#703 - GABRIEL "FLUFFY" IGLESIAS

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“Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives?”

Yes, very exciting, very exciting stuff, how about another hand for the best-in-band and a land, everybody? It is indeed, the wave-ostrant Chero side of the room, ladies and gentlemen, that is Group Line Horns, Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Ruelve Lejo, on the horns, Big Mike, Michael Gonzalez on the drums, the great mat, the mutilator, muleling on the electric guitar, John D's on the

keys, the leader of the band, the great and powerful D madness on bass guitar, everybody.

The whole crew is here, very, very exciting stuff in motion, a very fun episode ahead, before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. Who's ready to start tonight's episode? You guys know me when I book this show, sometimes it's three guests, deep, sometimes it's two guests, sometimes it's one guest, sometimes it's a guest who has done the show a record

setting amount of times, and every once in a while, you get to be here for the very first guest

“appearance of a comedian. This is one of those moments you will never forget, for it is indeed,”

this comedian's first time ever joining us, a guest that I have wanted since the show's inception 12 and a half years ago, I present to you one of the greatest comedians in the world, his first time in the Kiltowni universe, this is Fluffy, Gabriel Iglesias!

The one and the only, the great and the powerful, Gabriel Iglesias!

that. We are fresh off a watch and pro wrestling together.

“Look at the Mexicans are even video tape and you know where you know the”

sole things to be in video tape, right? Fernando? I love him, he got a Mexican on one side and a black people on one side. That's right, you got to keep him separated. I don't know if that's for Fernando or Raoul that was video-taping, I get them all confused. I just know Carlos is on the

sacks to be honest, I've never memorized which one was the other one, and it's gotten by so far

without anybody else. Austin, how are you? Yeah, Tony, thank you for having me man. We are so confident. Can you please tell everybody what you're drinking again? It's a gay Vegas, it's a sugar-free red bull in vodka. What is that? It's a gay Vegas. I like how you described it though. I might order one. Who knows? Well, we're gonna have some fun tonight and it's your first time

“so let me tell you, 112 human beings signed up tonight. Two, one, two is the magic number. They are”

loaded in a bar across the street if I pull one of their names out. They get 60 seconds on the stage. You know their time is up and you're the son of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, and that rudely interrupts them. I conduct an interview with them. We find out more about them. They get to talk to my esteemed panelists, Gabriel and Glacius get some information and some feedback and some intel on what they

could be talking about. It's a live interview. Everything is improvised. Anything can happen.

Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? All right. While we go wrangle our first bucket

pool, let's get it started with one of our esteemed golden ticket winners. This is his boy is from Los Angeles, California, and he is in town. One of the most recent golden ticket winners on the show, ladies and gentlemen, to start the show. This is a brand new minute from Golden Ticket winner, Jack Shaw. Oh shit, time for the Jewish portion of the show, guys. Lock the door, gas through. Let's have a good time,

okay? Oh man, I love being Jewish in Texas, guys. I'm exotic here, dude. I am. I've been making shit up, dude. I've been telling people, we still eat babies. I'm having a good time, man. Oh, you guys didn't like that. Okay, that's fine. It's okay, man. I was an angry kid growing up. I got in some fights growing up. One time at camp, this kid hit me in the head with a ping pong paddle, so I kicked him in the balls, and like I know that's a cheap shot, but I was such a bad counselor.

Okay, I'm trying to learn how to fight. I started taking a moody tie class, which was pretty cool.

And I don't know why that's funny. You fuckers, dude. Jesus Christ. It was pretty cool. The first

day I got there, I found out that everyone gets a nickname, and this is true. My nickname was Jew BITCH. The Latino guys had a field day without one, dude. No pun intended, man, but I found out.

“I found out that the only way to get a new nickname was to fight for it, so I stuck with the nickname. All right.”

Thank you guys so much. Jack Shaw. You've been doing a moody tie? Is that what you call it? Moody tie? Isn't that what it is? Maybe I'm in the wrong glass, dude. You're with cows. Moody tie? It's moody. Oh, my. Oh, more tie. Moody. Moody. Moody. Moody. Moody. Moody. There you go. It's Jewish, man. It's actually not. It's moody tie, dude. It's moody tie. What are we having for dinner tonight? Moody tie. Okay. All right. Jack is a wild boy.

Hey, I have energy. Do you take anything? Are you on riddle enter or something? Dude, I'm on prosak. Really? Yeah, so you're not talking to everyone, dude. This is you kind of calm down, man. I guess, no, prosak didn't really calm me down. It actually kind of gave me the confidence to do comedy. Really? Wow. I was super nervous and afraid of everything, and then I got on that. It was super helpful, so yeah, that's a funny, but it's a good thing. Yeah, no, it's fine. How long have you been on prosak? About, since I start four years.

Okay. Yeah. So you started prosak and immediately you started stand-up comedy. Yeah. Look at that. That's like a Pfizer ad, right? Yeah. It's happening. How much did they pay you for that?

Incredible. What were you super afraid of over some of the things that you were most afraid of in the world?

You seem like you're still afraid of a lot of stuff. The outside in general, dude. I didn't like going out there. I was depressed, man. I just didn't like myself, and it made me feel okay to look in the mirror.

“Jesus Christ, bro. Seriously? How about, how's your day, man? What do you do?”

I'm a comic. Look at that. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Dude, I don't know. I prosak too, man, but I don't know. Don't ask me no questions about that. Yeah. You went from Muay Thai to Muay Mexican over here. Jack, how's life been? You've been here in Austin during all the fires. You're based out of LA? Yep. Yep. I've been out here, dude. Life's been good. I got a dog back home, and is it a little scared Jewish dog? It's a little, yeah, I do. He's trying to think of a pun,

couldn't think of one. Okay. He's a husky and a doxened mix, so he's like a, he's like an angry freak. Yeah, you're trying to figure out how they lined them up, huh? Yeah, I didn't do it. I didn't make it happen. That poor little dots. You better fuck this husky dude. Yeah, get in there. No, I do. He's staying with my parents right now, and I'm my dad. He's threatening, my dad hates him a lot, and he keeps threatening to put lighter fluid on him and send into the

palicades. Wow. I'm not, it's just, I go ahead and ask him more questions. Yeah, that's come

more quiet. He was going, you were doing good, bro. You sure, you were ahead. It's incredible.

You're dad is wild. What is your dad do for work? He was a comedy writer for a district. Oh, my God. What did he work on? He, he worked on a lot of game shows. He worked on the Hollywood squares for a while. He worked on some sitcoms. He worked on the nanny. You know, of course, a friend. Wow, some friend dresser fans. He's really incredible. Wow. So he's retired now. He's retired by force that he can't find any work. Oh, wow. Yeah, super cool. You see,

jealous of you? Did he ever do stand-up comedy? He did do it, and he's, he's really proud. He's really proud. Yeah. I'd be recognizing him if we saw him on anything. No.

“Absolutely not. Wow. Why do you think his stand-up career never, uh, because he had you?”

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. No, I ruined his life. Do you have siblings? Yeah, I have a, I have a brother. He's ten years older than me. He's from my dad's first failed marriage, um. Oh. Oh, my son is second with my mom. Okay. Wow. Damn, sorry. What happened? Why, why did, uh, why, why do you think he went to, is he still with your mom? Yeah. Okay. So that's stuck. Hey, they do not love each other.

No, that, that's not totally true, but I hear them whisper fighting in the other room all the time. I bet you fucking bitch. Don't, don't, shut up. I don't want to hear Jack call you a fucking bitch, dude. I don't, incredible. And they're both very Jewish as well. Oh, they say extremely Jewish. What's the, what do you think before I let you go? What do you think some of those Jewish things about your parents? What, what is it that really stands out to you to where you're like

Jesus, you two? Yeah. Um, well, really, the most Jewish thing about them is how much my dad hates Jewish people. Right. So it really is. Yeah. It's a, it's a very Jewish thing to hate,

“Jewish, a Judaism. Yeah. I think I'm Jewish now that you know. This is how I find out that I was”

Jewish all the way. Jack way to get it started. You are, uh, John, man. Thank you guys. There he goes. Time to get to this bucket ladies and gentlemen. This guy's been on the show before. It's been a long time since we've seen him. Oh, I know what that noise means. The lovely

Heidi is here. Everyone makes a noise for Heidi live at the flesh. I always love seeing the

tourist faces when they actually get to see Heidi and they go, yeah. Wow. Yeah. You don't see those. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah, everyone. Mexico inside of the band. Salo. Salo. Caberos. Tequila. It is. Ladies and gentlemen, makes a noise for your first bucket pull the night. It is the return of Tim Hamlin. Everyone's been a while. Here's Tim Hamlin.

know this. Maybe you guys know, did you know that Muslims are sober? They don't drink at all.

“None of them. That freaked me out. Like even like, muslim terrorists are stone solver.”

They're just drinking shots of milk talking about that to America. Like Jesus, that scarier than thinking if they were smashed. I don't know, man. Maybe they could use a glass of wine. You know, it's called the nerves a little bit. You know, I got to talk for 60 seconds. I had two whiskeys back there. But if I had to do what they had to do, if I had to strap on a suicide vest, I started drinking the night before. I'd be hammered. I'd show up drunk. They'd be like, Tim, it's either clocking

the morning. I'd be like, well, it's 9/11 somewhere. All right, thanks, guys. All right, Tim Hamlin. It's nice to get to meet Jack Shaz, comedy retired father. I'm gonna run. You do look like a guy that used to write comedy for game shows. Here. I know his mom. Here you are. Tim, welcome back. It's been a while since we've seen you. Yes. Indeed. So Tim's don't share it. Okay. Yeah. Hey, I'm not Muslim. Oh, yeah. Thank God. Thank God. Thank God.

“Oh, damn. Jesus. Christ. But I am Mexican. Oh, really?”

I'm terrible. Holy fuck yeah. Tim, how long have you been doing stand up? I started in 2010. 12 years. I'm like that. Yeah. I don't think you know what year it is. I haven't known what year it is in a minute, bro. Yeah. I kind of, I don't own a clock. I don't yeah. That was close. Yeah. You own a clock. Yeah. I don't know a clock. Right. How do I have a calendar? That would take clock doesn't really. 2010. Okay. All right. What is your living

situation like Tim? It's better than most people would assume, man. I got a nice house. I do have two roommates. I got a camera in his girl. Okay. But I got a nice house down in South Austin. Nice. Yeah. You love it. It's great. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. You have a lot of clothes in your closet. You have a lot of choices or is like that. Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. I, you said, I give all every time I move, I just give clothes away. So there's some fly looking bombs in LA right now. I left LA. You

gave all my clothes away. And this is what I kept. Yeah. This is my, I don't like Johnny Cash room. Okay. I see Johnny Cash. Uh, correct. I look all right. All right. No. You look all right. I'd say more, but I'm wearing shorts. Yeah. You're wearing shorts. No. I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. It isn't proud. I'm a white shirt. I didn't have a tie, bro. Yeah. It works. Tell us what's been happening. Oh, yeah. They do match. I saw observation from John D's. It is indeed brown.

Yeah. Oh my God. You are wearing camo pants. What an embarrassing moment for you. We're just lighting up. Tim Hamlin. John's like, uh, fuck, uh, shit. But he has a keyboard to cover up his bad choice. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. I can't believe you guys both went with. Sorry. It's locked tonight. Uh, so Tim, tell us about your process or your career lately. What's been going on in comedy? Started 15 years ago. Yeah.

It's guns blazing. It's a good premise that Muslims don't drink. I feel like there was a little bit more there. You could have fucked it. And I was waiting. Yeah. There's more. Yeah.

Yeah. I was rushing with Muslims. I'm waiting for a big boom at the end. Never came, really.

I don't even know Muslims. I don't know if that's true or not. Is that true? No. They look like him told me that. So I don't know drink. I'm friends with a sauna mod. He does a drink on what's the name of their wacky holiday. Rob had done. I'm probably going to get killed for

“calling it a wacky holiday. There is a, there's a thing on my life. What do they call that?”

A GG hot. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I know they drank. We went on a fucking bar crawl to celebrate Ari. She feared special release a couple weeks ago. And I can promise you a sauna mod and catch a fuck. We all thought it would be a good idea. The six of us, there was a ton of us fucking comedians. Ari, the Rosa, fucking all of us. And we all thought it would be a good idea. We should Ari wanted to do a shot and a drink at a bunch of bars on the east side. A true crawl, which

I've never really done before. And we fucking did it. And by bar seven, we thought it would be a

good idea to all slam into the, the photo booth at once. One of those. Oh, I know the whole thing. Yeah. And all we got was a bunch of pictures of a saunts head to those. There is

direction out the gate? Like, you know, that's like a tough area to go into. That joke for

right now. Well, you know, you only get a minute to do it. Yeah, exactly. I do longer sets and stuff. So most of my stuff is a little bit more developing. I figured that's got like a short. It's a newer joke. Two months old. Okay. Yeah. Okay. But it's short. It's not like a story. I got to come up here. Of course. Then I make the, then I make the, I'll set this. It's a, it's a tough topic to go into. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I stop being scared of jokes a

long time ago. It's like, I'm not scared of jokes, but I'm scared of Muslims. Uh, you know, I can't get a fan. The views of Tim are not those of here, but let's yes. I got your, or Tony. Yeah. Everybody. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. I was a fun. I mean, you went for it. I got you credit on that. I, woo. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's that's it. You probably went after the heart. I mean, what do I think of another topic that would have been harder for him to, uh, go. Then Muslims

abortion, abortion. Uh, Texas, you're probably right. I'm plaque abortion. She's a bad fan.

“The hardest thing I had talked ever talking about, especially like into gun control. That's the worst thing.”

Don't, don't say shit about guns. Yeah. Yeah. That's the one thing that's why I won't, I won't say shit about guns. Yeah. I learned that. I love the respects guns more than Muslims. I can't, like, do it, man. Tim. I'm not, Tim. We got to talk after a bro. I'm not much of, maybe my need for camel after this show. I'm shitty, bro. Tim, you've been on this show multiple times. No, I was on only in the, uh, in the LA at the, at the belly room.

Yeah, for the main room. Only once. Yep. That's only time ever. Really? And I sign up every,

yeah. I used to sign up every fucking night for like years and I finally got on and never, to two,

came out here. I haven't really signed up too much, but thanks so much for fucking, for the opportunity, man. This is fantastic. Yeah. There you go. Absolutely. Tim Hamlin, his, somehow only a second appearance ever. I could swear you'd been on more than that. Um, here's a, uh, medium-sized joke book. It'll match your, uh, it'll match your get-up. Thank you, really. Makes a noise for Tim Hamlin, everybody. There he goes.

Little Elon Musk sund off there after a Jesus Christ. Holy shit. All right. There he goes. All right. Your next bucket poll ladies and gentlemen looks like a brand new name. Makes a noise for, jusu vests. Perhaps it's some rough handwriting. Jusu vests or vests? Jusu. There he is. Wow. Look at this. Jason vests. Jason vests. Every body. Thank you. Thank you. Stay away from Muslim topics. Got it. There you go. I'm 40. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Little,

we'll reset it one more time. The clock. Here he is. Makes a noise for Jason vests. Every five. I'm 46 years old and I'm six years overdue for getting my prostate checked. I hate doctors. And I'm terrified to get to procedure done because I haven't had a man put a finger up my butt since I was a cub scouts. For those of you that cringe do not cringe, I was a loose boy. I was a loose boy. I was a slutty kid and I fucked my way to the top of the eagle scouts.

I jerked off a scout leader with an Nintendo power glove in the back of a 1986 Ford asists.

“And that's how I became the youngest eagle scouts in history ladies and gentlemen.”

Thank you. I'm a veteran. I'm a veteran and I go to the VA medical system for my health care and it's shitty. I get four via agri-tablet's monthly. Four. I spent 20 years in the military in one year and I rack and that only equates to four hard-ons a month. That's why I voted Republican because Donald Trump said he was going to get us 10. Thank you.

All right. Jason vests. Okay. All right. Let's go. This is your first time on the show. Correct?

Second time. Oh, there you go. I got it. Everybody, if everything's backwards here tonight. Do the visual I got from the power glove and the back of an escort. I'm like, oh my god. You felt that shit. I didn't know what that dude. That escort that one that had the power seat belts.

“Automatic ones. Yeah. Oh, god. You know how long ago was your last appearance on the show?”

Almost a year ago Tony. I was on in February last year. Did I tell you on that episode that you

It is legal. Legal.

Some amazing impressions. You could have single-spusters to a lot.

You have those energies. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. That's exactly what he would say if he was

“here right now. That's how he would say it. Absolutely incredible. How long you've been doing”

stand-up Jason? Four and a half years, Tony. Where at? I started into Troy and then I moved to Chicago and then I moved here a year ago. Wow. Detroit and Chicago. I cannot picture you fitting into either one of those cities at all. I haven't performed for so many white people in my life. I'm not used to it. I'm uncomfortable Tony. Incredible. Incredible. Yeah. I mean, you're used to performing in the

back of Fortess Court. Did what you've done. Incredible. What do you do for a living? How

do you make money Jason? I'm retired from the military and I live on my VA disability and my pension and I make content and I'm on the Loveline Radio Show on K-rock. Nice. What branch of the military were you in Navy? No, I retired. I was a national guard recruiter. Oh, okay. National guard recruiter. Did you recruit anybody? Like you seem like you would be the worst for the power glove. I hold the state record for the Michigan National Guard for the most enlistments in one

month. Oh, it can be my God. Power glove. I lied to kids a lot. Yeah. I bet. All right. You're body count must be incredibly insane. I've actually seen his content online. Really? Yeah, Jason. You're very funny. I've thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Your reviews of he does these these insane reviews

of massage parlors. Is that true? It's part of the call to your brother. Hey, man. Wow. I've never

seen a standing ovation from red. Okay Jesus Christ. Hey, I'm the one that mentioned it. Why don't you give me fist bump. Oh shit. Give me the power glove hand. Give me the power glove. Yeah, you guys have DNA all over you now. No, he actually puts out some really funny content that I've seen online

“every now and that's why as soon as you walk it, I'm like, I recognize you from somewhere and then”

I heard your voice. I'm like, that's right. That's right. Oh, you can't tell you. It's hysterical, man. I enjoyed it. I've showed your videos to many people. Fuck yeah. Thank you so much. Fuck yeah. Thank you. Incredible. How long have you lived in Austin now? About a year, Tony. Do you love it? Yeah. Fuck yeah. What do you do for fun in Austin, Texas? I write a lot of content and that's pretty much it. I write a lot of content. I hang out at home and I review celebrity

feet like I got a foot fetish and I review celebrity feet for K-rock. That's what I do in the love line radio show. I suck the shit out some toes, man. Oh shit. Yeah. That's the chance of a lifetime, everybody. Oh my god. Bro, you didn't get a guy. I'm pedicant, bro. Bottoms your feet are crusty as fuck. Dude, dude. They just look lovely to me. Let me tell you something. You're talking right now, but I promise you my feet are softer than most people's touch.

“Damn. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Wow. Look at that. Now I need help putting on”

the sock. You know what's up, dude? Well, all of that was happening. This guy's so gay that he made another man faint in the front row, by the way. I said their sock. That is the thing with a smell like it. It's our first casualty here today. We're going to see how many audience members can die here. I do a review. You know who's got fucked up feet? Oprah. Oh my goodness. Her big toe look like a turkey lay from a goddamn renaissance fair. Nasty. My goodness. That is

incredible. Can I ask for the honest review though? Well, it was, I know the guy passed out, but that's besides the point. 7.5. Thank you. Wow. 5. That's right. That's it. I get a lot of patties. Oh, yeah. I'm diabetic. I got to take care of my feet. I love that. I love that. Absolutely. Incredible. What else would we be surprised to know about you, Jason? You seem like a wild, eclectic character. There's so many things. I bet you, I bet you like collect things. You have

like a bunch of stuff on your walls at home. Well, Tony, I'm glad you asked. I could just see the fucking good. I got a sock collection. All right. It is what it is. Really? Yeah. Where do you get these socks

Yep. Absolutely incredible. I'm a free. Wow. Four more people just fainted in the

audience for those who keeping track. Jason, I got to ask you because we're finding out so much so fast. Indeed, you are a freak. What do you think? If we had to go down perhaps the top three, freakyest things you've ever done in your entire life, people love this interview portion. You know what? Yeah. When people hear this show, they love when people tell the truth in the interviews and find out real shit. I feel like you just put the sock in your mouth and

shook your head. I feel like you're willing to fucking really go for it here. Now, I present to you the top three freakyest things Jason Vest has ever done in his life. Number three. I got my bottle fingered in a waffle house bathroom by a big woman I met on plenty of fish. Wow. So much to put together there. Waffle house, plenty of fish. Thought hole finger. Absolutely incredible inserted double-dirted triple-skirted smothered covered a waffle house bathroom.

Wow. Pick you in Mississippi. Pick you in Mississippi. Oh my god, remind me to never go to

pick you Mississippi. All right, here we go. Number two freakyest things Jason Vest has ever done. I paid a South Korean woman to shit on my chest at the Oriental Health and Massage in Jackson, Michigan and later I, well not done yet. She needs this done yet. Leave some time for the crowd to go wild chase. Leave some space get these laughs you deserve it. Okay, now and later I found out it was a 47-year-old Filipino man. How did I know that this segment was going to work? This is

incredible. This guy like had this ready. If you wouldn't thought we'd prepared this like okay I'm

going to ask you that three freakyest things you've ever just segment is unbelievable. I got a year number way way way way way way way way way way way way way way way. Hold those horses. I know he's already knocked one of your socks off.

“I think the sock in the mic is like somewhere like 93. I have got honestly I only have four”

questions about number two. You thought it was a Korean woman and later into that being a 47-year-old Filipino man. I ran into him a Walmart. So was that wait? Hold on you didn't find out that night that it was a Korean woman? No we ran into me a Walmart. He's like bro you don't remember me and I'm like no. What? This is two abs. How did you know the age? Like were you guys buying the same medication or something at CBS or what? How did you know the age? What? You said 47. I could just tell

by how he looked. Yeah there were little wrinkles around the eyes. He was older than me. I was 25 at the time. Oh my god. Wow. And you were like an older man. He packed you out. My goodness. Okay.

“So but what type of shit was it? And this is what you were into at the time. Had you had that done before?”

Once before. Once before at 25. Oh it's definitely not nothing is your first rodeo. I feel like there's nothing that you haven't done. There's no doubt about it. You probably have eight. And he probably paid for it. Yeah it's a kid here. What number one is? I got a year one number one. Real quick real quick. I know. I want to know number one too. Do you have a question? Oh Matt Meeleling only talks. One, every six and a half episodes. This should be exciting. Matt Meeleling.

I just did you not see the dude's junk when he was dumping on your chest? I'm fucking unbelievably great question. I have no idea how I miss that. Unbelievably great question. Yeah. Are you? It's were you just imagining it not there? Let's just say this. I'm seven years sober now.

“Okay. Do you remember how the shit came out? Was it solid,”

loggy, wet, runny? I thought it was South Korean soft serve at the time. Wow. But it turns out

And now. Oh 80's the gentleman. The number one freakiest thing that Jason Best has ever done.

“I unintentionally gave a Mexican gentleman a foot job. Two completion on a greyhound bus and”

route to Biloxi, Mississippi. I'm not going to lie. I thought that was the beginning of my story. I don't know. That's another Mexican he got. Wow. How? So your review of my feet was real. That's all I want. That's all I care about. It's like 7.5. Thank you, bro. Thank you. That's just, yeah. I'll take your wins when you can get a people.

One second here. You said that you gave, I love you have more. Oh, it's incredible. The wheels are

turning right now. How what makes it an unintentional foot job? And when you say foot job, that means you jerked them off with your feet. And it was unintentional. This is very suspicious coming for

“you. You seem like a guy that would have a very intentional foot job if you wanted to give one.”

Four loco. The before 2010 formula back on that shit would fuck you up. Oh geez, no. You know. So what was the angle of attack on this situation? You're sitting next to the guy. He's up. He's across the little way thing. And I just reached my foot across. And then my fucker looked at me dead in my eyes and saying bon joe. He's bed of roses and broken English before he. He calmed on my face. How did he come on your face? I was like it blasted me.

I don't even know where to begin. It's like mad lips. I don't even know where to begin. But I'm telling you this, you're getting a big joke book. That's for fair. Thank you. I don't know what body part

you're going to shove this up. But I have a pretty decent idea. I always throw it. There he goes.

The rare catch from a Jason Vest ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Welcome to Kill Tony Gabriel in my place. This is all real. I fucking, I mean what can I even say? I know that everything he was saying was real. It's not like stuff that, you know, he's not up here just trying to get get any like cloud or nothing. You know what I'm saying? Like definitely not. It's no. Yeah. That watch is kind of his stuff is funny, but I never talked about stuff like that.

Yeah, because I've out through him at first and then I'm like oh god, he's getting shit on. No,

literally. Yeah. It's incredible. Incredible. The characters we find here on this show. Wow.

And it could happen again right now. One word name is your next bucket pull. Make some noise for trev. Everybody. 60 seconds. I'm in a ruptured for trev. Oh, what's up, Austin? Oh, no. I'm already cut off. All right. Man, I lost my virginity to a death girl. And it caused this really weird fetish for me. I don't like death chicks, but I am a sucker for that accent. It's okay. They can't hear us. I have this really

scientific job. I run these experiments recently. I experiment with cocaine. I took a really small amount of it and turned it into a habit. You know, I also had this gig as a porn store for a while. I did this courtroom themed porno adult films. My stage name was pro bono, a turnier raw. I would just go in and introduce some bitches to the penal system. You know, pound in that gavel. All right, cool. Okay, trap. Oh, yeah, I started strong. You lost me there

at the end. You said you were doing porn? Yeah. Yeah, regular or no. Where were you doing that

“at? Well, I mean, that was a lie as a joke. Okay. Okay. Would is the cocaine thing true?”

You probably have a job where you can't be honest about the cocaine thing. He doesn't look like he has a job. He could lose. He looks like he would get hired if they find out. All right, he's willing to work over time. I might get a raise if he does cocaine. What do you do for

something. Yeah, look at that. That's incredible. So, okay. How long you been on stand up?

I started in 2018, but I've only, you know, I didn't get serious until like 2021. What made you get serious then? Uh, I had kids. I couldn't act anymore at any of the time for that. I want to do kids. They passed away. No. How many kids do you have? Two. Where are they out now? San Antonio.

“San Antonio with the baby mama. Yeah. Okay. And you guys are separated. Yep. How long did that last?”

11 years. You were with her for 11 years. How old are the kids? 11 and 15. 11 and 15. Okay. So you were there for a while. Oh, yeah. All right. You issued the deaf one? She wishes. Oh, sorry, bro. Why did end? What made the relationship end? Oh, man, that's

complicated. Okay. You're a dude. We're guys. What's up? Yeah. Come on. You make it complicated.

If you're talking to fucker. Yeah. I don't know. We just, you know, we got older. We got together, you know, early 20s and then got older and realized, you know, fuck each other. Fuck each other. Okay, dokey. Where you originally from? I was born in Oklahoma, group in Colorado. Okay. All right. And what do you do for fun? For fun, comedy. What else? Other than comedy.

“Pretty much the only thing I ever do is just, I saw like to ride my one wheel. I go out, you know.”

Okay. Now we figured it out. All right. We just found who could be the gayest person that's been on the show so far here today. Somehow you just destroyed Jason Vest is the gay comedian.

I go out on my one wheel. Is that a cool name for a fucking unicycle? You know, I go out on my

one wheeler. You have a unicycle? No. It's like a lighter skateboard. You know, one will come on. No, I don't do weird shit like that. It's a wheel and it has a bunch of lights around it. I get it now. I get it now. So it's a fancy unicycle instead of pedaling. You have a remote controller, something? No, just a lean forward. Wow. That seems like there's something that they show those pit bulls on, riding on the pit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I know what you're talking about. All right. How

do you get into? I do not get on those. You can get on a normal skateboard and end up with it. It'll end up with one wheel. You make one wheelers on a normal skateboard. How do you end up getting into one wheeling, Trev? You have a friend that was doing this? You have skateboarded as a teen in early 20s and then got, you know, dad bought, couldn't skateboard anymore. Okay. What is your favorite thing to do with your kids? You got an 11-year-old and a 15-year-old? What are they into? What are

how do you maintain being a cool dad? You live here in Austin and there's been sand into it. I live in San Antonio. Okay. So you see them a lot? Oh, yeah. Like a lot a lot. Like every day. Oh, yeah. Every week. Yeah. Okay. How do you how do you entertain them? Well, think she's a cool dad. We do video games a lot and that's their main thing. Yeah. Okay. All right. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Maybe it's just because

you're going up after Jason Vest who is one of the freakiest mother fuckers we've ever had in the show this race. Yeah. But I got to tell you this interview is unbelievably boring compared well, I like comedy for hobbies and I raise my kids. We play video games. Come on, mother fucker. You're right. He had his chest shit on by not a woman, a Filipino man. 47. He found out at a Walmart. Finger up his butt at a waffle house. Yeah. Take a two Mississippi.

accidental foot job. Greyhound bus. You got anything like this up your sleeve? Oh, man. I mean, I hooked up on a Greyhound one time. Okay. Yeah. That's just a woman. Yeah. Just a ring. Jesus live your life. Buddy. My god. Let me ask you this. You've been separated from the baby mama for how long? Five years, six years. Five years. Oh, you've been updating a little bit. Oh, yeah.

“Okay. How do you do that? Do you just meet people? Are you on any of the apps or anything like that?”

Uh, I did apps for a while. Uh, and then just kind of nothing was happening. Yeah, you just look out on one wheel or look at women in the eyes and just be like, what? So catch along the way. Yeah. What a hop-on. Like, whether you're favorite hookup that you've had recently, how did that happen? Oh, man. Uh, because through the evening, I'm going to try to make you interesting here. The trash. Even

you. It's a lot of heavy lifts. Have another sock. That's how the last thing started.

All right, man. It was buying you some time, bro. Um, yeah. The most recent was

a lorado. I did comedy down there and actually killed it, you know, pretty good job, pretty good five minutes said. Hell yeah. And when I got off stage, the host was like, somebody suck his dick tonight. Wow. So, and I was there for work with the hotel. So, you know, worked out. Oh, my goodness. Wow. And Jason Vest was on the show. And it looks like my work is just getting a start. Yeah. No, it was a cruise. I'll suck your dick if you've shed on my chest. Even trade these.

“It was a Korean woman. I swear. Yeah. That's what he thought too.”

Wait till you get to Walmart, bro. You're running a him then. Jason, I liked your set. Here's a big joke book. Fun times. Congratulations. Thank you, Jason. All right. I mean, trapped. That just called him Jason. There goes trapped, everybody. All right. All right. We're going to sage this room with a class act. One of our regular is one of the best to ever be a regular on this show. Very, very hard job writing and performing a

new minute every week on this show. Ladies and gentlemen, here he is to do it again. This is a brand

new minute from the one and only the Great and Powerful Cam Patterson.

I only want to touch this microphone, nigga. We said we should just stop the show. It's Jason. Let's know it's not going to get no better than that, nigga. I was, I was it made me angry. How you started with? What's number three? I had a finger in my ass home. We said he has to die.

“I think people like that should be murdered and put on a list on the world, though. He scares me”

up my whole heart. There's no type in that nigga. I know I got a lot of shit about crackheads. I'm my dosa manly about crackheads and it's funny because I was thinking about the day when

I was real high and I was just like, man, it's fucked up. But most of y'all deal with crackheads

and y'all see them like on the street and I'll just walk by like not real people. But I had crackheads in my family. So crackheads have my phone number. You understand? That's a different type of relationship with a crackhead. Like y'all black. I don't know you leave me alone, nigga. My like what's so I know you got catch up, bitch. I need five dollars. I want to buy crack today. It's insane. That's it. There I go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Look at her body. Got it.

Did it again, buddy? You did it again. Another minute. Oh shit. To see that in person, man. That's freaking awesome. I've seen your clips before you're very funny. But did you just watch you come out and just

“that's off the cuff. That was awesome. Thank you so much. I believe you should. Thank you. The”

funniest thing I've seen all night. Thank you so much. Funny thing I've seen to be able to take that energy, make the call back, everything, acknowledge the room your way and then see what we write in a material. You see you were around a lot of crackheads, huh? Yeah, a lot. But you know it's funny. Oh my uncle, he just passed away with a crackhead. He passed away. Is that the one that I met in Atlanta? Yes. Oh yeah. Yes. You met. You noticed we had a lot of fun. I actually loved that guy. I was

that was actually a taping. I did that night. And in the green room cam decided to bring about I don't know about 43, 44 family members. And some how, the one that I bonded with the most out of this unbelievably high amount of people was your crackhead uncle. Yeah. He was so fun. He loves you, man. He loved to be loved. It was funny. No longer with him. What? I said I said love. I said love. You said he loves you. You do love. He's still here. He's still there. Yeah. He's still, he's looking up at us right now.

He's looking up at us right now. He's looking down. I do, that is good. The good crackheads in hell, buddy. The good crackheads in hell. I don't know. Maybe not. We have the good crackhead heaven. Who knows? I think I think heaven's more like a hero in place. Just more relaxed. I picked your crack, demagness is reacting to this. He's a real musician who's probably done heroine and crack. Today, probably when you just went backstage, a real musician could say, I'm probably a buddy.

What would be a crackhead heaven? Crackhead. Oh, I don't know. Unlock liquor store. Yeah.

every thing. Yeah, really just going in any of our, it's like a video game like Sims City or something.

“But he would. Yeah. He was the funniest nigga like Edward though. I remember I was when I first”

thought in a standup, he came back and stand up my, oh, my dad and shit. And I told him, I said, you want to come out on town with me and like, you know, saying, like, just watch some shows. He said, when you show them that again, I said, they don't tell you. I can't do that. If I go to downtown, you're going to be doing your little fun and shit. Now, you're going to look back more all cam, but I'm just smoking cracks on well. So I really can't go with you. But he, I loved it. He was great.

I wanted his fun as I thought it was going to be. But that's fine. I get it. That's okay. Sometimes you don't hit that well. Yeah. Well, you did the cross size stuff. I mean, yeah, you faced us when you did the quiver. Yeah. Okay. There you go. See, you got to do it. So that's the trick. Yeah, play it forward. You can't make it. Yeah, make the funny faces. Oh, one is out of senior reviewer. Todd, if we stick a half foot, it's good, man. This guy look aggravated. What's wrong with

two dickhead? It's a lumberjack. I cannot relate to any of this crackhead material. I know any, I know no crackheads in my life. No, I can't do a white accent. I really like that. Wait, wait, yeah, he really can't hit. I ain't not be knowing what the hell is that. I don't know no crackheads. Never know. That's not. What the can patterns and can patterns and

playing a white guy. Oh, my God. Absolutely incredible. We've never learned this about you before

“that you cannot do a white accent. Oh, wow. I can't do one impression. Yeah, what is it?”

It's a, it's a, it's a, you know, you ever seen Chowder? Chowder? Yeah, like on his house? I am. Yeah, it's a, it's a old cartoon show. And it was a dude out of his nation. It's so, but he don't talk all he's, all he's saying. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, that's all like, and he was black. That's all he's saying, though. Wow. That's all, look at us all he's saying. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right,

I believe you. And he was black, though. He was black. No, I believe that for sure. Wow. What was that on cartoon network? Okay. Hell, yeah, all right. You'll file for it. I liked it a lot. It's just a black cartoon. No, it was a white, it was, it was, it was, it was for everybody. They just had one black character. I mean, it was all like fictional niggas. They was like, you film me. Like, that's in the description, by the way. Yeah, that's exactly what

they're like. On the guide. Even I knew that. Absolutely incredible. Wow. Well, Cam,

so much fun. You fucking did it again. Another monster performance. Oh, no, another new minute from Cam Patterson Ladies and gentlemen. Businesses, boom, and we're flying through it here tonight. Your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. Ooh. The great Heidi, gracing us with her amazing presence yet again. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eddie Lersa. Make some noise for any alert, everybody. Thank you. Hi, got my Uber on the way here and it was

a lady driver. So you know, I buckled up. Not just because she was a woman. I'm not a sexist. She was also Asian. Not that Asian people can't drive. They can. And that's the problem. Relax, relax. I'm kidding. It wasn't an Asian woman. It might have been an Asian man. I couldn't tell. Not in I hate Uber, though. I fucking hate Uber. It's my worst Uber driver ever. Maybe walk two blocks in the rain to get to the car. Loudly fought the entire ride with someone

named shut the fuck up bitch. Grim multiple red lights, almost hit a person. Then this dude had tattoos up to his neck and three tear drops under his eyeball. Five stars because that guy knows where I live. Twenty five percent tip. Thank you for the service. I actually found out when I want to leave one star. I started getting dropped off down the street at my bitchy neighbor's house because she's kind of got it coming. Sorry, that's my time. Thank you. I'm Eddie Lersa.

“Eddie Lersa. A lot of Uber material there. Here we go. Welcome. Is this your first time on the show?”

A third time. Okay. All right. Welcome back, Eddie. How long you been doing stand up? Almost two

very long. I moved here like six months in. Is that where you're originally from West Palm Florida? No, I'm originally from Virginia. I lived in Florida for six years before I moved here. Okay. What do you do for work? Barton. All right. You still do that? Yeah. Barton. I produce a lot of

“shows in town. I, you know, anything I can, but Barton is my main model. How often do you perform?”

As much as I can. I mean ballpark it. Do you five, five spots a week? Okay. And what do you do for fun? For fun. I mean out here mostly stand up. I like writing. I used to write fiction a lot. Back in my early 20s, I had a little like self-publishing company in DC. I wrote a bunch of short stories, a couple of self-published novels. That was like my main.

I've written since I was a little kid. I've always loved writing. How about when you're not writing

or doing stand up? Is there anything you like to do? It's a little bit more fun. I like to snowboard. I haven't been in a long time. He's living in Colorado. He's ghost snowboarding a lot. You ever, you ever snow one wheel? Never snow one wheel. All right, Eddie. You have any pets? Yeah, have a one dog. Okay. What's his name? White claw. Why did you name your dog? White claw. Okay dog. Yeah. One note red band over here. It's a gay this, a gay that, gay, gay, gay,

fart noise, fart noise. All right. Why is it called white claw? Because he's all black when my claw. And I was drinking white claws heavily at the time when I got it. Wow, coincidence. Yeah.

“When you're doing a full. Now, what's the longest amount of time you spent on stage?”

On stage? 15, 16 minutes. It's longer said I've done. 15 minutes at it. Yeah. What is that? Okay. When you're doing a full 15 minute set, what is your opening usually like? My open. When you're cutting like when you're coming out, you know you're going to do a full set. You know, because usually like right now, I feel like you came out and you're only given a minute.

So you jump right into it versus giving the people a split second to try to understand where you're

coming from. Jason didn't have to explain himself when he came out. Yeah. You knew some shit was going to go down when he came out because everything about him told you that. Yeah. You on the other hand look very, very normal. Like you said you're a bartender like I totally believe it. I see it, but you only had a minute to perform. So what is your normal opening? That's a great question. I'd love to know like let's say you were doing a 15 minute set. What is sure? What is good?

The first like 30 seconds look like you. I mean, you want me to do it. I have like there's no third. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. It is opening bet. Let's pretend like I just brought you up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is him doing a 15 minute set, but not really. Make some noise for Eddie Lersa. Make some noise for Eddie everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Happy to be here. I uh, some New Year Trump just got inaugurated on Monday. You know, some people are happy about it.

Some aren't. I didn't vote for Trump, even though I look like this. I'll love with you. But I also didn't vote for Kamala. I didn't vote. And some people feel a certain type of way about that. I stand by my decision and I'll tell you why. I didn't vote because I am a felon. This is perfect. Where my felon's at? Not only did that answer a question. How you open a set, but that also brings me to the most interesting part of the

interview. I was fantastic. How are you a felon? A salting police officer. Oh, okay. I'm guessing this was in Florida because that shit don't fly out here. This was in Virginia. Oh, okay. Towards the end of my time. I was in college for six months. I assaulted police officers and I wasn't in college anymore after that. What provoked that? Do you know? You looked like you could get away with something already. So why would you not go with the flow? It was a long, I was eating

acid heavily at the time. I thought you were just... I thought he said acid. Yeah, I mean, too. Just like, my here we go. Was it at a waffle house? Yeah. All right. Actually, I'm sorry. I did go to a waffle house immediately upon getting out of jail. Oh, yeah, that's where everyone goes. It was great. No, I was in college and I was... I ate acid one time for like too much straight and I lost my mind. I drank a bunch of ever clear jungle juice and there was a cop in my dorm when I got back and

“I didn't like that, I guess. I don't really remember exactly how it happened, but what did the reports say?”

Oh, it was a 15-page police report. We were together for hours. I busted. I thought when they finally got

me to the police car... I remember telling the cop that when he had me on an ankle cuffs in my hands back that that's how I had his wife on the ground and just being as disrespectful as possible.

I wouldn't have to go to jail. So I got this car because I busted my head open on the plexiglass between the front and the back of the police car, then then went to the hospital, caught a felony at the hospital and had to go to jail. Wow. Yeah, that was just pages like one through three. I don't

“know how many of them. Absolutely incredible. You need to talk more about stuff like this. That's”

definitely funnier than you're whatever you did. I have that whole, because I looked like this and you should follow it up with a night and vote for Kamala either because I looked like this because

you know, at first glance, we're always in sure. It could, it's understandable. You couldn't

only the way without myself. You're really funny. You just need an opportunity to get comfortable at front of the audience. That's what I noticed. Like, okay, something tells me there's more, there's more than just that minute. So I'm glad we gave that that chance to do that. For sure. Eddie Larson, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to keep flying through. You already have a joke book, right? There he goes. Eddie Larson, third or fourth time on the show. Your next comedian goes

by the name of Michael Scott. Sixty seconds on Interrupted for Michael Scott, everybody. Make some noise for Michael Scott.

You guys look like you fuck with a rap music, right? Yeah. Cool crowd. Okay. You guys

remember rapper, mystical. Shake hands. Watch yourselves. Show me what you work with. That guy, mystical. Mystical was my favorite rapper when I was a kid. It wasn't for the bars because he wasn't great. It was more the fact that I found out he was a combat engineer during the Gulf War. Mystical was a fucking mind sweeper. I liked to play this game where I imagine Mystical out there leading his troops during the Gulf War. Wow, preparing for his future rap career. You guys,

hey guys, hang back real quick. I had to make sure it's clear. Is the mind sweeper. Watch yourselves. Get on the floor. All right. All right. That's all I got. It's good. Michael Scott, doing good. Doing good. Some super topical, mystical material. At the height of his career. Some references from, well, 22 years ago. He got accused of rape recently, so it's back in the news. Okay. Again. Yeah, but you're not talking about that. You're talking about the lyrics to the song.

“That's what, yeah, I guess. That's what got me thinking. Michael, how long have you been to”

and stand up? Eight years. Eight years. Where at? California. Bakersfield has started. I'm from Fresno. I started in Bakersfield. Nice. And you live here now? Yes. For a year, year December 30th. Yeah. Okay. Where in Fresno did you get to perform when you said you started in Fresno? I started. I lived in Fresno. I started comedy in Bakersfield. Okay. Six, six, one. Whereabouts in Bakersfield. The well comedy club. Okay. They're going to love that. They're going to love that. Daniel bats. Is that the

one where it's like a little cube that you stand on, not a stage? It's like a box. I once performed in Bakersfield on a box. Oh, nice. I did. You don't forget gigs like that. You're not aware by chance. Now, I remember it was like, you know, you drove a few hours. It was like a couple hundred boxes. This was 15 fucking years ago or whatever. And I got there and you had to like, it was like, high enough to where you literally there wasn't like a staircase or anything. You had to like,

body yourself up and like throw a leg over and like, hey, what's up, everybody? It's just like

“be confident and cool after that. I never forget having to put you wouldn't have had a fucking”

chance with this one. You would have been like, well, I guess I'm staying next to a box for this performance. It was so fucking weird. It was like four and a half feet up in the air up like

crawling up this fucking. All right. So grew up in Fresno. First time performing was in Bakersfield.

And then you went to Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. My, my pairs live there. Yeah. LA. Yeah. Well, brought you out to Texas. I was dating a girl. She got a transfer for a job. We moved out here. We broke up. And then yeah, now how long do you, but I'll make it last. Jesus, this bitch from Dallas is losing her mind slowly throughout the show, but coming more and more annoying. Why did you gas like that lady? Yeah. It's okay. You can answer. You want to make noises during the show.

This is the repercussions. Why do you, why are you making noises about them breaking up? Everybody moving to Dallas. I don't live in Dallas. Nobody's moving to Dallas.

don't want to move there. I like Dallas, but nobody's moving there. So control yourself.

For else, you're going to get embarrassed again. Like it's just happened. All right. Let's go back to

“you. Yes. So how long were you able to make that relationship work in Austin?”

Uh, eight months. Okay. Where do you think of Winron? Is this a white girl? Yeah. Got damn it. I knew it. How did you know? You want to know how I know? You know how Cam couldn't do an impression of a white person? I don't think Michael can do an impression of a black person. I'm a white guy that was raised in an all black neighborhood. I have a good ear and I for these things. Michael Scott. We did this last time I was on. Oh, we did. This makes sense. I imagine so.

Like, if you close your eyes, he's a white guy. Everybody close your eyes. Michael say some nice things. Thank you for calling customers a floor. And he hasn't said the end word once. And no, no. He's human from my last set. I don't say the

end word. I say narrow do well. Okay. No one remembers your last set. Pretend like that never happened.

How long ago was that? Sam talent. Episode 668. I remember. Okay. So that's about July, July and it's okay. Yeah, like four months ago. Okay. Oh, I lost the madness. Holy shit. All right. Oh, John D's giving you permission to say the end word. He wants to hear you say it. My name is what's it? Wow. Shit. I guess I'm allowed to say it now, too. Oh, I didn't. Well, all right. All right. Oh my gosh. Oh, I don't know.

Michael, what do you think is the blackest thing about you? You all right, all right. Okay.

Yeah. Oh, woman out there does yell to dance. Can you do dance like a black guy? No. Let's see this. Give me some music here. Come on, play some mystical guys. I swear to God. I can't. I swear to God. I have the bad knee. I can't dance right now. I swear to God. My, I tore my Achilles tendon. Come on. Hey. Hey. Oh, there's the lightning change. Oh, shit. White guy. Go white guy. Go white guy. Welcome to White Dance Party. Oh, all right. It doesn't. My grandma is going to kill me.

“You let you dance for those white people. That's what she said. I bet that's exactly what she sounds like, too.”

What in the world would put you in that conundrum to where you don't white people are asking you to dance for them. My dear sweet Michael Scott. Your name is wider than anything about you, by the way. My mom was going to name me Jeric actually. Like, why not Jerid not Derek but Jeric. Well, so I'm Michael Scott this weekend. My dad is Michael Scott. Wow. Yeah. Jeric. Jeric. Should be named Donald because you dodged a bullet there. My middle name is Donald. Any dance like Donald Trump. I'm not used to kind of dance like Donald Trump.

We know who he voted for. He's like I can totally dance like a black guy. Oh, Michael. I love it. So did this white girl break your heart here? Yeah, she did explain to us kind of how it's right.

“That was that's what triggered this whole thing. Yeah, the white girl. Yeah. Oh, man. You guys are.”

You guys are really trying to kill me. Oh, man. We're just made me dance in my bag of leg. All right. Let's do this. Wow. Yeah. You guys actually know her. You did a comic. Michael, can you answer the question? I don't know. Wait. We. Okay. Go ahead. We know a lot of people. You did it a comic. I'm work. Yeah. Wow. Oh, she's a comedian. Yeah. Okay. It doesn't matter. Can you tell us how she broke your heart? If you will stop that. Yeah. Lindsay Tyrik. That's an unbelievable interview, Michael. It's ridiculous. We talked about this last time. We talked about this. Like,

"Fuck an ant stick to the questions here. You're on my show." Yes. Okay. How did she break your heart? She started dating another comics. Start talking to another comic while we were dating. Told me they were friends and then did they do a little writing together? No. Oh, God. Are we going to start doing comic puns?

If we're shooting on you right now, what health recently was this? Hey, February. So almost here. Salotite or Stanford? Eighth. I remember. It was the day. And it was on the way to kill Tony.

“We broke up in the car about to get out the car to go to port choices for the. Wow.”

And did you continue to stay in port choices that evening? Oh. Did you do this again? I did sign up that night and I still stayed and I stuck around. And she signed up and stayed. So you guys are kind of like at the bar just like looking at each other like pop. Yeah. And you still run into her. Yeah. No, we're actually really cool now. Like it's funny. It's like we're cool to shit. Is she still with that other comedian guy? Yeah. And they seem happy together. Yeah. Yeah. We hang out all the time. Was he a black guy? No. Wow.

Could not be the opposite. It could not be more of that amazing. Once you go black, you never go back. But if you go Michael Scott.

You can go anywhere. You'll try a lot. I just want somebody that can dance. How'd you hurt your knee? MMA. Wow. Look at that. What kind of fight? Do careful. Yeah. This is incredible. Before I did comedy, I was a fighter for. Yeah. For a while for a good while. Oh, my goodness. Please go. I see him spinning quick. Yeah. What kind of a fighting were you doing? Did you two was my specialty purple belt? Yeah. Yeah. I love cake boxing. I'd love to kick. Yeah. Just I keep breaking. I'm, I keep, I'm fragile. I keep breaking.

Wow. What was your record? Two and two. Two and two. Two and two. Two and two. Two and two. A start off great. And I kept at a habit of taking fights on short notice. Every promoter knew they could just call me old John. Right off the broken bones, Jones over here. That's fucking solid. Yeah.

Yeah. It's just that. So I never went pro. I was an amateur. Amateurs don't get paid. But if you're willing to take on anybody, like you get paid a little bit on the table.

So I would get, like, timely. So you made a little bit of sidecast. Yeah. So I would make four hundred of fight promoters knew they could call me. But I took my, I start off to a note and then I took my last two fights. Six days notice and then eight days notice and I got my ass.

“Just can my, for the life of me picture this. Like, did, would you do your walk out with like the gloves and your glasses still on?”

You hand them to your coach, right? Is you getting off the gun? Really? Yes. You walked out with your, you would be for an old right now. If you're opponent didn't see you walk with golf. If I could get hit in the eyes of my contacts wouldn't fall out. I would. Yes. I would be. You fought with contacts and I did that one time and then I got hit and it.

I felt it, of course, here in the, yeah. So what I would do, I never would fight with them. I just hand it on to my coach and then I have him lead me to the case.

I still think that bad. By the way, though, like, your eyes don't seem that bad. I still think de-madness would beat the shit out of here. Was you, did your, were your medical bills ever more than what you got paid? The thing is, amateurs don't, amateurs don't get paid.

And on anything, anytime you're starting off, you're always like, yeah, like when he had to get on that box, yeah, exactly. And I basically paid the same amount of for gas that what I, to get me there and back.

“And which is one of the time you'd be paying for your medicals just to be licensed in California is like, back then it was like, I think it was like 400 bucks or so.”

Yeah, it's like, you're paying out of pocket to get your ass kicked and then if you have broken bones, you're paying for that too. That's just how it was. So I never got, I never went pro is just like, yeah. I'll suck. What are your future goals, Michael evidence? I would work at Hotel Ella.

I don't know if you guys ever heard of it. It's Hotel here in Austin. It's a little boutique hotel. Is that, I'm a ballet 35? Yeah, right off at 30's.

Is that connected to that new sushi joint? No. Oh, okay. There's a new all you can eat sushi joint that's talking about. Oh, machi sushi.

Unbelievable.

That's not that hotel. No, okay. How old are you? No. Oh, yeah.

You're about to be in love. I've gone like three times in the past two weeks. It's a brand of new food combo. Yeah. They have a full-size transformer out front too.

For you to like stare out when you're digesting afterwards. Which is one more bumblebee or something? It is, it's bumblebee. Oh, you've been there. Oh, man, known for his heavy protein intake.

Big Mike Michael Gonzalez has been there. These are Volkswagen. All right. Well, Michael, congratulations. You already have a joke book?

Oh, yes, a big one. There he goes. Michael Scott, everybody. We're flying through. Damn, that was a long interview.

Yeah. Yeah. We're getting them. No, a lot about these people tonight. Makes sense.

He didn't know you had a fighter here. He did not look like a fighter. He's got a-- I feel bad for some of the jokes. Yeah.

I'm not going to catch me in the back. That is one of those-- That is one of those wild situations

where you never know who you're talking shit to.

Notice I got a lot nicer after he said he's a amateur fighter. Purple belt. Normally, if you see a black guy with a purple belt, he's a pimple. All right. That's a joke I was going to do earlier,

but the time passed, but I got it out. That's good. All right. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Yale. Yale, hurry up, man.

It's perhaps Yale. Thank you. I've been getting into a lot of arguments recently. Most recent with my girlfriend. She snatches food off of my plate all the time.

And her excuse is always, "Oh, come on. There's no yours or mine. It's all ours." I'm like, "Well, that's how you feel. Why do you get so upset when I try to put a thumb in our butthole?"

[ Laughter ] I also got into it with a friend of mine. I thought she was telling me a joke. She told me that her cat had feline aids. I didn't think it was real.

So my first thing that I said was, "I didn't even know your cat was a slut." And she goes, "That's not how they get it. It's not how they get it."

“And I was like, "What do you get it from sharing needles?”

What are you talking about?" Jews upset, but she should've named her cat Meow Jake Johnson. So... [ Laughter ] Wow!

All the timing on that. The timing on that. In amazing minute. Thank you. Meow was the punch line at the end.

Yeah. That was perfect. Magic. So perfect.

This is your first time in the show, right?

Yes, yes it is. Welcome. Yale. How do you say that last name? Reims.

Reims. Welcome. How long have you been when stand up? About four years now. Where at?

I actually just moved down from Columbus. A couple of years ago. We had a fall. Congratulations. Did the funny bone up there?

No, they don't let me in there. It's the thumb joke. [ Laughter ] I know the owner. He don't like jokes like that.

Anyway. I thought the most funny man. That was hysterical. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Why didn't they let you in to the funny bone? They let me in for the competitions. They do like the new comics competition. They kind of kind of like that. They kind of look like that.

They'd best see you in the show. They book one person every 12 months to host. Right, it's just. Yeah. You're waiting around for it.

It's too many people, not enough spots. Exactly. A lot of these big cities. A lot of cool big cities like Columbus. Just simply don't have a real scene.

So how long have you been here? Uh, moved down here in December. The fuck was so funny about that. [ Laughter ] There's some cool big cities that don't have a real comedy scene.

Columbus admittedly where we have lived.

“If you want to make money, open up a comedy club and Columbus.”

Because it's only one really. Yeah. I mean, my hometown club there was, uh, they had the new one called the attic.

And that one was like struggling for a while, but they're finally turning it around.

Yeah. Okay. How long have you been here? Uh, December. I moved down in December.

Nice. You love it already? Yeah. I love the fact that I can do a shit load of sets. Even if they're shitty open mics, I love that I can do a bunch of sets in a night.

Well, I'm sure people are recognizing how funny you are very quickly. How much material do you think you have that's as good as that minute? Uh, probably do 15 to 20. Nice. Have you done that length of a set before?

Yeah. Okay. Awesome. Uh, what do you do for work? Nothing right now.

I'm on the job hunt. Okay. What did you do in Columbus? Uh, I used to work for an engineering firm. I used to do construction.

Um, I sound well paying stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a reason I don't work for a many more.

They realized they're a mistake after a year. And they were like, oh, this was a bad idea. You clearly have some stuff.

“You need to get off your chest, brother.”

Yeah. Hey. Were you able to save some money from those jobs? How are you surviving?

Oh, okay. Look at this. God bless America.

What does she do for work?

Engineer. She's a real engineer. A real engineer. Oh, my goodness gracious. Does she have glasses like yours?

No, I think they're. I mean, she has glasses. Yeah. You can't even see. You can't even tell.

You never looked at her. These ones looked at her eyes before. How long have you been with her? About four years now. And she moved here with you?

Yes. So if everything goes on pace, if everyone's girlfriend leaves them after eight months here, so you have about six months left with her.

“What are you going to do for work then, mother fucker?”

Fucking door to shut up. Get it. I love it. And you love her. Yeah.

Sex life is active. Sure. Yeah. Sounds like it. Hold on.

You missed it. There was a soft sure that happened right there. No, I got fat as shit. I gained about 50 pounds. Okay.

Did she endo it? Is she like, "Oh, you're like a bear now." She's into it. I just end up saying, "I'm sorry a lot." Okay.

Because what happened when you got fat? You kind of like, you like to be on bottom. I don't want to fuck anymore. Really? Explain to us what that's like.

We've never really had this conversation with a guy.

Okay. Who's a gold digger that went from skinny to bigger? We've never really gotten to have this before. Yes. When women are gold diggers, they have to stay in shape.

Yeah, no. I wasn't gold digger to golden corral. There you go. I know. I just, I gained, we both got too lazy and happy and we both got fat.

Oh, she got fat too. Yeah. Oh, you're in great shape. Yeah, we're fine. We're fine.

As long as the woman who you're using for money also gained weight, then you're even Stevens. The only person who loses here is your mattress.

“So what do you think contributed to you and your girl, both getting big?”

I, I don't know. I think love just looks a lot like giving up. I don't know. I don't. When did you notice that you were having problems in the bedroom?

Was it immediate? Was it a slow burn? Is there anything that you're doing to overcompensate? Are you having trouble getting erect? It's true.

We'll tell you, we are sponsored by BlueChill. We can make you hard as a rock.

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Visit BlueChill.com for more details. An important safety information. I love BlueChill. We know. We know you do red band.

Red band does it just to have something to snack on sometimes. This episode is also brought to you by Shopify and Talkspace. I forgot to say that earlier. I was actually supposed to say that. Is there anything that you're doing to help the situation?

Are you eating as much pussy as you are fast food? I eat way more pussy than I do fuck. Okay. Tell us about that. Tell us about your process there.

Is there anything that you do? Is there anything that you've learned? Is there an evolution near pussy eating? Or do you eat pussy the same way you did the first time you ate it? No, because every pussy is different.

Okay. Well, I thought you were only with one woman here. You might need to read literally start looking for a job. I thought you meant the first time ever. Okay. Yes.

So tell us about your evolution of pussy eating as you've gotten fatter. I like it. Why don't you look at me when you said that? By the fucker. Can I ever drink since we're talking about frigging eating pussy here?

Another to cue up for my doctor. Please. Thank you. I feel you've run all these questions. You asked me to be on the show.

Can I get some of that medication too? You went to... What is this? A nicotine pouch? From our friends over at Nick and YKD.

I don't have a problem with cigarettes, man. I was at other than the pill. Where's the pill? Oh, blue chill. Yeah.

Oh, we don't actually have any on us. We were reading off of the... There we are. I love the party though. Can I have it to Keyla and an erection please?

No. I got plans after this. I got plans after this. I got plans after this. I got to go back.

I got to go back. Run on where it is. I love it. So again, tell us how you eat pussy. Let's hear about it.

Let's get the spotlight on him and take us through it.

“The truth is, I just don't eat it laying down on the bed anymore.”

I sit down off the side of the bed because it's easier. Wow. You are just taking the shortcut in every single way. Okay. Now the light is on you.

Show us how you eat pussy. Look directly out into the audience. Oh, wow. What is pussy eating music sound like? Yeah, can we get some pussy eating?

Oh, he's already exhausted ladies and gentlemen.

We're going through the process here. Okay, her thighs are over your shoulders right now. You're doing the hard lean. It must not smell bad for you to stay in the mix like that. All right, this is it right here.

This is it right here. There you go. What? Hell yeah. Oh my goodness.

He's doing the dolphin, the dolphin move. Wow. He ate her pussy and her ash. He ate her ash. Kill Tony ash, right?

That was incredible. What's the longest you think you've ever eaten? Your girlfriend's pussy. It's just torture. Oh, look out.

Oh, look out. My Latino, my Latino horn players have heard pussy eating enough times. They're jamming over there. They can only hear the word pussy eating 10 times before they just start soloing out over there. Play in some romantic ass shit.

Oh, he's getting louder and more powerful.

Oh my goodness. Fuck yeah, Carlos, so so Fernando Castillo and Raul. Balléjo. All right, all right. Yale, tell us something else crazy about your life.

Or that we would be interested in all about you. Any fun facts about Yale reams? You have a great name. Very original fucking name. Like Scott before years.

Like a billion Michael Scott's. There's only gotta be one. I mean, I was named after a guy that died. Who was named after a pro football Hall of Famer. And I fell Hall of Famer.

Reams. Yale. Oh. That makes sense. It's nice.

I got that one from dad though. All right. Okay.

“Any other fun facts about you before we should let you go?”

Um, I was in the army for a few years.

What did you do in the army? Um, I was 35 Mike. It's a intelligence collector interrogator. Okay. Awesome.

Awesome. You wasn't a recruiter. Yeah. Yeah. I got to tell you when you came out, man.

You feel very comfortable, very polished. That was the hesitation. As soon as you started performing, man. You were funny out the gate. Thank you.

I just think you made a lot. Yeah. I noticed that immediately. Thank you very much. Somebody started over earlier.

Because I felt like there was something there. I read out the gate. You felt very comfortable. 15, 20 minutes, man. I feel like you got more.

Yeah. Thank you. That's just me. I love you. As long as you're set is longer than you're pussy eating.

I think you're going to be okay. Focus on that. Do it. Everything else will fall into place. I loved the minute.

Congratulations. Red band? You know, because you're from Columbus, Ohio. And you're a funny guy.

“I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday.”

Oh, yeah. And you're getting a bit keltony jubba. Yeah. Remed, ladies and gentlemen, has arrived. It's a keltony.

How exciting. A real gig, you just got out of us. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. How lovely.

This is going well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Jace. Make some noise. Fair next bucket poll ladies and gentlemen.

60 seconds uninterrupted. For Sandy, everyone. It's Sandy. Let's see what happens here with Sandy. Hey, let's crack and kill Tony.

All we're doing tonight. We're doing good. Yeah. I feel like as a comedian, have a lot in common with shippers. You know, he ever seen a shipper bomb on stage.

God damn. Do you not even a dollar or two girl? God damn, dude. I'm right. One time I told the shipper I was a girl.

You know, I could save you from this lifestyle. Right. And as she showed me her bank account. And I was like, hey, actually, can you save me? No, man.

I have bad taste in women. I remember one time I was at the beach. And I fell in love with this blonde girl. You know, I went up to her and she had dreadlocks. She was a surfer chick.

“I was like, hey, girl, how'd you get your dreadlocks like that?”

She's like, I've been homeless three years. And I was like, scared me, man. I could tell she was on drugs. You know, because we're doing cute shit. I was hanging around her.

We held hands. We took a long walk on the beach. We played ice by. You guys ever played ice by with the tweaker? Yeah.

And they're fucking good. You know, they're good at that, man. I kept saying ice by an orange umbrella.

And then she would be like, I spy. Someone's catalytic converter. I'm like, what? Yeah, man. I like midgets.

You know, they have a nice ass.

“You know, they're bigger than the midgets hatcher.”

They're for him. Did you film me? Hell yeah. Sandy, welcome. Welcome.

Thank you. Minute from Sandy. Is this your first time on the show? Yes sir. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. What pot for far more U-rays? That. Okay. Yo.

Pink Floyd shirt. That fucking head. I love drugs. And I love how comfortable you are. You are.

I love how that Nazi. Hell yeah.

I have never snuck up on anybody.

Thank you, man. Hey. Hey. I should wear black more often. You look good, bro.

I'm gonna see you, man. Yeah. You're very comfortable. You came out here and just felt chill, you know. Yeah.

Now I've seen you. I grew up. My family loves you. I've seen you at the citizens. Bankering or Toyota and Ontario.

Thank you, man. I'm from the I.E. So it's cool to see. I know you started at the Ontario. So it's cool.

This is about you, bro. Yeah. And I. You're funny, man. Thank you.

I appreciate you, fluffy.

“You guys have ever wondered what people from the inland”

Empire look like. It is these two. Yeah. That is your hair, right? Well, man.

That is your hair, right? I think so. The only reason I asked is because it's impressive. And I haven't had it in a while. It's like incredible.

There's a lot there. Yeah. Do you do for work, Sandy? I got it now. I'm a service technician at a apartment complex.

So I do it. I fix air conditioners. I do plumbing, you know. It's cool. Hey.

I love it. See you're just walking in there. Stone. Just fucking. Fucking with electrical sockets.

You know how many times I've been shocked? You know, because I was like, "I have to see some of you because I got you." You know how many times I've been shocked? You know, because I was like, "I have to see some of you because I got you." You know how many times I've been shocked?

You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked?

You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked? You know how many times I've been shocked?

You know how many times I've been there six years? Sometimes you get a waken in the middle of the night and this and the open. I got to go stop, you know, fix things. What are some of the crazier calls that you've ever gotten? You know, one time I was at Buffalo Wild Wings.

And they call me like, "There's two apartments on fire. Can you come help?" But I'm like, "No." [laughter] Oh, what?

They're like, "Hey, let's just see if we can get the kid to put out the fire." There's a fire. Who do we call? Holy shit.

“That's how they manage fires in Southern California.”

I don't know if you guys have been watching the news at all. We got a fire in the Pacific Palace. There's 20,000 cubic miles on fire. Who do we call? Sandy.

[laughter] Sorry. Sorry millions of people. He's at a Buffalo Wild Wings. [laughter]

Gavin Newsom's first call.

Did we try Sandy? [laughter] Oh, my God. Can I see your Gavin Newsom impression again? That's the way we hold it.

Eddie, I don't think I have it. I don't think I-- 'Cause your lips changed. Look at your lips. We need to call Sandy.

[laughter] We have this under control. [laughter] There's nothing that can go wrong with Sandy. [laughter]

I mean, look at them. [laughter] [laughter] We have this under control. [laughter]

There's nothing that can go wrong with Sandy. [laughter] I thought it was a good shit. It's my motherfucking birthday today, too. Oh shit.

[laughter] [singing] [singing] [singing] I'm going to light a blunt.

Just for you. [cheers and applause] So how long have you been doing this? Uh, three years, uh, last-- three years, January 20th.

And would you start doing stand-up? Uh, the IE. So I do, you know, I--

I'm always at the improv, yeah, right there.

Yeah, I started an IE. I'm always at Riverside. Just everywhere, you know, L.A. Try to hit Hollywood as much as possible. So I grew up, man.

That's cool. And then, uh, so you're living out here now. I just came to visit my friends live out here. So it's cool. They've let me sleep on the couch for, like, 10 days.

That's freaking awesome, man. [laughter] Thank you. Thank you, Fluffy. Damn it.

I thought Fluffy would be back with me. It got damn blind, dude. [laughter] What birthday is this for you? So, if--

Do you want to take a while again? Because people would get it wrong all day. I'm going to assume you are see at the old chill. I'm going to say-- I'm going to say--

I'm going to say 23. 22. 29. [laughter] Wow.

Yeah. Now, people have been saying, I look 43, I was pissed off. [laughter] Yeah. People are like, "He's the Mexican Danny Divido."

[laughter] Hey, I'm the penguin. [laughter] Hey, look, I'm-- [laughter]

Hey, look, I'm the penguin, dude.

There you go, rip it. Oh, yeah.

“So, uh, what tell us more about you, Sandy?”

You've been asked to put out fires. You're going to parme manager. How long have you been going to stand up? Let's talk about that three years. Three years?

That's right. That's right. Yeah, I'm--my first job. I got my finger cut off. That works.

Wait. Oh, my god. Holy shit. Oh, crap. Oh.

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, we have a-- A lot of fainters in the front row tonight. Won't do that again.

Yeah, never finger a fatchick.

You know, there's the last time I do that job. Oh, oh, oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. She ate you out. [laughter] That is incredible. How did you lose that finger?

Uh, finger a facker or not. You're getting fireworks. You pissed. You pissed. You pissed.

Dude, I was 18 years old. First job ever, fucking. Two weeks into it. Last binger. It was like, "But pretty embarrassing."

Well, yeah, exactly. You're-- And what? Yeah. Exactly.

And what? Missing. Yeah. Just a cart squished it off. And I had to pull it off a glove.

And it just ripped it off even more. Oh, my god. They tried to say they could save it. They couldn't. Oh, my god.

What can Brown do for you? Yeah.

So did UPS pay you well for that?

Fuck no. Yeah, so much. Why do I have to guess ever? I don't know. What is this?

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Sand the every money. All right, we're getting there. Let's give one or two more up here. Make some of his 60 seconds uninterrupted for Rob Edwards. Everybody, Rob Edwards.

You guys haven't fucking funded a night? Oh, shit. Make some noise for Rob Edwards. Greetings, motherfucker. I got doing you good.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So I hate going home for the holidays. Most of the things every time I go back there. It's me the same shit.

It's Rob when you're going to bring us some grand babies.

Which I never know what to say to that.

Because I don't know how to put a time table on an accident. You feel me. Because I'm not going to do it on purpose. So they basically ask me Rob when you're going to get into a car crash. Like it's not on the vision board at the moment.

I don't know what to say to these people. Tell me. What's the math on that? How would I explain to the math? Like what's the math on that probability? What is the probability that I knock a chick up in a red state and can't sneak her into a blue state?

What is it? It's not very good. I figured out we'll find a way. No, every time I talk about the road road view way, there's like Rob, you live in California.

You've got to worry about that.

“And I'm like, no, I see that's how you build bad habits.”

I'm not really with that shit. I might live in California. But I fuck like I live in Mississippi. You know what I'm saying? I take it very seriously.

I have a confederate flag in my bedroom. Just to remind myself of the situation I could be in. I got to pull out. You know what I'm saying? And when I'm about to come and say the South Shell, rise again and then I pull out.

And nobody gets pregnant. Rob Edwards, I fucking love it. This is your first time on the show, right? Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Absolutely incredible set and amazing that you're here to do it,

less than 24 hours after you won the AFC Championship. Yes, we're not. I mean, in one second, you're going to the Super Bowl, the next. I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.

What is it? I'm in Raven's gear, I lost. Oh, okay. All right. Well, I mean, okay.

It's really applicable for any NFL team. So, I hope they pick me up, shit. I love it. You must have played, I mean, sports even recently. It's today, it's here.

You know, I try to stay in shape. I got a drive. Thank you so much. I can jump a little bit, yeah. You can.

What's your vertical leap? Back when I was. He knows the numbers.

“I mean, when I back when I was like 38 or 39,”

back when I was in shape. 38, 39 inches in the air. Red band can't even do that in stairs. He's got. I could roll down some stairs down.

Absolutely. Rob, what do you do for? How long you been on stand up? Uh, it was seven years in October, so like seven.

Where all of it in Baltimore do you live here now? Uh, well, I do. I'm in the Bay Area. So California. Okay.

“I've been doing it up there in San Francisco.”

Okay. That's where you live now. Yeah. It's crazy up there, right? Yeah.

A lot of. You think the home is. A lot worse than it is now. Yeah. I know.

It's quite frightening. And it's not even really just homelessness. As much as it is like drug addicts. Yeah. That's the wellness.

My crack right in front of you. Yeah. We saw a lot of crazy shit man. Yeah. I'm a plumber.

That's my day job. Somebody like OD done to my van. Well, I was working so. Wow. Wow.

Under the fan. I thought they were like stealing my catalytic Converter. So I went over there to like stomp him out. And he was like dying.

So it's like. God already did that. Yeah. He beat me to it. Oh, he beat me to it.

Oh, he beat me to it. You do not steal the catalytic converter of the Lord's will. He beat me to it. You show. Amazing.

So you're a plumber in San Francisco. Yeah. How long you been doing that for? I've been plumber for like 10 years. What made you get into plumbing?

I needed money. Hell yeah. I seem like a guy that's good at laying pipe. A lot of blood in that poop up there. Huh?

Red band our senior retard correspondent. I like what? I either hear what he said. He said a lot of blood in the poop up there. And playing that San Francisco has an overwhelming amount of gay men.

Yeah. And sickly men. Yeah. He's not wrong. He's not wrong at all.

Yeah. Hell yeah.

“What is the worst plumbing situation you've ever had to go through?”

What is literally the shitiest situation? Ten years of plumbing. I got to know big tall guy like you. It's got to be crazy out there. It is.

I mean, it's a lot of old. So it's a lot of old Asian money in there.

So I'm like the first nigga going a lot of these houses.

Yeah. So. Um. I don't know. They just, I don't know.

They try not to be like, they try not to be racist. But like, they accidentally be racist a lot of times. Oh, they don't know how to talk to black people like the older Asian people. So it's like. Oh, you're so talking.

Yeah. You can do it. I'm not going to do it. Oh, you mean what I did when I introduced some of the states. I caught myself.

I'm like, all right. Make some as a raw man. We're totally fucking shit. Oh, my god. He's so a big and bracket.

Big up. Come on. More purple than you expect. Yeah. I went bad to get me fired, boy.

You. You with the tolerance to proper alerts. Yeah. That's me. Yeah.

Yes.

“The old typical Asian accent there from Mario.”

Most of your crazy calls happen after hours. Because usually that's when plumbers make the most money.

Because anytime I've had issues, like, you know, it's always calling after hours.

And usually it's for something where you have no control over it. So. Yeah. Yeah. I don't call.

Touch it. What's your question you're asking as far as, like, what's not the worst situation. It's like somebody being an asshole to you. But more so like, the situation like was a shower backed up, toilet backed up. I mean, the plumming was something that was just.

I was a little break, bro. It's like that type shit. So you just got it. You know, you're going there. Shit's flooded or, you know.

I mean, the worst is obviously like drain pipe. So shit and stuff gets everywhere. And then you got to go in there and fit. It's just incredible watching you too. And that's not a better in.

I'm not talking to a better in toilet clogger. So we have a connection right here. You can't stop it down. He could probably show you some great. Not flushing tampons, ladies, please.

Oh, they do. That's the main one you run into. But you said 10 years of doing that, right? Yeah. Can you still get grossed out?

Yeah.

I mean, you never get, you never get used to seeing shit.

At least I don't. So. Because I've talked to some plumbers that are like, I could eat lunch while fixing the freaking pipes. No.

That's the level that I've seen. No. That is the most Mexican thing I've ever heard. I could say that Spanish should make it more Mexican. But I come to this.

Oh shit. They're about to play a song or something. You keep that up. The fucking road. Well, you drop stand up.

Which I think is awesome. You have great timing. You came out very confident. Thank you. I was one.

I got long set up. So I was like, I was wondering how much is going to go here. But it went pretty well. What's the long she's been on stage? I mean, I'm, believe me, like, my time.

You're, yeah, you saw 45. Oh, actually, he's been the first comic that's had a set longer than 15. Yeah. Exactly. I love it.

I would almost say, you know, my only note for you is. I would put the mic closer to your mouth and kind of like, use that base and that power a little bit more and fuck in like. Try him at home. Red band doesn't understand how timing or feedback works.

Now, this is an actual stand up.

No.

“Like, when you're doing your jokes that you clearly know how to do and write,”

it's so important that everybody's able to hear you. Sure. And so it's a blatant note. I wish I could give red band a note and make him funny. But it's impossible.

But I just did for you. He performs once a week in his own show. He performs once a week on his own show and puts himself up right where he wants to go. But you, I can make better.

So from California, you just came out here just just for your Kill Tony. I was in Dallas all week with my cousin. Dallas. Uh-oh.

But where's the from? Where was the eye? Where do I live? All right. Rob, what kind of girls are you into?

Big booty'd what? Big booty. [ Laughter ]

I'll take care of the first part.

There's one part I'm positive of. Flat asses do not fly. You know, we're all the brabette. We're talking about like color, race. Yeah, sure.

Exactly. That's what he meant.

“Honestly, only color care about his pink.”

So. Absolutely unbelievable. So is there anything you wouldn't fuck? Let's talk about that. Race wise, I don't think long as you're attractive.

Okay. How about, um, mentally or, uh, our shape wise. There was a someone that talked about loving Midget's earlier. You would.

Uh, I can't do crazy tricks anymore. But, yeah. Yeah. What makes a girl crazy. What's a, what's a situation where you've had

with a crazy woman. Try to cut me. So a Latina. She was Puerto Rican. She was Puerto Rican.

Can't make it up. We love the Puerto Ricans. We already know how you feel about Puerto Ricans. [laughter]

I mean, it is incredible.

The one that tried to stab you. That's literally like their thing. Yeah. It is amazing. Don't argue with the kitchen.

Don't argue with the kitchen. Oh, was in the kitchen. Yeah. Would she make was she cooking? Were you cooking?

Uh, no. She just, I was trying to leave. She was the kitchen's next to the door. Yeah. Well, they'll find anything.

If it's in the living room, a TV antenna, they will get you with whatever they possibly can find. Perhaps a safe proof to house, I guess. Absolutely. So mentally is only like, okay, no crazy girls.

But he didn't say no to like, you know, like dwarfs or anything else. Yeah. No, it seems like everything else is on. All right, everything else.

Mostly normal size women, I guess. It's what? It's been the main thing, I guess. Yeah. All right.

Very short. It's lying. It's like, he's lying. And boy. Rob's seven years of stand-up comedy.

Literally, I do believe my favorite set of the night out of the bucket. So thank you so much. Here's a big link. Showbook. Nothing for Rob, huh?

Count Thursday? I'm not. Whoa. Look at this. Dreadband, trying to give spots away.

Just trying to offer you work. But, you know, hey. How about, uh, how about Wednesday? Wednesday? I could, I could try to stay Wednesday.

What's going on? What do you, what's going on? What are you doing? What do you got this week? I got shows later and then I got, like,

Court for some shit on. Not, nothing I did. Nothing I did. Wait, you got to go to court? Yeah.

Thank you. That is all right. It's not racist because we already did this to a white person. Ask 'em. Wait, what?

That weed is powerful.

“What did you do to where you have to go to court?”

I don't even know if I can tell. It's just mostly jobs. Just somebody sue in the company for a long time. Oh, no. Your list.

Yeah. I was there when jobs were good. You're good. Perfect. Well, boring.

I'm sorry. You're good. No, that was great. Great said. Great interview.

Thank you. Rob Edwards ladies and gentlemen. And with that, we're going to put a ribbon on it. Right now, ladies and gentlemen. We have come to the time to wear.

There's only one way to end an episode like this. We have a regular on this show, ladies and gentlemen. And we are very close to finding out whether he will get his citizenship to the United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Estonian assassin.

Thank you very much. Hello. Hello. Hello. I went to North Carolina and spilled this weekend.

It got hit by a horrible hurricane. It looked like a post-apocalyptic move.

I got to tell you the hurricane didn't do that much.

Even the hurricane was like, oh shit. Somebody already did this. They lay on fire and lay on my God, so sad. Where the pedophiles are going to live now? I'm gone.

Where are we going to fuck the kids now? Eat my ass, Ellen. They asked me for a dollar at Whole Foods yesterday for the relief. Who's that dollar going to go to? I don't feel bad for people who lost the house because I wish I had a house to lose.

You know what I'm saying? I wish I got a new start. I mean, I wish I had a start. That's probably the best part about being porous shit, huh? I don't give a fuck if I go home after this gig and my apartment's on fire.

“The only thing I do is I put my hands out for warmth.”

I look at the landlord like, I guess the least is up now motherfucker. A curse has been lifted. Thank you. Wow.

Hey, you gave me up. What can you say?

This is a superstar right here. I love that you're getting all this. I'm still poor material out of the way before you're fucking arena act. I'm still poor, you gave me a lot of money. I don't have a plane.

This is the widest foreigner I've ever met. My love goes out to you. I'm sorry I'm autistic. I'm autistic, I didn't know what this is. I'm sorry I'm autistic. I don't know what this is.

Oh my god. So much for my shirt, the kid's cool guy. I'm gonna call soon. That is wild. He can do it. You guys were on that side of World War Two.

Absolutely. Absolutely. So it's like how black people can say the end word.

“I think he can give the Nazi salute because your people...”

Yes. Do that. Okay. I'm trying to fix the situation. What would you do, Gabriel?

Oh my god. Put this on your fist. We're just gonna blur it or something, I guess. No one will ever know. It's hilarious.

It is kind of wild. You can autistic people can get away with stuff that blatantly non-autistic people can. They could get away with it to a acknowledge it. As long as they don't acknowledge it, I think they can pull off anything.

Yeah. Yeah. I've noticed Elon is much as he jokes around.

I've never said he's autistic.

Yeah.

“So then you can always make the case where, well, you know, he's a little.”

Asperger's. Yeah. Well, whatever it is. He's talking to the doctor. Dr. Redband making his diagnosis.

He's got the spectrum now. Yes. Anyway. Ari has life been gone, good. Yeah, good.

I actually actually was super early. It was actually a beautiful spot. I loved it. Wait, what? That was all one word.

Ashfield. Ashfield. North Carolina. Yes, North Carolina. It was actually beautiful.

Lots of hills, lots of pretty women. You know. Ooh. Those country girls, you know, with calluses. Hmm.

Hey, who was that? Oh, you could feel a rough hand job in Ashfield. Oh, my goodness. A rough one. I love it.

I need it some relief, too. They have those working lady hands there, huh? Yeah. The exfoliators. Yeah.

Yeah. They have thick necks. They do? A thick neck bitch. Yeah.

Wow. A lot of it. They can carry me out of fire. It's funny to think that next week there's going to be some blatantly that girl in Ashfields going to be watching.

She's just going to be like, "God damn it, man.

Fall.

“Share my hands or my neck or insecurities to me.”

Share out. God, my fear. I mean, I'll feel like this. You're going to come, boy. I was like this.

I am. Oh. Oh. It's a shame nobody's going to see this because they stopped watching after all the naughty solutes.

Now we only have the cool people. It's true. That is your actual comedy fans. I love it, Ari. My God.

So funny. Ashfield, North Carolina. Yeah, she was awesome. What else? You got a real Texas shirt.

Making sure you don't get it. Yes, I love it. Making sure you don't get deported in this week. I got to practice my ice. Ice is out to get me.

I am from Texas. Texas, Texas, Texas. That's what I say. Just like every one of them. I don't know that he could get deported.

He gave me to like Dallas. Yeah. It's not really going to kick him out. You just send me to Estonia. Anything but Dallas.

It's like Ashville without the calluses. Did you start up doing stand-up in Estonia? Yeah, you went there. I was at the show. I was on the second balcony.

You were there at my show in Estonia? Yeah, I remember. It was awesome. You did a lot of jokes. And then you left by the way.

You left boxes and boxes because my former manager. Yeah, he's great. Shout out to Luis. I love you. He brought you out.

“And I remember you had a lot of merch that you just left.”

I've never seen a performer just you left boxes.

I left merch. Box it. Do you do that? Box it. You actually do leave merch.

I still have two bottles of fluffy chocolate. That's what we're tapetea. Tapetea. And I fucking love it. And I swear to God, I even had the look on the thing.

Because I swear it tastes better than actual tapetea. But where do we need the moon? We left that here. We left it here at the mother's ship. You left some in Estonia.

Right now. This is the look of a man that is finding out he is left. 9.5 million dollars. All over the world. Somebody screened grab that look.

He had on his face before. What person get tired? I left it here. Do you live? So many boxes of t-shirts.

There's children in Estonia running around. With fluffy t-shirt. We get hundreds of t-shirts. You know, countries, fluffy fluffy. You know who else is running around his merch guy up on that balcony.

And I'm like, oh fuck. I've been living my fucking dreams, me. I didn't want to carry the shit back. You're so rich, dude. You don't even need it, dude.

You don't even need it, bro. You can be performing on a box and baker's field. Do you have it so good, dude? What do you need that potato for, dude? Look, dude.

It's more expensive than fucking. I found out it's more expensive to ship it to the next game. He's gonna learn that out. You're about to hear about to hear the most Mexican accounting of your life. Dude, I would ship it to the next city, but I'd lose my finger.

You'd be asses fucked up. Fluffy, please. Fluffy, please. Fluffy, I'll make it up, dude.

It's only 11.8 million dollars.

Dude, it's all over the world. I can get it back, bro. I'll make some calls. It's so funny to think, literally, one at the top selling comedians in the world. This is a guy that forms and shit, right?

This is like it. And he's finding out he has some merch all over the world.

“You understand, I'm gonna play this video and someone's review at the end of the year, right?”

There's somebody going to get called into one office and I'm going to be like, just be hit play. Really mother fucker? Is Stonia? Yeah, if you go to a Gabriel relationship, don't buy the merch. Just wait the next day.

Near the arena back entrance. We give that shit away like we're in Africa, dude. Absolutely unbelievable. Make some fucking noise for Ari Maddie, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you to Shopify and talk space.

Let's see what Chris Rogers did, it was Cam Patterson.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have to ask for a favor.

“How loud can this play skit for his first time on panel?”

Gabriel English, yes ladies and gentlemen.

Mother fucking fluffy. Check out the legend of fluffy.

“Now on Netflix, one of his many, many specials.”

Shopify, talk space. Thank you all red band.

Check out the swimsuit strip ATX.com.

I love you guys. One more time for the best in ban in the lay and mat meal in John B's, D Madness. Carlos Sousa, Roe of Alejo. Fernando Castillo and Big Mike Michael Gonzalez. Thank you, we love you.

Watch the legend of fluffy if you have an already in all of his great specials. We love you, good night everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over.

“Check out Red Band Secret Show every Thursday.”

See you to SunsetStripATX.com for tickets. Thank you. Thank you.