Side Stories: Joey Chestnut vs. The World

let's run the cannon for some started side stories yes (incomprehensible) get my de-o-h!

“get your de-h! get my de-o-h! de-h de-h-l!”

an alternate packing service? not it! I'm just excited about my future as a Messiah I have stick-bought! you can stick-bought! I have a stick-bought! you so I mean I am talking about your crazy thing! I don't want to call you stupid! I have a stick-bought! I guess it's a ridiculous!

I'm not necessarily masculine! yeah exactly, that's what it is. thank you, yeah translates as stupid! no I fucking do it! I lift so hard the other day!

I lifted 245 pounds for the first time I've ever done that and I fucking ripped my hands open

but it was a deadlift! yeah, it wasn't like a bench press I'm not there yet, yeah, a deadlift! I'm getting there, 245, thank you big for me! that's fine! look at me! you do nothing!

you do absolutely nothing! you eat berries! I do, I love my berries! I'm thick now! I have bench three hundred pounds! I'll get there! yeah, I'm gonna get there!

I was 19 though. yeah, but yeah, yeah, all these kids, I see them all doing it even in the gym now the kids come over, they'll smell, they're all fucking garbage! yeah, all they do is sit there, they only, they, you know, they do is knock these salutes to each other and just love it.

I say skip it, are you over and over again? and then they just go and they, they, but they can lift tremendous weight

because they don't have feelings yet.

yeah, I don't know, I remember, I was, I cheated though. I let it bounce at a little bit. and also you, yeah, you weren't doing it, I do shit slow. yeah, I bet, I do shit real slow. everything, but it makes me strong!

oh, is that one of those? is that why you're in the bathroom so long? I touch my Christ!

“I'm in the bathroom because that's how I think!”

Welcome to Side Stories! I'm sitting here with non-finger Ed Larson, I guess. what? exactly. exactly.

you all know, y'all know me. all right, for the toilet, for a super long time, it's because life's complicated. yeah, and I, or I'm playing my fruit game, exactly. which is taking a shit full of fruit.

yeah, you're an ice fruit. between the barrican assumption that you got yourself up to and the barrican assumption that I'm up to, my shit's at grizzly level. oh, do you know what I learned recently?

and I don't even know what to do with this, because I don't think I can handle this, is that you're supposed to be freezing the blueberries. I buy him frozen, I told you bro. you buy him frozen?

yeah, you moron! apparently they can release more antioxidants when they're frozen. you can't be better at life than me. life than me. and I, new Christ, Henry Sabrowski.

yes, I feel good to be the new Christ. I hope they don't kill me. like the last one. oh, you know, at least it'd be fun. yeah, I won't get it to come back for a couple days.

it didn't kill him in Italy. it was the Italians who did it. but it wasn't in Italy. oh, yes, right. yeah, so the right.

yeah, so the right. he doesn't get to Italy and you make a right. he couldn't walk to Italy. the ankle support wasn't good enough. yeah, what a fucking bitch.

it could keep you on the cross. man, I'm not saying dude. you can't keep you on the cross.

yeah, shut up to Rob always throwing up.

what we're talking about on the screen. so we can see it. he put through up a picture of Jesus. thank you. yeah, just so we knew that it was Jesus.

and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus.

and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus. and you know, I love about this Jesus.

Christ is my favorite Christ. Because that's the one the most because you know how well he would have stood the temperatures of the desert. We have some updates. First of all, there was a lie that was issued a clip of Joe would just not choking out a guy a pro tester that was from 2022 when viral. We were super excited about it because honestly we hear at last podcast on the left are Joey Chestnut stands. He's fucking not her dude. I'm trying to get him out here. I'm all up in that shit. And yes, he's a fucking champion

He did plead guilty to assault. He was out on parole in order to compete in Coney Island

“But I will say you have to be on parole to compete in Coney Island and he won”

He did won 66 hot dogs. He won, which is the big deal for us as an America again after the World Cup after we suck dick Over there after we fucking suck though that dick because we suck and we're losers right now. Joey Chestnut's our world. He's a winner

Balencia Try to eat fucking

66 hot dogs. I want a probably kill him send his fucking ass to Belgium. Yeah. Oh, I bet you all they have one little sip of tea over there

They get they all they get all jittery. They can eat 66 hot dogs Well fucking make their systems explode. I wrote Joey Chestnut a song because I like I'm so much. Please do it Do you need a guinea like oh, I'm Peter aquapello. It's some aquapello. Aquapello's his gay brother

“Aquapello is when a man does it you're kidding. I'm sorry. Okay, that's how it goes”

Aquapella is when your fucking bitch ass does it That's right. You'll come at me. I've seen my Give me that Give me that Give me that give me that give me that eat nothing. This is the place to be

Always chew insolite for me

Fuck that shit something boy dog It's supposed to do it in the green acres thing. Oh, I'm so happy always chewing is the life for me You live open far and why that is if I get so bad. They just let me put my dog inside Dead of AIDS. Yeah, truly a wonderful America and so from one American dead of AIDS to one soon to be dead of AIDS Joey Chestnut. We salute you really good work

But yeah, just so you know it's sometimes clips go viral a lot of context But I will say we didn't talk about this We talked maybe briefly before we told being talking about talking about this on the show I watched the body cam footage of what of Joey Chestnut getting arrested for the assault. Oh Oh my god, buddy. What happened so it starts with first of all this. He's all hung over right because so the cop is coming to him

So what we now know the whole thing he a fan a couldn't go to fan came up to Joey Chestnut He get they got into some physical altercation where he choked the guy out just like he choked a bunch of protests

Throughout and trying to stop is his fucking incredible run. You get between the nut and fucking dogs done

You're done, but he well done. Okay, and so these guys. So the this guy obviously he got choked out by Joe Chestnut Super upset about it. So he called the police the next day They come here to show him the video of what he did and the best part is that so Joey's just not Let's just say

“You don't remember it. Let's say he gets a little happy out there with the alcohol. Yeah, I think that he might he says that he was completely blocked out”

Which I agree. This is why I try not to hang out with fans. Yeah, I agree that he's completely He was so the cop is showing him the video Joey Chestnut sitting there with his head in his hands and he's like The cop is trying to be as nice as possible because the cop is obviously a fan. Yeah, so the cop is like everyone's a fan Joey, I'm not trying to fuck up your night here, but I just need to look at this video and he shows him the video and it's him choking out the fan Right, and they're doing it with his hands or without our bars like arm bar, right?

It's not that bad You're not a swear. You're not a fan. You're yet. Okay, so Joey's just that as he's watching the mortified look over his face He's like she's just fucking great and the best part is his wife behind him just go and you fucking idiot Joey That's you That's you Joey like over his shoulder is going that's definitely you you're guilty of this Joey

You don't look at me. He's sitting there said it's like she's fucking cool and the cop is like G wish Mr. Nut. I wish I didn't have to I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to. I wish I didn't have to in me You know, I got to say I've been watching you ever since I couldn't 97 and so this is a lot for me none of us want to bring you and none of us want to do this But the guy is mentally handicapped now

Bring him in he's fine. No, he's not mentally handicapped. He's fine But the cheer. I just feel like if you saw the disappointment of Joey chestnuts wife

“I can't believe they blurred her face. We know who she is. Yeah, I'll find her. Yeah, you know, but I think it's she is”

Um, I think her anger might even be enough. I you know what honestly you know We sometimes just feel like that. I gotta tell you, you know I don't want to talk like this because I love the nut. And I don't want to you know be an asshole about this, but like I expect better out of his wife Hmm, I expect her to be like that's not my Joey that's not him. You know, like so come on

But I'm a show. You know what I'm doing here Eddie if Julie sells me down the river like that in front of a cup I'll be very upset. They're gonna do it. Yeah, life look for crimes now Okay, that's just how it is don't what there's no lower lennies from the river anymore was a mystic river There's none of that. Yeah, it doesn't exist right you're a bad person if your wife's also a bad person The key about every man or anybody who has a significant other

So most guys I do believe have a much more moral person in a wife form

“Next to them that is the morality outside of them and it helps checks and balances of all the horrible thing that you're gonna do as a guy”

Just throughout your life. Yeah. Oh, you used to be With another competitive eater in her name was Nestle Fucking asshole. Yeah, well, that's her that's his old that's his old bride to be now I guess they they're not together anymore So I looked up Joey chestnut wife and he's not married. Oh, it's a girl friend

Demo shit dude. I mean fucking whatever I mean I'd fall in love with a girl if I could see her turn her fucking throat new a hot dog highway Have once a year and you know, I mean just open up the gates and just throw all these nitrates in making you permanently able to withstand the temperatures of the sun

Hold on a second. Is he married or not married?

Are we really this is wow? We're really gonna get to know Side story's LPOTL and GML.com is anybody hooked up with Joey chestnut the daily the daily The daily inside says his wife is Nestle The company the company. Wow. Well, that's obviously the big guy. It's a sponsor. That's a big no Nestle recasa. No, he was previously engaged or I was previously engaged. I mean it's hard

It's these careers are hard on people you got traveling on you got travel a lot. He's a big star There's a groupies you know, I mean people come out you're from only different angles. I get it. It's just you have groupies or meatballs I think yeah, yeah, I think they're called me balls The event on the size of the size of the size of them. I love you Joey no matter what your crimes are So keep eating them dogs bro, you're fucking with it man. All G has to know is much like we here at last podcast

And they'll after just subject to whatever the hell it is that we're staying within WME only because we have just committed just under the amount of crimes We need to get canceled. Yeah, Joey chestnut. I'd also provide you to advise you the same

“Yeah, yeah, try to keep your crimes not violent. That's what I would do keep it to financial financial crimes”

No one really cares speed you can do all that you can drug drug possession get a bad meme coin That's great. That's all fine. So I like that. Yeah, we can all forgive you for all of those things. Oh, not coin. Oh, in a second

I'd forgive you for your rug bull. Yeah, that's fine

You guys anybody's buying money from a hotdog man should commit suicide So I think that's a fine thing. I think that's fine for that to be a problem. I love you. Joey we do no matter what you've done You're so unconditional love for you here. Yeah. Yeah. I hope you're rain supreme till you die. Yep. He will I 10 years from now I would love it. Honestly, and I think he would do is if he died in front of us. He's going to yeah Don't worry about it competition. I want him to go down hard

He don't worry about it. I want them to be like, oh, there's no winner this year because Joe or I want him to still win Well, there's just like he's eaten so many hotdogs Motatively no matter how many hotdogs you eat today. You're not even even get close to his number so if Joey's like all right You're in the middle of a competition hypothetical speaking. Yes In middle competition he's at 50 dogs. He's already winning. All right. He chokes dies

There's still three minutes left. Do they let everyone keep going to see if they could beat him? They better Yeah, right? Is this America that does the war end when the general get shot in the head? Absolutely not no. Yeah We still got to go on - Okay. - When our general of culture was shot in the head,

beautiful Louis Xeke. We still had a move on. We still had to get up every day and go to war. - That's right. - And defend him and get out here

and talk about how it's totally fine because he asked permission before he openly jerked off in front of a bunch of his co-workers. Not when he did it on the phone. - You're right.

- When he did it on the phone, that was actually pretty bad. I have to say. (laughs) - That was pretty bad. - That one was, you're right.

- That was pretty bad. - That was pretty bad. - It was pretty good at eating. (laughs) But we just want to say we're so congruent.

Graduation is still his new Netflix deal. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - So he's a co-worker. - Yeah, he is.

It's really great. - Look at that. It's really good to be amongst the best here in Netflix. (laughs) So here we go.

Let's first get into this super sad story.

I want to do this first before we get into your fun story, Eddie. - Oh, whatever. I got time. - Let's go. - Let's go.

- So this one is, you know, the current administration has really shown us a lot about important families. - Oh, absolutely.

“- And I think that's one of those things”

that like us, godless, childless, I would say, efforts here in Los Angeles. We've been trying to destroy your family culture for as much as possible. - That's right.

Trump loves his family so much. He fucks his daughter. - That's the idea, right? He chose his daughter again and by fucking her, right? - Oh, she's just, she's wife so much.

- That's very direct sex with her against her wife. - Yeah, that's huge.

You're so profamely.

And I feel like that's what it is

is that the family is suffering.

“And I think that what happened here in Ohio”

to me is another example of government overstepping on a family just trying to be a family. - Okay. So in Vintin County, Ohio, 16 children removed from a home, this deep Trump country.

- Okay. - In a 12 by 12 space in which they had been living, subquestered, covered in feces, filth, and all sorts of manner of total degradation from the ages of 17 months to 18 years old.

18 year old was completely nonverbal, completely couldn't even write her name at no idea where she lived, couldn't even in the city that she lived in. They were being raised by quicker raised.

I'd say kept by the cider family. Now, this is a close family, Eddie. - Okay, it sounds like a gay or close. - So first it starts with Gary Cider's senior 73. Then there's a little bit of Christina Cider's 67

that's mom and dad, that's Papa and Nanu. - Right. - And then you have Gary Cider's junior, 36 years young with his beautiful bride, Elizabeth Cider's 33.

Now you'd say that they all look like they're covered in liquid gasoline, right? - Right. - But no, that's just that's them. - Yes, some people, some people like baby oil, they look like they like adult oil.

- No, what I find interesting about these family members is that they each have a different set of Chihuahes. (both laughing)

I've never seen human beings with tear stains

before like in a Chihuahua. And so Elizabeth Cider's theory, Cider's looks like John Carpenter's ghost. He ate us, you don't look good. And he looks like he needed a break.

- And he's got the reverse Hitler facial hair. - It's really gross. - It's really gross. - Which is weird. I hate that, especially if you're not a civil war reenactor

or Amish. So the way it goes is the civil war of like perpetrator. - Yeah, he's still fighting. (both laughing) - So these guys, they all got arrested on child engagement.

Now where this all came from was at the police for some reason, it's a little spotty. They were going, they were doing a search warrant for an indecent exposure charge on the Sun, Gary Cider's junior, 36.

Apparently he had been over four instances of the last month, they said they, the idea that he's been fruitively, the term fruitively, showing his genitalia at the neighborhood four separate times in a way that you cannot construe

that he was trying, not trying to show it to a member of his household, which I did not know is fine. - Yeah. - Like you can just, it's fine. You can just, as long as they're, as long as they're roommate,

you can show them your dick and balls. - If you have 16 child prisoners, don't go showing your dick to the neighborhood. - You think that at any. - I think he's, that's why I'm saying,

I don't think his eye was on the prize.

“So that's what they went into investigating.”

- You know, Gary's senior's so mad at Gary's junior. - Oh, he's at the, he had a whole thing left out. - Yeah, okay, what's up, Gary? We want to both, they know what to both. They know about all baby fuckery and you know,

they're gonna go show you a dick all over town. - Yeah, daddy, just like you did, daddy. How'd you be mommy, daddy? - You're white. So Gary Cider's junior married,

Quenico was allowed to marry Elizabeth Cider's, when Elizabeth was 15 years old. He was taken from her family, essentially. They went to another state. - Well, the family would have to sign off on it, right?

- They did, they got permission. They went to another family. They went to another state, in order to get married in West Virginia. Because Ohio, it's still got that over West Virginia.

- Oh, okay. - Is it, you can't marry your child in West Virginia. You can just, you invoke Ohio, but you can kind of keep a sequester in a house for a super long time.

- Yeah. - And Ohio, they would have to wait in another couple months.

“- Yeah, you have to get, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

There's a form, Trump has to marry you. - I think that's how it works. - That if you are getting married to a child in Ohio, Trump insists he officiates. And then he also gets, I believe they call it Prima Nocta,

which is a medieval concept of the feudal lord

gets to have his first night with the newest bride

of anyone who walks this town. (laughing) - If all, hopefully, so these guys, Elizabeth Cider's has been a part of the family, so not this kind of this interesting thing.

So she's now 33, she has been with them for 18 years. She has been pregnant every year. So here's the-- - Oh, so these kids aren't kidnapped or hers. - We don't even really know.

So this is where she's been registered as pregnant. She was pregnant in 2008 with one child, 2009 child too, 2011 child three, 2012 child four, 2013 child five,

2019 child nine, 2020 child ten,

2022 twins, 11 and 12,

“2024 twins, 13 and 4, 2025 twins, 15 and 16.”

And then apparently two subsequent stillbirths of conjoined twins that died on delivery. This lady is just pressing them out. She's a Pokemon factory. I have no idea how you could have that many babies

and still have organs. - Yeah. - I mean, she would have-- - At that point, if they weren't stuck together. - You're right.

- But I would count that as one. - Yeah. - If I was a betting man. - If I had two hearts, right? Two hearts, what makes a person?

A harder a brand? - Two, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. - That's a good question. Side story's LPOTL, GML, that guy. What makes a wholesome, a wholesome, a wholesome,

a wholesome, a wholesome, a wholesome. Are you with the answer? Sounds like a wizard of odds. - Yeah, and so she has 16 kids, no one fucking asks any questions all these years.

- Everyone is basically-- - They're like, oh, Gary seniors got the homeschooling. - They have moved from, they have moved, from place to place to place with these kids as they've increased in budget different states.

We're now seeing that this is the final resting place as they've been at the four, they've only been here for four years. Those kids, they said, the neighbors

that they'd never seen a kid, didn't even know they had kids.

It wasn't even until like all of this had, they were like, what the fuck's happened in this house? They must be going around in the nighttime. They said the only thing they've seen of this family is Junior's penis, you know?

I feel like people in Ohio, they like, I mean, yeah, this is Ohio thing. - They don't fucking talk to each other, man. Like this is where, like, Castro was hiding all those chicks in his basement.

- Honestly, you're kind of not bad. - Yeah, you're not correct. - You're incorrect. - 'Cause I do legitimately-- - I don't see nothing, I don't say nothing.

I don't say nothing, I don't say nothing. Question, wave hi, your neighbor. Fucking, who knows what's going on in there? - I think it's partially the conservative idea of not my business, not my pig, not my farm, right?

Which is how they say they have peace, right?

“That's how they say, like, oh, I don't judge”

and I don't care what you do in your house or that kind of stuff. But it's really just, I don't care. Yeah, I don't care what happens over there. - There's no love in that goddamn state.

- No, it's, it's all for sport. - It's pure death for family. - It's pure death. And so these guys were, they don't know. They're now calling us, the main issue here is

is that who fathered all these kids? So we don't really know, we don't know yet. - They're now all in custody, they're all being tested. - Both of these fucking guys. - Yeah, they definitely bushwack that one.

- Yeah, I mean, they're all for those. - Yeah, I definitely, it was a tag team style situation going on. Then I honestly think it's gross. What about Christina Siders?

Is she, is her only child? So did she only have Gary Jr.? - It seems that Christina Siders was the chef? - Yeah. (laughs) - I think I put her a chef slash.

- So she, they only manage the child and then they moved into 16. It does seem to that, is that then they, then whatever was happening with the youngest girl and Jr., they were either participating

and making children all together. Or they're just watched. - Yeah. - Like a good grandfather does. - Oh God.

- You know, that's just in ghouls, man. - They are literal ghouls. So if the kids are now out, they are trying to figure out they're going to be in the foster system. They're all fucking lives.

- So they are not going to hit her, I guess. I guess all I'm going to say is that this section has at least done, right? They said the rest of the family, apparently the rest of the Siders family

didn't hear a lot from them. - Oh yeah, they cut them off. - Yeah. They said they really kept them at an arm's length. And that it is interesting because they even just said

that Siders had even been in an all-American family

with their first, because that's the problem

is that they both dropped out of grade school. And it was a great school. The Siders didn't, she completed eighth grade. - Okay. - And then she was no high school for her.

- She don't need it. - No. - You don't need it to fucking get that. - Tum! - Yeah, man.

- Oh my God. (laughing) - Is that bad? - Do you have that guy's eye? - I got help.

- That's not helping. - No, you're right, it's not a class. Getting calm isn't a class in high school. So yes. - I mean, unless you call it a fucking normal room,

do you know in my school, we had like, these kids were in home remote time. - Yes, all the time. They're not allowed out of home remotely. - Um, we had a place where you could,

if someone had a kid and they were in high school, we'd have a little, we had a daycare.

“That's how many kids knocked up in Florida.”

- We had a daycare of my high school. - Just a dad. - Yeah, you guys ever had a school? (laughing) - What, do high schools have wet nurses yet?

I mean, we're all wet nurses. I've tried to, I applied to be one. - Oh, I mean, whenever I see those maternity little closets, I'm like, is there a waiting list? (laughing)

- Sorry, that's part about Henry being a wet nurse. - The kids get the floss,

(laughing)

“- Well, the story is gonna really only blossom from here.”

So they, like what, they get life?

What is the crime? The crime is, oh no, they'll get massive life. They'll get a child engagement child, all of the child abuse stuff. You can go to jail for life for that.

- 16 counts of endangering children. - Yes, and I mean, it sounds like it's worse than that. It's kind of funny 'cause like it will definitely be. - Oh, definitely. - Wait till you see though, like law and crime that work

is like one of my favorite YouTube channels that goes over to Ukraine and they decided they had the Gary Cider senior, they had his lawyer on. And they just him even trying to explain that he was like, yes, the house was dirty.

In faces means dirty. So it was just that's dirt. Confess is the type of dirt. And then he was also like, okay, and then he was just like, oh so there was so lock on that room.

And he one of those children could have left at any time. They weren't locked in there. They were just kept in there, and you're right. - You can't, you're right, you're right, you're right. - Even he's trying to explain.

- This is my job. - I have to do this. - I have to do this. - Do you think I like this? - It's in the constitution.

- I don't want to do this. - I don't want to. - Look at that man, that man is, I have a deer head and an apple has in one family.

- I've never seen, I've never seen an apple headed

Joaqua person. If he is guilty, I get to punch him first. - Yes.

“- But that's my job, that's what I get to do.”

- To that day, until that day, he is innocent. He's sort of innocent. - God, it's just like, you look at this crew and it's like, how does it? - Yeah, destroy them.

- But of course they couldn't sneak out. Gary cider seniors looking at two different directions. - He's covering the whole fucking room. - Yeah, right, that's what it is. - Yeah.

- His peripheral is way better than his rear straight on. - Yeah, he'd be a really good tennis player. - Yeah, you want to hide from him. You just stand right in front of him. (all laughing)

- Oh, well, we wish him luck. And we hope that I think the family is gonna be all right. Man, they really all should be in prison for him. I think that, I feel like Elizabeth Siders is the only one I take a little bit of pity on.

- Who knows? I mean, yes, of course. - He's not being like a prisoner. - Everything is, she, her life, whenever we want to do, her life wasn't awesome.

So whenever we go, like, it's bad. She was of the four villains here. She was like the number four villain. You know what I mean? She was the one that was still like, it's hard.

Yeah, like a lot of people are gonna be like, why didn't you go running out of there? Should we go upstairs? - We'll list on them. (all laughing)

- Well, we gotta get the kid's name's first.

(all laughing) It doesn't matter unless you get all the kid's name. (all laughing) - You gotta rank 'em. - Sleepy, dopey, sneezes, graveys, gripper.

- Then two times, the amount of dwarves. - Trigger, it's like scabby.

“- I'm like, what are your name, your kid's at that point?”

- It's like the entire staff of LPN. - Yeah. - Oh, it is. Do you like my intro family? - Yeah, imagine that.

I bet none of them had health insurance. - Yeah, why? - You would save so much money if you imagine which just made a little secret family. (all laughing)

Don't ruin my plan. (all laughing) - All right, here we go. I actually have a bit of happiness. - Oh, okay.

- This is happiness. - All right. - I was going to toddler declared dead was found alive in the morgue. Again, this is another kid that is--

- This is your claiming this is happy. - It is. - Okay. - So, I went through an S on the end of that. It was Super Bowl Sunday, he got to see it in the game.

And Arizona toddler was pronounced dead in emergency room on Super Bowl Sunday. The worst, most bummer day to have a dead toddler. On at, it five hours later, the boy-- - It's not Easter.

- See? (laughs) - You know, it's nice to be give us something to do. Super Bowl Sunday, at least it's already night time. - Yeah, I guess. - I have a during the six hour period

so the baby was found breathing in the hospital morgue about six hours later. The circumstances that led to them are drowning. This is like Vincent Lorenzo Fiordilinio. - Okay.

- He was in a pool. Isn't it, Maricopa County? Now, we don't know, so apparently for the police-- - That's nice. - The police, the parents were--

they had one or off to the pool because they were-- I just say the parents were all fucked up. They were stoned. - They were stoned and drunk watching Super Bowl. And they lost control over there.

They lost sight of their son that slipped into the pool. - Truly nightmare of nightmares. - Also, if you're getting high, what's more fun than a toddler? Play with the kid.

You know, if you're stoned, like just pay-- It's their goofy. - Come on. - Like give them some entertainment. - Controversal statement.

- You know, we're fucked up. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - This kid, that's not a controversial statement.

- I around a child. - I around a child. - Watch him. - I mostly stoned. - Yeah.

- When I'm around a child.

- Put on what? - I've been stoned. on metal by pink Floyd. Yeah, dude. I just be like, put on a show and explain to them what fucking Vietnam was about. Oh, do you think that's a piece? Yeah, I'm used to it. So there's a it's sad, right? I also believe, but part of me is one of those where I I tend to think Super Bowl parties

“and children should be separate. Yes. And I think that children can be kept in a place away from”

adults. That's maybe my thought, right? I don't use the pack and play. They could have used a pack and play. But truly, I think it's really nice that it worked out like this. So the baby went in and it's got heartbreaking situation. They said they had smoked weed in the morning and they got the bait. They found the baby. So right now, I'm trying to see. So according to crowdfunding, there's a crowdfunding thing up there. The baby is breathing and apparently he doesn't have

serious brain damage. He's not a baby, he's a toddler. 18 months, he could say Doddop, probably. Well, yeah, I mean, hopefully. I mean, also the cop who showed up, there was a doctor on the scene who pronounced them dead and the cops like he shared the doctor's like, I'm a doctor.

Let's just say hi, like, and no dead children. Okay. Let me show you. First of all, I put the little

silver mirror underneath his nose. Then I put two silver dollars on his eyes for the river sticks. So that he can they cut on to take him to the other side. Because everyone's getting mad at the parents and yeah, yeah, of course, you shouldn't get, you know, you shouldn't get so high. You don't know where your toddler is. Yeah, I wouldn't. But the doctor is super paranoid about it. The doctor literally turned to the cop and said, please do your thing and let me do my thing. I want

to medical school for a reason. Direct quote. Nothing makes me a doctor. No, they makes me dead at the

“scene and fucking locked him in a drawer at the morgue and done. Oh, what was that little twitch?”

Who cares? I got to go finish the Super Bowl. Oh, my god, they're turning it all around. Yeah. Look at this also the worst Super Bowl of all time. I don't want you anymore. This is just a reason not to chill. Last time I watched the Super Bowl. So fucking boring. I don't even know why I would lose track of my child. Right. Am I wrong? Man out there? Side stories help you. Side stories help the OTLG GML.com. What is the Super Bowl you would have lost your child at?

Oh, it could have been during the halftime show. Oh, Janet Jackson. No, I'm bad bunny. Oh, I was bad bunny. Everyone watched a bad bunny. I was saying that turning the time I would be so distracted that I would lose control of a child. Maybe he was doing a bad bunny in person. They shouldn't just hopped in the pool. What was going on? Was it going to be a bad bunny? He's got a super weird voice. Let's continue.

This is the story. I actually like that bunny. I like that whole thing. Oh, no. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. All right. Now, Eddie, what? You have a bit of news. Oh, yeah. This story is honestly really nice. And this was one of those nice-ish. We don't know yet. Natalie's all developing. Natalie's obsessed with the story. Yeah. So we got a guy. Everyone's been sending me this.

And thank you very much. I appreciate it. Of course. I didn't see it. This is for you. You like big animals. Yeah. So Neil the seal. Okay. He's this Australian elephant seal. And he's been showing up to Hobart in a whole bunch. And he's big. He's the only boy in town. And now this is New Zealand, right? No. That's Hobart is Australia. That's the bottom of Australia. Got it. Tasmania. So Tasmania.

“That's what it is. And so he's like he's been Neil the seal has kind of apparently this is it.”

Andrew's not Andrew's private. Who is the other guy? Martin Brian. Martin Brian territory. Got it. The, now I know my favorite. Now I get it. Yes. Thank you. Yeah. And so maybe he's just a fan. Maybe he just wants to do true crime tour. So Neil the seal apparently has made it a like almost like a tradition. It comes back twice a year. Yeah. He has elephant seals do. They come back and it's usually one male role rules and area of females. Yes. And Neil the seal is in charge. But there really isn't

that many females around. But there's coming in here and there. But Neil the seal runs this area of Hobart. That's his beach. And he's going to get bigger. He's two tons right now. It's fascinating. So they have to deal with him every time he shows up. He's cranky. Because what he does is it's both that it seems that he's cranky slash wildly playful slash horny. Where he's, well, that's why he's there. He's there to fuck. Great. He's there to fuck. And so he's not fucking. So he's

doing what all the cops told me the teenagers do when they don't fuck. They break shit. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Rub against poles. Yes. So he then will fall asleep in the highway and he just

starts breaking shit. He likes to hang out in puddles. He likes science. Yeah. And basically you can't get

within 20 meters of Neil the seal. He's an elephant seal. They are very dangerous. They are very big.

destructive. But the thing is, the real issue is he's become a celebrity. Yeah. And people want

their fucking picture with him. I ain't, yeah. This is what's going to get Neil fucking off. Yeah, because someone's going to get hurt by Neil. And then they're going to have to do something in that head. Yeah. And this is what happened. There was a walrus in Norway a couple of years ago. This happened. They had to off his ass. Yeah. Because he was cute just sleeping on couches in the bay and that people just keep getting too close to him. And then they got a fucking kill him because

“that's what happens. And I'm not saying I agree with the fact that they got a kill him. I'm just saying”

that's what fucking happens. It will happen. You know. Yeah. He's really fun. It's like I do like the idea that the town is embracing him and all of the police and the construction people try to make

it kind of semi-safe for him. Because there's like areas. There was like one thing that they showed

that there was like one specific like fence. He like to sleep on. Well, yeah. He just they put up a fence to keep him out. And he was like fuck that shit. I like you. I'm a ruin that fence. I'm a destroyer. So he just ripped through this whole thing where he does this thing where they put up these like wood slats. And he just falls on them and falls on them and falls onto like break. And then he just rolls through and then he sleeps and it's very cute. He like rolls around.

He's obviously like playing. He kind of has like it's like both. He's obviously super horny and aggressive. But he's also sort of like having a good time. Yeah. 2,200 pounds out of just piece of blubber. Just destroying shit. And they have to deal with them every year and every year he comes back. He gets bigger. Yes. And apparently he's not going to reach full size until he's 10. That's all. And he's 5 now. That's so much fun. He's going to be good. Even bigger. This is his

beach. He owns this shit. The problem is that people want to get too close to him or there's other

people who just hate him because he's fucking up the neighborhood. I get that. But he was there before you bro. I guess not. No. Well, I mean elephant seals work. Yes. And that here is one of the weird problems. Is they haven't been there in a long time. But now elephant seals are doing a little better than they were and they're showing up to places where they used to be. And now there's a shit ton of people and they're not having a good time co-mingling. Well, how does elephant seal taste?

Not good. Yes. They can't get them along. They're all over California. Yeah, because we need them. We need the shit out of them if we could. Yeah, I wonder why we don't. Because it's a lot of the

“mammals in the ocean. They're full of mercury. That's why they shouldn't be eaten well. You shouldn't be eaten”

dolphin. You know, you get a big head or your kids get a big head. You know, I'm telling me passed over hunting and nearly drove them to extinction. So at some point, people are just like it's just disgusting and it's really gross. Yeah. Well, yeah. Because they look dark gaming and it's a strong metallic flavor protected. Oh, and almost should be protected. But yeah, so there is a petition to make sure he doesn't get you the nice make sure you go and sign it. If you care about Neil the seal,

we all care about Neil. I signed it. I think everyone else should sign it. Not that I think my signature should matter in Tasmania. No, but it's one that they allowed us the option. Yes, do you know, there's a speaking of Tasmania. You know, the, you know, the Wu Tang album that the farmer bro bought and then they got to listen. Yes, they play it at a museum in Tasmania. We're in that weird. That's the only place you can go listen to it. A standing in that museum.

“I love Wu Tang, but I don't want to go. That's what Neil's all about. Maybe he's just a”

fucking Wu Tang fan. Whoa. He just fucking entered the secret album. She's a fucking nightishowlin. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Oh, cream, man. Yes. A bad dude fucking Chum rules everything around me. That's fucking huge dude. Um, yes, but he, uh, he will be getting bigger and but most elephant seals do die before they get to the breeding age. But I think Neil isn't going to because he's a big old boy and he seems to be king of the beach. Aino want, I say,

somebody fuck him. Also, I mean, don't worry about that. Um, I will say if you have free time, I definitely scared, uh, my neighbor on an airplane recently when I was watching a bunch of elephant seals fights because they get violent. Have you ever watched it? Oh, sure. Just them slamming into each other and digging their fucking mouths into each other and just blood flying everywhere, ripping each other's noses off. It's fucking awesome. I watched that Ethan Hawke movie blue moon.

No, okay. Yeah. So same. Yes. Yeah. It's gonna be me. I'm listening to my Donald bird jazz. It's really a great way to experience life. No, I only watch that. That's where I watch drama. As I watch them on planes. You watch drama. Well, this is a drama. It is. This is a drama. The ultimate drama of life. It's action. Honestly, if I wanted to see this, I'd watch Brendan Fraser struggle to get out of his fucking trailer. Oh, come on. He's a nail, not a seal.

How many war war two movies? There's been this one. That's about the fucking weather.

I was like, they, we would have never wanted this guy didn't study.

“I don't know. We did. But, but, but, but, but, but what if there's clothes?”

But, but, but what if there's clothes? It's fucking D day. But, but, but, but we don't want to be clown. We don't want to do girlfriend's training. You don't want to do cool. If the story wasn't a tornado. I literally, I, I'm glad you said something. That makes no sense to me. We're so, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was like, so this entire will were too epic.

Is about the weather. I was like, "All right, rather fucking shoot myself in that. It's a movie about a cloud. It's like the dumbest shit I've ever heard. It's like the horrible

conversation you could stuck in with your family. For three hours and boring. And you're going to

watch Brendan Frazier, who's out of practice? Yeah, you go. Yeah, really. Yeah, I like Brendan Frazier. I like him. I can't wait for him in the Monday movies. Honestly, think he's going to be great. Come on back to the Monday movies. He's just a serious actor. Sure, call it the tummy. That's the sequel to the way. That's the sequel to the way. Well, but he dies in that. So we can't bring him back unless he comes back kind of like a Jason.

I've brought this up before. So net so net. So wanting to see gay porn and eat fried chicken again.

“He comes back from the dead. The whale too. Can you believe I'm so I brought this up before?”

The whale. Not one fart. Not one. Not one fucking fart. You mean to tell me six hundred pounds. That man died. Six hundred pounds of white not one movie. The movie should end it with a long fart. Especially a gay one. Right? He's been fucked. But maybe I don't think he has been. I think that's part of the problem. Side stories, [email protected] is the whale about him. No, I don't think he got it ever. I think he just likes it. Let's give it up four hour billionaires.

I'm going to give it all up for our billionaires. Let's cover the story real quick. Brian Johnson, not our favorite person from AC DC. Okay. This is fucking. Yeah. Exactly. Why are

even covering it? This is, you guys don't know. It's the Mormon Vampire. First of all,

that's a big slept on thing that I think no one's talking about with Brian Johnson. For those of you who don't remember Brian Johnson is this guy that is basically said straight up.

“I have reversed aging. I'm going to be the first ever person to live forever. I his whole”

thing was that he's been draining blood from his son and from young people. He consumes exactly 1,977 calories a day from six a.m. to 11 a.m. He has got this way down to a specific thing. He believes he only ages eight months out of every 12, which is the dumbest shit I've ever heard as making sense. I mean, nothing. He is whatever it is, it's 24 months less. So he's 48 years old. And so he made this big deal about how he's like biologically 54 at least. He's disgusting.

And body looks fine, but his face looks horrible. And in truly the most wonderful set of just, I just love the universe in many ways. It doesn't give us everything we want, but it gives us the things that we need. And Brian Johnson having an incurable stomach disease because of the things that he's done to himself makes me laugh and makes me know that there's maybe somebody looking out for us. Because this guy now has this thing called it's it's a form of intense

arthritis, his stomach is eaten itself. He refuses to fix it the normal way because he believes he can fix it his way, which means what Eddie is going to die. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's the one of the best parts about as that his whole experiment is going to be. He's going to vander bacon in couryese is Eddie. You are correct. It's going to rip through his whole life. It's going to destroy him. He's already tried to drain his son of blood. His son managed to survive. And so that's the

sons do not give your father all of your blood. Just don't. My dad asked me for kidney. I was like, fuck you bro. Dude. You're like, man. It's interesting. It's just like, you got how many months you got. Yeah. And you want my good and his kid. You want my fucking liquor so kidney. Yeah. I fucking eat it. I'm going to straighten this thing out to give it to you. And then I don't get the drink anymore. Can I just put it this way? You're as exactly Eddie. Your job as a parent. We're not parents. That's

why I love talking confidently about it. But your job as a parent is to create another sentient creature. That's it. You don't, they're, they have no other reason to. They don't have to follow anything you say. They don't have to talk. They don't have to care of you. They don't have to talk to you. Fucking organ farm. They don't have to do anything. They literally you just allowed another consciousness exit to exist. And that's it. That's you. Yeah. You got to keep it alive. But after that,

unfortunately, guys, your son is not yours to do with what you want. So Brian Johnson tried to do that. He did milk his whole family for their blood. None of it works. He then doing all this kind of stuff.

The only thing I would think about with living forever is who's going to pay for it? Who's

“going to pay for my ass when I'm fucking 150 years old? What state is somebody going to be at?”

At 150 years old? Am I going to be able to? Is it what kind of a live am I going to be at 150 years old? Which is almost double the age of 80 and think of it every 80 year old you know right now. They all want to be dead or they want to end the world itself. Yeah, their kneecaps are about the fucking pop out of their eyeballs. Yeah, and they're so angry about it. They want to punish all the rest of us. This is why every 80 year old's clinging the life. And you want to keep them around for

another 70 years? I know. I feel like a nightmare. I think like before we get this batch of 150s,

I think we need to kill this batch of 85s first. I think this batch of 85s has to go. They can't

be the one 50s. I don't think they're going to be Henry. Mitch McConnell is currently soup. And we are sitting waiting for his fucking ass to finally get to take off the fucking stove. They don't want to because then they have then we get another guy in. So they're just letting him sit on a warming plate because he's just meat right now. Yeah, he's just garbage. I mean, he's been meat for a hour pedophile president is literally also just turning into liquid shit. How is he not on our list?

We fucked that out McConnell. We brought it up and we said no politics. We brought it up after it. You guys said no politics, but he goes mentioned. We got pulplio in there in that politics. No, unfortunately it's fucking fake even more fake shit. Fucking king a nonsense world. We're just in fugues long as you're not gay, it doesn't matter. So how did McConnell get so sick? Did someone leave him on his back for too long? No, McConnell. No, McConnell's been fucked. It just

yeah, because he shorts out occasionally. But I also have this kind of little little theory that the part of the reason why I like drooler of the house. I want to fucking kill on myself. Can I end up? Can I do what I do with my hands? You wouldn't take much. I give money to a charity to do it. But I have a theory great what he dies before this episode comes out. Yeah, hopefully. A brand of bio. Which is the one time the curse would be awesome. It would be awesome. So I have a

theory about these billionaire guys kind of like with Jeff Bezos about how he tried to go to space and

“he found out it really sucked. And so that's why he stopped talking about going to space anymore.”

Yeah, I really do think a lot of what we're seeing with the Peter Teals of the world and the would the guy, the Tyco, what's he looking motherfucker from the other one opening eye, all from Palantir and from this guy. I do weirdly think that they're running these kind of like death lives to see what they can do to the rest of us and see what we can possibly live on. I think that the billionaire class would love to figure out a way to make us all be able to just be

able to live on like food cubes and some kind of like kind of air-arriolized water or something. Yeah, I think there's like a way that they kind of wish him's a way to kind of cut the food and water supply out of it too. And I think Brian Johnson is sort of an experiment to see if we could get people really down to nothing. Yeah. And then we can then force them to live like that. And then we can stop worrying about like feeding them. I mean, he's where it is not feeding himself.

That's what I'm saying is that I feel like are they trying to create a system in which they can

finally get rid of all this stuff about food chains and food supplies and water supplies and

stuff like that so they can figure out a way to make us sort of like plants. Oh, he started taking an iron supplement. That's big. So he should be fine. Natalie just did as well. Yeah. No, I will say this guy here's okay. I'm going to say something nice about them. Are you ready for this? At least he did the experimenting on himself. Sure. You know, and he didn't do it on a bunch of fucking rats and humans. Yeah, but honestly, you know, he was his own science experiment. You might have

learned more. You see what his TikTok is immortal. Yeah, fuck this fucker. I can't wait to watch him get fucking diabetes and hit by a bread truck or something. Like that's like what's going to happen to him. But I just think it's important to remember that all of these billionaires

“are really like that's kind of the system we're now in right now, which is I think that's why they're”

trying to do the aspirational thing towards the billionaires because the idea is to like see if they can live without food and water and stuff like they can all live like this and just on pills and stuff. So can you and it's desirable. Like this life is like an idea that AI is an inevitable thing. Like, oh, no, it's desirable. You're not being able to think or do anything also on your own. It's also super desirable. I would love it if they just blew up his yacht the moment before he died soon.

Yeah, just right before he died just by hey, watch this. Either way, he's about to make it a

coral reef. Nothing. Also, I would say if you want to never have sex with a man ever again,

see the Ik footage of him with an umbrella in Australia because these songs do strong for him. And then the fact that he's ski went out and he did a clinical test of his girlfriend's

vagina. Girlfriend. Girlfriend's vagina. He did it. He basically is take what he just

did. He did PH tests on it to get it dialed in. You know, no one fixes that peanut butter.

“You disgust them. Are you a lab or door retriever? Are you a human? You're a real cat for us?”

It seems like he spent a lot of money on stuff that peanut butter could have been. There's a like, well, dad's like, you got him. Oh, God, I hate this human being so fucking. He's pure scum. He's a picture of him. He's all these guys dancing. It's like him and Elon Musk. These guys all, you guys are fucking distant. This is we are in such bad shape as a culture right now. You know, but he's dying. Speaking of a guy named Santa Claus is arrested on trial.

Exploitation. Whoa. Oh, no. Yeah, it's just Santa Santa Claus. Yeah, that's right. They baited him and they got him

under the undercover stand and Santa Claus showed up to the 13-year-old South Sam sex.

Oh, you just think that Santa Claus wouldn't look a virginal bells? I just feel like Santa Claus would know who's nice and naughty. They feel like it comes down to the Santa Claus. So he's fucking taken advantage of the naughty kids. He's like, you're fucking naughty. You want to fucking move up the ranks?

“And now that's how we just got to an Epstein update. What?”

That's what? That's what I'm just saying. That's Santa Claus. As Jeffrey Epstein, with his black male scenario. Imagine that if we like the fucking, that's how we find out Santa Claus was real. Is that he's in the age? He's been molesting. He's been molesting all the naughty kids. He knows he was saying anything. Santa Claus is real and he goes to Epstein, I think. And molesting all the kids because they know that they want and some of them kind.

Some of them were like, oh, fuck it. You know, I was wondering why there was so many fucking rain here in St. Thomas. You're sweating. Well, I'm glad we had this thought experiment. This dude doesn't not look like Santa Claus. Well, you're right, Rob. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. God. Good.

Tuck him down a peg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. I don't think he is. I might even say he might not be. I will say though. I do really love the fact that he wore all red to the pickup. Yeah, he wore a red outfit like he was Santa Claus to go have sex with the child. You know, the calm Santa Claus because he hasn't trimmed his phone nails. Tonels. Shit. The calm Santa Claus doesn't trim his toenails.

And their claws. You. I said, oh, yeah, you did. I can't remember. I can't, I'm here. But his toenails are claws. I can't, I'm here what you said before. I can't, I'm here the message and the stop that you made the mistakes you've made that we're now in. Rough place to be a sugar poem. I'll tell you that. Yeah, right up that fucking guy's ass. I feel like she called sugar club plums is what he calls it when he has hammer. If anyone

changes their name to Santa Claus put him in prison. Shoot him in the head. Just shoot him in the fucking man. They're trying to get too close to children. They're lying to people. Guess who doesn't exist Santa Claus. Yeah, if I just started showing up in like, no, I'm not just that. But change my mind legally to Easter bunnies of Browsky. You'd fucking arrest. You know how many people dress up a Santa Claus every year and don't call

“themselves Santa Claus. If you need to be the most Santa Claus you're trying to lie to the kids.”

Because also who sits wet as Santa Claus ever had a kid sitting on his knee and he asked him what he wanted. And the kid says, a good railing. But it's happened once twice. I mean, good old fucking dugout gets Santa get me get me. I mean, how old were you? What is he? But yeah, he was on my hand. He's a penthouse letter Santa Claus was on the dating. Yeah, he was on a that's how they caught him. He was on a dating app for kids. I don't know if it was

for kids, but I'm not going to come across Santa Claus on the dating app. Oh, he's on grinder. Okay, Cupid. Because Cupid's one of the reindeer. Yeah. Not bad. He was on grinder. Not bad. He was on grinder and they pose as a child on grinder. He was on a dating app door dasher. Ew. Santa Claus fucks kids. I like those in our notes. All right, there we go. I think what time is it going to be? Listen to our email, all right. I love listening to emails. Do we

have any new stingers? People have any new ones. So if anybody wants to send a new one in, we could use a new one. You know what, can I put out a request? If anyone's like got a reggae thing going on or like some xylophone, I would love to hear a xylophone listener email or some reggae listener email

you know, action. You know, I figure I ask. It's always like metal. Yeah, I love it. It is like our

our people are real. And you know, no AI. No AI stingers. We can anybody can do that. Because we've people try to send us AI stingers and pass them off as they're. Yeah, we know. We can run through it. You're not. I'm not going to play your AI stingers ever, so don't send them. Also, Rob can do that. Yeah, I can do that. We all can handle. We don't need you for that. Yeah, I could fake. I could fake

I don't think I can. You don't think you don't know how to do it? I don't know. I need the works.

Actually, I've never tried it before. I don't know how people do it. I never really went on before.

“That's what's funny. It's about getting to this age. We're truly, I could just choose not to.”

Yeah, it's like, I wouldn't do TikTok. Let me see if I'm going to do fucking chat, GBT. I'm trying to make things. Why would I want the thing to make things? It's, yeah, it's a, it's like, someone tried to do this to me recently. Trying to pitch me on this comedy AI thing and set me this long thing. It was like, I think with someone with your talent, it could really use this. And it would help you.

No, that's an insult. Don't you understand? I like doing the work. It's called the artistic process. Yes, it's enjoyable to me. I do this because I like it. I'm not cheating. Yeah, it's not cheating. Yeah, I'm not going to also. Yeah. Why am I trying? What am I winning here? Yeah. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Fucking chaircuffs. I say we, we get a new disease that wipes out 20% of us. Let's go with the right steps. We try. I just say we just

got to go with the screw. I was getting close. The screw I was getting up here. So he's going to screw. Yeah,

“let's go. There we go. Oh, that's what Brian Johnson could use. Screwed worm to eat all of his”

guts out. That's cool. I remember 15 years ago, this came from the turtle instinct. There's a response that we talked last week about the lady faking or pregnancy. We talked about pathological liars. Okay. I'd a coworker. We'll call her Connie. Fake the pregnancy during my own pregnancy. That damn it, Connie. And her mom, Bonnie. Yeah, real names. Match just like that. I was either completely in it on it or she was too afraid of her daughter to contradict her.

As the Connie was very large, frightening, volatile woman, early 20s. She copied every detail of my pregnancy and when as far as throwing a real baby shower, then some of her coworkers actually attended. It was 2011. I was working in a family-owned truck stop dyno. And that is the best place to be pregnant and work. Yeah, the you are actually kind of happy to get hired. That's what I would do. Yeah. And smoke. And I just told my coworkers that I was expecting the very next day I arrived

from my shift and I over your Connie, talking about her pregnancy at a table of customers.

“Some clocking in my other coworker and Connie's mother, Bonnie, asked if I've heard the news.”

And I actually tells me that Connie and I are prego buddies and that Connie was having twins. And her due date was the same as mine. As I politely congratulated her and I could see my other coworker spying her shaking her heads and mouthing, "No, she's not." None of my other coworkers bought Connie's story whatsoever. They'd all worked there for years. Connie was a known pathological liar. You're going to pick up pregnancy, don't do it twins. Also, I'd say if you're a manager

of something, fire a known pathological liar. Yeah, just go ahead and do it. Just fire them. Yeah, even if it's stuff that's got nothing to do with work, fire them. They're bad news. Yeah. Or, you know, it's a best if it's a cooking and you don't want to, like, pay the the the what's McCallot the what's it when you fire somebody? Sometimes you get unemployment. Yeah, you don't want to pay them that. You don't normally do. Normally with you fire somebody,

you don't have to. Take them down a half a shift a week. Let them deal with that. It's evil. But I did that for a couple of people, especially they're completely really bad. Well, especially if you're mentally ill and you're trying to slowly fold them out. Well, that's you know, that's it. Yeah. Now, this wasn't the first fake pregnancy. Well, no, I'm saying

if they're actually, it's not even mentally ill. I'm sorry, my evil mental never actually,

not sick people. I'm sorry. I'm not people that are dangerous. Oh, sorry. Pathological liars are dangerous. They certainly are. This one went on in the longest by far. The ad she had already apparently did another first fake pregnancy, right? So for months, we'd all side each side. Each other when the topic of Connie's twins came up, and especially when she wouldn't, she would blatantly do things pregnant women shouldn't do. Like pounding energy

during sold-day every day. I don't think I ever started drinking something that wasn't a monster. routinely starting fist fights in the truck stop parking lot. I kind of, Connie's a pit. Not to mention all of her sonogram pictures were clearly printed off the internet at home with any identifying details blacked out with a sharpie. You're probably thinking how far could this

possibly go? Because surely as soon as Connie never started to grow baby bump, the jig would be up.

Yeah. However, Connie and Bonnie were both very large, returned women. Connie herself was about six foot, 350, 300, 50 pounds, even if she was pregnant, it would be hard to tell. So between the huge size difference between her and I, and her ability to endlessly lie with the straight face, a co-conspirator mother who would say and do anything to keep her happy and her explosive anger, I certainly wasn't going to call her on her bullshit. Exactly. Yeah. This is the problem, guys.

A few months later, when I saw, as a fellow employee, it's not her job. It's not her job. It is her bosses job. Yeah. A few months later, when I found out I was having a girl, what do you know?

she began bragging about how easy this pregnancy was for her. It was easy for her. Because it's fake. Yeah. Because even though she was only six months along, as was I, she was already dilating and her doctor told her she was going to have an easy peasy labor in delivery. That was another red flag. That's just because dilating that early would be something she'd be hospitalized and/or on a strict bed rest for, but also because she was planning seeds to

explain how she bounced back so quickly after the birth. Yeah. When I handed out invitations from my baby shower the very next day, Bonnie and Connie came in with their own invitations for Connie shower and it was being held exactly one week before mine. This is when I thought the facade was going to end because of course they're not going to throw an actual baby shower for painfully obvious pretend pregnancy, right? And if they did, no one's going to go.

By the way, learn that day that sometimes crazy has no limits and an actual baby shower actually happened. And some of our co-workers even attended, despite knowing that this was all lie.

“I think we all just wanted to see how far the lie would go. Yeah. No, I, you know, more”

material. Oh, now it's too late. Now I'm into it, too. I want to see if you're working on a truck stop and that's all you do. You know, this is entertainment. Oh, it's better than Marvel, right? Weirdly, I was the only co-worker not invited, but I was more than happy to volunteer to work a double to cover them. It doesn't actually, as because as an actually expected mother, I was not going to spend money on a present for Connie's big belief twins. After Connie's baby shower,

my family friends co-workers and I stopped being amused by this saga, then I'll agree this was now heading into a scary, maybe fetal, duction territory. Was it BYOB? I feel like that's important. If there was free beer, I could see why people showed up. Absolutely. Or if it was, uh, I thought it was going to be bringing your own baby and she did. That's an event. Yeah, she did not. So how would, I don't even know she can even go against her on our speed. It went to the point that

all my managers took about herself to move me to a later shift. So Connie Bonnie and I would never

cross paths during the day. What a fucking pussy. Fortunately, I didn't have to worry much longer because just a few days after my baby shower, Connie said no show for several days. Eventually tells us that Connie quit because she miscarried the babies. And at this point, we were both on our final six weeks of pregnancy. It's not a miscarriage at that point. It's still birth. But since all of us working there knew that there was no twins to begin with,

nobody corrected her. Yeah. However, when regulars would ask Bonnie about Connie and the babies, Bonnie then pretended like she had no idea what they were talking about. A few regulars were so weirded out by Bonnie's blatant gaslighting that some refuse to be weighted on by Bonnie again. I'm wondering if they'd given her Connie gifts or money for the babies. And then they were lied to. Yes, I know I did. Either way, I don't know what happened after that because I left for

maternity leave shortly after this. And then I quit for good weeks later. I was happy that I didn't

“end up with an amateur c-section at the hands of Bonnie and Connie. Woo! Honestly, I think that you”

are correct. I think you are right to think that. I really think we have to stop minimizing behaviors that speak to much worse stuff. Like, I get problems with driving angry, right? One of the reasons why I drive angry. And I talked about this in therapy, why getting angry when I drive is because I have a distinct issue with whatever I deal with with

OCD. I moralize many things. I view third things make you a good person, third things make you

a bad person. And you love screaming the words fuck you. It's my favorite. And so I, but there's a part of me that knows it not more or less, but there's certain things I look at that I can't help but feeling that way. And one thing to me is that it shows to me somebody's character quite a bit when they're visibly on the phone while driving. There's something about that that makes me so live it. Like holding it against it. Looking at it, looking down at it, not paying attention

to what they're doing. They're going to kill somebody. They're going to kill all of us. Right? And there's a thing about that that my mind is indicative of a much larger, not just attention span problem, but literally an empathy problem. Like, I lack of understanding that we are surrounded by others doing the same thing that also need to traverse safely and quickly through society. And that when I see somebody doing that to me, it speaks to you, you couldn't give a fuck

“if I live or die. That's how I feel about speeding. But it depends on, it's a life, the type of”

speeding. Right? I don't, I don't, just because you're a good driver doesn't mean everyone else is. But I also, there's also something to drive me to slow. I'm just saying altogether, something like something like pathological lying is a symbol of the very bad behavior. And it is

going to escalate. Always, it does not end there. If you're willing to lie about something

like that, you're willing to do anything. Absolutely. Because you will eventually do something to try to, you're, you're heading towards an end point. So what do you think? Do you cut someone out or do you call them out? I say, uh, these days, cut them out, cut them out. Because like,

once apologized before, or never kind of said this is what's really going on. Someone that doubles

“down, also somebody doesn't take no for an answer. Yeah. That's another big thing of mine. It's”

that when I find that what someone just did not take no for an answer, it means that you don't care about my will. And that you don't care how I feel about it. And I don't care whether it's about French fries or if it's about, and it like the most innocuous, like, or if it's something really serious. The second, you don't take no for an answer for me. I'm not talking to you anymore. Yeah, I fucking hate salesman. Yeah. But that's a part of me just being like, I'm just done.

I'm done. Once I've said no, that gate is closed. Yeah, because I'm not going to do that. So to me, it's one of those where you see stuff, I guess. And because it's interesting, could I find pathological layers fascinating? I never got it. Again, I never understood pathological layers. There is nothing to get. There's nothing to get. It is a sign of it's just so psychopathy. It's so hard. No, it's because they don't want to do the real work of doing something because

the real work is easier than keeping up all your goddamn lies. See, we say that because we work hard and we do hard work all the time. And we work on ourselves and we do things that are difficult. And there are some people that don't do a single hard thing, ever. That chick is working as a waitress with her mother at a fucking truck stop diner. Yeah. Ambition stopped there. Like, I don't need you to be a charger for four to five hundred companies. Yeah. But just the idea

that like, and you're going to have a simple life, I think it's all fine. It's all fine. It's just really about what you do with it. And it's like, some of these people, like stuff like this, if I was a manager of that, you can find two waitresses and a fucking good blink through a rock, you can hit them. Yeah. Like in that, in that place. It's like as soon as they start lying, about stuff that's completely into consequential and then doubling down on the lie. If they are

lying and they work for you, they're going to end up stealing. They are. And then that's a basis. And it's just the basis of the things they're going to do. Yeah. That's a very bottom level. And then it just goes up from there. Yeah. So they need to learn a lesson the hard way.

“I think partially that's what it is to. Is that some of these people have not been punished hard”

enough. Yeah. And there's, you know, they create a hustle work environment. Yes. You know, as well, that disturbs business as well. Everything. You got to know it destroys everything. As soon as you have that kind of toxicity inside of your fucking organization, it just spreads like a cancer. I think a little light lying. Okay. You have to lie a little bit. A little light lying's fine. Maybe nice to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I want. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you're

late, you know, you can little white lie on white or late. Yeah. Of course. I honestly prefer you gave me the effort to lie into me. You know, at least you came up with the fucking excuse. Some fun with that. But if you're creating an entire twin pregnancy, then you're lying. That's up. That's a cash from customers. You're literally in a full, like that's full. Yeah. That's what you better. Yeah. You can. You're caught in that. Yeah. Yeah. It's little crimes. A Connie person. Thank you.

You're welcome. So go check out Kiss We.com. I think it's what is L P O T L dot Kiss We.com. L P O T L dot Kiss We.com. That's K I S W E. And we're at it's going to be for on the 18th of July. We have a show in Oklahoma City is the last JK Ultra show. But we're going to stream it. So if you haven't gotten the chance to go out and CJ K Ultra. It's been two and a half years. I'm sorry if we didn't come to your town. It's also completely different from two and a half years ago. So if you

sought two years ago, the show is basically almost entirely different. You're right. It is. Yeah. It's

still got the general same like outline, but like the jokes are completely different. Yes. I forgot to am sure. But yeah, we've been having so much fun with this. But it is time to put this baby to bed. It's time. We wrote her out. We wrote her along and we wrote her out. Yeah. And we made it. It's perfect. Now. Like the finally whole knife. There are still some tickets left for the last two shows that's going to be on July 17th. Tulsa at Caine's Ballroom, July 18th, Oklahoma City Tower theater.

But also when you do the live stream, you get it for two weeks. You do. Yes. You can watch it. You don't have to watch it in the moment. You can still rent it the day after and all that stuff. And so don't think you got to be there like it's a television show. Yeah, dude. Yeah. And check it out. We're going to have a lot of fun, man. Also, the following day, I'm going to be in Plano, Texas on July 19th over at the mic drop there. It's going to be fun. You know who I got. Open it for me.

Niemesh Patel. Ooh, that little open cover. The other one. There's a second one. Whoa. Yeah. Local Dallas comedian. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh my god. I'll help the other

“Niemesh. I think our Niemesh is going to be angry. He's losing fucking work.”

Oh, I can't. Why are you so old for him? So now this one can come up for me and I think that works out just fine. I'm real happy about it. Yeah, but he goes by just Niemesh on on the old Instagram. So go follow him there. That's cool. But also this weekend. All right. I got fucking big ass shows this weekend. You do. First off, July 10th salute to Bethlehem. This is like I've

never done anything like this. I have a two hour epic show with people for Bethlehem about Bethlehem.

So please, if you're all in the Bethlehem area, you're not going to want to miss this. This is

“going to be Friday. All right. That's July 10th Friday. A salute to Bethlehem at the Arts Quest”

Steel Stacks. It's a really cool venue. They got a food. I'm going to be there with merch. Don't worry about that shit. And then that Sunday night, I'm going to be a Newark at the Newark Culture Club.

But that actually might be sold out already. And if you can't get tickets to that, come see me

in New York City at the city winery, co-headlining with Kirsten Michelle sales. It's going to be a

“fucking blast. That's going to be at the city winery in New York on Monday, July 13th. And then go to”

editunes.com. I'm coming to all kinds of cities. I'm booking more shit. These shows are starting to sell out. I already sold out one of my Chicago shows. So come and see the other one that's going to be on July 31st. Henry and I got a sold out show here in LA. And then we got another one back up after that with the Disney show that some deadman tells some tales. That's going to be a dynasty typewriter during D23 weekend. And that's going to be on August 16th. So come get wet with that

shit. Go to editunes.com. See if I'm coming to yoga downtown. So live every day knowing that if you just open your throat wide enough, you could be a hot dog champion. God, he's got a golden throw. And you just got to love how thick and maintain that throw needs to be. So you're going to widen every day

“by with with with with with to a swallow and soda can. So that's why he's choking people out because he”

wants to make those throw smaller. So he wins forever. And then you could laugh. No matter fact, your crush and throw it's everywhere. Nobody ever going to fucking get that record me. No body. Give me that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, give me that, give me that, give me that, give me that, give me that,

eating and making things is the place. Oh yeah, you know, you're always chewing is the life for me.

Spread your lips open far and wide off. Fuck that shit, just let me put dog inside. Oh good, do you see, I like the second version of it better. Yes. Give me that, that, that, that, hell not. Hell the fucking big old nut.