Side Stories: On the Road

There's no place to escape to, this is the Lost Talk.

On the left. Side stories?

Let's run the cannon for some started.

Side stories. Yes. Just another beautiful Monday morning. Yes, it is, baby. It's just so nice out here.

Portland's camp believe we made it. We made it through Alaska.

“We made it through the Tundra through the UK.”

Through that. We went over your cannon. Can't believe that's right here. I can't believe me is here as well. Yes.

If we were to stop there, though, to have the change to name to UKunt. You're the one. You're the one. You're the one.

And you where are we? We've currently are in Portland, Oregon. At the wonderful, what's the name of this studio? We're over at Royal Bot Pirate Media. We want to say thank you guys so much.

We have such a handsome operator here. Yes. I'm looking at them. Randall. Randall.

Randall. Randy. Of course. Rand. Make it me, Rand.

Your first name, Randy. God. I'm just picturing you naked. God. I just want to suck on your weird hairy Portland knees.

Oh, yeah. I bet you could tie your shoes with your penis. God. We love being here. But we're here for a special reason.

It's not just to smoke weed outside of our homes. No, that's right. Today is for 20 to us. I can do it. I'm afraid of me, dude.

Yes. But that's why we do it. We smoke weed.

“So you don't have to hear at side stories.”

My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with that larson. Hello. I feel big. You are big.

And we have had truly one of the most wonderful confluence of days and events over the last several day. I just can't even believe it.

First of all, we got a lot of announcements.

A lot of nonsense. A lot of shit. Thank you to everybody. They came out to those Alaska shows. Those Alaska shows were so much fun.

Oh, my God. We had over 400 people in Anchorage. I cannot believe it. I just want to say, we were even talking about. I don't know.

There were 400 people in Anchorage. They weren't. They were trucked in. Yeah. We had them busted.

They were in Russia. Yes, they were. There was a lot of spies. Yes. And I just want to say thank you so much to the Russian intelligence agencies for sending

Boris and Natasha to our show. We did see a Boris and Natasha. I come under. I absolutely saw a Boris and Natasha. I saw a fat Russian man.

Yeah. And then I saw very skinny, hot Russian woman. And they were going to the political building. They were yelling at each other in shit. And they were plotting.

Yes. You and Natalie would make a great Boris and Natasha for Halloween. Honestly. It's a great idea. That's a good put in the old bank.

I will.

Fair banks also had the first time I've ever seen a Russian grocery store.

And I did not know that Russia was. I have seen Russian grocery stores before. But I did not know it was famous for its groceries. No, it's definitely not. It's just sold.

Just sold popes here. Is it in Glickglor? Yeah. And it wasn't all free. Yes, I put that.

Don't you lie. Isn't there a line? You're supposed to get on where you can get your rough toilet paper. And then you can go and get your Grishgorsia. You get your hammer toes and you get like all sorts of, you're like baked.

Your feet tails and your eyes. And your bat stew. I don't know what they eat over there. Man, but I'll tell you what. It looked gross.

And the man was not friendly. No, he wasn't. I asked him if he sold alcohol and he was like. No, not alcohol. No.

So come on, bro. You're Russian. Where is it? You spy. Fucking lie to me.

It's a fucking spy. Yeah, what do you mean? There's nothing to spy on in Fairbanks. Absolutely. You're actually there's quite a bit.

There's Air Force space. We saw all those black planes coming in Fairbanks. It's an Air Force. It's an Air Force. It's right.

Heart, right? Was that what it's called? It was something else. It was something like a mag. Well, harp is one thing outside.

It is harp. harp is a. Well, they're obviously. They're just rolling the weather. They're just rolling the weather.

They're trolling the weather. They are the space. It was at warmer. It's because they're making it cold. So you think it's getting going to get colder.

But it's not. It's actually going to get hotter. So they're changing it all up. It's actually run by steps where the space Jews live. They live in there.

And they zap their lasers from space down. harp is very simple. Yeah. Nothing's more Jewish than Fairbanks. Oh, we could not believe.

It could not believe it. But I'm, no.

“Honestly, harp is a communication center.”

A lot of people have a lot of. There's conspiracy theories around it. They were doing weather manipulation. But actually let me in the door. That's what just even Torah tried.

But we didn't know. But he did not make an appointment. But they are shooting laser beams off the ionosphere. In order to like attach information to laser beams. It's like a whole thing.

But it doesn't do the things that conspiracy theorists thought it did. But one of the big things that I forgot about Alaska. Obviously, we've covered a lot of true crime in Alaska. Yeah. But we asked so many people, like, we normally when we go in a town.

We like Google, like town true crime.

Yeah.

Who's the killer from here? Yeah. It kind of like goes to get to know people. Just to know what you like.

“Yeah. It's like what's in, which is a good, and then who killed people?”

Who killed people here? And Alaska. Big list. I, right now, I have a list of just, this is just six serial killers that operated outside of Alaska.

Besides, obviously Robert Hansen is real keys. But then there's James Dale Richie, John Fountainberry, Thomas Bunday, Charles L. Meach. That's just some of them. There's so much murder tourism in Alaska.

Dude, during the show, I'm like, how many people here know a victim of a serial killer? And about 20 people raised their hands. I just, way too many. That's like, that's crazy. That was way too many.

I never thought that that would cross over.

And like, that number would be that thing. But I've never been in a more last podcast coded environment than Alaska. Between the ga haunted, we went to a haunted hotel. We went to Captain Cooks.

Yeah. We talked about in our haunted Alaska series. We thought we went to Captain Cooks and we went there. And I was just like, yeah, you know, I don't believe in anything. I got the bathroom out of where little it's okay.

So we don't know. All right. So it's probably me just being paranoid. You got little eyeballs. I got tiny eyeballs. But also, all right.

So this is what episode Captain Cooks is for those of you don't know. In Anchorage. The Anchorage looks like like a city out of like a Soviet block. And like, it literally is. It is not been touched since the 1970s.

Everything is the streets are empty. And there's, but there's one big major hotel in the center. Captain Cooks has been there for a fucking ever.

And it's considered one of the most haunted locations in an extremely haunted city.

It's very cool looking.

“Yes. And we asked people kind of like, oh, were you from also Alaska's a place where nobody's from Alaska?”

No. Everybody's running from another place and has ended up in Alaska. We met a couple real Alaska people, but it's everyone else is like, from somewhere else. Yeah. And that's a lie. That is all the half course.

Everything's that's the throws like I was a circus doctor. And then I was of course, we got the, you know, a pet railroad. I did that for a while. And then I just wanted to see what was going on Anchorage way. And next thing I know, I got a little lady old full of my gunk.

Oh, my god. Now I've been here for 25 years. For the one male to female. Dude, what is that? It's a lot of man.

That's like, that's just like, you know, I hate to do this to the guys there. But if you're a lady, get out. Get out or make more runs. You got to make more women. Yeah. Or like try to find out a way to like trick them to get there.

I think some of the guys just need a switch. Yeah. They're going to do the dress parkway. We've had a couple. Life. Find a way.

All right, so any. Now tell your story. All right. So we're at Captain Cooks. We're having a nice afternoon drink.

We don't have a show. So we're like, yeah, let's treat ourselves nice. You know, we're sitting there waiting for Billy to get in town. Nothing really to do. And I'm like, yeah, you know, I've had enough. I'm going to go make a PPE. I go to the bathroom. I go downstairs and the bathrooms completely empty.

No one in the bathroom. Nobody in the bathroom. No one in the bathroom. No one in the stalls. Stalls are over. It's completely empty.

“And honestly, there was 10 people in this bar.”

Yes, there was nobody at the bar. And then the whole place is empty. Now you take a city. Yeah, yeah, there's no human Sarah. But somehow, a bunch of people can show.

So I'm going to the bathroom and I'm taking a pee and I look behind me. I felt like a presence. I look behind me. And there's like a dude in the red jacket. And he's just standing there right behind me. How's it going?

All right. No problem. I'm going to bathroom. Other people, it's public bathroom. I'm going to problem. So I turn around, keep you. Turn back around.

Gone. Didn't hear a door open? Didn't hear nothing. And you've seen the most ghost set of any other person I have ever met. I don't well, debatable, but yes.

Yeah, but you are all of the people that doesn't believe in ghosts that have seen the most ghosts, it's you. Yeah, but so I go, I had this weird experience. I'm like, man, is weird thing happened to me? He's like, you know, this place is haunted.

Yeah, and then we talked about it. And then you were like, oh, maybe it was one of the employees. But the employees were all wearing navy. Yeah, they're all wearing blue. Yes.

And so there was like, if they were, he wasn't. Because it was definitely the employees jacket. Yeah, there was a hotel, it was like Bellhops jacket. I would love to know. Side stories, LPOT, LPOT.

Maybe I'll die. I hope I'm stupid. Does somebody have pictures of any old employees that worked at Captain Cooks? Because I didn't see anybody come out. And I didn't see anybody walking to the bar.

Then I didn't fucking read jacket on. Yeah, no. And how the people that came to that bar ended up with the show the next day? Yes. Yes, I don't even know what happened.

No fucking idea what that was. It was very bizarre. It was very, very scary. That was one of the ridiculous things we heard. We also heard about how, like, in Alaska, the mud will kill you.

Oh, my God. All right. So, all right. Here's, this was, we had a couple versions of the same story. And then I actually looked, all right.

So here's the story that Billy told us about from Alaska. Dude, you're going to love this Randall. So you're really going to like this one, Randall. So there was a couple.

They were on their honeymoon in Anchorage, which is first of all, what a horrific mistake.

Bad idea. Don't do that.

There's Anchorage just nothing there.

There's so many places to go on honeymoon. Go to the woods, go to an accrues. There's cool. There's, like, cold places that are nicer. Like Colorado.

I mean, we love that. I'm not saying, don't go to Anchorage.

“I'm just saying, if you want to get sexy, anything.”

That's where your wife dies on the first day.

Yeah, it's all 500 pounds, dude. And it's flip flops at fucking 30 degrees. And that makes you horny. God bless you. Yeah, honestly, please go there then.

But they're surrounded by Anchorage is like these mud flats. And it's like instead of like beach, it's just mud. You just stick, thick, dark mud. It's like thicker than quick sand mud. And so they like, what did they explore it?

And so they started walking out in the mud. And I guess like, she stood in one place too long. And then the mud started to like, consume her. And because of the suction of the mud, they couldn't get her out. And they're trying to pull her out and they're trying to pull her out.

Yeah, she sunk up to her waist. And then they couldn't pull because you got stuck in it. So the story is that they're like, alright, they try to helicopter rescue. And they like, tighter hands to a, like, a rope ladder. And then the helicopter came and it was pulling her out.

And it was pulling her out. And then it was so bad that it ripped her in half. She had that, like the nerve and then her legs were there.

And then like her fucking guts are just like sprang out the bottom of her.

The fun and the honeymoon. And then obviously, indigenous person came because they save everything. Yes. And they pull up all, the cause of it. Yeah, they made wigs and they made, they made rope.

“So they were like, that's what that was the story we heard.”

That's fucking crazy. And then Billy told the story on stage. And then later on during the meet and greet over a bare tooth tub. Got a bare tooth theater pub, such a nice place. Seriously wonderful. Yeah, go see a movie there.

Go see a show if you got a chance. What a great time. They got the pizza was great to support us. It was really good. So for Alaska, it was edible pizza. Yes.

Yeah, no, it's so, if it congrats, you did it. And reindeer sausage was awesome. So we're talking to someone who knew the fireman who were there during the rescue. And then she's like, that's not how it went down. That's urban legend.

I was like, oh, okay. What happened? She's like, well, the tide started to come in. Because that's what kills you. So you could stuck in the mud. And then the tide comes like in the fuck, the Leslie Nielsen.

It's like twilight zone, fucking thing. What he did with a Ted Dancer. Not creep show creep show, yes. And so it's so the tide starts to come in and they can't get her out. They don't know what to do.

Her husband's freaking out. He's holding her and then all the firemen. They don't know what to do to this woman to get her out of the mud. And they just have to accept that the ocean is going to drown her. And it's a very slow process.

“And so in order for her to not deal with it as much,”

or as like a last dish effort to try and like save her, they just fucking put a bucket on her head. Yeah, they'll like create like a diving bell like scenario. They thought it's not worth it. No.

And then any night we're both like, okay. I mean, obviously it's horrible. It's just like sat there and waited. And waited to die with a fucking bucket on her head screaming. But I will say in front of these firemen who had no idea.

Don't want to do what to do, but to watch. Now they have like old system. Yeah. So that is the brighter side of all this. They have like a hose that they stick in and impresses water and the shoot you out.

Yeah, they have a way to get out now. Yeah, of course. But if you think about this as married men. Think about it. I just thought how upset.

Julie would be if you when you put that bucket on her head. Maybe if you were to save you. Like just going. She. No, no, no, no, no.

Natalie. No, shish. No. It has to be this way. It was just like.

And then you go. So you live. I just jump in the mud. If you. So yeah, no, but the guy did jump in the mud and it didn't take him.

Yeah, because because he was like laying down on it. Instead of dropping his feet. Yes. Dude's fucking rotten. He was a little more buoyant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think that at that point. Natalie would be so mad. She would levitate out of the mud. Yeah, it might be for life.

Yeah, I would have a back the bucket would make her. If I put the bucket on her head. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. She would rise. Super Saiyan like, fill filled with rage.

Ready? Oh, I'm the one in the bucket. I'm the one in the fucking bucket. I imagine the bucket would just melt. So if I put it on Julie's head.

It would just like stand her and make the fucking, yeah. I just been like, you fucking bastard. I can hear it. You hear it from the shore. You don't fuck.

I thought it could be been like. I'm certain we're all going to have to get over this. You know, like the husband's back with the police just been like, this is just been. There's no way I can get money back on the hotel. Right?

It's already kind of like formulating. And it's just like, because you know, again, because we have to cope. Yes. Yeah, but that was the most, one of the most horrific. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was fucking bad.

I never heard about my entire fucking life.

Yeah, it's Alaska man. That's Alaska man. I was describing Alaska was like, it's so beautiful and white everywhere. And it's just like, I was like, is like, if heaven was hell. You know, like, you just start.

Yeah.

It is start.

And we went to the world.

It's a good, most beautiful gas station. It's like, that's the, that's the fucking stuff to have out there. Like, go see the most beautiful gas station in the end of the world. Can I have a milkshake machine? It's a casual ass milkshake machine.

You get these like milkshake bullets. And you put it in the machine. We shouldn't be in charge of the milkshake milkshakes should not be so readily available. They got to take time.

“You should feel a little bit of guilt of ordering.”

There should be a line at the ice cream store. Everyone wants scoops. And you're like, I want a milkshake. And they got to sit there and slowly blend it. I drank the pain that you should feel by ordering.

I want more. I wanted to. So I'm so sick of it with myself. I'm sick of it with myself if I get a milkshake. So thoroughly that I drink it alone.

Yeah. In a car. Like, I don't know what these guys do. Yeah. Well, that's different.

They're doing that because they're driving dead. Sex workers around. You know, we had a milkshake type of machine when I worked at dairy queen. You know, it's just like fucking sludge that comes out of a jug that they make slightly colder. Of course.

It's just thicker chocolate milk that they just make a little colder. It's ice cream soup. Yeah. It's also all it is. It's delicious.

Well, thank you, Alaska. You treated this right. Yeah. Shout out to Pacalaolo. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They were great.

We found brunch weed consumption that they made because weed consumption loud.

Correctly. Fairbanks. There is a weed heaven in the Arctic Circle called the Polka Loko. Paca Loko. Paca Loko, which is a Hawaiian name for weed.

You wouldn't. I mean, I guess they are. You smoke in and there. They see you rent a gravity bomb. Yeah.

You could rent a fancy gravity bomb.

“That is one of the perfect most perfect.”

It was all glass like roar. Gravity bomb. It was I couldn't believe it. I was like, this shouldn't be nice. So if you like this too much.

Exactly. And if you like weed. Get up to Fairbanks. Like straight up. Like feel like it made us immune.

It died delicious weed. Yeah. So much delicious weed. It was unbelievable. Yeah.

Yeah. It was unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. It was unbelievable.

Yeah. Yeah. And also. We did in Fairbanks. We did our show at this cute little place called the basement.

It was below the best time. Whatever had in my whole life. Yeah. But like we ate it twice. We ate it.

We ate their twice. But the basement. Unbelievable. Cool little theater spot. Right in the middle of Fairbanks.

I had a drag show with like a full set. Like next week. It's up to these little towns. I mean this. We've talked about this in Akra.

Now we've going to a lot of places. It's kind of up to you to build the old scene you need. Like we walked in that room. We sold 200 tickets in Fairbanks. Half that room.

Can't believe it.

Half that room had never even heard of the basement before.

Even been to the basement. Go and make your scene alive. Yes. That's how you do it. You go to this small place.

Because you guys all showing up. Is that makes it actually a cool place for people to come. And we want to be there more. Like that's it. Yeah.

If you've got a little scene. Bring us to it. Side stories, [email protected]. We really love like totally down the check. Now we saw that people will show up in Fairbanks.

Like fucking. Let's rock. Oh, you know who didn't come to the show. The just a man. Just a man.

Just a man. Just a man. Just a man. Just a man. Yes.

So we. We have to stay in a place. Yeah. Fairbanks. Right outside of like the scariest fucking.

A retirement home is the wrong word. Orcherey. It was a cream. It was a pre-cremotaur. It was a jump.

Giant cement rectangle. Covers. Nine people. Yeah. It was covered as snow and as it was.

We're sitting there after our show. Smoking weed. Watch the snow come down. And a man. And a gesture hat.

I think it's his hair. I think it was his. It had bells. He had bells on his little cart. I don't know.

“I think the bells were because he wanders on.”

Just a man. Just. And the just a man walked around and he walked around. And the just a man. Jingled jangled in the night.

And got covered with snow. Yeah. It just remains. So frightening. I feel like 20 years ago the gesture man was frightening.

Now I'm just looking for a place to die. I'm so afraid of a gesture man. I was so afraid. I mean, I'd be the gesture man. I think he kept looking at us.

It was in the morning. Yeah. I was like, don't look at gesture man. Come and get us. I don't want the gesture man.

Come and get us. I could cross this street physically. I would try and kill you. The cuffs that held me to this pumpkin lot. There's one love me.

Do not matter. Hatching. Hang on. All right. Well, if you guys know the gesture man, now hit us up.

Hit us up. Let us know. Tell me what I'm on the show. I'm your great. There we got some updates.

First of all. Great news. Finally. The four of it. Got his fucking ass.

Finally arrested. You know what I look at all these pictures. So the four of it does for the just a reminder we've been covering this. Deforved. His name is fucking David.

Yes.

But Deforved, which is what he calls himself because I guess he's half a stupid fucking robot. He's finally been arrested for the murder of Celeste Rivas Hernandez. We know that her body was found in his Tesla. We've been covering this for a long time. Yes.

But one thing I will say to truly about him now looking at all these pictures of him. He really could have been more happy on these on these red carpets.

“Because I really think that if he had enjoyed himself.”

Oh, he said. I really appreciate him. He's just like, because I know all of his music was about choking celeste death. But he does seems like you know, it could be weird. You think it's mile more.

Yeah. He used to have it all. You know, he just has everything. Wow. Are you Bradley Cooper?

No. But Deforved is going to go to jail. Yeah. Finally. But I wonder what took so long.

They just wanted to make sure 4,000 percent they were going to be able to cook.

They put him away from him. Yeah. Because they obviously he had been grooming her for a long time. And he had been. I honestly wonder if there's somebody else.

I mean, they're, I mean, he bought a fucking, what was it? Crematorium? Is that what it's a generator? He bought it in a generator. He bought it in a generator for his bell air home.

Yeah. You know, they don't many it's a generator. It's a bell air home. No, not unless you're Warren Buffett. Yeah.

You know, I mean, like how many heck. He's the one good one. All right.

“You only want you was the only good one ever.”

That's the one good billionaire. That's because this last name is buffet. Yep. It's French for big that fuck. Lay them out.

I'll eat all. That's what he does. He's so nice that he gets naked.

He puts a buffet on himself.

And that's how his servants eat. I mean, off of him. Like then nothing would happen. Just eating some turkey sausage disks off of Warren Buffett. His Fupa.

Pulling little pieces of beautiful chicken sausage. I did the wispy hairs above does the mound on his penis. It's rapid sashimi around his tongue. His poor and pancake batter and his mouth. And have it in fucking mama bird.

A bag of my mouth. God, I wish it would be around Warren Buffett. I want to be inside him. His asshole is a glory hole. I.

He's dead, right? No. No. He's very much alive. Oh, he's when he paid his taxes.

And then told all of us that the other billionaires paid our taxes. That we wouldn't have to pay our taxes. No, I know. Warren Buffett's correct. Yes.

And also Warren Buffett's in shut up. All right. You're like a doing to think about it. Go kick their asses. Warren Buffett.

Go do some about it. Throw a fucking fight. You know, he tries to help. He does try to help. We also have, oh, another person to fund a little.

This is like the more fun story. Did you see this thing about sucking on controls? It's sausage fingers. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Yeah. So we last week we talked about it. I didn't know how fat King Charles's fingers were. Yeah. They're all in their horrible.

They're like three pounds each. Yeah. And they're each one is like a fiddle tempen. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They're like, oh, each one of his fingers are like their own water we need. And now a lot of people are like, oh, it's because he's sick. Who gives a shit? Yeah.

I don't care. He's the king. Fuck. Fuck your fucking ass. They woke up sick.

We were born. And we're the whole family to die. Yeah. And the family to be fucking wiped out by all of you. Yeah.

I can't believe they've been fucking each other for so long. And they're not dumber than this. Fuck it. I can't believe Prince Harry has two eyes. It's ridiculous.

All right. So fuck these people. So he has these big thick old fingers. Everyone loves to make fun of them. Of course they do because either big thick crazy fingers.

And he's done not a single.

“Because you know who should have big thick fingers?”

A blue column man. Oh, they do. You know when you see those things. When they come like alcohol. Oh, yeah.

You know when you see those those Instagram pictures where it's like his hands look like this. So that man can look like this. Yeah. Well, I remember my when my dad was dying in Reno. That's Uber driver.

I had one day. He's like scarred in my memory. He was driving me to the hospital. And he had like he had those driving gloves on. And it was just like, but at the top of the driving gloves.

We're like the fattest King Charles fingers. I ever saw. And he was just like the whole time when he was driving. It was like. Oh, my hands.

Oh. Oh. Oh, I was like. You should get a picture. Oh, I'm just like driving me to the hospital to watch my father die.

You know.

- I'll never, I'll never, I'll never, I'll never, I'll never do it.

- But, now there's a company, you can go get tobacco vapes. It's an e-sigrant company that look like his fat fingers. - This is very funny. - So you can kind of suck on his fat fingers in the street. - What?

- And blow out every weird cherry vape. - That's so funny. - Why does he just cut him off? - Oh man, he's a great with hooks. - He can't even sign.

They had to like put the finger in his hand. - He blew his hand around. - King only signs things. - That's all he thinks he does. - Get him a stamp.

- Yeah.

- He can't even rape anymore.

- Not anymore, he's not sad for him. - You can't even do it anymore. - That's cool. - That's got to be out of there. - Ah, that makes me so sad for him.

“- God, he's be able to have so much fun.”

- He really used to enjoy his life. - Well, it's we got here. - We got some good stuff. - There was a crazy, I feel like if we don't talk about it, it's bad.

- But like there was the horrific story. - There was the Shreveport family annihilation, which they're calling domestic violence, which would be one of the largest school shootings of the year if it happened at a school.

- So, Shamar Elkins, this is up Shreveport, Louisiana. - Yeah, murder. - Not a happy place. - No, he murdered eight kids. He shot his wife and he shot.

So seven of the kids were his. But by another woman who we also shot as well. - Yeah. - Now, all of this seems to have started on Easter fucking Sunday when he called his mother,

who was estranged from him for a long time, because she had him and she was struggling with crack use. And he was raised by a family friend, but they kind of reconnected. And so they kind of became like an emotional,

like she was like trying to help him, because he was like obviously extremely upset. And so he kept calling her right on, like Easter Sunday calls his mother for the Easter call.

And she says she can hear all the kids in the background.

“He's like, "I'm going to fucking kill everybody.”

I'm about to kill everybody." - And she just said by lots of dads. - Especially on Easter Sunday. - Yes. We all got to get up.

- No one wants to go to church. - I want to go to church. - Take this seriously now. You can't just randomly say you're going to kill the family anymore. - Not anymore, Eddie.

And that makes me upset because that's my leverage. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So he goes up there and he tells his mom you're doing it. They're all like don't do it, don't do it. You finally, it seems like, "Oh, we came out of it."

Because he was like posting a hopeful prayer on Facebook,

which again, that never means he's out of it.

Yeah. And he's like, "I actually feel like the second, you start seeing prayers on the Facebook page." - Yeah, because prayers are supposed to be between you and God. - Yeah, and you're putting it on Facebook.

- You're putting it on Facebook. - You're putting it on Facebook. - I'll tell you that much. I don't know if God's real or not. I know he's not. - He's not.

- But if God was real, God would not be on Facebook. - Absolutely not. He'd be on gangster. Was that that? That one, he'd be on fat life. - Yeah, he'd be on fat life.

He'd be dressed as a dog. He'd be leaving him around with the dog leash. - He's the one. - He'd be in that of a bull. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- If he wanted to talk in a little boy's name. - Oh, yeah. - That's what he means. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Two old, two old.

- I'm God. I'll make you of agent and instead. - Bobo. - Now you're a full-grown man. - Have sex with me. - Bobo.

- Back to a child. - Being a God is wonderful. - I'm sorry, back to this horrific story. - Yeah, so with this back to this horrific story. So he did kill everybody.

- And then he found a total of ten people. - It's really fatal for children. - Yes, and it's really, really fucked up. - But then he stole a cop car. - Are we still car?

- Yes. - And then was murdered by the police. And he got him in the end. So that's really all the fantastic comedy. We can really work out of this.

- It really isn't any comedy at all. It's fucking horrible. - No. - No one knows how he got a gun. - But you're not trying to figure that out.

- Well, salt, mental health care, and the past. - You did. - And he wasn't able to get it, which is fucking suck. - That's suck. - You know, maybe we should try to make that a little more available.

- Make a bit of a priority there. But also, you know, this is an example. We were saying, you were asking before the show. What's the difference between this and, like, a mass killing. - Yes, why are you killing?

- Because of mass shooting. - And kind of what I was asking. - It seems, well, because there's so many different wonderful diverse types of murder. And each one comes from a different place.

So when you look at spree killing. - If he would have done this, if he killed the same exact people in a church, would it have been a spree shooting? - Yes, still a family in Iowa. - No, it would have been a spree killing.

But if those the same people would have been family annihilation, it depends on who you kill. The reason why he killed his family is because, for me, the side, and especially family annihilation amongst dudes.

Because it was another guy that just did it. A former senator. - Yeah.

“- There was this other, there was a, what was this?”

A congressman just did this. Just killed his family? - He killed his, why are we talking about this? - It's gone. (laughing)

- It's all of it. Don't worry. It's all of it. Oh, yeah, formerly Lieutenant Governor also did this week. Virginia's ex Lieutenant Governor killed his wife

and then himself, and he was obsessed where they got, he was dealing with this, he had two separate allegations of sexual assault in 2019, a guy just in Fairfax,

and he just never recovered.

Because of how upset he was, they got him on those, because all the slews against him, he's never recovered, so he killed his wife and himself. But again, the reason why he, he does this,

is it's ego. - Yeah. - It's loss of status. Men killed their families, because they view in the patriarchal view

that they are the product of them,

They are theirs to dispose of

and to do whatever they want with, and that they are just proxies for the legacy of the father. So that's why they do that. They do that to punish everybody.

They do that to be like none of you are now going to be here because I'm embarrassed. - Yeah.

“- I don't want you all to be embarrassed”

of me so much. - I will kill you. - Men, it's so weird.

Like, I've always, my whole life,

I've always considered myself a little bit of a feminist, you know? - And I think you're a lot of a feminist. - 'Cause you're fucking so f-- - I'm so big.

- Yeah, there's nothing I could do about it. - Yeah, it's 160 pounds. - Yeah, I probably pound for pound. - One of the biggest feminists. - One of the biggest ones I've ever seen.

- Yeah, I'm up there. - Yeah, I'm at least three lesbians. - Oh, yes, that's a stack on your shoulders. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I saw them in here.

- They're right here, Portland. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I've all I've seen. - I've seen one of those totem poles before. - But yeah, no, I've like,

since doing this side stories more than the other show, I just like, men out. Men are wrong all the time. - You're right. - They're always, it's always incorrect.

It's always, we're sick because we understand this because we also, we were kind of talking a little bit about this like with Billy. We were talking about like the idea of like male privilege and white guy privilege is a part of that is

“you need to be able to because of our power in this life.”

- Yeah. - Because of what we get to the things that we don't have to deal with, we can also take the shit from everybody and we should. - Yeah. - All point of it is that we can put ourselves in front of vulnerable people

and other people and absorb the criticism because we should be able to take it. A lieutenant governor should be able to take accusations of sexual assault and if they're not real, he will make them go, he will win in court and do the thing he needs to do to clear his name

and then it's over. You don't have to then go like the idea that you have that power to take that. These people are coming at you because you may be abused you're fucking power to rape them.

And so it's this, we are, that's our job here. The lieutenant governor makes me like just as angry if not more angry than this guy. - But this guy was like almost, it's actually two ends of the coin, right?

Because you have one end. This guy was kind of both bad start, bad middle. - Yeah. - Bad end, right? He was in the military but he didn't really get much

stuff out of it. He came, like all of this. Like where was the military in this? - Yeah. - Where did, why weren't they there helping him with this?

So that's one end. He was kind of abandoned. And then the other lieutenant, the lieutenant governor guy is essentially just like it's, it's an example of like you just were such a pussy

that you couldn't take the heat. So you killed your family. - Yeah.

“- And like that's the, that's what it really comes down to.”

Is that you haven't been able to take it. And then it also understand that it's, I can fix me. I have the abilities to fix me if I really want to. - Yeah, he did the governor.

This guy just fixed himself and they wouldn't let him. - Well, I don't know. - And you know, not saying that he sucks. - Yeah, I like this guy.

- I can't really, you can always get that car and drive to Mexico.

- Just leave. - Just abandonment. - A real man abandoned his family. He doesn't kill everybody. All right.

You go and live in shame in a worst state. - Yeah. - You live that. - You leave. You go to, you know where you go?

And it's great for it. - Anchorage. - Oh. - We're just there. - We live about her.

- Ship 'em up. They're so many lost dads there. - They'll be alone forever. - You go work in the oil rig. - Yeah.

- No one will ever know, dude. You know, after like 10 years, you know, it's pretty. - Walrus. - Walrus real pretty after a couple years. - You start going a lot of cars from softer.

- Actually, look at that. It has a soft one right there. - Mm-hmm. - I like right there. He's laying down.

I want to comb your whiskers. - Also, yeah, again, you're four and one. You should learn how to suck that. - Yeah. - You really should.

- Yeah, just be gay. - Just be gay. - Just enjoy it. - Come on. - I'm sure they are.

(laughing) - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

- Well, Henry and I signed our first top surgery.

- We did. - That was pretty impressive. - That was pretty happy with it. - I was really, I was like, wow. I was like, I feel like I've officially feel safe.

(laughing) We're in there, man. It is feel like it is gotten nice though. We could sell them. We say horrible things and they take it.

- Oh my God. You know what else is horrible? - Oh, good. - Oh, yeah. I don't even know.

I don't want to talk about it. But I feel like this is another one. It's so gross. The rape academy. - Oh, God.

We just are not even. - I don't even know. - I just don't comment on it. I'm just disgusted with humanity. - Yeah, it's just all.

It's completely fucked up. But I will say. One thing I did not know was apparently this year, which I guess is a big get for the academy, is that Trump speaking with the graduation.

- Oh, yeah. - And I think that's really kind of crazy for them.

I can't believe that they got him to come out.

Cause they never go.

They never leave tomorrow.

I guess they're doing an app tomorrow. - Yeah, yeah. The solidatory. It's going to be Brock Turner. - Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

That's how you get in. How you get in is that you write your, in order to get into the rape academy.

“I heard, you have to do an essay about Brock Turner.”

- Yeah. - You're a personal hero in the scene. Like in the industry. Who's your, who are you building your career offer? You know, are you built Cosby?

- Yeah. - Are you a Jimmy Savel? You know, I need one of those. But all those take money, guys. - Yeah, so they're really upset because the, there's a,

a horrible poor insight that has the rape academy with the subsets. Easy, easy, easy. - Each is all just the word. - Just the guys drugging their wives. - Yeah.

- And I'm doing it. And putting it on there and people are in tea. They're teaching each other how to rape their wives. - Yep. - Which is fucking insane.

- Yeah, it's extremely sad. - It's the most upsetting thing I think I've ever read about. - Yep, it is. - And it is, it is, I'd rather read about the guy who kills his whole family.

- Yep, and it's like, I'll never be like this.

I'm saying this to come entirely satirically, but nothing makes me want to draft more than the rape academy. Nothing says to me, like, nothing makes me say, send the 22 year olds to Iran more than the rape academy. - Yeah.

- But I don't, but I don't see two million hits in a, the month of, the shortest month. And the month of February, 62 million hits. - Yeah. - Valentine's Day.

- Valentine's Day. - Valentine's Day. - If the sucks. - That preceded it's day. - Oh.

- Well, that's when he does it. - Yeah. - Yeah, only 100,000 of the clicks were Trump. - That was it. Well, he was just again, he was just trying to see how his tweets were doing.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's always in the refresh. - Absolutely. - Yeah. So, if you eliminated, why is that not dark web?

- Because, I mean, it is encrypted. And I do think a lot of it is, some of it is invite only, some of it is kind of like loose.

- 62 million, I'm sound like invite only.

- But, I mean, you actually be surprised. - It's probably, you know, is it like, people just like, they're all, eh? - I actually, I don't quite know. - I don't quite know.

I didn't fully go into it. Honestly, because I just did it. - The Disney land website had 28 million. - That's the difference. - That's the difference.

- That's the difference. - Fuckin' around. I can't even talk about this. - I said the hell of setting is that bad. - All right, more people went to rape again.

- More of them? - Disduple. Like, people were just odd in there trying to make reservations. - Man, having to make reservations 90 days out. - I gotta say that lightning lane is really killing Disney.

(laughing) That's what this is about. This is actually more complex. This is more commentary on the lightning lane. People are not happy with that.

We none of us aren't Disney. - Yeah, and so we know it's out there.

“We obviously think it's the worst thing ever.”

And I still want to even give it more press, but I thought like we had to talk about it. - Well, it's just one of those things has dudes. It's another thing that we have to understand. That is out there.

And if we ever see anything like that, you call it out and you call them a creep in a pervert. And you tell everybody you know that that's a person that who's doing that. - And you literally just destroy them.

- That if you find out someone you know is visiting this website, I think you're allowed to hit them. - I think you should. I think you should.

- I go on there and say do it. - Yeah. - You were allowed. - They're Nazi territory. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I think they're probably pretty close. I will also say can guys please stop sending me, not like in a joking way. You know, many of you have keeps sending me. Like they're like, oh hey,

you're guys at it again. Who's just a guy? - What do you mean my guy? - They're like Dayton Weber, your guy. The quadruple amputee, right?

They keep sending me more. - Oh, they found a swastika on his belly. - Oh, my fucking god. - How does a guy with no arms and legs? - Scrape a swastika into himself.

- Do you understand that? - I don't see really wanting it. - The Nazis would have put you in a basket. I want to throw you over the fucking wall into a camera dead.

They would have fucked you up, dude. And not this one. Nothing to do with you, man. They would have fucking killed you. - And then throw a bag on wood, dude.

- That's what you're holding. - That's what you made happen for you. - That's what you get full of yourself. - But then he's cool 'cause he taught himself how to shoot a gun. But then someone sent me the video of him doing the Knobstand,

where he was doing, they put blow on a dollar bill, and they put it underneath his face, and he did the blow like in Tommy Boy, and then he came down from the Knobstand,

grabbed an AK47, and served your shooting and out the window. - And the thing, what is this down? - What is even happening out here? - Man, I've got even encouraged. - I know you're upset about not having arms and legs.

- Well, yeah, but you also became a cornhole champion. - Like how are you not satisfied? - He's not satisfied.

“- And maybe that's what the true strength of a champion is.”

- Well, at least we know where he's going to be hanging out in prison. - Yeah.

- Where?

- With the Nazis. - Oh, I thought you met an sort of like an area where he'd be like floating in a pool, or he'd be on a bunch of leaves. - Or be nailed through a wall.

- You know those old jokes? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so short that he can not see him. - All right, come on, come on.

“- All right, he just got, honestly, he doesn't even have an arm band.”

- He needs more of a uniform. - I guess what they don't make? - Belts. - Yeah. (laughing)

- God, it's fun to come. It's God, it's fun to attack him.

- It's like you never get to make fun of someone.

- No, awesome. - No, just don't play him. - He's in there. - That guy. - Thank you, guy.

(laughing) - He is your boy. - He's not by boy. (laughing) - He's not my boy.

(laughing) - All right, just my boy. You're allowed to say, other guys are my boy. He's not my boy. He's just the guy.

I thought he was, I liked him before he murdered it. Before I knew all this stuff. - Yeah. - I liked him before. - No one.

- He was just a champion. - That was when I liked it. - He had the whole world in his... - Hmm. - Sling.

- Yeah. - It was a belly button. (laughing) - God, he's got to have a deep belly button. (laughing)

- He's a for soup. - Oh, fly from Northland. - Oh, man. How about this? All right, this one, sorry.

So if you've ever listened around table, you know my fucking hatred for this organization. And it got a good serving of justice this week. SantaCon. Hi, hates SantaCon.

I worked in the bar business in New York for many years. - Just Portland, have SantaCon. - You guys have SantaCon? - I'm sorry. - It's the worst.

It's an organization. If you don't know what SantaCon is, every December, one of the Saturdays leading up to Christmas, every fucking asshole that wants to be a piece of shit.

It's drunk. - Yeah, every Santa Claus for when Brock Bois said it. - Fucking douchebag and the whole fucking city goes out there. Anywhere there's a SantaCon, it fucking sucks.

- Yeah, it's always awful.

They're always puking on each other and fucking each other.

“- But I did not understand that it was for charity, right?”

So apparently that was kind of part of the whole thing. It started from a good place and was quickly ruined. - And now we know why it's ruined. - Yes. - Steffin Pildus.

- Pildus. Sorry, I couldn't read his name. It was 50 years old. - You need glasses. - He's from, I need a lot of things.

- Oh, he's in glasses. - Please, I went to the eye doctor. He's like, you're fine. I'm like, I know I'm not. I think you're bad.

I didn't read the letters. - You think I could jump? - I'm like, what happened? - You don't need to. You're too pretty.

- It's like, I need a better eye doctor. I got so mad. He's like, do you smoke? And I was like, no, well, I smoke marijuana. And he's like, and then he wrote,

I smoke tobacco. I'm my shit. I'm like, I don't fucking smoke cigarettes. - I start tobacco. I start tobacco.

Take it off there. You said you smoked. There's no thing for weed. I was like, fuck you. Fuck you, I man.

- You're really young. - Fuck you, I asshole. - He sprays me shit. My eyes are couldn't see. - I said, you're an Uber.

I'm stuck in the lobby. I can't see. Look at my phone. - Then you're just trying to get ready. - I'm like, you're trying to keep me.

- Either way.

“Santa cop. So Santa cop, worst place in the world.”

It's like, it was such a nightmare every time.

Like, they're always like, the hospital.

One of the guys that worked with me ended up with the hospital that night. Because Subcheque knew, or was like, his girlfriend's roommate came home at four in the morning. She was covered in blood because someone broke a bottle over her head. And she was dressed like Santa Claus.

And then he brings her to the emergency room. And then when he gets to the emergency room, everyone in the emergency room at four in the morning who's dressed like Santa Claus. - It's a fucking nightmare. It needs to be stopped.

But they were running your fraternity so they let it happen. Turns out, Stephen, what's his last name? Pilty? - Pilty. - Pilty.

- Pilty. - Pilty. - He's from a human new jersey. It was arrested on Wednesday. And is awaiting a appearance in a Manhattan federal court.

Charging him with wire fraud. He was stealing the Santa Cod money from 2019. - Can it to 2024? - Can it stop now? - 2.7 million dollars.

He fucking stole. - He stole 2.7 million dollars. - He stole 2.7 million dollars for charity. - Can they just fucking end now? - It needs to end.

It should have ended before. Now that we know the money's done if we go into charity and the dude was stealing it, it's all evil. - Get right of it. - Get out of it.

- There's a children looking at these dudes dressed like Santa Claus. Fucking Pilty all over their cock. - You and I are just the same though, that we're both over drinking based holidays. - I hate it.

- I just Halloween, I'm at home watching horror movies. - I love Halloween 'cause Halloween's something else. It's more just St. Patrick's Day. - You're the Mario. - Sing on all of these things are just stupid fucking no reason

to exist holidays. - It's just one of those things where you can drink at a great pace on your own. - All right, there's no reason to be-- There's just no reason to binge drink.

You're gonna fuck your life up, dude. When I used to have to run the village poor house during Santa Cod, it was like an eight hour fist fight for me. I just stopped, like, I left the kitchen.

I was like, "Kitchen, I only started hot dogs.

I was like, "That's all you people deserve."

“I was like, "I took the menu and I threw it in the trash”

from the day." I was like, "Hot dogs." And it's all you get, fuck you. You're ruining my restaurant. And then I would literally have to go.

I saw some dude dressed like Santa Claus. I couldn't believe the balls in this guy. Right in front of me, full hand comes down, slaps one of my waitresses in the ass. Like hard as fuck. I couldn't believe it.

I just leveled the guy and I threw him out of the bar and loony tuned style. Like a hand on the shoulder and a one on the belt. Like threw him out into the street and there was a cop outside.

I was like, "Get this fucking guy out of here." He assaulted me, you know? It was just like, "That's what it is." Oh, I know. I went down to the basement one time.

There were two people dressed like Santa Claus fucking in my cooler. I was like, "Where the food is?" I was like, "Get out of here." What are you doing?

It's a disaster. It needs to end.

Well, now maybe hopefully they'll run.

Good for the time. Fuck this shit. I hate this man. I'm glad you fucking stole and you got caught. Fuck.

That's pretty great. I fucking can't stand Santa Cod. And this fucking charade. But let's also. Let's now let me did some bad news.

Let's do some good news at it. I felt like that was good news. No, but there's just one other good news. Alright, what is it? Our friend of the show are the clown.

Oh, he's just got engaged. Oh, gee. No, Christy. Art not engaged. David Howard Thornton.

I thought we were going to try. I was trying to sell Amber to him. I literally was like, "What chick do I know? Can I hook up with this guy?" Yes.

As we interviewed him, he was single. Yeah, but now he's out there. So, sorry, ladies. Art the clown. He's getting hit.

Yeah, he was in full costume.

He got out of one knee and he gave Christy a ring. And she said, "Yes." And they were all at the Huntsville Comic Con Expo. Congratulations. Good work, boy.

Congratulations, Terrifier. We better be at that wedding. Dude, if the Terrifier clown could find love, anyone could find love. Yeah, I mean, because he's a murderer. Yes.

Is it deep murderers? He's very smooth. He's fueled by Satan's power. Yeah, dressed to the nines. She kissed him and took the ring.

I'm because I mean, she knows she knows what she's in for. She's a part of the art, the clown company. I mean, that's the safest place to be. Oh, yeah.

“I mean, that's why people fall in love with Sarah Killers.”

Yeah. Because if you're fucking the guy that kills women, he might not kill you. But guess what? Well, that's how he gets you. Oh, man.

Also, but you know who sat another more sad news. Which one? Matt Schmidt of Schmitt's Sautious House died in a house fire. So our favorite Sautious House in Columbus in German town. A wonderful Schmitt's Sautious House been open for over 100 years.

I think the one of the owners of it sadly died this week. Shout out to the Schmitt family. You don't deserve this. You've been giving the the town of Columbus. The city of Columbus.

The state capital Columbus. Beautiful sausage. Just so good. Beautiful sausage. So good.

Everything that you guys make is perfect. So sorry that man had to go. He had many years of making sausage in his life. I hope he's not, hopefully he's not the only guy making the sausages. But I do feel sad.

I feel sad that he's gone and we love you and we loved your establishment. And I wish I could have married into your family. Yes. And I wish I could have loved your daughter in a way. I could have got to see him there.

I wish that I could have. I wish that I could have been a part of your family in a way. The fifth generation. Uh, fifth generation Schmitt. Matchmet.

Uh, my God dude. What a, you're not pillar to the community. He really was. That was like we had. It was really like a day that I was dreaded.

And we had to lovely day. It's such a great day. And that's just us that one day. We fell in love with it. We took 100 to people every day.

Making them so happy with all their wonderful sausage platter. We sat. We made her sausage just doc. Yes. We shit.

We kissed. We shared a hot beer together. God. And that was really one of the best days of my life. And I'm including my wedding.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm including my wedding to my beautiful wife. Top 15. Miles.

Miles. I think I've ever had. Really good. Really good. Really good.

I never expected it. Uh. Shout out to you. I hope. Do you think they'll make him into one?

If I was in a sausage. Look at casket. Like put a sausage case. We're on the chest. Like let's just pitch this.

All right. You grind up his listen. You grind up your father's body. Another meat into a slush. Put it into it.

One big casing. How fun is that? Such a nice tribute. Brilliant. Just ruined immediately.

“I think just the casing around the coffin.”

It's fall. No. Just the sound. Okay. Sing around the car.

I think it's all the same. Spice mix. And you know what? It's just him. Not ground up in a sausage case.

What did you think that?

He just looked like his corpse has been put in a fucking glam skin condom.

Yeah.

You used to fuck the ground.

And you think you wouldn't like that? Actually, what? Yeah, right in. Side story is [email protected]. What food-based burial do you want to be done to you?

Honestly, I could be put in a bowel bun. I could be put in a bowel bun. Because you're turning into one. Okay. I'm earning my strength.

I'm earning my... I'm earning my strength. All right. Let's get to some... I have some more cereals.

Okay. I'm going to shout out to the Safari guy who said he'd rather be killed by an elephant than ever shoot one because he was killed by an elephant. And he got exactly how he wanted it. Yeah.

He could start a charge to him and he did. He's like, I said it. And I'm going to hold two. And he was gone. He legitimately probably pulled up his gun.

And then he did that. He didn't carry one.

“Do you remember that was Nick Cage at the end of...”

What was that? When he's the angel. Oh, city of angels. Yes, city of angels.

You could see him just doing that like into the charging.

Well, he wanted him. It was Meg Ryan. Spoiler alert. Oh, yeah. That's right.

Earth fucking hat. That's magic. He stopped the angel. He came a human to have sex. And then Meg Ryan.

They had sex that she went on a post-sex bike ride as you do. Oh, sure. And then the truck took her and your father called it. We laughed. We had so much fun.

But also, you don't want to say about that. And shows you what's kind of fun after that. Because then he gets to be single. Yeah. I was single.

You know what? I mean, you've wonder if Nick Cage would be really good. I'd be a number of as an angel. I don't know how much it is. He'd have at that point.

But right after that. You got all the credit. I'm not a Gary Freeman. We love you, buddy. Thanks for being good to elephants or whole life and taking one for the team.

And making us understand that you are right. I think... And he was old. He was old enough. How old?

Ah, he was like over 50. I mean.

That's not old enough, Eddie.

We're 40. You're there. We're there. We're at it. We're at 42.

I think what do you think would be better for me to be killed by at this point? Football player, elephant, or orka. Like what's better for my identity, my last podcast identity? We all know the hand is going to take me. You're being thrown.

You being torn apart by orka's. Yeah. I feel like that's the way to go. Yeah, that'd be awesome. You know I got invited to an orka party.

I know. It's going to be on Earth Day. This comes out on Earth Day. Happy Earth Day, everybody. Do something nice for the planet.

Do you get chum? I don't know yet. I will totally report back. They're better be fish.

“Like do you have to catch a seagull and drink its blood?”

So the natural history museum in Los Angeles has a new orka exhibit. They're having the big opening black and white orka party on the 22nd. And because I'm a new orka celebrity. They invited me and I'm going to go. And I imagine it's like a eyes wide shut party.

I've got an orka mask. And then I think we're just all going to fucking kill. And then we're going to kill. And then we're going to kill. And then we're going to kill.