeah.

Luckily, she didn't call the cops. Luckily, because I was petrified that that was always going to happen.

I'm letting them touch me. Yeah. Always.

I always, you know, stand back and assume, hey, this is a legitimate inquiry.

They need something fixed until, you know, I learned otherwise.

“Has there ever been a housewife who changed her mind?”

Now, I think the closest I've come to that is women who've made an appointment and canceled before I even got there. So I've had several of those, you know, they changed their mind. They get cold feet. They, you know, like, what am I doing?

I know. I mean, it's kind of confusing. But every time I've actually arrived at a place, it's gone to completion that's there. And in some cases, before that point of completion is reached in the heat of the moment, these housewives start biting off more than they can chew.

Is anal sex with women like, do they want anal sex? Some have requested and I always try to dissuade them from that notion. Yeah, obvious reason. Yeah, I'm, I'm like, this is not, I was like, this is not going to end well for you. Yeah, I try to, as much as I can, dissuade them from that notion that this will not be

something that they'll enjoy. I was like, this is going to be painful. I was like, you know, I'm all about giving pleasure and this will not be pleasurable for you, you know, if even possible. So they went along anyway and you tried to look into the couple and, yeah, you couldn't

get it in. No. It was, you know, just what I had told them, I was like, this is going to be, you know, an ordeal. The visual is Coca-Cola can thickness.

Well, and the problem is, it's like that from tip to shaft.

It's not like, you know, the problem, you know, it's a, they're just, yeah, it's thick from beginning to end. And so, yeah, there is no point, well, okay, at least two tips, no, it's, tips, just as big as a rest.

“So, have there been any women who've gone ahead anyway and got it in?”

One, one, and did she enjoy it eventually or did she did? I guess that was her thing and she had done it before, but, yeah, she was like trained. Yeah, but initially, she still struggled, you know, it took one. And it was a very small stepping, you know, like millimeter, like millimeter, like, okay, way way, well, and she had to breathe, okay, a little more than, yeah, she was determined.

Yeah, she was determined. She eventually took it all, but it took, it was a minute before we got to that point. And while these housewives, who hire Mickey, have a lot in common and essentially all want the same thing from him, there are outliers worth mentioning who want other things entirely. I imagine you get a lot of weird requests, several weird words, yeah, give me some weird

ones. What's a strangest thing a woman ever asked to you to play or be? The weird one was, it was very strange, she wanted me to be daddy and she was a naughty school girl, but she was much older than I was, so that was kind of odd, you know. I was.

She was in her 60s. She wanted for this. She wanted you to be her daddy.

“Yeah, and she, she done bad, she wanted to be disciplined, and I was like, okay, with”

roleplay, you know, that's, to a point to an extent, there's certain things where I draw the line, but, you know, that one was odd because she was really old. And, you know, some people don't age well, she did not age well. She was probably in her 60s easily looked in her 70s. Wow.

And what do you do in that situation? Can you perform? It's a little bit more difficult, but I got to put my, all women are attractive in one way or another.

I got to find that, that attractiveness in that person because there's always going to be

something, you know, that I can go to, yeah, hopefully. And focus on it. And focus on it. So you get an erection, even with a 70, something you're a woman, you got an erection and performed.

Mm-hmm. Did you finish? No. You didn't finish. Oh, she finishes.

They always finish, and I sometimes, actually, I say 50% of the time, I don't, when you're working. Yeah. Yeah. I'm focused on their pleasure, you know, I'm there to, you know, make their fantasy

come true. I could care less, what's going on for myself? I'm not, I'm not there for myself, you know, as most guys in most situations are, you know, they're concerned about getting theirs and getting out. Right.

You're the opposite. I'm being able to give pleasure and get out. Yeah. And whether I get or not, I'm, I'm going to get it in one way or another. I'm receiving pleasure just, you know, being intimate with someone.

And you get money. Yeah. That helps. So, you know, I'd say about 50% of the time I never finished.

What do you do? I go forward and see where it leads because I don't know their intentions at first.

I have a pretty good idea of their intentions, but I always wait to see and I see how

it unfolds. You know, even someone that's not particularly attractive at first physically, you know, the situation may become, you know, like it's a hot situation in the way they, the way they set it up, the way they, you know, if it's a subduction kind of scene, then yeah, that could be hot in itself.

Yeah. Regardless of the subject, you know, it, it, it helps, it definitely helps. And that's a situation, it helps because she want to do it not in a little school girl thing. And she had a sexy little outfit that didn't belong on her, but yeah.

But you got to turn you on. Oh, yeah. That is kind of a beautiful thing and a profound thing you said just now. Every woman has something about them that's beautiful. Oh, yeah.

You just try to find that thing and focus on that and that turns you on. Definitely. Wow.

“You should write a book, man, or give like couples counseling, but that's a beautiful”

and it's true.

If you focus on the good, you can find the, the biggest problem I see is people aren't

honest. And they might have these repress fantasies, they might have all these thoughts, but they won't admit to them. So you can't, you can't have a therapeutic, you know, catharsis without being honest with yourself, with your partner with, and that's why so many couples are unhappy and they

have to turn to someone, you know, like me, that will, hey, I'm going to live on my fantasies with him because I don't know him. He's, it's impersonal, it's random, it's, you know, anonymous versus I can't talk to the person. I live with every day, which is sad, but that's kind of, how it is.

Yeah. Absolutely. So I, I, I, I, I can be a therapist, but no one listens. So, and while Mickey is happy to play therapist or play a daddy punishing a 70-year-old school girl, there are things he refuses to do, and boundaries he does not cross.

You know, I, I have just a very short list of rules that I have that I will not do. I'm not into pain, I'm not into growth stuff. And what's gross?

“Growth stuff is like a, uh, scar or golden showers or blood.”

You can poop. And when they want to be peed and pooped on and pee, I, I will make an exception if we're in a shower setting. Because even that's kind of weird to me, I'm like, okay, you know, someone, I piss on my face and like, okay, you know, I don't know what that does for you, but I'll do it in a shower.

I'm not going to do it on your bed. That's, you know, that's, I mean, I have sex on the same bed. Yeah, that's not going to happen. I agree. I like that.

That grosses me out too, but there are people into it. There is. I'm like, yes, sorry, I, I don't do that. And pain, you know, people like, I want you to hurt me. I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to hurt you.

You know, I'm all about pleasure and some women want like choking, spanking, hair pulling, that kind of stuff. And how did you find light choking? Light choking is you're not leaving any marks, you know, you're losing their neck. Not squeezing.

So that's, that's where people, it's, and I had to learn this. Yeah, teach me how to choke a little.

You have your, your hand never squeezes.

It's an open hand and you're just applying pressure on them. You're just, you're just using your body weight to apply pressure. You're not squeezing and choking them actually. You're just kind of cutting off airway to a, to an extent. And, you know, it's, for whatever reason, there's a large percentage of women who like that.

Really? Yeah. Large, large. Easily 75% of the women have asked for that for light choking or like choking choking. Like they say choking.

Right. You're, you're going to stop. You're not going to like choke on. Yeah. I'm not going to like, yeah.

No one's passing out. Yeah. Good. Who knew? Yeah.

I didn't know. Midland taxes. It's everywhere, actually. It's just, you know, the microcosm of Midland was where, you know, I was exposed to it all.

It's, as, as I've, you know, traveled and been in different areas. It's the same everywhere. Yeah. It's the same everywhere. It's just, you know, more repressed in other places and others.

“But, have you had requests from women that you said, no, I'm not doing that?”

Yes. Like, give me some examples. It's one of the one who made a puncher in the head. And I was like, you wanted you to punch her in the head. And the head.

She's like, punch me in the back of the head. Luckily, it's called a donkey punch, a phrase that originates from a 1920s slain term. For someone using a small steam-powered logging wench called a donkey that they punch to

I was like, I am not going to do that.

She's like, it's okay. I want you to.

“Like, while you're, while your doggy style, punch her in the back of the head.”

Yeah. That's what you wanted us to say. Yeah. I'm not going to do that. You know, I'm not, that's, that's not my thing.

What do you call you? And, I mean, I shouldn't judge, but that sounds crazy to me. That sounds painful. Yeah.

I was like, why would I do that?

Would you get out of that? So, yeah, I don't, I don't do that. Was she upset? She was, you know, she's like, please, you know, she's, she's, she's, she's, you can't do it punch you in the back of the head.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, at that point I was turned off, I was like, yeah, it's, it's a, yeah. Yeah. We, we got to call it quits.

Yeah. And she was upset that it. You know, I ended the session, but I was like, yeah. This is obviously something you're into, that I'm not, I'm not going to do that. So, so next time on the handyman of West Texas, we'll explain exactly why some of these

housewives would want to be punched in the back of the head during sex. And we'll get into a bunch of other crazy stuff that happens to Mickey on and off the job. Have you ever seen any of these housewives or their husbands in public after a couple of turns? And while you're waiting on the next episode of handyman of the job, why not binge my other

“two podcast series that are fully out right now on the Jonathan Walton Media feed?”

I mean, only if you haven't already, the first one is called cocaine air. Back in the 1980s in sunny South Florida, TJ Dominguez is leading a double life. By day, I owned and operated the largest Lamborghini dealership in the world, but my night I flew tons of cocaine from Colombia for Pablo Escobard.

This is the greatest story that's never been told because TJ's been in prison.

You're at a prison what two days now? Yeah, three days. And here we are talking. Adjusted for inflation, TJ's bringing in $100 million dollars every month. He's got dozens of mansions and airplanes and boats.

He even has a pet mountain lion named Topcat. But TJ is surrounded by people trying to kill him. So next thing I know, I get kidnapped and he hates me with a gun. Yeah, I got three or four of these guys around me. Here's what I said to him.

Go ahead, kill me. I said I'm ready to die. Listen to cocaine air wherever you get your podcasts. My other series that's fully out now is called the quarterback and the con artist. When retired NFL quarterback Eric Cramer checks himself into a motel room, puts a gun

to his head and pulls the trigger, he thinks all his problems will be over. But when Eric survives, he's got the brain capacity of a six year old and a tall, blonde con woman swoops in secretly marries him and starts leading him dry.

“The secret marriage was a way to keep her taking his money and the law is on her side.”

They're married. What's his? Listen to the quarterback and the con artist wherever you get your podcasts. The handyman of West Texas was created, written and hosted by me, Jonathan Walton, for Jonathan Walton Media, executive producer Evan Goldstein.

All sound design and editing was done by Jimmy O'Halligan. Make sure you're subscribed to Jonathan Walton Media. So you can get alerts when new episodes drop and new series. And if you've got a great story that you think deserves its own podcast, pitch it to me at Jonathan Walton.com.