KILL TONY
KILL TONY

#759 - STEVE RENNAZZISI + JOE LIST

8d ago1:47:5820,140 words
0:000:00

Joe List, Stephen Rannazzisi, Adam Ray, Ari Matti, Dedrick Flynn,William Montgomery, Hans Kim, D Madness, Michael A. Gonzales, JonDeas, Matthew Muehling, Joe White, Troy Conrad, Tony Hinchcliffe,Brian...

Transcript

EN

The world is a world.

The country in the forest is really beautiful. The vast sea of the forest is a big question.

The answer is for all the countries. Milzani Milchnek, 10.8.20 grams for a year, 70 or Dr. Edka Vitales Musli, 116 grams for only 2.22 grams. All the.

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Desquad Podcast Network. This episode of Kiltoni and every episode of Kiltoni could be found at desquad.tv Apple Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out TonyHenscliff.com for everything the golden pony TonyHenscliff. You can also check out shopsquad.tv for Desquad merch, hats, mugs, whatever shopsquad.tv. And now here's a brand new episode of Kiltoni.

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives?

You eat! Thanks for writing Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best damn band, and all of the land everybody, the Kiltoni band, makes some noise for them. Hi, you're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by prize picks, quote, Shopify, and zipper crewter. How we fucking feel in a night, people? Hi. We're going to watch some comedians try to do comedy tonight. It's going to be a real hoot nanny. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?

Every single week, I book two of the funniest people I know in the world this weekend. No different. This is a special one. We're going to go down to the nitty gritty, just two pure fucking real stand-up comedians, two of my favorites, two of the best in the world. Make some noise for chillists and Steve ran as easy. We are going to have some fun tonight. Everybody, I'm excited about this one. Joe List has a new special out on YouTube called Small Ball. Welcome back, Joe. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

And one of my favorites since I started a true comedy store fucking comic. I used to dogs sit for him. I used to house sit for him. I thought life was never going to get any better than that.

And we thought you fucked our dog too. The great Steve ran as easy as that. You guys have done this show before. You know how it works. About three hundred insane people have signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket. Some of them, some of the most promising talent of the future of the art form of stand-up comedy. Some of them are completely crazy. In fact, recently we had a guy who's just a stalker of a female comedian who did a minute just so that he could maybe get to meet her and get closer to her. Anything can happen.

Anything can happen. Somehow it remains the number one live podcast in the world. Pull their name out of the bucket. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. Then I'll say bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. It's just interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. Absolutely anything can happen.

And the whole thing's improvised. You guys are ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?

While we go rango that first bucket pull of the night, getting us started with the brand new minute.

This young lady was discovered here on the show. She spent some of her last money to get on an airplane from Tampa, Florida to come to Austin, Texas.

The live in an arena on Netflix.

One golden ticket in front of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, here with the brand new minute.

Make some noise for the return of young everybody. People think asking what my type is. I'm really into Arabic guys from the very attractive. I like their stay care, sharp facial features. Every time I see one on the street, I go up to the answer. Can you please cover your hair and your skin. You make me feel very lustful. Can't help but want to touch you right now. When they don't comply, I throw rocks at them.

See, when I'm rich, I'm going to throw big parties. I'm going to invite a whole bunch of very attractive Arabic male models. So I'll pay you shit in their mouth. And I'll be really good at it. I'll just tell them, "Hey, have you be, have you be?" Lay down. Open your mouth. This is my gift for you. It's very hallowed. Let me show you the agent squad.

Are you fit? The great young ladies. Welcome back, young. Covering the Arabs today. Oh, yeah. Got to hate on one on each episode. You get away with racism better than anybody I've ever imagined before. If I had your delivery in face, I would be so much more racist than I am. It is tough living out here with this bone structure, but you just slice it in.

You're like the nurse that gives you the shot. You don't even know it's over. But you do that with racism. You inject people with care racism that nurse is adorable. Thank you. You're welcome. Young, how's it going? It's been good. I just did a show with one of my kill family Martin Phillips. When I was reading his message, I read from his voice.

Thank you, young. It's a good impression. It's a good impression. Yeah, I said he looks like he sounds like RFK if he didn't do coke.

It's true. That is true. Young, how's life going for you now that you're a little superstar?

I was still kind of broke, you know. I need you to come to my shows, go to my website, I'll show in Austin and San Antonio and New York City if you're in New York City. New York City? Yeah. Great time to go to New York. I've been better than snowpiles and dog shit everywhere.

Very exciting.

Guys, this is your first time seeing young.

Yeah, my first time seeing. I like it. We were great. Great energy. Oh, thank you. Seems like you want to start a female Epstein Island and I'm down with that. For Arab men, I'm cool with that. That seems cool. Yeah, I didn't care for your energy, but you seem like a nice person, for sure.

I would have liked a little more zip, not zip, but whoa, whoa. What do you call it? Like a cow. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love your stand up by the way. I was just feeding off of his energy, fuck. I like you too, very nice.

God.

So, do you know, like, in Chinese, we have a phrase for people who look like you?

Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus. Can I watch you? I don't want to hear this. I think it's going to be nice. What is it, young?

Swim, ballet. Oh. What is that mean? I mean, 30 pervert. Oh, I told you, Joe, I knew that wasn't going to go well.

That's only half true. I am not a nerd. I just have bad eyes. I'm very, I don't know how to play chess. I fuck well. Whoa.

This is a major breaking news. You're tough, lady. You're like the black widow. Yeah. Are you black? I was like, who is this?

Isn't it great? Nice. Yeah, that's cool. So that's fair. I said the same thing.

I told you, why can't I get on an episode with bigger comedians?

Oh, right. My God. Trust me. We thought the same thing backstage, too. We were felt the same way. Yeah, you're going to have to be better.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Young. You are fearless, adorable, always crushing.

Thanks for getting tonight's show started for us. The greatest thing. The great young everybody. And we are often running. I've been informed that our first bucket pull of the night

Is behind the curtain.

They have indeed been wrangled.

We're going to meet this person all together.

Anything can happen.

Make some noise for your first bucket pull.

Rock Turner, everybody. Here we go. Rock Turner. Who knows how big their dad's dick is? We should know that kind of information

for the ones of us that do. This should fucking crazy. My dad hated wearing clothes. And like, my dad, I know how big my dad's dick is. It's seared in my brain.

It's right there right now. Hey, I see you. Unfortunately. He was a nudist because he had a big dick. My dad's dick was so big.

It had abs. It had a Netflix account paid its own bills. It was the only one of us that he was proud of. It's better than mom though. You imagine your mom like leaning over to wake you up

for more school in the morning. Her left it grazes your forehead. Honey, time to get up.

Mom, get your tits out of my face.

I'm not six months anymore. Tony? Sure, all right. I guess. I may not clear.

Yeah. That's one way to end this set. I wouldn't have known when you were done. Wasn't for that Tony there at the end. Wow.

That was a lot. Drama. That's what that set was. I think you saw a lot more of your dad's dick than you're letting us on a belief.

It's pretty big. I don't know what it looks like hard, so I don't know. Right. How could you see it when it was in your ass as a little boy? Very hard to tell.

Here's the gentle, sweet young boy ass that you had when you took.

That's what we have actual audio from your childhood.

That's you, that's a young rock Turner. That's when you were just pebble Turner. Sweet, sweet boy. Glenn to my dad's eye. How old are you rock?

42. How long you been doing stand up? About two years. Two years. What made you want to start at the age of 40?

I just love making people laugh. The art form. I just wanted to do it. I do photo and video and it's like weddings and stuff like that. And there's a lot of dead time.

So I just wanted to do something else that I also love doing. And I love comedy. So I figure it goes great thing to get into. 40. And Austin, of course, you know.

You love the city of Austin.

Have you always lived here?

Since 01. So most of my adult life. Okay. And you. Alright.

That's here again. Yeah. Is your dad still alive? He is still alive. Yeah.

And you still haven't seen it hard. We have him on the line right now. We're going to ask him. We're going to have a measure, though. Rock.

Is that what you do for a living? You take photo and video at weddings and whatnot? Yeah. It's mostly weddings, events, corporate stuff. Craziest thing.

You've ever had to do a video in photography for. It's not a wedding. I did a due to worship once. A white? Due to horror.

It's like good horror. But with dudes. Oh, oh. Oh. What does that mean?

That's actually how I saw my dad's did. Dude wore. What do you? I'm still not good. Dude in their underwear.

He took pictures of guys with their cops and their underwear. Yeah. That's wearable. Sex, the underwear and stuff. Yeah.

It's supposed to be for their wives, but. Our resident home of folk, D. Madness. Plugging his ears. Growning. Making a lot of noises right now.

Motherfucker talk about his dick. His dancing. Everybody's dick. All this shit's gay. This show gay is fucked, dude.

The gay is goddamn show I haven't not seen in my life. Alright. Rock.

What do you do when you're not doing stand up and a video photography and all that?

I like to play guitar. Seeing smoke weed. Play games. Typical. Dude stuff.

Dude stuff. Yeah. Wow. Do you have a girlfriend? I've got a wife.

I've got kids. How much? I've got a wife. That's a left turn. I didn't see coming.

I thought you lived alone. Yeah. Sure. The question is have your kids seen your dick? Yes.

Is this a family tradition?

I don't know.

That's true.

Have they been stuck between a rock and a hard place?

Maybe right now. How many kids do you have? I've got four kids. Jesus Christ. Rock.

I've got. Look at you. Can cream pie over here. Yeah. What's the age range of these four kids?

So the older two are step kids. They're like 26 and 20. And then the younger ones are 12 and 11. Wow. So the ones that came out of your nuts are 12 and 11.

Yeah. Alright. Boys, girls. One of each. Okay.

What about the older ones? They were in the 20s. What about them? What exactly are you asking? I'll tell everyone except for Red Man.

There you go. Alright. Rock, turn, or interesting stuff. Guys, what do we think about Red Man? I like when you talk about your mom's tips.

That was great. Yeah. The visual? I mean, they seem nice. Yeah.

Pendulous. I mean, you probably have to have some nice tips to get a nice dick. Oh, dude. You lived a horrible life. You lived like an HBO real sex life.

Those people that fuck on camera. Am I mistaken? Isn't Brock Turner a famous rapist? Yeah. What?

Oh.

And it sucked too because when I first got into comedy,

like literally I'd search my name. And you know Google was like, oh, did you mean? It didn't even give it did you mean. It was just like, this is what you meant. Brock Turner.

The brutal rapist? The body is trying to find my comedy. They're like, oh, this rapist dude. It's like Turner versus whatever a case. Wow.

What are the odds that Brock Turner rock Turner both are rapists? This is incredible. No. I think 50. I think the case was exactly 11 years ago.

How old did you say your kid was? Yeah. The fucked up part is he changed his name to Allen. So now I'm closer to Brock Turner than years. Oh.

Kid smart. All right. I feel like if you had one minute,

you should this pit is better than the bit you did.

It is true. It's good stuff. Another bit wasn't a man. Obviously it was a killer bit you did. But...

Do you have any jokes about how Brock Turner sounds like Brock Turner, a famous rapist? Well, it's so not only that, but this is actually not my given name. My parents name me Brock Turner, and then they unnamed me and named me Brad instead.

So my real name is Brad. Why do you just change your name to Jeffrey Bomber or something like that? Well, they named me after Brock Hudson, and then they found out he was gay or bison. Oh, found out.

Oh, what a tough day of the Turner family. And then I became Brad. Oh. He's a one. Not in my house.

Yeah. See my dick, but... What should we get over here? The changing his name to Elton. Well, Brock, you did your very best.

I'm sure of that. There's a little joke book for you, buddy. There he goes. Brock Turner. It's a fun little bucket pool.

There we go. Oh, my goodness. Right on cue. Our very own Vanill White ladies and gentlemen. The great Heidi is here, everybody.

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All right.

Your next bucket pull ladies and gentlemen looks

like a new name. Make some noise for Mark Fittman, everybody. Mark Fittman. How you doing everyone? Nice to be here.

It's coming up on Oscar season and you know, I used to be into it a lot more last year. I saw the best picture in Nora

and the first 20 minutes of that movie is all sex. You know, after that I kind of lost the plot and just zipped up and left the theater.

[ Laughter ] I don't think I'll be welcome back this year. I'm not really sure. I don't know if it's racist or not, but I programmed my GPS to avoid

all Martin Luther King Boulevard. [ Laughter ] Just figure out by past that. [ Laughter ] I do think racism is getting a little bit better

as I get older. It seems a lot better. I mean, I'm getting really good at it. [ Laughter ] Come from my house,

you know, my grandfather had a cat that was named the end word. [ Laughter ] Oh, it's just ended there. I love it. Mark Bentman, welcome, welcome, sir.

How are you? Good, good to see you. How long have you been doing stand-up?

This is like the six mic I've done, basically.

Wow, look at you. [ Cheers and applause ] Natural. I did some improvisational acting back in the '90s. Nice.

Can we ask you how old you are? I am 59. 59. You look the same age as Rock Turner, he's 42. Incredible.

So what made you want to start stand-up nowadays? You know, my kids are in college now and I've got a little more time. I travel for a living. So I've been hitting mics as I travel.

That's awesome. What do you do for a living? I work in a consulting business. We basically give like CEOs really smart things to say. Yeah. Okay.

Very cool. You've been doing that earhole life? No, not all the time. I worked in the car business for a while. Where were you doing in the car business? I was a body and fender man painter.

Hell yeah. Okay. I love it. And your kids are in college. You still married? Oh yeah.

Nice. How long have you been married for? I've been married for 22 years. We actually married divorced for two years. Then got to read.

Let's talk about it. I love that.

I knew the second he came out here.

I got this going to be great. Because, you know, we get a lot of these fucking kids up here and whatnot. Nobody's got a life story. I try to get the best out of the interviews with people.

Sometimes when someone comes out here, I can just tell it's going to be a good interview. And here we go. You may have just answered a lot of people's questions on how to save a marriage. It's getting a divorce. Yeah.

It works because you end up, you know, figuring some things out about each other and realizing no one else wants you. How deep. How deep into your marriage?

That's fantastic.

How deep into your marriage did you get the divorce?

We were about 11 years in. I love it. 11 years in. So, did you get the divorce? You guys just started banging whatever you wanted.

Basically, is that the deal? No, I think the trouble was we couldn't bang anything we wanted. What do you mean? We couldn't find anybody else. Oh, I love that.

That's amazing. So, what was it like when you guys like rekindled? Are you already had kids?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We had our kids and, you know, I would go over there to put them down and see them off

for the night and try and visit with them and spend time with them.

And I invited them over for Thanksgiving and then we just started back up. I love it. That's amazing. Wow. Steve, what do you think about this?

Dude. So, you had a half time in your marriage. Right? That was like you, we went back. You've studied game film.

You're like, I can't fuck anything else. I wonder if she's having sex. And what was it combo like when you guys circle? It seemed like you just served with the parking lot and you just were like, hey, these are the best spots we can get.

Let's just go back together. What was that conversation like? Like when you were like, are you happy? Or how did you feel? Here, both like, well, we both lost some weight.

So, it's awesome. That's great. I don't have that. I'm just enamored. I want you to be my dad.

You're like, you're such a cool customer. You've done six mics? Well, I feel like you have no nerves whatsoever. Yeah, I've got a few. Oh, okay.

Well, you have very, are you on drugs? Yeah. Oh. Like, sit up real. I'm sure blood pressure matters.

I'm on blood pressure matters. Yeah, yeah. Dr. Ran is easy. Yeah, yeah. Hey, man.

I see realization. I know my own. I got it. I'm on blood thinners. I almost died on Super Bowl Sundays.

This past Super Bowl Sunday? Yeah, yeah. I know that half time show pissed me. I know. Well, I'll take care of you.

I'll take care of you. I take the blame for that, by the way. I don't know the guy being not like that on the show. What things? That is my fault.

The pendulum is swinging the other way, Tony. No doubt about it. That's fine. You can help for your mistake. Let's that.

Everybody's making up for your mistake. Yes. Exactly. That guy dancing on telephone poles and whatnot. Amazing.

Tell us about your near-death experience. Well, I have a, uh, it's called a bilateral. He met our blood caught to my lungs. I have a buy heart as well. Okay.

Yeah. Um. My lateral pulmonary embolism. Nice. So what did that feel like?

It felt like a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. You know, my heart rate went up to like 147. And yeah, it was pretty rough. 47 spatter rate.

It's pretty well for you. Yeah. That's your resting heart rate. Yeah. That's great.

So you, was this during the actual Super Bowl? It was before. Okay. So you went to the hospital? Yeah.

Yeah. I went to the urgent care.

And they said, uh, yeah, I think, uh, this EKG looks like shit.

You better go to the emergency room. I love it. Mark, what else about your life? Tell us more about any hobbies or any fun facts about you? Um, you know, I just do a lot of family stuff.

I like, uh, old cars and working on those. I don't have any at the moment. But, uh, you know, I think there was some girl selling a Mustang around here somewhere. I think I remember that. I love it.

It's a six open mic. What was the improvisational, uh, experience that you have?

So I went through, uh, classes at Second City and in Probabilmpic.

And then, uh, did a bunch of stuff around there? Was that in LA? In Chicago, right? Yeah. Wow.

Was that where you live? Uh, no. I live in Kansas City now. But I used to live in Chicago. You ever see the bean?

Yeah. You know about the bean. I still don't believe it's real. What made you move to Kansas City? Uh, I moved there for work.

Okay. Very cool. And, uh, Hellia. So what do you do when you're on the road to talk about your, you, you have a lot of travel experience.

Any travel tips for people? I developed a special power. Yeah. Um, I can, with my eyes closed. Tell you what hotel I'm in just by the lotion.

[ Laughter ] Ooh. [ Laughter ] Can you describe this to us?

I think the Marriott adds some kind of synthetic in there.

Yeah. Yeah. So sure. Would you be willing to jerk off in front of all of us? Yeah, no.

[ Laughter ] We're all going to see our dad stick tonight. [ Laughter ] I love it, Mark. Kids turned out good.

Yeah, yeah. I got one in, uh, KU, one in K State. Females? Yes. God.

It's a hard female. Are they? Females? Asian Red Band. [ Laughter ]

Mark, you're the man. Come back again, sign up some time.

You're our first big joke book of the night.

Oh, yeah. Mark Fittman. Oh, fun. [ Cheers and applause ] I'm going to keep it moving along here.

As we go to our next fucking pool, everybody. He goes by the name of Saul Wilson. We're going to be in Saul together. [ Music ] Well, Mark's time for Saul Wilson, everybody.

[ Applause ] As we go on, you know, the modern world is different. Uh, you know, Brownie points used to me one thing.

Now it means a higher chance of anal.

[ Laughter ]

And if you remember, there was a pilot shortage.

I'm not sure if it's still going on. But, uh, back as the question, did anyone ask the band 21 pilots for help? [ Laughter ] Like, I know they're sound.

It's not that complex.

But I think it could have spared like 16, like, 17 pilots.

[ Laughter ] I find it strange that we, uh, we name storms after people. Like, is that, like, all, like, ex-girlfriends of ex-boyfriends, you know, just like a meteorologist looking forward to a hurricane? It's like, yeah, like you fucking, you, you like my brother more.

Katrina, let's see if there's a hurricane coming. [ Laughter ] But, uh, but then I realized, uh, we even named... [ Laughter ] And then I realized we even named diseases after people,

like, uh, leukemia, named after some black ladies, some women. [ Laughter ] All right. Saul Wilson. Welcome back, Saul. How are you?

I remember you. How's life been going on, Saul? Uh, I don't say well. What? Same old, I guess? Same old. Okay.

Tell us about that. What do you do for work, Saul? Uh, just anything with my car, these days? Like, it's make money. Your car? You did it?

Yeah. You burr you, burr eats that type of stuff. Yeah, like, you know, all the above. Nice.

Anything crazy happened in the back, see the car, way, way?

No, no. [ Laughter ] How about the front seat? It's just... How about in the driver seat?

[ Laughter ] Rock and roll. [ Laughter ] That's a lot of road rage. All right. You have road rage?

Yeah. But, like, about some people, like, would have recognized me as the guy that, like, flipped off and tripping. Oh, you're a big flipper offer, huh? Is that your move?

I feel like that's why I'm here. It's a delusional. All right.

I never see those people driving way faster than them.

When I'm passing them, right? Okay, we're at ban. [ Laughter ] Can't tell which one's Saul and which ones are at banning. Nothing to come in from anywhere.

I love it. Brownie points, 21 pilots. I barely got anything that you talked about tonight. It's Saul. I don't know, and, like, Norma Donald's my biggest inspiration.

So, just, kind of, kind of his cadence. Wow. All right. [ Laughter ] Well, yeah. Can I do a bit on Norma?

Can you what? [ Laughter ] What? Can I do a bit on Norma Donald? Can you do a bit of Norma Donald?

Yes, but, about him. About him? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how to hear a real joke, right?

Yes, exactly. I didn't even funny. Do anything. Well, you know, they say you're not supposed to say bad things about people that have died, but, you know, Norma Donald's my biggest inspiration.

And I'm probably not as funny as him, but, you know, at least I could drive myself. Saul, shit. Man. Right. Holy shit, dude.

Saul, how long have you been doing stand-up? Not long enough. Yeah. Name a number or something. Describe better than that.

How long you've been doing stand-up? As far as writing, like, yeah, like, like, two years. Okay. How many open mics do you think you go to a week? Um...

Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, Saul. You're gone. Get out of here, go. Good bye, Saul.

There he goes. Like I was saying, when Mark Finnman was up here, sometimes you get someone a little younger, doesn't quite get the interview process of the show, doesn't have a wealth of a life experience to draw from.

Answers every question with, not enough. Great energy, though. Unbelievable. Who's got that zippy we're looking for earlier? Hey, everyone loves living their dreams.

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He's out the same one for the last 10 years and she's just ragged and broken down. Wow. How many kids did she have?

One, two, three, four, five, six, I think six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six, six.

Wow.

See your dad's just banging.

He will fucking stop, Tony. My goodness. Okay, Angel. What are your hobbies? Oh, I like the bolder. What? I like the bolder.

Climb. Like the rock climb? Okay. Yes, yes, yes.

I like the journal at coffee shops and people then find ladies at the cafe. Oh, I bet they love that. I bet they love you just sitting there staring at them. Well, typically I'm there at 2 a.m. so they love it at the coffee shop. Yeah, there's a 24 hour coffee shop venue shout out.

I can love it there. Just be there two in the morning. Check out the babes. The babes that come in for coffee at 2 a.m. It's mostly dudes. Okay. All right, guys. What do we think about Angel?

I don't know what to think. But I do think a woman can have a come-side. Like, because the come comes out and then you wipe it. I'm just saying like, if you get, yeah, come to one of my sisters to whore. Yeah, she's got all the comment side of her.

That's where the sock came from. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I don't, you could have blamed it on your sister. Yeah.

I tried so hard every year for the first 16 years before I got kicked out.

Did any of your sister's friends want to fuck you? No, they were all younger than me. It's eight of them. Yeah, but I'm the oldest. The first oldest was like a, you know, one of those illegitimate babies from another.

And so like, I didn't get to get raised with her. I didn't meet her to Easter when I was like seven. You didn't meet her to Easter. When I was seven, yes. Wow.

Yeah. My family's different. Yeah, a little different. Just one of everyone. All my family members pretty much early on.

I got them all. Yeah, I have sister, I met her day one. Yep. First day came out. There she was.

Yep. No, never since. All together, the first Easter. The first one we ever had. Angel, other than having all these siblings.

What do you think is the most Latino thing about you?

The most Latino thing about me is my work ethic, actually. Oh, shit. Good answer. Dude. Well, here's the thing.

Like, I'm privileged. I'm a, I'm a, you know, born citizen of the United States. But a lot of Latinos who don't come to this country with that, you know, privilege. Have to work their asses off to barely make a minimum wage to break even. They're pretty much working for nothing.

That's me. I'm a starving artist up until recently. I haven't had a full-time job. I've been sort of bumming it for the last four years. Doing temp jobs, festivals, factories, bodegas, such and such.

You don't strike me as starving or an artist. Yeah. Yeah. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ]

It's okay. Tom's getting, of course, I don't know. [ Laughter ] Angel, what do you think the widest thing about you is? You claim to be half white?

Let's hear the widest thing about Angel. When I suppose, uh, when I suppose words like labor, I spell L.A.B.O.U.R. The British Way? Whoa.

Okay. Now even though you're not black at all, I'm going to go for it. What do you think the blackest thing about you is? [ Laughter ]

I love that white woman. Wow. Look at that brutal honesty. A tracks. When you say you, yeah, go ahead.

But have I ever, have I ever smitten away? Fat woman? For no. You've never. [ Laughter ]

I think you mean smothered. [ Laughter ] Oh, I think it's mother.

You've never been with a big white woman.

No. Can I be honest to the entire world right now? Yes, you can. Um, I've actually never been with the woman before. Hey, what?

Yeah, never. You're a virgin. I'm a woman virgin, yes. What? Are you a man virgin?

No, I'm not a man virgin. Tell us. Tell us about this. Oh! Was it an accident?

[ Laughter ] It happened too many times for to be an accident, guys. No. Let's talk about it, Angel. I didn't know it was pansexual, toes and college, but at that point, you know, pansexual

means you're like all the genders, but the only genders I like me were the fellas. And so, you make do what you got, right fellas? You make do what you got. No, you make do with what you got. [ Laughter ]

Let's talk about this, Angel. Yes, sir. So... [ Laughter ] You make do with what you got.

[ Laughter ] Got into it. We're into it now with Angel. So, when did you realize you were a pansexual? What's explaining to me the difference?

Is that deep dish? What is that? What does that mean? I don't know what that means. I'm pretty sure Red Pan's pansexual.

[ Laughter ] Is it a pansexual? It's a cauldron pizza plate. It's a crying pansexual. [ Laughter ]

So, what's the difference between pansexual and bisexual?

Well, bisexual is just your traditional woman or man. Nothing in between. Pansexual is despite the gender or the genitalia,

You love them for the personality and who they are.

So, whether they're male, female, trans-male, trans-female,

non-binary, a sexual, such and such. Have you been with trans people? I have been with transgender people. But everything that you've been with was born originally with a penis. Yes, considered a map assigned male at birth.

Wow! I can't believe someone that knows this many genders signed up for this show. This is amazing. I'm going to show that anyone can sign up. The door is wide open here.

We give anybody an opportunity. I just learned what a pansexual was today, everybody. All right.

So, how many different dudes do you think you've been with?

Give us a ballpark. Do I have to answer that? I'm really ashamed of that answer. Okay, give us a ballpark. That's exactly what we want.

Solid 40. 40. Wow! All right, turns out he's gay, everybody. That's kind of pansexual.

It's gay dude. That's not it. You're a gay man, and that's all right. I won women though. I want to meet a woman, so what the fuck are you going to do?

You're just going to butt fuck a woman? I know.

You're just going to throw a ballpark and backwards hat on her and hit it from behind.

What the fuck are you talking about Angel? Tony, I really do. I really want the love of a nice woman to be honest with you guys. What makes you want a woman? You've been with over 40 men.

What do you think it is that you're missing out on? Leave him alone. Other than... Thank you so much. Oh, you're going to get fucked, dude.

He said he's in a fat white dude. He's basically a dude. Oh, yeah. He's going to pepper only your pizza, dude. Oh, my.

Look at this guy. He's getting in his comfort zone. Look how happy he is. All right. So, what do you think it is that a woman has that you want?

Tender love you should say post in the lineup. Hey, the third thing go wait your turn by the way. It's I'm saying tender first is the gayest thing you've been hit on the show

Well somehow I hooked up with 40 dudes is the second gayest thing you've said

Tender But I gotta say You haven't lived until you sucked vagina. Yeah. I want to suck vagina so bad Got that heavy-clin your mouth and you're like this just could have worked. Oh, yeah My god when you said you were ashamed. I thought it was the number. I thought it was gonna be higher

Oh, 400. I thought I was going for 40's like that's pretty it's okay. I'm a little bit having sex since I was twenty one I'm like I thought you fucked Harvey milk. I was Harvey milk. Oh, all right. That's So you've been fucking for five years 40. That's eight guys a year right on average. Yeah, but I mean statistically You know, they're basically that's almost one a month. Well, if they're about to have like more than one a month There is a solid like month where I don't even remember the number. Oh my god

Wow, what blackout month for you was that what I was selling cars in a dealership and I was just so stressed out I just had to do something to get the stress out was that your closing deal? You're like by this cart I'll suck your cow. Yeah Kia that's great. So are you on the gay dating apps? Yes, that's a yes. Let me ask you the transgender women though

Okay, that's your favorite kind not favorite kind. I just Go get you go get me again go get me again. Go pee again, dude. Oh, god You Go holdy madness is gonna quit the fucking show if he comes back here right now Gonna have a whole new bass player next week

Oh my god, he's had enough dude. No, you're not Are you doing dude? He was like I had to take a piss again So angel you've been with over 40 dudes you've been with zero women

But you want to be with a woman if you were to go on a date with a woman tell us what's the first thing you would

Well, where would you take her where would you go? Well first thing I want to you know decide on the situation I want to take her somewhere public where she knows I'm not a threat Perfect. Oh my coffee shop the king of the coffee shop And then and then come on in be we're talking about him trying to hook up with a women. You're gonna love this You're gonna love this dude

Put your put your your phones in be put him in we're gonna place them a we're gonna play some straight music for you while we interview angel Okay, so you're gonna take her to a coffee shop

Uh-huh, and then ideally we go boldering which is rock climbing Tony, uh-huh,...

Or a Barton Springs and we hang out on the hammock together to the sunset. You do that sometimes you hang a hammock

Wow, you're so stuff in a hammock for like a solid summer

Wow, that's not the one on the most bent your back sever bin. No, I'd love it I know you do it's all that open totally like ripped open in the middle And I just like fucking hit the ground in my ass. Oh, yeah, there it is and I'll all that come score. It's out everywhere Land it on a dick That's funny. Wow. Okay, angel this interview is going on way too long

But there you've one more one more unbelievable area to cover here

So let's say you get this lady back to your place, right? You've never been with a woman before

What's your first move that you make on her if she's like let's just say she went She was like angel. I want you to do whatever you want to do with me. I'm just going to let you take over What do you do the first 15 minutes sucker cock? Yeah, you just go there. You're just air sucking Yeah, look for that cop. That's not there Just air sucking a cop. All right. Now go ahead angel

This is something I believe in the first 15 minutes just dedicated to the tongue and it's it just I'm gonna point on all over the person's body

From top to bottom. Whoa. All right, so much for all that Maker baker not think your creepy thing Kisses on the neck down to the you know the chest. Okay. This is down further today. They have pussy dude You got to get down there. Yeah, it's just 15 minutes 15 15 minutes angel. I'm serious. Nobody wants to talk kiss you for 15 minutes, dude. No, I'm talking kiss in them

Again, it doesn't matter who's kissing who wait a second

Are you a nurse at the hospital on 38th straight? Are you poppy chulo? We found popping chulo everybody Hold on don't you grab that fucking mic stand till I tell you to you son of a bitch The only person that wants to be to kick you off the stage right now is demadness So here we go we're getting to the gold now

See you get down to the vagina hold the mic down to your hip and face that front face the audience Face them stop looking at me like that Now show us now show us how you would eat of a giant

His first time doing this ladies and gentlemen just pretend like it's there in front of you pretend like you're

Pretend like she's in that know you don't need to use the mic Take a whole He's still trying to put a dick shit things mouth Let's say you she's in the hammock hanging in your bedroom at that exact height her pussy is right in front of your face Show us exactly what you would do

Wait He's gonna give it raspberries whoa He's so Latino is giving it raspberries Oh, man, oh, we just been on you did. I'm sorry. He accidentally spit on the very tough looking guy in the front row Oh, oh, you guys very good just mouth-aids dude. Just mouth-aids. That's okay

It's just the spit of 40 dudes come. Oh It's not that big a big deal. Don't be a home of foam. There's no pussy juice in that. I'll tell you that right now You're clear that What was the action that you'd why would you blow on it like that? I was just being kind of like facetious with the ex I didn't want to like be genuine and then you make fun of me for that

Or they make fun of me for doing something stupid, but if I really was going to go down on a woman I would really just use a lot of my lip and my tongue is a shovel

Key now hit the spotlight again whoa whoa wait no, no face the crowd again. You're there. He go wait. What are you doing?

I'm getting ready. Oh, okay, okay. He's getting ready I'm getting ready to eat some fucking pussy sound Two, one pussy eating time whoa Wait after 15 minutes of sensual kissing you're just going fucking Love it dude you know why I can do that. I got the strength in my tongue because I was a musician for 10 years

I was a tuba player you were a what a tuba player. How many two did you suck? Oh my god the horn players are thinking about retiring now They're like god damn it why did it have to be a fucking slow this fucking loser Okay, so you ate or pussy then what are you gonna do you gonna then what make love do we go to the bathroom and throw up

It's about the genuine connection guys get to talk to the person you're with ...

Hot and bothered I would say what do you want me to do but if not, I'm just gonna go full insertion. Oh, wow Wow, she'll be bothered She gets too sure to say full insertion Let me ask you this did your father who's made what appears to be about 15 children Does he have any idea that you've been with 40 men or hook-up with dudes at all not at all wow

Come on out dad Padre you have a fat keep way off in the back Wow

Wow angel incredible have you ever kissed a woman?

No, oh Wow, well, you know what only here on Kiltonie do we have a fan base of some of the greatest females that have ever existed we have a historical 13 almost 14 year reputation of A segment called kiss me where a young lady from the audience are an old lady or if no one helps one's to a gay dude in the crowd

Can come up and give this man his first kiss from a female is there a lady out there?

We have the best fans in the world. Is there a woman out there willing to give this gay very gay man his first kiss from a woman?

Is there any black man? No, not a single woman wants to kiss a gay guy who's my dilemma. This is my dilemma Is there somebody over there? Yeah, she's kind of raising her hand, but you want to come on up here Be it hard. I don't think her boyfriend wants her to do it. They seem to be arguing about it Wow, here she comes everybody a historical moment in the show's history as a gay man is about to kiss his first female

Of his life a lot of people are holding in holding back vomit right now The look in the whole crowd Oh, just got a big old fit of is kiltony we're magical moments happen angel has been with nothing but men and men That we are pretending to be a woman. Whoa. Wow. Look at the excitement in her face everybody She volunteered for this

This is Angel's first female kiss

Do you believe in miracles? Oh angel angels about to throw up Wow, there you go Unbelievable Wow, there she goes back to obscurity she goes Well, he's wearing basketball shorts. So we could see what we're gonna get hard. We're gonna see it

He got softer

Angel, you just kissed a woman for the first time. How do you feel are you now positive that you're gay?

I am not gay. Wow. I am not gay Not gay, everybody welcome to my world angel you'll be denying it forever I'll tell you what the set. I don't even fucking remember talking about puppies and parbo and your stepdad But the interview was unbelievable. There's a big joke, but go shopping up your ass Shut up your ass angel

This is so ugly Oh, there's Heidi This story is so deep, the one who just understands it. It's a game of studio, job or music. It's crazy. I don't really feel like I'm a steward. Steward is a legend. Save. With what kind of steward?

We'll also do the time-credit of Augsmani.com. Augsmani. Credit. einfach online. All right. Any obviously anything can happen here?

Make some noise for your next comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds. He's waited 24 minutes for this moment It's just been waiting

Nervous as fuck behind that curtain no matter what makes the noise for a luke...

How are we doing tonight?

How are we doing tonight? All right. I'm from Wisconsin and most people don't know much about Wisconsin other than that we have cheese and Believe it or not, I did work at a cheese factory. I was one of the guys that made sure all the Swiss cheese had holes in it Now, just kidding, I wish that was my job. My job was actually making sure those guys stay at hard Speaking of hard being an adult is hard like as a kid everything felt like an adventure and now everything just kind of feels like a

Responsibility like I get stressed out even just leaving my house. I'm like and my on time Did I turn off the oven did I pay a rent phone wallet keys micro penis?

All right, I'm good to go. Now, but I'm just kidding. It's actually not that small

The last time I had sex. She said that it was perfect size

I'm at least I think that's what she would have said, but I don't speak squirrel

All right, thank you. That's all I got in a durable Sent-up right there. I think you fucking squirrels keep in the cheese fuckers hard. How you doing Luke? I'm doing good. How old are you? I'm 26. How long you been doing stand up? I've been doing stand up now for like six or seven months six or seven months nice. Where at? I've been doing I've been I like kick-butt Coffee that was like the first place I ever did here in Austin. Okay kick-butt coffees. I'd open until 2 a.m. Oh, no

Well Looks like you're not getting your cock sucked at a coffee shop

We'll see you yeah behind it anything you never know Luke. What do you do for a living? I I work at a spa in a hotel and resort

Okay, yeah. What do you do at the spa? I like I serve people food by the pool and then like pick up their towels and stuff

Nice. Yeah, how long have you been on that for? I've been doing that since moving here, so I think probably about six months

Okay six months. Where were you doing before that before that? I was I was in South Carolina after graduating college I've been on before we were talking about this. I was selling windows and I worked at a restaurant Okay, all right anything changed since the last time you were on the show? Well Not not a ton. I so after I was talking about my girlfriend the last time and we Have been on enough, but we are still together. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did it

When you say on and off why why are you on and off? Hmm we just have I don't know I'm bad at relationship We just have a lot of like disagreements and stuff but we've been working through it like about what can you give us an example of a recent disagreement Standing anything will do Anything people will be able to relate. I mean it God. It's it's I'm like I'm kind of hard to deal with I like to I want her to do like exactly what I want her to do all the time

So I'm kind I'm kind of I'm kind of controlling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it Can you give us an example of exactly what you mean by that? I mean her if she's just like on her phone scrolling or You say hey, I said phone yeah, well no I just build resentment inside and Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's my style. Yeah, that's my style. Yeah, that's my style

A lot of yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah enough little things build up until it just boils over and then say some stupid Anything else crazy about your life we should know about Hi, I wrote a poem Recently I wrote a poem pretty recently probably a few months ago. You want to say the poem or I brought it. Oh wow

All right, all right, all right. Oh, and then I also have I also thought of a roast Tony has anyone ever told you that you look like Tony Robbins penis?

Yes, nah, all right red band red band has anyone ever told you that you look like one eat as penis All right, all right, here we go, maybe the poem is better than your room. All right, my poem is entitled Sleepless nights All right Here we go

penis Cock Willie and Don Weener Peter Johnson and Schlong

Must I keep going and prolonged

Has there been a man who's done no wrong has there been a man who's done no wrong You're a loser you piece of shit

You will never become a surgeon you will certainly die a virgin

The voices of my bullies rang true whatever am I going to do Whatever am I going to do I will not die a virgin. I said within my own head I must take matters into my own hands

I would never tell I would never tell the soul my plans

If no one at school was going to fuck me, I should get a job. Maybe one of them will suck me. How long is this fucking home? All right, all right. I'm excited.

Double-sided. It is double-sided. It is double-sided. Like if Dr. Suce was a doctor, but Ty Mary and his husband.

Who knows what's going to happen? Does he lose his virginity? Here we go. Oh, here we go. Oh, I got this. She's so hard of the poem.

Vigina Pussy, Beaver and Ham. Yeah, sure. Ham, I had to rhyme it. You know, hey, work with me, work with me. All right.

I love him. Fuck him. But, hey, don't make me start this over. All right, I'm about to cry. Beaver and Ham.

Vijaj, clitoris, kuchi and clam. There it is.

I got a job and the first week went great.

I laid low. They trusted me. They took the bait.

They asked me, hey, would you be able to work late?

I knew having sex was in my faith. I need you to stay late to feed the animals at night. Of course, I said it would be a delight. Yes, it's true. The job I got is at a zoo.

Once everyone-- Oh, Jesus fucking cried. I got to get you out of here. It's been like, is it like, getting anywhere? It's going somewhere.

This is not a fucking poem. Dude, this is a fucking story that rhymes. What did you write here? What? Why?

It was-- I was trying to make people laugh. Hey, you hear that? All right, finish it. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The poem is better than the standard.

It is. It is better. All right, all right. Once everyone finally left the park, I felt like Noah in his arc.

I was hard as a rock and ready to come. I knew it was my time to get some. I knew I would lose my virginity soon. Oh. Come on.

I knew I would lose my virginity soon. It didn't take long till I was fucking a baboon. I went to the penguins and got some head. I didn't care that one of them was dead. Lions and tigers and bears.

Oh, my. I waited till they were sleeping. Then gave them a cream pie. [ Laughter ] The flamingos and ducks in their flock got ravaged by my throbbing cock.

[ Laughter ] I stretched out an ostrich. I got coitus from a tortoise. I got dirty with the birdies. I got funky with the monkeys.

All the animals in sight. They didn't put up much of a fight. [ Laughter ] I wanted to take on more. Bigger and better.

I wanted the sexiest animal of them all. I thought it would satisfy. But now I sit on my bed and cry. Oh, did I think I was smart.

But I will never be able to forget that hippos fart.

How much fucking long are you? That's it. That's it. But hey. Right.

I love you. I think it's back. I love it. There's a part two. Great.

Next time. Next time. Next time. Here you go. Here's the smallest joke book.

Oh. Right in a joke's cock. What happened? I guess. I got hit.

Yeah, man. He deflected out the joke's cock. All right. There he goes. Luke air in everybody.

We'll take it out to you later on, dude. Yeah. I don't know where it is. It's up your ass. Luke air in.

Good job, Luke. Paul is too long. [ Music ]

Can you imagine him doing that for like five more minutes?

[ Music ] Yeah. It was crazy. All right. But the crowd loved it.

Go to parts of Noble. You guys were wrong. You know that, right? All right. Your next bucket pull goes by the name of Casey Conner, everybody.

Make sure it's for Casey Conner. [ Music ] That was a good one, Austin. It has become problematic for me to take showers alone again recently. And that is because I listen to hip-hop in the shower.

I do not sense for myself when Wu Tang comes on.

Thank you. [ Laughter ] But recently, Conno is on my speaker.

I was washing my armpits and I just, I kind of just felt a little strange

when I was listening to Kanye. So I had to skip the song. I'm sure you guys know which song it was. [ Laughter ] But after I skipped that song,

Puff Daddy and the family came on. And it was a fitting to get loose. And I don't know if you guys know this.

But the first, like 20 to 30 seconds of that song,

is Puff Daddy just breathing heavy, like. [ Laughter ] And I'm washing my asshole. And a fitting to get loose is on. And I just prayed that I was the only one in there.

But I realized it's very easy to become racist and gay. Well, listening to hip-hop. She's crying. Casey Conner. I did welcome welcome.

Casey, have you been on this show before? I have not. Welcome welcome. How long have you been to in stand-up? Seven years.

Okay, sweet. Where at? Uh, Miami, Florida. Where? Miami.

Nice. Okay. Um, tell us about your life. Casey. Uh, Army veteran.

I just moved to Austin about three weeks ago.

Uh, I came here to do this to get better and perform and, like, Austin is the city to improve. Hell yeah.

Have you been doing a lot of the mics, someone not?

Uh, I have not. I just got hired as a manager at a place. It's a non-alcoholic bar called Tulum Botanicals. A non-alcoholic bar. Yeah.

So is there, is there business there? Yeah. Surprisingly, it's, uh, it's all plant-based. It's Kava, Craydon. Uh, Texas is, yeah.

Somebody knows it. Wow. Uh, okay. So, people are kind of getting, like, doked up, but not on alcohol. Right.

Right, right. Did they tip well there? Uh, not that I've seen. I've only worked two days so far. Right.

Um, okay. What branch did you serve in the Army? Uh, I was a pair of trooper in the 80s. Second Airborne. Out of Fort Brake, North Carolina.

Nice. So you, did you jump out of a lot of planes? I had about 25, 26 jumps before I got kicked out. Wow. That's about half as many dudes as angels hooked up with.

Uh, why did they kick you out? Uh, cocaine. Wow. And I'm from Florida. Right.

Exactly. Um, do you still do cocaine? Absolutely. Yeah. Not tonight.

How often do you think you do cocaine? Uh, a couple of times a month. All right. What usually sets it off?

What makes you, do you like wake up kind of itching for it?

Or is it, when it's, things are rough or when you're having a great day? Purely recreational, just for fun. I was like, uh, did, if I want to go out on the weekend, I'm like, we're going out. Let's get a bag.

Have you gotten a bag since coming lost in Texas? Uh, I got a bump from a guy at the four five six bar who has a picture with you. Four five six. It's uh, east. Yeah, east off.

That cool little like Irish pub type. Yeah. It's got a bunch of dead animals on the inside. Yep. Yep.

Well, every bar has dead animals. Oh, they all do. Here. Yeah. You're not Miami.

It's a lot like, uh, the Florida Keys where I grew up. Nice. Okay. Um, Casey Craziest thing about your life. It's ever happened to you.

Uh, I don't know if it's crazy anymore.

And everybody always says it, but my parents are dead.

Ooh, how did your parents die? Uh, my mom is a Miami girl. And she died from drinking and drug use. And just, uh, awesome. How 'bout that?

Dead survived Vietnam being in the cocaine cowboys, uh, drug use, drinking and had a stroke. Aww. The mom wins this battle. Yeah, she does. Mom died sooner.

I love it. All right, Casey. Well, yes. Keep writing and performing and uh, get around. Do it.

Get out there. Nice to meet you. Keep moving with our final bucket hole of the night, everybody. We are coming around the corner. This looks like a brand new name.

Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for simply Courtney everybody. It's simply for a name. Oh, man. You know how hard it is to drive Uber when you're a big black dude named Courtney.

People don't believe it's my car. I had a lady once ago. You've heard this still car.

You know, you hear it.

You think she's playing, but she's like. And because I'm a comic, I'm all like, no, we stole this motherfuckin' to get it. Let's go. Happy Black History Month, by the way. Yeah.

All right. So anyways, I'm recently uh, taking a tolerance break from weed. Um, I don't hate weed. I just don't like the things that I do when I'm on it. I all go to my son's basketball game, the cheer for the role team.

Also do stupid things. I forget I'm driving Uber. Have a passenger in the back seat just terrified. I'm like, I'm not that a roommate. I think that's about it, y'all thinking.

A fantastic set from SimplyCourtney. Welcome, welcome.

Is your first time on the show?

Yes, sir. I love it. Where you uh, where you from? I'm from Austin. I'm from Austin, Texas.

Let me make a little more noise that a lot of it. Amazing. One of the locals in the building, baby. I love it. How long have you been doing stand up?

13 years, though. 13 years, and we're just meeting you now for the first time. Incredible. We've been here for half a decade. Why are we just meeting you now, Courtney?

Hey, you know, I sign up every once in a while on Mondays. I'm normally hanging out with my daughter. I'm teaching her to drive right now.

And so that's what I'm normally doing Monday nights.

And so I'm skipping hanging out with my daughter and teaching her to drive to hang out with y'all. Wow. A black man, not hanging out with his children. That's incredible. Really happy black history, Mom.

Oh, you jerk. It's powderier cold. How old are you, kid? My daughter's 17 and my son you raped for just 15 years old. Six foot four.

He's taller than me. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

Your daughter's birthday.

Oh, my god. Hold on. I'm scared. I don't want to answer that. Yeah.

Don't answer. September 19th. I'm proud of not telling you the year, though. She's illegal. I damn it.

That's what y'all. Dammerized. Absolutely. What do you do for work, Courtney? You should drive Uber?

Right, I'm comedy, you know. That's fucking Uber. Nice. I'm better at telling jokes than I am at doing Uber. So I make all of my money from comedy and comedy adventures.

So run open my, run a few souls around town and I perform. Perfect. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you do for fun when you're not doing comedy or raising your kids?

When I do for fun, I read and then I also, oh, listen to music right now. That's my big thing. So I'm. Why y'all laughing at that? That ain't funny.

Nice play if you want to laugh. But I know. I listen to music. I'm discovering a lot of oldies right now. I do a little thing at the retail station.

80.7. I don't know. I'm not supposed to start out everything, but that's why I do Wednesdays.

Um, that's what you do. And so I'm one of the, what is it? I said that's what you people do. You give shout outs. [laughter] That's true. That's why they're laughing.

[laughter] Shout outs in my mouth. No, no, no. [laughter] I can't believe you said it up to me. But now, uh, I'm listening to music right now.

So I'm going back. I'm listening to a Stevie Wonder. Michael Jackson's off the wall album. And then I'm also listening to. Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson's off the wall album.

Oh, Pritz, um, not the perverine album, no one's another one. So there's another album. I'm going through all of these new ones right now. [laughter] Oh, you noticed that noise. I'm like skin to Tony.

So I noticed it, okay? That's right. I'm telling him why he's going to black.

So I actually do change the smoke to the second beat.

Okay. You're tall enough to where you could just do it. You could just reach out. That part, that part. I love it. Are you still with the baby, Mama?

Of your sevens? No, we're divorced. We're divorced. Okay. But we are friendly enough that I'm actually staying there tonight. Oh, nice.

Yeah, well, I take the keys to school on Tuesday's Thursday mornings. It's so sometimes instead of me having to come in early in the morning,

I just come in after I do comedy or whatever I'm doing late night.

Awesome. Yeah, so we are a make a book. Hell yeah. You're what? A make a book?

We're a make a book. Yeah, a make a book. Yeah, a make a book? We're civil. Is that the wrong word?

Yeah, it's the wrong word. Who is not? Yeah, it is. Time out. This is where I said I've sent them. Give me it.

I'm a couple. Oh, my god. Right. Right. It's okay.

That's right. Time out. Did you know what I meant though? Yeah. Okay.

And we good then. I'm good. I'm good. People be like, "Oh, what is that?" I said, "Do you know what I meant though?"

Okay. You know there's not a girl in the car. I didn't steal the car, right? Gotcha. It was a joke.

Yeah. Little context. We good. I'm messed with you, my man. You good. Thank you.

My accident. I'm not trying to steal the watch, but it is nice though. Oh, thank you. You need an Uber driver later. All right. All right.

I'm all right. I'm all calm. Thank you. Okay. I'm staying in San Antonio when he's walking. He's just terrified.

Oh, you stay in the San Antonio. Sure. Yeah. Wherever you think I'm staying in the car. Okay.

I can give you a ride. You know, when you try to go. I'm going to San Marco some more and a half way there. I've done that too though, by the way. You talked about rooting for the wrong team for your kids basketball.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get high too when I go.

That's a nice play by the other team and people can upset with me.

The fuck that. You know, I'm, listen, I'm one of those. If somebody does good, I like this sport. That's why I do too. And I'm like, good play and we'll be down by 40.

Yeah, I'll be like, you got a good play.

But everybody all looking at me like, why would you say that?

I'm like, what the fuck did I say? Oh, my bad. Down by 40. Yeah. She's half as it.

My son's a freshman of varsity. And they're figuring it out. He was like one of two freshman of varsity. They got their butts handed to him, but guess what, we're going to be better next year in the year after that.

So we too. All right. I'm cheering.

I'm a black dad just cheering.

I'm cheering God. We lose it. And we lose him out 40. I'm still cheering. So we go to the other team.

I'm cheering everybody at this point. Yeah. Other team, my team. You have a 17 year old daughter. She brought any dates back.

Because she introduced you to any young boy friends. She's dating currently. She just had a date for Valentine's Day. It just happened. So he's chill.

He's a cool dude. Black, black, black. Black. Black is almost black as his name.

How does that make you feel when she brings home someone blacker than you?

On it. On it. On it. On it. On it.

On it. On it. On it. On it. On it.

Just a little.

I don't feel any type of way because her mom is currently dating the guy that's the same color.

So I feel like they're dating a dude that's the same. I'm going to say, you're not color. Now you're in my head. No. It's a minklible.

Okay. These are all. But I don't feel any type of way about it though. I don't feel any type of way out. I think it's the fact that she has somebody that loves her.

This is much as I love her. It's dope as fuck for me. So I'm good. Amazing. Listen to this gorgeous.

Very impressive set. Very impressive interview.

You're getting the blackest joke book that I have here.

There you go. There goes simply Courtney making his Kill Tony debut after 13 years of doing comedy in Austin. He just made it to the biggest show in the city in the industry. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are. And we have made it.

Unfortunately, William Montgomery's dog broke its arm and had an $8,000 surgery today. Ari Maddie is stuck in Estonia tonight. However, ladies and gentlemen, we have one other regular that is just unbelievable. Right? A brand new minute every single week out of everyone you saw tonight.

You have not seen someone that writes a minute every week. And meanwhile, he is so impressive. Makes some noise for the one and only dark storm of Austin, Texas. This is Stetric Play in Everybody. Oh man, I hate when you talk to somebody and they say they got siblings.

You only find out it's only one or two of them niggas. That's not siblings. This was wrong with the country. We need big family energy back in the goddamn states. There's a certain thing you get when you get like we, I grew up in a townhouse.

We only grew up in two bedroom towns. We all slip on one king size mattress, all six of us. Niggas, one no boogie man, niggas. We'll jump that niggas. You know what I'm saying?

We'll jump. I wish that niggas would come hot. My sister dreams. We'll jump that niggas. There's a different kind of attitude you get because I grew up in the 90s.

With the big boogie TV. I survived the big boogie TV remote wars of the 90s. When we used to, when you get punched in the face by niggas, it looks just like you. Because he want to watch SpongeBob. You know what I'm saying?

And you didn't hit the remote. Or if you better like me, if you real petty, I'll take the batteries out that motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? The big boogie TV. You remember the big boogie?

The ones that doubled up is furniture. You can put pictures of your family on top of it and have plants grow down inside. You don't talk about started big boogie TV. The ones you can slap on an ass to get them to work right like a good woman. You know what I'm saying?

That's my time on gone. Yeah. With a minute 36 seconds, more work than anybody else tonight. He does it every single week. Amazing stuff, Dejrick.

I love the do rag. He wants to be celebrating Black History Month. Yeah. Well, I escaped a Boston to come here because they got a Blizzard that's coming through there. And the scientists were saying that this only happens every once in a while.

The reason why I was happening is because it starts from off.

They can't do that, mom. Because of you? Yeah, I do that.

What was it a Blizzard from Dairy Queen?

Yes.

Because of the diabetes and whatnot.

I don't have diabetes, Tony. I'm just like gold. That's right. That's right. I love the do rag.

It's incredible. That's really amazing. You look like you and your own auntie. You call him Annie's where I'm from. It's Annie.

Auntie uses that white people shit from the middle way. It's for you from. You're like, you don't care about auntie. But Nick and Annie are Annie going to be there for you. Annie going to be there for you out of jail.

And not tell your mama. You know what I'm saying? Auntie is going to call you mama and go build her out with you. You need to Annie on your set. Well, you're not life.

Yeah. In Boston. Shut the fuck up, friend. It's so mad at you.

Well, I'm glad you didn't auntie freeze and boss.

Come on. I love the patriotic underjacket. Yeah. Limp it. I went to Boston.

I was with them a little cold red nicks.

So I got in a hockey because the nicks in Boston. Their football is hockey. Yeah. The American team. Women's and men's one gold in hockey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(laughing) - Thank you. (laughing) - Denship house life going. - Fuck you, so goddamn good, man.

I'm so fucking tired, I'm travelin' all. I get to meet all these cool people. I'm really living my dream. I think that's what's beautiful. I just bought Big Book Hunter from my house.

Ooh, we, we, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Who wants to live in here?

- No! (laughing) - That's awesome, Connor. - Thank you so much. - Two guns or one gun.

- Two guns. - It's a whole arcade box in here. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What a dream. - Yeah, it's $500 on calls.

(laughing) - I'm sorry, I missed it. What did you buy? - Book Hunter, dude. - Oh, Buck Hunter, yeah, yeah.

- The big arcade game. - Yeah. - When you're shooting the animals on Big Book Hunter, do you hold the gun sideways? (laughing)

- Well, yes, Tony, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is Black History Month, it does, it does. Actually, like, 'cause I watched John Wick, then Nicka Turner's gun to the side,

and then he's like, okay, black energy, and then then they're coming there and kill there, and so I just kind of hold it like that. I watched John Wick, then I go play Big Book Hunter on a mustro.

(laughing) - Shee. (laughing) - I love it. It is your mom's, so, I mean, you will do whatever you want.

- But to be on your ass, right? - Yeah, ma'am, you look so swirly, you boo. And how did you say swirly, you boo? - Swirly, you boo. You can get in Nicka's swirly perfectly,

like Black History Month. - You know what? - It's an attitude dumbass. - Oh no, what's that word? - I don't think this is very,

and make a look, ma'am. - Yeah. (laughing) - That'd be an amicable right now. - Amigaboo.

- I loved the jokes tonight. Dead Drake, big family energy, six, kids in a king size, that true? - Yeah. - Whoa.

- On the floor. - Wow. - Yeah. - Honestly, we didn't know we was poor 'cause everybody else around us was poor.

- Yeah. - And then when we got to middle school and our parents went to put us in better schools, like that's when I realized we were poor. And that's when I started being bad.

'Cause I was, I don't like going to Nicka doing better than me. (laughing)

- All right, hey, that's why I hate Nicka's with two siblings.

Like you, like, 'cause the big booty team did reason why I was so important is that there's no rewind on a big booty TV. Like when you watched that episode, if you missed something like, if you missed,

like, raw growing up and you got on the bus and you didn't know what happened versus Stone Cold, you couldn't get no busing. (laughing) - You are correct.

- My, I had a big booty TV growing up. A lot of people don't know this, but I was raised extremely poor. - Yes. - In fact recently, I was sent a picture

from an old school friend of my house, which still stands on a floor in Stale Avenue in Youngstown, Ohio. It is one of the only remaining houses in the ghetto of Youngstown.

- And there are, you were there? - Yeah, when I went to Youngstown. - Really? - We get the Uber driver was so excited.

(laughing)

- Are you serious?

- I'm dead as he had done.

I need to meet all around Youngstown.

Nicka, that was the first time I felt like I was in the mafia.

- Yeah. (laughing) 'Cause one, they were nice to me. And I know they're not nice in Youngstown, oh yeah. I know that it's too cold to have like a good personality.

- Yeah. - And I showed someone a picture of my house that didn't know exactly. They don't, you know, not everybody knows the background of Youngstown or whatnot.

And it's the only house still standing anywhere near it. So I showed someone the picture and they're like, "Wow, look at all the land that you had." But what they don't realize that there's a graveyard of driveways

that just go to nothing because every house was ours and out or burned down. What the fuck was my point? - Oh, I had a big booty, TV. - Yeah, big booty.

- Big booty. - And our house would get robbed about once a year, once every two years. And they would have to take a bunch of dumb shit, like an Atari station one time they took a VCR,

just a straight up VCR, which would be worth, I guess, negative money nowadays. - It was not, it was too 50 back in a day and about do the math, they took everything from you. - Yeah?

- That's what they did, I just gave a lot of stuff.

They didn't take the deep, they didn't take the tape too. What was you watching on the video? - Well, it's actually funny, you mentioned that.

My first grade play, I was a star.

Do you know about this? Why are you laughing? My first grade Christmas play was in the VCR when they stole it. And I was, I was all head.

I had the same size head that I have now when I was in first grade. The kids used to call me big head. (laughing) Just big head, but anyway.

And it's very depressing that they stole that because it's some of the funniest video footage. I was a star in the play when they're like, you're gonna be a star and I'm like, wow, this is amazing, I'm gonna be a star in the play,

but it turns out I was an actual star. Like, I was like a decoration. It was a glittery star with a piece of yarn. Would you have a deadric, was it you that stole it? - Oh, I was not alive.

You just found his own, he was like a manger, whatever the Christmas play. Christmas, the story of Christmas, right? - Oh, that was your big moment. - It was, it's the biggest day I ever got.

I never found any success after that.

But my point is it's interesting because those TVs back then were basically unsteelable. They were like 700 pounds or something insane. I don't think they were unsteelable. I took a lot of them, Tony.

(laughing) I think you just a week as keen. (laughing)

I think what you're like, hey, if you just put that shit on,

you're like an African nick of going on to the market. - Balance it. - You had a dolly. - Yeah. - Wow.

- I got two ACLs, I got a twitch five and muscle in my calf that helped me pick up a TV and get rip out of their real fame. (laughing) - I think we're talking about two different types of TVs. - I'm talking about a big boot of TV.

I'm strong. - I was raised in the '80s, not the '90s. I think there was a little upgrade between me. - Yeah, that was the, you had to change the TV with the pliers and shit.

- Wow, you didn't have a remote. Yeah, we had a dial. - What? - I had to walk up to the dial all the same thing. - Your mom just lost a remote.

- No, there was a dial, I remember it. - You remember when TVs had fucking dials and the remote's were like a turtle like this? - Yeah, okay. - The channel, yeah.

- Remote's were like a brand new unbelievable technology. - It was like, psh, psh. - You pressed a button on the sides. - Yeah, it was like a big fucking deal. - Oh man, I'm glad I grew up young.

(laughing) - Did she had a laser on it? - Yeah, I know. - Yeah, yeah. - Not you, Tony, I'm so sorry for disrespecting you.

I've seen you my whole life, nigga. - So I know he's, (laughing) I was like, "I used to watch you in a big booty TV." (laughing) - Dentrick, you are the fucking man.

Everybody loves you, the world loves you. Go see 'em live. He's on the kill or some kiltony tour. This episode is brought you by prize picks quote, Shopify and zipper critter.

How loud can this place get for the great Steve brand of Zeezee's on tour? Check 'em out, doing some dates. SteveRanazeezee.com. How about one more time for the great Joe lists,

everybody's on tourcomedianjoliss.com. Smallballazonyoutube.com/joliss. The drawing from Ryan Sheet belt is in and that is indeed the great Steve Ranazeezee in Joliss. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight.

- Joliss! Oh my goodness, Ninja Joliss. How about one more time for the best stand band in all the land, red band? - I'll be in San Diego in June

at the americancomedyco.com. - Kiltony is going to the into it dome in Los Angeles, California, in May. You're anywhere near LA or in the mood to make a trip to the old relic that used to be one of the best cities

in the world. Why not visit it and see Kiltony at the same time? Go to the ocean where it's now filled with little black beads from melted testlers that exploded in the Pacific callosate.

It's a little fun fact for you.

It turned into black tiny balls

that now line the lower Pacific Ocean of the United States of America.

How about one more time for the Kiltony band?

You can follow them on YouTube and Instagram,

follow HeidiRigina.com, love on the line. And yeah, that's about it.

I'm going to the Kennedy.

I'm going to do stand up at the Kennedy Center

in Washington, D.C. Once some other dates, TonyHingeClip.com,

some other big announcements right around the corner.

Live audience, we love you. Thank you, good night, everybody. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)

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