Find your side quest

So this summer is a perfect time to make sure your news diet is calibrated.

I'm Layla Faldzill on up first, we unpack the three biggest stories every morning so you can stay informed and get on with your day in less than 15 minutes.

Follow or subscribe to up first today wherever you get your podcasts. I tried skipping the other day. I was at the, um, I was at a rest stop and I did some squats and I did some jumping jacks and I did some lunges to the door.

“Because I just wanted to move. I didn't know if I would remember how to skip. Have y'all skipped recently?”

I do. I have this. I have this in the test area. Me too. Because I'm not bad. I don't know how to do it. Yeah. We skip on here. We're really happy. How did you? Why? Why have y'all been skipping? Like, what did you get in the age? And so I just heard you do something and I'll be like,

"Do you remember how that works?" And I do skip because I am a big kid. It's why I study play.

I, my partner and I have a little rubber ball and my backpack I take whenever I travel and we were in the Pekipsy train stations, throwing it around like, and people were like, "What is doing?" You know? I love that. Yeah. I'm a play advocate across the board. So if it's asking folks like, "One's last time you skipped, like, why aren't we skipping more?" And then usually we'll end up skipping. So, um, I've definitely done it recently too.

This is NPR's LifeKit. I'm Mary El Segata. When's the last time you skipped? Or even skipped out on your day-to-day routine to do something

“just for the fun of it? In other words, when's the last time you took a side quest?”

The term side quest comes from video games. It's a mission that deviates from the main storyline.

You don't absolutely need a side quest to finish the game, but they add flavor. They add depth. They build the world. It's things like, go to this other realm and collect a bunch of yellow flowers, or have your player compete in a knife throwing game with a bunch of soldiers and wake up with a tattoo on his neck. This has been a trend on social media to share a side quest. Like, I'm learning to crochet 100 different types of granny squares, or I will be walking the

length of Manhattan this month, or I'm going to be arranging flowers for myself every week. One of the people you heard earlier was Brittany Loose, host of NPR's It's Been A Minute, and intermediate Spanish speaker. Brittany's current side quest is learning Spanish. I'm almost intermediate. I'm so close to B1. We're literally just starting B1 right now. We teamed up because we wanted to know what makes for a good side quest.

So we got a couple of experts on the horn, Sahara Monet, curator of Let's Play and YC, a community group that prioritizes play. My side quest is going to the park more and being outside. I definitely say two minimum times a week. I have to be at the park. And curator gaunt associate professor of ethnic musicology at the University of Albany, one of her many side quests is writing poetry. Writing a poem without editing it

and then recording it immediately. It's teaching me that it doesn't have to be overwrought, reworked 20 times, rewritten, you know, like we don't replay what we said to someone. No, I want to do that over take two. On this episode of LifeKit, I sit down with Brittany, Sahara, and Kira to talk about all things side quests. How to find the right one for you, and how a good side quest can help bring you back to life.

This week on Sharwave, the Universal Vaccine. One vaccine that can protect against multiple diseases for years. It's not just theoretical, it's possible. The question is, how do you translate this safety into humans? Why the future of vaccines could be a one-stop shop on Sharwave? Listen on the MPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Zendaya and Tom Holland are back in Spider-Man brand new day, and the movie has a more grounded

“tone than we've seen from the franchise. But does it strike the right balance of fun and darkness?”

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Okay, so we live in such a goal or into the society. Jim goals, health goals, career goals,

Kira, why are side quests trending? What do they do for us as adults?

“I think of side quests like play as practice for adults. They're about”

not knowing. And you're going to ask me, what is not knowing? Yeah, I was going to say not knowing why. Because I don't know either. What are we doing? What don't we know? A adult spends so much time in environments where they're trying to control the outcome that play as a practice becomes about not knowing. Not having an attachment to what the outcome is. Side quests release us from worrying about the outcome. Learning begins with

inquiry. In fact, the word quest comes from the root question or inquiry. So it's not about answers. It's about the journey. That's very different and sort of like the goal oriented framework that we're discussing that a lot of us live within. Yeah, it's not, if you know, you know, it's I don't know.

“It leaves me with. Yeah, and that's okay. In fact, that's what we're striving for. If you ask”

me, I'd say it's about exploring your curiosity, like really as a skill, exploring what curiosity is not just an idle know, but I don't know what's over there. I hear you laughing. So Hira, how does that line up with your attendees experiences when you have your let's play NYC events? Yeah, it's interesting because I asked my interpretation of it is trying on different realities and then the trending aspect of it is social media almost makes it so much easier to discover

those new practices of play or a hobby that maybe you didn't even thought of or knew that you could try. So for a lot of the folks that come out to the play dates that we host. Some people are more interested in treppies or ninja parks and others are interested in salsa dancing. So kind of picking your own adventure is a part of the side-questing experience too. I really want to go to the ninja park one. It's a good one. Full disclosure, I've been to a couple of the events

through let's play NYC. I went to the salsa one and I went to one at the at a fantastic spot.

“Yeah, called recess Grove. Sort of a community art space. That's how I would describe it.”

All right, take away one. Side quests are a way of practicing play. They're a way of not knowing and being okay with that. Embracing a beginner's mindset and sometimes seeing yourself slowly,

steadily getting better at a thing you never thought you would do. Sarah, we had an episode on

life kit about play and I actually interviewed Stuart Brown who was the guy who came up with those eight play personalities. He'd walked me through them. I thought it was fascinating. You've talked about this too. Like you think about play personalities. Yeah, I think the whole like choose your own adventure aspect of it. I know for me at least and my own practice of play. It is all rooted in my upbringing. Like I started musical theater when I was in high school and then I also was a competitive athlete.

So in different chapters of my life play has come up in different ways and in the personalities. I know some of them are more movement modalities or some are more spontaneous and some of of them honestly are more competitive. Like you like games, you like sports. So it's interesting how play as a practice shows up differently in different seasons and then for adults I'm sure who are experimenting with side quests. Sometimes they may want something a bit more rigid or

routine based and in other capacities they're like hey I just want to hear point earlier Brittany like go on a walk in a different neighborhood that I haven't been yet. Yeah I took the quiz because I heard you know I knew we were gonna have this conversation and I was like oh my gosh what play personality do I? I found out that I was a split between an explorer. Oh Lord and I can't remember the other one. They're fancy names. They're very kind. There's like the Kenna's feet which is the

sort of an athletic movement oriented one. The competitor. Are you a storyteller? I think story

teller was the second one. I had a storyteller and explore and then artists was after that went

and like anything having to do with being in charge other people or organizing things was at the very bottom. That's interesting. On the practical side that something you can do if you're trying to figure out what kind of side-quest might appeal to you is you can think about the play personalities and one piece of advice we gave in the play episode for life kit was to think back to how you played as a kid. If you're stuck and you're not sure what play personality really appeals to you think like

in different fashion and making them fight and making them kiss and you know just like telling stories

with them so storyteller for sure you know and and plenty of other one the director probably for me as well but I think it's this whole tapping into your inner child thing. You know I think a lot of people often think of what you loved when you're a kid because we were naturally curious and I like to

“encourage people to do things that you don't know to do so this is mine. I can't draw that's what I”

thought and two summers ago I went to a drawing cat class because here in small beneath New York I call it sometimes is not a lot to do and I went to a drawing class and the instructor there was a

figure a human person standing there was supposed to draw and I'm like I can't draw and he said

look at the figure look at the woman standing there and let your hand follow your vision and one of the best things about not knowing is that you don't know what the impact of what you're doing maybe on your life and on your character so the next day my writing was easier my writing was better so I think side quests just like in the gaming world really makes the main quest stronger it gives it more nuance it gives it some new dimension or it actually brings out a

facet of you that you convinced yourself you couldn't do it might turn into a hobby and it might not that's the whole point of the side quest is it's about the moment I love that take away too when brainstorming side quests think about how you liked to play as a kid you could look to the eight play personalities a framework developed by psychiatrists Stewart Brown based on decades of talking to his patients about their early experiences with play a few examples there's the

Joker who loves to laugh and make other people laugh there's the artist creator point for them is to make something look at this list see what resonates also tap into that sense of curiosity that you had as a kid but may have tamped down since then what sounds exciting or makes you want to learn more I wonder like how do you know what it's time to take a side quest like like what is it feel like in your body when it's time to go on that right I know for a lot of folks that can

come out of conflict it can come out of a really hard breakup or some stress and maybe some positive transitions in your life but that catalyst can also be like the birthplace for really exciting character development inside questing now a lot of folks are running marathons and trying pottery classes and different things like that so the timing of it can be from a life experience or again maybe social media you see someone doing an activity that you didn't think about yourself yeah

I think if you feel like work has become your life it's a perfect time for a side quest if you are

“venting a lot about your boss or your family you need you need to get get out need to move from”

your biological family to your logical goal meet new people like side quests in my mind are not new

but we always need a new frame for it these are like excursions if you're on a cruise you'd go in an

excursion on the island and you do things you've never done before if you think you know everything you need a side quest you need to do something you've not done before because it will open up the brain's different neural networks and you'll get this sense of of wonder and awe for me and my body when I really need a side quest it feels like tension tightness stiffness that kind of feeling like when I know that I've been sitting down for too long and I just need to get up my legs feel restless

that's when I need the excursion take away three some anecdotal signs that it might be time for a side quest if you feel like work has become your life if you're venting a lot about your boss or your family if you think you know everything if you're feeling stuck tense restless and you may feel those sensations in your body I feel like a lot of us get urges or like that nudge but we just ignore it like time and time again and so like for me like I haven't done

theaters in high school I want to take an act in class so bad and I've been saying that since I graduated college and this year is the year that I'm saying I'm gonna do it and it's July so that's a

“nudge I feel it's very loud I'm starting to verbalize it to make it more of a reality but I think a lot”

of us experience those nudges and me ignore them so the more we can kind of close that gap of like that

think we'd all be having more fun honestly I'm curious about what gets in our way you know like

when we have something that comes to mind and keeps coming up I want to do this for me it's been trying to learn how to swim better but bulls they gross me out and I get water at my nose and it's just I don't I don't like being around other people's naked feet like just there there are things that I can't get on board with but I do like being in the ocean in Puerto Rico and I'm trying not to get wiped out by a wave but every summer it comes and goes and I'm like this year

I'm gonna do this I have an offer to consider that you say that you say that you say this year that's

“too big I think you should have you should turn your smart goal of into a micro goal this week I'm going to”

go to the pool I'm not gonna go in I'm just gonna go to the pool I'm gonna go see other people learning

how to swim I'm gonna go to the YWCA and see what's going or wherever there's a pool and so sometimes a side quest is about like you don't begin because you don't know what you'll find you begin because you're willing to find out but you don't have to build room this year yeah exactly happen over time yeah Kira's suggestion to me to make my side quest tiny is part of an acronym she came up with Artisan ARTSN it's a spin on the acronym smart as it make a smart goal Kira wanted to focus more on the

art part so A achievable it's got to be small enough to begin AR is for revealing maybe

“the revelation is delayed maybe it's two weeks later you're like oh my god this really helped me”

at work right T is for tiny or time bound one small adventure like drawing a self portrait of yourself with one pencil with your eyes closed S is for specific and N is for notice notice how you feel after you participate and not focus on it as a performance like what surprised me what delighted me did I stop surveilling myself like I'm a parent or a teacher and that that's an artisan after the break people say to me why would you jump out of a perfectly good plane and I'm like

a lot of people are living in perfectly bad planes and won't jump out that's coming up on life kit the fatal shooting of a teenager at a protest in Seattle has gone unsolved for six years this is open in your base to how are there no answers our investigation has uncovered new

evidence and witnesses who say they've never talked to police did police ever call you

not once listen to we keep us safe a new true crime series on the embedded podcast from NPR I'd love to talk about the relationship between our jobs and our side quests I feel like I can speak for myself here that that work used to occupy a different space in my life before the pandemic my identity was more tied to my job and my career so was my ambition and so was my social life and then in the pandemic there's no workplace anymore and all the people I would see

every day well that's no longer really happening it's only happening over Zoom and work had less of a hold on me suddenly I was no longer like my entire identity is baked up in this and I

“feel like that opens me to more side quests I think I'm not the only one who's experienced that shift”

who's like I don't want to give it all to my company anymore I mean when do you sit and tell a joke at work I'm an academia we only take our head to different meetings there is no play involved generally and there's a list of things and it's all about serious and earnestness and and you go home and then you vent about it and you're like you get up and do it again so side quests are really important given that we're living in a time where a lot of stress comes from social

media people aren't trying to have good social skills social hygiene at work I feel like that's why I listen to MPR because it makes me laugh but at work it's not like my experience of listening to my favorite shows on radio it's a burden what I'm hearing is that side quests are a way to

the summer and so the last time we had we asked that question of like what do you miss from your

childhood and so some of the answers were so fun of like playing all day and having to like change or close midday because you just had like sweat their clothes or I had noted like when it gets really hot the fire hoses are open and one's the last time you brand want through one of those like realistically and so it was just funny because after we reflected on like what peoples are like answers were we were walking back to our home base and our coffee shop that we ended up at and

there was a fire hose open and a rainbow and we a few of us skipped through it and it was just like we had manifested it what it was just so fun it couldn't have been more perfect that whimsy of it all

“like it's good well I mean you're talking kind of like about rediscovery right and I think that”

feels very much like part of a side quest actually my career podcasting started as a side quest I just started a podcast outside of work with a friend 12 minutes and yeah but then once that became like more than a hobby I had to pick a new side quest which it took some years to try

some things but for me now that's learning a second language is learning Spanish and want to be

able to communicate more with some of my family and also too I mean like oh my gosh like a lot of my personality naturally is like I know the answer and so like what I'm learning in a language I don't as you said you're like I can't be a note I don't know what I'm saying you know I was not really a great student from like basically six degree through through college I got terrible grades for a lot of my education but now I'm like a pretty great student with my tutor

that I have been with for a few years now and I am finally a joy to have in class and that reframe there's a lot from childhood from school from those formative years that maybe doesn't feel so good to continue to hold on to and a side quest for me has been a way to like kind of get out of that and be like oh I actually know there is this this side of me that like is a great student and like loves learning it is like asking for more homework that's not something that I knew about myself

it's like a literally a new self that I have discovered through this you mentioned something though about like I guess almost like reclaiming it for yourself I've had to reclaim my own side quest journey and in hobby experience by doing some of those alone or doing some of those out of a larger group just to also preserve that practice and and have that solitude to have some self discovery as well it's a little different if you're maybe with a friend doing it or

doing it in a really large group too take away for this is a good reminder you don't need someone to join you on a side quest side questing solo can be a beautiful experience and bring you back to

“yourself also if you're interested in a side quest that does require a group like if you want to”

play soccer or volleyball some sort of team sport you don't have to limit yourself to the people you already know there are spaces where other people go to do just that thing and they're obsessed with it we're talking about all of these wonderful beautiful things that exist on the other side of taking

that leap or even just dipping that first toe into beginning a side quest but also I imagine

there are a lot of people listening who are like oh my gosh I'm so tired or I'm so busy or I have so many people I'm taking care of or so many things that people need for me do you have any advice for those who might not know where to start or who might feel too tired to try to take a side quest I mean the side quest in general it sounds daunting it does like a quest of sorts feels like a commitment to something so I think we've been kind of talking about keeping it simple

like looking around your environment looking around your commute and taking moments to pause and

“I think to care as point to notice is the best way to start but I think listening to what”

those urges have been like what those nudges have been is a really good place to start yeah it doesn't have to be an activity or an event a side quest can be a mindfulness practice of I had a student once I taught a political sociology class and I said you have to change one habit one habit and she had a four-year-old daughter and she worked overnight and I consider this a side quest so the people might not but I think it has the same impact that a side quest is she said

I just want to be present in the morning when my daughter wakes me up at 8am and she said it changed

grand like jumping out of a plane or something it's like what's the best that can happen that's a

bad example because I I don't so do not recommend the jumping out of a plane piece but yeah what

“I did it I think we should not underestimate the story that comes from whatever happened”

people say to me why would you jump out of a perfectly good plane and I'm like a lot of people are living in perfectly bad planes and won't jump out it's doing things you're not familiar with that gives you a bigger brain it gives you more empathy for who you are you're not an object you are

changing being from the cradle to the grave so it's really important to do things so you're not familiar

with about yourself and I think side quest give people that permission it's reminding me about the definition of a side quest and where that came from it came from the video game world part of

“the the reason to go on a side quest in the video game world is just to build the lore and yes and it's”

like so it's this idea of building your own lore your lore you know which like why wouldn't anyone want to do you know like more lore like enrich your story all right well thank you all so much this is a really fun thank you thank you thank you yes thank you okay time for recap take away one side quests are a way of practicing play they're way of not knowing and being okay with that and sometimes

they're way of seeing yourself getting better at a thing you never thought you would do

take away two when brain storming side quests think about how you liked to play as a kid you could

“look at the eight play personalities and see what resonates take away three some signs that it”

might be time for a side quest if you feel like work has become your life if you're venting a lot about your boss or family if you think you know everything or if you're feeling stuck tense restless take away four try a solo side quest and if your side quest requires a group don't limit yourself to your current circle of friends especially if they are not as interested in softball as you are all right that's our show before we go would you rate and review life kit in your podcast at

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